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4 Simple Ways to Stop Caring What Others Think of You | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — Imagine how liberating it would be to not care about what other people think of you. You’d take more risks. You’d stop holding yourself back. You’d make more money and have more fun. This episode is hilarious, relatable, and packed with takeaways and research. It’s entertaining and personal, and yet still empowers you with 4 simple ways to stop caring about what other people think. Want to know what life looks like when you don’t care? I’ll go first. One of the benefits of not caring about what other people think is that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Why? Because you have much more important things to care about. Xo Mel In this episode, you'll learn: 00:00 Intro 03:26 Hilarious story of me taking my shirt off at an LA restaurant. 09:50 Christine says you’re not supposed to show up to meetings this way. 17:25 Christine’s profound point about judgment really opened my eyes. 20:02 When you stop worrying about how you look, others around you will too. 25:25 It’s not normal to wear a child-size space suit in front of your students? 32:42 Once you align your values with your actions, nothing else matters 36:36 What I think about ugly troll comments so that I can rise above it. 41:29 If you’re part of a gossip loop, here’s what you need to do. 43:23 Jessie could not stop laughing after I did this. 45:36 How can you give honest feedback and not sound like a jerk? 52:25 The wake-up moment for me around relationships. 57:59 My four rules about how not to give a sh*t about stupid stuff. 01:16:57 Kendall revealed something to me that I still can’t believe. — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel RobbinshostAmy (senior producer)guestChristine (team member)guestTeam member (anthem/fart story)guest
May 22, 20231h 20mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 3:26

    Intro

    1. MR

      Oh my God. So we just had this team meeting, and we were talking about the podcast episodes we're gonna tape this week, and one of the topics was the subject of how to not give a (beep) . And somebody chimed in, "Well, Mel, you don't give a (beep) about a lot of things." I'm like, "Really? What do you mean? What did I do?" And then once I respond to their evidence proving to you that I give no (beep) , I'm gonna give you my four rules, the four rules for how you too can learn how to not give a (beep) . All right, who wants to go first? What did I do last week, you guys? I don't e- I, like, I'm sitting here going, "What the hell did I do? I thought it was a great trip." (upbeat music) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. So we just had this team meeting, and we were talking about the podcast episodes we're gonna tape this week, and one of the topics was the subject of how to not give a shit. Like, the art of not giving a shit about things that don't matter. And somebody chimed in, in our team meeting, "Well, Mel, you don't give a shit about a lot of things." I'm like, "Really?" They're like, "Yeah, like last week in LA, oh my God, you were out of control." I'm like, "What? What do you mean? What did I do?" And so welcome to an impromptu episode. I have dragged Christine, our COO and CFO, uh, here. I've got Jessie, who runs video and video production. I've got Amy, who is one of our senior members of the team and a senior producer. We have Cameron, who is also a producer on our team. And by the way, we've got a bazillion other people that we would have dragged here, but we got a lot of other stuff we need to do for you. And these guys really had a lot of examples about how yours truly was acting out of control last week. Like, literally give zero shits. And I don't know what the examples are, so I said, "Guys, let's just jump on Zoom, and let's just lay it on me." And then once I respond to their evidence proving to you that I give no shits, I'm gonna give you my four rules, the four rules for how you too can learn how to not give a shit. And we're gonna give you two simple things you can start doing at the end of the episode, uh, so that you can practice this. All right, who wants to go first? What did I do last week, you guys? I don't e- I, like, I'm sitting here going, "What the hell did I do? I thought it was a great trip." I mean, is not giving a shit really a bad thing? I personally think it's the secret to life.

    2. AP

      It's a great thing, but it's shocking when you do it, I think.

    3. CM

      (laughs)

    4. MR

      Really?

    5. AP

      Especially the way you do it sometimes, Mel.

    6. MR

      Okay, this is Amy, one of our senior producers on the show.

    7. AP

      Hi, everybody.

    8. MR

      Um, okay, lay it on me. What did I do last week in Los Angeles that was shocking?

    9. AP

      Well, first thing is, we were having a team meeting outside. We needed to get a little s- sun, and you needed to get maybe a little more sun-

    10. MR

      (laughs)

    11. AP

      ... than everybody else desired to get. Do you wanna take it from here, Christine?

    12. MR

      Oh my God.

    13. AP

      To talk about the outfit and-

    14. MR

      Well, you better-

    15. AP

      ... the attitude?

    16. MR

      ... set the table, set the table.

    17. AP

      Yeah.

    18. MR

      Where were we, and what do you mean, we needed more sun?

    19. AP

      We were outside for, and Mel and I are from Vermont, and Christine's from Chicago, so you know, we're all a little pasty and somewhat translucent, as you say, Mel.

    20. MR

      (laughs)

    21. AP

      At this point, it's early spring, and we haven't seen the sun in a long time. So we were in LA, outside at the cafe in the hotel that we were staying at, and there was a lot of sunshine,

  2. 3:26 – 9:50

    Hilarious story of me taking my shirt off at an LA restaurant.

    1. AP

      and we were all soaking it up and loving it, and you were too, right, Mel?

    2. MR

      Yes, yes.

    3. AP

      You were loving that.

    4. MR

      Yes.

    5. AP

      And, um, then it got a little hot. And everybody else thought, like, "Let's get out of the sun" and Mel thought, "Let's just take our shirts off."

    6. MR

      (laughs)

    7. CM

      (laughs)

    8. AP

      That makes it sound worse than it was, but that is, I think, maybe one of the things that you said. "I'm just gonna take my shirt off." Now, you had a shirt on underneath.

    9. MR

      (laughs) Yes.

    10. AP

      Thank God.

    11. MR

      No, I had, I had Skims.

    12. AP

      (laughs)

    13. MR

      Uh, brand new. This is not an ad, but I did buy Skims for the first time. I bought a bodysuit, and I do have to give Skims a thumbs up. It, it was a tank top bodysuit that, you know, had a thong back, but the thong was quite wide, so it did not operate like dental floss up my rear end, which I also think I explained to all of you as I pulled my T-shirt off and revealed the fact that I was wearing a medium, uh, compression tank top, thong bodysuit with my jeans-

    14. AP

      (laughs)

    15. MR

      ... that basically looks like a bathing suit.

    16. AP

      Yeah, no, it looked, it looked like-

    17. CM

      A see-through bathing suit.

    18. AP

      ... it looked like a bathing suit. But-

    19. MR

      See through.

    20. AP

      (laughs)

    21. CM

      (laughs)

    22. AP

      But I think it didn't stop there, right, Christine? It was like, okay, so she had the top on and then...

    23. CM

      She had the top on, but I could see her nipples. So-

    24. MR

      (laughs)

    25. CM

      So I'm like, uh, that felt like an HR violation to have-

    26. MR

      (laughs)

    27. CM

      ... the team there, and you were totally down with it, but I'm like, "Okay, can we..." You're like, "Oh, I'll put my T-shirt over." And so you tucked the T-shirt you were wearing into the top of the bodysuit so that it was just like-

    28. MR

      (laughs)

    29. CM

      ... kind of across the, your chest.

    30. MR

      It was like a chest apron, is what it was.

  3. 9:50 – 17:25

    Christine says you’re not supposed to show up to meetings this way.

    1. CM

      you're the boss, you can show up however you want for those meetings.

    2. MR

      Well, you're kind of the boss. You run the place.

    3. CM

      (laughs)

    4. MR

      I just break the rules apparently.

    5. CM

      (laughs)

    6. MR

      So never in a million years did it even cross my mind that open-toed shoes are a problem for a, for any kind of meeting, first of all.

    7. AP

      I think open-toed shoes are like the neck hair of the o-... You know what I mean? Like, you don't wanna see neck hair. You don't... Like, button that top button, get your toes covered up, like-

    8. MR

      Really?

    9. AP

      ... come on, now. I don't know.

    10. MR

      I've got my, I've got my Birkenstocks on right now at work.

    11. AP

      (laughs) She's in open-toed shoes right now.

    12. MR

      I'm in o- And, and so, so, so to make it even worse, my ... Christine has like immaculate toes. You always have a gorgeous-

    13. AP

      (laughs)

    14. MR

      ... high gloss, bright red polished situation going down. I not only had open toes, everybody, but I happened to have gangly kind of situation with the pedicure.

    15. AP

      (laughs)

    16. MR

      Not getting them that off and now in Vermont did not have on polish, might've been chipped. But you know, here is my thinking. I'm thinking, "Those weren't just open-toed shoes, bitch." Those were Valentino wedge espadrilles that I had bought to wear to graduation and so I s- I, I put those, those puppies on like a fricking Ferrari on my feet. I strutted into Soho House LA like the baller I am.

    17. AP

      (laughs)

    18. MR

      And you were right behind me strutting in your Chanel ballet flats because Christine, don't you mistake that voice everybody, I always say yes, Christine's the badass business bitch that says no. And so she was walking in those ballet shoes like a dumpster truck ready to do some business.

    19. CM

      (laughs)

    20. MR

      And so I go striding in there. I had no idea that you glanced at my toes and you judged me.

    21. CM

      Yeah, I did judge you. I didn't have any idea that they were fancy shoes, all I saw was your toes. (laughs) So I'm like, "Whatever." And you-

    22. MR

      Well, would it have mattered if they had been fancy or would you have just rolled your eyes and been like, "She's just making a mistake with a couple hundred dollars instead of making it with flip-flops, but she's making a mistake"?

    23. CM

      Yeah.Well, I- it's- it- I- again, I, you know, like, you are you 100% all the time, so like, again, I wasn't gonna say anything 'cause we were walking out the door 'cause of course we were late. (laughs)

    24. MR

      (laughs)

    25. AP

      (laughs)

    26. CM

      And so, it wasn't... Yeah, I- I was judgy, a little, but again, it's your meeting, your call.

    27. AP

      Possibly with good reason, the judging.

    28. MR

      I don't think so.

    29. AP

      (laughs)

    30. MR

      See, I don't think anybody notices your feet-

  4. 17:25 – 20:02

    Christine’s profound point about judgment really opened my eyes.

    1. CM

      were bothering you, and you know, without fail, you're recording your selfie, and I just am always impressed, and I think it really connects with people when we're out and we're talking to people about how real you are, of how you show up at really what is, you know, truly one of your, like, worst looking moments- (laughs)

    2. MR

      (laughs)

    3. CM

      ... of being out of this class because you're hot, you're sweaty, you're, like, just a mess, and you just are ready to go live and share that, and I think because you do that, I know other women that we run into are always feeling like, "You know, I was..." You know, Mel makes a huge difference because, you know, I'm like, "If Mel Robbins can do this with all the people that she is connecting with, then what am I worried about?"And I think there's something very freeing in that, um, and so-

    4. MR

      That's a compliment.

    5. CM

      ... I'm always, I think it's a huge compliment.

    6. MR

      I think. Well, thank you.

    7. CM

      Yeah, it is a hu- it is a huge compliment, but then I think it also is freeing for you too because I think because you do that at those worst moments, then you never really, you know, are concerned about what those other moments are where maybe other people would f- feel self-conscious because you've already shared what, you know, at those moments.

    8. MR

      So if I'm hearing you correctly, I look like absolute shit is what you're basically saying.

    9. CM

      You did look like absolute shit. And we can, we'll, we'll pull up the post for folks so they can see exactly what we're talking about, um, for anybody, anybody who's watching on YouTube.

    10. MR

      Just, just to give you a visual, visual everybody. You know tomatoes?

    11. CM

      (laughs)

    12. MR

      In high summer, August, at a farmer's market. Bright, deep, opaque, shiny red. That was basically the color of my face. Uh, my hair is starting to grow out, so the roots are coming in nice and gray. And, uh, I put on my glasses and they fogged up. For all I know, I had a camel toe. And I was walking down, uh, the sidewalk in LA outside of the yoga studio, headed to my favorite coffee shop to basically get a cup of liquid caffeinated sugar. And I pulled out that phone 'cause I thought, "You know what? I did not want to go this morning. My sinuses are bothering me." I know you can relate to that. And so I just start filming and I agree, I looked like absolute shit. But here's what I think. I walk around looking like that, so why would I be worried about putting it online? Like if you walk into the grocery store wearing a pair of yoga tights and your bra is showing through your

  5. 20:02 – 25:25

    When you stop worrying about how you look, others around you will too.

    1. MR

      T-shirt and you're sweaty and your hair's a mess, why do you feel bad putting a photo of yourself looking like that online? Like you got to stop and consider that you're okay going out in public or being around friends looking like crap, because that's how we all look in real life, but somehow that's not acceptable on social media. And so it's been very liberating for me to just go, "Fuck it. I don't care what I look like 'cause I walk into a grocery store looking like this. I know I look like shit. Who cares?" But the public and what I look like in public is exactly what I'm willing and I think you should put on social media because if you don't, you're subconsciously giving a shit about your appearance. And I think that's really, as you guys keep, like, teeing up these examples of where I'm either completely violating social norms, like the no toes policy, which I was unaware of, or I am being really offensive by taking my shirt off and doing what I thought was a very polite discreet move of covering my nipples-

    2. CM

      (laughs)

    3. MR

      ... with my T-shirt so I could get some sun 'cause I feel depressed and translucent like a gray dolphin living here in Southern Vermont. But I think the real liberating thing about learning how to give a shit is that you put your energy toward giving a shit towards things that matter, and you spend less time draining your energy on the shit that really doesn't matter. And one of the things that I gave up a long time ago, Christine, is worrying about what I looked like. And maybe it was because of the experience of being a commentator on CNN, because when I was on CNN, I was on CNN, as you know, Christine, as an on-air commentator, a paid legal commentator. There were only five of us in the entire world that were on that team, and it was a really cool job analyzing some of the biggest cases, uh, of our time. Uh, I noticed something, that whenever I would be on TV and I would have an opinion about particularly a case that people were really hot about, like, um, Trayvon Martin's murder or what happened in Ferguson or Freddie Gray or Tamir Rice, and I'm a criminal defense attorney, and so I am adding in commentary as a defense attorney. I noticed that when people criticized me, they never criticized what I said. People on Twitter or on social media, here I am on television talking about this very serious topic, I take the job very seriously, they're like, "You old fucking bag. You know, have you seen your neck? You know, s- who did it?" Like, just dragging my, down my jowls that look like saddle bags or my saggy ass turkey gizzard neck or just constantly trashing me that I just learned how to tune it out and I started to not care. And there's something very liberating about leaving an exercise class and your mascara from last night is running down your face like Dracula and going and getting your coffee anyway. You know why? 'Cause you don't give a shit what the other people who are standing in line around you think about the fact that your fucking mascara is running. And half of them, you're probably never gonna see again anyway, so who gives a fuck? But I spent way too much time caring way too much about what other people might think and it chokes you. So yeah, I did look like shit that day.

    4. CM

      (laughs)

    5. MR

      I did. We'll post that video soon. Okay, what's, uh, what's next? What else did I do?

    6. CM

      Uh, well, I mean, I think then, uh, Wednesday we had our first live event for our course offering for Launch with Mel Robbins.

    7. MR

      (laughs) .

    8. CM

      And as a surprise, our team had, uh, pre-ordered some props for the event to make it a celebration-

    9. MR

      Yeah.

    10. CM

      ... and the course is called, you know, Launch with Mel Robbins. So they had, um, purchased a space suit with a helmet-

    11. MR

      (laughs) .

    12. CM

      ... um, a- and a pop-up tent shaped like a, you know, a rocket ship.

    13. NA

      Yeah. I think that was-

    14. TS

      And let me just say here, Christine-

    15. NA

      Yeah.

    16. TS

      ... just before you go on, everything Christine is describing is child size.

    17. MR

      (laughs) Yeah.

    18. TS

      So-

    19. MR

      Like, a 10-year-old child size.

    20. TS

      It was not, like, a normal fitting space suit or like a big helmet that you had to put on, or a tent that, like, an adult should even be in. These were all things that needed a squeeze to get into, so I just wanna-

    21. NA

      Yeah.

    22. TS

      ... let the audience get that visual.

    23. TB

      Let me also add that these were purchased in hopes of just having them on, you know, the desk that you were, you were perched on, upon.

    24. TS

      Oh.

    25. TB

      It wasn't... They weren't actually in hopes of you putting anything on. We just wanted to get you energized by looking at it-

    26. MR

      (laughs) Oh.

    27. TB

      ... having it in the background.

    28. TS

      Oh.

    29. TB

      And so when we brought them out and you were so ecstatic and you were like, "I'm putting this on," it was definitely-

    30. MR

      (laughs)

  6. 25:25 – 32:42

    It’s not normal to wear a child-size space suit in front of your students?

    1. MR

      suit. Um, yeah. I'd, I, somehow I missed in the setup 'cause I was so surprised, and, you know, to paint you the picture, we're doing this six-month long coaching program. We have 5,000 people waiting from around the world to log on to a- our first live training. I'm in the Sirius studios, and they pull out all these props. I'm like, "Awesome," and I start pulling it on with s- with minutes to go before we're supposed to be live. And I kinda pull it up, and it did fit like Skims. I had to-

    2. TB

      (laughs) .

    3. MR

      ... like, suck way in and do that. You know like when you try to pull your jeans on and you've, you've had pizza or bread, and you've got, you know, your bread basket and you gotta kinda like do the butt tuck to get the zipper-

    4. TB

      (laughs) .

    5. MR

      ... to kinda go in? It's like the human equivalent of sitting on your suitcase to compress it. Well, anyway, that's what I do. I either, like, jump from my bed to the floor to get it up, or, well, anyway, I had to do that with the entire thing. And then the helmet was so tight, you guys, I had to take my glasses off-

    6. TB

      (laughs)

    7. MR

      ... and my ponytail out to squeeze the child-sized helmet onto my head. And then I climbed into what was probably a three-foot tall spaceship playpen that you might put up at the beach so that a ki- that a baby could take a nap in it. And so I'm sitting in there, squashed like a ball with this helmet grinding into my shoulders. Why? 'Cause I don't give a shit.

    8. TB

      (laughs)

    9. MR

      You know what I give a shit about? I give a shit about the enthusiasm and the surprise and delight that it's gonna create, that I would be willing to do something so ridiculous, uh, in order to surprise my, uh, s- my, my students that are in Launch. That's why I did it. Now, there was a downside to this because, like, we're learning about Mel Robbins, my enthusiasm and my badassery that leads me to not give a shit about certain things, like open-toed shoes or the fact that I'm wearing Spanx in public next to a pool. Well, kinda next to a pool.

    10. TB

      (laughs)

    11. MR

      I'm technically, like, leaning on that a little bit too much. There was an actual fence between the restaurant and the pool.

    12. TB

      (laughs)

    13. TS

      (laughs)

    14. MR

      Um, I don't think through things very often.

    15. TB

      (laughs)

    16. MR

      And so what I didn't think through is that I'd be in a tiny little basically, uh, uterus with no, um, uh, circulation in a suit that is cutting off, uh, any possibility of airflow and a helmet that is slowly constricting my breathing. So, now my body temperature is up to about 120, and I come climbing out of this thing. I can barely get the helmet up over my ears, so I have to flip the thing open and talk through it. I get the helmet off, and then I have another problem. The suit is not only so tight that I have to do a striptease in front of 5,000 people to get the thing off, but it's got elastic things around the ankles, and I can't get over my shoes. So I begin our first live (laughs) training on the ground trying to pull this fucking thing off of my shoes in front of 5,000 people watching. I think it was a pretty big hit. It was a huge hit.

    17. TS

      Huge. Yes.

    18. MR

      It was a huge hit.

    19. TS

      Yes.

    20. MR

      And it was a huge-

    21. TS

      Yes.

    22. MR

      ... it was a, a good reminder to me because when I saw these props and we were putting them together in the green room, I had some concerns because people were watching the tent and people were guessing in the comments of, like, "I think Mel's in there. I think Mel's in there." And I didn't know. I didn't even know that you were in there-

    23. TS

      (laughs)

    24. MR

      ... because I didn't think you could fit. (laughs)

    25. TS

      (laughs)

    26. MR

      I thought it was just like, "There is... This is too small." So I just thought, and I thought you were gonna pop out from the side. So when you came out of that tent, and I wasn't in the room, I was watching on the app, I was like, "No fucking way."

    27. TS

      (laughs)

    28. MR

      And you popped out, and everyone went bananas on all of the chat and comments. It was a huge hit. And again, a reminder- Yeah, no, just really a reminder to me of, like, things aren't that serious and to have more fun because I think it's really-

    29. TS

      Next time, I'll wear my open-toed shoes, Christine.

    30. MR

      (laughs)

  7. 32:42 – 36:36

    Once you align your values with your actions, nothing else matters

    1. MR

      that little hole was. I had to army crawl my ass in there in order to get in, and then I had to swirl around like a centipede to s- curl up in there like a little ball, because it was so aligned with my value, my values of wanting to serve, of wanting to bring fun, of wanting to demonstrate something which was enthusiasm and surprise and celebration and not giving a shit. Like, being willing to do that kind of stuff. And so, you know, as we kind of continue to go deeper in all these examples of how I'm oblivious at times and how I've worked actually really hard to get to this point of acceptance and this point of focusing on caring about things that I value and trying to completely disregard aspects of life that I just don't give a shit about, that visual of the tent and why it's important to twist yourself when it's about your values versus twisting yourself when it's not, that's really helpful to see. Did I do anything else that day?

    2. AP

      Probably. (laughs)

    3. CM

      (laughs) Probably is probably the right answer, but I don't have any specifics.

    4. AP

      Me neither.

    5. CM

      I don't know if anyone does.

    6. MR

      I do. Botox.

    7. AP

      Oh, my God.

    8. CM

      Oh my gosh.

    9. MR

      (laughs) So I got Botox, everybody, in my jaw joint, and I've been going to the same dermatologist for over a decade. I love her. I trust her. She's sensational. And I've been having tremendous p- pain in my jaw. Grinding, trouble eating, and both my primary and my dermatologist was like, "You gotta get Botox in your jaw." And when she felt my jaw, she's like, "Holy shit, that's a tense muscle. You're gonna have to have a little extra." And I'm like, "Okay, as long as you make the pain go away." And she said, "Well, it could impact your smile." I'm like, "I don't care. I can't eat at this point, just take the pain away." Well, she shot me up, and let me tell you something, it impacted my smile. I look like I'm taking a shit when I, when I have a smile.

    10. CM

      (laughs)

    11. MR

      And I'm so... This is something that I am self-conscious about. So all week long, as we're in Los Angeles, and we did a bunch of interviews, I'm having to really try to, like, manage that my lips are curling up, because if I do a closed smile, try to lip smile, like, you keep your mouth smiled, I, I, my lips suck in like our body language expert warned us about. What's that called, a lip?

    12. AP

      Lip roll.

    13. MR

      A lip roll. I do a lip roll, and it looks like I'm frowning. And then if I try to do a big toothy smile, I look like I'm grinding out of shit. Like, I'm like, argh, clenching. And so I had to tell every single expert we had, "Now look, I'm gonna give you a kissy face in this, because if I try to give you a smile, I'm gonna look like I'm growling at you." And so I now have a week's worth of photos from both graduation week and the podcast where I'm kissing experts and kissing in the air and I look completely ridiculous. But at least I can chew food and the pain has gone away, but I'm never getting Botox in my jaw again.

    14. AP

      But right now, you don't give a shit.

    15. MR

      I don't.

    16. AP

      (laughs)

    17. MR

      But it d- it, it bothers me a little, but I'm trying to direct my attention away from how I look and just go, "Mel, it looks like shit, but whatever." What was the CNN story?

    18. AP

      Exactly what you said. Can I read to you what some people said to you on CNN?

    19. MR

      Wait, you have it?

    20. AP

      I do.

    21. MR

      Oh my God. She went back in time.

    22. AP

      I think a lot of it, you remembered, but this is pretty brutal. I have four outstanding comments. Let's say that. "Your neck is saggy, just like your opinions."

    23. MR

      (laughs)

    24. CM

      (laughs)

  8. 36:36 – 41:29

    What I think about ugly troll comments so that I can rise above it.

    1. AP

      It's funny now-

    2. MR

      Well-

    3. AP

      ... but you were probably like, gulp when you got that. Right? Like, that was probably-

    4. MR

      Yeah, it really hurt in the beginning.

    5. AP

      Yeah, probably hurt.

    6. MR

      It sure did.

    7. AP

      You should go back to the hole you crawled out of.

    8. MR

      It was a deep hole.

    9. AP

      Nah, we know you're an expert on crawling-

    10. MR

      Definitely. (laughs)

    11. AP

      ... out of small spaces. Yes.

    12. MR

      Yep.

    13. AP

      Why is someone so ugly on television? Ouch. Not nice.

    14. MR

      Because I'm smarter than you, fuckface. (laughs)

    15. NA

      (laughs)

    16. AP

      Okay. The last one.

    17. MR

      Oh.

    18. AP

      How does a moron like you have a law degree?

    19. MR

      I cheated. That's how. (laughs)

    20. NA

      (laughs)

    21. AP

      That's how to not give a shit.

    22. MR

      Well-

    23. AP

      Ah.

    24. MR

      ... you know how I learned how to not give a shit, is I started to visualize. Empathy helps a lot. So, couple things on other people's opinions. Number one, let's just take a minute and zoom out and have some perspective, and imagine what is the life of a person who is sitting on their phone watching TV nonstop, sounding off at pundits online? What does their life actually look like? I would imagine hypertension. I would imagine a lot of negativity. I'm gonna throw in a little alcohol or drug abuse. Probably a small circle of friends. Not getting a lot of sex, I would imagine.

    25. AP

      (laughs)

    26. MR

      Perhaps living in your parents' basement.

    27. AP

      (laughs)

    28. MR

      I would think your bills are piled sky-high, if that's how you're spending your time. If you truly spend time sounding off at strangers online, your life sucks.

    29. AP

      Mm-hmm.

    30. MR

      And so, feeling sorry for somebody that cuts you off in traffic, or even like the mean girls. Mean girls are shitty people. You know how insecure they are? If you need a fucking purse and a designer whatever in order to have high self-esteem, you are really fucking insecure. And so, I kind of just look at people that are critical of other people, even though I'm being critical of other people, you know, for the sake of humor, uh, with a lot of sympathy. Like, "Wow, must really suck for you to watch TV and feel so offended or triggered by what I'm saying, that you are taking time and energy to not only write about it, but to spread negativity. That's a really awful place to live your life. I hope you find a good therapist at some point and you get the healing you deserve." And so, kind of understanding the greater context and not making it about you. Like, I, I, I really mean that. Like, I, I, I think about, like, lots of experiences of just mean cliques of people and how they look down on other people. And I literally say to myself, "I would hate to be part of that friend group." And one rule of thumb that I think about a lot is this. Like, I think small minds talk about other people, and really cool, big, creative minds talk about ideas, they talk about things, they talk about the future, and that's what I'm interested in. And so, when, when you kind of make it not so personal, that helps a lot.

  9. 41:29 – 43:23

    If you’re part of a gossip loop, here’s what you need to do.

    1. MR

      You can seek advice about a situation with another person in your personal life, in your family, or in business, and not have it be gossiping. But if you're engaged in constant banter about other people who aren't present, you need bigger goals, you need to do more with your life, and you need to assess, like, who you're hanging out with. Because when they gossip with you, they're going to gossip agout- about you when you leave. That's what those kind of people do. And so, it helps to not gossip yourself, because I think gossip is one of those things that you also start giving a shit about things that don't matter. Like, 'cause gossiping is caring about shit that doesn't matter. And I don't think very successful people or accomplished artists or the greatest entrepreneurs are wasting time giving a shit about gossiping about other people. And I used to be a big gossiper. I can say this with certainty, because I used to be that insecure, desperate, clingy, anxious, competitive bitch. And I'm not that person anymore. And gossiping is, was a big thing in my, uh, 20s. It is not part of my life anymore at all. Was there anything else I did that, uh-... kind of is on the, "Oh, I farted at work the other day."

    2. TB

      (laughs)

    3. TS

      (laughs)

    4. MR

      Jessie, you want to tell everybody about that? And then I took photos of Jessie laughing and put them in the Slack. Was that an HR violation?

    5. TB

      (laughs)

    6. MR

      Probably.

    7. TB

      Well, that's again a situation where I saw it and shared it in Slack and I'm thinking, "Oh, boy."

    8. MR

      (laughs)

    9. TB

      And I... (laughs) And then, and then before I could stop it, I saw it been posted already. I'm like... (laughs)

    10. MR

      Oh, on the stories. I put it in the stories.

    11. TB

      Oh, on the stories. Yeah, you put it in the stories. I was like... (sighs) .

    12. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    13. TS

      I can't say I've ever had

  10. 43:23 – 45:36

    Jessie could not stop laughing after I did this.

    1. TS

      a boss fart in front of me before.

    2. TB

      Is it the laugh, hysterically? I love-

    3. MR

      Well, you just, you just didn't know. They farted in front of you. They just hid it.

    4. TS

      That's true.

    5. TB

      (laughs)

    6. TS

      But you, you did the, like, lean on a cheek-

    7. MR

      (laughs)

    8. TS

      ... to make it known that, like, "This is coming. It's coming. It's coming."

    9. MR

      (laughs)

    10. TS

      And there was no time to run. We were stuck. And I, I can't help but laugh at farts. They're, they're great. (laughs) It was a memory that I will never forget, and you did it not once, but twice.

    11. TB

      (laughs)

    12. MR

      Well, you laughed for a minute straight, so-

    13. TS

      Oh, I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop. I couldn't... It was hilarious.

    14. MR

      She could, could not... Now, this is a woman, by the way, who's worked at NASCAR.

    15. TS

      (laughs)

    16. MR

      She's worked for the Baltimore Ravens. And you've never heard anyone at work fart?

    17. TS

      No.

    18. TB

      (laughs)

    19. TS

      Especially a female. No.

    20. MR

      Especially a female. (laughs) Let's do...

    21. AP

      How are their toes?

    22. TB

      (laughs)

    23. TS

      Farts and toes.

    24. MR

      Farts and toes, people.

    25. TS

      It, it made my day, so. But you didn't give a shit. You had to fart.

    26. MR

      Well, thank God I didn't give a shit-

    27. TS

      (laughs)

    28. MR

      ... 'cause then I wouldn't be able to wear those underwear again. (laughs)

    29. TB

      (laughs)

    30. TS

      (laughs)

  11. 45:36 – 52:25

    How can you give honest feedback and not sound like a jerk?

    1. TB

    2. MR

      What did I do? (laughs)

    3. TB

      (laughs) So we have-

    4. MR

      No, I'm serious. Like, what are you talk... 'Cause, well, tell everybody who is Dr. Amy Shaw.

    5. TB

      Okay.

    6. MR

      And what the hell did I do that is in this realm of walking what is clearly a fine line?

    7. TB

      Okay. So Dr. Amy Shaw was an expert that we had come on the podcast about hormones, eating habits, menopause. Great episodes that are, that came out of that interview. Um, and when she arrived, she definitely looked up to you a lot as a mentor, and when she sat down, you asked her, like you do with most guests, "What do you want me to call you?"

    8. MR

      Mm-hmm.

    9. TB

      Um, and at that moment she said, "Amy, just Amy." And she is a double board-certified doctor, uh, Ivy League degrees from Harvard and Columbia. Definitely has the expertise to go by Doctor. And you said, "I think that's a bad idea." And you said it in a very graceful way, but a very honest, and I don't really give a shit if you aren't going by Dr. Amy, you need to be going by Dr. Amy, and here's why. And I think that level of honesty, especially in a space where, I don't know, like, people are kind of walking on eggshells a lot about, you know, what are, what, "What do you want me to call you? What do you go by?" And you're very honest about what you think. And I think you do it in such an amazing way, that you're walking the line of being a dick, but you're not a dick, obviously. So giving a shit without being a dick I think is pretty much the hardest thing to master.

    10. MR

      How do you think... What d- what do you, what did you observe? Well, first of all, Cameron, thank you. And we have, I'm sure, that clip.

    11. TB

      Mm-hmm.

    12. MR

      So let's play that moment right now. Do you want me to call you Dr. Amy?

    13. AP

      No. Just Amy.

    14. MR

      But you are a doctor.

    15. AP

      Yeah, but not in... If I was your doctor, you could call me Dr. Amy. You don't need to call me (laughs) Dr. Amy if we're in a conversation.

    16. MR

      Okay.

    17. AP

      Yeah.

    18. MR

      Do you want me to call you Dr. Shaw?

    19. AP

      No.

    20. MR

      You sure?

    21. AP

      Amy. Yeah.

    22. MR

      Okay. Well, I'm gonna make sure that we, uh...

    23. AP

      (laughs)

    24. MR

      ... that we... I don't know. I might push back on that with you.

    25. AP

      Yeah?

    26. MR

      Maybe you should go by Dr. Amy.

    27. AP

      Okay.

    28. MR

      I don't know. What is the-

    29. AP

      Whatever you prefer.

    30. MR

      ... what is the poll saying?

  12. 52:25 – 57:59

    The wake-up moment for me around relationships.

    1. MR

      So since the topic is learning how to not give a shit, which is also the topic of learning how to give a shit about what matters-

    2. TB

      Mm-hmm.

    3. MR

      ... in relationships, I used to struggle all the time with like walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around issues, like seeing somebody in a bad relationship and not wanting to say anything 'cause she's really in love with him or whatever. Or seeing somebody getting walked all over at work and not wanting to say anything. And I used to not say things because I gave a shit about somebody being mad at me or disappointed or hurting their feelings, and I personally look back on that and say to myself, "You're a bad friend. You should have given a shit. You should have given a shit, Mel, so much so that you were willing to risk somebody being disappointed or mad with you, that you told them the truth, and you told them the truth because you cared about them and you needed somebody to tell them the truth." Have you ever been in that kind of situation? 'Cause you strike me, Cameron, so much as somebody that can, boom, just get right to the heart of something like that your mind is so like-

    4. TB

      Mm-hmm.

    5. MR

      ... powerful.

    6. TB

      Yeah, I feel like I've, I've always been the honest friend, but it definitely has been a line that I've walked, and sometimes I've crossed over it and I've come off as a dick. And I think that's, as I've reflected and gotten older, trying to find that balance of when can I not give a shit and really just like say it as it is? But when is it going to cross the line? And-

    7. MR

      Mm.

    8. TB

      ... there's been many moments where I feel like it's been necessary, and it's important to remember when you're, I feel like, Dr. Amy reacted in the perfect way. She was really honored that you were willing to give her that advice and take the time to kind of explain why you felt she should be going by a different title. But I feel like in a lot of those situations, it's normal you're gonna get someone that's defensive and that doesn't wanna hear it. So.

    9. MR

      My, uh, mom always used to say that difficult conversations are a lot like putting a time-released grenade in somebody's head. Like it might not explode when you're saying it. They get defensive, they argue against it, but eventually it'll click-

    10. TB

      Mm-hmm.

    11. MR

      ... and go off. Because if you're coming from, and I think that's the takeaway as you're listening to us, that you're not doing anybody any favors if you give a shit about disappointing people or upsetting people.... but you are being an incredible friend or family member or mentor or leader or colleague if you can really align with your values in wanting to support someone and wanting to tell the truth and you give a shit about that. And when you do that, I think you can manage your tone but you don't censor yourself, and that's the most important part. Yeah. Although I am picking up from this conversation, maybe when it comes to taking off my top in public, I should start- (laughs) . ... censoring myself there. Mm-hmm. Um, I really appreciate you guys sharing this because I feel like it's, it's a really fun way to have a deeper conversation about something that we have to navigate every single day. And, you know, I- I- I- I've often thought that it's really strange that there's one piece of feedback that I get all the time from our audience, all the time. And it's been happening for over a decade and it's always struck me as odd that people come up, and I can reduce it down to one word that people always compliment me for, and they always say, "Mel, I just love how real you are." And I would always say, "Well, thank you," and then I would walk away and think, "What the hell does that mean? What do you mean real? W- What do you mean real? Like what other, what other way could you be? Like I, of course I don't wanna be f- w- why, why would you comment I'm real? How do you know that I'm real?" And what I'm getting from this conversation is authenticity and this kind of being real, which is also I think a way of somebody saying you're relatable. It does really come down to giving a shit about what matters and not giving a shit about the things that don't, and that if you can start to use this conversation as a way to be r- be more thoughtful about, "Well what do I actually care about and where am I spending energy on things that I don't give a shit about?" It's a way for you to start to get closer to the core of who you are, authentically, because we do waste way too much time giving a shit about things that really don't matter, and they may have mattered in the past because you worked in a corporate setting and it was really buttoned up, or it may have mattered in the past when you lived at home with your parents and you were a child, but it doesn't matter now. And that brings me to the four things, like the how. How do you not give a shit? And these are just four random things that I just tried to distill down 'cause I wanna give you a takeaway.

  13. 57:59 – 1:16:57

    My four rules about how not to give a sh*t about stupid stuff.

    1. MR

      This shows you a little behind the scenes. It allows me to show you more of my personality and have a fun way of having you meet Cameron, one of our producers, and Jesse, who runs video, uh, and production here for the podcast, and Christine, our COO and CFO who did not want to be on camera and I'm proud of just like, "Fuck it, I don't give a shit. I'm just gonna jump on." (laughs) . "Even though this is out of my comfort zone." And Amy, who's, you know, one of our senior team members and producers here. Um, but I'm like, I gotta figure out like what, what, what's something you guys can grab onto? Okay. So the first one is, rule number one for how to stop giving a shit about things that don't matter. Rule number one, try giving a shit about everything and see how it feels. I- I'm dead serious about this. I know it sounds stupid, but why not worry about what shoes you're wearing? Worry about what everybody's thinking? Worrying, worrying about what your boss is doing. Worry about what's gonna happen next week. And then stop and ask yourself, is that working for you? Does it really work for you to lie abed at night and worry about what your friends are doing? Does it really work for you to scroll through social media and worry about the weight you've gained or worried about this? Does it really work for you to obsess about what outfit you're gonna put on seven different times before you leave the house? Does it really work for you to worry about the fact that your makeup is running and you just da da na na na na ne? Drop the mask. Like that's the point of this. Because if g- worrying about everything and giving a shit about all this stupid stuff actually worked, you'd be happier. You'd feel more secure. You'd have more time because you, uh, it would work. But it doesn't work. It is so liberating when you realize that, my God, I'm robbing my own energy and my own focus and my own confidence by worrying about so much shit that doesn't matter. Stop it. Stop it. And if you can't stop it, I would just goose it, man. I would step on the accelerator and I would worry about every damn thing and then ask yourself, "Is this really helping me?" Because it doesn't help you to put your hand on a hot stove. That's why you don't do it every day. That's rule number one. Rule number two. This kind of goes back to the stuff we talked about with CNN and kind of zooming out and visualizing who actually is criticizing people online. I mean, come on now. Let's show some empathy. So rule number two for me that has helped me really stop obsessing about what other people are thinking or other peoples' reactions is I've come to believe that almost everybody you meet is at about the emotional maturity of somewhere between eight and 12. I think that's where most people get stuck. Most peoples' disappointment is an eight-year-old throwing a tantrum. Most people being mad at you is about as long as when an 11-year-old is mad at you. And we conflate adults with adult maturity when it comes to their emotional reactions, and 99% of the population does not have it. And so if you can kind of imagine your boss as an eight-year-old, like I think about the guy that we were meeting with at, um, Audible. Great guy. I freaking love him. I hope we do a ton of business together. But I think about him as like a, like a cool kid, you know, who's playing games and video games and super innovative and super smart, and it allows me to just relate to him on that human level instead of trying to do that gamesmanship and bad boss and, "I'm gonna get the deal done. Uh." No.Think about everybody as between the emotional maturity of eight to 12, and you'll worry a lot less about how they react. Now, rule number three is incredibly important, and I want to thank my team for helping me distill this down, because I think this is super, super, super important. Rule number three is when it comes to not giving a shit, there is a time and a place for it, okay? And I'm going to take this even further. There is a time for really important standards and being rigid about following them, and a time to amplify your self-expression. And I'm going to give you a tool in just a minute for how you can really use this. In fact, no, I'm going to give you the tool now because I think it'll make more sense. Think about a seesaw, you know, that teeter-totter thing. It's a balance, and so in certain environments, like maybe when you go home, home still feels like the same operating procedures as when you were eight years old. And so maybe you've been really putting more weight on the side of the way things have always been, and you've really not been giving a shit about your self-expression. The opportunity here is to see where in your life you have stopped being you. You have started giving a shit about things that don't align with your value, that suffocate you, that make you feel like you can't be you. That is not a place that you should be. Those are not relationships you should be in. But you got to think about this kind of like a seesaw. Where in your life are things out of balance and you're starting to give a shit and putting weight into things that no longer align with you? And where can you bring things more into balance so that you can be yourself, you can be self-expressed, and you can do so without offending people around you, without, uh, you, uh, violating corporate HR policies? So, we were talking a lot about open-toed shoes, and if I were walking into JP Morgan to close a massive, uh, you know, e-learning, you know, corporate training deal, I probably would not have worn my Valentino espadrilles despite how much they cost. I probably would have worn something else, or at least I would have gotten a fucking manicure, okay? Why? Because there is a time and a place to be cavalier. Your job is a place to pay attention to standards. Why? Because they're paying you to do something. A job, I hope it's fun, I hope you're part of a culture and you have a sense of belonging and you feel appreciated, but the bottom line is, you're there because you're getting paid to do something, which means you should care more about the standards and the culture and the operating procedures than you might in your day-to-day life. Why? Because you are making an exchange for money. But I have one giant caveat when it comes to talking about standards in the workplace, and I want to take this opportunity to have a conversation with you about it, because it is incredibly important. It is very real. It's very real in work, it's very real in life, in general, and it impacts people's ability to be fully, authentically their truest selves. See, there are a lot of standards, especially in the workplace, where discrimination and bias is very real, and it impacts people's ability to be themselves. And as a white woman, I have the privilege of never having to deal with that. I'll give you an example. So I have a bunch of Black female friends who do not feel comfortable wearing their natural hair at work, and it's not just anecdotal. There is incredible research documenting this. So a recent study from Michigan State, for example, confirms that 80% of Black women feel that they need to switch their hairstyle in order to align with more conservative work standards. And a recent study from Duke has proven that Black women with natural hairstyles, like an afro or twists or braids, less likely to land a job interview than a white woman like me or a Black woman with straightened hair. I mean, that just makes me want to cry. And here I am talking about open-toed shoes and Black women have to worry about their hair and being who they are. That is so shitty, and that's why I wanted to take an opportunity and why I think it's so important to call out this type of bias, and that's why I'm doing it right now. So I want to acknowledge that whether it's your gender identity or your religion or your race or your sexual orientation or a disability that you have, I want to acknowledge that how you manage this balance that I'm talking about between self-expression and being your authentic full self and the very real bias and discrimination that exist in social and workplace norms, that is a deeply personal decision and balancing act that you got to make every single day. And it's easy for me to say, "Hey, hiding who you are is never okay," because it's true. I don't want you to ever hide who you are, but I just felt it was important that I acknowledge that it's easy to say, but it's not that easy to do. So let me kind of layer that into this rule number three that we're talking about, which is, there's a time and a place for self-expression. It is up to you to decide what you value most in any situation when you think about that seesaw between standards and societal or workplace norms versus your self-expression and you being you. But here's what I do know. I hope that you find the courage to choose your values and to choose being yourself.... as often as you can. And, that brings me to the fourth rule. The fourth rule for how to learn how to give a shit about what matters and not care about what doesn't. The fourth rule is, you go first. You go first. Every single human being that you encounter is trapped in some sort of rule they think they should be following. Everybody. And the rule, if you wanna start giving a shit about what really matters, is you go first. You be the one that shows up with Aspergillos. You be the one that says, "I'll pull on that spacesuit and climb into that thing." You be the one that brings the fun. And what I've found over and over and over again, and I think Christine, you'll, you'll be able to say, "Yep, it's true," is that by being willing to put the real me, especially the hideous me, the moments where I'm crying, the moments where my makeup is running, the moments where the dog has just barfed all over something, the moments where I've just left a gym class where I've pulled a calf muscle and I'm still panting, and my eyes are bloodshot, and my face is beet red, and I literally look at myself in the selfie and I say, "How does Christopher Robbins wake up next to this-"

    2. CM

      (laughs)

    3. MR

      ... "every single morning with a smile on his face? Because you, woman, are ugly." And then I hit play. My willingness to do that, my willingness to go first, to drop the mask, the filter, to just put it out there, it's liberating for people. I mean, people come up to me more often when I look like shit and I say, "Yeah, I'm happy to take a selfie." They're like, "Really?"

    4. CM

      (laughs)

    5. MR

      Like shocked that I would wanna actually take a selfie looking like that. And then somebody perfectly made's up like, "Well, let me fix my hair," and I'm like, "Are you kidding? Look at me. I look like a Labradoodle that just ran a marathon."

    6. CM

      (laughs)

    7. MR

      "I mean, give me a break. Get the selfie up here. Let's go. I'm gonna make a kissy face because my jaw-"

    8. CM

      (laughs)

    9. MR

      "... is frozen and it makes it look like I'm taking a shit when I try to smile." Um, but what do you see, Christine, in the you go first?

    10. CM

      In the you go first? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think it's something that really connects with people, uh, when they meet you, of just feeling like they're running into a friend that they, you know, have seen from afar. And I think that there's something very special about that and it's a true connection. And then, something I would just add as somebody who's known you for a long time, gosh, 18 years at this point-

    11. MR

      Wow.

    12. CM

      ... um, of you have always been exactly the same person. And so, it's weird that when we run into people and people are super excited to see you just because I've known you for so long-

    13. MR

      (laughs)

    14. CM

      ... but that it's, uh, uh, it's a sincere connection, for sure. And the other thing I would say is that I've never known you to make a negative comment about any o- one else's appearance, how anyone else is dressed. Like, you're not... You know, I don't think that's something that you process or are connected to. And I think it's because you've freed yourself of those constraints-

    15. MR

      Yeah.

    16. CM

      ... that it's, I don't even know that it's something that you notice. And I think that's quite admirable. And I think that's also something to share of like, once you stop caring about those things, you'll stop paying attention to them in other people too. And it makes it better for everyone.

    17. MR

      That's a huge, profound point because I've heard other people, Christine, make this point where they go, "You know, when other people judge you, it's about them. It's not about you," but I think you just illustrated why, because I don't ever critically judge what anybody else looks like or what they're wearing because, you're right, I don't judge myself for what I'm wearing. I mean, I can laugh at myself.

    18. CM

      Sure.

    19. MR

      I have humanity and humor about it, but I'm not actually very critical of myself. And I think if you can eradicate that in yourself, it's true, you don't actually criticize other people. It does begin with how you treat yourself and it go, and this also then reinforces what I'm saying about empathy. All those people that you're trying to as- to, to be friends with, that are competitive or they're like the, the high-end group or they're the fancy people and you feel that criticism, they're deeply critical of themselves and that's the circle that you're chasing. Like, you gotta get right with you. And it's, uh, it's an interesting topic how to not give a shit about, you know, stuff, because it sounds like a throwaway co- topic, but I think at the core of a great life, it's really one of the most important skills that you can, you can actually learn. Because what you're doing is you're really giving a shit about your values, and you're putting your attention and your mindset and your effort toward what you value, and you're spending less and less time and energy on things that you don't. I love that famous Nipsey Hussle quote, "If you look at the people in your circle and you don't get inspired, then you don't have a circle, you have a cage." And I'm gonna ex- I'm gonna add to that quote. If you look at the people in your circle and you can't be yourself, then you don't have a circle, you are in a cage. And you gotta be very careful about this because here's what I've realized over and over and over again in my own life. It's that my own behavior and my insecurities are almost always what put me and keep me in that cage. And that brings me to a final story I wanna share with you from last week. It's a story about our daughter, Kendall, and how insecurities can put you in a cage.If you follow me on social media, you're probably aware that our daughter graduated from USC last week and she was given the honor of singing the national anthem at the 140th commencement ceremonies for the University of Southern California. So, we were there. It was an unbelievable moment to watch our daughter sing the national anthem acapella in front of 20,000 fellow graduates and their families. So, we're talking at least 50,000 people there as she was singing. And one of the coolest things is as she was singing the national anthem and as the song starts to build, you hear the crowd getting louder and louder and you can also hear her just coming into the fullest, most authentic version of who she is. Just take a listen to this moment.

    20. TS

      Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light. What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight. And the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming? And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air. Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave. (cheers) O'er the land of the free. (cheers) And the home of the brave. (cheers)

    21. MR

      Ah. That moment will probably be one of those moments that flashes before my eyes on my deathbed, like a core memory. But that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is this. 24 hours after that moment, I asked her, "So Ken, what was the most surprising thing that's happened since you sang the national anthem yesterday?" And she said this. "I didn't realize that 99% of my friends have never heard me sing." I'm like, "What?" She said, "Yeah." She said, "Hearing me sing at graduation was the first time in four years of knowing me that they had ever heard my voice."

  14. 1:16:57 – 1:20:08

    Kendall revealed something to me that I still can’t believe.

    1. MR

      Now, keep in mind, she is a popular music major. For four years, she has been performing in college. And just stop and consider that 99% of her friends over the past four years have never heard her sing. Why? Because of her insecurities. See, she gave a shit about what people would think about her singing and if you look at her social media for the last four years, there was only one post on her Instagram account and that one post was of her singing, but that's it. Now, this is her deepest passion. Her standing before people and singing and sharing herself, this is the truest form of her self-expression, and yet she put herself in a cage because of her insecurities. That's so sad. And I know you're doing it too, that in some area of your life, you are so concerned about what other people might think that you're not sharing your full self. That's what it means to put yourself in a cage. Now here's the good news. The door to that cage? It's wide open and it always has been. I hope this episode has inspired you to open your wings and express yourself, your full self, because when you drop those insecurities and you stop caring so much about it and you allow yourself to just be you, you, my friend, will set yourself free. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you. I believe in you. I don't give a shit what you're wearing or what you look like. I believe in your ability to create a life that you love. Now, spread those wings and fly out of that cage and set yourself free. I'll talk to you in a few days. Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah.

Episode duration: 1:20:08

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