The Mel Robbins PodcastOprah Winfrey: How to Find Your Unique Purpose, Authentic Power, and Calling in Life
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
65 min read · 12,688 words- 0:00 – 4:08
Meet the Guest
- MRMel Robbins
Today, on The Mel Robbins Podcast, a life-changing conversation with Oprah Winfrey.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I'm so happy to be here with you. I really am.
- MRMel Robbins
I thought I would be coming to you.
- OWOprah Winfrey
No. I had to come to you.
- MRMel Robbins
You could go anywhere-
- OWOprah Winfrey
No, I had to-
- MRMel Robbins
... and talk to anyone.
- OWOprah Winfrey
No, I had to come to you.
- MRMel Robbins
Aw.
- OWOprah Winfrey
You were born to fulfill the dream of your life here on Earth. You were born into this planet, into the density of this gravitational pull, to fulfill the dream of your life, and of the creator's dream of your life here on Earth. Get about the business of doing that. Whatever you're looking at is only a piece of the picture of your whole life.
- MRMel Robbins
Oprah Winfrey, welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Ah!
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs] Oh, my gosh.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I'm here. I'm here.
- MRMel Robbins
I'm so glad I could reach you.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, my gosh.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Here in Boston.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Already. Hi.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Of course. Hi. [laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
It's so good to see you.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I came to Boston to see you, yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Thank you.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
I have always wanted to sit down and have a conversation with you, but I always imagined that I would be coming to you.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Really?
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. And I guess the reason why is because I just thought, well, you could go anywhere in the world and talk to anybody, and it never even occurred to me to think about or manifest you coming here.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Well, I appreciate the invitation to actually be able to sit in your home space, because this is where you reign.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- OWOprah Winfrey
And this is where you reign. And I have watched you, listened to you, and I watch the bestsellers list, uh, regularly, and I am just so rooting for you. I, I have watched you become the voice of our time in leading people home to themselves. This is why one of the things I hope people get from you and I today, because I see so much of myself in you, Mel. I actually see-
- 4:08 – 8:47
Oprah Winfrey on the Inner Voice That Guides Your Life
- MRMel Robbins
I would love to have you speak to the person who is here with us, watching or listening-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yes
- MRMel Robbins
... and share your intention for this conversation, and how it might impact their life.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Hmm. My intention for flying to Boston to be with you, Mel, and to be with you all, is to be used as a light, and a light that shines or luminates in a way that you can see yourself through me, through my stories, through Mel, through her stories, and have that a- light ignited within yourself. I believe that I've had just the most blessed life on Earth. I just can't get over how blessed I have been in my life. I can't get over it. I marvel at what God and the life forces have done for me. I, I marvel at that. But when I think about it now from the point of view of 72, I realize that what I have acquired is not as magnificent or extraordinary as who I have become. And I know that the world looks at what I've, like, what I have acquired, but it's who I have become. And I recognize that the work to become myself is the same work and ability that everybody has to become the most of themselves. And I am most proud of the woman that I have become, and I want everyone else to have that.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I want you to have that. I want, before I leave this earth, I want everybody to know that you have the power to literally fulfill the fullest expression of yourself as a human being. So that's why I wanted to have this conversation with you today. I believe everybody has come to do a service to the planet. That's why we're here. I believe that this is a... I don't believe we're the only planet, I don't believe we're the only life, but I believe that this is a special one. I believe that this is the earth school where we all get to teach and we all get to learn from one another. And right now, a lot of us are messing that up because we've missed the point. But I also know that within each of us is this internal GPS. Within you, mi- my- mine is no different than yours. Mine is no different than yours. The difference is I'm obedient to mine. Everybody has it. I just listened, and I'm obedient to mine. But every single person that comes to the planet comes to the planet with the ability to have that light with inside themselves and to be guided by that light. And every time you go off course, every time you allow yourself to be out of alignment, things go wrong, or you feel stuck, you feel overwhelmed, you feel exhausted. You feel that you can't go forward. You feel you don't know what to do next. You feel confusion, you feel... But everybody has it. I know one of the reasons why I think I was so successful, and we were number one for 25 years, because I n- I really did not see a difference between me and the audience that was watching. I recognized that we were the same, and that I was the surrogate voice for them, that I get to sit there, and I get to interview Tom Cruise, and I get to interview all the people. But what gave me the power to do it was that I was speaking for the audience, not for myself. And so I, I do believe that a lot of people are missing out because they're not obedient to the call, and the call is within you. It's not out here. It's not on social media. You're not gonna hear it from your friends. It means being still enough to know what it is, and you can fee- It, it's just a l- It's a feeling, doesn't it? Wasn't it a feeling?
- MRMel Robbins
It's a feeling.
- OWOprah Winfrey
It's a
- 8:47 – 16:49
The Childhood Moment That Shaped Oprah’s Life
- OWOprah Winfrey
feeling.
- MRMel Robbins
It's a feeling. There is a particular story that you share about being three or four years old-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm
- MRMel Robbins
... and watching your grandmother through the screen door, and the voice spoke to you-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... in a very firm way about what you don't want. And I think it might be helpful for the person listening to understand that if you're not hearing it in the affirmative-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Oh
- MRMel Robbins
... it may be-
- OWOprah Winfrey
That's good
- MRMel Robbins
... easier for you to hear it in the way that it's like, "Nope," or, "No, don't do it."
- OWOprah Winfrey
Oh, no, that is... I just had an AHA listening to that. You're right. You're so right. A lot of people thinking, "What do I wanna do? What do I wanna do?" Do you know what you don't wanna do? And a lot of times you're in a j- If you're in a job that you know you don't want, that is, that is vital information. You're in the job that you don't want. That's telling you you don't wanna be here, so let's figure out where I actually do want to be. So this story I've shared often, but it's so dear to me 'cause it's the only conscious memory I have of recognizing the voice from the first time, for the first time. I had to be between four and five, 'cause that's where, like, round memory starts, but I was very, very small. And my job with my grandmother was to take out... We had what we call a slop jar, because there's no... It was like a pee pot, you know, for using the bathroom, because you don't wanna go to the outhouse at night 'cause it's too dark, and there might be snakes in there. And so my job was, as a little girl, too much responsibility, to empty that pot every morning. My other job was to, you know, sort the clothes pins for my grandmother as she's hanging clothes on the line, so that she doesn't have to sort them and also p- pick them up at the same time. Um, and also turning butter, because all you do to churn butter is you just do, there with the stick turning butter. Butter had to be churned back then, y'all. We didn't have butter. So I was churning butter on the back porch, looking through the screen door, and it was cold, and my grandmother was hanging clothes on the line, and I'd sorted the clothes pins all in one place, and she's just picking up the clothes pins and hanging these sheets because she was a domestic worker and had brought the sheets home-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... from the white people's houses and was boiling them in the pot. That's how we cleaned the sheets. And she said, "Oprah Gail, you better watch me now, 'cause one day you gonna have to learn how to do this for yourself." And I was just churning the butter, and I was watching her. And this feeling came over me that literally spoke to me and said, "No, you won't. This will not be your life, but don't tell her" [laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- OWOprah Winfrey
" 'cause she will not appreciate that." [laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
I, I, I w- wanna hover on this-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... because there are so many times in my life where I could not hear... I couldn't even hear the radio. I was-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Right
- MRMel Robbins
... so confused.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Right.
- MRMel Robbins
I mean, forget about that little-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Right
- MRMel Robbins
... whisper inside me-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Right
- MRMel Robbins
... 'cause the noise was so loud.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
The fear was so loud. The, as you call it, the disease to please-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yes, yes, yes
- MRMel Robbins
... was just eating me away. So for the person who's listening, who has now heard there is a GPS, a light inside you, because it begins here.
- 16:49 – 22:09
Finding Meaning After Trauma
- MRMel Robbins
how. Having sat with so many people that have found purpose and meaning and peace in their life-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... versus people who are very stuck.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
Is there a difference between those two people in terms of if somebody's very stuck right now?
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah. I think the difference is if you're very stuck right now, it's because you can't see the bigger picture.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
You can't see that the source of all being didn't bring you here to get you stuck. It brought you here so that you can continue to move forward and offer what you came to give to the rest of us, to the rest of the world. That's all we're all here to do, is to bring our offerings. And our offerings come from every lesson we've ever learned, don't you? You, you, you, you, you see that now. I, Maya us- Ma- Maya actually wrote a book called, I think it was a book of poetry called I Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now. But she used to sing the song. It's an old hymn. I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now. For my journey now. For my journey now. Oh, I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now. And I, that means all the stuff that was a part of the journey to this moment, I wouldn't take nothing for it.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And I feel that, and I want you to know that whatever has happened to you was also happening for you once you could recognize why it was happening to you. No matter how horrible it was. And that's why I can say, in spite of the sexual abuse, in spite of growing up poor, not only in spite of, I am so grateful to have been born literally red dirt road poor in Mississippi with no running water and electricity. I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for having an outhouse and not knowing what a bathroom was for the first six years of my life, 'cause it makes every darn time I flush my toilets like a wow experience. I'm just like, "Wow." So it makes, it makes coming from that dirt road-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... so much more thrilling, that journey.
- MRMel Robbins
If somebody's sitting there thinking right now, especially the line, "Everything happens for you, Oprah"
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
I mean, come on.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Like, the, the, the things that are violent and terrifying and awful that I don't deserve, how do you flip that in your mind so that the things that happened to you don't keep you there?
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm.
- MRMel Robbins
Like, 'cause there's a real flip there. 'Cause, you know, I've never liked that saying, "Everything happens for a reason"
- OWOprah Winfrey
I know
- MRMel Robbins
... because I just believe that sometimes very cruel and unfair and horrible things happen to people who don't deserve them. But I think a lot about how to truly grow and reclaim your life after something like that, you have to find a reason-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... to move forward after it. Can you just dig even deeper for the person who's really feeling like, "I don't know how to, how to embrace everything happens for me as a mindset so I can move forward"?
- OWOprah Winfrey
Well, when it happens, if you don't move forward, then you just get stuck and your life debilitates. And one of the things that becomes a debili- de- a, a, a debilitating energy, a debilitating force field. And so when I say it happens for a reason, I don't mean, oh, there's a reason for everything. I mean that when that thing shows up for you that often feels unfair, that often c- you don't understand. W- why was I raped at nine? Why did that happen to me? I, I, at the time, couldn't see any good coming from it. Um, why did I have to grow up poor in Mississippi in an environment where it was illegal for Black people to be on the street after dark? Uh, all the things that happened in, in my family life. Why, why, why was I raped again at 10 and 14? Why, why, why, why? Why? Why? I mean, I'm actually not supposed to be here. And people have more horrific stories, unimaginable stories than mine and yours. So I don't mean that, like, oh, willy-nilly, like, oh, everything's happening and there's a reason for it. There's a reason for everything, but it doesn't mean you're responsible for the reason or that that thing should have happened to you.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And so really bad things happened to me. I grew up feeling very lonely, and I know a lot of people grow up... Most people grow up not getting what they need.
- 22:09 – 30:49
Making Peace With Your Past
- OWOprah Winfrey
I remember doing a show with John Bradshaw, who is the founder of the whole inner child movement. John Bradshaw did an exercise where he had people go back into their childhoods and look through the window, walk yourself home-
- MRMel Robbins
Uh-huh
- OWOprah Winfrey
... and then look through the window of your home and what do you see? And I saw myself separated from my grandmother and my grandfather, but feeling very much alone. I don't actually remember feeling loved by my mother or my grandmother growing up. I now know they loved me in the best way they knew how, but I didn't feel it. And because I didn't feel it and didn't get what I needed, that is what inspired me to be such a talker.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow.
- OWOprah Winfrey
That's to be a speaker, to be an orator, to do so well in school, because that's where my validation came from. I got... I felt no validation from home, so I felt love from my teachers.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I felt pleasing my teachers m- made my teachers like me. I felt, I felt a sense of satisfaction and worthiness outside my home, not inside my home.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Because I didn't get that from the people that I needed it from. I got it from the world. I got it from strangers.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Because we all have a design for our lives. You know, one of the things that impressed me, uh, so much to be able to find peace within my own family, because I grew up, as I said, not feeling loved, but once I became Oprah Winfrey, everybody loved me. Everybody. I was driving in Chicago and my mother was in the car, and she goes, "We didn't have much, but we sure had love." I almost wrecked the car. Like, what are you talking about? What, who are you ta- who are you talking to? I said, "What did you just say?" She goes, "Well, we didn't have much, but we sure had love." W- w- when? So I know that I never felt it.
- MRMel Robbins
Right.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I know that I was never shown it. I don't remember one moment ever when my mother ever ... complimented me or said, "I'm proud of you." I re- do remember being young and reading in the house, and it was summer, and it was hot, and I was st- sitting in a corner reading. And my mother goes, "What you doing in here, sitting up in here reading in the house? You need to get out there with all these other kids. You think you better than everybody else, just sitting up in this house reading." So I remember being punished for wanting to read. I d- I don't ever remember. But I made peace with my mother. I made peace long before she died.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, this is one of the pivotal things that I learned from you, and it was the m- like, life class that you did with T.D. Jakes.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm.
- MRMel Robbins
And I would love for you to share what he taught you, 'cause it forever changed my ability to see thing, people in my life very differently.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Ah.
- MRMel Robbins
Could you explain? 'Cause that was-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Oh, that was a fan- fantastic life class that I did with him, and I, i-i- it actually struck me too, 'cause I remember crying. Like, tears just schw shot out, flowing when he said that because it was so affirming for me. He said that you're a 10-gallon person. I'm a 10-gallon person. A lot of you are 10-gallon people trying to get 10 gallons worth of love from pint-size people who cannot carry the 10 gallons. They can't even carry the gallon. You're looking for 10-gallon love, 10-gallon responses, 10-gallon reception, 10-gallon acceptance from people who have a pint-size ability. So what I learned from that is that expecting people to offer you or give you the love, the attention that you need who do not have the capacity to do it, they just, they don't have the c- they don't have it. And you have to recognize they don't have it. So what do they have? Can I accept you exactly where you are with what you do have? And so my mother could cook. She made some, an incredible collard greens and could make cornbread like nobody else. And she, and that was the way she offered love.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And her idea, just like I know a lot of you have grown up with, with parents, especially if you're my generation or below my generation, you have parents who thought because I provided for you, that was love. You had food on the table. You had shelter. You weren't on the streets. That was, that was, that was all I had. That was all I had. And I realize now my mother was a, was a, was a maid her entire life until I retired her. My grandmother was a maid, a domestic worker. And taking care of other people's kids, you're giving all of your energy to taking care of other people's kids, putting on the face for them, wearing the mask for them, and by the time you came home, you had nothing left for me. I recognize that now, and I forgive that. And you know my favorite definition.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, well, I'm gonna let you say it 'cause this changed my life too, your definition of forgiveness.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yes, is giving up the hope that the past could be any different. If you are still wishing, hoping, wanting what happened to you to be something different than what it was, that will leave you so stuck. So for- you forgive for yourself. You forgives, you forgive to say I am going to release this thing that happened to me, and ex- first of all, get to the stage that requires all of us to move forward, and that is acceptance. You know? Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her, uh, Kubler-Ross in her famous, you know, five stages of grief.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
You know, you, you go through denial, and you go through anger about it, and you go through telling yourself it could be different. And then you get to acceptance. When you get to acceptance, when you've lost someone or any other job or relationship, when you get to acceptance, acceptance leads you to freedom. And until you get there, you're still just living in the past. You're hoping that it could be different. That is the, that is the best definition I have ever known.
- MRMel Robbins
It's hard to apply when you first hear it because there's so much holding onto and-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm
- MRMel Robbins
... bargaining with-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... and wishing things were different, and the wishing things were different, whether it's wishing this tragedy didn't happen or wishing the mom or the dad could've been a 10-gallon person even-
- 30:49 – 40:07
Dream Bigger
- MRMel Robbins
You talked about how you had a job in the beginning hosting a show.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And then you had an awakening when you realized through the power of your intention you could use this platform as a force for good.
- OWOprah Winfrey
You know, in the beginning I was just, I was just doing a job. Just like so many people that are listening to us and watching us right now, I was just working at a job. But that decision to change my job and my work into a force-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... for good, to actually use it as not just a show, to recognize it's not just a show, but you have a platform here, and you can use this to help other people see themselves. But, you know, I had got caught up into the whole, you know, confrontational television.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm. Uh-huh.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And my producers were so proud of themselves because they had gotten a, a, a guy to come on with his mistress and his wife, which unheard of, that you can get the three of them together-
- MRMel Robbins
Wow
- OWOprah Winfrey
... on national television. So they were on the show, and I had no idea. I mean, I'd read the background, and he was having an affair, and she was... He... This was not in our, you know, in our preview. And so he says to her on the air, to his wife, he turns to his wife and he says, "Well, what you don't know is that she's pregnant."
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And I'm telling you, the audience gasped, I gasped, and I looked at her face and I said, "Never again will that happen to me. Never again." I was so angry with myself and angry, upset with the producers who were so proud of themselves. And they go, "We didn't know he was gonna say that. We didn't know he was gonna s-..." Because her humiliation still abides with me.
- MRMel Robbins
Huh.
- OWOprah Winfrey
But was a great teacher for me, 'cause I thought the worst thing you can ever do, if y'all are listening... Y- if you are listening right now, the worst thing you can ever do to anybody is to cause them to be humiliated. That's why if you've gotta criticize somebody, if you have something to say to somebody that's going to be hurtful or is going to put them in a position where they feel devastated, you never, ever, ever do that in front of other people. Because then they have the humiliation and then the shame of it. So I said to myself, "I c- I c- I ca- I c- I cannot live with myself doing that to somebody."
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And I apologized to her afterwards and him afterwards. We're on live television, though. We're on live television. I know she never got over it, 'cause I have still to this day never gotten over it. And I said to my producers, "Never again will that happen. We're not doing that anymore." 'Cause around this time, 19- in the l- late 1980s, I was reading Gary Zukav's book-
- MRMel Robbins
Uh-huh
- OWOprah Winfrey
... Seat of the Soul. And in that book, one of the best books of my life actually, and he has two chapters on intention, and he talks about intention being one with cause and effect. And you all know that cause and effect is the first, is the law of karma. It is what you put out is coming back. And when I got that, I got it, it changed everything for me. Because I used to be such a huge people pleas- pleaser. I didn't know how to say no. And what I learned from the principle of intention is that if you're saying yes because you want to please the person-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... that is what they feel. They feel your pleasure. They feel your acquiescence. They feel your desire to make them feel okay. They don't know that behind it you are resentful. You don't know... They don't recognize that behind it you really didn't wanna do it, 'cause you said you wanted to... You said yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
So as soon as I got clear on, oh, the reason why people keep coming back is because they are feeling my intention of wanting to please them and not wanting to hurt their feelings. So I don't hurt their feelings. Not only do I not hurt their feelings, I make them feel pretty good. That's why when you loan money or you give something or you're the person who's carpooling and they always ask you to be the carpooler, it's because they know when they come to you, you're gonna say yes. And so when I learned to say no, when I learned to say no, that for myself, I then carried that principle of intention. I sat down with all the producers and said, "We're no longer gonna do a show unless we come from the point of view of intention. So when you present me the ideas-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... I want the intention for the idea alongside the idea."
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And so every show then, after 1989, became designed around the intention of how are we gonna let people be enlightened, uplift them, see something today, hear something today that's an aha moment for them that changes the direction for them.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. You as you're listening or watching right now, you have a platform right in front of your face. It's your family, it's your community, and through the power of your intention, you can start to be a force for good exactly where you are.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Where you are. And I would say, let me just say to you, if you're just at a job right now, shift the paradigm in your mind about the why you're doing that job. Even if you say, "Well, I'm just doing this job, uh, to make money for my family 'cause I've gotta make ends meet," then let every single step you take in that job, every single move you make in that job, even though that job may be boring and even though that job may be irritating to you, let it be for the love of your family.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Never, ever, ever lose sight every day you're walking out of the door, this I do For the love of my family. This I do to show that I am a provider, and one who can offer to my family a sense of safety, a sense of comfort. Just that little shift makes a difference in the way the workday moves. And whatever the job or the work is, to be able to shift it to, "How do I use this thing that I'm doing that is boring the hell out of me, or that is irritating to me, and I've got a boss," or, "How do I use this in service-
- 40:07 – 43:46
What Do You Really Want?
- OWOprah Winfrey
of my life.
- MRMel Robbins
I've heard you say, and, that one of the most important questions that you can ask yourself is, "What do I really want?"
- OWOprah Winfrey
Want, yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Why is that such a hard question for so many people to answer?
- OWOprah Winfrey
Because most people I, that I have encountered, you know, in my life experience of talking to thousands and thousands of people... And I used to sit after the show, you know, with everybody, and literally talk to the audiences about where you're from and what you want and what do you wanna do. And I'd ask that question, "Tell me what do you want?" And women would stand up and say, "Well, I just wanna be happy, Oprah. I just wanna be happy." And I'd say, "Well, what would make you happy?" They'd say, "Well, my children." "And what's gonna make you happy when your children are no longer in the home? What makes you happy-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... other than your children being happy? What makes you ha-" Most people could not iden- identify that. And what does that happiness look like for you? So are you going to live your dream, or are you gonna live the dream that the world has decided, that Instagram has decided, that X has decided, that Threads have decided-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... that you should live? What is y- the dream you hold in your heart? And the, the reason why I wanted to talk to you about this is because you and your audience understand that there's more.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And I started to listen to my audience back in the... When did this happen? Late '80s, early '90s. And women started to actually say out loud to me, "Mel, you know, I've done everything." And I say, "What do you want?" They say, "I've done everything. I've got the college degree. I married. I have the house. I have the, all the things. I have the Le Creuset pots. I have the whole... I have the things. But it just feels like there's gotta be more than this. There's something more."
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
"There's something more." And I said to my producers, "People keep saying the same thing, that they realize that there's more. And I believe we know what it is, and we gotta show them what it is." What they're missing is a, is, is, is the connection to the spirit- spiritual core within themselves. Not a religion, which I got accused of, "Oprah's now trying to create her own church. Oprah started the church of Oprah." No, there's, they're missing the essence within themselves. They're missing being centered in that GPS guidance-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... for themselves. So how do we give them that? And we started, Mel, doing these little clips called Remembering Your Spirit. And I remember doing a show where Carolyn Myss was on with her book Anatomy of Spirit. And the audience was watching, but I could see they had gone, they, they had gone somewhere else. And I stopped the show and I said, "Hey, w- are you all not tracking?" And they said, "Well, what is she talking about, spirit?" This is in '92.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow.
- OWOprah Winfrey
In 1992. In 1992 People didn't know, weren't familiar. They said, "Are you talking about Jesus? Are you talking about Moses? What are you talking about?" I said, "No, I'm talking about you have a mind, right? You have a body, you have a soul, or you have a spirit. That's what she's talking about, the soul of yourself. There's something deeper than just your mind that you feel in the most quiet, still moments of your being with yourself."
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
"And that's the something more that you're talking about, that you're looking for. And if you stay connected to that thing, you will never be guided wrong." Now, I can talk the talk, and most days I live it,
- 43:46 – 50:59
When Your Life No Longer Fits Who You’ve Become
- OWOprah Winfrey
but oh my God, when it came time to end the show, I made one of the biggest mistakes, actually, of my life, and that is I didn't listen to that GPS, and I struggle... I mean, 2012 was one of the worst li- the worst years of my life. Every single story headline about me was Oprah and the struggling OWN Network, Oprah and the struggling OWN Network, and it was hurtful and painful to me because it was the truth. I was struggling, I was hurting, and I was so angry with myself.
- MRMel Robbins
What did you not listen to?
- OWOprah Winfrey
I did not listen to... The voice inside myself was so strong, telling me not to do it, that I would wake up in the middle of the night and couldn't breathe, and I'd say, "Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it." Then I'd say, "But I already signed. I already signed. I already said I was gonna do it."
- MRMel Robbins
You dummy.
- OWOprah Winfrey
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
Like, what?
- OWOprah Winfrey
I already signed.
- MRMel Robbins
You're a human?
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
How dare you, Oprah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I know. I know. Oh, but I already said I was gonna do it, and now I would wa-
- MRMel Robbins
And I gotta be my word
- OWOprah Winfrey
I gotta gain, keep my word.
- MRMel Robbins
But here's what's interesting. Let's, I- let's pull this apart because I wanna learn from you because I don't wanna wake up-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... five years from now. When you say, "I have to keep my word"-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... we must from this point forward, Oprah, add to who-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... or whom.
- OWOprah Winfrey
To whom.
- MRMel Robbins
To whom.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Am I keeping my word to the outside life?
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
Or am I keeping my word to the inside?
- OWOprah Winfrey
And what I ultimately understand now that that decision was because I was keeping my word, not because I wanted to keep my word. This is the real truth. I've never said this before. I was keeping my word because I was trying to please the people on the other side.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I was trying to please... I was thinking, "Okay, what are they gonna think of me for changing my mind?" And this is what I want you all to learn from the lesson I knew but didn't pay attention to. You always have the right to change your mind. If the people are in the church sitting in the pews, and you're getting ready to walk down the aisle, and you know inside yourself, "I should not be marrying this person," you always have the right. If, you know, I talked to someone a long ti- "Why are you getting married? You, you don't even argue with each other." "But the invitations have gone out." You always have the right to change your mind. And so I didn't take my own lesson from that, and I struggled, I struggled, I struggled.
- MRMel Robbins
You know, that's the thing about the irrefutable laws of the universe. You don't just learn them once.
- 50:59 – 55:37
How to Know When to Leave
- MRMel Robbins
I wanna read to you this passage in your blockbuster bestseller. This is the 10th anniversary edition, What I Know For Sure. What I love about this book is that it's all essays from O Magazine, and that you wrote, and as I read each one, I can remember reading it.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Oh, really? 'Cause you read every magazine.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, did I ever. I was a student.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
I was a student. Um, I love this. This is on page 39. "Whenever I'm faced with a difficult decision, I ask myself, what would I do if I weren't afraid of making a mistake, feeling rejected, looking foolish, or being alone? I know for sure that when you remove the fear, the answer you've been searching for comes into focus. And as you walk into what you fear, you should know for sure that your deepest struggle can, and if you're willing and open, produce your greatest strength."
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
For the person who's listening right now, and, like, in those moments when you're afraid and you start to question everything-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... how do you find the truth when the fear is so loud? 'Cause the truth can feel quiet or, or scary.
- OWOprah Winfrey
This reminds me of, uh, moving from Baltimore to Chicago, and everybody around me telling me that the move to Chicago was going to destroy me-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... and that I was living in Baltimore, and you're, you're doing well, and you're an anchorwoman, and you should just keep this job. And my father, my own father, was like, "Well, you're not gonna ever find a job like this again." Uh, and it was safe. But this is, this is the most important thing. Understanding that the source, whatever you call it, from which you've come, has put you here for a greater reason than whatever the small thing in front of you is. Whatever you're looking at is only a piece of the picture-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... of your whole life. So one of the reasons why I've been able to maintain the center of myself is because even in that moment of struggle with OWN in the beginning of building that network, I was sad, I was numbed, I was depressed, I was angry with myself, but I knew trouble don't last always. I knew that that too would eventually pass. I didn't know how, because I live in the center of knowing that there's a bigger reason why I'm here.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And I have always understood that. I've always understood that I am a child of the universe. I am God's child. I am born to Vernon and Vernita Lee, but my coming here is such a fricking miracle. My parents were only together one time. One time. They never e- it was literally a one afternoon delight stand. It wasn't even a one-night stand. One time. And I, born colored... We weren't even Black then. Colored, in Mississippi, where the dream for a colored girl, the dream for a colored girl did not exist. So this miracle that has become my life, I know exists for everybody who is willing to tap into-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... the source of themselves to that, and that's what has eliminated my f- my, my, my ultimate fears. I mean, I was a l- I've been anxious about things, but I know that ultimately I belong to something bigger than myself, and that my reason for being here is bigger than a job or bigger than what I could even know. And so my My message and my offering to your audience is to ask the life force to use you for its highest good. Not you just tell it what you want. To use you for its highest
- 55:37 – 1:03:26
This is the Dream For Your Life
- OWOprah Winfrey
good.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I, I, I will share this story. There was, there was a producer of mine in Baltimore who was the richest person I'd ever seen or known. Her name was Arlene Weiner. Her husband's a famous attorney there, and they... I went to her house in, when I was 28, 29 years old, and she had us all over, and I was like, "Wow, Arlene is rich." [laughs] And I went into her home, and there i- is, looking out the window, all these trees in the front yard. Just like-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... I counted six trees out of her window. I thought, "Wow, if I ever get some money, I'm gonna have me some trees. I don't care about the cars, but I'm gonna have me some trees." And one morning I was sitting in the, uh, kitchen waiting on the t- the water to boil making tea, and I looked out the window, and there were the six trees. I went, "Whoa. There are those trees that I'd seen in Arlene's yard." And I walked out around to the porch, and I look- counted the trees, but I couldn't even count all of the trees. I could see the six from the window, but I couldn't see the hundreds beyond the six through the window. So I literally... You've been to my home. I live in a forest.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I had a dream for six trees. My dream was six trees. The life force that I call God had a bigger dream for me, and that is my message. Whatever dream you're dreaming-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... surrender that dream to the f- force that brought you here, regardless of what name you give that force. Because what I know is the force by all the names that we call God ain't jealous about the name, you know? [laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- OWOprah Winfrey
It's... Ain't gonna be jealous about the name. It's not gonna say, "Oh, you didn't call me Allah. You didn't call me Jehovah. You didn't call me G-" Okay. Whatever you call that, whatever that is-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah
- OWOprah Winfrey
... the life force that brought you here, lean into that dream for you. 'Cause there is a dream for your life, for your life, for my life. Don't live in your little small six-tree dream.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Don't live in... Live in the forest of dreams for yourself. Lean into that. And I think the reason why people are so stuck, because they can't see their connection-
- MRMel Robbins
Mm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... to the thing that's greater than themselves. Your life isn't this small. It's, it, it belongs to the world. It belongs to the world. The reason why we're all here is to give to the world, to give to myself, to feed myself, to take the lessons that I have learned, to go forward, to understand what happened to me happened to me so that I can use it. I was raped so that I could help other women who were raped. I was not seen so that I could see other people.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
All the things that I didn't get, I now can give to other people, as can you. As can you. As you are doing. That's what it's for. When you say it's all happening for a reason, oh, my goodness. It's happening so that it feeds and fuels you in a way that you have more to give. That's the lesson that we're missing, and we're missing it 'cause we're so, we're so narrowly tracked. We're, like, in our phones, and da, da, da, da, da. And you think your life is this big. You think your life is this big. But it belongs to the world. Belongs to the world.
- MRMel Robbins
And I want you to really pay attention, because I remember moments in my life where my life felt so small.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
The job I hated, the relationship I didn't have the courage to get out of, the-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... debt that I was in, the anxiety I was feeling.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I've been there, too. I've been there.
- MRMel Robbins
A- a- and here's the thing that is hard to believe, but I'm gonna say it anyway.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
If you can get yourself out of bed, and if you can get yourself out the door, you can do a little experiment where you can prove to yourself that you are powerful beyond measure. In fact, I just did it this morning. It was 5:55, and I had come out of the hotel, and I was walking across a crosswalk. And there was a woman that was walking that had her shoulders down and was looking at the ground and was, like, frowny face and walking and, you know, it's 5:55. And as I walked up to her, I smiled and just said, "Good morning." And she perked right up and said, "Well, good morning." And we just smiled and had this positive energy exchange. And that tiny little thing that you miss that's right in front of your face is this enormous power that you have through your energy and your attitude to flip a switch inside somebody else.
- OWOprah Winfrey
I know.
- MRMel Robbins
And when you do that, you are being of service. And the energy that you're putting out, despite how horrible things may be that are going on in your life right now, it shows you-
- 1:03:26 – 1:06:55
How To Find Your Purpose
- OWOprah Winfrey
I was a little girl. I mean, I grew up speaking in the church and having the people [laughs] say to my grandmother, "Hattie Mae, this here is a talking child. You got yourself a talking child here." And so talking and using my voice and being able to express to other people... And I realize now, uh, s- so people talk about, "What is your purpose? What is your purpose? What is your purpose? How do you find your purpose?" No matter who you are listening, if you were to pass away today, the people who eulogize you would connect the dots of your life-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... and at your funeral or memorial service would talk about what you offered, what you brought to them. And wherever you are in the journey, you are already creating a thread, a purpose that flows through everything that you've done. And mine is inspiration, and has been since I was four years old, speaking in the Kosciusko church, standing on a stage reciting and people saying, "My, my, my, my, my, this little child can talk." And then being a gr- an, an, an orator and winning all of the oratory c- contests when I was in school. That thread of speaking is what prepared me for the first audition when I sat down to do the radio show. And then being recognized and brought into television. That thread has led me to sitting The Mel Robbins Podcast.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- OWOprah Winfrey
Okay? That thread has brought me here today. And everyone listening to us has a thread. What's your thread? What has carried through? What is the thing-
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm
- OWOprah Winfrey
... or theme that has been through the course of your life? Mine is inspiration. What's yours?
- MRMel Robbins
Encouragement.
- OWOprah Winfrey
There you go.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah. Encouragement.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Encouragement.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- OWOprah Winfrey
That's exactly what you do.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah. 'Cause I think it's easy to have the information-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... or to get it.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
But if you believe and convince yourself it won't work for you-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... you won't do-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... the things that change your life.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah, that's the difference. That's what you do.
- MRMel Robbins
And so I weave encouragement through everything 'cause I know it's what I've always needed.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
'Cause when you can't... When you don't believe in yourself, being able to borrow somebody else's belief in your ability can really help, and that's what encouragement does.
- OWOprah Winfrey
That's what you do.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Girl, you're on it.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs] You know, there's a... As you were talking about purpose, it reminded me of one of my favorite ways to think about purpose, which is that purpose is not the thing that you do. Purpose is the thing that happens in others-
- 1:06:55 – 1:13:24
Hearing Your Own Voice Above the Noise
- OWOprah Winfrey
leads. I think the problem, one of the... I, I actually do think it's a problem, um, with the way social media works, is that I think a lot of people are just constantly bombarded with the lives of other people and trying to keep up with that.
- MRMel Robbins
Uh-huh.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And so you think your life is supposed to look like that. And, and it's just coming from every direction. Every direction is telling you, and you haven't gotten still enough with yourself. The answers are not out there. They just are not out there, you know? The voice of God... God... Silence is the language of God.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Silence is the language of God, and you can't hear it unless you are still enough, quiet enough within yourself. The moment you're asking out there, and asking everybody, "And what should I do? And what should I do? And what should I do?" That's the moment that you get still. And even if still is just sitting on the toilet seat with the door closed, with the door closed.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, for some of us, that's the only place that we can escape everybody.
- OWOprah Winfrey
[laughs] That's the only place. Just to be still, to be able to feel what that thing is.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- OWOprah Winfrey
It's trying to get through. There's nobody born that doesn't have it.
- MRMel Robbins
You know, I have a, I have a very good friend who was giving advice to one of my daughters, funny enough, and he was saying to her, "Listen, you got a lot of gifts to give. Don't you dare show up in heaven with your pockets full-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm
- MRMel Robbins
... with that song you didn't sing, or that book you didn't write, or that smile you didn't share." Is there anything left that you're still wanting to share or teach?
- OWOprah Winfrey
Um, I was standing in The Sphere in Las Vegas after the Bono concert, and I'd gone with friends, and we'd had the, "Aah, la, la, la, la, Bono." And when it was all over, I walked to the edge of where we'd been se- seating, and they were all behind me, and everybody was over to the side, and they were all cheering each other because it was the first performance of U2, Bono, at The Sphere. But I was standing alone on the side, and I had that feeling, the same one I felt when I was five years old on the back porch, and it was as clear to me. It said, "Wow, what just happened here? You could take people to the edge of the universe. You could use this stage, this screen, this window into the universe to allow people to connect to themselves in a way that they have never experienced before. You could connect them to the universe, and to themselves, and to each other." That is what that feeling said to me. It was a voice, and it was a feeling, and it was exactly the same as when I was five years old.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
It said, "Huh, this is a incredible arena, a, an incredible venue." I, I didn't even know what I had just seen, "But it's not being used to its maximum potential."
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
"You could use it to its maximum potential. How do you do that and share the experience of what it means to be fully alive with people? How do you connect people to the light within themselves using the tools of this space?" That's what the voice said to me. This is, this is 2023.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow.
- OWOprah Winfrey
2023.
- MRMel Robbins
So almost three years ago.
- OWOprah Winfrey
It's almost three years ago. And in the beginning, everybody thought, was thinking of it as a show.
- MRMel Robbins
Hmm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
And I was like, "It's not a show. It's an experience. It's to be felt, not just seen. How do we bring the team together that can create feelings for people?" And so now, three years later, this dream is being scored by one of the greatest musical composers on Earth, Max Richter.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- OWOprah Winfrey
So it's an immersive musical light experience of people coming together to ignite the light within ourselves.
- MRMel Robbins
You know what I think is so amazing about this? And I want you to really consider everything that Oprah has poured into you and shared with you today.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
I think it's easy when you're standing in a moment, and you look backwards-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... to see how all the dots connect.
- 1:13:24 – 1:18:12
How to Fulfill Your Life’s Purpose
- OWOprah Winfrey
I mean, I am 72 and very much aware of the urgency of time, very much aware that I have, hmm, one solid good decade left. Very much aware. So I'm looking at my life as though I am going, I have one solid decade left to give and offer the message that I came to give, and to do it with clarity, and do it with love, and do it without ego, and to do it as an offering to say, "This is why I came"
- MRMel Robbins
I think we should all steal what you said-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... when you said, "I believe I have a decade to do what I came to do."
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
And I don't care how young or old you are, imagine if you started living as if-
- OWOprah Winfrey
You had a decade
- MRMel Robbins
... you had a decade-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm
- MRMel Robbins
... to do what you came here to do.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And how that focus shifts your intention.
- OWOprah Winfrey
You know, the big dream for me right now is The Sphere, but I also realize in every day, um, in every, in my everyday life, that every encounter, that people are, that people are seeing me and that I feel like it is my responsibility to actually s- also see them as well.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, that's beautiful.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
I wanna read to you page 79.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
What I Know For Sure.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Okay. What did I know then?
- MRMel Robbins
Well, when you make loving others the story of your life-
- OWOprah Winfrey
Oh
- MRMel Robbins
... there's never a final chapter, because the legacy continues.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm.
- MRMel Robbins
You lend your light to one person, and he or she shines it on another, and another, and another. And I know for sure that in the final analysis of our lives, when the to-do lists are no more, when the frenzy is finished, when our email boxes are empty, the only thing that will have any lasting value is whether we've loved others and whether they've loved us. And I can tell you for sure that I know for sure that you loved us.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Mm.
- MRMel Robbins
And we all love you.
- OWOprah Winfrey
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
- MRMel Robbins
Oprah Winfrey, what are your parting words?
- OWOprah Winfrey
Um, my parting words are you were born to fulfill the dream of your life here on Earth. You were born into this planet, into the density of this gravitational pull, to fulfill the dream of your life, and of the creator's dream of your life here on Earth. Get about the business of doing that.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs] You heard her. Get about the business of doing that.
Episode duration: 1:18:17
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