EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,007 words- 0:00 – 15:00
[upbeat music] Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!…
- JRJoe Rogan
[upbeat music] Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!
- SPSpeaker
The Joe Rogan Experience.
- JRJoe Rogan
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. [upbeat music]
- BKBert Kreischer
Hey, dude, hey, does the red light therapy really help your fucking eyes?
- JRJoe Rogan
100%.
- BKBert Kreischer
I'm doing it. I'm-
- JRJoe Rogan
Are we rolling? Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
My eyes are so fucked.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
I can't see, Joe. I'm-
- JRJoe Rogan
Get one of them Gary Brecka beds for your house. Well, there's a bunch of companies that sell them-
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah
- JRJoe Rogan
... but you want, like, a really powerful red light bed. I did it this morning. Dude, it, it changed my vision.
- BKBert Kreischer
I can't... When I'm in the shower, I can't read "shampoo," "bath gel."
- JRJoe Rogan
Whoa!
- BKBert Kreischer
Like, I'm like, "Dude, why do they need to be small? Can't you just make it big as fuck, so everyone can see it?"
- JRJoe Rogan
They're not that small.
- BKBert Kreischer
They're, I- well, they're... I, I can't see them.
- JRJoe Rogan
I know.
- BKBert Kreischer
And then I'm getting out naked, putting on readers to see what I'm fucking- [laughing] I've washed my hair with conditioner so many times. [laughing]
- JRJoe Rogan
[laughing] Yeah, mine was getting bad. Mine was getting where I needed these fucking things, which I haven't picked up in months.
- BKBert Kreischer
I heard you say that, and I was like-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah
- BKBert Kreischer
... dude, I was-
- JRJoe Rogan
Changed my life.
- BKBert Kreischer
I did, uh, went to Oasis Well the other day, and I did the red light bed every day-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm
- BKBert Kreischer
... every day, until I googled how much it cost. The thing's fucking expensive.
- JRJoe Rogan
It's expensive-
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah
- 15:00 – 30:00
Right, they try to find controversial subjects.…
- BKBert Kreischer
"What, what clip's gonna pop?" I think they go online.
- JRJoe Rogan
Right, they try to find controversial subjects. [sighs]
- BKBert Kreischer
Like, he brought up, I told you, he brought up one, he's like, "Bert, you think Kevin Hart's just lucky." And I was like, "Motherfucker."
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- BKBert Kreischer
I was like, "I said that fucking 12 years ago." And it was just, it was all it was, and I know I'm, I'm even... But it was... This is what it was, Joe, is like, at a time when I, w- we w- none of us were making money. Not you, but like, uh, the younger comics were making money, and you're online, and you watch Kevin, and, you know Kevin knows I love him, but Kevin's like, "I'm the hardest working motherfucker. I'm the hardest working..." And in my head, I was like, "We're all working hard." Like, uh, but a lot of people, you know, were just, you know, waiting for a moment to, to, to get in front of people. And then I was like... And then I had an agent, very casually, like, not mine, but at a thing, he goes, "You know, Kevin should mention how lucky he got." I said, "What do you mean?" He was like, "You know about Fool's Gold, right?" I was like, "No." He's like, "Well, that's the beef between Kevin and Katt, is Katt packed a gun in his luggage to go shoot Fool's Gold, and he got detained. And they were in production, and they're like, 'We need, we need someone small and Black to fit these clothes. We already got clothes for him.' Yeah." And he's like, "Get Kevin Hart." And that was the story I wanted Kevin to tell because that, as a comic, you can kind of put your head around that. And I've, and I've... And by the way, I did not do a good job of explaining it on Shannon's show because it's like, I, you know I'm a fucking talk out of my ass, but, like, every comic has had these, like, moments that skyrocket them, right? These moments-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right
- BKBert Kreischer
... that pop, and, and I went through it, and I think you'll understand it now, but for me, it was the Machine story going viral. For, for Bill Burr, it's the Philly rant. With Bill, that Philly rant just put him in the next level. Jim Jefferies, he gets punched in the head at the Comedy Cellar or Comedy Store in London. His manager happens to be a guy that knows the internet, Brett Vincent, posts it on MySpace, goes viral. Every comic that pops always has that... Tom, as, as I was telling this to Tom, he goes, "Yeah, it was me, Netflix." He was like, Tom got on Netflix. I mean, I didn't even realize this. Tom said it to me. He got on Netflix when there were two comics on Netflix: Bill Burr and Tom Segura. Bill puts his special out, they're like, "Did you like Bill Burr? You might like Tom Segura." And Tom's like, "If Comedy Central had bought my hour, I would've been fucked."
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm.
- BKBert Kreischer
"But instead, I sold it to this small streamer, Netflix, and the only other one they had was Bill Burr." And so, as comics, I think sometimes, and you know how much I believe in luck, it's so e- it's easier to hear about someone's luck, where you go, "Oh, that is crazy, that happenstance." I mean, we've said it about you, and I know you, you'll probably disagree, maybe to a certain extent, but your... I thought, I think the greatest thing that ever happened to you was that getting kicked out of the Comedy Store. That m- that period of time where you had to reeval- reevaluate yourself, and you created this, what you have, and you re- I, I mean, you would speak to it better than I could, but I think as comics, we look at you reinventing yourself, and reima- imagining yourself, and, and making it your own fucking entity, and creating this podcast, which has changed all of our lives. That moment, and it must have been tough to lose your agent, get kicked out of the Comedy Store, and have to figure things out, that we all got be- everyone got behind you. Everyone was like, "That's my guy." I mean, I'm curious what your feelings about that are?
- JRJoe Rogan
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- BKBert Kreischer
... in your career.
- JRJoe Rogan
I mean, that, that certainly had a, an impact. You know, it was also the Mencia video-
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm
- JRJoe Rogan
... where people could clearly see that I was right.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yes.
- JRJoe Rogan
And then we were all a victim, like, we were all hiding at the store. Like, when he would go on stage, or he would be in the back of the room if you were on stage, they would flash the light to let you know that he was in the room.
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
You know how crazy that is, that there's a guy around that steals so much that they have to flash a light whenever a comic's on stage? And then comics would just start doing crowd work. Yeah, it was-
- BKBert Kreischer
That's, that's insane to me.
- JRJoe Rogan
It was crazy. So all the comics knew that what I was saying was the truth, and it was proved by, like, the consequences of someone who was already successful, right? So I was already on Fear Factor at the time. I was already a known person, and I lost my agent, and I got kicked out of the store. Like-
- BKBert Kreischer
That video, that video was, uh, i- akin to the Philly rant, Jim Jefferies getting pun- that viral moment for you, which you-
- JRJoe Rogan
It was also how well Redd Ban put it together, too, 'cause he's such a good editor.
- BKBert Kreischer
That music.
- JRJoe Rogan
He's so brilliant. It was music. He went back in time. He, like, it... You know, like, he spent a lot of time working on that. It was a work of art, but it was, you know, it was the first time that someone was held accountable because, you know, we don't have to na- name names, but we all know people who snuck through and still kind of have careers-
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm-hmm
- JRJoe Rogan
... although greatly diminished impact. Because, like, when they go on stage now, people are excited to see them 'cause they're famous, and then that immediately goes away-
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah
- JRJoe Rogan
... when you realize there's nothing there. They have no material. Because they have to write for themselves now. [exhales] Yeah, you see a giant drop-off. You see the early specials with, like, great jokes and really funny, and then you see, like, what is this nonsense? Towards the end, it's just, like, weird fucking, like, nonsensical rants on th- It's bizarre to watch, but that's what happens when you get exposed, and you have to do your own shit, and there's a few of those guys floating around out there.
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's crazy because the one thing I-
- JRJoe Rogan
You want a cigar?
- 30:00 – 45:00
Really?…
- BKBert Kreischer
Really?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, always. Yeah. And then there's The Joe Rogan Experience page that the staff does, but that is just a clip from the podcast. They take an interesting clip where someone says something, it's put up with no context. It just says, you know, "Episode blah, blah, blah." That's it. I try to do it as, like, natural and neutral. You like it, you don't like it. If you don't like it, don't listen to the next one. It's okay.
- BKBert Kreischer
So wait, what, what is your... What is the impetus for you to post something? Like, like, w- when- at what point do you decide to share your life?
- JRJoe Rogan
... Well, I just feel like if there's something I think someone will think is interesting or something that I would like to see, if someone puts it on their feed, I'll put it in there-
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah
- JRJoe Rogan
-every now- but I don't post that much.
- BKBert Kreischer
You don't.
- JRJoe Rogan
Because I don't read that much. I stay off. I don't think it's good for you. I think it's j-
- BKBert Kreischer
It's not.
- JRJoe Rogan
Uh, not only do I not think it's good for you, I think it's genuinely bad for you. And, uh, it gets in the way of all the other stuff that I like to do. Um, you know, I'm busy, man. I'm busy. Um, there's a lot of interesting shit to pay attention to in the world. I'm not one of those things. I don't like paying attention to me, you know, and reading me or... And I don't wanna, like, go online and see too many car crashes and-
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm
- JRJoe Rogan
... people getting shot and animal attacks. I gets- Tommy and I have the worst fucking text message chain. He, him and I, all day, whenever he finds something, like, unbelievably horrific, some guy getting run over by a truck, he'll just send it to me, and then I'll send it to him, and we're always trying to one-up each other.
- BKBert Kreischer
[exhales]
- JRJoe Rogan
So when I find something absolutely horrible, someone sends me something absolutely horrible, I send it to him.
- BKBert Kreischer
[chuckles]
- JRJoe Rogan
And then we just... That's, like, my main source of, like, trauma online, is my Tom Segura text message chain. [laughing]
- BKBert Kreischer
[exhales]
- JRJoe Rogan
But other than that, I pretty much stay off. I don't think it's good for you, and I, I feel way better. I started doing it a few months ago. It's like a, like a force of habit. Like, I'm looking at it all the time, "Let me just not look at it today."
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And, and then I did it another day, and then another day. I'm like, "God, I feel better. I feel better." Like, I genuinely feel better. It's like I'm getting over a cold or something like that. And so I said, "All right, well, obviously, like, engage- definitely don't read anything." Like, definitely don't, like, read when people say things about you.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Definitely don't read when you, you post something, read the comments.
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
Don't do any of that. Uh, and, you know, people get wrapped up in it, and you realize, like, people are just trying to take you down. There's so... I mean, not all of them, a lot of people are supporting you. But it doesn't matter if there's, like, 10 people that love you and one person that hates you, you're gonna think about that one person.
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm-hmm.
- JRJoe Rogan
You know, which is nuts, but it's just human nature.
- BKBert Kreischer
It's crazy how that algorithm works, is that it's just like if the, there's someone in the front row that's not laughing. Like, last night I had a... I don't know, it was at bottom of the barrel, and I don't know how rape came up, but [laughs]
- JRJoe Rogan
It always does.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I was like, "Well, there's no phones in here. Let's, let's go." I said, "If I'm gonna go for it, it's in this room."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- 45:00 – 1:00:00
[laughing]…
- JRJoe Rogan
thin, and they looked kinda... They didn't look human. Their heads were too big. Their eyes were too big, and I can't remem- I think they had teeth. I don't remember, but I remember they were joking with me. Like, they scared me, and they're like, "Ah!"
- BKBert Kreischer
[laughing]
- JRJoe Rogan
Just fucking around, like, trying to get me comfortable with who they are. And they were communicating with me somehow or another through thoughts, and, uh, I was really freaked out because they seemed very, very real. It didn't seem like any other dream that I had. So much so that I woke up at, like, 3:30 in the morning, and I just lay in bed for an hour trying to go back to sleep, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I was almost like, "I'm not sleep- I'm wide awake."
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And so I went to the gym, and, uh, I just worked out at 4:00 in the morning, and I worked out for, like, two hours. And after it was over, I got in the sauna, did the whole thing, and then I came to work. I was like: "I have to talk about this right away," 'cause it was so strange. It was one of the only dreams that I've ever had that did not feel at all like a dream. It felt like I was encountering someone or something that was trying to get me comfortable with the idea of encountering them.
- BKBert Kreischer
Wow!
- JRJoe Rogan
It wasn't, it wasn't like a dream. It was... I was in the corridor of something that seemed, uh, like it was, it was not like it was from here. It was, like, from somewhere else, but it was almost like it was very oddly lit. Like, the walls were lit in a very strange way, but it was almost like it was, it was this corridor, but it had a feeling almost like it was organic, like it was alive, like it was a living thing. It was very fucking strange.
- BKBert Kreischer
What if, what if that was... Then this, but what if that is something that you did, in fact, an experience that was taken out of your memory, and then it's stuck in your memory, and you're dreaming about it?
- JRJoe Rogan
[tsks] I, [exhales] may- I don't know. I mean, you could maybe all day long, right? And so my feeling was that I had... And this is, again, it c- clearly could, was, I was dreaming, right? So it clearly could have been just a dream. But what it felt like was that it was an actual encounter with intelligence that wasn't human. That's what it felt like. And it felt like these things were not... They were not us, and maybe they were what a human will be someday because they were human-like, but they were very slender. They were very thin, and they were wearing these suits that were, like, almost like rash guards, like what surfers wear, but, but, but a strange fabric. Like, it looked weird, and it was the color of their skin, but it was clear that they were wearing something. It didn't appear that they had any genitals. They had no muscle tone at all. They were just thin, and they were communicating with me and looking at me, and they were, they were close, like where you are right now. And I think, like I said, I think it was at least three of them. I think there was four of them. But I remember there was one that was going like, pah! Like j- jo- and then like, "Ahhh," joking around with me, like, trying to scare me.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
And then, like, pret- like... And it felt to me after they did it, like: "Relax." Like, "This is okay. Like, don't be freaked out. Whatever this is, don't be freaked out." And then I woke up, and when I wo- and then there was also this weird reptilian element of it. There was, like, a barrier. They had a barrier, and they were feeding, like, with... They were, like, pouring food to these things that a- almost like it was letting me know-... the, the protection between you and this horrific danger that's out there-
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah
- JRJoe Rogan
-in the world, in the universe, in life, is very, it's very thin. There's very thin protection. There's not much protection. There's just a, like a, like a barrier, like a s- a simple barrier, like a, [lips smack] you know, like a, a fucking, a, a blockade they put to keep a crowd from passing through an area to let you know you're not supposed to go here.
- BKBert Kreischer
It's crazy how-
- JRJoe Rogan
It's very weird.
- BKBert Kreischer
It's crazy, crazy how much you st- how long ago did you have this dream?
- JRJoe Rogan
A few months ago.
- BKBert Kreischer
But isn't it so wild that something that didn't happen-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah
- BKBert Kreischer
... can be locked in your memory, and then you just, you're like, "God!" It affects you s- almost like it did.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, now it's like a memory of my recollection of the memory, which is odd, which is memories in general.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Which is why people distort memories and change them and make, you know, make the past something that's not really... You know, you've talked to people that... Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, we all do it. Everybody does it.
- BKBert Kreischer
[chuckles] I do it on podcasts.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, everybody does it.
- BKBert Kreischer
[chuckles]
- JRJoe Rogan
But this was different. This, whatever this dream was... I mean, [lips smack] look, there's a lot of confusion about what happens during sleep, you know? We don't exactly know why you have dreams, and what it's all, what, what's the function of it, what's the purpose of it? But this one was different. It was much more realistic than any dream I had ever experienced before. Like, uh, the, the interaction between me and these, these creatures, these beings, was very different than anything I'd ever experienced in a dream. To the point like I, I, I felt it physically, and I woke up... I can sleep on a bag of rocks. I can just go to sleep, dude.
- BKBert Kreischer
Really?
- 1:00:00 – 1:15:00
Uh, I don't know why I can't…
- SPSpeaker
Uh, I don't know why I can't find a compilation. I can find a bunch of videos of it, but-
- JRJoe Rogan
Just even... I know there's a compilation, 'cause I've seen it.
- SPSpeaker
I just typed it in, and the video that pops up only has... It's a four-minute video of him on Johnny Carson.
- JRJoe Rogan
No, no.
- SPSpeaker
I'm just-
- JRJoe Rogan
I know.
- SPSpeaker
I'm telling you, there's-
- JRJoe Rogan
There's a bunch. There's a bunch.
- BKBert Kreischer
Gerald Ford. That was Gerald Ford fell, right?
- JRJoe Rogan
So he would... Yeah, 'cause Gerald, Gerald Ford-
- BKBert Kreischer
Fell down
- JRJoe Rogan
... was kind of like Biden. He would fall all the time. So here is-
- SPSpeaker
His worst-
- JRJoe Rogan
Dude.
- SPSpeaker
I don't know what that means.
- JRJoe Rogan
Look at that. You know how hard he falls there? Like, g- go back and watch that again. Wa- watch how hard he falls-
- BKBert Kreischer
D-
- JRJoe Rogan
... when he does this. This is him doing this Christmas whatever. [chuckles] ... the Christmas thing that you just showed?
- SPSpeaker
I, I'm telling you, it just accidentally disappeared.
- JRJoe Rogan
Hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
Joe.
- JRJoe Rogan
You can find it. [chuckles]
- SPSpeaker
There it is. [laughs]
- JRJoe Rogan
Okay, watch this. Watch this. Watch him fall. Boom! Headfirst, with the tree, falls down, barely stops his fall. [audience laughing] Chevy Chase, worst wrestling moments from Saturday Night Live. Like, this is just... This is him just stumbling around. This is nothing. But there's videos of him-
- SPSpeaker
... Therapy session?
- JRJoe Rogan
Fall. Okay, obviously, that chair is gonna break. [audience laughing] No, this is not what I'm looking for. See if you can find it. Find it and get back to us.
- SPSpeaker
I'll try.
- JRJoe Rogan
But there's... I know there's videos of him, like, literally, like, flying off stage, landing on his back-
- BKBert Kreischer
Dude-
- JRJoe Rogan
... slipping, legs up in the air-
- 1:15:00 – 1:30:00
Uh-huh.…
- JRJoe Rogan
Minneapolis?
- BKBert Kreischer
Uh-huh.
- JRJoe Rogan
MSNBC doctored his photo and made him better looking, fixed his teeth, squared his jaw, gave him a tan. You haven't seen it?
- BKBert Kreischer
No.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, I-
- BKBert Kreischer
Please pull that up.
- JRJoe Rogan
We, we showed it yesterday, but we'll show it again today, the before and after. It's in the text that I sent you. It's fucking crazy. Look at the difference.
- BKBert Kreischer
What?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, it's him on the left, he looks like Ari's brother. On the right-
- BKBert Kreischer
[chuckles]
- JRJoe Rogan
... he, he looks like some fucking handsome CrossFitter. Like, look at the difference. Look at the teeth. Look at the nose. They shrunk his nose, they widened his jaw, they shrunk his chin. That's crazy. They decided he was too ugly to be sympathetic towards.
- BKBert Kreischer
So, so then, so then... [sighs] Man, this kind of bums me out, that you th- I mean, I, I always kind of had hopes up that if I turned on, if I turned on the news, I'd hear some objective rant or some objectiveness of anything, but there's none.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, you gotta go independent. You gotta go to Glenn Greenwald, and Michael Shellenberger, and people like that, Matt Taibbi. You gotta go to independent journalists. Those are the only ones that are gonna give you the real deal. People that are connected to giant corporations, that their job is to distribute the news, they're not gonna give you... They're gonna give you a narrative that's approved. Who was Deep Throat? 'Cause Deep Throat was exposed. They did eventually expose Deep Throat, and it's even more shocking when you find out who Deep Throat was.
- BKBert Kreischer
I saw the movie.
- JRJoe Rogan
No, that's a different movie.
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, good one.
- JRJoe Rogan
That's about sucking cock.
- BKBert Kreischer
That was a good one.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah. [chuckles] Well, the, the name-
- BKBert Kreischer
That was my insight
- JRJoe Rogan
... Deep Throat was, uh, because a nod to the movie.
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, for real?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the, the, the movie came out first. Um, Deep Throat was, uh, W. Mark Felt, the number two official at the FBI during Watergate-
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, Jesus
- JRJoe Rogan
... who secretly provided key information to Washington Post reporter, Bob Woodward. So the FBI was involved in the break-in. The number two official at the FBI was the guy who was providing information under the name Deep Throat. So the FBI did it. They did the whole thing. [phone ringing]
- BKBert Kreischer
How does-
- JRJoe Rogan
Is that your phone?
- BKBert Kreischer
It's... Yeah, I'm an old man, Joe.
- JRJoe Rogan
[chuckles]
- BKBert Kreischer
I'm an old man.
- 1:30:00 – 1:45:00
Well, how so?…
- BKBert Kreischer
for six months, and then I, and then I had a really interesting conversation with my, with my trainer and with Leanne over this conversation, and they were like... You know what's so funny is they don't see my lifestyle as partying and everything as disrespectful to my health because I work out, because I get blood work, because I g- I'm sober for every now. They were saying it's disrespectful to people that don't, that just stay online and scroll and don't live their life. That's what's disrespectful.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, how so?
- BKBert Kreischer
Like, if s- if you, if you're just like, you come home, and you lock into video games, and you don't go out, and you don't really connect with people, and then you wake up, and you scroll for three hours, and then you light a cigarette, and you go to work, and you come home, and you play video games, you're, you're not living your life. And they're like, Leanne was saying the other day, she was like, "You know, don't, don't look... Like, get excited to start drinking again, but make sure that, that you can measure that." [laughing] You know?
- JRJoe Rogan
Get excited to start drinking again is a wild thing to say.
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, I'm, I mean, I'm looking forward-
- JRJoe Rogan
But how is it disrespectful to people that are watching you? I don't understand.
- BKBert Kreischer
No, no, no, no, no. I meant, I meant, you know, people that aren't living, like people that are leaving comments and, and like shitting on girls skateboarding, going, "You should wear a bra, whore." Like, guys that aren't living their life and not spending their time out with family and, and living their life.
- JRJoe Rogan
So what's disrespectful to them?
- BKBert Kreischer
... What do you, I'm lost.
- JRJoe Rogan
You said it's disrespectful to them?
- BKBert Kreischer
No, no, they're dis- they're disrespecting their own life by not living.
- JRJoe Rogan
Okay.
- BKBert Kreischer
By not getting in the gym-
- JRJoe Rogan
Right
- BKBert Kreischer
... not going out, not going and having dinner with your wife.
- JRJoe Rogan
So how is your life, you disrespecting your health, doing anything to them?
- BKBert Kreischer
No, no, I think, it was just two parallels.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh.
- BKBert Kreischer
Like, I, I was looking at health, thinking in hindsight, like how many times I just, you know, burned the candle at both ends. Didn't think, like, how aw- how fragile life actually is.
- JRJoe Rogan
Oh, yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
You know? Like-
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, you're very durable, unfortunately. That's part of the problem, is you were able to do that and show no bad health markers. Like, you were drinking all the time.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
You got your blood work done, your liver's fine. You're like, "Look at this, it's great!" Like, you were... I remember you were super nervous, like, when you first started getting blood work, but then you're like, "It turns out it's fine."
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah, you, you have great genetics, you know?
- BKBert Kreischer
But you think, I think now I go, man, I'm like, my, my grandfather died at 53.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I'm, I'm 53. [lips smack] And like-
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah
- 1:45:00 – 2:00:00
Well, sleep apnea machines work.…
- BKBert Kreischer
sleep apnea machines.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, sleep apnea machines work.
- BKBert Kreischer
I know, but I think they over-diagnose sleep apnea machines because there's a kickback. There's got to be a kickback.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, there probably is. There's a w- you know, look, sleep apnea is a real thing, and it's really fucking dangerous.
- BKBert Kreischer
But is it, is it as me- I mean-
- JRJoe Rogan
People die.
- BKBert Kreischer
Everyone's got it.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, not everyone has it. A lot of people snore, but there's ways around it. There's mouthpieces you can use that keep your tongue from closing your windpipe. You know what I do? I put a mouthpiece, I put a mouthpiece in, and then I use mouth tape. I've been using mouth tape, you know, like, you know, you know hostage tape?
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I use that stuff. I put it over my mouth, and I sleep, and I breathe through my nose, and I feel so much better when I wake up. I mean, significantly better, with less sleep. Like, if I have five hours sleep with hostage tape, I feel better than if I have eight hours sleep without it.
- BKBert Kreischer
Really?
- JRJoe Rogan
100%.
- BKBert Kreischer
See, I-
- JRJoe Rogan
You feel different. I don't know why. I'm sure... Okay, let's find out.
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm.
- JRJoe Rogan
What is the science behind breathing through your nose while you sleep? Why, why is it better? Like, what is the science behind it? I don't know what the science is, but I know that a bunch of health experts, they, they recommended it to me. I was like, "Tape my mouth shut? That sounds so stupid."
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
I did it, and then the first night I did it, I woke up, and I'm like: "Whoa! I feel great. Like, I feel significantly better." And now I do it every night. So I put a mouthpiece in, and then I put the hostage tape over my mouth.
- BKBert Kreischer
So the mouthpiece just holds your tongue in place?
- JRJoe Rogan
Exactly, 'cause I have a big tongue.
- BKBert Kreischer
[chuckles]
- JRJoe Rogan
I have a big tongue, and I have a big neck. The problem is, when you have big neck muscles-
- BKBert Kreischer
[chuckles]
- JRJoe Rogan
... all, like, football players, a lot of them, most of them have sleep apnea, 'cause all those m-
- BKBert Kreischer
[clears throat]
- JRJoe Rogan
... those muscles-
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah
- JRJoe Rogan
... they constrict the wall, the walls of your, uh, your throat. So, like, there's all this tissue that didn't exist before, and then you have this fat tongue, so I can't sleep on my back. If I sleep on my back, it's like [snores] .
- 2:00:00 – 2:15:00
That was a game-changer…
- JRJoe Rogan
chasing the number one ratings and all that shit, it was just stupid. It was just nonsense. And then, you know, Fear Factor was number one for a while, I think. I think it was. It, it was hugely popular, whatever it was, and that was weird, too. It was like, well, that's, that's also strange. Now people-
- BKBert Kreischer
That was a game-changer
- JRJoe Rogan
... wanna talk about it, and everybody... It was just like this thing that was everywhere. It was very strange.
- BKBert Kreischer
This is how you can tell how big a show is. Tell me if I'm wrong. I can remember what night it aired, on Monday nights?
- JRJoe Rogan
Uh, Fear Factor?
- BKBert Kreischer
Was it Monday nights?
- JRJoe Rogan
I don't remember. I think it was Monday.
- SPSpeaker
I think so.
- JRJoe Rogan
I don't remember.
- BKBert Kreischer
I remember The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air was [laughing] Monday nights.
- JRJoe Rogan
[laughing] Yeah, I think Fear Factor was Monday.
- BKBert Kreischer
I remember Seinfeld was Thursdays, right?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
That's the thing about, about, uh, TV now, which is so bizarre, is like, when, when I pitch this show, I... Have you seen Slow Horses?
- JRJoe Rogan
Yes, I love it.
- BKBert Kreischer
So when I went to-
- JRJoe Rogan
I love it
- BKBert Kreischer
... when I went to Netflix, they were like, "We wanna do a show with you." I was like, "Great." And they're like, "What's the show?" I says, "It's my family. It's, I'm Bert Kreischer, Georgia and Isla, LeeAnn. I'm a comedian. I'm me. I'm, everything's the same. Nothing changes. I don't have a job. I'm this guy."
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- BKBert Kreischer
And they're like, "Okay." I go, "But it, it's, uh, meet Slow Horses." And they're like, "What the fuck are you talking about?" I said, "All I can tell you is, I don't wanna do episodic. I want Slow Horses." I said, "When I watch Slow Horse..." And this is why w- Ron's compliment was so kind, 'cause I cr- I created the show so that me, Jared, and Andy, I should include them-
- JRJoe Rogan
Explain Slow Horses.
- BKBert Kreischer
Slow Horses is Gary Oldman. It is a spy thriller. They're a group of, of, like, low-grade spies that all kind of got put into an office off to the side, and but they don't realize how important their office still is. They're still very ingrained in all the shit that the big office is doing, but they're the B team. And so the big office is constantly fucking with the little office, and when-
- JRJoe Rogan
So how is your show like Slow Horses?
- BKBert Kreischer
The day I watched Slow Horse- I watched Slow Horses the week before I went in for this meeting, and I watched the, the first episode of Slow Horses, and at the very end of that flir- first episode, I hit pause. I looked at LeeAnn, I said, "We're watching every fucking episode until it's over. Right now, we're not moving. We're gonna watch all of them." And I did that with that and Black Doves, and I said to Netflix, I said, "I wanna make this where that first episode... It's not episodic. The Kreischers get a horse. The Kreischers get a dog."
- JRJoe Rogan
It all goes together, storyline.
- BKBert Kreischer
I go, "The first episode, at that last line I say, the very last line of that first episode, I want you to look at the person you're with and go, 'I'm watching all fucking six.'"
- JRJoe Rogan
Right.
- BKBert Kreischer
And, uh, and so it's an arc. It's a six-story arc. It's basically a two-hour-and-30-minute movie-
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm
- BKBert Kreischer
... that you can stop at any point. And, and the compliment I've been getting is the one Ron gave me, is like, "I binged it. I watched all of it."
- 2:15:00 – 2:16:52
Yeah.…
- JRJoe Rogan
and start training at 2 o'clock in the morning, 'cause I knew everybody was asleep.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- JRJoe Rogan
That, that made me feel better. Like, "Bitch, while you're sleeping, I'm in here."
- BKBert Kreischer
... where did you put that competitiveness? 'Cause I, I shelved my competitiveness. I don't have it in comedy. I, I have a competitiveness with the industry that I felt ignored me at times. Like, I've- I wanna prove things, like I did Fully Loaded, 'cause I never got on Oddball.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And so I, I created that festival. I remember I was with, uh... We were at, at the Forest Hills Arena or whatever, the outdoor, uh, stadium. Someone's like: "Wow, this is crazy. Can you believe you did this?" And I went, "Yeah." And they're like: "What made you wanna do this?" I go, "'Cause no one would ever invite me." [laughing] And then they were like, "Wow, that was more of an answer than we expected." But like... And so there's a competitiveness with me internally, but I was very competitive as an athlete, like, uh, unhealthy, and it was gross.
- JRJoe Rogan
Mm-hmm. How was it gross? Like what sports?
- BKBert Kreischer
Uh, base- uh, uh, anything, anything I did. Anything I did.
- JRJoe Rogan
Well, I think that's Michael Jordan, right? When you're talking about Michael Jordan, he was the most health- unhealthy.
- BKBert Kreischer
Michael Jordan and Kelly Slater, the two ones, Tiger Woods, that I hear about, and I identify with the way their brain works, where I go... Oh, I have that grossness, where I create scenarios in my head to go, "That's it. I'm gonna fucking..." I'd, I'd build up a rivalry with- I have a guy that I think about to this day, who played baseball at Tampa Catholic. His name was Israel, and I had a competitiveness. The guy doesn't even know who the fuck I am. He never knew me. He was a pitcher for- [laughing] And I fucking... And I, and I'm- I apologize, Israel, if you're hearing this right now. We were 16, and I had a competitiveness in my head, and my goal was to hit him, to hit a line drive right back in the... And, and he was a pitcher, and he threw inside, and I crushed one off his kneecap, and they pulled him out of the game. And I stood on first base, and I was like, "That's how it goes." [laughing] Israel's 53 years old right now.
- JRJoe Rogan
That was your drive [laughing] ?
- BKBert Kreischer
That was my fucking drive.
- JRJoe Rogan
Your drive was to hit him with a line drive?
Episode duration: 2:47:15
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