Joe Rogan Experience #2581 - Protect Our Parks 18

Joe Rogan 0:00 [upbeat music]

Joe Rogan 0:02 Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.

Mark Normand 0:04 The Joe Rogan Experience.

Joe Rogan 0:06 Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. [upbeat music] Fellas.

Mark Normand 0:15 Whoo.

Ari Shaffir 0:15 We're back, we're back.

Mark Normand 0:16 Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.

Ari Shaffir 0:17 Son of a bitch.

Mark Normand 0:18 Here we are. Who's got a lighter?

Ari Shaffir 0:20 Uh, I got a lighter right here.

Mark Normand 0:21 Thank you.

Ari Shaffir 0:21 How long has it been?

Mark Normand 0:23 Five months.

Joe Rogan 0:23 August.

Mark Normand 0:25 Is that right?

Ari Shaffir 0:25 Has it been?

Joe Rogan 0:26 September, October.

Mark Normand 0:26 That's not that long ago.

Ari Shaffir 0:27 Not bad, not bad.

Joe Rogan 0:28 Not bad.

Ari Shaffir 0:28 Not bad.

Joe Rogan 0:28 Three months?

Ari Shaffir 0:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:29 Not bad.

Ari Shaffir 0:30 Three months about right.

Joe Rogan 0:31 All right, what is England? What is... What is going on?

Ari Shaffir 0:34 What is it? [laughs] What is England?

Joe Rogan 0:35 What is this place?

Ari Shaffir 0:36 Why are you gay?

Joe Rogan 0:37 What is this-

Ari Shaffir 0:38 What is England?

Mark Normand 0:38 Why are you gay? [laughs]

Joe Rogan 0:39 I am England.

Ari Shaffir 0:40 You are England. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 0:41 What is England, Ari?

Ari Shaffir 0:42 You still open for Russell Brand?

Mark Normand 0:43 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 0:44 Yeah, my schedule freed up hard.

Ari Shaffir 0:46 [laughs] Uh, it's all right. The weather got shitty finally.

Joe Rogan 0:51 I said... We were talking out there, I said, "Hold this."

Ari Shaffir 0:53 Yeah

Joe Rogan 0:53 ... 'cause I wanna talk about it in here. You were saying that the audiences are different.

Ari Shaffir 0:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 0:56 And that it's a challenge for you, and you like it.

Ari Shaffir 0:58 I love it.

Joe Rogan 0:59 Really?

Mark Normand 0:59 Well, you don't speak Arabic.

Joe Rogan 1:00 You love it?

Ari Shaffir 1:00 The hang-

Mark Normand 1:01 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:01 The hangups are, are different.

Joe Rogan 1:03 You love it?

Ari Shaffir 1:03 I do love it.

Joe Rogan 1:05 Sure.

Ari Shaffir 1:05 I, I love the fucking challenge. I don't know.

Joe Rogan 1:06 Sure.

Mark Normand 1:07 He loves being in other countries.

Ari Shaffir 1:08 I love being miserable.

Joe Rogan 1:09 It seemed challenging years from you.

Ari Shaffir 1:09 I love being miserable.

Mark Normand 1:11 Ah. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:12 What the fuck? How much harder do you want it to be? [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:15 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:16 It dropped out of law school to go to medical school.

Ari Shaffir 1:17 It's tough out there. Ah. [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:19 And you get the cop out of being like, "Well, I'm a foreigner. They hate me."

Ari Shaffir 1:22 I do get that a little bit, which is nice.

Joe Rogan 1:24 So when you're over there, like, what are the things that are their buttons that they don't like?

Ari Shaffir 1:28 Muzzies, for sure.

Mark Normand 1:30 Ooh.

Joe Rogan 1:30 Yeah. Muzzies.

Ari Shaffir 1:30 Don't even know if I'm allowed to say it like that. Um-

Joe Rogan 1:32 You can say Muzzies?

Ari Shaffir 1:33 I-

Mark Normand 1:34 No

Ari Shaffir 1:34 ... I think that might be wrong.

Mark Normand 1:35 Over there, it is.

Ari Shaffir 1:35 Oh, it is, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:36 Muzzies.

Ari Shaffir 1:36 I don't know. If you shorten Pakistani, that's real trouble.

Mark Normand 1:39 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:39 Really?

Mark Normand 1:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:40 You say Packie. You wouldn't even say Packie right there.

Ari Shaffir 1:42 I would say the same way you say Trinnies. It's a term of endearment.

Joe Rogan 1:46 Trannies?

Ari Shaffir 1:46 Trinnie, Trinnie, Trinnie.

Mark Normand 1:47 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:47 Trinnie.

Mark Normand 1:47 What's Trinnie?

Ari Shaffir 1:47 What's a Trinnian?

Mark Normand 1:48 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:50 Oh, okay.

Ari Shaffir 1:51 Put a subtitle on that.

Mark Normand 1:51 What if you're trans from Trinidad?

Joe Rogan 1:53 When I was a-

Ari Shaffir 1:53 Oh

Joe Rogan 1:54 ... kid in Boston-

Ari Shaffir 1:54 Trin Trinnie

Joe Rogan 1:55 ... Packie was the package store.

Mark Normand 1:57 Yes.

Ari Shaffir 1:57 Yeah

Joe Rogan 1:57 ... where you go get the booze.

Ari Shaffir 1:58 Well-

Joe Rogan 1:58 You go to the Packie

Ari Shaffir 1:59 ... that's right. Well, they're out of business now.

Joe Rogan 2:00 They'd be like, "Mush, we're going to the Packie."

Mark Normand 2:02 Right.

Ari Shaffir 2:03 Yeah. They do not care about Mexicans.

Mark Normand 2:05 Well, at all. At all.

Joe Rogan 2:06 They, they, they don't have them, right?

Ari Shaffir 2:07 At all. They have a couple Mexican restaurants.

Joe Rogan 2:09 Right. But you can talk shit about Mexicans and they have no problem with it?

Ari Shaffir 2:11 Yeah.

Mark Normand 2:12 We owe Mexicans an apology.

Joe Rogan 2:13 Okay.

Mark Normand 2:13 Remember in the '90s we were like-

Ari Shaffir 2:14 We didn't-

Mark Normand 2:14 ... "These guys are ruining everything." Like-

Ari Shaffir 2:16 We didn't know how good we had it. [laughs]

Mark Normand 2:17 They're, like, building shit and selling tacos-

Ari Shaffir 2:19 [laughs]

Mark Normand 2:19 ... and Cinco de Mayo.

Joe Rogan 2:20 Bro, hardworking people with great food.

Ari Shaffir 2:22 Hard work. The hardest working.

Joe Rogan 2:23 Yeah.

Mark Normand 2:23 Best immigrants.

Joe Rogan 2:24 Just, like, the worst-

Ari Shaffir 2:25 The only-

Joe Rogan 2:25 ... stereotype ever is the lazy Mexican. That is the dumbest stereotype-

Mark Normand 2:28 Dumbest

Joe Rogan 2:28 ... of all time.

Ari Shaffir 2:29 No, no, I know where it comes from. The ones who stayed. Too lazy to get here, stay there, do fucking nothing.

Mark Normand 2:34 It's crumbling over there.

Ari Shaffir 2:35 All the best of, the best of Mexicans are here fixing your fence.

Mark Normand 2:37 We were just talking about it. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 2:39 Yeah.

Mark Normand 2:39 It's dilapidated over there. They all moved here.

Ari Shaffir 2:41 The only, the only stereotype they should be getting hit with is DUIs, 'cause those fuckers-

Joe Rogan 2:45 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 2:47 ... are not afraid to just-

Joe Rogan 2:48 Drink and drive

Ari Shaffir 2:48 ... crack a six-pack after a day of work in the car.

Mark Normand 2:51 I would also throw in swimming in jean shorts.

Joe Rogan 2:53 Oh, man.

Ari Shaffir 2:53 Swimming in jean shorts.

Joe Rogan 2:54 That's a real one.

Ari Shaffir 2:55 They love playing basketball with a soccer ball.

Joe Rogan 2:56 Yeah. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 2:58 But that's, that's all good stuff. The, now the-

Joe Rogan 2:59 That's fun

Ari Shaffir 3:00 ... DUIs are causing me some issues-

Joe Rogan 3:02 Yeah

Ari Shaffir 3:02 ... 'cause the traffic in Austin.

Joe Rogan 3:04 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 3:05 And every time you go, there's a wreck, and you go, "Goddammit."

Mark Normand 3:07 It's not built.

Joe Rogan 3:08 A landscaping truck.

Ari Shaffir 3:09 Yeah, yeah. [laughs]

Mark Normand 3:10 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 3:10 Well, I, I got... Went down a deep dive of when they got invaded by the Spanish, and, like, what, everything that happened to their culture. The, the, what's really wild, they used to have names that were, like, Native American names. Like, you know, Soaring Eagle.

Ari Shaffir 3:24 Yeah.

Mark Normand 3:24 Oh, really?

Joe Rogan 3:25 Yeah. He Who Comes With Thunder. Like, crazy names.

Mark Normand 3:28 That's great.

Joe Rogan 3:28 Like, the, the... And then they go, "Nah, your name's Juan."

Ari Shaffir 3:30 [laughs] Juan.

Mark Normand 3:32 He Who Comes With Thunder.

Ari Shaffir 3:33 Juan Gonzalez now.

Joe Rogan 3:34 Your name's Diego.

Mark Normand 3:35 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 3:35 They did, the Indians did have some shitty names too.

Joe Rogan 3:39 Yeah, for sure.

Ari Shaffir 3:39 They weren't always, like, fucking-

Joe Rogan 3:40 Nah

Ari Shaffir 3:41 ... Soaring With Eagles. Sometimes it was literally like-

Mark Normand 3:42 Dicky Foot, Dog, Dog's Ass.

Joe Rogan 3:45 Hairy Ass. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 3:45 Dances With Wolves.

Mark Normand 3:46 Hairy Bush.

Ari Shaffir 3:47 Dares, Dares To Not Dream.

Joe Rogan 3:48 Right.

Ari Shaffir 3:49 Dances With Wolves.

Mark Normand 3:50 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 3:51 Yeah. They, but they, uh-

Mark Normand 3:53 Was that Apocalypto?

Joe Rogan 3:55 Apocalypto-

Mark Normand 3:56 'Cause that's when the Spanish came in at the end, right?

Ari Shaffir 3:57 That's when it was the Mayans, yeah.

Joe Rogan 3:59 It was the Mayans.

Mark Normand 3:59 Oh, okay, okay.

Joe Rogan 4:00 That was the Mayans. The Aztecs were the, were the first that, that met the... Well, I feel like the first was... Was it... Oh.

Ari Shaffir 4:08 Was in San Salvador? El Salvador?

Joe Rogan 4:10 Well, the f- the first was in-

Ari Shaffir 4:11 San Salvador was the first?

Joe Rogan 4:12 But in the United States of America?

Ari Shaffir 4:14 No

Joe Rogan 4:14 ... like, the first... Or in North America, rather.

Ari Shaffir 4:16 It was not. A little bit.

Joe Rogan 4:17 I think the f- It's hard to know, really, because they're finding out the Vikings were here way before we thought they were.

Mark Normand 4:22 Mm.

Joe Rogan 4:23 They were, they were here a long-

Mark Normand 4:24 Yeah, but we know that doesn't count

Joe Rogan 4:25 ... fucking time ago.

Mark Normand 4:26 That doesn't count.

Ari Shaffir 4:26 They didn't stay. You gotta stay to make a claim.

Joe Rogan 4:28 They didn't count.

Mark Normand 4:28 Doesn't count.

Joe Rogan 4:29 No. But, uh, I mean-

Ari Shaffir 4:32 Doesn't count.

Joe Rogan 4:32 Why not? Doesn't count.

Ari Shaffir 4:33 'Cause they river raft.

Joe Rogan 4:34 First off, it's a quick ass trip up there. It's easy.

Ari Shaffir 4:38 They didn't have bow and arrows yet.

Joe Rogan 4:39 And they didn't do anything.

Ari Shaffir 4:40 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 4:40 They just got there and kinda left. Also, the... Having pride in being a Viking is, it's outrageous.

Ari Shaffir 4:45 Sick.

Mark Normand 4:46 Why is that? [laughs]

Joe Rogan 4:46 Compared to, like... Think of it like America. We're like, "How dare we do what we did?" Dude, the Vikings-

Mark Normand 4:51 Oh, yeah

Ari Shaffir 4:51 ... all they did

Joe Rogan 4:51 ... are, like, the worst group of people to ever live. [laughs]

Mark Normand 4:54 R and P.

Joe Rogan 4:55 It's like being-

Ari Shaffir 4:55 And the Mongols are proud of being Mongolian too.

Mark Normand 4:57 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 4:58 They have a big statue of them. They'll be like, "Yeah, fuck yeah, we went crazy."

Joe Rogan 5:01 They went crazy. [laughs]

Mark Normand 5:02 Well, were we gonna lose Minnesota Viking at one point, you think?

Ari Shaffir 5:05 We're on the way.

Mark Normand 5:06 That might happen.

Joe Rogan 5:07 Wait, Viking might be a slur now?

Ari Shaffir 5:08 Well, it's just a memory of a terrible thing.

Joe Rogan 5:10 Right.

Mark Normand 5:10 It's just bad. They did bad shit.

Ari Shaffir 5:12 Nah.

Joe Rogan 5:12 What about Pirates?

Ari Shaffir 5:12 No one, no one cares about Pirates.

Mark Normand 5:13 Pirates. Another one.

Joe Rogan 5:14 Pittsburgh Pirates. You're allowed to have the Pirates? Pirates are the fucking worst.

Ari Shaffir 5:16 No one cares.

Joe Rogan 5:17 All they did was steal.

Ari Shaffir 5:18 I think Vikings-

Joe Rogan 5:18 They didn't have any other occupation

Ari Shaffir 5:19 ... should be the Knoster logo.

Mark Normand 5:21 The Pirates should be in Minneapolis. Somali.

Joe Rogan 5:23 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 5:23 Yeah. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 5:24 But the thing is, when the Vikings were alive, the reality is most of the world was behaving that way.

Ari Shaffir 5:29 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:29 They were just really good at it.

Mark Normand 5:30 You kind of had to, to survive.

Joe Rogan 5:31 And they were big. They were really big.

Mark Normand 5:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 5:33 They did mushrooms.

Mark Normand 5:34 Big honkies.

Joe Rogan 5:34 They chopped people up with axes. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 5:36 Those mushrooms, those-

Joe Rogan 5:37 They were really good at it

Ari Shaffir 5:37 ... blue, what are the purple berserkers? What are they called?

Joe Rogan 5:39 Well, they were taking-

Ari Shaffir 5:40 The-

Joe Rogan 5:40 They think they were taking nomadina scaberii, which is weird.

Ari Shaffir 5:42 It let-

Mark Normand 5:43 Ooh

Ari Shaffir 5:43 ... it let you get an arm chopped off and keep fighting.

Joe Rogan 5:45 [laughs] What?

Ari Shaffir 5:46 Yeah. It gave, it made the berserker. It made you go fucking nuts.

Joe Rogan 5:49 Well, who told you that makes you get an arm chopped off and keep fighting?

Ari Shaffir 5:51 Buddy, if you ask me to cite sources-

Mark Normand 5:53 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 5:53 He needs-

Ari Shaffir 5:54 ... it's never gonna happen

Joe Rogan 5:54 ... he needs sources. First of all, he needs wisdom.

Mark Normand 5:57 By the way, he's not allowed w- walking around the Four Seasons with this guy. It's crazy.

Ari Shaffir 6:00 Oh my God, security's on me, dude.

Mark Normand 6:02 They're, they're all over him.

Joe Rogan 6:02 Just 'cause the way he looks?

Ari Shaffir 6:03 Uh-huh.

Mark Normand 6:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:04 That's hilarious.

Ari Shaffir 6:05 I get followed all the time now. I get followed constantly. I'm on my phone at, like, CVS, and some guy's like... I'm like, "What?" He goes, "Do you need help, sir?" I'm like, "What? Oh." I mean, I might have stolen, but like [laughs] that's not why I'm here.

Joe Rogan 6:16 I, I'm sorry, I just realized you're wearing a Man City and Tottenham hat. Dude, you have-

Ari Shaffir 6:21 No, no, no

Joe Rogan 6:21 ... you-

Ari Shaffir 6:22 No, no, no.

Joe Rogan 6:23 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 6:23 What?

Joe Rogan 6:23 It's Man City.

Ari Shaffir 6:24 Man C-

Joe Rogan 6:24 I know you're calling them cheaters.

Ari Shaffir 6:25 Yeah. It's not a Man... It's anti-City.

Joe Rogan 6:27 But, but-

Ari Shaffir 6:27 Man City.

Shane Gillis 6:28 You're appropriating.

Joe Rogan 6:29 I'm not.

Ari Shaffir 6:30 This is, this is-

Joe Rogan 6:30 I'm c- totally out of the loop here.

Ari Shaffir 6:32 Well-

Joe Rogan 6:32 What's going, what's happening?

Shane Gillis 6:32 This is all British shit.

Ari Shaffir 6:33 He's, he's-

Joe Rogan 6:34 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 6:34 He's-

Joe Rogan 6:35 You're already pretending to be an English person.

Shane Gillis 6:37 Clearly people.

Joe Rogan 6:37 Oh, ew.

Shane Gillis 6:38 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 6:38 He's gonna come back like Madonna with the accent.

Ari Shaffir 6:40 I can't wait to get the accent.

Shane Gillis 6:41 He already did. I heard it, I heard it.

Ari Shaffir 6:43 Dude, I get it all the time. It's some-

Shane Gillis 6:44 Say, say Pakistan.

Joe Rogan 6:45 Thanks, dude.

Shane Gillis 6:45 What? Say Pakistan. I heard it earlier.

Ari Shaffir 6:47 Pakistan, isn't it?

Shane Gillis 6:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 6:48 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 6:49 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 6:49 You son of a bitch.

Shane Gillis 6:49 Yeah. I heard it earlier.

Joe Rogan 6:51 Oh, no.

Shane Gillis 6:51 I didn't wanna say anything. He says it like Obama.

Joe Rogan 6:53 Oh, you're gross.

Shane Gillis 6:53 Blimey.

Ari Shaffir 6:54 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 6:55 You're disgusting me.

Ari Shaffir 6:58 Cheers.

Joe Rogan 6:58 You want some of this? Or you just keeping with the beer?

Ari Shaffir 7:01 Uh, yeah, I'll go with beer.

Shane Gillis 7:03 DeRosa got us on shots yesterday.

Ari Shaffir 7:04 Fine, I'll do that too.

Joe Rogan 7:05 He always does.

Shane Gillis 7:06 He gets you on shots, and then he got surly with me for not finishing my last beer.

Joe Rogan 7:10 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 7:10 He's always a surly miserable sack of shit.

Shane Gillis 7:11 He did that surly-

Joe Rogan 7:12 That's called being an alcoholic.

Shane Gillis 7:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 7:14 Cheers, fellas.

Ari Shaffir 7:15 Cheers.

Shane Gillis 7:16 Hey.

Joe Rogan 7:16 Hey, good to be back.

Ari Shaffir 7:17 Can't believe that guy's an alcoholic. Anyway, cheers, fellas.

Joe Rogan 7:19 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 7:20 What is it, noon? Fuck it.

Joe Rogan 7:21 We're back.

Shane Gillis 7:22 Happy Thanksgiving.

Ari Shaffir 7:24 Mm.

Shane Gillis 7:24 Where are we in the world?

Ari Shaffir 7:25 Ah.

Joe Rogan 7:26 Not, not the best place.

Ari Shaffir 7:29 Pretty good, though.

Joe Rogan 7:29 We'll see. All the, all Texans are panicking 'cause Texas went blue.

Ari Shaffir 7:31 Oh, yeah. What was the vibes there?

Shane Gillis 7:32 Oh, yeah. Big sweep.

Ari Shaffir 7:33 What was the vibes there?

Shane Gillis 7:34 You might get weed.

Joe Rogan 7:35 The vibes-

Ari Shaffir 7:35 Vibes are great

Joe Rogan 7:36 ... the weed, I think-

Ari Shaffir 7:36 You got porn, porn and weed

Joe Rogan 7:37 ... the weed-

Shane Gillis 7:38 Woo

Joe Rogan 7:38 ... weed was a big factor. It was a big factor.

Ari Shaffir 7:40 That's crazy-

Joe Rogan 7:40 I don't think-

Ari Shaffir 7:40 ... they were arresting people for a gummy bear.

Joe Rogan 7:42 Well, they arrested quite a few people.

Ari Shaffir 7:44 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 7:44 And they also made, uh, vape pens, like, seriously illegal. Like, you, you... Like, I think... What is the penalty?

Ari Shaffir 7:50 Randy Griffin.

Joe Rogan 7:51 See what the pen... They went completely the opposite way. They w- as the rest of the country, and it's a bunch of old fucks who wanted to bring us back to fucking Reefer Madness from the 1950s.

Ari Shaffir 8:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:01 They fucked up. They fucked up. They, they thought they could just get away with it, and that's what's supposed to happen. You're supposed to lose, and then new people come in, and they fuck it up, and you go, "Well, we better get our shit together-

Ari Shaffir 8:11 Yeah

Joe Rogan 8:11 ... and take him, them out of there because we gotta bring this country back to what it used to be."

Ari Shaffir 8:15 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 8:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 8:16 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 8:16 There's no flip-flopping.

Ari Shaffir 8:17 No edibles. No pens. Ugh.

Shane Gillis 8:19 What about the big abortion?

Ari Shaffir 8:21 Oh, yeah.

Shane Gillis 8:21 Is that coming in here?

Joe Rogan 8:22 I-

Ari Shaffir 8:22 Abortion's-

Joe Rogan 8:23 I bet they'll-

Ari Shaffir 8:23 ... it's coming. A redo

Joe Rogan 8:24 ... I bet they'll change that too. They'll probably come up with different-

Shane Gillis 8:27 Legal again?

Joe Rogan 8:28 ... regulations.

Ari Shaffir 8:28 How long is abortion?

Joe Rogan 8:29 You know what they'll do? They'll probably do the way Europe does or France does. They have-

Ari Shaffir 8:33 Of course

Joe Rogan 8:33 ... it's like, I think certain amount of weeks.

Ari Shaffir 8:35 France is, like, 13 weeks.

Joe Rogan 8:37 I think it's a little more.

Ari Shaffir 8:38 Uh, it used to be at least, 'cause I remember-

Shane Gillis 8:40 It's three months

Ari Shaffir 8:40 ... I remember when everyone was like, "Fucking Mississippi is bullshit." I'm like, "You know we're more liberal in Mississippi than France?"

Joe Rogan 8:45 Yeah, no, I think-

Shane Gillis 8:46 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 8:46 No, I'm thinking about it.

Ari Shaffir 8:47 Ireland used to be-

Joe Rogan 8:47 I think you are right

Ari Shaffir 8:48 ... I don't know if it's still.

Shane Gillis 8:48 Yeah, they used to be 13.

Ari Shaffir 8:49 Ireland was illegal. Yeah.

Shane Gillis 8:50 Yeah. They would have the-

Joe Rogan 8:51 What is the-

Shane Gillis 8:51 ... go, go take a trip to England-

Joe Rogan 8:53 What's the France-

Shane Gillis 8:53 ... and come back-

Joe Rogan 8:54 Whoa

Shane Gillis 8:54 ... cured.

Joe Rogan 8:56 Cured. [laughs]

Shane Gillis 8:56 Cured of your, of your weight problem.

Ari Shaffir 8:58 Cured meats.

Shane Gillis 8:59 [laughs] Cured meats.

Joe Rogan 9:00 It's just, you know.

Shane Gillis 9:02 It's a ban. Gear.

Joe Rogan 9:04 It's just when- whenever that gets attached to religious-

Ari Shaffir 9:10 Garbage. Just trying to make Norman laugh.

Joe Rogan 9:12 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 9:13 You got me.

Joe Rogan 9:14 A lot of change. They're gonna change a bunch of gun laws too, I bet.

Ari Shaffir 9:16 John Ronson did a, a thing on his podcast about how-

Joe Rogan 9:19 16

Ari Shaffir 9:19 ... religion got taken in with abortion.

Joe Rogan 9:21 Okay. Abortion is legal-

Shane Gillis 9:23 Four months

Joe Rogan 9:23 ... throughout 14 weeks after conception, equivalent to 16 weeks from the first day of the last menstrual-

Ari Shaffir 9:28 I love how we discuss abortion right off the bat.

Shane Gillis 9:29 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 9:30 Abortion on request. What is, what is the opposite of on request? [laughs]

Shane Gillis 9:33 Yeah, right?

Ari Shaffir 9:34 [laughs] Just like cops do it to you?

Shane Gillis 9:36 It's just assumed. Yeah, a little.

Ari Shaffir 9:37 I didn't even ask for it. Little steps. Little steps you do.

Joe Rogan 9:41 It's weird that, like, no matter what, like, it... People used to be able to stop people from having babies. Like, if a lady was crazy, and she's having kids, and not taking care of them, and not doing anything-

Ari Shaffir 9:52 She needs a Valium

Joe Rogan 9:52 ... back in the old days, they'd give her the old snippy, right?

Ari Shaffir 9:55 Really? To her?

Shane Gillis 9:56 Which that seems horrific.

Ari Shaffir 9:58 That's crazy.

Joe Rogan 9:58 Horrific.

Ari Shaffir 9:59 That's what they did with the entire state of North Carolina, right?

Shane Gillis 10:01 What?

Ari Shaffir 10:01 All the Appalachians.

Shane Gillis 10:02 Really?

Joe Rogan 10:03 Really?

Ari Shaffir 10:03 They just, like, you, you... Not euthanize them, but whatever it's called.

Shane Gillis 10:06 Chemically castrated?

Ari Shaffir 10:07 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 10:07 Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 10:08 All the, all the, like, Appalachian degenerates. They were like... There was some order. And I believe-

Shane Gillis 10:11 I made it out.

Ari Shaffir 10:12 Yeah. [laughs]

Shane Gillis 10:13 Barely. Barely.

Ari Shaffir 10:14 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 10:15 I was barely-

Ari Shaffir 10:15 Squeezing through the fence like a fucking zombie

Shane Gillis 10:16 ... wild white zombie.

Joe Rogan 10:18 But you know they did that to women in Africa without their, their knowledge. They were taking, uh... What is that? Det- tetanus. There's a, a... DTP, is that what it is? And they were putting in the DTP, uh, some sort of hormonal... I don't wanna, like, miss this. So it's, whatever it was. I think it's hCG, like, human chronotropin, gonadotropin. I don't know, know what the name of it is.

Shane Gillis 10:43 Load up. Damn.

Joe Rogan 10:43 But what it does is it makes women sterile.

Shane Gillis 10:45 Damn.

Joe Rogan 10:46 And they did it on a schedule that you wouldn't do with tetanus shots.

Shane Gillis 10:49 Mm.

Joe Rogan 10:49 Like, it didn't make any sense. Like, why... Like, it's way too often. Why are they getting them too often? And it came out later-

Shane Gillis 10:57 Oh, yeah

Joe Rogan 10:57 ... that they were doing this to experiment on vaccines that make women sterile.

Shane Gillis 11:02 [whistles]

Joe Rogan 11:03 So when you go to a place where there's a lot of deeply impoverished people, and they don't have any money, and you're like, "Oh, we're gonna vaccinate you, keep you from getting sick." And what they're really doing is stopping you from getting pregnant.

Shane Gillis 11:13 Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 11:13 Hm.

Shane Gillis 11:13 Good for the men out there.

Ari Shaffir 11:14 Who's gonna work the machines?

Shane Gillis 11:15 This is a worry about not going to-

Joe Rogan 11:16 It doesn't seem to have taken 'cause-

Ari Shaffir 11:17 Forcibly sterilized. They're gonna put... Until 1974.

Shane Gillis 11:20 Wow.

Joe Rogan 11:21 Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 11:21 What? Its eugenics board. They had a board of eugenics? [laughs]

Joe Rogan 11:25 Wow.

Shane Gillis 11:25 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 11:25 The state reported 7,600 people were forcibly sterilized between 1929 to, and 1974. Its eugenics board was established in 1933. The program dis- proportionally targeted women and Black people.

Ari Shaffir 11:38 I mean, you gotta target women, though.

Joe Rogan 11:39 This was a statewide program, not an exclusive Appalachian one.

Ari Shaffir 11:43 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 11:43 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 11:44 In Virginia.

Shane Gillis 11:45 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 11:45 Feeble-minded.

Shane Gillis 11:46 Targeted feeble-minded. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 11:48 That's a good... I wanna bring that insult back.

Shane Gillis 11:50 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 11:50 Just feeble-

Shane Gillis 11:51 You fucking idiot

Ari Shaffir 11:51 ... feeble-minded.

Joe Rogan 11:52 The law targeted institutionalized people classified as disabled or feeble-minded, reflecting the eugenic belief that supposedly undesirable traits could be eliminated by preventing reproduction. You know, it's a terrible idea, but it's not the worst one.

Shane Gillis 12:05 Uh-oh.

Joe Rogan 12:06 Uh-oh.

Shane Gillis 12:06 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 12:07 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 12:07 No, I'm not saying that.

Shane Gillis 12:09 The hell are you talking about?

Ari Shaffir 12:09 Just like, "It's worse."

Joe Rogan 12:10 No, I'm not saying that.

Shane Gillis 12:10 Wait a minute. I just said-

Ari Shaffir 12:11 [laughs] Yeah

Joe Rogan 12:12 ... the worst one is they find this weak-minded people, and they kill them.

Ari Shaffir 12:15 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:15 All they're doing is saying, "You guys can fuck, but no kids."

Ari Shaffir 12:17 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 12:17 Mm.

Ari Shaffir 12:18 You're out.

Joe Rogan 12:19 Listen, if you're a re- legitimately feeble-minded person [laughs] I'm not saying the government should be able to make that distinction, but we all know people that like- Yeah ... come on. We should- This guy's gonna raise a kid? It should be us, this podcast choosing. Tell you what, though. [laughs]

Mark Normand 12:31 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 12:31 Line 'em up. No, no. The worst thing that could happen- Read ... is you kill those people. No, no. That's all I'm saying.

Mark Normand 12:35 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:35 It's not the worst thing.

Mark Normand 12:37 Anyone watching, we're like-

Joe Rogan 12:37 Just let them die off I don't think you should be allowed to forcibly sterilize a person. Thank you. I just wanted to be clear. Thank you. [laughs]

Mark Normand 12:42 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 12:42 I want to get that on the record. But I think it is a little bit better than killing a person. Without a doubt, it is better. Sure.

Mark Normand 12:48 Sure.

Joe Rogan 12:48 A lot of things are.

Mark Normand 12:49 But-

Joe Rogan 12:50 Yeah, you could... Yeah. Most things are better than killing someone. Right.

Mark Normand 12:52 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 12:53 That was one of the early Holocaust plans. They were like, "Let's just sterilize them."

Mark Normand 12:56 There you go.

Joe Rogan 12:56 Yeah. Got shot down. Well, so like when someone literally can't take care- I will say they were sterilizing... They were getting every-

Mark Normand 13:00 They were doing that too.

Joe Rogan 13:01 They were going... Dude, you've be- they were getting drunks, dude. These Slavs.

Mark Normand 13:04 Retards. They got-

Joe Rogan 13:05 They were like Slavs. [laughs] Retards.

Mark Normand 13:07 They did. They got a lot of blacks-

Joe Rogan 13:08 [laughs] That's a funny-

Mark Normand 13:08 ... a lot of gays

Joe Rogan 13:09 ... way to say it

Mark Normand 13:10 ... tards.

Joe Rogan 13:11 [laughs] Like, a not joking. Retards.

Mark Normand 13:14 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 13:14 Genuinely saying it.

Mark Normand 13:15 Or-

Joe Rogan 13:15 Yeah, they got retards

Mark Normand 13:16 ... mentally challenged people, whatever.

Joe Rogan 13:17 Yeah. It's funny to... Yeah. [laughs] Well, if... What if, what do they do if someone absolutely can't take care of a kid but can still get someone pregnant? They take the kid away from them. Uh, they take them in foster care. Yeah. They make them- An adult ... a definite criminal. They make them a without a doubt criminal. Not always. And then they actually try to give the kids back eventually.

Mark Normand 13:36 No.

Joe Rogan 13:36 Like, if the, if the mom can get better. Then they'll like you get your kid back. The state does a lot to make sure the kid goes back. Okay, what if someone has like a mental disorder, like their brain doesn't work right? You know? Then they probably take the kids into foster care. [sighs] Good aunt can take them. Wouldn't it be better just to let them fucking shoot blanks? Uh, maybe, but then you gotta think about those fellas going in there and finding a schizophrenic lady and going, "Oh." Oh, I'm not talking about schizophrenic. "My night, my night just turned around." Right, right, right.

Mark Normand 14:00 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 14:00 Nothing like that here. Boy.

Mark Normand 14:03 Eeh.

Joe Rogan 14:04 I mean, yeah, there's somebody getting them pregnant. [laughs] And it's probably not a feeble-minded guy. It's probably a guy going, "Hey, no one's around. Could talk about anything."

Mark Normand 14:10 Yeah. Fish in a barrel.

Joe Rogan 14:11 I should probably pull out. Fuck it. Yeah.

Mark Normand 14:13 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 14:15 Hey.

Mark Normand 14:15 Oh, yeah, yeah. What about mental institutions? Can we bring those back?

Joe Rogan 14:19 Yeah, let's do it. That'd be nice. Did you ever see One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, though? I was hoping I was gonna go there. Yeah. Sometimes they, those motherfuckers get some power over people. Yeah, but they were having a good time.

Mark Normand 14:29 Sure.

Joe Rogan 14:29 Yeah, until they lobotomized them. [laughs]

Mark Normand 14:31 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 14:32 [laughs] North Carolina Eugenics Board was a state body approved operations to prevent people from having children because o- because officials considered them unfit to reproduce.

Mark Normand 14:41 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 14:42 I don't like to say borderline cases. The ones right there, like, "Mm, by a vote of six to five, we're gonna euthanize you."

Mark Normand 14:49 Mm.

Joe Rogan 14:49 Eugenize you.

Mark Normand 14:50 Yeah. Who picks?

Joe Rogan 14:51 Who picks? The board, I guess.

Mark Normand 14:53 Epileptic got added into that. Feeble-minded.

Joe Rogan 14:54 Right. Is the board even elected? And if they are elected, who's electing them? Epileptic was getting fucking- [laughs]

Mark Normand 14:59 God damn.

Joe Rogan 14:59 You have one seizure, you go- That's crazy ... you're never gonna be a father.

Mark Normand 15:02 Wow.

Joe Rogan 15:02 Epileptic. Look at this. Pool score, school performance, or alleged promiscuity. Promiscuity? Could become evidence-

Mark Normand 15:08 Whoa

Joe Rogan 15:08 ... in a sterilization recommendation. Promiscuity. Or Joe, you- If you like to fuck- Yeah ... you get a sterilization recommendation. That's crazy. So the, like a gal who's just a free spirit, likes to fuck a lot. Joe, you gotten sterilized in college. Oh, for sure. They would've sterilized you right there.

Mark Normand 15:23 Should Bonnie Blue have kids? I don't know.

Joe Rogan 15:24 That's a good question. Probably not.

Mark Normand 15:26 So right in the olden days-

Joe Rogan 15:27 Blue wave

Mark Normand 15:27 ... back in North Carolina, they would've snippy snip.

Joe Rogan 15:31 Yeah, exactly.

Mark Normand 15:32 I mean, banging thousands of guys in a day.

Joe Rogan 15:34 Yeah. Well, that seems like a major outlier, but-

Mark Normand 15:36 [laughs] She is

Joe Rogan 15:38 ... even Bonnie deserves the gift of motherhood.

Mark Normand 15:41 I guess.

Joe Rogan 15:41 Or they'll turn it around. They'll just fuck her brain up sometime.

Mark Normand 15:43 When that kid gets online in 10 years-

Joe Rogan 15:45 [laughs]

Mark Normand 15:45 ... that's gonna be a tough-

Joe Rogan 15:46 Even Bonnie deserves the beautiful gift.

Mark Normand 15:48 Ah.

Joe Rogan 15:49 Imagine that poor kid getting online. That kid's never winning an argument ever again. She's gonna have to homeschool you. Or- Yeah. Winning them all ... a boy named Sue and becomes- Right ... the greatest arguer of all.

Mark Normand 15:59 Oh.

Joe Rogan 15:59 He might save humanity. He might be just an elite MMA fighter. He might just, uh- He might have to be.

Mark Normand 16:03 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 16:04 He might be just like Ilya Topuria on steroids- Sometimes two years old ... fucking everybody up. [laughs]

Mark Normand 16:08 Your mom's a whore, your mom's a whore, your mom's a whore. That'll, that's a, that's a horror movie story.

Joe Rogan 16:11 Just running with a sled. Ah.

Mark Normand 16:13 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 16:15 [laughs]

Mark Normand 16:16 That's a tough dude.

Joe Rogan 16:17 [laughs] He's gonna be... Yeah. Well, most likely he's gonna be a disaster, but you know. That fuel burns hot. It will destroy the engine block.

Mark Normand 16:24 I mean, David Goggins says a lot of his, uh, motivation's from being called the N-word-

Joe Rogan 16:29 Really?

Mark Normand 16:29 ... as a kid.

Joe Rogan 16:29 I'll call him that.

Mark Normand 16:30 And run another-

Joe Rogan 16:31 I'll just call him that

Mark Normand 16:32 ... well over 10 miles.

Joe Rogan 16:32 It's his motivation. If you read his book, it's a lot more complicated. He had a very abusive father.

Mark Normand 16:38 Oh.

Joe Rogan 16:38 I'm not gonna do that. He lived in a, he lived in a terrible sh- he, he's, his book is fantastic. It's called You Can't Hurt Me.

Mark Normand 16:44 Oof.

Joe Rogan 16:44 It's fucking, it's deep.

Mark Normand 16:46 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 16:46 And he reads a lot of it. He reads some of it, and he has another guy read part of it, and like he comes in and does commentary in the book, but the book's heavy. It's heavy. And like that's where his demons come from.

Mark Normand 16:56 Yeah. Well, he's using-

Joe Rogan 16:56 He had a bad, he had a bad dad, like a bad guy.

Mark Normand 17:00 What about the mom? Was she-

Joe Rogan 17:01 She's got the jogging demons No, mom wasn't a bad mom. You know, it's just like she's trapped with a bad man and, you know. It's amazing to come out of that successful. Yeah. And have your life together. That guy's- Low, low, low percentage odds on that ... he's the oddest person I know. Like, you know, I love him, but like I'll talk to that guy, and he's doing things every day that no one sees. Mm. Like he, you know how these guys are running these like 50-mile marathons. He goes, "One, I just get up in the morning, I put a rucksack on, go, 'Okay, time to run 50 miles.'" What? And he just runs 50 miles in a day, and then he comes home and he does chin-ups and push-ups. He does whatever the fuck he doesn't wanna do. Like, he just decides that he's gonna do something horrible every day. And it's not bullshit because I've seen like elite MMA fighters go to work out with him. Yeah. And they c- they can't believe what he's doing, and he's just talking while they're, they're both doing the same thing, but he's talking. Like he's not even out of breath. Israel Adesanya's throwing up in a garbage can. Like, "Blah."

Mark Normand 17:51 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 17:52 And he's like, "Come on, power through. We gotta power through this." And they're like, "Well, how are you not even tired? This is-" Yeah ... "fucking insane."

Mark Normand 17:58 But does he ever-

Joe Rogan 17:59 Because he does it every day

Mark Normand 18:00 ... crack a beer and watch The Sopranos?

Joe Rogan 18:02 Yeah. Does he do anything?

Mark Normand 18:02 Like is he ever-

Joe Rogan 18:03 No. Is he living?

Mark Normand 18:03 ... watching TikTok?

Joe Rogan 18:04 Stay hard.

Ari Shaffir 18:05 Damn

Joe Rogan 18:06 No, no, no. There's none of that

Ari Shaffir 18:07 There was-

Joe Rogan 18:07 He's fun to hang out with. I've hung out, I've gone-

Ari Shaffir 18:09 Does he?

Joe Rogan 18:09 ... to dinner with him many times

Ari Shaffir 18:10 What does he eat? Just straight meat?

Joe Rogan 18:11 He doesn't drink. Regular food. Eats bread, eats steak

Ari Shaffir 18:13 Eats bread?

Joe Rogan 18:13 Yeah, yeah. Eats a shitload of bread

Shane Gillis 18:15 He runs fucking nine million miles

Ari Shaffir 18:16 Yeah, yeah, yeah

Joe Rogan 18:17 Bro, he's shredded. He could eat whatever the fuck he wants. He's burning 10,000 calories a day. He's an animal

Ari Shaffir 18:20 Bro, I don't even get up off the couch. I, with my foot, reach the gummy bears and try to bring them in-

Joe Rogan 18:24 Yeah

Ari Shaffir 18:24 ... [laughs] so I don't have to stand up

Shane Gillis 18:26 You go, "This would be fun if I can get my big toe"

Joe Rogan 18:27 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 18:28 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 18:29 "If I can do it"

Joe Rogan 18:30 Oh, man

Shane Gillis 18:31 Yes

Ari Shaffir 18:31 Sweet, sweet needless sugar

Joe Rogan 18:33 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 18:33 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 18:33 [laughs]

Mark Normand 18:34 Get some Uber Eats

Ari Shaffir 18:35 [laughs]

Mark Normand 18:35 He earned it

Joe Rogan 18:36 Yeah. Yeah. Well-

Mark Normand 18:37 Imagine banging that guy. He must be amazing in bed

Ari Shaffir 18:39 Oof.

Mark Normand 18:39 He can last

Ari Shaffir 18:40 Yeah

Joe Rogan 18:41 I bet

Mark Normand 18:41 Tells himself-

Shane Gillis 18:41 I feel like it would be a negative experience, though

Joe Rogan 18:43 [laughs]

Mark Normand 18:44 Too intense?

Shane Gillis 18:45 Lot of angles

Ari Shaffir 18:45 I would imagine it would be the most intense sex [laughs] humanly possible

Mark Normand 18:49 Yeah. People are handing him water

Ari Shaffir 18:51 Yeah

Mark Normand 18:51 Be like fucking a wolf

Ari Shaffir 18:52 He's like, "Don't give up now, bitch"

Joe Rogan 18:53 Right. [laughs]

Mark Normand 18:54 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 18:55 [laughs] Oh

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Ari Shaffir 19:40 [laughs] It's okay, I'm not gonna come

Shane Gillis 19:42 Don't, not my leg

Joe Rogan 19:42 The thing is, a lot, most people who do that kind of shit where they're running 200 mile races, they want people to see it

Ari Shaffir 19:48 Yeah, yeah

Joe Rogan 19:48 You know? They want people to know, like, "Yeah, you can do it." They hand them water as they're passing by

Mark Normand 19:51 Right

Ari Shaffir 19:51 Yeah

Joe Rogan 19:52 That fucking dude's out there in the desert by himself

Shane Gillis 19:54 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 19:55 Yeah, man, it's weird. He'll do-

Mark Normand 19:56 Shitting himself

Joe Rogan 19:57 He'll just start, he'll run a marathon at 10:00 PM. He'll just like, "Fuck it, let's go"

Mark Normand 20:00 Oh my God. What a-

Joe Rogan 20:00 Just get out, go

Ari Shaffir 20:01 Marathon at 10:00 PM

Mark Normand 20:02 What a nightmare

Joe Rogan 20:02 He does whatever the fuck he doesn't wanna do, and he just does it all the time. It's like he never stops. He's, he's n- he doesn't stop. And when I talk to him about it, he says he's in the lab. He goes, "I'm in the lab, I'm learning shit about myself"

Mark Normand 20:15 Woo.

Joe Rogan 20:15 Like, he just, pushing himself to like... He's like an outlier in pushing yourself. He's got no knees. His knees are destroyed

Ari Shaffir 20:21 Yeah

Mark Normand 20:21 Mm

Joe Rogan 20:22 Doesn't matter. His doctor looked at his knees and go, "I don't know how you can walk on these knees, forget about run thousands of miles"

Mark Normand 20:27 Wow. Yeah. Bonnie did that too

Joe Rogan 20:28 Stay hard. Out there just boom, keeps going

Ari Shaffir 20:30 Doctor's like, "Please stop"

Joe Rogan 20:31 He won't. No

Ari Shaffir 20:32 You think he's gonna hit that Gump moment where he's just like, "All right"

Shane Gillis 20:35 I'm done now

Joe Rogan 20:36 I don't know

Ari Shaffir 20:36 "I'm gonna go home"

Shane Gillis 20:37 Finish running

Ari Shaffir 20:37 And everyone's gonna be like, "What?"

Mark Normand 20:38 Right, right [laughs]

Joe Rogan 20:39 Every time I see him-

Ari Shaffir 20:39 What was that for?

Joe Rogan 20:40 ... he kind of smiles.

Mark Normand 20:40 Tires

Ari Shaffir 20:41 Yeah. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 20:41 Seems fine

Ari Shaffir 20:42 Should have done this last year

Joe Rogan 20:44 It's not for me, but w- it's for him. Whatever it is, it works

Mark Normand 20:47 But he's gonna hit a wall at some point. His heart's gonna be like-

Joe Rogan 20:49 That's what everybody thinks

Ari Shaffir 20:50 So what? So what? So what if he hits a wall?

Joe Rogan 20:50 I'm not sure. So far he has not. Yeah

Ari Shaffir 20:52 How old is he? How old is he?

Joe Rogan 20:53 50

Ari Shaffir 20:54 50

Joe Rogan 20:54 Yeah

Ari Shaffir 20:55 Fuck, I'm doing nothing

Shane Gillis 20:56 He's got, he's got a decade. He's got a decade to run

Joe Rogan 20:58 Yeah. Maybe not. Maybe he keeps going

Ari Shaffir 21:00 He's gotta go to waste away

Joe Rogan 21:01 Yeah. It's-

Ari Shaffir 21:02 Just-

Joe Rogan 21:02 It's a little bit of that, but it's also like how do we know? Everybody else kind of like gets tired. [laughs] No one's ever done this before

Mark Normand 21:08 [laughs] Right, right

Joe Rogan 21:09 People get tired of just doing things. People just get tired of life

Ari Shaffir 21:11 Did you hear about the guy that walked around the world?

Joe Rogan 21:14 Oh, yeah

Ari Shaffir 21:14 28 years

Joe Rogan 21:15 He's still doing it. Yeah

Ari Shaffir 21:16 He just got back

Joe Rogan 21:16 Not done yet

Mark Normand 21:17 Oh, hell yeah. Pull up

Joe Rogan 21:17 I don't think he's done yet. It was a bet, right?

Ari Shaffir 21:19 He walked over the Bering Strait. I don't know what makes you give up 28 years of your life

Mark Normand 21:22 His mom was a whore

Ari Shaffir 21:24 Yeah. [laughs]

Shane Gillis 21:24 Oh, damn

Mark Normand 21:25 Got to be

Joe Rogan 21:26 He's like, "Goggins ain't got shit on me"

Mark Normand 21:27 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 21:29 Don't let Goggins find out about this

Shane Gillis 21:31 Oh, he'll do it

Joe Rogan 21:32 Right. It was a bet, I think. He made the '90s

Ari Shaffir 21:34 He just finished

Joe Rogan 21:35 Whoa

Mark Normand 21:35 What?

Ari Shaffir 21:35 He had, he had to wait for the Bering Strait to freeze up-

Shane Gillis 21:38 Oh

Ari Shaffir 21:38 ... and then climb over, and it's not a smooth bridge

Joe Rogan 21:40 Oh my God

Mark Normand 21:40 Very good

Joe Rogan 21:41 That's nuts. Well, he had kids

Shane Gillis 21:43 He's got a sled

Ari Shaffir 21:43 His kids, yeah. [laughs]

Mark Normand 21:44 What?

Joe Rogan 21:44 What? Wait a minute. How does he have kids?

Shane Gillis 21:46 No, that's his shit

Ari Shaffir 21:46 That's his wife?

Shane Gillis 21:47 That's his gear

Joe Rogan 21:48 No, he doesn't have a wife

Mark Normand 21:49 28 years

Shane Gillis 21:50 That better be his gear

Joe Rogan 21:51 Boy, that guy's got some crazy stories

Mark Normand 21:53 I bet his feet are fucked

Ari Shaffir 21:55 That, that-

Mark Normand 21:56 He's got bunions

Ari Shaffir 21:56 ... skipped Africa

Mark Normand 21:57 Yeah, he had to wait for that [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 21:58 Skipped Africa

Joe Rogan 21:59 How weird. He skipped Africa. Yeah

Ari Shaffir 22:01 And then what, he ended in the UK where he's, down there

Joe Rogan 22:04 Bro, that guy walked across the world

Mark Normand 22:06 Wait, oh, he started in South America?

Ari Shaffir 22:08 26-

Shane Gillis 22:08 Wow

Ari Shaffir 22:09 ... 28 years.

Shane Gillis 22:10 Wait. Oh, he walked, he walked the-

Joe Rogan 22:11 Wait, how did he get money?

Shane Gillis 22:12 ... channel?

Joe Rogan 22:14 How did he get money?

Ari Shaffir 22:15 Sponsors? I don't know. It's a good question

Mark Normand 22:16 It'd be funny if we didn't let him in the g- the US

Ari Shaffir 22:18 Oh, he got arrested in Russia

Joe Rogan 22:20 Oh

Ari Shaffir 22:20 As soon as he went across the Bering Strait, they were like, "No. Let's talk"

Joe Rogan 22:23 Really?

Mark Normand 22:23 Cool. Thought he was a spy

Ari Shaffir 22:24 Wait, wait, wait. He went over the Darien Gap. Put that back up

Mark Normand 22:27 Uh, yeah. Yeah

Ari Shaffir 22:29 How? How?

Mark Normand 22:30 We could look that up. I'll look it up. Hold on

Joe Rogan 22:32 What's the Darien Gap?

Ari Shaffir 22:33 A completely lawless, roadless stretch of land

Mark Normand 22:36 He did, I think he skipped part of that. I remember reading this. Like, it was like a 20 mile gap of the jungle

Joe Rogan 22:40 Where is it?

Shane Gillis 22:40 Got in a car?

Ari Shaffir 22:41 In Panama

Joe Rogan 22:42 Is that like one of the places that-

Ari Shaffir 22:43 You can't cross

Joe Rogan 22:43 ... you won't go?

Ari Shaffir 22:45 No one goes. I mean, the, the craziest, like, travel vloggers will go there, but like-

Mark Normand 22:49 You gotta get there through it

Joe Rogan 22:49 Like, what is the point of that?

Shane Gillis 22:50 [laughs] Just to get there

Ari Shaffir 22:51 There, there's no laws, there's no roads. It's all smugglers and fucking-

Joe Rogan 22:54 Really?

Ari Shaffir 22:54 They decide if they wanna kill you or not

Joe Rogan 22:56 Wow

Ari Shaffir 22:56 It's up to you

Mark Normand 22:58 Really?

Ari Shaffir 22:58 Yeah. I think Bald and Bankrupt went

Mark Normand 23:00 You ever been to that place in Copenhagen that's lawless?

Ari Shaffir 23:03 Christiania

Mark Normand 23:04 Christiania

Ari Shaffir 23:04 Yeah

Mark Normand 23:05 That place is awesome

Ari Shaffir 23:06 It's one of my favorite spots in the world

Joe Rogan 23:07 It says he crossed the inhospitable Darien Gap. Many locals expected him to be killed or abducted by the paramilitary revolutionary armed forces of Colombia. Whoa

Ari Shaffir 23:16 Wow

Joe Rogan 23:16 Wow

Ari Shaffir 23:17 And then he, how did he get through the Darien Gap?

Mark Normand 23:19 He's gotta write a book so we can hear about all this

Joe Rogan 23:21 Oh, man

Shane Gillis 23:22 Oh, he's definitely going to

Ari Shaffir 23:23 Yeah

Joe Rogan 23:23 What, what is talking to that guy like?

Ari Shaffir 23:25 He shoots, drives

Joe Rogan 23:25 Like, what is that life?

Mark Normand 23:26 Get him on here

Ari Shaffir 23:27 That'd be so bor- Yeah, that's a guy to get on

Joe Rogan 23:29 Oh, 100%

Ari Shaffir 23:29 And just be like, "Walk here"

Joe Rogan 23:31 Like, why did you... Yeah, I'm not getting-

Ari Shaffir 23:32 No flight for you. No first class flight

Joe Rogan 23:33 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 23:34 You've proven you don't need it

Ari Shaffir 23:34 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 23:36 What, what did he do for money?

Shane Gillis 23:38 Someone stole his cart a couple years into it

Joe Rogan 23:41 Whoa

Shane Gillis 23:41 They had to replace everything. Wait-

Ari Shaffir 23:42 Well, he has a, he, so he had a push cart like a homeless guy

Mark Normand 23:44 Oh, in Montana actually

Joe Rogan 23:46 Wow

Shane Gillis 23:46 He did

Joe Rogan 23:46 In Montana they stole his cart

Mark Normand 23:47 In Montana

Ari Shaffir 23:47 He didn't go through Philly

Joe Rogan 23:48 What a cunt.

Mark Normand 23:49 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 23:49 Boo

Ari Shaffir 23:50 It'd be very funny. He'd be like, uh, what was that bot? It was like Hitchbot. There was like a robot

Shane Gillis 23:56 A robot?

Ari Shaffir 23:56 Yeah

Mark Normand 23:56 Oh, that they beat the shit out of

Shane Gillis 23:57 They fucked it up

Ari Shaffir 23:57 Some guy just beat it to death behind a dumpster in Philly [laughs]

Mark Normand 24:01 That's funny. That's funny

Ari Shaffir 24:01 It was like a robot that was supposed to be like a hitchhiking robot that they, they were gonna take it across the country

Joe Rogan 24:05 Boo

Ari Shaffir 24:06 Got to Philly, it was like, eh

Shane Gillis 24:07 Hey

Ari Shaffir 24:08 It's so funny when we send-

Shane Gillis 24:09 Some guy just beat it to death

Ari Shaffir 24:10 When we send around, like, funny clips of stuff, and then Shane will be like, "That happened in Philadelphia." 'Cause that was a Philadelphia one

Joe Rogan 24:15 [laughs] Yeah

Ari Shaffir 24:15 We're like, "God, I know that guy. He's fucked up by this"

Joe Rogan 24:17 Philly's got a lot of action

Ari Shaffir 24:19 Philly's got a lot of action

Joe Rogan 24:20 Yeah, a lot

Ari Shaffir 24:21 Not a lot going on

Joe Rogan 24:22 A lot of things go down in Philly

Mark Normand 24:23 Just action. Wasn't that where those kids shot up the porch?

Ari Shaffir 24:26 Yeah

Mark Normand 24:26 I think that was in Philly

Ari Shaffir 24:26 That was Philly

Shane Gillis 24:27 That was West Philly. That looked

Joe Rogan 24:28 The, the, my, the, a recent one that was pretty funny was, uh, it's not funny, but, uh... well, it was funny. Fuck it. [laughs] Uh, there was a guy sitting outside a very nice restaurant in Philly. I think it's p- it's called Park, and it's in, uh, Rittenhouse Square. Oh, very nice. Kyle. And- [laughs] ... uh, a guy- [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 24:44 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 24:44 ... he's got a fucking Valley Forge Tires T-shirt on, and he's sitting out with a laptop. And somebody's just like- Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 24:50 No way

Joe Rogan 24:50 ... gun to his head, "Give me that laptop." Damn.

Ari Shaffir 24:52 Wow.

Joe Rogan 24:53 Very nice. He's got the Valley Forge on.

Ari Shaffir 24:54 That shirt rules. Give me that.

Joe Rogan 24:55 [laughs] Yeah. I sent it to Kyla, and she was like, "Ha ha ha." And then I was like, "Did you see the shirt?" She was like, "Oh, I thought you were just showing me somebody got robbed." [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 25:02 [laughs] Fucking Kyla.

Joe Rogan 25:04 Kyla. Kyla Rittenhouse. Fucking idiot got robbed.

Ari Shaffir 25:06 Love it.

Joe Rogan 25:06 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 25:07 He's sitting there, poor- like an idiot.

Joe Rogan 25:09 Sitting there like an idiot in Park. Yeah, there he is, Valley Forge. Let's go. Hell yeah.

Ari Shaffir 25:14 Just snatched it.

Joe Rogan 25:15 Hey, press is press. What'd you learn after- The guy ran after him with a gun ... he's processing. Whoa. That's Ari's roommate in London.

Ari Shaffir 25:23 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 25:23 Damn, with the Valley Forge, dude. That hurts. Damn. Oof. I'm sure the cops let that slide. That was a, that's a crazy spot to rob people. He just needed a laptop.

Ari Shaffir 25:34 Crazy.

Joe Rogan 25:35 Yeah. Rittenhouse, you guys have been there. It's, that's insane to rob somebody. It's swanky. Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 25:38 Danny Brown was telling me about all these rappers, these, like, 15-year-old rappers in Philadelphia that just rap about the murders they've done.

Joe Rogan 25:44 Oh, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 25:45 It's not grime. It's, what's the genre?

Joe Rogan 25:48 Um- Thank you

Ari Shaffir 25:48 ... trap?

Joe Rogan 25:49 No.

Ari Shaffir 25:50 No?

Joe Rogan 25:50 But it's, uh- Bounce? You got... Yeah. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 25:54 And he goes, "They're great rappers, to be honest."

Joe Rogan 25:56 Hey.

Ari Shaffir 25:56 "But they just rap about details of the killing." So somebody, like, got killed by a stray, and he dropped his, his Chicken McNuggets, and they just refer to that guy as Chicken Nuggets from then on.

Joe Rogan 26:05 That's fun.

Ari Shaffir 26:05 So it's all code, and, like, they're so callous about it, and then their friends have all died. But yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:09 There's an interview, there's an interview that, uh, me and my buddy Charles laugh at a lot, which is this guy's interviewing all those rappers.

Ari Shaffir 26:16 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:16 And one of them is a guy named Mr. Disrespectful. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 26:19 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 26:20 And they go-

Ari Shaffir 26:20 That's a good roast

Joe Rogan 26:20 ... "Why do you call yourself Mr. Disrespectful?" And he's like, "I just, for real, just be disrespecting people." [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 26:25 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 26:26 All right. Now, I could be wrong, and I definitely don't want any problems in Philadelphia, but I believe Mr. Disrespectful, uh, dug up, uh, one of his opps' graves.

Ari Shaffir 26:36 They do that.

Joe Rogan 26:37 Opps? And then, uh, I think he is p-

Ari Shaffir 26:40 Opponents

Joe Rogan 26:40 ... I think he passed away. Ah. I could be wrong. Oh.

Ari Shaffir 26:43 Mr. Disrespectful? The death of Mr. Disrespectful. He's gone.

Mark Normand 26:47 There's a four-hour documentary about him.

Joe Rogan 26:48 Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 26:49 Trap.

Joe Rogan 26:49 There's a four-hour documentary about a dude? Trap door.

Mark Normand 26:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 26:52 He didn't make it.

Mark Normand 26:53 The gang war and-

Ari Shaffir 26:54 Wow

Mark Normand 26:54 ... machine, machine just mentioned, I think.

Joe Rogan 26:56 But the-

Ari Shaffir 26:57 In Philly

Joe Rogan 26:57 ... there's Mr. Disrespectful. He's-

Ari Shaffir 26:58 Philly

Joe Rogan 26:59 He looks disrespectful. Well-

Ari Shaffir 27:01 Wow

Joe Rogan 27:01 ... yeah.

Ari Shaffir 27:01 So they, they rent Airbnbs-

Joe Rogan 27:02 He could be-

Ari Shaffir 27:03 ... 'cause they can't go home.

Joe Rogan 27:04 Why do they call you Mr. Disrespectful?

Ari Shaffir 27:05 Because they'll be waiting for them. They know where they live. They know where their mom lives.

Joe Rogan 27:07 Disrespectful.

Ari Shaffir 27:07 So they have to rent Airbnbs around Philadelphia.

Joe Rogan 27:09 [laughs] Wow.

Ari Shaffir 27:09 To stay in different places.

Joe Rogan 27:11 So they're just hopping from house to house, getting shot at.

Ari Shaffir 27:14 They all got enemies.

Joe Rogan 27:16 What a crazy, like, there's, like, wars going on in the cities. Oh, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 27:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:21 Philly's-

Ari Shaffir 27:22 Been that

Joe Rogan 27:22 ... it's crazy. How about Chicago? Chicago's insane. Chicago's bananas.

Ari Shaffir 27:25 South Side.

Joe Rogan 27:26 We had a cop that was one of our drivers once. We were in Chicago. He was a former cop. He'd retired, and he explained the whole thing. He said they started arresting these high-level gang leaders. Yeah. And what happens was it created a power vacuum. Oh. He goes, "Then they all started fighting for territory." I rec- Yep. Exactly. Chiraq.

Ari Shaffir 27:41 Chiraq.

Joe Rogan 27:41 [laughs] Chiraq.

Ari Shaffir 27:43 The video.

Joe Rogan 27:43 They c- no, they call it Chiraq.

Ari Shaffir 27:44 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:45 That's what they call it?

Ari Shaffir 27:45 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 27:46 Bro, it's exactly what it is.

Ari Shaffir 27:47 Talking about O'Block.

Joe Rogan 27:48 This dude was cool. He laid it all out for me.

Ari Shaffir 27:51 What a tough place.

Joe Rogan 27:51 He laid out the whole thing. He explained it, like, from how d- how it went down. They arrested this guy, then they arrested that guy, and then these guys went to war over the territory, and it never got better. And he's like, "It's been like that since."

Ari Shaffir 28:02 Damn.

Joe Rogan 28:02 It's like this is, they always... [laughs] It's not Lil Durk. Who is, uh... There's one that was, like, a very famous... It might be Durk. No. There's- Chief Keef? Not Chief Keef. He made it. Uh, there's one that just, it died a couple years ago, and there's, it's, it's a montage of people, like, discussing it. And they're like, "Yo, he was a serial killer." [laughs] Like-

Ari Shaffir 28:24 Wow.

Joe Rogan 28:24 Geez ... when I found out he died, I was like, "Hoo, I cooked dinner." [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 28:28 Wow.

Joe Rogan 28:29 Wow.

Ari Shaffir 28:29 That's just so wild.

Joe Rogan 28:30 It was like, he let me slide, dude. He coulda killed me, like, three times. Mm. When I found out he was dead, I was like, "Thank God." [laughs] Yeah. Yeah, he was a serial killer. Well- Like, if he wanted you out, it was on. That happens with a lot of those guys. He, he would do it himself. Joey Diaz. He's a millionaire. Joey Diaz is, uh-

Ari Shaffir 28:45 Wow

Joe Rogan 28:45 ... playing this, and he was a rapper, and he was a serial killer? It was King Von. That's right.

Ari Shaffir 28:49 King Von.

Joe Rogan 28:49 King Von. King Von. Humiliated. Famous rapper, death, serial killer, most frequently points to King Von, a rising Chicago drill rapper. Is that what he was? Drill.

Ari Shaffir 28:58 Drill.

Joe Rogan 28:58 Oh. It's drill. He was killed in 2020- North Side. Druids ... and became the subject of widespread media and documentary focus regarding his extensive history of street violence. Wow. [whistles] Um, Joey Diaz turned out this book, Murder, Inc.

Ari Shaffir 29:12 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 29:12 It's about this guy. Do you re-

Ari Shaffir 29:14 No, I remember it.

Joe Rogan 29:14 He's, he's playing that guy in a movie now.

Ari Shaffir 29:16 Diaz?

Joe Rogan 29:17 D- Diaz.

Ari Shaffir 29:17 Is playing this guy?

Joe Rogan 29:18 Playing Roy DeMeo.

Ari Shaffir 29:19 Wow.

Joe Rogan 29:19 He's playing the, the serial killer guy. So he's this mob guy, and he just starts off killing a few people that need to be killed. Yeah. And next thing you know, he gets a kick out of killing people. Mm. And so they have this apartment upstairs, and they bring the people upstairs and, and drain them in the tub and chop them up and-

Ari Shaffir 29:35 It's just his hobby

Joe Rogan 29:35 ... he g- just, just started getting into killing people. Any- Danielle Clinic ... disrespect, any weird thing, didn't like it, that's it.

Ari Shaffir 29:43 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 29:44 That's cool that Diaz- Actually, he's gonna play that guy?

Ari Shaffir 29:45 Yeah. G-

Joe Rogan 29:46 That's fun

Ari Shaffir 29:46 ... Diaz has only handed me two books ever that he said, "You gotta read this, dog."

Joe Rogan 29:50 One was the Quran. And this. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 29:52 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 29:54 Asalamu Alaikum. [laughs] Hey, you cocksucker.

Ari Shaffir 29:56 Cocksucker.

Joe Rogan 29:56 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 29:57 Diaz gotta lose weight for this role.

Joe Rogan 29:58 Allah Abdullah, cocksucker. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 29:59 [laughs] He's gotta lose weight and 30 years.

Joe Rogan 30:02 [laughs] Right.

Ari Shaffir 30:03 He can do it.

Joe Rogan 30:03 To play Roy DeMeo?

Ari Shaffir 30:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:05 Yeah, they'll do something with his hair. They'll figure something out. He doesn't have to be younger.

Ari Shaffir 30:08 Really?

Joe Rogan 30:08 Nobody knows how old that guy was.

Ari Shaffir 30:10 And nobody knows how fat he was.

Joe Rogan 30:11 No. Yeah. And the guy was a psychopath.

Ari Shaffir 30:12 And Diaz is pretty thin now.

Joe Rogan 30:13 Remember how- He's, he's definitely thinner ... Diaz rolled DeMeo out.

Ari Shaffir 30:15 He's about that size.

Joe Rogan 30:16 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 30:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:16 Oh, that works. It's gonna be perfect. Never mind, I take it back.

Ari Shaffir 30:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 30:19 That guy killed a lot of fucking people. Did we figure out how many people he killed, Jamie? Newark.

Mark Normand 30:23 A whole lot.

Joe Rogan 30:24 It was, like, more than 20. But the book is horrendous. Really? It's really good. It's wr- very well written. But you're reading it and you're like, "Holy fuck, dude." Remember how fat-

Mark Normand 30:34 ... Diaz was in Longest Yard.

Joe Rogan 30:36 Oh, yeah.

Mark Normand 30:36 He's huge.

Joe Rogan 30:37 So fat. Yeah, 200.

Ari Shaffir 30:39 He killed 200 people?

Joe Rogan 30:40 Killing 200 people.

Ari Shaffir 30:40 Wow.

Mark Normand 30:41 Oh, shit.

Joe Rogan 30:41 Well, how about that guy they found in Philly? That him and his dad were, like-

Mark Normand 30:44 What?

Joe Rogan 30:44 ... the biggest serial killers maybe ever.

Ari Shaffir 30:46 That was crazy.

Mark Normand 30:47 Oh.

Joe Rogan 30:47 Yeah, they're still trying to figure out how many people they killed.

Mark Normand 30:49 Some of that's fictional, apparently.

Joe Rogan 30:50 Uh-oh.

Mark Normand 30:51 Which is very strange.

Joe Rogan 30:52 What do you mean?

Ari Shaffir 30:52 'Cause they're just bragging about something they didn't do.

Mark Normand 30:53 They were making weird, like, fucking porn gore videos, and not all of those people were dead. Like, some of it's fictional.

Ari Shaffir 30:59 Like the Stookey Brothers?

Mark Normand 31:00 Which makes it also amazing.

Joe Rogan 31:02 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 31:02 Yeah, what were they up to at the end?

Mark Normand 31:03 I was looking into it.

Joe Rogan 31:04 [laughs]

Mark Normand 31:04 The whole story's not out yet, but last time we brought it up I looked into it, and they were like, "Some of this is fictional," 'cause they, they found some of the people who were, quote-unquote, "actresses" that were being brought there under that-

Joe Rogan 31:12 Oh, no.

Mark Normand 31:13 Oh, guys

Joe Rogan 31:13 So some of them died.

Ari Shaffir 31:14 Kyla. Kyla.

Joe Rogan 31:14 [laughs]

Mark Normand 31:15 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 31:15 Kyla, you want an extra money during the off season.

Mark Normand 31:17 Well, there were definitely, there were definitely bodies there, and there were some sort of system set up to, like, get rid of bodies is what it seems like, but-

Joe Rogan 31:22 Yeah, they had chemicals there to get rid of bodies.

Mark Normand 31:24 [whistles] There's, like, a million videos or something.

Joe Rogan 31:26 They had-

Ari Shaffir 31:26 It's the father and the son

Joe Rogan 31:27 ... vi- torture videos, videos of women getting killed, videos of actual women getting killed.

Mark Normand 31:33 Oh, boy.

Joe Rogan 31:33 Yeah.

Mark Normand 31:34 By the son.

Joe Rogan 31:34 And then I guess some acting stuff, too?

Mark Normand 31:37 No, the, the act- I just... The one description I was reading, they were like, "This is all s- not all of this ha- is, like, real."

Ari Shaffir 31:43 This is what happens when you're dead.

Joe Rogan 31:44 Maybe they started up, started out acting-

Ari Shaffir 31:46 Doesn't win football

Joe Rogan 31:46 ... and then they're like, "Let's just start killing people. I think we can get away with it. These cops suck."

Ari Shaffir 31:50 The cops don't... That's how you drill about... I mean, like, there's no arrests.

Mark Normand 31:52 But why the videos? What's the upside of making the videos?

Joe Rogan 31:54 I think they were making them, like-

Ari Shaffir 31:55 Jerking off

Joe Rogan 31:55 ... like, DVDs and porns and, you know.

Mark Normand 31:58 Oh, I see. [laughs] I didn't even catch that.

Ari Shaffir 31:58 Remember the knockout game videos?

Joe Rogan 32:00 As a matter of fact.

Mark Normand 32:00 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 32:01 God.

Joe Rogan 32:01 Jerking off.

Ari Shaffir 32:02 Punching people and making their own evidence.

Mark Normand 32:04 No.

Ari Shaffir 32:05 They're just recording themselves trying to knock people out with one punch.

Joe Rogan 32:07 Yeah, they just walk up and punch people at-

Mark Normand 32:08 Oh, yeah, yeah

Ari Shaffir 32:08 ... one punch challenge

Joe Rogan 32:09 ... grocery store and knock people out.

Mark Normand 32:11 Is that Asians doing that?

Joe Rogan 32:12 Uh.

Mark Normand 32:12 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 32:13 [laughs] Right? Have roundhouses. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 32:16 Yeah. Uh.

Mark Normand 32:17 Ninja, ninja star.

Ari Shaffir 32:18 Just walk into you, like, standing like this waiting for you to come near.

Mark Normand 32:21 The crane.

Ari Shaffir 32:21 [laughs] You gotta c- you gotta attack or it won't work. [laughs]

Mark Normand 32:24 Put 'em in a body bag.

Joe Rogan 32:26 Put 'em in a body bag. [laughs]

Mark Normand 32:27 Remember that?

Ari Shaffir 32:30 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 32:31 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 32:31 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Mark Normand 32:32 The All Valley... What is it? The All Valley Championships? Yeah, it was at Van Nuys.

Joe Rogan 32:36 You know what's wild? They redid Karate Kid and then-

Mark Normand 32:39 It was a girl

Joe Rogan 32:40 ... he's the, he's the bad guy. No, the TV show.

Mark Normand 32:42 Oh.

Joe Rogan 32:42 They made the TV show.

Mark Normand 32:43 Cobra Kai.

Joe Rogan 32:44 Right. But all of a sudden Daniel's the bad guy now.

Mark Normand 32:46 Machiata.

Ari Shaffir 32:47 He was always the bad guy.

Joe Rogan 32:48 What?

Ari Shaffir 32:49 He started fights.

Joe Rogan 32:49 No, he showed up-

Ari Shaffir 32:50 Stole the guy's fucking girlfriend.

Joe Rogan 32:52 No, she liked him more.

Mark Normand 32:53 Accident-

Ari Shaffir 32:53 No.

Mark Normand 32:53 Bro.

Ari Shaffir 32:54 Stole, well, kicks his butt back all over there on purpose.

Joe Rogan 32:56 [laughs]

Mark Normand 32:56 That guy was the man.

Ari Shaffir 32:56 I'm with Shane.

Mark Normand 32:56 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 32:57 Yeah, it was ridiculous.

Ari Shaffir 32:58 Dude, he dumped water on that guy's costume.

Mark Normand 33:00 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 33:00 It was already a piece and he goes-

Mark Normand 33:01 Wait, what?

Ari Shaffir 33:01 ... "Now I'm gonna get back at this guy."

Mark Normand 33:02 Yeah, he was kind of a dickhead.

Joe Rogan 33:03 Well, didn't, didn't they beat him up first, though? That's how he had to learn karate.

Mark Normand 33:05 Yeah. They beat him up on Halloween.

Joe Rogan 33:07 He's the new guy.

Ari Shaffir 33:07 You get beat up.

Joe Rogan 33:08 What?

Ari Shaffir 33:08 Especially if you're trying to steal the cool guy's girlfriend.

Joe Rogan 33:10 And-

Ari Shaffir 33:10 Just take it, dude. You're getting hazed. Just take it once.

Mark Normand 33:13 He was eigh- it was the '80s, so the Italians were still kinda weird then.

Joe Rogan 33:16 In what way? [laughs]

Mark Normand 33:17 It was a bunch of blonde guys and they're like, "Get this dirty WAP."

Ari Shaffir 33:20 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 33:20 True.

Ari Shaffir 33:20 Yeah.

Mark Normand 33:21 Mm.

Ari Shaffir 33:21 Acceptable racism, white on white.

Mark Normand 33:22 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 33:22 Yeah.

Mark Normand 33:22 It was California in the '80s.

Joe Rogan 33:23 How did I... I was alive during the '80s. The, uh, the Italian racism had gone away. My grandparents talked about it. Like, gr- my grandfather was really affected by it 'cause he was a-

Mark Normand 33:31 Mine too

Joe Rogan 33:31 ... first generation immigrant, and he told me it was horrible.

Ari Shaffir 33:33 Really?

Joe Rogan 33:33 They... Yeah, they would treat you the, the way, you know, like we treat people coming in from Mexico.

Ari Shaffir 33:38 Italians?

Joe Rogan 33:39 Yeah.

Mark Normand 33:40 Greaseballs.

Joe Rogan 33:41 Or WAPs. WAPs.

Ari Shaffir 33:41 WAPs.

Mark Normand 33:41 Yeah, the WAPs.

Joe Rogan 33:42 Dago WAPs. They'd call them horrible things.

Ari Shaffir 33:44 How... Let me ask you a question. How did they get Dago and WAP as their term?

Joe Rogan 33:47 I don't know.

Mark Normand 33:48 WAP is without papers.

Ari Shaffir 33:48 Well, certain races get a bunch of names.

Joe Rogan 33:50 They didn't have the internet back then.

Mark Normand 33:52 Yeah. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 33:52 The internet would've filtered that out. [laughs]

Mark Normand 33:54 A lot of lynchings in New Orleans with the Sicilians. My mom never shuts up about it.

Joe Rogan 33:58 Oh, really?

Mark Normand 33:58 Oh, pull it up. It's... I think it might be more than, uh-

Ari Shaffir 34:02 Oh, really?

Mark Normand 34:02 Yeah, maybe not

Joe Rogan 34:03 They lynched each other?

Ari Shaffir 34:04 Every ghost tour of New Orleans-

Mark Normand 34:05 No

Ari Shaffir 34:05 ... is just slaves. [laughs]

Mark Normand 34:06 Lynching Sicilians was normal back then.

Joe Rogan 34:08 Really?

Mark Normand 34:08 Yeah, New Orleans, it was big.

Joe Rogan 34:10 No kidding.

Mark Normand 34:10 Pull it up.

Ari Shaffir 34:11 You're gonna fuck up the neighborhood. We don't want another pizza place.

Mark Normand 34:13 Right. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 34:13 Beat it.

Joe Rogan 34:14 Well, listen, man, those... If you go to Rome, like, the people that are still there, those men are animals.

Mark Normand 34:19 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:19 Right?

Ari Shaffir 34:19 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 34:19 I was with my tiny little daughter, she was, like, five years old, in a, a cab.

Mark Normand 34:25 Uh-oh.

Joe Rogan 34:25 This guy stopped in the middle of the street to check out this girl's ass as he was driving, and he's like, "Hey, mama mia, look at that ass."

Mark Normand 34:32 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 34:32 Like, and he's the cab driver.

Ari Shaffir 34:34 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 34:34 And I was like, "Yo." And I was like... And I was t- saying, talking to my wife, I go, "These, this is what's left of the Romans."

Mark Normand 34:39 Right.

Joe Rogan 34:39 Like, you gotta understand, these are these animals that were fucking each other and eating so much they had to throw up and then they keep eating again. They were having lion fights in the middle of the Colosseum. This is the, this is what's left.

Mark Normand 34:51 Yeah, sure.

Joe Rogan 34:52 Savages.

Ari Shaffir 34:53 They went wild.

Joe Rogan 34:54 Wild.

Mark Normand 34:54 Oh, wow. They had a good time.

Ari Shaffir 34:55 Fucking grubbing-

Joe Rogan 34:56 Wild

Ari Shaffir 34:56 ... and drinking and throwing up and being like, "Yeah, fucking see a lion kill that guy."

Joe Rogan 34:59 [laughs]

Mark Normand 35:00 Right.

Ari Shaffir 35:00 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 35:01 Guys fight to the death with swords in front of them.

Ari Shaffir 35:03 That was a meme.

Joe Rogan 35:03 I mean-

Ari Shaffir 35:04 There was, there was a meme going around that made me laugh of just like, "Dude, just imagine 10:00 AM tailgate at the Colosseum."

Joe Rogan 35:10 [laughs]

Mark Normand 35:10 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 35:10 Like, 30 boys getting shit-faced and being like, "Let's go."

Mark Normand 35:13 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 35:14 Walking in, watching a battle.

Joe Rogan 35:15 Right.

Ari Shaffir 35:16 Being like, "Fuck yeah."

Mark Normand 35:16 Dude, I went to the Colosseum in Tunisia, and there's no bad seats. Anywhere you sit-

Ari Shaffir 35:20 Good seat

Mark Normand 35:20 ... you're like, "Yeah, these are all built perfectly to watch carnage."

Ari Shaffir 35:24 Watch murder.

Mark Normand 35:25 It's nice.

Ari Shaffir 35:25 It's nice.

Mark Normand 35:26 I went to a cockfight in Puerto Rico. It's very similar. It's in the round.

Joe Rogan 35:29 Mm-hmm.

Mark Normand 35:29 People throw those money.

Ari Shaffir 35:29 Everybody gets a good s- yeah.

Mark Normand 35:30 Shaking it. It's awesome.

Ari Shaffir 35:31 Um, yeah, they're fun.

Mark Normand 35:32 They're fun. I mean, it's dark and sad, but-

Ari Shaffir 35:35 It's better than a dogfight

Joe Rogan 35:35 I don't think I'd get... Yeah, I wouldn't like that.

Ari Shaffir 35:37 I love it.

Joe Rogan 35:37 Is this better than a dogfight?

Ari Shaffir 35:38 Way better.

Mark Normand 35:39 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 35:39 You can't even tell they're down-

Joe Rogan 35:40 Better than cock

Ari Shaffir 35:40 ... until they go, like, until they go, "Eh." When they fall over and you realize how much blood they've lost.

Mark Normand 35:45 And then they peck in the ear, knives.

Joe Rogan 35:46 With the, with the knives on their feet.

Ari Shaffir 35:47 Futurama, yeah.

Mark Normand 35:48 Yeah. Still better than a WNBA game.

Joe Rogan 35:51 Hey.

Ari Shaffir 35:51 [laughs] Do they scratch with nails?

Mark Normand 35:55 Who?

Ari Shaffir 35:56 WNBA players.

Mark Normand 35:57 Oh, the women.

Ari Shaffir 35:57 That grow out their nails.

Joe Rogan 35:59 I don't know.

Mark Normand 35:59 I don't know.

Joe Rogan 36:00 It's probably get in the way of shooting. Wouldn't it?

Mark Normand 36:03 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 36:04 Yeah, maybe.

Joe Rogan 36:04 Yeah. Yeah, it would. They'd get in the way.

Ari Shaffir 36:06 Maybe that's their excuse [laughs] for missing layups.

Joe Rogan 36:08 Yeah.

Mark Normand 36:09 Do you think there was-

Ari Shaffir 36:09 "I just got my nails did"

Joe Rogan 36:10 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 36:11 "That's why, it's out of my control."

Mark Normand 36:12 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 36:12 When Rome w- had the Colosseum, when the Colosseum was first erected and they started having these games, do you think there was resistance? There had to be resistance. There had to be, like, people-

Ari Shaffir 36:19 There's probably a couple pussies

Joe Rogan 36:20 ... in society going-

Mark Normand 36:21 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 36:21 Going, "Maybe this isn't the best"

Joe Rogan 36:22 ... going, "Guys, maybe you shouldn't do that."

Ari Shaffir 36:24 And they're like, "Well, you're going."

Joe Rogan 36:24 There had to be, right?

Ari Shaffir 36:25 Yeah.

Mark Normand 36:26 Uh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 36:26 Of course.

Ari Shaffir 36:26 There was definitely, like, a couple good people-

Joe Rogan 36:28 Like-

Ari Shaffir 36:28 ... people going, "This is-"

Joe Rogan 36:29 The difference back then is they were run by an emperor, and he, he's, he could like-

Ari Shaffir 36:32 There was no-

Mark Normand 36:32 And they might-

Joe Rogan 36:33 He could just be like, "Fuck you"

Mark Normand 36:34 ... they would just kill those poor bastards

Ari Shaffir 36:34 ... I think there were a couple emperor, there were a couple emperors that were like-

Joe Rogan 36:37 They didn't like it?

Ari Shaffir 36:37 ... "We're not doing that."

Joe Rogan 36:38 That's right.

Ari Shaffir 36:38 Really?

Joe Rogan 36:38 And then someone brought it back-

Ari Shaffir 36:40 Yeah

Joe Rogan 36:40 ... because the people needed some entertainment.

Mark Normand 36:42 Nero, Nero I think was famous for using it

Joe Rogan 36:46 Fucking Nero.

Shane Gillis 36:46 Dude, the Roman Empire-

Joe Rogan 36:48 Nero [laughs]

Mark Normand 36:49 Was doing it.

Joe Rogan 36:49 The-

Shane Gillis 36:49 Code Nero

Joe Rogan 36:50 ... craziest Nero story is what he did with his wife.

Mark Normand 36:53 What's that now?

Joe Rogan 36:53 He beat his pregnant wife to death.

Mark Normand 36:55 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 36:56 Ooh.

Joe Rogan 36:56 And then took this slave boy that looked like his wife, named her his wife's name, and castrated him.

Mark Normand 37:04 What?

Joe Rogan 37:04 And then started bringing him around as his wife.

Shane Gillis 37:07 And no one called him-

Joe Rogan 37:07 And then passed him off to a bunch of other guys, and then that, that dude just killed himself.

Mark Normand 37:12 He's like, "Fucking slut." [laughs]

Joe Rogan 37:13 Chopped his dick off, was, you know, banging him in the ass, calling him his wife.

Mark Normand 37:17 What the fuck?

Joe Rogan 37:17 Uh-huh. Nero made Sporus his wife.

Shane Gillis 37:19 Come on, Sporus.

Joe Rogan 37:19 What does this tragic story reveal about ancient Rome?

Mark Normand 37:22 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 37:23 Eunuch empress.

Mark Normand 37:25 Why not just get another lady?

Joe Rogan 37:26 Ultimate victim of abuse. Sporus is a lesser-known character in the story of r- a brutal Roman emperor, Nero. His life and the messages it reveals are the things of outlandish drama. It's a crazy story.

Mark Normand 37:38 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 37:38 Okay.

Joe Rogan 37:38 Apparently the guy looked like his wife, and so he said, "Great. You're my wife now."

Mark Normand 37:42 What the fuck?

Joe Rogan 37:42 'Cause h- he beat his pregnant wife to death.

Mark Normand 37:45 [laughs] Wow, the old Roman aborsh.

Shane Gillis 37:47 [laughs]

Mark Normand 37:49 I mean, you'd think that-

Shane Gillis 37:49 The Italian abortion. [laughs]

Mark Normand 37:51 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 37:51 Yeah.

Mark Normand 37:51 Beating her to death.

Shane Gillis 37:52 She was a ho. [laughs]

Mark Normand 37:53 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 37:54 Forcibly castrated him and then married him to be his empress.

Mark Normand 37:58 His wife must have been hideous if she looked like this dude.

Shane Gillis 38:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:00 Maybe the guy's pretty.

Shane Gillis 38:01 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 38:01 There's a lot of pretty dudes out there.

Mark Normand 38:02 Yeah, I guess so.

Joe Rogan 38:03 You know?

Mark Normand 38:04 Hemsworth.

Joe Rogan 38:04 Matt Rife could be your wife.

Mark Normand 38:05 [laughs] What are you, Asian?

Shane Gillis 38:07 [laughs] Matt Rife could be your wife.

Joe Rogan 38:09 Matt, Matt, [laughs] Matt Rife could be your wife.

Mark Normand 38:12 My wife. My wife.

Joe Rogan 38:13 My wife.

Shane Gillis 38:13 My wife.

Mark Normand 38:13 My wife.

Joe Rogan 38:15 He's a beautiful man.

Mark Normand 38:16 Speaking of that, wh- uh, Sacha Baron Cohen, I heard the new-

Shane Gillis 38:19 Does he name him Cum? [laughs]

Joe Rogan 38:19 Look at this. The, the Greek word sporos means seed or semen.

Shane Gillis 38:23 He goes, "Yeah, this is my new wife, Cum."

Joe Rogan 38:25 Sporos.

Mark Normand 38:25 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 38:25 Sporos.

Shane Gillis 38:26 Yeah, makes sense.

Joe Rogan 38:26 So it was likely a belittling epithet that seems to have been given to the boy after his abuse began.

Mark Normand 38:32 Oh.

Shane Gillis 38:32 Wow.

Mark Normand 38:32 Poor guy.

Joe Rogan 38:33 He's just... He, they called him cum catcher.

Mark Normand 38:35 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 38:35 That's basically what his name was.

Shane Gillis 38:37 Yeah.

Mark Normand 38:37 Oh my God. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 38:38 They named him Cum... This is Cum Catcher. Cum Catcher.

Mark Normand 38:40 Wow.

Joe Rogan 38:41 Come... And then he passed him off to other dudes.

Mark Normand 38:43 Cum Catcher in the ring.

Joe Rogan 38:44 After he got rid of the guy.

Shane Gillis 38:45 It's fucking Come Fuck My Wife-ish.

Mark Normand 38:46 That's so crazy.

Ari Shaffir 38:47 And then two years later, he turned him into a eunuch.

Mark Normand 38:50 Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 38:50 Like, the whole two years of abuse, and then they made it worse.

Mark Normand 38:52 Two years.

Shane Gillis 38:52 He let him... Oh.

Ari Shaffir 38:53 I said that was in 65 or 65.

Shane Gillis 38:54 You've been a good boy for a while.

Joe Rogan 38:56 In 67-

Shane Gillis 38:56 We're gonna reward you with a vagina

Joe Rogan 38:57 ... emperor ordered the boy to be castrated, turning him into a eunuch. There's several methods of castration in Roman times, including rubbing or squeezing the gonads to pieces.

Mark Normand 39:05 Oh.

Shane Gillis 39:06 What?

Ari Shaffir 39:06 Jesus.

Joe Rogan 39:07 Sometimes the penis would also be removed. Oh.

Shane Gillis 39:09 Gonad. What are gonads? Balls?

Mark Normand 39:10 Your balls.

Ari Shaffir 39:11 Yeah.

Shane Gillis 39:12 Squeezing them.

Joe Rogan 39:12 Squeeze them to pieces.

Shane Gillis 39:13 Oh, just chop them.

Mark Normand 39:15 Yeah, right.

Joe Rogan 39:15 Oh my God, dude.

Shane Gillis 39:16 This is fake history.

Mark Normand 39:17 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 39:18 Who wrote this?

Joe Rogan 39:19 [laughs]

Mark Normand 39:20 The world media.

Shane Gillis 39:20 This is made up, dude.

Joe Rogan 39:21 You don't think so?

Shane Gillis 39:21 There's no way this is that well documented.

Joe Rogan 39:23 Well, you know-

Shane Gillis 39:24 I did hear somebody was trying to defend Nero. You know, he was actually all right, and then all the history we got is people that hated him.

Mark Normand 39:30 Really?

Joe Rogan 39:30 Hmm. That's the story of Elizabeth Bathory.

Mark Normand 39:33 Come again?

Shane Gillis 39:34 Yeah?

Joe Rogan 39:34 Elizabeth Bathory's that-

Shane Gillis 39:35 What that is?

Joe Rogan 39:35 She's, like, a very famous, uh, royal serial killer. She was a woman who as she was getting older, supposedly the story was she would take these beautiful young women, drain their blood-

Shane Gillis 39:45 Oof

Joe Rogan 39:45 ... and put it in a bathtub, and she would lay in a bathtub with their blood. And she-

Mark Normand 39:48 I heard that

Joe Rogan 39:49 ... she killed a bunch of her servants. She killed a bunch of, like, pretty women in the town. She hated pretty women, and she would kill them.

Mark Normand 39:55 No.

Joe Rogan 39:55 But-

Mark Normand 39:55 Nothing's changed.

Joe Rogan 39:56 But-

Shane Gillis 39:56 [laughs] Pretty women get killed all the time

Joe Rogan 39:58 ... this s-

Mark Normand 39:59 I know

Joe Rogan 39:59 ... but the story is that it might have been they were just trying to take her land.

Ari Shaffir 40:03 Oh my God.

Joe Rogan 40:04 Because they put her-

Shane Gillis 40:04 So make up some blood libel shit.

Joe Rogan 40:06 Exactly.

Shane Gillis 40:07 Right.

Joe Rogan 40:07 Make up some crazy story about her being a demon.

Mark Normand 40:10 Dude, this guy's life-

Joe Rogan 40:11 Was

Mark Normand 40:11 ... like, the widow town

Joe Rogan 40:11 ... this guy's life was so fucked after this.

Ari Shaffir 40:14 Read... So after Nero died-

Joe Rogan 40:16 Right

Ari Shaffir 40:16 ... another emperor who, uh, f- got him.

Joe Rogan 40:19 Uh-huh.

Ari Shaffir 40:20 Mar- married him, called him his wife, Poppaea.

Joe Rogan 40:23 Right.

Ari Shaffir 40:23 That guy died. Somebody else, another... He was passed on to somebody else who was also married to Poppaea.

Shane Gillis 40:28 This hideous penis.

Mark Normand 40:29 Is that what he called him?

Ari Shaffir 40:29 So he married that guy.

Joe Rogan 40:31 Right.

Ari Shaffir 40:31 Then eight months later, was used as public entertainment in the gladiatorial arena, where they reenacted the rape of Prosperina-

Mark Normand 40:39 Wow.

Ari Shaffir 40:39 ... in front of everyone.

Shane Gillis 40:39 This guy's the original Bonnie Blue.

Joe Rogan 40:41 What the fuck?

Mark Normand 40:41 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 40:41 This guy had the worst life ever.

Mark Normand 40:43 Whoa.

Shane Gillis 40:43 Wow. He had a lot of... He t-

Joe Rogan 40:45 To avoid this abominable fate, Sporus killed himself.

Mark Normand 40:48 I guess they did for him.

Shane Gillis 40:49 Good for him.

Mark Normand 40:49 Maybe they didn't want to do it.

Shane Gillis 40:49 Maybe it was 69. 69, best year to kill yourself. [laughs]

Mark Normand 40:53 Hey.

Joe Rogan 40:54 That, so he really was on a five-year run. That's all it really was.

Mark Normand 40:57 Poor guy.

Shane Gillis 40:57 I mean, if you tie your fucking sh- skirt that way-

Joe Rogan 41:00 Four or five years-

Shane Gillis 41:01 ... you're definitely gonna get fucked

Joe Rogan 41:02 ... of hell.

Mark Normand 41:02 He's asking for it.

Shane Gillis 41:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:03 Four or five years of hell. The guy who chopped his dick off is dead. Two guys passed him around. They're dead. And then they wanna have him raped in the Colosseum as like-

Shane Gillis 41:09 He got a good g- his agent called and goes, "Hey, I know that was tough. We got a good gig for you."

Mark Normand 41:13 Right. [laughs] Mainstage.

Shane Gillis 41:14 "It's a big role."

Joe Rogan 41:15 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 41:16 "What is it?" "Well, they're gonna reenact a rape in the, uh, Colos- there's gonna be thousands of people cheering."

Mark Normand 41:22 Yeah. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 41:22 Jesus Christ.

Shane Gillis 41:22 "Five, five sh- five nights a week, two on Friday and Saturday."

Mark Normand 41:25 Yeah. [laughs] Do an early show, 4:30.

Joe Rogan 41:29 Cum Catcher.

Shane Gillis 41:29 It's a bring your... [laughs]

Joe Rogan 41:30 It's a bring your show. [laughs]

Shane Gillis 41:31 You gotta bring your family.

Mark Normand 41:33 You're gonna get jacked in the middle of it.

Joe Rogan 41:35 Cum Catcher, have you memorized your lines?

Mark Normand 41:37 Right. [laughs]

Shane Gillis 41:38 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 41:38 Bombing. No, no.

Shane Gillis 41:40 Oh, yeah. You got it. You got it.

Joe Rogan 41:41 Wow.

Mark Normand 41:42 There's a guy selling merch, Rape Reenactment.

Joe Rogan 41:45 Cum Catcher.

Shane Gillis 41:45 If that's, if that's a real guy in history, that, it's up there as the worst run I've ever heard of.

Joe Rogan 41:50 Worst.

Mark Normand 41:51 That's a bummer.

Joe Rogan 41:52 It's a bad run.

Mark Normand 41:53 Tough run.

Joe Rogan 41:53 So this Elizabeth Bathory lady, they took her land, and they put her in house arrest, 'cause she was a royal. They weren't allowed to do anything to her.

Mark Normand 42:00 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 42:00 But they controlled her land after that.

Shane Gillis 42:02 Oh.

Joe Rogan 42:02 So this, the, the theory, there's a bunch of different theories about this, and one of them is that they set her up. This is all fake. They made all this shit up just so they could steal her land.

Mark Normand 42:12 Damn.

Joe Rogan 42:14 Figure I could see people doing.

Shane Gillis 42:15 They could do that to-

Joe Rogan 42:16 Yeah

Shane Gillis 42:16 ... do it to Zuckerberg.

Joe Rogan 42:17 If you just see what's going on in the news today, like, how, how much of it is real and how much of it is bullshit and propaganda.

Mark Normand 42:22 It's the age-old line about people and stealing their land.

Joe Rogan 42:24 Yeah.

Mark Normand 42:25 Mm-hmm.

Shane Gillis 42:25 Well, they got rid of the WikiLeaks guy that way, right?

Joe Rogan 42:28 Oh, yeah.

Shane Gillis 42:29 They just made up some stuff, and they go, "Eh, we gotta extradite you."

Joe Rogan 42:32 Well, the, he, they, they were gonna r- arrest him for surprise sex.

Shane Gillis 42:37 For journalism?

Joe Rogan 42:38 No, no, no.

Shane Gillis 42:39 But yeah.

Joe Rogan 42:39 The, but the, the charge was for, for surpr- so he had consensual sex with a woman, and then apparently had sex with her without the condom on.

Mark Normand 42:46 Uh-oh.

Joe Rogan 42:46 And, like, didn't tell her that he wasn't, didn't have the condom on. This was, like, the argument.

Shane Gillis 42:51 You can get in trouble for that?

Mark Normand 42:51 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 42:52 Did they? [laughs]

Shane Gillis 42:53 Yeah. [laughs]

Mark Normand 42:54 You get in, wherever he was.

Joe Rogan 42:56 What country was this in?

Shane Gillis 42:57 Can you get in trouble for saying, "I don't have one on me"?

Mark Normand 42:59 Is this Australia it was in trouble?

Joe Rogan 43:00 [laughs]

Shane Gillis 43:01 Like, "What's that bulge in your pocket?" Like, shut up.

Joe Rogan 43:03 But it was clear they were just looking to arrest him for WikiLeaks.

Shane Gillis 43:06 Yeah.

Mark Normand 43:07 Hmm.

Ari Shaffir 43:08 It's like OJ with the shirts. They got him on the shirts.

Joe Rogan 43:10 Well, the guy-

Ari Shaffir 43:11 The secretary of the state at the time was like, "Can't we just drone him?"

Joe Rogan 43:14 That's right. Yeah, they wanted to drone him for releasing information, classified information.

Ari Shaffir 43:19 Wow, taking a look.

Joe Rogan 43:20 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 43:20 That used to be called espionage, but it's not anymore.

Joe Rogan 43:23 Well, it depends on what-

Ari Shaffir 43:23 Don't get me wrong

Joe Rogan 43:24 ... what's happening, right? So if, if like you're Edward Snowden-

Ari Shaffir 43:27 I'm all for the wickedness

Joe Rogan 43:27 ... and you find out that the government-

Ari Shaffir 43:29 Yeah

Joe Rogan 43:29 ... is illegally spying on you-

Ari Shaffir 43:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great. It's great

Joe Rogan 43:31 ... these are just public officials.

Ari Shaffir 43:32 Of course.

Joe Rogan 43:32 These are just human beings who've decided to break the law while they're supposed to be representing the law, and that's not supposed to happen.

Ari Shaffir 43:39 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:39 And that's not supposed to be covered up, and you're not supposed to be protecting those folks. You're supposed to just not do that. And if that's the only way you can have national security is to spy on everybody all the time, fuck you. That's crazy.

Ari Shaffir 43:51 And then, and then trying to drone or arrest the journalists who broke the story.

Joe Rogan 43:55 It's also like the fucking-

Ari Shaffir 43:56 They did that?

Joe Rogan 43:56 ... flock cameras thing.

Ari Shaffir 43:57 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 43:57 You know, because like-

Ari Shaffir 43:58 That's a son of a bitch

Joe Rogan 43:58 ... well, who has access to all this NSA data? If they're just spying on everybody all the time.

Ari Shaffir 44:03 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:04 Is it just like the flock cameras where cops can stalk chicks?

Ari Shaffir 44:07 Yeah, that's what they keep catching them doing.

Joe Rogan 44:08 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 44:08 Finding their ex-girlfriend and looking at their-

44:10 Yeah. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 44:10 I got tagged in that a lot.

Ari Shaffir 44:11 Really?

44:11 The guy who did it looked exactly like me. [laughs]

44:13 Pull it up.

Joe Rogan 44:14 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 44:15 Shane looks like a lot of people.

44:16 I saw it on Twitter, and they were like, "It's a tough week for Shane."

Joe Rogan 44:19 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 44:19 [laughs] Shane looks like a surprising amount of women.

44:22 I was like, "I gotta delete."

44:23 Ah.

44:23 "I gotta delete it."

44:24 That's, that's true. You, you have a unique face.

Joe Rogan 44:25 The trans bodybuilder from New Zealand.

Ari Shaffir 44:27 You do look like a lot of people.

Joe Rogan 44:28 The police chief, the fire chief from LA.

Ari Shaffir 44:29 The chick from, uh, The Last of Us.

Joe Rogan 44:31 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 44:32 That's a big one.

44:32 I could handle one.

44:33 Oh, no.

44:34 Oh, I look-

44:35 Oh, my God.

Joe Rogan 44:35 Oh, yes.

Ari Shaffir 44:36 Wow. It's like Pixar Shane.

Joe Rogan 44:38 Oh, no.

Ari Shaffir 44:39 That's exactly your mustache.

44:40 Oh, my God.

44:41 It's a good mustache.

Joe Rogan 44:42 Bro.

Ari Shaffir 44:42 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 44:42 Bro, I saw that guy. I'm like, "Bro, you cannot look at the flock cameras."

Ari Shaffir 44:46 Oh, look. It, that's me right there.

44:47 There you go. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 44:48 You cannot-

Ari Shaffir 44:49 He's a cute guy

Joe Rogan 44:49 ... look at the flock cameras.

Ari Shaffir 44:51 He's a handsome fella looking at the flock cameras.

44:53 He's all right.

Joe Rogan 44:53 Oh, my goodness.

Ari Shaffir 44:54 Every once in a while you check the old flock.

Joe Rogan 44:55 Oh, my goodness.

Ari Shaffir 44:55 There's that baseball player who's dating the hot lady, who looks like you.

Joe Rogan 44:59 Paul Skeens?

Ari Shaffir 44:59 Yeah, Skeens.

Joe Rogan 45:00 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 45:00 Nah, I don't wanna put that on Skeens.

45:01 [laughs] Sorry, Skeeny.

45:03 Skeens is my guy.

45:03 [laughs] But he's dating that smokeshow.

45:06 He is.

45:06 So you know, can't be doing too bad.

45:08 Smokeshow that looks like you?

45:10 No, the, the guy looks like him.

45:12 No. Oh, Skeens does?

45:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:13 The girl does.

Ari Shaffir 45:14 Oh, I was gonna say, like what?

45:15 I said smokeshow.

Joe Rogan 45:15 Fuck, Ari.

Ari Shaffir 45:16 The hottest lady ever.

Joe Rogan 45:17 Jesus, Ari.

Ari Shaffir 45:17 I don't see her. [laughs]

45:19 Pull up Skeens.

Joe Rogan 45:20 You can't.

Ari Shaffir 45:20 Pull up Skeens. By the way, I don't look like Skeens.

45:23 Eh, there's something there.

45:23 You're just thinking of the-

Joe Rogan 45:24 You look like that guy, though.

Ari Shaffir 45:25 Like, yeah, I do look like that guy.

Joe Rogan 45:26 Like exactly like that guy.

Ari Shaffir 45:27 I look a lot like that guy.

Joe Rogan 45:27 That's crazy.

Ari Shaffir 45:28 Yeah, he does look like him.

Joe Rogan 45:28 Well, that guy is one-

Ari Shaffir 45:29 I don't look like Skeens

Joe Rogan 45:30 ... no, you look nothing like that guy

Ari Shaffir 45:30 ... you're just thinking of a dirty mustache. I see it there without the beard. Go down.

45:34 I see it.

45:34 Bottom left. Keep going. Little more left.

Joe Rogan 45:37 All right, lefter. Lefter.

Ari Shaffir 45:38 Little more left. That one.

Joe Rogan 45:40 The, in the suit?

Ari Shaffir 45:41 With just the mustache.

Joe Rogan 45:42 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 45:42 With the mic, yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:43 Eh.

Ari Shaffir 45:44 Maybe not. Maybe not.

Joe Rogan 45:45 Maybe l- nah.

Ari Shaffir 45:46 Not really.

45:46 Eh, it's a little bit.

Joe Rogan 45:48 Eh.

Ari Shaffir 45:48 It's a hungover Shane.

Joe Rogan 45:49 Not really.

Ari Shaffir 45:49 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 45:50 Not really.

Ari Shaffir 45:51 No, I agree. I don't look like Skeens.

Joe Rogan 45:52 No.

Ari Shaffir 45:53 But The Last of Us.

45:53 Any, any white guy with a dirty mustache, you go, "That looks like..." Yeah.

Joe Rogan 45:56 Little...

Ari Shaffir 45:57 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 45:58 That flock camera thing is wild, 'cause it's not just that cop. There's a ton of cops got busted doing that.

Ari Shaffir 46:02 Oh, yeah.

46:03 Just looking at it.

Joe Rogan 46:03 Stalking chicks.

Ari Shaffir 46:04 Well, it's very tempting.

Joe Rogan 46:05 Some chick from the gym.

Ari Shaffir 46:06 Of course you would.

Joe Rogan 46:06 You know, you just follow her. You know where she lives now. You could just... You, you just accidentally be outside of her house.

Ari Shaffir 46:11 Right.

46:11 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:12 Who... I mean, that's psychotic.

Ari Shaffir 46:15 Psychotic. Flock of CEOs.

Joe Rogan 46:16 Yeah, like cops.

Ari Shaffir 46:17 Let's just look.

Joe Rogan 46:17 Walk of flock. [laughs] There's a lot of dudes who are psychotic.

Ari Shaffir 46:20 Yeah, they'd be like, "Yeah."

46:21 Yeah, for sure. A lot of them are cops.

46:21 Stalk everyone on Facebook or, or, or Instagram. Any ex, you stalk.

Joe Rogan 46:25 True.

Ari Shaffir 46:25 So if you have the access to it, of course you're doing it.

Joe Rogan 46:27 If you're a guy that's got that kind of thing anyway, you wanna be a cop, like there's a lot of those guys that are good dudes, don't get me wrong, but there's a lot of those guys are like, "I wanna be the one in power."

Ari Shaffir 46:36 Right.

Joe Rogan 46:36 Who got bullied in high school.

Ari Shaffir 46:38 Uh-huh.

Joe Rogan 46:38 Nobody respected them. Now all of a sudden they can pull people over and arrest them-

Ari Shaffir 46:41 Yeah, and run red lights

Joe Rogan 46:42 ... and they get, they get a, they get a high off of it.

Ari Shaffir 46:44 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 46:44 And those guys probably don't get a lot of pussy.

Ari Shaffir 46:46 Mm.

Joe Rogan 46:46 And then, you know, they go, "Oh, maybe I could just follow her home."

Ari Shaffir 46:51 Right.

46:51 Watch the camera, watch her drive home.

Joe Rogan 46:53 These, these can't have people have that access to power.

Ari Shaffir 46:55 Did you see this? Leak exact location from any video with sound.

Joe Rogan 46:58 Oh.

Ari Shaffir 46:59 Some guy figured out that there's a-

47:00 Using a Doppler

47:00 ... there's a very low signal in almost every video that probably ever existed-

Joe Rogan 47:05 Yeah

Ari Shaffir 47:05 ... that, uh, AI can now sort of pull out and find out where the location of the video is taken.

47:11 Wow.

Joe Rogan 47:12 This is bad news for terrorists making videos.

Ari Shaffir 47:14 Oh.

Joe Rogan 47:14 Bro, we're so fucked.

Ari Shaffir 47:15 Yeah.

47:16 No play.

Joe Rogan 47:16 We, we are s- That is bad news for terrorists.

Ari Shaffir 47:18 [laughs]

47:19 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 47:19 But then our planes over there.

Ari Shaffir 47:20 No more fucking, no more cool videos. Or what's-his-name that put up that He Will Not Divide Us.

Joe Rogan 47:24 Ah, well, that's what they did.

Ari Shaffir 47:25 Yeah. [laughs] They triangulated it.

47:27 Shia LaBeouf.

Joe Rogan 47:27 You know Radiolab-

Ari Shaffir 47:28 Pre-AI

Joe Rogan 47:28 ... took their episode down.

Ari Shaffir 47:30 Why?

Joe Rogan 47:30 Well, 'cause they were, they were f- they made it look like they were praising these guys from 4chan, which they kinda were.

Ari Shaffir 47:36 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 47:36 What they did was pretty fucking cool.

Ari Shaffir 47:37 Showing the one moment 4chan was the best.

47:39 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 47:40 So if you don't know the story, Shia LaBeouf, he puts this website up, He Will Not Divide Us, and he has a flag he plants. He m- has this anti-Trump rant. And so the 4chan people, they figure out where it is with the constellations, and then a guy drives around in a car-

Ari Shaffir 47:57 In Beach

Joe Rogan 47:57 ... honking his horn so they could triangulate from the video sound-

Ari Shaffir 48:00 And put it up in the m- the fields-

Joe Rogan 48:01 ... where this guy is

Ari Shaffir 48:02 ... in the middle of nowhere

48:03 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 48:03 Yeah. And then they find the flag, and then the guy takes the flag down, looks at the camera and goes, "Fuck you, Shia LaBeouf."

Ari Shaffir 48:08 Whoa.

48:08 And he puts, and he puts up that, he puts up that frog one.

48:11 [laughs] Yes.

Joe Rogan 48:11 Yeah. And then I think they put it in England.

Ari Shaffir 48:13 Oh.

48:13 And the guy scaled the building.

48:15 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 48:16 But the thing about the Radiolab thing was it was a great episode, and they had to take it down 'cause people thought it was promoting 4chan.

Ari Shaffir 48:21 Yeah.

48:22 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 48:22 Truth trolls.

Ari Shaffir 48:23 Truth trolls.

Joe Rogan 48:24 Radiolab has decided to take down this episode. Some listeners called us out, saying that in telling the capture the flag story in the way that we did, we essentially condone some pretty despicable ideology and behavior.

Ari Shaffir 48:35 [laughs] No.

Joe Rogan 48:35 To all the listeners who felt that way, and to everyone else, please know that we hear you, and that we take these criticisms to heart. I feel awful that the things we said could be interpreted that way. That's on us. It was slir- certainly not our intention, and we apologize.

Ari Shaffir 48:51 Well, I'm glad-

48:51 Interesting

48:51 ... for having an awesome episode. I'm so glad I got a hold of it.

48:53 I'm a listener that's calling you out for taking down great journalism.

48:55 I'm so glad I listened to it before they took it down.

48:57 Yeah, yeah.

48:58 But that was-

48:58 By the way

48:59 ... he divided us.

49:00 He did divide us.

Joe Rogan 49:01 Oh, yeah. For sure.

Ari Shaffir 49:02 By the way, he divided us.

49:02 Stood up as-

Joe Rogan 49:03 Yeah. No, uh

Ari Shaffir 49:04 ... always, always at the wars of division of power

49:06 ... he di- he divided us pretty, pretty good.

49:07 Yeah.

49:08 Jackie 4chan.

Joe Rogan 49:09 Yeah, he was a lightning rod for division that was already there.

Ari Shaffir 49:12 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 49:12 And made it, made it way worse.

Ari Shaffir 49:14 Man, the only way a comic would Call out another comic before was if you fucked their ex

Mark Normand 49:19 Or stole a joke

Ari Shaffir 49:20 Or stole a joke, yeah

Joe Rogan 49:21 Stole a joke was the big one

Ari Shaffir 49:22 And now it's [laughs]

Mark Normand 49:24 What, we can't bang exes?

Joe Rogan 49:25 An understatement

Mark Normand 49:26 Oh, boy

Ari Shaffir 49:27 Oh, boy

Joe Rogan 49:27 Oh, boy

Mark Normand 49:29 Ooh

Ari Shaffir 49:30 Yeah, it's pretty bad

Mark Normand 49:32 Is 4chan over?

Ari Shaffir 49:33 No.

Joe Rogan 49:34 4chan rules

Ari Shaffir 49:34 No.

Mark Normand 49:34 Oh, it's still going?

Ari Shaffir 49:35 Yeah

Joe Rogan 49:36 Yeah

Mark Normand 49:36 Is that the dark web?

Ari Shaffir 49:37 4chan-

Joe Rogan 49:38 4chan rules

Ari Shaffir 49:38 4chan rules, dude

Joe Rogan 49:39 What's going on-

Ari Shaffir 49:39 It's so fun

Joe Rogan 49:40 ... I don't know what they're up to

Ari Shaffir 49:41 So they got called, like, alt-right for, you know, whatever-

Mark Normand 49:44 Yeah

Ari Shaffir 49:44 ... that kind of shit, and they realized they're trolls, that's all. They're, they're just against the mainstream. So they deeply backed Kamala Harris for the last election

Joe Rogan 49:53 [laughs]

Mark Normand 49:54 Really?

Ari Shaffir 49:55 Everything she did, "She crushed that, that, uh, debate."

Joe Rogan 49:57 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 49:57 "Oh my God, she's the man."

Mark Normand 49:59 Ah.

Ari Shaffir 49:59 "She's the best." [laughs] Knowing it would piss off the left, just to be like, "Let's just go hard on, for supporting her"

Joe Rogan 50:04 Well, 4chan did a bunch of things. One of... They were a big part of the flat Earth thing

Ari Shaffir 50:08 Yeah

Mark Normand 50:09 Really?

Joe Rogan 50:09 They were a big p- yeah, yeah, yeah, they pushed that.

Ari Shaffir 50:11 Really?

Joe Rogan 50:11 They were a big part of... Yep, 100%.

Ari Shaffir 50:12 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 50:13 They were a big part of the free bleeding movement.

Ari Shaffir 50:15 What is that?

Joe Rogan 50:15 So they created the free bleed-

Mark Normand 50:16 Oh

Joe Rogan 50:16 ... bleeding movement. Like, women, you don't need to be wearing tampons for these fucking men.

Mark Normand 50:21 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 50:21 You just bleed and show your femininity and your p- girl power. And so there was a few knucklehead women that actually thought-

Ari Shaffir 50:28 Believed it

Joe Rogan 50:28 ... this was a good idea. Some, you know, mentally challenged, feeble-minded ladies-

Mark Normand 50:33 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 50:33 ... that went out there and bled in their pants

Mark Normand 50:35 Ai, yai, yai

Joe Rogan 50:36 And they were like, they were really proud of it

Ari Shaffir 50:37 It's so great

Joe Rogan 50:37 ... and they would make it a bit... It didn't last, 'cause it's gross and it's dangerous

Ari Shaffir 50:40 It's so great when you fool someone into thinking [laughs] like you're tr- supporting feminism. Like, it's just these trolls that made you do it

Mark Normand 50:45 Yeah

Joe Rogan 50:45 The big one they did though is QAnon. That's the big one

Ari Shaffir 50:47 Yeah. They invented QAnon?

Joe Rogan 50:48 That fucking documentary-

Mark Normand 50:50 Whoa

Joe Rogan 50:50 ... on HBO is outstanding. It's called-

Mark Normand 50:51 Great doc

Joe Rogan 50:52 ... what is it called? Enter the Storm something?

Mark Normand 50:53 Something like that, yeah

Joe Rogan 50:54 What is it called again?

Ari Shaffir 50:55 They invented it?

Joe Rogan 50:56 Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who was started 4chan, they w- accuse him of... This seems like there's a lot of evidence. Seems like there was one guy who started it-

Ari Shaffir 51:04 Wow

Joe Rogan 51:05 ... and he was a little bit more serious about it, but like, he was like, you know, one of them serious conspiracy-

Ari Shaffir 51:09 Yeah

Joe Rogan 51:09 ... then the other guy came in and just completely ran it. And it's just... it's really hard to know. There's quite a few people involved. Yeah-

Mark Normand 51:18 These are the guys?

Joe Rogan 51:18 ... Into the Storm. Yeah

Ari Shaffir 51:20 Those guys?

Joe Rogan 51:20 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 51:21 That dude?

Joe Rogan 51:21 They're the guys that are running 4chan, and they were also the guy in the m-

Ari Shaffir 51:25 Nice glasses. Damn

Joe Rogan 51:25 ... so-

Ari Shaffir 51:25 When does he drive his UberX? [laughs]

Mark Normand 51:27 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 51:27 The guy with the flannel shirt, they are alleging-

Ari Shaffir 51:30 I like the little guy though

Joe Rogan 51:31 ... that he was-

Ari Shaffir 51:31 The little tiny guy

Mark Normand 51:32 Oh, he was cute

Joe Rogan 51:32 ... oh, yeah, he was great

Mark Normand 51:33 He was fun. QAnon

Joe Rogan 51:34 It's a great fucking documentary

Ari Shaffir 51:35 Yeah

Joe Rogan 51:35 It's a really well, well-made show

Ari Shaffir 51:37 I like this guy

Mark Normand 51:37 Oh, QAnon

Ari Shaffir 51:37 One of those little all heads

Mark Normand 51:38 He'll be on Kill Tony in a week. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 51:40 But you realize how all these people-

Mark Normand 51:42 I fucking know it

Joe Rogan 51:42 ... at the end of the documentary-

Mark Normand 51:43 I was like, "Buy him a ticket"

Joe Rogan 51:43 ... realized they were rubes, and they're like-

Ari Shaffir 51:46 Oh

Joe Rogan 51:46 ... "Oh." Like, guys who were just like, "I was pro-Obama, you know, I was a full Democrat my whole life, then I realized what they're doing," and you know. They all just believed that there was gonna be some sort of, like-

Ari Shaffir 51:57 Resurrection of Kennedy

Joe Rogan 51:58 ... some- they thought that.

Ari Shaffir 51:59 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 51:59 There was one... That was one of them. But they thought that this was all 4D chess, and that Trump was, like-

Mark Normand 52:04 Yeah

Joe Rogan 52:04 ... gonna g- get all the child molesters and all those people, he was gonna expose them all and bring back the republic, and-

Mark Normand 52:11 Hmm

Joe Rogan 52:11 ... wild

Ari Shaffir 52:11 Their vote counts the same as any of yours

Joe Rogan 52:13 Oh, yeah

Mark Normand 52:14 Oh, yeah

Joe Rogan 52:14 And Bonnie Blue's, her, her vote counts

Ari Shaffir 52:16 And Bonnie Blue's, yeah

Mark Normand 52:17 Ugh

Joe Rogan 52:17 Yeah.

Mark Normand 52:17 It's fun to see these-

Joe Rogan 52:18 Anybody's vote counts

Mark Normand 52:19 ... a lot of the tech guys are going back to blue. You see that? They're all like ep- after the way-

Joe Rogan 52:22 Of course they are

Ari Shaffir 52:23 What do you think? Do you remember what they were before Trump?

Mark Normand 52:25 Ex- exactly

Joe Rogan 52:26 Also, they just want a couple more years of being able to work on AI until they control the world entirely

Ari Shaffir 52:33 Yeah

Joe Rogan 52:33 They're just like, "Whoever's in control, yeah, yeah, you win. Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Ari Shaffir 52:36 Yeah, yeah

Joe Rogan 52:37 "We'll take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Open border, who cares?" Like, they don't give a fuck. They just want to get to a position where their shit becomes unstoppable

Mark Normand 52:46 Hmm

Joe Rogan 52:47 That's what I think. I think there's a quite a few of these guys that are, are running these tech companies that realize that whatever power-

Ari Shaffir 52:52 Play both sides

Joe Rogan 52:52 ... the government has over them, that's for now

Mark Normand 52:55 Playing ball

Ari Shaffir 52:56 Right

Joe Rogan 52:56 Get their-

Ari Shaffir 52:56 They'll be bigger than any government. They'll be international

Joe Rogan 52:58 I think, I... Well, I don't even know if that's their plan, but I think that's what they're going to be.

Mark Normand 53:02 Hmm

Joe Rogan 53:02 I think they're gonna be impossible to stop

Mark Normand 53:04 What about the perks of AI? Aren't there some good things?

Joe Rogan 53:06 What?

Mark Normand 53:06 Didn't we cure something? Cured meat?

Joe Rogan 53:09 Well, math

Mark Normand 53:10 We got, like-

Joe Rogan 53:10 All these math problems that they've stru- struggled with for decades-

Mark Normand 53:13 Whoa

Joe Rogan 53:13 ... they solve them instantly

Mark Normand 53:14 I think they cured diabetes

Ari Shaffir 53:15 I've been struggling with math for years

Mark Normand 53:17 Yeah, same

Joe Rogan 53:18 So this will be good for me

Ari Shaffir 53:19 It's amazing they can do that, but when you ask it any question, it first gives you the complete wrong answer

Mark Normand 53:24 How do you mean?

Ari Shaffir 53:24 And you gotta go... You're like, "What's the best seat in this theater?" And they tell you seat 14L.

Mark Normand 53:27 Ugh

Ari Shaffir 53:27 I'm like, "Isn't it not that? Because that's way off to the side." They go, "Good point. Yep, it's not that at all"

Mark Normand 53:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 53:31 Hmm.

Mark Normand 53:32 They're very agreeable. And they compliment you

Ari Shaffir 53:35 Yeah

Joe Rogan 53:35 Hmm

Ari Shaffir 53:36 They started giving me... I was like, "Did I get the best one in this huge theater?" I'm like, "Is this the best?" They're like, "Yeah, it is. You got the right ticket." I'm like, "You sure it's not one row back?" They're like, "Yeah, it's one row back"

Joe Rogan 53:44 Well, right

Ari Shaffir 53:44 And then I go, I go, "Why are you giving me the wrong information?"

Joe Rogan 53:46 You were doing that. Why were you doing that?

Mark Normand 53:47 Hmm

Ari Shaffir 53:47 I, I wanna get the fucking-

Joe Rogan 53:48 That's crazy you were doing that

Ari Shaffir 53:49 ... ideal surround sound. Why?

Joe Rogan 53:50 That's weird

Ari Shaffir 53:51 One of those 70 millimeter, like, huge screens

Joe Rogan 53:53 Weird. Wait, you did that for a movie theater?

Ari Shaffir 53:55 It's... Yeah. It said-

Joe Rogan 53:56 It is the best seat

Ari Shaffir 53:56 ... "We didn't want you to make you feel bad about your purchase"

Joe Rogan 53:58 "Hey, Grok, is this the best seat?"

Ari Shaffir 53:59 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 54:00 You know, these fucking weirdos

Mark Normand 54:02 That is a little strange. You should be able to see the best seat. Why are you asking them?

Joe Rogan 54:05 Are you allowed to pick your own seats in England?

Ari Shaffir 54:07 Yeah. Yeah. But there's no-

Joe Rogan 54:08 They let you?

Ari Shaffir 54:09 ... fucking amalgamator. There's no, like, uh, movie phone or-

Mark Normand 54:12 Movie phone?

Ari Shaffir 54:12 ... or whatever the fuck that is

Joe Rogan 54:13 What's that? Movie phone used to be sick, dude

Ari Shaffir 54:14 Yeah, it's where you see all the movies. You gotta go to individual websites

Joe Rogan 54:18 Oh

Ari Shaffir 54:18 That's, that's kinda how it works here. Fucking backwards country

Mark Normand 54:21 That's kinda how it works here too

Ari Shaffir 54:22 No, you get, you get Seven Seven Film or whatever the fucking website is, and it just tells you every movie within a fucking 10-mile radius

Mark Normand 54:28 That's true

Joe Rogan 54:29 And you go, "Hey, Grok-

Ari Shaffir 54:30 "Hey, Grok" [laughs]

Joe Rogan 54:30 ... what's the best seat for the sound experience in this movie?"

Ari Shaffir 54:33 "What's a good seat?"

Joe Rogan 54:34 No, you gotta ask-

Mark Normand 54:34 Holy shit, that's-

Ari Shaffir 54:35 ... "Is sitting front row here bad?" And they'll go, "Yeah, avoid that one"

Joe Rogan 54:37 Yeah, of course. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 54:38 Or they go, "No, it's far in the back"

Joe Rogan 54:39 Ask a fucking 10-year-old that

Ari Shaffir 54:41 I don't know a 10-year-old. I'm not allowed to be around them anymore

Joe Rogan 54:43 Oh, sure you don't

Ari Shaffir 54:43 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 54:44 They're down there. They're at McDonald's

Ari Shaffir 54:46 The law of the street's on me now.

Mark Normand 54:48 Grooming gang.

Ari Shaffir 54:49 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 54:49 What do you not like about being over there?

Ari Shaffir 54:51 It's a nation of Karens

Mark Normand 54:53 Really?

Joe Rogan 54:53 Really?

Ari Shaffir 54:53 Yeah, it's all rule followers, idiots who just fucking... It, it doesn't apply, but they're, "Nah, you can't be doing that"

Mark Normand 54:58 And no drip coffee

Joe Rogan 54:59 Like of what? Like what?

Ari Shaffir 55:01 Anything that you're not following the rules. Any dumb rule, they're like, "This doesn't... Who cares?" They're like, "You should..." They, they tattle tale. They're like, "You're not allowed... Dogs off leash," like, "You're not allowed in this one"

Mark Normand 55:09 Wow. Well, they're the original whites-

Ari Shaffir 55:11 Yeah

Mark Normand 55:11 ... so they're gonna be the most Karen

Ari Shaffir 55:12 But even if they don't care, they're the most Karens

Joe Rogan 55:13 Original whites

Mark Normand 55:15 Yes, the Bruce Jenner

Ari Shaffir 55:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:16 Hmm. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 55:17 Everything's gotta run by the rules. I- that's lame And also, but I don't care 'cause I'm American, so I just do what I want.

Mark Normand 55:23 Mm.

Ari Shaffir 55:23 Yes.

Mark Normand 55:24 The streets fuck me up still. When I go over there, I'm like-

Ari Shaffir 55:26 Yeah

Mark Normand 55:26 ... "Oh, geez. I'm on the wrong side."

Ari Shaffir 55:27 There's no green boxes.

Mark Normand 55:27 Yeah, almost got hit by a car.

Ari Shaffir 55:29 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 55:29 Looking both ways.

Mark Normand 55:30 Yeah. Every time it gets me. They even have shit on the, on the ground that tells you.

Ari Shaffir 55:33 Yeah, nobody jaywalks. I just jaywalk.

Joe Rogan 55:35 What made you decide to do this, to fully commit to this?

Ari Shaffir 55:38 To England?

Joe Rogan 55:39 Yeah.

Mark Normand 55:39 Who you talking to? This guy lived in Montjuïc Beach for-

Ari Shaffir 55:41 Yeah, I tried to like-

Joe Rogan 55:42 I know, I know, I know

Ari Shaffir 55:42 ... two weeks.

Mark Normand 55:43 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 55:43 But that at least makes sense, 'cause it's like-

Joe Rogan 55:45 Bro, you're an alien

Ari Shaffir 55:45 ... a completely alien culture.

Mark Normand 55:47 I am bombing on a level that I have-

Joe Rogan 55:49 [laughs]

Mark Normand 55:49 ... not since my second year of comedy.

Ari Shaffir 55:51 Is really?

Mark Normand 55:52 It's an occasional crushing set, and so high a percentage of like, what the fuck was that? Why you guys mad at me over this joke?

Ari Shaffir 55:59 Right.

Mark Normand 56:00 I see it not going well. Why are you angry? I don't get any of this.

Joe Rogan 56:02 Wow.

Ari Shaffir 56:02 Well, you can't even put it on Facebook.

Joe Rogan 56:04 That's brutal.

Ari Shaffir 56:04 You can't even post.

Joe Rogan 56:05 It seems like you're trying to do gangster rap in a retirement home.

Ari Shaffir 56:08 [laughs]

Mark Normand 56:08 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 56:09 Like why not-

Ari Shaffir 56:10 That's about right

Joe Rogan 56:10 ... why not do it where people like gangster rap?

Ari Shaffir 56:13 I'll win 'em over. I'll get 'em eventually.

Joe Rogan 56:14 Yeah. Why?

Mark Normand 56:16 You'll get 'em. I mean, Bill Hicks went over there.

Joe Rogan 56:18 You'll have to change.

Ari Shaffir 56:18 Patrice. Yeah, Patrice, Stan Hope.

Joe Rogan 56:19 You have to change your... Yeah, but that was a different time, dude.

Ari Shaffir 56:20 And all of them were pretty negative about it.

Joe Rogan 56:22 That was all pre-woke.

Ari Shaffir 56:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:23 It was pre-woke.

Mark Normand 56:24 Oh, really?

Ari Shaffir 56:24 Yeah, you ever listen to Patrice talk about England?

Joe Rogan 56:26 Mm-mm.

Mark Normand 56:26 Hated it?

Ari Shaffir 56:27 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 56:28 Yeah.

Mark Normand 56:28 Wow.

Joe Rogan 56:28 Those are the pre-woke days.

Ari Shaffir 56:31 I mean, tried to go to The Cellar. It's rough.

Mark Normand 56:33 I think England's worse than us.

Joe Rogan 56:35 The Cellar's bad?

Ari Shaffir 56:36 The Cellar's bad.

Mark Normand 56:36 I think that shit.

Joe Rogan 56:36 England's worse than us, for sure.

Ari Shaffir 56:36 It's usually young, young people that are like... The young ones are worse than the, the progressive ones, 'cause the young ones are like, "Don't even bring this up."

Joe Rogan 56:43 Mm.

Ari Shaffir 56:43 The progressive ones are like, "We're actually intelligent enough to know you're joking."

Joe Rogan 56:46 Right, right, right.

Mark Normand 56:48 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 56:48 Um, yeah, but they're poor, clutchy. If you do like poop humor too early in the night, they go-

Mark Normand 56:53 What?

Ari Shaffir 56:53 ... "Oh, you twat."

Joe Rogan 56:54 Uh... [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 56:55 I mean-

Mark Normand 56:55 That's-

Joe Rogan 56:55 I've noticed that poop humor doesn't work.

Ari Shaffir 56:57 In where?

Joe Rogan 56:58 Anywhere. Every single show I've gone, "Hey, everyone, I just had diarrhea before I came out here. That's what's going on with me." And they go, "Oh, disgusting."

Mark Normand 57:05 Really?

Ari Shaffir 57:05 Because it doesn't look like a surprise that you'd have it.

Joe Rogan 57:07 [laughs] Yeah.

Mark Normand 57:08 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 57:09 If Jimmy Carr says it, they'll be like, "Yeah, this is the greatest thing."

Joe Rogan 57:12 No, no, trust me.

Mark Normand 57:13 You assume he has diarrhea.

Ari Shaffir 57:14 You assume.

Joe Rogan 57:14 Every, every single, every single comedian that's ever been... Like kids, you know, before a show, you're like, "I," sometimes you get nervous, you take like a nasty-

Ari Shaffir 57:21 Sure.

Mark Normand 57:21 Hot sprayer

Joe Rogan 57:21 ... something. And then you go, "Oh man, this is crazy. I just had diarrhea." Every single time the crowd's been like, "Ew."

Ari Shaffir 57:26 Ew.

Mark Normand 57:27 Wow. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 57:27 "Why would you say that?"

Joe Rogan 57:28 I can kinda understand their point.

Ari Shaffir 57:29 8:40, dude.

Joe Rogan 57:30 I know, and then you, yeah, you get a little mature and you go-

Ari Shaffir 57:32 Yeah

Joe Rogan 57:32 ... "Yeah, that was a mistake that I opened several shows that way."

Mark Normand 57:35 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 57:35 [laughs] Sorry, I did.

Joe Rogan 57:35 And so like what subjects are they freaking out about over in England? Like what, what do they not like you talking about?

Ari Shaffir 57:40 Uh-

Mark Normand 57:40 Muslim

Ari Shaffir 57:40 ... they don't care about trans at all. They-

Joe Rogan 57:42 Trans at all?

Ari Shaffir 57:43 They don't care about it at all. At all. It doesn't come up. And then-

Mark Normand 57:45 Immigration?

Ari Shaffir 57:46 ... immigration's a biggie.

Joe Rogan 57:48 So they get upset if you talk about immigration?

Ari Shaffir 57:49 Yeah, but I figured out how to do it in a way that I'll-

Joe Rogan 57:52 Okay

Ari Shaffir 57:52 ... I can get 'em.

Mark Normand 57:52 Well, you're an immigrant.

Ari Shaffir 57:53 I'm an immigrant. Yeah, so I can say it sometimes.

Mark Normand 57:56 You can do it.

Ari Shaffir 57:56 Um, I'm trying to think what else. Yeah, some of it they're just like, they hear your accent and they go, "What, do you think you're better than us?"

Joe Rogan 58:03 Really?

Ari Shaffir 58:03 I still can't believe I said... It's like, "Yes, first of all." [laughs]

Mark Normand 58:08 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 58:08 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 58:08 But also, "No, I'm just trying to do jokes. Chill."

Joe Rogan 58:11 Why do you think you're better than us?

Ari Shaffir 58:12 Yeah.

Mark Normand 58:13 We are better. We moved out and beat 'em. Pretty good.

Ari Shaffir 58:16 At their own game, yeah.

Mark Normand 58:16 With like a bunch of ragtag queefs, and they had like the biggest-

Ari Shaffir 58:20 Yeah

Mark Normand 58:20 ... Navy.

Ari Shaffir 58:21 Bandeds. [laughs] We're still beating them.

Joe Rogan 58:23 My friend Steve, who moved to California from England, he said that what he experienced over there was they did not want you to have aspirations. They-

Mark Normand 58:31 Yes.

Ari Shaffir 58:31 Fall in line, work the machine.

Mark Normand 58:32 It's all poppy.

Joe Rogan 58:33 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 58:33 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 58:33 They don't like it if you-

Ari Shaffir 58:34 It's interesting

Joe Rogan 58:35 ... wanna do something big. They don't like it if you have big plans. They don't ever say, "Wow, that's awesome, man. Good luck."

Ari Shaffir 58:41 Well, on the opposite side of that, the government super supports artists there.

Joe Rogan 58:45 Oh wow.

Ari Shaffir 58:45 Like they fund them, and then it creates a, a, a group of people who are like, "You need help? I'll introduce you to all the clubs." Like club owners are telling me, booking people for other clubs. Instead of here, they go, "If you work that club, you'll never work here."

Joe Rogan 58:57 Yeah, that's wild.

Ari Shaffir 58:57 There they go, "Let me give you all the names."

Mark Normand 58:59 Oh, nice.

Ari Shaffir 59:00 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:01 That's so stupid. That work-

Mark Normand 59:01 I don't like the government funding stand-up comedians.

Joe Rogan 59:04 Too much government.

Mark Normand 59:05 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 59:06 It's the arts.

Joe Rogan 59:06 That's like-

Mark Normand 59:06 I don't want the government involved-

Joe Rogan 59:07 I don't like that

Mark Normand 59:07 ... at all-

Ari Shaffir 59:08 No

Mark Normand 59:08 ... in stand-up comedy

Joe Rogan 59:09 ... but I also-

Mark Normand 59:09 Right

Joe Rogan 59:09 ... the idea of c- clubs saying you can't work other clubs is the dumbest shit.

Ari Shaffir 59:12 It's retarded.

Joe Rogan 59:13 That happens a lot.

Ari Shaffir 59:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:13 It's so stupid.

Mark Normand 59:14 I'm at Cap City tonight.

Joe Rogan 59:16 It's a great place.

Ari Shaffir 59:16 [laughs] Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:17 I've never been there.

Ari Shaffir 59:18 They don't care.

Mark Normand 59:18 To the new one.

Joe Rogan 59:19 They were s- and then when people, when they first, when we were first started opening, they didn't want you to be here-

Ari Shaffir 59:24 Right

Joe Rogan 59:24 ... for four months at the mothership.

Mark Normand 59:26 Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan 59:27 If you... Yeah, you couldn't do it for four months-

Ari Shaffir 59:29 What?

Joe Rogan 59:29 ... after you did Cap City or four months before.

Mark Normand 59:32 Did you, did you have to like talk to them?

Joe Rogan 59:32 Yes.

Mark Normand 59:33 Good.

Joe Rogan 59:33 Of course. I was like, "Come on. I'll, I'll promote your club."

Mark Normand 59:35 There you go.

Joe Rogan 59:36 "I, I don't give a fuck."

Mark Normand 59:37 That's nice.

Joe Rogan 59:37 Especially if one of my friends is there, like if you're there, I'll, I'll tweet about it. Who cares?

Ari Shaffir 59:41 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 59:42 I want more people to come see comedy. Why, why would I give a fuck if they're at my club or some other club?

Mark Normand 59:46 Hear, hear.

Ari Shaffir 59:47 I had a, I had somebody tell me, like when I filmed my YouTube special at The Creek-

Joe Rogan 59:51 Oh, yeah

Ari Shaffir 59:51 ... like, "You'll never work here again."

Mark Normand 59:53 Whoa.

Ari Shaffir 59:54 And I was like-

Joe Rogan 59:55 Where?

Ari Shaffir 59:55 ... "I don't know who you are."

Joe Rogan 59:56 Where were they-

Mark Normand 59:56 Yeah

Joe Rogan 59:56 ... where'd they say you'd never work?

Ari Shaffir 59:57 Uh, that would give it away.

Joe Rogan 59:58 Okay.

Ari Shaffir 59:59 But it was nothing-

Joe Rogan 59:59 But it was somewhere that you had worked before?

Ari Shaffir 1:00:01 Uh, not really-

Mark Normand 1:00:02 No

Ari Shaffir 1:00:02 ... but it was genuinely like-

Joe Rogan 1:00:04 So they were upset that you did The Creek?

Ari Shaffir 1:00:04 ... "I don't really know you, so you being involved-

Joe Rogan 1:00:07 That's great

Ari Shaffir 1:00:07 ... in this decision-"

Mark Normand 1:00:08 We'd rather you not do that. Do you know what I'm saying?

Joe Rogan 1:00:09 Yo, tell me who it is. We'll edit it out.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:10 Back. We're back.

Joe Rogan 1:00:11 [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:00:11 Hey, we're back. How are you?

Joe Rogan 1:00:13 We're back. A lot of shit talk you guys just missed.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:15 Yeah, we're back there. A lot of shit talk.

Joe Rogan 1:00:16 Yeah, but-

Ari Shaffir 1:00:16 Edit it out

Joe Rogan 1:00:16 ... [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:00:17 How about that eunuch, huh?

Ari Shaffir 1:00:18 That eunuch had it coming.

Joe Rogan 1:00:19 There, there's always-

Mark Normand 1:00:20 Yeah. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:00:20 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:00:20 There's always gonna be people like that-

Mark Normand 1:00:22 Yeah

Joe Rogan 1:00:22 ... that gatekeep.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:22 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:00:23 Fuck those people. Fuck those people.

Mark Normand 1:00:23 But that shit's over. That's antiquated. They have no power now.

Joe Rogan 1:00:26 Well, you know, they've got some amongst young people that are coming up, but as long as we hold the line-

Ari Shaffir 1:00:31 Yeah

Joe Rogan 1:00:31 ... you know, and as long as like clubs like my club just says, "There's no rules like that. You do whatever the fuck you want, have fun."

Ari Shaffir 1:00:36 It's so funny, I heard a club told you, like, "If you pay that well, then people won't do my club, because I can't pay that well." And Joe's response like, "What?"

Joe Rogan 1:00:44 Pay that well.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:44 "What do you want me to..."

Joe Rogan 1:00:45 You're gonna have to pay him more.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:46 "What? Why are you calling me? I don't know."

Mark Normand 1:00:47 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:47 "I'm gonna pay what I feel like paying."

Joe Rogan 1:00:48 I think I'm probably the only guy who's ever opened up a club with the goal to not lose money. Not ma-

Ari Shaffir 1:00:53 Yeah

Joe Rogan 1:00:53 ... I, I'm like, I don't wanna make any money. I go, I just don't wanna lose any... I don't wanna, I want t- to go bankrupt with this comedy club.

Ari Shaffir 1:00:58 People were laughing about that last night.

Mark Normand 1:00:59 What?

Ari Shaffir 1:01:00 Uh, about, uh, Joe Payne on the shows, The Rogan and Friends.

Mark Normand 1:01:05 Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:01:05 And I was like, "I've never-"

Mark Normand 1:01:08 Gotten a paycheck

Ari Shaffir 1:01:09 ... asked to even collect that."

Mark Normand 1:01:11 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:01:11 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:01:11 And they were like, "Dude, you might have a check at the mothership."

Mark Normand 1:01:13 200 grand in the, in the green room.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:15 Yeah. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:01:15 Yeah, just waiting for you.

Mark Normand 1:01:16 It pays very well.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:17 I feel like I've never even once been like, "Hey, where's my check?" [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:01:20 Might wanna check on Egan. He's in Japan right now.

Joe Rogan 1:01:22 This is my-

Ari Shaffir 1:01:22 Yeah, yeah, yeah

Joe Rogan 1:01:23 ... my position-

Ari Shaffir 1:01:24 Get that freak check off, guys

Joe Rogan 1:01:24 ... has always been

Mark Normand 1:01:27 Under the bridge

Joe Rogan 1:01:28 My position has always been people are there to see comedy. They're not there to buy drinks. The comedian should make most of the money.

Mark Normand 1:01:33 No food.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:33 Dude, I, I was... Sean Patton was playing there the first time, and he goes, I was leaving the stand, he goes, "Hey, can I talk to you about this contract for the mothership?" I was like, "What?" I'm like, "Oh, it's real." He goes, "No, no, no, but I did the math, and if it's all right..." I'm like, "Buddy, it's real." [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:01:44 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:45 He goes, "No, no, no, but you don't understand. It, it ends up being like a month's worth of..." I'm, "Dude, it's real. [laughs] Just enjoy it."

Mark Normand 1:01:50 Yeah. Enjoy it. Enjoy the condo.

Joe Rogan 1:01:52 It's supposed to be that way.

Ari Shaffir 1:01:54 I know.

Joe Rogan 1:01:54 That's, that's what's generating the money, and as long as we make a good environment and keep bringing good comics, they don't even have to be people that sell really well other places because people know they're gonna be good if they're booked there.

Mark Normand 1:02:03 Mm.

Joe Rogan 1:02:03 So remember how The Comedy Works used to be, or I guess still is? People trusted Wendy. They knew The Comedy Works-

Ari Shaffir 1:02:09 You could trust them, yeah

Joe Rogan 1:02:09 ... if, even if you didn't know who the headliner was, if they're a headliner at The Comedy Works, they were gonna be legit.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:13 They paid you once over a sellout because there were no shows, and then during the opener, me, they're like, "Well, there's no shows. Let's let s- people on the wait list in." So they give you 105% of the-

Mark Normand 1:02:24 Yeah

Ari Shaffir 1:02:24 ... 'cause there's extra tickets sold.

Joe Rogan 1:02:25 Oh, that's nice. Yeah, she's solid.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:27 She could've taken it, but-

Joe Rogan 1:02:28 And she did a great job of like starting a community.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:30 Yeah.

Mark Normand 1:02:31 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:31 Like she, she has a whole system like Sam Tallent was talking about the other day. The system she has, he moves you into like a middle position, and she watches comics, and she just, she just takes it seriously.

Mark Normand 1:02:41 That's great. That's kinda over.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:41 We're talking good ones. What, who's the guy who runs Hilarities in Cleveland?

Mark Normand 1:02:44 Oh, uh, Nick.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:46 He's the man.

Mark Normand 1:02:46 He's the best.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:47 First-

Mark Normand 1:02:47 Old mob guy

Ari Shaffir 1:02:48 ... first time I ever headlined there, he just gave me an extra $1,000.

Joe Rogan 1:02:51 Wow.

Mark Normand 1:02:51 Wow.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:52 And not for ticket sales, not for anything. He was just like, "You're good."

Mark Normand 1:02:55 Whoa.

Joe Rogan 1:02:55 That's awesome.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:56 Just trying to see if like, he was... Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:02:58 That's nice.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:58 Free food.

Mark Normand 1:02:58 It's the coolest fucking thing ever.

Ari Shaffir 1:02:59 He always says hi to you whenever I'm there.

Joe Rogan 1:03:01 He's the man.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:01 Send my regards.

Mark Normand 1:03:02 Yeah. Nice. Make it Sam.

Joe Rogan 1:03:03 Nice.

Mark Normand 1:03:03 Thanks.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:04 Yeah, just cool.

Mark Normand 1:03:05 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:05 There's good guys out there.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:06 The guy who runs all the Brick Towns, Adam.

Mark Normand 1:03:08 Mm-hmm.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:09 He's fucking cool.

Mark Normand 1:03:09 Core West.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:11 There's a few.

Joe Rogan 1:03:12 Dorfman.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:12 Dorfman's great.

Joe Rogan 1:03:13 Dorfman's great. Dorfman, Nashville.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:14 Oh, Dorfman's a nice dude.

Joe Rogan 1:03:15 He's a good dude.

Mark Normand 1:03:15 Good egg.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:15 That's my guy.

Joe Rogan 1:03:16 Yeah, he's a good dude.

Mark Normand 1:03:17 Although, get him in a green room, he is not shutting up. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:03:20 No. [laughs] Dorfman's my guy.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:21 Talk about hockey. Talk about hockey.

Mark Normand 1:03:22 We've had many drunk nights, but-

Ari Shaffir 1:03:23 Dorfman runs... He's, he, I, that's my tour.

Mark Normand 1:03:26 Oh, really?

Ari Shaffir 1:03:27 Like, it's Dorfman.

Mark Normand 1:03:27 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:28 So every single thing I do, Dorfman's there, you know?

Joe Rogan 1:03:30 Nice.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:30 He was the only honest one. Brogan would always go like, "Hey, you should book Ari here. He's always funny." And everyone's like, "Yeah, sure, sure." And Dorfman's like, "Bro, y- you gotta sell tickets." [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:03:38 [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:03:39 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:03:39 You know? I'm not gonna kill my club.

Mark Normand 1:03:41 Right.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:41 Get a draw and I'll book you.

Joe Rogan 1:03:42 But Dorfman also like loves standup comedy.

Mark Normand 1:03:44 Loves it.

Ari Shaffir 1:03:45 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:03:45 Loves it.

Mark Normand 1:03:45 Forever.

Joe Rogan 1:03:46 Loves it.

Mark Normand 1:03:46 I mean, he's got Bill Maher stories from the, the '70s.

Joe Rogan 1:03:49 Bro, that club-

Ari Shaffir 1:03:49 My favorite is the-

Joe Rogan 1:03:50 ... the fucking, the, all the headshots on the wall-

Ari Shaffir 1:03:52 Yeah

Joe Rogan 1:03:52 ... from the '70s and the '80s

Ari Shaffir 1:03:54 Right

Joe Rogan 1:03:54 ... it's wild.

Mark Normand 1:03:54 Although, I just did a Zanies Nashville, and Dorfman's in there telling me stories, and it's great, and he's like, "I should let you prepare." And I was like, "Oh, okay. Thanks." And they brought me up. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:04:03 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:04:04 [laughs] He gave you 10 seconds.

Mark Normand 1:04:05 He talked to me until they brought me up, and then he walked out.

Joe Rogan 1:04:07 One more thing, one more thing.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:08 To every one of my shows, well, not every one, but most of my shows, and then we'll be sitting in the green room. It's usually, you know, it's the fucking Spurs locker room.

Mark Normand 1:04:15 Sure.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:15 I'm sitting there like bracing like, "Oh, fuck."

Mark Normand 1:04:17 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:17 Then finally I'll be like, "All right. I'll, I'll g- I'll drink a beer now. It's, it's enough time." Like, the show's close enough I can have a beer.

Mark Normand 1:04:24 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:24 Then he's like, "I was waiting for you." [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:04:26 [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:04:26 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:04:26 So every time he hands me a beer, he's like, "You ready?" I'm like, "No, slow down."

Mark Normand 1:04:30 [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:04:30 Dorf.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:32 Like I saw you-

Joe Rogan 1:04:33 He came up just to see your SNL

Ari Shaffir 1:04:34 ... yeah, I'll be, yeah.

Mark Normand 1:04:35 He parties.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:36 He, he's fun.

Joe Rogan 1:04:37 Yeah, he's fun. I've, he was at Kill Tony too. He's the-

Ari Shaffir 1:04:39 Dorf rules.

Mark Normand 1:04:40 Yeah, he's the man.

Joe Rogan 1:04:41 Good dude.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:42 Eh, fuck him.

Joe Rogan 1:04:42 Yeah, there, there was, there's a bunch of people like that. Blumenwright in Boston, known that guy forever.

Mark Normand 1:04:47 Oh, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:04:48 Guy Roland. Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:49 They had last time I was there, she was like, "Do you like anything when you're done?" I'm like, "I mean, I, I g- after done with a big show, a glass of scotch is like nice." And I mean, stepping off the stage as she's putting it in my hand.

Mark Normand 1:04:57 Oh.

Joe Rogan 1:04:57 Nice.

Ari Shaffir 1:04:58 It's awesome.

Joe Rogan 1:04:59 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:00 This is-

Joe Rogan 1:05:00 Nice

Ari Shaffir 1:05:00 ... so much more than the money.

Mark Normand 1:05:01 It is kinda weird when you start selling out and the owner of the club's like, "All right. I better go hang out with him."

Joe Rogan 1:05:06 [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:05:06 And you're like, "No, this is a punishment."

Joe Rogan 1:05:08 I want less. Yeah, I want less.

Mark Normand 1:05:08 Yeah, I want less.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:08 That's a bummer when they walk in.

Mark Normand 1:05:10 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:10 And you're like, "Hey."

Mark Normand 1:05:11 Right. Now we gotta chit-chat.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:13 Ugh.

Joe Rogan 1:05:14 Ticket sales are doing really well.

Mark Normand 1:05:16 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:16 Okay.

Mark Normand 1:05:17 I know. I'm like, "Oh, great. Nice."

Ari Shaffir 1:05:19 I haven't talked to you ever. I don't know who you are.

Mark Normand 1:05:21 Exactly.

Joe Rogan 1:05:21 Non-performers do not understand-

Ari Shaffir 1:05:23 You talk to my manager.

Joe Rogan 1:05:23 [laughs] I don't know who you are.

Mark Normand 1:05:24 Yes.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:24 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:05:24 Non-performers don't understand the green room.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:26 I was in Nashville once with I think one of the festivals or Becky Anne's special or something, and some booker of a, owner of a club was talking to Nate before he was this big, and he was like, "Nate, what do we gotta do to get you in my club?" And he's like, "Yeah, yeah, I'd love to." And then the guy leaves and Nate goes, "Y- you know what you gotta do." "Make an offer to my agent?" [laughs] "What are you talking about?"

Mark Normand 1:05:44 Right, right.

Joe Rogan 1:05:44 [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:05:44 Obviously I would go. I do clubs.

Mark Normand 1:05:46 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:47 [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:05:47 That was always weird, like you do a Comedy Central a half hour, and they're like, "Thanks so much for doing this." I'm like-

Ari Shaffir 1:05:52 Yeah, you'd book me

Mark Normand 1:05:52 ... "I'll do this every week."

Ari Shaffir 1:05:53 Yeah. [laughs]

Joe Rogan 1:05:53 [laughs]

Mark Normand 1:05:54 Please book me again.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:55 Help, help.

Mark Normand 1:05:56 Yeah. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:05:56 Please help me.

Mark Normand 1:05:57 I'm very poor.

Ari Shaffir 1:05:58 I'm dying.

Mark Normand 1:05:59 Yeah. Those were tough times, but you had to get on TV. That was the only way in.

Ari Shaffir 1:06:02 The only way to make money, and now Sirius is done.

Mark Normand 1:06:05 Yeah. Thanks, Sebastian.

Ari Shaffir 1:06:07 It's not them. It's not them.

Mark Normand 1:06:07 Just kidding. Sebastian got a raw deal on the internet.

Ari Shaffir 1:06:09 He had a raw deal.

Joe Rogan 1:06:10 He did get a r- well, they went after him because they were losing that money.

Mark Normand 1:06:13 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:14 And the, the problem with it is like it's very weird. Like, all these comics that were, there was a lot of New York comics, right, that were doing it.

Ari Shaffir 1:06:21 It's all, it's all New York comics.

Joe Rogan 1:06:22 It was all New York comics, right?

Mark Normand 1:06:23 Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:06:23 So there's that.

Ari Shaffir 1:06:24 Best comics.

Joe Rogan 1:06:24 And then they were making money off of these things where they would, every time they would play their set, they'd get like 15 bucks, right?

Ari Shaffir 1:06:31 I don't know what that was.

Mark Normand 1:06:32 Something like that.

Ari Shaffir 1:06:32 It was a lot.

Joe Rogan 1:06:32 Here's-

Ari Shaffir 1:06:33 It's been a minute. I haven't checked in a while

Joe Rogan 1:06:33 ... by the way, here's my question. How did they get in?

Mark Normand 1:06:35 Yo, big, big checks.

Ari Shaffir 1:06:36 So it used to be one of the ways was to bring your CD there. They'd run it once, the actual CD, run it once-

Joe Rogan 1:06:42 Uh-huh

Ari Shaffir 1:06:42 ... so it's in the system, and now you get randomized.

Joe Rogan 1:06:45 Okay.

Ari Shaffir 1:06:45 And if there's, if your thing, people turn it off a lot, they'll like take that one out.

Joe Rogan 1:06:49 But I was like, "How is it-"

Ari Shaffir 1:06:49 But anything funny, they run

Joe Rogan 1:06:50 ... so few LA comics? It was like all New-

Ari Shaffir 1:06:52 Because you couldn't go into Sirius in LA.

Joe Rogan 1:06:54 So you had to go there-

Mark Normand 1:06:55 Ah

Joe Rogan 1:06:55 ... and bring them a C- so these guys that were, is it mostly guys that are coming up?

Ari Shaffir 1:06:59 You always had a CD. It's not that anymore.

Joe Rogan 1:07:01 So who's, who lost the money? 'Cause they, the, the way they were referring to it-

Ari Shaffir 1:07:04 Yeah

Joe Rogan 1:07:04 ... it was like very heartstrings thing.

Mark Normand 1:07:06 [laughs] Lost.

Joe Rogan 1:07:06 They were saying, "Oh, they're, these are working class-"

Ari Shaffir 1:07:10 [laughs] With the lost two Israeli lions. Yeah

Joe Rogan 1:07:12 ... working class comics.

Mark Normand 1:07:14 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:14 This is what, the way they just like describe it.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:16 Blue collar.

Joe Rogan 1:07:17 Blue collar comics.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:18 Yeah. Well, I remember when Darren, Darren Carter was the first one. He's like, "Yo, if you haven't filled out your shit, there's money waiting for you. You should finish this up."

Mark Normand 1:07:23 Oh, yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:24 Yeah. And then you would, and you'd be like it was a backlog, so you'd get like-

Joe Rogan 1:07:26 10 or 12 grand.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:28 Crazy.

1:07:28 No wonder, by the way, no wonder they fucking went out of business. They're giving comedians 10... They could've-

Joe Rogan 1:07:33 They're still around. They're still around

Ari Shaffir 1:07:33 ... oh, every year. Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:34 Sirius is still around.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:35 Wow.

Joe Rogan 1:07:35 They're fine.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:35 Howard Stern will do it.

Joe Rogan 1:07:36 They're, they're-

Ari Shaffir 1:07:36 Yeah.

1:07:36 They ain't paying that much

1:07:36 ... they paid the same royalties for-

Joe Rogan 1:07:38 As long as they keep Howard, they'll keep Sirius.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:41 They pay the same shit for music. It's like if they run so- it's a song, it's a track.

1:07:46 Spotify pays nothing.

Joe Rogan 1:07:46 So they pay the same rates.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:47 It's Spotify, it pays nothing.

Joe Rogan 1:07:47 Yeah, well it's because it's, it's like royalty rates.

Ari Shaffir 1:07:50 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:07:50 It's different than streaming. It's very different. And the whole thing is real weird because you get a free subscription every time you get a car. So if you buy a car, you get a free subscription-

Ari Shaffir 1:07:59 Ah

Joe Rogan 1:07:59 ... for like f- 90 days or whatever it is for Sirius.

Ari Shaffir 1:08:02 And then you have to pay.

Joe Rogan 1:08:02 And they count you as a subscriber. So like-

Ari Shaffir 1:08:04 You get OnStar

Joe Rogan 1:08:05 ... we have 30 million subscribers. Like, do you?

Ari Shaffir 1:08:07 Do you, though?

Joe Rogan 1:08:08 Like, how many, how many are listening?

Ari Shaffir 1:08:10 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:08:10 Like, what's... And if you try to r- if you try to, like, get out of it-

Ari Shaffir 1:08:13 Yeah

Joe Rogan 1:08:13 ... like, they'll call you up like, "Why get out?"

Ari Shaffir 1:08:15 Has anyone used OnStar?

Joe Rogan 1:08:16 No.

Ari Shaffir 1:08:17 Never.

1:08:17 Never.

Joe Rogan 1:08:17 Never.

Ari Shaffir 1:08:17 You mean to get to an accident?

1:08:18 I think OnStar is on the exact same Sirius tip.

1:08:21 Just like s- s- subscriptions every-

1:08:22 Yeah, it's in every car. You get three months when you get the car.

Joe Rogan 1:08:24 What is the GPS?

Ari Shaffir 1:08:25 Well, there also a fucking button on your car just in case-

Joe Rogan 1:08:26 If you get in a car accident, you press a button, "Say help."

Ari Shaffir 1:08:29 If your arms are working, you go, "Oh, shit."

1:08:30 If a Ken- if a Kenny drove you off a bridge-

1:08:33 "I'm wasted. Get me out of this OnStar." [laughs]

1:08:33 ... you could be like, "Actually, I'm still here and alive."

Joe Rogan 1:08:35 I think it was a better idea before there were smartphones.

Ari Shaffir 1:08:37 Right.

1:08:37 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:08:38 When did OnStar come along?

Ari Shaffir 1:08:39 Before that.

1:08:40 Remember the Garmin?

1:08:41 For sure before that.

Joe Rogan 1:08:41 I think Garmin-

Ari Shaffir 1:08:42 Garmin was nice.

Joe Rogan 1:08:42 Yeah, Garmin.

Ari Shaffir 1:08:42 The Garmin days.

Joe Rogan 1:08:43 Real good. They can shut your car off, too.

Ari Shaffir 1:08:45 OnStar is what does the steering in-

Joe Rogan 1:08:47 What?

Ari Shaffir 1:08:48 ... some cars now, too.

1:08:48 What's that? PCH?

1:08:49 That's good for your drive back home.

Joe Rogan 1:08:51 That's AI. What?

Ari Shaffir 1:08:51 Yeah, that's what it does in my car that it's, does some sort of-

Joe Rogan 1:08:53 You got OnStar now?

Ari Shaffir 1:08:54 I haven't used it yet, but-

Joe Rogan 1:08:55 Look at this guy enjoying his life. [laughs]

Ari Shaffir 1:08:56 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:08:57 Look how smile-

Ari Shaffir 1:08:58 It's like imagine how much harder this would be if my hands were on the wheel-

Joe Rogan 1:09:01 He's like actively taking his hands off

Ari Shaffir 1:09:03 ... instead of rubbing them.

1:09:03 What? He's getting head.

Joe Rogan 1:09:03 So Jamie, how much of your Cadillac drives?

Ari Shaffir 1:09:05 Fucking Sporus is down there.

1:09:07 I haven't done it, but-

1:09:08 [laughs] Sporus is down there going, "God damn it, I thought I'd die by now."

1:09:13 When you're driving, it shows you on the, like on the GPS path where on that path you can use this. So it's, it'll be like 7 of the 18 minutes the Super Cruise available.

Joe Rogan 1:09:23 Okay. So does it stop at red lights like a Tesla does?

Ari Shaffir 1:09:25 That, I, I honestly think it's just highway steering kind of and it'll steer you in lanes.

Joe Rogan 1:09:28 Hmm.

Ari Shaffir 1:09:28 I think Elon fucked all this up with the Tesla.

1:09:31 Uh, other notes I'll say too is Sirius-

Joe Rogan 1:09:32 How so?

Ari Shaffir 1:09:32 Because self-driving.

Joe Rogan 1:09:34 Yeah.

Ari Shaffir 1:09:34 It's prepaid.

1:09:34 You don't need OnStar.

1:09:36 My whole thing is prepaid for Sirius, so I have it for three years without even having a choice.

Joe Rogan 1:09:40 Well, see, the thing about-

Ari Shaffir 1:09:40 It's built into the car price

Joe Rogan 1:09:41 ... self-driving is this was what it was when I first got a Tesla.

Ari Shaffir 1:09:45 Hmm.

Joe Rogan 1:09:46 So the first time it would just steer for you. It didn't stop at red lights. It didn't do any of that shit. It just kept a distance between you and the car in front of you and it stayed between the lanes. And then it got better and better and better and better over the years because every... It was sending in data to the company every time people did it.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:01 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:10:02 It ke- it kept learning. So now mine, I could just... I leave the club, I press a button, doo, doo. It just drives me home.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:08 Yeah.

Joe Rogan 1:10:08 I don't have to think at all.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:10 Yeah, it's definitely not that good.

1:10:11 That's crazy.

1:10:11 This is not as good as Tesla's.

Joe Rogan 1:10:12 No. I mean, if Tesla licensed that, the whole electric car world would explode 'cause it's so good. But the only way you get it is on a Tesla.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:21 Hmm. It says it does lane change, which is pretty good.

Joe Rogan 1:10:24 There you go. Okay. They stopped, uh, they're not gonna make the Cybertruck anymore.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:28 I heard that.

Joe Rogan 1:10:29 Yeah, they canceled the Cybertruck, which is crazy.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:31 Too many swastikas or like what happened?

Joe Rogan 1:10:33 Well-

Ari Shaffir 1:10:33 Like what, it just wasn't selling?

Joe Rogan 1:10:35 ... it didn't sell as well as they wanted it to.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:36 Well, I think it's gonna-

Joe Rogan 1:10:36 They thought it was gonna sell way more

Ari Shaffir 1:10:37 ... yeah, it's not... I guarantee it stopped selling-

1:10:40 After that?

1:10:40 ... because of the-

Joe Rogan 1:10:41 Election stuff?

Ari Shaffir 1:10:42 ... the culture.

1:10:43 Right.

Joe Rogan 1:10:43 It's a little bit of that, but it was also that's not necessarily the case because the Model Y and the Model 3 are the, the best-selling cars in the world.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:49 The truck was the one that was-

Joe Rogan 1:10:52 The Cybertruck was, yeah. It was-

Ari Shaffir 1:10:53 ... the face of it

Joe Rogan 1:10:54 ... it was also, it's a outrageous looking vehicle.

Ari Shaffir 1:10:56 It's disgusting looking.