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Lewis HowesHow To INSTANTLY IMPROVE Self-Esteem & MANIFEST ABUNDANCE | Marisa Peer
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Chapter summaries
Thoughts Are Things: Changing Words and Interpretation
Lewis Howes asks how people can stop negative thinking. Marisa Peer explains that thoughts trigger immediate physical and emotional reactions, and that changing a single word, such as 'stuck' to 'safe', can change how a situation feels. She says the meaning we attach to an event affects us, not the event itself.
- •Thoughts produce immediate physical and emotional reactions, like a rumbling stomach or blushing
- •Changing words (stuck vs. safe at home) changes how you experience a situation
- •Peer describes using 'I'm in my bed' to help scan patients, and her own experience in a scanner
- •Fight, flee or freeze can become 'flow'; she cites Nelson Mandela and Isaac Newton
- •The meaning and interpretation you choose is yours to change
Words Make Pictures: Talking to Yourself and Your Mind's Job
Peer explains that feelings come from the pictures and words in your head, using the orange snowman and the 'I'm starving' example. She says your mind's job is to keep you alive, not make you happy, so phrases like 'it's killing me' can lead to illness or avoidance.
- •The way you feel comes down to the pictures you make and the words you say
- •'I'm starving' can trigger overeating because the mind treats hunger as a danger
- •Replacing dramatic words with truthful ones, such as 'I'm ready to eat' or 'it's a challenge'
- •The mind's job is survival, so saying 'my job is killing me' can produce illness
- •Telling your mind you couldn't cope with rejection leads it to protect you from ever experiencing it again
Role, Function, Purpose: Why the Body Creates Symptoms
Peer shares client stories, including light sensitivity, anorexia and bulimia, where a symptom followed a command given to the mind. She says that in 30 years symptoms have served one of three purposes: to protect, to punish, or to get attention. She also tells stories of her mother's lifelong illness.
- •A girl bullied at 11 developed light sensitivity that kept her home
- •Two clients with anorexia and bulimia gave the mind opposing protective commands
- •RTT asks what role, function and purpose a symptom serves
- •The three purposes are protection, punishment and attention
- •Children learn by mimicking, as with Peer's mother and daughter
Unmet Needs and the Four Childhood Roles
Peer outlines a child's needs to feel loved, significant, safe and that they matter. When these go unmet, she says children take one of four roles: the sick one, the brilliant one, the carer or the rebel. Lewis Howes recognizes himself in the brilliant role, and Peer gives examples including a man in Costa Rica.
- •Children need to feel loved, significant, protected/safe and that they matter
- •The four roles are getting sick, being brilliant, being the carer, and being the rebel
- •The rebel role often appears when the other roles are already taken
- •A man in Costa Rica stopped using drugs after seeing how his sibling roles shaped his addiction
- •Understanding these roles can build compassion for family members
Tagging and Seeing the Pattern to Free Yourself
Peer says that with unmet needs a child forms a 'tag' that things will always be this way and stops loving themselves rather than the parent. She says awareness is the first step and describes a client's extreme sports habit rooted in childhood. She also describes having people say 'that's not me' in RTT.
- •Children form tags such as 'it will always be like this' and carry them into adulthood
- •Even successful adults can feel they're faking it
- •A man who heli-skis stopped after realizing he only got attention by hurting himself
- •You have to look at what was going on when a pattern began to fix it
- •Adults can say no in ways children can't
Damage Limitation: Parenting, Honesty and Unconditional Love
Lewis Howes asks how not to mess up our kids. Peer says it's probably impossible but damage can be limited by owning mistakes and apologizing so children don't blame themselves. She advises against joking comments like 'you were supposed to be a boy', and says to tell children they are loved regardless of behavior and will never be punished for telling the truth.
- •Apologizing helps children understand a parent's mood isn't their fault
- •Offhand or joking comments become imprints, as in the narcolepsy client told she was 'the good sleeper'
- •Say 'I love you because you're you' and separate love from behavior
- •Children who feel safe can tell parents about abuse or trouble
- •Peer told her daughter she'd never be punished for telling the truth
Thoughts, Feelings and Actions: Which Comes First
Lewis Howes asks about the difference between feelings and thoughts. Peer says thoughts come first, then feelings, then actions, so changing the thought changes the feeling, but not the reverse. She uses examples like the rock star pushed on stage, fears of animals, and the meat or needle.
- •Thoughts dictate feelings, feelings dictate actions, actions dictate events
- •Managing the feeling alone leaves the thought, which brings the feeling back
- •The same object, like a syringe or a lump of meat, produces different feelings depending on belief
- •Phobias and food choices come from thinking rather than the thing itself
- •How you think about an event affects you more than the event
How Hypnotherapy and RTT Work: The Four I's
Asked whether this is why hypnotherapy is so powerful, Peer describes RTT as hypnotherapy that excites the imagination. She walks through investigating, finding the imprint, interpreting with the client, interrupting the old idea, and installing new powerful words through repetition. She contrasts this with weekly talk therapy, saying hypnotherapy removes both the pain and its cause.
- •Hypnotherapy words should be present tense, picture-making and powerful
- •Steps: investigate, find the imprint, interpret with the client, interrupt, then install
- •Peer cites Muhammad Ali's repeated self-statements as an example of installation
- •A 12–15 minute audio listened to for about 21 days wires the new belief in
- •Finding the cause and installing new words are both needed, or the issue returns like weeds with roots left
Addictions, Lies We Tell Ourselves and Media Hypnosis
Asked about the common cause of smoking, Peer says it's belief, such as 'I can't relax without a cigarette'. She suggests telling yourself a better lie, notes that we are hypnotized daily by our own words and by advertising, and says this can be unwired. Lewis Howes then shares how he recorded an audio to overcome his fear of pole vaulting.
- •Smokers, drinkers and eaters hold beliefs about what they can't do without
- •Peer suggests telling yourself a better lie, such as loving life without sugar
- •We're hypnotized daily by self-talk and media advertising, such as sponsors at the Olympics
- •Lewis recorded an 8–10 minute hype audio and used highlight videos to overcome his fear of pole vaulting
Lie, Cheat and Steal: Building Confidence
Asked how to become confident when you never have been, Peer offers 'lie, cheat, and steal': lie to your mind, cheat fear, steal back the confidence you were born with. She illustrates this with her unplanned live BBC News appearance and a story of a rock star calling the same adrenaline either better than sex or a panic attack.
- •Babies are born fearless
- •Reframe adrenaline as excitement, not nervousness
- •Peer repeated 'I love it' before an unplanned BBC News interview
- •A rock star's same symptoms were called better than sex or a panic attack
- •A good lie, like 'this is exciting', beats a negative one
'I Am Enough': Exposing the Biggest Lie
Peer says 'I am not enough' is the biggest lie and the reason she founded the I Am Enough movement. She says you don't need to be perfect to be loved, and that people find flaws if they look for them. She lists everyday exaggerations as lies and says to tell yourself a better lie.
- •No baby believes they are not enough; the belief is learned
- •Perfect is a race where the finish line keeps moving; apparently perfect clients are often the unhappiest
- •You find what you look for, flaws or strengths
- •Peer lists everyday exaggerations like 'my job makes me want to die' as lies
- •Tell yourself a better lie and you'll have a better life
Practicing I Am Enough and Where to Learn More
Lewis Howes recalls buying his girlfriend an 'I am enough' sign, and Peer suggests writing it on mirrors, phone alerts and passwords until you run out of objections. She says it nourishes the soul and revives an innate birthright. Peer then points listeners to rtt.com and marisapeer.com for training, therapists and free products.
- •Write it, read it, speak it and see it daily until you run out of objections
- •Words nourish the soul as lotion nourishes dry skin
- •Being enough is an innate birthright that was buried, not lost
- •rtt.com offers therapists and live and online training, with no therapy background required
- •marisapeer.com has free products such as immune boosting, wealth wiring and love blocks
The Three Truths: Self-Talk, Healing Wounds and Better Lies in Love
Lewis Howes asks for her three truths. Peer says to tell yourself you're enough, don't let in destructive criticism, and talk to yourself like your own best friend. She adds that unhealed wounds make us bleed on people who didn't cut us, discusses forgiveness and repeating family patterns in relationships, and says to change the beginning of the story rather than the ending.
- •Truths include 'I'm enough', not letting in destructive criticism, and speaking to yourself like a best friend
- •Give yourself the words you've waited for others to say
- •If you don't fix your wounds, you bleed on people who didn't cut you
- •People often choose partners to try to change the ending of an old family story
- •Telling a partner 'I'm choosing you' is more powerful than 'you're the only one'
