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Joe Rogan Experience #2434 - Kurt Metzger

Kurt Metzger is a comedian, writer, and host of "The Derp with Kurp" podcast. https://www.youtube.com/@kurtmetzgercomedy https://www.kurtmetzgercomedy.com Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Don’t miss out on all the action this week at DraftKings! Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up using https://dkng.co/rogan or through my promo code ROGAN. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, (800) 327-5050 or visit https://gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit https://ccpg.org (CT), or visit https://www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in IL. 1 per new customer. Must register new account to receive reward Token. Must select Token BEFORE placing min. $5 bet to receive $300 in Bonus Bets if your bet wins. Min. -500 odds req. Token and Bonus Bets are single-use and non-withdrawable. Token expires 2/1/26. Bonus Bets expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: https://sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 1/25/26 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/JRE

Joe RoganhostKurt Metzgerguest
Jan 6, 20262h 34mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:0015:00

    (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out.…

    1. SP

      (drumming music) Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. (rock music)

    2. JR

      Feel good.

    3. KM

      I was trying to get a John Lilly picture. (laughs)

    4. JR

      (laughs)

    5. KM

      It's John Lilly Awareness Day.

    6. JR

      D- is the Carhartt, uh-

    7. KM

      No.

    8. JR

      ... specific time period appropriate? No?

    9. KM

      (clicks tongue) It's, uh, it's supposed to be, like, a boiler suit.

    10. JR

      Ah.

    11. KM

      But, uh, my... it didn't arrive.

    12. JR

      What is a boiler suit?

    13. KM

      Like a coverall.

    14. JR

      Oh, like something would wear in the boiler room?

    15. KM

      Yeah. But there's-

    16. JR

      Is that, uh-

    17. KM

      The best kind to get, I would have done a mashup. Now, see, here he's got kind of a pleather jumpsuit.

    18. JR

      (laughs)

    19. KM

      He's got a lot of great looks.

    20. SP

      That guy was out there.

    21. KM

      Now the two diamond studs... Oh, let me take off my John C Lilly glasses. (laughs)

    22. SP

      (laughs)

    23. KM

      Oh, yeah. He invented, uh, the isolation, uh, goon tank, right?

    24. JR

      Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

    25. KM

      You go in there and goon, it's like you're in space-

    26. JR

      Yeah.

    27. KM

      ... dude.

    28. JR

      My friend actually went in his tank and did ketamine with him before he went in his tank.

    29. KM

      Who? Who?

    30. JR

      Todd McCormick.

  2. 15:0030:00

    Yeah.…

    1. KM

      Okay, so, you know, they always say dolphins are a little amorous is the term they use in dolphin handling.

    2. JR

      Yeah.

    3. KM

      I'm allowed to talk about this as long as I change the name of the person and the dolphin. I was told. (laughs)

    4. JR

      Oh, you told me... Oh, you did send me that. That's right.

    5. KM

      Yeah. Okay, 'cause I was like, you know, they always say dolphins are... I always feel like-

    6. JR

      Yeah, don't, don't say your friend's name, but tell the story, 'cause it's crazy.

    7. KM

      Yeah, like, uh, I always feel like they're smearing dolphins, like how we did to a great man, Saddam Hussein. Remember we smeared that guy, and he was the best president of Iraq they've ever had?

    8. JR

      Well, what about Gaddafi?

    9. KM

      I don't even want to bring that one up, 'cause that's really depressing.

    10. JR

      That's a crazy one.

    11. KM

      The most prosperous country in all of Africa.

    12. JR

      Yeah.

    13. KM

      Screwed up three other countries, went, uh, unreal.

    14. JR

      Just... Yeah. There's a great cri- uh, clip of Russell Crowe explaining all the things Gaddafi did on this podcast, explaining how we're-

    15. KM

      Yeah.

    16. JR

      ... we're supposed to think Gaddafi's the bad guy, but he's-

    17. KM

      He's right. He's exactly right.

    18. JR

      ... he's the dictator.

    19. KM

      Russell Crowe was dead on with that.

    20. JR

      Oh, yeah. 100%.

    21. KM

      So I'm like, maybe dolphins are just another Gaddafi. (laughs)

    22. JR

      Gaddafi gave everyone free education. Everyone, when they reached a certain age, got a home.

    23. KM

      But you know-

    24. JR

      If you had a specific skill, they would send you to another university and pay for it, wherever they had to send you.

    25. KM

      Authoritarian.

    26. JR

      Well, that too. But so are we.

    27. KM

      Yeah, no shit.

    28. JR

      Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. It's, it's all pretend.

    29. KM

      Well, I hate to bring it up, but ISIS is in charge of Syria now, even while morons will tell you that ISIS is attacking Christians in Nigeria.

    30. JR

      Listen-

  3. 30:0045:00

    Which one?…

    1. KM

      it was to help her cope with her traumatic childhood, the one personality.

    2. JR

      Which one?

    3. KM

      I don't know. It was on, it was on the thing.

    4. JR

      The gay guy?

    5. KM

      No, but there's more than that, even. I, I, I, 'cause I grok, you know how grok lies, so you gotta go grok?

    6. SP

      (laughs)

    7. JR

      (laughs)

    8. KM

      Did you look it up and were like, "No, I didn't." Can you go and do that, grok? (laughs)

    9. JR

      Yeah, I got, um, perplexity to admit something that I di- that I didn't want to admit initially. I got, I- I- I, uh, cited other sources and I said, "Is this true?" It was about the, the, um, Temple of Tenochtitlan.

    10. KM

      Mm-hmm.

    11. JR

      So when they, uh, there's... It's attributed to the Aztecs, but if you ask the Aztecs, they said they found it. And so-

    12. KM

      Olden times?

    13. SP

      Yeah.

    14. KM

      Is that what that means?

    15. JR

      No, it's not even olden. They don't even know. I think-... there, there's a term that they use for it, and I think-

    16. KM

      But it was there when they got there, they say. I know that.

    17. JR

      Yeah.

    18. KM

      I've heard of that, yeah.

    19. JR

      Yeah. The, there's a term that they, the way they describe it as, um... it's very interesting, because it's, it's... they describe it as, like, the city of the gods or something like that, or the, the land where the gods... Oh, place where gods were born.

    20. KM

      Mm.

    21. JR

      So here's the crazy thing. Um, and I, I had heard this before, but I wanted to make sure it was true. There's a, a Spanish guy named Diego Duran, who was a chronicler, who said that they killed-

    22. KM

      Mm-hmm.

    23. JR

      ... 80,000 people-

    24. KM

      Right.

    25. JR

      ... over a four-day ceremony.

    26. KM

      And there's, they're... they say, really, it's probably more like 20,000.

    27. JR

      Yeah, it's an exaggeration. So it's prob-

    28. KM

      Wow, 20,000? That must have helped the smell.

    29. JR

      (raspberries) And they just cut their hearts out to, to celebrate-

    30. KM

      Yeah.

  4. 45:001:00:00

    It's not just that. Isn't the industry?…

    1. JR

      Yeah. They can design the way-

    2. KM

      It's not just that. Isn't the industry?

    3. JR

      Right. Well, that's o- I mean, indoctrination of children is a real thing. That's why when people scoff at it being used for, like, trans indoctrination, like, "Why would anybody do that?" Like, stop. The, p- people do that with-

    4. KM

      To neuter your kids.

    5. JR

      They, they'd do that to try to get you on an Android phone. Okay? People try to indoctrinate you with everything. Everything-

    6. KM

      Right.

    7. JR

      ... that's ever existed, people try to get you to do.

    8. KM

      Well, that's w- why sigils and brands are so important, you know?

    9. JR

      Yes. Absolutely. I mean-

    10. KM

      There you go.

    11. JR

      ... they try to get you to wear what they're wearing. They try to get you to do what they're doing.

    12. KM

      Well, you also, it helps if you have a few gatekeepers, like in ar- I can't remember the guy's name, but there's, like, one guy who... And the reason he's, like, the guy is because h- the investments he picks pay off, I guess, in the art world.

    13. JR

      Oh.

    14. KM

      He's some famous, like, who has, like, been around forever and I'm sure he's some kinda hack and whatever, but why are these people installed there? We already know that Rothko and all the modern art, ma- the, American abstract modern art was launched by the CIA through a cutout.

    15. JR

      Oh, yeah. That's right.

    16. KM

      That's public record. So, you think they stopped at that? You don't think they got involved with all the arts?

    17. JR

      Well, they definitely got involved in that because the Soviet art was so valuable. Soviet art was more skillful and they tried to prop up American... Like, Jackson Pollock, that's one of them-

    18. KM

      Yeah.

    19. JR

      ... that they connect to being a... Which t- when you look at the Jackson Pollock artwork that's worth fucking millions of dollars, it- y- I- no disrespect to anybody who's a fan, but shut the fuck up. Like, just shut up. Just shut the fuck up. It's splatter. And the idea that, oh, this one guy-

    20. KM

      Well, you're letting Steve Martin have it, dude.

    21. JR

      ... you had splatter better than anybody splattered. I mean, there's nothing wrong with splattering paint. A lot of people do it. It looks cool.

    22. KM

      If it were in fractals, no one could ever recreate...

    23. JR

      Yeah.

    24. KM

      I mean, it-

    25. JR

      Shut the fuck up.

    26. KM

      Uh, some, uh, there's modern art things that I'll look at and I can, I'll be like, "Oh, I like it," or, "I don't like it." But the thing it, the thing with it is, i- it's not that there's no... I'm not saying there's no art to it, it's just why does one thing become a thing and one doesn't? But there's gatekeepers.

    27. JR

      I think it's someone... For sure. 'Cause there's some- it's all about the names. Who's, who's got the work, who's val- wha- whether that work is valued very high. What is that guy in Manhattan? We showed a photo of this painting that he had. It's worth like $100 million. It's fucking insane. It looks like nothing.

    28. KM

      Well, usually de Kooning's the one everybody trashes the most-

    29. JR

      Well-

    30. KM

      ... 'cause he has a factory of people making it.

  5. 1:00:001:15:00

    It's gonna be like Highlander II, where…

    1. JR

      where does Sauron live? Where does he live?

    2. KM

      It's gonna be like Highlander II, where we learn not to do this.

    3. JR

      Where does Sauron live?

    4. KM

      Oh. Mordor.

    5. JR

      Yeah, Mordor.... (laughs) SATAN is the name of the tiny UK balloon experiment that released very small amount of sulfur dioxide. Literally, Satan smells like sulfur. Sulfur dioxide into the stratosphere over England as a proof of, proof of concept for solo geoengineering. Not a large scale ongoing weather modification program. It has nonetheless become a focus of online conspiracy claims-

    6. KM

      Oh, I wonder how.

    7. JR

      ... about UK geoengineering and weather control. How funny is that? It's become a focus of online conspiracy claims.

    8. KM

      Oh, people don't trust Satan.

    9. JR

      About UK geoengineering.

    10. KM

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      So them actually doing geoengineering has become a focus of online conspiracy claims-

    12. KM

      Why would it? Why, yeah.

    13. JR

      ... about geoengineering.

    14. KM

      What a strange thing to put a balloon called Satan that sprays sulfur on-

    15. JR

      (laughs)

    16. KM

      Is everybody ... Like, I love how they gaslight you in these fucking things.

    17. JR

      Oh.

    18. KM

      It's not a big deal. Nicki Minaj just has a great sense of showmanship.

    19. JR

      SATAN was not a part of a major UK development, uh, program. It was led by a private researcher, and later UK funding announcements for solo geoengineering research focused on so- other small scale outdoor trials. Example, sea ice thickening, cloud brightening, with formal oversight.

    20. KM

      Yeah.

    21. JR

      So, so what ... So they're doing sea ice thickening? (laughs)

    22. KM

      Okay, so let me translate. Uh, the stuff has already been developed militarily-

    23. JR

      These motherfuckers are trying-

    24. KM

      ... if, uh, yeah.

    25. JR

      ... to make an ice age. They're doing sea ice thickening.

    26. KM

      Well, the ice is coming back. You know the ice is coming back.

    27. JR

      I know.

    28. KM

      It's ... Yeah, that's weird. I was told the earth was gonna be ... Oh, the c- the coral reefs came back.

    29. JR

      The where?

    30. KM

      There's more rainforest than there's ever been. Did you know that?

  6. 1:15:001:30:00

    (laughs)…

    1. JR

      Christ or whatever religion you, uh-

    2. KM

      (laughs)

    3. JR

      ... are a part of, doesn't it, uh-

    4. KM

      I'm in a splinter group.

    5. JR

      ... allow for forgiveness?

    6. KM

      Penelope Christ does-

    7. JR

      (laughs)

    8. KM

      ... but I've... Since we've done this show, I- I'm with the, uh, Patricia Christs.

    9. JR

      Patricia Christs (laughs) .

    10. KM

      Yeah.

    11. JR

      So, doesn't-

    12. KM

      Dan Soder's mom started a, uh, cult-

    13. JR

      Don't they, um, allow for forgiveness? We've all had a rough past.

    14. KM

      Well-

    15. JR

      A couple beheadings?

    16. KM

      ... and it's w- here's why I forgive ISIS, 'cause I don't approve of their anti-Semitic rhe- uh, rhetoric. And you know that. And m- neither does my wife, sh- Shoshana Ruff-in, but-

    17. JR

      (laughs)

    18. KM

      ... uh, credit where credit is due, they have never attacked Israel. Al-Qaeda and ISIS, the two most anti-Semitic, mad about Israel cunt terror groups. You'd think they would 'cause it's right there before you come here, but no, they just attack us, which-

    19. JR

      Hmm.

    20. KM

      ... when you think about it, makes no fucking sense as a plan, does it?

    21. JR

      Not right now. I'll have to think about it later.

    22. KM

      It never did.

    23. JR

      (laughs)

    24. KM

      If you had told me, dude, after 9/11, and people did, people were like, "Why are we going to Iraq? That doesn't really make any fucking sense at all," you know what I said? "Shut up." (laughs) That's all I said. You know? Like, uh, I... Uh, even though that's a great point. Why did we go there?

    25. JR

      Yeah, no reason. I used to have a bit about it.

    26. KM

      Well, th-

    27. JR

      About-

    28. KM

      ... well, there is a reason.

    29. JR

      ... you don't know how dumb people are until you have a dumb president.

    30. KM

      Oh, well, I think he was a Manchurian Candidate. And w-... The reason we went there is a thing called the Greater Israel Project. So, when you see Wesley Clark talking about the map-

  7. 1:30:001:45:00

    Maybe the guy's cool.…

    1. KM

      FBI.

    2. JR

      Maybe the guy's cool.

    3. KM

      I don't know. I remember just-

    4. JR

      Maybe he's got great stories.

    5. KM

      I remember someone telling me-

    6. JR

      Maybe he's like Whistler from Blade. Like, that old guy you hang out with. Like, Blade and Whistler, they weren't gay to each other.

    7. KM

      And you, you, you just... Uh, you know what? They were, now that you brought up Whistler.

    8. JR

      (laughs)

    9. KM

      I realize that was not an actual relationship.

    10. JR

      I always wondered why are those guys living together?

    11. KM

      Yo.

    12. JR

      (laughs) Whistler's making all these fucking mechanisms-

    13. KM

      Yeah. Since he was a boy.

    14. JR

      ... for him to go fight the vampires.

    15. KM

      I've been training you since you were a boy.

    16. JR

      Yeah, literally.

    17. KM

      You know?

    18. JR

      In a warehouse.

    19. KM

      Since I took you from Sentinel Island, I raised you.

    20. JR

      (laughs) ... touch- he had to kill vampires with wooden knives.

    21. KM

      Uh, Kris Kristofferson, another guy named as an MK handler.

    22. JR

      Really?

    23. KM

      I don't know if he is. I'm just saying people... You can find out all this shit very easy. It's, it's literally like is somebody gonna look or not?

    24. JR

      I literally never thought about that plot twist.

    25. KM

      Well now, I, it's all I can see because of the amount, the sheer amount of unresolved insane things that for some reason you're not supposed to put them together into a bigger picture. You're supposed to be academic.

    26. JR

      Like what?

    27. KM

      Okay, so-

    28. JR

      Okay.

    29. KM

      ... Epstein, Diddy, fucking the Playboy Mansion, um, the Marc Dutroux case in Belgium, where they all were out in the street over that, which I didn't hear about at the time obviously, why would we ev-

    30. JR

      Mm-hmm.

  8. 1:45:002:00:00

    What?…

    1. KM

      killed, it was at AMFest, you could take a selfie in it.

    2. JR

      What?

    3. KM

      Yeah.

    4. JR

      What?

    5. KM

      Yeah, but Candace is a grifter.

    6. JR

      Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

    7. KM

      Fucking reta- Oh, and this bitch sucks too, by the way. But even she's hard.

    8. JR

      They made a replica of the booth Charlie Kirk was... What?

    9. KM

      I've heard it was the real one, but either way, there's no good explanation for doing that.

    10. JR

      Oh my God, they got a prove me wrong booth-

    11. KM

      Now, by the way-

    12. JR

      ... set up where Charlie Kirk was assassinated in as a fan photo booth. That is nuts. But it's also-

    13. KM

      It's called apotheosis.

    14. JR

      But, hold on. But it also is a replica of the booth that he used to do his show in.

    15. KM

      That's the one, uh, where he got killed.

    16. JR

      So if you're a fa- Right, but it's also, he did hundreds of shows in that booth other than the one he got killed, and it could be people that wanna take a picture of it because they were a fan of his show.

    17. KM

      Yo, if you... Look-

    18. JR

      It's crazy.

    19. KM

      ... I hate-

    20. JR

      But still.

    21. KM

      ... I hate magical occult shit, even though for some reason in, in the course of studying, trying to find out for a joke about what the tall white aliens were.

    22. JR

      Right.

    23. KM

      That's how I started out, 'cause it s- sounded so funny to me that there's, like, these taller, whiter things in charge.

    24. JR

      Yeah, Nordics.

    25. KM

      Not Nordics.

    26. JR

      Nordics and tall whites, yeah.

    27. KM

      The tall whites are all by-

    28. JR

      They're different.

    29. KM

      But there's this-

    30. JR

      They have no ears, right?

  9. 2:00:002:14:27

    Go back to that, Jamie. What were…

    1. KM

      there was. It's called the Hannibal directive. (laughs)

    2. JR

      Go back to that, Jamie. What were you pulling up? What were you showing us?

    3. SP

      Uh, so this is... It's typed out here, obviously. But it says this is the handwritten original.

    4. KM

      Oh, Lance Bolt-

    5. JR

      (coughs)

    6. KM

      This maniac.

    7. JR

      He wrote it.

    8. KM

      Yeah.

    9. SP

      He said he was trained. He said Tim Waltz wanted this done.

    10. KM

      That's right. Well, th- th- th- yo.

    11. JR

      He says, "Dear Kash Patel, my name is Dr. Vance Luther Boltler."

    12. KM

      Bolter.

    13. JR

      "Bolter, Bolter, Ed."

    14. KM

      Mm-hmm.

    15. JR

      What is that? Ed, D? What is that?

    16. SP

      Uh, I think an education degree.

    17. JR

      Okay.

    18. KM

      I mean, don't bother, dude.

    19. SP

      (laughs)

    20. JR

      "I am the shooter at, at large in Minnesota involved in the..." It says something, "Shoo, two shootings." I don't know what that means.

    21. KM

      Oh, look at that.

    22. SP

      It's because it's handwritten, I think, right? It's a handwritten transcript.

    23. KM

      "I was trained by military people off the book, starting in college." That's a very common thing.

    24. JR

      "I have been on projects-"

    25. KM

      Mm-hmm.

    26. JR

      "... since that time in Eastern Europe, North America, Middle East, and Africa, all in the line of doing what I thought was right and in the best interests of the United States. Recently, I was approached about a project that Tim Waltz wanted done and I, blank, blank, blank, and Keith, blank, blank, were also aware of the project. Tim wanted me to kill Amy Klobuchar and Tina, blank."

    27. KM

      Mm-hmm.

    28. JR

      "Tim wants to be a senator and doesn't trust, blank, to retire as planned, and thinks she is going to stay on at the last minute. With Amy, blank, gone, Tim would get one of the gen- gen senate seats and, blank, wants to be governor."... and Keith Ellison, uh, spelling incorrect, would be rewarded with a lieutenant governor's position. I told Tim I wanted nothing to do with it and if he didn't call off that plan, I would go public. He said he would call it hurt my f- he would call it hurt my family if I did, uh-

    29. KM

      Oh, he probably did not.

    30. JR

      ... SIC play ball. Uh, then he set up a meeting with me and Mel Blank and Blank to talk about options when I, they had some people waiting to kill me. Okay, and what I did, I guess. Uh, I was able to get away by God's mercy, so I went back a short time later and shot both, at both Blank and Blank. You should notice how I didn't fire one round at any police officers, and boy do I, did I have plenty of opportunity. Ask for the report on how many weapons and ammunition I had with me, cops were pulling up right next to me in their vehicles and I had an AK pistol aimed right at her head, and I could have left a pile of cops dead but I did shoot one bullet towards law enforcement.

Episode duration: 2:34:29

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