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Lewis HowesRelationship Scientist REVEALS 3 CLEAR SIGNS He'll CHEAT (Don’t Miss THIS RED FLAG!) | Macken Murphy
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WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Behavior scientist breaks down cheating risks, jealousy, and relationship stability
- Macken Murphy explains infidelity as “extra pair copulation” in the animal literature and argues humans are best described as serially socially monogamous, with jealousy and cheating impulses framed as part of an evolutionary story but not morally justified.
- He says men cheat more than women on average based on self-report patterns and related evidence, while acknowledging variation across subgroups and that future data could change conclusions.
- He outlines multiple motives for cheating—such as sexual variety, mate-switching, revenge, and resource strategies—emphasizing that motivations can differ by person and context.
- He lists key infidelity “red flags” as family history and an unrestricted sociosexual orientation, and treats “body count” as a nuanced, context-dependent proxy rather than a standalone verdict.
- He discusses the psychological impact of betrayal (including post-infidelity stress symptoms), the role of partner selection and dynamics in repeated cheating patterns, and simple relationship behaviors he says research supports (e.g., compliments, affection, non-escalative touch).
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasThere aren’t guaranteed predictors of cheating—only risk factors.
He says there aren’t “clear signs” in a deterministic sense, but points to risk factors that can raise the probability of future infidelity.
Family history is presented as one red flag for infidelity risk.
He describes evidence that infidelity “runs in families” and appears partially influenced by genetics (alongside social factors), while emphasizing this is not destiny and shouldn’t be used punitively.
A strong preference for uncommitted sex is another red flag.
He highlights sociosexuality (comfort with uncommitted sex) as linked with a higher likelihood of unfaithfulness, and says this applies to both men and women.
“Body count” is framed as context-dependent and likely indirect.
He says “body count” may be a proxy for infidelity risk mainly insofar as it correlates with sociosexuality, and stresses context matters (e.g., same number can reflect very different lifestyles).
Being cheated on can create trauma-like symptoms that affect future relationships.
He says the symptoms of PTSD are common among people who’ve been cheated on, noting some psychologists use the term “post-infidelity stress disorder,” and describes reassurance-seeking and rumination as common reactions.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesThe symptoms of PTSD are so common among people who have been cheated on that some psychologists have coined the term and use the term PIST, post-infidelity stress disorder.
— Macken Murphy
Infidelity runs in families.
— Macken Murphy
Those sorts of people who, you know, really love that sort of stuff are going to be more inclined towards unfaithfulness than people who don't.
— Macken Murphy
There was something that flipped inside of me. Um, and I was in another relationship after that where I had zero jealousy, z- that I can think of.
— Lewis Howes
If you find yourself getting cheated on over and over and over again, right, if you're, if you're listening to this, it, it would be worth taking a step back and saying, "Look, it's not my fault that this happened, but what can I change about my future behavior to avoid this happening again?"
— Macken Murphy
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SPEAKERS
Macken Murphy
guestRelationship/behavior science communicator and researcher focused on infidelity and mating dynamics.
Lewis Howes
hostHost of The School of Greatness and interviewer/podcast presenter.
High quality AI-generated summary created from speaker-labeled transcript.
