Lex Fridman PodcastBert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un | Lex Fridman Podcast #382
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,025 words- 0:00 – 1:27
Introduction
- LFLex Fridman
You know who drank-
- BKBert Kreischer
What?
- LFLex Fridman
... was Churchill.
- BKBert Kreischer
That's my homie and that's my guy.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
You know that's my guy, right?
- LFLex Fridman
So he, uh, he did champagne.
- BKBert Kreischer
No, let me-
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
You don't have to tell me-
- LFLex Fridman
All right.
- BKBert Kreischer
... a thing about Winston Churchill.
- LFLex Fridman
All right. (laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
He, I found out about his daily routine.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
So his daily routine was a big breakfast, cigar, coffee, eggs sunny side up, toast, bacon, sausage, tomato, beans-
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
... uh, fruit, orange juice, soft scotch, cigar in bed. And he'd sit there for three hours. And then he'd get in the bathtub and drink champagne. And then he'd go to lunch and have some goose-
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
... with more champagne. And then he'd take a nap and, like, I love that. So every year on hi- the day of his death, I think it's January 24th, I celebrate Winston Churchill's life by living the way he did.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And so I have breakfast in bed with a soft scotch and I just party all day. That would be the guy to drink with.
- LFLex Fridman
The following is a conversation with Bert Kreischer, a standup comedian, podcaster, actor, and a man they call The Machine. I've been a fan of his comedy and podcast for many years, and I highly recommend you watch him on Bertcast, Two Bears, One Cave with Tom Segura, his cooking show called Something is Burning, and, finally, the new movie that tells the story of the man, the legend, The Machine. This is the Lex Fridman Podcast. To support it, please check out our sponsors in the description. And now, dear friends, here's Bert Kreischer.
- 1:27 – 4:54
Hemingway
- LFLex Fridman
I read somewhere that you like Ernest Hemingway.
- BKBert Kreischer
Love him.
- LFLex Fridman
Now there's a quote, "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." Do you agree with that?
- BKBert Kreischer
I agree. I agree. Well, I agree with that with journaling 'cause I, I can't write, um, I can't write standup, like, I can't write a bit, but if I journal I'll find something that I go just right. The kind of writing where your, the pen's moving faster than your brain and they're kinda, like, doing it together. The thing I liked about Earnest Hemingway, this is so stupid, I'm a little dyslexic and so I'm not a good reader. And so he wrote very simply, and it wasn't until after I read a bunch of Earnest Hemingway (laughs) when I was working at Barnes & Noble-
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
... and this person said, "Don't you love his titles?" And I was like, "Yeah, Sun Also Rises." And they're like, "Yeah, but no, The Sun Also Rises." And I was like, "Yeah. Sun Also Rises." And they're like, "No, The, no, The Sun Also Rises." And I went-
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
... "Oh. Oh, yeah, that is fucking badass. Yeah." And then I, but I'm, like, always late to the party with anything, and then that night we were all doing coke.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
And, uh, it was, like, five in the morning and we ended up on the roof of my apartment in Greenwich Village. And this, the, the, like, I'm a sunset cri- guy, I grew up in Florida.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
But sunrises in New York are electric blue. Like, electric blue. And I was like, "The sun also rises." (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs) Yeah, he was so good with just a handful of words.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
The simplicity, the choice of words. Like, uh, basically his process is carving down.
- BKBert Kreischer
Uh, write drunk, edit sober.
- LFLex Fridman
Write drunk, edit sober.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah. But he was good at, like, at, like, a small amount of words to, to get a point across. I'm the exact fucking opposite.
- LFLex Fridman
Well, he's also said, uh, "The first draft of anything is always shit." Is that, uh, is that true for you?
- BKBert Kreischer
I think so.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
It's the best one I have. (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
It goes downhill from there. So for you, editing is destroying the original genius.
- BKBert Kreischer
The first time I tell it, the first time I tell it, it's perfect. It's perfect. It, it just, it works. And then I go, "Great." And then I take it and I try to fix it and make it better and jazzier. I just joke and razzle-dazzle about my daughters and I driving past this De- uh, deaf child sign, and, uh, I just told it on stage, it just happened. And Louis was in the audience. He goes, "I love that joke." I said, "Really?" He goes, "Yeah." And I'd just told it and I went, "Done. Louis C.K. says he likes a joke-
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
... it's fucking, it's in the special."
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I tried to fucking razzle-dazzle that joke into, like, a 15-minute bit. It got to the point where it was so obno- it was so bad that I, I, I told him, I, I did a podcast with him, I said, "What did you like about that joke? 'Cause I can't get it to work anymore."
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
He goes, "It was just simple. It was simple that your daughter didn't know how they figure out where deaf kids lived." I went, "That's it?" He's like, "Yeah." I was like, "Nothing about gun control?" And he was like, "Huh?" I was like, "Oh fuck, man. I really fucked that joke up." (laughs)
- 4:54 – 8:13
Putin
- BKBert Kreischer
- LFLex Fridman
What do you think is, is it about The Machine story that works, that was so, uh, captivating for people?
- BKBert Kreischer
(inhales deeply) I think it's a, I think, I don't know. I really wish I kn- I don't know. I think it's a good story. I think it's a good story. I think everyone has something similar that happened in their life where they had a crazy night-
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
... and that no one believed.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And they told their friends and their fr- and th- and, or they experienced that with a friend like that. And, and, and I think, I think that's gotta be it. I really don't know. I think there's a part of, I think that there's a part of the, like, our community of co- of comedy fans that were that early Death Squad that it was fun to watch someone take something from the podcast and turn it into a bit on stage.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
I think there's a lot of that, but I think people identify with a wild, crazy night that got out of control that they've probably had too. I, I think. I don't fucking know.
- LFLex Fridman
Do you think Putin knows who you are because of that story?
- BKBert Kreischer
I hope so. I fucking hope so. I hope so. Th- but there's, there's (laughs) a part of me that, that you gotta understand is like I, I'm not-I say stuff like that, I'm sure there's someone who hears that and they go, "Who is this fucking narcissist?" You're like, "No, that's not it. I'm just telling the truth." Like, I understand what I'm supposed to say. Well, you know, I don't know. I, you know, I, I don't know, that's hard to say. But I don't fucking give a shit about that guy.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
I'm not that guy. I'm telling you everything that comes out of my mouth, the second it comes out, I'm gonna be 100% honest with you 'cause I don't know any other way to live. I kind of hope so.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
That would be fucking cool. And then, look, I know he's a bad, I guess he's a bad dude. I don't follow politics a ton. But it'd be cool if, like, one day someone's like, uh, he's on his computer and some guy goes, ƒ'you know это?" And he's like, "Ааа! Я мошенник?" And he's like, "Да? Конечно! Пойдем!" And he's like, and then shows it to him, and-
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
... and then he's like, "Ugh. Fucking this guy, huh?"
- LFLex Fridman
It's not out of the realm of possibility that, uh, Putin has watched it. And yet this, this podcast, this has kind of made me realize how, like, small the world is. I've gotten to meet some incredibly-
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
... like, interesting people.
- BKBert Kreischer
Especially the people you've met. Like, that's, I mean, that's the thing where I go ... It, it's gotten really crazy. The internet's really insane and Netflix is really insane. And the reach of, like, people that, like, this is really simple, but, like, I'm a big fan of the show Drink Champs.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
I didn't think in a million years Nori would ever know who I was. And then he offered me to come to his podcast. And then when I got there, he told me he was a fan of mine, and I went, like, "I remember moving to New York listening to you and Capone." Like, I'm sitting there going, "Wow."
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Like, and, and then, and the phone calls I've gotten since the movie came out and, uh, since Razzle Dazzle came out have been really insane when you realize a-as much as I know about people, and I, I, like, there's people I'm fans of that don't know who I am. Or that, that, like, that are like, they're like some, uh, pitcher in fucking Florida-
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
... that I follow the kid 'cause I like, I think, I, it's fun to watch him pitch. There was a softball player in, uh, Tempe that she'd do catching drills and I was really into softball with my daughter and we watched her catching drills. There's a girl, Dee Glazer, who me and my daughters would watch her dance videos. And then I hit her up and she's like, "You know who I am?" And you're like, "Oh, yeah, that's the way the world works."
- 8:13 – 10:34
Churchill
- BKBert Kreischer
- LFLex Fridman
Uh, what world leader would you drink with if you could? 'Cause you mentioned Putin.
- BKBert Kreischer
Fuck.
- LFLex Fridman
So Putin doesn't drink much.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
Zelensky drinks more.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeltsin.
- LFLex Fridman
But also not much.
- BKBert Kreischer
Boris Yeltsin would've been a good one.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
He would've been a fucking good one.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
I mean, like, I, I, I go, Hitler was a pussy. Like, he, he drank wine with a, with a c- with a spoonful of sugar in it.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah. You know who drank?
- BKBert Kreischer
What?
- LFLex Fridman
It was Churchill.
- BKBert Kreischer
That's my... Hold on, that's my guy.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
You know that's my guy, right?
- LFLex Fridman
No, I don't know that's your guy. So he, uh, he did champagne.
- BKBert Kreischer
Well, let me, well-
- LFLex Fridman
All right.
- BKBert Kreischer
... you don't have to tell me a thing-
- LFLex Fridman
All right.
- BKBert Kreischer
... about Winston Churchill.
- LFLex Fridman
He's your guy (laughs) .
- BKBert Kreischer
He, I found out about his daily routine.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
So his daily routine was a big breakfast, cigar, coffee, eggs over, eggs sunny side up, toast, bacon, sausage, tomato, beans-
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- 10:34 – 12:34
Kim Jong Un
- BKBert Kreischer
the badass. But if I had to drink with someone living, like drink, there's, like, there's two obvious ones. Like, obviously it's fucking Kim Jong Un, right? You kinda wanna ...
- LFLex Fridman
He drinks.
- BKBert Kreischer
No, he does.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
You think my IVs are good in the morning? You know Kim Jong Un's IVs are next. You're like, "I feel up," and he's like, "Eat some vitamin." He would be a badass to drink with. (laughs) Like ...
- LFLex Fridman
I think he drinks hard liquor.
- BKBert Kreischer
Uh, I think it's-
- LFLex Fridman
That's what I've heard.
- BKBert Kreischer
... scotch. Johnny Walker Blue. That's what I've heard.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs) I don't know where you heard this, but I like this.
- BKBert Kreischer
Okay, so I say things like that, but then I'm sure, I, I, I, I'd, I, I don't know if you've ever partied with someone who just parties a little different than you and then you notice, like, like, sometimes celebrity, like athletes. And then, like, you're at a strip club and then they, they s- they talk weird to a woman. You're like, "Oh, that's not me. I'm so sorry." So that'd be the thing.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
The atrocities would be hard to get past with him.
- LFLex Fridman
Not just the atrocity, but the way of being. I agree with you. I actually don't like drinking with rich and powerful people often. There's something weird about them.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
Not, not all of them.
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm-hmm.
- LFLex Fridman
But-
- BKBert Kreischer
And I don't like, I don't like a drinking meeting. Like, when someone goes-
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs) What's, what's (laughs) a drinking meeting?
- BKBert Kreischer
Like going-
- LFLex Fridman
What's that?
- BKBert Kreischer
When people go like, "Hey, uh, I'm taking you out tonight. We're drinking."
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And then I go, "Oh, that's not the way I like to do it. It gives me anxiety." Like, uh, I'm, our lives are very different.
- LFLex Fridman
You and I?
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah. Were you in a fraternity?
- LFLex Fridman
No. (laughs) We can start there. No, I was not.
- BKBert Kreischer
Okay. (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs) That's the, and the differences continue from there, I'm sure.
- 12:34 – 21:02
Drinking with Joe Rogan and Tom Segura
- BKBert Kreischer
- LFLex Fridman
(inhales deeply) What's your favorite, like w- w- different occasions, what's your favorite drink? What's your favorite way of drinking?
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, it's, it's, it's, I've got, uh, it varies.
- LFLex Fridman
So what are the different contexts here? It's like one-on-one.
- BKBert Kreischer
One-on-one?
- LFLex Fridman
Like you sit down with, I don't know, Rogan invites you like it's The Godfather, to sit down and finally have a talk about something.
- BKBert Kreischer
It's gonna be whiskey. It's gonna be like a nice whiskey.
- LFLex Fridman
Neat?
- BKBert Kreischer
No, I like it on the rocks and I like lots of rocks. It won't be something expensive 'cause Rogan is not, he's not a fancy boy, you know? Like he's a real regular d- he's a really regular dude. He's gotten less regular the more millions of dollars he has.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
(laughs) Like there's parts of him where you're like-
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
... like, where you're like, "Oh wow, we can do this." (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Um, but he's a reg- he'd, he'd be like Jack on the rocks or like probably Buffalo Trace or one of the, maybe the whiskey he's buying. Rogan be J- uh, whiskey rocks. And then like, that's a good one. I, I haven't hung out with Joe by ourselves. I take that back. I was with him the other night. But like, it would be cool. My times with Joe is al- are always on podcasts.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And his, I miss the times where it was j- where you just have you and him at a, at a, at the store late night.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah. I- I'm okay with podcasts. Like I, I used to think this is like, uh, performative or something like this, but it's not really.
- BKBert Kreischer
No. I, w- I-
- LFLex Fridman
It's just the chance to really sit down.
- BKBert Kreischer
I enjoy it because of the people I could never sit down with.
- LFLex Fridman
Ah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Like David Cross. I would never sit down with David Cross 'cause we don't run in the same circles. And, but it's nice he has something to promote and, and then he comes to my house and, and then we can sit down for an hour and talk. And then I, and then ... Or Kevin Smith. Like people I would never really hang out with. Tom, um, I enjoy being alone with Tom more.
- LFLex Fridman
Off mic.
- BKBert Kreischer
A lot.
- LFLex Fridman
Tom Segura.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah. We have a lot of history. There's a lot of things, secrets we know about each other and there's a lot of secrets going on in our, each other's lives that I would never share on podcasts that I, that I can talk to him about.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I really appreciate his, and I know this isn't on brand of us beating each other up, but like, I really appreciate his insight as a, as a dad and as a dude and as a son. But, but he makes me giggle harder than anyone. So doing a podcast is fun.
- LFLex Fridman
So there's something on a podcast that's performative for you with him and then there's a part-
- 21:02 – 24:52
Father
- BKBert Kreischer
I keep saying everything I get with my dad is extra. My dad, my dad had a 100% blockage in his widow maker twice. And both times they saved his life. And he got a stint, I think, 12 or 13 years ago. And then he just got a stint this last year. But... So I... Everything I get to do I feel like is extra. And so, you know, he was just at the premiere of my movie and he got to see that, and he had a very emotional response. And I got, I got that from him. And I was like, "That, that's... That little icing on the cake." I did, you know, the arena in Tampa was the first time he ever saw me do standup. That was like a little extra. So all these things I'm getting with him are all extra. So I have, you know... And he's 74. So... Yeah. I- I... That'll be a tough one.
- LFLex Fridman
Well, at the premiere he was, what, proud?
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah. He came out. He was sobbing, crying. And he goes, "I've underestimated you your whole life."
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
And I was like, "What?" And he was like... And he just... And he was shaking.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
He goes, "I just underestimated you. I didn't know... I didn't know that you... I didn't know you were this..." I didn't... whatever. It, it was really hard to understand him, to be honest with you. (laughs) I don't know totally what he said. He might have just not liked the movie. (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs) I, I think you, uh, were hearing what you wanted to hear. Uh, what'd you learn about life from your father?
- BKBert Kreischer
Uh, it's not gonna make sense. I wanna... Feel like sometimes I'm, like, a professional fucking wrestler. 'Cause all I care about is you coming to see me do standup. So I... Whatever I gotta do to get you there. But the number one thing, my one takeaway from that man is humility. And I applied, I've applied it in different ways throughout my career. On my 26th birthday, he gave me a really, uh, aggressive speech. He... I, I was hungover and I just thought he was gonna say go... happy birthday. So I picked up the phone and I was like, "Hey." And he was like, "You are a tremendous piece of shit." And then he broke me off. "You have no humility. You have no this. You have... You'll never succeed at anything. You, you're, you're lying to yourself. You're lying to everyone around you. You're not doing what... going after your dream. I broke you. I failed you as a father." This and that. I was like, "I thought you were gonna wish me happy birthday." And so, in that speech, he told me if I wanted something, I had to go at it and I had to go after it as, as hard as I could. And I had to do whatever it could... I, I could do to achieve that. In this case, it was working. Offering to do anything at the comedy club to get on stage. (coughs) He told m- I told him, "That's not how it works." And he said, "No, that has... That's how it works for some poor kid from Harlem, because that kid needs it." He goes, "You've grown up with privilege your whole life. You don't need it. You think you're gonna be fine." And so I went and I ended up getting a job out the door. But I... It was, it was, God, it was... It's humbling. It's, it's really like... Uh, it's, it's... Makes me feel... It made me feel uncomfortable. And so that humility, uh, is w- It's the first time I really understood humility. And I've applied that in many respects, in like, in like getting to be a, a paid regular at The Comedy Store. That happened late in life for me. Which I think most people would give up and be like, "Uh, fuck that. I'm, I'm already a touring comic. I'm on TV. I don't need that." But it's something I wanted and I knew I wanted, so I, I just humbly went after it. And then I think I, I still apply it when it, when it comes to selling tickets or, or, or, or m- selling a project to, to fans, or even doing podcasts. I try to be as honest as I can about whatever I'm going through or whatever I'm dealing with. But when it comes to, like, selling things, I don't ha- I don't have a problem.... trying to make fun of myself or, or get in front of people so that they know that, that I have a show, because that's the thing I'm good at. The, the one thing I know I'm good at is standup. And, and I say that humbly, but, like, I want them to come
- 24:52 – 26:57
Shirtless
- BKBert Kreischer
there. So, like, I've heard people make fun of me. Like, before they're like, "Yeah, I'm not some, I'm not some clown in a Speedo who's want- who's gonna... I'm a real comic." And I go, "Okay." But I'm, I wanna, I want them at my shows and you can be that guy and I'll be this guy.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah. The clown in the Speedo.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
It's like, what are you gonna do? Funny people make fun of me for taking my shirt off. Like, I guess behind my back. No one ever does it to me. Like, no one would ever... Comics aren't, comics aren't, comics aren't that manly. (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs) Yeah. Yeah. Th-
- BKBert Kreischer
But I always go, like, I always go like, "Who, what do you care? What am I, what do I, what do you care?" (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
And you love taking your shirt off?
- BKBert Kreischer
More than anything.
- LFLex Fridman
You know, when something becomes a meme, it becomes super popular, it, um, it becomes easy to not love the thing anymore. To get tired of it. You still love it?
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, more than anything. I like being shirtless more than having a shirt. I'm very uncomfortable in a shirt.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Like right now... And I have tactile issues, like, I have legit tactile issues. I'm most comfortable in stretchy jeans.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
With a loose fitting belt and then these shirts, exactly, but I don't... I, I like more, like, a V-neck. I feel- I can feel this on my neck right now.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I can feel it on my arms.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And so I'm... I'll sit a certain way 'cause it, I, it just rubs me wrong. But yeah, I'm more comfortable shirtless. I could never wear what you're wearing.
- LFLex Fridman
Uh, yeah. Well, this is my shirtless.
- BKBert Kreischer
I-
- LFLex Fridman
We, each of us have to find our place in this world.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
In terms of fashion.
- BKBert Kreischer
I would love to be able to wear what you wear.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
'Cause it looks good.
- LFLex Fridman
It feels like an escape from convention. Because-
- BKBert Kreischer
What, you or me?
- LFLex Fridman
Both of us.
- 26:57 – 37:47
Tom Segura
- BKBert Kreischer
- LFLex Fridman
Uh, you mentioned, uh, early on, heartbreak after the Russia trip, with a girl who slept with your friend. Um, let's go back to Hemingway quotes. "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." So to go all in with the trust. (laughs) I love Hemingway so much. Um, have you been betrayed in your life?
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
What do you think about trust?
- BKBert Kreischer
That's an interesting question. Um, I've been betrayed in my professional life a couple of times by really close friends. And, uh, I'm not someone who can... Like, I have a mantra that, I mean, I'm, I don't know if people have heard it or not. And, um, I hate, I hate sharing it, but it's, but it's true. The mantra is, "So you think I'm weak?" Like, do you think... It's like, that's my thing 'cause I, I feel like people take advantage of me. And I go, "Oh, so you think I'm weak?" You forget, everyone that I... Like... And I'm naming the people that have betrayed me. I'm a larger man than all of them. And, and, but I... And so that's what really fucks with me, is I go, "So you think I'm weak?" Like, where I grew up, when you do stuff, there was physical consequences. I grew up in Florida. Like, I've, I've been beaten up a bunch. I'm not saying I can fight, but, like, I- I'm not scared of getting beaten up. And the, the times that I've been betrayed, and, and, and even, I know even by, like, Ari, whichever... A lot of people see that drugging as a betrayal, and I did for a period. But it was, it was only because it was Ari and he was my, one of my best friends. And me and him had to work through that 'cause I, I couldn't not love him. Like, I couldn't not have him in my life. He mea- he means a lot to me. He really does. He's a great friend to have. But he's also... I, I don't know what was going on with him at that time, but he made a bad decision. And I had to forgive him for that because I knew he, he knew my mantra.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
I think I'm harder to trust people now. I'm, I'm not as apt to trust people at all. But there was a moment, I, I don't know if I've ever shared this and I don't know how this will sound. But there was a moment that information got leaked about a thing and all my managers and agents both, both Tom and my, Tom and our managers and agents would like to separate, either separate us.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
Or one of us, one of them get both of us. It's just more lucrative for them.
- LFLex Fridman
Sure.
- BKBert Kreischer
So they have always kind of pitted us against each other, a little bit. And they do it subtly.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
Um, they'll do it to me and my team, and then his team will do it to me, and then my team will do it to him and his team will do it to him. And there was a moment where information got leaked about this thing I was doing and my team was like, "Just so you know, your, your boy Tommy is, is the rat."
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I had to... It was the one time... And LeeAnn said, "Do you think Tom would do that?" I said, "Uh, I don't know how faith works. Like, I'm not a super religious person. But I will tell you that I believe in Tom and I don't think he did it. And I will stand by that ignorantly. And, and I will, and I will ride or die with him because I cannot live in a world where I don't trust him."
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
If I th- don't trust him, then I am so fucked. And, uh, and it wasn't him. It wasn't him. And it was... It's a cool feeling to know that you could, like, that you could blindly trust someone, blindly have faith in someone, know that they're, they have your best interest at heart. But yeah, it took me a while to get there. Rogan helped me get there, 'cause I wasn't trusting him or Joey or Tommy or anyone. I wasn't trusting anyone. I'd gotten in a bad thing and I just wasn't trusting anybody. And Rogan was like, "Yo, man. We're trying to be your fucking friend." And I was like, "Yeah, I don't, I don't need friends."I couldn't understand what, why Rogan was interested in me. And I was-
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
... I said to, like, someone, I was like, "Is he gay?" Like, "What the fuck?"
- LFLex Fridman
(laughing) Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And that he was just a nice guy. (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
He was just a nice guy.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughing) That'd be hilarious if Joe was sexually attracted to you this whole time.
- BKBert Kreischer
(laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
This whole time. It's the reason he keeps inviting you back.
- BKBert Kreischer
I would be more excited, I would be more excited if, just if, if he tried to kiss me on the lips once.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Just, and just, and then like in a-
- LFLex Fridman
Go ahead, yeah.
- 37:47 – 40:36
Joe Rogan
- LFLex Fridman
Uh, what do you love most about Joe Rogan?
- BKBert Kreischer
Oh, that dude. I could go on and on about Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan is the most selfless individual I've ever met. He doesn't care if he has you on the podcast. He wants you to be the funniest person in the room. He wants you to be the smartest person in the room. Let me tell you something. Joe Rogan is 10 times smarter and funnier than me. He wants you to shine. He wants y- he wants to put you over to his fans. He w- that shit did not exist before he started doing his podcast. People didn't share you with their fans. No one was like, "Hey man, come on the road with me." They brought you on the road 'cause they wanted you to suck. And they put you in bad scenarios. Joe Rogan wanted you to shine. He gave, he gave so many people beautiful caree- gave them careers, gave them. Joe could've looked at his podcast as his thing. "This is my thing. I bring on these guys, I'm gonna be the funniest guy in the fucking room." I know some guys that have done that. It might be me.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughing)
- BKBert Kreischer
It might, might be ta- I might talk over people and not listen really well.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughing)
- BKBert Kreischer
Joe had, did the opposite. Now, look, I've tried to learn from Joe on my podcast and do the same. That guy, when you think about it, you name 10 of his friends, I, I bet eight of them are doing arenas right now.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
Uh, they're all doing theaters. All his friends do theaters. All his friends do theaters. He is, he is just, you know, I, I, I, he, and he won't accept this compliment. I tried paying it to him, uh, in, i- in Austin, when I was in Austin last, and I-
- LFLex Fridman
No, he's not good at accepting compliments.
- BKBert Kreischer
I gave him a gift too and I said, "Hey, I, I need e- I need to show you. I can't just tell you this 'cause it's gonna fall on deaf ears. I need to give you a minute so you have something, so you know that I think about you and I'm grateful for having you in my life a lot, for many reasons. I have more friends in my life because of you. He taught me how to trust people again. I have a career because of you. I have a major motion picture because of you. I do arenas because of you. Without you in my life, a lot of thes- these things maybe never would've happened. I never would've told the machine on stage. I wouldn't have gotten, I would've never started a podcast. I wouldn't have three podcasts." Like, I mean, th- all these things are, are things he not just sh- he didn't just take me to the water one time and give me a drink. He, he gave me a machete and he said, "This is how I get to the water."
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
"You gotta put c- your own path, but just giving you a heads up. Uh, you can also use my path whenever you want." I mean, he, he is the most selfless individual. He will go down in history as one of the 10 most important people in standup comedy, without a doubt. He changed the game. It didn't exist like this before him. And, uh, and he won't accept that compliment. You-
- LFLex Fridman
What was the gift you gave him?
- BKBert Kreischer
I can't tell you.
- LFLex Fridman
Was it a dildo?
- BKBert Kreischer
It was a dildo. (laughing)
- LFLex Fridman
Okay.
- BKBert Kreischer
It was a double-sided dildo. I go, "Hey, when you get free time, can we scissor fuck each other?"
- LFLex Fridman
(laughing)
- 40:36 – 48:43
Dating advice
- LFLex Fridman
Uh, you are happily married-
- BKBert Kreischer
Mm-hmm.
- LFLex Fridman
... uh, for 19 years, so I think you're a good man to ask, how do you find love? How do you find, how do you date in order to find the love of your life, of a lifetime?
- BKBert Kreischer
This is gonna sound off.
- LFLex Fridman
(laughing)
- BKBert Kreischer
But don't, don't tie yourself down, meaning, like, don't spend time fucking with those little mini shrimp and peeling them every night-
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
... when you know you're looking for a lobster.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Like, and so I think what happens with a lot of guys, they just, they're so busy and, like, just getting pussy and going from here to here to here.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
I was never that guy. I always wanted, I always wanted to find someone who understood me. I always wanted that.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
And so, you know, granted I haven't had sex with a lot of chicks, but that's, and it's, and it's not by choice. I'm, I'm saying, like, maybe there was times I would've done it, but I, but I know that I was always looking for someone to figure out m- to get me. And then, and then I will say this, when you know, you know. When you know, you know. When you think there's, "I can't imagine a life without this person." That, that, that happened to me. And I, I can only say my experiences. I had LeeAnn, I loved her and, and I, and I didn't even realize it. And the second that she dumped me, I went, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, I c- I don't get to live a great life without her." She's the thing that's gonna give me a great life. I knew it undisputed. I, I went for a run and, uh, uh, she dumped me. I went into my shower, I cried, I went to Barnes & Noble, I bought Men Are From Venus Women Are From Mars. I watched Fight Club in my closet.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
I didn't drink. I d- I drank a lot of NyQuil to sleep. And then I went for a hike in r- uh, in Runyon Canyon. I was running back down the outpost by Benaflex house and, and the sun was setting and I just said, "God, if you're listening, just give me this chick back. I'll never fuck it up. This is the one. I won't fuck it up. I won't cheat. I'm not gonna be a bad dude. I wanna have kids with her. I'm, I'll be there f- I'll be a great fucking dude. I'll take her out on dates. Like, I'll love this chick." And I got home and she was in my room in a sundress.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I was like, "Oh, fuck, he li- I didn't know he was real."
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
I was like, "Shit, man. Give me, like, one more night. Let me, let me-"
- LFLex Fridman
(laughing)
- BKBert Kreischer
... "let me get some strange tale real quick-"
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
... "before I commit forever." But I think when you know, you know. Uh, this is so silly, but I follow that in business. Like, when you know, you know. And, like, w-... my assistant's with us. And someone goes, "How did you, how do you find a good assistant?" I go, "When you know, you know." Like, people show you who they are.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
Uh, (laughs) I can tell you when I fell in love with my assistant. (laughs)
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
We were doing a TV show and, and, and that we worked past dinner and all the dinner places were closed.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And he just said, "Hey, I got, like, four meals. I didn't know which one you want, so I got four different meals for you. I ordered them. They're up in your room. And just let me know whichever you want, I'll, I'll take care of the rest of them."
- 48:43 – 58:56
Key to success
- LFLex Fridman
do you worry about being away too much? I mean, you're one of the most creative content pushers and creators out there. You're just constantly innovating, constantly putting stuff out there. But do you worry that pulls you away from, like, uh, the mundane experience of life-
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
... that can bring contentment and happiness?
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah. I feel like sometimes it cannibalizes your real life, where you start going, you start thinking in promo videos or you start looking at a vacation as a bit.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
Like, "We should go z- ziplining."
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
"I don't know. W- why don't you do... Ah, what shoes are you wearing?" I, like... (coughs) It can, it can definitely cannibalize your life. My wife's really good at going like, "No." Like, "No phones." The girls are really good. The girls, when I started Instagramming stuff, they started saying stuff like, "Dad hits mom."
- LFLex Fridman
(Laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
And I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys." They're like, "No, put your phone away."
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
"Dad, dad left boys." And I'm like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop."
- LFLex Fridman
(Laughs) Yeah. What's, um, what are some secrets, words of wisdom you can say for how to be successful online and all the, everything you've learned? You're kind of like the, the Mr. Beast of comedy, just innovating constantly-
- BKBert Kreischer
I-
- LFLex Fridman
... in terms of how to promote stuff, in terms of how to present stuff across the different social media and across YouTube, podcasts, all that stuff.
- BKBert Kreischer
I think the number one thing is don't be afraid to suck. No one sees the shit you, that sucks. Doesn't get views.
- LFLex Fridman
It just gets forgotten.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah, gets forgotten. The good stuff they remember, and then that's all they bring up. The stuff that sucks just goes away, and they're like, "Oh yeah, did you do that? I, I don't even think I saw that."
- LFLex Fridman
(Laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
"Fuck it, who cares?"
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
You know? It's like, it's like, I, I watched, I, I... One of my favorite stories about this is a guy named, uh, Sean Patton. I was explaining Instagram stories to him and Ari and Mark Normand, and I was explaining that you can s- now sell tickets on Instagram stories. It was a s- back when they swiped up. Instead of tap the button, it was swipe up. And they didn't understand it. And I said, "Let me show you." And I put up tickets for sale and I said, you know, "Hey guys, swipe up." And then I just showed them in 10 minutes, "Look, this is how many people swiped up. It was 145 people."
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
That's a lot of people to buy tickets for a fucking comedy club. And they were like, "Whoa." And they're like, "Well, how, what do you do stories about?" I go, "Fucking anything. Who gives a shit? Just anything." And some things work, some things don't. And I watched Sean Patton, shout out to Sean Patton, try for about 15 minutes to do an Instagram story about, uh, his t- cup of tea.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
He was making a cup of tea. And he was making, and he kept going, "Hey, you got..." Okay, hold on. Fucking hold on, let me...
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
I was filming him from the couch.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
I was filming all these attempts.
- 58:56 – 1:08:11
Sleep and working out
- BKBert Kreischer
so, so David Goggins is consistently pushing himself. I love, I did it, I did it over the pandemic more, but I loved going, "Today I'm running a marathon. I'm gonna get on the treadmill. And it's not, it's not gonna be all at once, but I'm gonna get through a marathon today. So let's get up, give us six months from coffee, and let's see if we can do, like, five miles and then know that we started there." And th- that was really fun 'c- to, to, to, like, um, Cam Hanes does that too, where he goes like, he almost just sets the limit and then, and then achieves that. His son, Truett, is really fascinating.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
'Cause his son, Truett, right now is trying to get the ... And, like, I bet people would never think that this is who I watch.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
But I get real inspiration from those people because ... I showed Jocko, I showed a clip to Jocko to Isla, 'cause Isla's like me. Like, like, a, a person of her fluids.
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
Impulse. I wa- I walked in on her one time, she was in the pantry in a bathrobe in the dark drinking a root beer.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I open the door and she went, (gasps) . I said, "What?" She goes, "I thought you were Mom. Shut the door." And I shut the door to let her finish the root beer.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
S- she has a hard time waking up. So I go, "Isla, come in here. I want you to see this clip from Jocko." She goes, "Well, who's Jocko?" I say, "He's a Navy SEAL." She goes, "He works at the zoo?" I went, "No."
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
I go, "He's a Navy fucking SEAL."
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
I go, "It's a badass job." She goes, "It's a silly name." And I went, "No, it's not, it isn't a silly name. These guys are the toughest dudes in the world."
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
She goes-
- LFLex Fridman
She's kind of right, though, about the silly name.
- BKBert Kreischer
Yeah.
- LFLex Fridman
I never even realized that.
- BKBert Kreischer
Well yeah, you talk to a child.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And so I go, "Watch this, what he says about waking up." So he hits the thing and Jocko goes, "First thing you do when you hear that alarm clock, you could roll over, you could go back to bed, you could hit snooze, but you get out of bed and that's your first victory." And Isla hits pause and she goes, "How great is that nap right after you hit snooze, though?"
- LFLex Fridman
(laughs) Yeah.
- BKBert Kreischer
And I went, "It is pretty fucking nice." I go-
- LFLex Fridman
It is good.
- BKBert Kreischer
"You're missing the point."
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah. (laughs)
- BKBert Kreischer
You need to listen to this whole speech. He's with Casey Neistat when he's telling this speech. He's with Casey Neistat.
- LFLex Fridman
Yeah.
- 1:08:11 – 1:13:34
History podcasts
- BKBert Kreischer
into, I'm really into history podcasts right now. Like, I've been into them for a while.
- LFLex Fridman
20th century or everything?
- BKBert Kreischer
Everything. Everything. I listened to, um, uh, was it Marcus Aurelius and Cleopatra-
- LFLex Fridman
Mm-hmm.
- BKBert Kreischer
... today. Uh, in the middle of the podcast they were like, "You know, just so you know, Cleopatra wasn't as hot as everyone says." I was like, "Why are you saying that?" You gonna tell me she's a six? She looked like Snooki?
Episode duration: 2:08:03
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