JRE MMA Show #56 with Brendan Schaub

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   ... phone calls. I…

   1. BSBrendan Schaub0:00

      ... phone calls. I got nothing to hide.

   2. JRJoe Rogan0:06

      Yee-haw. And we're live, ladies and gentlemen. So I get a message-

   3. BSBrendan Schaub0:09

      Oh, shit. Just like that?

   4. NANarrator0:10

      << Just like that, bitches. >>

   5. JRJoe Rogan0:12

      I get a message, uh, from a friend of mine who says that while he was, uh, listening to the show, we were talking about something and then the ads for that thing started showing up. Yeah. Oh, God. It's, uh, it's Fong from, uh, Plastisel. He says, "You guys were talking about slouching with Theo Von today, and this popped up on his feed just now. I never Googled it before." And it's some fucking alarm that goes off, like, when you slouch forward. Have you seen those things? They glue them on you.

   6. NANarrator0:41

      I- I've been getting an ad for that too.

   7. JRJoe Rogan0:43

      Oh, you have?

   8. NANarrator0:44

      Yeah.

   9. BSBrendan Schaub0:44

      So maybe it was random?

   10. JRJoe Rogan0:45

       So it might be a coincidence?

   11. NANarrator0:45

       It could be that or they could be targeting Joe Rogan listeners.

   12. BSBrendan Schaub0:48

       Yeah, which is what they do.

   13. NANarrator0:50

       Yeah.

   14. JRJoe Rogan0:50

       Yeah.

   15. BSBrendan Schaub0:50

       It's the way it works.

   16. JRJoe Rogan0:51

       Uh, so they found out that we were listening?

   17. NANarrator0:53

       No, they could just be going... I mean, maybe that, but, like, there's a large audience here, so they could just be going after, like-

   18. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       Right.

   19. NANarrator0:59

       That-

   20. JRJoe Rogan0:59

       But do you think, like, what Adam Guerci said the other day-

   21. NANarrator1:02

       Yeah. Oh, that's happening, yeah.

   22. JRJoe Rogan1:03

       ... that, uh, talking about... He was talking about Toyota trucks-

   23. BSBrendan Schaub1:05

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan1:06

       ... and then all of a sudden his Google ads started showing up Toyota Tacomas. And he, and he was like, "Dude," he goes, "They're listening. The robots are listening."

   25. BSBrendan Schaub1:14

       Someone's listening, but they're also looking for, like, key terms and stuff like that.

   26. JRJoe Rogan1:17

       But they're listening to your phone as you're having a conversation.

   27. BSBrendan Schaub1:20

       You think?

   28. JRJoe Rogan1:21

       Yes.

   29. NANarrator1:23

       I, I have a few instances. I took screenshots 'cause I was, it was happen, it happened three s- three consecutive weeks. I touched something. I literally, like, held the object in my hand. And within 12 hours I was getting an ad for it.

   30. JRJoe Rogan1:34

       Maybe you're magic, bro.
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   Don't they even have…

   1. BSBrendan Schaub15:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan15:00

      Don't they even have ropes or nothing?

   3. BSBrendan Schaub15:00

      Was there on it? All the... No ropes, nothing. Kids wiping their shitty sticky fingers in it.

   4. JRJoe Rogan15:05

      Picking their noses.

   5. BSBrendan Schaub15:06

      God.

   6. JRJoe Rogan15:07

      Wiping boogers on the-

   7. BSBrendan Schaub15:07

      Taking LEGOs, just fucking etching their names-

   8. JRJoe Rogan15:10

      The headlights.

   9. BSBrendan Schaub15:10

      ... in the side and shit.

   10. JRJoe Rogan15:11

       Ugh.

   11. BSBrendan Schaub15:11

       I know. I was like, "Come on, McLaren. Show a little pride, huh?"

   12. JRJoe Rogan15:14

       Why would they let-

   13. BSBrendan Schaub15:15

       Put a Tesla there or some shit.

   14. JRJoe Rogan15:16

       Are they really selling a lot of McLarens in Edmonton?

   15. BSBrendan Schaub15:19

       I don't know, man.

   16. JRJoe Rogan15:19

       I know it is that oil money. Starts burning a hole in your pocket. A lot of those guys up there in Alberta, they get those jobs, which are tough fucking jobs.

   17. BSBrendan Schaub15:28

       The oil rigs?

   18. JRJoe Rogan15:29

       Oh my God. Hard work.

   19. BSBrendan Schaub15:30

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan15:31

       Hard work, but big money. Um, my friend John Rivet and, uh, J- his wife Jen, their, their son was, uh, doing it for a while.

   21. BSBrendan Schaub15:39

       Kind of a bad business to be in though, right?

   22. JRJoe Rogan15:41

       S-

   23. BSBrendan Schaub15:41

       'Cause oil's kind of on the way out, right?

   24. JRJoe Rogan15:44

       Uh, not up there, I mean, there's jobs.

   25. BSBrendan Schaub15:46

       I think, I think it's d- I think it's down though.

   26. JRJoe Rogan15:48

       I don't know what's happening.

   27. BSBrendan Schaub15:48

       I know, I know it's down because the economy there, uh, one of the drivers was telling me, he's like, "Yeah, oil's just not what it's... You know, it's a fraction of the price than what it was a year ago, two, two years ago."

   28. JRJoe Rogan15:57

       Oh, really?

   29. BSBrendan Schaub15:57

       He's like, "So we're taking hits from it."

   30. JRJoe Rogan15:59

       Can you imagine if that was, like, your business, and your business could just fluctuate that hard, like all of a sudden-
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Yeah. He's, um ...…

   1. BSBrendan Schaub30:00

      great, man.

   2. JRJoe Rogan30:01

      Yeah. He's, um ... I wonder what he does with his spare time other than fly planes. Like, when you make that much money and you're that famous and then you just sit around. What do you do?

   3. BSBrendan Schaub30:12

      I don't know, but...... there's, there's certain guys at that level, right? Like he's so famous. He's a whole 'nother level. But I was thinking about it last night, Dave Ch- when Dave Chappelle walked in-

   4. JRJoe Rogan30:20

      Yeah.

   5. BSBrendan Schaub30:20

      ... and it was like, you know, you're around, Burr's around, there's some of the greatest comics in the world. Then when Dave Chappelle walks in, I wonder if it's weird for him because I can feel the room, like, (sucking noise) everyone just stares at him.

   6. JRJoe Rogan30:34

      Yeah.

   7. BSBrendan Schaub30:34

      And then he was in the OR and I was in there before he went on and there's, I mean, there wasn't a seat. I mean, people are in the hallways, they're just watch him do his thing, and he's just, he was up there, I don't know, an hour? Two hours? Just not really doing a set, just feeling it out. I went, "Man, that must be weird at where he's at in life that he just goes up there and it's like the, everything shuts down for him as a comic."

   8. JRJoe Rogan30:57

      Well, he's-

   9. BSBrendan Schaub30:58

      Like, he's not working out, right? You know what I'm saying?

   10. JRJoe Rogan30:59

       Well, he's definitely working out.

   11. BSBrendan Schaub31:01

       No, that's-

   12. JRJoe Rogan31:01

       That's how he works out.

   13. BSBrendan Schaub31:01

       ... not what I mean, but it's... Correct. But it's different than if somebody else.

   14. JRJoe Rogan31:05

       Yeah.

   15. BSBrendan Schaub31:05

       Like, all eyes are on him all the time nonstop.

   16. JRJoe Rogan31:07

       Right.

   17. BSBrendan Schaub31:07

       So even with him working out, it's funny as fuck, you know?

   18. JRJoe Rogan31:10

       Well, he, he handles it remarkably well, like the way he just around people. Like, even though he's super duper ridiculous famous, he handles it like he's not.

   19. BSBrendan Schaub31:21

       Yeah.

   20. JRJoe Rogan31:21

       Like he wanders through, but man when people start grabbing at him and wanting pictures and shit, it's so embarrassing.

   21. BSBrendan Schaub31:26

       Oh.

   22. JRJoe Rogan31:27

       They just, they won't let him talk to people, like say if you're talking to him, they don't care if you're in, locked in a conversation about your mom's cancer. They don't care. They're just, "Yo bro, can I get a picture? Of Dave? Dave Chappelle? Dave Chappelle?"

   23. BSBrendan Schaub31:40

       Yeah.

   24. JRJoe Rogan31:40

       "Maybe I could get a picture?"

   25. BSBrendan Schaub31:42

       They freak out.

   26. JRJoe Rogan31:43

       "Maybe a picture?"

   27. BSBrendan Schaub31:43

       They freak out.

   28. JRJoe Rogan31:43

       They just like, "This is my time to dress up my Facebook page," and they get there with that cam-

   29. BSBrendan Schaub31:48

       For the likes.

   30. JRJoe Rogan31:49

       ... they move in on him like a fucking hawk, "Raawr." It's just, it's embarrassing.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   Oh, my God. …

   1. BSBrendan Schaub45:00

   2. JRJoe Rogan45:00

      Oh, my God.

   3. BSBrendan Schaub45:01

      That has to be some mental-health issue, yeah? A little bit?

   4. JRJoe Rogan45:04

      Oh, my God. The t- the tre- well, maybe if you wanted to really play football. "The trend for ling leng- limb-lengthening surgeries swept China, where minimum heights are often quoted on personal adverts and job advertisements as the country opened up to the West a decade ago." Look at that fucking thing on his leg, man. Oh, my God. So, his- what- what we're looking at here, it looks like they s- they cut an inch out of his bone, but then they have this bar that runs through it. So, that's his femur, man.

   5. BSBrendan Schaub45:35

      Dude, that's a terrible idea.

   6. JRJoe Rogan45:35

      That's his upper leg bone. That's not even his shin.

   7. BSBrendan Schaub45:38

      How do you think he's gonna feel when he's 70? That can't be g- good.

   8. JRJoe Rogan45:42

      Oh, my God.

   9. BSBrendan Schaub45:43

      And for what? To be five inches taller? Dude, get a skill. You know what chicks dig over height? Skill, man.

   10. JRJoe Rogan45:50

       No.

   11. BSBrendan Schaub45:50

       Get funny, get a fucking... (sighs)

   12. JRJoe Rogan45:53

       "650 leg-lengthening procedures in West Palm Beach, Florida. Not all to remedy deformities." Some of them to remedy deformities, which makes sense.

   13. BSBrendan Schaub46:02

       Yeah, there's some-

   14. JRJoe Rogan46:03

       Now, how long do you think it takes for them to fucking recover from something like that?

   15. BSBrendan Schaub46:06

       A lifetime.

   16. JRJoe Rogan46:08

       Oh, they have height dysphoria.

   17. BSBrendan Schaub46:09

       Yep.

   18. JRJoe Rogan46:10

       So it's sort of like anorexia with their height.

   19. BSBrendan Schaub46:12

       It's a mental disorder.

   20. JRJoe Rogan46:13

       Ugh. "It's one of the few psychiatric disorders that you can actually cure with a knife," says the surgeon. Oof.

   21. BSBrendan Schaub46:19

       Yeah, says the surgeon trying to sell this bullshit.

   22. JRJoe Rogan46:22

       When- when a doctor uses the term knife.

   23. BSBrendan Schaub46:23

       Oh, my God.

   24. JRJoe Rogan46:24

       Are you really using a knife, bro? Don't you have a scalpel?

   25. BSBrendan Schaub46:26

       I'm probably not going to that guy. "What I can cure with a saw." It costs 85 grand?

   26. JRJoe Rogan46:31

       Look what it says he does here. It's sur- "Surgery is not for the faint-hearted. The leg bone is broken in two. The doctor then implants a state-of-the-art telescopic rod into the cartilage of the bone, which then pulls it apart very gradually, one millimeter a day. New living bone grows along it to fill the gap, and muscles, uh, oh, and nerves, the arteries, the skin also renew themselves. The cost is prohibitive, $85,000, takes at least three months to complete. Grueling physical therapy is essential." (gasps) Look at that one. Look at the gap in his fucking leg. Look how l- big that gap is. Ahh! That's jello.

   27. BSBrendan Schaub47:09

       You ain't playing any sports. You're not playing sports.

   28. JRJoe Rogan47:12

       Imagine just walking up to that guy and leg-kicking him.

   29. BSBrendan Schaub47:13

       Yeah, I was just thinking that. Oh-

   30. JRJoe Rogan47:15

       Ahh! Imagine if he decides to do Muay Thai. I betcha his, um, like, where your leg is vulnerable has changed, right?
5. 1:00:00 – 1:04:00

   See, but everything you're…

   1. JRJoe Rogan1:00:00

      my whole life, is that I like to do, I find things that I like to do and I do them as much as I can. I would, I mean, I have so many different things, whether it's, uh, archery or martial arts or ... I would, dude, I'd join the fucking Pro Pool Tour. I would do something.

   2. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:17

      See, but everything you're talking about, it's, it, what, you, what you're good-

   3. JRJoe Rogan1:00:19

      (laughs)

   4. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:20

      ... about too, though, is you're doing that with friends. Like some of-

   5. JRJoe Rogan1:00:22

      Yeah.

   6. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:22

      ... your friends are the best in the world at those things you just mentioned. So it goes-

   7. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

      That's-

   8. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:25

      ... hand in hand.

   9. JRJoe Rogan1:00:25

      ... that helps. Having, well, yeah, if you were alone with no friends, that shit is very depressing.

   10. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:30

       That's when I can get a little dark. If I'm-

   11. JRJoe Rogan1:00:32

       Yes.

   12. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:32

       You leave me at, like ... My brother goes on the road to me all the time, and I, I've done tons of dates, and when he's not with me and I'm in that r- room all by myself-

   13. JRJoe Rogan1:00:39

       Yeah.

   14. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:40

       ... for like three or four days, like, oh, I'm not, I'm not happy, man. I'm not doing well. I get-

   15. JRJoe Rogan1:00:44

       Why?

   16. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:44

       I g- ev- I don't know. It's probably something I need to talk to someone about, but I don't know.

   17. JRJoe Rogan1:00:48

       That is a depressing thing when you're alone on the road. Um, I used to do those gigs on the road with no opening act, like way back in the day.

   18. BSBrendan Schaub1:00:56

       Yeah, that's what I do.

   19. JRJoe Rogan1:00:56

       And I would work with a, a local guy, and it was just not fun. If the local guy was cool, it was great, we had a good old time and it was fun.

   20. BSBrendan Schaub1:01:04

       I, uh, but, uh-And, you know, I'm, I, I like everybody but if, if ... I'm all set on friends, so if you're not in my group, I don't wanna spend time, like, I'm not gonna go to eat with you. I'm not ... I'll see you, see you at the venue, man. Like, I don't-

   21. JRJoe Rogan1:01:16

       Oh.

   22. BSBrendan Schaub1:01:16

       ... wanna get to know each other.

   23. JRJoe Rogan1:01:18

       You don't wanna get to know anybody new?

   24. BSBrendan Schaub1:01:19

       No.

   25. JRJoe Rogan1:01:19

       Really?

   26. BSBrendan Schaub1:01:19

       No, not really.

   27. JRJoe Rogan1:01:21

       Your book's closed.

   28. BSBrendan Schaub1:01:22

       It's a lot of energy, man.

   29. JRJoe Rogan1:01:23

       (laughs)

   30. BSBrendan Schaub1:01:23

       You know? I talk for a living, so I-

Episode duration: 1:58:13