The Mel Robbins PodcastThis One Episode Will Motivate You to Change Your Entire Life | Gary Vee
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
65 min read · 12,800 words- 0:00 – 5:05
Meet the Guest
- MRMel Robbins
Gary, I'm on my way. Today, on The Mel Robbins Podcast. Gary! A conversation that's 12 years in the making.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
[laughs] Do you understand who you consume, what you consume is who you become?
- MRMel Robbins
Gary Vee is the person who inspired me to start putting myself out there and online. My personal mentor-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
... Gary Vaynerchuk is here. It's time to stop making excuses.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I promise you, whatever th- you're scared of is far less scary than 30 years from now telling some random stranger, "Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot"
- MRMel Robbins
And change your life right now.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Kudos to everyone who's listening. You chose to consume some positivity. This is very important, everyone. I, I feel like I'm onto one here, so s- so lock in.
- MRMel Robbins
Please help me welcome the one, the only Gary Vaynerchuk to The Mel Robbins Podcast.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I'm so happy to be here, Mel. Thank you.
- MRMel Robbins
You have been an inspiration to me for 12 years. I would not be where I am today without you. And so where I wanna start, because I'm so thrilled that the person that's with us right now is gonna get to be infused with your wisdom, your energy, the lessons from your life, the way you think about life. How might the person who's listening's life change if they take to heart everything that we're about to talk about today?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
They'll become dramatically lighter. We are incredibly capable of making mountains out of molehills, and we focus on dumb shit until real shit happens, and then we recalibrate. I prefer the person that's listening right now enjoy life or understand life before something bad happens in it. And, uh, and I'm very focused on that, and that's a lot of what my content and my life is about.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, we're gonna get into how you actually do that. But before we get into that, I want the person listening to understand a little bit about how your life has shaped you.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yep.
- MRMel Robbins
You know what's interesting is I said before you were coming in to the team, I said, "I've heard you for a decade say, 'I'm gonna buy the Jets.'"
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
"I'm gonna buy the Jets." And I said to my team of almost 50 people, "How many people here think he's gonna do it?" Every hand went up. And what's interesting is that I don't know if you will or won't, but what is powerful is that your belief that you might is something that other people can catch.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
What's even more interesting on a personal level is the joy of chasing it is dramatically more delicious than achieving it.
- MRMel Robbins
Say more about that.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
You know, somewhere around my early 20s, I think I realized, oh, shoot, I like the chase more than the getting it. I like the practice more than the trophy. I don't live for outside validation. I didn't use that term, but I, I realized very early in my life, oh, I'm different. By the time I was 25, I had gone through being an immigrant that couldn't speak English, misunderstood. Um, being a ridiculously bad student, being misunderstood by parents of your friends and teachers. Uh, innovating in my dad's liquor store, things that people told my dad would ruin his business if they, if he let me do it. By the time I was 25, I was told by the world that I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and everything was right, right, right, right, right, and that made it very easy to live the last 25 years because I had it figured out early, and I say that from a place of gratitude, not audacity. Like, I, I hate the word luck, because I believe the world likes to weaponize it as an excuse to why they're not doing their thing. But it is not lost on me, the serendipity that got me out of the Soviet Union, got me to the US, gave me the mother that I had, gave me competitive spirit, but also just pure love in my heart. You know, I- I'm 50 now. I've watched many young children, nephew's children, niece's, friend's children. Like, some kids are just born with some shit, and then if they're fortunate enough that, that those ingredients are cooked properly in the proper restaurant, well, then shit gets crazy. But here's what I'm intoxicated by.
- MRMel Robbins
Tell me.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That if the person watching right now did not have all the best ingredients, DNA-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... did not have the greatest chef and sous chef, parents, were not served in the best restaurant, the neighborhoods and environments they grew up in, what I'm intoxicated by, why I exist in public, is my belief is that people are obnoxiously more capable of changing than they realize, and it's actually shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs] Shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world. There were so many things that you just said that I wanna make sure as you're listening, you really heard it. Because when you started to do the cadence of misunderstood, misunderstood, misunderstood, misunderstood, the majority of people who feel misunderstood start to withdraw-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Correct
- MRMel Robbins
... and start to say something's wrong.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes.
- 5:05 – 9:14
What To Do If You Feel Misunderstood
- MRMel Robbins
So for the person who's listening right now that feels like, "I suck at school. I just got fired from a job. I wanna be, I'm so different from my family. I can't find somebody to date that's interested in me-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... or not. Like, I'm misunderstood, misunderstood," and it is like dragging around a lead weight, how do you flip that sense that the world doesn't get you into something that propels you?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
By not wanting the world to get you.
- MRMel Robbins
Say more.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
You know, I'm just confused why you need your spouse to fully understand you, why you need your mother to fully understand you, why you need your fucking coworker to fully understand you. The answer to your question, Mel, is being comfortable with being misunderstood. By realizing someone's subjective opinion of you, who is not you, can never fully know you, not even the people that are closest to you. So how could a stranger in the comments of an Instagram post have a prayer of knowing who the fuck you are? And by the way, Mel Mafia, uh, that's what I call you guys.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Um, I apologize for the cursing. I'm a little bit of a Jersey boy. I'll try to rein it in 'cause I know occasionally it allows someone not to hear me.
- MRMel Robbins
I appreciate you saying that, 'cause there are a lot of people that listen in the car with littles. However, however, it is important that you also acknowledge that that is just who you are.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Comma, I'm incredibly empathetic to the people that have historically not consumed my content or not followed me, because if they in their life genuinely believe that cursing is atrocious and a sign of lack of intelligence or whatever they may think it is-
- MRMel Robbins
Right
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... I have the humility and the empathy and compassion to understand that. It's funny that I called it out. I tend not to.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm-hmm.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
But I think it comes out of just the de- deep respect I have for you and what you're building, and kind of like, I know I'm different, and you have incredible people on here. And I know just like you are the exact human that was built to break through for someone, I know that I'm the exact human to break through for a lot of people right now, and I worry about the seven or nine that won't go much further-
- MRMel Robbins
Right
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... because of the cursing, yet I'm the human on Earth that is about to say the sentence or two that fundamentally changes their perspective. And the only thing life is is how you see it. There is no life. There is no real world. There's just your perception. There's just what you bring to the table. You are either cynical because you are deeply insecure, or you are deeply optimistic because you're incredibly, purely confident. You have your life experiences. You have the things you were told. Most people that are listening right now, Mel, are scared. This is something we need to talk about.
- MRMel Robbins
So when somebody who is listening to you say that the biggest problem right now is that people are scared.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
There is so much fear.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
And there are plenty of reasons in life to be afraid, but allowing it to dominate what you do next is really the skill that somebody can learn to flip from cynicism, "There's nothing I can do," to, "There's always something I can do."
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Well, there's unlimited reasons to be optimistic.
- MRMel Robbins
Talk to the person who's cynical right now and who wants to be more optimistic, who wants to have courage.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Stop listening to politicians.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Uh, thanks for having me, everyone.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Like, that's it, Mel. Like, there is nothing else. Like, like, do you understand who you consume, what you consume is who you become? One of the reasons I schlepped here is because I wanna honor you being a human being who I know has fundamentally made it better for people. Like, I do not understand how people continue to be confused. There are two ways to build the biggest building in town. One is to just be talented enough to build the biggest building in town, and you admire everyone else's buildings, even the ones that are even bigger than yours.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Comma, the choice that most people take, which is they build a crappy little building, and they spend 100% of their time trying to tear down everybody else's building.
- 9:14 – 10:39
How to Take Control of Your Algorithm Online
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
This is shockingly hard and wildly easy. Algorithms. Ready?
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
"Gary, you don't get it. You always talk about social media. I'm so mad at you. It's my algorithm." Watch this, everyone. You want a task at home right now? Open your Instagram or TikTok, and when you get a piece of content, politics, shmolitics, negativity, manscaping, whatever, you know, whatever you got, literally click the buttons on the top right corner on Instagram or the bottom right corner on TikTok and say, "Not interested." And keep doing that for one day. And then go to Search and type in joy, Enter. And then like five or six things that pop up. And then go back to Search and type in happy and get some content. And like and follow a couple things. And this is very important. Then go to Search and put in Gary V-E-E, and follow that account.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And on and on. My friends, the algorithm did not change you, the algorithm exposed you.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh. It's so true.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Oh, I know, Mel.
- MRMel Robbins
For somebody who's listening, 'cause I do think that you're right, and most people are in their heads, spending all kinds of time either tearing themselves down and coming up with reasons why they can't-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Correct
- MRMel Robbins
... or looking around at other people and using it as evidence to see why they can't.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That's right.
- MRMel Robbins
Or, uh, t- spending a lot of time tearing other people down instead of, like, spending the same amount of time lifting themselves up.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yep.
- 10:39 – 14:12
Why Is It So Hard to Change?
- MRMel Robbins
How, if somebody who's listening starts to have a moment of reckoning where you're like, "You know, I'm kinda sick of this version of myself. I'm kinda sick of feeling like I'm stuck. I'm sick of being jealous of everyone else."
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
"I am living in a lot of fear."
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yeah.
- MRMel Robbins
"Nobody's gonna do this for me, but nobody's stopping me from doing what I'm capable of doing. I'm the one in my own way."
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And I'm using excuses at scale, and I continuously go back to, "My mom fucked up when I was eight." No shit, Sally. And? Like, you're grown now. You're 34. And the, the, the answer is action. It's therapy. Therapy's a good one. Instead of buying dumb shit to cover up your hurt, why don't you go invest it into therapy? Do you know how many people have BMWs that actually needed to go buy therapy sessions with that money?
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Please do not use materialistic things to show the world you're good when we all know you're not. Right, Mel?
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
You know, do you know why there's such a big consumer world? Like, people buy stuff? It's because we use it as proxies to disguise behind the makeup of our materialistic things to not allow you to see what's actually happening. We have a pandemic of keeping up with the Joneses not because of social media, and we see other people with stuff, but because modern parenting left- ... accountability out of the ingredients of the last 30, 40 years.
- MRMel Robbins
Let's talk about that. You have two kids.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
And you're also, for as public as you are, I really respect the fact that you're very private about your personal life.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Outrageously.
- MRMel Robbins
Outrageously. And I would love to have you talk about this in the lane of accountability because there is a lot of blaming your parents-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes
- MRMel Robbins
... blaming the circumstances, and there are very real circumstances that are very unfair.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Correct.
- MRMel Robbins
There's horrible things that happen to people.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Every day.
- MRMel Robbins
I do not believe everything happens for a reason. I believe shit happens. A lot of it's unfair, but you have to find a reason to move on and to grow.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Because other people who've also been in that situation have found a way, and so the question becomes, it is not impossible.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Like, that's important. Like, to your point, there are a lot of atrocious things. What about the fact that 800 million people, roughly 10% of the world right now, cannot get a glass of clean water as we sit here in this room? Like, perspective is confused out there. There are people that are, have real alcoholic parents, abandoned by parents, foster home, other scary stuff. The problem is, it's like, it is. I mean, my mother is the most optimistic, joyful, warm human on earth. Here's my mother's story in a nutshell. She lost her mother at five. Her mother died when she was five years old. Her father went to jail for 10 years when she was nine, 10 because the Soviet Union is a really fucked-up place. For the things that I get put on Mel's podcast for, my grandfather went to jail for. Like, real shit, right? I mean, that's a tough fucking hand, you know? And yet, incredible capacity to choose optimism and is more joyful and optimistic than anyone in our f- extended families, who all, quote-unquote, "had it better." And by the way, as atrocious as that was for my mom, there are thousands listening now that had it even worse. I get that.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- 14:12 – 22:12
Envy and Blame Are Keeping You Stuck
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
The question becomes, when is it not your parents' fault anymore? Let's start with that one. Mel, I'm actually asking you. Let's flip it. This is the Gary Vee-
- MRMel Robbins
Okay
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... audio experience.
- MRMel Robbins
Here we go.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
At what age, roughly, you're just one woman. You just have one subjective opinion. There's no right or wrong answer to this, but let's ta- sister talk to me, like we're just walking in the backyard.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay. We're wa- we're on a walk.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Just for fun.
- MRMel Robbins
I-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
A general number.
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
This is just the world, obviously incredibly circumstantial, everyone's life, but for fun, at what age, Mel, do you believe that it is no longer fun or interesting to just keep blaming your parents? At what age are you able to stand on your own two feet and choose who you surround yourself with, what you actually believe, how you limit your interactions with those parents or any other person that pushes negative propaganda 24/7? At what age are you a big girl now?
- MRMel Robbins
Well, I wouldn't say it's an age. I say it's the moment you decide to pay for your life.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That's right.
- MRMel Robbins
There is a point of view that has been very helpful to me, which is understanding that people can only give you what they have to give, and people can only provide you with the parenting experience largely based on what was done to them.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That's right.
- MRMel Robbins
And a lot of the, there's some real evil people out there-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... but there's also a lot of people that do bad things that don't know what they're doing.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And we've got to get into a place of what's an inconvenience or a darn it versus a catastro- I mean, what people now deem as my parent fucked me up, only 40 years ago was, like, a skinned knee. I mean, there are people who blame their parents for things that were inconceivable. I mean, like, missing one football game. Well, you missed the big game where I threw three touchdowns.
- MRMel Robbins
Well, here, here's the thing. Like, your parents did the job that they did, and at some point, you have to take that as a fact and decide what are you gonna do next? That's it.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
100%.
- MRMel Robbins
And are you gonna look back with judgment, or are you gonna look back with understanding and a bit of compassion and then be an adult and either forgive and have a conversation about it or have some boundaries around it?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Do you know what my opening line was to VeeCon 3-
- MRMel Robbins
No
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... my big conference? Literally walked on stage, 10,000 people, opening line, "F your grandparents."
- MRMel Robbins
What do you mean F your grandparents?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That was my opening line.
- MRMel Robbins
Why?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Because I am so tired of people being so mad at their mom and dad without taking a good look at what their grandparents did to Mom and Dad. We love little Granny because she gives you cookies and gave you five bucks, but meanwhile, Grammy screwed up your mom so good that you've spent your whole life blaming your mom. Like, at what point are you able to understand it's not their fault either? And now, Mel, let's transition.
- MRMel Robbins
Let's do it.
- 22:12 – 35:34
Why You Should Live Your Life For Your Funeral
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
meanwhile, that person is drinking a bottle of bourbon tonight 'cause they can't deal with the pressure of the world's judgment 'cause their emotional foundation isn't good enough. When are we gonna lead into gratitude?
- MRMel Robbins
Do you think gratitude is the way you flip from blame?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Because I think a lot of people are probably leaning in, going, "Boy, okay, like, if you were to just calculate, okay, what are all the things I'm blaming on my childhood that's..." And it's holding me back, because you're dragging it with you if you're still looking backward.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Or blaming your spouse, or blaming your boss, or blaming your daughter who's living the life you wish you were living, and you feel like you're doing it for her, and no one did it for you.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Blame, blame, blame, blame, blame, bla-la-la-la-la. Gratitude, and here's a big one. How about some humility? Can we get humility back into the game? Like, like-
- MRMel Robbins
Why do people think humility is weak?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I don't know. I think people think kindness is weak.
- MRMel Robbins
I don't get that.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
No shit, neither do I. Like, in this nanosecond, like, taking myself out of the podcast, I'm so happy right now because I'm happy people listen to you. I'm happy people listen to me. I'm happy, you know, people are focusing on all the bad that's out there. There are so many outlets to get good now.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
There's so many. And this is the point. First of all, kudos to everyone who's listening. You chose to consume some positivity. You chose to consume some accountability. You may not know why you like Mel, but I do.
- MRMel Robbins
Why do they like me?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
'Cause they're on the cusp of change. They're in the pregame. I'm excited. Like, literally, I don't know if-
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... you can see these goot. I'm pumped for them. They're close, right?
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
They're consuming you 'cause they're close.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes. And they, and, and you listen because you sense something that Gary and I know is true, that you are capable of Bananas, extraordinary things
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And let me say that real quick
- MRMel Robbins
If you can shift your mindset-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Let me say, but let me say something about that
- MRMel Robbins
Say it
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
For extraordinary things, not tens of millions of listeners to your podcast or 33 businesses that you're juggling, the number one thing I have is not all the things you think I have. The number one thing I have is peace of mind. Do you know what I want for everyone? I don't want them to have a blue checkmark, Mel. I don't want them to have a million fucking followers. I don't need them to have a top five podcast or big businesses. I need them to have peace of mind. Do you know how many people listening right now should make a lot less money? They're making 240, but they don't like their job. They're living above their means, so they need their job to continue to pay for their lifestyle of things that bring them no actual joy, and you know what they need to do? They need to simplify their life. We must get out of this materialistic keeping up with the Joneses. Now, listen, I need action. Like, like, there's plenty of people listening right now that don't need simplicity. I need action. I need people, 'cause I love them too much. I need the game. I'm too creative. It's, like, too fun. I'm a city boy. I'm a people person. I love everyone, regardless of what their intent is towards me. I need it, right? But if I didn't, I would... No one on earth would know me, I would live in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and I would do simple things, because I'm comfortable in being who I actually am
- MRMel Robbins
That is the secret to life
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Period.
- MRMel Robbins
Are you comfortable with yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Peace of mind means you're not questioning, "Who am I? What should I be doing today? What does this person think of me?"
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That last part.
- MRMel Robbins
That you know-
- 35:34 – 42:32
What If People Judge You?
- MRMel Robbins
So for somebody, though, who is crippled by other people's opinions, and I remember when I first started putting myself out there online, I was absolutely terrified of what my friends were gonna think.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
I was cr- I felt cringey as hell, and it is human nature to post, then to check how many people, then to question what you post, then to go down, and you've got a couple likes, and then see who's not liking it, and then look at the one comment that is the weird emoji, and then you wonder what they were actually thinking when they put the weird emoji, and then laser focus on the thing that's negative instead of focusing on the thing that's positive. And I think that habit and instinct to go to what's wrong keeps so many people From leaning in and experimenting, because you say, Gary, "Life shrinks and expands in proportion to your willingness to take risks and try new things." And for most people, putting yourself out there, whether it's posting online, or changing your career, or starting to exercise, or starting that Etsy shop, is freaking terrifying.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes, because their entire framework of how they see life is predicated on other people's opinions, everybody but them own selves.
- MRMel Robbins
So how do you stop caring about what other people think?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Practice.
- MRMel Robbins
How do I practice?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
By doing it. You're looking at a boy who literally was scared shitless to swim and ride a bike. Like, there was a lot of things I was scared of, that I think I just got it all out of the system by the time I was 15, 16, 17, 18, somewhere in that range.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, so for the 57-year-old, or the-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
They didn't practice enough
- MRMel Robbins
... 27-year-old, or the 37-year-old.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Let me give you the big one. Parents, if you have a child that gets bad grades, I'm gonna say something weird that I'm, I don't even know if I'm right, wrong, left, right, but I'm telling you, there's some real value. I see so many people, so many people, Mel, that are scared right now, were too good of students. They drew too much in the line. They get validation from outside, every 90 days from a teacher, A+, B+, A-. I, I think there's a lot there. And so to answer your question, practice. You've got to get used to, get ridiculed so much, get judged so much, get pushed back so much, that you can't hear it anymore.
- MRMel Robbins
What's interesting is that if you really think about the s- stepping up to the line, like I, I feel like you and I are, the, our philosophy in life could be explained by the Nike tagline, "Just do it." And the, most people don't understand the most powerful word of those three words. It's "just". Because if their, uh, tagline had been "Do it," that's not that inspiring.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
The "just" is so powerful because it honors this very human and universal moment of hesitation. You said that the person that's listening right now is on the cusp-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes, I, I believe that
- MRMel Robbins
... of something. You have gotten up out of the stands. You've been watching a game. You're now standing there on the sideline of the pickup basketball court.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Uh-huh.
- MRMel Robbins
And you are hesitating. That "just" is an acknowledgement that the hesitation is normal. The hesitation is what you feel right before you push through.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Can, can I use that analogy?
- MRMel Robbins
Please.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
This is very important, everyone. I, I feel like I'm onto one here, so s- so lock in. If I went on a basketball court right now.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And I'm a decent little player, but let's say this was just a really high-level game, and I sucked, and the other nine people really went there of trying to make me feel bad about it. There's some, there's something in me that asks them in return a very simple question, which is like, "You are correct. You nine are better at basketball than I am. But now I have a question for you. Are you a nicer boy than I am? Are you as good at making money as I am? Do you know how to make social media content as well as I do? Do you understand what live shopping is and how much that can change your nine persons' lives today, today?" Why have we gotten into a place where one or two or three things that you're not as good at are eating up all the oxygen? My friends, every one of you is great at something.
- MRMel Robbins
It's true.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I had a g- I have a great friend, Nate, who was my admin for a long time, my co-founder in Empathy Wines, now works in the golfing industry. And he was my admin when I had my son, and we got to play tennis a bunch, 'cause I had a couple weeks off.
- MRMel Robbins
You're a tennis player?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yeah, I hack a little.
- MRMel Robbins
I kinda see you in white. It's okay.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
So I, we would play one set, 'cause I'd wanna go home back to the, to the boy, and like da, da, da. And twice in that summer, he was up 5-1 and I won. Came back and won 7-5 and 7-6. Couple things. One, it's because when I was down 5-1, I started to change the energy of the court. I started to verbalize towards him and to myself.
- 42:32 – 44:53
How to Stop Hesitating
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
know me
- MRMel Robbins
I wanna circle back because you told that story for a reason, and the reason why you told that story is because you just gave the tool and the tactic that gets you off the sideline.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That's right.
- MRMel Robbins
Because as you're standing there, whether the sideline for you is, "I'm taking the real estate exam-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That's it
- MRMel Robbins
... I'm quitting this job, I'm leaving this relationship, I am going to learn how to make money online and do live shopping. Yes, I am." When you're standing on that line and the just do it and the hesitation is building, the only one criticizing you is you. And when you start to smack talk yourself, "I'm doing the damn thing. I know I'm scared. I know it feels weird. Watch me make a comeback. Watch me change my life," it changes the trajectory of your life because now instead of arguing against yourself, which is what's creating the hesitation-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes
- MRMel Robbins
... by the way, nobody else in your life is going, "Don't you dare do that thing."
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Of course.
- MRMel Robbins
It's you.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
What, what-
- MRMel Robbins
It's heartbreaking. Don't you think it's heartbreaking?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes, and let me paint another picture, if you allow me. Live shop-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah, of course. Go.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Live-
- MRMel Robbins
Do it
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... live shopping.
- MRMel Robbins
Okay.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Obsessed.
- MRMel Robbins
I know you're obs... So explain what live shopping is. Is it, it's QVC on, on social.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Social media.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That's right.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Not complicated.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
It is, go on TikTok right now and scroll for a while. Inevitably, within your first 15 scrolls, somebody is literally, instead of a piece of content, there's somebody who's actually live selling normally some tchotchkes that you don't need. Okay?
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs] Okay.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
But it is, but Mel, exactly where social media was. You know, you, you said you stumbled on me 14 years ago?
- MRMel Robbins
Uh-huh.
- 44:53 – 51:14
Is It Too Late to Change Your Life?
- MRMel Robbins
button. It's this button. It's that.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And a lot of people think they've already missed it, like, "Oh, darn" or like, "I don't get it. They're gonna-"
- MRMel Robbins
Okay, this is a big theme. Now, as you're listening to Gary right now, I want you to pay attention because he may be talking about live shopping. This is what's meant for you. This notion of, "I missed it. I'm too late. I, I, I missed the window. Somebody else is doing it now. I can't do it." This timeline-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
There's too many, there's too many people selling purses-
- MRMel Robbins
Too many people
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... already on shop, shopping.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I can't.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Crazy.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes, that because of out there-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Correct
- MRMel Robbins
... your internal dialogue goes, "Not me." And a lot of times this sounds like, "I'm too old. I'm too late. There's too many other people." And you're about to say, "You're wrong."
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Not only are you wrong, we represent it. I-
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... I've been podcasting since 2007. From 2000... When was COVID-19? From 2014 to '19, I had a top 100 podcast. Mine was different. It was ripping audio out of things that I were doing. And in two seconds, because you did it better, it didn't matter what, how many years of a head start.
- MRMel Robbins
Do you wanna know something crazy though, Gary?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Please.
- MRMel Robbins
In 2018-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes
- MRMel Robbins
... I remember seeing your podcast.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
I remember seeing other people's podcasts. I wanted to do a podcast because I had gotten my start in the media business by hosting a local radio show-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Right, right, right. I know that
- MRMel Robbins
... Saturday mornings here in Boston.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yep.
- MRMel Robbins
You know what I told myself as I'm standing on the sideline, watching your ass do your podcast, and I'm feeling the just do it hesitation, oh my God. I said, "Well, Gary's already done it, so the motivation and the, you know, that kind of thing that I wanna do, it's already taken." It would be another six years before I stopped talking myself out of it and actually did it.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
How about this? How about in this podcast, I said very clearly there are 10,000 listeners that are nice people too, and want good for others, that actually can do it.
- MRMel Robbins
Of course.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That a- But do you know how crazy that is? Just this listener group, there's 10,000 people that can start right now. They're in dead zero. We, I'm decades at-
- 51:14 – 55:23
How Do You Find Your People?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And I, here's my big one. Here's my big one tactically. You need to start surrounding yourself with people that are cheering for you to jump in the pool, not making fun of you for not being in the pool.
- MRMel Robbins
How do you do that when-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
[laughs]
- MRMel Robbins
... in the physical world-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... they're not around you? 'Cause I get a, we get a lot of questions-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
The digital world
- MRMel Robbins
... about this. I bet you do too.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
The digital world.
- MRMel Robbins
So how do you build the cheering group-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Ready?
- MRMel Robbins
... online? Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Ready? When Mel posts on Instagram, reply to other people's replies to her post and start becoming friends, all of you. Mel Mafia, start becoming friends with each other in Mel's comments. Here's what's gonna happen, Mel. Sally reads her f- all the comments from your post. She finds Kristen's comment that she associates with. She replies, "Kristen, I couldn't agree with you more." She also clicks Kristen's profile and looks at her profile and says, "PS, your dog is so cute." Got it?
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
We're putting a little effort into positivity.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes, okay.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Kristen is just a regular good old Kristen. She's not accustomed to people liking her comment and replying to it. She sees it in her notification. She then goes, looks. She's on the receiving end of love and warmth. She reads that comment. She looks at s- the first person's comment and says, "Oh my God, I love your backyard." You know what happens next? One of them DMs each other. You know what happens next? That goes on for a couple weeks. You know what happens next? A phone call, a Zoom. You know what happens next? They actually meet in person.
- MRMel Robbins
I love this.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Our slogan in VeeFriends is, "Strangers become acquaintances, acquaintances become friends, and friends become family." I'm obsessed with this. Do you know why I love collectibles and believe it's a huge trend, and that it's about to join fashion and sports and music as a lifestyle genre? Because collectibles, you don't need the cardboard of a baseball card that's worth $2 million. It's worth nothing. You don't need the pieces of paper of a comic book that ends up being worth $10,000. The actual intrinsic value is nothing. You definitely don't need collectibles. It is not a necessity. The only necessity about collectibles is community. Do you know why sports works? It's something that's not the most important thing in the world that brings everyone together, and we're talking about the same thing. Do you know why music works? You all like, y- it's com- it's tribalism on something that's positive. Do you know what Comic-Con looks like? Oh my God, if you wear a Spider-Man outfit and someone else loves Spider-Man, these are two strangers that hug it out like they're long-lost best friends. Collectibles are important because when I go to the trade show in Chicago, for four days, hundreds of thousands of people, we just all like cardboard with athletes on it.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs]
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Right?
- MRMel Robbins
I wanna take this because-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Please
- MRMel Robbins
... there is something about your life that you love. Needlepointing, gardening.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Cor- yes.
- MRMel Robbins
Like, it could be-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Keep going
- MRMel Robbins
... tractor pulling.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yes.
- MRMel Robbins
It could be anything.
- 55:23 – 1:01:11
The Fastest Way to Build Confidence
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I.
- MRMel Robbins
I wanna ask you some rapid fire questions.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Please.
- MRMel Robbins
'Cause this is what people, when, you know, people are looking for advice from you online, these are the top things people ask you.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Okay.
- MRMel Robbins
What's one thing the person listening can do today to build self-confidence?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Make a video that tells everybody all their shortcomings.
- MRMel Robbins
What?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Mel, everything is the last scene of 8 Mile, Eminem's movie. Eminem's movie, 8 Mile, the last scene is a battle rap. Eminem goes first, which is actually a disadvantage in battle rap. So what does he do? He flips the script. He makes fun of s- himself the entire time, and then at the tail end, he goes, "But I know something about you," to Clarence. I believe the number one thing that most people watching or listening to this podcast should do is make a video and tell the world what they suck at.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
It is the great liberating piece of content that is sitting on the fingertips of society that no one's doing. Because once you take control of it, they don't have control of it.
- MRMel Robbins
Oh, the thing you're afraid to say actually owns you.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Owns your fucking ass. It's your jail. Almost everyone is not posting because of something like that.
- MRMel Robbins
And almost everybody is not posting because they think there's a perfect thing to post.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Correct.
- MRMel Robbins
And the only thing to post is the thing you're afraid to say.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And the reason almost-
- MRMel Robbins
I'm brand new-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Yeah
- MRMel Robbins
... at posting music videos.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- MRMel Robbins
And I'm scared to death to do this-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Mm-hmm
- MRMel Robbins
... and some of you may think this sucks, and I've been talking myself out of it for 17 months, but here goes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And everybody's not posting, and I mean everybody. Almost no one's actually posting, and they're all not posting. You know why? They like their little facade. They're safe in their fakeness. They want everyone to think it's awesome. Johnny and me are doing great. My kids are perfect. Everyone's fucking great. No one's great. And that's what's great. [laughs] Everyone's got something, geez.
- MRMel Robbins
What's the piece of advice you would give to somebody who wants to start a business, and what's the worst?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
The best advice is, are you actually capable? You know, I got scared. You know, I am re- one of the proud things I am is I definitely feel like I'm in a very small group of people that made being a business person or entrepreneur cool 20 years ago. It feels really neat, you know? Like-
- MRMel Robbins
Yeah, you inspired so, what does that feel like, to know that you've inspired millions and millions and millions of people around the world to lean in, start, change their lives, start a business?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Well, you know, it's so funny. You represent something even cooler, which is I got to do it so early that so many people came along, were inspired by me, that have inspired more people than even I did.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- 1:01:11 – 1:03:45
The Easiest Way to Get Hired in 2026
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
or someone getting into it should know about the game."
- MRMel Robbins
Now, I wanna point something out. Notice he said, "I'm in between gigs."
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Own it.
- MRMel Robbins
Most people wouldn't say that-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Correct
- MRMel Robbins
... because you don't want people to know that, and Gary is telling you saying the thing you don't wanna say is not a sign that you're a loser, it's a sign that you're a winner and that you're-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Mel
- MRMel Robbins
... secure in yourself and you're still showing up.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Mel, your embarrassment is your advantage.
- MRMel Robbins
What do you mean?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I mean your embarrassment is your uniqueness. It's your nuance. It's your snowflake. I just don't know how people can't see this. Your unique situation is your biggest advantage, regardless if the world currently thinks it's right. Let me give you a big one for me.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I pounded against college for a decade in my content in the early 2000s and got completely shit on by everyone.
- MRMel Robbins
Like, he- what, what he's talking about is that for a decade Gary was questioning-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
2005, '07, '09, '11
- MRMel Robbins
... do you ne- college is a waste for a lot of people. Do you need to go to college? You do not need to go to college.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And you notice, Mel-
- MRMel Robbins
The world is changing
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
... 2007, I'm making a video saying college isn't right for, and I always was nuanced. If you're creative or entrepreneurial and your parents can't afford to pay for it, I do not think you should go take $120,000 in debt to have a piece of paper that I'm projecting in 20 years won't matter.
- MRMel Robbins
Yep.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And, uh, Mel, I got destroyed.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs] Well.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
No, really, Mel, like, the, it was probably the subject matter that I most got the most private and public comment heat of for a decade.
- MRMel Robbins
Wow.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
"Gary, you're saying this 'cause you were a bad student. You suck. You're not smart. You curse and you're bad at school. You don't have intellect," blah, blah, blah. And then miraculously, 15 years later, people are like, "Wait a minute." And so what I'm saying is, if it's your truth, my truth was I thought a lot of kids were getting screwed by college.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I really believed it.
- MRMel Robbins
I agree with you.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And n- but man, was I on an island in 2007. I'm telling you, I was in a really lonely place, and I would not stop because I believed in my soul. And you think I wanna tell the world that I sucked at Candor for 20 years and was horrible at firing and that there's people out there that are still mad at me because I pulled the rug from out- I'm embarrassed, Mel. I don't think all my other success hides-
- MRMel Robbins
What do you do with those failures?
- 1:03:45 – 1:10:33
You’re Not Behind
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
And then by the way, my friends, pay attention to your relationship with should. My relationship with should is remarkable. I don't use it. I don't think I should have anything. In fact, I think if I'm working 15 hours a day, let me say this slow, and for three years straight, I don't think I should have anything. Because if I'm not working effectively or something that's bringing value to someone, I should get nothing.
- MRMel Robbins
Cause and effect.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That's a, that's a tough one. You know, like, okay, Gary, Mel, I've been working on my podcast for nine years, 12 hours a day. Like, where, what's up? What's up is you stink.
- MRMel Robbins
[laughs] I'm sorry, what?
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
I mean, I don't know. Like, it's okay. Like, by the way, like, I stink at a lot of, like, like-
- MRMel Robbins
There's a lot of things I've done that stink, which is why I don't do 'em anymore.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Correct. Now we're getting into, like, like, are you navigating? How self-aware are you? Where's your humility? But I'm gonna say it again. There's a lot of people exhausted because they are not realizing how much envy and jealousy is eating up their soul. I'm gonna say it nice and slow. As of this moment that most people are listening, obviously people will listen to this years from now, but knowing when this is gonna air, they just went through June, July, and August, and they got triggered by someone else's happiness.
- MRMel Robbins
Mm.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
We need to talk about this more.
- MRMel Robbins
I had a moment in my life where I just got tired of myself.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That.
- MRMel Robbins
I got so sick of being a person-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
That
- MRMel Robbins
... that thought life should be different-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Should
- MRMel Robbins
... that thought I should have the things-
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Should
- MRMel Robbins
... other people did, that was jealous of people I wanted to be happy for, and I realized, wait, if I don't like the person I am, and if I don't like how I feel, I'm not stuck as this version of myself.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
In the realest way.
- MRMel Robbins
I need to change this if I don't like the way my life feels.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Even in the most competitive place I am as a professional.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Like, I do business the way, like, athletes do athlete.
- MRMel Robbins
I know.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Right?
- MRMel Robbins
I love that about you.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
You know, like, they're like, in real life they're very sweet, but when they get on the field they wanna crush.
- MRMel Robbins
Yes.
- GVGary Vaynerchuk
Even in my most competitive domain, my professional career, if you knew how much joy I have for people that are seemingly on paper competing with me when they are winning what many of my contemporaries view as coming out of them, it does not even register. I could not be happier for people that pass me in following count, pass me in financial status, pass me in listener count. I could not be more happy for all of you.
- MRMel Robbins
Why?
Episode duration: 1:10:38
Install uListen for AI-powered chat & search across the full episode — Get Full Transcript
Transcript of episode g_wMpEGgc1Q
