You Can't Manifest a New Life with an Old Identity (Here's How To Rewrite Yours) | Jim Curtis

Jim Curtis 0:00 There are so many people who are feeling stuck, or, "I can't manifest anything. I'm not manifesting the life that I want." And it really isn't about changing things, it's being happier and more aligned, in flow state, despite everything. This framework that I've used with so many people that breaking them out and transform them into a life, um, starts with release.

Lewis Howes 0:21 He is a transformational coach, author, and one of the leading voices blending neuroscience, hypnotherapy, and spirituality. Please welcome Jim Curtis.

Jim Curtis 0:32 I wanna change let them to forgive them. Because once you forgive yourself first and you say, "I am going to forgive myself for not achieving, for not manifesting, for letting myself down," you put yourself immediately into more of a flow state.

Lewis Howes 0:46 For someone who feels like they've tried everything around manifesting, they've tried journaling, therapy, affirmations, visualization, hypnotherapy, what's the very first thing that you'd have them do today that's different from everything they've tried to allow them to start manifesting better?

Jim Curtis 1:02 So here's what I would start to try.

Lewis Howes 1:08 You can't manifest a new life with an old identity. Why is that?

Jim Curtis 1:13 I love this question. Um, mostly because I see people trying to change their behavior, meaning changing their behavior to make more money, changing their behavior to be better in love-

Lewis Howes 1:24 Mm-hmm

Jim Curtis 1:24 ... um, while protecting an old belief of who they are, their I am.

Lewis Howes 1:29 So an old belief, an old story, or what is that?

Jim Curtis 1:32 Yes. It's the identity that we say that we are. The, the patterns that have created who we believe that we are, what we're capable of, uh, our likes, our differences. So our identity is really what creates our reality and, and the way that we look at things. So to step into a new life, we have to be flexible on who we become, who we believe we become.

Lewis Howes 1:55 If we change our behavior but we don't change the identity, then there's gotta be something that's out of alignment. Is that what I'm hearing?

Jim Curtis 2:02 Yes. Meaning you're constantly trying to change your behavior, right? I want something new, I gotta act differently to have it. But if you're not changing your identity, what's protecting and creating the true behavior, then you're stuck in a repeating pattern of wanting something and never quite manifesting it.

Lewis Howes 2:22 So if you're more disciplined, you're more motivated, you're waking up earlier, you're eating healthier, you're more disciplined with sales calls or whatever it is in your-

Jim Curtis 2:31 Yeah

Lewis Howes 2:31 ... financial journey-

Jim Curtis 2:32 Yeah

Lewis Howes 2:32 ... but you're still holding onto, "I'm not enough," or, "I was abandoned or abused" in something, or, you know, "I'm never gonna find love because I was hurt before"-

Jim Curtis 2:42 Mm-hmm

Lewis Howes 2:43 ... or, "Is this business thing really gonna work? Because I'm not good with money," whatever it is. If you're ta-

Jim Curtis 2:48 Yeah

Lewis Howes 2:48 ... if you're doing the disciplined actions-

Jim Curtis 2:50 Yeah

Lewis Howes 2:50 ... but you're holding on to the identity and the belief that you're still not enough-

Jim Curtis 2:54 Mm

Lewis Howes 2:54 ... I'm hearing you say at some point you're gonna be in burnout, breakdown, or something bad's gonna happen.

Jim Curtis 2:59 Absolutely. Absolutely. And so it is this: it is our conscious mind, the 5% of everything that's happening, fighting against the subconscious mind. I've heard a lot of your guests talk about this, but it's the 5% that is the willpower, the go, the get 'em, right? And it's so powerful. It, it's heavily weighted in those. That 5% is a strong 5%. But in the 95% is who we believe we are, all the things that you said, but there's more. There's this idea of, you know, maybe I'm a creative person. Maybe I'm not good at math. You know, someone who's not good at math, they always say, "Ugh, God, I'm not good at math," or, "I'm not a good reader." All right? That's part of your identity. Anything with I am, anything that comes next is your identity. So if you say, "I'm not good at math," or, "I'm not a good reader," then chances are your finances are gonna suffer. Um, or your reading, you're... Perhaps you're not... You're gonna be more on TV or more on social media.

Lewis Howes 4:00 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 4:00 And so when you try to change those behaviors, you fizzle out, you burn out, because the identity says, "I'm not good at math."

Lewis Howes 4:08 If someone is unable then to manifest what they want, I've heard you say it's because of hidden programming that stems from childhood or some type of past experience.

Jim Curtis 4:17 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 4:17 Can you explain what that programming looks like for us?

Jim Curtis 4:21 Yeah. This programming that builds everything that we believe and then protect. So the programming in our subconscious mind based on past experiences, often that programming's from, you know, zero to seven years old as we're-

Lewis Howes 4:35 Mm

Jim Curtis 4:35 ... developing. But also programming comes in from really emotional times in our lives, times that we were broken up with, times that we got ill, times that we, you know, were driving a car and almost got into an accident and, you know, the, it becomes, "I'm not a good driver." You know? So those programming goes into your subconscious mind and it quietly, under the covers, runs your life.

Lewis Howes 4:59 Yes.

Jim Curtis 5:00 When we start to release those programming-

Lewis Howes 5:03 Yes

Jim Curtis 5:03 ... by becoming aware of them and then changing the program, we start to align with what we want, right? Getting into blissful alignment with it or falling in love with what we want, blissful alignment, and then we can become it by reinforcing the identity of the person that has it. And so there are a number of tools to be able to do this, right?

Lewis Howes 5:26 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 5:26 Release, align, become.

Lewis Howes 5:27 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 5:28 That's a framework that you talk about in the book, The Book of Possibility. Release, align, become. Can you share this three-step framework for us?

Jim Curtis 5:35 Yes.

Lewis Howes 5:36 So if we're feeling stuck in our life, if we're feeling like, "Man, I'm working harder, but I'm not getting the results, and I'm f- experiencing frustration and anger inside of me-"

Jim Curtis 5:44 Yeah

Lewis Howes 5:45 ... how can we use your three-step framework, release, align, become, to start- Attracting the future we want

Jim Curtis 5:54 Mm-hmm. I've experienced this with thousands of people now, and if you've noticed probably, there are so many people who are feeling stuck, and they're calling it stuck, or, "I can't manifest anything. I'm not manifesting the w- life that I want." Or, um, "Maybe I'll be single forever." Or, you know, uh, y- "I'm not good with finances." This-

Lewis Howes 6:12 I'll always be broke or-

Jim Curtis 6:13 Yeah, I'll always be broke. So it's all these beliefs or issues in life, right? And it really isn't about changing things. It's being happier and more aligned in flow state despite everything. So Release, Align, Become, this framework that I've used with so many people that breaking them out and transform them into a life, um, starts with release. And the release says, "What are those hidden beliefs in my subconscious mind that have been quietly controlling my life?" Have to build awareness of it because without awareness, you can't release anything.

Lewis Howes 6:48 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 6:49 You're in a cage, uh, an invisible cage. And then when you start to become aware of those things, "Oh, it's because this happened. Oh, this story of what my father said to me when I was a child," or, um, "This belief started to make me feel not enough," or that I wasn't good at something, then you can start to see the cage.

Lewis Howes 7:08 Yes.

Jim Curtis 7:10 And then the release comes with-

Lewis Howes 7:11 So would that be through a process of journaling or-

Jim Curtis 7:14 Yeah. There's a-

Lewis Howes 7:15 ... writing down these beliefs or these things that you've been holding onto first so you can kind of see them and separate yourself from them?

Jim Curtis 7:21 Yep, yep. We go through this in the book, too.

Lewis Howes 7:23 Okay.

Jim Curtis 7:23 It's a process. It's three-step pro- Release, Align, Become, and then within each process is read, write, listen. So the way that the book is written and the way that I work with this book is the closest thing to a one-on-one with me. I can't accommodate everybody now, so I wrote this book. So the way that it's written is first we read, and it's written with neuro-linguistic programming, cognitive behavioral therapy, and as a hypnotherapist. And so we read the text, and it starts to, oh, start to change our mindset a little bit. And then we write n- really profound questions that will get your subconscious mind to think, to speak. Uh, and somatic exercises, like the mirror exercises or cord-cutting exercises, so we start to become more aware of what needs to be released. And then listen to the hypno-meditations that I've created in the free companion app so that we can change that program within our own mind through visualization-

Lewis Howes 8:18 Yeah

Jim Curtis 8:18 ... through guides. Uh, and so that's the release part.

Lewis Howes 8:21 Okay.

Jim Curtis 8:22 The alignment is, okay, people say what they want, and some people say, "I don't know what I want," or, "I understand what I want, but I just can't get it." And so how do we create a vision for what we want and then fall so in love with it, become so clear with it? Because I think alignment and love are the same thing.

Lewis Howes 8:40 Mm.

Jim Curtis 8:40 It's blissful alignment. Fall so in love with it that we know exactly what we need to do, become so clear and so excited about it. And the next part is become. So how do we change our, our homeostasis? The homeostasis in our body keeps us from getting too hot, we sweat, keeps us from getting too cold-

Lewis Howes 9:04 Mm-hmm

Jim Curtis 9:05 ... we shiver. And so how do we s- change the homeostasis of what we believe we're capable of? So if we go back to it, we'll do reading, writing, and listening exercises for each one of those steps so that it naturally, like a seed growing in Earth, it naturally, quietly, organically just starts to change until there is a blossom. And then you say, "Oh, wow, how did all this change?"

Lewis Howes 9:32 How does someone know when they truly have become versus just performing a new identity?

Jim Curtis 9:38 Yes. Oh, that's a, that's an interesting question. So you know that you've become because things get easier for you. Yeah, there was, um, there was a woman that stopped me on the street. She gave me a big hug. I thought I knew her. And she said, "I was in one of your workshops." And I said, "Fantastic." She said, "I loved it. My life has changed so completely." And I said, "Really? What happened?" And she said, "Well, I got a divorce and lost my job."

Lewis Howes 10:04 [laughs] Right.

Jim Curtis 10:06 And I said, "I'm so sorry." And she said, "No, the best thing happened to me. You know, I finally realized I was worth more." And she said, "I want to introduce you to this man that I met," and she introduced me to the guy she was with. She said, "Love of my life, and by the way, I'm now making twice as much."

Lewis Howes 10:21 Wow.

Jim Curtis 10:21 And so you know that your identity has changed when the results in your life have changed.

Lewis Howes 10:26 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 10:27 When you are worth more, when you are, uh, re- s- receiving, you know, more love, more wealth, more flow.

Lewis Howes 10:35 Yeah, more freedom-

Jim Curtis 10:36 Yeah

Lewis Howes 10:36 ... is really what it sounds like.

Jim Curtis 10:37 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 10:37 You're not fighting against something. You're kind of flowing through the world with effortlessness.

Jim Curtis 10:42 Yes. Yes. This is not about fixing you. It's about freeing you.

Lewis Howes 10:46 What does someone

Lewis Howes 10:47 do when they don't know what identity is actually running them right now?

Jim Curtis 10:51 They can start to ask the subconscious mind, "What age is this belief coming from?"

Lewis Howes 10:56 Mm.

Jim Curtis 10:57 You can ask your subconscious mind to... You have this magical well of information within the subconscious mind. Some believe it's even the bridge to the quantum itself.

Lewis Howes 11:05 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 11:06 Right? If... So you can start to say, if you're experiencing something, it takes a lot of awareness to say, "This is an uncomfortable feeling. What just happened there? Oh, okay. Some of my shadows are coming up." And I hope we talk about shadow work. But some of my shadow come up. I just felt, um, like I wasn't good enough. I got, uh, envious. I got, um, spiteful. I got angry. And we could say, "Okay, what age of the person," we can ask subconscious mind, "what age of the person is reacting within me now?" Right? And sometimes, like, oh, it's that 12-year-old self that had this experience where they got turned down in love and needed to protect from, from thereon. So you can start to say, "What parts of my identity, what ages of development are now making these decisions in-" ... enacting these behaviors.

Lewis Howes 11:56 Interesting. What is the part of your identity from the past that you feel still blocks you sometimes?

Jim Curtis 12:03 The part of my identity that still blocks me, I find, is am I going deep enough? Am I detailed enough?

Lewis Howes 12:12 Really. Detailed or deep enough?

Jim Curtis 12:14 Not deep emotionally, detailed enough.

Lewis Howes 12:16 Detailed enough.

Jim Curtis 12:17 Yeah. Like, from my childhood, it was always, um, "Have you done the work?" You know, my... You know, like, g- uh, "Have you studied enough? Have you figured it out enough?"

Lewis Howes 12:27 Have you suffered enough? Have you-

Jim Curtis 12:29 Right

Lewis Howes 12:29 ... like, done the research long enough and-

Jim Curtis 12:30 My father had a doctorate in English. I had a... You know, we weren't watching sports, we were studying vocabulary. You know? And so I always found that if I had- didn't do all the research, all the studies, all the things, that, that perhaps I, you know, wasn't going deep enough in my knowledge. And so even planning for today, I was like, "Have... Do I have all my points correct?" When I realized something, right? And I stopped myself and I said, "I'm not the guy that's gonna go... Although in this book, I write so much about the science, I've studied, I have degrees." You know, become a certified coach, a certified hypnotherapist. I've run businesses, right? So, but I'm not the guy that's going deep. I'll let Joe Dispenza and others do that. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 13:11 Right. [laughs]

Jim Curtis 13:11 Yeah. So what I do act as, and is very valuable, is I'm a reminder. I'm a reminder for you that this stuff is so achievable, that your emotional regulation could be the key to everything that you do.

Lewis Howes 13:27 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 13:28 That your own forgiveness is the most powerful asset that you have, and that your gratitude can change your life. And those are things we all know, and you don't have to go in... Although there's studies for each one of those things.

Lewis Howes 13:43 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 13:44 You don't have to go into them to know intuitively that that's true. So I just said, "I love myself and I forgive myself for getting worried about that," and I walked in. And of course, you're a gracious host and, um, and it was alleviated.

Lewis Howes 14:01 Another tool that I've learned is from a friend of mine who said, "It's hard to be nervous when your heart's on service."

Jim Curtis 14:06 Ah.

Lewis Howes 14:07 And so when you're thinking about, "How am I gonna perform?"

Jim Curtis 14:11 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 14:11 "And how am I gonna look? And I hope I sound funny or interesting or-"

Jim Curtis 14:15 Right

Lewis Howes 14:15 ... philosophical enough for this show," or whatever it is.

Jim Curtis 14:18 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 14:18 Or a stage or an event or something, an interview. Instead, yes, it's important to prepare and do the best you can to be ready so you're not underprepared and winging it.

Jim Curtis 14:29 Right.

Lewis Howes 14:30 But at the end of the day, you've gotta be thinking, "How can I just show up in service and give my best and not beat myself up so much, or be so overprepared that I'm so anxious?"

Jim Curtis 14:41 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 14:41 And then when I'm in the interview or on stage or whatever it might be, and I forget something, and then I'm holding onto that, that, "Ah, I forgot this thing and I'm not perfect."

Jim Curtis 14:51 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 14:52 So it's preparing, but then also letting go and being present to what's, what's in front of you.

Jim Curtis 14:58 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 14:58 So I love that you said that, that forgiveness

Lewis Howes 15:00 is one of the most powerful tools you can use. And for me, that really means forgiveness equals freedom. And when we can forgive ourselves or others, it gives us a sense of peace that we haven't had.

Jim Curtis 15:14 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 15:15 And, and when we can lean in f- freedom, or when we can lean in forgiveness and gratitude, it creates more appreciation for what we have as well.

Jim Curtis 15:24 100%, yeah. In fact, there was a study done, uh, that I write about in the book, that showed that when you, um, lean into forgiveness, when you actually forgive, it has incredible effects on the body.

Lewis Howes 15:40 Mm.

Jim Curtis 15:40 It lowers inflammation. It increases immunity. People with HIV, they studied, when they were able to forgive themselves and forgive others, they had, their immunity shot way up.

Lewis Howes 15:51 Wow.

Jim Curtis 15:51 It lowers cortisol. And when all those things, higher immunity, lower inflammation, lower cortisol, that naturally emotionally regulates you. And then in that, there's another study that gratitude, when you're in the gratitude mindset, people were less likely to make foolish decisions around money. They were less likely to take out a loan and spend it-

Lewis Howes 16:14 Mm

Jim Curtis 16:15 ... instead of saving and spending, right? Where they then didn't have the money and they had to pay.

Lewis Howes 16:20 Wow.

Jim Curtis 16:20 So it's rooted in science, right? But it's really just intuitive. And so two phrases I really love is, "Let go and let God," and, "I am divinely guided."

Lewis Howes 16:33 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 16:33 And it just settles your nervous system. It... You don't have to worry.

Lewis Howes 16:38 Yes.

Jim Curtis 16:38 It's all working out.

Lewis Howes 16:39 I think if someone can say that over and over again throughout the day is that, "I'm divinely guided," you're gonna be more in alignment and in tune with decisions and actions you should be taking to support that belief that you're creating and, and declaring, either internally or externally, when you say, "I am divinely guided."

Jim Curtis 16:59 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 17:00 And what you said before in a previous interview is, like, whatever you say after, "I am," is you are manifesting.

Jim Curtis 17:06 100%.

Lewis Howes 17:07 So if you're saying, "I am divinely guided," you are manifesting that the more consistently you say it. Obviously, you wanna be in alignment with it with your actions.

Jim Curtis 17:15 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 17:15 You don't wanna say it and then go completely against it, 'cause then you're not gonna be backing your belief. But I think if you're backing it through conscious actions and saying, "Look, there's another vote of what I just said. I'm actually voting for it by taking that action."

Jim Curtis 17:31 Yeah. Anything after, "I am," you are. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 17:33 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 17:34 Yeah. After, "I am," you become.

Lewis Howes 17:36 Yes.

Jim Curtis 17:36 And so I am divinely guided. It's hard to take a d- wrong action after that, right? Because it, what it does most is, I am divinely... It lowers fear.

Lewis Howes 17:43 Even if it looks wrong-

Jim Curtis 17:45 Yeah

Lewis Howes 17:45 ... you're like, "No, that was meant to happen for something else greater."

Jim Curtis 17:48 Right.

Lewis Howes 17:48 Right? It's like, so n- there is no mistake.

Jim Curtis 17:50 Yeah. I use it all the time to settle myself.

Lewis Howes 17:52 Yes.

Jim Curtis 17:52 I am divinely guided. It lowers fear and allows me to make good decisions, because fear is lying to you.

Lewis Howes 17:58 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 17:59 You know, it, you don't have to believe your fear.

Lewis Howes 18:02 Was there ever a time in the last, you know, six months or the last year where you said, "I'm divinely guided," but then something bad happened, or quote-unquote-

Jim Curtis 18:10 Mm

Lewis Howes 18:11 ... "bad" happened, or it seemed like Are there... that didn't feel divinely guided? You know, that, that person I met who lied to me or that, you know, opportunity that didn't work out, or that investment or whatever it is. Like, was there something you were like, "Huh, I thought this was meant to be a good thing," and it didn't work?

Jim Curtis 18:28 Always with health.

Lewis Howes 18:30 Really?

Jim Curtis 18:30 Always with health with me, because I have physical issues, and so I say, you know, like, "I'm divinely guided. What's meant to be will be." And then there's a new pain, and so I'm challenged. It's like, "Well, wait."

Lewis Howes 18:44 It's frustrating.

Jim Curtis 18:45 "Why is, why am I... How is this divine guidance?" You know? And then we say, "Okay, if I can just settle back into emotional regulation and then forgive my body, forgive myself for getting upset, forgive the shame of, you know, maybe having that pain or that illness," and then I realize that, "Okay, you can breathe again. I'm divinely guided." And it makes it easier every time.

Lewis Howes 19:10 Yes.

Jim Curtis 19:10 So it doesn't necessarily remove all the issues and challenges from your life, but it just settles you enough where you can be back on the path.

Lewis Howes 19:19 Yeah, it does.

Jim Curtis 19:20 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 19:20 For someone who feels like they've tried everything around manifesting, they've tried journaling, therapy, affirmations, visualization, hypnotherapy, and nothing works for them, what's the very first thing that you'd have them do today that's different from everything they've tried to allow them to start manifesting better?

Jim Curtis 19:38 They should go to a better hypnotherapist.

Lewis Howes 19:39 [laughs] Exactly.

Jim Curtis 19:40 [laughs] Um, so here's what I always start to try. One is forgiveness, right?

Lewis Howes 19:45 Yes.

Jim Curtis 19:46 We talk about forgiveness. We've written books about forgiveness. We've listened to Instagram reels ad nauseam about forgiveness, right? But I wanna change let them to forgive them. I just wanna change let them to forgive them, because once you forgive yourself first and you say, "I am going to forgive myself for not achieving, for not manifesting, for letting myself down, for, you know, shaming myself for not doing any of that stuff," right? You put yourself immediately into more of a flow state. And now I want you to look at others and say, "Oh, I've been holding anger and resentments-

Lewis Howes 20:20 Mm

Jim Curtis 20:21 ... towards a number of people in my life, and that's been keeping me at a low vibrational frequency. I'm gonna forgive mom and dad. They were doing the best they could, even if they did horrible things, right? They were corrupt. I'm gonna forgive all those people growing up," right? And it's not to say that you're gonna put yourself in harm's way. It's not to say you're letting them off the hook. Maya Angelou said this. It's like the best gift you can give yourself is to forgive.

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Jim Curtis 22:06 Yes

Lewis Howes 22:06 ... physically harm you.

Jim Curtis 22:08 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 22:08 Your stress rises. Your mental health declines. Unforgiveness places a burden on your heart." And I think, you know, at, at the essence of a lot of your work and what you're continually going through with physical challenge-

Jim Curtis 22:23 Yeah

Lewis Howes 22:24 ... it sounds like if you don't have forgiveness in your heart, nothing good will come. It sounds like if you hold onto anger, rage, or blame, or dwelling on th- how things could have been from your past, "I wish my parents did this way. I wish I'd made this opportunity. I wish I didn't get hurt from this divorce," whatever it is.

Jim Curtis 22:44 Yeah, because it keeps you in an identity of abused child, um, you know, person, you know, divorced person that has been injured, the trauma of this, right? It keeps-

Lewis Howes 22:53 The wound

Jim Curtis 22:53 ... it keeps you in this survival mode, uh, and through that survival mode, that, that tending and surviving and healing, right, it doesn't allow you to step out and truly experience, like, the bliss of being.

Lewis Howes 23:08 Yes.

Jim Curtis 23:09 Um, so when you start to say, "I forgive all that," and, um, it, it's, it really says it's time to move on.

Lewis Howes 23:16 Mm-hmm, from that old identity, that old story that you're holding onto, right?

Jim Curtis 23:21 Yes, 'cause I, I'm no longer tied to you. I've cut that cord through forgiveness. You know, we, we do cord-cutting ceremonies-

Lewis Howes 23:27 Uh-huh

Jim Curtis 23:27 ... too, but I cut that cord through forgiveness. The science shows it, right? And now emotionally, I cut that cord to forgiveness, and therefore I can now move on without the tethers-

Lewis Howes 23:38 Uh-huh

Jim Curtis 23:39 ... into my new way of being, into my new identity, which is more powerful, more loving, and a much higher frequency, which, guess what? Lower inflammation in your body.

Lewis Howes 23:49 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 23:49 More oxytocin. More endorphins. And which sends you on a path. You know, so I always say that neuroscience and science is really changing the mind, and spirituality is healing the heart.

Lewis Howes 24:03 Mm, that's beautiful, because unforgiveness places a burden on your heart.

Jim Curtis 24:08 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 24:08 And if your heart is being weighed down, physically burdened, in a cage- And reflecting towards the past pain.

Jim Curtis 24:17 Right.

Lewis Howes 24:17 It's hard to create a vision of a future possibility of manifesting what you want when you're always burdened by the past.

Jim Curtis 24:26 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 24:27 I've heard you say that people would be surprised who they need to forgive first before anything else can start to

Lewis Howes 24:33 shift. So who is the person we need to forgive first, and why does everything else stall until that happens?

Jim Curtis 24:40 I know that people listening saw an image in their mind of the person they need to forgive first. That-

Lewis Howes 24:45 That bastard.

Jim Curtis 24:46 [laughs]

Lewis Howes 24:46 Mom, Dad.

Jim Curtis 24:47 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 24:48 The husband.

Jim Curtis 24:49 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 24:49 The wife.

Jim Curtis 24:49 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 24:49 Whatever. Yeah, yeah.

Jim Curtis 24:50 Yeah, yeah. And now I want you to look in the mirror.

Lewis Howes 24:52 Ooh.

Jim Curtis 24:53 Right?

Lewis Howes 24:53 Oozing.

Jim Curtis 24:54 Oozing. Look in the mirror because you are the person you need to forgive first.

Lewis Howes 24:59 Wow.

Jim Curtis 24:59 You've been s- you've been terribly difficult. You've been terribly hard on yourself. You've been, you know, you know, feeling that. You've been telling yourself you're not good enough. You've been shaming yourself for those decisions you made. You've been wondering why you just can't get it right. You've been so angry with yourself 'cause your body's broken. You've been so with- withdrawn because you feel stuck or y- or your, you know, your depression has you, right? And so first of all, just stand in front of the mirror. Look yourself in the eye and see that beautiful soul that's within your body. That's you. That's your conscious awareness of the soul.

Lewis Howes 25:40 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 25:40 And just say, "I'm so sorry. I forgive you. Thank you, and I love you." And just feel yourself transform.

Lewis Howes 25:49 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 25:49 You are the first person that you need to forgive-

Lewis Howes 25:51 Mm

Jim Curtis 25:51 ... anybody that's listening.

Lewis Howes 25:52 Again, unforgiveness places a burden on your heart. You say that in your book on page 93.

Jim Curtis 25:57 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 25:57 When you forgive yourself, and then you forgive others, it's like you create a sense of peace in your heart. Your s- your heart starts to mend, and hopefully that sends a signal of healing energy throughout your body as well.

Jim Curtis 26:11 The heart has a higher electromagnetic frequency than the brain, and that's what they talk about your heart going into coherence.

Lewis Howes 26:19 Yes.

Jim Curtis 26:19 And your heart can't go into coherence if you're holding onto anger and, um, resentment.

Lewis Howes 26:25 When you look at your eyes and you own it and believe it, it's like receiving someone else's apology, the truest, sincerest apology, and what that feels like. Sure, maybe for the first moment you might be like, "Yeah, but you should've apologized a year ago," or, "You shouldn't have done it in the first place." But when someone truly apologizes to you, it kind of releases the tension as well for you.

Jim Curtis 26:47 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 26:48 So imagine doing that for yourself. And I want everyone watching or listening to, to try this today, tonight, right now. Find a mirror and sit with yourself. Whatever you need to let go of, whatever you need to release and align and become, I'm telling you, forgiveness, it sounds so simple. It's extremely courageous and vulnerable to do.

Jim Curtis 27:12 And so hard.

Lewis Howes 27:13 And so hard, but it is such a simple tool-

Jim Curtis 27:16 Right

Lewis Howes 27:16 ... that if you learn to forgive others by forgiving yourself first, and receive the forgiveness you give yourself, and then doing it for others, you at least create peace and harmony alignment in your body.

Jim Curtis 27:29 And that goes a long way.

Lewis Howes 27:30 Goes a long way.

Jim Curtis 27:30 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 27:30 Now, it doesn't mean you let go of boundaries. It doesn't mean you bring people back into your life.

Jim Curtis 27:35 Right.

Lewis Howes 27:35 It doesn't mean you hang out with people or, or do harmful things to yourself again.

Jim Curtis 27:41 We go into the science of forgiveness. We go into the exercise of forgiveness. I love that idea of doing that exercise. We talk about the mirror exercise, and I do this with a lot of the groups. And it's staring at yourself in the mirror, right, and then listening. First, you take off all your clothes. Get in a full-length mirror, and you stand in front of the mirror. Get close so you can see the wrinkles. You can... And so-

Lewis Howes 28:06 The insecurities, the imperfections

Jim Curtis 28:07 ... the insecurities.

Lewis Howes 28:08 Yes.

Jim Curtis 28:08 Boy, why is one hip higher than the other? Why is my stomach so big? What's, what are those veins? What are those wrinkles? Um, and you listen to your mind go crazy.

Lewis Howes 28:19 Judgment.

Jim Curtis 28:19 Judgment.

Lewis Howes 28:20 All the judgment.

Jim Curtis 28:20 Shame. All those you're too old, you're too young, you're too fat. Um, some people come back and say, "You know, I had the nicest things to say about myself." I say, "That's beautiful." Majority of people don't. And then the next step is to apologize to yourself and forgive for each one of those terrible things that you had thought of and said. It becomes, like you said, like the story, a really cathartic moment.

Lewis Howes 28:46 Yes.

Jim Curtis 28:46 And within that energy shift, you raise your frequency to be more in a frequency of love, because what that is is compassion for yourself.

Lewis Howes 28:57 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 28:58 And that compassion for yourself puts you in a loving frequency, one of the highest frequencies that you can be in, and through being in that love frequency, everything changes. Take me, for example. I wouldn't go out. I, you know, wouldn't do many things that if I had to be in front of an audience, um, or, um, definitely not on any kind of, you know, public TV appearance or anything like that because I was incredibly self-conscious and shameful of the way that I walked.

Lewis Howes 29:33 Really?

Jim Curtis 29:34 Yeah. Yeah. And so now I had pain in my body, and then I was creating even more anguish by like, you know, I'll never be loved if I walk this way. If I can't hike up a mountain, then, you know, every, you know, woman that I ever wanted, you know, probably doesn't want me. You know, it turns out that n- not every woman wants to hike up a mountain, but it wasn't un-

Lewis Howes 29:55 [laughs] Right.

Jim Curtis 29:56 Thank God. But it wasn't until I truly accepted and loved myself and apologized and forgave myself for being so mean to myself that my life dramatically, dramatically changed. More love, more wealth, more success, more ability to contribute to the world.

Lewis Howes 30:15 On a scale of one to 10, 10 being the worst, one being the best, how mean were you to yourself most of the time? 10 being like, "I was the meanest, you know, A-hole in the world to myself." One being like, "I was an angel to myself."

Jim Curtis 30:29 Yeah. I, I was the meanest.

Lewis Howes 30:31 Really?

Jim Curtis 30:31 Yeah. And, and I didn't even think I realized it. Because until you do the exercise of really listening to your thoughts, it just plays. And so this is what the release part is, is building awareness around what you're saying to yourself. Because what I realized when I was building awareness is I was restricting myself, I was embarrassed of myself, I was shameful of myself. I wasn't allowing myself to have fun. I wasn't allowing myself to fall in love. I wasn't allowing myself to feel safe, or I wasn't allowing myself to be vulnerable, and I think that is terribly mean.

Lewis Howes 31:06 Mm.

Jim Curtis 31:06 Right? And when I did allow myself to do all that stuff, you know, because I forgave myself, and then on top of that, I started to say, "I love you. I love you," part of that prayer, "I love you," the whole world opened up. My body released the pain, but it didn't release the physical limp. But my entire world changed regardless. So the belief and the identity of who I was, instead of being shameful and guilty and bad, I became, you know, someone who was trying to help in the world, and through my own pain, you know, driven and mission-oriented. And so my world changed-

Lewis Howes 31:49 Mm

Jim Curtis 31:49 ... just by changing my belief. And but to do that, as we talk about in this book, the tools, it's about getting beyond, you know, the mundaneness of forgiveness and gratitude. For example-

Lewis Howes 32:01 Yep

Jim Curtis 32:02 ... water is mundane. Except for the people in the part of the world that are listening to us that are in water scarcity.

Lewis Howes 32:07 That have no water.

Jim Curtis 32:08 Right.

Lewis Howes 32:08 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 32:08 That have no water, or it's polluted or whatever. But in the majority of the world, right, you-

Lewis Howes 32:13 It's abundant.

Jim Curtis 32:14 It's abundant.

Lewis Howes 32:15 It's free.

Jim Curtis 32:15 Right?

Lewis Howes 32:15 It's clean.

Jim Curtis 32:15 It's like, eh, it's kind of boring, right? You're like, "Oh, no, I want... Yeah, I want a drink. I want..." Like, whatever it is. Something... You know, we're always putting, like, flavors in water, right? But water, besides air, is the only thing that you can't go very long without, uh, without dying. It is literally... We're made mostly of water. It has all of our intuitive, innate wisdom within it, you know, that it is not only functioning on an intuitive level, but on a physical level. And so I believe forgiveness and gratitude are the same thing. We start to take it for granted.

Lewis Howes 32:49 Mm.

Jim Curtis 32:49 But when we really dig in, those things can change your entire life.

Lewis Howes 32:54 So what is the prayer then, the process that you were just talking about? The thank you, um, I forgive you, I'm sorry, I love you.

Jim Curtis 32:59 It's called the Ho'oponopono prayer.

Lewis Howes 33:01 Okay. So w-

Jim Curtis 33:02 And the Ho'oponopono prayer was, um, a prayer that was the... As the story goes, it was an energetic prayer that had the process. It's more of a... Besides... Don't think of it as words, think of it as a code, a frequency that you're expressing through the tone of your voice into the world, right? And the story goes that the, the man who kind of created this was praying over pictures of inmates in a very violent prison in Hawaii. And when he did this, the violent crime within the prison went down so dramatically, most of the prisoners were transferred into a lower security.

Lewis Howes 33:41 Really?

Jim Curtis 33:42 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 33:43 He was doing a remote prayer.

Jim Curtis 33:45 Remote prayer. And so w- this prayer was the first thing. When I started to do it the first time, I would break down in tears.

Lewis Howes 33:52 Wow.

Jim Curtis 33:53 And it's... You don't need to focus on where it goes. It can... It will go to the place it needs to. And you center yourself and breathe, and you simply start to repeat as a mantra. Do it 10 times, 20 times. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Make it a mantra.

Lewis Howes 34:18 Mm.

Jim Curtis 34:18 Keep doing it. Keep doing it. And I'm f- certain it's gonna crack something.

Lewis Howes 34:25 Yeah. Would you say that this is the ultimate prayer for manifesting?

Jim Curtis 34:30 I think it's the ultimate prayer for forgiveness, but you can't manifest without your own forgiveness anyway, so yes.

Lewis Howes 34:35 Right, right. So it's the starting prayer for manifesting.

Jim Curtis 34:38 Yes. Yes.

Lewis Howes 34:38 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

Jim Curtis 34:38 Exactly.

Lewis Howes 34:39 Okay.

Lewis Howes 34:40 That's interesting. We're talking about creating a new identity, letting go of the old identity so you can step into the new identity. How can someone start to rewire their identity, then, to attract, create, manifest abundance and wealth in their life?

Jim Curtis 34:59 Mm-hmm. Good. So we're talking about a couple of things. One is, how do we release that old identity-

Lewis Howes 35:08 Yes

Jim Curtis 35:08 ... which we just talked about?

Lewis Howes 35:09 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 35:09 We release that old identity by forgiveness, by awareness, by really bringing to light those limiting beliefs within the subconscious mind that need to be released. The second part is, how do we step into a new identity that is more abundant?

Lewis Howes 35:24 Yes.

Jim Curtis 35:25 Right? And I call it the three Gs.

Lewis Howes 35:28 Three Gs.

Jim Curtis 35:28 The three Gs, and the three Gs are, uh, grounding, giving, and gratitude, right? And this gets into a subconscious and conscious. It hits on both levels. It hits on the neuroscience of it, and it hits on the spirituality of it, which are really the same thing. Quantum physics is showing that, uh, r- really neuroscience and spirituality are the same. We can get deeper-

Lewis Howes 35:56 Yeah, yeah

Jim Curtis 35:56 ... into that. But, uh, so the first one is grounding. Emotional regulation. From a place of a grounded, emotionally regulated stance, you get out of fight or flight, you get out of freeze and fawn, and you're able to make decisions that are clear And not focu- focused on panic. You make decisions that are clear, and they're not anxious driven. They're not worry driven. They're grounded here-and-now decisions, and they become more powerful and clear, right? So from that place of grounding, emotional regulation, you're not gonna be in scarcity. If you're not in scarcity, then it's okay to save.

Lewis Howes 36:40 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 36:41 You don't need to buy all the material items now.

Lewis Howes 36:43 Yep.

Jim Curtis 36:43 You don't need to take a loan that may not behoo- behoove you. You can just save for what you need, knowing that you are abundant and you don't need that now. We're talking about money. The second part is giving. When you give money to a charity, when you give money... I had a teacher and he said, "You can never give it all away. It comes back to you." You become in an abundant frequency that says, "I can give. I have more than I need." And so some people will say, "Oh, but that's not true. Like, I can't give money. I don't have enough." Find an amount-

Lewis Howes 37:18 Mm-hmm

Jim Curtis 37:19 ... that you can give, and it will come back to you. It is the ultimate frequency of abundance.

Lewis Howes 37:26 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 37:27 When in doubt, focus out. Give. The third part is gratitude. So there have been studies done on gratitude, and we're not even talking about the frequency of love and feeling good towards yourself. There have been studies that's shown that when we feel gratitude, we are in a high vibrational state. Allows us to make the best decisions, lower our material need, increase our ability to wait prolonged need for something. And so that allows us to save money and to do. And so we start to say, "Okay, if I have a gratitude practice every day for what I have-

Lewis Howes 38:06 Mm-hmm

Jim Curtis 38:08 ... then I am in a state where more will come. I am in a naturally abundant state," right? And the last part is I always... I wrote about it in my book. I wrote about your book because it really affected me. It says, "If money was someone at a party, how would you treat them?"

Lewis Howes 38:25 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 38:25 That really goes to your identity.

Lewis Howes 38:26 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 38:27 It goes to your identity, and I remember, I remember thinking, "How would I treat money at the party?"

Lewis Howes 38:33 How would you?

Jim Curtis 38:34 I think-

Lewis Howes 38:34 How would you before versus now, or the same?

Jim Curtis 38:36 Before I would, um, I would, I'd put them on a pedestal and try really hard to be nice to them.

Lewis Howes 38:42 Impress them or... Yeah, yeah.

Jim Curtis 38:43 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 38:44 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 38:44 I remember hearing Gabby Bernstein talk about it. She'd be like, "Money be my best friend."

Lewis Howes 38:48 Yeah, yeah. [laughs]

Jim Curtis 38:49 [laughs] And I'm like, "That's what I need to do."

Lewis Howes 38:51 Yeah, yeah.

Jim Curtis 38:52 And so that's your identity. What are you worthy of?

Lewis Howes 38:56 Mm.

Jim Curtis 38:57 And so we can use somatic exercises. We can use neuro-linguistic programming and hypnotherapy in the read, write, listen format of this book-

Lewis Howes 39:07 Mm-hmm

Jim Curtis 39:07 ... that will change that, that will start to open up and create new neural pathways and new ways of being.

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Lewis Howes 41:29 a life your subconscious doesn't believe you deserve.

Jim Curtis 41:32 Exactly.

Lewis Howes 41:33 So if someone doesn't believe they are deserving and worthy of love, of abundance, of health, and they're trying to take all the actions to create them, but there's a gap. Or maybe they create them, but then they still don't believe they're worthy of them. They have them, and they don't believe they're worthy of them. What typically happens next?

Jim Curtis 41:55 So you can't create a life that your subconscious mind doesn't believe you deserve. Exactly right. So even if you hustle and you get it, you'll sabotage it.

Lewis Howes 42:05 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 42:05 You will sabotage it. Uh, and so you... that's why you see people that had everything. Had... A man that had the relationship of his dreams, and then he cheats. Um, or someone that gets their job, and then they, that they always wanted, and then they get fired because they just can't get to work. And it's like, okay If your subconscious mind isn't in line with what you want, it will sabotage until you lose it

Lewis Howes 42:31 Mm-hmm

Jim Curtis 42:32 And this is, you know, both with the fear of failure and the fear of success. And so we have to really go in and re-envision, reprogram, and, you know, who that child is. We all have these childhood wounds, and we have to go in and re-experience those experiences, I think, within a transcendental state-

Lewis Howes 42:54 Mm

Jim Curtis 42:54 ... a trance state, so that we can retrain in the best possible light. For example, I have a client. She was very successful at business, um, and never got into a relationship

Lewis Howes 43:08 Mm.

Jim Curtis 43:09 Now she's sold her business, wants a relationship, can't find one, and is also having an identity crisis because she's no longer running a big business

Lewis Howes 43:18 Right. "Well, I don't have my identity around my business where I was leaning on."

Jim Curtis 43:22 Yeah

Lewis Howes 43:22 "Now I don't, I don't have a relationship. I don't have my business."

Jim Curtis 43:24 Yeah, "So now I consciously want a relationship. I can't, I can't hold one down. And also, I have-

Lewis Howes 43:29 "I'm gonna start a new business now." Yeah, yeah [laughs]

Jim Curtis 43:30 Right. "Should I start a new business? But, you know, I, I don't have my business. I don't really want to start a new business, but I feel like I'm not good enough without a big business that I've started."

Lewis Howes 43:40 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 43:40 And so what we got to was all the way back, she was riding in a car with her father at a young age, and the father said something like, "No one's here to take care of you."

Lewis Howes 43:54 Right.

Jim Curtis 43:54 "I'm not go- You may have a silver spoon in your mouth now, but I'm not gonna take care of you forever. And, you know, one day, if you don't take care of yourself, you'll be homeless, and then maybe I'll take care of you."

Lewis Howes 44:04 Right, right. When you're homeless, yeah.

Jim Curtis 44:06 And so that, in her little mind, said, "I need to take care of myself." Hyper-independence, hyper-success, and if I'm not making money, I'm not worthy, and also, no way I'm gonna rely on someone else, be vulnerable enough to rely on a partner to help me. And so we had to unravel that. What we did is we went into a state of hypnosis-

Lewis Howes 44:26 Mm

Jim Curtis 44:26 ... and we re-experienced that, except for I guided into the state of, of father saying something completely different. She was crying, crying, crying. And then when she came out of it, she felt as though the world had shifted.

Lewis Howes 44:38 Wow.

Jim Curtis 44:40 Yeah. And so we start to say, oh, we need to start to do the inner child work. We need to do shadow work and inner child work,

Jim Curtis 44:48 both such important pieces to becoming who we want to become.

Lewis Howes 44:53 What is shadow work?

Jim Curtis 44:55 Shadow work are all those shadows, those monsters that lurk within all of us that were created to protect our child. So as a child, right, we have all these experiences that we don't understand, our emotions that are hurt, no way of really expressing, and the shadows are those things that were there to protect us, but now come out in ways that we're not proud of. Like our anxieties, our anger, our jealousies, our sabotaging others, our resentments, right? The, all those negative ways of being. And so what we do is we hide those shadows. We don't want anybody to know. But the funny thing is we all have them, so we're all hiding the same sh- we're all hiding the same stuff

Lewis Howes 45:44 Mm-hmm

Jim Curtis 45:45 And so we don't want anybody to know it, so we think we're hiding it. But the more we hide it, the louder that monster gets. You're only as sick as your secrets, as they say

Lewis Howes 45:53 Mm. Or it'll explode at some point, right?

Jim Curtis 45:55 Exactly. So shadow work says, "I'm going to recognize that I just reacted in this terrible way out of jealousy. I did something terrible to that person. I went out and, you know, wrote something online about them because I was jealous of them. I'm gonna recognize that I did that."

Lewis Howes 46:15 Mm.

Jim Curtis 46:15 "I'm gonna recognize that it was probably from a pain or hurt as a child, and I'm gonna forgive it, and I'm gonna integrate it within me with love, this part of me." And Carl Jung said, well, you know, shadow work is the only real way to expand our own being. Otherwise, we're just lying to ourselves.

Lewis Howes 46:37 Mm.

Jim Curtis 46:38 And so th- through shadow work-

Lewis Howes 46:39 Yeah

Jim Curtis 46:39 ... we're able to integrate both sides of us, even those ugly things, and love it. And with that, start to do the inner child work that heals all the guilt wounds. The guilt wound in inner child work is children that have been abused or, um, you know, have come from difficult families, and then now they're always, like, wondering if you didn't text them back because they did something wrong.

Lewis Howes 47:05 Mm.

Jim Curtis 47:05 Or someone who asks you, "Are you mad at me?" Often that's the guilt wound from childhood or, you know, the anxious attached wound or those different wounds within childhood. These are all the inner child work that we can start to do-

Lewis Howes 47:19 Yeah

Jim Curtis 47:19 ... to change it.

Lewis Howes 47:20 So interesting. When I reflect back on, on childhood stuff, like, I really struggled with, I didn't really have any friends, or at least that was the story I was telling myself. And I remember I s- like, something changed in high school. Like, I started to not be, like, so tall and goofy looking. You know, I started to, like, fit in my body.

Jim Curtis 47:40 Right.

Lewis Howes 47:40 I became more athletic. I was like, oh, I'm, you know, a, a starter on the sports teams and the MVP. And I was like, oh, now I'm getting attention-

Jim Curtis 47:48 Yeah

Lewis Howes 47:48 ... for the thing that drove me to try to get attention, which was, all right, no one's my friend. I can't get attention from girls. Like-

Jim Curtis 47:57 Right

Lewis Howes 47:57 ... no one wants to hang out with me. They're all making fun of me. So let me be so good that people want to be around me, and it worked. That strategy protected me and sur- it helped me survive, right, in, like, school. To the fact that I was like, oh, now I'm, like, the, the big man on campus, right? But I didn't know how to navigate that.

Jim Curtis 48:17 Mm.

Lewis Howes 48:17 I didn't know how to, like, navigate having friends and people wanting me a part of their ecosystem now. And so- I was almost, like, afraid of it, and I almost was, like, hyper-vigilant. Like, "Is everything okay?" And I'm like, "Am I doing the right things to... I wanna make sure I don't lose this."

Jim Curtis 48:33 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 48:33 "Now that I've got it, I don't wanna go back to being alone-

Jim Curtis 48:36 Yes

Lewis Howes 48:36 ... and having no friends."

Jim Curtis 48:37 So that's where the fear and the attachment comes in.

Lewis Howes 48:38 So I was like, "What do you need? How can I be here for you?" Ah.

Jim Curtis 48:40 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 48:40 "How can I be the funny guy, and then this guy, and that?"

Jim Curtis 48:42 That's another one, people pleasing.

Lewis Howes 48:43 All this stuff. I mean, I gave every strategy of survival. I, I wasn't even aware.

Jim Curtis 48:48 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 48:48 I wasn't conscious of it. I was just doing it so that I didn't feel like I was alone and had no friends again.

Jim Curtis 48:54 But you became con- how did you become conscious of it?

Lewis Howes 48:57 In my late 20s, it was, like, right around before I started The School of Greatness, I was, like, started to reflect 'cause all these things were breaking down in my life, you know. A, a, a intimate relationship was breaking down, you know, business partnership was breaking down, friendships were breaking down, and I was the common denominator of everything.

Jim Curtis 49:13 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 49:13 So I was like, "Oh, I can't just point the finger that everyone else is wrong, because I'm involved in all this wrongdoing. So there's something I'm bringing to the table that is also causing these things to happen in this relationship."

Jim Curtis 49:27 Isn't that powerful?

Lewis Howes 49:28 Uh, or I'm attracting these people that are bringing this onto me. Maybe I'm not doing anything wrong, but I'm attracting something. I'm staying in relationships, I'm not creating boundaries. I'm b- I'm giving too mu- whatever it might be. And I was like, "Oh, I need a lot of reflection." And so there was the time... Before, I had a lot of ego where I was like, "Everyone else is bad and wrong. I'm not gonna change." Like, "Why should I change? They're the one who did this."

Jim Curtis 49:51 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 49:52 And then a number of instances made me feel so kind of overwhelmed and, like, stressed that I was like, "I think there's something wrong with me," [laughs] you know? It's like, "I think I'm the problem or part of the problem."

Jim Curtis 50:05 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 50:06 "And why am I attracting people in this way, and why am I allowing this to happen? Why does this keep happening? Let me take a look in the mirror psychologically." And that's when I started to go to emotional intelligence workshops. I started to get coaching, kind of emotional coaching.

Jim Curtis 50:20 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 50:21 Um, and really started to just dive into inner childhood wounds and the stories that I had attached my identity to, everything you're talking about here in The Book of Possibility, where I would had... I hadn't released the old identity. I carried the old identity into an adult body-

Jim Curtis 50:42 Right

Lewis Howes 50:42 ... and an adult way of, you know, looking and being, but I was still carrying energy of scarcity, of fear, of not enough-ness, of, um, survival-

Jim Curtis 50:55 Mm-hmm

Lewis Howes 50:55 ... in adult scenarios.

Jim Curtis 50:58 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 50:58 When I had had millions of dollars at this point in the bank, when I had, you know, lots of relationships with successful people that I knew, when I had an audience, when I had a business, all these things, but I didn't have peace.

Jim Curtis 51:13 Right.

Lewis Howes 51:13 I didn't have, I didn't have love for myself, and I didn't have freedom. And that was a beginning, it was around 13 years ago when I started the show, was the beginning of a healing journey that will continue forever.

Jim Curtis 51:30 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 51:30 But it's been so many... That first kind of unlock released a lot of forgiveness from the past, but it's been an ongoing, you know, 13-year journey of unlocking different layers of-

Jim Curtis 51:45 It took that awareness.

Lewis Howes 51:46 Yes.

Jim Curtis 51:46 Right? And it... Without that pain, you know, people often think that their pain is the worst thing that ever happened.

Lewis Howes 51:52 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 51:52 And the truth is that pain is the biggest catalyst you could have if you're willing to be aware of why it's happening.

Lewis Howes 51:58 Yeah. And, you know, I'm grateful that my ego finally let go, because for a long time, 10-plus years, my ego was like, "No, I'm just gonna win more. I'm just gonna make more." [laughs]

Jim Curtis 52:10 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 52:10 "I'm gonna, like, grind. I'm gonna not sleep until I'm, like-

Jim Curtis 52:13 "I'll show them"

Lewis Howes 52:14 ... you know, showing everyone."

Jim Curtis 52:15 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 52:15 And it was like, "Ah," you know? [laughs]

Jim Curtis 52:17 "I'll show them. I'll just become even more powerful."

Lewis Howes 52:19 Exactly. And it worked, but it left me feeling more sad and stressed and overwhelmed than ever. Like, I got the external results, but I had no internal freedom.

Jim Curtis 52:29 That's why these things aren't bad or good.

Lewis Howes 52:31 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 52:31 Right? They're, they're, you know, there was some good and there was some bad.

Lewis Howes 52:34 The strategy worked.

Jim Curtis 52:34 Right.

Lewis Howes 52:34 Yeah, the strategy worked to get external results-

Jim Curtis 52:37 Right

Lewis Howes 52:37 ... but not internal freedom.

Jim Curtis 52:38 And it got you to a place where you felt secure enough where you can then do the deep emotional work.

Lewis Howes 52:43 Exactly.

Jim Curtis 52:44 Right? And so-

Lewis Howes 52:45 Exactly

Jim Curtis 52:45 ... you know, I had that same kind of scenario with romantic relationships.

Lewis Howes 52:50 Really?

Jim Curtis 52:50 Where I was... At one point, I had to say, "Okay, now I've been in a lot of failed romantic relationships." [laughs]

Lewis Howes 52:57 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 52:57 And, uh-

Lewis Howes 52:57 It can't be all these women

Jim Curtis 52:58 ... I c- I can't, I can no longer say that it was this small thing about so-and-so. Um, and w- I had to take a real look at myself and say, "Okay, oh, is this my avoidance? Is this my attachment? Is this my inner child wound from, you know, m- my father being abusive," and, you know, the guilt of, you know, the child that always feels like they did something wrong when they don't understand why their father's so mad at them. Um, and so that allowed, you know, me to be very safe in relationships, and then when I realized that that was my wounding and that was my shadow, I had to make a change.

Lewis Howes 53:40 You work with a lot of top entrepreneurs, public figures, creatives, artists. What's the most common subconscious pattern that you see running for high-achieving individuals?

Jim Curtis 53:52 Confidence. Low confidence and imposter syndrome.

Lewis Howes 53:55 Really?

Jim Curtis 53:55 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 53:56 That's-

Jim Curtis 53:57 Yeah

Lewis Howes 53:57 ... the most common subconscious pattern-

Jim Curtis 54:00 Yeah

Lewis Howes 54:00 ... for high achievers, successful

Lewis Howes 54:02 individuals, is I'm not enough?

Jim Curtis 54:03 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 54:04 Really?

Jim Curtis 54:05 Yes. Yes. I see it with people that you would say, "No way," but they are feeling like, you know, they have to do more, prove more, be more, because-

Lewis Howes 54:17 Don't they already have it all? They're celebrities and businesses and billionaires and success and-

Jim Curtis 54:22 Yes, exactly, but-

Lewis Howes 54:23 ... fame

Jim Curtis 54:24 ... but really, they're all... So many people are wondering when Are they gonna figure me out?

Lewis Howes 54:31 Really?

Jim Curtis 54:32 Yes. And then the comparison to others, right? The comparison to others of, but this person may have done it better or they have more. And so it becomes so difficult in just being happy when you're always worried someone's gonna find out that you're an imposter and perhaps you'll never have what this person has over here.

Lewis Howes 54:55 Who do you think is more unhappy, people that make over a million dollars a year or people that make less than $50,000 a year?

Jim Curtis 55:05 [laughs] Less than $50,000 a year.

Lewis Howes 55:07 [laughs] Okay.

Jim Curtis 55:07 I do. [laughs] I think there's a point where w- like, a, an amount of wealth doesn't accumulate to more happiness, but there is definitely a point where you're like, "Okay, um, this has definitely changed my life for the better."

Lewis Howes 55:19 Yeah, yeah.

Jim Curtis 55:19 Now, the question is, how are you spending your money?

Lewis Howes 55:21 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 55:21 Because if all of a sudden you went out and, like, bought the best BMW and, like, the fancy house and your million dollars is gone and, you know, whatever it is-

Lewis Howes 55:29 You're back to, like, having nothing

Jim Curtis 55:29 ... Yeah. And, and so I think it all, it goes back to your behaviors-

Lewis Howes 55:33 Yeah, of course

Jim Curtis 55:34 ... and just, and to holding on, not sabotaging yourself.

Lewis Howes 55:37 So a lot of these individuals, not everyone, uh, but a lot of these individuals who are high achievers, they feel like they aren't enough, or they're comparing themselves to someone else in their industry who might be doing it better from their point of view.

Jim Curtis 55:50 Mm-hmm.

Lewis Howes 55:50 So if you could speak to every high achiever, celebrity, uh, you know, multimillionaire, billionaire, who on the outside, most people would think they have it all, but on the inside, they look at themselves in the mirror and they feel like they're a worthless piece of crap and they aren't smart, aren't funny, aren't talented, and they're not enough. What would you say to those individuals right now?

Jim Curtis 56:14 I'd say to them and I'd say to everybody listening, you're not your body. You're not your pain. You're not your job. You are nothing that you can identify as an object, like this glass, this body, this, this job.

Lewis Howes 56:27 Your accolades, your followers-

Jim Curtis 56:29 Your accolades, your money

Lewis Howes 56:30 ... your money.

Jim Curtis 56:30 And instead, you are something far more worthy. You are your conscious awareness. You are meant to be here, right? You are meant to shine your light. You don't have to worry about anything other than that. The more you shine your light in terms of your joy and your love, then the more that you'll have, right?

Lewis Howes 56:49 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 56:50 So we can release the worry for a minute, right? We can just be here now, and in that here and now, knowing that we are inherently worthy, inherently enough, inherently deserving, and we don't have to prove it.

Lewis Howes 57:05 Mm-hmm.

Jim Curtis 57:05 That's what I would-

Lewis Howes 57:06 That's beautiful

Jim Curtis 57:06 ... that's what... If I could get everybody to feel and believe that, then lives would shift.

Lewis Howes 57:14 You mentioned something before, that neuroscience

Lewis Howes 57:17 and spirituality are the same. Love it. H- why is neuroscience and spirituality the same?

Jim Curtis 57:24 Well, you know, we are... We need both of them because we are not just spiritual or human. We are a spirit having a human experience. So to, to not focus on science would be missing out on a big part, and not focusing on spirituality would be missing out on a big part. So, you know, the science is, or the neuroscience is really shifting of the mind, whereas spirituality is healing and shifting of the heart. And so it is so conjoined like that. However, now start to look at what's happening in science today. We have quantum physics that is talking about this idea that with our own observe- observation, things shift, and that w- those things are shifting in a large void, you know, of nothing until we actually see it, so this quantum field, the void, right? And so spirituality has been talking about God, the universe. You know, has been talking about the universal mind forever. So the Tao used to say, "Everything is the Tao and the, and the Tao is everything," same as, you know, the Sufi texts would talk about, "As so above is below." And now quantum physics is talking about this idea that we are all entangled and connected. So the more s- that we get into science, the further we progress, the more we realize that it's always been speaking the same language of the-

Lewis Howes 59:00 Mm-hmm

Jim Curtis 59:00 ... of the mind and the heart forever.

Lewis Howes 59:03 If someone watching doesn't believe in God, what would you say to them?

Jim Curtis 59:07 Believe in science.

Lewis Howes 59:08 Mm.

Jim Curtis 59:09 And if you don't believe that God is the creator, then, you know, we have this funny thing that says, you know, there is this field, and quantum mechanics, quantum computer, and quantum physics has proved that it exists. And you can't see it. And-

Lewis Howes 59:26 It's invisible

Jim Curtis 59:26 ... it's invisible, and you need to actually have the, just faith that it's there, and doesn't that sound a lot f- familiar?

Lewis Howes 59:32 Yeah. [laughs]

Jim Curtis 59:33 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 59:33 Yeah, yeah. [laughs]

Jim Curtis 59:34 Yeah. So if you don't believe in God or any of the stuff that I've said today, all the woo-woo stuff, um, just look to science 'cause it's all proven.

Lewis Howes 59:43 Mm-hmm. How old are you now?

Jim Curtis 59:45 50.

Lewis Howes 59:47 If you could go to 60 and give yourself three pieces of advice now and just quantumly leap into the future, you're 60 and you're seeing yourself now, what three pieces of advice would you give yourself?

Jim Curtis 1:00:00 I'm giving my 50-year-old self-

Lewis Howes 1:00:02 Yes

Jim Curtis 1:00:02 ... advice? Have more fun. It's not always this good.

Lewis Howes 1:00:06 [laughs]

Jim Curtis 1:00:07 Right? [laughs] Right.

Lewis Howes 1:00:10 Right.

Jim Curtis 1:00:10 Have more fun. It's not always this good. Appreciate your body. It's only getting worse.

Lewis Howes 1:00:15 [sighs]

Jim Curtis 1:00:17 And stop worrying so much.

Lewis Howes 1:00:20 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 1:00:21 It's all working out.

Lewis Howes 1:00:22 What do you worry about the most?

Jim Curtis 1:00:24 My body.

Lewis Howes 1:00:25 Yeah.

Jim Curtis 1:00:25 Yeah, my body or whether I'm gonna be on time, whether I'm gonna be in traffic.

Lewis Howes 1:00:30 Right.

Jim Curtis 1:00:30 You know, with this work that we do, it doesn't say that worries stop. It's a natural way of being. It's just to say that you can settle yourself down- A lot quicker

Lewis Howes 1:00:39 Yeah

Jim Curtis 1:00:40 And those lessons that worry's trying to teach you can go away much faster-

Lewis Howes 1:00:44 Yeah

Jim Curtis 1:00:45 ... in a snap instead of getting stuck in the overthinking mind.

Lewis Howes 1:00:48 Your new book is called The Book of Possibility:

Lewis Howes 1:00:52 Release, Align, Become by Jim Curtis. If you guys want more on how to transform your life and your mind and feel peace, harmony, make sure to check out the book. Get a copy for your friend as well. The Book of Possibility. You got an event around it that people can get access to, uh, if they go to jimcurtiscoaching.com or if they follow you on Instagram, jimcurtis1 on Instagram. They can get more content and learn more about the launch, get access, things like that. Uh, and I'm sure you'll be doing other things as well around it, so if they follow you and, uh, subscribe, they'll be able to get access to all that stuff. Who should be getting this book, and what do you think is available for them on the other side if they actually go through it and apply the principles?

Jim Curtis 1:01:38 I wrote this book for people who are ready for a change, who know there's something more and are wanting to be freed to do it.

Lewis Howes 1:01:44 Mm.

Jim Curtis 1:01:44 Those people that have been feeling stuck, those people with chronic pain or an illness, those people that wanna manifest in a more powerful way. It comes with a companion app, so you actually listen to the hypnosis, so it changes your mind. So those curious people who know that there's something more to life and wanna wake up happier and go to sleep easier. Most of the people say that one of the things from this work is, "I can just go to sleep. I don't worry anymore."

Lewis Howes 1:02:10 Yes.

Jim Curtis 1:02:10 Um, and if you wanna step into the most powerful version of you, that's what this book is for, despite all the challenges around you.

Lewis Howes 1:02:20 That's beautiful, man. I want pe- wanna make sure people get the book, The Book of Possibility. I asked you this before, but I'm gonna... I'm curious your, what your three truths are again. So imagine you get to live as long as you want, uh, but on the final day, you have to take all of your work with you. The book, this content, everything has to go with you, and you only get to leave behind three lessons to the world. I call it three truths. What would those truths be for you?

Jim Curtis 1:02:43 You're not doing it wrong. You are living life. It's supposed to be challenging. All these issues that come up, your reactions, poor, good, whatever, you're doing it exactly right. That's one.

Lewis Howes 1:02:55 Love.

Jim Curtis 1:02:56 The second one is kindness towards yourself and others will go much further than you could ever possibly imagine. And you can't give it all away. The more you give in money, in time, in life, the more you receive.

Lewis Howes 1:03:12 Yeah. Just don't give it all away at once.

Jim Curtis 1:03:15 Right, right. [laughs]

Lewis Howes 1:03:15 It makes you have something. [laughs]

Jim Curtis 1:03:17 Yes.

Lewis Howes 1:03:18 There's everything now. Yeah, yeah.

Jim Curtis 1:03:19 I think that's a great distinction.

Lewis Howes 1:03:20 [laughs] There you go.

Jim Curtis 1:03:21 Yeah.

Lewis Howes 1:03:22 Jim Curtis, thanks so much for being here, man.

Jim Curtis 1:03:23 Yeah, thank you.

Lewis Howes 1:03:24 Appreciate you, brother.

Jim Curtis 1:03:24 Thank you again.

1:03:26 I've gotta earn love-

Lewis Howes 1:03:27 Mm

Jim Curtis 1:03:27 ... chase love, work so hard for love, and that's not true. Love isn't to be earned or chased or run after or paid for.

Lewis Howes 1:03:37 Mm.

Jim Curtis 1:03:37 It's just there. So I had to give up that belief that I gotta earn love.