How To Be Single | Relationships 104

1. 0:01 – 0:25

   Red flags in men: ex-talk, bitterness, and how he speaks about women

   1. CWChris Williamson0:01

      What about you guys? Do you think there's any things to look out for-

   2. JOJonny0:03

      I-

   3. CWChris Williamson0:03

      ... red flags with men?

   4. JOJonny0:04

      So, the, the, the main thing is how do they talk about their ex, or if they have any generalisations about women as a whole, if you have someone who it just seems bitter about all women.

   5. YUYusef0:15

      So, so that was one. Second one was similar to what you said, I'd just ask them how ... I'd ask them about their mother. Like if they're very caring and speak very fondly of their mother, chances are-

   6. CWChris Williamson0:23

      Good to women generally.

   7. YUYusef0:24

      Yeah, chances are.

2. 0:25 – 2:19

   Why Tinder “brands” you (and why Instagram outranks it socially)

   1. CWChris Williamson0:25

      That's a, that's a really, really good test. I think I need to be very careful today. So, the, the, the reason that Tinder is bad is because it immediately brands whatever interaction you are having with the person under the guise of Tinder. Like, "How did you meet?" "Oh, we met on Tinder." "That's the guy from Tinder." You are rated below anybody, even the worst person who comes through on any other preferential medium. The worst person on Instagram is rated above the best person on Tinder. As my dad would say, with regards to the Tinder thing, "You're looking for a streak of piss in a pile of shit."

   2. JOJonny0:57

      Oh, see I was gonna say diamond in the rough, but I think-

   3. YUYusef0:59

      (laughs)

   4. CWChris Williamson1:00

      Streak of piss in a pile of shit. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. Johnny and Yusuf from propanefitness.com, and it is finally time for Relationships 104.

   5. YUYusef1:14

      The funnel.

   6. CWChris Williamson1:15

      The insta- including-

   7. JOJonny1:17

      Oh, yes.

   8. CWChris Williamson1:17

      ... the Instagram funnel. This is the episode which is most likely to get me in trouble and make people cross.

   9. JOJonny1:24

      To rustle jinnies.

   10. YUYusef1:25

       Do you think because we're revealing the funnel, the funnel will work better or worse as a result?

   11. CWChris Williamson1:30

       I think I need to be very careful today. No, I ... the, the, the thing-

   12. YUYusef1:34

       I think we should go full Louis Theroux and just ask him about it. (laughs)

   13. JOJonny1:38

       (laughs)

   14. CWChris Williamson1:38

       Fine. "So tell us about ..."

   15. YUYusef1:41

       "Some people would say, Chris, that this is a very insensitive way of approaching relationships. What, what do you say to those people?"

   16. CWChris Williamson1:47

       So-

   17. JOJonny1:47

       I think the funnel's gonna be more effective as a ... 'cause people go, "Oh my God, I'm in the funnel."

   18. YUYusef1:50

       "I'm in the funnel, I'm in the funnel."

   19. JOJonny1:51

       "Yes."

   20. YUYusef1:51

       Yeah. Yeah.

   21. CWChris Williamson1:52

       I, I don't think ... Anyway, so relationships 101, 102, and 103 all charted in the top 50 worldwide on iTunes.

   22. YUYusef2:00

       Oh.

   23. CWChris Williamson2:01

       So thank you very much.

   24. YUYusef2:02

       (laughs)

   25. CWChris Williamson2:02

       Make sure that you share this episode because-

   26. YUYusef2:05

       (laughs)

   27. CWChris Williamson2:05

       ... we wanna do the same again.

   28. YUYusef2:06

       You know when you just think like, "What did I say on those episodes?"

   29. JOJonny2:09

       Chris is like celebrating, we're just like, "Oh." (laughs)

   30. YUYusef2:11

       Oh, God. What ...
3. 2:19 – 3:50

   Relationships 104 premise: being single as lead gen, not hermit mode

   1. CWChris Williamson2:19

      Anyway, so we talked about, um, setting rules and guidelines in a relationship, how to find a good partner. Then we spoke about, uh, cheating, um, and how to get over relationships. And today it's how to be single.

   2. JOJonny2:36

      Hmm.

   3. CWChris Williamson2:37

      In this room I'm-

   4. YUYusef2:37

      So it's the anti-relationships 101?

   5. CWChris Williamson2:39

      No, because like how to be single includes, I guess, screening for potential partners.

   6. YUYusef2:45

      So we're in, we're in lead gen acquisition and the rest of this-

   7. CWChris Williamson2:47

      Conversion.

   8. YUYusef2:48

      ... was operations product delivery.

   9. CWChris Williamson2:49

      Yes. Exactly.

   10. YUYusef2:50

       Fine.

   11. CWChris Williamson2:50

       That's exactly correct.

   12. YUYusef2:51

       So this is front end?

   13. CWChris Williamson2:52

       It is ... Well, this is g- this is you, all over, apart from the fact that in-

   14. YUYusef2:55

       But, but you.

   15. CWChris Williamson2:56

       But somehow also me.

   16. YUYusef2:57

       (laughs)

   17. CWChris Williamson2:57

       Yeah. In the-

   18. JOJonny2:58

       So the assumption is being single doesn't mean choosing the hermit life.

   19. CWChris Williamson3:02

       Mm-hmm.

   20. JOJonny3:03

       It means single with-

   21. YUYusef3:05

       With the goal of-

   22. JOJonny3:06

       ... lead acquisition.

   23. YUYusef3:07

       ... acqui- acquisition.

   24. CWChris Williamson3:08

       Not necessarily. Well, it ... yeah, the goal of acquisition, but what you turn that acquisition into, is it long-term business? Is it short-term business?

   25. YUYusef3:15

       Got it.

   26. CWChris Williamson3:16

       Is it single transaction?

   27. YUYusef3:18

       So are, are we assuming ... So is the funnel mainly good for short-term stuff?

   28. CWChris Williamson3:24

       Look, so the, the ... (laughs)

   29. JOJonny3:26

       (laughs)

   30. CWChris Williamson3:26

       The funnel, the funnel that we're gonna bring up in a little bit is-
4. 3:50 – 9:43

   The Instagram Funnel explained: Tinder for discovery, Instagram for conversion

   1. CWChris Williamson3:50

      So-

   2. YUYusef3:51

      Here we go.

   3. CWChris Williamson3:51

      ... I've been thinking about this for ages 'cause I knew that it was gonna, it was gonna happen.

   4. YUYusef3:54

      All right.

   5. CWChris Williamson3:54

      Um, an Instagram funnel is a particular way to do lead generation for dating. Now, the way that I've kind of tried to conceptualize it-

   6. JOJonny4:07

      Can we define a lead?

   7. YUYusef4:09

      I was just about to ask that and then I thought, "No, I best not interrupt."

   8. JOJonny4:11

      He's in full flow.

   9. YUYusef4:12

      Gonna get cross.

   10. JOJonny4:13

       Yeah.

   11. CWChris Williamson4:13

       Well, no, no.

   12. YUYusef4:13

       And then you did it.

   13. CWChris Williamson4:14

       You define lead.

   14. YUYusef4:17

       (sighs)

   15. CWChris Williamson4:17

       New customer. It's ... okay, it's new customer acquisition.

   16. YUYusef4:20

       Got it.

   17. JOJonny4:20

       It's, it's pre-customer, so a lead is someone who is within your circle, sphere of awareness, but hasn't yet bought something from you. The reason we're thinking in these terms is 'cause we've been very much in the depths of rearranging our product offering from multiple small cheap offerings compared to five or ten high-end, high-ticket products.

   18. CWChris Williamson4:41

       I should clarify that you're talking about-

   19. YUYusef4:42

       (laughs) Businesses.

   20. CWChris Williamson4:42

       ... internet marketing-

   21. YUYusef4:44

       Yeah, not- (laughs)

   22. JOJonny4:44

       ... not dating. (laughs) We are talking about internet marketing, but there are many great parallels.

   23. CWChris Williamson4:48

       There's loads of parallels.

   24. YUYusef4:49

       It's the first level of expressing some kind of interest, isn't it? It's, it's-

   25. CWChris Williamson4:51

       So I mean, what are the only two things that you need to do in internet marketing really when it comes to front end? You want lead gen and conversions. Am I right?

   26. YUYusef4:59

       That's it. That's all there is.

   27. JOJonny5:00

       So a lead-

   28. YUYusef5:00

       Traffic and conversions.

   29. JOJonny5:00

       ... would be a reader of your website or someone who is on your email list or someone who has seen your post on Facebook. And then a customer is obviously someone who has paid you for something.

   30. YUYusef5:10

       There's also a step between that which is prospect.
5. 9:43 – 13:40

   Building an attractive Instagram “shop window”: signaling, curation, and social proof

   1. YUYusef9:43

      So what should my Instagram feed look like?

   2. CWChris Williamson9:44

      So (stutters) I said this on the, um, how to get on Love Island video, and it's that your Instagram particularly, because it's quite surface deep, quite transactional, very easy to see, it's visual, right? Like Twitter and Facebook is a little bit more nuanced 'cause it's microblogging, whereas when you're looking at Instagram, it's like window shopping.

   3. YUYusef10:04

      It's just images.

   4. CWChris Williamson10:05

      Right. Yeah, exactly.

   5. YUYusef10:06

      Mm-hmm.

   6. CWChris Williamson10:06

      Um, so Instagram is absolutely no representation of your value, but it is a ubiquitous, internationally recognized form of social currency.

   7. YUYusef10:16

      Mm-hmm.

   8. CWChris Williamson10:16

      And it does represent some degree of popularity. Now, that popularity might have been gained through the fact that (clears throat) you were once in a porno or, do you know what I mean, like any particular reason or you were once part of a race scandal. God knows what it might be, but it ... you can't-

   9. JOJonny10:34

      But you were recently.

   10. CWChris Williamson10:35

       Part of a race scandal?

   11. JOJonny10:36

       With the, the antisemitic stuff and-

   12. CWChris Williamson10:39

       You, you are talking about Chris Williamson MP, yeah.

   13. JOJonny10:42

       Oh.

   14. YUYusef10:43

       Oh.

   15. CWChris Williamson10:43

       Yeah.

   16. JOJonny10:43

       That looks really good. (laughs)

   17. YUYusef10:44

       (laughs)

   18. CWChris Williamson10:44

       That is ... Yeah, so of all of the, of all of the politicians-

   19. YUYusef10:48

       Straight over my head. (laughs)

   20. CWChris Williamson10:49

       Of all the politicians that I could share a name with-

   21. JOJonny10:52

       I know. That's so unfortunate.

   22. CWChris Williamson10:53

       ... I had to choose the one that started hating on Jews.

   23. YUYusef10:55

       (snorts) Yeah.

   24. JOJonny10:56

       Doesn't happen very often that you get a antisemitic politician in the UK, and then-

   25. CWChris Williamson10:59

       But the problem is he's been in the news like three times in the last 18 months and all of them have been for bad reasons.

   26. YUYusef11:06

       (laughs) There was a hashtag about ... just #ChrisWilliamson as well.

   27. CWChris Williamson11:09

       Yeah, no. It trended nationwide.

   28. JOJonny11:11

       Oh, guys.

   29. YUYusef11:11

       You know, Paul.

   30. CWChris Williamson11:12

       Yeah.
6. 13:40 – 27:21

   Why competence attracts: pick domains where your strengths are visible (CrossFit, dancing, etc.)

   1. CWChris Williamson13:40

      ... look nice. So, uh, m- my main point here in the whole thing really about the Instagram (laughs) , the Instagram funnel is just that you want to have some form of, um, high immediate value that other people can interpret. And I think the reason that Instagram has become this really interesting, um, social currency is that it is a game that almost everybody's playing. So it's the same as when you watch the Olympics, you watch Usain Bolt, and you watch how fast he runs. Everybody has run, pretty much everybody has run. And you're like, "Holy fucking shit, I've done something similar to that and he is the best in the world at it."

   2. JOJonny14:21

      Mm.

   3. CWChris Williamson14:22

      The same as when you watch people that are really strong. People watch, like, Strongest Man's on every, um, Christmas, right?

   4. JOJonny14:27

      Mm.

   5. CWChris Williamson14:27

      Like prime time Channel 5.

   6. JOJonny14:30

      Mm-hmm.

   7. CWChris Williamson14:30

      Because everyone looks at a big stone and goes, "Fucking hell."

   8. JOJonny14:34

      "I can't lift a stone."

   9. CWChris Williamson14:34

      Like, I, I tried to, I tried to pick up the shopping the other day and it was really heavy. So those people are competing within a domain that other people can interpret.

   10. JOJonny14:43

       The conversation in the office, "Johnny, how much do you lift?" "300." "300?"

   11. YUYusef14:49

       "Is that a lot?"

   12. JOJonny14:49

       "Whoa, is that... That's like 300 bags of sugar."

   13. YUYusef14:53

       (laughs)

   14. JOJonny14:53

       "I'm, I'm... Well, since when have you..."

   15. YUYusef14:54

       I always get, at Christmas, I always get, like, "How much can you do on that?" I'm like, "Uh."

   16. CWChris Williamson14:57

       "How much can you do on that."

   17. YUYusef14:59

       Because when they're watching Strongman.

   18. JOJonny15:00

       Or a snatch, and you're like... Yeah.

   19. YUYusef15:01

       Like, I'm not Strongman, I don't weigh 200 kilos.

   20. CWChris Williamson15:04

       (laughs)

   21. YUYusef15:04

       I don't use a lot of anabolics. I'm, I'm not on TV. Not that v- not that much in comparison. They're like, "Oh, go on. How much?"

   22. CWChris Williamson15:12

       (laughs) .

   23. YUYusef15:13

       Half.

   24. CWChris Williamson15:13

       So you can give them any number.

   25. YUYusef15:14

       Yeah.

   26. CWChris Williamson15:15

       You, you could say-

   27. YUYusef15:15

       10,000.

   28. CWChris Williamson15:17

       Oh, whoa.

   29. JOJonny15:18

       Whoa.

   30. YUYusef15:18

       (laughs)
7. 27:21 – 30:45

   From tactics to screening: safety, dating intent, and early red-flag questions

   1. CWChris Williamson27:21

      Um, what I wanted to kind of move on to was just the strategies really for, uh, being careful about who you actually choose to date. So, uh- Red flags. Yeah. Big, big, fat red flags. Anyone who is ... I mean-

   2. YUYusef27:34

      I feel like we're just walking through a minefield here.

   3. CWChris Williamson27:35

      It's, it's delicate, right? But whatever.

   4. YUYusef27:37

      Mm-hmm.

   5. CWChris Williamson27:37

      Like, fuck it. People, people get cross with us all the time.

   6. YUYusef27:39

      Yeah.

   7. CWChris Williamson27:40

      It's fine. My, my DMs are open, as always. Funnel.

   8. YUYusef27:44

      (laughs)

   9. CWChris Williamson27:44

      (laughs) Um, you, you just get dropped in the funnel. If you message about it, all that's gonna happen is ... (mimics sound of message arriving) .

   10. YUYusef27:48

       Before you know it, you're on a date with Chris and you don't even know why or-

   11. CWChris Williamson27:51

       (laughs)

   12. YUYusef27:52

       (laughs)

   13. CWChris Williamson27:52

       So, I think for safety, the, the first thing to do is to identify red flags in our own gender and then ... And the ... Also, what we haven't done is gay 101 or gay-

   14. YUYusef28:04

       We're waiting, we're waiting on a ... I've got a couple of potential good, eloquent-

   15. CWChris Williamson28:08

       That ... I'm excited for that because- ... gay men. ... 'cause I don't know if I'd go-

   16. YUYusef28:10

       I just want ... I'd like to learn more about it.

   17. CWChris Williamson28:12

       Yeah. I want to know how you know if you're a bummer or a bummy.

   18. YUYusef28:14

       (clears throat)

   19. CWChris Williamson28:16

       That's a question everybody wants to ask.

   20. YUYusef28:17

       Is that, is that a conversation?

   21. CWChris Williamson28:18

       Burning question.

   22. YUYusef28:19

       Like, is that a ... Do they actually have a frank conversation about it?

   23. CWChris Williamson28:22

       I think that there must be-

   24. YUYusef28:22

       Uh.

   25. CWChris Williamson28:22

       ... some form of written agreement.

   26. YUYusef28:24

       Like a waiver.

   27. CWChris Williamson28:26

       I don't know. Or do you get assigned? I know ... So, you told us that it was this bottom or top thing, right? Was it you who told us this on Tinder? Well, that, that, that's the- Uh, Grindr. Oh, well, they list themself as one. I don't know if-

   28. YUYusef28:37

       Bottom or top.

   29. CWChris Williamson28:37

       That would be clever. I, I, I don't know if the developers have put like a field in the, in the profile for that.

   30. YUYusef28:40

       They should do.
8. 30:45 – 37:37

   Watch-outs in men: red pill/incel/MGTOW signals and contempt for women

   1. JOJonny30:45

      So, the, the, the main thing is, and this goes for both, how do they talk about their ex? And yes, there is a chance that their ex was this massive psycho that, that... But even then, there's a level of tact and class that if someone just downplays it or doesn't tend to go on about it, or if they have any generalizations about women as a whole, if you have someone who, um, it just seems bitter about, about all women, like, that's another-

   2. CWChris Williamson31:14

      Like, you read sorts of red pill stuff.

   3. JOJonny31:16

      Oh, yeah, particularly. R- r- red, red pill-

   4. CWChris Williamson31:18

      If he's got any Rollo Tomassi books.

   5. JOJonny31:20

      R- I don't know who that is. But-

   6. YUYusef31:21

      I don't know what any of that is.

   7. JOJonny31:22

      (laughs)

   8. YUYusef31:22

      What's a r- what's a red pill book?

   9. JOJonny31:23

      It's a red, red pill.

   10. YUYusef31:24

       Who's Rollo, man?

   11. JOJonny31:25

       Th- there's, there's two new kind of online movements for people... Is it, is it, uh, three. So you've heard of incels. That was in the news recently. Like-

   12. CWChris Williamson31:31

       Involuntary celibates.

   13. JOJonny31:33

       People who are c- celibate, but not through their own choice. So they've, they've basically... They're virgins, and they want to not be virgins, but nobody will have sex with them, and so they then funnel that-

   14. CWChris Williamson31:41

       Wow.

   15. JOJonny31:42

       ... into this bitterness for all women.

   16. YUYusef31:44

       Fucking hell.

   17. JOJonny31:44

       And then-

   18. YUYusef31:45

       What a problem they are.

   19. JOJonny31:46

       ... they're the, they're the kind of people that you see the occasional like, um, ambassador of the incels that does like, one of the school shootings and, you know, that, that kind of thing.

   20. YUYusef31:55

       Oh, Jesus.

   21. JOJonny31:55

       So, it's quite a dark hole.

   22. CWChris Williamson31:56

       Mm-hmm.

   23. JOJonny31:57

       Red pill is a similar... I, I'm probably, like, if anyone's-

   24. YUYusef32:00

       Is this Matrix-related? Red pill, sorry, yeah.

   25. CWChris Williamson32:01

       No. So the red, the red, red pill, red pill, as far as, as far as I'm aware is a, um, e- equivalent male opposition to the feminist movement, which puts, uh, kind of m- male values first.

   26. YUYusef32:12

       Right.

   27. CWChris Williamson32:12

       And it's exactly that. It's taking the red pill instead of taking the blue pill so that you see through the façade of what the games... It's specifically like, games like hypergamy, like female hypergamy, dating up and across, like, things like that. And these guys tend to use pick-apart-as-three strategy, and they have quite, um, militant ideas about how you should deal with, uh, women and stuff like that. Like, Rollo Tomassi's book, The Rational Male, one of the rules that he has in that is never let the f- the woman be in charge of the childbirth. So, it's basically like, if you're not using a condom, you're a fucking idiot.

   28. JOJonny32:48

       (laughs)

   29. CWChris Williamson32:49

       Um, if you're... Another one of his iron rules, so he's got te- I think it's ten iron rules, one of the iron rules is never live with a woman unless you plan to marry within the next six months. Um, and, uh, a whole bunch of other ones. So, it's quite a, a very, very hard-lined, male-first perspective, which at its core is just protecting men from being hurt by women-

   30. YUYusef33:11

       Mm-hmm.
9. 37:37 – 48:06

   The ‘can’t be single’ problem: relationship pinballing and dependence

   1. CWChris Williamson37:37

      I mean, uh, you know, we both or a- all of us know people who appear to just pinball around-

   2. YUYusef37:44

      (laughs)

   3. JOJonny37:44

      Mm-hmm.

   4. CWChris Williamson37:44

      ... from different relationships. Like there's a lot of people-

   5. JOJonny37:46

      Pinball. (laughs) Yeah.

   6. CWChris Williamson37:47

      Well, that's what it is.

   7. YUYusef37:48

      (laughs) It's a great image, isn't it?

   8. CWChris Williamson37:49

      There's just, there, there are some people who exist that can't bear to be on their own.

   9. YUYusef37:54

      Mm.

   10. CWChris Williamson37:55

       And I'm aware that I'm jumping in ahead of you here, but the ... this is for guys and girls. There are people for whom they can only feel comfortable in a relationship. Like I remember, so this is a, a story that I can tell. It's like outside of the NDA of relationships, which is a decade.

   11. JOJonny38:13

       (laughs)

   12. CWChris Williamson38:13

       So this story is more than 10 years old. Um, so a girl who I'd been with and then-

   13. JOJonny38:18

       Is that a thing? The 10-year rule?

   14. CWChris Williamson38:19

       I've made it, I've made it up.

   15. YUYusef38:20

       It is in Crystalline.

   16. CWChris Williamson38:21

       I've made it up. It is in my world. Um-

   17. YUYusef38:23

       Crystalline.

   18. CWChris Williamson38:23

       Being with, being with a, being with a girl, like, just seeing her on and off, nothing too serious, but anyway, back and forth, back and forth. And, um, we decided that we w- I decided that we were going to end it, uh, and she got a little bit emotional about it. And then got even more emotional and started kind of being a little bit hysterical and said something to the effect of, "I really don't want to break up because I don't want to have to go back to going out all the time." And I was like, "Hang on. What, what ... I don't understand. What do you mean?" And she says, "Well, like, because I'm not with you anymore, I'm going to have to go out all the time." And I was like, "Why?" "Well, because I'm not with anyone." And I was like, "Oh my God. I'm seeing this frantic desire to not be on the- not be on your own play out in front of me."

   19. JOJonny39:10

       It's the order ƒ¿?

   20. CWChris Williamson39:10

       ... in such an overt way for it to happen.

   21. JOJonny39:13

       Mm.

   22. CWChris Williamson39:13

       And I'm like, "Wow." Like, that's a very dangerous situation to be in. If, so an alternative to, "When was your last relationship?" I think also a good question to ask would be, "When was the last time you were single?"

   23. YUYusef39:28

       Mm.

   24. CWChris Williamson39:28

       And if the last time that they were single was for two weeks, two months ago.

   25. JOJonny39:32

       Was the longest stretch-

   26. CWChris Williamson39:33

       And the last time before that was-

   27. JOJonny39:34

       ... that he was single.

   28. CWChris Williamson39:34

       Yeah.

   29. YUYusef39:35

       Mm.

   30. CWChris Williamson39:35

       Um, if you can't bear to be on your own, Daniel Sloss said this in the episode, link will be in the show notes below.
10. 48:06 – 54:17

    Red flags in women (and everyone): emotional stability and conflict dynamics

    1. YUYusef48:06

       Okay, so I- I think the most important thing is emotional stability. Like, without question, the most important thing.

    2. CWChris Williamson48:15

       How would you judge that?

    3. YUYusef48:16

       So very difficult to judge. So the reason I say that is inevitably, you're gonna end up in an argument or a discussion or disagreement over something.

    4. CWChris Williamson48:25

       Mm-hmm.

    5. YUYusef48:25

       And if that can be managed as a, uh, in a, in a sensible adult conversation, chances are it'll last an hour and then go away again. If that becomes, like, well, like, "Fuck you, I'm taking your car," and "I'm-"

    6. CWChris Williamson48:38

       Mm-hmm.

    7. YUYusef48:38

       Or, you know, like, "This is over." And-

    8. CWChris Williamson48:40

       "I'm leaving."

    9. YUYusef48:40

       Suddenly it spirals into something massive. So emotional stability is a, is a big one. In terms of how you assess that-... apart from-

    10. CWChris Williamson48:48

        Especially early on as well, right? Because-

    11. YUYusef48:49

        Apart from just by feel, I suppose.

    12. CWChris Williamson48:51

        What's the, like ... breasts. (laughs) Yeah, feel the- (laughs)

    13. JOJonny48:57

        Oh, I see. What, how, how do you-

    14. CWChris Williamson48:58

        Is there an outward kind of, is it if they're-

    15. JOJonny49:01

        (laughs)

    16. CWChris Williamson49:01

        ... firmer and higher.

    17. JOJonny49:02

        Oh, see. (laughs) No.

    18. CWChris Williamson49:05

        So, I mean, what was that thing you said in one of the podcasts, Yusuf, where you were like, um, "It's really easy to convince anyone for 20 minutes that you're not a psychopath." Yeah, so- So like early on in a relationship, anyone can convince anyone that they're not an emotional wreck and it's gonna kick off.

    19. JOJonny49:17

        Which is why I think, I think job interviews are a terrible way to assess somebody because of exactly that reason.

    20. CWChris Williamson49:23

        Yeah.

    21. JOJonny49:24

        Um, if anything, if you are a psychopath, you're the best at maintaining that Um, I would disagree with the emotional stability thing though.

    22. CWChris Williamson49:32

        Okay.

    23. JOJonny49:33

        So, it, it's definitely my preference, and I think it's your preference.

    24. CWChris Williamson49:36

        Mm-hmm.

    25. JOJonny49:37

        Um, David Deida talks a lot about sexual polarity and, um-

    26. CWChris Williamson49:42

        The masculine energy-

    27. JOJonny49:43

        ... masculine and feminine energy.

    28. CWChris Williamson49:44

        ... and the feminine energy.

    29. JOJonny49:44

        And saying that if you are a true shivite third stage man, you should be like fully navigating the fields of having a, a woman who's like really emotionally labile and being able to ride those waves and-

    30. CWChris Williamson49:55

        Okay.
11. 54:17 – 1:04:41

    Texting, replying, and ‘aloofness’: avoiding desperate energy while staying engaged

    1. YUYusef54:17

       What about stuff like, um, you know, people stress a lot about how often to message, how fast to reply-

    2. JOJonny54:25

       Uh. (laughs)

    3. YUYusef54:26

       ... after, after a meeting, who, who messages first.

    4. JOJonny54:28

       I think that, that is such a waste of mental space.

    5. YUYusef54:31

       I, so I agree.

    6. JOJonny54:32

       Such a waste.

    7. YUYusef54:32

       But if you feel like someone's doing that-

    8. CWChris Williamson54:34

       Doesn't get around the fact that it is actually a little bit of a nuanced point, and it is, to a degree, quite important, because-

    9. JOJonny54:43

       Well, the frequency of reply and stuff.

    10. CWChris Williamson54:45

        And, and who actually is the-

    11. YUYusef54:46

        Just conduct in that phase.

    12. CWChris Williamson54:46

        Who's the pro- who's the protagonist in it because-The, one of the main things, there is a l- a video from School of Life, Alain de Botton again, he's just the king of these little aphorism, kind of maximy type things. And, um, he talks about why we hate people, or why we're, why we're unattracted to people who like us, and it's because it feeds in ... Someone who is aloof naturally gives themselves some sense of being above and beyond and out of our reach, which naturally we push towards. Like, if someone, if you put your hand on someone's chest and you push, their natural reaction is to lean into you. So, that's exactly what happens. As someone pushes harder, you, you tend to push back harder against them, because you kind of don't really like what's going on.

    13. JOJonny55:32

        Mm-hmm. Unless they're a judo master and they can just like-

    14. CWChris Williamson55:34

        Yeah, they're just taekwondo you to the floor.

    15. JOJonny55:36

        Yeah.

    16. CWChris Williamson55:37

        Yeah. Um, so yeah. I think ... So that's why I like the, "I'm not gonna reply 'cause if I reply now then I seem-"

    17. JOJonny55:44

        I don't want to seem too keen.

    18. CWChris Williamson55:45

        Too keen.

    19. JOJonny55:45

        Or desperate. Yeah.

    20. CWChris Williamson55:46

        But the, the worst thing as well is that that ... I, I know for a fact that that has been a turnoff for me with girls. Like, girls who are not un-keen enough, which isn't the same as being too keen.

    21. JOJonny55:58

        Not un-keen enough. (laughs)

    22. CWChris Williamson56:01

        They're insufficiently un-keen.

    23. JOJonny56:02

        They're insufficiently aloof.

    24. CWChris Williamson56:03

        Yes.

    25. YUYusef56:03

        So, they're keen.

    26. CWChris Williamson56:04

        No.

    27. JOJonny56:05

        Which is the difference. (laughs) The- th- th- they're not aloof enough. They're not, um-

    28. CWChris Williamson56:08

        Oh, right.

    29. JOJonny56:09

        Now-

    30. CWChris Williamson56:09

        Insufficient. No. Got it. Got it. So if you want to make-
12. 1:04:41 – 1:09:04

    Green flags: respect for others, equality cues, and expanding your ‘market’ offline and online

    1. JOJonny1:04:41

       So how they treat the waiter. Again, this is a minor variance that will, over time, widen and ... So it, it'll eventually leverage and you'll be able to see. So do they treat the waiter rudely or nicely?

    2. CWChris Williamson1:04:58

       Same for taxi driver, bus driver.

    3. JOJonny1:05:00

       Yeah, an-

    4. CWChris Williamson1:05:00

       Train conductor.

    5. JOJonny1:05:01

       So it's, so anyone that they don't have anything to gain from and that they're ... you know. Are they generally civil and respectful to other human beings?

    6. YUYusef1:05:08

       Do they say waiter?

    7. JOJonny1:05:09

       Do they say waiter?

    8. YUYusef1:05:10

       Or waiter?

    9. JOJonny1:05:10

       Excuse me, or do they call them garcon or, like-

    10. CWChris Williamson1:05:13

        Oh, yeah.

    11. JOJonny1:05:13

        ... hip.

    12. CWChris Williamson1:05:14

        If they (snaps fingers) .

    13. YUYusef1:05:16

        Oh!

    14. JOJonny1:05:16

        Yeah.

    15. CWChris Williamson1:05:16

        If they do a, if they do a double clap.

    16. JOJonny1:05:17

        I don't think I've ever seen someone do that, but that's, yeah, that's a very-

    17. YUYusef1:05:20

        What about attitude to tipping?

    18. JOJonny1:05:22

        Oh, so-

    19. CWChris Williamson1:05:22

        No, not at all. Not at all. Fiscal policy isn't, isn't included at this stage.

    20. YUYusef1:05:26

        (laughs)

    21. JOJonny1:05:26

        Yeah. So, so with, with paying for a meal, I wi- I will always pay on the first date. If, it's if they offer to split. I'll always say, "No, no."

    22. CWChris Williamson1:05:36

        What if you steal?

    23. JOJonny1:05:37

        If I st- Well, if they offer and I'm going, "All right."

    24. CWChris Williamson1:05:38

        If they split it ... No, if they split and you steal, then, then you take it all, don't you?

    25. YUYusef1:05:42

        Then you find yourself in the game Prisoner's Dilemma.

    26. JOJonny1:05:44

        Oh, I see. That, that, that, that's when it-

    27. YUYusef1:05:44

        It then becomes game theory.

    28. JOJonny1:05:45

        That's when you say, "Can I go to the toilet?" And then you run.

    29. CWChris Williamson1:05:47

        Yeah, you leave.

    30. JOJonny1:05:47

        And then you've got a free meal.

Episode duration: 1:17:18