Joe Rogan Experience #2442 - Ehsan Ahmad

1. 0:02 – 1:43

   Ehsan’s return, finally promoting something: websites, tech laziness, and old radio-era self-promo

   1. SPSpeaker0:02

      Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

   2. SPSpeaker0:04

      The Joe Rogan Experience.

   3. SPSpeaker0:06

      Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. [upbeat music]

   4. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      Hey, fella.

   5. EAEhsan Ahmad0:13

      Hey.

   6. JRJoe Rogan0:13

      What's going on, brother? [chuckles]

   7. EAEhsan Ahmad0:14

      Good to be back, Joe.

   8. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      Good to see you, as always.

   9. EAEhsan Ahmad0:16

      Yeah. This time, [chuckles] this time I have something to, like, actually promote.

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:20

       Well, you're always promoting, so I mean, any kind of appearance is sort of a promotion-

   11. EAEhsan Ahmad0:26

       Correct

   12. JRJoe Rogan0:27

       ... 'cause you're promoting the g- the audience gets to see you.

   13. EAEhsan Ahmad0:29

       Right.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:30

       Right?

   15. EAEhsan Ahmad0:30

       Right. You know, it just, it was so funny 'cause it got me thinking... So I, I started watching Patrice's O- Opie and Anthony appearances-

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:37

       Ah

   17. EAEhsan Ahmad0:37

       ... 'cause there's a list of them on Spotify. And what was so funny to me was, like, [chuckles] the... You know how they have these, like, these group of, like, mentally disabled people that they kind of fuck with?

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:47

       Opie and Anthony?

   19. EAEhsan Ahmad0:48

       Yeah, yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:49

       Oh, yeah. That was rough.

   21. EAEhsan Ahmad0:49

       Like a carousel, and it's like k- it's, like, kind of mean. [chuckles]

   22. JRJoe Rogan0:52

       It's kind of horrible.

   23. EAEhsan Ahmad0:53

       Yeah, [chuckles] it's kind of like, ooh, I'm kind of glad we're past that. But- [chuckles]

   24. JRJoe Rogan0:57

       [chuckles]

   25. EAEhsan Ahmad0:57

       ... wh- what made me laugh is every single one of them, at the end of the thing, was like, "And here's my website." [laughing] Like, I had a website. And I was like, damn, I've been on the Joe Rogan Experience twice, and I don't even have a website. [chuckles]

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:08

       You didn't have a website?

   27. EAEhsan Ahmad1:09

       I didn't have a website. This is the first time I had a website.

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:12

       Wow! How did... What did you do? Did you make it yourself?

   29. EAEhsan Ahmad1:14

       Uh, no, I fi- Yeah, I realized, like, oh, I just gotta pay people to do stuff like that. That's out of my wheelhouse of, like, things I can do. [chuckles] Ironically, I'm terrible with technology for a guy who looks like me.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:23

       Ironically.
2. 1:43 – 4:30

   How Austin’s comedy scene launches careers (and why outsiders resent it)

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:43

      It's a fun time to be alive.

   2. EAEhsan Ahmad1:44

      Mm.

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:44

      One of the things is really... that's really exciting about the Mothership is, uh, for someone like me, who's been doing comedy for so long, it's really exciting to watch people's careers launch. You know, like, to see guys like Cam Patterson go from getting a spot on Kill Tony to being a regular on Kill Tony to being on fucking Saturday Night Live.

   4. EAEhsan Ahmad2:03

      It-

   5. JRJoe Rogan2:04

      Boom!

   6. EAEhsan Ahmad2:04

      It's crazy. Like, some of the like, uh, Christina Mariani now just-

   7. JRJoe Rogan2:07

      Yeah

   8. EAEhsan Ahmad2:07

      ... like, sells out rooms at the Comedy Store all the time.

   9. JRJoe Rogan2:10

      She's killing it.

   10. EAEhsan Ahmad2:11

       Just m- And then you have, like, Peyton Ruddy and, like, Dylan Carlino. These are just guys who were just at the club and just made a way, like, social media-wise.

   11. JRJoe Rogan2:18

       And you get to see people-

   12. EAEhsan Ahmad2:19

       Mm

   13. JRJoe Rogan2:19

       ... get just tighter and better, like Mus- McCusker's new set-

   14. EAEhsan Ahmad2:23

       Mm

   15. JRJoe Rogan2:23

       ... like what he did last night. Really fucking good, man. Super solid, really fun. It's just like, we got a good thing, man. It's a good thing.

   16. EAEhsan Ahmad2:33

       Yeah, it's a fu- it's just a fun place to be around everyone just wor- [chuckles] working jokes. That's what it is, really.

   17. JRJoe Rogan2:39

       Yeah.

   18. EAEhsan Ahmad2:39

       It's, it's so funny, there is such this narrative outside of the ship about what Austin comedy is, and it's just really just a bunch of people just doing jokes.

   19. JRJoe Rogan2:47

       The narrative is only with jealous people.

   20. EAEhsan Ahmad2:48

       [chuckles]

   21. JRJoe Rogan2:49

       It's, it's not based on any reality. It's not based on people who go there and hang out.

   22. EAEhsan Ahmad2:53

       Right. Well, it's, it's, it's always these people who love to talk about Austin, but they don't talk to anyone in Austin. [chuckles] It's like there's a bunch of comics willing to hang out and talk to you.

   23. JRJoe Rogan3:00

       I think I've told you this before-

   24. EAEhsan Ahmad3:02

       Yeah

   25. JRJoe Rogan3:02

       ... but I have a friend of mine who's, you know, somewhat of a philosopher, an online friend. I don't even know what he looks like. We've been going back and forth for years.

   26. EAEhsan Ahmad3:08

       Mm-hmm.

   27. JRJoe Rogan3:08

       But he warned me about this a long time ago. He said, "You've created a walled garden." And he goes, "And you've got all these friends, and you're all supporting each other, and you're all having fun, but there's a lot of people that feel on the outside, and they feel, like, left out of it."

   28. EAEhsan Ahmad3:21

       Mm.

   29. JRJoe Rogan3:21

       And so they're like, "Fuck those people! That party sucks." You know?

   30. EAEhsan Ahmad3:25

       [chuckles]
3. 4:30 – 17:43

   Politics at the Mothership, the “right-wing club” label, and the ICE/border debate

   1. JRJoe Rogan4:30

      Like, what is right-wing? Like, e- c- 'cause you don't think that that candidate and what they were doing by, like, storming the fucking gates with illegal immigrants, you don't think that was a good idea?

   2. EAEhsan Ahmad4:41

      [chuckles]

   3. JRJoe Rogan4:41

      You don't think, like, rampant spending, completely unchecked with no documentation, like what's going on in California, you don't think-

   4. EAEhsan Ahmad4:48

      I mean-

   5. JRJoe Rogan4:49

      You don't think that's a bad thing? What-

   6. EAEhsan Ahmad4:50

      What Tim Walz is doing. [chuckles] I mean-

   7. JRJoe Rogan4:52

      Ah, it's, so there's so much of it, man. It... But then it's also like, yeah, what ICE is doing, like fucking shooting that lady, seems kind of crazy. You know, like grabbing people that happen to be American citizens and fucking dragging them out onto the snow and asking them for their papers, that seems kind of fucking crazy, too.

   8. EAEhsan Ahmad5:08

      Yeah, that seems insane.

   9. JRJoe Rogan5:09

      But, but it's also like, w- they have a crazy job. Like, imagine you're an ICE agent. Just, just imagine what happened, okay? So we tried... We used per... Our, our sponsor, Perplexity, the other day, and tried to figure out through AI what the ag- exact number is. But when you deep dive, you realize they don't know the number. They really have, like, an estimate of interactions with illegal immigrants, and it's somewhere around 11 million for four years, which is fucking wild. That's 10 Austins-

   10. EAEhsan Ahmad5:44

       Okay, yeah. [chuckles]

   11. JRJoe Rogan5:45

       ... at least-

   12. EAEhsan Ahmad5:46

       Yeah

   13. JRJoe Rogan5:46

       ... of illegal immigrants were allowed to get into this country, aided to get into this country, and then moved to states. They moved them. They flew them out to certain swing states. Like, this is all, Mike Benz has documented all this stuff. There's, there's all... You, you could see they gave them EBT cards like... So imagine-... you can imagine two things: one, imagine you're one of those people. You're like, "Dude, they're, they're asking me to come. This is awesome. Now I'm in America, I'm gonna get a good job, I'm gonna be able to support my family." And then all of a sudden you have these fucking dudes in bulletproof vests looking for you on the streets.

   14. EAEhsan Ahmad6:17

       Yeah. [chuckles] Yeah. Ooh.

   15. JRJoe Rogan6:19

       They're like, "I thought you said it was okay. I thought the Red Cross gave me a map. I was-- you gave me a fucking cellphone, and now you're hunting me."

   16. EAEhsan Ahmad6:27

       Right, and then you're-

   17. JRJoe Rogan6:28

       This is-

   18. EAEhsan Ahmad6:28

       -just, like, caught in the crossfire.

   19. JRJoe Rogan6:29

       But then now imagine the ICE agents. Okay, this is your job. Your job is to go out and find these people, and one of the things you don't, you get about this, it's like... 'Cause there was, like, a recent clip of mine that got, like, highlighted where I was criticizing ICE. W- one of the things that you don't think about when you're i- into this is just, like, regular police interactions. The ones that you see online are the horrible ones, so you think all cops are horrible. What you miss is the millions of interactions that people have with cops. Like, "How you doing today, sir?" "Good, sir. How you doing?" "Can I see your paperwork?" "Sure, here it is." "Well, uh, k- you in a hurry?" "I fucked up. I'm late for work," you know? "All right, man, just slow down. Go." Like, "All right, thanks, brother." Everything's nice. That happens, too. Like, there's nice interactions with cops. There's people that save people from bad guys. It happens all the time. There's people that are thankful that they called the police and they stopped the burglar who was breaking into their fucking mom's house or whatever it is.

   20. EAEhsan Ahmad7:33

       Right.

   21. JRJoe Rogan7:33

       There's so many more of those, but you're not seeing those videos. And so with the ICE thing, what you're only seeing, and you're only hearing about American citizens that have been arrested, the lady that got shot. You're sh- you're hearing about all these n- negative matters. What you're not hearing about is the number of violent criminals that they've caught, and it's a lot. It's in the thousands. It's not, it's not like thousands of American citizens have been shipped out to other countries. That's... No. It's, like, net positive-

   22. EAEhsan Ahmad8:04

       Mm

   23. JRJoe Rogan8:04

       ... if you look at it that way. Like, the-- see if you can find out how many, because I know there's probably gonna be a bunch of various sources that are not totally accurate, but find out, like, what are the number of violent criminals they've caught since they started doing this?

   24. EAEhsan Ahmad8:20

       Well, also, also the, the, there is a question on [chuckles] ... This is how I-- 'cause I know this is how they recruit some ICE agents, it's just, like, there are ads on local TV just offering, like, a signing bonus.

   25. JRJoe Rogan8:32

       Like, do it in the UFC?

   26. EAEhsan Ahmad8:32

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   27. JRJoe Rogan8:32

       Join the UFC, there's an ICE hat.

   28. EAEhsan Ahmad8:34

       Yeah, and it's like these are just, like, also regular people. How much training are they really getting?

   29. JRJoe Rogan8:39

       Right.

   30. EAEhsan Ahmad8:39

       'Cause when you watch the shooting video, you're like: Why is the guy shooting also recording with his phone? Like, there's no way that's, like-
4. 17:43 – 23:13

   Plastic surgery, fillers, and Rogan’s bet on age-reversal medicine (plus a dark true-crime detour)

   1. EAEhsan Ahmad17:43

      No. Oh, my God, all that-

   2. JRJoe Rogan17:44

      We know what you used to look like.

   3. EAEhsan Ahmad17:46

      [laughing]

   4. JRJoe Rogan17:46

      You're on TV all the time, and all of a sudden, you, you have a completely different face? Like, your face is different. Like, your... All your... Everything's pulled back and looks cra- it doesn't look like anybody normal that's 80 years old.

   5. EAEhsan Ahmad17:57

      No, all the b- all plastic surgery ages, like, you look like an alien when you're old.

   6. JRJoe Rogan18:01

      [laughing]

   7. EAEhsan Ahmad18:01

      There's just no way around it. I don't know who lip fillers are for, 'cause I don't know any guy who's like, "Yeah, I like, I like that look, like, that much." But it's, [chuckles] it's crazy how they age.

   8. JRJoe Rogan18:11

      The facial fillers are crazy, too-

   9. EAEhsan Ahmad18:12

      Mm

   10. JRJoe Rogan18:12

       ... because sometimes those things become a problem, and then you gotta get them removed, and... [gasps]

   11. EAEhsan Ahmad18:17

       Well, now they're doing that buccal fat thing-

   12. JRJoe Rogan18:18

       Oh!

   13. EAEhsan Ahmad18:19

       ... where they look like ghouls after. [laughing]

   14. JRJoe Rogan18:21

       Well, why would, why would they do that? Why would they take fat out of their face? Like-

   15. EAEhsan Ahmad18:24

       That's crazy

   16. JRJoe Rogan18:24

       ... fat, fat in your face is what makes you look youthful.

   17. EAEhsan Ahmad18:27

       Mm.

   18. JRJoe Rogan18:27

       What are those ladies gonna look like when they hit their 60s?

   19. EAEhsan Ahmad18:29

       No, they're gonna look like ghosts.

   20. JRJoe Rogan18:31

       ... maybe. [chuckles] Well, here's the thing-

   21. EAEhsan Ahmad18:32

       'Cause their faces will be all sunken in.

   22. JRJoe Rogan18:34

       By the time they're 60, I think medicine is gonna be at a level where they're gonna be able to reverse aging. They're pretty close to being able to do that.

   23. EAEhsan Ahmad18:42

       Damn.

   24. JRJoe Rogan18:42

       They've already done some stuff with mice, and they've, they've done some stuff where they're, they're understanding, like, what genes are causing you to have these problems, and what things can be done to medicate it.

   25. EAEhsan Ahmad18:54

       Mm-hmm.

   26. JRJoe Rogan18:54

       And they're treating aging, not like, uh, an inevitable aspect of life, but as like a disease that you get over time.

   27. EAEhsan Ahmad19:01

       Right.

   28. JRJoe Rogan19:01

       Instead of, like, accepting the fact that your body's going to age at a very specific rate, and then when you're 60, it's gonna suck, when you're 70, it'll suck worse. Instead, it's like, what's causing that? Let's reverse what's causing it. And, you know, essentially, if you can do that... And I think they can. If it's- they can't do it now, they're gonna be able to do it if... Whoa!

   29. EAEhsan Ahmad19:21

       Jo- Jesus.

   30. JRJoe Rogan19:22

       What happened? Okay, but this is, like, day one.
5. 23:13 – 42:58

   Epstein files, Maxwell’s conviction logic, and why power protects scandals

   1. EAEhsan Ahmad23:13

      Yeah, you know, so f- so I recorded my special on the 25th of October, and I have a bunch of Epstein jokes in there.

   2. JRJoe Rogan23:19

      [chuckles]

   3. EAEhsan Ahmad23:19

      And in the meantime, they re- they said they released the files, and I was like: "Oh, no." But they still haven't released them, and I was like: "Oh, thank God, the jokes still work." [chuckles]

   4. JRJoe Rogan23:27

      [chuckles]

   5. EAEhsan Ahmad23:27

      I was like: "Oh, my God! Thank God." 'Cause I have, like, at, at least two separate times where I bring him up, 'cause it was so... It was even bigger back then.

   6. JRJoe Rogan23:35

      Well, it's gonna go on for a long time, I suspect.

   7. EAEhsan Ahmad23:38

      Yeah. [chuckles]

   8. JRJoe Rogan23:38

      I mean, they said they released them, but what did they release?

   9. EAEhsan Ahmad23:40

      No, they're still not all out yet. They're still- [chuckles]

   10. JRJoe Rogan23:42

       But what did they release?

   11. EAEhsan Ahmad23:42

       Yeah, yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan23:43

       Like, it's weird... The whole thing's weird.

   13. EAEhsan Ahmad23:45

       It reminds me, it reminds me of that Onion article where they're like: "Oh, CIA relea- uh, realizes they've been using a black highlighter this entire time." Like, [chuckles] it's... [chuckles]

   14. JRJoe Rogan23:54

       [chuckles]

   15. EAEhsan Ahmad23:54

       It's like that. It's like, "Oh, okay, you just, you just blacked out pages?"

   16. JRJoe Rogan23:57

       Redacted the shit out of everything.

   17. EAEhsan Ahmad23:59

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan24:00

       So, like, w- what did they release? Did they release something recently?

   19. EAEhsan Ahmad24:04

       No, they haven't released anything in a minute. They had that initial release where everything was blacked out, and it was that picture of Winnie-the-Pooh, which was hilarious.

   20. JRJoe Rogan24:09

       But isn't there talk about some new releases that are happening soon?

   21. EAEhsan Ahmad24:13

       Have they? It feels like everything's been drowned out by everything else been going on with-

   22. JRJoe Rogan24:16

       Yeah

   23. EAEhsan Ahmad24:16

       ... like, Somali, uh, the Somalians and the ice shooting.

   24. JRJoe Rogan24:19

       Mm.

   25. EAEhsan Ahmad24:19

       It feels like that's completely drowned out, anything about it.

   26. JRJoe Rogan24:22

       I think some of that's on purpose.

   27. EAEhsan Ahmad24:24

       Oh, 100%. [chuckles]

   28. SPSpeaker24:25

       Yeah. 27 minutes to go, update story.

   29. JRJoe Rogan24:27

       Oh.

   30. SPSpeaker24:28

       A federal judge blocked the effort to force the release of more files.
6. 42:58 – 47:05

   Comedy fundamentals: cold opens, hosting chaos, and why tough spots create killers

   1. EAEhsan Ahmad42:58

      ... why'd you come here? Like, impress me. Like, you're already here. Just enjoy, [chuckles] enjoy the energy.

   2. JRJoe Rogan43:02

      It takes a while sometimes for people to loosen up.

   3. EAEhsan Ahmad43:04

      Yeah.

   4. JRJoe Rogan43:04

      You have the hardest job when you have- when we do those Joe Rogan and Friends shows, and you cold open.

   5. EAEhsan Ahmad43:08

      Mm.

   6. JRJoe Rogan43:09

      I've only cold opened a few times over the last few years-

   7. EAEhsan Ahmad43:11

      Yeah

   8. JRJoe Rogan43:12

      ... and it, or over the last 10 years.

   9. EAEhsan Ahmad43:13

      Mm.

   10. JRJoe Rogan43:14

       It's hard! You've gotta hypnotize those people. You've gotta slowly work your way into the rhythm of jokes.

   11. EAEhsan Ahmad43:19

       Oh, yeah, you have to sort of like... It's, it's... I like it 'cause it's energy matching.

   12. JRJoe Rogan43:22

       Mm-hmm.

   13. EAEhsan Ahmad43:22

       Like, you have to find out where they are, catch onto them, and then bring them to the energy that you want. It's-

   14. JRJoe Rogan43:27

       You know who's really good at it?

   15. EAEhsan Ahmad43:28

       Yeah.

   16. JRJoe Rogan43:28

       Hans Kim.

   17. EAEhsan Ahmad43:29

       Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan43:30

       Really good at it because-

   19. EAEhsan Ahmad43:30

       And he loves... It's just straight jokes.

   20. JRJoe Rogan43:32

       Uh-huh.

   21. EAEhsan Ahmad43:32

       Mm-hmm.

   22. JRJoe Rogan43:32

       It's just straight jokes, and he's funny looking.

   23. EAEhsan Ahmad43:36

       [chuckles]

   24. JRJoe Rogan43:36

       You know, like, he, like, he's got a big smile on his face-

   25. EAEhsan Ahmad43:39

       Right

   26. JRJoe Rogan43:39

       ... like he's having fun. You kinda get into his groove real quick. And, you know, he did so many arenas with me and so many big places, and he was the perfect guy 'cause he would just go, "Let me tell you something about myself." [laughing]

   27. EAEhsan Ahmad43:51

       [laughing]

   28. JRJoe Rogan43:51

       And then right away-

   29. EAEhsan Ahmad43:52

       Yeah, yeah

   30. JRJoe Rogan43:53

       ... he would take control of the room. It was awesome.
7. 47:05 – 53:47

   Rapaport cancellation in Austin and the mechanics of modern outrage campaigns

   1. JRJoe Rogan47:05

      Did you see, was it Rapaport that got kicked off of a show at Cap City?

   2. EAEhsan Ahmad47:10

      Yes.

   3. JRJoe Rogan47:11

      They canceled his show?

   4. EAEhsan Ahmad47:11

      They canceled, they canceled Rapaport.

   5. JRJoe Rogan47:13

      And what... Let me see what the post was, 'cause they said something like, "There's another big club that will have you," or something like that.

   6. EAEhsan Ahmad47:19

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan47:19

      Like, are they insinuating that we would have him, and that he's racist, and we would have him?

   8. EAEhsan Ahmad47:23

      Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, they just assume, they assume the Mothership is full of racist people.

   9. JRJoe Rogan47:27

      [scoffs] They don't.

   10. EAEhsan Ahmad47:28

       Yeah, people do.

   11. JRJoe Rogan47:29

       That- the... But the guy that owns that is the guy that owns Helium.

   12. EAEhsan Ahmad47:31

       Yeah, but no, not just that. I think that's pervasive around comedy, for sure.

   13. JRJoe Rogan47:35

       It's nonsense.

   14. EAEhsan Ahmad47:36

       [chuckles] Well-

   15. JRJoe Rogan47:36

       They're just, they're pretending they think that. There's no way they think that. If you just look at the lineup, there's no way they think that.

   16. EAEhsan Ahmad47:41

       Well, no one's looking at the lineup. They're really, they're really like, "Oh, Joe and Tony support Trump, so this must be filled with racist people." That's what it is.

   17. JRJoe Rogan47:47

       What did they say? Could you pull up the-

   18. SPSpeaker47:49

       Uh, yeah, it has said... I mean, uh-

   19. JRJoe Rogan47:51

       I think they phrased it in an interesting way. So-

   20. EAEhsan Ahmad47:56

       That's a, that's a-

   21. JRJoe Rogan47:56

       Austin for Palestine Coalition-

   22. EAEhsan Ahmad47:59

       That's a Rapaport is pretty funny. [laughing]

   23. JRJoe Rogan48:00

       That's a Rapaport.

   24. EAEhsan Ahmad48:01

       That's actually pretty funny. [chuckles]

   25. JRJoe Rogan48:02

       He's done, "Canceled. Thank you, Cap City Comedy and Helium management for listening to Austin and canceling the racist provocateur Michael Rapaport show at your establishment." And so, um-

   26. EAEhsan Ahmad48:15

       "Hey, Michael Rapaport, there's a, the... Make sure..." Yeah, yeah, that's the... The caption is like-

   27. JRJoe Rogan48:21

       But-

   28. EAEhsan Ahmad48:21

       "There's another club," insinuating that we would take the, the Mothership would take him.

   29. JRJoe Rogan48:23

       But what is this? This is just Austin Comedy. That's just someone's account.

   30. EAEhsan Ahmad48:27

       It's just someone's account, yeah.
8. 53:47 – 1:05:19

   Deepfakes, algorithm bubbles, and “everyone needs a take” (ESG/DEI incentives + California dysfunction)

   1. JRJoe Rogan53:47

      Have you seen the new AI where you can-

   2. EAEhsan Ahmad53:48

      It's just constant-

   3. JRJoe Rogan53:49

      No, no, no-

   4. EAEhsan Ahmad53:50

      Mm

   5. JRJoe Rogan53:50

      ... the new one where you can be any celebrity, and it looks exactly like that celebrity. So all your movements, you could be, like, you know, Mike from Stranger Things.

   6. EAEhsan Ahmad54:00

      Damn!

   7. JRJoe Rogan54:01

      And it's super accurate.

   8. EAEhsan Ahmad54:03

      Damn.

   9. JRJoe Rogan54:04

      Like, crazy accurate.

   10. EAEhsan Ahmad54:04

       We're, we're getting to the point where, like, surveillance videos won't be admissible in court. Like, [chuckles] it's gonna-

   11. JRJoe Rogan54:11

       Right

   12. EAEhsan Ahmad54:11

       ... it's gonna be, it's gonna be up to there.

   13. JRJoe Rogan54:12

       Right. It'll... Well, it'll all have to be on the blockchain.

   14. EAEhsan Ahmad54:14

       Mm.

   15. JRJoe Rogan54:15

       But even that, like, I don't understand the blockchain.

   16. EAEhsan Ahmad54:17

       Yeah.

   17. JRJoe Rogan54:17

       Do you?

   18. EAEhsan Ahmad54:18

       No.

   19. JRJoe Rogan54:18

       Who, who knows if that can be-

   20. EAEhsan Ahmad54:19

       No

   21. JRJoe Rogan54:19

       ... manipulated?

   22. EAEhsan Ahmad54:19

       Yeah.

   23. JRJoe Rogan54:20

       See if you can find that video of... 'Cause there was, uh, one performer who did a series of different people from Stranger Things.

   24. EAEhsan Ahmad54:28

       Mm.

   25. JRJoe Rogan54:28

       He did, like, El from Stranger Things and Mike from Str- and, and it's fucking nuts. It's the same person just moving their hands around and talking.

   26. EAEhsan Ahmad54:36

       Right.

   27. JRJoe Rogan54:36

       And they look exactly like the other person.

   28. EAEhsan Ahmad54:39

       Right, so now you're seeing heavily manipulated content. Like, you, uh, unless you go out of your way to look for another opinion-... you're just gonna become entrenched in your own opinion. That's sort of the problem with what's happening right now is like-

   29. JRJoe Rogan54:54

       Or entrenched in the opinion that they want to promote.

   30. EAEhsan Ahmad54:56

       That they want, yes, they want to promote. You're just sort of like, oh, you're just being fed this constant line of, like, bullshit. You gotta do some, like, algorithm cleanses. That's what, like, [chuckles] fuck, like, you know how, like, you go on juice cleanses? You gotta do that with your algorithm. You gotta-
9. 1:05:19 – 1:21:08

   What survives history: conquistadors, Persian propaganda carved in stone, and undeciphered scripts

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:05:19

      Interesting guy. But w- we got to talking about the, um, the, the different people that lived in America before Columbus got here-

   2. EAEhsan Ahmad1:05:29

      Mm

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:05:29

      ... before Cortez got here, before all these Spanish explorers turned the entire country into a Spanish-speaking Catholic country.

   4. EAEhsan Ahmad1:05:37

      Right.

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:05:37

      Which is really nuts, man. You know, you wanna talk about colonizing, like, those people in Mexico, "Oh, we respect their religion, their culture," that's the culture of their oppressors from just a few hundred years ago.

   6. EAEhsan Ahmad1:05:50

      Right.

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:05:51

      They lost 100 different na- native languages, man. They had so many languages-

   8. EAEhsan Ahmad1:05:56

      Right

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:05:56

      ... in what is now Mexico, but wasn't even Mexico until 1820.

   10. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:01

       Mm-hmm.

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:06:01

       Like, whatever it was, whatever they called it in the different areas, they had, like, over 100 different languages that just [mouth pops] lost in the wind, 'cause the fucking conquistadors came through.

   12. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:11

       Yeah, and, and outn- outnumbered, they were able to do that.

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:06:14

       Bro-

   14. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:15

       This is crazy

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:06:16

       ... way outnumbered.

   16. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:16

       Crazy!

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:06:17

       Bro, they had 13 muskets.

   18. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:19

       Mm-hmm.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:06:20

       That's all they had, 600 dudes, 13 muskets. They burned the boats and took over Mexico.

   20. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:26

       Crazy.

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:06:26

       Crazy.

   22. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:27

       Crazy.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:06:27

       And then to this d- but here's the cr-

   24. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:29

       Just the gift of gab, too. [laughs] Just able to convince Montezuma that they were God.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:06:33

       Well, they showed up with metal-

   26. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:34

       Yeah

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:06:34

       ... right?

   28. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:35

       That's fair point.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:06:35

       They're wearing armor, and they're riding horses, and they're like, "This is crazy. These guys are riding horses?"

   30. EAEhsan Ahmad1:06:40

       And there's, like, a famous... Uh, what was it? La Malinche was, like, a, was like a female Native Ameri- or na- native to the area, who, like, helped them take them down.
10. 1:21:08 – 1:32:31

    Dragons, flood myths, and “living fossils”: coelacanths, crocodiles, and shark horror

    1. JRJoe Rogan1:21:08

       Well, here's the thing: the Congo has had a, a legend of some sort of a large dinosaur-like creature forever-

    2. EAEhsan Ahmad1:21:17

       Hmm

    3. JRJoe Rogan1:21:17

       ... to the point where explorers have made their way into the Congo to try to find this thing-

    4. EAEhsan Ahmad1:21:22

       Okay

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:21:22

       ... that resembles, I think it resembles a brontosaurus.

    6. EAEhsan Ahmad1:21:26

       That could fly?

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:21:27

       No, no, no.

    8. EAEhsan Ahmad1:21:28

       Okay, right.

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:21:28

       That was i- in the jungle.

    10. EAEhsan Ahmad1:21:30

        Hmm.

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:21:30

        Like, so the question is: Is it possible that a creature could live for an extended period of time, and then, you know, maybe in the 1100s or a thousand years ago, or whatever, 2,000 years ago, they slaughtered them all and killed them off? Like, maybe it, maybe they have a long gestation period, like an elephant.

    12. EAEhsan Ahmad1:21:48

        Hmm.

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:21:48

        You know, maybe. Maybe it's possible they realized these things were a threat. They knew where they'd end up. There was a small population anywhere, and they killed them off.

    14. EAEhsan Ahmad1:21:55

        Right.

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:21:55

        Maybe. Maybe. It's not likely. There's no bones, there's no nothing, but there's no bones of most things. That's the thing.

    16. EAEhsan Ahmad1:22:04

        Right, yeah.

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:22:04

        Most things that die-

    18. EAEhsan Ahmad1:22:05

        Just disappear

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:22:05

        ... do not leave a fossil.

    20. EAEhsan Ahmad1:22:07

        Yeah.

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:22:07

        And then they find things that they thought were extinct. Not just extinct, but extinct for millions and millions of years. One of them is the coelacanth. You know about the coelacanth?

    22. EAEhsan Ahmad1:22:17

        No.

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:22:17

        So the coelacanth is this crazy-looking dinosaur fish that is unchanged from, [tsks] God, I wanna say, tens of millions of years. I don't know how old, but when you look at it, you're like: "Yo, look at that thing!"

    24. EAEhsan Ahmad1:22:32

        [chuckles]

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:22:32

        And then they caught one once.

    26. EAEhsan Ahmad1:22:34

        Hmm.

    27. JRJoe Rogan1:22:34

        They caught it. Like, I, I, don't know, it was a fishing net or a fishing boat, but they caught one, and then they realized, like, "Oh, my God, these things are still alive." Like, "We thought this was a part of the fossil record."

    28. EAEhsan Ahmad1:22:44

        Damn.

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:22:45

        And then they, they realized that there's parts of the ocean that we just haven't explored, and these things... And then they've caught a bunch of them since, and then other fishermen have caught them, but it's a, a very deep, deep sea creature that is really ancient.

    30. EAEhsan Ahmad1:22:57

        And then they found they-
11. 1:32:31 – 1:56:20

    Mr. Rogers gratitude reset and why Austin’s comedy ecosystem feels unusually supportive

    1. EAEhsan Ahmad1:32:31

       Ooh, okay, there is something... So there is something that I do, it's like a gratefulness thing that I do every year.

    2. JRJoe Rogan1:32:36

       Okay.

    3. EAEhsan Ahmad1:32:36

       'Cause it's like, this is like a big moment for me in my career. I just released a special. I, I'm, I'm walking away from the... I'm, I'm, like, not doing, working social media at the club anymore. I'm, like, w- making steps out. So this is a YouTube video that I watch every, every time something, like, sort of big happens to me-

    4. JRJoe Rogan1:32:50

       Yeah

    5. EAEhsan Ahmad1:32:50

       ... or, like, I'm at a crossroads, and it's, and it's... Have you ever seen this, uh, Mr. Rogers' Emmy acceptance speech? Have you seen this?

    6. JRJoe Rogan1:32:56

       No.

    7. EAEhsan Ahmad1:32:57

       Okay, can we pull that up, Jimmy? And it's, like, a three-minute video, but, like, genuinely, 'cause I'm, 'cause I'm gonna do it, too, I want you to do what he says.

    8. JRJoe Rogan1:33:06

       Okay.

    9. EAEhsan Ahmad1:33:06

       Yeah, yeah. It's just a quick little thing.

    10. JRJoe Rogan1:33:08

        Okay.

    11. EAEhsan Ahmad1:33:09

        Yeah, and I'm, and I'm-

    12. SPSpeaker1:33:10

        Here it is.

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:33:10

        All right.

    14. EAEhsan Ahmad1:33:11

        [chuckles] Yeah, yeah.

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:33:11

        Let's see it.

    16. EAEhsan Ahmad1:33:12

        Yeah. [upbeat music] [audience applauding]

    17. SPSpeaker1:33:21

        Oh, that's fantastic.

    18. SPSpeaker1:33:28

        For giving generation upon generation of children confidence in themselves, for being their friend- [audience members laughing] ... for telling them again and again and again that they are special and that they have worth, it is my honor, on behalf of everyone here, and on behalf of the millions of children whose mornings you have brightened with your kindness, to present you with this Lifetime Achievement Award. [audience applauding]

    19. SPSpeaker1:34:09

        Thank you. Oh, it's a beautiful night in this neighborhood. [audience laughing] So many people have helped me to come to this night. Some of you are here, some are far away, some are even in heaven. All of us have special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take, along with me, 10 seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are, those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life? 10 seconds of silence. I'll watch the time. [audience laughing] Whomever you've been thinking about, how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they've made. You know, they're the kind of people television does well to offer our world. Special thanks to my family and friends, and to my coworkers in public broadcasting, family communications, and this academy, for encouraging me, allowing me, all these years, to be your neighbor. [audience applauding] May God be with you. Thank you very much.

    20. JRJoe Rogan1:35:50

        He seemed like the real deal.

    21. EAEhsan Ahmad1:35:51

        Yeah. [chuckles]

    22. JRJoe Rogan1:35:52

        Yeah. [chuckles]

    23. EAEhsan Ahmad1:35:53

        What'd you think about?

    24. JRJoe Rogan1:35:54

        I'm glad nothing ever came out about him.

    25. EAEhsan Ahmad1:35:55

        Yeah, for real, right?

    26. JRJoe Rogan1:35:56

        You know what I mean?

    27. EAEhsan Ahmad1:35:56

        He wasn't like a Jimmy Savile.

    28. JRJoe Rogan1:35:57

        I just-

    29. EAEhsan Ahmad1:35:58

        Yeah

    30. JRJoe Rogan1:35:58

        ... I'm happy he was the real deal.
12. 1:56:20 – 2:01:43

    Staying sane online: exercise, screen-time guilt, “fake communities,” and fragmented culture

    1. JRJoe Rogan1:56:20

       Yeah, but you have to have something brutal outside of the game to keep you centered.

    2. EAEhsan Ahmad1:56:24

       Mm-hmm.

    3. JRJoe Rogan1:56:25

       You should do something else that's also difficult. For me, it's obviously working out. That's a big part of what keeps me sane. I think it's important for mental health. The people that are the most mentally unhealthy and unstable that I know all have no control of their body. None of them exercise-

    4. EAEhsan Ahmad1:56:41

       Mm

    5. JRJoe Rogan1:56:41

       ... they don't eat well, they eat terrible food, they take medications, and they're all fucked up in the head. And then l- little things can send them off a deep end. Once a person makes a mean tweet about them, and a couple people pile on, they wanna jump off a building.

    6. EAEhsan Ahmad1:56:54

       Right.

    7. JRJoe Rogan1:56:55

       You know, there's a bunch of those people out there, and I think, like, with the pressures of this job, you have to, for your own sanity, you have to find some sort of an outlet-

    8. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:04

       Yeah

    9. JRJoe Rogan1:57:04

       ... find some sort of a thing.

    10. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:06

        Or, like, take a walk.

    11. JRJoe Rogan1:57:07

        That, too.

    12. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:08

        Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so, it's-

    13. JRJoe Rogan1:57:09

        That'll help, but-

    14. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:10

        [chuckles]

    15. JRJoe Rogan1:57:10

        ... it should be something that's a little bit-

    16. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:12

        Mm

    17. JRJoe Rogan1:57:12

        ... that you exert yourself.

    18. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:14

        Well, that's like, I was like, that's a good place to start if you're one of these people that, like, don't do like-

    19. JRJoe Rogan1:57:18

        Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    20. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:18

        Like, just a simple walk can really get the ball rolling on like-

    21. JRJoe Rogan1:57:21

        Don't jump right into CrossFit.

    22. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:22

        Yeah, yeah. [chuckles]

    23. JRJoe Rogan1:57:23

        Yeah.

    24. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:23

        Just-

    25. JRJoe Rogan1:57:23

        From nothing, couch to CrossFit.

    26. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:26

        Yeah, just be outside-

    27. JRJoe Rogan1:57:26

        Yeah

    28. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:26

        ... and, like, smell [chuckles] the air and be-

    29. JRJoe Rogan1:57:28

        Yeah

    30. EAEhsan Ahmad1:57:28

        ... or so, 'cause like, does your phone send you the screen time updates?
13. 2:01:43 – 2:20:00

    Sandwich lore and Austin food: delis, late-night gaps, and comedian-hours eating

    1. JRJoe Rogan2:01:43

       Dude, I watch the, this guy's Sandwiches of History. [chuckles]

    2. EAEhsan Ahmad2:01:47

       [chuckles]

    3. JRJoe Rogan2:01:47

       All he does is he finds a sandwich book from, like, some of them from, like, the early 1900s and just makes a sandwich in them.

    4. EAEhsan Ahmad2:01:53

       Is any of them good?

    5. JRJoe Rogan2:01:54

       Some of them are amazing, and some of them suck ass. [chuckles]

    6. EAEhsan Ahmad2:01:56

       Yeah.

    7. JRJoe Rogan2:01:56

       Some of them are, like, some of them are, like, Depression era, you know what I mean? [chuckles]

    8. EAEhsan Ahmad2:01:59

       Oh.

    9. JRJoe Rogan2:01:59

       It's, like, bread and sawdust over there, you know, like... [chuckles] But some of them are, some of them are like, "Damn, that's, like, a good sandwich." And I just watch this guy eat sandwiches and be like, "This is, this is a, this is a great use of my time."

    10. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:10

        Making an orange peel sandwich from 1921 here. 1921.

    11. JRJoe Rogan2:02:14

        Yeah.

    12. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:14

        So you take orange peels, you mix it up with mayonnaise, and you spread it on bread.

    13. JRJoe Rogan2:02:19

        ... Let's see his face.

    14. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:21

        He always, he always goes, "I'll give this sandwich a go!" He has, like, a catchphrase.

    15. JRJoe Rogan2:02:26

        Mm.

    16. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:27

        "I'm all about it."

    17. JRJoe Rogan2:02:29

        Hmm, okay.

    18. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:30

        It doesn't look like he likes it.

    19. JRJoe Rogan2:02:32

        No, it's a terrible idea. [laughing] That's a terrible idea. Orange peel sandwich, get the fuck out of here.

    20. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:36

        Well, that's what people ate!

    21. JRJoe Rogan2:02:37

        Yeah, you're starving.

    22. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:38

        [laughing]

    23. JRJoe Rogan2:02:38

        You're starving, you eat an orange peel sandwich.

    24. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:40

        Yeah. [laughing]

    25. JRJoe Rogan2:02:41

        The, the sandwich was made by a guy who was in a hurry, right? Wasn't that the idea? He just threw some fucking meat in some bread to eat it all together.

    26. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:47

        Yeah, I think so, and the other people were like, "Wow!"

    27. JRJoe Rogan2:02:49

        Was his- wasn't his name Sandwich or something?

    28. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:51

        He was, like, the Earl of Sandwich.

    29. JRJoe Rogan2:02:52

        Yeah.

    30. EAEhsan Ahmad2:02:52

        I think it was a sandwich, like, a place.

Episode duration: 2:54:35