Modern WisdomHow To Overcome The Worst Pain Of Your Life - Jeremy Renner
EVERY SPOKEN WORD
150 min read · 30,079 words- 0:00 – 12:44
Life After Jeremy’s Accident
- CWChris Williamson
Are you sick of people asking you how you are?
- JRJeremy Renner
No, no, no. I mean, I, I, it's, it, it's, well, there's a real, uh, honest answer that comes behind it, right? Um, whether they're asking or not, you know, you get a real honest answer.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
And, um, and, and sometimes, it's in the inopportune times. I remember, I was doing a, uh, podcast, and, but it was over Zoom, right? And the technical issues that were happening to set it up, and the thing, and then ha- what mic to use and how to use this. I mean, I was, I'm not the tech guy. And I was getting very frustrated, and I was getting probably pretty hangry. And like, the beginning of this podcast was probably pretty awful. I was quite, quite a (censored) . (laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
(laughs)
- JRJeremy Renner
But, but they ask you... Look, I'm sorry, I'm just gonna work through this and the thing, I'm not good with tech. And it, I di- I just, I di- I just have this real, realist, honest way to kind of live. So I'm not sick, in the long, long, the long way to answer this. Yeah, I'm not, I'm not really s- sick of people asking how I am 'cause I just really do tell them. And if they do care about, you know, if it's, if, if it's, uh, about the recovery or if it's about just sort of my, my health or even mental health.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
You know, I, I, I don't care what, how they intend it.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- JRJeremy Renner
I'm, I, I just sort of explain kinda how I am in a really truthful, honest way. And it's quite beautiful.
- CWChris Williamson
Have you always been like that?
- JRJeremy Renner
Um, I've always been pretty, pretty direct. But I don't think I'd be as open and revealing. I'm much more open and revealing because of having to focus on myself so much.
- CWChris Williamson
Why do you think that is? No time to obfuscate or sort of play the social moray game?
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, I was never good at that, man. I'm like, I, um, I'm in a crowd of people, I'll get anxiety. And, you know, uh, I'd have to, like, medicate with, like, you know, alcohol or something to sort of calm the nerves of being around so many people.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Um, I was thinking if there's gonna be a fire, so many people are gonna die and people are gonna get hurt.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- JRJeremy Renner
People, people are kind of terrible to each other in large crowds.
- CWChris Williamson
Yep.
- JRJeremy Renner
They get... The more people in a room, the, the respect level for humanity kinda diminishes.
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah, the more humans there are, the less humane they are.
- JRJeremy Renner
Exactly.
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah.
- JRJeremy Renner
And I just refuse to be in that environment 'cause I think it's disgusting. Uh, that behavior, I'm very affected by it and very sensitive to it.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- JRJeremy Renner
So I just choose not to be in those environments.
- CWChris Williamson
It sounds like you've got, I don't know, a little bit of a nervous disposition. I think I would say that that's my kinda background too. Uh, th- uh, thinking, sometimes overthinking, uh, uh, looking for potential errors and issues. And maybe being a little bit sensitive to the energy of what's going on around you.
- JRJeremy Renner
Def- definitely very sensitive.
- CWChris Williamson
Yep.
- JRJeremy Renner
Always been an observer.
- 12:44 – 27:34
What Happened to Jeremy?
- CWChris Williamson
So-
- JRJeremy Renner
(laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
I, I, the kind of elephant in the room, I guess, and I, I didn't know that you'd gone through your accident.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
I didn't know that that had happened. I was like-
- JRJeremy Renner
Right.
- CWChris Williamson
... you know, I, they, yeah, Jeremy must have... He did the... And then he did a series, and then The Avengers finished, and then maybe that come back, there's a series for that. And, oh, yeah, just, you know, you kind of weren't there, and then you were. So if you hadn't seen this bit in between, if you'd just been watching, like, the wrong kind of headlines-
- JRJeremy Renner
Right, right.
- CWChris Williamson
... nothing would have occurred.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
Uh, so for the people that sort of weren't aware of what happened, it has something to do with a snowplow. Can you give the, the, the overview?
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, the over- overview. Um, it was, it's a, um, uh, well... (laughs) I don't know what overview (laughs) . It was hard enough to recount to write the book, you know?
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
(laughs) But the, the, it was, now, now I got to write the trailer.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Okay, so... (laughs) The setting's in Lake Tahoe, and, uh, it's New Year's, and we always have my family, uh, in New Year's. And we were snowed in for a few days, um, sort of Armageddon, Snowmageddon we called it, type of, type of thing. So we had no power, no electricity, no nothing. And we were having a great time, but New Year's Day was gonna be sunny, so I had to clear the driveway so we can get out and get some fresh air and that type of thing. And, uh, in the mountains, uh, you know, it's j- you're at 8,000 feet elevation, you get a ton of snow. So we have, like, probably 10, 12 feet of snow. So that's like sand, you know, you gotta move this stuff to kind of get it out. We're supposed to go skiing and all that stuff. Ends up hav- I'm taking the snowcat, which is used. A snowcat, if you don't know what it is, it's like a, like a tank. It moves on the snow. It's about 16,000 pounds wet, and it's got a big shovel in the front of it, and it usually drags behind it, you know, stuff. But it's like, like a tank, and it turns like a tank or a skid steer. Um, so it's pretty nimble. And it floats on the snow, 'cause it has these steel tracks, and they're wide. So, kind of like snowshoes, if you will, right, so you don't sink in it. But, which is great for that, but when we took it up to the d- end of the driveway, which is about a half mile long, we were taking cars that were stuck in the snow and things that were buried. You don't even know what's underneath all that snow. So, you have to be ver- very careful. So we're dragging all this stuff out of there so we have a driveway so we have access to maybe go get food, supplies, something, anything, right? So, we, we take the snowcat and drag all the stuff out. The final one was my truck, and we got it to, to the top of the, the mountain where there's a plowed driveway, and where it's hard, and we can actually, can maneuver a bit better. And then my nephew, this takes the help of my nephew, Alex. And, um, so, and we've done this a thousand times. I mean, it's, this is like mowing the lawn for us up there in the mountains. It was just a, we're on this, it's kind of a slope, and it was very icy, and we were sliding, and I didn't like that I was sliding towards him as he was trying to unhook a chain from this giant machine. And, uh, so I turned it around to try to talk to him, and couldn't see him, and I was sliding towards him, so I backed up. But again, you have to understand this machine. You have to see this machine to understand it, but you have to step on these giant tracks, the things that roll and move, to get in and out of the machine anyway. There's no other pla-
- CWChris Williamson
There's no little ladder.
- JRJeremy Renner
There's no platform. There's no ladder. There's no nothing. You just have to jump onto the giant metal tracks, and then you jump into the cab to start driving this thing, right? Kind of a design flaw, if you ask me, 'cause it's- (laughs) 'Cause it's really unsteady. Anyway... (laughs) It's not really a pedestrian, uh, type of vehicle. This is a commercial for, commercial vehicle for, for, uh, ski slopes, right?
- CWChris Williamson
Right.
- JRJeremy Renner
So it's not something-
- CWChris Williamson
Typically people aren't hopping in, hopping out-
- JRJeremy Renner
Right, right.
- CWChris Williamson
... unhooking a whatever.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
It's a shift.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, exactly. (laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah, yeah.
- JRJeremy Renner
And, uh, so it was just one of those things. You have to step out to try to talk to him, to hear him, and all these things at any rate. And there's a little toggle switch on the steering column. That's what'll move it forwards and backwards and, and put it in neutral. And I just keep going backwards, just so I could, I don't slide into him, 'cause I can't really see him. And then in doing so, I'm stepping on the tracks, hit the button wrong, it threw me off, and now the machine's rushing towards him. I have no idea. I know he's within, between the truck, and that's 10 feet away. I get up as quick as I can, and I just quickly jump back on this machine, or try to jump back in the cab, leaping up and over three feet, these spinning tracks. And then, you know, I don't make it, and I get caught underneath this machine, and it crushes me and rolls over like a tank would run over a log. It's just, you know, doesn't think.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Does it? And, uh, and it didn't crush my nephew, which is great, but, uh... (laughs)
- 27:34 – 36:02
The Reality of Looking at Your Own Eye
- JRJeremy Renner
(laughs) What does, uh... I've always, I've always wondered this. What does looking at your own eye look like? Uh, you know, it's, it's one of those, it's a queer situation. You know? Um, it just like if looking at your foot facing the wrong direction. And then your other leg, i- uh, that's not a joint. Mm-hmm. It was broken, shattered, like- Mm-hmm. ... they're just twisted all- Mm-hmm. ... like a pretzel. I knew that was supposed to hurt. Did it? No, it'll hurt later. I'll worry about that problem later. And just like the eye, I'm like, "Oh, man." And I, and I rolled my face on it. It's like, "Let, at least let me put that thing on ice." 'Cause I was like laying on the icy asphalt. So, "Let me ice that thing." You know? I thought about that, dude. Right? And I say, and it is funny, right? But that's what I thought about. I'm like, "Oh, do you think they'll let me put that on ice?" And then, and I had my nephew lift my arm just so I can breathe. There was like conscious, my hyper, hyper-focused conscious stuff- Mm-hmm. ... was to survive. So you had a lot of- And, and I, and I went through every checklist of my body. I have a strong, strong awareness of my body as well, as an athlete, as a stunt performer, also as an actor, 'cause it is my instrument to, to even act. So, I'm very, very aware of my body, how it works, the, all the things, so, to my knowledge. I don't know all the things, but at least I know the basics of how my body should operate. (laughs) So, I'm just constantly going through, like, you know, what it really initially felt like for my breathing was like when you get, when you lose your wind. You get kicked in the stomach or punched in the stomach. It's that suffocating trying to find your breath, right? It's what it sounds like on the 911 call. Just like this, "Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right? It's just you can't, can't get air in, right? So it's like you're cramping in your diaphragm. So I kept saying, "If I get this cramp out of my diaphragm, I can get a deep breath in." And I mean, this is, it's never coming. But I keep telling myself- Mm-hmm. ... "As long as, let me relax, let me relax. Let me see if I can just get this..." The immediate is get that b- air in. If you're not getting air in, your immediate thing you need in your life is air in. Right? Pretty obvious. So, start there. (laughs) So, just trying to work through that and getting my body to be in a place so I can get air in. Mm-hmm. And eventually, it got to that place where he had to hold it in a very specific, my arm up in a specific way so I can breathe. Mm-hmm. I could start regulating the painful way to now I, the new way I breathe. The one-arm pushup breathing type of thing. Lot of effort. And, uh, yeah. It's, uh, that... But all the mental part of that is, is, is the main thing that got me through initially. That sort of mental focus.No one was gonna help me breathe, no matter who was there, or who w- who could have done it or not, it, it, nobody could've. I was the only one that was gonna be able to make myself breathe, and, any way possible. No one knew exactly what was wrong (laughs) or how, how ............................ I was kind of flattened, my head's crushed, you know? There was blood everywhere. Um, so they're thinking a whole lot of different things. I'm like, "Fuck all y'all, I just need to breathe in, (laughs) so I can breathe out." I'd even use expletives, to help me laugh.
- CWChris Williamson
Didn't swear once?
- JRJeremy Renner
Oh, I sw- I said- I had all these, yeah, it was, it was hookers, whores, and hamburgers, that I would scream out 'cause of the, the huffing of the H sound, would, would make me laugh, "Huh, huh, hooker, whore," right? "Ha." I had to do that to get air out.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
So I could suck air in, and also have a laugh, "That's my eyeball. That's my twisted-ass legs. Ah, yeah. I already died, what else needs to happen? Th- this is my body, it's my body, I'm owning it."
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
So, that's, those are the... Sense of humor I even had-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
... if you can, in that horrifying, you know, drawn-out 45 minutes. You know?
- CWChris Williamson
And then, you get o-
- JRJeremy Renner
There's just no, there's j- just no like, rule book, there's no like, (laughs) directions in like how to, how to overcome something like that, right? We're not taught how to do anything like that. It's, you-
- CWChris Williamson
You didn't have a blueprint beforehand?
- JRJeremy Renner
... you just, you just do what you can do, what do you got?
- CWChris Williamson
(sighs)
- JRJeremy Renner
And every- say yes to everything, do whatever works, right?
- CWChris Williamson
It's fascinating how much mental clarity you had.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, yeah. You had to. Had to. I was dead. If I passed out, I would've been dead. I wouldn't be sitting here. I'd be dead. They're too far high up in the mountains, no one could've gotten to me. Dead man.
- CWChris Williamson
Oh, of course, you're so high up in the mountains that even breathing normally, I imagine, is a little bit more difficult-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, at 8,000 feet-
- CWChris Williamson
... for most normal people.
- JRJeremy Renner
... yeah, at 8,000 feet, yeah. So maybe my, my body's also prepared for it. I also have, um, you know, higher m- higher amounts of oxygen in my body, 'cause I do work on that stuff, and, but, eh, there's, there's no one thing. But the mental part of it was the one thing that did get me through, at least to the next exhalation.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
And then that got me, it bought some time, you know. I came back for whatever reason, and then the, the paramedics got there shortly after, and then they had to, you know, do the crazy thing on your chest, they stab your chest, like it's some movie or something.
- CWChris Williamson
And what are they, they're trying to re-inflate the lung?
- JRJeremy Renner
I think, either that or release pressure.
- CWChris Williamson
Right.
- JRJeremy Renner
Don't ask me, I'm not, I'm not, I didn't go into the details of it.
- CWChris Williamson
Yep.
- JRJeremy Renner
Um, even after the fact. I had to worry about other things than the scar on my chest, I could care.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- 36:02 – 44:51
When the Pain Actually Kicked In
- JRJeremy Renner
- CWChris Williamson
So, what I'm, what I'm interested in is when, uh, and you've sort of hinted at this already, when the pain starts to kick in.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.Well, that was the initial... The, the, from, is all, all, all the, every, every synapse is firing. Every, everything in your brain has go- lit up because, or when you get crushed. Like everything was... I, I didn't, I never experienced a feeling like that in my life. It's like a, it's like if you hit a, your hammer on your thumb, and you're like, "Oh, motherfucker." But like on every inch of your body. It's like, what is going on? There's so much information, you don't know what to pay attention to.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
So that was very confusing. The pain was everywhere, in everything, even like in your spirit. It's like everything was... You, you don't know what was going on. So it was very confusing. It was very bright. Um, a lot of flashing. You know, 'cause when, there, there was like a lightning strike that happened when my skull cracked and the, the eye came out. (laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
(laughs) It's so weird that I'm talking about this. (laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
Yep, yep. When my skull cracked and my eye came out.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, 'cause they don't look like it happened, right? (laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
Yep, yep.
- JRJeremy Renner
Um, yeah, there was like a lightning strike, and then, you know, the, you start messing with... I don't know. It was, it was such an overload. It felt like it was like, you know, you gotta turn off the power, because there was an overload of information, overload of pain. All your nerve endings are like on fire. Like it was like fiery hot lava. It was like all these things were happening. So it's, and, and again, the worst part of it is like you, you got stepped on by an elephant and you can't breathe. That's sort of, you just can't breathe. That was the worst of it. It's like, who cares about the rest of this stuff? I mean, all of it hurt, but I don't even know what that is anymore. Like pain, pain became my bitch a long time ago.
- CWChris Williamson
How so?
- JRJeremy Renner
It, it's, it's 'cause it's, it's, uh, it's all a construct in your mind anyway. It's your body's way of saying, hey, it's trying to preserve itself. Your body tries to preserve itself by saying there's pain. Oh, that's hot, don't touch it. Or this is that, don't do this. Try this, right? So they're getting on you. This is not during the accident, this is after the accident, and I started to deal with pain in, in a different way. And I had, I, I wrote a whole chapter on it called The Agreement. You know, about, about how when you can re- neural pathways, you can change them for your brain. How I receive pain is different how I received it before. I can still stub my toe and, ow, motherfucker, yes, right? But I understand what it means, what the body's really trying to tell me. Like when the body gets a break, it instantly swells, tries to c- create its own cast, and do all these sort of things to protect itself. The body just tries to preserve itself. It's a miracle what the body does. It's fantastic. If you are in alliance in what the body's trying to do, and the body realizes, ah, you, you were listening to me. Okay, I won't bother you so much anymore. And that's where we became the agreement of like, you can't tell me that's painful anymore, because that's a b- metal, piece of metal now. You're not even a bone you can say that's broken. So I have to reprogram my brain from receiving those pain signals in that way, and it takes a time. It takes, take about 28 days to really, really reprogram.
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah, explain this 28-day cycle.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, it's, it's, um, it's like a lot of cycles. Like from a menstrual cycle, a moon cycle, uh, human patterns and behaviors. A lot of, a lot of toxicities to leave your body take around those times. But it's just something about that 28 days seems to be something congruent in a lot of different versions of our lives. And, um, with, with patterns, um, to really create a p- a positive pattern or take a negative pattern to a positive pattern, uh, it took 28 days. And then you don't have to think about it. It's not a conscious thought anymore. You don't have to be, be grudged to stretch every morning. You're just stretching every morning after 28 days essentially. It doesn't have to even be that long. It could take, be less. But to, um, it's, it's always in your brain, the power within your brain and your mind. And it takes fortitude, it takes trust, faith, and a whole lot of other bag of goodies that you, you can't be weak in spirit. You cannot. You have to be... You, if you don't believe it, then no one's gonna believe it kind of attitude. You've, it's not gonna get done if you're not gonna do it, right? You have to do it and believe it. And the, there was, it was a lot, a lot of that came through 'cause, uh, 'cause I had to walk on my leg. And then my leg had a spiral fracture, spun around, it was shattered. And so they had to hammer a, a big, um, a piece of titanium in, and just plates and screws, and plates and screws. And he said, "You're gonna have to walk on this thing. Otherwise, it's gonna be pretty much just like a log, stiff thing." I'm like, "All right."
- CWChris Williamson
To keep it mobile.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, to, to move it. All the scar tissue, right? I have to, as you know, right, you gotta keep this thing rocking and moving. So I got the okay from the doctor, like I have to move this thing, otherwise it's gonna be just a club leg. So I start doing it, and my body is screaming at me, "Ow, ow." I g- step down, "Ow, ow, ow, ow, motherfu- Ow, ow, ow." "It's broken," my body's telling me. I'm like, "No, it's not." So I start yelling at my foot and my leg. I'm like, "Look, motherfucker." Sorry about my language, but (laughs) I'm just like, "Look, we gotta, we gotta, we gotta work this out." The doc says you're not broken, 'cause you're a piece of metal now. Like, I'm literally talking to it like it's a, like my appendage and my body is like a, like a, like a scorned lover or something, or like a, like a bad dog.
- CWChris Williamson
Naughty dog.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like, "What are you doing? How would you, why would you cheat on me?"
- CWChris Williamson
Yep, yep, yep.
- JRJeremy Renner
You know what I mean? You know, it's, you're betraying me, essentially. It's, it's such a betrayal. And so to be so crazy enough to like, to talk about my appendage (laughs) as this separate thing-
- CWChris Williamson
Yep.
- JRJeremy Renner
... you know, um, it wa- it was, opened up to this idea that, uh, I, I have to really change, I have to change it, 'cause I know with all the things I'm telling you I knew before, I just like, I have to really work this out. I'm literally arguing with my leg every day. I'm arguing with my leg many times a day. Many times I go, I have to go move it, get blood flow through it so, for blood clots, the, right, scar tissue, it's all this stuff. So otherwise, I'm threatening, "Dude, I'm gonna lop you off. I'm gonna chop you off. I'm gonna get a wooden peg, I'm gonna get a fucking parrot and an eye patch, and go live a pirate life, motherfucker. Either fucking do it or don't." Like I'm screaming it, right? I'm saying it like I'm saying it now, like no joke.But saying it with that intensity and that belief, dude... 'Cause I did also was okay living the pirate life, dude. I was totally okay with it. I was just happy I was alive.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
I didn't care about acting again. I, I was... I'm just happy to see my family there with me, all the people I love around with me. I didn't care about what the future held for my body in that sense. You know what I mean? Or I was willing to do it. So (laughs) I'm threatening my leg that I'm gonna chop it off. I mean, it's like the... It's, it's the most insane thing ever. And I know I'm... I know that as I'm saying it, and I, I reflect back on it (laughs) sometimes at night, and I'm like, "Dude, that was a good talk we had. That was a good talk." (laughs) You know what I mean?
- CWChris Williamson
Good hustle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- JRJeremy Renner
You know? Like, um, it's pretty... It's a lonely business, recovery, right? When you're in a bed alone, you're the only one recovering, no matter how many doctors you got, how many people love you, giving you tea, whatever the heck it is. All that's amazing, but you're the only one that can make you get better. And that's it, man. And me and... Me and my leg were (laughs) were partners-in-crime at the time. And, uh... Yeah, I'm talking to curtains. I'm talking to all sorts of things in your... (laughs) It's quite a lonely space. But, um, it was the thing that helped me reprogram the neural pathways on how I receive pain. And it took about 28 days, took about a month, of me yelling at my leg as I'm doing physical therapy. I do... I'm doing it every day. I did it as soon as I got home. I was in two ICUs for six days apiece. As soon as I got home, 'cause I was breaking out of them every day, "Get me home, get me home so I can sleep." And soon as I got home, "I'm doing physical therapy." You know, "However painful it is, I don't care." So I got on it real quick. And, uh... So, so after doing that, this... Having this agreement with my leg, all the other things, like my ribs and all that stuff, kind of fell into place much better than I anticipated. I... My lungs were like plastic suitcases for all the goop and things to kind of come out of it. Blood and all this, like, stuff. It's so weird. I mean, it was quite a hot mess. But it was the leg that was really quite, quite the issue, um, 'cause it was the, the physical therapy part of it. And that's where, um, that's where I focused all my energy. Then the rest of the body just kind of fell into place. Um, it's like I focused on one, one bad dog that was pooping on my pillow or something. Like-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
"Ah, yeah, I'll just focus on the leg." Uh, and, um... And then it just... I, I just... Pain became just something that I can manage 'cause I know my body s- sends signals to my brain, but it doesn't mean I have to receive it the same way.
- CWChris Williamson
What's
- 44:51 – 53:36
Advice for People Currently Dealing With Pain
- CWChris Williamson
your advice to somebody who's currently dealing with pain?
- JRJeremy Renner
Uh, you know... (laughs) I, I'm not gonna say up to... You know what... Yet the thing... I think g- getting an understanding of it. I think there are other ways. You know, I think modern medicine is fantastic for the short term, but it... For long term and chronic pain, I think there's gotta be other ways. I deal with it all the time, but I certainly don't take pills. I, I, I do... Oh, sorry. I do injections of peptides, amino acids, vitamins, uh, maybe... I try... Anti... Some na- natural anti-inflammatories, things like that. I think everybody's gotta deal with inflammation. I think there's, um, a lot of great science that's coming out. Um, I get a lot of access to people that, um, have been dealing with it over a long time and also have been doing it for a long time. Um, but none of that matters. What matters is what your body says. I listen to my body. My body tells me what it needs, and I listen to it. I pay attention, and I also tell it to fuck off. Like, no joke. It's, it's a... It's, it's a... It's, it's a part of me. It is what I am, but it is just my spirit living in this vessel.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
So I'm gonna take care of it the best I can, so I'm gonna listen to it, and it's going to listen to me. And it does. And that agreement I have with my body gets me through every day.
- CWChris Williamson
How do you know when to listen to it and when to tell it to fuck off?
- JRJeremy Renner
It starts to scream at me a-bit. It's cr-
- CWChris Williamson
The volume that it reaches?
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah. Yeah, it gets a little louder. Or it's... It's actually not even that. It's more... It's repetitive in nature, not just something that... It's not just an afternoon or a st- or a stiff morning.
- CWChris Williamson
It's just fleeting.
- JRJeremy Renner
It's just like, "Oh, this has been a week of this repetitive thing." I'm like, "All right. I gotta... I gotta help my body out here. I'm not doing something right, or I'm doing something wrong. I'm putting something in my body, or I'm not..." Tha- it's something else, right? The body... Like, if you have an injury, usually some other part of your body-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
... overcompensates and that kind of stuff. So you have to really kind of watch, watch the whole thing.
- CWChris Williamson
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- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
Again, somebody... I've, uh... Again, not run over by a, a snowcat. A full Achilles detachment, which was a-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, yeah. Fuck. Get out of here.
- CWChris Williamson
That was a... That was a motherfucker.
- JRJeremy Renner
Terrible. Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
Um, uh-
- JRJeremy Renner
Well, here's the thing. See, any... Singular in any one of those, it's way worse than getting ran over by the snowcat.
- CWChris Williamson
I would disagree.
- JRJeremy Renner
Because there's onl- there's only... Yeah, there's only one thing, and it... And it's, it's, it's... I was tested to my limits, to my death-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
So nothing else can... I don't care, pop both my Achilles tendons right now, like, eh, whatever.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- JRJeremy Renner
I'll limp out of here or just pull, waddle out of here.
- CWChris Williamson
Right, because the worst thing that's happened to you is the worst thing that could happen to you.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like this, it's like, all right, this is gonna be a terrible year.
- CWChris Williamson
Yeah.
- JRJeremy Renner
I didn't know that already. Ba, ba, ba, baa. But, you know, they'll reattach. They can probably do it in six months now they got-
- 53:36 – 1:01:32
Keeping Motivated During Intense Recovery
- NANarrator
- CWChris Williamson
Even if you are, uh, doing this because you're gonna help to heal your family, you don't want this to be the, uh, defining, lingering memory of, of, of what happened, et cetera, the recovery is still on you.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
Finding the solutions-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
... is still on you. You're gonna have-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, and it's also still my body. Like, I don't wanna, I'm not gonna hobble around this spinning rock for the next 100 years-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
... 'cause now I'm, I'm Titanium Man.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Get out of here. (laughs)
- CWChris Williamson
Well, what, you know, you, you're laid awake at night a couple of weeks, a couple of months in. It's just one of those normal days. It's been an all right day of rehab. It's been an all right day of whatever.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
But you're just, you're kinda deep in the hole. And-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
... what, where was your mind going to keep your motivation to keep driving you forward?
- JRJeremy Renner
I- I always focused on th- on the things that were better. Now, not every day all, all of me was better, but some part of me was getting better, and that's all I cared about.Just sitting up was, like, a giant milestone for me. Not peeing in a jar, that was a great victory for me to go bathroom on my own, right? Just whatever it was, I kept things really simple, and, and, and I made it okay .......................... That's an amazing thing. So 'cause there are days that aren't great, and there's a lot of people that might get stuck in a rut of-
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
... you don't even have to be in, in recovery. I mean, you can just have a bad day and just like, but your brain, right, it's not ... y- y- you can't let it wallow in that. Just get up off the couch and move. Go move your body, oxygen through your s- your system. It'll help you navigate something, just to make a different choice. It had been easy for me to, like, not have any positive thoughts about things, man. There's, there's not a lot of help or, or hope to grab onto. So I just built the things that I could grab onto. Like I said, I kind of gamified things.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
And I g- you know, I guess, there's ... I was just filled with such gratitude, but I wasn't gonna ever have s- a low bar set, right? There's that duality of it. It's like I wasn't gonna, like, "Oh, as long as I can just kinda walk," or, like ... no, no. They said, "Hmm, if I walked again, if I did, I'd walk funny." They said, "You're never gonna run again." I said, "I wish you would've told me that." I heard it from my family later on. I would've been running faster earlier just through tha- at that challenge, right?
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
I'm also that guy, you know?
- CWChris Williamson
That "fuck you" energy?
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah. Yeah. Well, that ... or the challen- challenge me 'cause I know what I can do, and I know what I can't do. And I know my limitations, and sometimes I'll, I'll try to ... I always try to exceed what, what, um, I can or can't do. You have to go to such extremes of your obsessions to really grow.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Like what cold plunges do for the body and, like, even h- even extreme hot does to your s- the nerve endings in your body. Use a lot of heat, vibration for pain. Let's talk about pain.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Heat, high heat, high vri- ve- high vibrations, great for pain.
- CWChris Williamson
Were you using, uh, um-
- 1:01:32 – 1:11:59
The Biggest Aspects of Jeremy’s Recovery
- CWChris Williamson
me through the big recovery modalities, sort of what contributed to your, to your rehab and... 'Cause you seemed to recover very, given how intense-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
... and, and, and sort of-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah.
- CWChris Williamson
... catastrophic the injuries are, you recovered really quickly.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah. I, I, I be- I became obsessed. I had to become obsessed at recovery. It had to be, it was my main focus. And it was awesome because my life was freed from any other obligations, even parenting. Sadly. So, I have to get this so then I can go back to being a parent. So I can go back, right? So I became obsessed at, it's a, like I said, it was 24 hours a day. That's all I focused on. That's all my brain energy went to. That's all my thoughts went to, were all recovery, healing, getting better, even dreaming of my bones growing over this metal pipe, and that they... All this stuff. It was just all that was, I was all in with every part of my body, even in my damn dreams, about recovering. So, the obsession. And then, it got to a place maybe of just a few weeks later. I didn't have the, the, the le- the plastic pla- suitcases for my lungs. And then I'm sitting up in a thing and I'm in a wheelchair and I'm moving around. And it's like I'm mobile. I'm getting more blood flow in. Ah, that's now I just getting better faster. And now it's maybe 16 hours a day of obsession, and then it reduced to 12, and it's just ke- kept getting less. By the summertime, it was eight hours a day. I had to start my morning, dah, dah routine, and dah, dah, all the things and just keep going, keep going.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
And then my, what my body allowed me to do that was just sort of like not recovery stuff, I would do life stuff that was like recovery stuff. I'd go walk in the sand. Great for your ankles and stability in my hips and knees and all that stuff. But at least I'm outside in the sunshine at Lake Tahoe, breathing in the air, getting my feet cold. That's the biggest cold plunge in the world. That, that thing is freezing. And just go in that and it's awesome, right? So I can do the... So now I'm just doing eight hours, and I reduce it to maybe four hours by the time I started going back to work. I'd have to commit to four hours a day. Hyperbaric chamber, put O2 throughout my body.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Red light therapy was huge. I, I still do these to this day.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Um, and all the th- I mean, between the high heat stuff and the vibration, the red light, infrared beds, and the hyperbaric chamber, I'll do those for the rest of my life.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm. What peptides were you using? Thymosin alpha, thymosin beta-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, it was-
- CWChris Williamson
... BPC?
- JRJeremy Renner
... thymosin, BBC 157, there's um, eh- eh- MOTS-c, some, some-
- CWChris Williamson
I love MOTS-c.
- JRJeremy Renner
Huh?
- CWChris Williamson
MOTS-c's great.
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, yeah. And there's TB 500. There's, uh, gosh, there's a, a long, long list of stuff. I s- I had to do, I had to, I had to do, had to do hormone replacement stuff 'cause my testosterone was at 200.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
I had to get that up 'cause I was gonna get some energy so then I could get in the gym instead of falling asleep in the gym. Um, so that helped getting, regulating that 'cause again, I'm 54 and at th- at that time, you know, I didn't... No one tells you how to get old, but I guess my testosterone (laughs) was super low. And, uh, that affects a lot of things in your body.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm-hmm.
- JRJeremy Renner
Especially your energy.
- CWChris Williamson
Mm.
- JRJeremy Renner
So, um, yeah. And there's, there's a, a whole list of, of different peptides, and I rotate them in and out. It's not like I do, uh, them all the time. I, I just kinda rotate them, just like supplements. I do the same thing with supplements. I rotate them in and out of my life. I'll go for a stretch of two months or three months on, three months off, or that kind of thing, you know. Just to get your body to regulate, challenge it, let it try to produce its own HGH, its own testosterone, all those type of things. Um, really, really great to work on your body from a cellular level, uh, out.
- CWChris Williamson
Using the NAD? Any-
- JRJeremy Renner
Yeah, yeah. I do that every day.
- CWChris Williamson
Wow.
- JRJeremy Renner
Every day.
Episode duration: 1:46:33
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