How To Reset Your Mind for Calm & Control

1. 0:00 – 5:18

   Introduction

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      When my husband and I dropped our son, Oakley, off at college a couple of weeks ago, (camera shutter clicks) there was a particular moment that I cannot stop thinking about. We were just about to leave, and all of a sudden, our 19-year-old son pulled out his stuffed animal from childhood and his tattered blankie that he has had since he was born, and then he put them both right in the middle of his freshman dorm bed. (camera shutter clicks) And it got me thinking, do you still have your old blankie (camera shutter clicks) or your favorite teddy or bunny? I- I wish I did. You know, those well-loved, beat-up stuffed animals that you had as a kid, the ones that you hugged so hard and the fabric smells like a mix of bad breath and old Doritos and pure magic. Comforting things are way more important than you think. They're not just relics from your childhood, these are essential tools for your brain. And today, you and I are gonna dig into the surprising and profound science of simple comforts in your day-to-day life. (Clock ticking) Hey, it's your friend Mel. I am so excited that you're here. It is always an honor to spend time with you and to be together. If you're brand new, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. You know, I know you're the type of person that values your time, and you're also interested in learning about ways that you can improve your life. I love that, and so I want you to know that I think it's really cool that you chose to spend your time listening to the exact podcast that is gonna help you do both of those things. So like I was telling you earlier, you know, we moved our son, Oakley, into freshman year of college, and there was this moment where we were about to leave and all of a sudden he pulls out his childhood blankie, which at this point is basically a bunch of shreds of fabric, and his beloved teddy. And I was so moved by this moment right before we were about to leave where he took Teddy and Blankie out, and he put them right front and center on his bed in front of his pillows. He didn't stick them behind the pillows, he didn't stuff them in a drawer, he proudly displayed these two things that he cares about right there. And the moment really struck me, and I think it struck me for two reasons. The first one, of course, is, you know, I can remember when he was teeny and he'd be dragging these two things around, and, you know, if you've ever seen a kid that has a stuffed animal or a blankie and they're, like, almost bigger than the kid, it's like they're gonna fall, th- I- I just remember it was like yesterday. And now he's six foot, like, gosh, is he six foot one? And he's putting it up on his lofted bed, and I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh, my little guy," like, and now he's in college, and now these two little things that he was dragging around are going to school with him. And so I had this whole moment about how time is like a melting ice cube, and it's just going so fast, and I hate that. But the second thing that struck me is how much he cares about these two things, and what that represents. And what it represents is this deep power of simple things that bring you comfort, and that's what we're gonna talk about in this episode. And I'm gonna use the story of Oakley and these two objects and some of the things that bring me comfort, and I'm gonna invite you to think about all kinds of ways that you can bring the power of simple comforts into your day-to-day life. And as you listen to the story and as we unpack some of the science, we're gonna bring in a really well-renowned psychiatrist from Harvard that you're gonna just love. We're gonna talk about the research on what's actually happening when you seek out comfort intentionally, and why this is important, and we're gonna attack this from two levels. The first thing that you and I are gonna talk about is what comfort provides in your life. What's happening in your brain when you have things in your life that bring you comfort? And it could be anything, absolutely anything. It could be rituals that you do that bring you comfort at the beginning or end of the day. It could be a particular object. It could be something that you see, or a sound, or a smell, or a taste. It could be a meal that you just love. In fact, our daughter lives in Los Angeles, and whenever she comes home to Southern Vermont, there is a particular meal that she really wants me to cook. In fact, come to think of it, just this morning, she texted me and asked me for this chili recipe that I make. Why? Because it brings her comfort. And the second thing that we're gonna dig into, and this blew my mind when I was researching this topic to be able to have this conversation with you, that you and I know that you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. I'm showing up here all the time talking about the importance of taking risks, growing, stretching, the fact that you're designed to push through your fears, and your excuses, and learn new things, and try new

2. 5:18 – 16:29

   Why revisiting your comfort zone can help you break free from it

   1. MRMel Robbins5:18

      things. But here's what I didn't realize. What I didn't realize is how important it is when you push yourself out of your comfort zone to actually intentionally come back and drop into your comfort zone, that there is this essential partnership between stretching yourself and actually using a moment of comfort to reset yourself and help yourself stretch again. And I'm gonna share a lot about the things that bring me comfort throughout this episode, and since you're the kind of person that really wants to enjoy your life, I'm gonna invite you right now to start to think about all the little things around you that bring you comfort, too, and you maybe even take them for granted like I did.You and I are just gonna take this highlighter, and we're gonna highlight what's already around you, the things that you already love, and the importance of being intentional about the value that they bring to your daily life. And the first set of things that I thought about as I was thinking to myself, "Well, what brings me comfort," you know? What is it that I would pack if I were going through some major life transition, like college? And it struck me, there's a whole set of things that I take with me when I travel that bring me comfort. Like, for example, I have this beige scarf. It's this big kind of shawl thing, and it was given to me by a bunch of students in one of the courses that I teach online. This thing's gotta be like six years old at this point. I take it everywhere. I never travel without it. And it has so many holes in it, you would think that a bunch of moths just took up residence inside this thing and had a party. And at this point, it's so tattered, I'm nervous that if I keep using it, it's gonna just rip right in half. And so what I've started doing is instead of wearing it, I now pack it in my carryon, and I wear a different scarf. I have a belt buckle that Chris gave me, and I've had this thing for like a decade. I think he had it made online. And the belt buckle is really cool. It's probably like three inches long and an inch high, and it has a black and white photo on it of our kids. But here's the catch. The photo is a really old photo. It was taken when Oakley, who's now 19, was a baby. And Sawyer, who is our oldest, she's now 25, she was probably seven in this photo. And Kendall, who's now 24, she was six years old. And every single time I travel and every time I get on a stage to give a keynote speech, I wear that belt. People always comment whenever I wear it without fail, "Oh my gosh, I love that belt. Where did you get it? Are those your kids?" And then I point to it and I go, "Yeah, and she's 25, and he's 19, and she's 24. And you know what? I love this belt because it's the best way to travel with your kids." Gets a laugh every time. And the reason why I love this belt so much is that it makes me feel like my kids are with me, and that brings me a sense of comfort. And that's not all that I take when I travel. Over the years as I've traveled around, especially around the United States, and I've been giving keynote addresses at all these big corporate events, people come up to me and they give me little mementos that mean something to them, that bring them comfort. And they give me these deeply personal things as a thank you for the impact that my work has made on them, whether it's The 5 Second Rule or the Let Them Theory or The High 5 Habit or these podcast episodes. And so I've started to take these little objects and I put 'em in my suitcase. I have medallions that signify somebody's sobriety. I have wristbands that are tributes to people that died. I have a brooch, actually, from a woman that gave it to me. It was her mother's brooch, and she gave it to me as a thank you because she had been really struggling with hoarding, and she listened to something that we had put out on the podcast, and it gave her the ability to start to declutter, de-hoard, to get rid of things. And her ability to give me this brooch was a sign of her growth and change. And so all of these little objects now sit right in my suitcase, and every time I open it up, whether I'm here in Southern Vermont and I'm packing it and I'm getting ready to go away on a trip, or I'm in a hotel room and I'm unpacking things in my hotel room, when I see all these little objects, I feel like you're with me, and I'm reminded of the impact of everything that I'm doing. And it makes me feel less lonely when I'm traveling and I'm on the road. And for years I've been doing this, and I've been thinking to myself, "Oh, it's not a big deal. I got my scarf, and I got my belt, and I got my stuff in my suitcase." But it is a big deal. It turns out, based on the research, it's a very big deal. Things like Teddy and Blankie, they not only give you comfort. According to the research, comfort is essential for helping you create a better life, which is what you and I are gonna dig deep into in this podcast. I looked into the definition of comfort so that we could all just start with, uh, the same baseline understanding of what this word means. Comfort is a state of physical ease and freedom. Freedom from what? Freedom from stress. Freedom from, like, the things that are weighing you down. Things that bring you comfort are positive, amazing things. It's like you see it, and your stress for the moment, whoo, disappears. There's not a single thing that you would say that brings you comfort that is gonna be stressful. It's the opposite, right? It's recharging. You feel this refueling and this sort of like powering up that happens. And comfort, in that regard, gives you the strength to face life's challenges. It gives you the ability to take risks. It can remind you of who you are. It can give you a sense of peace in the middle of the storm. And as I was really digging into this topic of what is comfort and why is it so important in our day-to-day life and how is it that it makes you stronger as a person, I just kept thinking about Oakley, and how when we dropped him off, you know, I wasn't surprised, honestly, that he brought Blankie and Teddy along. But I was surprised about how he displayed them so proudly front and center. No shame. No embarrassment. He didn't stuff 'em in a drawer. He didn't hide them on the top of the closet. He didn't cram 'em behind his pillows so nobody would see. Oh, no way. He put them front and center. There was no doubt in his mind that...... Blankie and Teddy were gonna go to college with him. In fact, when you walk into his dorm room, his bed is right there in front of the door. They are the very first thing that you will see when you go into his room. And when I thought about it, this wasn't just some random choice on his part. He was intentional. He was bringing a piece of home with him, something predictable, something familiar, something that brings him comfort. Doesn't that make a lot of sense when you stop and think about it? But you wanna know what's really fascinating about this, is that by Oakley placing Blankie and Teddy on his bed, just like they were here at home, this isn't just some cute, childish gesture. This was his brain's way of saying, "Everything's okay. You're safe here." That's what comfort rituals do. They ground you. They bring predictability in moments of chaos, and it's the exact same thing, when I really stop and think about it, that I feel when I open up my suitcase and I'm in yet another hotel room alone, it brings this sense of peace, and it makes me feel better. I can remember when Oakley was little. In fact, I remember when he got Blankie and Teddy. Blankie was this beautiful gift from all of my girlfriends. We were all raising our kids at the same time in this great little town outside of Boston, Massachusetts, and they had had it monogrammed with his name, Oakley, on it, and they had even bought Blankie from our friend, Carolyn, who had, at the time, had this little trunk show business where she was selling kids clothing. And so it was this deeply meaningful gift from my friends that was there for him, waiting for him when we brought him home from the hospital. And you wanna know what? Blankie has been with Oakie every step of the way. Seriously. When he was little in a car seat, I would tuck Blankie around him in his car seat, and when he started to walk, he would drag that sucker across the ground everywhere he went. In fact, if I hit that thing with blue light, I am not sure what the heck we would find on that thing, but I'm sure it would be disgusting, even though I wash it every chance I can rip it from him. It was not only the blanket, but the actual ritual of touching it that brought him comfort. You know, when he was little and he was nervous, he would just rub the ends of it, you know, and I bet this is making you think about yourself and what you maybe did with a binkie or what you saw your kids or your brother or your sister do, and now his blankie is just frayed all around the edges, and this little rubbing thing, it's called tactile grounding. There's no doubt in my mind that the science is very real about how powerful this is. And Teddy? Probably even more meaningful, because after Oak was born, he had this life-threatening thing happen to him when he was five days old, and he had to be rushed by ambulance to Mass General Hospital in Boston. They admitted him to the NICU and it turned out that he had been born with this disease called Hirschsprung's disease, which basically means parts of his colon and his intestines weren't working. We were so lucky that we caught it before his intestines ruptured, which would've killed him. So, he was at Mass General for 30 days, in the NICU, having surgeries on his plumbing, and Teddy was in the NICU, in the crib, with him the entire time. So these two, Teddy and Blankie, they have been Oak's companions on the road of life for 19 years. And by bringing them to college, he wasn't holding onto his childhood. He was doing something way more powerful, something that you and I need to do. He was creating comfort in a brand new environment, a space that's unfamiliar, stressful, and unpredictable. And I wanna stay here for a moment longer, because I was so interested in this moment and the level of comfort that Blankie and Teddy provide to Oak, that I called him, and I asked him to explain, in his words, what, what is your relationship to Teddy and Blankie? What emotions do you feel, and how do they bring you comfort? So he recorded his answers to those questions in his dorm room for you. Let's take a listen.

3. 16:29 – 19:45

   Mel’s 19-year-old son shares how he brings comfort to college life

   1. MRMel Robbins16:30

   2. OROakley Robbins16:30

      Hello everyone. Hello Mom. Uh, I hope you're all doing well. Now I'm in my college dorm, big college kid, um, and my mom asked me what is comforting to me. And, uh, I don't know if she's told you yet, but I have two important stuffed animals that I have owned and that I deeply care about. Um, their names are Blankie and Teddy. Uh, they're not very original names, but you know what, what are you gonna do? And anyways, they're very important to me because they've been with me my whole life. They remind me of home, like everything about them reminds me of home, like their smell and their feeling, and just like the, the emotion that it brings up with it. I'll start with, with Teddy. And Teddy, Teddy's great. He used to be very fluffy and very poofy, but all the foam is o- like, you can, there's no foam in the top anymore. It's only in the bottom, and it's very, like, gross probably. His ears have both been, like, chewed off. His face has been sewn together. And it's familiar. He and I know that this is a sense of familiarity just because I've had Teddy for my whole entire life, and that is a great feeling. And then this is the rag. This is Blankie. Um, this, this like, this, this white cloth used to be the full front of it, but I ripped it off over time. Every single corner is, like, mauled and gross and, like, linty and everything. The- these are gross. Like, these are not, like, cool, like... I, I mean they're cool to me, and they mean a lot to me. However, I still...

   3. ... put them up on my bed, and I put them out for the world to see, because I have, 'cause there's, there's no shame. There's no shame in it.

   4. MRMel Robbins18:17

      I just love that he said he cares about these two things, and that he put them up on his bed and there's no shame. And this is a very important thing to expand upon, because you and I are so hard driving. I mean, you listen to this podcast because you wanna improve your life and you value your time, and I do, too. And you're looking for ways to do that. And I know you're probably thinking, "Mel, what, what are you gonna say? I, I gotta take a stuffed animal to work? You know, (laughs) what the heck?" I'm not saying that. But I really want you to think about this. In moments of challenge, in moments of stress, in moments of major life changes, or in moments where you're in a completely new place, what do you immediately wanna do? You wanna try to comfort yourself. One of the first things I do if I'm in a new environment is I want to try to make it feel more comfortable, more like my home. And think about the word home. Home is a place where you feel safe. And, by the way, comfort is not just about childhood items, not at all. It's about creating small moments of comfort in your everyday life. Maybe for you that means the smell of your favorite candle when you get home. Maybe it's this cozy blanket that you throw over your lap when you're reading a book or you're watching TV, or maybe it's petting your dog. I mean, that makes you feel warm and cozy, doesn't it? These

4. 19:45 – 26:09

   This is what happens to your brain when you find comfort

   1. MRMel Robbins19:45

      little moments aren't just comforting, they're essential. So, let me ask you, what is your version of Blankie and Teddy right now? What is comforting to you? I shared about my shawl and belt, and some of the things that are in my suitcase, but holy cow, when I really highlight these comforting moments or these little vignettes in my mind that make me just drop in when life gets overwhelming, there's gotta be things in your life that you're now starting to think about. You've got this blanket that you love, you have this tea that you love to drink, you love the sound of something. When life feels overwhelming, when something is new, or when you're exhausted, or you just feel like you wanna, what's that word, nest a little bit, just snuggle in, what is it that you reach for? I mean, it could be as simple as a clean, organized space, or that quiet moment where you just sit down at the end of the day and you breathe for a second, or a favorite window that you look out of. And these small comforts send signals to your brain that say, "Hey, it's okay. Things are under control," helping you to stay grounded and focused. But here's the coolest part, this is all wired into your brain's circuitry and your nervous system already. Every time you experience something familiar, like seeing Blankie or taking a sip of your favorite drink, you know what happens? Your brain's dopamine pathways light up. And dopamine, I'm sure it's a word you're familiar with, but if not, it's a neurotransmitter, fancy word, just plays a key role in how we experience pleasure, motivation, and reward. And when you engage in comforting rituals, your brain releases dopamine, which tells you, "Hey, this feels good. Seeing Teddy and Blankie feels good. Sitting on my couch under my blanket feels good. Spending some time hugging my dog feels good. Keep doing this." This isn't just like a feelgood thing every day, this is a tool you can use to help you move through major changes in life. Because just think about Oak, when he comes back into his dorm room and the first thing he sees is Blankie and Teddy, his brain releases dopamine, that feelgood chemical, and it signals, "Everything's fine. Just a little bit of comfort, you can drop in. Everything's fine." So, the next time you feel overwhelmed or anxious, or you got way too much going on at work or school or life, remember little comfort items or rituals are working on a deep biological level to help you feel grounded right now. And when your brain is in that calm, familiar space, it is better equipped to handle the bigger challenges that you're facing in life right now. So, that brings me back to kind of a huge takeaway, and why I really want you and I to get more intentional about this topic, because comfort just isn't about relaxation. That is just the icing on the cake. The real juicy part of it is that it's your brain's way of creating stability, focus, and strength to help you through life. What is that thing that creates comfort for you? Do you have something in mind? Is there a place that you stop on the way home from work that brings you comfort? Is there a place that you stop on your way to school that brings you comfort? Maybe there's a photo of your family on your desk, or some figurine or memento or favorite mug that brings you comfort at work. It's not about the thing, it's truly about cultivating the feeling inside yourself and activating this resource inside your body. You know, I, I don't care th- about the fact that my scarf looks ridiculous, I drag that thing everywhere with me. I love thinking about my scarf that way because it truly elevates the stuff in your life from something childish to something that is essential to your happiness, your mental health, your sense of grounding, and your safety in life. And the second reason why I love this is because people don't care what brings you comfort-You think they care, but they don't care. In fact, when I said to Oak, you know, "Are you nervous about all these new people walking in your room? You've never met them before and they're gonna see that you have Teddy and Blankie on your bed?" This is what he had to say about that.

   2. OROakley Robbins24:27

      There's no one walking into the dorm and looking at them and going, "Oh my God. You're such a child," or, "That's so weird," because people understand the importance of comfort. And especially in a place like college where you don't have your normal sense of comfort, you don't have your own bedroom, you don't have your old friends, your family, you don't have the things that you love and know, it's important to have things that are comforting, like stuffed animals. I would just like to say that if there is something in your life that is comforting and you feel like you cannot be without it, then be with it.

   3. MRMel Robbins25:05

      Did you hear that last line? So good. If there's something in your life that brings you comfort and you can't live without it, be with it. And there's zero shame in it. And what I also loved about what Oakley was reflecting on is that nobody cares, because everybody understands the power of things that bring you comfort. So whatever it is that you need, whether it's in your suitcase, or on your way to work, or on your way to school, or on your way home at the end of the day, whatever it is that brings you comfort, be with it, and truly understand the power in owning that and providing that for yourself. And one of the things that I love about digging into this topic is it elevates and highlights the importance of creating these moments and being aware of this for yourself. The more deliberate you are about the power of simple day-to-day comforts, the more powerful you're gonna feel. And if that's not reason enough to get serious about this topic,

5. 26:09 – 29:38

   How to know when to push yourself and when to take a break

   1. MRMel Robbins26:09

      I wanna take this even a step further and talk about the balance that is necessary between comfort zones and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and the necessity of knowing when you need to drop into your comfort zone. There is a relationship between your ability to take risks in life and the need for you to come back to something that is comforting in order to refuel and reset yourself, and the research around this is super interesting. Here's how I want you to think about the relationship between things of comfort and the need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, because they work together. So think about yourself almost like a rubber band, right? And you know how a rubber band, it can stretch out and then, boom, you let go and it goes right back and resets? Every single time in life when you stretch yourself, whether you're going through a big life change like Oakley's going through right now at college, and I'm going through a big life change because we're now empty nesters, or whether you're going through a big life change because you're taking on a new job, or maybe you're going through a breakup, or whatever it may be. As you stretch through this new change, 'cause that's what change does to you, it stretches you, and it stretches you because you're having to learn new behaviors, new neural pathway, and as you're learning all these new patterns and behaviors and pathways in your life and stretch yourself as you push through this challenge, and it could be any kind of challenge, it could be a physical challenge, it could be a creative project that you're working on, every time you stretch, I want you to think about that rubber band and how a rubber band stretches, and then I want you to remember, there's always that moment, whoosh, pop, where it retracts and resets. You're the exact same way. If you stretch continuously, you'll snap and break. You have to reset. The human brain, body, and spirit has to, pop, have this moment of refuel and reset after you stretch yourself, and this is all based on fascinating research about how your brain works, about how habits are formed, how you learn new information, how your body resets itself. It is well-documented that you have a need to refuel and reset, and that's where the power of simple comforts come in. You and I spend a lot of time talking about pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, learning how to take those big risks that change your life, like applying for that big job, or going out to dinner to that nice restaurant alone, trying improv, asking that person out, sharing a message or a personal story on social media, auditioning for an orchestra as an adult, taking a ballroom dancing class, asking someone to mentor you. Any time you do something out of your comfort zone, remember, that rubber band is stretching and you're designed to do that. And let's face it, growth doesn't happen when you're just coasting along, comfortable in your routine, doing the same old same old, and it's so easy to just default to what you always do, what's familiar, and never stretch yourself like that rubber band in your life.

6. 29:38 – 32:07

   When did you last relax? Why your brain and body need comfort to thrive

   1. MRMel Robbins29:38

      But here's the part that you and I don't talk about enough. You can't be in push mode all the time. You can't be stretched all the time. You know what we call it when you're stretched all the time? It's called burnout. That's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about the fact that you need balance. I'm always gonna push you to stretch. I'm always gonna push you to take that risk. I'm always gonna push you out of your comfort zone. And today, I am reminding you that, pop, resetting and allowing yourself to drop in and rest...... and feel comfort, it is just as important as the stretch because they go hand in hand. Just like when you're building a muscle in the gym, you can't just pump iron 24 hours a day. You have to rest it after a workout. And you wanna know a really interesting fact about this, as you think about a rubber band stretching and then bouncing back into shape? Do you wanna know when you lock in new habits, and memories, and you actually lock in learning? It's not while you're stretching and you're practicing the new habits, or you're studying the new material, or you're doing the new skill. You actually lock it in while you're sleeping. Doesn't happen when you're awake. Doesn't happen when you're stretching. It happens when you're comfortable. It happens when you're resting. See, you are designed to go through periods of stretching, but then you need a period of rest and comfort so you can refuel. And you wanna know the best ways to refuel? It's to come back to something that gives you comfort. And when I think about my own life, one of the things that has always given me comfort when I'm going through a stressful time, or I'm stretching myself and I'm out over the tips of my skis and I need some reassurance, I call my parents. How many times have you called home for some comfort or just to hear someone's voice? You know this is true. And if your parents are no longer here, I'm sure you wish they were, because you know the power of being able to see them or talk to them, and you can feel the comfort that it brings you. And there's more to this than just knowing that what I am saying is true.

7. 32:07 – 39:40

   Harvard’s Dr. Waldinger on why rest is crucial for refueling

   1. MRMel Robbins32:07

      It reminds me of one of my favorite things that world-renowned Harvard psychiatrist, Dr. Robert Waldinger said on this podcast. In fact, he's one of the most popular experts to ever appear on the Mel Robbins Podcast, and I wanna play something that he said for you. It relates to this topic of comfort and our ability to stretch and the critical need for us to also reset. So, you're about to hear Dr. Waldinger talking about how, as human beings, you and I are wired to bond to other people and we naturally seek out other people in moments where we want to be comforted. Take a listen to what Dr. Waldinger said on this podcast.

   2. GEGuest expert32:58

      We all bond when we're babies, when we're tiny. We bond to caregivers. And that if the bonding goes well, we end up believing that we are lovable and that there's somebody there to love us, and that when we believe those things, we grow up happy and we grow up brave enough to explore the world, right? Because there's a home base we can come back to.

   3. MRMel Robbins33:25

      Mm-hmm.

   4. GEGuest expert33:25

      So, sometimes you'll see, on a playground, you'll see a parent with a two-year-old, and the two-year-old toddles off, and then at some point they'll run back and they will grab the parent's leg. It's sometimes called refueling, where they're reminded, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, home base." And then they'll toddle off again, and then they'll run back for that kind of momentary re- refueling, right? We think that that's something we need all the way through life.

   5. MRMel Robbins33:53

      Mm-hmm.

   6. GEGuest expert33:53

      So, how do I take a risk in my life? You may have someone in your life, maybe it's your spouse, and if you start to take a risk like starting a new podcast, you might run it by him and say, "What do you think? Do you think I could do this?" We need somebody to say, "It's okay, and I'm here. Even if it doesn't go well, I've got your back."

   7. MRMel Robbins34:14

      Oh, I love that. Don't you love this notion of refueling and the fact that what he's actually talking about is the power of comfort? And you can refuel not just by connecting with other people. You can refuel by connecting with Teddy, Blankie, a photo of your family, a favorite place that you love to stop on a particular drive, and you can also refuel by connecting with yourself. And I wanna tell you about my friend Amy. She is a producer on this podcast and lives here in Southern Vermont, and every single morning, she walks out her front door and walks a quarter a mile down the road and across a bridge and down to this river, where she does a cold plunge every single morning. And this is an important nuance, because comfort doesn't always have to be warm and cozy. Sometimes, the things that you wouldn't expect can bring a surprising sense of comfort, like a cold plunge. Now, at first glance, it kind of seems like the opposite, right? 'Cause you're like, "Ahh! Oh my gosh, cold water. I don't think that sounds that comforting at all, Mel." But the controlled discomfort of something like a cold plunge or a cold shower activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which can leave you feeling incredibly calm afterwards, and this has become a super cool and comforting ritual that Amy does every single morning. She leaves her house, she walks down the road, she crosses a bridge, she walks into this little park where there is this beautiful winding river, and then she goes to the same rock. She pulls off her sweatshirt, she pulls off her shorts, she's in her bathing suit, she's got her water shoes on. She then walks right in and then she screams to her poor husband, Tim, "Start the timer for three minutes." And sometimes when she's in the water, she cries. Sometimes she shivers.Sometimes, like she was telling me this morning, she crouches way down and she watches the river from a frog's eye view, just taking it all in. And this morning, the leaves were passing her by, because it's fall up here in Vermont. Doesn't it sound absolutely amazing? You know, come to think of it, I gotta come do this with you, Amy. (laughs) We should do a special episode about it and film it, like how you do a cold plunge and all the protocols, and you'll see for yourself that the ritual is what's comforting. And all the while while I'm explaining, Amy's probably been in the river the entire time, just dropping into the cold water and finding comfort in it. And then all of a sudden, her husband says, "Done." And I know what you're wondering, does her husband Tim ever do it? No. I'll tell you why. Because it doesn't bring him comfort, and that's also important. What brings you comfort is personal to you. For Amy, this is as much about taking a moment for herself as it is anything else. It helps her relax, recharge, prepare for the day ahead. That's her comfort ritual, and it makes all the difference. And just like Dr. Waldinger painted this beautiful picture of a child that runs into a playground, that's like that rubber band stretching, right? The child running into the playground. And then what does the child do? Resets and comes back to the caregiver to refuel. It's a safe place, it's comforting, which allows you to stretch again. Amy's doing the exact same thing. By starting her day knowing that the day is gonna be, woo, creative, production, stretch, she goes into that river like a child goes to a parent, to refuel, so that she's ready to go stretch herself again. Don't you just love that visual? I love that visual of a child running into a playground and then coming back to a caregiver. I love that visual of a rubber band stretching, just like you do as you grow and you take risks and you reach for all the things in life that you wanna experience. And I have the exact same visual now of Oakley. I can just see him. He's out and about, he's walking around campus, he's in classes, he's playing sports, he's taking it all in, and that's him stretching in this new phase of his life. And then what's waiting for him? Like the river is waiting for Amy and the caregiver is waiting for the child, Teddy and Blankie are waiting for him. This is so much bigger than a reminder of home. It's an intentional act of refueling, of taking care of yourself, of supporting yourself. And when you look at it that way, I mean, how cool is this? Small things in your day-to-day life that really do matter, and those are my favorite kind of things, these little, little things that are so profoundly powerful. And now I'm sure you're sitting here thinking about all your favorite things to drink, and your favorite things to do as a ritual, and things from your childhood.

8. 39:40 – 43:50

   Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, try this mindfulness exercise

   1. MRMel Robbins39:40

      So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed, think about what brings you comfort. Maybe it's a person, maybe it's a place that you stop, maybe it's something that you eat or music that you play. I'm now realizing that the ritual of taking a bath every single night before I go to bed, it brings me comfort. It's something that I do after stretching myself all day that helps me refuel. And I love this topic so much that I was out to dinner the other night with a bunch of the amazing people that are on our team here at the Mel Robbins Podcast, and I was talking about the fact that we're doing this super cool topic, and so I asked them the same question that I've asked you, "What is it that brings you comfort?" And as we went around the dinner table, it was so fun to hear everybody's responses, and I wanted to share what some of our team members said, because they inspired me to think more about what's right in front of my face, (laughs) you know, and getting more intentional about seeing what's right there as something that is a powerful tool in my life. And I know that as you hear me share them with you, it's gonna widen the aperture on what you see and help you create more intentional moments of comfort and refueling in your life. So for my daughter, Sawyer, who is managing the launch of my brand new book, The Let Them Theory, which comes out in January, it's all about eating sour grapes. I have no idea why. I cannot eat a sour grape to save my life. I pop a sour grape in my mouth and it's like my cheek

   2. NANarrator41:23

      (smacks lips) .

   3. MRMel Robbins41:23

      ... cheek suction or, I do not like it. But every time she pops a sour grape in her mouth, boom, she gets a wave of comfort. Simple sensory experience, boom, there's the joy. And it's not just food. For example, one of my business partners, David, it's the smell of freshly mowed grass. That one got a lot of, "Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah." For my other business partner, Christine, oh my gosh, she was so cute. She described this feeling. Sh- they have this couch that has, you know how some couches have like that L thing where somebody gets... It's always the primo spot on anyone's couch, right, because it's the one that has the chaise piece where your feet can go up? That's her spot, her spot on the couch. And when it's after dinner and everybody is running to that couch, their two Australian shepherds dart toward that chaise part of the couch, they jump up, 'cause they're waiting for Christine to climb on so they can climb on top of her and they can get into their bla- That's comfort.That's refueling. For our executive producer, Tracy, library. This is a really common one. There's something about the smell of old books combined with that feeling of... Remember holding a library card? And that sense of discovery when you walk into a library? That is a refuel for her. In moments of stretching, she can walk into a library and just feel like herself. It's so beautiful, right? It creates this moment of peace, and that triggers a moment of comfort for me. And you wanna know what my moment of comfort is? It's when the stars align. It's when there are these magical connections that you just can't c- explain, when it feels like the universe is going, "Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, you're in the right place at the right time." I wanna tell you something. When I'm stretching like crazy and I get one of those signs from the universe, I'm like, "Boom, I am refueled. Thank you very much." And as we sat there around the table, after a long day of work, as we were stretching ourselves, one thing is very clear. The things that we find comfort in, they don't embarrass us at all, because they bring you so much joy, and there is power in embracing it. And that brings me back to the heart of what Oakley wanted to say to you.

   4. OROakley Robbins43:49

      Before

9. 43:50 – 46:34

   Comfort isn’t weakness: it’s essential for your well-being

   1. OROakley Robbins43:50

      I sign off and I let you guys get back to my mother, who is amazing and we all love, um, I love you, Mom, um, I would just like to say, the stuffed animals, your cozy photos on your wall, your weird trinkets from childhood, they're all comforting and they're all special, and you should feel no shame, because there's nothing wrong with something in your life that will bring you comfort and that will bring you joy. And I fully encourage you to hold onto those comforting things regardless. Hold onto them, treat them with respect, keep them in your life until the very last moment. I, like, I swear to God, I will keep Blankie until he is, like, a singular thread of string. And even then, I'll probably just, like, frame him in my bedroom as an adult. Same thing with Teddy. Like, both of these will stay with me forever until they can no longer be with me, because it brings me joy. I love you guys. Have an amazing day. You're loved. I love you, and I love your comforts. I love what brings you guys comfort.

   2. MRMel Robbins44:51

      Can you tell I got a huge smile on my face? Because I just realized one more thing that is a massive refueling and a moment of comfort, and that's any time you hear someone say they love you. I mean, every time you hear it, it just refuels your soul, doesn't it? It sure does for me. So, in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you, and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to change your life. And that's gonna require you to not only stretch yourself, but it's gonna require you to reset and refuel. And now you know the surprising and powerful science of how simple day-to-day comforts help you do that. Alrighty, I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. And for you on YouTube, I just wanna thank you for being here with me on YouTube. I love spending time together with you. Thank you for watching all the way to the end. Wasn't that science so cool? And one thing I wanna ask you, because I know you're the kind of person that loves supporting people that support you, one way you could support me is by hitting Subscribe. It brings me great comfort to know that the videos that we are creating for you and publishing every day are helping you, and seeing you subscribe is one way that I know that you like what we're doing, and it's also a way that you could help support me and our team. So, thank you so much for doing that. And I know you're thinking, "Mel, love these videos. What should I watch next?" I think you're gonna dig this one.

Episode duration: 46:34