Lenny's Podcast

How to speak more confidently and persuasively | Matt Abrahams (professor, speaker, author)

Matt Abrahams is a renowned communication expert, with decades of teaching, coaching, and consulting experience. At Stanford University, he teaches a business school class on strategic communication. Beyond academia, he’s a sought-after keynote speaker and consultant, guiding presenters from IPO road shows to prestigious platforms like TED, the World Economic Forum, and the United Nations. His acclaimed podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, garners millions of listeners, and his book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter, equips speakers with practical skills for impromptu success. With a previous bestseller, Speaking Up Without Freaking Out, Matt has empowered countless individuals to speak confidently and authentically. In our conversation, we discuss: • The concept of “daring to be dull” • The power of visualization to desensitize oneself to speaking situations • Managing negative self-talk • The WHAT structure for delivering toasts (why we are here, how you are connected, anecdote, thanks) • The ADD structure for Q&As (answer, detailed example, describe relevance) • Breathing techniques to reduce anxiety, such as the double exhale • Concrete speaking structures like What? So What? Now What? and the Four I’s (information, impact, invitation, implications) • Much more — Brought to you by: • Sprig—Build a product people love: https://sprig.com/getstarted?utm_source=lenny&utm_medium=podcast • Dovetail—Bring your customer into every decision: https://dovetailapp.com/lenny • Coda—Meet the evolution of docs: https://coda.io/lenny Find the transcript and references at: ⁠https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/how-to-speak-more-confidently-and Where to find Matt Abrahams: • X: https://twitter.com/tftsthepod • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/maabrahams/ • Website: https://mattabrahams.com/ • Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/6ll0MwobDt1JW9gYaOONEo Where to find Lenny: • Newsletter: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com • X: https://twitter.com/lennysan • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lennyrachitsky/ In this episode, we cover: (00:00) Matt’s background (04:50) Techniques for managing anxiety in public speaking (10:57) Dare to be dull (13:40) Reframing anxiety as excitement (16:08) Using mantras to boost confidence (18:45) Managing negative self-talk (20:03) Normalizing speaking anxiety (23:12) Using conversation as a communication technique (24:52) Using the double-exhale breathing technique (28:29) Getting present-oriented (29:46) Using tongue twisters (33:34) Broad advice for speaking on the spot (38:35) The PREP structure (38:59) The What? So What? Now What? structure (42:10) Toastmasters and improv (45:31) Getting better at small talk (51:05) The importance of sharing back (52:33) Giving feedback (56:31) Improving toasts and tributes (01:02:57) Mastering Q&A sessions (01:07:25) Apologizing effectively (01:09:29) Closing thoughts Production and marketing by https://penname.co/. For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast, email podcast@lennyrachitsky.com. Lenny may be an investor in the companies discussed.

Matt AbrahamsguestLenny Rachitskyhost

Mar 30, 20241h 11mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Turn Anxiety Into Strength: Practical Tools For Confident Speaking

Stanford communication professor Matt Abrahams breaks down how anyone can reduce speaking anxiety and become more effective in spontaneous communication, from small talk to Q&A and toasts. He explains science-backed tools like visualization, breathing, reframing anxiety as excitement, and using mantras to calm nerves. Matt also introduces simple mental structures (e.g., PREP, What–So what–Now what, ADD, four I’s, triple-A) to organize thoughts quickly when speaking on the spot. Throughout, he emphasizes that speaking well is a learnable skill, not an innate talent, and that practice, reflection, and feedback are essential.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Prepare to be spontaneous by having go-to structures and reps.

Most speaking is unplanned, so you need simple mental templates (like PREP or What–So what–Now what) and lots of practice to organize thoughts quickly instead of rambling under pressure.

Use visualization and breathing to desensitize anxiety before speaking.

Briefly rehearsing the full experience in your mind (entering the room, speaking, leaving) and doing slow exhales (twice as long as inhales) both reduce the “newness” of the situation and calm your nervous system.

Reframe anxiety as excitement and change your self-talk.

Physically, anxiety and excitement look similar; labeling the sensations as “I’m excited to share value” and using mantras like “I have value to add” shifts your mindset and improves performance and audience perception.

Strive for connection over perfection by daring to be dull.

Dropping the pressure to be brilliant frees mental bandwidth; simply answering the question, giving the feedback, or contributing to small talk makes you more present, less anxious, and ultimately more effective.

Anchor spontaneous speaking in simple, repeatable frameworks.

Tools like PREP (Point–Reason–Example–Point), What–So what–Now what for updates, ADD (Answer–Detailed example–Describe relevance) for Q&A, and four I’s or triple-A for feedback/apologies give you a reliable pattern when put on the spot.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Strive for connection over perfection by daring to be dull.

— Matt Abrahams

You actually have to prepare to be spontaneous.

— Matt Abrahams

We are often our biggest impediments to good communication because of the anxiety we bring to the party.

— Matt Abrahams

The funny thing about common sense is it’s not so common.

— Matt Abrahams (quoting a psychology professor)

Everybody can get better at communication… it starts with initiative and is followed by self-compassion.

— Matt Abrahams

Managing public speaking and social anxiety (before and during talks)Visualization and breathing techniques to regulate the body and mindReframing anxiety as excitement and using personal mantrasMindset shifts: daring to be dull and striving for connection over perfectionSimple structures for spontaneous speaking (PREP, What–So what–Now what, etc.)Practical frameworks for small talk, feedback, toasts, Q&A, and apologiesPractice pathways: Toastmasters, improv, courses, and everyday exercises

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