JJ Virgin on The Mindset That Creates Miracles with Lewis Howes

Lewis Howes 0:00 [upbeat music]

Lewis Howes 0:04 Welcome, everyone, back to The School of Greatness podcast. Very excited about our guest, JJ Virgin, in the house. Thank you so much for being here.

JJ Virgin 0:11 Yay.

Lewis Howes 0:11 I appreciate it. You have, uh, a new book out called Miracle Mindset: A Mother, Her Son, and Life's Hardest Lessons. Make sure you guys go pick it up right now. You can get it ASAP. Uh, you are a New York Time best-selling author, four-time New York Time bestseller, correct?

JJ Virgin 0:27 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 0:27 Of many different nutritional and health-related books, and you're a celebrity nutritionist. You're, among many things, um... [lips smack] And you've been doing it for a long time, and you're looked at as one of the-

JJ Virgin 0:39 Long time. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 0:40 You're looked at as one of the leaders in the space. You know, every book you do is a huge hit, and you heal so many people through your message. But this is a different message. It's not necessarily a nutrition, health-related message, although there's a different type of health related to it.

JJ Virgin 0:55 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 0:55 So can we talk about, um, [lips smack] why Miracle Mindset? Why making this transition, and what is it exactly about?

JJ Virgin 1:04 Well, you know what's so interesting is it seems like, you know, I've been going down this path and I went... But the reality is we queried my community a couple months ago-

Lewis Howes 1:15 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 1:15 ... and we said, "All right. If you are not where you wanna be in your health, why is it?" Now, I expected to hear, "I can't give up my cheese."

Lewis Howes 1:24 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 1:25 Right?

Lewis Howes 1:25 Right, right.

JJ Virgin 1:25 Or I've, it's like-

Lewis Howes 1:26 I love my sweets

JJ Virgin 1:27 ... I'm the sugar addict.

Lewis Howes 1:27 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 1:28 Right? Okay, 'cause I mean, come on. Like, I, you know, I'm all about getting rid of gluten and dairy-

Lewis Howes 1:32 Oh

JJ Virgin 1:32 ... and lowering your sugar impact. So what I heard was, blew my mind, and not what I expected. Here's what it was. "I don't feel good enough. I am not worthy." And I realized that, you know, heck, strategies abound, right?

Lewis Howes 1:48 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 1:48 There's no shortage of strategies on how to lose weight, how to get more energy.

Lewis Howes 1:53 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 1:54 But if your mindset's not dialed in, if you don't feel good enough, if you don't feel worthy, we're trying to hit a mindset issue with strategies-

Lewis Howes 2:01 Yeah

JJ Virgin 2:01 ... and we'll fail every time. So in reality, it might look like I've taken this, you know, diversion, but really this has to sit up on top of everything you do in your life. Whether you're trying to work on your business or your finances or your relationship or your health-

Lewis Howes 2:17 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 2:17 ... if you don't believe you're good enough, if your mindset's not there, you're gonna be limited to wherever it is.

Lewis Howes 2:24 Right. Wow. Okay. Have you always felt like your mindset's been worthy enough as-

JJ Virgin 2:28 I've never thought about my mindset prior to this whole thing.

Lewis Howes 2:31 Really?

JJ Virgin 2:31 You know, so this-

Lewis Howes 2:32 But you were creating extraordinary results in your business, making multiple seven figures, New York Times bestseller multiple, you know, Dr. Phil, all these different shows you've been on multiple times. Did you feel-

JJ Virgin 2:41 That all sounds really great.

Lewis Howes 2:42 Right?

JJ Virgin 2:42 And I'm thinking, "Wow, that's a really great... Wow, that's amazing. Who is that?"

Lewis Howes 2:46 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 2:46 You know? [laughs]

Lewis Howes 2:47 Sure.

JJ Virgin 2:48 And the other side of that is I was on Dr. Phil, and when I was on Dr. Phil, I got my own primetime pilot on NBC.

Lewis Howes 2:56 Really? Wow.

JJ Virgin 2:56 You never saw it-

Lewis Howes 2:57 Hmm

JJ Virgin 2:58 ... because I signed the contract, I taped it, and it went in the can, and it took me off TV, and I never saw it. You don't know about my first book because it sold 1,000 copies. The book before that actually never even came out. I had to give my business partner 50% to leave me alone, because-

Lewis Howes 3:15 Hmm

JJ Virgin 3:15 ... he was gonna own everything I ever did for the rest of my life. You know, you don't see the near bankruptcies. The reality is it's not the Dr. Phil or the New York Times that gave me the mindset. We don't grow when things are fabulous. That's what we tend to look at. But the things that brought me to those places were all of the challenges that I've gone through every, you know, all through my life.

Lewis Howes 3:37 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 3:38 That's what created it, and I never thought about the mindset piece until after what this book was written on, this whole accident where my son nearly died, and people went, "How the heck did you do it?"

Lewis Howes 3:49 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 3:50 You know, and at first I thought, "Well, it was 'cause I was really healthy," you know? And, but the reality was that wasn't, it didn't have anything to do with it.

Lewis Howes 3:57 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 3:57 It had to do with my mindset and, and how I decided to show up.

Lewis Howes 4:01 Right. Right. So what happened with your son, for those that don't know?

JJ Virgin 4:04 Yeah, so about six weeks before The Virgin Diet's coming out... Now, I'll set this whole space. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 4:11 Which is the biggest book launch you're ever gonna do, and it's-

JJ Virgin 4:13 The biggest book launch ever. I, I get this book advance. I take the entire book advance. I invest it into launching this book.

Lewis Howes 4:21 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 4:21 And then I go borrow some too.

Lewis Howes 4:23 Right. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 4:24 I do a public television special. I have lined everything up 'cause I know that this is my breakout, breakout thing. I've been using it, testing it, and getting amazing results. This is it, right? So [exhales] six weeks before, now six weeks before a book launch is mass insanity of all the things you still have to get done-

Lewis Howes 4:42 It's crazy. It's crazy

JJ Virgin 4:42 ... right? Okay, so it's craziness, and I've got two sons. They're 15 and 16. I'm a single mom. I am the financial support for my kids. My 16-year-old is bipolar, so things can be topsy-turvy. You never know what you're coming home to.

Lewis Howes 4:58 Right.

JJ Virgin 4:58 And I come home one afternoon, and he is in a bad mood. Now, he'd missed school that day. He'd gone to school and come home because he had a, a migraine-

Lewis Howes 5:07 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 5:07 ... right, that he'd miraculously recovered from.

Lewis Howes 5:09 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 5:10 And now he wants to go to martial arts.

Lewis Howes 5:11 Right.

JJ Virgin 5:11 But the rule is, like, if you couldn't stay in school, you don't get to go to martial arts.

Lewis Howes 5:15 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 5:15 So I'm saying no, and he's escalating the situation, and I'm holding my ground.

Lewis Howes 5:20 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 5:21 And I was actually super proud of how well I was handling this whole thing, 'cause I was tired, so I was, like-

Lewis Howes 5:25 Right

JJ Virgin 5:25 ... not reacting. He gets madder and madder and madder and storms out of the house. He looks back at me. He goes, "Mom, I'm not as strong as you think I am." He, he has nothing. He's got a pair of shorts, T-shirt, no shoes, nothing. Storms out. It's dusk. I look at that whole thing. I think, "Should I go get him?" And I think, "Eh, let him go, walk it off, go to a friend's house." I go into my garage to burst train.

Lewis Howes 5:49 Right.

JJ Virgin 5:49 And the next thing I know, my 15-year-old son comes running into the garage and says, "Mom, Grant's been hit by a car and airlifted to the local hospital." The weirdest thing Mm It was like I wasn't even in my body anymore. It was like I, I was watching myself go get my stuff, you know, throw all my stuff into a tote bag. I ran out the door with my 15-year-old son, Bryce, and my ex-husband, and we drive to the hospital. And we're trying to get information as we're driving, but they won't tell us anything 'cause he's a John Doe. We get there- Wow ... and first of all, they're making us sit in the waiting room and not telling us anything, and everyone's looking very grim. So, you know, we're just sitting there freaking out. Then we get ushered into a conference room. And then the doctors start asking me questions, and finally, like, the, the, "What was he doing? Why was he barefoot? And why was he out walking by himself?" And I'm like, "Hold it," you know? Like, "We're not on trial here. What is going on with my son?" And they say- Mm ... "Your son has been in a serious accident, hit-and-run." Uh, remind me to tell you what I found out later about the hit-and-run. Blow your mind. But hit-and-run accident. He's got a torn aorta. Now, a torn aorta kills 90% of the people on the scene. Wow. His was hanging on. He said, the doctor said it's like an onion skin. He had multiple brain bleeds, diffuse axonal injuries. He was in a deep coma. It's called a Glasgow 3, the deepest you could be in. He has 13 f- fractures. In fact- Wow ... when we were brought in to see him, he had bones sticking through. Oh my gosh. He had road rash covering one half of his body with gla- I was pulling glass out of him for months. Oh my gosh. And the doctor said, "We can't fix his torn aorta here because we'd have to use a blood thinner, and he would bleed out." What's, just so I'm, just so I'm aware, what's an aorta? So [laughs] this is what's- Educate me ... this is what's going to be pumping your, your, your, the blood into your heart. Got it. It's torn. So no aorta, no- Got it ... no, no blood, no heart. Wow. So think of either heart or brain because that's basically the choice we were

JJ Virgin 7:51 given. You can either- Wow ... you can either have his heart, or you can have his brain, but we, if we don't fix his aorta- Wow ... you know, he's not gonna have a heart, and he's gone. And if we fix his aorta, his brain bleeds out, he's gone. Wow. However, [laughs] you know? No good solution. Uh-oh. Yeah. But it turns out that there is a doctor that can do this without blood thinners. Now, you always a- have to ask the right questions. My ex-husband was a medical malpractice trial attorney. Mm. He goes, "Well, you know, w- what are the options?" He goes, "Well, there is a doctor that could do this without blood thinners, but he'd never survive the airlift to that hospital. Even if he did, he'd never survive surgery. And even if he survived both those things, which is so slim, the chance he'd ever be normal, he's gonna be so brain damaged." And my 15-year-old, listening to this, so he, he goes, "So, like, a .25% chance." [laughs] And- So you're saying there's a chance. Yeah, and right? All we need. [laughs] And, and the doctor goes, "That's right, son." He goes, here's my 15-year-old, "We'll take those odds." Wow. And from that minute, I was like, "We're in. What are you doing standing here? We're overruling you." Wow. And, and so, and that's why I say there's the start of it. There's the mindset, the mindset that says, "Hey, I'm gonna go with abundance, not scarcity." I hear .25%. I don't hear, "There's a 99.75% chance he's going," you know? "He's dying here." We heard, "There's a .25% chance he's gonna make it. We're grabbing that." Right? Wow. And so that was the first thing that we did, was like, "Okay, we're overruling you." And you know, I, I think back to that night because shortly after that, another kid came in with a brain injury to that hospital and died there. Wow. And I was trying to reach the parents, going, "Get him out," you know? Because so many people will hear that first opinion and go, "Oh, okay," instead of going, "What are, what are all the possibilities?" Mm. "How can we be open to possibilities?" So we airlift him. We have no idea if we're going to pick up a corpse, you know? Or for- Right ... I mean, that was a tough drive. And this, by the way, happened in the middle of the night. So at midnight, we did the we're overruling you step. Now they had to get the doctor to agree. Right. There's, like, this one doctor- Call him and, yeah, yeah ... right? They fax the hospital. I'm like, "We're really doing this?" [laughs] They get ahold of this doctor. They get ahold of this doctor at 2:00 AM now. This is all getting set up. The doctor has to now assemble not only his team, because when a doctor, when, when another hospital takes on a case, the first hospital gets to go, "Here, it's all yours," right? Mm-hmm. So this next hospital doesn't know if they're getting, you know, a, a corpse or, uh, y- if there's anything they can do. They've agreed to this case 'cause the d- doctor had to get them to agree to the case. Now this vascular surgeon has to assemble his team, the orthopedic surgery team, the neurosurgery team- Oh my gosh ... the critical care team, both for adults and pedes, and he had to get the stent that he was gonna use. But the stent he wanted to use was part of a study that had been discontinued two weeks ago, so no stents at his hospital. He had to get one flown in from another hospital. Oh my gosh. And then he was gonna use it on my son, who's 16, and it was only approved for adults. Wow. And he said to us later, he goes, "Eh, I figured I'd ask for forgiveness." [laughs] Right, right. Yeah. I figured we could do that- Save his life ... once he's alive. I'm like- Sure ... [laughs] you know? So great. Wow. And I remember when I walked into that hospital, literally walking in, going, you know, y- y- you wanna run in the door, and then you don't wanna go in at all 'cause you just, you're like, "What is going on here?" Mm-hmm. And that doctor walked up to me and he goes, "Is that your son?" You know? And my, he, there is full court press going on around my son. There's all these teams working on him, and I'm like, "Mm-hmm." He goes, "I got this." Wow. "Don't even worry." He goes, "I do this all the time. I had someone thrown off the overpass last week. I fixed him. I'll fix him. Don't worry. You go to the waiting room. I'll come get you." That's nice. I'm like, "All right." [laughs] I went up to the waiting room. It's now, like, 5:30 in the morning. I'm like, "I've gotta put my brain somewhere else." I'm writing blog posts. Oh, nice. And, uh, it's funny, we sat in there for two and a half hours, and my ex-husband was wearing a red shirt. He hadn't been wearing the red shirt earlier. He'd been wearing s- he changed and put that on and drove to the hospital. My son later goes, "You know when you and Dad were in the waiting room, Dad was in that red shirt?" I'm like

Lewis Howes 12:09 Wow.

JJ Virgin 12:10 Wow. Yeah. We, we-

Lewis Howes 12:11 He remembered.

JJ Virgin 12:12 He saw us. He left-

Lewis Howes 12:13 Hmm

JJ Virgin 12:13 ... he left what he was doing, came over, checked us out, went back over there. Yeah, he's told us a bunch of stuff. I'm like, "Huh."

Lewis Howes 12:19 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 12:20 I've always been fascinated by the whole near-death thing. I didn't necessarily wanna, like, experience it in this way, but- [laughs]

Lewis Howes 12:26 Right. Sure

JJ Virgin 12:26 ... it is super interesting. Um, so he came through that surgery. The doctor came out to tell us everything had gone great. He goes, "Now, I'm just the plumber. I don't know if he'll ever wake up. That's not my part." [laughs]

Lewis Howes 12:40 Right.

JJ Virgin 12:40 "You can talk to the neurosurgeons." [laughs] And so it was, like, kinda like we're high, we're back low. And we go in to talk to the neurosurgeons, who were like, "Uh, you know, he's so brain damaged." And I'm like, "You know, I'm not listening to this. I'm just, I'm not gonna listen to this." Um, and I went in to see Grant, and I stood there and I thought, you know, I, I kind of was standing there going, "Do I, what do I do?" You know, freaking out. You're trying to control all of these negative thoughts, 'cause I don't want anything to enter my brain, anything negative.

Lewis Howes 13:08 Yeah

JJ Virgin 13:08 ... because, you know, it, it felt like then that would become reality. I've just gotta hold onto the positive. And it was funny, I was in there, and I get this text from a client, and I don't know this person especially well. She didn't know I had kids. You know, I'd been coaching her on nutrition. And this text says, "Grant is worried about you. He said he's gonna be fine. You need to, you know, be stronger." I'm like-

Lewis Howes 13:32 Wow

JJ Virgin 13:32 ... "Okay. All right." It was just like, it was like s- you know, that moon strike, snap out of it. I just went, "All right. Game on." I looked over and I said, "Grant, you're gonna be 110%. We've got this. Your name means warrior. We're gonna do this."

Lewis Howes 13:44 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 13:44 "It's gonna be the best thing that ever happened." And I just kept repeating that to him. And when we were in the hospital and people would come over and say, "We don't know if he's ever gonna walk again," I'm like, "Nah, nah, uh, get him out of the room." You know?

Lewis Howes 13:54 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 13:54 I didn't let anyone around who was saying anything negative about him not waking up or not being able to walk. And later he said to me, 'cause I literally... He was in the hospital for four and a half months. He was in a coma for weeks. Now I'm in my book launch.

Lewis Howes 14:10 Yeah. [laughs] Yeah. A month away now, right?

JJ Virgin 14:11 Yeah, that's still going on, too.

Lewis Howes 14:12 Yeah, yeah.

JJ Virgin 14:13 Book launch is still going on, and I can't postpone that, you know?

Lewis Howes 14:17 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 14:18 I remember, you know, someone said, "You don't worry about your job."

Lewis Howes 14:22 Yeah, right. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 14:23 "You just go take care of your sweet boy."

Lewis Howes 14:24 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 14:25 "Your job will be waiting for you." I'm like-

Lewis Howes 14:26 Hmm

JJ Virgin 14:26 ... "No, it won't." I go, "Not only will my job not be waiting for me, I'll be bankrupt." And as much as, you know, publishers are human, it's a business.

Lewis Howes 14:35 It's a business.

JJ Virgin 14:35 And this is it. And if I'm not there, that book is gonna go.

Lewis Howes 14:39 And it affects the rest of your books in the future and your-

JJ Virgin 14:41 Oh, I'd be done

Lewis Howes 14:42 ... everything. Yeah.

JJ Virgin 14:42 It was a, I looked at this and went, "Here's my son. He's lying in a coma. I'm gonna do whatever I, it takes to bring him to 110%. That's not gonna be cheap." Uh. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 14:52 [laughs] I need the money to make it happen.

JJ Virgin 14:54 I gotta make this happen.

Lewis Howes 14:56 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 14:56 And so this book launch just got 10X'd.

Lewis Howes 15:00 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 15:00 Like, now there is n- now I've burned all the boats.

Lewis Howes 15:03 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 15:03 You know?

Lewis Howes 15:04 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 15:04 I am taking this island.

Lewis Howes 15:05 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 15:06 And I realized that there were two things I had to do: be with my son, third leading cause of death, death by doctor, all the stuff that goes down in hospitals.

Lewis Howes 15:15 Do it.

JJ Virgin 15:15 Third leading cause of death. First leading cause of death for children, brain injuries.

Lewis Howes 15:20 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 15:21 So I'm like, "I'm not leaving here, but I've gotta make this book a huge success." So I'd literally sit next to my... There's pictures of me in the hospital, talking to him and working on my book launch, you know, just sharing what I'm doing, talking it out. And later he said, "Mom, the gray man came to the hospital and came down and asked me if I wanted to live or die, and I did not wanna live."

Lewis Howes 15:43 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 15:44 He goes, "But I kept hearing your voice."

Lewis Howes 15:46 Wow.

JJ Virgin 15:46 "So I told him I would."

Lewis Howes 15:48 Wow.

JJ Virgin 15:49 I know, crazy stuff.

Lewis Howes 15:50 Wow.

JJ Virgin 15:50 Um, so yeah. So I got very essential. I love that book Essentialism or-

Lewis Howes 15:55 Wow

JJ Virgin 15:55 ... and The One Thing, and I am really bad at doing that.

Lewis Howes 15:59 [laughs] Yeah.

JJ Virgin 15:59 You know, all of us, too many ideas and all these things-

Lewis Howes 16:01 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 16:01 ... you wanna do, but, you know, that, I, I credit the reason Virgin Diet is a huge success is I didn't have any option. I, it wasn't, I wasn't gonna-

Lewis Howes 16:10 You're all in

JJ Virgin 16:10 ... I wasn't gonna try to make it successful. It was like, "Oh, no, this is, this is a lifesaver now. This is it."

Lewis Howes 16:16 Yeah. Wow.

JJ Virgin 16:17 So.

Lewis Howes 16:18 Wow. And how is your son now?

JJ Virgin 16:20 So it has been a, a... You would think that the four and a half months of the hospital were the hard part.

Lewis Howes 16:29 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 16:29 No.

Lewis Howes 16:30 No.

JJ Virgin 16:31 No. The four years have been, since then, have been the hard part, and, um, it's made me realize that I have a way bigger purpose out there in terms of getting information out about brain health.

Lewis Howes 16:43 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 16:44 So, you know, obviously he had a severe brain injury. Turns out 17 million people a year have a brain injury.

Lewis Howes 16:50 Wow.

JJ Virgin 16:51 17 million. Well, think, have you ever hit your head? [laughs]

Lewis Howes 16:54 Well, I played football, so I hit my head many times.

JJ Virgin 16:57 All right. You know?

Lewis Howes 16:58 All right.

JJ Virgin 16:58 And so we think about, you know, football, soccer.

Lewis Howes 17:00 Yes.

JJ Virgin 17:00 Volleyball is actually one of the big sports-

Lewis Howes 17:02 Yeah

JJ Virgin 17:02 ... that's problematic. You know, all of our veterans, anyone who's been in any car accident.

Lewis Howes 17:07 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 17:07 Uh, yeah, I was in a car accident where I was hit head-on and rear-ended in the freeway, and it cracked my Lexus SUV in half.

Lewis Howes 17:13 Whoa.

JJ Virgin 17:13 So this was a hard hit, and, uh, you know, I passed out, came to, and went to the hospital, and they go, "Okay, well, you know, it's just gonna take time." And I'm like, "Just time?"

Lewis Howes 17:24 Wow.

JJ Virgin 17:24 When Grant was coming out of the coma, they said it, uh, "It's gonna be ugly."

Lewis Howes 17:28 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 17:28 Now, I had no idea. I've only seen movies, and in movies, people come out of comas, they look at you lovingly.

Lewis Howes 17:33 Right. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 17:33 "I love you."

Lewis Howes 17:34 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 17:34 So I, I thought, like, he'd wake up, he'd go, "I love you, Mom." It's not what happens.

Lewis Howes 17:39 Right.

JJ Virgin 17:39 It is not what happens. Um, 25% of people who have brain injuries try to kill themselves or think about it.

Lewis Howes 17:46 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 17:47 You know? It's, it's a major scary thing. The last four years, um, I have committed myself to making him 110% and figuring it out and then getting that information out to everybody.

Lewis Howes 17:58 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 17:58 Because when someone has a brain injury, it's not just them who's affected. It affects-

Lewis Howes 18:03 The whole family, friends, everything

JJ Virgin 18:04 ... every... Oh, yeah.

Lewis Howes 18:04 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 18:05 It's amazing.

Lewis Howes 18:06 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 18:06 So he's probably tried to kill himself now 10 times over the last four years.

Lewis Howes 18:10 Wow.

JJ Virgin 18:10 And I have jumped him. We have j- and I'm, like, going, "I did not just go through all this."

Lewis Howes 18:14 Yeah. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 18:14 Like, "You are not doing this. Not on my watch," you know? [laughs]

Lewis Howes 18:16 Wow.

JJ Virgin 18:17 Um, but it's, it's like they're a prisoner in their, their brain.

Lewis Howes 18:21 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 18:21 It's a scary, scary thing.

Lewis Howes 18:22 It's challenging. I think I mentioned to you last time we talked, my dad was in a car accident about 11 years ago, and really traumatic head injury, was in a coma for many months, and never been the same. You know, it's, it's-

JJ Virgin 18:33 Yeah

Lewis Howes 18:33 ... even 11 years later, I can have a conversation with him You know, he, he has some of the characteristics from the past, but he's just, he's not-

JJ Virgin 18:42 Yeah

Lewis Howes 18:42 ... the dad that I used to, you know, have. He's a completely different person, and he needs a lot of care and a lot of help, and-

JJ Virgin 18:49 And see-

Lewis Howes 18:49 ... isn't able to function, you know-

JJ Virgin 18:52 Mm

Lewis Howes 18:52 ... with his words in the way he wants to. He forgets a lot. He has a lot of amnesia, so he can't remember a lot of things.

JJ Virgin 18:57 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 18:59 He repeats himself over and over. It's just like, it's a challenge.

JJ Virgin 19:02 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 19:03 You know? There's been growth and, you know, I'm so grateful he's still around, but it's also like, it's really challenging, you know? It's not easy.

JJ Virgin 19:11 Well, you can heal the brain at any time.

Lewis Howes 19:12 Mm.

JJ Virgin 19:13 There's so much information that needs to be out there, and I was lucky in that the minute this happened, so I've got ideas for your dad.

Lewis Howes 19:19 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 19:20 The minute this happened, I put an SOS out to my community.

Lewis Howes 19:23 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 19:23 I'm like, "Listen, I don't need your sympathy. I need your support. What you got?" You know? Daniel Amen's in the hospital with me-

Lewis Howes 19:28 Yeah. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 19:29 ... right away, you know? So I mean, I have amazing resources. Barry Sears was helping me with the whole fish oil thing, Dr. Michael Lewis. I got, you know, I got the guy who figured out the progesterone stuff. They're all... I'm, I'm talking to them. So I was super fortunate with all of that. Um, he's been doing high-dose fish oil. He did progesterone.

Lewis Howes 19:48 Mm.

JJ Virgin 19:49 Um, we've been doing intrathecal stem cells-

Lewis Howes 19:51 Wow

JJ Virgin 19:51 ... right into his, growing his own stem cells, injecting them to his spine. It is waking him up. He-

Lewis Howes 19:57 Mm

JJ Virgin 19:57 ... his memory, he has memories back of when he was three and four years old now. Like, everything is shifting.

Lewis Howes 20:02 Wow.

JJ Virgin 20:03 Because I'm coming from a place of, I believe that we can fix this, and I'm gonna make him 110%.

Lewis Howes 20:09 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 20:09 Because there's things that make him better because of the accident, because now he's empathetic.

Lewis Howes 20:14 Mm.

JJ Virgin 20:14 He's never been a victim. But, um, you know, these, these stories that we all have. Everyone's-

Lewis Howes 20:21 Yeah

JJ Virgin 20:21 ... had someone touch with a brain injury.

Lewis Howes 20:23 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 20:23 And yes, it can change them forever. But your brain can, you can continue healing at any point. So-

Lewis Howes 20:28 Yes

JJ Virgin 20:28 ... we've done fish oil. We've done, obviously I was bringing als- I had a Nutribullet in his, in the hospital. As soon as he was starting to show that, you know, he could eat, he actually spit up his own feeding tube, and I was like, "Okay, I'm all in now."

Lewis Howes 20:40 [laughs] Right.

JJ Virgin 20:41 I was making him smoothies. Um, we couldn't get the hospital to do the fish oil like I wanted them to, so I just did it anyway.

Lewis Howes 20:47 Right.

JJ Virgin 20:48 Um, and the progesterone cream. But it's been the stem cells and then neurofeedback, ping pong.

Lewis Howes 20:55 Yep.

JJ Virgin 20:55 There's been a lot of things that we've done. But, um, the neuro- the stem cells have, to me, the biggest hope.

Lewis Howes 21:01 Mm.

JJ Virgin 21:01 And something you- well, I'll-

Lewis Howes 21:03 Yeah

JJ Virgin 21:03 ... share with you after that-

Lewis Howes 21:04 Sure, sure, sure

JJ Virgin 21:04 ... would be for your dad. Because honestly, um, you look at what happens after a brain injury, depression, anxiety, uh, memory issues, and then you think about the fact that at any one time, 50% of us have something going on with depression, anxiety-

Lewis Howes 21:19 Mm

JJ Virgin 21:19 ... mood issues. 26 and a half percent of people, uh, in their lifetime are gonna have some kind of mental illness. And you go, "Huh."

Lewis Howes 21:26 Mm.

JJ Virgin 21:27 You know? What, is there a correlation here? I think there is.

Lewis Howes 21:30 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 21:30 I think we're misdiagnosing head injuries 'cause we, we don't think about it. Um, I just had a, a friend post on Facebook, and I, I IM'd her. I'm like, "Um, you've got a problem here." She goes, "My husband rolled off the top of the van. His leg got caught in the beach towel while he was putting the surfboards up, and-

Lewis Howes 21:46 Mm

JJ Virgin 21:46 ... he got knocked out. Then he was talking kind of nonsense. But we took him to the hospital, and they said he's fine. He doesn't have a head injury." I'm like, "Of course he has a head injury." [laughs]

Lewis Howes 21:54 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 21:54 How could he not have a head injury?

Lewis Howes 21:55 Wow.

JJ Virgin 21:56 Right?

Lewis Howes 21:57 It's crazy.

JJ Virgin 21:57 So, but these are the things that we need to treat.

Lewis Howes 21:59 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 21:59 We need to teach people that, no, it's not just about time, right?

Lewis Howes 22:02 Yep.

JJ Virgin 22:03 And you know, yes, there's tons of things you can do, and you can do it forever 'cause everything keeps healing.

Lewis Howes 22:08 Mm-hmm. That's true.

JJ Virgin 22:09 So your dad's still got-

Lewis Howes 22:10 Yeah

JJ Virgin 22:10 ... there's still a lot of stuff that you can do.

Lewis Howes 22:12 Yeah. And he's doing a lot better, your son, after four years? I mean, you've been through a lot, but-

JJ Virgin 22:15 So yeah. So I will tell you that some things he's 110%. There are parts of him that were better than before the accident.

Lewis Howes 22:22 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 22:23 He's more empathetic and nicer. He's never blamed this woman. There was... He got hit. Um, this woman hit him, got out of the car, gasped, got back in the car, and drove off.

Lewis Howes 22:31 She was probably scared and-

JJ Virgin 22:33 Uh, yeah. And you know, people are like-

Lewis Howes 22:34 Who knows

JJ Virgin 22:34 ... "Did you find the woman?" And it's one of the parts of the Miracle Mindset is forgiveness.

Lewis Howes 22:38 Yes.

JJ Virgin 22:38 And I go, "I never focused on that. I had to focus on saving my son." And I go, "And I don't know, like, okay, she shouldn't have driven off."

Lewis Howes 22:46 Right.

JJ Virgin 22:46 But I don't know. Maybe she had kids at home. She was, like, I have no idea-

Lewis Howes 22:50 Who knows

JJ Virgin 22:50 ... what her situation was. It didn't matter. She saw another person pull in to protect him, and I don't know who, who was at fault here and nor does it matter.

Lewis Howes 23:00 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 23:00 It's like this is where we're at now. She's got her own life to deal with.

Lewis Howes 23:03 Yeah. He might have ran in front. Who knows what happened?

JJ Virgin 23:05 We'll never know.

Lewis Howes 23:06 Never know.

JJ Virgin 23:06 No one saw it.

Lewis Howes 23:07 'Cause he's not-

JJ Virgin 23:07 You know?

Lewis Howes 23:08 He doesn't remember.

JJ Virgin 23:08 He doesn't remember.

Lewis Howes 23:09 Yeah. So who knows?

JJ Virgin 23:10 Yeah. So-

Lewis Howes 23:11 And even if you did know who she is-

JJ Virgin 23:12 It doesn't, what-

Lewis Howes 23:13 ... what's it gonna do for you?

JJ Virgin 23:13 You know?

Lewis Howes 23:14 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 23:14 It was interesting 'cause when I was in the hospital, um, my ex-husband called and said, "Okay, they found the woman," and all of this-

Lewis Howes 23:21 Really?

JJ Virgin 23:21 ... stuff came up.

Lewis Howes 23:23 Oh, my gosh.

JJ Virgin 23:23 Like this mama bear stuff. I was like, "Where is she?" You know?

Lewis Howes 23:26 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 23:26 And I was like, and then, and that's when, you know, you kind of realize, "I've gotta work on this forgiveness part."

Lewis Howes 23:31 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 23:32 Because if you are, y- y- you've gotta actively forgive people. It doesn't just happen of, "Okay, I'm not gonna focus on that. I'll f- focus on saving my son." I had to go back and forgive her. I had to forgive my son for going and doing that. I had to forgive myself for not stopping him. You know, there was a lot of forgiveness-

Lewis Howes 23:48 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 23:48 ... that had to go on just to be okay with all of that stuff.

Lewis Howes 23:51 Wow.

JJ Virgin 23:52 And it, you can't just put that in the closet.

Lewis Howes 23:54 Is there anything you haven't forgiven yet?

JJ Virgin 23:56 You know what? I've got a lot of stuff I need to forgive.

Lewis Howes 23:58 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 23:59 I went, so our buddy Dave Asprey-

Lewis Howes 24:01 Yes

JJ Virgin 24:01 ... last, two summers ago, he, you know, strong-armed me, as you know he can be so bossy.

Lewis Howes 24:07 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 24:08 He said, "JJ, you have to come to 40 Years of Zen," 'cause he saw, um, what happened from all of this is I got some pretty bad PTSD, right-

Lewis Howes 24:16 Hmm

JJ Virgin 24:16 ... as one could imagine. And, um, I, nothing was giving me joy. I hit, I got The Virgin Diet. It became a New York Times bestseller, and then I did three more books, and I didn't ev- I forgot I even did it. Someone said, "What did you do cool in the last six months?" I go, "Nothing."

Lewis Howes 24:31 Right. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 24:31 I totally even for- I mean, it was just, nothing was like, I, I just was flatlining.

Lewis Howes 24:36 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 24:36 And he goes, "You're coming to this thing." And I'm It was, it was a week, um, of neurofeedback. You stick things in your, your hair. Like, those guys were all lucky, none of them. I was with Joe Polish and Vishen.

Lewis Howes 24:49 Mm.

JJ Virgin 24:49 I'm like, "No one else has to deal with all this," you know?

Lewis Howes 24:51 Right. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 24:52 St- you had to stick electrodes in your head, and you literally were down in these chambers. And they didn't tell me wh- what it was when I was going. I just was like, "All right, I'll be there." And it turns out you work through forgiveness, 'cause the fastest way to raise your alpha and to be more creative and to be happier is to forgive.

Lewis Howes 25:08 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 25:08 'Cause f- if you're angry, it will just sm- smoosh your joy.

Lewis Howes 25:11 Absolutely.

JJ Virgin 25:12 That's a scientific term. And so as I'm going through this first couple days working on forgiveness, I'm thinking, "I'm gonna be here all year." [laughs]

Lewis Howes 25:20 [laughs] Right. Spend a lifetime of forgiveness.

JJ Virgin 25:22 This is a peeling of onions because-

Lewis Howes 25:24 Mm

JJ Virgin 25:24 ... you go, "Okay, well I need to forgive Grant. Well, then I gotta forgive this woman. Well, I gotta forgive myself," but then we've gotta go back to everything that led up to that.

Lewis Howes 25:31 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 25:31 And, you know, I kept going back further and further and further, and Dave's one of my very best friends, and I'm going, "You know, I think I need to forgive my birth mom." And he goes, "You think? I think you might even need to go back further."

Lewis Howes 25:41 Mm.

JJ Virgin 25:41 I'm like, "Oh my gosh. Okay," you know?

Lewis Howes 25:43 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 25:43 So yeah, it's... I think that's an important point to bring up is forgiveness is a, a process that you're never done with, you know?

Lewis Howes 25:52 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 25:52 And, uh... 'cause there's stuff that comes up all the time.

Lewis Howes 25:54 Absolutely.

JJ Virgin 25:55 And I kinda check in. I was really m- mad at someone for a couple weeks, and I just... I was like, "You know how to go through this forgiveness stuff. Let this one go." Like, and it's not a matter of just going, "Oh, I, it's fine." You have to actively forgive someone.

Lewis Howes 26:07 Mm.

JJ Virgin 26:07 You have to go through and feel all the reasons you're so upset with them, and then step over to their side and go, "All right, let's look at it from their side. Let's be them for a minute," which is h- huge.

Lewis Howes 26:18 Mm.

JJ Virgin 26:19 Hugely eye-opening. And then find the gift in the whole thing, 'cause there's always a major gift, you know?

Lewis Howes 26:23 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 26:23 You're not gonna grow when, like, everything is perfect.

Lewis Howes 26:26 Right. That's true. Wow. I'm curious about, um, what do you think is the misconception around people who have life-altering even- events or experiences? You know, you've went through one with your, your son. I've been through one with my, with my dad. For people who haven't been through one, what do you think they, uh, um... I guess their, their misconception is around it?

JJ Virgin 26:52 Their misconception. So biggest thing people have said to me since Grant got hit is, "Oh, I'm so sorry." And I look and I go, "Well, he didn't die."

Lewis Howes 27:03 Right.

JJ Virgin 27:03 Right? You know? Um, and I think that our misconception on anything, whether it's that or just a really bad thing happening. So let's say that someone, you know, you were bankrupt, or you went through a divorce.

Lewis Howes 27:16 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 27:17 Anything like that, what if we flip that to being, "This is gonna be the best thing that ever happened to me. I will be better because of this. I'll be a better person, a better father, a better husband," whatever it is, right?

Lewis Howes 27:29 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 27:29 You know? There's always something in there. And in, and in the moment... I mean, heck, in the moment with Grant, I was scared to death. When we were making that decision that we were gonna overrule those doctors, I stood outside at the hospital and, um, I just got totally present, which has never been very easy for me to do. I just stood out there. It was, you know, now, like, 11:00 at night, and I just stood out there and listened and I went, "Grant, what do you want me to do?" 'Cause here was my big fear. Overrule the doctors, go charge in there, be, you know, bossy, tell them what they're gonna do.

Lewis Howes 28:04 [laughs] Right, right.

JJ Virgin 28:05 Have no problem doing that.

Lewis Howes 28:06 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 28:07 And he is a vegetable.

Lewis Howes 28:09 Right.

JJ Virgin 28:09 Or he is so damaged. And, and I went, "W- I want to do what's gonna be best for him," you know? That's the whole p- what do I do? And I just stood out there s- and got quiet, and it was, it was funny, I was describing it to, um, this guy Roz, who founded Hoffman Institute.

Lewis Howes 28:25 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 28:25 And he goes, "You know you had a divine experience there." That... I was like, "It was?" You know, 'cause I just stood out there and it was like, just a lightning bolt of, "Boom, save your son." And I'm like, I marched in, I'm like s- "That's it," you know? "This is what we're doing." It was like I knew exactly what I needed to do.

Lewis Howes 28:40 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 28:41 But there are still times along the way I would s- sit there. When he came out of a coma, he was staring off into space. He was staring sideways. I have pictures. You can see that no one's home. Moving his arm back and forth for days. And I'm thinking, "Uh-oh."

Lewis Howes 28:53 Mm.

JJ Virgin 28:53 "Is this what I... What did I do here?" You know? So I had to so manage all of that fear, and that's why-

Lewis Howes 29:00 Mm

JJ Virgin 29:00 ... I just held onto the hope, you know?

Lewis Howes 29:02 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 29:02 And, and so if you say, "Okay, my plan is he's 110%, and I, here's what I'm gonna do to do that," and every day you look for any little win that tells you that you're going in the right direction.

Lewis Howes 29:12 Yes.

JJ Virgin 29:12 And sometimes it was a very small win.

Lewis Howes 29:14 Yeah. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 29:14 You know? He, uh, wrinkled his nose. I mean-

Lewis Howes 29:17 Yeah

JJ Virgin 29:17 ... there was m- not for months and months and months, years, any sign he was gonna be 110% at all.

Lewis Howes 29:24 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 29:25 But I just figured, you know what? I'm gonna go with 110%, 'cause if I make it to 80, I win.

Lewis Howes 29:30 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 29:30 You know?

Lewis Howes 29:30 Absolutely.

JJ Virgin 29:31 And, uh, and we're already past 80. I, I, we, we kinda go between 90 and 110 right now.

Lewis Howes 29:37 Oh, that's great.

JJ Virgin 29:37 Um, and there's some really bad times, but they're few and far between compared to the really good times.

Lewis Howes 29:43 You know, there's bad times with people who are healthy.

JJ Virgin 29:44 I know.

Lewis Howes 29:45 You know what I mean? It's like there's horrible times with people who have a brain and everything figured out.

JJ Virgin 29:48 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 29:48 You know what I mean? So it's all good, you know? We're never gonna be perfect. I'm curious, though. You, you know, you've been teaching nutrition and physical health for many years, and now you have this experience of kind of like this spiritual, mental health experience. What did you learn about, um, from this process? And, and is the spiritual side of wellbeing just as important as the nutritional and physical side now for you, or has it always been that way?

JJ Virgin 30:15 Um, I haven't ever paid attention to it before.

Lewis Howes 30:17 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 30:18 You know, when you talked about mindset, it just was who I was, and I never really looked at how you developed that, and I think the reason that... I'm very left brain.

Lewis Howes 30:27 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 30:27 So I think the reason I always focused on nutrition and, and exercise was they were so measurable.

Lewis Howes 30:33 Yes.

JJ Virgin 30:33 It was so obvious. I could draw out an algorithm.

Lewis Howes 30:36 Results.

JJ Virgin 30:36 I knew exactly, your labs are this.

Lewis Howes 30:38 You could chart it. Yeah. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 30:38 You need to do that, you know? And all of a sudden, uh, people are going, "Well, how'd you do that?" And I'm like Uh, and, and then as I was going through this, I went, "Could I teach this?" Like, is there a way to help someone develop this mindset? Mm-hmm. Once we know that you're not in a fixed mindset, you're not a victim, that life doesn't happen to you, that you can be responsible for your life, control it, build it, create it because of your mindset, then the next question is, can you make that? Can you build that? Mm. Is it like a muscle? So that's... I decided, okay, let's, let's say that mindset's a muscle, you can develop it. So what is it exactly? 'Cause I have to measure everything, right? Mm. Yeah. So I actually create- Can you measure it? Yeah, can you measure it? And so then I broke it up to, what were my attributes that I saw in me, and then I started going around. Like, when we interviewed you- Mm ... and we interviewed just a group of people, I look and I go, "Okay, you're doing amazing things," and here was the common denominator. Every single person I know in my life who's doing amazing things has gone through some crap. Yes. Every single one of them. All of them. And as I went through, I went, "What are the common attributes?" Things like abundance-minded, right? Courageous, resilient. So I just built all of those up, and then I created a way to, to evaluate them. Mm-hmm. 'Cause that's, my little left brain can totally- Yes ... deal with that. And then I took a group of people through it. I went, "See, could I train this?" And here's what's crazy, 'cause it's like, all right. You know, 'cause I never saw myself, I, I am sitting here doing this and s- and selling this PD book, and I'm like, "But I'm not a personal development person." Mm-hmm. "I'm a nutritionist." [laughs] And, but, but in reality, aren't we all personal development teachers, all of us- Mm ... at any level, right? A mom is a personal development teacher. Yeah. So- Absolutely ... you know, so I'm taking this group through this, and this has never happened, by the way, when I've taken people through a diet program. You see people have amazing results, and it does impact all the other areas of their life. But this is the first week of a coaching call, and we're going through this first exercise to build resilience. And this gal gets on and she goes, "I wanna do that, but I can't." And I go, "Okay, why not? What's in your way," right? And she goes, "I don't feel good enough. I don't feel worthy." And I go, "Well, if you were worthy, if you did feel that way, what would you say about yourself?" And she goes, "Well, people wouldn't believe it, but I am smart." [laughs] Wow. And I go, "Okay, that sounds good. What else?" You know? And she starts listing out all these things about herself, and I'm putting it on our Facebook group page, you know, "Angel is smart. Angel is kind. Ang-" And then I put, "And Angel is worthy." And all of a sudden, all these people on this call are on this page, and they're putting it, "Angel's worthy. Angel's w- " Mm. And I'm watching this. My team, and I've got some big guys, you know- [laughs] ... are crying. Yeah, yeah. They're crying in the office, right? And I'm going, "Wow." Uh, 'cause I had been leaning away from this, and I tell people, "If something's scary, that's where you need to go." Mm-hmm. Like, if it's not scary, you're not playing big enough, and this has scared me to... Put doing this scared me, terrified me. Nutrition, all you can do all day. Yeah, yeah. It, it's easy, and that's why, honestly, why am I doing this? Because it terrifies me. Mm-hmm. And I know I have to, and I see the difference in people when they do this. You, you go through and up-level your mindset, you can go take on your health. Right. You know? You can, you can go change your business. Mm-hmm. You can get a better relationship. All those things are gonna uplift. But you don't fix your mindset, and you have a, a fixed mindset that believes that you can't do it, that life happens to you, that you're the victim, n- n- no amount of our great strategies are gonna do a thing. Right. Right? Right. So what's it come down to, worthiness first? Is that kind of the foundation of what you teach, is how to build that or building the confidence, or...? So I actually, what I do first is measure, again, 'cause I'm, I'm always evaluating. Mm-hmm. Um, and then I just start them... I have seven lessons that go along with the lessons in the book. Yes. And again, it was like, when people started to go, "How did you do this?" My first response when people were like, "How were you able to do that?" I'd go, "Well, I was really healthy when I went into the hospital." Yes. First thing, yeah. [laughs] And I was. You were. I mean, I went in and- Physically healthy, yes ... I was super physically healthy. I was under ridiculous stress, so I decided that my self-care came above everything else. Mm-hmm. Yes. And, and I know people, uh, they're looking, going, "Well, that's so selfish." I go, "It actually was the most selfless thing I could do," 'cause you don't go into the ICU if you're sick. Right. And so I went, "You know, if I'm gonna be making life and death decisions, and I'm gonna pull this out, I cannot even have a sniffle. This is, I'm gonna take..." Uh, so I was getting my eight to nine hours of sleep. I was burst training in the hospital stairs. I had friends sending in food. I was on it, right? Wow. I totally nailed that stuff. And at first, when people said, "How did you do it?" I'd go, "I was super healthy." And then when I realized, no, that was not the case at all, it was the decision above that. Mm. And then I went, "Well, what w- how would I take p- someone through this?" And so it's really taking them through a series of lessons and looking at each of those things. How do we move from a scarcity mindset to abundance mindset? Yeah. You know? How do we? How

JJ Virgin 35:40 do we? Um, I actually have a really crazy exercise- Okay ... that I take people through that someone took me through. I had a mentor in my 20s that had me do this silly exercise. Mm-hmm. And, uh, so she has you take out a sheet of paper and write down everything you want, okay? And fill it up. So- Like physical things or achievements or- Physical things ... health or- So I want, I want, you know, this car. She says, "I don't c-," you know- A house, a car, a boat, whatever, yeah ... just be materialistic. Uh, you know, what kind of vacations, jewelry, shoes, everything, write it all down. Fill up the paper. And I still remember sitting in the f- room. I remember where I was writing it down, and I remember the things I wrote on there. I wanted a teal green Jaguar. Mm-hmm. And I wanted a condo in Maui, and I thought, I was, like, thinking huge. Big. Big, big, big. Okay? So then she says, "All right, so tell me what's on your list." Right? And we're, there's a bunch of us in here, but she, I was, she was m- Ah ... my mentor, so I'm, like, listing out. And she goes, "Oh, that's, that's great. That's great." [laughs] "I, so I just have a, a question for you on the, on the Jaguar. So, um, why just one?" And I said, "Well, I don't need more than one." She goes, "I didn't ask you what you needed." And she goes, "So that condo in Maui, like why just a condo?" And I go, "Okay, I'll take a house." She goes, "Well, why did you want a condo?" She goes... I said, "Well, you know, I don't need that much." She goes, "No, this isn't about what you need. Just why not the house?" And I go, "Okay, house." She goes, "Well, why not like Maui?"

Lewis Howes 37:12 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 37:13 Just take... Um, a- and it was like crazy when you start to realize that we limit ourselves every s- we always do it.

Lewis Howes 37:19 Mm.

JJ Virgin 37:20 Right? So just that way of starting to go, "Huh, am I-

Lewis Howes 37:22 Even with physical possessions, yes.

JJ Virgin 37:24 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 37:24 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 37:24 I mean, and that's just, that's just a sign of it.

Lewis Howes 37:26 An example, yeah.

JJ Virgin 37:26 I mean, if you do it in one, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything, right?

Lewis Howes 37:31 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 37:31 But I'll tell you that to me, a- and I always look at this, uh, this is gonna be my, my vegetable analogy because in health I think, gosh, so many things would just get better if people would just get a good night's sleep and eat more vegetables.

Lewis Howes 37:43 Right.

JJ Virgin 37:43 A lot of stuff gets better. You know, we're so worried about, "Am I getting enough of this micronutrient?" I'm like, "Eat your vegetables."

Lewis Howes 37:49 Right.

JJ Virgin 37:49 Right? Gratitude is to vegetables, you know, right? It's like gratitude, we think of vegetables for health and gratitude for personal development. You wanna get more resilient, you know, you wanna change your life, the best thing that you can do-

Lewis Howes 38:04 Mm

JJ Virgin 38:04 ... is start every single day in gratitude. And when I looked back and went, "What helped me get through all of this stuff in the hospital?" the biggest thing was making sure I had my morning routine dialed, and every day it was get up and what are my things I'm grateful for? Three things, write 'em down, and find something.

Lewis Howes 38:22 Right.

JJ Virgin 38:23 Right? Find something. People are like, "I don't have anything." I'm like, "You're awake. You're alive, you know?"

Lewis Howes 38:27 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 38:27 Your eyes are open. You can do it.

Lewis Howes 38:29 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 38:29 So, so those are some of the things. I've-

Lewis Howes 38:32 Yes

JJ Virgin 38:32 ... built the lessons, but that was the big question mark is could this be teached without you having to go through all this stuff?

Lewis Howes 38:37 Right.

JJ Virgin 38:38 Right? But here's the other thing is you never know when this stuff's gonna happen.

Lewis Howes 38:41 Never know.

JJ Virgin 38:42 And are you ready? And how do you get ready? Well, you have to lean into fear. You have to, to do things that scare you.

Lewis Howes 38:49 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 38:49 You have to get out of your comfort zone. So, and, you know, you have to actively pursue that, otherwise you won't.

Lewis Howes 38:55 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 38:55 Which is why I think it's great to have coaches and support communities that all-

Lewis Howes 38:58 Yes

JJ Virgin 38:58 ... cheer you on from going, doing the hard things.

Lewis Howes 39:01 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 39:01 'Cause in life we tend to shy away from doing the hard things, right?

Lewis Howes 39:05 Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. And in the book you have all the examples of how to build this mindset and all these different lessons, correct?

JJ Virgin 39:10 Right.

Lewis Howes 39:10 Okay, cool. Um, I wanna ask a few more questions before I f- I finish with the final few. Is there a question you wish people would ask you that they don't?

JJ Virgin 39:18 Uh-oh, the final few.

Lewis Howes 39:19 Yes. Before I ask the final few questions-

JJ Virgin 39:22 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 39:23 ... is there a question-

JJ Virgin 39:23 You didn't warn me about the final few. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 39:26 Before I ask them, is there a f- is there a question that, uh, you wish people would ask that they don't?

JJ Virgin 39:36 Hmm. Yeah, you know what I'd love to be asked, because I think that there's a perception, uh, when you look at someone and, you know, you sat down and you said, "Okay, you've been on Dr. Phil, and, and you've-"

Lewis Howes 39:59 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 39:59 ... "got these books," and it looks like it's been easy. And, you know, that you just kind of roll through and go jump on a TV set or write a book and, and I, what I want people to see is the struggle because I think when we just see that and then we're not there, we all judge ourselves and go, "I could never do that. Look at... They just, like, plopped those books out."

Lewis Howes 40:21 Right.

JJ Virgin 40:21 "They just got on that TV show." And, you know, we're all scared and we all struggle, and so I think that's the big thing that I'd, I'd like to pull up more in interviews is what-

Lewis Howes 40:32 Hmm

JJ Virgin 40:32 ... you know, what's scary and, uh, you know, what's the struggle?

Lewis Howes 40:36 Okay. Well, what's scary and what's the struggle right now? [laughs]

JJ Virgin 40:39 [laughs] Um, you know, I've really looked at a lot of what's been super important, and I was just talking to my fiance about that, and I go, "You know, there's not a lot of things that scare me. Um, you know, you can take all my money away, and I'll go work and do it again, and I don't need to have a whole bunch of fancy stuff, and, you know, don't take my shoes away."

Lewis Howes 41:01 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 41:02 But, um, what, what would scare me is losing the people around me who I love.

Lewis Howes 41:08 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 41:08 You know? That's the big one. That's the big one.

Lewis Howes 41:11 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 41:11 And so what's the struggle really is, um, I am an adopted kid, and you, there's a thing with adopted kids, and I've, I never really wanted to talk about it 'cause I always thought-

Lewis Howes 41:21 Hmm

JJ Virgin 41:21 ... it makes me sound like a whiner, like I'm ungrateful. Because, you know, when you're an adopted kid, back when I was adopted, my parents had to really fight for it to get to be able to adopt a child. They m- actually matched you.

Lewis Howes 41:34 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 41:34 But my birth mom gave me up for adoption. She was engaged to my birth father, and he wanted her to drink quinine and abort.

Lewis Howes 41:42 Wow.

JJ Virgin 41:43 Thankfully, she said no.

Lewis Howes 41:44 Wow.

JJ Virgin 41:44 And she went to a, a home for unwed mothers in San Francisco and gave me up, and then they put me into a foster home for six weeks. They made you have a holding period. I'm, like, going, "Well, that's the worst plan ever." Like, six weeks of limbo for a baby during that most important bonding thing.

Lewis Howes 42:02 Wow.

JJ Virgin 42:03 And then put me into, um, this place with my adopted parents who have done the best they can, but I'm so not l- there's just not that, there's never been that bond.

Lewis Howes 42:14 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 42:14 You know? It's like that bond. So you grow up feeling unloved and unworthy, right?

Lewis Howes 42:20 Wow.

JJ Virgin 42:20 You know? And it's like, so that's the biggest thing. When I came down to, like, when you start to look at what you want in your life, and then you go, "Well, why do I want that? Why do I want that? Why do I want it?" And you can dial it all back. I was like, "Ultimately why I want all these things is you just wanna be loved."

Lewis Howes 42:35 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 42:35 And so actually you don't have to do a whole bunch of that stuff 'cause it's not so important anymore.

Lewis Howes 42:39 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 42:39 You can just go-

Lewis Howes 42:40 Be loved

JJ Virgin 42:41 ... be loved.

Lewis Howes 42:41 [laughs] Yeah, love and be loved.

JJ Virgin 42:43 It's so much easier. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 42:44 Wow.

JJ Virgin 42:44 Love people and let them love you. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 42:46 I didn't know this about you. What, uh, do you know your parents yet? Have you, have you met them or no?

JJ Virgin 42:50 So yeah, I met my birth parents. Um, I got rejected again.

Lewis Howes 42:54 Wow.

JJ Virgin 42:54 So not once but twice, so, um-

Lewis Howes 42:56 Hmm

JJ Virgin 42:57 Yeah, my ex-husband reminded me of that. I have a super great relationship with my ex-husband, but I, I went and sought out my birth mother because how could you not wanna know?

Lewis Howes 43:05 Of course.

JJ Virgin 43:05 And again, my, my adopted parents have, you know, were great parents.

Lewis Howes 43:10 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 43:10 Tried hard. Um-

Lewis Howes 43:12 And they were open about it from early ages and-

JJ Virgin 43:13 They were open about it. They always told me about it. You know, and it's funny 'cause the big, the big fat lie to adopted kids is that you're so special 'cause more people wanted you. I'm like, "No, not really."

Lewis Howes 43:25 Right.

JJ Virgin 43:25 Your mom... Like, I'm a mom. You g- as clearly as you've seen, you would have to kill me to take my kids away.

Lewis Howes 43:31 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 43:31 Like, I will do whatever for them.

Lewis Howes 43:33 Sure.

JJ Virgin 43:34 And I mean, that's just in our DNA. So, you know, when you've got someone... And I know, I know 'cause I went through the forgiveness protocol 'cause Dave's like, "Yes, I think we need to go there," you know, of what it was like for her to be a scared, unwed mother-

Lewis Howes 43:47 Yeah, of course

JJ Virgin 43:47 ... who was engaged to this guy who now wants her to abort, and she doesn't wanna give me up to his crazy mom, and so, hey, she did the best she could do.

Lewis Howes 43:55 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 43:55 And now I've really fully, like all of a sudden, I was like, "Okay, I forgave her. I forgave hi- you know, my mom, everybody."

Lewis Howes 44:01 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 44:02 Um, but I met my birth mom, and, and I met my birth dad, and he made me take a paternity test, and, uh, 99.999. I'm like-

Lewis Howes 44:11 Wow

JJ Virgin 44:11 ... "Okay, we'll do this." Um-

Lewis Howes 44:14 How old were you?

JJ Virgin 44:15 I was 25.

Lewis Howes 44:16 Wow.

JJ Virgin 44:16 So my birth dad had never told his wife. He was still in love with my mother.

Lewis Howes 44:21 Oh my gosh.

JJ Virgin 44:21 That made it kind of weird 'cause when I met him, he's like, "Oh my gosh, you're just like her," and blah. And I'm like, "Okay, stop it." But, um, he married a debutante, like Miss Oregon.

Lewis Howes 44:31 Hmm.

JJ Virgin 44:31 Just the kind of person who's not my type of person, you know?

Lewis Howes 44:35 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 44:36 Um, and they lived in a little... They're very provincial. They'd never really left Oregon.

Lewis Howes 44:42 Yeah.

JJ Virgin 44:42 Literally white picket fence.

Lewis Howes 44:44 Right, right.

JJ Virgin 44:44 So, and I, like, show up. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 44:46 [laughs]

JJ Virgin 44:46 It's like, uh-oh. Right? He goes, "I never told her about you." I'm like-

Lewis Howes 44:50 Wow

JJ Virgin 44:50 ... "Well," you know. Um, so that was, that was the problem.

Lewis Howes 44:54 Wow. Wow.

JJ Virgin 44:54 Um, yeah, so I met everybody, but there was no... It's not like they're your family.

Lewis Howes 44:58 Right.

JJ Virgin 44:58 They're not your family. You know, when people talk, your real parents, your real parents are the people who had to deal with you growing up, right? Those are your real parents.

Lewis Howes 45:05 The whining and crying and, yeah.

JJ Virgin 45:06 The whining and crying and the... You know, those are your parents.

Lewis Howes 45:08 Sure.

JJ Virgin 45:08 These people were my, uh, biological parents, but they're not my parents.

Lewis Howes 45:13 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 45:14 So-

Lewis Howes 45:14 Well-

JJ Virgin 45:14 ... so kind of puts you as like there's really no place for them, but-

Lewis Howes 45:17 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 45:17 ... you know, it just-

Lewis Howes 45:19 What's the biggest lesson you learned about your biological mom? What's the biggest lesson she's taught you throughout your life, whether she's told you something or not, but something you've learned that's been powerful for you?

JJ Virgin 45:33 Um, you know, she taught me by not doing, and it's, it's interesting 'cause I believe that, you know, sometimes negative role models can be the most powerful of all.

Lewis Howes 45:44 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 45:44 I understand now that she gave me up because that was what she believed to be the best thing. I still think it, whenever possible, that birth kids should be with their birth families because there's-

Lewis Howes 45:55 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 45:56 ... this genetic... I mean, when I met her, I got off the plane and looked at a woman dressed just like me.

Lewis Howes 46:00 Wow.

JJ Virgin 46:00 Same tastes, same... I am, I grew up in a very, like, Ward and June Cleaver family with parents who golf and dad-

Lewis Howes 46:08 Mm-hmm

JJ Virgin 46:08 ... who has a job waiting for a ship to come in. You know, just very, uh, very unlike me. My dad is a massive entrepreneur. My mom is a scientist, and her whole family are athletes. His family are models.

Lewis Howes 46:20 Right, right.

JJ Virgin 46:21 It was like you finally met your tribe, right?

Lewis Howes 46:23 Yeah. [laughs]

JJ Virgin 46:23 And so, um, but it was funny when I met her again, she was very judgy. And-

Lewis Howes 46:29 Geez

JJ Virgin 46:29 ... you know, the one thing that you-

Lewis Howes 46:31 At 25, when you were 25 or-

JJ Virgin 46:33 Yeah, she was just kind of judging who I was and how I was.

Lewis Howes 46:36 Wow.

JJ Virgin 46:36 And it was interesting to see because I'm a parent, and I may not love all the choices my kids make, although it's rare that I have issues with them, but I may... They might do things I disagree with, but I love them unconditionally.

Lewis Howes 46:50 Mm-hmm.

JJ Virgin 46:50 That will never change. And so it was interesting to see that because I was, like, going, "You know what? I think that the most powerful gift you can give your kids is the gift of incondi- of con- unconditional love." That's, that was the big lesson that I learned with this.

Lewis Howes 47:04 Hmm. Wow. Amazing. Um, okay. Well, thank you for sharing and letting me know that that's what you want people to ask you about.

JJ Virgin 47:11 There you go.

Lewis Howes 47:12 Um-

JJ Virgin 47:12 Well, now they don't have to 'cause they heard the answer.

Lewis Howes 47:14 Yeah, exactly.

JJ Virgin 47:15 So... [laughs]

Lewis Howes 47:15 Exactly. Um, is there anything else you wish people would ask you?

JJ Virgin 47:18 Hmm. Um, no. I'm now totally nervous about this speed round thing.

Lewis Howes 47:25 Okay. Well, yeah.

JJ Virgin 47:26 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 47:26 It's only a few final questions. You'll be great. Um, this is called the three truths, and it's many, many years from now. You've written however many New York Time bestsellers. You've achieved everything you want to. Uh, and, um, anything on the list of dreams that you write down now, you make happen. You have this abundant lifestyle. Anything you want, you create it. And it's the last day for you, many, many years. And for whatever reason, all your books have been erased, all your videos, all the work you've put out there is gone. And it's the last day, and your whole family's there, and some great, great grandchild walks up to you and gives you a piece of paper and a pen and says, "We don't have anything physical to re- remember ourselves or, or be remembered by you. Um, can you write down three things you know to be true? Of all the lessons you've learned, of all the experiences you've had, of all the people you've met, what are the three things, the three truths that you would leave behind, and this is all we would have to remember from your three lessons?"

JJ Virgin 48:32 Hmm. Lesson one has to do with integrity. So I've always lived as if anything I do, you could publish in the paper, that I'm being true to myself, my message. So live with integrity. Number two, you know, put your family and your loved ones above everything else. They are your-

Lewis Howes 49:00 Hmm

JJ Virgin 49:00 ... your biggest gift. Um, and number three, forgive as quickly as possible.

Lewis Howes 49:09 Hmm. Those are great. Thank you. Um, I wanna take a moment, JJ, to acknowledge you for forgiving all the people in your life and for developing this incredible mindset because the things that you've learned and the things you've been through have been challenging, but they're creating so many blessings in the world for so many people. So I wanna acknowledge you for the gifts you have and your creativity, your hard work, your, uh, overcoming all these challenges, and also for showing up differently now than you ever have because of this struggle that you went through. So I wanna acknowledge you for all your incredible gifts, and I appreciate it.

JJ Virgin 49:47 Thank you.

Lewis Howes 49:48 You're welcome. Um, there is, uh, one final question I want to ask you. Before I do, make sure you guys pick up the book. It's called Miracle Mindset. Go grab it right now. More lessons on how to have this abundant mindset and to really overcome challenges in your life, so make sure you guys pick it up. The final question I wanna ask you is, what is your definition of greatness?

JJ Virgin 50:15 It's pretty simple. Leave it better than you found it. That's the big thing I strive to do. When I, when I leave this planet, is I wanna make sure I've left it better than I found it.

Lewis Howes 50:28 Yeah. There you go. JJ, thanks for coming on. Appreciate it.

JJ Virgin 50:31 Thank you.