Relationships 101

1. 0:00 – 15:00

   (wind blowing) So, hello. Hi,…

   1. CWChris Williamson0:00

      (wind blowing) So, hello. Hi, everybody.

   2. JOJonny0:07

      Hello.

   3. CWChris Williamson0:08

      The long awaited Yusuf and Johnny guest appearance.

   4. YUYusef0:13

      'Cause you've been on without me, haven't you? Can't believe you did that.

   5. JOJonny0:15

      Yeah. It was while you were away.

   6. YUYusef0:17

      Mm-hmm.

   7. JOJonny0:17

      And then I missed your birthday.

   8. CWChris Williamson0:19

      I remember.

   9. JOJonny0:20

      But I've got you some coffee now, so.

   10. YUYusef0:21

       Well, no. I have to wait to see if I'm allowed the coffee.

   11. JOJonny0:24

       (laughs)

   12. CWChris Williamson0:25

       (laughs)

   13. YUYusef0:25

       'Cause you sent forth two bags, one that needs grinding and one that doesn't need grinding.

   14. JOJonny0:29

       For two people.

   15. YUYusef0:29

       And you know that I am the grinder.

   16. JOJonny0:31

       One may not have a grinder. One definitely has a grinder, so.

   17. CWChris Williamson0:32

       And one is on Grindr.

   18. JOJonny0:34

       One is on Grindr.

   19. YUYusef0:35

       (laughs)

   20. JOJonny0:35

       So not- not even by his choice.

   21. CWChris Williamson0:38

       Yeah. I have been on Grindr.

   22. JOJonny0:39

       I wonder if you're still on Grindr.

   23. YUYusef0:40

       I was on Grindr twice.

   24. JOJonny0:41

       Catfished. You've- you've both catfished. Been catfished.

   25. CWChris Williamson0:44

       Been catfished on Grindr, yeah.

   26. JOJonny0:46

       Or been the- been the subject. Yeah.

   27. CWChris Williamson0:48

       Been the catfish on Grindr.

   28. JOJonny0:50

       Yeah. (clears throat)

   29. CWChris Williamson0:51

       Um, later on when we do our first ever Q&A, make sure that you tune into that.

   30. JOJonny0:57

       (singing)
2. 15:00 – 30:00

   And I find that…

   1. CWChris Williamson15:00

      Yeah. Intellectually, how both- bothered are you? But in terms of ... You probably l- want someone who's a bit lean. You probably want someone- Mm-hmm. ... who's muscular, who physically fits the attributes that you need. Mm-hmm. Whereas, you know, we've all been around beautiful but stupid people. Mm-hmm. Right? And vice versa. Mm-hmm. Really interesting people who we're not sexually attracted to.

   2. JOJonny15:16

      And I find that dynamic so interesting, 'cause if you ask most women ... And, women, if you're listening and disagree, please say, but, like, any woman I've spoken to and I've asked, "Would you have sex with a man who you find physically attractive, but was ... really bored you, was boring as hell, as opposed to someone who you maybe ... who you found attractive but you hated?"

   3. CWChris Williamson15:36

      Mm-hmm.

   4. JOJonny15:36

      And they'd prefer to have sex with the man who they hated, 'cause at least there's some intensity there, there's some passion.

   5. CWChris Williamson15:40

      Some feeling.

   6. JOJonny15:41

      Whereas I think men are much different in the sense that, like, you could have sex with someone that you found quite boring-

   7. CWChris Williamson15:48

      Mm-hmm.

   8. JOJonny15:48

      ... but that you wouldn't want to spend time with.

   9. CWChris Williamson15:49

      I think men can scale that to a very mechanical- Yeah. ... in- interaction.

   10. JOJonny15:52

       Mm-hmm.

   11. CWChris Williamson15:52

       Whereas I think women, less so. It's much more visceral as- Yeah. ... a man, right? Mm-hmm. So, uh, the ... Perfectly correct. If all that you're looking for is sex, then change your parameters around. So this is a different ... That's part one, and this is- Yeah. So I'm talking about, I'm talking about dating. I wouldn't say that you- Okay. I wouldn't class dating as ... If you need to go out on the pull- Mm-hmm. ... then we will do. And if you want a podcast on that, then we'll do a podcast on how to be single. Like, how- So this isn't, this isn't trading, it's investing. This isn't day- Exactly. This isn't day trading.

   12. JOJonny16:17

       Yes.

   13. CWChris Williamson16:17

       It's not short-term positions. This is, "I'm looking for a long-term- Yes. ... position." Right, fa- Yeah. So-

   14. JOJonny16:22

       It's not going hell for leather on cryptos. This is like-

   15. CWChris Williamson16:24

       Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You're not, you're not margin trading.

   16. JOJonny16:26

       (laughs)

   17. CWChris Williamson16:26

       You're not doing 50/12 creation. Wealth creation. Yes. Right. Exactly. So- Hopefully that made it much clearer for everyone.

   18. JOJonny16:33

       (laughs)

   19. CWChris Williamson16:33

       (laughs)

   20. JOJonny16:33

       (laughs)

   21. CWChris Williamson16:34

       (laughs) Yeah. 2022 01:10:15,160 -- 01:10:17,270 So, that's the first thing that's good. Right? Mm-hmm. So it means that you filter out the bottom feeders. Mm-hmm. The men who aren't worth your time. And you, you jump ahead a couple of s- steps. Mm-hmm. So, cool. Second thing that's good is it sets a tone for the relationship moving forward that means that you're not going to take shit. Mm-hmm. So, we all know, and we'll go over this when we do relationships, the proper relationships podcast. For me, the key in almost every relationship is, like, the first 6 weeks to 10 weeks. The reason being that you set precedent after precedent after precedent for what happens in X situation, Y situation, and Z situation. What happens when you don't get a message after someone's been on a night out saying that they've got home safe? Mm-hmm. How do you react? How do you react when they get in late? How do you react when they cancel a date? How do you react when they do whatever? So, I forgot to say- (laughs) ... that particular camera can only do around about 20 minutes at a time. (laughs) So every so often- It'll go, "Beep." ... I'm gonna pass it onto you. I'm gonna have to get up and I'm gonna have to change it. Thanks, video guy Dean. (laughs) Um, we're gonna pass it on to ... Oh, as in we speak, and then I'm gonna get up and get to that. Uh, okay, fine. Uh, if you're just listening- Ah. ... that's completely pointless, but it's fine. So, it sets the tone for the relationship moving forwards, right? Mm-hmm. It means that you are drawing lines in the sand, not only for now that filter out potential mates, but you're also training them to be a good mate for you. Mm-hmm. The third and final one, and this is the one that I think is most holistic moving forward- Mm-hmm. ... is men really ... In fact, look, I'm gonna make this into a four. Thirdly, men really fucking need this.... the reason being that it makes them learn what is and is not acceptable behavior for women. Like, if there, if you are with a guy and you find out that he's been messaging your mate, and you think that that, based on your own values and your own integrity, you think that that is unacceptable behavior and you bin him off, that's only going to happen to him two or three times before he goes, "I probably need to change my behavior."

   22. JOJonny18:41

       Mm-hmm.

   23. CWChris Williamson18:41

       The reason that this continues to happen-

   24. JOJonny18:43

       Is that it's permissive.

   25. CWChris Williamson18:44

       ... is that guys are able to wheedle their way through. And this is speaking from experience, because for years and years and years, I was able to outwit girls that I was seeing to one degree or another, whatever level of depth you want to say that is.

   26. JOJonny18:57

       Mm-hmm.

   27. CWChris Williamson18:58

       And I was able to, I was able to get myself out of it, so I never learned.

   28. JOJonny19:01

       This is the Parkinson's law, like in a social context. So Parkinson's law is where you... (microphone rustles) an, a task fills the time that you've allocated to it. And I'm sure if you've been working to a deadline with an essay or something, you're like, for some reason, you, there's no way you can just get it done a week in advance in a two-hour slot. It's, yeah, always extends to that. And the same thing, like, if a certain behavior is permitted frequently, then you lower your own standards for yourself.

   29. CWChris Williamson19:29

       Gets reinforced.

   30. JOJonny19:30

       And so as a man, you want someone to hold you to a higher standards. Like Earl Nightingale says, the... "Treat a man as you expect him to be, not as he is," and, you know, give him the room to expand to that and to rise up to that challenge.
3. 30:00 – 45:00

   Yep, yep. …

   1. CWChris Williamson30:00

      slow take off.

   2. GUGuest30:00

      Yep, yep.

   3. CWChris Williamson30:01

      Um, imagine the, the decision makers are women.

   4. GUGuest30:05

      Mm.

   5. CWChris Williamson30:06

      Now remove the decision maker and replace that with another man and he said-

   6. GUGuest30:10

      Mm.

   7. CWChris Williamson30:10

      ... "Mate, can you imagine what it's like at gay pride?"

   8. GUGuest30:13

      (laughs) .

   9. JOJonny30:13

      (laughs) .

   10. GUGuest30:13

       I mean, I... This is coming from the fucking source, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   11. CWChris Williamson30:16

       This may not be representative of all gay prides, and I'm sure that there's some men out there that play hard to get-

   12. JOJonny30:21

       (laughs) .

   13. GUGuest30:21

       (laughs) .

   14. CWChris Williamson30:21

       ... but Jesus Christ, men like to shag other men.

   15. GUGuest30:23

       Yeah.

   16. CWChris Williamson30:23

       Like-... they really, really like to fuck other men. And th- you go to th-, like, the gay pride events, and these are the stories that I hear back.

   17. GUGuest30:30

       Mm-hmm.

   18. CWChris Williamson30:31

       And they're like ... Some of the things that these guys see (laughs) -

   19. GUGuest30:35

       Yeah.

   20. CWChris Williamson30:35

       ... are like harrowing.

   21. GUGuest30:36

       Really?

   22. CWChris Williamson30:36

       It's like, I just can't believe how much fucking sex these guys are having.

   23. GUGuest30:39

       Yeah.

   24. CWChris Williamson30:40

       Because-

   25. GUGuest30:40

       And if you've been to a gay bar, you get touched up so much.

   26. CWChris Williamson30:43

       Do you? I've n- I've not.

   27. GUGuest30:44

       Oh, okay, uh, well-

   28. CWChris Williamson30:45

       I, it's, I've not had that experience.

   29. GUGuest30:46

       Might just be me then, but, like-

   30. CWChris Williamson30:47

       It's maybe you should take Chris and I to a gay bar.
4. 45:00 – 1:00:00

   So it's not- …

   1. CWChris Williamson45:00

      The evidence suggests that I love this girl to bits, but I can't stop shagging other girls. Okay. So stop doing the bit that's mi-

   2. JOJonny45:08

      So it's not-

   3. CWChris Williamson45:08

      Allow, allow yourself to-

   4. JOJonny45:09

      It's, it's not the right time for you in a long-term relationship.

   5. CWChris Williamson45:09

      Yeah, allow yourself to enact ... Johnny, fire away with a question.

   6. GUGuest45:12

      I ... So, I think where that breaks down is it's ... Oh, thought, I didn't know what that was. I thought it was an animal. Um, it implies that, 'cause it, we're getting into monogamy here, aren't we?

   7. CWChris Williamson45:25

      To a degree, yeah.

   8. GUGuest45:25

      Like, whether that's possible.

   9. CWChris Williamson45:27

      Yeah.

   10. GUGuest45:27

       I think probably, and I don't know, this is a wild punt, but I would imagine the highest percentage of cheating happens in relationships where people have been, people are in their 40s to 50s, been married awhile. The spark has completely gone from a relationship, and that's when a lot of it happening. And I think like-

   11. CWChris Williamson45:50

       That's interesting. I don't know.

   12. JOJonny45:51

       There's, there's a big breakdown of stats around cheating. I've complete- I, I'll have to find it and send it to us.

   13. GUGuest45:54

       I can't believe you wouldn't mind. You shouldn't mind.

   14. CWChris Williamson45:55

       We'll link it. Oh, in fact video-

   15. GUGuest45:58

       Is it not in Mind Palace?

   16. CWChris Williamson45:58

       ... video guy Dean-

   17. JOJonny45:59

       Mm-hmm.

   18. CWChris Williamson46:00

       ... will make sure-

   19. GUGuest46:01

       What up, Dean?

   20. CWChris Williamson46:01

       ... that we will have those stats floating on the screen somewhere.

   21. JOJonny46:05

       Nice.

   22. YUYusef46:05

       So these, so these stats-

   23. CWChris Williamson46:07

       Right here.

   24. JOJonny46:07

       It's these stats talk about-

   25. YUYusef46:09

       These ones or those ones?

   26. JOJonny46:10

       ... um, higher incidences of cheating with attractive couples. Which kind of makes sense, I guess. But-

   27. CWChris Williamson46:16

       Because they've got better access.

   28. JOJonny46:18

       Maybe that's it.

   29. CWChris Williamson46:19

       More demand.

   30. JOJonny46:19

       Or may- maybe they feel more desirable.
5. 1:00:00 – 1:08:15

   ... what do you…

   1. CWChris Williamson1:00:00

      to lie as much as possible, et cetera, et cetera. So I'm talking to this guy and I'm saying, "Look, I'm aware that you get to see your own blunders from the, the front, a front-row seat, right?" You see it every single second of the day, and you only get to see the, this much, the highlight reel of everybody else's. Let's flip that on its head, right? What you have as a man or as a woman who sees their own depth is this really colorful world where you have so much depth, so much variety of views. And that means that you and only you can be you. But when you see the highlight reel of everyone else who are choosing acceptability instead of honesty-

   2. JOJonny1:00:43

      ... what do you see there?

   3. CWChris Williamson1:00:45

      Mm-hmm.

   4. JOJonny1:00:45

      All you see is cookie-cutter design that's just replicated and replicated and replicated over and over. So, take that as your power. Like, that is someone who a, a, a person who has a particular degree of depth, is where you can draw an awful lot of power from. That you go, "Well, hang on a second. Yeah, cool. This person I thought was really good for me, or was this, that, and the other, and then maybe it's worked out, or maybe it's not, and I'm a little bit hurt," or whatever. "And I thought that they were, they were this girl that I never thought, or this guy that I thought I'd never get to be with, and I really, really value them." But you go, "I see on Instagram and Facebook, or on a night out or at work, I see fucking millions of people like them. But I know through personal experience that there's only one of me." I think that's a really liberating thing to think.

   5. CWChris Williamson1:01:28

      Mm-hmm. Really well-perct as well.

   6. JOJonny1:01:30

      Well, this has been something that I've been, that's been percolating around for a little while, and I've been trying to distill it down.

   7. CWChris Williamson1:01:35

      I think it's very ... That, that distinction is probably more prevalent in your world, in the sense in, in the world that, uh, that exists in the nightlife of Newcastle than I think I feel exposed to.

   8. JOJonny1:01:51

      So-

   9. CWChris Williamson1:01:51

      ... maybe.

   10. JOJonny1:01:53

       I think with ... It's an interesting one with Chris because, um, over the last five, six years at least since we've known him ... What? (laughs) Just-

   11. CWChris Williamson1:02:03

       No, I'm not gonna say.

   12. JOJonny1:02:05

       Okay. (laughs)

   13. CWChris Williamson1:02:06

       (laughs)

   14. JOJonny1:02:07

       The ... We've, we, we've seen you on this path of, of becoming more authentic, becoming more comfortable with your own, um, with your own values that you didn't feel were acceptable, and becoming more upfront with that.

   15. CWChris Williamson1:02:19

       Mm-hmm.

   16. JOJonny1:02:20

       The problem that confounds this is that you haven't gone down in acceptability because deep down, like, you're a, you're a decent person, you're not s- you know, you said like if your honesty is racial slurs and, and being a prick-

   17. CWChris Williamson1:02:33

       Mm-hmm.

   18. JOJonny1:02:33

       ... and then you're actually trying to be more acceptable by coating over that, then that's a different thing.

   19. CWChris Williamson1:02:37

       Mm-hmm.

   20. JOJonny1:02:38

       But you've revealed someone who is a, is fundamentally a good guy.

   21. CWChris Williamson1:02:41

       Mm-hmm.

   22. JOJonny1:02:42

       And the authenticity in itself is an attractive trait.

   23. CWChris Williamson1:02:46

       Mm-hmm.

   24. JOJonny1:02:47

       Plus you are placed in a dominance hierarchy quite high up-

   25. CWChris Williamson1:02:52

       Mm-hmm.

   26. JOJonny1:02:52

       ... because of, because of your-

   27. CWChris Williamson1:02:53

       That's, that's, that's what I, that's what I wanted to try and-

   28. JOJonny1:02:55

       Mm-hmm. And so, so all of these factors, plus, like, you're a beautiful man, so, um-

   29. CWChris Williamson1:03:00

       Thank you.

   30. JOJonny1:03:00

       All these things together-

Episode duration: 1:08:38