3 Truths About Making Your DREAMS a REALITY | The Mel Robbins Podcast [ENCORE]

1. 0:00 – 3:44

   Intro

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      (ticking clock) (upbeat music) You have to be the hero in your own life. There must be some mission, some purpose, some dream that you have that is greater than the day-to-day things that are going to weigh you down. And there will be times that you want to give up. Those moments are what define your life. Last year, I met a woman who was about to give up on her dream, and luckily, she met me, and I gave her the coaching session of a lifetime and reminding her that failure is not an option. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to an absolutely heroic episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast. Ah, it is my favorite time of year. I am in such a good mood. What time of year am I talking about? Graduation season. I love graduation season. First of all, do you remember your graduation? You got the robe on, you got the cap on, maybe you were smart enough to get those braid things that people get that are really smart. Everyone's celebrating you, your family comes into town. You finally finished your final exams, you're done, and you've got this casserole of human emotions. You got the sadness, you've got the excitement, and your whole month is all about the last, the last time you're going to get together, the last time you're with your class, the last time you're doing this. And then that, of course, leads to a whole new season of firsts. Oh, it's the first time you're going to do this thing and the first time that you're going to do that thing. It's such a cool moment. And beyond your graduation, I don't know about you, but I love graduation ceremonies. Give me a commencement ceremony and I am a happy camper. Why? Well, you can't sit at a commencement ceremony and not feel inspired. First of all, can we talk about the music? Ah, give me some Pomp and Circumstance, people, and I feel like I'm going places. I suddenly feel as if I have royal blood in my veins, right? It's so regal. (Hums Pomp and Circumstance) I feel like I need to do something important. I mean, e- even that song and a robe, you could be wearing a tank top and running shorts underneath and you feel like you've just earned a doctorate. And so, the music, it just sets the scene. And my personal favorite part of a graduation ceremony, I bet you can guess it, that's right, the speakers. Whether the speakers are just a recent graduate, or it's the valedictorian, or the, the student that the fellow students elected to speak, or it's somebody famous and successful, you cannot hear a graduation speech and not think about your own life. I can't ever remember attending a graduation and not wanting to sprint out of there and go change everything about my life. And just last weekend, I heard one of the best graduation speeches I think I've ever heard, and the speaker was Kevin Feige. He is the chairman, the president, the guy that runs Marvel Studios. So, for our Avenger fans out there, Black Panther, Iron Man, Kevin Feige, he is so fricking cool. And you want to know something even cooler? His entire commencement address for USC, it was superhero themed. How fricking cool is that? Not some generic, "Here are five takeaways about resilience," kind of bullshit. No, this was personal, it was hilarious, it was poignant, and there were lessons that he shared that I feel personally more applicable to my life than even the graduates sitting there, and so I want to share a few of those lessons with you, okay?

2. 3:44 – 9:15

   Failure is never the end of your story, the commencement speech I just heard

   1. MRMel Robbins3:44

      So first of all, I love this, failure is never the end of a hero's story, and it shouldn't be the end of your story either. Second thing that he shared with us, in life, always lead with a yes. That's what a hero does, because the world is always going to say no. Your friends are going to be critical, your boss is going to have their own agenda, the world says no. You know what a hero says? A hero says yes. A hero says, "I can find a way." A hero says, "Yes, it's worth the risk." In fact, how many times in a superhero movie is there that scene where they're going over and calculating the odds of a mission, and the odds of the mission being successful are one in a trillion? What does a hero say? "We got to try. I'm going to take those odds," because a hero leads with yes, and that's what makes you a hero. Forget the superpowers, forget the weapons that you may have. What makes you a hero in your life is your ability to say yes, to pick yourself back up, to go for it even when the odds are against you. That's what is going to make you a hero. And listening to him just last week, I was reminded of a simple truth. You have to be the hero in your own life. There must be some mission, some purpose, some dream that you have that is greater than the day-to-day things that are going to weigh you down, and you've got to be your own hero when it comes to fighting for that thing that you care about. And there will be times that you want to give up, and those moments when you want to give up, those moments where you think you're about to fail, those moments are what define your life. I'll never forget that line that Kevin Feige said, "Failure is never the end of a hero's story." Oftentimes, it's the beginning of one, and that brings me to the episode today. Last year, I met a woman who was about to give up on her dream. See, she had always dreamt of being a touring standup comic, and in her wildest dreams, like this is the big one...When she allows herself to be the hero of her own life, she's got a series on Netflix. That is what she's been fighting for. And she had been working hard on this dream for 20 years and she was about to give up, throw in the towel, "I'm done." But what did we learn? That failure is not an option when it comes to your dreams. And luckily for Barbara, she met me right as she was about to give up and I gave her the coaching session of a lifetime. And what you're about to hear is me picking a woman back up and reminding her that failure is not an option. When you are in the fight of your life to make your dreams come true, you gotta do whatever it takes.

   2. GUGuest6:47

      So I moved, um, back home, uh, two years ago.

   3. MRMel Robbins6:54

      Where, where, where was that?

   4. GUGuest6:55

      South Florida, the same place where ...

   5. MRMel Robbins6:57

      Okay.

   6. GUGuest6:58

      And, um, and I felt so safe and comfortable for the first time in my whole adult life. And I'm like-

   7. MRMel Robbins7:03

      You do?

   8. GUGuest7:03

      Yeah. Well, no. (laughs) Not really.

   9. (laughs)

   10. MRMel Robbins7:06

       See?

   11. GUGuest7:07

       Give up. I don't know.

   12. Woo-hoo!

   13. MRMel Robbins7:10

       (laughs)

   14. GUGuest7:10

       But (laughs) I- I've been an actor since I'm, like, 18 years old.

   15. MRMel Robbins7:15

       Uh-huh.

   16. GUGuest7:16

       And it's been effing hard.

   17. MRMel Robbins7:18

       Yeah.

   18. GUGuest7:18

       So I started coaching people because I was like ... I'm talking about Robins right now. Um-

   19. (laughs)

   20. ... I love that part too and I started a pod- ... I mean, I, I started directing and editing documentaries and I love it.

   21. MRMel Robbins7:32

       What's wrong?

   22. GUGuest7:34

       Um, I still, I still wanna act and, um ...

   23. MRMel Robbins7:42

       Yeah.

   24. GUGuest7:44

       I'm 46 years old, so I feel like, um, it's, it's okay to be comfortable and, and, and small and ...

   25. MRMel Robbins7:55

       Hold on.

   26. GUGuest7:55

       Yeah. (laughs) .

   27. (laughs)

   28. MRMel Robbins7:57

       It's okay to be comfortable if that's what you want.

   29. GUGuest8:02

       Yeah.

   30. MRMel Robbins8:03

       It's not okay to be small.
3. 9:15 – 11:40

   Stop arguing against your dreams

   1. MRMel Robbins9:15

      yourself that you're small, putting a lid on your own dreams, on your own potential, convincing yourself that, "Meh" is okay, that's the biggest problem. If you're somebody who doesn't know what you want, I guarantee you it's because you do things that make you feel small and then you tell yourself that's okay. And here's the thing that I'm really worried about. I'm worried about the fact that if you continue to do this, if you continue to tell yourself, "I don't know what I want. I can never have it. I'm 46. I tried. It's hard. It's not gonna work out for me," if you are the one that is against your big dreams in life, that is the reason why you're unhappy, that you are the single biggest, loudest voice for why you can't have what you deserve. That is the source of misery. That is the source of feeling lost. And so we gotta stop that right now, because the fact is, I don't care how long you've worked on your dreams, how long you've avoided your dreams, how long you've been scared of your dreams, how long you've downplayed your dreams. Those dreams are still very much alive inside of you. You're not supposed to be small. You're not supposed to be arguing against your dreams. Let other people do that. You're the one who's supposed to have the biggest and the loudest and the brightest voice when it comes to the matter of your dreams. You know, it reminds me of this quote that I just love. "Let your light shine so bright that other people can find their way out of darkness." You know, if you're not supposed to be small, what are you supposed to be? You are supposed to be this big, beautiful flame, that flame that is burning so bright inside of you as you're marching toward the things that really call to you. That's your self-expression. That's your happiness. That's your creativity. That is a human being that is alive. And for those of you that look at me and that you're like, "Oh, my God, Mel, like, I just ... You're just so inspiring. You keep reinventing yourself," every time I reinvent myself, do you know how I do it? It's because I start to realize I'm feeling

4. 11:40 – 12:48

   Here’s what happens before every time I reinvent myself and my life.

   1. MRMel Robbins11:40

      small. I start to realize that I'm feeling a little lost, that I'm feeling the energy drain, that I'm not feeling like a flame burning bright, that I'm full of excuses. And I do this exercise that I'm gonna share with you right now to get me back in touch with that dream that you can never run away from, because what are you learning from me? Your dreams are meant for you.And they are either going to be something that you pursue that helps you become brighter and more emboldened and more of yourself, or they're something that's gonna haunt you. I can give you example after example after example of this. I'll give you an example in my own life. (sniffs) So in 2007, so we're talking 15 years ago, I got a part-time job on Saturday mornings hosting a local call-in radio show in Boston, Massachusetts. I absolutely loved that radio show. Loved it. And from the moment I hosted the first call-in show, I knew, "This is exactly what I wanna do

5. 12:48 – 14:15

   My first dream job never left me and eventually led to this podcast.

   1. MRMel Robbins12:48

      in life." And the truth is, I even knew it before. And the reason why I knew it before is because I had been a humongous fan of Howard Stern. I mean, I listened to Howard Stern way back in the day when, uh, he was, like, shock jock material, before he went through psychotherapy and became really amazing at interviewing people. Like, back in the really disgusting days, I was a Howard Stern junkie. And there was something about the energy of listening to Howard and everybody on the show that I just felt drawn to it. I could not stop thinking what an amazing thing it would be to be able to do that with your life. And so here I get, years later, to be on the mic. I'm hosting the show, I absolutely love this show. That show ends up growing into a weekday show. I end up winning an award. Next thing you know, CNN is calling, and I find myself then, in 2011, leaving radio and going onto television as a legal analyst for CNN. But here's the thing, radio never left me. Every time Howard Stern would pop up on my dial, I would feel the pull. As podcasting started to happen and become a thing in 2011, 2012, and I started seeing more and more podcasts pop up, I started to feel the pull. What is that pull? It feels like jealousy. It feels

6. 14:15 – 16:57

   Watch for this evidence of your dreams still being alive in your heart.

   1. MRMel Robbins14:15

      like longing. It feels like desire. It feels like, sometimes it can feel like inferiority, that you get close to your dream and you want it so badly that you literally put up all kinds of reasons to protect yourself from your dream. So maybe it's the people you're really insecure around. That's my daughter. She has a dream of being a singer-songwriter, of doing stadium tours. Just the other day, you know, I saw that Taylor Swift had just done something that nobody's ever done. She's got all 10 songs on the Billboard 100 top 10. Fricking unbelievable. And I texted it to my daughter. And you know what she texted back? "Please don't send this stuff to me 'cause I'll never be able to do that." You know what that is? That's somebody who is deeply in touch with their dreams, but they're terrified of them. And so we're gonna talk about that. But what I wanna explain to you is there is something inside of you, and you know it. There is something meant for you, and you are either so afraid of it that you push it away or you long for it like I did. Since 2011, if you watch my TEDx talk, which now has 29 million views, you will notice that in that TEDx talk, I talk about my goal. Back in 2011 on that stage, I said, "My goal is to be the number one radio host in the world." So here we are, 11 years later, and we're launching the podcast. And it's taken me 11 years to get closer than ever to the thing. For these past 11 years, have I stopped thinking about the dream? Nope. Have I noticed other people that are pursuing my dream? Yup. Have I felt jealous? Have I felt insecure? Yes, I have. All of those, just like you do. That is evidence that your dream is alive. And what I'm here to tell you is today is the day we're gonna stop arguing against your dream and we're gonna turn toward it, and we're gonna start fanning it. So I promised you an exercise, because step one is you have to get honest with yourself and claim what you want. That's step one. And so I'm gonna tell you that, and I want you to think about your dream. I want you to think about what's calling you. I want you to think about the thing that would be so

7. 16:57 – 19:42

   The first way you extinguish your dreams.

   1. MRMel Robbins16:57

      magical if you could make it happen, but you've been arguing against yourself. And I want you to allow yourself to claim it. And as you sit there and think about the dream in your own life, let's go back to Los Angeles. Let's go back to that stage, and let's check in with Barbara, because I'm gonna ask her to start getting honest. And what I want you to pay attention to is I want you to pay attention to how much she starts to joke and make excuses and dismiss how serious I am about dreams. (applause) Maybe you needed to move to South Florida to actually feel and understand in your soul who you are and what you want. It's a scary thing to admit what you want.

   2. GUGuest17:57

      Yeah.

   3. MRMel Robbins17:57

      Because it's true. It might not happen.

   4. GUGuest18:01

      Right. Yeah. And it's, it's n- it's not... I've come so close to it happening so many times, and it hurts so much. It's all so scary. This part of me is like, "No, don't do that."

   5. MRMel Robbins18:11

      But why is it scary?

   6. GUGuest18:13

      ... because I don't want to go into debt, and I, I just, I wanna like be at least somewhere, so I thought, "Well, I have this..." You know.

   7. MRMel Robbins18:23

      But here's what I want you to understand, you have not gotten honest with yourself about what you actually want. You're putting all the energy into, "But I don't wanna go into debt, but I don't wanna do this, but I don't wanna do that."

   8. GUGuest18:39

      So then you do that anyway. (laughs)

   9. MRMel Robbins18:41

      Yes. That's the first step, honesty, and it's very sobering when you get honest, because for many of us, I mean, look at me, I spent 11 years making excuses for why I couldn't start a podcast. And all those excuses and the dancing around and the, oh, brushing it off and the, "I'm not really that serious about it," it's painful. Your dream isn't painful. Like, she's talking about how scared she is that the dream's not gonna turn out. What's actually painful is how much energy you're putting into avoiding what you want and what you deserve. And the three big ways that we extinguish that flame inside of us, and we put distance between ourselves and the dreams that are meant for us is, number one, we, we literally downplay them. Any time you make a joke about your dream, any time you're like, (whines) "I'm not that serious about it," you're putting distance between you and your dream. You're taking a bucket of

8. 19:42 – 21:04

   The second way you pour a cold bucket of water on your dreams.

   1. MRMel Robbins19:42

      water, and you're trying to extinguish the flame inside you. Anytime you make excuses, "I don't have the money. I can't do it. I don't have the time." (babbles) Same thing, cold bucket of water on that flame. Stop doing it. And the third thing, when she really gets honest, when you have that moment of reckoning with yourself, and you can claim what you want, it's terrifying. It really is because you allow yourself to feel desire. You allow yourself for just a second to feel possibility. Just imagine how incredible it would be to do a stadium tour and sing your own songs. And when you allow yourself to entertain the fact that that's the dream that's meant for you, you allow yourself to stand close to that flame. You allow it to burn a little brighter, and then, we get scared.

9. 21:04 – 23:26

   The third way you shut down your dreams.

   1. MRMel Robbins21:04

      What if it doesn't happen? And you convince yourself that your dream is scary, and your dream isn't scary at all. Your excuses and your fear of it and your joking is what's scary. And so, how do you keep this dream alive? And this is a really important exercise, particularly for those of you who say, "I don't know what I want, Mel. I don't know what my dream is." I have a very simple exercise that I've taught to hundreds of thousands of people. It's backed by science, and this is an exercise that is going to help you get back in touch with dreaming. See, I think part of the problem is that we've all gotten into this mode where we don't wanna get our expectations up, so we put a lid on our own desires. We don't allow ourselves to want what we want. We don't allow ourselves to be in touch with the things that we really long for, and it's the fact that you won't even give yourself permission to dream that's also making you feel unworthy. And so, how are we gonna tap back into this dream inside you? How are we gonna get your desires flowing freely? How are we gonna get you to start to believe that you're worthy of the things that you long for? I'll tell you how. It's very simple. Every single morning, you're gonna make a cup of coffee or tea, and as part of your morning routine, you are simply gonna write down five dreams a day. That's it, five dreams a day. You are going to make it a habit to claim what you want, if only by writing it on a piece of paper. And having taught this to hundreds of thousands of people, I already know what your questions are gonna be. Are they the same things I write down? Are they big things? Are they little things? Are they things that can happen? What are they, Mel? Here's how you're gonna do this. Do not overthink it. Sit down. You have a blank piece of paper, and just write down five things you want. It could be, "I want that new Gucci handbag," and you might not be able to pay for groceries right now. It might be, "I want my puppy to stop pooping

10. 23:26 – 25:35

    The science-backed habit that’s going to help you start dreaming again.

    1. MRMel Robbins23:26

       on the living room rug." It might be, "I wanna be the number one podcast host in the world." It might be, "I wanna do a stadium tour. I wanna write a song that helps heal the world. I wanna have a wonderful relationship with my mom, who I currently hate." Your dreams are yours. Do not judge them. Do not shrink them. This exercise is about clearing out the blockage and the gunk that has blocked the highway between your heart and your soul and what you will give yourself permission to want and desire in your life. Your self-doubt, your feeling that you're not worthy, your excuses, your people-pleasing, it's all blocking.... your access to this longing, to this dream within you. And so, we gotta just get the gears turning. We gotta get these, like, kinda the- I don't even know what you call it, but this is a way to, like, grease the gears and get you free flowing. Why shouldn't you do a stadium tour? Why shouldn't you have that new Gucci handbag if that's what you want? You can certainly do the work to get it. Why shouldn't you be happy or healthy or heal your cancer? These dreams are there for a reason. We gotta get them out of your head, where you bury them with excuses, and we gotta get them into the world, in real time, where you can see them on a piece of paper. Now, reason number one why you're gonna do this, five dreams a day. They can be the same dreams, they can be different dreams. They can be big dreams, they can be little dreams, they can be thematic, they can be specific stuff, they can be anything you want. We just need to get your dreams and your desires flowing freely without you putting the lid on, invalidating or arguing against them. So, there's a second reason-

    2. GUGuest25:25

       (laughs)

    3. MRMel Robbins25:25

       ... why this exercise is so effective, and it has to do with something called the Zeigarnic effect. Now, the Zeigarnic effect is a extraordinarily

11. 25:35 – 29:51

    What is the Zeigarnik Effect and what does it have to do with your dreams?

    1. MRMel Robbins25:35

       well-documented effect in your brain that was first discovered by a Lithuanian psychologist named Bluma Zeigarnic, and she had her first study published about psychology and this theory in 1927. So, this has been around for a long time. And what is the Zeigarnic effect? Well, the Zeigarnic effect is this. Inside of your brain, there is a mental checklist function, and whenever something is important to you, your brain is like, "Oh, ding, ding, ding, I guess she wants to do a stadium tour. Oh, ding, ding, ding, I guess she wants to get her cholesterol down." Whenever something's important to you, your brain takes notice, it opens up a mental checklist, and then your brain has this really interesting function where it will now work with you to help remind you of this thing that's important to do, it's like a little to-do list in your brain. And the Zeigarnic effect is once your brain knows something is important, and it's important if you keep writing it down, your brain is gonna go to work trying to help you get it done. And the Zeigarnic effect is so pronounced that it is used, everybody, in software design. Yup, you know how they talk about gamification? You know how you gotta fill out a form and then all of a sudden a little reminder pops up that likes, "You're 64% complete." Well, that's the Zeigarnic effect. That's this mental checklist thing saying, "You're not done yet. You got a little bit more to go." And so, this is so effective. And so again, I'm gonna summarize this and I'm also gonna help you. If you go to melrobbins.com/dreambig, melrobbins.com/dreambig, I got a free download for you. Not only are we gonna give you some of the key takeaways from this episode, but we're gonna give you prompts so that you can print out this free sheet and use it every single morning to write down your five dreams. To tap into the Zeigarnic effect inside your brain to help you keep those dreams alive and to help you start letting your desires and your worthiness flow freely through you. Okay. So, we've covered a couple key topics so far. Your dreams are not a joke, they matter. You gotta claim 'em. This exercise of writing down five things you want every single morning is gonna tap into that superhighway and it's gonna help you build the neuropathways to give yourself permission to want things. It's gonna help you tap into this flame inside you that is burning and that is begging for you to let it help you. And then what we're gonna do next is we're gonna talk about the fact that once you get in touch with this dream, you know what you're gonna do? You're gonna do what everybody does. You are gonna start arguing against it. You're gonna start making jokes, you're gonna start making excuses, you're gonna start getting afraid. Because once this dream keeps showing up on that piece of paper every morning, once you start to feel the pull of your heart, once you start to notice, as I have for the last eight years, that everybody and their mother has a podcast except for me, you're gonna start to feel the pain of not working toward it. And instead of turning toward our dream, you know what we all do? We do what you're gonna hear Barbara doing back in LA. You're gonna hear her kicking up a dust storm of excuses, of jokes, of reasons, of this. But here's the difference. She had Mel Robbins on her ass that day, and I was not gonna have any of it because your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are serious business that demand and deserve your attention. What if you lived in South Florida and you were comfortable and you were big?

    2. GUGuest29:25

       (laughs) And I was big?

    3. MRMel Robbins29:27

       Big, like big, big, big.

    4. GUGuest29:30

       Well, I tried that. (laughs)

    5. MRMel Robbins29:32

       Okay.

    6. GUGuest29:33

       Um, I actually... I'm like a big fish in, like, the Jewish community. (laughs) I, I-

    7. MRMel Robbins29:38

       Yeah, but, but so hold on a second.

    8. GUGuest29:39

       Yeah.

    9. MRMel Robbins29:39

       Stop making a joke of this.

    10. GUGuest29:40

        Okay. I'm sorry, right now.

    11. MRMel Robbins29:41

        No, I'm serious.

    12. GUGuest29:43

        (laughs) Yeah.

    13. MRMel Robbins29:43

        Because this is how you block-

    14. GUGuest29:45

        Yes.

    15. MRMel Robbins29:45

        ... honesty.

    16. GUGuest29:46

        Joke. Yup. Yeah, I'm funny.

    17. MRMel Robbins29:48

        So you're, you are funny.

    18. GUGuest29:50

        No. (laughs)

    19. MRMel Robbins29:50

        But being

12. 29:51 – 33:39

    Here’s where I gave Barbie some serious tough love because I believe in her.

    1. MRMel Robbins29:51

       unhappy is not funny.

    2. GUGuest29:52

       No, it's really, really, really not.

    3. MRMel Robbins29:54

       And-

    4. GUGuest29:54

       Especially when you have a sister who's, like, so good at being happy.

    5. MRMel Robbins29:56

       Yeah, but stop making jokes.

    6. GUGuest29:58

       (laughs) Sorry. It's so hard not to. (laughs) You're so amazing. And I wanna entertain you.

    7. MRMel Robbins30:03

       Uh, no-

    8. GUGuest30:03

       ... at this point.

    9. MRMel Robbins30:03

       No, I don't want you to entertain me.

    10. GUGuest30:05

        I, I can't.

    11. MRMel Robbins30:05

        I want you to be honest with me.

    12. GUGuest30:06

        Okay. Hi.

    13. MRMel Robbins30:08

        So what do you want? Do you wanna move back to LA and give it another try?

    14. GUGuest30:13

        Yes, and I almost did, and then I was like, "Politics and, uh, crime and I'm scared." And so-

    15. MRMel Robbins30:19

        So, so this... What you're witnessing here-

    16. GUGuest30:21

        (laughs)

    17. You're gonna die.

    18. MRMel Robbins30:22

        ... is you're... Yeah. You're, you're witnessing somebody-

    19. GUGuest30:26

        ... who is literally trying to extinguish-

    20. Yes.

    21. MRMel Robbins30:30

        Yes.

    22. GUGuest30:30

        ... her own flame with jokes.

    23. MRMel Robbins30:33

        (laughs) Yes. Wow.

    24. GUGuest30:35

        And you are not-

    25. Ugh.

    26. ... having this moment of reckoning with yourself.

    27. Yeah.

    28. I am telling you-

    29. Yeah.

    30. ... that what you're witnessing, we all do this shit.
13. 33:39 – 35:40

    The one powerful question you’re going to ask yourself every morning.

    1. MRMel Robbins33:39

       a way for you to really start to get yourself in touch with what your s- mind, body, and spirit are trying to wake you up to and have you pay attention to, the things in your life that make you come alive, that make you grow. You're supposed to walk toward that light. You're not supposed to argue against it. And so, every single day, you're gonna be working on, "Okay, I gotta let myself desire things. I gotta give myself permission to want things. Like, I'm allowed to do that. Not only am I allowed to do that, I actually need to. It's part of my life force." And I'm not saying you're just gonna sit around and wish for shit to happen. You're gonna have to work for it. That's how you get it in life, but you won't get where you're meant to go if you can't even claim what's meant for you. And it is a practice of honesty, and it's a- it's a practice of giving yourself permission. It's a practice of worthiness. It's a practice of self-love. And so, you're gonna start there, but let me tell you the simple thing. The simple thing, every single day when you wake up, you can just ask yourself, "Am I for or against my dream today? Am I for or against my dream?" It's really that simple. Your dreams are your responsibility. Are you for them today? Or are you against them? There's no middle ground, by the way, 'cause if you're neutral, you're against. You are either for that dream inside you or you're against it. So what does that mean? Well, when you're arguing against your dream, guess what? You're not for it. When you're making excuses, are you for it? No. When you are afraid of it happening or not happening, are you for it? No. Being for your dream is first of all being in touch with it. So, simply being in

14. 35:40 – 40:41

    On this date, I finally gave myself permission to make my dream happen.

    1. MRMel Robbins35:40

       touch with it and claiming it, that's a way to be for it. Another way to be for it is to see reasons why it's your dream, to see evidence that it could happen, to see everybody else out there. In my world, it was people that were launching podcasts. Instead of seeing them as reasons why my flame was out, see them as evidence that, yes, my flame too is gonna burn brighter, that they are lights on the path. I said earlier that it is essential when you're going through a challenging time. Your dreams matter more than ever then, because if you give up on your dreams when you're feeling lost or on autopilot or you're facing heartbreak, you literally give up a lifeline that is part of your DNA. See, your dreams remind you that this challenge is temporary.Your dreams remind you that there's something greater ahead. Your dreams remind you that this moment, it's a blip. It's a dot. It's part of the path leading you somewhere that you're meant to go. Your dreams help you through challenging times, so don't give up on them. You gotta double down on them if things are challenging. That's the best time to create something new. That's the best time to tap into that fire inside you. You need that fire at that time. That's why it's there. You see, I think your dreams have this incredible purpose that nobody understands. What if I told you you're actually not supposed to achieve your dreams? Yep, you're not supposed to achieve your dreams. The reason why I can say that is because your dreams are not a destination. Your dreams are a directional signal. Your dreams are like this compass inside you, this GPS system that's hardwired in you. You were born with it. It- it- it- it's like a beacon, a lighthouse out in the future. It's pulling you through your problems, toward something greater. It is showing you that there's something awesome to look forward to. It's giving you a reason to have hope, something bigger to believe in. Those dreams pull you through your fears. They make you grow. They push you through your self-doubt. That's why they're there. They show you the way. It doesn't matter whether you achieve them or not. What matters is, do you hear the call? Do you fan the flame? Do you wake up every day and allow yourself to feel those things that are meant for you and fan the flame and be the person that is the force, the yes, the loudest voice for them? Doesn't matter what everybody else think. Who gives a shit what anybody else thinks, honestly? And if they haven't achieved your dreams, why the fuck are you asking their opinion anyway? They don't know how to get there. And your dreams, by the way, are not meant for somebody else. That's why they don't understand them. And here's another thing that you're doing. You are literally looking for validation from people who can't even cheer their own selves on. Like, how can somebody who's not even pursuing their dreams help or celebrate you as you're trying to pursue yours? See, this comes back to it being your responsibility. This is an inside job, and when you really wrap your brain around this, life gets fricking magical. Doesn't mean it's always like roses. Doesn't mean it's gonna be easy as you walk toward those dreams. But there is nothing more fulfilling than waking up every day and knowing that you are the loudest cheerleader that you got, knowing that you believe that this thing is possible, knowing that you're the one that's for this, that you're validating the- the things that are deep inside of you. That is- that is an incredible way to go through life. And so every single day, you're gonna be waking up. You're gonna be writing your five things down. You can go to MelRobbins.com/dreambig, 'cause I want you dreaming big. I want you dreaming big. In fact, you don't even realize how much you limit yourself. Kathy Heller, who did that live event with me in LA, she has this really amazing thing that she does, that I've heard her do, and I'm gonna share it with you, but this is her idea, so I wanna give her credit. I want you to imagine there's a blank check in front of you, blank check. And you could pay yourself whatever you wanna make this year. Whatever you wanna make this year, go ahead and write it down on that check. What'd you write? 100 grand, quarter of a million dollars, half a million dollars, million dollars? Who wrote that number? I'll tell you who wrote the number,

15. 40:41 – 44:17

    Try this exercise to shine a light on the way you limit what’s possible for you.

    1. MRMel Robbins40:41

       the lid. Why not five million? Why not 10 million? And again, if you can just play with me that your dreams are not meant to be achieved, they're not the destination, they're a directional signal, maybe you're supposed to write five million down, because that's gonna inspire something in terms of your self-worth. It's gonna awaken something. Instead of thinking about what's possible, tap into what's true. You would love that. In fact, you'd be willing to work for that if I could convince you you could make it happen. And so the problem is you limit what you claim for yourself, because you're thinking about what's possible or what you deserve instead of tapping into what you actually desire. That's a huge mistake. See, a car can probably go 180 miles an hour. That's sort of like, you know, "Oop, I'm gonna drive 40." You haven't even tapped into the potential. I mean, obviously, you don't wanna get pulled over, and, you know, it could be illegal on the right - th- ... You know what I mean by that analogy. So now, I wanna end this with this final clip, because one of the things that I know that you're probably doing is you're doing what I did in the podcast market. "I'm too late. It's gonna be too hard. I've never done this before. I'm too far down the road in a different direction. I've already been an accountant," or, "This is my major," or, "I've spent seven years with this person," or, "I've lived here for so long." You're doing the whole, like, sunk cost thing. "I spent too much time, too late to change, don't know how to do it."This is a major, major mistake that you're making. And I want you to hear the final thing that I said to Barbara, because she admitted she's gonna move to LA. She's 46, she's been at it for 25 years, she's gonna go back, because it is way more painful to live a small life knowing you gave up on your dream than to go for it and wake up every day and be for your dream, and fan the flame. And maybe it doesn't happen, maybe it does, but waking up every day knowing that you're aligned with this greater purpose and drive and calling inside you, that's what you're meant to do. So, let's go back to LA 'cause I wanna leave you with one more thing. What did you get?

    2. GUGuest43:30

       (laughs)

    3. Disassociate myself. I got that my sister is very kind.

    4. MRMel Robbins43:34

       No jokes. No jokes.

    5. GUGuest43:36

       But I'm not. I'm being serious.

    6. MRMel Robbins43:37

       No. I want you to talk about you.

    7. GUGuest43:39

       Okay. You have to just go for it, and, um-

    8. MRMel Robbins43:43

       Here's the thing.

    9. GUGuest43:44

       ... be messy and not focus so much on what you're afraid of and being comfortable, but just do the thing that scares you, which-

    10. MRMel Robbins43:55

        It's even bigger than that.

    11. GUGuest43:57

        Okay.

    12. MRMel Robbins43:58

        So, if you wish to be happier, do you know what life gives you? Things that make you sad.

    13. GUGuest44:04

        (laughs)

    14. MRMel Robbins44:05

        And then you have to figure out how to be sad, or happy when things are sad.

    15. GUGuest44:09

        Right.

    16. MRMel Robbins44:10

        You know what happens when you say that you want peace in your life, you want things to be easier?

16. 44:17 – 49:26

    All that hard stuff in your life is for a reason.

    1. GUGuest44:17

       (laughs)

    2. MRMel Robbins44:17

       Oh, you know what bubbles to the surface? All the stuff that's broken.

    3. GUGuest44:21

       (laughs)

    4. MRMel Robbins44:22

       And then you have to bring and figure out how to bring peace to this. And so, for you, there is something that you needed to do in Florida-

    5. GUGuest44:36

       Yeah.

    6. MRMel Robbins44:36

       ... so you would get serious about doing the work back here, and that there was something in the breakdown, and whatever it is that you wanna call it, that was meant for you because you clearly needed it-

    7. GUGuest44:50

       (laughs)

    8. MRMel Robbins44:51

       ... to come back here and actually do what you're meant to do. And look, it might take 30 years, but it'll be the best damn Netflix special I have ever seen-

    9. GUGuest45:01

       (laughs) (cheers)

    10. MRMel Robbins45:01

        ... in my entire life. One of the things that I'll never forget is that when I started arguing for her dreams, that's when she got really emotional. You probably heard her choking up when I said, "You're moving back and you're going for it, and it's gonna be the next best damn Netflix special you've ever had. It may take 30 years." And that's what's available to you, too, because the bottom line is, don't you dare listen to this and spend your time writing to me or DMing me about your excuses, about how old you are, or how late you are, or how much you've screwed up your life. Do you understand you are listening to a 54-year-old woman who had been thinking about launching a podcast since 2011 and I'm just four weeks into this? If I can reinvent my life and clear out the bullshit that I am doing to argue against my dreams, if I can get in touch with what is truly calling me and claim it and be honest and turn toward it and figure out how to make it a reality, so can you. And the fact is, absolutely everything that has sucked about your life or where you are right now, you needed, because you needed to experience unhappiness to realize, "I wanna be happy." You needed to feel small to realize, "That's not what's meant for you." You know, I thought that I was going to be a daytime talk show host. I thought that was my big dream. I would, like, follow the giants like Ellen and Oprah and all these incredible people, and you know what happened? I did that job at CBS Broadcast Center with Sony Pictures for a year, and then I got fired from that job when COVID hit, literally, and I was lost. And you know what I learned from that experience? I learned that that's not what I wanted to do. I didn't actually like it at all. I loved the people, I loved the machine, I did not like the product at all. There was something that was off. Every single thing that is happening to you is happening for those dreams of yours, and see, maybe you needed the breakdown that you're in in order to realize you deserve to be happy. Maybe you needed that job you didn't like to realize you better get serious about creating what you want. Maybe you needed to apply to law school and get there and go, "Not for me," to realize something else was meant for you and you should stop denying the fact that you wanted to go into a creative field. So, do not let the fact that you have spent a certain amount of time, or you're a certain age, or you'res too early, or you're too late, or all of that crap to invalidate the truth. The truth is, you're right on time. If you're having the wake-up call that I intend for you to have as you listen to this, as you're realizing that your dreams are as alive as they have ever been, if you are starting to go, "Oh, my God. I've been against myself. I'm gonna be for myself."If you're starting to say, "Wow, I really have put the lid on. I really have stopped allowing myself or giving myself permission to have something incredible happen in my life," if you're having the wake-up call that I intended, good. Now let me tell you something else. There is no deadline on your dreams, and there is no age at which you're supposed to do this. You can start a business at 18. You can quit the job you had out of college at 24. You can go back to technical school after getting a master's at 31. You can literally adopt a child at the age of 39 when you're single. You can go to nursing school after you've raised your kids and you're 42 years old. You can learn how to teach your first online course at the age of 48. You could become a podcast host at the age of 54.

17. 49:26 – 51:51

    Think you’re too old for your dreams? Then you need to hear this.

    1. MRMel Robbins49:26

       You could get married for the first time at 63. You could skydive at 71. You could run your first marathon at 82. Your dreams do not disappear. There is no age at when you can't do something or when you're too early. It's complete bullshit. Your dreams are something you were born with. They are your responsibility, and they are also the life force inside of you. So stop running away from them and turn toward them. Run toward your dreams. Stop arguing against them and be the loudest voice for them. And for crying out loud, stop extinguishing that flame that's burning inside you. Enough with the excuses. Enough with the jokes and the downplaying. Enough with this fear. Your job is to turn toward that flame. Turn toward that flame and fricking fan it. Fan it with all your might. That flame inside you is supposed to burn bright, and the only way that that's gonna happen is when you are honest with yourself about that thing you've been denying, about that calling that you feel, about the fact that you're meant for more than where you're at right now, that you deserve to be happy, that those dreams are real, and you have within you the ability to chip away at 'em. And that when you wake up every single day, and you write down those five dreams, and you see and you hear and you feel the fact that your life has clues, your life is trying to help you. Your life is trying to help you become who you're destined to become. And I'm sure you're wondering, "Whatever happened to Barbara?" Great question. Since that coaching session that you just heard, she's been busy. She's been busy working on her dreams. She's stopped the excuses and the bullshit that was keeping her from being the hero of her own story. Check this out.

    2. GUGuest51:39

       Hey, Mel. So I decided to, um, create a one-woman show, and it's also a musical. I've written four original songs in the show. So, um, I hope

18. 51:51 – 53:50

    Curious about what happened to Barbara? Listen in.

    1. GUGuest51:51

       you'll come and see it. It was admitted into the Hollywood Fringe Theater Festival, so I'm hoping that we go on tour with it. Thanks for asking.

    2. MRMel Robbins52:00

       See, failure, it is never the end of your story. And I want you to know something else. I want you to know that your friend Mel Robbins is right here beside you every single step of the way, because I believe in you. I believe in your dreams, and I believe in your ability to make those dreams come true. So five, four, three, two, one, stop fucking arguing and making excuses and joking and all the other stuff that you're doing that is wasting your time and dishonoring the fact that there is a superhero inside of you, and you got some work to do. So get your ass out there, keep fanning those flames, and make those dreams come true. Alrighty, I'll see you in a few days. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah.

Episode duration: 53:50