How To LET GO, MOVE ON & HEAL From A Toxic Relationship! | Dr. Ramani & Lewis Howes

She says people can’t “turn off” their sympathetic nervous system fast enough, so the goal is awareness and mindful attention rather than self-criticism. She frames triggers as communication from the nervous system that something feels dangerous.

She says the temptation is to use a new relationship as a “palate cleanser,” but warns a narcissistic relationship can erase a person’s preferences, perception, and sense of self. Her “gold standard” is giving yourself about a year (or similar) to regain identity and reduce rumination—ideally reaching stretches of days where you don’t think about the person.

She recommends sharing good news and bad news first with supportive people rather than the narcissistic partner, because the narcissistic partner may respond with envy, dismissal, or irritation. “Indifferent” conversation topics (like weather and logistics) can help “keep the trains running on time” when contact is unavoidable.

She describes DEEP as a mantra for unavoidable relationships: don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain, and don’t personalize. She says defending and explaining invite gaslighting and escalation, and personalizing makes you believe you caused something that is rooted in the other person’s pattern.

Asked what to look for before exclusivity, she prioritizes observing how someone responds to stress and frustration—traffic, lost reservations, travel disruptions—because early dating is “best behavior.” She also flags early imbalance (you making repeated sacrifices), isolation tactics, and covert doubt about your commitment as warning signs.