Your Dreams Are NO Joke: It’s Time to DREAM BIG Again & 3 Ways to Get Started | Mel Robbins Podcast

1. 0:00 – 3:03

   Intro

   1. MRMel Robbins0:00

      (ticking clock) (upbeat music) So this is one of those episodes where you're gonna hear a side of me you've never heard before, because I wanna talk to you about something that matters more than just about anything else, and that's your dreams. Your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are not a bunch of fluff. Your dreams are not self-help. Your dreams matter. And step-by-step coach you on recognizing what your dreams are. And today, we are going to get into the business of your dreams. (upbeat music) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to an incredible episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast. Okay, so this is one of those episodes where you're gonna hear a side of me you've never heard before. I am showing up with a level of intention and a level of, gosh, what's the right word for how I feel right now? I feel a sense of urgency to deliver the message I wanna deliver you today, because I wanna talk to you about something that matters more than just about anything else, and that's your dreams. Because you have given up on a dream that is buried deep inside you, and I am showing up today with a message that you need to hear at this exact moment in time. This is one of those episodes where I already have goosebumps because I know that you're meant to hear this exactly at the moment you're hearing it, that there is no mistake here. And I am expecting you to write to me after you listen to this and to tell me, "Oh my God, Mel, I needed to hear this," because there is a dream that is meant for you. Your dreams matter, and you may be sitting here going, "But Mel, I don't know what my dreams are," and I'm gonna tell you, baloney. You're probably so afraid that they can't happen, you won't give yourself permission to get in touch with them. And we're gonna change that today, because I believe that you were born with dreams buried inside of you, hardwired into your DNA, into your soul, that are personal to you, that you have a calling, a purpose that is personal to you, and you were born with it. It is wired into your curiosity. It is wired into your imagination, your creativity, your self-expression. One of the reasons why you're drawn towards certain things or certain people or you're repelled by certain things or certain people is because inside of your energy and DNA and your heart and your soul is something that is trying to come to the surface. And your life is always sending you signals. It is trying to get you to see and to hear and to feel all of these clues about what's meant for you. And even more than that, these dreams that are inside you, there

2. 3:03 – 6:19

   There is a flame inside of you

   1. MRMel Robbins3:03

      is a flame inside of you that is always burning, and I realize when times are tough, you may not be in touch with that flame. You may be like, "There's no flame inside me, Mel. That pilot light has gone out." Well, in a human being, it is impossible for the flame to burn out. That flame goes out when you die. As long as you're breathing, there is a flame inside you that is burning, and your job is to start to fan that flame, that flame of desire, that flame of purpose. That flame is so tied to your dreams and to things that are meant for you, and here's another reason why we're gonna talk about dreams and why this is so important, because I know you're like, "Oh my God, Mel, I did not realize that we were gonna be doing this today. (laughs) I thought this would be a January episode." No, you need this right now. The- the- the- the signs are there for me. I'm a person that pays attention to signs and coincidences, and it is not lost on me that you have sent an avalanche of emails to my website about dreams. It is not lost on me that your DMs are now starting to say, "Hey, Mel, I- I've always dreamt of doing this," or, "I've always wanted to do that, and I just can't get started. I don't know what to do," and, or, "Mel, I don't know what I want. I feel that I'm meant for more, but I don't know how to tap into it." I am talking about this because it is very clear that this is something that you want me to talk about. This is something that's in the air, and so we're also gonna talk about this because this is foundational to you being successful in life. See, this is not a show for losers. The Mel Robbins Podcast, it's funny that, you know, this is like, quote, self-help. I don't think this is self-help. I don't think creating a better life is self-help. I think creating a better life is your birthright. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be successful. You deserve to wake up every day and feel like you're living a life that is fun and meaningful. You deserve to have great relationships. Why is that self-help? Why does that mean something's broken? I'm here talking about your potential. This is a show for winners. Let's just ask Harvard Business School about the importance of dreams. Do you realize 83% of people, according to the research reported by the Harvard Business School, do not have life goals and dreams? Can you imagine how sad it would be to go through life and not have dreams for what your life is gonna be about? That- that sucks. That's not what you and I are doing. In fact, I'd like to move the needle. I don't want it to be 17% of people have dreams and the- the rest of the 83% are, like, shit out of luck. I want this podcast to be part of a movement that shifts that so that it's 83%. Hell, 100% of us have dreams. And why does dreams matter? Not just because they're hardwired into your soul. It's like this mandate that you're born with. You know, there's a reason why a baby crawls towards things that they're curious about. Curiosity is a baby exploring things that calls to them.You as

3. 6:19 – 12:08

   Tap into your curiosity

   1. MRMel Robbins6:19

      an adult have stopped following the call. We gotta change that. Harvard Business School says that you're 10 times more successful if you have dreams in life. And so, we're not only gonna identify those dreams, we're gonna start fanning the flame inside you today. That's what we're doing here on the episode today. And you can tell, I am showing up with a level of intention and intensity that you have not heard in me before. This is because this is serious business. Your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are not a bunch of fluff. Your dreams are not self-help. Your dreams matter. Your dreams are what will make you successful, and happy, and connected, and alive, and your dreams deserve your attention. And here's the final thing, your dreams are your responsibility. See, they're inside you for a reason. They're inside you because those dreams are what are gonna make you come alive and grow into who you're meant to be, and they are your responsibility. Your dreams are your responsibility to pursue, they're your responsibility to argue for, they're your responsibility to believe in, to work for. And I'm here in your life because I believe in your dreams, I believe in your ability to create them, I believe in the fact that you're a winner, and I believe that you deserve to have a life that you love. And that's why I'm here, like your biggest fan, clapping on the side of a road race, "Go, go, go, go, go, you can do it, you can do it." That's how much I believe in this stuff, and I believe in it because there have been many years of my life where I have not had dreams, where I have been lost, where I have been spinning, where I have not been fanning the flame inside myself. I have been taking a bucket of water, and with my excuses, and fears, and self-doubt, I have been trying to extinguish that flame inside myself. It doesn't work. It just makes you miserable. So here's what we're gonna do today. Number one, your dreams matter, period. Number two, having dreams and fanning the flame of those dreams, it's gonna make you 10 times more successful than ignoring them. Number three, your dreams are your responsibility, and that's a good thing because when you accept responsibility for not only tapping into those dreams and giving yourself permission to claim those dreams, and to feel those dreams, and to work toward those dreams, you take responsibility for creating meaning in your life, for momentum, for growth, for goodness, for purpose, like all the good stuff that you deserve. And so, the times in my life where I have given myself permission to dream, to want something, to just desire the things that I want just because I desire them, that's when I'm on fire in life, that's when things are working. When I'm arguing against myself, when I'm putting out my own flame, that's when I'm miserable. And so today, we are going to get a masterclass in knocking it off. You're gonna get a master coaching session. In fact, you're gonna get to listen in live where I'm coaching somebody else, and I'm gonna, like, use this coaching session that happened a couple weeks ago in Los Angeles as a way to hold your hand and step-by-step coach you, coach you on recognizing what your dreams are, and to coach you on knocking it off. Your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are serious business, and today, we are going to get into the business of your dreams. And then I'm gonna coach you on a simple thing you can do every single day to get deeply connected to those dreams, to train your brain to help you achieve those dreams. And don't you worry, don't you worry, we're gonna do lots of other episodes about tools, and momentum, and continuing to make them a reality, but we gotta get clear that your dreams matter. Enough with denying, okay? So here's how we're gonna do this. Couple weeks ago, I was in Los Angeles, and I was doing a live event with a friend of mine named Cathy Heller. Now, you may know of Cathy Heller, she's an incredible podcaster, and she is a bestselling author, and she and I did this live event, it was really awesome, with this audience, uh, in Los Angeles a couple weeks ago. And during the event, it was my birthday, Cathy surprised me with a birthday cake, and her sister, Barbara, came up, and her sister, Barbara, is this really awesome comedian and actor, and she did an impersonation of me. Here's the catch, one of my gifts is I have, I'd say, 100% accurate intuition. And the second Barbara got on that stage, my intuition went crazy, and I just knew this was a person who had given up on her dreams, and so I decided to go there. And what you're about to listen in on is a coaching session between me and a woman named Barbara. Barbara has a dream. She's very clear about what it is. Since she was 18 years old, she has known that she has wanted to be an actor, she has known that she has wanted to tour as a comic, she's known that she'd love to have a stand-up special on Netflix. She's been working at it, everyone, for over 25 years. She has come so close. And when I met her a couple weeks ago, she had given up on that dream. She had left

4. 12:08 – 20:58

   What happens when you give up on your dream

   1. MRMel Robbins12:08

      LA, she had moved to Florida, and little did she know, she was about to get an ass-kicking of a lifetime. Okay, so what are you not doing?

   2. GUGuest12:19

      Um, what am I not doing? So I moved, um, back home.... uh, two years ago.

   3. MRMel Robbins12:28

      Where, where, where was that?

   4. GUGuest12:29

      South Florida, the same place we're ...

   5. MRMel Robbins12:31

      Okay.

   6. GUGuest12:32

      And, um, and I felt so safe and comfortable for the first time in my whole adult life. And I'm like-

   7. MRMel Robbins12:37

      You do?

   8. GUGuest12:37

      Yeah. Well, no. Not really.

   9. (laughs)

   10. MRMel Robbins12:40

       See?

   11. GUGuest12:41

       You've got that all wrong. You're good.

   12. MRMel Robbins12:43

       (laughs)

   13. GUGuest12:43

       But (laughs) I, I've been an actor since I'm, like, 18 years old.

   14. MRMel Robbins12:49

       Uh-huh.

   15. GUGuest12:49

       And it's been effing hard.

   16. MRMel Robbins12:52

       Yeah.

   17. GUGuest12:52

       So, I started coaching people because I was like... I am talking to Mel Robbins right now. Um-

   18. (laughs)

   19. ... I love that part, too. And I started a pod-... I mean, I, I started directing and editing documentaries, and I love it.

   20. MRMel Robbins13:06

       What's wrong?

   21. GUGuest13:08

       Um, I still, I still wanna act, and, um...

   22. MRMel Robbins13:16

       Yeah.

   23. GUGuest13:17

       I'm 46 years old, so I feel like, um, it's, it's okay to be comfortable, and, and, and small. And-

   24. MRMel Robbins13:28

       Hold on.

   25. GUGuest13:29

       Yeah (laughs) .

   26. (laughs) .

   27. MRMel Robbins13:30

       It's okay to be comfortable, if that's what you want.

   28. GUGuest13:35

       Yeah.

   29. MRMel Robbins13:36

       It's not okay to be small.

   30. GUGuest13:39

       Yeah. (applause)
5. 20:58 – 22:02

   There is something that is meant for you

   1. MRMel Robbins20:58

      and you're either so afraid of it that you push it away or you long for it like I did. Since 2011, if you watch my TEDx Talk, which now has 29 million views, you will notice that in that TEDx Talk I talk about my goal. Back in 2011 on that stage I said, "My goal is to be the number one radio host in the world." So here we are, 11 years later, and we're launching the podcast, and it's taken me 11 years to get closer than ever to the thing. For these past 11 years have I stopped thinking about the dream? Nope. Have I noticed other people that are pursuing my dream? Yup. Have I felt jealous? Have I felt insecure? Yes, I have. All of those, just like you do. That is evidence that your dream is alive, and what I'm here to tell you is today is the day we're gonna stop arguing against your dream and we're gonna turn

6. 22:02 – 24:20

   Turn towards your dream

   1. MRMel Robbins22:02

      toward it and we're gonna start fanning it. So I promised you an exercise, because step one is you have to get honest with yourself and claim what you want. That's step one. And so I'm gonna tell you that, and I want you to think about your dream. I want you to think about what's calling you. I want you to think about the thing that would be so magical if you could make it happen but you've been arguing against yourself, and I want you to allow yourself to claim it, and as you sit there and think about the dream in your own life, let's go back to Los Angeles. Let's go back to that stage and let's check in with Barbara, because I'm gonna ask her to start getting honest, and what I want you to pay attention to is I want you to pay attention to how much she starts to joke and make excuses and dismiss how serious I am about dreams. (applause) Maybe you needed to move to South Florida to actually feel and understand in your soul who you are and what you want. It's a scary thing to admit what you want.

   2. GUGuest23:30

      Yeah.

   3. MRMel Robbins23:30

      Because it's true. It might not happen.

   4. GUGuest23:34

      Right. Yeah. And it- it's n- it's not ... I've come so close to it happening so many times and it hurts so much. It's all so scary. This part of me is like, "No, don't do that."

   5. MRMel Robbins23:45

      But why is it scary?

   6. GUGuest23:47

      Because I don't wanna go into debt and I- I just- I wanna, like, be at least somewhere, so I thought, well, I have this, you know-

   7. MRMel Robbins23:57

      But here's what I want you to understand. You have not gotten honest with yourself about what you actually want. You're putting all the energy into, "But I don't wanna go into debt. But I don't wanna do this. But I don't wanna do that."

   8. GUGuest24:13

      So then you do that anyway. (laughs)

   9. MRMel Robbins24:14

      Yes. That's the first step. Honesty. And it's very sobering

7. 24:20 – 28:49

   Step #1 - Being honest about what your dreams are

   1. MRMel Robbins24:20

      when you get honest, because for many of us, I mean, look at me. I spent 11 years making excuses for why I couldn't start a podcast, and all those excuses and the dancing around and the, "Oh," brushing it off and the, "I'm not really that serious about it."It's painful. Your dream isn't painful. Like she's talking about how scared she is that the dream's not gonna turn out. What's actually painful is how much energy you're putting into avoiding what you want and what you deserve. And the three big ways that we extinguish that flame inside of us, and we put distance between ourselves and the dreams that are meant for us is, number one, we, we literally downplay them. Any time you make a joke about your dream, any time you're like, (mocking) "Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm not that serious about it," you are putting distance between you and your dream. You're taking a bucket of water, and you're trying to extinguish the flame inside you. Any time you make excuses, "I don't have the money. I can't do it. I don't have the time." (babbles) Same thing. Cold bucket of water on that flame. Stop doing it. And the third thing, when she really gets honest, when you have that moment of reckoning with yourself, and you can claim what you want, it's terrifying. It really is. Because you allow yourself to feel desire. You allow yourself, for just a second, to feel possibility. Just imagine how incredible it would be to do a stadium tour and sing your own songs. And when you allow yourself to entertain the fact that that's the dream that's meant for you, you allow yourself to stand close to that flame. You allow it to burn a little brighter, and then we get scared. What if it doesn't happen? And you convince yourself that your dream is scary, and your dream isn't scary at all. Your excuses, and your fear of it, and your joking is what's scary. And so how do you keep this dream alive? And this is a really important exercise, particularly for those of you who say, "I don't know what I want, Mel. I don't know what my dream is." I have a very simple exercise that I've taught to hundreds of thousands of people. It's backed by science, and this is an exercise that is going to help you get back in touch with dreaming. See, I think part of the problem is that we've all gotten into this mode where we don't wanna get our expectations up, so we put a lid on our own desires. We don't allow ourselves to want what we want. We don't allow ourselves to be in touch with the things that we really long for. And it's the fact that you won't even give yourself permission to dream, that's also making you feel unworthy. And so how are we gonna tap back into this dream inside you? How are we gonna get your desires flowing freely? How are we gonna get you to start to believe that you're worthy of the things that you long for? I'll tell you how. It's very simple. Every single morning, you are gonna make a cup of coffee or tea, and as part of your morning routine, you are simply gonna write down five dreams a day. That's it. Five dreams a day. You are going to make it a habit to claim what you want, if only by writing it on a piece of paper. And having taught this to hundreds of thousands of people, I already know what your questions are gonna be. Are they the same things I write down? Are they big things? Are they little things? Are they things that can happen? What are they, Mel? Here's how you're gonna do this. Do not overthink it. Sit down. You have a blank piece of paper, and just write down five things you want.

8. 28:49 – 35:18

   Tap into your deepest desires and write down 5 of your dreams daily

   1. MRMel Robbins28:49

      It could be, "I want that new Gucci handbag," and you might not be able to pay for groceries right now. It might be, "I want my puppy to stop pooping on the living room rug." It might be, "I wanna be the number one podcast host in the world." It might be, "I wanna do a stadium tour. I wanna write a song that helps heal the world. I wanna have a wonderful relationship with my mom, who I currently hate." Your dreams are yours. Do not judge them. Do not shrink them. This exercise is about clearing out the blockage and the gunk that has blocked the highway between your heart and your soul and what you will give yourself permission to want and desire in your life. Your self-doubt, your feeling that you're not worthy, your excuses, your people-pleasing, it's all blocking your access to this longing, to this dream within you. And so we gotta just get the gears turning. We gotta get these, like kinda the... I don't even know what you call it, but this is a way to, like grease the gears and get you free-flowing. Why shouldn't you do a stadium tour? Why shouldn't you have that new Gucci handbag, if that's what you want? You can certainly do the work to get it. Why shouldn't you be happy, or healthy, or heal your cancer? These dreams are there for a reason. We gotta get them out of your head, where you bury them with excuses, and we gotta get them into the world, in real time, where you can see them on a piece of paper. Now, reason number one why you're gonna do this, five dreams a day. They can be the same dreams. They can be different dreams. They can be big dreams. They can be little dreams. They can be thematic. They can be specific stuff. They can be anything you want.We just need to get your dreams and your desires flowing freely, without you putting the lid on, invalidating or arguing against them. So, there's a second reason why this exercise is so effective, and it has to do with something called the Zeigarnic effect. Now, the Zeigarnic effect is a extraordinarily well-documented effect in your brain that was first discovered by a Lithuanian psychologist named Bluma Zeigarnic, and she had her first study published about psychology and this theory in 1927. So, this has been around for a long time. And what is the Zeigarnic effect? Well, the Zeigarnic effect is this. Inside of your brain, there is a mental checklist function, and whenever something is important to you, your brain is like, "Oh, ding, ding, ding, I guess she wants to do a stadium tour. Oh, ding, ding, ding, I guess she wants to get her cholesterol down." Whenever something's important to you, your brain takes notice, it opens up a mental checklist, and then your brain has this really interesting function where it will now work with you to help remind you of this thing that's important to do, it's like a little to-do list in your brain. And the Zeigarnic effect is once your brain knows something is important, and it's important if you keep writing it down, your brain is gonna go to work trying to help you get it done. And the Zeigarnic effect is so pronounced that it is used, everybody, in software design. Yup, you know how they talk about gamification? You know how you got to fill out a form and then all of a sudden, a little reminder pops up that likes, "You're 64% complete." Well, that's the Zeigarnic effect. That's this mental checklist thing saying, "You're not done yet, you got a little bit more to go." And so this is so effective. And so again, I'm gonna summarize this, and I'm also going to help you. If you go to melrobbins.com/dreambig, melrobbins.com/dreambig, I got a free download for you. Not only are we gonna give you some of the key takeaways from this episode, but we're gonna give you prompts so that you can print out this free sheet and use it every single morning to write down your five dreams, to tap into the Zeigarnic effect inside your brain to help you keep those dreams alive, and to help you start letting your desires and your worthiness flow freely through you. Okay, so we've covered a couple key topics so far. Your dreams are not a joke, they matter. You got to claim them. This exercise of writing down five things you want every single morning is gonna tap into that superhighway and it's gonna help you build the neuropathways to give yourself permission to want things. It's gonna help you tap into this flame inside you that is burning and that is begging for you to let it help you. And then what we're gonna do next is we're gonna talk about the fact that once you get in touch with this dream, you know what you're gonna do? You're gonna do what everybody does. You're gonna start arguing against it. You're gonna start making jokes, you're gonna start making excuses, you're gonna start getting afraid. Because once this dream keeps showing up on that piece of paper every morning, once you start to feel the pull of your heart, once you start to notice, as I have for the last eight years, that everybody and their mother has a podcast except for me, you're gonna start to feel the pain of not working toward it. And instead of turning toward our dream, you know what we all do? We do what you're gonna hear Barbara doing back in LA. You're gonna hear her kicking up a dust storm of excuses, of jokes, of reasons, of this, but here's the difference, she had Mel Robbins on her ass that day, and I was not gonna have any of it, because your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are serious business that demand and deserve your attention. What if you lived in South Florida and you were comfortable and you were big?

   2. GUGuest34:59

      (laughs) And I was big?

   3. MRMel Robbins35:01

      Big. Like, big, big, big.

   4. GUGuest35:04

      Well, I tried that. (laughs)

   5. MRMel Robbins35:05

      Okay.

   6. GUGuest35:06

      Um, I actually ... I'm, like, a big fish in, like, the Jewish community. (laughs)

   7. MRMel Robbins35:11

      Yeah, but- but- so hold on a second.

   8. GUGuest35:13

      Yeah.

   9. MRMel Robbins35:13

      Stop making a joke of this.

   10. GUGuest35:14

       Okay, I'm sorry, Randy.

   11. MRMel Robbins35:15

       No, I'm serious.

   12. GUGuest35:16

       (laughs)

   13. MRMel Robbins35:17

       Because this is

9. 35:18 – 38:09

   Your dreams are not a joke

   1. MRMel Robbins35:18

      how you block honesty.

   2. GUGuest35:20

      Yes, it's true. Yep. Yeah, I'm funny.

   3. MRMel Robbins35:22

      So you're- you are funny.

   4. GUGuest35:24

      No.

   5. MRMel Robbins35:24

      But being unhappy is not funny.

   6. GUGuest35:26

      No, it's really, really, really not.

   7. MRMel Robbins35:27

      And-

   8. GUGuest35:28

      Especially when you have a sister who's, like, so good at being happy.

   9. MRMel Robbins35:29

      Yeah, but stop making jokes.

   10. GUGuest35:32

       (laughs) Sorry. It's so hard not to, you're so amazing.

   11. MRMel Robbins35:35

       Uh, no-

   12. GUGuest35:36

       I want to entertain you.

   13. MRMel Robbins35:37

       No, I don't want you to entertain me.

   14. GUGuest35:39

       I can't not-

   15. MRMel Robbins35:39

       I want you to be honest with me.

   16. GUGuest35:40

       Okay. All right.

   17. MRMel Robbins35:42

       So, what do you want? Do you want to move back to LA and give it another try?

   18. GUGuest35:46

       Yes, and I almost did, and then I was like, "Politics and, uh, crime, and I'm scared," and-

   19. MRMel Robbins35:52

       So, so this ... What you're witnessing here-

   20. GUGuest35:55

       (laughs) You're gonna die.

   21. MRMel Robbins35:56

       ... is you're- yeah, you're witnessing somebody who is literally trying to extinguish-

   22. GUGuest36:03

       Yes. (laughs)

   23. MRMel Robbins36:03

       ... her own flame with jokes.

   24. GUGuest36:06

       Please breathe. Yeah. (sighs)

   25. MRMel Robbins36:09

       And you are not having this moment of reckoning with yourself.

   26. GUGuest36:14

       Yeah.

   27. MRMel Robbins36:15

       I am telling you-

   28. GUGuest36:16

       Yeah.

   29. MRMel Robbins36:16

       ... that what you're witnessing, we all do this shit.

   30. GUGuest36:20

       Yeah.
10. 38:09 – 40:31

    Start being honest with yourself

    1. MRMel Robbins38:09

       everybody that is on our team as we're recording this podcast, and I'm looking at everybody and, you know, I'm- I'm thinking, "My God." You know, I- I- I- I look at Cameryn and I'm like, "She almost went to law school and she felt this flame inside her going, 'Mm. Ahh. Go in a different direction.'" She didn't know what to do next. She just knew that something else was meant for her. Thank God she didn't go to law school. Thank God she turned toward that pull. Thank God she fanned the flame because here's the one tool you need. This is the only tool you need in order to align with your dreams. Every single day when you wake up, you're gonna do those little... You're gonna write down the five dreams. That's a way to get- get your desires flowing again. That's a way to teach yourself how to start dreaming with the lid off. That's a way for you to really start to get yourself in touch with what your s- mind, body, and spirit are trying to wake you up to and have you pay attention to, the things in your life that make you come alive, that make you grow. You're supposed to walk toward that light. You're not supposed to argue against it. And so, every single day, you're gonna be working on, "Okay, I gotta let myself desire things. I gotta give myself permission to want things. Like, I'm allowed to do that. Not only am I allowed to do that, I actually need to. It's part of my life force." And I'm not saying you're just gonna sit around and wish for shit to happen. You're gonna have to work for it. That's how you get it in life, but you won't get where you're meant to go if you can't even claim what's meant for you. And it is a practice of honesty, and it's a, it's a practice of giving yourself permission. It's a practice of worthiness. It's a practice of self-love. And so, you're gonna start there, but let me tell you the simple thing. The simple thing, every single day when you wake up, you can just ask yourself, "Am I for or against my dream today? Am I for or against my dream?" It's really that simple.

11. 40:31 – 42:57

    Step #2 - Are you for or against your dream?

    1. MRMel Robbins40:32

       Your dreams are your responsibility. Are you for them today, or are you against them? There's no middle ground, by the way, 'cause if you're neutral, you're against. You are either for that dream inside you or you're against it. So, what does that mean? Well, when you're arguing against your dream, guess what? You're not for it. When you're making excuses, are you for it? No. When you are afraid of it happening or not happening, are you for it? No. Being for your dream is first of all being in touch with it. So, simply being in touch with it and claiming it, that's a way to be for it. Another way to be for it is to see reasons why it's your dream, to see evidence that it could happen, to see everybody else out there. In my world, it was people that were launching podcasts. Instead of seeing them as reasons why my flame was out, see them as evidence that, "Yes, my flame too is gonna burn brighter," that they are lights on the path. I said earlier that it is essential when you're going through a challenging time. Your dreams matter more than ever then because if you give up on your dreams when you're feeling lost, or on autopilot, or you're facing heartbreak, you literally give up a lifeline that is part of your DNA. See, your dreams remind you that this challenge is temporary. Your dreams remind you that there's something greater ahead. Your dreams remind you that this moment, it's a blip. It's a dot. It's part of the path leading you somewhere that you're meant to go. Your dreams help you through challenging times, so don't give up on them. You gotta double down on them if things are challenging. That's the best time to create something new. That's the best time to tap into that fire inside you. You need that fire at that time. That's why it's there. You see, I think your dreams have this incredible purpose that nobody understands. What if I told you you're actually not supposed to achieve your dreams? Yup, you're not supposed to achieve your dreams.The reason why I can say that is because your dreams are not a destination. Your

12. 42:57 – 47:50

    Your dreams are a directional signal

    1. MRMel Robbins42:57

       dreams are a directional signal. Your dreams are like this compass inside you, this GPS system that's hardwired in you. You were born with it. It- it- it- it's like a beacon, a lighthouse out in the future. It's pulling you through your problems, towards something greater. It is showing you that there's something awesome to look forward to. It's giving you a reason to have hope, something bigger to believe in. Those dreams pull you through your fears. They make you grow. They push you through your self-doubt, that's why they're there. They show you the way. It doesn't matter whether you achieve them or not. What matters is, do you hear the call? Do you fan the flame? Do you wake up every day and allow yourself to feel those things that are meant for you and fan the flame and be the person that is the force, the yes, the loudest voice for them? Doesn't matter what everybody else think. Who gives a shit what anybody else thinks, honestly. And if they haven't achieved your dreams, why the fuck are you asking their opinion anyway? They don't know how to get there. And your dreams, by the way, are not meant for somebody else. That's why they don't understand them. And here's another thing that you're doing. You are literally looking for validation from people who can't even cheer their own selves on. Like, how can somebody who's not even pursuing their dreams help or celebrate you as you're trying to pursue yours? See, this comes back to it being your responsibility. This is an inside job. And when you really wrap your brain around this, life gets fricking magical. Doesn't mean it's always like roses, doesn't mean it's gonna be easy as you walk toward those dreams, but there is nothing more fulfilling than waking up every day and knowing that you are the loudest cheerleader that you got, knowing that you believe that this thing is possible, knowing that you are the one that's for this, that you're validating the- the things that are deep inside of you. That is- that is an incredible way to go through life. And so every single day, you're gonna be waking up, you're gonna be writing your five things down. You can go to melrobbins.com/dreambig, 'cause I want you dreaming big. I want you dreaming big. In fact, you don't even realize how much you limit yourself. Kathy Heller, who did that live event with me in LA, she has this really amazing thing that she does, that I've heard her do, and I'm gonna share it with you, but this is her idea, so I wanna give her credit. I want you to imagine there's a blank check in front of you. Blank check. And you could pay yourself whatever you wanna make this year. Whatever you wanna make this year, go ahead and write it down on that check. What'd you write? 100 grand, quarter of a million dollars, half a million dollars, million dollars? Who wrote that number? I'll tell you who wrote the number, the lid. Why not five million? Why not 10 million? And again, if you can just play with me that your dreams are not meant to be achieved, they're not the destination, they're a directional signal, maybe you're supposed to write five million down because that's gonna inspire something in terms of your self-worth. It's gonna awaken something. Instead of thinking about what's possible, tap into what's true. You would love that. In fact, you'd be willing to work for that if I could convince you you could make it happen. And so the problem is you limit what you claim for yourself because you're thinking about what's possible or what you deserve instead of tapping into what you actually desire. That's a huge mistake. See, a car can probably go 180 miles an hour. That's sort of like, you know, "Oh, I'm gonna drive 40." You haven't even tapped into the potential. I mean, obviously you don't wanna get pulled over and, you know, it could be illegal on the right

    2. NANarrator47:30

       (music)

    3. MRMel Robbins47:30

       You know what I mean by that analogy. So now I want to end this with this final clip, because one of the things that I know that you're probably doing is you're doing what I did in the podcast market. "I'm too late. It's gonna be too hard.

13. 47:50 – 54:38

    The biggest mistake YOU are making

    1. MRMel Robbins47:51

       I've never done this before. I'm too far down the road in a different direction. I've already been an accountant," or, "This is my major," or, "I've spent seven years with this person," or, "I've lived here for so long." You're doing the whole like sunk cost thing. "I spent too much time, too late to change, don't know how to do it." This is a major, major mistake that you're making. And I want you to hear the final thing that I said to Barbara, because she admitted she's gonna move to LA. She's 46. She's been at it for 25 years. She's gonna go back, because it is way more painful to live a small life knowing you gave up on your dream than to go for it and wake up every day and be for your dream and fan the flame. And maybe it doesn't happen, maybe it does, but waking up every day knowing that you're aligned with this greater purpose and drive and calling inside you, that's what you're meant to do.So let's go back to LA, 'cause I wanna leave you with one more thing. What did you get?

    2. GUGuest49:04

       (laughs)

    3. I got that my sister is very kind.

    4. MRMel Robbins49:08

       No jokes. No jokes.

    5. GUGuest49:10

       But, I'm not... I'm being serious. I -

    6. MRMel Robbins49:11

       No, I want you to talk about you.

    7. GUGuest49:13

       Okay. You have to just go for it and, um, be messy-

    8. MRMel Robbins49:17

       Here's the thing.

    9. GUGuest49:18

       ... and not focus so much on what you're afraid of and being comfortable, but just do the thing that scares you, which...

    10. MRMel Robbins49:28

        It's even bigger than that.

    11. GUGuest49:29

        Mm-hmm. Okay.

    12. MRMel Robbins49:31

        So, if you wish to be happier, do you know what life gives you? Things that make you sad.

    13. GUGuest49:38

        (laughs)

    14. MRMel Robbins49:39

        And then you have to figure out how to be sad or happy when things are sad.

    15. GUGuest49:43

        Right.

    16. MRMel Robbins49:44

        You know what happens when you say that you want peace in your life, you want things to be easier?

    17. GUGuest49:51

        (laughs)

    18. MRMel Robbins49:51

        Oh, you know what bubbles to the surface? All the stuff that's broken. And then you have to bring and figure out how to bring peace to this. And so for you, there is something that you needed to do in Florida-

    19. GUGuest50:09

        Yeah.

    20. MRMel Robbins50:10

        ... so you would get serious about doing the work back here, and that there was something in the breakdown and whatever it is that you wanna call it that was meant for you because you clearly needed it-

    21. GUGuest50:24

        (laughs)

    22. MRMel Robbins50:25

        ... to come back here and actually do what you're meant to do. And look, it might take 30 years, but it'll be the best damn Netflix special I have ever seen in my entire life.

    23. GUGuest50:36

        (claps) Woo!

    24. MRMel Robbins50:37

        One of the things that I'll never forget is that when I started arguing for her dreams, that's when she got really emotional. You probably heard her choking up when I said, "You're moving back and you're going for it, and it's gonna be the next best damn Netflix special you've ever had. It may take 30 years." And that's what's available to you too because the bottom line is, don't you dare listen to this and spend your time writing to me or DMing me about your excuses, about how old you are, or how late you are, or how much you've screwed up your life. Do you understand you are listening to a 54-year-old woman who had been thinking about launching a podcast since 2011? And I'm just four weeks into this. If I can reinvent my life and clear out the bullshit that I am doing to argue against my dreams, if I can get in touch with what is truly calling me and claim it and be honest and turn toward it and figure out how to make it a reality, so can you. And the fact is absolutely everything that has sucked about your life or where you are right now, you needed because you needed to experience unhappiness to realize, "I wanna be happy." You needed to feel small to realize that's not what's meant for you. You know, I thought that I was going to be a daytime talk show host. I thought that was my big dream. I would like follow the giants like Ellen and Oprah and all these incredible people. And you know what happened? I did that job at CBS Broadcast Center with Sony Pictures for a year, and then I got fired from that job when COVID hit, literally, and I was lost. And you know what I learned from that experience? I learned that that's not what I wanted to do. I didn't actually like it at all. I loved the people, I loved the machine, I did not like the product at all. There was something that was off. Every single thing that is happening to you is happening for those dreams of yours. And see, maybe you needed the breakdown that you're in in order to realize you deserve to be happy. Maybe you needed that job you didn't like to realize you better get serious about creating what you want. Maybe you needed to apply to law school and get there and go, "Not for me," to realize something else was meant for you and you should stop denying the fact that you wanted to go into a creative field. So do not let the fact that you have spent a certain amount of time, or you're a certain age, or you're too early, or you're too late, or all of that crap to invalidate the truth. The truth is, you're right on time. If you're having the wake up call that I intend for you to have as you listen to this, as you're realizing that your dreams are as alive as they have ever been, if you are starting to go, "Oh my God, I've been against myself. I'm gonna be for myself." If you're starting to say, "Wow, I really have put the lid on. I really have stopped allowing myself or giving myself permission to have something incredible happen in my life." If you're having the wake up call that I intended, good. Now let me tell you something else. There is no deadline on your dreams and there is no age at which you're supposed to do this. You can start a business at 18. You can quit the job you

14. 54:38 – 58:34

    There is no age limit for pursuing your dreams

    1. MRMel Robbins54:38

       had outta college at 24. You can go back to technical school after getting a master's at 31. You can literally adopt a child at the age of 39 when you're single. You can go to nursing school after you've raised your kids and you're 42 years old. You can learn how to teach your first online course at the age of 48. You could become a podcast host at the age of 54. You could get married for the first time at 63. You could skydive at 71.You could run your first marathon at 82. Your dreams do not disappear. There is no age at when you can't do something, or when you're too early. It's complete bullshit. Your dreams are something you were born with. They are your responsibility, and they are also the life force inside of you. So stop running away from them and turn toward them. Run toward your dreams. Stop arguing against them and be the loudest voice for them. And for crying out loud, stop extinguishing that flame that's burning inside you. Enough with the excuses. Enough with the jokes and the downplaying. Enough with this fear. Your job is to turn toward that flame. Turn toward that flame and freaking fan it. Fan it with all your might. That flame inside you is supposed to burn bright, and the only way that that's gonna happen is when you are honest with yourself about that thing you've been denying, about that calling that you feel, about the fact that you're meant for more than where you're at right now, that you deserve to be happy, that those dreams are real, and you have within you the ability to chip away at 'em. And that when you wake up every single day, and you write down those five dreams, and you see and you hear and you feel the fact that your life has clues, your life is trying to help you. Your life is trying to help you become who you're destined to become. I want you to know something. You're gonna wake up happier every day. You're gonna wake up feeling more alive and more self-expressed, and more connected and energized when you wake up for your dreams. And I also want you to know that your friend Mel Robbins, I'm gonna be right here beside you. I'm gonna be here every single step of the way, because I see you. I believe in you. I believe in your dreams, and I believe in your ability to make them come true. And so, that's why I'm here. And I just feel, as we, whatever season of your life that you're in, whenever you hear this episode, this is when you're meant to hear this. There are no mistakes, and those dreams of yours are no joke. They are serious business, and they're your responsibility. So five, four, three, two, one, stop fucking arguing and joking and making excuses, and get your ass out there and fan the flame and start working on 'em. (instrumental music) Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe 'cause I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe. Mwah.

Episode duration: 58:35