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5 Signs Of An Incompatible Relationship & 3 Signs You’ve Found “The One"

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — In this episode, you will learn the requirements of a good relationship – and the signs your relationship may not go the distance. If you’re wondering if someone is “the one” and you’re not sure if you should end things, you’ll get the answer today. And if you’re struggling through a rough patch in your relationship and want tools and tips on how to make it better, Mel is sharing that as well. Today, you’re getting the skills you need for any healthy romantic relationship. Whether you’re in the early stages of dating, committed for years, or simply curious about your compatibility, this episode will give you the tools to navigate love with confidence. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-239 Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 0:00 Introduction 6:56 This hard truth you need to face sooner than later 10:53 What compatibility really means—and how to find it—might surprise you 14:42 The 3 relationship mistakes you can turn into opportunities for growth. 20:45 Tried the big talk? Use this groundbreaking technique to move forward with ease 32:15 Ask this 5 times to uncover the heart of any relationship issue 36:35 Unlock the secret to inspiring change with behavioral psychology 45:00 This surprising stat will redefine what really matters in relationships 49:57 Is it just a difference of opinion or a dealbreaker? Know the signs 56:20 It’s decision time: ask these honest questions to move forward with confidence 58:33 The right choices often feel wrong—trust your gut 1:06:05 Is the fear of change keeping you from seeing the truth about your relationship? — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Mel Robbinshost
Dec 1, 20241h 14mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

How To Know They’re Not Your Person—and When They Are

  1. Mel Robbins explores how to tell if you’re in the right relationship, distinguishing normal doubts from deeper incompatibility and chronic dissatisfaction.
  2. She explains the difference between attraction and true compatibility, the danger of chasing a partner’s potential, and the importance of aligned values and long‑term life vision.
  3. Robbins introduces her “Let Them Theory” and the ABC Loop (Apologize & Ask, Back off, Compliment & model) as science-based tools to address recurring issues without trying to control or fix a partner.
  4. Ultimately, she urges listeners to honor their own needs, recognize dealbreakers, and either work collaboratively with a willing partner or find the courage to leave a relationship that isn’t right.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Differentiate normal doubt from a consistently bad dynamic.

Occasionally wondering, “Am I with the right person?” is normal; but if more than half your interactions are bickering, frustration, or feeling diminished, the relationship is fundamentally not right for you.

Stop chasing a partner’s potential and accept who they are.

Hoping someone will become the version you see in your head keeps you in a fantasy; people only change when they feel like it, so you must let them be who they are and decide if you can truly live with that.

Values and life vision must align for long‑term compatibility.

If you want kids and they don’t, or your dreams require sacrifices they refuse to make, staying means you’ll eventually resent them—and that’s on you for abandoning your own values and goals.

Don’t throw away the solid 80% to chase a shiny 20%.

Many people end relationships with fundamentally kind, loyal, growth‑oriented partners over superficial preferences (the “20%”) and later realize that the stable, ‘boring’ 80% was what truly mattered.

Use the ABC Loop instead of pressure to influence change.

First Apologize and Ask open-ended questions, then Back off and observe behavior without pressure, and finally Compliment any small progress while modeling the change yourself—this respects autonomy and reduces resistance.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Sometimes you can be with somebody great, and they’re just not great for you.

— Mel Robbins

People only change when they feel like it—you will never be able to change another human being.

— Mel Robbins

If you can’t stop complaining about the person you’re with, you’re not with the right person.

— Mel Robbins

Love is the 80%. Love is the ability to talk to your partner about what’s not working and have them lean in and try.

— Mel Robbins

The truth can’t kill anything that’s real.

— Mel Robbins

Normal relationship doubts vs. signs of real incompatibilityAttraction, compatibility, and the cost of misaligned valuesThree major mistakes: chasing potential, values mismatch, and the 80/20 trapThe Let Them Theory and why you can’t change other peopleThe ABC Loop communication method (Apologize & Ask, Back off, Compliment/model)Identifying dealbreakers and respecting your own dreams and needsUsing truth, not fear of being alone, to guide relationship decisions

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