How To Offend Everyone - Mark Normand

1. 0:00 – 2:13

   Intro

   1. MNMark Normand0:00

      Not only are we living in this shit box-

   2. CWChris Williamson0:02

      (laughs)

   3. MNMark Normand0:02

      ... mansion, in this horrific neighborhood where everybody hates us 'cause we're the White family, but my nanny, or whatever you wanna call him, housekeeper, is wearing a wig, big Black guy wig, high heels, and a dress while mopping. He taught me how to drive a stick, he taught me how to fistfight, he taught me how to shave, he taught me how to put the seat up. So I learned how to be a man by this guy in a wig, now I can't get an erection unless I see a picture of RuPaul.

   4. CWChris Williamson0:26

      Mark Normand, welcome to the show.

   5. MNMark Normand0:28

      Hey, hey. Thanks for having me. Boy, these thighs are magical.

   6. CWChris Williamson0:31

      I got them out for you.

   7. MNMark Normand0:32

      I love 'em.

   8. CWChris Williamson0:33

      Aw, thank you.

   9. MNMark Normand0:33

      I wanna, uh, put honey on 'em and eat 'em. Look at this. And the guns, uh, and the hairline. My God, the hairline.

   10. CWChris Williamson0:40

       (laughs)

   11. MNMark Normand0:40

       Look at that thing. It's, it's perfection.

   12. CWChris Williamson0:42

       What can I say? Uh, speaking of honey, Cocaine Bear. Have you heard of Cocaine Bear?

   13. MNMark Normand0:47

       I don't. I think... Is that gay porn?

   14. CWChris Williamson0:49

       No. (laughs) Hottest movie, trended on Twitter yesterday, based on a real story. In November 1985, a hunter discovered a dead 175-pound black bear-

   15. MNMark Normand1:01

       Mm.

   16. CWChris Williamson1:01

       ... in Chattahoochee National Forest. Nearby was a duffel bag that had originally contained roughly 75 pounds-

   17. MNMark Normand1:07

       (laughs)

   18. CWChris Williamson1:07

       ... of cocaine.

   19. MNMark Normand1:08

       Oh, man.

   20. CWChris Williamson1:08

       The unfortunate animal had apparently gotten into the blow and overdosed. Later dubbed Pablo Eskobear-

   21. MNMark Normand1:14

       I love it.

   22. CWChris Williamson1:15

       ... or simply Cocaine Bear. And now they're making a movie about it.

   23. MNMark Normand1:18

       Oh, I hope Pixar is all over this. (laughs) By the way, that's '85, before fentanyl.

   24. CWChris Williamson1:24

       (laughs)

   25. MNMark Normand1:24

       You know, that bear would've been dead in two seconds, but he- at least he probably-

   26. CWChris Williamson1:27

       (laughs)

   27. MNMark Normand1:27

       ... had a good run around the forest with that coke.

   28. CWChris Williamson1:30

       Yeah. I know. But yeah, that's the thing, dude. You know, you've gotta scrape the barrel. If you're not gonna do more redos of Top Gun-

   29. MNMark Normand1:37

       Mm. (laughs)

   30. CWChris Williamson1:38

       ... Bears taking cocaine, that's what's happening next.
2. 2:13 – 10:08

   Cancellations Through the Ages

   1. CWChris Williamson2:13

      thing-

   2. MNMark Normand2:13

      He went out happy, like he went out like Rick James.

   3. CWChris Williamson2:16

      (laughs) I remembered that tweet from that lady a few, it was about 10 years ago. Do you remember? She, there was some lady that was flying to Africa.

   4. MNMark Normand2:23

      Oh, yeah. The AIDS lady.

   5. CWChris Williamson2:25

      Fuck, dude. That story came back up again.

   6. MNMark Normand2:27

      What?

   7. CWChris Williamson2:28

      I just, I, it resurfaced. Someone was reflecting it 'cause it's nearly 10 years since it happened.

   8. MNMark Normand2:32

      Sure.

   9. CWChris Williamson2:32

      And that was still, that was like cancellation before cancellation-

   10. MNMark Normand2:34

       Right.

   11. CWChris Williamson2:34

       ... was a thing really.

   12. MNMark Normand2:35

       Right.

   13. CWChris Williamson2:36

       So for the people that don't know, this lady was flying to Africa, South Africa, I think, and tweeted, um, "Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just kidding, I'm white." And she got on the plane with a life and a career and got off the plane and it was all gone.

   14. MNMark Normand2:52

       Yeah, poor gal. That's not a bad... That's not that bad. There's a lot of AIDS in Africa. Uh, not really amongst the whites. I mean, if you go with the statistics, I'm with her.

   15. CWChris Williamson3:02

       (laughs)

   16. MNMark Normand3:03

       Hey, you know, it's a funny joke, but, uh, that should be a miniseries, like HBO, you know, like Black Mirror and all that. How about all the true cancels throughout the last... You know, get Kramer in there, get, uh, the AIDS lady, get Roseanne. Remember the Ambien tweet?

   17. CWChris Williamson3:18

       Wow. That would be-

   18. MNMark Normand3:19

       That would be a cooler show.

   19. CWChris Williamson3:20

       ... interesting. That would be good. Each one is a different character, each one is a different story.

   20. MNMark Normand3:23

       Yeah.

   21. CWChris Williamson3:24

       Cancellation through the ages.

   22. MNMark Normand3:25

       Exactly. See what they had and see what they lost. Roseanne had the biggest show on Netflix, that went away, you know. That, that's fun stuff.

   23. CWChris Williamson3:32

       Mm. It seems like... I mean, is there anyone... Trump gone, now back. There's no one really that's too big to, to topple, I don't think.

   24. MNMark Normand3:39

       Mm-mm.

   25. CWChris Williamson3:39

       Is there anyone that's outside of the cancellation verse?

   26. MNMark Normand3:42

       Chappelle seems pretty, uh, invincible.

   27. CWChris Williamson3:45

       Yes. He's quarantined somehow.

   28. MNMark Normand3:46

       Yeah, I don't know how. I think he just doesn't care and he's a cool Black guy and he, he sells out everywhere. If you have the capital, you can kind of beat it.

   29. CWChris Williamson3:55

       I lied, J.K. Rowling.

   30. MNMark Normand3:56

       Ah, there's another one. Capital. She's a bazillionaire.
3. 10:08 – 15:37

   Mark’s Home & Childhood

   1. CWChris Williamson10:08

      So I'm pretty new in Austin though, so it's, it's relatively, uh, getting used to everything here. Getting used to the new terminology and learning how to communicate with you guys despite the fact that it's the same language has been something that's been a little bit of a learning curve. That being said, Austin's kind of subsumed my personality now, so I play pickleball-

   2. MNMark Normand10:25

      Oh, good for you.

   3. CWChris Williamson10:27

      And I have an ice, ice tub.

   4. MNMark Normand10:28

      (laughs)

   5. CWChris Williamson10:28

      You know, I've got everything. I've gone full, full Austin. Do podcasts in shorts.

   6. MNMark Normand10:32

      Yeah.

   7. CWChris Williamson10:32

      Full works.

   8. MNMark Normand10:32

      Good for you. And, but you gotta remember, this is still Texas.

   9. CWChris Williamson10:35

      Right.

   10. MNMark Normand10:35

       Like you go to New York, it'll be different, or LA it's different culture and conversations and words you can't say. This is still yee-haw. No abortion.

   11. CWChris Williamson10:45

       Speaking of that, the, uh, the Karen lady that you spoke about, I got shouted at on the pickleball court yesterday by a lady walking her dog for celebrating too loudly.

   12. MNMark Normand10:53

       Wow.

   13. CWChris Williamson10:53

       She said that it was a park and it was supposed to be a peaceful place.

   14. MNMark Normand10:55

       Ho-

   15. CWChris Williamson10:56

       So yeah, they, they, the Karen thing's continuing. They can't really complain about the masking so much anymore so perhaps they've transmuted that onto something else. I don't know.

   16. MNMark Normand11:04

       I love the irony of being a peaceful place, but she's combating with you.

   17. CWChris Williamson11:09

       (laughs)

   18. MNMark Normand11:09

       You know? Like, "What a cunt. Get outta here." Also, the, the whole Karen thing and the, uh, kind of social justice thing are starting to kind of cross a little bit.

   19. CWChris Williamson11:19

       How do you mean?

   20. MNMark Normand11:20

       Well, the Karen people are like, "Hey, don't celebrate like that." And then, you know, some social justice people are like, "Hey, don't say that word." They're very similar. I, I would also say that a lot of, uh, social justice people are very similar to police who they claim to hate. You know, they're policing, "Don't say that. You can't think that. You can't take a photo with that guy. Don't hang out with him." It's very police-like.

   21. CWChris Williamson11:40

       Mm.

   22. MNMark Normand11:41

       And-

   23. CWChris Williamson11:41

       Despite the fact that they're also trying to run that back.

   24. MNMark Normand11:43

       Defund.

   25. CWChris Williamson11:43

       Yes.

   26. MNMark Normand11:44

       Yeah. So that's... And then also very Trumpy, very dictory. Like you see some lady with blue hair and she's like, "Hey, d- Shut this down. This can't happen." Blah, blah. And you're like, "Whoa. Easy sister. We're just trying to have a good time." Very Trumpy.

   27. CWChris Williamson11:56

       I do wonder why, whether it's someone trying to compensate for a lack of control in their own life. I don't know. It's strange-

   28. MNMark Normand12:02

       Yeah.

   29. CWChris Williamson12:03

       It's strange why someone would lean into that-... that style of authoritarianism. I do get the sense that it's, uh, people that feel like they don't really have much control-

   30. MNMark Normand12:11

       I think so.
4. 15:37 – 23:47

   The Reasons People Visit New Orleans

   1. CWChris Williamson15:37

      is a group of people, like some of the most sexually active men in the world. Like I've been around a bunch of different cabaret acts-

   2. MNMark Normand15:44

      Oh, yeah.

   3. CWChris Williamson15:44

      ... and some of the guys that go up there and do that have got all of the outgoingness that you would expect with sort of a theatrical performer.

   4. MNMark Normand15:52

      Yes.

   5. CWChris Williamson15:52

      You know, they've got that whole thespian side, but then they've still got the super drive. I mean a lot of them are gay, and-

   6. MNMark Normand15:57

      Right.

   7. CWChris Williamson15:57

      ... they've got the, the superb drive of somebody that wants to have sex with, with a lot of other people as well.

   8. MNMark Normand16:02

      Yeah, complete- I mean, the... Well, who's more free than those people? I mean, and we're sitting here doing push-ups and, uh, trying to get a dick pump going and drinking bl- you know, eating Blue Chew. Those guys are just comfortable. I'm, I'm jealous of their comfort.

   9. CWChris Williamson16:15

      Yeah. It's, um... Thinking about gay relationships and the fact that there's no gatekeeper. It's like just two protagonists, you know?

   10. MNMark Normand16:23

       (laughs) That's so true.

   11. CWChris Williamson16:24

       Like there's no... It's just two people that y- on average want to say yes more than you would do in a normal heterosexual relationship.

   12. MNMark Normand16:32

       Yeah. Man, that's the dream.

   13. CWChris Williamson16:34

       (laughs)

   14. MNMark Normand16:35

       I mean, if I was a lady I would be so... I would be embarrassed by how hard it is to fuck me.

   15. CWChris Williamson16:41

       (laughs)

   16. MNMark Normand16:42

       You know what I mean? It's like silly. Women get horny, obviously women are super horned up and sexy and hot and they look great in bed, but it's so... You gotta like wine and dine, and conversation. Where, where guys are like, "You wanna go put your dick through this hole in the wall and I'll blow it?"

   17. CWChris Williamson16:59

       (laughs)

   18. MNMark Normand16:59

       You know? Like, it's just so much le- it's like you said, it's like less gatekeeping. But I get it that women have, that men are scary. We're much more aggressive and all that. So they have to watch out for that, which I get. But come on ladies, the w- uh, the clock's ticking, you know? We, we could've skipped this whole movie and just eaten each other out.

   19. CWChris Williamson17:17

       (laughs) Brian Long's got this bit in his new act where he says, uh, "I had a, a Trump supporter, a gay Trump supporter in the front row." And it's strange, you know? 'Cause a Trump supporter but he's also gay, so you don't always see that. He's the kind of guy that would like to build a wall but then put a glory hole in it.

   20. MNMark Normand17:31

       (laughs) That's a great joke.

   21. CWChris Williamson17:33

       (laughs) Fucking brilliant joke.

   22. MNMark Normand17:34

       That's a great joke. I love it.

   23. CWChris Williamson17:36

       Yeah.

   24. MNMark Normand17:36

       That's what's great about comedy. This weird thing happened and his weird brain got cooking and he made this cake of a joke.

   25. CWChris Williamson17:43

       Is there a comedy scene in New Orleans?

   26. MNMark Normand17:46

       There is. It's small and it's, there's not really a comedy club there. You need a club that'll really like be the base, you know? But, uh, the problem with comedy in New Orleans is it's, it's already such a party city and people go there to get fucked up, have a bachelor party, go to Mardi Gras, JazzFest. So comedy, it's like we don't wanna sit and listen to a guy talk about-... anxiety, you know. Like, we wanna go get shit-housed. And comedy is, a lot of it is built through pain and all that. And I think people are there to live it up, and so they don't wanna hear a non-famous person talk about comedy, or talk about Uber.

   27. CWChris Williamson18:23

       Yeah. Well, I suppose if you're walking down Bourbon Street and you've got loud music, loud music, loud music, sad story, loud music, loud... It's like, uh, the sad story probably not that competitive.

   28. MNMark Normand18:32

       Yeah, exactly. It's, it's tits, you know, you're gonna past the tit place to watch a guy-

   29. CWChris Williamson18:37

       (laughs)

   30. MNMark Normand18:37

       ... uh, go, "Oh, my aunt's a cunt," you know.
5. 23:47 – 27:54

   Lessons from Failing On Stage

   1. MNMark Normand23:47

   2. CWChris Williamson23:47

      Talk to me, so for someone that isn't, uh, how would you say, inducted into the world of performing on stage in front of a ton of people, what have you learned from bombing on stage in front of people? 'Cause I've heard you say that you're an introvert.

   3. MNMark Normand23:59

      Yes.

   4. CWChris Williamson24:00

      And as a compatriot introvert as well, the idea of not only being on stage, which I think I would, I, I've done before and I got past-... but it really failing in a pretty sort of majestic way-

   5. MNMark Normand24:13

      Yeah, it hurts.

   6. CWChris Williamson24:15

      ... um, what does that do to you as a person in terms of learning about, whatever, yourself or the world or insecurities?

   7. MNMark Normand24:21

      Well, it's a great question because... but that's what's beautiful about comedy is it's f- it's real, you know? It's, it's much like sports where if you don't throw the ball right, it won't go in the basket. It's the same with comedy. If it's not funny, they won't laugh. And if it is funny, they'll laugh and there's something great about that reality. That's what I love. But also, I'm such a nut job and I have weird thoughts and maybe my childhood I was outcast a lot and a weirdo and all this, that I think standup, you get to say your thoughts and if you package them the right way, it'll make a room full of people happy. And I think that's what keeps me going. And I get to go, "How, how weird can I get? How, how fucked up can I get and have them stay with me?" And then that's a thrilling thing and, uh, the bombing, to answer your question on that, I, you know, we're all insecure in our own way and when you bomb, it validates every sick, twisted, dark thought you ever had. "You're boring. No one likes you. You don't deserve love. You shouldn't be up here. They're right. Everything they're thinking is right." And you just crumble. And so getting good at standup is being able to beat that, and then you, you win.

   8. CWChris Williamson25:28

      But when you're talking about trying to inject discomfort into your life, that seems like about as much discomfort as I could think of. It's-

   9. MNMark Normand25:36

      Totally.

   10. CWChris Williamson25:36

       ... shy of being set on fire.

   11. MNMark Normand25:37

       Yeah, it's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. A bunch of strangers hate you.

   12. CWChris Williamson25:41

       (coughs)

   13. MNMark Normand25:41

       But you can beat it and you, you... so you get better at standup and it motivates you to get good at it.

   14. CWChris Williamson25:46

       Mm. I wonder, has it... Do you... Have you found that it's changed your personality?

   15. MNMark Normand25:52

       Mm.

   16. CWChris Williamson25:52

       Uh, uh, do you take anything from outside of comedy? You know, as someone, again, introverted, you go through these nightly for 15 years, 20 years-

   17. MNMark Normand26:02

       Yeah.

   18. CWChris Williamson26:02

       ... or whatever it is, you go through all of these challenges and it's always this specter in the background. There's a dating show in the UK called Take Me Out-

   19. MNMark Normand26:09

       Mm.

   20. CWChris Williamson26:09

       ... and it's where a guy comes down this lift and all of the girls press their lights and it's sort of the, the fear of every man that they would get a blackout and that no girl would want them, and it's sort of that-

   21. MNMark Normand26:19

       Oh, wow.

   22. CWChris Williamson26:20

       ... permanently on repeat every single-

   23. MNMark Normand26:22

       Yes.

   24. CWChris Williamson26:22

       ... sometimes multiple times per night if you're doing spots.

   25. MNMark Normand26:24

       Yes.

   26. CWChris Williamson26:25

       Uh, that, that has to impact, I don't know, the way you see the world?

   27. MNMark Normand26:29

       I guess so.

   28. CWChris Williamson26:29

       The way that you act outside of comedy? Or does... how much of a crossover is there between your normal life and your stage life?

   29. MNMark Normand26:37

       They're pretty similar. I think most comics are... we're just hardwired so young that we can't get out of this. That's probably why we're... we have a, a... every comic, you know, you got the fat guy, you got the Black guy, you got the loud guy, you got the quiet guy, you got the dark guy, you got the clean comic. That's all imprinted in us pretty young, I think, so, um, it doesn't really change your personality. The only way it has changed is it gives you some meaning, you know? Like I was always a wandering through life guy, "Should I be a waiter? Maybe I'll work at a hotel. Should I be a UPS guy? Hey, a mailman? That seems pretty good." So now with standup I'm like, "I have something to work towards." And then you, you do a special and then you go, "I need a new special." So then, you know, it keeps you rolling that ball up a hill. Otherwise, I would be rudderless. I see these guys on heroin under the bridge, I'm like, "I get it."

   30. CWChris Williamson27:25

       That would've been me-
6. 27:54 – 36:15

   The Lifestyle of a Working Comedian

   1. MNMark Normand27:54

   2. CWChris Williamson27:54

      I was thinking about, uh, some of the prices that comedians have to pay. I'm fascinated by the, the sort of unseen price that people pay for the lifestyle that other people admire.

   3. MNMark Normand28:04

      (laughs)

   4. CWChris Williamson28:04

      So, you know, a, a working comedian who has got specials and a platform and people care about what it is that you do and so on, and then this upcoming comedian, or maybe even someone that doesn't understand the comedy world at all. Um, I've seen enough of my close friends that are working comedians now and understood a good bit about their lifestyle to know that it's, it's not really... uh, I... You have to be very, very disciplined, I think, to live the life of a comedian in a way that doesn't have a ton of potential externalities that are pretty negative.

   5. MNMark Normand28:35

      Mm.

   6. CWChris Williamson28:36

      It seems like everybody in the green room is constantly drinking, you're doing late nights-

   7. MNMark Normand28:39

      (laughs)

   8. CWChris Williamson28:39

      ... you're on the road.

   9. MNMark Normand28:40

      Yeah.

   10. CWChris Williamson28:40

       Good bit of loneliness.

   11. MNMark Normand28:41

       Yes.

   12. CWChris Williamson28:42

       Um, I mean, you're friends with Konstantin and Frances from the UK, right?

   13. MNMark Normand28:44

       Oh, yeah.

   14. CWChris Williamson28:45

       From Trigonometry. And, uh, I heard about... because the UK's s- sufficiently small that you can drive everywhere to do your shows-

   15. MNMark Normand28:52

       Mm.

   16. CWChris Williamson28:52

       ... right? So they basically described this sort of nocturnal lifestyle permanently in cars, driving to and from when they're on the... doing the, the, the circuit-

   17. MNMark Normand29:01

       Mm-hmm.

   18. CWChris Williamson29:02

       ... and maybe just a 10 to 30 minute little spot or whatever, they're not actually doing full shows, they're just bouncing around the country.

   19. MNMark Normand29:07

       Yeah, yeah, same.

   20. CWChris Williamson29:08

       Yeah.

   21. MNMark Normand29:09

       That's what I do and isn't that the best? To me, that's the best job in the world. You get to just go places, pop in, do the thing you're the best at, and then leave. It's good.

   22. CWChris Williamson29:18

       Does it not get lonely?

   23. MNMark Normand29:20

       I'm a loner. I like being alone. I'll... Like I have a great lady at home, she's the love of my life, yada yada, but like when I'm on the road, I'm like, "Ah." I'm sleeping till noon, I'm jerking off-

   24. CWChris Williamson29:31

       (laughs)

   25. MNMark Normand29:31

       ... I can eat ice cream and I need that. I like recharge and I come back and I'm whistling walking in the door, "Hey, honey, good to be home." And she's the opposite. She's like, "I was here all weekend alone, I wanted to kill myself." And I was like, "Oh, I love being alone." I love sitting-

   26. CWChris Williamson29:45

       Yeah.

   27. MNMark Normand29:45

       ... in a diner, I got a podcast going, I'm eating eggs, looking out the window. That's the dream.

   28. CWChris Williamson29:50

       Good. So given the fact that it seems like, um, you're striving to do excellent things, you want to be better at your craft and you want to do-

   29. MNMark Normand29:57

       Yes.

   30. CWChris Williamson29:57

       ... a better hour or a better 10 minutes or a better even just individual joke, do you find that the lifestyle of maybe getting up a little bit later and, and the temptations to party and being around comedians who, uh, aren't exactly well known for their discipline-
7. 36:15 – 41:44

   Applying Rules & Rigidity to Life

   1. MNMark Normand36:15

      in.

   2. CWChris Williamson36:15

      I like the idea of, um, the complexity of the world becoming more simple when you put rules to it.

   3. MNMark Normand36:21

      Yes.

   4. CWChris Williamson36:21

      So-... within martial arts, within a UFC fight. There are, e- even within that, which is ostensibly like a fucking street fight that's televised and made legal, there are still rules, you know?

   5. MNMark Normand36:31

      Right.

   6. CWChris Williamson36:31

      There's an amount of time that they're there for. There's a weight category. You can't knee people when their head's on the ground.

   7. MNMark Normand36:35

      Yeah.

   8. CWChris Williamson36:35

      You know, there are certain things. You can't bite them or kick them in the dick. Like, there's certain stuff that you can and can't do, and there are also relatively... Even that, there's a little bit of y- judges, scorecard-type thing, but for the most part it's like, if the guy's on the ground and the other guy's stood up and everything was legal, he won.

   9. MNMark Normand36:50

      Yeah.

   10. CWChris Williamson36:50

       Whereas, for almost all of the rest of life, everything's super messy.

   11. MNMark Normand36:55

       Yes.

   12. CWChris Williamson36:55

       Like, how well did I do my morning routine?

   13. MNMark Normand36:58

       (laughs)

   14. CWChris Williamson36:58

       How good was my interaction with my kids this morning? How, uh, fantastic was my performance with my partner when we went out for dinner and how present was I with th- Like, it's just fucking mess and chaos.

   15. MNMark Normand37:10

       It is. That's why you need to have some rigidity in your life just for your own... s- self-discipline, your own, uh, you know, self-worth even. "I ran five miles today according to my GPS. Look at that." Or my step count, whatever. "That's five miles" is a hard, (burps) hard number, right? You know, you need that. You know, it's, it gets too wishy-washy with other stuff.

   16. CWChris Williamson37:32

       Mm. I-

   17. MNMark Normand37:32

       "I'm sure that guy liked me. Uh, yeah, whatever." Like, well, maybe he hated you, but y- y- people give themsel- selves too much leeway, I think, on a lot of things.

   18. CWChris Williamson37:40

       Without that forcing function or whatever you wanna call it, like, the, the focus that you have that everything is being moved toward, that's in service of-

   19. MNMark Normand37:49

       Mm-hmm.

   20. CWChris Williamson37:49

       ... right? Without that, um, that's why I think you get listlessness.

   21. MNMark Normand37:52

       Yeah.

   22. CWChris Williamson37:52

       If you don't have a thing that you're moving toward, why do the hard stuff?

   23. MNMark Normand37:56

       Exactly.

   24. CWChris Williamson37:56

       And, and that's, that's kind of like a, a brutal realization because I think a lot of people have the capacity to do something... or, or, or to, to put themselves through really difficult things. Like, "A man with a strong enough why can bear any how" type scenario.

   25. MNMark Normand38:10

       Mm-hmm.

   26. CWChris Williamson38:10

       If you have that why, if you have a why... If you have no why, I can guarantee that the how is probably not gonna be good.

   27. MNMark Normand38:15

       (laughs)

   28. CWChris Williamson38:15

       There are very few people that can do a Goggins. I've, I've heard a rumor-

   29. MNMark Normand38:19

       Right.

   30. CWChris Williamson38:19

       ... that he, for most of this summer was, uh, volunteering to fight fires in California being dropped out of a helicopter.
8. 41:44 – 44:42

   Covid Protests in China

   1. MNMark Normand41:44

   2. CWChris Williamson41:44

      Speaking of China, have you seen these videos that are coming out of people, uh, protesting-

   3. MNMark Normand41:49

      Protesting?

   4. CWChris Williamson41:49

      ... against the lockdowns?

   5. MNMark Normand41:50

      I have.

   6. CWChris Williamson41:51

      Dude, this stuff's proper harrowing.

   7. MNMark Normand41:52

      Really?

   8. CWChris Williamson41:53

      It's genuinely... Yeah, there's, uh, a really-

   9. MNMark Normand41:55

      Good for them.

   10. CWChris Williamson41:56

       (laughs) Well, I suppose so, but... The fact that it's got to this stage, people have been quarantined in, inside of their own flats for 100 days and they tied, uh, metal wire around the door handles from the outside-

   11. MNMark Normand42:08

       What?

   12. CWChris Williamson42:08

       ... so that people... People have literally been locked inside. They've got these drones that fly over the streets and disperse s- some chemicals in a desperate attempt to try and kill the virus. No idea if it works.

   13. MNMark Normand42:20

       Whoa.

   14. CWChris Williamson42:20

       No idea what the chemicals are. Little kids are breathing this in. They've got these totally arbitrary quarantine areas outside in parks that are just four...... uh, bank barriers.

   15. MNMark Normand42:31

       Mm.

   16. CWChris Williamson42:31

       And it's just a square with nothing in it and a sign on the outside. It's just the most insane arbitrary rules-

   17. MNMark Normand42:38

       Wow.

   18. CWChris Williamson42:39

       ... run amok. It's crazy.

   19. MNMark Normand42:41

       That is wild. That's movie shit. That's-

   20. CWChris Williamson42:43

       Yes.

   21. MNMark Normand42:43

       ... terrifying.

   22. CWChris Williamson42:44

       Yes.

   23. MNMark Normand42:44

       And good for them for protesting 'cause China is very, uh, obedient, you know, generalizing. But, uh, good for them. They're breaking free. And, and it's like we said before with the, uh, the policing of words. Like, is this really for good or justice or is this something more behind this? And I feel the same way about this. Is this really for good, the chemicals and the ha- the, the shit on the handles, the, and the doorknob? Like, you've gone too far. You've gone so far good you're bad again.

   24. CWChris Williamson43:12

       Yeah.

   25. MNMark Normand43:12

       You know? So, uh-

   26. CWChris Williamson43:13

       Think about the price that those people-

   27. MNMark Normand43:15

       ... not good.

   28. CWChris Williamson43:15

       ... need to pay to do that protest, you know, for all that there was-

   29. MNMark Normand43:19

       Yeah.

   30. CWChris Williamson43:19

       ... there was protests that happened in the US and in, and in the UK and in Australia and people were unhappy about stuff. Like, you weren't being tracked by... They have this, uh, gate tracking, uh, f- AI analysis from CCTV, even without seeing your face, with about a 95% accuracy they can work out who you are just from the way you walk.
9. 44:42 – 55:25

   Phrogging & Robberies

   1. CWChris Williamson44:42

      of frogging?

   2. MNMark Normand44:43

      Mm-mm.

   3. CWChris Williamson44:43

      Okay. So I, I got told about this the other day. It's a pretty fucking harrowing story. So, um, one of my friends was, uh, in a relationship with some like famous pop star chick.

   4. MNMark Normand44:53

      Mm-hmm.

   5. CWChris Williamson44:53

      And, uh, he was staying at her house and, uh, he was sunbathing there, and this guy came through the hedge. He's like, "That's fucking strange." It's a gated community, like super expensive house and stuff. This guy came through but he was in khakis or whatever and he looked like a normal person. And, uh, he was like, uh, "Can I help you?" And this dude looked super shocked. He said, "Oh, is this not Scott's house? I'm looking for Scott." And he said, "No, there's no Scott here." And he says, "Oh, uh, I, I came from next door. Something must be... Uh, sorry, I must have got confused," or whatever. And my friend just had a bad feeling about it. He's like, "There's something fucking... There's something up here."

   6. MNMark Normand45:23

      Mm-hmm.

   7. CWChris Williamson45:23

      "Something really, really, really up." Anyway, they, uh, roll forward another couple of weeks and he's still got this feeling in the back of his mind. Apparently he's waking up in the middle of the night.

   8. MNMark Normand45:31

      Whoa.

   9. CWChris Williamson45:31

      Like, he felt like there was somebody in the room. And he's like, "I'm being crazy, I'll go back to sleep." Anyway, and um, air conditioning goes out, so they need to get a pest guy and a air conditioning guy up. So, go upstairs into the, the attic and the... He says he'll never forget the body language-

   10. MNMark Normand45:49

       Oh, God.

   11. CWChris Williamson45:49

       ... of the air conditioning guy. Guy opens the attic door up, goes up, and apparently he just saw him go like ... like his whole body language just slumped-

   12. MNMark Normand45:58

       Oh my God.

   13. CWChris Williamson45:58

       ... as this du- dude looks. So, they go up-

   14. MNMark Normand46:00

       I'm getting chills.

   15. CWChris Williamson46:01

       They go up into the att-... This, dude, this story really fucking disturbed me. Go up into the attic and they look, and he w-... The guy comes back down with his face just white and he goes, "Uh, are you sure that you've never been up there? Are you... Is this a joke? Is this some sort of a joke?" And he was like, "No." And he's like, "I think that you probably need to call the police." And he was like, "Okay." Went upstairs. What had happened was some like fans or whatever of this particular person had been living in the attic of the house, writing manifestos about how they were going to kill this person.

   16. MNMark Normand46:37

       Oh.

   17. CWChris Williamson46:39

       Creeping downstairs in the middle of the night, eating the food, and then going back up. Dude.

   18. MNMark Normand46:50

       Oh my God.

   19. CWChris Williamson46:52

       Frogging.

   20. MNMark Normand46:52

       I can't believe your friend was banging Madonna.

   21. CWChris Williamson46:55

       (laughs)

   22. MNMark Normand46:55

       Um, holy shit. Is that right?

   23. CWChris Williamson46:58

       Yeah.

   24. MNMark Normand46:59

       Well, we got robbed a lot when I was a kid and I, I would wake up with people downstairs and you just know you're getting robbed and it's a fucked up feeling.

   25. CWChris Williamson47:07

       Mm-hmm.

   26. MNMark Normand47:07

       So I, I can... I walked in on a few robberies. You know, I'm like nine. I don't know-

   27. CWChris Williamson47:11

       What are you gonna do?

   28. MNMark Normand47:12

       ... what's going on. Yeah. It's this big guy with a TV and I'm like, "Hi, can I help you?" And he's like, "Oh, I'm looking for your dad." And I was like, "Oh, let me go get him." And then he would just run out the backyard with a TV.

   29. CWChris Williamson47:19

       (laughs) What about New York? New York's got some piece-

   30. MNMark Normand47:21

       New York, I've been robbed in New York. Got robbed, uh, guy went through my window in my apartment, up the fire escape, opened my window, uh, walked on my bed, opened a drawer, had all this cash in the drawer.
10. 55:25 – 1:05:11

    What’s Next for Mark

    1. CWChris Williamson55:25

       you just continuing to focus on comedy moving forward then? That's the, the sole pursuit and everything gets funneled toward that?

    2. MNMark Normand55:30

       Sure. I mean, I'd like to have a family one day, 'cause to me, that's like some kind of toe in the normal pool, you know? Like-

    3. CWChris Williamson55:36

       (laughs)

    4. MNMark Normand55:37

       ... my whole life is just walking around going, "Act normal. Do what a normal person would do right now." You know, I'm at a wedding like, "All right. Don't make a pedophile joke."

    5. CWChris Williamson55:44

       (laughs)

    6. MNMark Normand55:44

       "And just get a cup of, get a cup of coffee and eat some cake and shut the fuck up." So yeah. I, I would like to have a family and not fuck that up and, uh, uh, make... But, but just continue making comedy, making good comedy. And hopefully, hopefully people come out and see me.

    7. CWChris Williamson56:02

       I think that the, the idea of having... Especially as a, a guy now, I don't think there's, mm, as many places that affirm for masculinity and men to kinda stand. It's like what's, what's the role? You've outsourced resource acquisition to fucking Walmart and, and Whole Foods.

    8. MNMark Normand56:17

       Sure.

    9. CWChris Williamson56:17

       You've outsourced warfare and hunting to the police and the legal system, right?

    10. MNMark Normand56:21

        Ah-huh.

    11. CWChris Williamson56:21

        Like, the kind of, the things primarily that we would have done ancestrally have kind of gone-

    12. MNMark Normand56:25

        Sure.

    13. CWChris Williamson56:25

        ... i- i- in part. And, uh, one of my friends, super successful guy, just in this relationship. He's completely smitten with this new girl of his and, uh, he was saying he made a ton of money in his 20s. He's like, "Man, do you know what it is? I realized most of my 20s were spent making me into the kind of dad that I really wanted to be for my kids."

    14. MNMark Normand56:42

        Ooh. That's nice.

    15. CWChris Williamson56:43

        I was like, "That's fucking great."

    16. MNMark Normand56:45

        That's heavy.

    17. CWChris Williamson56:46

        It's really, really cool to think that all of the fucking ridding yourself of the juvenile ideas that you've got-

    18. MNMark Normand56:53

        Yeah.

    19. CWChris Williamson56:54

        ... and the fucking bad habits and getting the cocaine out of the way-

    20. MNMark Normand56:57

        Sure.

    21. CWChris Williamson56:57

        ... and, you know, the casual whatever and the sense of ego and need and all that shit. And you're like, "Oh, yeah. And now I can actually be a good dad."

    22. MNMark Normand57:05

        Yeah. But I think for a lot of people, and I'm not... This is not a, a knock, but I think kids are a lot of people's goal.

    23. CWChris Williamson57:12

        Yeah.

    24. MNMark Normand57:12

        You know, we were saying we need a thing to shoot for and strive for. For a lot of people, it's a, a reproductive thing-

    25. CWChris Williamson57:19

        Mm-hmm.

    26. MNMark Normand57:19

        ... that's, uh, they're trying to build up, and that's good. There's nothing wrong with that.

    27. CWChris Williamson57:23

        No. I think the problem comes when people who don't see their kids necessarily as a, a worthwhile investment have the kids and don't have anything else, because then you don't... There's just no push forward from the parents. And what do you create? You create an environment in which listless parents create listless kids.

    28. MNMark Normand57:40

        Oh. Totally.

    29. CWChris Williamson57:42

        Yeah.

    30. MNMark Normand57:42

        Yeah. And I think now we live in this time where there's so much modernity. It's almost like the China thing, where we've given... We have so much technology, everything is so easy. You got Uber Eats. You know, you used to have to go out and kill a thing, and now you gotta... You can just... You don't have to go get it now. You don't have to go to McDonald's.
11. 1:05:11 – 1:05:52

    Where to Find Mark

    1. CWChris Williamson1:05:11

       let's bring this one home. I really appreciate you.

    2. MNMark Normand1:05:12

       Oh.

    3. CWChris Williamson1:05:12

       Thank you for seeing me before your show tonight.

    4. MNMark Normand1:05:14

       Thank you for having me and, and, uh, it's, it's cool. I've been watching you on YouTube, so it's fun to talk to you.

    5. CWChris Williamson1:05:18

       Thank you. Uh, where should people go? They wanna check out the shit you do, where should they go?

    6. MNMark Normand1:05:22

       Uh, marknormandcomedy.com, uh, for dates and I have a po- I have two pods, We Might Be Drunk and, uh, Tuesdays With Stories, and I'll see you on the road. Praise Allah.

    7. CWChris Williamson1:05:33

       (instrumental music) What's happening people? Thank you very much for tuning in. If you enjoyed that episode, then press here for a selection of the best clips from the podcast over the last few weeks. And don't forget to subscribe. Peace.

Episode duration: 1:05:52