How To Know How Someone Feels About You - Vanessa Van Edwards

Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral researcher, speaker, and author. How do you make a great first impression? How can I become more charismatic? How can I stop feeling awkward in social situations? We've all wondered about these things at some point. Luckily, Vanessa is an expert on human interaction and has the answers you're looking for. Expect to learn what we should do without hands in social situations, the 4 key things you should do when prepping for a speech, the do’s and don’ts when you’re sitting down, how to detect a liar & how to become a better liar, why so many smart people struggle to be charismatic, how to get better at small talk, how to seem more attractive when dating, how to make the best first impression possible and much more… 00:00 Why Hand Gestures Play An Integral Role 03:40 What Your Physical Language Is Portraying 07:00 Ways To Build Up Positivity For Public Speaking 15:33 Tips For Body Language Communication When Sat Down 23:54 How To Detect Lying 30:27 Why Do Smart People Struggle With Being Charismatic? 34:48 How To Improve On Being Competent And Warm 39:20 The Perils Of Being Under Prepared Vs Over Prepared 42:43 Need-To-Knows About Vocal Charisma 51:20 How To Create Engaging Small Talk 58:02 How To Become More Resilient With Social Rejection 1:03:09 Dating Advice For Coming Across More Attractive 1:15:20 How To Successfully Pay And Receive Compliments 1:19:08 Where To Find Vanessa - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

Chris WilliamsonhostVanessa Van Edwardsguest

Mar 19, 20251h 19mWatch on YouTube ↗

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Unlocking Everyday Charisma: Hands, Voice, and Purposeful Connection

Vanessa Van Edwards explains how charisma is less about being loud and extroverted and more about specific, learnable nonverbal and verbal behaviors that signal warmth and competence.
She details how visible, explanatory hand gestures, open body language, and vocal control dramatically increase trust, clarity, and perceived charisma, drawing on research from TED Talks, lie detection, and social psychology.
The conversation covers priming rituals for confidence, reframing anxiety as excitement, improving small talk and dating dynamics, and using warmth/competence cues both in person and over email.
Throughout, she emphasizes that smart, socially overthinking or introverted people often underestimate their natural charisma and can transform interactions by shifting from perfectionism to purposeful communication.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Keep your hands visible and use them to ‘draw’ your ideas.

Visible hands immediately reduce subconscious threat responses and increase trust; speakers who use frequent, congruent gestures (showing size, number, importance) are easier to understand and are more likely to have talks go viral.

Separate ‘speaking charisma’ from ‘listening charisma’ and use different cues for each.

When speaking, animated gestures and clear emphasis help; when listening, still visible hands, slow triple nods, head tilts, and a lower-lid flex signal deep engagement and encourage others to open up and keep talking.

Open, expansive posture and breath-driven voice prime you to perform like a ‘winner.’

Broad body positions, laughter, and pump-up routines (music, achievement words, positive small talk) boost testosterone and dopamine, while speaking on the out-breath in your lower natural register projects calm confidence instead of nervousness.

Avoid blocking and self-soothing behaviors that read as closed or untrustworthy.

Crossed arms, face-touching, rubbing hands/torso, and heavy mouth/eye blocking are instinctively read as defensiveness or possible deception and also literally reduce your own creativity and openness.

Use baselines and clusters, not single cues, to interpret nervousness or lying.

Everyone has personal ‘nervous’ and ‘lying’ tells; by recording yourself telling truths, embarrassing stories, and fabricated stories, you can identify your patterns and then watch for shifts plus verbal distancing (e.g., dropped pronouns) and micro-expressions like disgust.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Closed body equals closed mind.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

No cues is bad cues. The wrong cues are even worse.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

There is no such thing as perfect, but there is purposeful.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

We don’t like perfect people because we know that it’s not real.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

Highly charismatic people are making other people feel more charismatic.

— Vanessa Van Edwards

Nonverbal communication: hand visibility, gestures, posture, and blocking behaviorsCharismatic listening and warmth cues (nods, head tilt, lower-lid flex)Priming for confidence: biochemical ‘winning cocktail’, reframing nerves as excitementLie detection, nervous tells, and how to identify your own nonverbal baselinesWarmth vs. competence: balancing and dialing each up in different contextsVocal charisma: pitch, breath, volume dynamics, and avoiding vocal fryImproving small talk, dating, online profiles, and handling social anxiety/rejection

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