What It’s Like Starring On Take Me Out

Chris Williamson 0:01 Today, we are going to do what it's really like to be on Take Me Out. (instrumental music plays) The fear of every man that goes on Take Me Out is getting a blackout. Don't fall out of the love lift. Don't say anything overtly racist, and don't shit yourself. As long as you don't do those three things, honestly man, the logistics behind it are fucking terrifying. The love lift looks like a well-constructed, safe piece of equipment, but let me tell you, it is one of the most terrifying experiences I've ever had in my life.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 0:26 Really?

Chris Williamson 0:26 You're not allowed to have any more than one Corona, and you have to sign a waiver saying that you've only had one drink. You get to ask these girls one question. That question is picked already for you by the producers, and then gets prepped to the girls.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 0:39 Oh, wow.

Chris Williamson 0:39 On my date on Take Me Out, I did not get arrested, but the police did arrive.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 0:43 Why?

Chris Williamson 0:43 We'll get to that. I went into Arsehole Chris mode. I distinctly remember putting 40 euros down on the bar and saying to the barman, "Do as much damage to me as you can for that money there." The next thing that I remembered was waking up on the central reservation of Tenerife's largest motorway.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03 (laughs) (wind blows)

Chris Williamson 1:07 Welcome back. I've been joined by Jonny and Yusuf from Propin Fitness. Some of you may have seen that we did a podcast, What It's Really Like Living On Love Island. It did pretty well, said nearly two million watch minutes, so I thought, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Let's try another one." So, today, we are going to do what it's really like to be on Take Me Out. (laughs) Uh, it's been six years since I was on, but the memory is burned, etched into, uh, into my nostalgia, so I'm not (laughs) going to be able to get rid of it. So both of you have actually seen the episode that I was on, right?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:41 We have.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:42 Saw it on TV when it was on.

Chris Williamson 1:43 Live.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:44 Live.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:44 It's some of the only TV that Yusuf's ever seen.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:46 I think it's probably the only thing on TV I've ever watched, yeah.

Chris Williamson 1:49 (laughs) Did you watch it because I was on it, or was it just

Narrator 1:51 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:51 No, because you were on, yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:52 Okay. He had to plug the TV in, adjust the aerial.

Chris Williamson 1:55 (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:56 Tune it in.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:56 Grab a signal and everything.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:57 He had to go and buy a TV from a charity shop, like, plug it in.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:59 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 1:59 Freecycle. Yeah, um, so I was on season two? No, season three. Season three, episode two. So quite early. I think it's on season 10 or 11 now. Um, for anyone who doesn't know, I mean if you don't know what Take Me Out is, wh- where have you been living? Because it's part of the mains. It's like Blind Date, it's like the modern day Blind Date now, isn't it?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 2:24 Although there is a Blind Date.

Chris Williamson 2:26 Yeah. There is.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 2:27 Not very good though, is it?

Chris Williamson 2:28 No.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 2:28 Cilla Black died or something.

Chris Williamson 2:30 Yeah, Cilla Black passed away and now they've got Paul- Paul O'Grady I think.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 2:33 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 2:34 The only reason they got him is because he's also Scouse.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 2:36 Right.

Chris Williamson 2:37 Like, you know, there's other Scouse people out there.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 2:39 (laughs) Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 2:40 Anyway, so-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 2:41 Don't be prejudiced.

Chris Williamson 2:42 Um, I said on the Love Island podcast that I would be able to create a framework for anybody who wanted to get onto reality TV, and that my appearance on Love Island was preceded and aided by my appearance on Take Me Out. And if you have a look at some of the guys who've been on Take Me Out, they've actually gone on to have fairly good careers in TV. Ashley Cain, who was on Ex On The Beach and is now like a MTV host in his own right, and other stuff like that. Like, he cut his teeth so to speak on Take Me Out, like that was his first foyer into, foray into, um, TV. So this one, I actually got picked up by my modeling agency, so Ty & Tees put me forward for it, and you kind of, you skip past the first couple of like, "Are you a human?"

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 3:30 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 3:31 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 3:31 Can you use a keyboard? Like you get past those first few-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 3:34 Like what's nine plus two.

Chris Williamson 3:35 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 3:36 All that sort of stuff.

Chris Williamson 3:36 Yeah. It's literally just a CAPTCHA code for the first-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 3:38 For the whole thing.

Chris Williamson 3:39 Yeah, that's it.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 3:40 (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 3:41 (laughs) Are you a robot? Tick the box.

Chris Williamson 3:43 There you go.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 3:44 Ding.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 3:44 Passed that.

Chris Williamson 3:45 So, um, the casting process is quite interesting for Take Me Out because you have to basically do a fake Take Me Out, and they hold up cards of like different girls, and you have to choose different girls, and then they role play what it would be like being on the show with you.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 4:02 Okay.

Chris Williamson 4:02 Which is pretty cool. So yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 4:03 They pretend to be the girls that are on the cards?

Chris Williamson 4:05 Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 4:06 Did they put-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 4:07 Put a silly voice behind the card and like, "Aww."

Chris Williamson 4:08 No, they didn't. It's not that immersive, which actually makes it more difficult.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 4:11 With an Oculus Rift on as well.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 4:12 They should give everyone an Oculus. That's actually classy.

Chris Williamson 4:14 That would, that would be great.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 4:15 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 4:15 So yeah, um, got selected to be on, uh, a particular season. I actually found out on the way down to Maidstone in Kent, which is where it's filmed, I found out that two, a pair of twins that are my really good mates, Henry and Will, were also going down and were on my episode. So I got down there and I knew both of these guys. One of them works for Voodoo in Leeds and the other one worked for a competitor company in Newcastle. I was good mates with him. So it was basically like a lads' holiday for four days.

Chris Williamson 4:46 So the set up, for anyone who doesn't know, the set up of Take Me Out is when you're filming, they film back to back to back. So it's aired, I think it's on a Saturday night, and it's aired weekly, but the girls that are there, and the, um, audience and Paddy are just there for however many weeks it is, that's however many days they're there.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 5:08 Wow.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 5:08 Wow.

Chris Williamson 5:08 So it gets filmed. The, honestly man, the logistics behind it are fucking terrifying. So day one, as a guy, day one, travel down, stay overnight. Day two, morning and daytime, uh, go and see the set, meet Paddy, practice what's going to go on, like the walk down, the love lift, and other bits and pieces which we'll get onto shortly.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 5:27 The love lift.

Chris Williamson 5:28 The love lift, man. Um, evening of day two, presuming that you don't get a blackout, evening of day two, go to hotel near the airport. Morning of day three, get on plane. Evening of day three, land at wherever it is, the Isle of Fernandos.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 5:43 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 5:43 Um, stay overnight. Morning of day four, due date. Evening of day four, do Take Me Out The gossip. Morning of, morning of day five, fly back to the UK and fuck off. But what you have to remember is because it's back to back, w- every day one is someone else's day two, is someone else's day three.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 6:01 So there's this Gantt chart of the whole thing.

Chris Williamson 6:01 So they've just constantly, constantly moving. It must be-... a logistical nightmare.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:07 It's, how do they make sure that everyone seems fresh?

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 6:11 You can't be late for anything, like it's relentless isn't it? By the sound of it.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:14 So, so if I'm, if I'm a woman on Take Me Out, that means that I'm-

Chris Williamson 6:18 One of the girls.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:19 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 6:19 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:19 So tha- so they, they're on every episode?

Chris Williamson 6:22 Yes. Until they-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:23 Get picked or-

Chris Williamson 6:24 ... get picked, or the series finishes, yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:26 So they could be on 10 days in a row?

Chris Williamson 6:27 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:28 But in every single episode, they've got to be like, "Hi."

Chris Williamson 6:32 "Hiya!"

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:32 Like really excited to be there?

Chris Williamson 6:33 Yeah. So-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 6:33 Every-

Chris Williamson 6:34 ... the girls have got the roughest job of anybody, because the amount of girls there are, which I think is 20, maybe 20? There's-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:43 Maybe 20.

Chris Williamson 6:43 ... maybe 20, and they have to get their hair and makeup done. I think the hair and makeup team's only maybe two people, two or three people? The girls, remembering that we begin filming at 5:00 or 6:00 at night on that day two-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 6:56 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 6:56 ... the girls start getting their hair and makeup done at 9:00 AM, and they're on a rotation thing.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 7:02 Oh.

Chris Williamson 7:02 So if you went first yesterday, you get to go like middle of the pack tomorrow. But there's some girls that have been sat with a full face of makeup and their hair done from like 10:30 in the morning until n- 5:00 PM, just watching all of their mates. But they're all staying in the same hotel, and they're all getting on, and like having jokes and laughs and stuff like that. So it's, I guess it's not too bad, but I don't envy the job of the girls.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 7:26 You just have to turn up once, and you either don't go back on again or you go on a date.

Chris Williamson 7:30 Yeah, that's it. The guy is very... It's probably quite symbolic for how men deal with most of their (laughs) relationships.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 7:37 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 7:38 Low investment, I'm either in or I'm out.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 7:40 Yeah. It's like a space ship.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 7:41 If you're out, you, you, you run away, curl up in a ball, don't speak to anyone again.

Chris Williamson 7:45 That's it. Away you go. So yeah, the um, speaking of that, if, if you're out, the, the fear of every man that goes on Take Me Out is getting a blackout.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 7:54 Mm.

Chris Williamson 7:54 Like it is, you're just terrified.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 7:56 Should we explain the format of the show for pe- or are we just gonna assume?

Chris Williamson 8:01 Let's go from start to finish. So you arrive on the morning, you go and meet Paddy McGuinness, who is the coolest guy on the planet, by the way. Like he can breakdance, he does karate, and he's got a Bolton accent, which I mean, like he's-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 8:14 That's the big three, isn't it?

Chris Williamson 8:15 It is the big three, yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 8:16 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 8:16 Uh, and his missus is unbelievable.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 8:20 Did he get her through the Take Me Out process?

Chris Williamson 8:22 He didn't, I don't think, which is-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 8:23 'Cause he'd have, he'd have to host and be the con- he'd be running between the two of you.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 8:25 But it would be the best advert for the show, wouldn't it?

Chris Williamson 8:27 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 8:27 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 8:28 What, Paddy McGuinness with an identity crisis and multiple identities?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 8:31 Look at, yeah. Look at my wife. It's all as a result of this process, so you just go along with it, believe in it.

Chris Williamson 8:36 Exactly.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 8:36 Trust the, trust the process.

Chris Williamson 8:37 So you get to meet him on the morning.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 8:38 Would be quite a schizophrenic show to watch.

Chris Williamson 8:41 (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 8:41 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 8:41 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 8:42 "No like it, no like it." "Oh."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 8:44 "Oh, no, I'm nervously. Oh, that's right." They go... (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 8:48 Is that in your pop culture sayings folder on your laptop?

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 8:51 Yeah. (laughs) I wrote it down, took some notes.

Chris Williamson 8:53 Loaded it in.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 8:54 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 8:56 So you go in during the day and you get to meet Paddy. And what's kind of cool is, because you're the only person who's out on that stage in front of the girls, right? And if, it's 20 on one.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 9:06 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 9:06 And if you, if one of the girls has a bit of a pop at you, he'll give you one or two seconds to say something. And if you don't come up with something, he'll just throw a zinger in.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 9:16 Oh, I remember you saying that he's, he's got your back.

Chris Williamson 9:17 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 9:17 Like he's the-

Chris Williamson 9:18 It's two, it's actually two on 20, but Paddy's like the power of 20 women.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 9:22 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 9:22 Right.

Chris Williamson 9:22 So he's able to kind of battle back.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 9:25 And his, and his stuff isn't scripted?

Chris Williamson 9:26 No.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 9:27 It's just a busy man.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 9:28 Wow.

Chris Williamson 9:28 Unbelievably witty, yeah. It's just, I think because it's... The goal of Take Me Out is to be as cheesy as possible.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 9:36 Mm.

Chris Williamson 9:36 Like they want the most one-liner, like, "Oh, I'm a lover, not a fighter." Like if you can throw cliches in, laughing.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 9:43 That's what they want.

Chris Williamson 9:44 Literally laughing. So yeah, you go in during the day, and I remember (laughs) on my one there was an, a southern Irish guy called Paul, and he was gonna have to shear a live sheep on camera. (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 9:54 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 9:54 So he had to get, they'd got these like trained stage sheep in. Like, they've got their own trailer and it's like... Honestly, I couldn't believe it. And they, he, there was a little square drawn in, like, spray paint, you know, what they spray paint the sheep with to color them.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 10:10 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 10:10 And he was like, "That's where you're gonna shave." And he's in practicing shaving a sheep, doesn't like it at all, and it's like running away. And Paddy's just, I was just... This is the most surreal-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 10:18 I can't believe there's such a thing as a stage sheep.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 10:20 I'm fascinated by that. I've been, yeah, really, like...

Chris Williamson 10:23 (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 10:23 Because they just-

Chris Williamson 10:24 Stage trained sheep? TV sheep?

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 10:25 So there's a guy who trains them. He keeps them, rents them out, and he gets to-

Chris Williamson 10:28 No, no, he's the handler as well.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 10:30 He's making a full-time income from renting-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 10:33 Well, do you think the sheep are making a full income?

Chris Williamson 10:34 When he came in, when he came in, he was-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 10:35 How much of a cut does he take from the sheep? Like...

Chris Williamson 10:37 Mm, yeah, a lot of grain.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 10:38 How much of a shear? (laughs)

Chris Williamson 10:41 There was... He, he came in and he was extolling the virtues of the, the, like, discography, the filmography that they'd been on. He was like, "Was on Emmerdale a couple of weeks ago. Uh, was in the background of, uh, the most recent film with Sacha Baron Cohen in it and all that."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 10:56 Casino Royale.

Chris Williamson 10:57 Yeah. (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 10:58 So they all got their IM- their own IMDb profiles.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 11:01 (laughs) I hope so.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 11:01 Sheep1.

Chris Williamson 11:02 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 11:04 You1. What's a male sheep? Just a sheep?

Chris Williamson 11:07 Ram.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 11:08 Ram. Ram. It's a ram, right?

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 11:09 He's a man that knows his trade then.

Chris Williamson 11:11 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 11:11 Like...

Chris Williamson 11:12 He knows his shit.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 11:12 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 11:12 So anyway, um, you spend your day and they're like, also... You're gonna come down and you get in the love lift, and this is what's gonna happen. It's kind of a bit hurried 'cause there's four of you, right? And there's loads of other shit. Like you are not really the highest priority. The guy said, "Don't fall out of the love lift."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 11:28 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 11:28 "Don't say anything overtly racist and don't shit yourself. Like, as long as you don't do those three things, roll with it."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 11:35 "Fall out of the love lift would be such a great entrance."

Chris Williamson 11:36 Broadly gonna be okay. Well, the, so here, I'll get on to the main bit, right? So-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 11:40 What was your love lift like?

Chris Williamson 11:41 Uh, what do you mean?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 11:43 Well, did you do anything bad in the love lift or?

Chris Williamson 11:45 I think it was just a little bit. It was... (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 11:47 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 11:47 If only we could see Chris in the love lift.

Chris Williamson 11:50 Well, we can't get the footage. Video man-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 11:51 You can't get the footage of you unzipping? (laughs)

Chris Williamson 11:53 Video man, video man Dean will try and find the footage. We are going to try and track it down. Um, there will be-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 11:57 Dammit.

Chris Williamson 11:57 ... photos of me appearing around-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 12:01 With an afro.

Chris Williamson 12:01 Yeah. 'Cause I had an afro on then. Anyway.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 12:04 Fun afro.

Chris Williamson 12:05 So you start off on the nighttime and the audience, the l- it's aired to about four million people.... and you don't give a fuck about the four million people, but you're terrified of the 250 that are live in the audience.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 12:17 Oh, right.

Chris Williamson 12:18 250 people watching a TV show, all excited by Paddy McGuinness, is loud as a fuck.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 12:23 They're- they're behind you. They're in front of you.

Chris Williamson 12:25 So the way that you start, so you can imagine that the, the studio's quite circular and you come in from the back, behind them, and then you walk around the edge, all the way to the back of the love lift. So you're walking behind the girls basically, but there's a big wall so you can't really see what's going on, but you can really fucking hear what's going on. And Paddy, there's a, an entertainer, like a comedian that comes on in between. It's actually probably a pretty good-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 12:49 Warm-up

Chris Williamson 12:49 Yeah.

12:49 ... evening out to go and see that. You get to watch a bit of TV and you get to see a comedian and there's-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 12:54 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 12:54 Paddy McGuinness comes out and warms everyone up a little bit. And I was, like, third person, I think. So I've got to hear like, "Ouaaay," and then the guy before me got a blackout and I'm like, "Oh my God, right, it's gonna happen. It's gonna happen." Um, you're not allowed to have any more than one Corona and you have to sign a waiver saying that you've only had one drink. Because some guy did something and got embarrassed and accused ITV of loading him up with booze.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 13:24 Ah.

Chris Williamson 13:25 This was only season three when I was on and some guy within the first two seasons had already dragged them into some litigated nightmare in an effort to try and discount the fact that he was shit on camera. I don't know what- what had gone on, but you're allowed a Corona and you really, like the final, the last drop, you're like desperately trying to get it now.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 13:41 Yeah, yeah. Getting them all out.

Chris Williamson 13:43 And, um-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 13:43 So you walk... 'C- 'cause this sounds stupid now when I really think about it, but I, I imagined that everyone's kind of waiting in this sort of upper studio and they all come down in the lift? But that's not what happens, right?

Chris Williamson 13:55 No. So the first time that-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 13:56 So you- you walk in and come round the back?

Chris Williamson 13:58 So you walk in and go right round the back and none of the girls see you and the comedian, whatever'll be on at this point, 'cause you're gonna be in between two-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 14:03 Right.

Chris Williamson 14:04 And then you'll get in and you walk up a spiral staircase. And I know that from the front the love lift looks like a well-constructed-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 14:14 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 14:14 ... and safe piece of equipment.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 14:16 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 14:16 But let me tell you, it is one of the most terrifying experiences-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 14:20 Really?

Chris Williamson 14:20 ... I've ever had in my life. Like, it is just cables that are incredibly thin and very wobbly. And then you step on and you have to wait until... The whole point of the love lift is that you have to wait until it hits the bottom and then you take your first step. Because otherwise, you're basically just gonna-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 14:39 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 14:40 ... s- step into mid-air.

14:41 So that's point one of don't fall out the love lift.

14:44 Okay.

14:44 And the- and then you don't poo yourself, and...

14:46 Don't say anything overtly racist.

14:47 So, it sounds-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 14:48 Don't swear.

Chris Williamson 14:48 ... like they're- they're taking you through-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 14:49 Can you swear?

Chris Williamson 14:50 ... the full spectrum of fears. So like, fear, fear of death when you're in the love lift.

14:54 Mm-hmm. Fear of rejection.

14:54 You get out, and then fear of rejection from the women, and then f- like, th- the instant, like 250 people-

15:01 Yeah.

15:01 ... fear of-

15:02 Intimidation.

15:02 ... making a fool of yourself, intimidation.

15:04 Yeah. It's- it's a very-

15:05 When you grow up.

15:05 ... very nerve-wracking environment to be in and, like I say, you don't think about the cameras 'cause the cameras are just, they're miles away from you.

15:12 Mm-hmm.

15:13 They're all on. It's those guys that, like fat lads that sit down-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 15:16 The-

Chris Williamson 15:16 ... and swivel.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 15:17 Walk a- oh right, I see.

Chris Williamson 15:18 You know.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 15:18 It's not people walking round with it.

Chris Williamson 15:19 Not really.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 15:19 No.

Chris Williamson 15:19 You don't notice that as much. But anyway, so you're at the top of the love lift and they'll be counting you in, and then your music starts and you have to choose a song. So you have to submit a song. And this was when I was 24, so I was right in the midst of being promoter wanker. So I was like, "Oh yeah, Jamie Jones, Hungry For The Power?" (laughs) Like, "We can't have any techno or tech house. Uh, how about Example, Love Kick Starts Again?" And I'm like, "Fine. Okay." So-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 15:47 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 15:47 ... like <singing "and the love kick starts again. Boo, boo, boo-boo."</singing

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 15:49 Completely not what you chose, but...

Chris Williamson 15:52 If we get popped on YouTube for me singing that-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 15:54 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 15:55 ... I'm gonna be so-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 15:55 'Cause that was pitch perfect, so.

Chris Williamson 15:56 I know it was. So anyway, you're coming down and you step off, and you've already been given the points that you walk to. You walk to the left and you wave at the girls, you walk to the right and you wave at the girls, and then you walk to the middle and you turn around and you go, "Hello, girls. My name's Chris and I'm from Newcastle." "Oh, everybody wave at Chris, hey."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 16:14 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 16:14 "So, Joanne, what do you think of Chris?" And it goes on like that. And you're like, right okay, once you, once you've kind of said the first thing and you've got your first little forwards and backs, you, you're s- pretty sweet.

16:24 Have they got a chance to black out during that? Or-

16:27 Yeah, yeah. So not during that, but basically they get, they get first first impressions.

16:32 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 16:32 And here's like one of the secrets of Take Me Out that is kind of a shit bit of the show. All of the girls are really, really aware that the longer that they keep their light off, the more episodes they're going to be on. If they get taken on a date, after one more episode on TV, that's them, game over. So have a look early in the season. Early in the season, the girls are "Boo, boo, boo. Oh, I didn't like the way that he crossed the road there. Boo! Oh, he double, doesn't double knot his laces. Boo!"

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 17:06 Right.

Chris Williamson 17:06 Like any excuse to turn off because they want to... So the-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 17:09 Yeah, TV.

Chris Williamson 17:09 ... producers actually had to push the girls and be like, "Look, like you're being too... You're making it too difficult for the guys." So early on in the season, guys-

17:16 Prisoner's dilemma.

17:17 It's a what?

17:18 It's a prisoner's dilemma because they're, the incentives aren't aligned there.

17:23 Mm-hmm.

17:23 And as you said, they can-

17:24 Yeah.

17:24 They, they, for them to prolong their thing, they can forego the chance of-

17:28 Being on a date.

17:29 Yeah.

17:29 Which completely just-

17:31 Ruins the point of the show, yeah.

17:32 Wrecks the show. Yeah, exactly. So they had to say, "Look, you need to, you need to keep your light on more." And they're like, "Right, okay." So y- you're aware of that as a guy as well. You go on and you've heard this... "Oh, right to this, I'm on episode two or episode three." Like-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 17:44 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 17:44 "I 3:00, huh?"

17:44 No one's been... Yeah, super, super difficult. So anyway, you come down and they, they get to "boo, boo" and, uh, I think I lost like one light or two lights at the very start, which is kind of good considering I had to-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 17:55 Do you not want to go and ask why? Like

Narrator 17:56 Why does everyone hate you?

Chris Williamson 17:56 Well yeah, Paddy, Paddy goes over and he goes, "So Gemma, you've turned your light off. What..." "Oh, well, you know, I just, I don't like someone that's got bigger hair than me." Or whatever it is that they say, I don't know.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 18:07 Just anything, "I don't like someone with bigger hair."

Chris Williamson 18:08 Something arbitrary.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 18:09 Right.

Chris Williamson 18:10 Like something completely arbitrary. But anyway, so they do that and you start moving through and everyone-

18:14 As long as it's not like, "I don't like a Black man." Or, you know, it's like...

18:17 That's what-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 18:17 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 18:17 You know, racist thing.

18:20 It's like... Fuck! That's fucked up. (laughs) And then they have to get ev- all 250 people in a crowd (laughing) to sign an, an NDA waiver, and it's just, you know, "Ah, I can't, bloody hell."

18:28 Right, start again.

18:29 Yeah.

18:29 No racism.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 18:30 Just say something normal, just-

Chris Williamson 18:31 Yeah, exactly. Um, so yeah, and you'd start back and forth. And you have your VT, "I'm Chris and I do this, that, and the other," and whatever. And they-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 18:39 VT?

Chris Williamson 18:40 Videotape.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 18:41 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 18:43 Will, will, will he tell us about Darren refusing to-

18:46 Yeah, yeah.

18:46 Okay.

18:46 I'm gonna take you through it.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 18:46 I thought VT was gonna be, like, a, a sort of an industry term.

Chris Williamson 18:50 Oh, videotape.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 18:52 Videotape.

Chris Williamson 18:52 Videotape, mate, yeah. So you do your VT, you've already filmed this, like, four weeks in advance.

18:57 Mm-hmm.

18:58 So they come up and they just try and follow you around and-

19:01 L- let me try and recall some of this. It was like, "My name's Chris. On the face of it, I'm a club promoter, I do all this stuff, but actually, deep down, I'm a bit of a nerd and I like to read Game of Thrones with my mates."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 19:11 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 19:11 And there's, like, a cut to, like, picture of you reading-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 19:15 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 19:15 ... books with mates.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 19:16 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 19:17 (laughs)

19:17 Um-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 19:17 On an, on an L-shaped sofa.

Chris Williamson 19:19 ... and then there's a couple of (book slapping down on table) boom, boom, read this book.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 19:21 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 19:21 It wasn't... So do you know what it was? They... What they want to do, they don't want anyone to have too polished of a, um, like a persona or a persona that they put across. They want it to be kind of-

19:30 They don't wanna have a chink in the armor, exactly.

19:31 Exactly. So for me, they were like... I was like I was reading Game of Thrones and they went, "Right, okay, so you need to come in and sit down and say to the people in the room that you're really excited 'cause the dragons have started fighting." And I was like, "I don't wanna be pedantic here, but this is the second book in Game of Thrones and the dragons haven't hatched yet, so..."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 19:46 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 19:47 (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 19:47 So that's gonna be even worse.

Chris Williamson 19:49 Yeah. (laughs)

19:49 So like how it's, it's not even like, "Uh, I wouldn't do that."

19:52 Yeah.

19:52 "I'm not that lame." It's like-

19:53 Yeah, it's, it's like it's just wrong.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 19:54 No, no, it has to be accurate.

Chris Williamson 19:54 "Technically, um..."

19:55 So that, but they, uh, they have to throw something in at that to just give it a little bit of levels.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 20:00 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 20:00 Didn't lose a single light, the dragons.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 20:02 Hmm.

Chris Williamson 20:02 Didn't lose a single one. So yeah, anyway, and then, um, they do that and lights sometimes go off. For me, they didn't. Um, and they go back round and they talk to more of the girls. And all the time, you're watching... You're VT for the first time on this huge... So the big screen that you see above the thing that's videoed from above the crowd-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 20:22 Mm-hmm, that's actually there.

Chris Williamson 20:23 ... is actually what you're watching it on. That's not superimposed.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 20:25 No.

Chris Williamson 20:25 So you're stood there like an idiot watching an IMAX video of yourself-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 20:29 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 20:30 ... whilst trying not to, like, crumble.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 20:32 Right.

Chris Williamson 20:33 Um, and then it cuts back and they ask you some more questions, and there's back and forths with the girls and stuff. And all this time, you're thinking, like, first off, "Fuck, please don't press the button 'cause I don't want a blackout." But that, that overarching fear is so comprehensive that it doesn't permit you to really use any judgment. So you, you know, like rabbit in the hel- You know being in a car crash and you can't remember what happened in the, the-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 20:59 That's it.

Chris Williamson 20:59 ... finer points?

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:00 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 21:00 The fight or flight has kicked in to such a degree that your ability to fine-tune your vision goes out the window, so all you see is, like, global things. It's like blonde, (claps) brunette, (laughs) like, Paddy McGuinness, (laughs) like, cameraman. Like you just can't-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:16 So you've got to make a decision still?

Chris Williamson 21:17 That's the thing, so-

21:18 So you just see the Lego version of each person and you just keep trying-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:21 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 21:21 That's exactly what, that's exactly what it is. It's just global features.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:23 Yeah, but they've all got Lego hands. (laughs)

Chris Williamson 21:26 (laughs) You're like, "Hello."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:27 Well, it's only that, isn't it? Lego just can't do that.

Chris Williamson 21:28 Yeah. No, they can't.

21:29 Oh yeah, you're right.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:30 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 21:31 Up and down. So, and then they keep on, keep on going from there, and you have a little bit more back and forth, and Paddy will come in and out and stuff. But what you have to remember is that although you may see, in between each round, you'll get to see maybe one or two answers from the girls. They'll go to ten, and then they'll pick the top few.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:50 Ah, I see.

Chris Williamson 21:51 So there's even a-

21:52 'Cause I do remember watching it, thinking, "Everyone's really, like, quick on the ball and witty though."

21:56 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:56 Yeah, yeah.

Chris Williamson 21:56 And when someone, when someone bumbles it, they won't-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 21:58 They just get rid of it. (laughs)

Chris Williamson 21:59 Yeah, they'll just, well, they'll, they'll just go to someone else un- until they get a couple of good zingers.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:03 So you're th- there the subject of it for a lot longer than it seems?

Chris Williamson 22:07 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:07 'Cause it, it seems so, like, production line.

Chris Williamson 22:09 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:09 Like, "Chris, right, you've had your go. Off you go. Someone else's turn."

Chris Williamson 22:12 Mm-hmm.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:12 But you're there for quite a while.

Chris Williamson 22:13 And then when it goes, uh, Paddy will come over and he'll say, "So, like, what do you, what do you think?" Or something like that, and he'll go, "Chris has told me what he thinks, but first, back to the break," and he'll cut to the break. And then you're just stood there-

22:27 (laughs)

22:27 ... like a lemon-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:28 And just around to watch the-

Chris Williamson 22:29 ... in the middle of the stage.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:30 ... watch adverts on the big screen.

Chris Williamson 22:34 And then they'll, they'll... (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:34 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 22:34 Adverts don't get shown.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:34 They should do. That would be good. Charge 250 people.

Chris Williamson 22:36 What happens during the break? Like, people have a cup of tea?

22:37 They just sort of reset stuff and they'll get ready for, like, double check with camera angles.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:41 Okay.

Chris Williamson 22:42 Take some-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:42 So it's live?

Chris Williamson 22:43 Yes.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:44 Right.

Chris Williamson 22:44 It, the whole thing is live. And the problem is you-

22:46 I did not realize that.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:47 No, I didn't realize that either.

Chris Williamson 22:48 That's terrifying.

22:48 Well, no, um, it's not live. It's not broadcasted live.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:51 Oh, right.

Chris Williamson 22:51 Well, how, how is it live?

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:52 What, what do you think I meant?

Chris Williamson 22:53 That's like saying, "Are, are these vegetables fresh?"

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:55 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 22:55 "Well, yeah, they were, they were fresh when they were frozen."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:57 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 22:57 Like, the... (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 22:58 They were fresh originally.

Chris Williamson 23:00 No, sorry, I, I don't know what I thought you meant. It's not live, no. But they cut to the break so that it is chopped up, ready for it to be broadcast, should I say.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:09 Right. Okay.

Chris Williamson 23:09 So they'll cut away and you're stood there, and then there'll be a little bit of back and forth. And that's when you turn around and you see the crowd, and you're like, "Oh."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:16 So, sorry, of course it's not live.

Chris Williamson 23:18 Why?

23:19 'Cause I've already just said-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:19 He's just, he's just said-

Chris Williamson 23:20 ... four by, four da- thing.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:21 Like, if they do 10 ans- 10 answers, isn't it? They snip out the best ones.

Chris Williamson 23:24 Oh, I see. Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:25 And also-

Chris Williamson 23:25 Like, the, if they're doing that live, I wanna know what software they're using.

23:28 (laughs) They've got, they've got the guy with the Oculus Rift and the iPad and he's just-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:31 (laughs) Totally, yeah.

Chris Williamson 23:32 They sh- They've got Video Mandine.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:33 They do.

Chris Williamson 23:33 Yeah.

23:34 Who is, who is the most comprehensive video man now.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:36 He's in this room now.

Chris Williamson 23:37 But no, I feel like Video Mandine's listening to this thinking like-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:40 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 23:40 ... because we're, we're like, "Oh my god, they cut out the best bits." He, he's probably like, "Guys, c'mon."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:44 On your face they see. (laughs)

Chris Williamson 23:45 They see exactly. God, I do that with my penis.

23:48 (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:49 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 23:49 So-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 23:50 That's what he's doing now.

Chris Williamson 23:51 Yeah, he is. You, you've done your next bit, and then, yeah, my business partner came on, Darren, and he told four million people that my mum still does my washing. But as a part of that, anyone who's met Darren knows-

24:03 Did you guys agree on the, the thing that he would say to, like, rip you?

24:07 No, so you have to agree that basically in advance. So you have to, you have to give them a bunch of information, and then they're gonna come in with something. Say like-

24:14 Okay.

24:14 ... "Oh, like, I've, I really like feet," or, "I've never cleaned my room," or, "I do whatever, whatever."

24:20 Okay.

24:20 And they try and come up with a bunch of stuff.

24:21 'Cause I suppose the risk is they say something really savage and it like, "I've been mates with Chris for a while, and he's actually, um, a pedophile, but no," and you're like-

24:28 (laughs) Oh, Darren like-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 24:29 I think that's not savage. That's ... Oh, that's gonna get damning.

Chris Williamson 24:32 Standard is-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 24:32 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 24:32 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 24:33 It's Operation Yew Tree.

Chris Williamson 24:34 Woo, woo.

24:35 We have one light left on.

24:36 If I think it's just like-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 24:38 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 24:38 I think it's more, "Wee-woo-wee-woo."

24:40 Yeah.

24:40 I think it's that sound.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 24:41 Handcuffs.

Chris Williamson 24:42 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 24:42 And Chris gets taken away really quickly.

Chris Williamson 24:44 And then they go. So it's not that. And yeah, Darren got asked to say the words, "But Chris' mom always does his washing so he always stays box fresh." And it took them 15 takes. Because-

24:57 He was just like, "I'm not saying that."

24:58 No, it was-

24:58 (laughs)

24:58 He kept on saying different things. "No, no. Darren, Darren. It's, the line is, 'So he always stays box fresh.'" "Well, I wouldn't say that."

25:07 (laughs)

25:07 "No, Darren, Darren, we need, we need you to say, 'So he always stays ... '" "Okay, okay. Go again, go again." "So he always stays fresh." "No, Darren, Darren-"

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:17 It's like a-

Chris Williamson 25:17 "Cut. Darren, can we go ..." And he eventually-

25:19 "He always stays (clears throat) fresh." Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:20 It's like the, The Buttery Biscuit Base video. (laughs) Have you seen that?

Chris Williamson 25:23 No.

25:24 Yeah, the o-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:24 The old couple, the guy has to say, "Buttery biscuit base," and he gets it wrong ten times. (laughs)

Chris Williamson 25:29 That's Darren, but Darren elected to get it wrong.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:31 Right.

Chris Williamson 25:31 He was just being awkward.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:32 He's like, "I'm just not saying it."

Chris Williamson 25:33 Yeah, that's fucking shit.

25:34 Damn.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:34 Darren, from my perception, from my perspective just seems zero bullshit.

Chris Williamson 25:38 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:39 Like he's just got no time for fluff or fun fair.

Chris Williamson 25:42 Mm-hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:43 And he's being made to say all these things-

Chris Williamson 25:45 By a bunch of-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:46 ... by a bunch of TV men.

Chris Williamson 25:47 TV studio-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:48 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 25:48 ... intimidating people, and he's like, "No, no, no. Come on. No, it doesn't sound like me."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 25:51 No, no, no. I won't do that.

Chris Williamson 25:52 (laughs)

25:52 So anyway, um, and he said that and more lights go off or whatever, and then you get, "Oh, you've got yourself a date. Why." Once you realize as a guy that you've got yourself a date, once you've got past all of those things, 'cause the girls will still get to say things to you after you've done ... "So why did you turn your light off?" But you know that you've got yourself a date, and they can't-

26:11 So you get yourself ... Is that because once there's a certain number of stages, they have to ... they're locked in. They have to stay-

26:16 Yes.

26:16 Okay.

26:16 Yeah, exactly.

26:17 Right.

26:17 So they've committed to the purchase.

26:19 Okay.

26:19 They've pressed Add To Cart and they've committed to me potentially being in their cart.

26:23 Oh, okay.

26:24 And once you-

26:25 They've put in their card details-

26:26 Yeah.

26:26 ... and it's like-

26:26 Yeah.

26:27 You-

26:27 They've pressed it. They've pressed Pay Securely. They've gone through all the authorization. They're ... I'm not ... I'm just upselling them now.

26:32 Right.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 26:33 Then, then the order form isn't working.

Chris Williamson 26:34 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 26:36 That's what some of them experience.

Chris Williamson 26:37 Yeah, it is. So the ... and one of the things is, once you've got to that stage, and any guys who are going on a Take Me Out, once you get to that stage, you are allowed to completely unload because inevitably some of the girls that turned the lights out, "Oh, well, I just really don't think that he's whatever." Like it's this, that, and the other. You can say whatever you want to them now.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 26:55 And it won't be on TV?

Chris Williamson 26:56 No, it will (laughs) be on TV.

26:57 (laughs) All right.

26:57 But no one else can turn their lights off. (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 26:59 It's not like gloves are off.

Chris Williamson 27:00 No one else can ... Well, that's what you-

27:01 Well, it's me then, bitch. I'm gonna kill you.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 27:02 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 27:03 It's actually me. Yeah.

27:03 Listen to me, sit down.

Chris Williamson 27:04 So the, the main bit, the main thing that I want to get across to everybody that's watching that's ever seen Take Me Out is the sheer distance from you to all of the girls that are there because-

27:17 Physical distance?

27:18 Yes.

27:18 Okay.

27:18 Like just ... I know that it looks, especially the ones that are in the front.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 27:22 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 27:22 So you're like, okay, maybe 10 yards, 10 yards away.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 27:25 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 27:26 But you start panning round towards the edges there, you're talking like 20, 25 yards away.

27:30 I didn't think that when I watched it actually. Are you running over to the girl and you're like, "Fucking hell, Sarah." (laughs)

27:35 No, it was an interview at work, but it was an interview-

27:36 It's not like, doo, doo, doo, doo. (laughs)

27:39 You, you know

Narrator 27:40 Turns out-

Chris Williamson 27:40 Do you remember the bleep test at school? Turning off the lights of the girls is akin to the bleep test.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 27:45 Right.

Chris Williamson 27:45 You get a Lucozade halfway through, and there's a masseuse that gives you a rubdown.

27:48 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 27:49 Or in segments.

Chris Williamson 27:49 Yeah. (laughs) So the ... it is so far from where you're stood to where the girls are, and trying to decipher the granular elements of a girl's look and personality-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:01 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 28:02 ... from the 10 seconds that she's got to speak at 20 yards distance is-

28:07 Plus rabbit in headlights mode.

28:08 Oh.

28:09 Because, because it's a Lego woman that you're dealing with, so-

28:10 It's just a ... it is a perfect storm of error making.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:15 So can you remember the ... 'cause what I'm most interested in is this, the sequence of what happens. So like there's rounds.

Chris Williamson 28:22 Mm-hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:23 How many rounds? Three?

Chris Williamson 28:24 I think three, yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:25 So they ... so like how many lights went off in each round and then you were left with a choice.

Chris Williamson 28:30 I was left with 11 at the end. I know that much.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:31 So how did you make the decision?

Chris Williamson 28:33 'Cause I suppose during the show, you're not really assessing the women. You're thinking of like, "How can I-"

28:38 Not have a blackout.

28:39 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:39 Yes.

Chris Williamson 28:39 That's the, that's the thing, that it's like a false positive or whatever it ... It's like a you, you're searching for the wrong th- you're just hoping that the wrong thing doesn't happen, not that the right thing does.

28:48 Mm-hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:48 Mm-hmm. You're limiting damage rather than maximizing the best case.

Chris Williamson 28:51 But yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:51 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 28:51 Because you're just terrified and fear pervades like-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:55 Everything else.

Chris Williamson 28:56 (laughs)

28:56 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:56 Yeah. Don't look like a dick on TV. Don't look like a dick on TV.

Chris Williamson 28:59 It's all this just-

28:59 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 28:59 Oh, shit.

Chris Williamson 29:00 I look like a dick on TV.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:01 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 29:01 Exactly.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:02 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 29:02 So, um, yeah. Turned off and then had a choice between two girls, and one of them was-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:08 No. So, so hold on. So there's 11.

Chris Williamson 29:10 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:11 So in how long? Like 20 seconds?

Chris Williamson 29:14 20 seconds probably.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:15 It's just pure instinct of like-

Chris Williamson 29:16 Diggy, diggy, diggy.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:17 ... like-

Chris Williamson 29:18 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:18 Is it?

Chris Williamson 29:18 Yeah. Just press 'em. Press 'em. Press some of the ones that said weird things, press some of the ones that-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:22 So, so how, because-

Chris Williamson 29:22 So I remember, I remember that as well 'cause you just ran around. It looked like you were just thoughtlessly-

29:25 Mm-hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:26 Well, m-

Chris Williamson 29:26 ... turning people off.

29:27 Mostly was.

29:27 I see.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:28 But you've got to ... So to make a choice out of 11, because once you've turned someone's light on, you can't go like that.

Chris Williamson 29:32 Undo, fuck.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:32 Undo.

Chris Williamson 29:33 Draws a ...

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:33 So like you can't ... if you go from left to right-

Chris Williamson 29:35 Ah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:35 ... you might go like off, off, off, off, sh-

Chris Williamson 29:38 (laughs)

29:38 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:39 So like you have ... so you go like ...

Chris Williamson 29:41 You have a scan first.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:42 Oh, right.

Chris Williamson 29:42 But that's the thing, you know that the eyes are on you, so you're like, "Fuck, I've got to be-"

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:46 So you don't want to be too judgmental.

Chris Williamson 29:47 Yeah. Because you're like ... Can you just rotate?

29:50 (laughs)

29:50 Bring yourself down in, to the left for me please?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:53 Uh, how do you-

Chris Williamson 29:54 Can you do saddened?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 29:55 Off.

Chris Williamson 29:55 Do saddened. Now happy but wistful.

29:58 Anxious.

29:59 Yeah. No.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:00 Oh, yeah.

Chris Williamson 30:00 Yeah. No, no. Not for me.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:01 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 30:02 And you just think, "Right, okay." You can't get them to say anything anymore because all the crowd's going, "Uh, no. Left, left. Right, right. No, no."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:08 Oh, really? Right.

Chris Williamson 30:09 Well, 'cause there's the family of a lot of the-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:11 Oh, of course.

Chris Williamson 30:12 ... girls that are there. So it's like, it's basically saying, "Your daughter's pig ugly or boring." In front of everyone she's ever cared about.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:21 'Cause I suppose the, the girls got themselves to that stage, haven't they? Like you've not allowed them to get there.

Chris Williamson 30:25 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:25 Like this is the only time where you exercise any level of decision?

Chris Williamson 30:29 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:29 So like this is the chance for them to look stupid?

Chris Williamson 30:31 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:32 It's payback.

Chris Williamson 30:33 In, in fact, it's worse, because you're ... Like, if they say no, you're like, "Fair enough." Like, "I came on the show."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:38 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 30:38 That's a risk. If I put myself out there as a girl and let myself get to the last round, I've still got my light on.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:43 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 30:43 And you turn me off.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:44 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 30:44 That's how I'd feel sh-

30:47 A big fat middle finger.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:47 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 30:47 Do you have to leave one on? Or has anyone just gone and turned them all off and been like, "I can't be arsed with this."

30:52 I'm fucking ... (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:52 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 30:52 Yeah.

30:52 That seems-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:53 That's a good point, actually.

Chris Williamson 30:53 So for me-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:54 It's 2008.

Chris Williamson 30:54 ... that would have, that would have been the best option.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 30:56 Wow.

Chris Williamson 30:56 Wow.

30:57 That would have been the safest option. The-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:00 Safest?

Chris Williamson 31:01 Well, just the, for my sanity.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:02 Chris, what happened?

Chris Williamson 31:04 Uh, I managed to pick ... (laughs) I'm going to be as diplomatic as possible here.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:10 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 31:11 I managed to pick a girl who ...

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:15 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 31:15 She, she wasn't the most interesting. I'm going to remain diplomatic until later on. Um-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:20 Okay.

Chris Williamson 31:20 So I, I have a fantastic ... My dating history is awash with girls, me picking girls that are really bad for me. And Take Me Out was no different.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:30 Bad for ... Like, you gained a bit of weight?

Chris Williamson 31:32 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:32 Like, what do you mean by bad for me?

Chris Williamson 31:34 Developed a cocaine habit. Yeah. No.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:35 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 31:36 (laughs)

31:36 No, it was just that she was ... Broadly, she was really dull.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:39 Right. And so you want to talk about, like-

Chris Williamson 31:42 Anything.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:43 ... what, what's, what's going to happen when AI takes over the world?

Chris Williamson 31:45 (laughs)

31:45 No, no, no. This was, this was Chris at 24. I was perfectly happy just talking about, like, what she did for fun or what her favorite cocktail was.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 31:53 Right.

Chris Williamson 31:53 And there was one point where the conversation had got down to how her dad once took her crabbing. And I'm like-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:00 She's going to see this.

Chris Williamson 32:01 She is.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:02 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 32:02 She is going to see it. Or maybe she's not. I don't really-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:03 Not necessarily. Like, the internet is a big place.

Chris Williamson 32:05 That's true.

32:05 The internet, the internet is a big place.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:06 Massive, in fact.

Chris Williamson 32:07 Just because, if, if I was in your position, I'd, I'd be thinking like, "Oh, I've got to spare her feelings." We didn't have a ...

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:13 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 32:13 If, if, if we were to picture a Venn diagram, if anyone says ￡

32:16 If anyone, but if anyone, if anyone's seen the episode, what I say in the episode is damning enough as it is.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:20 Okay.

Chris Williamson 32:20 Right, right.

32:20 And then when I went on Take Me Out, she sold a story about me to-

32:24 Ah.

32:24 ... Re- to, like, Reveal magazine.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:25 What the fuck?

Chris Williamson 32:26 Video Mandine will make it appear here.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:29 I think Video Mandine should go hunt her down, and ... That's horrendous.

Chris Williamson 32:32 So she got-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:32 Sold a story? What?

Chris Williamson 32:33 Sold a story. The police got called-

32:35 So after calling her a bit boring-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:36 Yes. So how about it, Chris?

Chris Williamson 32:37 I'm going to ... No, no, don't you worry. I'm going to come back. We'll loop back to this.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:40 Well, she sues this on Facebook and everything.

Chris Williamson 32:41 So you've got ... Now I'm going to press the fucking blue spits.

32:43 10 pounds?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:44 Yeah, 10 whole, 10 whole pounds.

Chris Williamson 32:45 Um-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:45 We'll pay for it. Don't worry.

Chris Williamson 32:46 Just so you know, the, the story headline that was revealed in Reveal was the police got called on my date with Chris.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:54 Jesus.

Chris Williamson 32:55 Um, broadly true, but she-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 32:58 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 32:59 But, like, that's because, like, there was, there was something going on. There was a civ-

33:01 No, no. The police got called for me.

33:03 There was a civil lawsuit going on at the time.

33:03 The police got called for me in Fernando's.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 33:06 Okay. For you or by you?

Chris Williamson 33:08 For me.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 33:09 To get you?

Chris Williamson 33:10 To get me.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 33:12 So, so when you say, "The police got called, that's broadly true," to me, that's very much like either the police were there, or the police weren't there.

Chris Williamson 33:18 The police were there.

33:18 Who called the police?

33:19 The police got called to my date with Chris. The reason that's not true is because she wasn't there, but I was. So I'd left her.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 33:28 And then you got arrested.

Chris Williamson 33:28 And I ... Didn't get arrested. Didn't get arrested. On my date on Take Me Out, I did not get arrested. But the police did arrive.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 33:38 Why?

Chris Williamson 33:38 We'll get to that.

33:40 Oh.

33:40 You gonna take-

33:41 After the break. (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 33:42 (laughs) After a message from our sponsor.

Chris Williamson 33:44 Yeah. So-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 33:44 Which is just going to be Yusef dancing.

Chris Williamson 33:46 (laughs) That's not a sponsor.

33:48 Anyway, so you fi- you, you go down to the last two, and then what they've done ... So you'll remember on Take Me Out, they have the question, and they're like, um, uh, "You get to ask these girls one question."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:00 Right.

Chris Williamson 34:00 That question is picked already for you by the producers.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:05 Oh, rough.

Chris Williamson 34:05 And then gets prepped to the girls. They don't know which guy's going to deliver them the question.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:09 So I've al- I've always wondered that.

Chris Williamson 34:10 Because they've got zingers, right?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:11 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 34:11 They've got absolute, like, belters. I can't remember what my question was. It's like maybe like, "What's your best feature," or something like that.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:17 It's got to be horse sized duck, duck sized horse.

Chris Williamson 34:19 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:20 If anyone finds themselves in this position, horse si- would you rather be a horse sized duck or a duck sized horse?

Chris Williamson 34:26 There you go.

34:26 Or the dark dog question.

34:28 No.

34:28 (laughs)

34:29 No.

34:29 Did you know about this question?

34:30 Yes.

34:31 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:31 No, 'cause we asked it.

Chris Williamson 34:32 No.

34:32 Did we?

34:33 Stop.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:33 That ... You can't say that on TV, can you?

Chris Williamson 34:35 Stop.

34:35 This is a PG episode.

34:36 This is a PG episode, okay? Right, so anyway.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:38 Duck and horse. 

Chris Williamson 34:39 You've got to, you've got to choose one of the girls at the end, and you kind of have to do the (groans) like, feint and pretend that you're doing one.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:46 I see.

Chris Williamson 34:46 And then you pick the other. And within five seconds of pressing the button of the other girl, I realized I'd made a mistake.

34:54 Oh.

34:55 Um ...

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 34:56 What ... Just instinct, that she didn't, like, do any- she didn't, like, start gurning when you pressed the button or something?

Chris Williamson 35:02 No.

35:02 (laughs)

35:03 No.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:03 Right.

Chris Williamson 35:03 It was ... Yeah.

35:05 Oh, thank God.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:05 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 35:05 It was just ... But it was, it was an error.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:07 Right.

Chris Williamson 35:07 And as I walked up the stairs, some of the mates of one of the other lads that was on there was going, were looking at me going ...

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:14 Oh, man.

Chris Williamson 35:15 Oh.

35:15 I was like, "Hmm, yeah, this is maybe an error." So-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:18 And then they ask you at the end who was the person you were, you were going to pick? Look, love at first light.

Chris Williamson 35:22 They don't have that anymore. Oh, sorry, they didn't have that when I was on.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:25 Ah.

Chris Williamson 35:25 Love at first light wasn't a thing when I was on.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:28 What a shame.

Chris Williamson 35:29 I've never heard of that.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:29 It's like when they, they see the lineup and they have to pick someone.

Chris Williamson 35:32 Mm-hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:32 Before it all happens.

Chris Williamson 35:33 Oh, okay.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:34 And then it plays out.

Chris Williamson 35:34 Yeah. That must be, like, an extra feature in the, like, 2.1 version.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:38 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 35:38 The ... The ... 'Cause I ... That was the only episode of Take Me Out I've ever seen, so.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:41 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 35:41 So no, that, that, that didn't happen.

35:43 (laughs)

35:43 Um, had they have done that, that would have been ... I would have been able to say, but later on, I had sex with that girl in any case, so it didn't matter.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 35:50 Chris. (laughs)

Chris Williamson 35:51 (laughs)

35:52 So how did you get her information?

35:54 Um, so I found that girl on Facebook the night that I arrived in the hotel in Fernando's, before I'd even been on the date with the main girl.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 36:04 So the girl that you turn- you just turned her light off?

Chris Williamson 36:06 No, no, she turned her light off for me.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 36:08 Oh.

Chris Williamson 36:08 Found her on Facebook, messaged her, started having a back and forth before our-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 36:13 I like that. That's a big fuck you, isn't it? Like, she turned her light off, but you got her anyway.

Chris Williamson 36:16 Yeah. Damn right I did.

36:17 Well, she just dropped into the top, so.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 36:21 With the Chris panel.

Chris Williamson 36:21 Out the front. So what ... Now it gets onto the fun stuff, right? So this is the, this is the best, like, most interesting bits about the production as far as I'm concerned. So you meet Paddy. "Oh, meet S- meet your date for the thing." And you're thinking-... and then they get you to walk off, "You're off to the Isle of Fernando's." And you walk up and you get to the top and you turn around and you wave, and then you go down the steps. And as you're going down, there's always a camera backstage as a ... you start curling down, and you kiss her on the cheek and say she looks lovely or whatever. And then at the bottom of that set of steps, there are two runners that are like, "Right, don't look at her. Go that way. You, don't look at him. Go that way." And that is the last time that you see that girl until when you are in the isle- on the Isle of Fernando's and they appear from behind you and go, "Oh, hiya. We're ready to go dune buggying. You look lovely." And then you walk away. That's the next time that you see them.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 37:17 So there's no prep then? It, it's, thi- that's a fresh reaction when she's like-

Chris Williamson 37:20 So from-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 37:21 ... "Hiya."

Chris Williamson 37:21 ... from that moment where you get to the bottom of the steps and you part ways, you go to separate hotels next to different airports.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 37:30 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 37:31 Wow. So I went to Luton. She went to, like, Stansted or Gatwick or something. You then get on different flights, stay in different hotels in Fernando's, which the year that I was on it was Tenerife. So- Hats off to, like, the project manager for these shows. It is- Props. ... unbelievable. The, the- There must be a reason why they do that. That's what I'm wondering. Well, because they don't want ... So the reason that they don't allow you and your date to look at each other or ever interact off camera is because if you say something that's offensive or funny or cute, her reaction to you is going to change, but the justification for that hasn't been captured on camera, so there's a break in the storyline. I see. Does that make sense?

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 38:10 So just the continuity Yeah.

Chris Williamson 38:11 Yeah, pretty much. So they just don't want you or her to get anything, to know anything about each other- Without them being Without them being ... Without it being completely constructed. And, uh, I think, considering I said that Love Island's a very holistic kind of natural manifestation of people's emotions and it's not really fettled with all that much.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 38:32 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 38:33 Take Me Out, they don't ever script what you're saying. They allow you to have natural reactions, but it's a lot more highly produced, and-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 38:41 Oh.

Chris Williamson 38:41 ... they, because of this really alien nature of it just being two of you and a f- fucking film crew of people- (clears throat) ... around you, and you've got these runners. So yeah, you get down to the bottom of the stairs and they're like, "Don't look at her. Go the other way." And then you part ways. Go to a hotel on the night with the other guys that have potentially got a date, if they've got a date. And then stay overnight, get up the next morning, get on the plane, fly out, spend the afternoon in Tenerife getting a tan and chilling out. (smacks lips) Go to sleep and then the call time- You're still not with the date? No, she's in a different hotel out there as well. Um, different call time in the morning, so you get up in the morning and it's like ... One of the guys f- ... I was the last date and I was up at half past six. The first date was up at five in the morning. Crazy. So there's a, a film crew out there that are just receiving these parcels that have ... You know, like, a T-shirt firing gun, like, boom.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 39:33 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 39:34 Boom. Just being shot out of a studio in Maidstone, and then these guys are just, like, catching couples. Wow. And then going, "Okay, so we're gonna go ..." So anyway, got out there and you have a set-up thing where you, you're gonna meet them on the morning and they come, "Oh, hiya," and it turned out that our date was going to be deep sea fishing, um, which is naturally not tremendously exciting date to be on. Mm-hmm. And unfortunately that wasn't aided by the girl that I was on it with. (laughs) So when you say deep sea fishing, that's not you ... That's, like, that's with a ... That's off the back of a boat? Yeah. Right. On a big s- kind of wooden, a Spanish wooden boat thing with a full crew and this, that, and the other. And anyway, yeah, the, um, the crew's circling around in a, a speedboat and you're cutting in between and after you've done stuff. So I got really bored. Like, the conversation I had with her was about as dull as it could've been, and I'd already known that I'd make a- made a mistake. So I was like, "Right, fuck it." This was the final day before Freshers' week, right? So Freshers' week for me was beginning the next day, which is just the beginning of me being very, very slowly fisted (laughs) by 8,000 students. And I was like, "Right, I am going to fucking enjoy this one-day holiday (laughs) in Tenerife no matter what." So I was just on the boat and was so bored that ... Took my top off, took my shorts off, jumped in the sea. Guys who were on the boat going around filming shit themselves and started getting on the radio saying, "Get him back in the boat," because they didn't have public liability insurance for me to be in the sea. I was only allowed to be on the boat- Wait, you were naked as well? No, pants. Okay. Um, so, anyway, that happened. Um, yeah, and then you're cutting backwards and forwards. So anyway, we had ... I basically hadn't had any food all day, and it got to the evening time and it was running quite late and I was quite hungry, and I said, "Oh, can I get a case of Desperados, please?" And he said yes. A case? Like four, a case of four. Oh, right, okay. And they're like, "Yeah, yeah, you can get a case." Like, so I got four Desperados and I'm sat, and I was ready in five minutes. Still had the huge hair so I didn't even have to do my hair. And I'm sat, like, just sipping these Desperados, and you're allowed on your phone and stuff like that, so I'd had my phone out texting my mates, "Hey, when take me out?" And, um, one beer down, two beers down, three beers down, I'm like, "Fucking hell, where's this bird?" And she was taking ages to get ready. So by the time I'd finished four Desperados, I'm like ... And I had barely eaten that day as well. (laughs) I'm incredibly merry and feeling lucid, to say the least. And I'm like, "Right, okay, so we're gonna have this ..." First off, it was gonna be a dinner on a rooftop. It ended up being a glass of champagne on the top of someone's garage. (laughs) Why? Because the first location that they tried to use, they couldn't get hold of, and then the sun was going down because she'd taken so long to get ready. (laughs) And blah, blah, blah, blah. So- So there's no makeup? There's no, like- She does her own. (laughs) But did you have makeup? No. Interesting. You don't have makeup on most reality TV shows. Oh, right. Okay. Anyway, so we were there, and they'd brought out this bottle of Fernando's champagne.... popped it on the middle of the table and they were like, "There you go." By the time that she'd had one glass, I'd finished the remainder of the bottle. They brought out another one and I did the same thing again.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 42:55 Oh, my god.

Chris Williamson 42:56 So by this time, I'm fucked. Like, there's a ... It cuts to a scene of me talking into the camera and my eyes are all bleary and red 'cause obviously you have n- no idea what's going on.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 43:07 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 43:07 Leathered.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 43:07 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 43:08 Absolutely battered by this stage and I was like, and they'd start talking to you about all of your bits. And you know that all of your, all of the people that you're with are also on dates. So you're, "Oh, I wonder how such and such is getting on, and I wonder how this is going on," blah, blah, blah. And, um, yeah, there was definitely a residual feeling of bitterness that I could have chosen any girl that was even civil.

43:31 Mm-hmm.

43:31 But she didn't. She ... the one that I chose was barely even that. And I was like, "Oh, God."

43:34 So you were like, "I'm gonna enjoy the holiday, I'm just gonna get leathered, I don't care."

43:37 Yeah. Fuck it.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 43:38 She wasn't even-

Chris Williamson 43:38 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 43:38 ... like, chatting to you or speaking to you. It was just-

Chris Williamson 43:40 Barely at all. Like, it was like getting ... I said my, one of the things that didn't make the edit is probably one of the best lines I've ever said in my life.

43:47 Mm-hmm.

43:47 Mm-hmm. I'm gutted that it never made it. Was, um, so I was a club promoter, you know. I am used to early mornings and late nights. I, I work hard, but that girl there is the hardest day's graft that I have ever had to do in my entire life.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 44:03 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 44:03 And I'm there, like, still swigging on the r- dregs of this champagne. So anyway, you drive back and you go and meet the guys and then what happens from there is you go to Taking Out The Gossip, which used to be hosted by Mark Wright and someone else. And basically, they're, they're trying to get you to either shag or fight whoever it is that you're with. And I was like, "I have no interest in doing either."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 44:27 Mm-mm.

Chris Williamson 44:27 "At all."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 44:28 "I just want to be away from her and-"

Chris Williamson 44:29 "I just want to be with my mates." 'Cause I had two buddies that were there and we'd connected with this poor guy who sheared a sheep and I'm like, "Look, I'm just good to chill out with the boys." And obviously they kind of had ... 'cause they were getting on with their girls, they kind of had that in the back of their minds a bit. But, so yeah, you ki- it's, uh, oddly quite a nicely community-based thing towards the end. And you kind of get back together and especially if you've had a bit of an awkward date or whatever, you're like, "Fuck, some respite." Um, so you go out on the nighttime and this is where the police story begins, to one-

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 44:58 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 44:58 ... degree or another. So, I can't believe I've never told you this before.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 45:01 No.

Chris Williamson 45:01 Before we do the police story, did this girl just not take a liking to you specifically? Or do you think it wasn't personal, it was just, like, it was just a temperament-

45:09 I think it was a combina- so it was a combination of things. First off, she wasn't ... she wasn't making a massive effort. And she used this line of, "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen." And I was like, "No, like just ..." Even back then, even 10 years ago, ish, s- six years, seven years ago, I had in the back of my mind, "You should just be being yourself."

45:31 Mm-hmm.

45:31 "Like, you should just be being truthful and virtuous 'cause that's the best way to operate." And it came across, she came across terribly on TV and-

45:37 Anyone I've heard who spouts the "treat 'em mean" line is a fundamental dick. Like, just that-

45:43 Just a mani- just a manipulative cow, right? It's like ...

45:45 Well, 'cause it, it, it's the same kind of people that think they're really sassy and, and it's like, no, no, you're, you're just a twat.

45:51 Just a knob. Yeah. So it went down really badly. She deleted her, uh, Twitter account because she got a little bit of ... she got slated-

45:58 Oh.

45:58 ... a little bit because of the way that she'd gone on. Anyway, so went on the date, went on the night out. Later on in the evening, they want you to have sex or fight with the person you're with. And I'm like, "Not bothered." They give you a €50 allowance and they basically put you in a bar and they'll allow it to be as natural as possible, and it kind of is. Also, what's really funny is to see the difference between the crew and the kit that ITV have and the crew and the kit that ITV2 have. (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 46:28 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 46:28 (laughs) It's like going from the most polished, like, there's a security guy and there's a huge van and this, that, and the other, and it's just some dude with, like, a- his iPhone out.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 46:38 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 46:38 (laughs) Just hoping to, desperately hoping to catch, like, picking up change off the floor trying ...

46:44 You, you can tell with the production quality as well, when you, like, when you see those, like, after-

46:48 Yeah.

46:48 ... after the show programs.

46:49 It's just, it's complete trying to dredge up any of the last-

46:54 So that guy's got £15 budget, so-

46:56 ... remaining viewers. Yeah. See what

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 46:56 I've gotta go plug my phone in over there for a bit.

Chris Williamson 46:59 (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 46:59 But I'll be back in a moment. (laughs)

Chris Williamson 47:00 It's like, "Oh shit, I've run out of data."

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 47:02 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 47:02 "I've run out of data." So anyway, you're on the night and she'd been doing this thing and she'd handed me her purse to, like, look after, as if ... You know, like, that sassy kit? And I'm like ... so I just took the purse and just went (thuds) and just put it down on the bar and walked off. That didn't go down very well. And anyway, back and forth, back and forth. What happened next was I went into Arsehole Chris mode.

47:24 (laughs)

47:24 And I remember, distinctly remember putting €40 down, which was what I had left, €40 down on the bar and saying to the barman, "Do as much damage to me as you can for that money there." And he was like-

47:37 This is the Pokemon that you evolve into when-

47:39 Yeah.

47:39 ... when things are-

47:40 When you find the shiny Charizards. When you reach the required, when you reach the required amount of alcohol, that's the person I become. Hitmonlee.

47:45 (laughs)

47:45 Gyarados shiny. Yeah. Right. Which is, and this is exactly why I don't drink anymore.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 47:49 So I've never seen that side of you.

Chris Williamson 47:50 It's a sight to behold, but not really.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 47:52 I really ... I think we should engineer that and then put that on the podcast.

Chris Williamson 47:55 Well, he's, he's, he's, he's bloody teetotal now after our-

47:57 Yes, terrible.

47:58 ... alcohol podcasts, so we've-

48:00 Yeah, I know.

48:01 We've scuppered it.

48:01 So €40 down and that's kind of the last thing that I remember clearly. I remember going to an afterparty with the barman and a bunch of his friends. And then the next thing that I remembered was waking up on the central reservation of Tenerife's largest motorway.

48:20 Really?

48:22 At about, well, the sun's in the sky and it was pretty warm, and I'd lost my phone and I didn't have any money, and because I'd been looked after by the film crew for the entire time I was there, I didn't know where I was staying and I didn't know where I was.

48:37 And there's so ... there, there's not many worse places to wake up than the central reservation.

48:41 (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 48:43 (laughs) Roundabout.

Chris Williamson 48:43 So, so I'm guessing she wasn't at the afterparty? You just bailed.

48:46 I, no, no, she also wasn't on the central reservation, nope.

48:48 Hmm.

48:49 So-

48:50 Otherwise that's quite romantic, uh ...

48:51 Yeah. "And we ended up on the central reservation together."

48:54 (laughs)

48:54 Uh, no, yeah, I was on the central reservation of Tenerife's largest motorway. And you know in Spain, they've got those signs that come up and go over the top of the motorways and it's got the time-... and then the temperature.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 49:05 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 49:07 Neither of them were good. It was like 7:30 AM-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 49:11 Oh.

Chris Williamson 49:11 ... 25 degrees.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 49:12 Oh.

Chris Williamson 49:12 My head's absolutely ringing. I've got no idea ... so I've lost my phone. Remembering this is the first day of freshers' week, which means my phone number was on every flyer we'd given out and every Facebook event.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 49:23 Mm.

Chris Williamson 49:24 So I'm just getting pounded with guest list texts. No way I can tell my business partner that he needs to change the number that's on the Facebook event.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 49:30 Oh, God.

Chris Williamson 49:31 No way I can contact the film crew. So I'm walking down the central reservation, this disheveled-looking British tourist covered in that red dust you get from, like, Spanish islands?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 49:41 Mm.

Chris Williamson 49:41 Like, all down the back of a white shirt. Massive Afro, just looking fucked. Like I, God knows what anyone must have thought they were walking down. Tried to hail a taxi, didn't have any money, so I had to ta- hail a taxi in a language I didn't speak, then convince them that despite looking like someone who's homeless with no money, that I could give them money. But then realized that the only money I had in the hotel was pounds.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:05 Mm.

Chris Williamson 50:05 So I'm like, "Would you be able to drive me essentially for free to this hotel for me to give you some money in a currency you don't use?"

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:12 God.

Chris Williamson 50:12 Unsurprisingly, it was difficult. Um-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:14 But he accepted?

Chris Williamson 50:15 Um, so, no. A man in an-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:17 Oh.

Chris Williamson 50:17 ... underground car park gave me a coffee and felt bad for me. I kind of-

50:20 Wouldn't ITV be able to, sort, I, I suppose like if you say, "Take me to the studio or something."

50:25 But I just needed to convince them.

50:27 What, to the man with the iPhone?

50:28 I needed to convince them-

50:29 And they'd need to provide someone more data and then-

50:29 I needed to convince this Spanish taxi driver of anything.

50:32 (laughs) Of just something.

50:33 Of just honest-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:33 A man in an underground car park-

Chris Williamson 50:35 A man in an underground car park as well.

50:36 Just let me into your car. That was all I fucking-

50:38 I found myself, found myself in an underground car park. This man gave me a coffee, kind of helped.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:42 Latte?

Chris Williamson 50:43 Yeah, I think so.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:44 Flat white? It was a latte, caramel latte.

Chris Williamson 50:46 (laughs)

50:46 No.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:47 No.

Chris Williamson 50:47 No. It's one of those ones that-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:48 Bait him, like, "Fuck's sake. I would've loved the flat white."

Chris Williamson 50:50 Yeah. (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:51 But beggars can't be choosers, you know?

Chris Williamson 50:52 It literally looked like one as well.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 50:54 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 50:54 So, um, and my head's absolutely killing me at this point. And I knew because of the tight production schedule, I knew that my flight was at 10:30. So I was like, "Right, I have now two and a half hours to get from wherever I am to wherever the fuck I'm supposed to be and then to the airport." No idea. So anyway, walking down the side of the motorway again, 'cause I'm just on this motorway. And the Guardia Civil pull up, which is like the military Spanish police. So the Guardia Civil pull up like, "Hola, my friend! You okay?" And I'm like, "Mate, you're not Paddy McGuinness. Like, you really fucked me over."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 51:28 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 51:28 And, uh, they, they-

51:30 "I've been on this terrible date with this boring person."

51:32 Yeah. "This boring girl, honestly." And they took me back to the hotel, and they were like-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 51:38 The armed police did?

Chris Williamson 51:40 Basically, the Guardia Civil took me ... well, th- they were the taxi people home.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 51:43 So the army took you home?

Chris Williamson 51:45 Took me home from my date on Take Me Out. The army took me home from my date on Take Me Out, yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 51:50 (sighs)

Chris Williamson 51:50 How does she know about that? Or how did she know nothing about this?

51:53 'Cause I told everyone the story as soon as I got back to the hotel. And then you-

51:56 Including her?

51:56 You fly back as a group of couples.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 52:00 Uh-

Chris Williamson 52:00 So you all fly back together. So what they'd thought was when they ... when the film crew got back to the hotel, "Where's Chris? Chris isn't in his room. Brilliant. Must be with his bird. Wasn't with his bird. Fuck, where's Chris?"

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 52:13 "He must be with the army."

Chris Williamson 52:14 "He must be with the army." Yeah, exactly. (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 52:16 That's, that's where you were?

Chris Williamson 52:17 "He must be on the central reservation of Tenerife's largest motorway."

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 52:19 "It's all right. The army will get him."

Chris Williamson 52:20 Why ... (laughs) They all ... this happens all the time.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 52:25 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 52:26 (laughs) So-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 52:27 Man.

Chris Williamson 52:27 ... they came and collected me, took me back to the t-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 52:31 (clears throat)

Chris Williamson 52:31 ... drove me up to the hotel, and I was just like, looked at the, looked at my watch. I was like, it's like 9:00 or something. Don't know what I'm supposed to do. I was fucked. So just head in the pillow. Ten minutes later, big bang on the door, and I opened it, and someone, little runner was in front of me and, "Shh, we've got him. He's here. He's here." Obviously, they'd been running around trying to find me and had just thought as a last ditch attempt, "We'll just knock on the door and see if he's there." Got me, bundled all my stuff into the taxi, had to run, like the worst hangover ever. You know when you've had like two hours sleep and you were blind drunk?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 53:03 (clears throat) Mm.

Chris Williamson 53:04 Everything hurts. Everything's terrible. You're just tired and ratty.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 53:09 (inhales deeply)

Chris Williamson 53:09 Managed to make it onto the plane, just about. So that was 10:00 AM, 9:30, 10:00 AM. Four-hour plane back to the UK. This is 2012, which is when the London Olympics were on.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 53:24 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 53:24 The, uh, (clears throat) the taxi from the airport to King's Cross was three and a half hours. Then the train from King's Cross to Newcastle, it's three and a half hours. I got my suitcase out of the train, put it into a taxi, got a taxi down to the quayside to Riverside, pulled it out of the taxi, put it into the boot of my business partner's car, closed the boot, and then stood outside and worked. And that was the beginning of Freshers' Week.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 53:55 Wow.

Chris Williamson 53:55 So that was like a 21-hour day with the worst hangover that I've ever, ever, ever had.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:03 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 54:03 And one of the good things about that experience is that I now feel broadly indestructible.

54:11 Was like hangover, sunstroke, sleep deprivation, and long flight.

54:16 So-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:16 It's wi- it's waking up without money, phone, knowing where you are-

Chris Williamson 54:19 Oh, yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:19 ... knowing where you're staying.

Chris Williamson 54:20 In a central reservation.

54:21 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:21 Perfect.

Chris Williamson 54:21 There is not ... Like I honestly think, like, drop me in the middle of the Antarctic now, but sorted.

54:26 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:26 Laughing, Bear Grylls it, when hot.

Chris Williamson 54:27 Because compared to that day-

54:28 Yeah. I mean, it can't be worse than that. It can't be worse-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:31 Y- you say that, but I, I've seen you with me in just the high street in Reykjavik, and we lasted 20 seconds?

Chris Williamson 54:39 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:39 That was extreme temperatures.

Chris Williamson 54:41 (laughs) It was extreme.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:41 I think probably the Arctic might be a bit similar-

Chris Williamson 54:44 Might be a bit cooler, but I, I get, I, I get your point.

54:45 The, the prob- the problem with that story is that because the, the temperature on paper was so tame-

54:50 Yeah.

54:50 ... it sounds like we're just being a bunch of absolute pussies, but it's like-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 54:53 Well, so the lesson is pay attention to the feels-like temperature, not the temperature.

Chris Williamson 54:57 If you are ever going out in Iceland, as a little bit of advice for you, do not do what me and Johnny did, which is be northern lads-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 55:06 ... and just wear a shirt.

Chris Williamson 55:06 Just wear shirts, because although the temperature says it's only minus two, the feels like is minus 12, and minus 12 is really, really fucking cold.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 55:18 (laughs) It's chilly, yeah.

Chris Williamson 55:19 You thought you had pneumonia-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 55:20 And I ... just-

Chris Williamson 55:21 ... and you g- you actually had meningitis.

55:22 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 55:22 Well, he a- he arrived with meningitis 

Chris Williamson 55:24 He brought it into the country, yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 55:25 So he was cheating. Yeah.

Chris Williamson 55:26 (laughs)

55:26 I ... so standing in taxi queue with him, you know, you know when y- it's the end of a night out and you're stood in a taxi queue, and the taxi queue just ... you just think, "This is gonna last for eternity." Like, "There's so many people in front of me, the rate that taxis are coming, I'm going to die here." Like, and you had 

55:42 One, one person tried jump-

55:44 And when you add in f- you push up just-

55:44 Yeah, but still freezing to the bone. One person tried to jump the queue, and everyone absolutely-

55:49 Mm-hmm.

55:49 Mm-hmm.

55:49 ... moshed on them and were like, "No."

55:50 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 55:50 I was ready to just body check that person.

Chris Williamson 55:52 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 55:52 Like, "You are not pushing in this queue." (laughs)

Chris Williamson 55:55 This man, this man in a wheelchair, I was just ready to body check.

55:58 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 55:59 Ugh.

Chris Williamson 55:59 The only other thing, advice, if you're in Iceland, is just make sure you've brought nine and a half thousand pounds with you.

56:06 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 56:06 So you can go out and buy one thing.

Chris Williamson 56:07 To be able to buy one thing, yeah.

56:09 It's expensive.

56:09 Every item. It's like, you know when you go to a pawn shop and you're like, "Excuse me, sir, how much is this?" And they're like, "Um, that's a pound." And you go, "What about this?" And they're, "Mm, that's a pound." You know? "Wh- what if I got this and this?" You know, they're like, "Look, sir..." So it's like that, but with nine and a half thousand in Iceland.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 56:23 And that's all linked from an Alan Partridge sketch that we came up with that.

Chris Williamson 56:26 Yeah.

56:27 Oh, yeah.

56:28 So have you got any questions about Take Me Out?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 56:29 That was a massive detour.

Chris Williamson 56:30 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 56:31 Um, so, well, m- the que- what I wanted to ask you was how you went through the selection, but you covered that.

Chris Williamson 56:37 Selection process. I am ... if enough people keep on telling me to do a video of how to get on reality TV, I'm going to do it.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 56:45 You'll cover it.

Chris Williamson 56:45 Yeah. Uh, I may-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 56:47 I'm s- sorry, I meant selection on the ... like, how to pick the girls. How you went-

Chris Williamson 56:51 Just terribly. Just, like, you, you can't do it. Like, yeah, you just randomly-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 56:55 What happened on-

Chris Williamson 56:55 ... you look, you try and remember what they've said. Um ...

56:58 I suppose he's not the man to ask, 'cause he ended up with a, a bad selection that-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 57:02 S- y- y-

Chris Williamson 57:02 You do not want to take my advice.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 57:03 You learn from your mistakes and you don't learn-

Chris Williamson 57:04 Yeah, true.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 57:04 ... from your successes, necessarily.

Chris Williamson 57:06 Um, has anybody got a blackout as soon as they arrive?

57:10 No.

57:11 In the history of the show?

57:12 No.

57:12 Is that because they're instructed to say, like ... but then how, how do you enforce that? I guess they have to do it, you know, "Girls, do it again."

57:17 Well, I think that most of the girls know it's a ... the cost benefit of them, every single one of them turning off when someone goes out, like, "What, what's it costing me to keep your light on?" Especially at the start.

57:31 Well, 'cause you said that, um, if they turn it off, they get to-

57:33 Yeah, but usually they'll, they'll at least play the game. They'll allow it to go through for at least a little bit.

57:38 Oh, okay.

57:38 But, I mean, the, the main thing that everyone should take away from this is nothing to do with the show. It's the sheer power of whoever is in charge of operations and logistics for ITV.

57:49 Is it 'cause she-

57:49 Because that person really needs to be working at Tesla or SpaceX.

57:54 Mm-hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 57:55 Mm.

Chris Williamson 57:55 Because they have the most difficult job in all of television.

57:58 They've just got a really big Gantt chart or, like, a Trello board or something, and they just-

58:02 Unbelievable, yeah. Could you imagine how optimized it ... It's gonna be like Minority Report?

58:05 Oh, I bet. They've got six screens and-

58:07 Mm-hmm.

58:07 Mm-hmm.

58:08 Yep.

58:08 Yep.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 58:09 Laptops up on the horizon.

Chris Williamson 58:10 I think any time you see something, you see the polished result of something, like, the process is behind it. Like, even a magazine, it's like-

58:17 So the, the thing is, the thing is with that, like, looking at Take Me Out, it looks polished, but it could look polished without having to have this incredibly difficult and nuanced set-up.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 58:28 Yeah, yeah, you're right.

Chris Williamson 58:29 The fact is that they are able to create 14 weeks of programming in 16 days.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 58:34 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 58:34 That's impressive.

58:35 Incredible.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 58:35 While-

Chris Williamson 58:35 From, like, setup-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 58:36 While flying people out to a different country-

Chris Williamson 58:39 Y- yeah, you're passing people ￾

58:40 Long rotations in, like, you know-

58:41 Oh, it is-

58:42 ... staggered across the ...

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 58:43 Unbelievable.

Chris Williamson 58:43 And they're probably ... the, that person's probably sat there thinking, like, "This is a really tight schedule. It'll, it'll work as long as no one goes and gets, like, stuck on a central reservation somewhere and, and tries to-"

58:54 (laughs)

58:54 

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 58:55 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 58:56  so ...

58:56 But it all worked anyway.

58:57 It did all work and I survived.

58:59 And you still had sex with the girl who you ... who black out, blacked out you. Blacked you out?

59:05 Turned the light off.

59:06 Turned the light off.

59:06 Turned the light off.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:07 Turned me off.

Chris Williamson 59:08 Because they're blackout to everyone, so-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:09 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 59:10 Yeah.

59:10 Yeah, so that was, um, redemption.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:13 So would you do it again?

Chris Williamson 59:15 Take Me Out?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:16 Or would you do something similar again?

Chris Williamson 59:18 (sighs)

59:19 I imagine ... now, you weren't doing it to find a date, though, from the sound of it.

59:23 No, not a da- ... it was just YOLO.

59:24 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:25 Actually, that's a question for you. So Love Island and Take Me Out both have this outcome associated with it, or, like, a ... they're both, like, trying to couple you up with someone.

Chris Williamson 59:37 Mm-hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:37 Was that what you actually wanted out of any of this?

Chris Williamson 59:41 I think so, yeah.

59:41 Chris is a high-quality-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:41 Is that, is that what anyone wants out of any of this?

Chris Williamson 59:42 ​ strategist, isn't he, though?

59:43 Yeah. (laughs)

59:43 He's doing it just to-

59:44 Some, some people, some people do, but some people just want the exposure.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:47 'Cause w- people on the most recent, uh, series of, of T- of Love Island, where people were like, "I've come on here to find love."

Chris Williamson 59:53 Hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:53 I just think-

Chris Williamson 59:55 Bollocks.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:55 ... "Bullshit." No-

Chris Williamson 59:56 No, it's-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:57 It's much easier to find love, like-

Chris Williamson 59:58 S- I-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 59:58 ... at the local pub. You might not be-

Chris Williamson 59:59 More likely to find love in a library, yeah-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:00:01 Yeah. (laughs)

Chris Williamson 1:00:01  more often though, aren't you? Like, than-

1:00:03 There is a, there's a program that's going to be coming out soon, within the next year, that I think will highlight exactly how little Love Island is actually searching for love, or how little the people on Love Island are searching for love. They're not looking for love on Love Island. They're definitely l- not looking for it on Take Me Out. Like, the amount of failed dates that occur on Take Me Out I think is a, a good identifier of the fact that we are a lot more incompatible than we think.

1:00:32 Hmm.

1:00:34 You think if ... take a random girl of the right age who broadly looks attractive, and take a random guy that she has verified is attractive by not turning their light off, and he's verified as attractive by not turning hers off, and you think, "Well, how hard can it be?" Look at the outcomes, watch the dates on Take Me Out. More ... I would argue, if you did an analysis, and if anyone would like to, please do so, more than 50% of the dates on Take Me Out will be disasters. Like, it'll finish up with one of them saying that they're not interested in the other one.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:01:07 I suppose the only commonality with the people on Take Me Out is that they...

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:01:11 ... at least don't mind the idea of being on TV.

Chris Williamson 1:01:15 Mm-hmm.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:01:16 Hm.

Chris Williamson 1:01:16 But then there's a lot of them ... Another good thing about Take Me Out is, because it's quite highly produced, it is, and it's so intense, it's a really good on-ramp for being on TV.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:01:28 Hm.

Chris Williamson 1:01:29 So had I not-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:01:30 It catches them with fire, isn't it?

Chris Williamson 1:01:31 Had I not been on Take Me Out, my capacity on Love Island would have been severely reduced.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:01:34 With the very, like, fear-provoking, uh, in- entrance into the show as well.

Chris Williamson 1:01:39 So the, the main thing that's weird about being on TV is that you need to put, uh, during interviews with the camera, either down the pipe or to an interviewer, you need to put the question in your answer and that's such an alien thing to do. So someone will say to you, "So Chris, tell us what you think about your date?" You go, "So my date today was blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." After we've-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:01:59 Not just, "It was."

Chris Williamson 1:02:00 Yes.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:02:00 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 1:02:00 So you have to put that in and that just feels so fucking alien.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:02:03 Why is that?

Chris Williamson 1:02:04 Because they don't want the interviewer's voice to come in.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:02:07 Oh, I see.

Chris Williamson 1:02:07 They need to just have you speaking, so you need to frame the question within your answer.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:02:11 So they want to prop, they want to stage and prompt the content without someone going, "So Chris, tell me."

Chris Williamson 1:02:17 Yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:02:17 "So Chris."

Chris Williamson 1:02:18 Yeah. And they wouldn't have it written or whatever it might be.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:02:20 Mm-hmm.

Chris Williamson 1:02:21 So yeah, that's, that's part of it, but yeah, there's a, there's a show that's going to be coming on within the next year or so which will highlight, I think, a big difference or a big issue with existing dating shows. Like Love Island is not people looking for love. It's like, uh, their very, very best, it's next year's Relationship Island. Like-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:02:42 Yeah.

Chris Williamson 1:02:42 ... who the fuck? Like, I don't think there's ... Well, I know for a fact no one off season one's still together. There's one or two couples off season two that are still together. One or two couples off season three that are still together, and season four is, like, dropping like flies.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:02:55 Right.

Chris Williamson 1:02:56 So the, it's not people that are looking for love. It's people that are looking for a relationship that can be a springboard for their-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:02 They just want traffic, don't they?

Chris Williamson 1:03:04 They want, they want lead generation.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:05 Everyone, everyone just wants fucking traffic.

Chris Williamson 1:03:06 Yeah. By the way, propainfitness.com for all of your training and transformation needs.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:11 Traffic. I had very similar experiences when I was on Pointless.

Chris Williamson 1:03:15 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:16 It was almost, almost exactly the same.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:03:18 Oh, yeah.

Chris Williamson 1:03:18 But it was nearly as pointless as-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:20 As the, yeah.

Chris Williamson 1:03:20 ... yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:20 We're gonna have to do what it's like to be on Pointless.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:03:23 What's it like to be on Pointless? (laughs)

Chris Williamson 1:03:23 I forget that you've, you've both been on TV. We need to get you on TV.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:27 Fine.

Chris Williamson 1:03:27 If anyone would like to feature Yusuf on a TV program ...

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:32 (laughs) As long as it's not like a, a documentary about Arabs or something like that.

Chris Williamson 1:03:36 Yeah.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:03:36 Then-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:36 You know what I think would be most fun? The three of us being on TV together. Fine.

Chris Williamson 1:03:40 Well, we kind of are right now.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:41 We probably-

Chris Williamson 1:03:42 We are. But on camera TV.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:03:43 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 1:03:43 Video Guydean has brought more cameras in this room than there was in the entirety of Take Me Out. Thank you very much for watching. If you've got any more questions about Take Me Out, uh, there will be a new season coming out soon. This is not in associa- as you may have guessed, this is not in association with ITV or Take Me Out. Don't think I've got very many friends left there now. Um, but if you want to find out about the application process, I've actually had emails from people asking me to guide them through the application process to Love Island. Thinking about just doing a coaching course or ...

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:11 Chris.coach. Hmm.

Chris Williamson 1:04:13 Fine.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:14 Bet that's taken. Bet. (laughs)

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:04:17 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 1:04:18 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:18 Just 'cause you've got a problem with .co and .biz and those kind of things. You just want-

Chris Williamson 1:04:22 'Cause you, you, you seem to think that people want to write in.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:25 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 1:04:25 Like, tim.blog.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:28 It's 'cause no one ... Who types the URL in? Nobody.

Chris Williamson 1:04:32 Okay. So why is your URL not, not miles longer than it already is?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:37 What do you mean?

Chris Williamson 1:04:38 Just like propane fitness, fitness, fitness, propane-

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:40 Well, we-

Chris Williamson 1:04:40 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:42 We have propane.fitness. We've got all of them, Chris, because- Propane.fitness, propanefitness.com. ... of course we do.

Chris Williamson 1:04:47 Have you got P.rupainfitness?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:49 Probably.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:04:49 (laughs)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:51 We'll be in negotiations with some guy in Canada.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:04:53 Not, not be available.

Chris Williamson 1:04:54 With someone who can (overlapping speech, laugher)

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:04:56 'Cause you see, you email and go, "Hi, we want to buy propanef- propanepodcast.com." And the guy replied saying, "If it's a six figure offer, I'll, I'll entertain it."

Chris Williamson 1:05:04 Oh, yeah.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:05:05 Fuck you.

Chris Williamson 1:05:06 Who are you?

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:05:06 Who, who were you expecting is going to set up propane podcast?

Chris Williamson 1:05:10 Yeah. That's, that's it.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:05:11 Yeah, like the n- the only other person that could possibly do that is someone who's, like, reselling fuel for barbecues.

Chris Williamson 1:05:16 But it's propane.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:05:17 And does a podcast about it?

Chris Williamson 1:05:18 It's not crude oil.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:05:19 Yeah, it's, it's a very low level-

Chris Williamson 1:05:21 Like, people, people run their barbecues on it, and that's about it.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:05:24 (laughs)

Chris Williamson 1:05:24 Butane podcast.com.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:05:25 Butane.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:05:25 Oh.

Chris Williamson 1:05:26 Anyway. Okay, bye then.

Jonny (Propane Fitness) 1:05:27 Okay, bye.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:05:27 Bye.

Chris Williamson 1:05:27 Thank you for watching. Bye-bye.

Yusef (Propane Fitness) 1:05:32 (singing) Love fans. Get away, yeah. Love fans.