Feel Better Fast: The 5 Things That Shift Your Mood Instantly

1. 0:00 – 3:14

   Introduction

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      Today, on The Mel Robbins Podcast, five simple things that shift your mood instantly and make you feel better now. Okay, before we jump into this extraordinary episode, my team was showing me something that brought up a lot of emotion. 58% of you who watch The Mel Robbins Podcast here on YouTube are not subscribers. It would make me feel so supported, seen, and grateful if you would subscribe. If that subscribe button is lit up, it means you're not a subscriber. Will you help me achieve my goal of getting that number to 50%? It's free. That way you're not gonna miss a thing, and most importantly, it's one way that you can tell me and the team here at The Mel Robbins Podcast that you love all the content that we're putting here on YouTube for free. This episode is gonna be one of your all-time favorites. I can just feel it. So let's jump into it. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. I'm really glad that you're here today, because it's always an honor to spend this time together and to be with you. And if you're a new listener or somebody shared this episode with you, I just wanna take a moment and welcome you to The Mel Robbins Podcast family. Now, we're gonna be talking about how to feel better fast, and the fact that you hit play on an episode that has that title tells me that you've been dealing with a lot. And I can say that with a lot of confidence, because something recently happened, and it blew me away. So I was flying home to see my folks in Michigan, and I had a little bit of spare time, and I decided, "Okay, I'm just gonna post a question on the stories on Instagram." And the question was super simple. It was just, "What do you need help with right now?" And then something happened that was shocking. Over half a million people responded. Let me just read you some of the words that kept coming up over and over and over again. Anxious, irritated, tired, stuck, flat. Oh my God, flat. That's how I was feeling last week. Sluggish, fried, self-critical. I was so shocked by how many of you responded and how consistent the words were that you were using to describe what you needed help with, that I was like, "Okay, we gotta do something about this." Because you deserve to feel better, and you can feel better. And so here's what my team and I did. We went through all of these responses, and we've analyzed what are the top five feelings that are showing up right now the most in your life. And then we dug back into the experts that have appeared on The Mel Robbins Podcast, looking for the best advice to help you reset this feeling. And so we're gonna go through the five most common feelings, the first being just feeling tired, flat, sluggish. Oh my gosh. The second one is feeling stuck, like you're stuck in a funk or you're stuck in a bad mood. The third was brain fried. You're overstimulated. You're not, you're not sure how to, like, get the energy or the focus back. You just kinda feel blegh in the brain. The fourth one was just

2. 3:14 – 11:59

   How to Boost Your Energy Fast

   1. MRMel Robbins3:14

      tired. Tired of being responsible for everything, holding it all together, being so hard on yourself. And the fifth feeling was really heavy, and here's the deal. The advice that you're about to hear is so powerful and simple, and you can use it as soon as you're done listening. And in fact, the last piece of expert advice that I'm gonna share with you today is just outright magical. It's one of my most favorite tools that has ever been shared on this podcast. So let's start with the first feeling that so many of you told me that you're dealing with, and that's just that you're exhausted. You feel flat. You feel sluggish. Like, you don't feel like yourself. You know, this is that period in your life where you're just like, "God, how do I get my mojo back?" Like, "I'm tired of being tired." This is so relatable. This was me yesterday. I just hit the wall at work yesterday, and then I remembered this advice from Dr. Wendy Suzuki. Because what Dr. Suzuki is about to tell you is that the fastest way to change how you feel is to change what your body is doing. She says that one of the simplest tools for helping you shift out of that sluggish, blah feeling and get some energy moving again, is to get yourself moving again, and it only takes 10 minutes. And before you hear what she has to say, I wanna explain who Dr. Suzuki is. Dr. Suzuki is a world-renowned neuroscientist and the Dean of the College of Arts and Science at New York University. She's known for her groundbreaking research on memory, brain plasticity, and the simple things you can do every day to improve your focus, learning, memory, and brain power. She's also pioneering research on how moving your body can improve your brain health. And the advice she's about to give you, I took this advice yesterday here at work in our Boston studios in between tapings. And oh my God, it changed everything. Here is Dr. Wendy Suzuki talking about what happens to your mood when you take a simple 10-minute walk.

   2. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki5:25

      Every single time you move your body, you are releasing literally a flood of neurochemicals in your brain. That is the physical thing that happens. And I'm not talking about run a marathon. I'm talking about even taking a walk. A 10-minute walk gets that flood of neurochemicals going. Is it different if you do get your heart rate up? Yes, it is, but the power starts with a 10-minute walk. The neurochemical flood starts with a 10-minute walk. What is in that flood of neurochemicals? Dopamine, serotonin, noradrenaline, endorphins, growth factors. The first three Dopamine, serotonin, and noradrenaline. What's that gonna do? It's gonna make you feel great. Well, you've just given your brain this flood of neurochemicals that I like to call a neurochemical bubble bath for your brain. And I, I love that image because if you move regularly, think of it as a regular bubble bath for your brain. These neurochemicals that are making you feel good, the growth factors go to your hippocampus, that is what's growing those brand-new hippocampal cells. The power of exercise comes from that neurochemical bubble bath.

   3. MRMel Robbins6:43

      I love that image. I love the image of being outside for just a 10-minute walk. Every one of us can find 10 minutes, and you can imagine that flood happening.

   4. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki6:58

      Yeah.

   5. MRMel Robbins6:58

      And I also, I personally am a bath person.

   6. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:01

      Mm. Yeah.

   7. MRMel Robbins7:01

      So when you say bubbles-

   8. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:03

      Yes

   9. MRMel Robbins7:03

      ... and the, like a bath in my brain-

   10. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:05

       Yes

   11. MRMel Robbins7:06

       ... and, and bubbles are fluffy.

   12. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:07

       Yes.

   13. MRMel Robbins7:08

       And I don't know that I wanted a body part to be big and fluffy-

   14. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:11

       [laughs]

   15. MRMel Robbins7:11

       ... but now I do want a big and fluffy brain.

   16. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:14

       Yeah.

   17. MRMel Robbins7:14

       That a 10-minute walk at a minimum causes that flood of really positive chemicals.

   18. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:21

       Yeah.

   19. MRMel Robbins7:21

       And this goes back to what you were saying, which is neuroplasticity and growing your brain works in the positive-

   20. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:27

       Yes

   21. MRMel Robbins7:28

       ... and not doing these things, I suppose, works in the negative.

   22. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:31

       Well, you know, the, the negative comes from the most common negative brain plasticity drivers very familiar to all of us. Stress, chronic stress, chronic anxiety are two things, uh, that will, that will cause retraction.

   23. MRMel Robbins7:47

       So is the flood of all of those, like, superpower, do you call them chemicals or what are they called?

   24. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:55

       Neurochemicals, neurotransmitters.

   25. MRMel Robbins7:57

       Gotcha.

   26. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki7:58

       Yeah.

   27. MRMel Robbins7:58

       So does the flood of all those neurochemicals relieve anxiety? Is that why taking a 10-minute walk if you're feeling anxious can make you feel better?

   28. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki8:07

       Absolutely.

   29. MRMel Robbins8:07

       It's because of the release of the neurochemicals.

   30. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki8:09

       Yes. Yeah. The most common drugs that one gets prescribed for depression or anxiety are releasing forms of noradrenaline and, uh, dopamine and serotonin. So this is a n- a natural way to get that. It's free. You don't even have to change your clothes. So that, that is just the magical power of moving your body for your brain.
3. 11:59 – 20:28

   A Simple Reset When You Feel “Off”

   1. MRMel Robbins11:59

      And since Dr. Suzuki is so incredible, I'm gonna have her stick around for the second most common thing that so many of you wrote in and described about how you're feeling right now. And one of you in particular used the words, "I'm stuck in a fog right now." You know, I'm in such a funk that I can't even see my way out, and so that's a little bit different than just kinda being tired and sluggish during the day. Like, when you feel like you've been stuck in the fog, it's almost like you're dragging your whole life as you're trying to walk through shoulder-deep water. Oh my gosh. And maybe that's where you are. You're getting through the day. You're showing up at work. You're answering the texts. You're making the dinner. You're getting through it, but everything about life right now just feels kinda muted. The things that you normally enjoy, they just don't hit the same. Small tasks feel oddly hard. Your brain just feels like it's working on a lower gear, and it's probably affecting your sleep. It's probably affecting how you feel about the people that you're around. You get irritated. You can't explain what's wrong. You're not yourself, and you haven't been yourself, and yet you're still getting through the day and through your classes and doing what you need to do, but my gosh, it's almost like you're watching life through a dirty window. And the advice that Dr. Suzuki is about to give you is not gonna fix the big problems, but what it does instantly... Oh my gosh, what it does instantly is it's something you can do every morning that snaps your brain and body with a jolt. And that may sound abrupt, but you're gonna understand when you hear this advice, that a really great way to quickly clean the window and see things more clearly, to snap yourself into the present moment, is take a cold shower. Dr. Suzuki's gonna explain the science, but when you step into a cold shower, holy cow, it's like, boom, your adrenaline turns on. Whoa, your nervous system wakes up, and all of that flooding that happens in your body just clears away the gunk and allows you to shift your mood instantly. Now, for the last month, I'm gonna confess something to you, I've been experiencing this. And so every single morning, I take a cold shower. I start with a warm shower because I gotta wash my hair, and I'm not that brutal. I'm not stepping into an ice-cold shower as the first thing. I gotta kinda ease my way into it. I take my shower, and then you know what I do? I just crank that thing all the way back to cold, and then I brace for impact, and when that cold water hits you, it's literally as if you can feel the sludge moving from the top of your head down to your ankles. I can only stand it for about 20 seconds, and then I gotta step out, but those 20 seconds are good enough to completely 100% shift the state of my body and my mood. So let's listen to Dr. Wendy Suzuki talking about this simple tool.

   2. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki15:23

      What I love to do to supercharge that, that adrenaline boost every morning is hot-cold contrast showers. So I do my regular hot shower, but at the end, I push it all the way to maximum cold and boost... Okay, it was hard the first time I did it.

   3. MRMel Robbins15:39

      [laughs]

   4. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki15:39

      It's really... But once, once you get used to it, th- that's a natural adrenaline boost, and that is like, I need that. If I forget, I go back into the shower.

   5. MRMel Robbins15:50

      No.

   6. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki15:50

      I do. I do go back into the shower to get it if I f- I forget it because you need to be up. You need to be ready for that day, and that, together with, with exercise, are, are really powerful, um, ways to get that energy up.

   7. MRMel Robbins16:05

      So Dr. Suzuki, I wanna stop you right there because that is a second huge, free takeaway.

   8. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:10

      Mm.

   9. MRMel Robbins16:11

      We talked about the 10-minute walk.

   10. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:12

       Yes.

   11. MRMel Robbins16:13

       We have talked about this flood of neurochemicals that you can get by moving your body.

   12. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:18

       Yes.

   13. MRMel Robbins16:19

       Now you're talking about a habit that you have as a neuroscientist-

   14. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:22

       Yes

   15. MRMel Robbins16:23

       ... where you end every shower-

   16. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:25

       Mm-hmm

   17. MRMel Robbins16:25

       ... by spinning the dial from that amazing, steamy-

   18. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:29

       Yeah

   19. MRMel Robbins16:29

       ... awesome-

   20. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:29

       Yeah

   21. MRMel Robbins16:29

       ... warm shower.

   22. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:30

       [laughs]

   23. MRMel Robbins16:31

       Oh, I love that feeling, don't you?

   24. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:32

       Love it.

   25. MRMel Robbins16:32

       When you start to feel a little tired, and you're like-

   26. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:34

       Yeah

   27. MRMel Robbins16:34

       ... "Oh, do I really wanna get out of the shower?"

   28. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:35

       Yeah.

   29. MRMel Robbins16:36

       And then Dr. Suzuki's like, "What?"

   30. WSDr. Wendy Suzuki16:38

       Right, yeah. [laughs]
4. 20:28 – 34:08

   What to Do When Your Brain Feels Fried

   1. MRMel Robbins20:28

      move on to the third feeling that kept coming up over and over and over again from you and your fellow listeners, which is, "You know what I need help with, Mel? My brain is fried." I know this feeling. I always explain this like the drawbridge is not closing. You know how on a drawbridge both sides go up, and then as it comes down, the sides connect? When my brain is fried, whether it's because I've worked too much or I've been pushing myself too hard or, or I've been going through something, it's almost like the drawbridge can't close. I can't connect the dots. I start a sentence, I can't finish the sentence. I have a thought, then I forget the thought. Make the appointment, I forget the appointment. I forget that it's my husband's birthday. I drop the ball on a deadline. You start to go like, "What is wrong with me? Is this hormones? Is this life? Is this just my brain? Is this, like, something going on with my memory?" Well, it turns out that feeling mentally fried is what happens when your brain has been taking in too much for too long. Does that sound like you? You're juggling too many things. You got too many open tabs. You've got too many people needing something from you. Too much scrolling, which is input. Too much reacting, which is input. Too much worrying, which is input. Too much trying to keep up, which is input. And at some point, your brain's just like, "Okay, we're done here. We're done here." And what happens is your attention starts to get weaker, and suddenly, the simplest things feel hard, or you're rereading the same thing five times. Or here's my favorite one: How many times have you walked into a room and you're like, "I... Wait, what? What was I-- Why am I coming in here?" And then you walk out, and then you go, "Oh. Oh, that's right, I needed to get the scissors." And then you go back in, and you get halfway across the room, and you go, "Wait a minute. What, what, what am I looking for again?" Or this is another thing that happens for me. This is, this is signal number one that Mel Robbins has reached peak brain capacity. I get irritated over the tiniest things, or I get upset with the nicest people, and then I feel terrible, and it's the worst. It's the worst when your poor brain is fried. It's just been trying so hard to do everything and to, to, to file it all away and to keep you organized. Oh, my gosh, that brain of yours. Wow, it's been working on overtime. And look, you can tell yourself all you want, "Focus, try harder, get it together," but maybe you don't need to focus harder. Maybe you need to change what your brain is looking at. Isn't that kind of an interesting thought? I mean, let me say that again. You may not need to try harder. In fact, you shouldn't. Maybe you just need to change your focus for a second. And this piece of advice comes from Dr. Adam Alter. Dr. Alter is a renowned researcher and professor at NYU's Stern School of Business. He earned his PhD in psychology from Princeton, and a major part of his research focuses on how the environment around you shapes how you think, how you behave, and how you feel. Dr. Alter's gonna explain how simply changing what you're looking at immediately changes how you feel. You know, there's that famous, I think it's a Wayne Dyer quote, "When you change the way you look at the world, the world you look at changes." And Dr. Adam Alter is here to teach you that there's specific things to look at and focus on that fundamentally change the way you feel in your body and the way your brain is able to work. So, let's take a listen to what he said when he was here on The Mel Robbins Podcast.

   2. AADr. Adam Alter24:39

      A lot of my work focuses on, on how these different cues shape how we think, feel, and behave, and our welfare, our wellbeing. Um, a lot of the focus for me recently is what happens when you go as far from screens as possible to natural environments, which we all sort of have the, I think, general sense that that's good for us. It's good to be in a natural environment. But the, the effects there are among the most profound I've ever seen in any research, that just spending a bit of time near a, a, a body of running water or hearing wind rustle through trees-

   3. MRMel Robbins25:07

      Mm-hmm

   4. AADr. Adam Alter25:07

      ... that they have a huge effect on your welfare, and it's worth doing.

   5. MRMel Robbins25:10

      What effect does it have on your welfare?

   6. AADr. Adam Alter25:12

      So one thing about the way we live our lives today in the modern era is that we are constantly sapped. Our attention is sapped. We're asked to pay huge amounts of very focused attention all the time, whether we're looking at screens, whether we're having extended work conversations, whether we're doing work. And so by the end of the day, you're kind of depleted, depleted, depleted. If you wear one of those watches that tracks your body battery, you see it just kind of goes down and down and down.

   7. MRMel Robbins25:35

      Hmm.

   8. AADr. Adam Alter25:36

      And that's, that's a good metaphor for the way we live our lives. It's, it sums it up pretty well. The thing about nature is that apart from actually being asleep, being in a natural environment is replenishing. It basically turns that dial upside down, and so your, your, your energy starts to climb again. So it gives you back, uh, a lot of what, what is sapped by that very focused attention. 'Cause when you're in a natural environment, your attention is still grabbed by things. You might hear a bird, you might hear the run- running water, you might look at trees, whatever it might be, looking at the ocean. But that kind of less focused attention is really restorative, and there's actually a whole body of research called attention restoration therapy that focuses on exactly this idea, that being in natural environments is one of the best forms of medicine we have.

   9. MRMel Robbins26:20

      So let's unpack that. I think you said something about attention therapy?

   10. AADr. Adam Alter26:24

       Attention restoration therapy, yeah.

   11. MRMel Robbins26:25

       What is that?

   12. AADr. Adam Alter26:26

       Yeah, it's, it's basically this idea that your attention is constantly being sapped.

   13. MRMel Robbins26:31

       Mm-hmm.

   14. AADr. Adam Alter26:31

       It's being taken away. And the kind of attention you have in a natural environment, which is not demanding, it's replenishing.

   15. MRMel Robbins26:37

       It's true.

   16. AADr. Adam Alter26:38

       It restores you. It brings you back. It g- gives you something that you don't have. I think the, the single most profound example of this for me was a study that was done at a hospital on people who were recovering from surgery, and they were randomly assigned to different rooms, and some of the rooms looked out at a natural environment, a beautiful green lawn, some trees, and some of the rooms, just where they happened to be in the building, did not have that view. They were looking out at, at another part of the building. And they wanted to track how these people recovered from identical surgeries, depending on which room they happened to be assigned to. And they found they needed, like, half as much pain medication. They spent three days fewer in hospital recovering. Just looking out at that natural environment was, was the best form of medicine there was. So I, it's, uh, it's true. You know, I, I run maybe four or five days a week, and I try to do it outside when I can. And I know on some level it just feels good, but there's a huge amount of science behind that as well.

   17. MRMel Robbins27:30

       So what do you recommend for us-

   18. AADr. Adam Alter27:33

       Yeah

   19. MRMel Robbins27:33

       ... to put into our lives? Because we've had neuroscientists, medical doctors, sleep experts come on the show-

   20. AADr. Adam Alter27:39

       Yeah

   21. MRMel Robbins27:39

       ... and talk about the importance of getting natural light first thing in the morning.

   22. AADr. Adam Alter27:43

       Right.

   23. MRMel Robbins27:44

       We've also had, uh, someone talk about if you're kind of burnt out and you are having one of those moments where you just feel your energy draining, even looking off at the distance out the window-

   24. AADr. Adam Alter27:56

       Yeah

   25. MRMel Robbins27:56

       ... can help you restore your energy. What are some of the, the, the takeaways or the science-backed things that people can implement in their lives to tap into this research?

   26. AADr. Adam Alter28:07

       Yeah, so I think the biggest thing is, um, I ran yesterday in a forest, and it was wonderful, and there was running water. There were all these ingredients-

   27. MRMel Robbins28:15

       Hmm

   28. AADr. Adam Alter28:15

       ... and it was incredibly restorative. But as a runner, my instinct is to just keep going, which is how we live our lives, right? You're doing something, and you wanna keep going till it ends, till you finish doing it, till you can check it off.

   29. MRMel Robbins28:26

       Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

   30. AADr. Adam Alter28:27

       And I had to push myself to stop for five minutes to sit on a rock and just let the water go by, and that was by far the most restorative, wonderful part of the day. And I think there's something to that, this idea of purposely stopping yourself. So I would say, whether you're in a big city or whether you're not in a big city, find a little patch of natural environment. And by the way, if you're in an apartment in a big urban environment and you don't have that option, even little trees, little plants that you have in the apartment, the sound of a little fountain that you have with running water, that stands in for that experience, too, is just spend, say, five minutes a day doing absolutely nothing but taking in, drinking in that natural environment, even if it's a tiny one in your apartment. If you can get out, all the better, but it's very important to do that, I think, as, as a sort of daily practice.
5. 34:08 – 42:59

   How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself

   1. MRMel Robbins34:08

      talk about the fourth thing that you can do to feel better fast, and this one addresses something that I saw in so many of your fellow listeners responding to that question, "What do you need help with right now?" And what you need help with is you're tired of being so serious all the time. You're tired of being responsible for everyone and holding everything together. And more than anything else, you're just sick and tired of being hard on yourself. You look in the mirror, and you start putting yourself down. And even when you accomplish something, you're so quick to move the goalpost and move on to what's next and not even savor the thing that you just did right. Come on. What is going on with you and me? Not everything has to be that deep, for crying out loud. When did we all get so fricking serious? No wonder we're all exhausted. We're constantly beating the hell out of ourselves. I mean, you'd never talk to your kids like that, right? So why do you talk to yourself like that? And there's a shift that you need to make. You need to stop waiting for somebody else to pick you back up. You need to stop waiting for someone in your life to come along and hype you up. Do you deserve that? Of course you do. We all deserve to be told that you're doing a good job, but you also need to become your own cheerleader. You need to remind yourself that not everything is that deep. Not everything is worth your attention, for crying out loud. And by gosh, you're doing a darn good job at the things you are doing, that the person that looks at you and says, "I got you. You're amazing. Look how far you've come," that person needs to be you. You need to remind yourself. You're allowed to have fun, 'cause if we're not having fun, of course everything's gonna feel heavy. You're allowed to wake up and think, "What kind of shenanigans are we gonna get into today?" In fact, you need to remind yourself that you gotta get into some more shenanigans and trouble. And the one person that could probably do that in a way that makes you laugh as she does is none other than Chelsea Handler. Chelsea is hilarious. I mean, obviously, she's one of the most successful comedians of all time. But underneath all that humor is something really powerful. She has learned how to have her own back. And when I read her New York Times bestselling book, I'll Have What She's Having, there's one passage that I couldn't help but cry reading. Because she wrote about becoming for herself what she had spent her entire life trying to be for everyone else, how to become her own best friend, her own cheerleader, her own best listener. Here is Chelsea Handler on The Mel Robbins Podcast reading that passage from her book to you And then you're gonna hear us unpack what that actually means and how you can become that best friend for yourself, too.

   2. CHChelsea Handler37:02

      I became for myself what I've tried to be for every important person in my life, my own best friend, my own cheerleader, my own listener, my mother, my sister. I became my own daughter.

   3. MRMel Robbins37:15

      How do you do that for yourself?

   4. CHChelsea Handler37:18

      You have to love yourself, and you have to wake up every single day and say... I know you high-five yourself in the mirror every day. I wake up every single day, I look in the mirror, and I say, "What kind of shenanigans are we gonna get up to today?"

   5. MRMel Robbins37:32

      [laughs]

   6. CHChelsea Handler37:32

      "You beautiful human being."

   7. MRMel Robbins37:35

      You literally say that?

   8. CHChelsea Handler37:36

      I say that, yes. I mean, there are mornings I don't say it, but I say it. I, I said it this morning. I say to myself all the time, "You're amazing." If I see a mirror, I'm like, "You're amazing. Look what you've done. You're incredible." Like, who the fuck else is gonna tell us that every day? We have to, and we all as women, and to the woman that is listening to this, you know, to... We have to make sure that we remind ourselves every day of our intrinsic and innate value. We are so valuable. Just by the nature of us being here is value, and we can add so much value to so many people's lives. And it doesn't matter if you're a famous person or you're a public person. You have the ability to do that as a private person with a quieter life. Every time you see a new person on the street, you can smile at them with love in your eyes. You can see somebody going through a hard time at the airport and come over and be like, "Do you need help? Can I help you?" The person that's working in the airport bathroom, just smile and say, "How are you doing? Are you having a good day?" I always think that's easy to do when you're in a good mood. But when you're in a bad mood, to extend your generosity when you don't fucking feel like it, that's, like, next level.

   9. MRMel Robbins38:49

      I just love Chelsea. And there are two things, did you notice, that she was teaching you. The first is, number one, you have to become the person who has your own back. Not once in a while, not only when things are going well. Every single day. You have to be the one who looks in the mirror and says, "I got you. I got you. You're doing better than you think. I mean, look at how far you've come. You are amazing." And look, I know it feels kinda weird and cringey and awkward, but do it anyway. Because do you wanna spend your whole life saying the opposite to yourself, hoping that someone else is gonna just kinda waltz in and, and tell you the things that you deserve to hear? Don't do that. Remind yourself. Tell yourself the things you wanna hear. And the second thing that I wanna make sure that you really take away from this, because it's just as powerful, when you're stuck in a bad mood, stop making the entire world about your bad mood. Look up. Ask somebody for help. Help someone else. Notice someone. Smile at someone. Help someone. Hold the door open for someone. Ask someone else, "Are you okay?" Because the fastest way out of your own head is to put some love into the world around you. The fastest way to stop marinating in your own bad mood is to look around and see if you can help someone else. And I really want you to try both of these suggestions. I want you to look in the mirror. I want you to tell yourself, "I got you. I see you. We got this. You're doing a great job." And I want you, when you catch yourself in a bad mood, do not turn the entire world into a bad mood. Get out of your head and see what you can do for somebody else. It'll shift your mood immediately. And that brings me to the fifth and final feeling I saw over and over and over again, and my favorite piece of advice and the tool that you're gonna get, which is one of my favorite things that have ever been shared on The Mel Robbins Podcast. And the fifth feeling is heavy, because you're feeling scared. You feel uncertain. You feel sad about the future. I mean, some of your fellow listeners wrote in, "What would you tell someone who's lost their focus and their vision for their own life?" Someone else wrote, "I, I'm completely lost. I don't know what I'm meant to do in my life or even where to start. I'm feeling called to change. I'm so unhappy, though, and I, I don't even know how to begin. I want to succeed, but I don't know how, and it's stressing me out. How can I find myself again?" One of the things that really struck me is how many of you want change. You want a sense of direction, but you don't know where to start. And I think a lot of times when you get stuck in a chapter of your life or you get stuck thinking about how bad you feel, all you're doing is spinning in place, 'cause all you see is where you're standing. And that's why it's so easy to start to convince yourself that you don't know where to start. But maybe the real question isn't, "Where do I start?" Maybe the real question is, "Where am I going?" And

6. 42:59 – 59:01

   How to Get Unstuck and Feel Hopeful Again

   1. MRMel Robbins42:59

      that brings me to the final expert I wanna introduce you to, because without a destination in mind, it's really hard to step up to the starting line. Of course you don't know how to start, because you don't know where you're going. And without having a final destination that you can envision, it's impossible to create a set of directions from where you are to where you wanna go next. And that brings me to the final expert from the Mel Robbins Podcast that I am so excited for you to listen to. Because Dr. Martha Beck has an extraordinary tool that is backed by science, she has been using this for decades, to help you right now envision where you want to go in the future. Dr. Martha Beck is one of the most respected life coaches in the world. She holds three degrees from Harvard, is a six-time New York Times bestselling author, and is famously known as Oprah's life coach. Dr. Martha Beck has an extraordinarily powerful exercise that she calls The Ideal Day. And the reason why I wanted you to experience this exercise live right now is because it is the tool, based on research, that not only helps you step up to and over the starting line, by the time you are done with this exercise, you will have a clear picture of a future that really makes you come alive. And Dr. Martha Beck is going to walk you through this simple exercise where you just close your eyes and you picture one perfect ideal day. And I want you to do it with me right now. Don't overthink it. Don't question. Don't ask yourself, "How's it all gonna happen?" I want you to just take a deep breath and listen. Let your intuition answer. Let your senses come alive. Here is Dr. Martha Beck walking you through The Ideal Day exercise.

   2. MBDr. Martha Beck45:25

      The Ideal Day. It's really simple, and now we're at ta- W- you g- You're grounded in your body. This is the track. We have to follow the track. This is how you track forward. How far would you like to go in the future? We're gonna do time travel, so you... I don't do hypotheticals. I wanna know what you're, you're gonna do.

   3. MRMel Robbins45:42

      Um, I, I immediately thought a decade, 10 years.

   4. MBDr. Martha Beck45:45

      Okay. Think about, you don't have to say it, think about the age you'll be and the age your husband, your children will be. Sort of move your mind forward like a calendar. Now, here are the instructions. Your life is absolutely what it was meant to be, every expression of your greatest joy and your greatest fulfillment. You're gonna wake up on a day that is an ordinary day in a perfect life, in an ideal life. So what I'm gonna do is I'll prompt you with a few things, and I want you to let your senses answer these questions, not your mind. So your mind can't time travel. It sa- It will tell you it can, but it can't. Only the body can time travel, and this is how it goes. You wake up on this morning, and you don't even open your eyes. You listen. What do you hear on this day, an ordinary day in your perfect life in 2034? What do you hear?

   5. MRMel Robbins46:44

      Um, I hear waves.

   6. MBDr. Martha Beck46:46

      Mm-hmm.

   7. MRMel Robbins46:47

      And I hear little kids laughing.

   8. MBDr. Martha Beck46:49

      Ah, okay. So smell the air. Don't open your eyes yet. What, what do you smell?

   9. MRMel Robbins46:54

      Salt. [laughs]

   10. MBDr. Martha Beck46:56

       Mm.

   11. MRMel Robbins46:56

       Coffee.

   12. MBDr. Martha Beck46:57

       I'm seeing a theme here.

   13. MRMel Robbins46:59

       [laughs]

   14. MBDr. Martha Beck47:00

       All right. Open your eyes. Look at the sheets. What color are they?

   15. MRMel Robbins47:05

       White.

   16. MBDr. Martha Beck47:06

       Look at the floor. What does it look like? Wood? Carpet?

   17. MRMel Robbins47:09

       It's like a... Yeah, it's a wide planked wood floor that's sort of, uh... It's kind of, um... It's not shiny. It's, like, worn.

   18. MBDr. Martha Beck47:18

       Cool. Look over across from you in the bed. Who's there, if anyone? [laughs]

   19. MRMel Robbins47:25

       [laughs] Chris.

   20. MBDr. Martha Beck47:25

       Loaded question. Okay, great. Um, look at the w- look at the room.

   21. MRMel Robbins47:31

       Uh-huh.

   22. MBDr. Martha Beck47:31

       What do you see? The whole room.

   23. MRMel Robbins47:32

       Um, it's very, um, like, uh, like, just kinda modern and unfussy and beautiful and...

   24. MBDr. Martha Beck47:45

       Are there photographs on the walls?

   25. MRMel Robbins47:47

       No, there was a... There was, like, a painting or a photograph.

   26. MBDr. Martha Beck47:51

       Okay. What does it look like?

   27. MRMel Robbins47:52

       It's, um... It was, like, a, a big beach scene.

   28. MBDr. Martha Beck47:58

       Ah, this theme is strong, Mira.

   29. MRMel Robbins48:00

       It's very strong. [laughs]

   30. MBDr. Martha Beck48:01

       All right. Are there windows in the room?

Episode duration: 59:02