Transform Your Life at Any Moment: The Surprising Science of Happiness

1. 0:00 – 1:31

   Intro

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      Some of your most favorite people are people you haven't met yet. I freaking love this topic. It's the idea that there is a stranger out there that you're meant to meet who could become one of your closest friends. Everyone that you love now in your life was once a stranger. Think about the number of people that pass by you every single day, or who you're sitting next to at the coffee shop, or who you sit down next to or across from in the train. Just imagine, one hello leads to one conversation that could lead to somebody that you have never met becoming a really good friend. I'm gonna prove to you today, through eight decades of research and five true life stories, that unexpected connections not only make your day better, but they do change your life. (clock ticking) Hey, it's Mel, and I am so excited because today, you and I are talking about unexpected connections. I freaking love this topic. It's the idea that there is a stranger out there that you're meant to meet who could become one of your closest friends, and when you stop and truly think about it, everyone that you love now in your life was once a stranger. No, really. Stop and think about this for a minute with me.

2. 1:31 – 4:11

   How would you live knowing you haven’t met your favorite people yet?

   1. MRMel Robbins1:31

      How differently would you live your life if you knew with 100% certainty that many of your favorite people that you will know in your lifetime are people that you haven't met yet? I mean, doesn't your heart and mind just open up? I- it's so exciting to think about, isn't it? And if you're on a walk right now, you might be passing or walking by someone that could become one of your closest friends. If you're sitting at a cafe as you're listening to my voice, I want you to look around. There are potential friends or business partners all around you. Or even if you're driving in a car right now, who knows if the person that's about to pull into the parking spot next to you, and you get out of the car at the same time, and then you strike up a casual conversation as you're both walking into the grocery store, who knows where that might lead? And if you really stop and think about the possibility and the power in that, you'll go through life in a totally different way. And that's my mission today, to help you unlock what happiness researchers call the power of unexpected connections. Some of your most favorite people that you'll ever meet, you haven't met yet. And we're gonna dig into eight decades of research, and I'm gonna give you specific advice about how you can start tapping into the potential of these unexpected connections. And I also have five real life stories to warm your heart and to inspire you to lean into what's available to you right in front of your eyes, because the fact is, one of your most favorite friends could be standing right in front of you right now. You're gonna hear stories about sending a text message to the wrong person, mixing up an email address, and strangers who stand next to each other at a community pool, and even the power of someone that you've never met in person and only spoken to on the phone, and how they can change your life. You can think about this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast as a mix of Harvard research meets chicken noodle Soup for the Soul done Mel Robbins style. Now, before we get into the stories, I- I want to start with some research, and I want to do that on purpose for a reason, because this isn't just about heartwarming stories. They're amazing and you're gonna absolutely love them. But I want you to take this seriously, because one of the single biggest reasons that most of us don't live our lives looking at other people as meaningful connections is because we don't understand how much this matters,

3. 4:11 – 6:02

   Do you want to have a more meaningful life? You need to do THIS.

   1. MRMel Robbins4:11

      and I'm gonna bottom line it for you. Do you wanna have a more meaningful life? Then you have to start creating what researchers call warm relationships, and warm relationships aren't necessarily with the people that you know. They're with the people all around you that you don't know. And so I wanna dig into the research. And to do that, I wanna introduce you to somebody named Dr. Robert Waldinger. Now, Dr. Robert Waldinger might sound familiar to you, because earlier this year, he appeared on the podcast. He's a researcher and medical doctor at Harvard, and what he shared with me was so eye-opening. Dr. Waldinger is the lead researcher of something called the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Now, the Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest in-depth study of human happiness ever done. This study has been going on for 86 years, and it's still going on. And one of the things that researchers at Harvard found across generations of people from all different backgrounds is that there is this one truth about all human beings: positive relationships are essential to your well-being and happiness. And his team, in crunching all the data, bottom-lined their research this way, that good relationships keep you happier and healthier. And you wanna hear something even crazier? The team at Harvard can accurately predict who is gonna be happy at the age of 80. You wanna know how? Because they figured out in this study that when people were satisfied with their relationships when they were around the age of 50, they turned out to be the healthiest people, mentally and physically, when they were 80. And I want you to listen to Harvard's Dr. Waldinger, because he's gonna explain why this matters.

   2. GCGuest (Harvard Study of Adult Development researcher, brief clip)6:01

      The biggest takeaway

4. 6:02 – 7:26

   Harvard professor and MD explains why THESE people are happiest.

   1. GCGuest (Harvard Study of Adult Development researcher, brief clip)6:02

      is that the people who live the longest, stay the healthiest, and are the happiest, are the people who have more relationships with other people and warmer relationships with other people. That the people who literally saw more people in, in a given week, um, the people who felt happier with their relationships, actually lived years longer and they stayed healthier. They didn't develop the diseases of aging as soon, if they developed them at all, compared to people who were more isolated, who didn't care about relationships.

   2. MRMel Robbins6:40

      So let me just underscore what he said and then I'm gonna connect it to these unexpected connections that you can have with strangers. He says, "If you wanna improve your health and happiness, just focus on one thing." And so how do you do that? Sometimes all it takes to meet some of your most favorite people in your lifetime is simply saying hello. And in fact, the very first story proves it. And it begins at 7:00 PM one random night at a hostel in Bali, when a woman walking to the communal shower at the hostel was stopped by a stranger. Now, just trust me (laughs) on this. I know how that sounds. So let me back up a bit and give you some context,

5. 7:26 – 12:19

   My daughter’s unexpected best friend found backpacking!

   1. MRMel Robbins7:26

      'cause this first story is actually about our oldest daughter, Sawyer. So Sawyer had always dreamt of going on a solo backpacking trip around Asia. She had dreamt of this for a decade. She had saved all this money, and all of a sudden she made it a reality. So she flies halfway across the country alone as a 24-year-old woman. She lands in Bali. It is 7:00 PM at night. She is jet lagged. She does not have her bearings. She does not know where she is. She is in a country for the first time alone on this six-month adventure. She gets to the hostel where she's staying for the night. She checks in, she's got her backpack on. She's like, "What am I gonna do? Okay, I'm on this thing I've always thought about." And all of a sudden across the room, she sees a woman about her age and she thinks, "Okay, there's another woman here. The hostel's gonna be safe. I'm gonna be okay. After I get myself settled, I should, I should go talk to her." And so Sawyer checks in and she tells me that she finds, you know, her cot or bunk bed or wherever it is that she's supposed to put her stuff, and as she's getting settled, she sees the woman again and she thinks to herself, " (gasps) This is my opportunity. I, I, I, I, I gotta pounce on it. I gotta go ask her if she has any plans tonight or what she's doing or where I should go for dinner, 'cause I have no idea what I'm even doing." Except the woman is wrapped in a towel on her way down the hall to take a shower. Now, when Sawyer told me this story, I just had to laugh because can't you picture it? This woman, you know, in her twenties, she's in a hostel, she's in a towel, she's in her flip-flops. She's probably got that little shower caddy that, you know, people carry when they're in communal showers. She has no idea that she is about to get pounced on by my overeager daughter Sawyer, who's like, "Oh my God, I gotta, like, I gotta get this per-" And Sawyer tells me that she had to use the five-second rule in her mind so she could get the courage to go talk to this woman before it was too late. So she goes five, four, three, two, one, and then she went right up to her and said, "Hi, I'm Sawyer. Where are you from?" And Sawyer was nervous, but she did it. And Sawyer was even more nervous when the woman paused and fixed her towel and then said, after what seemed like hours, "I'm Naomi from London." I mean, can you imagine how awkward that moment was? One of them is standing in the towel, the other one is jet lagged, having just got off a plane, having no idea what to do, where to go, but they got through it. They ended up talking for a little bit in the hallway, and then Naomi went to go take a shower, and Sawyer was kicking herself because she didn't ask Naomi what she was doing tonight. And Sawyer desperately wanted to tag along or at least get a good recommendation for some food nearby. And a little later, Sawyer saw Naomi, who looked like she was getting ready to go out, and she knew that she was gonna be lonely eating dinner by herself if she didn't approach her again. She wanted to make this connection. And so she blurts out, "Hey, Naomi, what are you doing tonight?" And that unexpected encounter with a very awkward beginning as a stranger was heading to the shower created a really beautiful friendship. See, Sawyer and Naomi not only went out to dinner and immediately clicked with each other, they made a deep and meaningful connection that night that was so strong that they traveled together for the next four months. I mean, four months is a long time. One hello and the conversation that followed sparked that. And you wanna know what? Naomi is now one of Sawyer's best friends in the entire world. They talk almost every day, all because Sawyer leaned in, she trusted her gut, she took the chance, and she made the connection. That's all it takes. And I'm here to tell you those opportunities are all around you. I mean, she made what was nothing, two strangers passing each other in a hallway, into something meaningful. And think about the number of people that pass by you every single day. Do you know how many people do that? Or who you're sitting next to at the coffee shop, or who you sit down next to or across from on the train every single day?Just imagine, one hello leads to one conversation that could lead to somebody that you have never met becoming a really good friend. So

6. 12:19 – 15:51

   Here’s how to get the momentum you need to find unexpected connections.

   1. MRMel Robbins12:19

      how do you create this momentum in your life? Because let's get real here. It's all good to talk about just being more chatty or smiling more. I mean, everything seems easy to do, but then you don't do it. So let me ask you, why don't you do it? Because I think when you hear a story like that, and you probably, if you really stop and think about it, you can think back to meeting some of your closest friends and think about, "Wow, that really was a chance encounter, and then it, like, changed the trajectory of my life." Well, I'll tell you. Why don't we lean in more? Why don't we say hello more? I'll tell you why. Number one, you don't think it actually matters. You don't think saying hello to somebody matters, and what you're gonna learn over and over and over again through these five real-life stories and through the research is that this not only matters, but your health and happiness depends on the relationships you create. And the second reason why we don't do this is that in the moment where you're sitting there, and you're sitting next to a stranger, or you see somebody walking down the hall, or they step into the elevator, you know, who could be the person you're supposed to meet, it just kind of feels awkward, doesn't it? Because you haven't met them yet. And this is always going to be the case because that moment right before you lean in, the moment right before you approach, the moment right before you say hello, there is always that moment where you feel vulnerable when you go first. And even in situations where you're with a bunch of other people that are all brand new, like think about moments where you're starting college, or you're starting a new school, or you're starting a new job, and it's the kind of job where a bunch of people start at once, and everybody's in the kind of same orientation. Even though you're all new and nobody knows nobody, it still feels awkward to go first. And I know exactly what you think when you see somebody, and you think, "I should say hello. Oh, they look busy. Oh, I don't wanna interrupt their day. Oh, I don't wanna annoy them. Uh, I don't wanna look like some creep," you know? Or maybe they're gonna turn out to be weird, or maybe you're worried it's gonna seem awkward or weird. I'm here to tell you, you need to do it anyway. Go first. That's one of my rules in life. I'll go first. In fact, one of the things that I notice a lot is that when I'm out and about in real life and so many listeners of the podcast come up to me, and you wanna know what? I love it. I love meeting you in real life. I love hearing the stories about how what I'm sharing with you and our connection is changing your life for the better. I, it, it's just so cool. But what I've noticed is that 90% of the time when you say hello, the first thing you say is, "I don't wanna bother you." And what's interesting about that sentence is it acknowledges that you think it's going to be awkward when you approach somebody and you go first. And here's what I want you to know. I'm proud of you for saying hi. I love it when you say hi, and I also get that you're trying to respect my time, especially with my family, which I appreciate. But 90% of the time, even though it feels awkward, even though you feel a little vulnerable, when you talk to somebody and you go first, they talk back. And this isn't just Mel, your friend, saying this. I came with research, people. Research, research that proves that not only are you gonna feel a little awkward when you talk to a stranger, but here's what the research proves. Check

7. 15:51 – 18:43

   This research proves that you DO enjoy talking to strangers.

   1. MRMel Robbins15:51

      this out. That you actually do enjoy what happens when you talk to a stranger. So let me unpack this for you, because this is gonna be like, "You're kidding me," right? So this was a research study done at the University of Chicago, and they set up this experiment that involved commuters on trains, okay? So let me put you at the scene. They took a group of commuters, and they divided them into two groups, okay? And they said, "Group number one, here's what we want you to do. We want you to just go about your commute like you normally do." What does that mean? You sit on the train, and you ignore people, and you don't look at them. You read the book. You listen to your music. You just mindlessly scroll on your phone, whatever it is that you normally do that involves not looking at anybody else or making eye contact or talk 'cause nobody does, right? That's your assignment. The other group, okay, the second group, here's your assignment. You have to strike up a conversation with a stranger who is sitting near you during the commute. And here's where it gets interesting. Before they put the two groups on the commuter train, they asked the groups, "Okay, how much do you think you're gonna enjoy the assignment?" And of course, the people who were told, "You gotta talk to strangers," they were literally like, "I'm not gonna enjoy this at all. This is gonna completely blow." Wait till you hear what happened, because when the whole assignment was over and they asked both groups, the people who literally just read their books and didn't talk to anybody and the people who were forced to talk to strangers, "Okay, how do you feel after your commute?" You're not gonna believe what people said. The people who were forced to talk to strangers were way happier than the people who just sat there and did what they normally do. And they were not just happier, by the way. They were way happier. Why? Well, the researchers are here to tell you why, that unexpected connections energize you, and here, you and I are thinking it's awkward. You know what it is? It's actually awesome. These unexpected conversations make you feel like you belong. They make you feel like you matter, and if you stop and think about it, it makes sense because you're not sitting there on autopilot, ignoring the rest of humanity. Once you start talking to someone, what happens? It's like you come alive because the life force energy inside you, pew, sparks, and you also underpredict how happy a random conversation with a stranger will make you feel. Instead, you're sitting here thinking, "Oh, it's gonna be a mess. It's gonna be awkward. I'm gonna," nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. You talk yourself out of it, and you wanna know what else is cool?The research shows it not only makes you happier, it makes the stranger happier too. And so many of you write in and you're like, "Mel, Mel, Mel, will you do an episode about your secrets to success?" One of these days I will, but I'm gonna tell you something. Going first and talking to, quote, "strangers" is one of my secrets to success because I believe every single stranger could become a good friend, a connection, a business partner.

8. 18:43 – 24:18

   These are my tips for talking to strangers, without being creepy.

   1. MRMel Robbins18:43

      And so let me share with you some of the tricks that I use to go first without being creepy. Number one, I compliment people's nails all the time. It's a really cool way to compliment somebody's individuality, to call out something cool about them, or I might ask them what they're reading. I might ask them what they ordered. I might compliment their shoes or compliment something that they're wearing, or like Sawyer did in the hostel, five, four, three, two, one. Just say, "Hey, hello." Honestly, I live by this. I talk to everyone, the barista. I talk to people who are in the front of the line with me. I always talk to people in the elevator. Always. I am not the kind of person that gets in an elevator and stares at the door and just kind of... I literally, "Good morning. Hey everybody, how you doing?" And it's amazing. It's like watching popcorn. "Oh, good. How you doing? How you doing? Okay. How are you..." Like, even just that little banter picks you up. Walking the dog, anytime I pass someone, "Hi." People at the gym, "Hey, how you doing?" The chatting with the person on the customer, uh, support phone, by the way. The- This one actually is kind of interesting because if you are ever on the phone with somebody who's doing customer support and they pick up the phone and you're like, "Hey, how you doing?" it's a little startling for the person because most people don't actually ask like they care. And by the way, when you go first, when you lean in, when you compliment their nails or ask what the name of their dog is, or you ask them what their favorite thing to order is, it says a lot about you. It says that you're the kind of person who's willing to make a connection, that you're the kind of person who's interested in other people. And, you know, you don't have to act like you're running for mayor and shake hands and chat with every person you meet and hold all the babies and stuff, but you can do a little more than you're doing right now, right? 'Cause I really want you to wake up and realize that you're playing it safe and boring right now. You're on your phone during your commute. You're staring at social media while you're waiting in line at the coffee shop, and here you are missing out on all these opportunities for connection that bring you energy, that give you a little boost of happiness, that make you healthier, and that could just change the trajectory of your life. Like, just imagine if I were to secretly film you throughout the day, I were to follow you with hidden cameras, you didn't realize you were being filmed. Just imagine looking at the footage of you going throughout your day. You know what you would see? You would see that you are closed off. You would see that you are walking around and there's all these people walking by you and sitting around you, and you're not talking to them, that you're giving signals that you're not open to a conversation. You would see that you are buried in your phone instead of looking up and looking around, and you'll see that you're missing so many opportunities to connect with people. You feeling lonely? Here's how you actually address it. Start going first. Start saying hello to people. Start tapping into that energy and those little boosts that are all around you. You're not gonna feel so lonely. Here's your assignment from your friend Mel Robbins. We're gonna borrow from the researchers at the University of Chicago and those people that were in the group that were required to talk to strangers. Your assignment from me, Mel, is to say hello to one person you pass today. That's it. That's it. And I want you to notice how it feels. How does it feel to turn to the person next to you at the coffee shop and spark a conversation with them instead of just staring at your phone? How does it feel to talk to somebody that you don't know standing on the sidelines as you watch one of your kids play soccer? How does it feel to sit down next to somebody at work that you've never met before and just have lunch? See, researchers say that you and I can divide relationships into two categories, weak ties and strong ties. Now, strong ties are obvious. They're the people you see all the time, coworkers, family members, close friends, neighbors. They know your birthday, your favorite color. They can guess what you're gonna eat for lunch today. They know what book you're reading. And here, you and I pour all of our energy into those relationships, and we miss out on this second category of people who make your life really meaningful, and that is weak ties. And weak ties are a group of people that I want you to start to pay a lot more attention to. These are people who you don't know that well, your building superintendent, the person who works like five offices over from you that isn't in the same department, the person that you pass in the hallway, in the dorm, in the apartment building, or that maybe lives in another floor but you actually ride the elevator with them or pass them in the hallway, your child's teacher, your yoga instructor. These are all weak ties that have the potential to make you much happier than you are right now. How? By leaning in, by caring a little bit more, by being interested. And let me just hit you with a little more research on why this matters so much, and this comes

9. 24:18 – 26:51

   The shocking research around social contagion.

   1. MRMel Robbins24:18

      from Dr. Barbara Frederickson at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill.She says these simple little day-to-day interactions stimulate the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and oxytocin, which are associated with positive emotions and social bonding. And so you're experiencing what researchers call social contagion. And what that means is that all of these positive emotions, connection, boost to happiness, energy, belonging, just this sense of goodness, they can spread from one person to another. And if you get into the habit of going first, of saying hello, of striking up a conversation, of complimenting people's nails and asking questions and being the one that leans in, you will start to see this ripple effect in your life of daily positive boosts. It's honestly kind of incredible. And so now that you've got your assignment to talk to somebody and you know the research about how a weak connection and these random conversations and interactions make you feel better in the moment, and that adds up to feeling better in your life, what you're gonna see over and over and over again is that the more that you do it on a small scale and you make yourself feel better in the moment because you're now going about your day in a different way, you're like, "Why would I look at my phone all day if it's draining my energy and making me feel like crap and making me feel like I'm missing out when I could literally go first and lean in and say hello to strangers all around me? And I'm like, boom, boom, boom, boom, giving myself some positivity and I'm lifting myself up." Now you see that this all adds up to experiencing life at a totally different level, that the person in a towel in the flip-flops with her shower caddy at the hostel could actually become a travel companion for four months and one of the best friends in your life, that these connections are everywhere around you waiting for you to go first. And so now I wanna jump into the second story and just make this even bigger because this one is between two people who have never even met in real life,

10. 26:51 – 33:32

    Get your tissues ready for this unexpected story.

    1. MRMel Robbins26:51

       and I hope you have Kleenexes with you because this one is about a 92-year-old man named Al. I am holding a letter in my hand right now about Al, and this letter was written by Al's grandson, Joe. So let me set up this story because it's really, really beautiful, and you've got Al, who is a 92-year-old grandfather. He also had lost his wife, so he is a widower. He's living alone, and he has this experience where he is driving the car and he hits a deer. And if that's ever happened to you, it's actually terrifying because of course it hurts the animal, it can hurt you. It can also do a lot of damage to your car, which is what happened to Al, and so he was really shaken up after it happened, and he called his representative Cheryl, who works for Amica, and they're talking on the phone, and it was very apparent that Cheryl cared about Al. Now, they've never met in person. Like, we're talking about two people talking on the phone. And what happened next in this chance unexpected encounter over the phone was so moving that Al's grandson Joe wrote a letter about it. He says, "My name is Joe, and I'm writing you this note in regard to my grandfather, who lives in a rural town in Maine. He recently hit a deer resulting in an auto claim, and over the course of the claim, Cheryl, who was his representative, was very pleasant to work with and got to know him a bit. Now, my grandfather's 92 years old and lives alone in his home. While he has friends in the community who are good to him and invitations to share the holidays with him, his home still lacks the hustle and bustle and coming and going of family that so many of us take for granted around the holidays. Of course, in some ways that can make the season hard to get through. That being said, Cheryl, who has never met my grandfather in person, gave him a wonderful gift this year that filled not only his home but his heart with Christmas spirit. She went out of her way to get a Christmas card from my grandfather and then had an army of people at the Amica Concord office all sign it wishing my grandfather well. Then she called him on Christmas Day just to wish him a merry Christmas. Of course, his family and friends had also reached out to him as expected to wish him well, but I believe it was the simple selfless act of kindness and compassion that most filled his heart and brought to his house a spirit that had been absent this year, and I wanted to thank you for that, Cheryl. My grandfather asked that I leave you a copy of something he wrote 70 years ago as a gift in return for your kind gesture. My grandfather was a very successful businessman who had a long and impressive career, but it wasn't always that way. When my mom was a baby and even a toddler, they had very little, and one of their favorite Christmases as a family in December of 1950, my grandfather could only afford a little doll for my mom and no presents for his young wife, no big Christmas dinner with a roast, so he wrote this piece entitled The Gift....and he gave it to my grandmother as the only gift he could give." Oh my God. Okay, I don't know if I will get through this. (laughs) I think I needed the Kleenexes. "In times of little and times of plenty, it has always been a reminder that true acts of love, kindness and compassion are the real lasting gifts we give one another. Thank you so much for your act of kindness that truly brought brightness to the world and warmed a heart." And then he included this poem that Al had written in 1950 called The Gift. And here it is. "So many gifts with the passing of time are soon broken, torn, or fade away. They serve a single purpose and are then forgotten or put aside. Like all material things, they are substance, and as such, bring joy and happiness only for the present moment. But there is a gift that you will not see beneath our tree this year. Christmas Day, when the gifts are unwrapped and taken away, it will still remain until it is slowly seeped into the souls of those we love, for it is not of substance. It is a gift of love wrapped in dreams. (sighs) Dreams of now, tomorrow. It is tied tightly with a ribbon of faith, which will never be undone, and with a bow of compassion, for we are sensitive souls. This love is the greatest gift I can offer, and unlike material things, it will never break, tear, or fade away. By giving, it becomes only stronger and everlasting. Please accept this humble thought to nourish our love through another year, and God willing, within our entwined souls forever." (breathes deeply) It's true that love is the greatest gift you can offer, and it is by giving it, it becomes stronger and everlasting. And I think that's what you're doing when you go first, when you lean in, when you're the one that cares about somebody else. And the story shows you that you don't even have to be in person to lean into the power of this unexpected connection. Cheryl's actions show the real impact human connection and empathy can have. And you're even feeling it now that you're hearing the story, aren't you? That as I get all choked up, that you feel your own heart swell. And that is the phenomenon I was talking about, that the positive emotions spread from one person

11. 33:32 – 35:11

    You are capable of creating THIS incredible phenomenon.

    1. MRMel Robbins33:32

       to another, that there's this undeniable energetic ripple effect that you create, and it starts every single time you smile, or ask how somebody's day was, or say thank you, or hold open the door, or check in on someone, or turn and talk to the friend standing next to you. Isn't that incredible? When you really stop and think about how powerful you are, that how you show up on a phone call or how you go first and say hi to somebody, that you can be the one, that you can warm up the room, that you can make someone else feel love, that when you give it away, it actually makes it stronger in you. It's so powerful. And so thank you to Al's grandson, Joe, and thank you to Cheryl. I mean, I also, what I also love about that story is I think we all know somebody like Cheryl, right? That she's leading by example. Cheryl's actions show the impact real human connection and empathy can have. Don't you wanna be somebody like Cheryl? Don't you wanna be the person that makes people feel that way? Well, I'm here to tell you, you can and you are, and I want you to. I don't want you to forget the power that you have to do this, not only for yourself, but for other people. All right, so let's get into this next story

12. 35:11 – 42:00

    This 15-year friendship started with an email mix-up.

    1. MRMel Robbins35:11

       'cause if you're, if you could use a little laugh right now, you're gonna get it. Have you ever stopped to think about the fact that there's someone in the world right now that has your email, but just with one letter off? Like it could be Mel Robbins, but instead of spelling it with two Bs, R-O-B-B-I-N-S, it's one B. I want you to imagine that there's a person, for real, because there is, out in the world right now just living their life. They got their email address just like yours, but they got one letter that's different. Now imagine that all of a sudden in their email box, they start receiving emails that are meant for you. And it doesn't happen just once. It happens several times because somebody misspells the email, and oh my gosh, it was part of an email that went to a group email, and so now they keep getting emails that are meant for you over and over because people keep replying. Is it annoying or is this an unexpected connection? Well, that's exactly what happened to my mother-in-law, Judy Robbins. See, one day, one of Judy's sons sent an email to Judy, but he accidentally left one letter out. He misspelled the email, and all of a sudden who received that message from Judy's son? Another woman whose email was the same but only one letter different.What happened next? Well, this stranger responded back to Judy's son. And tell you what, I'm gonna let my mother-in-law, Judy, tell you the story.

    2. JRJudy Robbins36:51

       One of my boys got an email from this woman saying, um, "I just want to let you know I'm not your mother." And so, one of the boys had written me a note, but had dropped off this one letter, and she got it.

    3. MRMel Robbins37:10

       So they sent you-

    4. JRJudy Robbins37:12

       So-

    5. MRMel Robbins37:12

       ... a note, and they sent it to the wrong email address because they had just misspelled the email address and dropped off one letter, and it ends up going to this-

    6. JRJudy Robbins37:20

       Person.

    7. MRMel Robbins37:21

       ... stranger.

    8. JRJudy Robbins37:21

       This stranger.

    9. MRMel Robbins37:22

       Okay, and so she sends the email back.

    10. JRJudy Robbins37:24

        So s- and so she sent an email back to this person, which was one of the boys-

    11. MRMel Robbins37:28

        Yeah.

    12. JRJudy Robbins37:28

        ... I don't know who was saying, "Just want to let you know I'm not your mother. Your mother must have a different email address." Then I got ... several of 'em started to pick up, and it was really funny. She wrote to one of the women that I'm in a book club with-

    13. MRMel Robbins37:44

        (laughs)

    14. JRJudy Robbins37:44

        ... and she started off by saying, "I'd love to come to your book club, but unfortunately, I can't. I live in France, in Paris. (laughs) So please tell Judy that, you know, this is my email and that's hers," and so this went on and on and on. By then, we were writing each other.

    15. MRMel Robbins38:02

        What's her name?

    16. JRJudy Robbins38:03

        Y- Juliette.

    17. MRMel Robbins38:03

        So Juliette, so Juliette is over in France, and occasionally when people are trying to reach Judy Robins here in the United States-

    18. JRJudy Robbins38:11

        Yeah.

    19. MRMel Robbins38:11

        ... they misspell your email-

    20. JRJudy Robbins38:12

        Yeah.

    21. MRMel Robbins38:13

        ... and ends up going to Juliette in France.

    22. JRJudy Robbins38:15

        Yeah, and then she-

    23. MRMel Robbins38:15

        She then forwards it to you, and you two be-

    24. JRJudy Robbins38:17

        Oh, no, she started just answering them.

    25. MRMel Robbins38:19

        She started answering them?

    26. JRJudy Robbins38:20

        Yeah, which would copy me.

    27. MRMel Robbins38:21

        Okay.

    28. JRJudy Robbins38:21

        "Can't come to your book club," which I could. (laughs)

    29. MRMel Robbins38:24

        (laughs) Oh.

    30. JRJudy Robbins38:25

        One point in time, she got, (laughs) she got a receipt for all my cosmetics that I got (laughs) from Neiman Marcus.
13. 42:00 – 43:58

    Change your perspective on this one thing for a better life.

    1. MRMel Robbins42:00

       about it, I think most of us would've been annoyed by it. In fact, if it happened to you, you might be annoyed, because you feel kind of inconvenienced or you just sort of delete it or, like, wrong address or you shrug it off and you just kind of move on. What if when you do that, you miss the opportunity of a lifetime to have a friend who lives across the world and looks at your receipts? And you want to know why she got her receipts? This is the funniest part, because think about it, Judy misspelled her own email. I mean, (laughs) and when she gets these receipts from you after getting all these other emails from other people that were meant for you, she just laughs with you about how much you're spending on your stupid eye cream, or you know, she gets the emails from your kids and your book club and she makes space......for a joke about it. She then forwards your emails to you in a way that just is so open and good, making sure that you're getting your emails. And what about Juliette? Here this random woman who is 30 years older than her, suddenly she's got a connection with through Vermont? That is so cool. I just love this story, and one of the reasons why I love this story because you can see how your attitude in these moments of an unexpected connection mean everything. And Judy, just as you learned through the story with our daughter Sawyer earlier, not only turned something from cold to warm, but they turned warm into a lifelong friendship out of thin air. Why? Because someone went first. In the case of Judy's story, Juliette went first. She leaned in. Sawyer went first, said hello. You strike up a conversation. You're not taking life so seriously, and when you're open, you're open to connection. And I'm not even done yet, because I have a fourth story, and I love this story so much. And my friend Amy

14. 43:58 – 49:39

    This story proves why unexpected connections are magical.

    1. MRMel Robbins43:58

       shared this story with me. You are gonna love this. Her friend Astrid was at this huge community pool one day in the height of summer, and there she is, she's watching her son and her daughter play in the kiddie pool, and her kids are starting to play with these kids from another family. And so Astrid starts talking to the dad of these two kids, whose name was Rich. Just some light banter. And you can picture this, right? You're at a community pool, there are so many people, like everyone's all ... (makes noise) , and the kids play, and there you are, you're standing there in shin-deep water, you got your one-piece bathing suit on, you're holding a sandwich, you turn, you talk to the other parent next to you, nothing deep. "It's so hot out. Oh my ... Oh, the snack bar? Yeah, yeah, I got you the sandwich. It's not that bad." You know that kind of thing? And now, you and I know that these things, they can just kind of fizzle out kind of quickly, right? And that's exactly what happened in this situation. But when it was time to go and Astrid started packing up, and she was on her way out, Rich, the dad, literally walked up to her with his wife and said, "Hey, how about you guys come on over for brunch?" I mean, her kids got along, and, you know, in honesty, Astrid thought, "Okay, this is a little much to go from standing in shin-deep water to a brunch date." But she didn't want to be rude, so she said yes. She got home, she marked it on her calendar, she told her husband about it, and completely forgot about it. In fact, when the brunch date arrived several weeks later and she saw it on the calendar, you know what her reaction was? "Oh my God. What? What? Brunch?" Astrid couldn't remember who it was that invited (laughs) them to brunch. I mean, she couldn't remember the dad's name, she couldn't remember their faces, plus she didn't want to go. No one wanted to get out of their pajamas and go to this stupid brunch. But I g- I gotta tell you what, I gotta give her props, because she forced her family to go. I mean, can you imagine? You load your family up, nobody wants to go, you can't even remember the dad's name, and now you're standing on the front stoop of this house of these people that you don't know, you're raising your fist and knocking on the door, racking your brain trying to remember what they look like. And not only was it a surprise that that afternoon having brunch with some random family that they met at the pool, it was magical. They clicked instantly. The conversation flowed so easily, it was non-stop. And check this out. They found out that both couples lived in Chicago at the same time when they were in graduate school, and then they found out that they were in Mexico in the 1980s at the same time, and their paths must have crossed without them knowing because the amount of shared experiences. And then, as they're having brunch, Astrid and Rich, wait till you hear this, they find out that they have the same birthday, and I'm talking not only the same day, but the exact same year. Don't you freaking love it when you meet your birthday twin? I mean, how cool is this? I love this stuff, and it doesn't end there. Check this out. Astrid is an interior designer and designer of custom headboards and Rich loves flipping houses, and that was the start of another magical connection. A few conversations later, Astrid and Rich felt like there was an opportunity that they just couldn't ignore, and they started a house flipping business together. Their skills just complemented each other perfectly, and for years they ran a successful house flipping business and they called it Same Day, Same Year. I love that story, because what if you not only took everything that you're learning about how you can use these unexpected connections and see strangers as way to bring more joy and energy and meaning in your day-to-day life, but what if you look at it as something even deeper, that it's almost like a scavenger hunt of people, where there are people you're meant to meet, that in the process of bumping up the energy and saying hello and leaning in and being that kind of positive person spreading the ripple of positivity, that's how you're gonna find the person that you're meant to meet next? And if you really think about the story, doesn't it feel like something had been trying to pull them together all along? There's no doubt in my mind that they did cross paths in Mexico, but no one went first. There's no doubt in my mind that they did meet in Chicago, but nobody leaned in.But that day at the community pool, that unexpected connection, that was the day. And to think, it always begins the same way, with a simple hello and a conversation, and that leads to connection, and curiosity, and just feeling good. And that leads to invitation on a whim to brunch and a willingness to see what's on the other side of the door. And often what you'll find is beyond your wildest dreams. And that leads me to our final story of Jamal Hinton and Wanda Dench. And much like Judy and Juliet's friendship, which began with a misspelled email, this story

15. 49:39 – 54:21

    How a text about Thanksgiving dinner turned into a lifelong friendship.

    1. MRMel Robbins49:39

       begins with Wanda, who texted a number that she thought was her grandson inviting him to Thanksgiving dinner. And the text read, "Thanksgiving dinner is at my house on November 24 at 3:00 PM. Let me know if you're coming. Hope to see you all. Of course, that includes Amanda." Now, it turns out she didn't text her grandson. Turns out the text went to someone named Jamal, a complete stranger. Now, Jamal received the text and was like, "What is this?" He had no idea why he was on a text chain about Thanksgiving with these random people, and he had no idea who Amanda was. At the time, Jamal was just a 17-year-old high school student, and here he is sitting in class when he gets this text message from a stranger. What does he do? He doesn't delete it. He writes back, "Who is this?" Wanda replies, "Your grandma." So Jamal texted back, "Grandma? Can I have a picture?" Wanda says, "Of who?" Jamal says, "You LOL." So this is where it starts to get real, because Wanda sends her picture. And so I want you to imagine she's a really pretty woman, big smile, grayish hair. She looks like an awesome grandma. And Jamal sends his photo back, and he looks like a high school athlete, big smile, it's awesome. And then he writes below his picture, "You're not my grandma," with the shocked face emoji and the laughing emoji. But then he adds, and I love this, "Can I still get a plate though?" And Wanda does not miss a beat. She texts, "Of course. That's what grandmas do. They feed everyone." Talk about an unexpected connection. Just like Juliet, Wanda leaned in and so did Jamal. And guess what? Jamal ended up coming to Thanksgiving dinner with Wanda's family. Now, can you imagine the conversation Wanda had with her family about how she invited a total stranger to Thanksgiving 'cause she texted the wrong person? And can you imagine how nervous Jamal was knock, knock, knocking on the door of a total stranger for Thanksgiving? In fact, I bet it was a bit awkward for everyone. But remember what the research proves, it goes so much better than you expect, and it sure did. It always does. See, Wanda and her husband Lonnie were instant friends with Jamal, and eventually Jamal and his girlfriend began going on regular double dates with Wanda and Lonnie. That's how strong the connection became. They posted online about this unexpected Thanksgiving text gone wrong connection, and it went so viral. You maybe are now starting to go, "I think I remember this." And why does it go viral? Because you and I, we love the story of how an unexpected stranger can become a very close friend, and get this, Wanda, Lonnie, Jamal, his girlfriend McKayla, along with Wanda and Lonnie's family go on to spend four straight years of Thanksgiving together. And every year they post about it online with new selfies, and every year it goes viral. And then 2020, Lonnie, Wanda's husband passed away, and that absolutely meant that things would be different at the dinner table at Thanksgiving. But that unexpected connection that Wanda and Jamal shared was even stronger the next year. They had a picture of Lonnie at the table and carried on with the tradition of having Thanksgiving dinner. And this past year marked the eighth Thanksgiving that Jamal and Wanda spent together. I think this connection is so inspiring. They share a Thanksgiving selfie every single year, and the world loves it. In fact, if you're listening to this, go to YouTube and you can watch this episode and see all the photos and all the pictures. It's really freaking cool, and we edited it all into the video version of the podcast. But just stop and think about why this heartwarming story about the unexpected friendship between Jamal and Wanda has struck a chord around the world. I think it shows how much we all crave connection, how we would all love to be welcomed with open arms like family. Their story shows how you and I are wired to be with people, to give love, to share love, and to open your arms and open the door and share your life with other people. But what I really love about their story is that it proves that

16. 54:21 – 55:45

    Do this ONE thing today to create meaningful and unexpected connections.

    1. MRMel Robbins54:21

       you can find connection. You just have to be open to it. You have to lean in. You have to go first. The connections you make will enrich your life and make your life more exciting, adventurous, satisfying, and meaningful because it is true, some of the most favorite people that you will meet in your lifetime are people you haven't met yet, and the only thing that's keeping you from meeting them is going first. And one more thing, in case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be darn sure I told you that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a more meaningful life. Now go do it. I'll talk to you in a few days. And I want to thank you for being here with me on YouTube. If you loved this conversation today, and how could you not, please hit subscribe. It tells me that you're really enjoying what I'm doing, and it also supports me in being able to bring you more amazing content at zero cost. And I know you're looking for something awesome to watch, so I want you to check out this video because it's going to help you strengthen those warm relationships into some of the best deep friendships that you have in your adult life. Check it out.

Episode duration: 55:45