EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,137 words- 0:00 – 3:36
Meet the Guest
- HKHoda Kotb
(instrumental music plays) Take your life and, and try to 360 it. The two greatest things in my life happened because of a whisper, of, uh, not being afraid. Fear is, is what is holding us all back. Fear is paralyzing.
- MRMel Robbins
The number one thing that stands in everybody's way is discouragement. If you're discouraged, that means you've said, "It's not possible for me."
- HKHoda Kotb
For anybody who's dreaming about... It doesn't matter what it is, opening a business, going back to college. Should I try that? Oh, no, I don't know. I don't know. Uh. Just friggin' say it and, and try something and see, because you know what's gonna happen if you're sitting at home, you know? (laughs) Nothing.
- MRMel Robbins
Nothing.
- HKHoda Kotb
Nothing's happening. And so swing for it.
- MRMel Robbins
Watch what happens in your life when you open the door to the possibility that you could have this thing.
- HKHoda Kotb
I think the truth about successful people is I don't think they're necessarily the most talented. What links everybody is they're not quitting. They're never quitting. They're never, ever quitting. And if you're listening to this, you are seeking. So you're not lost and your life is not crappy because it can't be. You are seeking. You're looking for something better. You're never really stuck if you're searching.
- MRMel Robbins
Hoda.
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
Welcome-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mel.
- MRMel Robbins
... to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
- HKHoda Kotb
I've been waiting for this, Mel. I've been waiting for you.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, I am so excited to pay it forward because you have shouted from the rooftops and celebrated me-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... every single time. I have been on the Today show.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm.
- MRMel Robbins
We have become friends. I am so excited to sit with you, to have the person that's with us right now get to have that infectious-
- HKHoda Kotb
(laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... Hoda energy zapped right into your veins. And everybody knows you as the host of the Today show.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
But what they don't know is you're one of the wisest, most honest, infectious, inspiring person that I've ever met.
- HKHoda Kotb
Wow. Wow. Can I just say one thing? First of all, I receive that and thank you and I love you, but when I'm looking at you in this moment, I am having a total flashback to the first time you came on the Today show. And we wondered, like, "Who is this tornado?"
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- HKHoda Kotb
Like, who is this person who walked in? And I remember your energy preceded you, and what I remembered hearing your story and thinking to myself, "My God, like, so many things in life are possible." I stroll through your studios today and I feel so, like, proud of you and so, um... It just shows what possibilities are there-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- HKHoda Kotb
... 'cause you're walking it, you're talking it, you're living it, and I get to sit in it, and it feels really good. So a big, big thank you to you.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, thank you. Thank you.
- HKHoda Kotb
It's awesome. It's awesome.
- MRMel Robbins
You know, and that's, that's actually what we're gonna talk about today-
- 3:36 – 17:02
Why “Good Enough” Is Keeping You Stuck
- HKHoda Kotb
all, where you are in this very moment today, right now, with all your problems and all the crap that you're carrying and the job you may or may not like and the relationship you may or may not be into, all of that is not your destiny. This is not where you are going. And the key to me is something that I feel like I've learned is sometimes you feel like, "I'm on a train and I'm gonna go to my grave. I'm on the way. Just pull on in." And I think what I realized is you can stop, hit the brakes on your life at any time. I don't care if you're 20 or 40 or 60 or 80, brakes, pause, and look. Look at your life. Just look at it from, from 35,000 feet and then decide, "Do I wanna change it?" And I'm here to tell you, like, I feel like I'm living, breathing proof that you can change it at any time. Things you thought were impossible are not impossible. Thing... They are actually probable. You can do these things, but you have to know that, that the possibility is out there.
- MRMel Robbins
You are on fire.
- HKHoda Kotb
I'm on fire because I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my bones because I was the person who thought, "This is my life. This is as good it's... as it's gonna get, and I am grateful and thank you, and that's enough." And I went from, "That's good enough," to, "That's not enough, and there's more for me out there." And Mel, it's out there for the taking. I think s-... I think we sit there and go, "Oh, you know, that's enough. Don't be greedy. Don't be selfish. It's too much." Abundance, man. Abundance is available. I mean, look at you.
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- HKHoda Kotb
Look at me. Like, it's out there and available.
- MRMel Robbins
I love what you just said-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes. I know.
- MRMel Robbins
... so I'm gonna take a giant highlighter and highlight it to make sure as you're listening-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... whether you're on... you're taking us on a walk or we're in your car or you're watching us-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... on the big screen, on YouTube at home, that you went from, "Okay, this is enough"-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... to, "That's not enough."
- HKHoda Kotb
No. No. No. I mean, good enough is not enough.
- MRMel Robbins
How-
- HKHoda Kotb
Good enough is not enough. And I'm not saying be constantly dissatisfied.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, so unpack that.
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Because I think especially, and we're gonna get into it, we're gonna get into your story-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... because you have done this stop the train, look around-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... do I like where I am, do I wanna get off, do I wanna go in a different. You have done this so many times-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... we're gonna run through these-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... kind of major points where you're like, "Stop the train."
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah. Stop it.
- MRMel Robbins
Stop it. Or fricking accelerate the train.
- 17:02 – 22:46
Hoda Kotb’s Adoption Story: Becoming a Mom in Her 50s
- HKHoda Kotb
first piece of the whole thing is speaking it out loud, even if it's a whisper, even if it's to yourself in the bathroom mirror, even if it's to your dog, Waffles. It doesn't matter. Like, speaking the thing out loud.
- MRMel Robbins
What is the thing that, that-
- HKHoda Kotb
Whatever your thing is. For me-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- HKHoda Kotb
... one of the things that was missing in my life that I did not believe I could ever have because of life's challenges-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- HKHoda Kotb
... was motherhood, for me. I had, you know, gone through some challenges early in my life. I had breast cancer and a divorce and went through those things, and I had missed that train.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- HKHoda Kotb
And it was crushing me. Crushing me. But I buried it so deep down because it was not available to me.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- HKHoda Kotb
I was not going to speak about it, because if I spoke it, and why would I say something that would never come to be? So, one day, I was in my 50s. I was 51, I think, and I was walking down the beach with a good friend of mine.... and her name is Jen Miller, and I love her so much, and she's kind of a mother to everybody. And she said casually, as we were talking about life, and we were just at a baby shower, and she goes, "Oh, you know, we, we n- we never wanted kids." I stopped and I looked at her, and I said, "Actually, Jen, I, I kinda always did." And she said, "But you've never said that." And I said, "But I wanna say it because it's like, I wanna be-"
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- HKHoda Kotb
"... an astronaut or whatever. It's not happening." And she goes, and she goes, "Is that why you always said you wanted to be a teacher of elementary school kids?" I said, "Yeah."
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- HKHoda Kotb
She goes, "Is that why you said you wanted to run a summer camp?" I said, "Yeah." She goes, "Oh my god." So, I, I kept thinking to myself, "I can't believe I said it." And I go home, speak it out loud, I go home, and I turned on Access or something like that, and Sandra Bullock had just adopted a baby named Louis from New Orleans. I was like, "How old is Sandra Bullock?"
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- HKHoda Kotb
I'm like, "Oh my god. She's my exact age." I was like, "Oh shit. It's possible." And so this secret, this, "You can't have it. Don't say it 'cause you can't have it," I said it. So, I was like, "That was weird." So, I was like, "Is that a sign?" So, I ended up watching something else on TV, and there was this little boy, and I remember the image so clearly and vividly, he was in Syria, and he was covered with soot, and he was crying, and it was a terrible... And his parents had died. And I looked at that kid, and I was like, "That kid. That kid needs me."
- MRMel Robbins
Hm.
- HKHoda Kotb
Like, I'm not, like, what am I doing here? There are kids who need me too, just as much as I need them.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- HKHoda Kotb
And one by one, after speaking those words out loud, things were happening. And so, here I go, I'm, I, I start the adoption process. I'm 51. I'm like filling out papers, like, "What is happening here?" Mel, I am like sitting at my desk because it's never happening, and the phone rings, and the lady on the other end of the phone says my two favorite words in the English language. She says, "She's here." Haley Cain. This was solely because I spoke it out loud. I promise you, if I would've buried it like I've buried other things in my life-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- HKHoda Kotb
... because it's out of my reach, something about saying it in the universe changes things, and it changed it for me. So, I mean, what I guess I'm saying to your lovely, incredible listener who's here is, it's not too late. It's not too late. Whatever you have in your brain or in your soul that you're carrying, like, "No, no, can't do it," just say it. Say it anyway, and see what happens. Like-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- HKHoda Kotb
... I think we bury things, and I think it's good to unearth them and give 'em a go.
- MRMel Robbins
You know, the, the, the visual that came to mind-
- HKHoda Kotb
Hm.
- MRMel Robbins
... as you were saying, "Say it-"
- HKHoda Kotb
Say it.
- MRMel Robbins
... "because something happens-"
- 22:46 – 35:48
How to Reinvent Your Life at Any Age
- HKHoda Kotb
the flower shop? Oh no, I don't know. I, uh, uh..." Just friggin' say it and, and try something and see, because you know what's gonna happen if you're sitting at home? Nothing.
- MRMel Robbins
Nothing.
- HKHoda Kotb
Nothing's happening. And so swing for it. And then, and then, and then see. At least you've tried. And I think that's, I think that's wonderful, but the, open door is it. 'Cause you're right. You're the one who's locking it closed.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- HKHoda Kotb
You're the one who's saying, "No, it's not gonna happen to you."
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- HKHoda Kotb
You're the one.
- MRMel Robbins
Because you-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... you're the one that blocked all the possibility-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... that it could. You know, I, I, as you're listening and watching, here's what I want you to do. There is somebody in your life, because I'm so struck by the fact that you can identify the exact moment, the exact conversation-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm.
- MRMel Robbins
... the, the train is going down the beach.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Normally you don't say anything.
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah. Yeah. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
And you're like, "Whoa. Wait a minute. I actually want kids."
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
And you sto- I can see it-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... as clear as day. You stop. We've all had that walk where you turn to a friend and go, "Are you really happy in that marriage?"
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
"When are you gonna leave that job?" Like, you know-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... just like, we-
- HKHoda Kotb
Something.
- MRMel Robbins
Something. But I want you, because y- I know there's something you're saying to yourself just listening to Hoda right now, I've told myself, "I can't start a business." I've told myself, "I'll never find love again." I've told myself, "I can't have children. I can't be a parent." I've told myself that there is something that it is not possible for me, and here's what I want you to do. I want you to share this episode right now with somebody...... that is in your life that you trust, and say, "I just listened to this incredible conversation with Hoda, and it made me realize that I've been blocking the possibility-"
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm.
- MRMel Robbins
"... of ever finding love again. I've been blocking the possibility of starting over, I've been blocking the possibility of getting out of debt, and I needed to tell somebody I trusted, and so I'm telling you." And watch what happens in your life when you open the door to the possibility that you could have this thing. And I think we want... we, we, we want things so much that are meant for us.
- 35:48 – 46:09
How to Ask for What You Want
- MRMel Robbins
that, because when you open the door to possibility-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes, yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... even, 'cause now you've given us two examples. "Well, actually, I, I, I, I always did want kids."
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
So that's one door that's opening.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Another door that opened is, "This is as good as it's gonna get."
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And is, if this is as good as it's gonna get-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... is this enough?
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And so you opened the door-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... to, "Is there a different chapter in my life?"
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes, yes.
- MRMel Robbins
"Even though this one is really amazing." And then the waves start coming.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And then by opening the door-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... to that possibility, what happened, of course, is the, "I gotta find another tree" message comes in.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
The waves come in.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
You start to notice that you're not even in the biggest moment.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-mm.
- MRMel Robbins
You're just observing that you are.
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
And that's how this starts to unfold.
- HKHoda Kotb
(sighs) And to have the feeling of knowing, which is very unusual. I didn't think I would ever have that feeling. But you're right. The doors open one by one, and there was some kind of clarity, um, you know, that feeling when... We've all had a knowing.
- 46:09 – 53:05
How the Way You Talk to Yourself Changes Your Life
- HKHoda Kotb
crummy weekend, I don't know what it was, it was just like the kids were out of control and everything was not good and, you know, every, it's just like one of those weekends. And I was listening to something and someone said to say the phrase, "Good things keep happening to me." And I was like, "Oh, please."
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- HKHoda Kotb
"Do not even start with that drivel." (laughs) I was like, "Uh, this is not right. Okay? No one's listening, my kids are barfing, it's not working."
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- HKHoda Kotb
So in the morning, I decided, "You know what? I'm gonna say the phrase. Let's see if phrases really work." So I woke up that morning, I texted my trainer and I said, "Can you meet me at 5:15?" And he said yes. And I said to myself, "Good things keep happening to me. Ryan's available." So I get in the car, I start it, it's, it's about, it's about 10 after 5:00, he's really close, and I go, "Good things keep happening to me, my kids slept through the night. Good things keep happening to me, there's a parking place 'cause I'm early. I never get this spot. Good things keep happening to me, I'm gonna do a workout that's gonna..." And I have to say, it sounded cheesy when I was st-, when I started it. By the time I got home, I was like, "Kids, good morning." Like, I felt different. I agree 100 that what you tell yourself, because I had to search for things that were good-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- HKHoda Kotb
... in that morning-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- HKHoda Kotb
... 'cause I wasn't feeling it.
- MRMel Robbins
Uh-huh.
- HKHoda Kotb
I was feeling blech. I wasn't feel... But they're there, you just have to find them, so I just was seeking, I became like someone who was seeking.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, what you did in those-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... six words-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah. (laughs)
- MRMel Robbins
... is you manually and intentionally changed the settings in your mind.
- HKHoda Kotb
Wow.
- MRMel Robbins
And you turned on, kind of, the attention network-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... in your brain to cast it out. And there is so much i- extraordinary research. We just interviewed, uh, Dr. Alia Crum-
- HKHoda Kotb
Oh, wow.
- MRMel Robbins
... who's this incredible neuroscience-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah. Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... who studies the settings in the mind-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... and the impact it has on your body. That is a beautiful example of her research and how you can intentionally activate your brain and change the settings. And those words, you know, "Good things keep happening to me."
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Six words, change the settings, signals to your body, and now you have a completely different-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... experience of the day. And I actually think the best advice is-
- 53:05 – 1:05:24
Baby Steps That Create Real Change
- MRMel Robbins
starting to go, "I got, I'm opening the door to possibility."
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
"I don't like how s- how my job feels or my relationship feels. I don't like how I feel in my body-"
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
"... I need to start taking care of myself."
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Like, "I don't like the fact that I'm becoming reclusive."
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
"And I never see my friends."
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
"I don't like the fact that I've grown distant from my family."
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah, yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Whatever that feeling is-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... and you're quietly starting-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
... to draw together the courage-
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
... especially to change something huge. And walking away from the Today show, saying out loud and filling out the paperwork at 51-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... to adopt a child-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... for the first time.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Saying out loud to somebody that you love, "I'm not really-"
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
"... happy anymore-"
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
"... in our relationship." These are really big things.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- 1:05:24 – 1:22:07
How to Confront Fear Head-On and Move Forward Anyway
- MRMel Robbins
down in your 40s-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... and you got the breast cancer diagnosis.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And I read that you felt like something cracked open in you.
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Can you talk about how that experience changed you?
- HKHoda Kotb
Yeah. Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
And I also love the line you would say to yourself, again, back to the language-
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
... back to the words, back to the settings of the mind, "You can't scare me."
- HKHoda Kotb
Mm-hmm. Well, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I would guarantee that most people who are listening probably either know someone who had it, had it themselves, and it's scary and terrifying. And I'm the kind of person who wanted it over.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- HKHoda Kotb
I did not wanna discuss. It, it wasn't gonna be part of me. It was going to be one of those things that happened that I was gonna forget about.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- HKHoda Kotb
Goodbye. I didn't want, I didn't like how I told a couple of people and the way they looked at me was horrifying to me. Sad eyes, "Poor thing. She won't make it." Like that was the feeling I got. And so I was refusing to speak about it. I was gonna, I, I was gonna have a mastectomy, it was gonna take a lot of time, and it was gonna be over with. No more. No discussion about it. And a funny thing happened while I was in the healing process. Um, I, I was asked to go on this Today Show shoot. They wanted to get me back on the saddle and, "Come on, you can go." And I was like, "Yes." I wanted to go-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- HKHoda Kotb
... 'cause I didn't, I didn't want to be defined by anything that was happening. And so I got on the plane, I did the shoot. It was overseas in Ireland. And I, I felt horrible. My body was failing me, I looked scary, I felt horrible, and I was like, "What the (censored) is happening here?" I was like, "I'm, you know, I'm, my body's broken. It's over."
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- HKHoda Kotb
I felt terrible. And I got on the plane to go home and a stranger sitting next to me-... who, um, at the time I was just trying to put my earbuds in and get away from the guy. He was like, "How you doing?" I was like, "Good. Go away. Jesus." He's like, "No, you, you got... Hi. What? You on one of those shows?" And I was like, "Ugh." Like, I wanted to sleep so badly and the guy started talking, and I liked him, he was friendly, and he goes... So, he was asking me questions, I was asking him questions, and he said, "What's that on your arm?" And I go, "Oh, it's a compression sleeve." He goes, "What's it for?" I go, "Oh, I, I had a procedure." He goes, "What procedure?" I go, "I had an operation." Like, I was like, "What the..."
- MRMel Robbins
(laughs)
- HKHoda Kotb
And he goes, "What was it?" I go... Oh, God. I go, "Okay, I have breast cancer." I said, "But I hope when you get off this plane you don't say, 'Oh, I sat next to this girl with breast cancer.'" He goes, "What is wrong with you?" (laughs) He goes, "Breast cancer's part of you. It's like going to college or getting married." He goes, "Let me give you some advice and you can go to sleep." And I was like, "All right." (laughs) He go, I go... And I'll never forget what he said. He said to me, "Don't hog your journey. It's not just for you."
- MRMel Robbins
(gasps) .
- HKHoda Kotb
He said, "Think of how many people you could help on the plane ride home." He said, "You can put your stuff, your stuff deep in your pockets and you can take it to your grave, or you could help somebody." I have chills. Ken Duane was his name. And I never forgot it. And I was like... I was hiding it. I wanted to bury it, and this man just cracked it open, opened the door. This guy, Ken, a stranger. He changed everything for me. I was no longer hiding or ashamed or worried about what people would think of me.
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- HKHoda Kotb
It was part of me.
- MRMel Robbins
Hm.
- HKHoda Kotb
Just like going to college or getting married. And what happened as a result was... You talked about the four words, "You can't scare me," because language matters. I sort of had this epiphany-
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- HKHoda Kotb
... when I was sleeping and healing, and I popped up out of bed and I was like, "Oh, my God, you can't scare me." It's like, "Wait a minute, the scariest thing just happened. Maybe I wasn't gonna make it. I made it. Here I am. So, now what? Now what?" So, with this kind of courage and, like, you know, propelling me, they were starting a new hour of the Today show, a brand new fourth hour.
Episode duration: 1:22:07
Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript
Transcript of episode oAJnNf4RW_A
Get more out of YouTube videos.
High quality summaries for YouTube videos. Accurate transcripts to search & find moments. Powered by ChatGPT & Claude AI.
Add to Chrome