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Why Do People Lie About Their Relationships? - Daniel Sloss

Daniel Sloss is a comedian with two Netflix Specials; Dark and Jigsaw. Before he played his sold out show in Newcastle I got to sit down with the most handsome Scottish comedian since Frankie Boyle to talk all things relationships, and some other stuff. Expect to learn strategies to break up with a partner, mine & Daniel's shared achilles heel, why you should shave your anus and how to slide into Mrs Sloss's DMs. Massive thanks to https://www.tynesidelettings.com for letting us record in their lovely flat, check them out if you're looking for accommodation in Newcastle! Extra Stuff: Follow Daniel Online - https://twitter.com/Daniel_Sloss Daniel's Website & upcoming shows - https://danielsloss.com/ Fancy A Cry? Dogs Welcome Home Soldiers - https://youtu.be/RKBcs9tNWg8 Dogs Welcome Home Soldiers #2 - https://youtu.be/d6kjZXwdyJs People Hearing For The First Time - https://youtu.be/yZ6vSn7PaPI Kids Surprising Parents With Adoption Papers - https://youtu.be/ZJXx0mNCFgg - Video & production by Dean Hindmarch https://www.deanhindmarch.com/ https://www.instagram.com/deanhindmarch - Listen to all episodes online. Search "Modern Wisdom" on any Podcast App or click here: iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/modern-wisdom/id1347973549 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0XrOqvxlqQI6bmdYHuIVnr?si=iUpczE97SJqe1kNdYBipnw Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/modern-wisdom - I want to hear from you!! Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Email: modernwisdompodcast@gmail.com

Chris WilliamsonhostDaniel Slossguest
Feb 4, 201949mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:19

    Scottish–English banter, Hadrian’s Wall, and setting the tone

    1. CW

      (wind blowing) Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Sloss.

    2. DS

      Hey. It's me.

    3. CW

      They've let you over the border from Scotland into England.

    4. DS

      I know. Well, I mean, is Newcastle really England?

    5. CW

      I'm not sure.

    6. DS

      'Cause like my support act and best friend over the years here, clam, 'cause he's from, eh, Newcastle and it's just ... There's always ... There's a genuine affiliation between the Geordies and the Scot's where we're just like-

    7. CW

      Kind of.

    8. DS

      Yeah. I mean, you're all, you're pretty much scot- 'cause we're ... Like you hit the south as much as we do. (laughs)

    9. CW

      Absolutely.

    10. DS

      Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

    11. CW

      And anything that's below Leeds is southern.

    12. DS

      Yeah. Yeah. Southern softies.

    13. CW

      Exactly.

    14. DS

      Yeah.

    15. CW

      Agreed. What's super interesting, when I speak to Americans, they don't know that there is an actual wall between Scotland and England.

    16. DS

      Yes.

    17. CW

      So they don't know that Hadrian's Wall is a thing.

    18. DS

      Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

    19. CW

      They're like, "You watch Game of Thrones right?" "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

    20. DS

      Yeah. Yeah.

    21. CW

      "The, you know the wall, like, that actually exists. It's a bit smaller and it's kind of ruins."

    22. DS

      Much smaller. Yeah. Yeah.

    23. CW

      "But it's actually there." "No way, man."

    24. DS

      There's two, eh, that, and the, uh, Antonine Wall as well.

    25. CW

      That's a man who knows his background. So when I sometimes have to do my research for guests-

    26. DS

      Yeah.

    27. CW

      ... I interview a guy who understands the, the foremost intellect on alien civilizations. And I'll be like, "Oh, bloody hell, I'm gonna have to sink my teeth into this."

    28. DS

      Die.

    29. CW

      The research for yourself was watching your Netflix specials.

    30. DS

      Great fun.

  2. 1:19 – 2:10

    Daniel’s mum, fame, and the ‘inside info’ setup

    1. CW

      Watching you on YouTube and sliding into your mum's DMs.

    2. DS

      Aye, that is my mother to a fucking T.

    3. CW

      (laughs)

    4. DS

      Like I love, I love the woman so much, um, uh, I love her dearly. But she's abs- she's, she's an absolute whore for fame. She loves it.

    5. CW

      (laughs)

    6. DS

      She loves, she loves the fact that she's, uh, known as ... 'Cause it, she was, over the course of the years, during the Edinburgh Festival and stuff, my mum will spend a lot of money going to see as much shows as she can during the Festival because she supports all communions. And even when they try to give her like free tickets and stuff, she refuses to because she understands how the industry works.

    7. CW

      Yep.

    8. DS

      She's an absolute fucking sweetheart. But yeah, she loves, loves the attention. Um, uh, and eh, but she's fucking lovely. Like she's a very, very funny woman.

    9. CW

      She is. She's given me ... So later on, I've got a couple of, um, a couple of things that I need to ask you about, which is the inside information from mother-

    10. DS

      I'm assuming, yeah, she's st- she'll, she'll have to have a knife in my back like the Judas whore that she is.

  3. 2:10 – 4:49

    What ‘Jigsaw’ is really about: calling out performative relationships

    1. CW

      Yeah. She has done indeed. Um, so your Netflix special Jigsaw.

    2. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    3. CW

      Which some people may have seen and some may not. I wanted you, if you can, to just try and explain the concept of Jigsaw or A Jigsaw For Life.

    4. DS

      Um, the concept is basically, uh, um, I j- ... I don't hate relationships. I just hate 90% of people in relationships because they are l- ... I don't like liars and you, when you're in a, most people in relationships, they're lying to me and they're lying to themfucking selves. I was sick a- ... There's a certain arrogance to people in relationships that they've achieved something that I don't have by f- you know, settling for this other person, that they have a happier life than I do. I enjoy being single, right? Um, and one day I won't enjoy it, somebody ... One day I'll enjoy the company of, of the person and I'll want to spend the rest of my life with them. Um, I believe that what I get annoyed at is by people when they force something into their life, they force a person into life because they think they should be in a relationship, which is what 90% of you fuckers do. You cram this horrible person into your life and you post pictures about how happy you are, and you're not happy. And I know you're not happy because you are bragging about it. Whenever I'm happy or proud about something, I'm not on Twitter going, "God yeah, I just nailed this. I'm the best at this." Like, I'm enjoying the thing.

    5. CW

      You're re- reveling in the experience itself.

    6. DS

      Yeah. I'm not boasting on, I'm not posting pictures of how much fun I'm having by the thing 'cause I'm enjoying myself. For me, you post about things, uh, when they're not going well, t- 'cause you, you, you lie to social media so you can convince yourselves when you look back at your pictures.

    7. CW

      Artificially inseminating a sense of purpose, right?

    8. DS

      Yes. And I just fe- for me, as somebody who's confident enough being single, you know, it's, it's, it's fine. But even I sometimes feel the pressure of sort of people, you know, people in relationships are going, "Oh God, maybe I should be in a relationship. Maybe I should settle for that." And I'm barely able to resist it. So when you're putting out this content that's sort of bragging about how happy you are when you're not, and you are adding to this idea that being alone is wrong, you're gonna cause people who are of, uh, less sort- of ... People who've maybe been lonely longer than I have or don't have, you know, as big a social circle, whatever, that, you know ... Or, you know, mental health issues, countless other things. They see you happy and you've said that you weren't happy when you were a singer and the happiness that you got is from finding this fucking person and you're full of shit. And I think it's very, very damaging. And if you want to brag about happy you are in a relationship, I will absolutely brag about happier I am being single and I will win.

    9. CW

      Fantastic. Well, I mean, I am-

    10. DS

      If you want, if you want to end up in a happiness competition and a bragging competition, I'll fucking bury you.

    11. CW

      Let's, let's get our dicks out and measure them. Yeah, exactly.

    12. DS

      Yeah.

  4. 4:49 – 6:54

    Healthy singlehood and why real love should feel inconvenient

    1. CW

      So I mean, I am firmly in the same camp as yourself. And I think there is a ... it's a very nuanced understanding of relationships to be able to say that I am happy, I'm happy on my own, because it sounds an awful lot like you don't want someone.

    2. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    3. CW

      Which isn't the case.

    4. DS

      No. No. Absolutely.

    5. CW

      I, I think from watching the special it sounds like an uncompromising set of standards on what you will accept as a partner.

    6. DS

      I ... It's not, it's not even that, like I don't, uh, I don't think getting a partner, they should sort of be anything. I don't have any expectations of my, uh, future eh, partner. For me, I just think falling in love should be the most inconvenient thing in the fucking world, like it should ruin your day. Like people who when they fall in love, like I know I'm in love because I, every time I thought about them, I smiled and I was happy. And I'm like, "No. No. No. That's you in love with the idea of love. It's not about the individual." You're in love with the idea of being in love and you love the feeling of being in love. When you're actually in love, like-... f- I think it's just, you know, you just go, "Oh, for fuck's sake. I was having so much fun. I was living my best life and then this person came along and they make me laugh and I want to spend my time with them." And my life used to love being alone, and now every, every time I'm in a situation that I'm enjoying, my brain goes, "I wish this person was here with me. I want to share this with you. Fuck! Goddamn, I was having so much fun."

    7. CW

      Yeah.

    8. DS

      "I had so much freedom," and I still have that, but just now I can't stop. I- uh, yeah, every time I've been in love, I've just gone, "You bitch, how dare you make me-" (laughs)

    9. CW

      Yeah.

    10. DS

      "...I, I love you so much." And that's so inconvenient for me, because I was enjoying being selfish. I was enjoy- ... and now I love you so much that you're my priority.

    11. CW

      Yes.

    12. DS

      And that's insanity, but-

    13. CW

      I suppose, I suppose what ha- the implication there is that if you, if a major part of your life and your purpose, worth, happiness is derived from your relationship with someone else, it puts a lot of power in someone else's hands, right? Like, you need to be-

    14. DS

      Absolutely. Yeah.

    15. CW

      ... you need to feel, uh, you're very vulnerable, at the mercy and at the behest of what they want to do to you.

  5. 6:54 – 8:46

    Rejecting ‘The One’ and the myth that hard relationships are virtuous

    1. DS

      Yeah, I think, I think you should, you know ... y- ... the person you're with should make you so happy, like, all the time. Like, if they make you feel bad, you know, then get rid of them. I've never understood it. I find the concept of the one is the most arrogant thing in the entire ... and this is coming from an incredibly arrogant man.

    2. CW

      (laughs)

    3. DS

      But the, the concept of the, of the one is so narcissistic that not even I can fall into it. You th- you're telling me, if you believe in the one, there's only one person on this planet that's good enough for you? Wind your fucking neck in.

    4. CW

      (laughs)

    5. DS

      Fucking in a one-mile radius, I could find you 100 people who are-

    6. CW

      That you'd say yes to.

    7. DS

      Yeah.

    8. CW

      (laughs)

    9. DS

      Who are not only good enough for me, but better.

    10. CW

      Yeah.

    11. DS

      Just, yeah, I, I ... and, but we, we create this idea, and, and oh my god, when it gets difficult, put the work in. Why? If it's not easy, like, I think, you know, every ... and I've done those relationships, you know, I've been in those relationships where the other person makes you feel like shit, and, you know, you look at your parents and you look at our grandparents' generation, because none of them would get divorced because it was too inconvenient and fucking being alone was so taboo. And it was, you know, the only way you were ever out of a relationship is if one of them fucking died, you know.

    12. CW

      (laughs)

    13. DS

      Back when all of our granddads were perverts, and they were perverts, they were stalkers. "How did you meet your gr- gran?" "Oh, well, she didn't want me at first and then I fucking watered down."

    14. CW

      (laughs)

    15. DS

      "Fucking Jesus, Grandpa."

    16. CW

      (laughs)

    17. DS

      "That's awful. That's horrendous."

    18. CW

      (laughs)

    19. DS

      "You just lived in a time when you were just able to stand outside of her work with flowers and be like, 'I love you'"

    20. CW

      (laughs)

    21. DS

      "And she wouldn't ... and she didn't have the internet or a phone or Tinder to know that there were options outside of the five miles that she inhabited." Yeah. No. Our g- we've, we've ... our grandparents lied through their fucking teeths, and they just, they didn't stay t- ... uh, some of them did stay together for love, but I just think they'd come out of fucking World War II.

    22. CW

      I- yeah. I mean-

    23. DS

      They were five years old, and they were just like, "We have to live properly."

    24. CW

      "Thank fuck we're alive."

    25. DS

      Yeah.

    26. CW

      "Bet- bet- better make some more of us."

    27. DS

      "Let's make loads." Yeah.

  6. 8:46 – 10:39

    Sunk cost, growing apart, and why mutual breakups can hurt most

    1. CW

      Yeah, exactly. It's, I mean, I think people are quite quick to judge the, um, I guess, the Gen Y and the, and the Millennials for this very transactional nature of, uh, relationships.

    2. DS

      Mm.

    3. CW

      And that it's easy come, easy go. And, uh, a lot of the time, you hear people talk wistfully about this, like, older time where people would, you know, they'd stick it out and this, that, and the other. But, I mean, sticking it out in a relationship sounds an awful lot like in- incompatibility to me.

    4. DS

      Yeah, sticking out and just being like, you know, "Well, you know, we've been together for this." This is, it's a s- sunken cost fallacy. Like, it's exactly that. You go, "Well, I spent all this time with them." And I, and I get those feelings. I've been in those relationships where you go, "I've put three years into it. Like, am I willing to ..." As you say in the show, am I ... you got that choice, you're willing to either admit that the last three years of your life have been a waste, or am I going to waste the rest of my life? And it's a tough fucking thing. And also, breakup, breakups always suck as well.

    5. CW

      Yeah.

    6. DS

      Like, even if it's mutual. Sometimes the mutual ones are the saddest ones.

    7. CW

      Yeah, they are.

    8. DS

      The-

    9. CW

      When both of you know-

    10. DS

      Yeah.

    11. CW

      ... that neither of you are happy.

    12. DS

      Yeah, but, but you don't hate each other.

    13. CW

      (sighs)

    14. DS

      You just grow ... you grow apart. Like, my first girlfriend, when we ... at first, we were, we were together for two and a half years, when we broke up, and she didn't cry. I sobbed for the whole breakup. (laughs)

    15. CW

      (laughs)

    16. DS

      I cried. 'Cause I felt so guilty. I was like, "God, I'm destroying her life." And she was like, "No, dick. Like, I'll be fine without you." (laughs)

    17. CW

      Yeah.

    18. DS

      "Like, I'll miss you and ..." But we, you know, she was like, "Look, we have grown apart. There's nothing wrong with it."

    19. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    20. DS

      "Like, we don't hate each other. There's no animosity. We didn't cheat on each other. We weren't abusive." But just at points, she just went, "Ah, it's not, it's not you." And that's really ... those are sad, 'cause that's like ... you know, it's much easier if the person's a cunt to you, or they've cheated on you, 'cause it's a-

    21. CW

      It's a very dr-

    22. DS

      ... yeah.

    23. CW

      ... very sharp line to draw, isn't it?

    24. DS

      Yeah, you just go, "It's done. It's over."

    25. CW

      Band-aid's been ripped.

    26. DS

      But when, you, you know, when you, if you don't grow together, you know, you grow in different directions, there's always that bit of like, "Oh, God, this is me."

    27. CW

      Mm.

    28. DS

      Or, you know, 'cause you're never gonna blame them.

  7. 10:39 – 11:58

    Holiday romance realism and insecurity as projection

    1. CW

      But, I mean, I think one of the things I noticed when I was especially young was that I felt like there was a ... the world was ours to be girdled around the relationship, and not that we were being stretched by the world. And that it's like, "No, man, like, just love l- love will win. Like, love l- love wi- ... it, it, it doesn't matter." Like, so I had a girlfriend that was a dancer in Ibiza.

    2. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    3. CW

      And then she was gonna go dancing in Egypt when she came back from Ibiza, and this, that, and the other. I look back now and I was like, "Man, it was a holiday romance."

    4. DS

      Yeah.

    5. CW

      Like, concede the fact that it was a holiday romance. But no, no, I was gonna try and launch a business, do a master's in international marketing at Newcastle University, and have a relationship with a dancer who was in Egypt at the same time.

    6. DS

      Easy.

    7. CW

      I'm, I'm like-

    8. DS

      (laughs)

    9. CW

      Looking back, I'm like, "What the fuck were you doing?"

    10. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    11. CW

      Like, and every night there would be me, I'd be concerned, she'd be out dancing till late. Is she drinking? Is the f- fucking Steve Angello and his fucking ... you know, is he around, and-

    12. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    13. CW

      ... his posse around and blah, blah, blah? And I think just, bro, just let ... like, she's not happy because you're complaining and you're insecure all the time.

    14. DS

      Yeah.

    15. CW

      Like-

    16. DS

      And, and, and you're forcing your insecurities onto her. You're being like, yeah, that, that whole thing about what you doing. Whatever I wanna fucking do.

    17. CW

      Yeah.

    18. DS

      But do you ... why don't you trust me enough to know that I'm not going to intentionally be a bad person towards you?

    19. CW

      Yeah.

    20. DS

      Says more about yourself and your impression of me.

    21. CW

      Yeah, well, absolutely.

    22. DS

      Than who I am as a person, yeah.

  8. 11:58 – 14:39

    The jigsaw framework: building a whole life beyond romance

    1. CW

      So yeah, I think that's, that's one of the things that really struck me. And one of the other things that I really liked was how you talked about the innate desire for people to feel like they need to have someone to make themselves whole. And I think that that is part of the jigsaw analogy itself-

    2. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    3. CW

      ... right, that you have particular quadrants of the jigsaw that you put together.

    4. DS

      Yeah.

    5. CW

      Could you, could you explain those?

    6. DS

      Yeah. Well, so originally it was, the idea was like you've got the, obviously with a jigsaw you start on the outside, you've got the four corners. You've got f- and this is obviously different for different people, but in the analogy I used it was like friends, family, job, and hobbies. Like, and those are transferrable, they're different from you in some way, or you know, your family ... My family's very important to me and so are my friends. And, um, of course I love my job. Don't have many hobbies.

    7. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    8. DS

      So that corner's obviously small for me. But for other people, you know, maybe they fucking hate their family. Maybe their family is shit-

    9. CW

      Yep.

    10. DS

      ... or, and maybe they've only got like three close friends but they've got lots of hobbies and their, their job is an all sort of consuming thing. Um, and it's, you know, the pro- problem with the, the jigsaw analogy is people ... Jigsaws don't change over the years. They're always the same picture-

    11. CW

      Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

    12. DS

      ... whereas you change. There's points when you just go, "Fuck, I don't wanna be obsessed with my job anymore." Or, you know, or my f- or, "I want my family bed to be bigger now."

    13. CW

      Yeah.

    14. DS

      And you have to sort of move, right? So there's a constantly changing and a shifting thing, but the one thing we all want, uh, is we all feel broken if we don't have someone there. And the reason we feel broken is because of how we raise children. You know, TV shows, everything is about love, everything is about relationships. Y- you know, our parents' divorce is very, very common. It's a very, very common thing and there's nothing wrong with it, but divorce, talking about divorce in front of kids is very sort of taboo because you can't tell kids that sometimes love is wrong. You can't tell an eight-year-old that they're gonna get it wrong so many fucking times-

    15. CW

      (laughs)

    16. DS

      ... so many times before they get it right. Uh, because that's not what you want the story of, you know, love to be when you, you're seven or eight years old. Um, and I think-

    17. CW

      It's like the Disney movie, right?

    18. DS

      Yeah. It's, you know, it's always the Disney princess gets, uh, the prince or the prince gets the princess, or it's always about these relationships. The whole focus of ev- every single TV show is. And I've done this even now, when I'm pitching TV shows they go, "Who's the love interest?" You're like, "Why does there have to be a fucking love interest?" Like, why does my show that has nothing to do with love, why does my character, why is that important that, you know, his or her growth? Like, it's-

    19. CW

      People just need to l- uh, a lot of people feel the desire to latch onto that particular story though, right?

    20. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    21. CW

      It's a story (clears throat) of hope and redemption for people who don't have it. And I, I, I guess, uh, a hope of continuation for those who do.

  9. 14:39 – 17:13

    Choosing your timeline: romance, family pressure, and future hypocrisy

    1. DS

      Mm-hmm. I ... Yeah, and again, I've, I've ... Look, I've always said that I've got nothing against relationships and Jigsaw was never meant to be a breakup show, and it is not. It's a love letter to single people. I just-

    2. CW

      (laughs)

    3. DS

      It took me so long to be secure with being single. It took me to no ... You know, especially with family and stuff when you get married, when you're having kids, you're like, "Whenever I fucking want."

    4. CW

      Yeah.

    5. DS

      And if I don't have them, tough shit, right? Get a grandchild from your other kids, I don't care. I've, I don't owe you anything. (laughs)

    6. CW

      I was, I was at my business partner's wedding a few years ago, him and his missus have been together since they were 20, they are the exact opposite, the polar opposite of my situation.

    7. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    8. CW

      Just about to have their second child and they've got two dogs and it is like the white picket fence, the British-

    9. DS

      Ah, yes.

    10. CW

      ... white picket fence equivalent. I'm at his wedding and we've been there for the weekend, it's been beautiful and everything's amazing and the family's got on and the service was fantastic and this, that and the other. As I'm driving away I can see his mum and a couple of her family members just looking at me as I drove past. And I could just see in their eyes they were thinking, "You're next." And I wound the window down and I was like, "Won't be soon." (laughs)

    11. DS

      (laughs)

    12. CW

      And just drove off. And I'm like, there are, there are different paths in love life for different people.

    13. DS

      Mm-hmm. Like, and, uh, yeah. I, so some of us, don't get me wrong, I, this ... I'm an absolute romantic. Like I, I wanna, I wanna be a dad more than anything in the world, I really, really do. And I wanna get married, I wanna have kids and I want that. I just don't think I have to do it before I'm 30 and I don't think ... I think I'm not looking for it at all. Like, I'm thoroughly enjoying, you know, 'cause I'm not being in a relationship and not being a dad means I can be selfish as shit at the moment.

    14. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    15. DS

      I can travel as much as I travel for my job, I can really focus on ... And one day that will change. One day some goddamn woman is going to come in my life and just be perfect and I'm gonna go, "You motherfucker."

    16. CW

      (laughs)

    17. DS

      "Goddamn it."

    18. CW

      "I didn't realize that I was writing all of these routines, and it was you-"

    19. DS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh-

    20. CW

      "... that's gonna come in."

    21. DS

      And the, and the fucking hypocrisy-

    22. CW

      Oh man, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    23. DS

      ... that's ... Come on. See when I get into a fucking relationship, my fans are gonna be like, "You fucking what?"

    24. CW

      Yeah.

    25. DS

      And I'm like, "I know-"

    26. CW

      Yeah.

    27. DS

      "... I'm sorry. She made me fall in love with her."

    28. CW

      (laughs)

    29. DS

      "I'm one of ... I didn't mean to ..." Blame her. Look at her with her fucking perfect little laugh that for some reason makes me feel warm inside, all that. Yeah, I'm gonna be a hypocrite. I'm gonna be an absolute hypocrite. But no, but I also won't be, because I ne- I'm not against relationships, I'm against fake relationships. And the more fake relationships that exist you are ... It's, it's, it's a disease. Like, 'cause you'll sit there and go, "I'm so happy. I'm so happy in this relationship." And you're not, but you'll lie to your friends that are single and go, "I'm so happy with Jonathan." Or, "I'm so happy with

  10. 17:13 – 20:20

    Boundaries, jealousy, and when ‘work’ is actually required

    1. DS

      Claire." And they'll go, "Fucking hell, they get through it. They hate each other and they get through it."

    2. CW

      Yeah.

    3. DS

      "You ... That's what we must, must do." And you sat, you just go, "Fucky, I this person, I'll change who I am." You know, everyone says it takes work. Why? Why does it have to take work? Like, if you've got kids, absolutely. Like, if it's ... But when you're just starting out, like, man, if I had a r- This, uh, this might sound insane and that's because I am. If I, if, if I'm in a relationship and we have one argument in that first year, bye. (claps)

    4. CW

      Yep.

    5. DS

      Like, uh, like, uh ... And oh, we can have disagreements, like-

    6. CW

      Yeah.

    7. DS

      ... I love heated discussions.

    8. CW

      You want pineapple on pizza, I don't want pineapple on pizza.

    9. DS

      Yeah, yeah, we can do that. But like, if, like, let's say I get-

    10. CW

      Something fundamental.

    11. DS

      Yeah. Like you ... I have a lot of female friends and one of my best friends in the world is, uh, God, I've been friends with Jean for eight years, we live together, she's one of my closest friends. If I was ever in a relationship with someone who's like, "You need to see Jean less," I would be like, "You can absolutely take a running fork to yourself."

    12. CW

      (laughs)

    13. DS

      Like it's, you know, that ... 'Cause that's you, that's, that's either jealousy which, um, I've, I've, I've, don't suffer from, so it's maybe, you know, I don't have any, I don't have any fucking sympathy for it.

    14. CW

      Yeah.

    15. DS

      ... uh, because it's, those are your insecurities. And I ... And trust me, I will do everything to, you know ... If I'm with someone, I don't want them to feel insecure. You know, I think your job is to make that person, you know, feel loved and valuable and ... But, you know, even if you do that and they're still fucking jealous, you're like, "I can't."

    16. CW

      Yeah.

    17. DS

      You know, it's not my job to fix it.

    18. CW

      Fighting- fighting the fucking tide here.

    19. DS

      Yeah, yeah. It's not your job to fix me and it's not my job to fix you. You know, I don't owe ... You don't owe anyone anything-

    20. CW

      Yep.

    21. DS

      ... really. But if, when you've spent a lot of time together, you've been in a relationship or whatever, you, sometimes you feel you-

    22. CW

      How do you-

    23. DS

      ... you just-

    24. CW

      How do you think that you mediate, then, between someone who thinks this relationship might not be right for me-

    25. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    26. CW

      ... and Daniel said, like, you know, too many disagreements and too many complaints and too much upset is a bad idea, and then a side where you may find some form of a blockage within a relationship which requires some work to be done, which you then push through to find a newer-

    27. DS

      Yeah.

    28. CW

      ... level? Obviously the devil's in the details there.

    29. DS

      Yeah. I mean, look, there is ... Look, it, look, it, that's ... You know, there's a problem with, one of the many problems with the, the jigsaw analogy on my show, which is, yeah, nothing is black and white, and what I'm up there doing is I'm saying, "This is the black and this is the white," because the amount of nuance and time I would need to discuss it adequately-

    30. CW

      Yeah.

  11. 20:20 – 26:38

    Self-love, teenage identity, and how relationships reshape you

    1. CW

      Like, and it's not hard as in it has to be hard work, as in sometimes it's just going to take a lot of cognitive power. But one of the things that you touch on that I really, really like is that you need to love yourself before you can learn to love someone else and before you can allow them to love you.

    2. DS

      Yeah, 100%.

    3. CW

      And I, I think you need to be able to understand your own values and what you will and will not tolerate, within yourself.

    4. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    5. CW

      Like, there's certain things that I've realized are, uh, keystone habits and keystone failures of myself, and when I get them right, I feel ten times better, and when I get them wrong, I feel ten times worse. But I never knew that I was being triggered on those by partners and I was projecting onto partners for a decade.

    6. DS

      Yeah.

    7. CW

      Until I actually did a bit of introspective work and then realized that.

    8. DS

      Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like-

    9. CW

      And you're like, "Holy fucking shit." Like the problem was never with them. The pro- the problem was with them, but it was other things.

    10. DS

      Yes.

    11. CW

      But, you know-

    12. DS

      It was ... You didn't ... We ... Especially when we come out of a relationship, is when we come out of our teenage years, none of us are fucking confident, right? Even the confident teenagers, like deep down, weren't-

    13. CW

      Oh, yeah.

    14. DS

      ... confident. Like, we're all, we're all just b- fucking balls of, eh-

    15. CW

      Hormones and-

    16. DS

      ... hormones-

    17. CW

      ... insecurity.

    18. DS

      ... insecurity and anxiety. And you know, we're just filled up to our balls with cum and we were horny-

    19. CW

      (laughs)

    20. DS

      ... and we didn't know why, and we didn't know what to do. And you sit there and you get into a ... So y- so you're insecure. And you, and you, and you ... And also, you know, you, you ... They suddenly go, "You're an adult." Especially when you're a teenager, they go, "You're a n- young adult." You're a fucking teenager. I'm a young adult.

    21. CW

      I'm a child.

    22. DS

      Yeah.

    23. CW

      I'm a child who can vote.

    24. DS

      I'm 28 and now I'm a young adult.

    25. CW

      Yeah.

    26. DS

      Th- I'm a young adult only now, is-

    27. CW

      Hundred percent.

    28. DS

      Before that, I was a fucking d- I was a child, right? How dare you ca- How ... Like, I understood when I was fucking 6 years old, I was like, "I'm a young adult," full of shit. No I was not. And the fact that you even let me believe I was a young adult is ridiculous.

    29. CW

      Yeah.

    30. DS

      I didn't know anything.

  12. 26:38 – 31:09

    Empathy as a strength and a liability (and the crying ‘addiction’)

    1. CW

      Are you a- are you an empathetic individual, would you say?

    2. DS

      To- for hugely. I hate my-

    3. CW

      I ... me too.

    4. DS

      I hate my levels of empathy.

    5. CW

      It's one of my biggest weaknesses, and I've only just be- recently begun to realize it.

    6. DS

      Yeah I- I really ... And I do go- I- look, I th- look, let's not criticize empathy, I think the whole world could do with a lot more of it.

    7. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    8. DS

      But-

    9. CW

      Well, I- we've got ... Can we take some of mine? Like for the love of fucking God.

    10. DS

      I can't. I can't handle it with my level of empathy.

    11. CW

      (laughs)

    12. DS

      Which is why I put up so many, a lot of walls sometimes where it's just like, if people knew how empathetic I was, they'd take advantage of me.

    13. CW

      100%.

    14. DS

      So that's why I just- you know, that's why I make sure that my whole prov- my whole bravado on stage is, "I'm built like big bollocks. Nothing you could say could ever make me question anything otherwise. I'm so assured in all of my opinions. I'm the smartest man alive. I'm God." That's what my whole persona is, that, it's just because, you know, if you knew how- y- you know. It's so much easier to come across as cold and I don't give a shit.

    15. CW

      I think so, and I- I do think as well that the- the empathy thing means that when- when the iron gets struck really, really well, like it- the- the- the world can come crashing down pretty quick.

    16. DS

      Yeah.

    17. CW

      And I think, like weird stuff for me, like even if-

    18. DS

      What level of empathy, like if you see someone cry, do you immediately start welling up yourself?

    19. CW

      I- it's difficult, man. Yeah.

    20. DS

      I ...

    21. CW

      I mean, that's in there like, to the point where s-

    22. DS

      If I e- if- i- if I ever hear- if I ever hear like a ... I don't know why it is, but if I ever hear like a, uh, like a girl, like a small girl just shout for her dad for some reason-

    23. CW

      There we go.

    24. DS

      Oh, done one. I'm like, "What the ... I'm not even a dad."

    25. CW

      (laughs) Yeah. I'm totally for-

    26. DS

      I'm like, "Wait." And don't get me wrong, girls have called me Daddy before but in a very different context.

    27. CW

      (laughs)

    28. DS

      And they were much older. But, (laughs) like, why? (laughs) Why (laughs) do I just hear the- I don't know what it is that ... Um, I want- I do some fucking weird shit to just ... For so long as well, like I stopped myself from crying in my teenage years and I've got no idea why I did it.

    29. CW

      Okay.

    30. DS

      My father is ... My- I've seen my dad cry before.

  13. 31:09 – 36:32

    Breaking up faster: the ‘terrorist negotiation’ with yourself

    1. CW

      Wow. I know, um, one of the problems that, that, that occurs off the back of that is being able to break up with someone. You alluded to it earlier on where you said that you were terrified that you were just gonna end somebody's world.

    2. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    3. CW

      And the understanding the reality that other people will be fine, they're gonna be okay.

    4. DS

      Yeah. Oh, they'll be sad, but ... And that's because breakups are always sad.

    5. CW

      Yeah.

    6. DS

      They just are. Even if it's a bad relationship, that person was part of your life and they were the big, big part of your life, and they're not. And you're losing. When you lose, when you break up with someone, you're losing a part of yourself there, you know. It, it, it's just always gonna be sad. Like even if you've been with someone for fucking three months, they were a great three months, or they were ... But you spent so much time thinking about it, it's the closing of a chapter. Like-

    7. CW

      And there's a, there's a recency bias as well, right? That it's difficult to remember what life was like before someone. You can be with someone for, you know, three to six months.

    8. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    9. CW

      And you're like, especially if you're young, especially if you're under sort of 30, 40 years old, like that's a significant proportion of your life, and it's the most recent-

    10. DS

      Yeah.

    11. CW

      ... proportion of your l- portion of your life. So you're like, "Fucking hell." Like, "Yeah, uh, uh, uh, of course this person feels like a very, very large part." And what did I do on a Sunday morning before-

    12. DS

      Yeah.

    13. CW

      ... we did-

    14. DS

      Who did I-

    15. CW

      ... breakfast Sundays or whatever the fuck it was?

    16. DS

      Who did I text?

    17. CW

      Yeah.

    18. DS

      Like, I, you know, I, what, what did I, you know ... Peo- they, they made me love olives, and now I love olives. And how can I ever have an olive again without thinking of them?

    19. CW

      Yeah.

    20. DS

      They'll get over it. They're fucking olives.

    21. CW

      Yeah.

    22. DS

      (laughs) But it doesn't feel like that at the time. Also, I understand like, uh, people who are, you know, when you're in one of those relationships and you know, uh, that you're gonna break up with the person, it just becomes, it's you, you're, you're negotiating with terrorists, but the terrorist is yourself. You're going, "I'll do it next week," or, you know, it's always the thing you're like, "I can't dump them before Christmas, because they've probably got me Christmas presents and that's horrible. I don't want them to go and film it." Blah, blah, blah. And then, "I can't break up with them in New Year because it's gonna be New Year."

    23. CW

      Yeah.

    24. DS

      "And I can't do it before Valentine's Day, 'cause Valentine's Day is coming up." And you just ... I'm, I'm very much of the stance, and it's very hard to do, but I have done it in my past couple of relationships, is I go, the second I know I'm breaking up with them, I do it that day.

    25. CW

      That would be a fantastic rule to live by.

    26. DS

      Aye, but it's tough as hell.

    27. CW

      It is difficult, but I do think that these, sort of these heuristics and the frameworks, listeners who have listened to Relationships 101, 102 and 103 ... If you haven't listened to them, you need to go listen to them now, yeah? Um, we try and come up with these, these guidelines, because in a ... The analogy that I use is you know that you're gonna fall into some quicksand, and you know it's gonna happen in a week's time.

    28. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    29. CW

      And you're like, "Right, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna research online. I'm gonna look at the techniques for getting out of quicksand, and then when it happens, I'll be prepared and I'll have my stick with me and I'll do the, this." And then in a second iteration of this world, I push you in some quicksand and I go, "Right, get your phone out and have a look how to fucking get out of quicksand." And you're like, without a plan in advance, and without some rules and heuristics to stick to, the situation moves your capacity to perceive what is happening efficiently and effectively so far that you, you don't ... Your ability to make choices is, uh, effectively muted.

    30. DS

      Mm-hmm.

  14. 36:32 – 43:38

    Hard left turn: shaved assholes, bidets, grooming ethics, and life hacks

    1. CW

      Man, it's, it is very, very true. I, I, I wish that it, it didn't strike such a, it didn't resonate so hard with me, but it does and, uh, you know, it very well may do to a lot of people at home. I wanted to move on to the next most important topic on my list, which is how important it is to have a shaved asshole.

    2. DS

      Incredibly important.

    3. CW

      Um, you are among friends here, this is a safe space-

    4. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    5. CW

      ... and everyone who is listening will know just how much we appreciate a, a, a clean-

    6. DS

      It's used for shitting and rimming.

    7. CW

      Uh, well, it's dual purpose.

    8. DS

      Yeah.

    9. CW

      It's dual purpose, right?

    10. DS

      Yeah.

    11. CW

      Do you know what I mean? And so have you tried a Shatafa bidet? So it's the Arabic bidet that's kind of on a hose, if you've ever been to Asian and Arab countries, you'll see.

    12. DS

      I have. I don't think I've ever used it 'cause I'm just... I'm scared about where the water goes.

    13. CW

      So that's the thing. So the, the issue that you have when you come up against one of these bidets, especially one that's in use at one of the co-hosts' house, like, the pressure that comes out of it is enough to clean dirt off a car.

    14. DS

      (laughs)

    15. CW

      And if you're not holding sufficient ring tension-

    16. DS

      If, if you get, if you get the angle wrong, it comes out your mouth.

    17. CW

      Well, it's an enema.

    18. DS

      Like (laughs)

    19. CW

      You're enemaing yourself because you don't have enough anal tone.

    20. DS

      Mm-hmm.

    21. CW

      Um, and, yeah, uh, it's something... But y- give us the, if someone's debating, if they've thought, "I, you know, I've considered shaving my ass, but I don't really understand why." Why, why, why should someone shave their ass?

    22. DS

      Well, first of all, uh, we, we, we belong to the... I mean, th- the older generation still call us the millennial generation or whatever generation. My generation is the ass-eating generation.

    23. CW

      (laughs)

    24. DS

      I, I genuinely... I would love to see the statistics of how many people born around 1999 lick each other's arse, 'cause it's, it's a, it's most of us.

    25. CW

      Yep.

    26. DS

      And it's definitely more than previous generations, or at least, or, or, or my gran is very, very private about her rimming schedule.

    27. CW

      Yep.

    28. DS

      But I, uh, I originally do it just because, man, I, I don't have much fucking body hair. It's not who I am.

    29. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    30. DS

      But for some reason, it just all coalesces on my arse and wiping's a nightmare.

  15. 43:38 – 48:46

    Mother Sloss stories: evil toddler tactics and the welded sink revenge

    1. CW

      So I am going to move on to Mother Sloss and what she's given us. So she-

    2. DS

      Mama bear.

    3. CW

      She's given us a number of options of things that I can ask you about, and I'm gonna ask you all of them, and then you can- you can choose.

    4. DS

      Okay.

    5. CW

      So robot wars and the pregnant washing up story.

    6. DS

      Oh, yeah.

    7. CW

      Um, or the cans of deodorant story.

    8. DS

      Oh, yeah.

    9. CW

      Or rapping Shakespeare. Or at the age of 13, he drew his first graphic novel based on his baby brother called My Life with Hitler.

    10. DS

      My Life with Satan.

    11. CW

      Oh. (laughs)

    12. DS

      (laughs) Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I would ... I- I'll happily compare my ... I'll happily compare my three-year-old brother to, uh, Satan, but he was definitely not Hitleresque. (laughs)

    13. CW

      (laughs)

    14. DS

      Like, no, like his first steps weren't fucking goose steps. Like it wasn't ... (laughs)

    15. CW

      (laughs)

    16. DS

      Like, the fact that she thinks it's ... Mom, pay attention, would you? Come on. It was definitely my life with Satan, yeah. Um, I fucking hate my younger brother, man.

    17. CW

      (laughs)

    18. DS

      Hate him so ... I hate him so much. He was a little shit 'cause of the age gap, 'cause my, uh ... so, uh, when I was eight years old, uh, my six-year-old sister dies.

    19. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    20. DS

      Uh, and, uh, that's what my show Dark is, uh, sort of about.

    21. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    22. DS

      Uh, so there was a huge age gap between us. My brother was born when I was 10 years old.

    23. CW

      Yup.

    24. DS

      And he was born then. So there's a ... when I was going ... when I was 13 years old, he was three. And fuck, he sucked. I hate him. I was so annoyed.

    25. CW

      (laughs)

    26. DS

      And I ... and in hindsight, I know he was ... to everything he was doing, he was just trying to get my atten- And my parents said this to me all the time. They were like, "He's just trying to annoy you as- because it's the only time you ever pay him attention."

    27. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    28. DS

      "He doesn't care if you're yelling at him or being mean to him. You're his older brother, and he loves you, and he wants you to pay attention to him, even if it's yelling."

    29. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    30. DS

      "So just be nice to him, and he'll not annoy you." And I would go, "La, la, la, la, la, la, la. I'm 13, I know much fucking better." Um, but he was a g- he was an evil little fucking genius, man. To this day, my mother doesn't believe this story, and I fucking swear to God it's true.

  16. 48:46 – 49:46

    Wrap-up: where to watch Daniel’s specials and find tour dates

    1. CW

      Man, Daniel, I- I've absolutely loved today. Thank you very much.

    2. DS

      It's been great fun. Thank you very much for having me on.

    3. CW

      Thank you very much for coming on. Um, can you tell the listeners where they can find you online and what shows you're gonna be doing, where you're gonna be soon?

    4. DS

      Uh, so you can, uh ... I would v- across the board, I would just recommend going onto Netflix. Uh, I've got two, uh, Netflix specials on there. They're called Daniel Sloss Live Shows. First one's called Dark, the second one's called Jigsaw. Uh, if you enjoy those specials, uh, I'm on tour literally everywhere in the world.

    5. CW

      (laughs)

    6. DS

      Um, go onto danielsloss.com. And if you don't enjoy the specials, cool. Don't let me know. I don't need to know.

    7. CW

      (laughs)

    8. DS

      Uh, I don't need to know. I have no interest in you if you find me crap. Just move on, forget me. I'll forget you. Peace and love.

    9. CW

      Man, thank you very much for your time.

    10. DS

      Okay, mate.

    11. CW

      It's been awesome.

    12. DS

      No, cheers.

    13. CW

      (singing) Love wins. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Love wins.

Episode duration: 49:46

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