JRE MMA Show #36 with Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   Four, three, two, one.…

   1. JRJoe Rogan0:03

      Four, three, two, one. So we get here and young Jamie is obsessed-

   2. BSBrendan Schaub0:08

      (laughs)

   3. JRJoe Rogan0:09

      ... with whether or not Leonardo da Vinci is gay. And, uh, so he says it to Kallen, and then Kallen says-

   4. BSBrendan Schaub0:15

      (laughs)

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:15

      So you said-

   6. BCBryan Callen0:16

      I said the Mona Lisa, the Mona Lisa has a mischievous smile on her face. And appa-apparently, according to art historians, I believe that is a self-portrait, and that was da Vinci himself in drag.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:30

      Is this a conspiracy theory, sir?

   8. BCBryan Callen0:31

      And that's why he is looking back at you with sort of a wry smirk.

   9. JRJoe Rogan0:36

      I don't see that wry smirk. Young Jamie, please pull up-

   10. BCBryan Callen0:39

       (clears throat)

   11. JRJoe Rogan0:39

       ... a photograph of-

   12. BSBrendan Schaub0:40

       This is-

   13. JRJoe Rogan0:40

       ... the masterpiece.

   14. BSBrendan Schaub0:41

       This is a conspiracy theory?

   15. BCBryan Callen0:41

       No. This is, I think this is-

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:42

       This is real?

   17. BCBryan Callen0:43

       I think this is, um-

   18. BSBrendan Schaub0:45

       They didn't tell you that in school, bro?

   19. BCBryan Callen0:45

       At least Dan Brown in his book, uh, The Da Vinci Code actually talks about it. But I- I- this is, I think this is-

   20. BSBrendan Schaub0:52

       You talking about the Tom Hank- you talking about the Tom Hank movies?

   21. BCBryan Callen0:53

       ... standard. Yes. Good movie. Good book.

   22. BSBrendan Schaub0:54

       Well...

   23. BCBryan Callen0:55

       Better book.

   24. BSBrendan Schaub0:55

       Well-

   25. Oh.

   26. JRJoe Rogan0:55

       The part, the book is a different thing than the movies.

   27. BSBrendan Schaub0:57

       Still though-

   28. BCBryan Callen0:57

       Dan Brown, I think, is a professor of theology in, at Harvard or he... Or something like that. (clears throat)

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:03

       Okay. I don't see a sly smile. I see-

   30. BCBryan Callen1:06

       Oh, there's a smile.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   I, I did a…

   1. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      It's amazing.

   2. BCBryan Callen15:00

      I, I did a reading with him one time and, and, uh... He... In the reading... It was just literally me, him, Eric Stoltz, Amy Smart.

   3. JRJoe Rogan15:06

      For what movie?

   4. BCBryan Callen15:07

      Uh, it was a movie that never got made called Men. And I- I- I-

   5. JRJoe Rogan15:11

      Great title.

   6. BCBryan Callen15:11

      ... was reading, I was reading all the parts opposite him and th- well, they were trying to get Owen Wilson. So I was right next to him and I, you know, spent, I don't know, maybe three hours with him. And it was a small... Nobody was there. Nobody else was in the room. Like, just Todd Phillips and, you know, a couple others. He, in the reading, like in the reading as you're just doing it, acting full out and, and amazing, and, and just loves it. And almost like... His eyes were watery at one point where everything's like all the chips are down in the scene and every... And I was just like, "This fucking dude is amazing." And I kept staring at him. And I believed everything he was doing. And just sitting at a table. And we get there, he's a little late, just a little late. Profusely apologizes. He goes, "Guys, I haven't eaten. Just give me a second. I'm dyin'..." And he's just talking, he's so nice. And he had five pieces of sashimi with a tiny little pepper on each one. Fucking right he did.

   7. JRJoe Rogan15:57

      Yeah.

   8. BCBryan Callen15:57

      Oh, yeah. And some Penta water. And he was like, "Thank you so much. That was great." Boop, boop, boom. And then we went out, read the thing. And then he wanted to hear what all of us thought of the script, what our suggestions were. And when he listens to you, his eyes sparkle, his mouth moves in an O. Like, you can be like... I- I think... I was a little confused in the beginning and he's like, "W- hold on, what do you, what do you..." You know. He zeroed in on you and I was like, "This guy loves me, man. We're gonna be best friends." And then that never happened.

   9. JRJoe Rogan16:28

      Mm-hmm.

   10. BCBryan Callen16:28

       Never heard from him.

   11. JRJoe Rogan16:28

       Yeah, we dated for a while.

   12. BCBryan Callen16:29

       He can put you in the new Mission Impossible or some shit.

   13. JRJoe Rogan16:32

       I ta- I- I spent time with him-

   14. BCBryan Callen16:33

       Dude, you're not Scientologist.

   15. JRJoe Rogan16:35

       ... Saturday. Well-

   16. BCBryan Callen16:36

       He could get you to join. I think he could get you to join.

   17. JRJoe Rogan16:38

       Yeah.

   18. BCBryan Callen16:38

       I agree with that 100%.

   19. JRJoe Rogan16:40

       But I wouldn't show up and I'd be like, "Yeah, of course I will."

   20. BCBryan Callen16:42

       Yeah, he would get mad that you weren't showing up.

   21. JRJoe Rogan16:44

       You're late.

   22. BCBryan Callen16:44

       But if you did show up and you charmed people there and just rubbed backs and-

   23. JRJoe Rogan16:47

       I know a lot of Scientologists.

   24. BCBryan Callen16:48

       ... told everybody that you loved them.

   25. JRJoe Rogan16:49

       I was in the class for 10 years that is cited in the book by... Uh, in, in Going Clear.

   26. BCBryan Callen16:55

       Mm.

   27. JRJoe Rogan16:56

       That whole class, that- that- that... I was in that class.

   28. BCBryan Callen16:58

       Dude, I remember.

   29. JRJoe Rogan16:58

       Yeah.

   30. BCBryan Callen16:59

       You had me come to one of those little events.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Oh. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan30:00

      or your ankles or your legs, man.

   2. BSBrendan Schaub30:01

      Oh.

   3. JRJoe Rogan30:01

      Break your elbow, you're like, "Shit, broke my elbow."

   4. BSBrendan Schaub30:03

      Still good though.

   5. JRJoe Rogan30:04

      You're gonna be all right.

   6. BCBryan Callen30:05

      Yeah.

   7. JRJoe Rogan30:05

      You're gonna be all right.

   8. BCBryan Callen30:06

      But you can get a blister, apparently, in the wrong place when you're hiking-

   9. BSBrendan Schaub30:09

      Oh, dude.

   10. BCBryan Callen30:09

       ... way up in the mountains and it can kill you, 'cause you can't walk.

   11. JRJoe Rogan30:12

       John Wayne Parr got a blister on his foot, or, uh, in his heel, he had his heel cracked-

   12. BCBryan Callen30:17

       Yep, yep.

   13. JRJoe Rogan30:17

       ... got it infected, he was in Thailand, it infected, and he missed his daughter's fight and had to stay in a hospital in Thailand and get IV antibiotics.

   14. JVJamie Vernon30:26

       Jesus.

   15. BSBrendan Schaub30:26

       It must've been so bad because John's a knight, he's a badass.

   16. JRJoe Rogan30:29

       He's a fucking animal.

   17. BSBrendan Schaub30:30

       Yeah.

   18. JRJoe Rogan30:30

       And his daughter's fighting in Thailand, I mean, you know, and he basically-

   19. BSBrendan Schaub30:34

       Yeah, that's just shit.

   20. JRJoe Rogan30:34

       ... he started-

   21. BSBrendan Schaub30:35

       Yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan30:35

       ... you know, his whole career in Thailand, practically.

   23. BSBrendan Schaub30:38

       God.

   24. JRJoe Rogan30:38

       Dude, crazy. His foot was all swollen up. Like, you gotta be careful with your feet, man.

   25. BCBryan Callen30:42

       Hell yeah.

   26. BSBrendan Schaub30:42

       Fuck yeah.

   27. BCBryan Callen30:43

       Hell yeah.

   28. JRJoe Rogan30:43

       Don't jump off cliffs.

   29. BSBrendan Schaub30:44

       You ever had an ingrown toenail?

   30. BCBryan Callen30:45

       Oh, ouch.
4. 45:00 – 58:33

   Damn. …

   1. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      there was one video of an elephant meeting an elephant that it had been separated from for 20 years. And they met each other, and they run to each other, and they're bouncing around.

   2. BSBrendan Schaub45:09

      Damn.

   3. BCBryan Callen45:09

      Wow.

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:09

      Yeah. They, they recognize each other.

   5. BCBryan Callen45:11

      Wow.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:11

      They're like this really calm, weird animal that eats everything, dude.

   7. BCBryan Callen45:16

      Yeah.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:16

      You realize, like, one of the things I was thinking, I was like, imagine if you had one of these that lived in your yard. You would have no yard.

   9. BCBryan Callen45:23

      No.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:23

       And this is the problem that people have in Africa.

   11. BCBryan Callen45:25

       Yeah.

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:25

       Okay? The, the, I'm a giant fan-

   13. BSBrendan Schaub45:28

       (laughs) In Africa.

   14. JRJoe Rogan45:28

       ... of elephants, but if you're a poor farmer, and you live in this-

   15. BCBryan Callen45:33

       Wipe out your crop.

   16. JRJoe Rogan45:34

       Yeah. The-

   17. BCBryan Callen45:34

       12 elephants, I mean, what are you gonna do?

   18. JRJoe Rogan45:34

       ... they just come right through your crops.

   19. BCBryan Callen45:37

       Okay, bro.

   20. JRJoe Rogan45:37

       You can't do anything about it. You're starving. You have children.

   21. BSBrendan Schaub45:39

       I know.

   22. JRJoe Rogan45:40

       Imagine you.

   23. BSBrendan Schaub45:40

       I know.

   24. JRJoe Rogan45:40

       You have your, your little boy.

   25. BSBrendan Schaub45:42

       Yeah.

   26. JRJoe Rogan45:42

       And your little boy's gonna go hungry now 'cause these elephants just wanna eat whatever the fuck... They don't understand that you grew this.

   27. BSBrendan Schaub45:46

       They're killing the elephant. We're going elephant hunting.

   28. JRJoe Rogan45:48

       Well-

   29. BSBrendan Schaub45:49

       I love an elephant.

   30. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       ... this is, well, this is the argument-

Episode duration: 2:42:04