EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,003 words- 0:00 – 15:00
(drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast,…
- BSBrian Simpson
(drumbeats) Joe Rogan podcast, check it out.
- NANarrator
The Joe Rogan Experience. (drumbeats)
- JRJoe Rogan
Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. (rock music) Uh, did you watch it, did you watch the UFC?
- BSBrian Simpson
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, my God.
- BSBrian Simpson
I saw the fights, dude. Islam Makhachev's ... Fuck, dude goes up one weight class, goes up to 170. He was the 55-pound most dominant champion ever, most title defenses at 55 ever, just dominates at 170. Like- Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... every round. People are g- saying it's boring, but listen, man, (sighs) it's boring if you're a casual. The fact that he was able to do it every round ... It was a little frustrating 'cause you wanted Jack to try to adjust, but he couldn't, man. Is- Islam shut his game down right away. He low-kicked the shit out of his front leg real quick, had him limping real quick. Like, within the first round, he had h- hit it three or four times bad.
- BSBrian Simpson
I mean, I- I- I imagine being Khabib, you know, just your protege is just coming in.
- JRJoe Rogan
And Khabib's even better than him.
- BSBrian Simpson
E- right.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's what's so crazy. That's how good those guys are.
- BSBrian Simpson
(sighs)
- JRJoe Rogan
I mean, but Khabib's not better standup, though. He is... Islam has really good standup. Like, his standup... Khabib's standup was a means to an end. It was like his standup was to crack you so he could get ahold of you and fuck you up, just drag you to the ground and smash you. That was Khabib's move, but Islam's fucking KO-ing people, man. It's different.
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah. I mean-
- JRJoe Rogan
He's different. He's headkicking Volkanovski. That's a ... It's like a different level of standup.
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah, Khabib's saying, "You're gonna be better than me."
- JRJoe Rogan
Crazy. Crazy.
- BSBrian Simpson
Them Pakistani boys is here to stay. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
You know what's crazy, dude? Uh, Belal Muhammad, you know, who was the champ at welterweight, went down to Dagestan and trained with those guys, and he was like, "I thought I trained hard. I really did. I thought I trained hard until I trained with those guys."
- BSBrian Simpson
That's why I'm gonna follow that vi- if I ever have a son, I'm just dropping him. As soon as he's-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- BSBrian Simpson
... hit puberty, I'm dropping him off in Dagestan.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- BSBrian Simpson
Say, "Leave him here. Forget."
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) That's that thing they always say. "Take him to Dagestan. Two, three years, forget."
- BSBrian Simpson
For- yeah, for real.
- JRJoe Rogan
For real.
- BSBrian Simpson
Then he comes back, he comes back telling you what to do.
- JRJoe Rogan
How are you gonna fuck with that? 'Cause that's real. That's how those dudes are really rolling out there. That's how they're really living. They're v- they pray five times a day. They're super religious. There's no gambling, there's no drinking, there's no partying, there's just training.
- BSBrian Simpson
Just training.
- 15:00 – 30:00
But there's no ground…
- JRJoe Rogan
really kind of crazy.
- BSBrian Simpson
But there's no ground and pound?
- JRJoe Rogan
There's ground and pound. Yeah.
- BSBrian Simpson
Huh?
- JRJoe Rogan
It's basically kinda MMA. So Abdulmanap, uh, he was named by the Russian Book of Records as the most successful combat sambo coach in the country. Uh, so he was the head coach of Eagles MMA, coached two UFC champions, his son, Khabib Nurmagomedov, as well as Islam Makhachev. Um, but... So he practiced from a young age while serving the Soviet Army, Soviet Army. He began to practice judo and sambo. First big success as a coach came with his brother. Nurmagomed, Nurmagomedov won at the World Sambo Championship for Ukraine's national team in '92. He trained a total of 18 world champions th- through his coaching career. That's how good that guy was, 18 world champions.
- BSBrian Simpson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's crazy. Show, show them a video of combat sambo. Like, um...
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah, I will.
- JRJoe Rogan
(clears throat) How about show Fedor competing in combat sambo? It's kind of crazy when you see him, because he was competing in combat sambo, I believe while he was also fighting in MMA. He was still competing-
- BSBrian Simpson
Oh.
- JRJoe Rogan
... for, for Russia in combat sambo.
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah. And, and there's a difference between combat sambo and some other kind?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Well, there's sambo, which is like, um, just the grappling art of sambo. But look, look at this. They, they're fighting with punches, with the grappling gi on and shoes on. This is crazy, right?
- BSBrian Simpson
Oh, wow.
- JRJoe Rogan
(clears throat) Isn't that nuts? They got wrestling shoes on, shin pads.
- BSBrian Simpson
Oh, no knees. (laughs)
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. Um, they, they can't throw knees here? Is that what's going on?
- BSBrian Simpson
It, I mean, it l-
- JRJoe Rogan
I don't know. I don't know what the rules are.
- BSBrian Simpson
'Cause I feel like if they, if they could, he would have thrown one right there.
- JRJoe Rogan
Pretty crazy, man. So that's Fedor when he was world champion in MMA. Maybe the greatest of all time. He's definitely in the argument of the greatest of all time.
- BSBrian Simpson
Fedor?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. It's... The argument is him, Cain Velasquez for heavyweight, um, Francis Ngannou, and Jon Jones now, uh, that he's a heavyweight, but he hasn't really... The, the only heavyweights that he really beat, well, he beat Stipe when Stipe was kind of...
- BSBrian Simpson
Right.
- JRJoe Rogan
At the end of his career.
- BSBrian Simpson
In his early prime.
- JRJoe Rogan
And he beat Gane. But he caught Gane in a guillotine real early. Uh, clearly one of the greatest fighters of all time. But the argument of him being the greatest heavyweight, he's only got two heavyweight fights. Um, then the other guy, um, is Fabricio Werdum. Fabricio Werdum, uh, on paper has one of the best arguments 'cause he tapped everybody. He tapped all the world champions. Fabricio... And people forget, man, because they only look at a guy when the guy's lost. The, like, MMA fans, once someone loses and they start... They have a few losses in a row, people forget how good they were when they were in their prime. And Fabricio Werdum in his prime tapped Fedor Emelianenko, Cain Velasquez, and Minotauro Nogueira.
- BSBrian Simpson
And, and-
- JRJoe Rogan
Which is crazy.
- BSBrian Simpson
What you're saying, there's a window, right? Was it nine years?
- 30:00 – 45:00
Yeah. And so to,…
- JRJoe Rogan
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah. And so to, to, to do that, to have that belief in your, in your eye, you know, instead of needing other people's... 'Cause of, 'cause of how most of show business works is everybody is just, no one wants to be the first one on your dick, but no one wants to be the last one.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- BSBrian Simpson
So, even if they see something they think is dope, they'll be like, "Does anybody else think it's dope?"
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- BSBrian Simpson
"No? Okay, me neither."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- BSBrian Simpson
You know? And then, but then as soon as a couple of people think it's dope, then they'll be like, "I o- I saw it six months ago." It's like, you know, it's that kind of shit. So-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, that's where they're pretending they have talent.
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's their talent.
- BSBrian Simpson
But the problem is you don't have to have the talent talent to be-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- BSBrian Simpson
... in a position of that, to be in that position.
- JRJoe Rogan
No, no, you don't. You could just get a job and they need someone to do it, and if you sell yourself and if you worked, you know, in production before, you did something in, as an agent or whatever the fuck it is-
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... you're in the business and people know you.
- BSBrian Simpson
Or you suffer under some tyrant.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) There's a lot of that. Yeah.
- BSBrian Simpson
(laughs) Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
There's a lot of that, a lot of suffering under tyrants. And then these guys, they wind up, you know, fucking...... but ruining companies, 'cause th- just they don't know what, like, how many terrible specials have you seen that just fit the right demographic? Fit this, like, silly thing? Like, that was a- another problem that Adam was having at the store, is that, like, he couldn't just give spots to the people that he thought was funny.
- BSBrian Simpson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's, there was pressure to make a certain amount of gay people on the set, a certain amount of women, a certain amount of... He, they had, like, people telling him he didn't have enough of certain demographics.
- BSBrian Simpson
But where's the, where's the pressure coming from?
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, I don't know. It was coming from b-... You know, I don't wanna talk outta school.
- BSBrian Simpson
Okay.
- JRJoe Rogan
But it wasn't just comics. There was, you know, people that were buying into it. And that's nonsense.
- BSBrian Simpson
(laughs) See, my, (laughs) my mind immediately went to something silly, like, he just, he just wakes up, there's a dildo in his pillow-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- BSBrian Simpson
... wi- with a note. (laughs) Just like-
- 45:00 – 1:00:00
Like a my-... A…
- JRJoe Rogan
does it cost online if you wanna buy one right now? I need a Labooboo.
- BSBrian Simpson
Like a my-... A mystery.
- JRJoe Rogan
A mystery Labooboo. What do I get? Are you Googling it?
- NANarrator
Yeah, yeah. It's going on... I'll see.
- BSBrian Simpson
I'm gonna... I'll turn off my ringer.
- NANarrator
Eh, up to 80 to 120. It's not that bad. Oh, well, a few human-sized auction pieces ex-... Oh, that's big.
- JRJoe Rogan
What?
- NANarrator
$100,000.
- JRJoe Rogan
Wait a minute. They have human-sized Labooboos?
- NANarrator
I didn't know that. That's...
- JRJoe Rogan
Jesus Christ.
- BSBrian Simpson
What?
- JRJoe Rogan
That is so cr-... Ridiculous.
- NANarrator
I mean...
- JRJoe Rogan
What is someone doing with a human-sized Labooboo? Who's fucking their Labooboo? 'Cause you know someone is. Let me see what the Labooboos look like. Is it something like a furry would fuck?
- NANarrator
Hold on, let me try to Google human-sized Labooboo. Human-sized...
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, did you hear the latest? That that dude who, uh, shot Trump, um, might have been a furry?
- NANarrator
Yeah, I saw that they found some more stuff.
- BSBrian Simpson
What?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. They think he was a furry.
- NANarrator
That's like an art piece. It's not really quite a Labooboo, you know?
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh. Well, that's not really human-sized either.
- NANarrator
Yeah. Human-sized Labooboo doll sold for $150,000.
- JRJoe Rogan
Let me see what it looks like.
- BSBrian Simpson
But what they mean, might have been a furry? Did... I feel like you would know or not know that.
- JRJoe Rogan
Um, they're finding stuff... Like, let's, let's find out.
- NANarrator
Oh, this is...
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, there it is. There's the big Labooboo. Whatever.
- BSBrian Simpson
This lady invented them?
- JRJoe Rogan
She invented Labooboo?
- 1:00:00 – 1:08:26
Oh, yeah, yeah. …
- JRJoe Rogan
that could be a lady that's just doing a marathon and forgot a tampon, is like, "Fuck it, I'm gonna push through," 'cause I saw one lady who diarrheaed herself.
- NANarrator
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
It went all down her leg and everything, and she completed that fucking race.
- BSBrian Simpson
Well, the thing is, it's hard to tell what's real-
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- BSBrian Simpson
... and what's AI.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's real. That's real.
- BSBrian Simpson
Anyways.
- JRJoe Rogan
I saw pussy blood right there. I can tell. I'm an expert.
- BSBrian Simpson
But, but the thing is-
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- NANarrator
(laughs)
- BSBrian Simpson
Look, but free bleeding is one thing, but it's like, but just getting, getting your pussy blood every, onto other people's stuff?
- JRJoe Rogan
They don't care.
- BSBrian Simpson
Like, if you're doing that shit at home or in the grass, like whatever.
- JRJoe Rogan
They're marking their territory.
- BSBrian Simpson
(sighs)
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs) Well, what did people do before they invented tampons? Like, I mean,-
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... are you supposed to just wash it out? Like, what are you supposed to do?
- BSBrian Simpson
Uh.
- JRJoe Rogan
What does nature want you to do? Like, nature doesn't want you... That's why toxic shock syndrome is a thing, when women have tampons and they leave them up there and then they can get really sick, and women have died-
- BSBrian Simpson
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
... from toxic shock syndrome from tampons.
- BSBrian Simpson
I don't think people, I don't think people even cared about...
- NANarrator
This is someone saying... I don't know if this... This might be full satire, but this is someone talking about how it's not made up and it's a real thing.
- JRJoe Rogan
(laughs)
- NANarrator
And like, 4chan people tried to claim this, they started this.
- JRJoe Rogan
Misogynic users-
- NANarrator
(laughs)
Episode duration: 2:20:46
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Transcript of episode FM463bp-UdM
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