The Strangest Norms You'll Only Find In America - Sam Morril (4K)

1. 0:00 – 5:39

   How to Adjust to New York

   1. SMSam Morril0:00

      This is delicious.

   2. CWChris Williamson0:01

      (laughs) You haven't decided whether you-

   3. SMSam Morril0:03

      I know, I don't like it, I don't think.

   4. CWChris Williamson0:05

      But you keep drinking it?

   5. SMSam Morril0:05

      I keep drinking it.

   6. CWChris Williamson0:06

      Goddammit.

   7. SMSam Morril0:07

      I keep drink- and I'm like, "I don't think I like it," but I've had like 10 sips and I'm like, "Maybe I do." I don't know.

   8. CWChris Williamson0:11

      How long does it take to get accustomed to New York City?

   9. SMSam Morril0:14

      (exhales) I mean, I don't know 'cause I've lived here my whole life, but you picked like the worst strip. This is a really bad block. I mean, it's like all the people just selling fake bags. Who the fuck thinks these are real bags? I mean, if you're a tourist, are you not in- and you're like, "Oh yeah, the guy who hasn't showered in three days and smells like BO, that's a, that's a real Louis Vuitton right there."

   10. CWChris Williamson0:33

       Reputable stocker, retailer of-

   11. SMSam Morril0:35

       Yeah, come on. Who's buying-

   12. CWChris Williamson0:36

       ... luxury items.

   13. SMSam Morril0:37

       Yeah, just buy a fucking bag that's cheap, that's actually not gonna break the second you buy it.

   14. CWChris Williamson0:42

       I don't know, I, this place feels really hard to adjust to as someone who's not from here.

   15. SMSam Morril0:47

       Yeah.

   16. CWChris Williamson0:48

       I feel like a, a medieval country bumpkin going to the big city or something to have to speak to the baron or whatever. And I come in, I'm like just overloaded. It's so loud, noisy, everything smell, and then it's also energizing. But yeah, it's just, it's odd to adjust to, and people that live here are just like, "Oh, it's just what life is."

   17. SMSam Morril1:07

       That, that's exactly my point. I can't drive, but I can tell you which subway gets you to, like Brooklyn. I'm u- I can't really, I can't, I can drive, but I'm bad.

   18. CWChris Williamson1:17

       So you have your license, but-

   19. SMSam Morril1:18

       I, it was a bull- here's what happened. I, I took three tests. I failed the first two driver's tests. I passed the third one because, uh, I got in the car and I was like, "Please don't fail me, I'm terrible." And the, and the instructor-

   20. CWChris Williamson1:30

       (laughs)

   21. SMSam Morril1:30

       ... the instructor laughed, and then I hit a cone and she was like, "All right, you, you got it."

   22. CWChris Williamson1:34

       Took sympathy on you?

   23. SMSam Morril1:35

       Yeah, and but then it was like, because of that, I don't drive outta like respect 'cause I know it's a bullshit license.

   24. CWChris Williamson1:40

       R, oh okay. (laughs)

   25. SMSam Morril1:41

       So I like never drive.

   26. CWChris Williamson1:42

       (laughs) Probably for the best.

   27. SMSam Morril1:44

       Yeah. I, I did it the other day, but it was like six blocks.

   28. CWChris Williamson1:48

       Jesus Christ.

   29. SMSam Morril1:49

       Yeah.

   30. CWChris Williamson1:49

       Yeah. I, well, another thing. Do people raise children here?
2. 5:39 – 8:48

   Professional Bull-Riding in Montana

   1. CWChris Williamson5:39

      I went to my first PBR, professional bull riding.

   2. SMSam Morril5:44

      I thought that was Pabst Blue Red- ribbon or whatever. The beer?

   3. CWChris Williamson5:47

      No, I went to a-

   4. SMSam Morril5:48

      Yeah.

   5. CWChris Williamson5:48

      ... I went to a professional bull riding thing. Have you ever been to one of those?

   6. SMSam Morril5:51

      I hear it's fun.

   7. CWChris Williamson5:51

      Dude, it's wild. So my favorite part of the whole thing, the bulls themselves have walkout songs.

   8. SMSam Morril5:59

      They don't pick them?

   9. CWChris Williamson6:00

      Mm-mm.Uh, I don't know. I mean, it was all- it's all associated with... And they've got highlight reels of, like, their best rides ever, and there's the- the, you know, this bull trampling on a Brazilian man, and this-

   10. SMSam Morril6:11

       Yeah.

   11. CWChris Williamson6:11

       It's like, "He hasn't been ridden in four years." And this thing comes out and it's just super... But he's got it... When it first comes out, it's fully dolled up and it's got, like, flowers around it. Then the next time it comes out, it's got this... They tie this s- stuff under its stomach that irritates it, that's why it keeps doing the bucking thing.

   12. SMSam Morril6:29

       Fuck.

   13. CWChris Williamson6:29

       So it's got this stuff tied underneath it, and, uh, yeah, there's always, like, a little Brazilian dude on the top of them and, uh, they fuck him up and then they go off. The-

   14. SMSam Morril6:37

       Are the guys, are the guys little in that or are they a little bigger? 'Cause the- the horse racing is the jockeys are tiny.

   15. CWChris Williamson6:42

       Mixed bag. A lot of the guys seemed, like, muscular, but pretty, pretty short. I'm gonna guess being tall would be a disadvantage in that, because you're just gonna get ragged around.

   16. SMSam Morril6:50

       I've done them in the bars, the- the bulls, and I don't last as long.

   17. CWChris Williamson6:52

       Same thing, yeah.

   18. SMSam Morril6:52

       Yeah.

   19. CWChris Williamson6:53

       You- you would struggle.

   20. SMSam Morril6:54

       Yeah.

   21. CWChris Williamson6:54

       So, yeah, I mean, your pivot if the caree- comedy thing doesn't work out, pivoting into PBR might not be a good idea.

   22. SMSam Morril6:59

       No, no.

   23. CWChris Williamson6:59

       But, yeah, the one thing that I really loved is a- a guy, like, a cl- a compere that's also a clown had full sort of face makeup on-

   24. SMSam Morril7:09

       Mm-hmm.

   25. CWChris Williamson7:09

       ... but a lot of your experience is mediated through this one dude 'cause he's explaining what's going on. They only need to stay on the bulls for eight seconds and most of them don't. So it's a 48-second period punctuated with minute and a half long breaks while this bull is just trotting around and there's a dude with a lasso trying to get it and fuck it off into the pen so that the next guy can come out. Um-

   26. SMSam Morril7:35

       That's the wor- that's- that's the worst job, I think, the guy who has to bring the bull back in.

   27. CWChris Williamson7:39

       With the lasso?

   28. SMSam Morril7:40

       Yeah.

   29. CWChris Williamson7:40

       Yeah, I... They seem to chill out for it depends on how well disciplined the bulls are. But yeah, I, uh... The one that I did at Big Sky, guy, ex-Navy SEAL-

   30. SMSam Morril7:49

       That's Montana?
3. 8:48 – 14:06

   The Lack of Diversity in ‘Friends’

   1. CWChris Williamson8:48

      the- one of the actors from Friends retrospectively sort of canceled the show about a lack of diversity?

   2. SMSam Morril8:54

      Yeah, it was... That was- that was Adam Goldberg. That was the guy who was on, like, one episode.

   3. CWChris Williamson8:58

      Right. Yeah.

   4. SMSam Morril8:58

      He's not one of the actors from Friends really, though.

   5. CWChris Williamson9:00

      I- w- as somebody that was once in Friends said that it wasn't sufficient.

   6. SMSam Morril9:03

      Look, you can have revisionist history, right? You could be like we- they... It was a white fucking show. It was a very white sh- I was never into Friends, but, like, a lot of those shows in that era were very white. Like Seinfeld was very white, you know?

   7. CWChris Williamson9:15

      He... Didn't he say something about how Italians can play Jews but Jews can't play Italians? I think he said that in the same...

   8. SMSam Morril9:23

      Yeah.

   9. CWChris Williamson9:23

      So there's this weird one-

   10. SMSam Morril9:25

       I think we could... I think Jews can play... I... My friend, uh, my buddy is a Jewish actor, he's played an Italian.

   11. CWChris Williamson9:29

       Uh-huh.

   12. SMSam Morril9:30

       I think Jews can play Italians for sure. I think- I think it works both ways (both talking)

   13. CWChris Williamson9:33

       That was one of his complaints that-

   14. SMSam Morril9:35

       That he can't play... Maybe he's not a cool enough Jew.

   15. CWChris Williamson9:37

       Maybe he's not tanned enough.

   16. SMSam Morril9:38

       Maybe.

   17. CWChris Williamson9:39

       Jew with a tan equals Italian, is that the way that it works?

   18. SMSam Morril9:42

       I think... No, they work 'cause they both have mo- they both have overbearing mothers, Jews and Italians. We can both tap into the same shit. Overbearing mother... But then, like, Jew with the overbearing mother is like... Like Gloria Soprano is a very different mom than my mom, but my mom was... My mom was... It was more like anxiety than-

   19. CWChris Williamson10:00

       Aggression?

   20. SMSam Morril10:00

       ... than aggression, yeah.

   21. CWChris Williamson10:01

       Right, okay.

   22. SMSam Morril10:02

       But Gloria Soprano fucking hated her son. She was... It was all anger and resentment. My mom is more just like, "Agh," like, "Don't do this." Like, my dad sent me a fucking email-

   23. CWChris Williamson10:11

       Oh yeah.

   24. SMSam Morril10:11

       My dad sent me an email about an apple juice recall the other day, and I was like, "I'm 38." You think I- you think I'm dr- you think I'm pounding apple juice? Like, those days- those days are over.

   25. CWChris Williamson10:23

       (laughs)

   26. SMSam Morril10:23

       But that's how much they worry. That's my bro- like, that's the Jewish... My mom... True story, we were walking on the street once and- and I saw a dead pigeon and I go, "Ugh, dead bird." And my mom goes, "Don't touch it." And I was like, "What do you think happens when I'm not around, Mom? I'm not gonna touch the fucking bird."

   27. CWChris Williamson10:39

       How old were you at this point?

   28. SMSam Morril10:40

       It's like five years ago, six years ago. She's like-

   29. CWChris Williamson10:43

       (laughs)

   30. SMSam Morril10:43

       She worries so much. Dude, she's always on the road, she's like, "Don't- don't drink," and I'm like, "I'm going to." I'm an adult, I've made my own decisions.
4. 14:06 – 21:37

   Using Pineapples to Find Love in Spain

   1. CWChris Williamson14:06

      of relationships-

   2. SMSam Morril14:07

      Yeah.

   3. CWChris Williamson14:07

      ... Spanish supermarket shoppers use pineapples to search for love in a surprising new craze. Have you seen this?

   4. SMSam Morril14:14

      No.

   5. CWChris Williamson14:14

      Let me tell you. A social media trend in Spain where people are encouraged to seek out prospective partners in supermarkets with the help of pineapples has led to some chaotic scenes.

   6. SMSam Morril14:23

      'Cause it makes your cum taste better? Is that why? I mean, I, I don't get it.

   7. CWChris Williamson14:27

      So, I haven't even got into the-

   8. SMSam Morril14:29

      Oh, so I, I jumped the gun there.

   9. CWChris Williamson14:31

      In the city (laughs) of Bilbao, Northern Spain, police were reportedly called by workers after a flash mob of hopeful singles passed, uh, packed a Mercadona store and overwhelmed it. Singletons have been drawn to the branches of the supermarket chain where it is claimed that they can find romance if they visit between 7:00 and 8:00 PM and put a pineapple upside down in their trolley. People are encouraged to go to the wine aisle to find others with the same fruit in the same position. If they like someone, they bump their trolley against theirs, indicating they're interested in chatting to them. If the feeling is mutual, they can bump back or just start talking, according to the Spanish-based English language news website, Olive Press.

   10. SMSam Morril15:10

       The Spanish are over-complicating this. How, how about just going up to someone and saying, "Hey, I like you"?

   11. CWChris Williamson15:15

       No, you have this, this beautiful dance of upside down fruit and, and little carriages that it go... Is that not... "So, how did you and Mom meet?" "Oh, in the wine aisle of-"

   12. SMSam Morril15:27

       I don't think the pineapple story's great either.

   13. CWChris Williamson15:30

       (laughs)

   14. SMSam Morril15:30

       You think the pineapple... "Wait, I flipped the pineapple." I think your kids are gonna be like, "You're an upside down fruit, Dad."

   15. CWChris Williamson15:35

       (laughs)

   16. SMSam Morril15:35

       What the hell? I don't... Uh, uh, I think this stuff is so complicated, especially when you have all these apps to get laid on. Just go on one of the apps. I mean, I know it's not a great story, but like, have some fun.

   17. CWChris Williamson15:46

       It's quicker. Yeah, what do you make of the sort of... Uh, you're in a relationship?

   18. SMSam Morril15:50

       Yeah.

   19. CWChris Williamson15:52

       W- w- from the outside perceiving it, what do you make of sort of the modern state of, of dating?

   20. SMSam Morril15:58

       Well, I sure as fuck miss those dating app days. Those were fun. I mean, it's, it's, it's relentless. I mean, here's the thing. The grass is always greener, so I'm, I'm happy in my relationship, but I also, like, I'm like, "Oh, man, that was awesome." That was... You could just get laid like that. You could be a loser and still just be putting up numbers because it's just... You know, you see people just, like, on the street, like, you know, and you're like, "Holy shit, this is like..." Like, social media's addictive. This is like... The only downside is really you are... Pictures aren't everything, right? Like, you meet someone in person, there's an energy you pick up on, and it's like, it's... Pictures don't mat-... You can't, you don't really, you know, count for voice, and then they have that voice feature, but that always feels weird, you know?

   21. CWChris Williamson16:43

       To send a voice note to somebody that you've never met.

   22. SMSam Morril16:45

       Ugh, it's creep-

   23. CWChris Williamson16:45

       Exclusively-

   24. SMSam Morril16:46

       Worse than, worse than a dick pic.

   25. CWChris Williamson16:47

       But exclusively for the reason-

   26. SMSam Morril16:48

       It's more violating.

   27. CWChris Williamson16:49

       ... of trying to get someone to think that you're cool-

   28. SMSam Morril16:53

       Yeah.

   29. CWChris Williamson16:53

       ... or sexy, and then... How many times do you rerecord it or change the tone of your voice in order to be more sultry than you actually are? I don't know.

   30. SMSam Morril17:01

       Yeah.
5. 21:37 – 25:19

   Why Less Than 60% of Americans Have Passports

   1. CWChris Williamson21:37

      this week, Americans with a passport-

   2. SMSam Morril21:40

      Yeah.

   3. CWChris Williamson21:40

      ... in 1990, 4% had a passport, and now still-

   4. SMSam Morril21:44

      Wow.

   5. CWChris Williamson21:44

      ... less than 60% do. So it's like-

   6. SMSam Morril21:47

      But 4% in 19-

   7. CWChris Williamson21:48

      4% in 1990.

   8. SMSam Morril21:49

      That's crazy.

   9. CWChris Williamson21:50

      Yeah. I don't know, I don't know whether it's the fact that it's such a big country that you basically have 50 countries inside of one continent so people don't feel the need to travel, but, uh, it's kind of not surprising that America sees itself as the center of the world, given that most people, for most people who live here, it, it is the center of the world. I don't know how many people have ever traveled. Even the ones with a passport, you would assume that at least 50% has never left this country-

   10. SMSam Morril22:17

       Yeah.

   11. CWChris Williamson22:17

       ... which is pretty wild.

   12. SMSam Morril22:19

       That is pretty, uh... Look, I, I, I love America, I lo- uh, it's always gonna, I'm always gonna live in New York, but, uh, that is, that's, 4% is kind of a sad number. I mean, don't, don't you wanna get out of here? I guess, you know, some people have stuff keeping them back. It's, it's expensive to travel. But shit, man, that's a...

   13. CWChris Williamson22:38

       There's an awful lot of world outside of 50 states.

   14. SMSam Morril22:40

       Yeah, dude. I mean, I guess it also depends what state you're in, right? 'Cause if you're in Texas, Mexico is pretty easy. If you're up north, Canada's pretty easy. But yeah, shit. What, do you, where's your favorite place to travel?

   15. CWChris Williamson22:57

       Uh, I love Italy. Italy is-

   16. SMSam Morril22:59

       I've never been. I, I tried to, I'm doing a Euro tour, and I tried to add it, but it couldn't, I couldn't add Germany and Italy to this one, and they're two that I've never been to and I really want to go.

   17. CWChris Williamson23:07

       So good. I went to Venice for the first time a couple of weeks ago. My thing is history and culture and tours.

   18. SMSam Morril23:13

       Yeah.

   19. CWChris Williamson23:13

       I want some dusty 55-year-old ex-academic woman to, who knows all of the history of a place-

   20. SMSam Morril23:22

       With big jugs?

   21. CWChris Williamson23:23

       ... with big jugs-

   22. SMSam Morril23:23

       Yeah.

   23. CWChris Williamson23:24

       ... to slap a headset on and walk me around telling me unpronounceable surnames of an architect. That's, I could spend-

   24. SMSam Morril23:31

       That is nice.

   25. CWChris Williamson23:32

       ... the rest of my life doing that. And Venice was just obscene, these tiny little streets that are not that much wider than you are, rickety buildings. All the buildings are held up by bits of wood so they don't fall over because the ground's shifting below them. Oh-

   26. SMSam Morril23:45

       It's crazy.

   27. CWChris Williamson23:46

       I was, I was in love. So, that was awesome. Florence, kind of similar but less water, awesome, and then Rome's similar but bigger. So yeah, you-

   28. SMSam Morril23:55

       My girlfriend was born in Rome. She's, she grew up in America, but she was born in Rome, and she's, you know, her mo- her mother's Italian, so she has this incredible-

   29. CWChris Williamson24:02

       Oh, so there's the Italian-Jewish connection. There we go.

   30. SMSam Morril24:05

       Yeah.
6. 25:19 – 28:33

   What Do Football Fans Think of the Kelce Brothers?

   1. CWChris Williamson25:19

      do... You're a big sports guy.

   2. SMSam Morril25:20

      Yeah.

   3. CWChris Williamson25:21

      What do football fans think about the Kelce brothers? G- I- It's the first time in... As long as I've ever, sort of, paid attention to American sports where you've had an acting top flight athlete, two or-

   4. SMSam Morril25:37

      Yeah.

   5. CWChris Williamson25:37

      ... multiple athletes with so much other public-facing stuff.

   6. SMSam Morril25:42

      Well, podcasts, public relationship.

   7. CWChris Williamson25:45

      Correct.

   8. SMSam Morril25:45

      I mean-

   9. CWChris Williamson25:45

      So, what- what's that? Is there a purist out there in the sports world that thinks that-

   10. SMSam Morril25:49

       No, 'cause he's still performing. I think if he was an athlete who, who lost a step and then, you know, was like, "I'm podcasting." I think when you, when you're playing like shit and you're podcasting, your teammates are probably like, "Maybe stop the broadcasting career."

   11. CWChris Williamson26:03

       But after two soap- uh, Super Bowls back to back, like, "Go fuck yourself."

   12. SMSam Morril26:05

       Yeah, he's, he's a phenom. Uh, his brother was a great lineman and, uh, he retired, but Travis Kelce is in the conversation for best tight end of all time, and he's still unguardable and he's got the best quarterback, so... I mean, they're, they're unreal. A lot of people are convinced, uh, that Travis Kelce and, and Taylor Swift were put together by like, you know, Democrats to be like... You know, they're like, "It's an... It's not a real relationship. They were... They're both Democrats. We're u- They're using them to get votes," which is... I'm like, "Well then, get two fucking Republican celebrities. Get, uh, Kanye and Caitlyn Jenner to date. That's getting you some votes. That's more eyeballs." But my thing, my thing is, like, his performance hasn't slipped with this Taylor Swift thing either. That's the other thing. Like, we're talking about like your po- his podcast and his performance, his like... It's funny how much shit he's getting because every athlete Kim Kardashian started sleeping with just started to suck, and he's still good, you know?

   13. CWChris Williamson27:07

       You think sleeping with Taylor Swift is a performance enhancer?

   14. SMSam Morril27:11

       No. No, I think, I think someone that famous is probably draining you a little bit, but he's probably got endless stamina. He's a, he's a world-class athlete.

   15. CWChris Williamson27:21

       Elite athlete.

   16. SMSam Morril27:21

       Yeah.

   17. CWChris Williamson27:22

       Yeah.

   18. SMSam Morril27:22

       No, I think just being around that level of celebrity, I'm sure there's parts where he's like, "Fuck, I should probably be lifting right now or doing some training, and I, I gotta put on a top hat."

   19. CWChris Williamson27:31

       Also evading the paparazzi or whatever it is I've gotta do.

   20. SMSam Morril27:34

       (laughs) Yeah.

   21. CWChris Williamson27:34

       Sacrifice child blood at the full moon for a pentagram on the floor-

   22. SMSam Morril27:37

       Yeah.

   23. CWChris Williamson27:37

       ... with people in hoods.

   24. SMSam Morril27:38

       (laughs) I have to dress like a sailor at the US Open, I should be lifting weights, but, you know...

   25. CWChris Williamson27:42

       Uh, can you imagine if that i- if that was the truth, if it is a Democrat ******* or Pfizer or whatever-

   26. SMSam Morril27:49

       Yeah.

   27. CWChris Williamson27:49

       ... ga- gave, gave them both an unlimited amount of money or something, uh, but you get the call. It's like, "Uh, Mr. Kelce, um, you have been called up to do the duty for not only your political party, but the future of your country." It's like-

   28. SMSam Morril28:02

       Yeah.

   29. CWChris Williamson28:03

       ... "All right. Well, I guess, you know, I kind of always wanted to serve in one form or another. What is it that you need me to do?" It's like, "We need you to bang Taylor Swift."

   30. SMSam Morril28:11

       Yeah, not awful.
7. 28:33 – 36:59

   The Fascinating Arc of Will Smith

   1. CWChris Williamson28:33

      Will Smith arc is fascinating to me.

   2. SMSam Morril28:34

      Yeah.

   3. CWChris Williamson28:36

      Absolutely fascinating. I remember this video of his where he was on a treadmill and there was a dude next to him on a treadmill and they were gonna have a competition to see who would quit last. And Will says something along the lines of, "Either I'm gonna pass out or I'm gonna beat you." You know when Will was kind of... He had this sort of almost Tony Robbins-y motivational sort of era, or at least this, this was part of it. I remember a bunch of different videos. I was like, "Ha," like, "I really like that." This is before Goggins and Jocko and kind of-

   4. SMSam Morril29:06

      Yeah.

   5. CWChris Williamson29:06

      ... that world of like, "You either win or you die," stuff came through.

   6. SMSam Morril29:10

      Yeah.

   7. CWChris Williamson29:10

      I was like, "Huh, Will Smith-"

   8. SMSam Morril29:12

      Will, Will was like a kind of a shredded guy.

   9. CWChris Williamson29:13

      Masculine-

   10. SMSam Morril29:14

       Yeah.

   11. CWChris Williamson29:14

       ... hero in I Am Legend. He's jacked. He's done like a bunch of movies. What was that one, Hancock, where he was the drunk superhero?

   12. SMSam Morril29:21

       Yeah.

   13. CWChris Williamson29:22

       But really charming, kinda unique-

   14. SMSam Morril29:24

       Yeah.

   15. CWChris Williamson29:24

       ... complex, slightly complex character.

   16. SMSam Morril29:26

       That could have been so much better, that one.

   17. CWChris Williamson29:27

       That movie?

   18. SMSam Morril29:27

       A great premise.

   19. CWChris Williamson29:28

       Yeah. Uh...

   20. SMSam Morril29:29

       Yeah.

   21. CWChris Williamson29:31

       And then you just look now and... I don't know. I... So, you know, uh, Danny and Ryan from The Boys cast, they're both big Will Smith fans.

   22. SMSam Morril29:41

       Yeah.

   23. CWChris Williamson29:41

       And they're really worried. Like, unironically, this is not a joke-

   24. SMSam Morril29:45

       Yeah.

   25. CWChris Williamson29:45

       ... worried about Will Smith.

   26. SMSam Morril29:47

       (laughs)

   27. CWChris Williamson29:48

       Um, and it's wei- it's just such a weird arc that... To, to kind of see what's happened, and then there's these weird videos of him behind the scenes. He's got this, um, I've Told You Not To Record Me. Did you see that one?

   28. SMSam Morril29:58

       No.

   29. CWChris Williamson29:58

       Where y- "This is my life." And you're sort of me- And it's her, it seems like, sort of berating him a little bit or... It's really, it's really, really uncomfortable to watch, obviously, just in the house or something, and this guy just looks broken, dead behind the eyes. Such a weird arc. You go f-

   30. SMSam Morril30:12

       Isn't it amazing that you... You're so envious of some of these people's lives? It's only natural when you see how much someone has going on, you're like, "Wow." And then they're often miserable. I mean, he really seems like an unhappy guy. It's almost like being that famous for, what, almost 40 years, it's not healthy.
8. 36:59 – 40:41

   Is Ryan Reynolds the Perfect Man?

   1. CWChris Williamson36:59

      came onto breakfast the other day and said that he'd just seen Ryan Reynolds walking his dog.

   2. SMSam Morril37:02

      Oh, nice.

   3. CWChris Williamson37:03

      I'm like, Ryan Reynolds seems to be pretty much like the perfect dude. That he's just funny, and his relationship's great, and he buys a football club, and he does stuff for charity, and he builds billion-dollar businesses.

   4. SMSam Morril37:16

      So- so this... Yeah, the- the- the gin, the aviation gin.

   5. CWChris Williamson37:18

      Yeah.

   6. SMSam Morril37:18

      That's what Mark and I are trying to do with our whiskey, you know?

   7. CWChris Williamson37:20

      Tell me about that.

   8. SMSam Morril37:21

      We have our own Bodega Cat Whiskey, and we, uh, we're- we're- we're getting sta- in the States, you need to get distribution state by state. It's- it's a tedious process. So Mark and I, you know, Mark Normand and I started our own whiskey, Bodega Cat, and it's... You can get it on bodegacatwhiskey.com. But, you know, we're going through 15 cases a week at The Comedy Cellar right now. It's great. We're at The Strip House, the steakhouse on 12th Street, which is my favorite steakhouse. We're at, uh, The Stand, the other comedy club, New York Comedy Club. We're, uh, we're... Comedy clubs are at the country right now, just, I think, started up at The Comedy Store, The Improv. Gotta get, we gotta get the mothership in- in Austin too. But we're on it. We're moving, and, uh, it's, uh, it's a long process, man. Liquor's some mob-run shit.

   9. CWChris Williamson38:09

      Really? Still?

   10. SMSam Morril38:10

       Sh- oh. Oh, dude. It's crazy. The- just the rings you have to kiss. (laughs) And, you know, it- it's been a process, but...

   11. CWChris Williamson38:17

       Well, we did taste testing and stuff for, uh, productivity drink, but I imagine that the taste testing for getting a whiskey right is a little bit more, uh...

   12. SMSam Morril38:27

       We didn't know we were supposed to spit it out. We got fucking hammered.

   13. CWChris Williamson38:29

       You're kidding.

   14. SMSam Morril38:30

       Usually, but when you're ta- when you're sampling whiskey, you're supposed to be... But we were just like, g- g-... You know, we're idiots.

   15. CWChris Williamson38:36

       It progressively got better. It's like, it's weird.

   16. SMSam Morril38:39

       Yeah.

   17. CWChris Williamson38:39

       The last ones that we try-

   18. SMSam Morril38:40

       This last one's great.

   19. CWChris Williamson38:40

       ... are always the best ones.

   20. SMSam Morril38:41

       These are... This is smooth. Yeah. We were, we were pretty fucked up. Uh, but we went with one that was like, it's... Everyone has a bourbon. We were like, "Let's do rye. It's a little, it's a little-"

   21. CWChris Williamson38:50

       What's the difference? Um, not a-

   22. SMSam Morril38:51

       Rye is-

   23. CWChris Williamson38:52

       ... whisky connoisseur.

   24. SMSam Morril38:53

       Well, it's more rye. It's- it's, you know, uh... I mean, bourbon is a little naturally more, uh, sweet. Like, Maker's is more sweet than like, say, like, a rye is typically a bit more spicy. Our rye is not that spicy. It's got like, uh... It's kinda got like a caramel, vanilla-type flavor. It's got a little spice. Qu- perfect for a Manhattan. It's my favorite drink. I like a Manhattan, a Negroni, a martini.

   25. CWChris Williamson39:22

       (laughs) Anything with-

   26. SMSam Morril39:24

       Anything.

   27. CWChris Williamson39:24

       ... alcohol.

   28. SMSam Morril39:24

       I like the classics. Everyo- everybody try the... Paper Plane's a good cocktail, if you've never had it.

   29. CWChris Williamson39:29

       What's that?

   30. SMSam Morril39:30

       It's whiskey, Aperol, Amaro Nonino, and, uh, and lemon juice in equal parts. It's fucking great.
9. 40:41 – 53:25

   Touching Tribute to the 9/11 Terrorists

   1. CWChris Williamson40:41

      included the 9/11 hijackers in a tribute post to the victims this year. In a post on X marking the anniversary of the attacks, the Secret Service included the terrorists in the death toll.

   2. SMSam Morril40:53

      Ooh.

   3. CWChris Williamson40:53

      "So the flag hanging in our headquarters is a solemn reminder of 9/11 and its mission's purpose. Testament to freedom and sacrifice, it honors all 2,996 lives lost." Uh, but the actual correct number of victims is 2,977. They had to amend it and get rid of the 19 hijackers.

   4. SMSam Morril41:12

      A lot of people lost their lives that day, so let's not, let's not just... You know, you gotta throw the terrorists in there too.

   5. CWChris Williamson41:17

      I didn't know... It kind of does make sense. You don't wanna honor exactly the hijackers, but if you're gonna cite how many people died that day, like, are we talking demographically accurate here-

   6. SMSam Morril41:27

      Yeah.

   7. CWChris Williamson41:27

      ... or are we talking in terms of tribute?

   8. SMSam Morril41:29

      I've always said that, that terrorists and comedians have a lot in common, 'cause we both get bummed when not enough people make it to a gig, you know? 'Cause I feel like terrorists would be like, "Three people on a bus? This is fucking bullshit." You know? I guess I'll do it.

   9. CWChris Williamson41:43

      Run it back. We'll go tomorrow.

   10. SMSam Morril41:43

       Yeah, yeah. But, uh, yeah, that's insane, man. That's, uh... Jeez.

   11. CWChris Williamson41:49

       You must've been here during that.

   12. SMSam Morril41:50

       I was, yeah.

   13. CWChris Williamson41:51

       Can you recall the day?

   14. SMSam Morril41:53

       Of course, yeah. It was like... You know, people had cellphones, but no one had service, so I remember... New York's an amazing city, because everyone... By the way, in school, the morning (laughs) , the morning we fi- the- the planes hit, I had a Spanish teacher we all did not like, and she decided to give us a pop quiz. And we're like, "We're under attack."

   15. CWChris Williamson42:14

       (laughs)

   16. SMSam Morril42:14

       "You've given us a fucking pop quiz?" And, uh, and she was like, "You have... You should've studied."

   17. CWChris Williamson42:20

       "We're under attack not- not only from the Middle East, but also from you."

   18. SMSam Morril42:24

       (laughs) That's so true. I mean, I was like, I was like, "Wha-" And she's like, "You should've studied." And I'm just like, "I'm gonna, I'm gonna fucking fail the test 'cause," you know, I di- I should've studied, but... Uh, and then I got out. I think on the test I wrote, "You suck," 'cause I didn't study, and I was like, "I wa- I- I'm just gonna take the L here." And then, uh, and then we get taken out of school, and my dad was like, "Let's line up to donate blood 'cause they might need blood at the hospital." So we went to a hospital.

   19. CWChris Williamson42:49

       How far away were you? Were you able to see plumes of-

   20. SMSam Morril42:52

       I was in mid t- No, my dad saw it from his office. My dad worked in Times Square, so he saw the second plane hit from his office, and was like, "Jesus fucking Christ." Yeah, and then, uh, he went to pick me up at school.... we, uh, lined up to donate blood. Every hospital we went to, they were like, "We're good. Unless you have this blood type, we're- we're good," so.

   21. CWChris Williamson43:10

       Because so many people had done it too.

   22. SMSam Morril43:11

       So many people, yeah. That's how New Yorkers are. We'll say fuck you to you in the street, but when shit gets serious, we will, we will donate blood, we'll help out. But-

   23. CWChris Williamson43:18

       How old were you?

   24. SMSam Morril43:19

       Geez, I was, uh, 15.

   25. CWChris Williamson43:21

       Useless, a 15... Can a 15-year-old give blood?

   26. SMSam Morril43:24

       Oh, yeah.

   27. CWChris Williamson43:25

       Yeah? Oh, okay.

   28. SMSam Morril43:25

       Yeah.

   29. CWChris Williamson43:25

       It's a nice youthful...

   30. SMSam Morril43:27

       Yeah. I had AIDS, but I didn't tell them that, you know.
10. 53:25 – 58:32

    Respecting the Hawk Tuah Girl For Avoiding OnlyFans

    1. SMSam Morril53:25

       Tuah is a big one.

    2. CWChris Williamson53:26

       Well, I mean, the meme, I've been, this is something I've been totally obsessed by over the last s- three months, all of this summer, the speed of memes and news. You know, we went from Hawk Tuah, to Biden senile, to Trump's shot in the ear, to Kamala Harris coconut season, to brat girl summer, to, you know, it... And every single one, it raised all of the ones that came previously. No one's talking about Trump being shot. No one is being, is ta- he got shot in the, or it was piece of glass or whatever the... Two months ago.

    3. SMSam Morril54:00

       Yeah.

    4. CWChris Williamson54:00

       And everyone's already, um, way over it. That's, uh, it's old news.

    5. SMSam Morril54:04

       Yeah, that was two months ago, the, the assassination attempt. But you know-

    6. CWChris Williamson54:07

       The 13th of July, what did you say, 14th of September or something? Like exact, almost exactly two months ago.

    7. SMSam Morril54:11

       You know, uh, it's interesting. Andy Warhol used to say, "Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes," but he, he didn't have this type of social media when he was around. Like, you can parlay this into maybe a lifetime of success.

    8. CWChris Williamson54:23

       Hawk Tuah missed it with, without monetizing on OnlyFans. That was the pivot.

    9. SMSam Morril54:27

       But then, but that, she's so young that I respect her for not doing that. 'Cause she could have done that. She could have been like, "I'm just gonna get naked and be a..." But clearly, she's like, "No, I wanna, I wanna do some other shit."

    10. CWChris Williamson54:37

        The Cash Me Ousside chick did pivot into, I think she's one of the-

    11. SMSam Morril54:40

        Really?

    12. CWChris Williamson54:40

        ... top creators on OnlyFans now.

    13. SMSam Morril54:43

        Oh, my God.

    14. CWChris Williamson54:43

        I think there was a-

    15. SMSam Morril54:45

        Cash her finger in herself.

    16. CWChris Williamson54:46

        (laughs)

    17. SMSam Morril54:47

        Yeah.

    18. CWChris Williamson54:48

        Outside.

    19. SMSam Morril54:49

        (laughs)

    20. CWChris Williamson54:49

        Uh, there was a breakdown of businesses, their revenues, and the number of employees that they have. I think OnlyFans has less than 60 employees and its revenues are in the billions.

    21. SMSam Morril55:02

        Yeah.

    22. CWChris Williamson55:02

        Per employee.

    23. SMSam Morril55:03

        More than pro sports, they say.

    24. CWChris Williamson55:04

        Yeah. Yeah, all of, every NBA player put together-

    25. SMSam Morril55:08

        I saw that, yeah.

    26. CWChris Williamson55:09

        ... is less than the revenue...... of OnlyFans.

    27. SMSam Morril55:12

        Yeah.

    28. CWChris Williamson55:13

        Which is weird because I've actually-

    29. SMSam Morril55:13

        Who's OnlyFans LeBron? Who's, like, the biggest paid person there?

    30. CWChris Williamson55:16

        I don't know. I don't know. Let me see if I can find out. Top ... This is gonna, I'm gonna be pixeled for the rest of my time-
11. 58:32 – 1:03:17

    Sam’s Preferred Transport in New York

    1. SMSam Morril58:32

    2. CWChris Williamson58:32

       Were those, uh, e-bikes? 'Cause I, I haven't been in-

    3. SMSam Morril58:35

       They're fast.

    4. CWChris Williamson58:37

       Rapid.

    5. SMSam Morril58:37

       And people aren't wearing helmets, dude.

    6. CWChris Williamson58:38

       Absolutely ra- It must be at least 20 miles an hour, maybe more, that those, they're able to go.

    7. SMSam Morril58:44

       More, I think.

    8. CWChris Williamson58:45

       And there's dedicated cycle lanes.

    9. SMSam Morril58:46

       Same with the scooters.

    10. CWChris Williamson58:48

        Yeah.

    11. SMSam Morril58:48

        It's hard, that's ... Dude, I, I learned to drive in New York. I'm a bad driver, but, like, I can drive in Manhattan, which I think is like one of the hardest places to drive, because so many fucking things are happening. Like, it's-

    12. CWChris Williamson58:59

        Yeah, you need to be one of those Waymo, uh, cars, but you need that for your head. You've got eyes wrapped all the way around your back. I don't know, there's ... I'm still very much in, even though I've spent a, you know, a total of a month in this city across my life, there is a confidence that New Yorkers walk with. It's like a s- a rhythm, self-assured vibration that they move through the city with, that if you're not, if you haven't been indoctrinated, you just do not have. I haven't got it in me yet.

    13. SMSam Morril59:27

        Well, the people have the right of way over the cars, so it's like we're more confident. Like, Colin Quinn is like the quintessential New Yorker to me.

    14. CWChris Williamson59:33

        Who's that?

    15. SMSam Morril59:33

        He's a great comedian, Colin Quinn. He's got a Netflix special called New York Story. It's the, one of the greatest stand-up specials ever, I think, and I love Colin. And, uh, he has a joke about how, like, people will be driving, like, "Oh my God, I almost got hit by that person."

    16. CWChris Williamson59:46

        (laughs)

    17. SMSam Morril59:47

        You know? 'Cause we walk with so much confidence. But it, it is, it's the truth. We, we feel like we run this city. You ... And as, when you are driving, you're kinda like, "What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Like, I could've hurt him," you know?

    18. CWChris Williamson59:58

        Mm-hmm. Do ... So if you're a New Yorker, if you're a, a, you know, domestic born and raised New Yorker, do you walk everywhere? Do you take the Tube? Or is it sort of a, a, a choice based on your preference for whether you cycle or?

    19. SMSam Morril1:00:11

        I don't bicycle. I don't like ... I, my dad never taught me how to ride a bike. I'm worthless, dude. The more I'm talking, I'm like, "Holy shit, I have no abilities, no motor skills."

    20. CWChris Williamson1:00:19

        Skills at all. I can just say rude things.

    21. SMSam Morril1:00:22

        (laughs) That's all I got.

    22. CWChris Williamson1:00:24

        Yeah.

    23. SMSam Morril1:00:25

        Um, my dad once took me to ride a bike in Central Park and just let go of me, and I went down a hill, and I crashed into a fucking tree. And was like, "We're done with that." And it, that was it. He was just like, "I give up."

    24. CWChris Williamson1:00:35

        Bailing out.

    25. SMSam Morril1:00:36

        Yeah. And so I've, I've ridden ... During COVID, I was, when we didn't know it was going on, I rode the bike a couple times downtown, but I was getting wiped out. A couple ... I, I sucked at it. And, uh, now I don't do the scooter.

    26. CWChris Williamson1:00:48

        I thought the Tube was basically just a, a, a homeless fight permanently happening 24 hours a day that you have to-

    27. SMSam Morril1:00:55

        No, that's the media. Like, like, there ... Look, there's crazy shit happening on there, but they love when it does 'cause it's like, "New York's falling apart." I ride the subway everywhere.

    28. CWChris Williamson1:01:02

        Okay.

    29. SMSam Morril1:01:02

        Uh, I, I'm a walker. I walked here. I, I, I like the subway. But, uh, I, when I take ...... if I do take a car, I try to always make it a yellow cab because, you know, they fucked over the yellow cabs, the city. They, the medallion's worthless, so I try to-

    30. CWChris Williamson1:01:19

        But did they not just pivot to becoming Uber drivers? Is that not the solution?
12. 1:03:17 – 1:08:16

    What’s Coming Up for Sam?

    1. CWChris Williamson1:03:17

    2. SMSam Morril1:03:17

       Yeah.

    3. CWChris Williamson1:03:17

       ... is coming up for you? What else have you got?

    4. SMSam Morril1:03:19

       Well, I got this special on Prime Video called You've Changed!. I'm, I'm proud of that one. It's got some really good jokes in it. Uh. Spent a couple, spent like o- over a year and a half touring with that, so I felt, I feel pretty, uh, good about that hour. It's got a really... It's called You've Changed! 'cause there was a bit in it where, um... It's a true story. A woman tried to cancel me. Uh. I did a trans joke in a spec- in a Netflix special, and it was actually a really positive joke. It was a fun joke. It was very positive about trans people, and it went viral and all these trans people started weighing in, like, you know, "Hell yeah." One of them was like, "This is how you do it." I was like, "I'm a fucking good guy, I guess." The next trans person was like, "This is our person now." And I was like, "Uh-oh. You know, this could back-" Like, I support, but you don't want me to be the voice of the fucking movement. And then the next trans person was like, "This is my least favorite comedian. And yes, I know his work." And I was like, "Who the fuck is this per-" So I start clicking on the profile and it's someone who tried to cancel me in 2013. And, uh. And she hated my jokes and I, and he used to be a she, which I don't give a shit about. Like, "It's your life. Do whatever the hell you want." But every post that he writes about me now is, "Fuck Sam Morril. He made bad jokes in 2013." So I finally responded. But you know that people can change.

    5. CWChris Williamson1:04:30

       Very clever.

    6. SMSam Morril1:04:30

       So that's, the special's called You've Changed!, and it's a fun special. It's on Prime Video. I think it's, like, hard jokes top to bottom. I got the rights back from my Netflix special, so that's on my YouTube channel. That's called Same Time Tomorrow. I've got, uh, I Got This!, which is a special I self-produced on YouTube in 2020, which I, I'm proud of that one too. But then I'm on tour. I'm s- announcing a new theater tour starting, I believe, first week of February, doing the, the tour bus and the whole thing. And I'm coming literally everywh- I, this is probably coming up after my Euro tour, so. Uh. I got Spokane. I'm doing a weekend at a club in Spokane, Washington, October 24th through 26th. I'm doing a weekend in Cleveland at Hilarity's, uh, uh, one of my favorite clubs, November 21st through 23rd, I believe. And I'll be popping up all over just to work on the material before we go back to theaters. And I'm coming to every American city. Truly every city. So, uh, sammorill.com and hit Tour, and I'll, I'll be coming to your fucking city. And I post my shit on punchup.live/sammorill 'cause they don't censor me.

    7. CWChris Williamson1:05:30

       What's that?

    8. SMSam Morril1:05:31

       My friend, Danny Frankel, started an app. He used to work at Facebook. The issue for me at f- at Facebook and Instagram is, I'm sure you deal with this, they, they bury any post that has anything problematic in it. And guess what? They decide what's problematic.

    9. CWChris Williamson1:05:44

       It's becoming increasingly, uh, strict. I put a, I was wearing a very, like, loud pair of track pants yesterday that looked like, uh, what a karate teacher from the '90s would wear. So I put, "Can't wait to roundhouse kick someone in the face wearing these bad boys." Within 30 seconds, my account had a warning and I had to go through a bunch of things 'cause it had been auto-detected that I was inciting violence. Like-

    10. SMSam Morril1:06:07

        It's insane.

    11. CWChris Williamson1:06:08

        Wow, that's really...

    12. SMSam Morril1:06:09

        It's getting dangerous, dude. And it really, uh... For jokes, like, you know, sometimes, sometimes you say something sarcastically. Sometimes you're... And, and, but guess what? If you're sarcastic-

    13. CWChris Williamson1:06:20

        Shock, horror, comedian-

    14. SMSam Morril1:06:21

        They-

    15. CWChris Williamson1:06:21

        ... says a thing that he doesn't really mean.

    16. SMSam Morril1:06:22

        Exactly. But then you, they read that... Some robot that can't detect sarcasm sees that as, like, a threat or, like, something that's hate speech. But you kinda have to look at a person's track record and what they actually believe. I'm not gonna actually say what I believe all the time. But if you know who I am, you know what I believe.

    17. CWChris Williamson1:06:40

        So what's the Punchup-

    18. SMSam Morril1:06:41

        Punchup.live. Uh. And he's got an app now for Punchup. But Danny's become my good friend. He left Facebook 'cause he loves comedy and he, you know, I think he did really well over there, but now he wants to, he wants to take down (laughs) Ticketmaster essentially 'cause he thinks they're taking so much... I mean, you see what the government-

    19. CWChris Williamson1:06:57

        So what is it?

    20. SMSam Morril1:06:58

        It's, it's a pla- it's many things. It's a place where you can see uncensored comedy. So-

    21. CWChris Williamson1:07:04

        Like, like YouTube? Like, specials?

    22. SMSam Morril1:07:06

        Sure. You can put-

    23. CWChris Williamson1:07:07

        Okay.

    24. SMSam Morril1:07:07

        ... anything on there. I put, I put a lot of clips on there that are-

    25. CWChris Williamson1:07:09

        OnlyFans for comedians.

    26. SMSam Morril1:07:10

        ... that are ti- basically. But I just ask for your email instead of your money 'cause I just want your email for when I tour. So, um. Yeah, I post clips on there that will get flagged by Instagram. And I'm not super provocative, but these are just gonna get flagged, you know? So I post clips there and I post all my dates there and I collect emails there so I can, uh... And I don't spam you. I just wanna, you know, have your email so when I'm coming to your city, I'll tell you. It, it's geolocated, so you give me your ZIP code and I will be like, "Hey, coming to your city this week," or something. But I love what he's doing. It's nice to have, like, a free speech platform that's not run by a right-wing lunatic 'cause then you're just like, "Well, like, it's free speech." And then you log on some of these and it's just, like, the N-word and you're like, "This isn't really what I wanted."

    27. CWChris Williamson1:07:51

        Hard R's and Jew jokes-

    28. SMSam Morril1:07:52

        Yeah. (laughs)

    29. CWChris Williamson1:07:53

        ... all the way down. Yeah.

    30. SMSam Morril1:07:54

        I, and guess what? I got a lot of Jew jokes too, and they're not hateful, so. They're a little hateful, but they're about me. Self-hating Jew, different.

Episode duration: 1:08:16