The Mel Robbins PodcastThe Truth About Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go With Jay Shetty | Mel Robbins Podcast
Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty on jay Shetty Redefines Love As A Learnable Skill, Not Fate.
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Jay Shetty, The Truth About Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go With Jay Shetty | Mel Robbins Podcast explores jay Shetty Redefines Love As A Learnable Skill, Not Fate Mel Robbins interviews Jay Shetty about his new book "8 Rules of Love" and together they reframe love as a skill you can learn, practice, and improve, rather than a mysterious feeling you hope to find. Jay shares his practical definition of love—liking someone's personality, respecting their values, and being committed to their goals—and contrasts it with the culture’s obsession with chemistry and fairy-tale romance.
At a glance
WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT
Jay Shetty Redefines Love As A Learnable Skill, Not Fate
- Mel Robbins interviews Jay Shetty about his new book "8 Rules of Love" and together they reframe love as a skill you can learn, practice, and improve, rather than a mysterious feeling you hope to find. Jay shares his practical definition of love—liking someone's personality, respecting their values, and being committed to their goals—and contrasts it with the culture’s obsession with chemistry and fairy-tale romance.
- They explore how childhood wounds, past bullying, and parental patterns quietly script our relationships, and why learning to enjoy solitude, heal your younger self, and validate yourself are prerequisites to healthy love. Jay lays out early-stage dating pitfalls, like confusing stress and excitement for "chemistry" and treating dates like job interviews, and suggests slowing down to truly see who someone is.
- Later, they unpack deeper-stage partnership: why your partner can become your greatest teacher (guru) without controlling or "owning" you, and how real love means helping each other pursue your own goals and identities, not forcing each other onto the same path. The conversation closes with a powerful reframe: the highest act of love is loving someone so well that they learn to love themselves.
IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING
5 ideasRedefine love beyond chemistry: like their personality, respect their values, commit to their goals.
Jay argues that attraction is essential but not sufficient; enduring love rests on wanting to spend real time with someone, respecting what they value (even if you don’t share it), and supporting *their* authentic goals—not the ones you project onto them.
Learn to be in solitude so you stop chasing love from emptiness.
He distinguishes loneliness (the weakness of being alone) from solitude (the strength of being alone) and suggests using solo time to discover what you genuinely like in people, places, and projects, instead of defining yourself through who chooses you.
Identify and rewrite your "love story" and childhood imprints.
Experiences like bullying, comparison, or emotional neglect create gaps and scripts (“I’m unlovable,” “They’re out of my league”) that drive later relationships; practices like younger-self meditations and letters help you give yourself the validation you’re seeking from partners.
When dating, slow down and test reality instead of chasing the spark.
What we call "chemistry" is often a mix of excitement and anxiety, amplified by context (weddings, romantic movies, warm drinks); Jay advises slowing the pace, seeing people in varied settings, and noticing whether effort and responsiveness are mutual.
Watch for internal red flags: your own projections and fantasies.
Instead of expecting others to reveal obvious flaws, notice when you’re applying the halo effect (assuming extra virtues based on one trait) or bending your values and boundaries just to keep someone around; these are signals you’re idealizing, not seeing clearly.
WORDS WORTH SAVING
5 quotesI define love as when you like someone's personality, when you respect their values, and when you're committed to helping them achieve their goals.
— Jay Shetty
Are you trying to get them to the next step in their journey, or are you trying to get them to the next step in your journey?
— Jay Shetty
If your relationship starts as an interview, it will end like a rejection and a firing.
— Jay Shetty
If you're waiting for someone to love you to believe you're lovable, then the day they change their mind, you're immediately unlovable.
— Jay Shetty
The greatest act of love is loving someone so much that they learn to love themselves.
— Jay Shetty
QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN THIS EPISODE
5 questionsHow has my childhood experience with love, validation, or rejection quietly shaped the type of partners I’m drawn to and the way I show up in relationships?
Mel Robbins interviews Jay Shetty about his new book "8 Rules of Love" and together they reframe love as a skill you can learn, practice, and improve, rather than a mysterious feeling you hope to find. Jay shares his practical definition of love—liking someone's personality, respecting their values, and being committed to their goals—and contrasts it with the culture’s obsession with chemistry and fairy-tale romance.
If I rewrote my personal definition of love today, what three elements would I include—and do my current relationships reflect that definition?
They explore how childhood wounds, past bullying, and parental patterns quietly script our relationships, and why learning to enjoy solitude, heal your younger self, and validate yourself are prerequisites to healthy love. Jay lays out early-stage dating pitfalls, like confusing stress and excitement for "chemistry" and treating dates like job interviews, and suggests slowing down to truly see who someone is.
Where in my relationship am I trying to move my partner along *my* preferred path instead of genuinely supporting their own goals and growth?
Later, they unpack deeper-stage partnership: why your partner can become your greatest teacher (guru) without controlling or "owning" you, and how real love means helping each other pursue your own goals and identities, not forcing each other onto the same path. The conversation closes with a powerful reframe: the highest act of love is loving someone so well that they learn to love themselves.
In my dating life, what would it look like in practice to truly “slow down”—in how often we see each other, how quickly we escalate, and how broadly I observe their behavior?
Do I feel more owned or more partnered in my current relationship, and what specific behaviors (mine or theirs) signal control versus true mutual support?
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
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