The Mel Robbins Podcast8 Small Habits That Will Change Your Life: The Best Expert Advice I’m Using This Year
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
125 min read · 25,398 words- 0:00 – 6:27
Intro
- MRMel Robbins
(ticking clock) (upbeat music) There were 39 experts that we had on the Mel Robbins Podcast this year, many who made multiple appearances because you love them so much, and I thought long and hard about, "What were the most impactful and transformative pieces of advice that really changed my life?" And I have curated a list of eight. And so, that's what we're gonna do today. First up, let's talk about Dr. (upbeat music) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. So, I was in a yoga class the other day, and as I was heading out of the class looking like a hot and sweaty roasted tomato, and these two amazing women come up to me, Cathy and Teal. Huge shout-out to Cathy and Teal. You know who you are. And whenever anybody approaches me who is a fan of the podcast, I am so thrilled to know that these episodes that we are taping above my garage in Vermont, and in our studio, new studio in Boston are going around the world, and reaching you and helping you create a better life. Like, there is nothing that is more satisfying than knowing that all of this hard work is making a difference. And so, Cathy and Teal come up to me, and one of the things that I like to do, and you better be prepared for this if you see me out in the real world and you approach me, I'm gonna pull out my phone, and I'm gonna videotape, uh, when you come up because I have a question for you. What topic do you want me to cover? What experts do you want me to have on the show? And so, I was talking to Cathy and Teal, and I asked them what topics and experts they wanted to have on the show, and they told me, and then they asked me a question. And the question that they asked me was something I wasn't prepared for, and it's the first time since launching the show that anybody has asked me this question. Here's the question. It stumped me. Cathy said, "Mel, of all of the amazing experts that you have had on the Mel Robbins Podcast, who has made the biggest difference in your life?" And have you ever had one of those moments where somebody asks you a question and you know you should have the answer to it, and you start to think and your mind is like, (imitates buzzer) there is nothing there? I mean, the only thing that was in my brain in that moment was the steam from the hot yoga room. I could not even remember any expert that was on the Mel Robbins pod. I just went blank, blank, blank, blank. And I could've used Jim Kwik there, you know, our memory expert who we released an episode with (laughs) a couple days ago, at the moment, but holy smokes. I had nothing to say, and I was super embarrassed. I couldn't think of an expert, and I kept trying to go back in my mind and trying to go back into my mind, and everybody was just kind of like flooding my mind from, you know, our confidence expert, to anxiety, to narcissism, to all of the health experts that we've had on, and I couldn't summon up a name. I just couldn't do it. And the first thing that then all of a sudden (snaps fingers) popped in my mind as I looked at Cathy and Teal, and I said, "Uh, there were so many amazing experts on the Mel Robbins Podcast this year that coming up with just one is really hard to do, but I will tell you that there is one person who had a huge impact on my life, and this is gonna sound selfish because it's our 18-year-old son, Oakley. Oakley came on the podcast a lot this year and shared all kinds of deeply personal stuff, things that I never knew, and it really changed my relationship with him. I just absolutely loved having him on the podcast. I loved all the feedback we got about how what he shared really made a difference for your family," and so, that was what I said. And you know, if I'm being honest with you, I think the answer's kinda lame. So, I get in the car after hugging them goodbye, and I'm driving down the road, and I'm thinking, "Who was the expert? What, what were the experts?" And so, when I got home, I cracked open my laptop. I went to (laughs) the Mel Robbins Podcast page, and I started scanning through all of the episodes, and here's what I discovered. First of all, there were 39 experts that we had on the Mel Robbins Podcast this year, many who made multiple appearances because you love them so much, and I pored through all of the episodes, and I looked back through all of the, like, most popular moments on YouTube, and I thought long and hard about, "What were the most impactful and transformative pieces of advice that really changed my life?" And I have curated a list of eight, eight pieces of advice, and the reason why I'm gonna share these with you is not only because Teal and Cathy asked, but more importantly because when I really took the time to look back and reflect on what I learned this year from so many amazing people, I know that when I share these with you, it's gonna change your life too. And as you know, I am on a mission to simplify all this complicated stuff and information that's out in the world and tee it up to you in a way that makes it super entertaining and empowering and easy to apply to your life. And so, that's what we're gonna do today, the eight pieces of expert and science-supported research-backed advice that changed my life this year, and if you try them out, I guarantee you they're gonna change your life too. And so first up, let's talk about Dr. Amy Shah. She is the medical doctor that trained at Harvard, Cornell, and Columbia University. That is a triple Ivy League certification right there. She is also double board-certified immunologist and leading expert in women's hormonal health and nutrition, and I love her because every time she breaks down information, it is so clear. It is so entertaining. It is so applicable to my life. She appeared on the Mel Robbins Podcast-... four different times. That's how popular and smart and amazing she is. And one of the biggest differences that she made in my life is that because of what I learned from Dr. Amy Shaw, I have gone from
- 6:27 – 12:53
How to drink less coffee and still have more energy every morning
- MRMel Robbins
waking up in the morning and army-crawling my way to the coffee maker, and basically lip-locking that sucker and hydrating with a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, to waiting an hour before I have caffeine. I have gone from being a person that has four cups of coffee a day to just one cup of coffee a day. I do not crave it anymore. And it's all because of what she taught you and me about morning sunlight and the importance of getting morning sunlight, and a little something called adenosine. Hey, it's your friend Mel. Thank you for being here with me on YouTube. And before we get into the eight pieces of expert advice that truly changed my life and are going to change your life this year, I just want to ask you, please take a moment and subscribe, for real. 36% of the people that watch this channel are subscribers. That means almost 70% of you are not even subscribed to the channel. It really supports me and our team, and our ability to bring you amazing content for free if you simply hit the subscribe. That's all I'm asking. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And now, let's hit the eight pieces of advice that are going to change your life this year. (blows kiss)
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
So routines are excessively important-
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
... in terms of our mood and our, um, our body, our nutrition. So when you wake up in the morning, you want to get sunlight. I have a rule, when you wake up, go get sunlight first. Sky before screens.
- MRMel Robbins
Ooh, I love that.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
So sky before screens is how you should start your day. Your body is wired to see sunlight in the morning, even if it's a cloudy day. It just has to be bright light.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
Uh, you can just walk out, outside. For me, it's my backdoor, just walk out for a few minutes. It could be two to 10 minutes, you could do, um, for me, I'm usually just in my pajamas so I'm coming back in and getting ready for the day.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
So you don't want to have food or caffeine in the first 45 minutes of your day.
- MRMel Robbins
Why?
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
I'll tell you why. When you wake up, you feel groggy, right?
- MRMel Robbins
Yup.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
That grogginess is partially, mostly from adenosine in your brain.
- MRMel Robbins
Adenosine.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
Adenosine.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
And it clears out, as you know, within 30, 40 minutes-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
... it clears out. Then you have your coffee, then you eat your food. And the reason why is coffee, the way it works, it blocks our adenosine receptors. So that means that it doesn't help get rid of adenosine, it just blocks it from, from actually binding.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
So if you don't let that adenosine clear out and you just drink your coffee, when the coffee wears off in a couple of hours, that adenosine's still there-
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
... and it just binds those receptors and you feel excessively tired.
- MRMel Robbins
And that's why you think you need another cup of coffee.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
And then you're fully dependent, like the people that wake up and they need the coffee right then, and then they need it again at like 10:00, and then they need it again at 1:00. It's because you're not letting that adenosine-
- MRMel Robbins
Whoa.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
... go.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- UNDr. Uma Naidoo
You need to let that clear out.
- 12:53 – 15:34
The #1 way to stay in your best shape at any age
- MRMel Robbins
age, about longevity for your overall quality of life. And the way that she explained the importance of strength training and the importance of a protein-forward diet, especially if you want to live a really long and vibrant life, which I do. I- I- I am very interested not in putting a bikini on. I just want to age gracefully. I want to be able to take my suitcase and pick it up and put it in the overhead compartment. I want to be able to dance until I die. All things that are going to require me to make sure that I take care of the skeletal architecture of my body, which is your muscles. And so she gave us a very specific plan of exactly what to do to build muscle without becoming a bodybuilder, and she was particularly focused on how this relates to us women. Why is this so important for women specifically?
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
I think women have really gotten this constant narrative about, "Oh, you've hit menopause. Now you're going to have a menopausal belly, and you're going to gain about 30 pounds, and it's going to be, this is how it's going to be." That does not have to happen. There are ways in which you can manage your body composition through diet and training. Again, we are leveraging protein and food as medicine, and movement as medicine, rather than taking something external.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
I mean, I guess it would be technically external. But here's what I would tell and why it's so important for a menopausal/post-menopausal woman. There is a natural decline in these hormones, estrogen, progesterone. There's an, uh, imbalance of testosterone, which can affect body composition. But one of the ways it affects body composition is we move less.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
We are less active. The way to combat that is through very simply doing some kind of resistance training, which simply means, again, against an external load. It doesn't have to be complicated, and it's not necessarily as difficult as people think. I've- I've been seeing patients since 2006. I have seen a lot of midlife women, and I've seen a lot of success.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, what do we do? Dr. Gabrielle, I just heard... Did you hear that? That was women in 194 countries around the world turning up the dial. What do we do?
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
So, all these women in a million different countries, you've got your dial turned up, you're gonna make it so simple. This is legitimately fail-proof. You are going to have between 30 and 50 grams of protein at that first meal.
- MRMel Robbins
Got it.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
Then, if you are saying, "Well, Gabrielle,
- 15:34 – 24:06
How the way you eat can help you live longer
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
Doc G, I want to add some carbohydrates," I'm going to say, "You know what? Go right ahead." You're not going to have over 30 grams or so of carbohydrates for that first meal, 'cause we don't want to kind of skew this insulin and- and give you this robust response. Again, I'm giving broad generalizations.
- MRMel Robbins
Got it. Okay.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
Um, but, you know, we're just going to d- define it and design it so that people can execute right away.
- MRMel Robbins
Great.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
You can have a little bit of berries. You can mix it in water. You can mix it in almond juice or whatever it is that you want, something not major that is calorically dense. Okay, you've done that. You're doing great. I don't care if it's a whey protein shake. I don't care if it's Mel's pea protein shake. I care. I don't necessarily want it to be collagen, because collagen, while great for other things, is not great for muscle health. Okay? So-
- MRMel Robbins
Got it.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
... collagen is a different separate kind of protein. It is, it has, um, a protein score of what is considered zero. It's still great, but we're not gonna, we're not gonna put it in the categor- category of muscle health.
- MRMel Robbins
Thank you for saying that. Because I, here I am making my smoothie, and I'm adding the mushroom stuff for the hot flashes, and I'm adding the protein powder, and I don't even know if it's got the lupin thing in it. Then-
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
Oh, right.
- MRMel Robbins
... I put in the collagen, because A, I'm like hair and nails people, and two, I'm thinking that's another 10 to 20 grams of protein, so I can put that in the 50 protein column. What you're saying is, "Mel, that is good for your hair and nails, but when it comes to complex amino acids, that protein scores a big fat eh." So-
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
Correct.
- MRMel Robbins
... now I'm learning something. This is really good.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
Oh, you're like a pro, homie. You are a pro.
- MRMel Robbins
Thank you.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
Another meal, maybe you want some kind of smaller meal in the day. Maybe it has 20 grams of protein and 20 gram- grams of carbohydrates. What does that look like? That could be, uh, three eggs. It could be your chicken salad. You know, it could be whatever it is you want. I- I'm not so crazy about that one.
- MRMel Robbins
Got a lot of fear for that. Thank you.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
Yeah, you're welcome. The last meal, if you're having two larger meals and a smaller meal in the middle, your last meal is also important because you're getting ready to go into an overnight fast.
- MRMel Robbins
Got it. So now I'm doing my 30 to 50. I would have my protein shake or my hamburger with my salad or whatever else.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
The last meal of the day is between 30 and 50 grams of protein. You want your burger, you want your chicken, you want-
- MRMel Robbins
Easy.
- MHDr. Mary Claire Haver
... your salmon? Great. You have now nailed it. You will lose body fat by just addressing the dietary component of protein, which is mind-blowing. You will d- you will improve your body composition by changing your dietary protein for breakfast. By simply doing that, by swapping out your cereal, by adding in dietary protein, we have seen huge changes in body composition, simply by doing that. And also, by the way, some of this data was isocaloric, meaning people both had the same amount of calories. They were taking... They were both taking in 1,600 calories.... and the postmenopausal women, what one group did was change the first meal of the day to have an optimal protein, it was around 40 grams of protein, and then the second group had around, um, uh, I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was probably closer to 50 grams of carbohydrates and 13 grams of protein, which is what most women are doing now. And the body composition effects were negative for the carbohydrate group, versus the protein group, they lost weight. And again, calories were the same, so it was simply changing around the macronutrients.
- MRMel Robbins
I don't know about you, but I not only listened to that episode twice, and I'm the one that had the conversation with her, but I have watched the YouTube version of that conversation several times as well, and here's a really cool data point. So YouTube can tell you some of the most watched parts of any video that you upload on YouTube, and our YouTube channel is just YouTube.com/MelRobbins, and all the podcast episodes are out there, and they're searchable, and they're amazing. But when Dr. G was talking about the specifics related to protein and the fact that if you just were to change your diet, we're not talking restrict yourself of calories, don't wanna be doing that, just change the composition of the food that you're eating, and your entire body composition changes? That was one of the most watched moments and replayed moments on our YouTube channel, 'cause you were fascinated with it too. And so here's how I have felt empowered by this, because I've shared a lot about the fact that being 55 and going through menopause, my body is changing. My hormones are changing. There have been times that I've been extremely frustrated about what to do because everything that I've done my entire life, eat clean, exercise, cardio, all that stuff, be a positive person, it was not helping with my body composition, if you're picking up what I'm putting down. And so I have taken Dr. G's advice and I'm seeing a huge difference. All righty, that's Dr. G, the Science of Strength Training, and again, that entire episode is both on our YouTube channel, just Google, uh, Dr. Gabrielle Lyon and Mel Robbins and you'll find it, or you'll find it in the resources below if you wanna listen to it. Okay, next up, expert number three, KC Davis. Before we get to KC Davis, you know what we have to get to? We have to get to a word from our sponsors. Our sponsors are amazing. I love them, and they allow us to bring you all these incredible experts at zero cost. So tell you what, how about you take a listen to our amazing sponsors, and then when we return, I'm gonna tell you how a woman named KC Davis changed my life when it comes to laundry, and a little later you're gonna learn the pieces of advice about anxiety and dealing with narcissistic personalities that also were life-changing, so don't you dare go anywhere. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and do not skip this because I have something to give you for free, no kidding. Say goodbye to 2023, let's say hello to 2024 and make it the best year ever. I have a free 29-page workbook. I made this for you to thank you for being here on YouTube watching all of our videos, supporting our work. I'm gonna help you answer what you want in 2024, and then more importantly, you're gonna create a plan to go get it. Then I'll be here on YouTube motivating you every step of the way. You and me, baby, let's create the best year ever. Just click the link, boom, I'll take you to the page, you'll have this puppy in your hands in less than a minute and be right back here with YouTube for me to motivate you. (smacks lips) I love you. Let's do this. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel, and I'm so glad you're here because I'm going through the eight different pieces of expert advice, all supported by research and science, that truly changed my life this year, and I'm sharing them with you in case you missed one of them, because I know they're going to improve your life too. So next up, the third expert that changed my life is KC Davis. KC Davis is a bestselling author and therapist, and she's just one of those people that has a way of explaining something that instantly makes you feel better. She came on the show and had so much wisdom to share about how to deal with life when things feel overwhelming, and you know, sometimes that's all it takes, right? It just takes somebody to teach you how to look at something differently and all of a sudden (snaps fingers) your entire world changes. Holy smokes, KC Davis, she stepped in with relatable, hilarious, and most of all life-changing advice. This was one of your favorites as well. This blew up all over YouTube. What is the concept I'm talking about? I'm talking about the fact that laundry exists in a cycle. Check this out.
- KDKC Davis
Well, it's important to remember that care tasks are not binary states of done or not done. They are cycles.
- MRMel Robbins
What does that mean?
- KDKC Davis
So what that means is that we're used to going, "Are the dishes done or are they not done? Is the laundry-"
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- KDKC Davis
"... done or is it not done?" But in, in-
- MRMel Robbins
It's true.
- KDKC Davis
... your laundry exists in a cycle. You have-
- MRMel Robbins
It does.
- 24:06 – 32:54
How to stop stressing over the state of your home
- KDKC Davis
state of that cycle, Mel, is morally neutral. You're not a good person when it... they're all parked in the s-, you know, closet and a bad person when they're in the hamper. It's okay for any of it to be in that cycle, and you are not morally obligated to line up every care cycle in your home at the done state at the same time.
- MRMel Robbins
If you could see me...Right now, as you're listening to this podcast, you on YouTube, come on, my mouth is on the floor because KC Davis, (clapping) you just changed my fucking life with that reframe. Let me just give it back to you, 'cause I want you listening to really grab a hold of this. First of all, if you think about laundry, the machine has cycles (laughs) that you can pick from. And laundry, if you think about it like a never-ending cycle, just a never-ending cycle of things that go in the washer, things that go in the dryer, things that go back to the spots where they're gonna go, then they go back in the washer, (laughs) then they go back in the dryer. It's never a thing that gets done. It's always a cycle. The same thing is true with grocery shopping.
- KDKC Davis
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
You don't get grocery shopping done. You do it in a cycle. Same thing, this is freaking-
- KDKC Davis
The same thing is true with tidying. I mean, you, uh, my, my playroom, my living room, it's not clean or dirty. It's clean, perfect, just cleaned it. It's a few toys on the floor. It's a few toys and a few more on the floor. It's, and, and here's the key. In that cycle, there's a place where it reaches where it's not functional anymore, and that's where-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- KDKC Davis
... I wanna reset the cycle.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- KDKC Davis
But the, the key isn't how do I get everything done and keep it done and keep on top of it? The key is, how do I learn to turn all of these cycles at a pace where it's functional, where I can't, where I have clean clothes when I need them, clean dishes when I need them? I always say, like, when I decided to take on the laundry of my home, I signed up to make sure that my family always has clean clothes. I did not sign up to make sure they never have dirty ones.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, say that again.
- KDKC Davis
Same with the dishes.
- MRMel Robbins
Louder for the people in the back, KC. Say that again.
- KDKC Davis
I signed up to make sure that my family always has clean dishes to eat off of. I did not sign up to make sure they never have dirty ones.
- MRMel Robbins
And for the laundry, I signed up to make sure I have clean clothes and so do my families. I never signed up to make sure that there were never dirty clothes. Oh my God.
- KDKC Davis
And you, and you get to customize that cycle. Because if you're moving that cycle too fast, Mel, you're exhausted, you're perfectionistic, you're anxious, you can't sit down, you can't rest. Or if you're struggling in such a way where you're not moving those cycles fast enough, you don't have clean clothes, you, you can't function in your space, thing. So you just wanna get a pace that works for you, and you can customize those cycles. I don't fold my clothes, because that was the part that was st- sticking the cycle.
- MRMel Robbins
How so?
- KDKC Davis
So-
- MRMel Robbins
Like, why, what did you figure out about yourself? Because it's interesting that you say that, KC, because I could load a dishwasher full of dirty dishes all day long. I could load a washing machine, and I love stain stick in that stuff and shoving it in there, and, like, all the things. I, and, and I can even move it to the dryer. When the dryer beeps or the dishwasher is done, I have some kind of a trauma response to that, because I hate putting things away. Hate it.
- KDKC Davis
Yeah. It sucks.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- KDKC Davis
Can I make a guess on why?
- MRMel Robbins
Bring it on.
- KDKC Davis
Okay. Well, I'll tell you what it is for me, and we'll see what it is for you. The act of loading things, my brain naturally will do it in a pattern, right?
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- KDKC Davis
Like, if I'm loading up the dishwasher, it's like cups, cups, cups, cups, cups.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- KDKC Davis
Plates, plates, plates, plates, plates. And I'm putting it all in in this beautiful Tetris whatever, right?
- MRMel Robbins
(sighs)
- KDKC Davis
Same with laundry. It's going in, it's going in, it's going in, it's going in, and I'm dump, dump, dump, dump, shut.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- 32:54 – 38:32
The surprising theory that explains where your anxiety started
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
body, 'cause typically what happens with people with chronic anxiety, anxiety is normal. You know, anxiety over taxes, anxiety over your kids, that's normal, but if it's every day, if it's relentless, like, that kind of anxiety is abnormal. That typically comes from sort of unresolved stuff from your, from your childhood, and it's stuck in your body and in your mind to some extent. It's a, it's a bit of a... It's a tough call, because when you say anxiety's in your body, of course it's in your nervous system, which of course is your body and your mind. So, it's really finding that place of unresolved wounding, that, that trauma that still sits in you, because that's the engine of what's driving your thoughts. So, rather than thinking of anxiety as a thought-based process, it's actually a feeling-based process that's only kind of reflected by the mind. But we, we assume that it's the mind, because we're so fixated on the mind in our society. So, it's really a body-based issue, but we focus on the mind and we try to fix it through the mind, and that's why people are in therapy for 30 years and they're not getting a lot better.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) You know, I've spent the better part of my lifetime living with all of this unrest-
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
Me too.
- MRMel Robbins
... and unease and on-edgeness in my body, and I have tried for decades to make sense of it, to calm it, to soothe it, to heal it through my mind. And it is a revelation to realize, whoa, it really starts with thinking about the body. How do you know if what you're experiencing in your life right now is anxiety versus just day-to-day stress versus overwhelm?
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
I think if it's chronic, like if you're looking at your life, if you wake up in the morning and you're going, "Oh my God, I've got this, this, this, and this," which you've talked about before on the podcast, like waking up with this sense of dread, that's a sign that things aren't quite right. I think that we just... We live in our minds. We live in our bodies.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
This just becomes normal. And unless it rises above this kind of critical mass where we're, like, uncomfortable almost all the time, then we think, "Well, there's something going on." And now with Instagram, with all this stuff, like everything's trauma now. Everything's trauma. And I- I- I watched your episode about healing childhood trauma, and I really want to dive into that as well, 'cause it's so important. Because the quick, the quick version is, you probably had trauma as a child that was unresolvable for you as a child. Now, what happens is when we get trauma as children, we blame ourselves. There's a great saying that says if you abuse, neglect, or abandon a child, the child doesn't stop loving the parent, they stop loving themselves. And then that-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
... starts the split. And when we... And then we start judging, abandoning, blaming, and shaming ourselves from that point forward. And that split causes this sense of alarm that gets lodged in our body. And then because we don't want to feel that alarm in our body, we go up into our heads, which is the only place that a child can go, 'cause they have no... They're pretty powerless in their, in their environment, and they overthink.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
And that's a temporary escape. And then we train ourselves as children to overthink, because that's the only safe place is in our minds. And then when we get older, go through a couple divorces, you know, you get in a car accident, whatever, that stuff tends to come right back up again. So, that's really the basis of, of where this global anxiety kind of comes from in people, is it's this unresolved trauma, and your parents love you, and you've got, you know, a supportive family, and you're attuned and connected and, quote-unquote, "securely attached," you can go through traumas like we all do in childhood, and they won't impact your nervous system to create this permanent change, or...N, I, I don't like using the word permanent, 'cause it makes it feel like it's hopeless, but it creates a permanent change in your nervous s-... And trauma is anything that changes your nervous system, that sticks your nervous system in a pattern that doesn't allow you to get out of that trauma, and then we just get into this loop where this alarm in our body, we make sense of it by making horrible thoughts in our mind, warnings, what ifs, worst case scenarios, which of course makes the alarm of the body worse, which of course makes the, the thoughts worse, and we get caught in this alarm anxiety cycle, and we... Unless we see it, we can't get out of it.
- MRMel Robbins
He's so right. And learning this has changed the entire way I approach my lifelong relationship with anxiety. And calling an alarm, this is a big change. It doesn't sound so scary when you say it's an alarm. When you say, "It's an anxiety," it, like, makes it feel really big, right? When you say, "Oh, this is an alarm," I feel separate from myself. I s- feel separate from other people. I feel separate from my power. Now you know what to do, but let me tell you something. That was just part one of why this was such a game changer. What really drove the transformation in my own life home is realizing that this alarm is also present in moments where you're blocking love. That's why you feel separate from yourself. You're actually blocking other people from loving you. You are blocking letting love in from yourself, and this was so something that you loved hearing from him too. Check this out.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
The reason why you're anxious in the first place is because you block love. So, when you say, "I love you-"
- MRMel Robbins
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
The reason why you're anxious is because you block love?
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
Or yourself, yes.
- MRMel Robbins
What?
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
You're separated from yourself. That's exactly what it comes down to. That's what anxiety or alarm really is. It's a separation, and this is what I do. This is my little... We didn't get into my little intuitive thing here, but-
- MRMel Robbins
We're going to in a minute. Hold on. I think I got it, that literally
- 38:32 – 43:21
How to heal anxiety in your body
- MRMel Robbins
your alarm is asking for love and reassurance.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
Absolutely.
- MRMel Robbins
And when you go into your head, you block yourself from receiving it.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
Yes, and you block it now.
- MRMel Robbins
When you go into your body, and you breathe into the alarm and soothe yourself, you are actually giving yourself love.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Holy shit.
- RKDr. Russell Kennedy
And a lot of people with anxiety just... They're, they're uncomfortable with love in the first place. I'll give you a very quick example from my own life. So, my dad, before I was ten years old, was this wonderful guy. Like, he was so, uh, you know, connected to me and nurturing, taught me how to hit a ball, play chess, all this kind of stuff, very, very connected to him, and I loved him greatly. And then as I got to be a young teen and his schizophrenia got worse and worse and worse, and it became suicidal and a bunch of other things, I withdrew from him because to see him in, in, in horrible depression was just too painful for me. So I blocked my love for him because it was just too painful to feel it, and that... You can't block love from a parent without blocking love, on some level, to everyone. So, so this is one of the things. So when you find the blocks that you have to loving yourself, this is how you heal, and this is basically my little intuitive gift is I can tell people where their blocks are to loving themselves, and then when you remove those blocks, the anxiety, the alarm just kind of fades away. So, this is... This is really g- going at the root cause protocol, as opposed to just trying to make you think better.
- MRMel Robbins
It makes so much sense, and I don't know if it's his voice or his wisdom or just how clear the takeaway is, but I feel so empowered listening to him, and I love sharing this with you. And again, you can find these YouTube episodes. Uh, just Google Dr. Kennedy and Mel Robbins. You'll find them on our YouTube channel. We've linked all three episodes that he has appeared in in the resources below. Coming up, we have a whole casserole of big topics, and let's talk about diversity of things that we talked about this year together. (laughs) We're gonna go to narcissism, and then we're gonna talk about clutter, and then we're gonna talk about dreams. Stay with us. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and do not skip this because I have something to give you for free. No kidding. Say goodbye to 2023. Let's say hello to 2024 and make it the best year ever. I have a free 29-page workbook. I made this for you to thank you for being here on YouTube, watching all of our videos, supporting our work. I'm gonna help you answer what you want in 2024, and then, more importantly, you're gonna create a plan to go get it. Then I'll be here on YouTube motivating you every step of the way. You and me, baby. Let's create the best year ever. Just click the link. Boom, I'll take you to the page. You'll have this puppy in your hands in less than a minute and be right back here with YouTube for me to motivate you. (clicks tongue) I love you. Let's do this. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel. I'm so thrilled that you are here with me because I'm walking through the expert advice, in fact, eight pieces of expert advice from some of the most amazing people that appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast this year, and I'm sharing them with you because these are not only the things that I put to use in my own life, and I see a huge difference, but I know based on your comments and based on the popularity of these episodes that these are the pieces of advice that changed your life too. And the fifth expert that changed my life this year is Dr. Romney. Now, I've known Dr. Romney for a long time, and she never ceases to amaze me. She appeared on the show several times, and she's one of the world's leading experts on narcissism, and I have shared very openly that there is somebody in my life that I am not naming who absolutely struggles with narcissistic tendencies. We, of course, learned from our experts on the show that narcissists don't get diagnosed because they don't think that there's a problem with them, and so one huge insight that has profoundly changed my life is the medical fact that narcissists do not change. They cannot change, so do not expect them to. If you are in-... a clinical setting and you are working with a narcissist who is self-motivated to try to change-
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... how much can they change?
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
That's a great question. So, I've, I've worked with many clients like this. You're going to get, the best we can hope for is a little bit more accountability. They'll still have rage, but they might catch it and apologize a little bit more. They are still going to roll their eyes when they don't want to listen to someone, but they'll maybe do it less.
- 43:21 – 48:42
Understanding a narcissist and how to heal from one
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
Um, they'll huff and puff when they're made to wait in the line at the airport, but they won't scream at the gate agent. You can get them to sprint through some stuff, but they're never going to be marathoners. They're still going to drop the ball a lot.
- MRMel Robbins
One of the other things that I've learned from you is that the damage that a narcissist-
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... does.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
Understanding you're not to blame, under- it's almost like a person is going to be less frustrated by their car breaking down if they know how their car works, right? So now-
- MRMel Robbins
Yup.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
... you're like, "Oh, this mechanic's taking advantage of me." I'm like, "Nah, now you know how to change your own carburetor." Like, I'm teaching you how to, to, to fix this thing.
- MRMel Robbins
Got it.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
Okay? And the fix is not in them, it's in you.
- MRMel Robbins
So, Dr. Ramani, you have really helped me because there were kind of some major takeaways that I've learned from you. One being that you don't change the weather in Chicago, you're not changing the behavior of a narcissist or the brain of one, period. Second, that narcissists are made during childhood. They're not necessarily born that way.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
They're not. They're definitely not born that way.
- MRMel Robbins
The third thing is that if it's truly somebody with a narcissistic personality, they don't even know they're doing it. It's not like it is a conscious behavior.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
No.
- MRMel Robbins
It is so ingrained in, in how they behave that it's a, like a reaction to situations.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
Correct, but this takes... This is an important flip I need to make on that, 'cause people say, "Well, if they don't know, then I can't be mad at them." To which I say, "Yes, you can." Multiple things can be true.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
And nowhere is that more true than in a narcissistic relationship. This person had a tough childhood. Yup. This person invalidates me every day. Yup. We have kids together. Yup. They're not going to stop doing this. Yup. You see what I'm saying? Like-
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
... all those things can be true at the same time.
- MRMel Robbins
What is the most important truth for somebody that is listening right now who realizes, "Oh my God, I'm in a relationship with a narcissist"? What is the most important truth that you want that person to start to think about and embrace?
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
This is not your fault. You're not responsible for somebody else's behavior. You're not. You are not responsible for the, "Well, they're reacting to me." No, they're reacting, and there's other ways to react. So, they could, they could calmly say to you, "I, I don't like how you're talking to me and I need a minute." Can teach them those things, they can go to therapy and learn that, but they feel entitled to their reactions.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
They feel entitled to their rage. "This is how I react. I, this is who I am."
- MRMel Robbins
I found that conversation to be so empowering. You know how sometimes somebody may have said something to you over and over again, but you're just ready to hear it? There's something about the way that Dr. Ramani explains this that it just went click. "This is not my fault." And, you know, while we're on the topic, the sixth expert that really changed my life, again, it was another expert that we had on narcissism. Her name was Rebecca Zung. You guys loved her, and one of the reasons why she was so interesting is, unlike Dr. Ramani, who is a clinical psychologist, who is one of the world's leading specialists on the psychology of narcissism, Rebecca Zung is a lawyer, and she has studied narcissism from a completely different perspective, which is, "If I'm going into court as one of the top litigation attorneys in the United States and I'm up against a narcissist, or heaven forbid, my client's a narcissist, how as a lawyer do I negotiate and win? How as a lawyer do I go in with my eyes wide open, knowing who I'm dealing with and I have a strategy?" And so, I loved this conversation, because once Dr. Ramani taught me, "Okay, a narcissist isn't made, they're born that way," well, then Rebecca Zung walks in and she passes us the baton and is like, "And here's your strategy, ladies and gentlemen. This is what you're going to do." And what you loved and what I loved, because this is what I love the most about the Mel Robbins podcast and what we're trying to do here, is how do we take this expert advice and turn it into tactics? Give me the scripts. Give me the tools. Yes, explain the science, explain the research. Let me know that I can trust what you're telling me, but then by God, tell me what to do. And Rebecca Zung, she showed up with phrases, "These are the phrases that you're going to use whenever you are dealing with somebody who's narcissistic." You have these essential phrases-
- NTNedra Glover Tawwab
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... that you coach people to use to disarm a narcissist and observe the tantrum, acknowledge it, but not let it hit you. Can you share a bunch of those phrases that you coach people to use?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
Yes. You can say things like, "I agree with you." "I, I agree with you that we're not going to agree." "I agree with you that that's your opinion." "I agree with you" is always a good one, because they kind of hear, "I agree with you," but just make sure that you follow it up with, "I agree that that's your opinion." If you're, if they're saying things like, you know, "You're a terrible mother," or whatever, you just make sure that, "I agree that that's your opinion." "Your triggers are not my responsibility." You can always make sure to remove yourself from a situation where you're not being respected.
- 48:42 – 58:57
How to negotiate with a narcissist (and get what you want)
- MRMel Robbins
I love these phrases. Do you have any coaching for the fact that I think most people are afraid to say that, because they're then going to invite narcissistic rage?What would you advise somebody to do that is just starting to practice these boundaries and create boundaries and not run away from the situation?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
If they feel like they are going to be in harm's way in some way, then they really may need to remove themselves from the s- same physical space.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
You know, there's a saying that says that, you know, if, if you don't want to be a doormat anymore, get up off the floor. And, you know, you train people, you condition people on how to treat you and, and that's... I mean, it may sound harsh but it is the absolute truth, and narcissists are the, the best ones for that. That... And that that's just the tru- the truth of the matter.
- MRMel Robbins
So if they don't change and somebody's either unwilling or too scared to leave right now, how can you truly negotiate with somebody like that?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
Well, you can because i- what I teach works.
- MRMel Robbins
Rebecca, I just have to say, I love the swagger. You're referring to your SLAY method, and SLAY is a four-part framework that you follow in the courtroom and in life for dealing with, negotiating with, and winning against a narcissist. Can you explain what SLAY stands for?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
SLAY stands for strategy, leverage, anticipate, and you.
- MRMel Robbins
So let's start with the first one, S. What does it stand for?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
S stands for developing a super strong strategy, which is... The first part of that is creating a vision. If you're just trying to communicate in general, if you're just trying to figure out what to do with them, if, if you're in a family situation, if you're just trying to, you know, figure out how to, um, deal with them in life, if it's your neighbor, if it's, if it's your tenant, what is it that you want? So many times people are like, "Ugh, I just want them to stop," or, "I just want peace."
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
That's not... That's not a, a, a, a goal. What you w- you wanna be specific about what you want.
- MRMel Robbins
Beautiful. L stands for leverage. What does that mean?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
So leverage is w- where you're actually creating that motivation for the person to want to come to a resolution with you. There are times where you could potentially, what I, what I call, you know, fluff for favor, vomit later, you know? So where you're- (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs) Fluff for favor, vomit later?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
Yes. Where you sort of fluff up their ego in order to get something, you know, give s- give them something they want in order to get something you want, um, you know, because they-
- MRMel Robbins
I do this all the time with someone in my life actually-
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... now that I'm realizing (laughs) I, I have, I have really developed this strategy. I do deploy a strategy, I'm realizing, as you're talking, to feed a particular person's ego that they are getting their way, that they are the most important person in the room, and I do that as a manipulation strategy so that I can get what I want.
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
Exactly. Just as long as you know that you're only doing it in order to get, you know, what you want. But, you know, what you kind of have to do is use your documentation. They are very irrational, they... As we talked about at the beginning of this show, how many times their memory is faulty or whatever, and... But if you keep track, that's how you create your leverage in a negotiation. And you say, "Hey, um, you said this, you said this, you said this. I am going to present this in court." I call it ethically manipulating the manipulator. You can call it whatever you want. Many times empaths are uncomfortable with that sort of thing. You have to be on the offensive when you are dealing with a narcissist. It's not doing anything other than what works. If you want to come to a resolution and you want them to stop jerking you around and you want them to leave you alone, this is what you have to do, because they're never gonna leave you alone. They're never going to stop. You know, I... So many people come to me and they say, "Oh, we're still in court. It's five years later. They won't leave me alone." And I say, "Well, then you haven't figured out what your leverage is yet."
- MRMel Robbins
So now that we understand the strategy and the leverage, A comes next, and you say, "Rebecca, you and I gotta be able to be two steps ahead always. You gotta anticipate." Can you teach us what you mean by that?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
So A is where you can actually figure out the type of narcissist that you're dealing with, because they will all act a little differently in negotiations. And so a, a covert narcissist is much more likely to use the flying monkeys and pretend like they're the nice one, and, "I'm the victim," and, you know, "Oh, poor me," and all of that. Covert narcissists are gonna be the first one if, if somebody has cancer to show up with the basket and be right at their side in the hospital and, you know, that sort of thing, but smearing everybody on the side, you know? So, you know, you just have to be careful of who you're dealing with. And then, um, the anticipation is that also that knowing that they're going to try to bait you. I always say they go fishing. They go (imitates line casting) and then they, they reel you in like this, and then once they have you, you're in the mud and you're down there.
- MRMel Robbins
That makes a lot of sense. So, what's the final part of the four-part SLAY framework?
- NLDr. Nicole LePera
The Y, which is you, which is you standing in your authentic power. For you on the offensive, and then also your mindset, because 100% of winning is your mindset, and if you don't believe you can win, nobody can help you. O- o- once you get on the other side of it, and you stand up to them, and you, you grab th- that power, the freedom that you feel, the feeling that you feel is actually beyond better than anything else. That's the, th- the beautiful thing. You, and you alone, define your value. You can win.
- MRMel Robbins
And I will tell you something. Over the holidays, I used Rebecca's advice. I went in with my eyes wide open. I anticipated what was gonna happen. I knew exactly what I needed to do, and I didn't take the bait. So, I'm proud of myself, and I'm gonna be very proud of you when you take Rebecca Zung's advice and you start using these tools and strategies with the difficult people and personalities in your life. It's so helpful. The seventh piece of advice and expert that changed my life this year was Dana K. White. And one of the things that I loved about Dana K. White is that she just made you realize you're not alone in your struggles, and if that's one big takeaway from this year, over and over and over again, you're not alone. And one thing that I have struggled with profoundly, and I still do from time to time, is clutter. And, you know, I kind of put this almost in the same epiphany, uh, bucket as laundry. Like, I used to struggle with laundry 'cause I was looking at it the wrong way. Laundry, I thought, was something that had to be done, had to be perfect, but as we now know, no, no, no, it's a cycle. Well, thanks to bestselling author and organization expert Dana K. White, I have changed the way I see clutter. Dana K. White is gonna set the record straight, everybody, 'cause there's a big difference, apparently, between organizing, which is what I was doing, and decluttering, which is what y'all need to do. Okay, so what is the difference between decluttering and organizing, if you had to boil it down?
- KDKC Davis
In my mind, it was bins and boxes-
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- KDKC Davis
... and, uh, systems-
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- KDKC Davis
... and all these things that I would look at wh- which is what you're talking about when you look at those images on Instagram of the color-coded things and all that.
- 58:57 – 1:03:03
The powerful difference between decluttering and organizing
- KDKC Davis
control? So, if a space is continually getting out of control, get rid of more stuff. Oh, it's still getting out of control? Get rid of more stuff. Get rid... Until you realize, at some point This is what happened to me, is I was like, "Wait a minute, I can do this. Like, I can keep this under control." And that's where I realized there's this point, this level of stuff that I can handle.
- MRMel Robbins
You are a genius.
- KDKC Davis
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
How do you know what your clutter threshold is? Like, how, what is the test?
- KDKC Davis
I hate to tell you this-
- MRMel Robbins
Uh-oh.
- KDKC Davis
... but there is literally no way to know other than to declutter. There's not a, there's not a quiz that you can take. Uh, you can just know, "If my house feels overwhelming, I'm over my clutter threshold. If my house is consistently getting out of control and I feel bewildered by that, then I'm over my clutter threshold." So, declutter. The only way to find your clutter threshold is to declutter.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, my God.
- KDKC Davis
And then, let me just say, the less stuff you have, the less stuff that can pile, right?
- MRMel Robbins
Yup, she's right. Don't you love those moments where somebody just cuts through the baloney, and you're like, "You know what? You're right." And I am also gonna admit something to you. This has changed my life so much because it's something that you can do every day. You can pick up one thing in your hand and walk it to a different room. And here's what I also think is important to say. It's not gonna make you perfect. It makes you feel empowered, because when you start to realize, "Oh, there I am, I've got more stuff again," you can use the process over and over and over again. So, getting rid of things, tidying up is a lifestyle. It is not only changing my life, it has become a way of life. All right, and finally, number eight, the expert that changed our lives this year, Jamie Kern Lima.My friend, Jamie Kern Lima, who you heard her incredible story of going from a Denny's waitress who struggled with rosacea to creating her own foundation, you know, skin makeup line, and turning it into a billion-dollar company called IT Cosmetics that she sold to L'Oreal. It was such an extraordinary story. At the heart of the story is learning that you need to believe it. Believe in your dreams, believe in yourself. And I'll tell you, based on the popularity of this episode and the sections that you guys watched over and over and over on our YouTube channel, this particular moment really stood out for you.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
So, let's go to that moment, Jamie. You're three years in.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
You've burned through the money.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
You have been told no by everybody, and even though you have leveraged all of the steps that were ordered along the way, and like an amazing Denny's waitress, you can talk to anybody-
- JLJamie Kern Lima
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... you can hustle, you can figure it out-
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... you have nothing but closed doors in front of you-
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... and a ton of product and no money.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
What is the turning point?
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Why did you not give up?
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yeah. So, two big things happened. The first, uh, was in the form of a crazy painful rejection. So, I thought no. Um, so we got a call from a big potential investor.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
And very famous for launching all these sort of unknown brands and making them big products we all buy in grocery stores, and, you know, and I thought... And they'd gotten ahold of our product. And I thought, like, "Oh, if they invest, then, A, I'm not gonna go bankrupt. B, like, they could... We can leverage their, their, their clout to get in these stores that keep telling me no."
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- 1:03:03 – 1:06:34
How to find your purpose
- JLJamie Kern Lima
meeting, uh, and, and we... it got down to the final meeting with this huge investment firm, and, uh, it was in person. My husband had actually flew to the meeting, and the head guy was about three feet from me.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
And his whole team was there, who was awesome. I had just presented our whole future product pipeline, and he says, you know, "You should be so proud of this product you're created, you've created. It's really, really good, uh, but it's a no. We're gonna pass on investing in IT Cosmetics." And I was like, "Okay. Can you tell me why?" Because I'm so used to hearing no, and I was-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
... like, "Okay," even though really I was devastated, but-
- MRMel Robbins
Well, yeah, 'cause they just led you on, and you just went through it, and this was supposed to be the meeting where they're like, "Let's do this."
- JLJamie Kern Lima
And I was so hopeful, and I was so desperate.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
And he got very quiet, and he says to me, "Do you want me to be, uh, really honest with you?" And I said, "Yes, please." And he got really quiet, and he's like three feet from me in person, and he says, "I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight." And this is why it was such a big moment for me. When he said that to me, first of all, a lifetime of body doubt and self-doubt, like fi- m- remember it flooding my body all at once. When I looked at him, I actually felt no anger toward him. I felt like I was almost, like, staring my own fear, um, straight in the eye. But when he said those words to me, I felt this feeling in my gut, like I can remember it like it was yesterday, this, like, strong feeling that said, "He's wrong." Like, I felt it, right? And I didn't know how I was gonna prove it, but I felt that feeling. And what I realized later when I look back at that moment, this guy, this dude gave me a no, but God gave me a knowing in that moment. In that moment. And I believe every one of us has had someone tell us we're not the right fit, or no, or you don't have what it takes. Sometimes we're the ones telling ourselves that.
- MRMel Robbins
I don't love you anymore.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
Yes. Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
That right there is the billion-dollar piece of advice. In life, you can either listen to the no, or you can listen to the knowing. The knowing is something deep within your heart. It's a moment of courage. And I also know that that moment where she was told no in a really insulting way by that investor, that fired you up. You were mad. You were like, "He did not have to say that like that." I read your comments. Well, that's why you loved how the story ended, because that wasn't the last time that she met with that investor. In fact, I always believe that if you just put your head down, you trust in the knowing, you keep chipping away at it, eventually everything turns out exactly how it's supposed to, and people usually get what's coming to them. Check this out. So, have you ever seen that investor since (laughs) ?
- JLJamie Kern Lima
(laughs) I have not seen him. Uh, the day that we-
- MRMel Robbins
Of course I asked the petty question. I'm like, "Have you ever, like, seen him to, like, twist the little knife in there?" Okay.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
So, so, uh, I heard from him one time-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
... ever again, and it was six years later, the day that L'Oreal announced the deal. So, because they're a public company, they announced, um, you know, that they had acquired IT Cosmetics, made me the first woman to hold a CEO title of a brand in their 107-year history.
- MRMel Robbins
You were the trailblazer there too.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
So, all of a sudden it was homepage of Wall Street Journal, the press everywhere, and that was the first time and only time since that I heard from that potential investor.
- MRMel Robbins
And what did he say?
- 1:06:34 – 1:10:11
Why you shouldn’t give up on your dreams, according to a Denny’s waitress-turned-billionaire
- MRMel Robbins
- JLJamie Kern Lima
He said, "Congratulations on the L'Oreal deal. I was wrong," is what he said-
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- JLJamie Kern Lima
... and wished me the best of luck, and, uh, uh, so-
- MRMel Robbins
That's a big deal to admit you're wrong (laughs) .
- JLJamie Kern Lima
I could give you 1.2 billion reasons why it was a huge mistake, um, but I didn't. I wouldn't have wanted to be him in that situation, you know? We probably would've been one of the most successful investments in his firm's history, you know? And so, listen, it wasn't, uh... Reject- I always say rejection is God's protection.
- MRMel Robbins
It's also a gigantic redirection, right? I love that. Rejection is protection.... because it redirects you away from what's not meant for you. I just love that story, I love Jamie Kern Lima, and you know what else? I love you. Thank you for tuning in, for sharing, for the hours you spent listening, for the number of times you talked about this podcast or you told other people about it, or you shared something that you learned. You have made our little weekly conversations the number five most followed podcast of the year, and I am so humbled to be your friend, and I am so honored to be able to talk to you twice a week every week, and do this thing called life together. And you wanna know what? You and I are just getting started. So, tell me what your favorite thing was, tell me what topics you want us to cover in the year ahead, tell me how these eight pieces of expert advice are changing your life, and in case no one else tells you, let me be the one to tell you, I love you. I really, really love you. (instrumental music plays) That's why I show up, that's why I work so hard on this, that's why we are here every Monday and every Thursday. I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. Alrighty, I'll talk to you in a few days. Hey, it's Mel, and I didn't really feel like doing bloopers because I'm feeling very inspired by Jamie's message that you are worthy. You're not only worthy of love and of happiness, but you are worthy of living an amazing life, and I want to help you. I want to help you beyond this podcast, and here's how I'm going to do that. I took the time with my team to create a beautiful, amazing workbook for you that will guide you through the science-backed questions you need to ask yourself, step-by-step so that you can figure out what you actually want and make a plan to go achieve it. I'm serious about this. This free workbook is waiting for you at melrobbins.com/bestyear. When you go to that melrobbins.com/bestyear, you're gonna find a website where I have a video message waiting for you, you're gonna find the workbook and how you can download it and get a copy emailed to you. And when you receive this workbook, I'm gonna tell you what, you're gonna realize, "Wow, Mel Robbins does believe in me." And when you start to answer the questions and go through the exercises, you're gonna realize something even more powerful, "Huh, I actually believe in me too." So go to melrobbins.com/bestyear and let me help you create one of the best years of your life, because you know what? You're worth it. And YouTube, thank you, thank you, thank you for being here, um, thank you for sharing episodes, and by the way, if you're not subscribed, do you realize 70% of the people that watch my channel do not subscribe to it? Please, please, please just take a moment give back a little, hit the subscribe button. It really makes a huge difference for a small show like ours and allows us to bring you more amazing stuff. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And if you loved all of this, you need a pep talk. So check this out.
Episode duration: 1:10:11
Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript
Transcript of episode k9Le6xJ_iQM
Get more out of YouTube videos.
High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.
Add to Chrome