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Why Does Modern America Feel So Insane? - Andrew Schulz

Andrew Schulz is an actor, comedian and a podcaster. Having children today’s world can be challenging. Parenthood, especially with fertility struggles, comes with obstacles, but is layered with moments of humour. As a new father, Andrew shares insights on IVF and a fresh take on the chaos of the world as a proud new father. Expect to learn how becoming a father has changed Andrew for the better, what it was like to go though fertility challenges when conceiving, what IVF was like for Andrew and his wife, how Andrew used his struggles with IVF in his new comedy special, Andrew's thoughts on the Zelensky-Trump Oval Office meeting, the biggest differences Andrew sees in the UK and US, what Andrew thinks is really going on with the Epstein files, Andrew’s thoughts on Tate’s recent return to America, the conversation between Andrew Huberman, Bryan Johnson and Kim Kardashian and much more… - 00:00 Meghan Markle’s New Series 02:28 Getting a Sperm Count 11:07 Andrew’s New Comedy Special 16:46 Becoming a Better Storyteller 21:52 The Process of IVF 29:51 Key Cultural Problems in America 40:44 What Andrew Learned From Touring the World 45:09 Being a Proud New-Yorker 52:28 How Being a Dad Has Changed Andrew 1:04:50 How a Relationship Changes After Having a Child 1:08:36 Andrew Tate’s Return to America 1:15:34 The Unrelenting Pace of the News 1:23:49 Will Elon & Trump Eventually Fall Out? 1:30:31 Do Europeans View Russia as a Threat? 1:33:59 The Epstein Files Saga 1:40:38 Bryan Johnson’s Kardashians Cameo 1:42:44 What Conor McGregor is Really Like 1:49:50 Caring Less About What People Think 1:59:02 Time & Family as True Wealth 2:09:02 Reframing Your Regrets - Get a 20% discount on Nomatic’s amazing luggage at https://nomatic.com/modernwisdom Get a 20% discount on the best supplements from Momentous at https://livemomentous.com/modernwisdom Get the best bloodwork analysis in America at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom Get a Free Sample Pack of all LMNT Flavours with your first purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom - Get access to every episode 10 hours before YouTube by subscribing for free on Spotify - https://spoti.fi/2LSimPn or Apple Podcasts - https://apple.co/2MNqIgw Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - https://chriswillx.com/books/ Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic here - https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom - Get in touch in the comments below or head to... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact/

Chris WilliamsonhostAndrew Schulzguest
Mar 10, 20252h 15mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 2:28

    Meghan Markle’s New Series

    1. CW

      What a great day for Netflix.

    2. AS

      Yeah!

    3. CW

      Meghan Markle's new lifestyle series drops today.

    4. AS

      There's two lives out there.

    5. CW

      (laughs)

    6. AS

      Is that it? Wait, does she have another show? They're not giving her more shows.

    7. CW

      With Love, brand new series dropped today.

    8. AS

      No way.

    9. CW

      Drops r- right now.

    10. AS

      She can't miss, bro. You only fail up.

    11. CW

      (laughs)

    12. AS

      You really only fail up. This is crazy. This is cra- Have we started the pod?

    13. CW

      Yeah, yeah.

    14. AS

      Okay, we have? All right, this is fire. I just wanna let everybody know that, you know, Chris usually spends a lot of money on sets. And I, and I told him, I was like, "Save it." (laughs)

    15. CW

      (laughs)

    16. AS

      I said, "Don't rent out a warehouse or something aesthetically pleasing and have a whole team of cameras. Uh, just have five Serbian guys set these things up here."

    17. CW

      (laughs)

    18. AS

      "Throw some fleshlights in the back, and we'll be good. And I think we'll get the same thing across, okay? You had a hard day. I shouldn't even bust your balls about this, but..."

    19. CW

      Oh, we're living.

    20. AS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    21. CW

      Oh, look, David's Yee versus Meghan Markle today. That's it. She's in next actually.

    22. AS

      So what's her, what's her thing? What's her, like, uh, story? What's the...

    23. CW

      Well, she's-

    24. AS

      It's a reality show about her?

    25. CW

      She's got genitals so potent that America finally managed to take down the United Kingdom, right? Not with war, not with bureaucracy, but with a woman who literally managed to suck the fucking privilege out of Prince Harry using her magical yoni.

    26. AS

      (laughs) It is interesting that she's so, um, so hated, huh? What is that about?

    27. CW

      I-

    28. AS

      A lot of people dislike her.

    29. CW

      If you wanna search Meghan Markle-

    30. AS

      'Cause we don't like the royal family, really. I think we're kinda ambivalent towards them in America.

  2. 2:28 – 11:07

    Getting a Sperm Count

    1. AS

    2. CW

      I, I, I've been looking forwards to telling you this 'cause I saw you do your show here in Austin about a year ago, almost exactly-

    3. AS

      Yeah.

    4. CW

      ... a year ago.

    5. AS

      That's right. That's right.

    6. CW

      And, uh, I went and got a sperm count done, because of you.

    7. AS

      Did you?

    8. CW

      Because of you. Exclusively because of you.

    9. AS

      And how was it?

    10. CW

      Uh, first, I want... So I got a whole fucking story for you about this.

    11. AS

      Please tell me. I love this. I love hearing-

    12. CW

      So, um-

    13. AS

      ... people's journeys. What size shoe are you, bro?

    14. CW

      That's a US 10.

    15. AS

      You got... Okay, you're double digits. All right.

    16. CW

      Yeah, yeah.

    17. AS

      That's a cute, that's a cute size right there.

    18. CW

      10? All right, okay.

    19. AS

      You're a big motherfucker to have a size 10.

    20. CW

      Yeah? Well, look.

    21. AS

      You're a big gu- I don't know if that's a 10, bro.

    22. CW

      Oh, no. That's a 9. Actually, I wear a 10.

    23. AS

      Yeah, that's it.

    24. CW

      I wear a 10, but these are a 9 'cause, uh-

    25. AS

      Hold on, hold on. I gotta, I gotta... Give me that camera.

    26. CW

      Stop, fuckin', com- comparing.

    27. AS

      (laughs)

    28. CW

      We've been here for three minutes, and you're, like, fuckin'...

    29. AS

      (laughs)

    30. CW

      Got a pair of Doc Martens up against my crocs.

  3. 11:07 – 16:46

    Andrew’s New Comedy Special

    1. CW

      I genuinely think that it's one of the most like meaningful stand-ups I've ever seen.

    2. AS

      Oh, thank you, man.

    3. CW

      I think it's... I, I watched it again in the car ride here, and, uh, I managed to not cry in the back of the car-

    4. AS

      (laughs) Oh, that's cool.

    5. CW

      ... when the Uber driver was in front of me.

    6. AS

      Yeah.

    7. CW

      Uh, but I didn't manage to hold it together when you did it live.

    8. AS

      Oh, good.

    9. CW

      So, uh, I wanna ask, how does it feel getting this personal on stage?

    10. AS

      Um...

    11. CW

      You know, it's m- presumably one of the most difficult periods, also beautiful but-

    12. AS

      By far the, by far the most difficult time of my life.

    13. CW

      Just like-

    14. AS

      By far.

    15. CW

      ... like what's it feel like to you?

    16. AS

      Uh, cathartic when I started talking about it, because it's very isolating when you go through any like fertility stuff. 'Cause the assumption is it's your wife. We all... And I talk about in the special, but like that you never assume it could be you at all. So, in the beginning, I was like hesitant to talk about it 'cause I didn't want to embarrass her. And she was like heartbroken by the whole thing. Like, she, she... Uh, you know, she... You, you like, uh, you start thinking of reasons why your ovaries are fucked up. And her ovaries were, were perfect, but she didn't know. And, um, she would be like, "I know it's 'cause I used to watch like movies on my laptop while on my stomach." And like, she like, she starts coming up with all these solutions as to why she did it. And, and, um, I like prayed the night before we got our test results. And I was like, "If there is a problem, just make it me." That's how confident I was that it was her.

    17. CW

      (laughs)

    18. AS

      ... (laughs) Like, I was so confident. I was like, "Yo, God-"

    19. CW

      "I've got such spare fertility that I can take the fucking..." Yeah.

    20. AS

      I go, "Do me a favor, God. Like, just make him h- she can't handle this." (laughs) And then the doctor tells her... (laughs) And God's like, "I gotcha."

    21. CW

      Yeah.

    22. AS

      But, yeah. So yeah, it was... But i- it was nice to talk about because it's so isolating. And then when I found out it was my issue, it was, uh... Then I really felt more comfortable sharing because-

    23. CW

      Mm.

    24. AS

      ... I'm not embarrassing her in any way.

    25. CW

      You get to own your own issues.

    26. AS

      Yeah. And it was the first time in my life I've ever been personal or told stories, really, on stage. Like, I've never been... I, I always thought my life was boring. I thought that, like, my opinions on things were more interesting than my actual life. And, um, so I was excited for the challenge of, like, being personal and being, like, a storyteller. And, um, yeah, I was like, "Maybe I can turn this into something." I always try to do something different every special I put out. And, uh, so I started reading all these books about, like, storytelling, and, like, trying to understand, like, what that is. And it was really cool to learn, you know. It's, it's really our oldest form of digesting information. Before we had, like, a notepad, or before we had the ability to just, like, remember statistics or facts, we just told each other stories. There's a reason why, like, the most important texts are not, "Hey, this is the information you need to know." They kind of, like, build it into a story. "Hey, this is why you should have faith, because look at this outcome." They don't give you, like, the statistics of the people that pray every single day and this is how long they live. It doesn't hit as the same way as, "Hey, he built the boat, and he was the one who lived." You know? And, um... Yeah, it's interesting. Even, like, in the special, like, there are some joke parts of the special, and then you kinda... I almost, like, trick you into getting into the story.

    27. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    28. AS

      And I can feel a difference when we're in the story in the way that the audience is invested. It is this innate human instinct. If somebody comes in the room right now, they go, "Guys, the craziest shit just happened," we'll give them 15 seconds, even if they're a complete stranger. I don't know what that is. You'd probably be able to figure that out.

    29. CW

      I don't know.

    30. AS

      But, like, there's something about it. We're, we're, like, hardwired to be interested in them and to interested in stories.

  4. 16:46 – 21:52

    Becoming a Better Storyteller

    1. CW

      What were the books that you read, if you can recall?

    2. AS

      William Store. Um, I, I think it's just called Story.

    3. CW

      The Art of Storytelling, or The Science of Storytelling?

    4. AS

      There's another one, The Science of Storytelling. Maybe that's the William Store one. And then there's, uh, uh, Hero with a Thousand Faces. There's, like, a bunch of... I, I bought, like, cards on Instagram. Anything I could get my hands on.

    5. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    6. AS

      It was called, like, Storytelling Tactics, and those weren't that great, but it was, like, anything I could get my hands on about story. I was just like, "I just need to understand what makes it compelling, what grabs attention, what is, like, a three-arc structure, how was a movie written."

    7. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    8. AS

      And I kind of wrote it like a movie without you knowing.

    9. CW

      And what did you... Or what have you come to learn about the most important basics when it comes to telling a good story?

    10. AS

      I think stakes are really important. Problems are really important. It can't be, uh, uh... It can't be, "And then." It has to be like, "So we had to do this." And then it's just I'm telling you another thing. This problem caused this.

    11. CW

      But then this happened.

    12. AS

      Yes. So, so you're not just going, "Here's this series of events." Each event has to be a catalyst for the next one.

    13. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    14. AS

      This thing pushes, and luckily or unluckily, however you look at it, you know... I wanna look at it with a positive perspective, is like, you know, this story kind of unfolded in a way that was, you know, kind of traditional in that story. And it worked, you know... It worked out. God bless. You know, not all the time it does.

    15. CW

      Mm.

    16. AS

      Yeah.

    17. CW

      There's a good use of omission, which is something I learned from MrBallen. He does a-

    18. AS

      Okay, who's that?

    19. CW

      He does, like, strange, dark, and mysterious... Sorry, huge YouTube channel, like 10 million, 15 million person YouTube channel.

    20. AS

      My bad, my bad, my bad.

    21. CW

      It's all, uh, you know, like, scary, spooky story shit-

    22. AS

      Okay.

    23. CW

      ... that people listen to. And, um, one of the things that he...... taught me on the pod last year was omission is really important.

    24. AS

      Yeah.

    25. CW

      So continuing to set stuff up, but leaving out very key pieces of information-

    26. AS

      (laughs)

    27. CW

      ... would kind of beg the question or get there.

    28. AS

      Yeah.

    29. CW

      And, you know, there's things where you could have told a story within 15 seconds-

    30. AS

      Yeah.

  5. 21:52 – 29:51

    The Process of IVF

    1. CW

      What's IVF like, the process of that?

    2. AS

      It's hard for them. It's hard for... Yeah, like, yeah. I mean, dea- like when they're on... My wife reacted pretty crazy to the drugs. Like they... I mean, I talk about it in the special, but they shoot 'em up with all the hormones and like, you know, I didn't... We got into like an argument, like a full out argument in a Japanese restaurant. You don't realize how quiet Japanese restaurants are until like you are full out arguing, like elbow to elbow in a small New York City Japanese restaurant. And the only thing that interrupts it is when a new person walks in and (Japanese) (laughs) everybody stops, and then we're back to fighting as they're slurping udon. (laughs) It, it is a, uh... Yeah, it's, uh... Yeah, you get into it. You definitely get into it. But my wife was good. She didn't like resent me for it, and she could have. She could have been like, "You're the reason why I'm doing this."

    3. CW

      "You're making me do this."

    4. AS

      And in no way did that come out. So a lot of credit there.

    5. CW

      Yeah, the, that line about you don't have problems, we have problems.

    6. AS

      Yeah.

    7. CW

      We're a team, we're sort of taking on this battle together. Uh, it must be very reassuring. I have a friend whose wife went through IVF. Um, she was 42, so she was-

    8. AS

      Wow.

    9. CW

      ... really toward the end.

    10. AS

      Yeah.

    11. CW

      And I think you can actually do this where you get to kind of this is the last harvest of eggs that you have. This is just squeezing the very last few drops out of the sort of sponge of fertility. And, um, two stories. She's a... Uh, lovely woman, very smart, very balanced, uh, one day threw a grapefruit at him so hard that it bruised his ribs-

    12. AS

      (laughs)

    13. CW

      ... um, when, when she was going through the IVF.

    14. AS

      Yeah.

    15. CW

      And then a couple of days later, she opened the front door and there was 30 Amazon boxes on the front porch.

    16. AS

      Yeah.

    17. CW

      She's like, "What the fuck is this?" And they were all addressed to the house.

    18. AS

      Yeah.

    19. CW

      So it wasn't somebody else's thing.

    20. AS

      Yeah.

    21. CW

      Brings them inside and starts opening them up. And it's like pink lace doilies, and, and curtain ties, and little, uh, coasters, and, and bi- like knickknacks and stuff.

    22. AS

      Yeah.

    23. CW

      Like Dolores Umbridge from fucking Harry Potter.

    24. AS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    25. CW

      Like all sweety, sweety, something nicey, nicey. And, um, in some hormonal fugue state fever dream thing, she'd just gone on Amazon-

    26. AS

      (laughs) In a blackout.

    27. CW

      ... and ordered the mo- yeah, literally. She ju- like go- got wasted on progesterone-

    28. AS

      Yeah.

    29. CW

      ... and, uh, just gone crazy on-

    30. AS

      Yeah.

  6. 29:51 – 40:44

    Key Cultural Problems in America

    1. CW

      of the reasons that your special, again, when I saw it last year and then again now, it was really important to give people something that feels a bit more grounded and real-

    2. AS

      Cool.

    3. CW

      ... and meaningful and within their control.

    4. AS

      Yeah.

    5. CW

      As opposed to coming out and going, "You know, Zelensky Trump was the Amber Heard Johnny Depp of fucking 2025."

    6. AS

      (laughs)

    7. CW

      Uh, which by the way, I think is actually true. Like, that really should have-

    8. AS

      Yeah.

    9. CW

      ... fucking been done behind closed doors. Like, why are the-

    10. AS

      Yeah.

    11. CW

      ... why are the press there watching this bullshit?

    12. AS

      Well, they didn't think that's what was gonna happen. They thought it was gonna be a big announcement for a mineral deal-

    13. CW

      Footwell, blah, blah, blah.

    14. AS

      Yeah. And then it didn't go that way. And I think that... Yeah, that's my assumption at least. I don't think Trump would ever put something out there where it could potentially look foolish, right? Like if-

    15. CW

      Didn't count for the wild card that is J.D. Vance.

    16. AS

      Yeah. I don't even think it was J.D.. I think Zelensky was just like, he, uh, he should have just never agreed to it. He's like, "Hey, I don't like this deal. So let's not get in front of the cameras and do it." And I liked J.D. going, "Why are we litigating this in front of the American public?"

    17. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    18. AS

      Like that felt a little subversive, and I could see like a negative reaction on it. Like, "We're here to have a hurrah, let's high five" moment. And this turned into not that. So-

    19. CW

      Maybe let's not do it here-

    20. AS

      Yeah.

    21. CW

      ... anymore.

    22. AS

      And J.D., J.D., you gotta, hey, watch out for that motherfucker, yo.

    23. CW

      He's gonna be around for a while.

    24. AS

      Yo, it's like, I, I don't even... Again, I don't react to, like, people based on their, like, political leaning. Like, I don't really care about that. Like, culture is way more interesting to me. I don't like, like, jumping on a side with these things. I understand that, like, people who don't know me at all and, and are like, "Oh, this guy's some fucking right-wing MAGA lunatic," it's like, yeah, I don't, I have empathy for you even thinking that. Like, you just see headlines, you see some crazy joke I told, like, I'm totally, I'm, I'm totally fine. I understand the world we live in, right? But f- for me, like, I just kind of look at, like, people and ideas, and I try to react to how, what public sentiment is to that. Like, I'm always reacting to feeling. I don't really react to a specific event. And I'm not trying to, like, explain logically the event. Like, I'm more interested in, like, the emotional reaction of things. So, like, when Mangione shot the dude, and then the internet kind of didn't really feel that bad, they were, like, joking around about it, I'm like, "Oh, this is, like, rich people, you gotta pay attention to this because they don't care about y'all anymore." Like, any one of y'all could get killed and it would be fine. And if you're the billionaire class, you gotta be very aware that your life is not valued by the rest of us. That's a d- And I'd imagine very rich people, if we're gonna look at this into, like, in a microcosm, I imagine they... Let's just assume, I, I'm, I don't think they're bad, by the way, but let's just assume that they want as much money as they possibly can. This is like a f- unfair assumption, but let's just play with this little thought experiment. Y- you also want comfort. You want as much money as you can get, but you also want comfort, right? So, like, if you live in some third world country and you're, like, the richest person there, it's not really comfortable because you know at any point in time, these people in fucking sandals could storm your house and they take out the five security guards and then they kidnap your whole family. It's not comfortable. One of the nice things about America is, like, being rich is comfortable, right? The first world, like, being rich is, you can be comfortable. You don't have to worry about, like, your kid getting kidnapped. Like, fucking Canelo Alvarez, I think his brother got kidnapped, like, the week of his fight once and nobody knew it. It was just, like, a normal thing that happens. He's a boxer.

    25. CW

      It's just a Tuesday. It's like getting your flight delayed.

    26. AS

      Yeah, and he had to, like, work out the fucking payments, like, days before the fight. So this is a normal thing that you have to accept. So in order to make sure your life is comfortable, you have to make sure that the poorest people have enough to eat and get a roof over their head and provide for their family. They, they probably don't need that much more.

    27. CW

      Mm.

    28. AS

      There's a lot of interesting distraction that goes on in America. There's a lot of things that they can take part in. They're, like, beautiful and amazing, and it will pacify. But the second they go below "I can't feed myself" and they have no hope of upward mobility, they'll kill you. That is a... And, and then when someone else kills you, they'll laugh about it, and they'll be like, "Good." So when I saw that, I was like, "Wow, Americans are very disillusioned." I knew that they were diso- disillusioned with, like, you know, institutions. I knew that there was issues obviously with the medical, you know, industrial complex or whatever these terms they start building up. But that right there, that is a point of concern. And if you're the, the really wealthy, you either gotta beef up security or you gotta be talking to Donald and you gotta be talking to your senators and go, "We need to do something for these people." Egg's gotta be affordable.

    29. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    30. AS

      Y- you, you're push... It's, you're squeezing them right now, and you can only squeeze them so far before you get the French Revolution. You know, you can't, you can't be like, "All right, well, they don't got bread, give them cake," or whatever that lady said.

  7. 40:44 – 45:09

    What Andrew Learned From Touring the World

    1. CW

      You did, uh, a bunch of shows in the UK-

    2. AS

      Oh, yeah, that was fun.

    3. CW

      ... on this last tour.

    4. AS

      Yeah.

    5. CW

      Talk to me about what you learned, differences, similarities, UK, US.

    6. AS

      Um, similarities, like, oh, you know, it was really interesting to find out, like, how, like, culturally distinct the little towns in England are. That's really cool. Like, to, to know that, like, Liverpool and Manchester are 30 minutes apart, but they're two completely different, like, ethnic groups. So to me, like, going to the UK, I think a lot of times we just treat white people as a monolith. And the UK is a perfect example of, like, why you can't even do that in a tiny little country.

    7. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    8. AS

      And these, like, little idiosyncrasies of these, these two cities that are 30 minutes away from one another. And, uh-

    9. CW

      Doesn't sound anything alike, different lifestyles.

    10. AS

      It's crazy.

    11. CW

      Different football teams.

    12. AS

      Yeah. And it's, uh... So to me, that was really exciting, going into these little places and... Whenever I go into a place, I, I just really like, I'm, I don't know, I'm, like, curious. I, you know, my dad was a really curious guy, and I'm, I always wanna learn a little bit about something and, like, try to write some jokes that reflect that. And, um, you know, maybe for a few minutes in the set, they get to feel really seen or kind of recognized by someone they might not think would do that. And, um, but yeah, I loved that. You know, going to Scotland was awesome. My mom's born and raised in Scotland, so doing that show there was really great.

    13. CW

      What'd you do, the Hydro Glasgow?

    14. AS

      Yeah, is it the Hy- uh...

    15. CW

      SSE Hydro?

    16. AS

      I- it looks like a, um, armadillo.

    17. CW

      Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the hydro.

    18. AS

      Yeah, yeah. And, um, and also just the way that they react to standup. Like, like with the Scotland show, I could've just talked to them for three hours. Like, they just wanted to be in the room and, like, telling stories, like on some bonfire shit.

    19. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    20. AS

      And it was, like, I'd be-

    21. CW

      They're just happier there, you know? It's fucking miles away from everything.

    22. AS

      It is that, but-

    23. CW

      "Hey, you came."

    24. AS

      But there's also, like, this, I think there's, like, a cultural sentiment. It's like, it's... And I think you also get in another place and there's this, like, pub culture where we're all hanging and here's this thing and I'm gonna share with you and you guys are involved and there's gonna be some quip and we're gonna have... I also think there's a little catharsis for them because, like, it's a little bit more censored out there. So then when I come and I'm saying these jokes that are kinda wild, they get to, they get to have this experience that's kind of more similar to their, their everyday lives.

    25. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    26. AS

      Like, there's a public persona you have to put on, and then when you're at the bar with your boys, there's a very different version of you.

    27. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    28. AS

      So now they're in public, but they get that same version, so I think that was cool. Ireland was just great. Yeah, it was awesome, man. I will say that the Middle East was more-... uh, uh, aware of American culture though than the UK.

    29. CW

      That's interesting.

    30. AS

      Yeah.

  8. 45:09 – 52:28

    Being a Proud New-Yorker

    1. AS

    2. CW

      Was there anywhere that sort of sticks out in your mind as being, holy fuck, the reaction sort of emotionally, the-

    3. AS

      MSG was the craziest. That just felt like the whole city was rooting for me. And which is, like, the greatest honor. It's like, if there's one thing I identify as is a New Yorker, like, I'd probably identify that as before- before having a kid, I identified that as before anything, before being like a white guy.

    4. CW

      That is your identity.

    5. AS

      Yeah, before I'm American, I'm a New Yorker. Like, so just to see the whole city, like, excited for me, it was like, one of us did it. Like, I don't even know how many New Yorkers have done MSG, you know? And so-

    6. CW

      Hometown hero.

    7. AS

      Yeah, it just felt like I did something good for the city. And I'm so- I just love New York. Like, I- I'm even annoyed now there's, like, this push about, like, "The liberal cities are falling apart." It's like, none of you wanna live anywhere else. Shut up. Y- y- shut up. Like, I know you moved to Austin, but come on, you don't wanna be here (laughs) . Like, you know what I mean?

    8. CW

      (laughs)

    9. AS

      It's okay. It's- it's okay. Like, I tell people, like, everyone's like, "Austin's so amazing." I go, "Okay, stop. Do you wanna be a standup comedian? Okay, yeah, move to Austin. The opportunities for you, like Rogue and Kill Tony, all these things where you see young comics exploding are here. I get it. But, like, you're not moving here for this, like, rich cultural experience." Do you know what I mean? There's, like, two restaurants. Everybody says, "Yeah, the food is so good." It's like, yeah, 'cause you are from Montana. (laughs) You- you know what I mean? Like, you have a fucking P.F. Chang's, and then you move here, and you go to Uchi, and you're like, "Oh, wow, this is fucking good." Yeah, there's 17 Uchis in a three-block radius in New Yo-... Like, why are we even having this conversation? So it's- I think that the- the coastal cities need to get back to our elitism a little bit. I think we're a- a little, like, uh, sad or, like, insecure or something like that right now. And it's just like, "All right, get over it."

    10. CW

      But there's still some hangover from COVID, I think, you know-

    11. AS

      Of course.

    12. CW

      ... New York and LA put their fo- both of their feet inside of their mouths for a fucking two years straight.

    13. AS

      Of course, of course, and it was bad, and it sucked the way they handled it. You know what I mean? And it's a very different thing to handle, obviously, when you're living on top of each other and you're all going on subways together.

    14. CW

      It's super dense, yeah.

    15. AS

      It's a- just a different problem to solve. Like, everybody lives in their own house, and you live a mile away from each other, yeah, you can make shit a little bit less restrictive. You know what I mean? But when you live in an apartment building, you need some fucking rules. You know what I mean? Like, the Puerto Ricans gotta turn the music off at 10:00. That's a rule. That's government overreach, and I'm happy about it. And you don't understand it 'cause you don't have an entire Puerto Rican family above you blasting Bad Bunny at fucking 11 o'clock while your baby's trying to go to sleep. So, there are certain things where you start to appreciate government overreach and where they come from. And then there's some where you're like, "Okay, this is ridiculous. I can't renovate my home without going to 15 different government agencies to get permission to put a mirror in my bathroom."

    16. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    17. AS

      It gets a little ridiculous. But in terms of, like, the great established cities in America, like, like, what are we even talking about? Like, if the tax rate- the tax rates were the same in Austin as they were in New York, none of y'all would live here. So stop acting like this is this amazing pla-... It's like, you wanna save money. You're millionaires. I get it. It's millions of dollars. I get it. And none of you are, like, from New York, so you don't have any connection to it.

    18. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    19. AS

      But, like, to get me to move out of New York, do you know the deal I would have to sign? And I would do it if it was the right number. But, like, it's a tax saving thing. I- it's- just say you're saving money.

    20. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    21. AS

      That's my thing. Like, and save the money, do it. But don't give me the shit about, "Oh, this city is so amazing." Your plane couldn't even land 'cause of the wind. What is this-

    22. CW

      (laughs)

    23. AS

      ... fucking Wizard of Oz? What- what are we talking about?

    24. CW

      Ah.

    25. AS

      You know what I mean? I'm eating a salad today. A tomato flew off the salad, hit me in the chest, and I'm like, "This is a city? Like, people choose to live here?" (laughs) The wind is taking tomatoes off of my plate. Right? So let's just- let's just have an honest assessment of what's going on here. Will you pay 12% more to not live here? I will, but I'm from New York, and I love it.

    26. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    27. AS

      If you- if you're from another city and you just went to New York to make it and it looks like there's more opportunities here-

    28. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    29. AS

      ... then fucking move here. What are you, crazy? Why would you not do that?

    30. CW

      I think you need a very s- particular type of nervous system to live in New York. Uh, you need to be okay with chaos at all times. Like, there- there- there doesn't seem to be much ch-... And I guess you can be in different areas. New York is not just one thing, right?

  9. 52:28 – 1:04:50

    How Being a Dad Has Changed Andrew

    1. AS

      Tesla.

    2. CW

      How have you changed since you've become a dad?

    3. AS

      Just the outside stuff doesn't matter as much. Like, I just care about like m- how my wife, my, my, my daughter, my, I, I have to think about me. Like, if my wife and my daughter are happy with me, like if my daughter's happy with me, I can even deal with my wife being pissed. Like, and then, you know, everything just gets a little bit smaller. You're, you're, you know, it's like, um... Yeah, it's just amazing. It's like the only thing you think about all day pretty much, you know.

    4. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    5. AS

      Yeah, just that little, yeah, that little, little girl. And it's, and it's just really awesome. And you've become like a real person. And I'm not saying you're not a real person, but like, you just, uh, there's a difference. Like once you have a family, like you're invested in the world in a way different way and you become like a real human being. Like, even on stage, I'm, the second I mention that I have a kid, like my relation to the audience is completely different. I'm not just some asshole with a fucking part in my hair, like-

    6. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    7. AS

      ... talking shit about all these things. Like, everything actually impacts me.

    8. CW

      Just publicly masturbating.

    9. AS

      Every time.

    10. CW

      Like, look at how great I am.

    11. AS

      Yeah, what an asshole. What an asshole to do that. But now that I have a kid and like anytime I bring up some trans shit or some vaccine shit, it's like, no, I have an actual reason to do that. You know what I mean? Like this impacts-

    12. CW

      You got skin in the game beyond just-

    13. AS

      Yeah.

    14. CW

      ... my own sense of being important.

    15. AS

      Exactly, you know? So that's a beautiful thing. Like, I think it brings out like the, the best version of people.

    16. CW

      Mm-hmm.

    17. AS

      I see the best version of people with their kids.

    18. CW

      I've got this theory that, uh, because people are having kids later, especially guys, that, uh, a lot of the stuff that people invest themselves into, the personal development, the self-growth-

    19. AS

      Yeah.

    20. CW

      ... the business, the, the, the muscle gain, all of that stuff-

    21. AS

      Yeah.

    22. CW

      ... uh, a lot of those projects are surrogate families because you haven't had one yet.

    23. AS

      Oh, wow.

    24. CW

      And-

    25. AS

      Yeah.

    26. CW

      ... all of the energy that would be put into protect baby, protect wife-

    27. AS

      Yeah.

    28. CW

      ... or protect baby, protect husband, like-

    29. AS

      Yeah.

    30. CW

      ... uh, do the thing-

  10. 1:04:50 – 1:08:36

    How a Relationship Changes After Having a Child

    1. CW

      what changes in a, a relationship, or sort of what have you noticed about stuff that's interesting to navigate once there's a third participant?

    2. AS

      So, like, there's this part of you that... You want your kid to know how loved they are. Like, I don't ever want my daughter to even understand what it is to be, like, adored, 'cause it's so normal.

    3. CW

      Hmm.

    4. AS

      You know what I mean? Like, I, like... My, my friend, uh... So, my friend Jameel, like, he reminded me of this recently. Like, my dad was just the best. He was just the fuck. H- he was at every single basketball game, whatever. And he goes... And he was like... He was almost like a surrogate dad to a lot of my friends, you know? Like, he was just like-

    5. CW

      He had so much dad energy that he, he had it-

    6. AS

      Fucking-

    7. CW

      ... spilling over around the cup.

    8. AS

      Loved it. He just loved it. Like, he was just... Whatever they needed. Like, I remember one of my boys got into, like, trouble and some gang shit, and, like, my dad... I was like, "Yeah, I think he, he can't, like, leave his house." Like, they're like... There's this gang that's kinda, like, after him or whatever. And, um, and, uh... And I was like, "Yeah, we gotta help him out." And my dad was like, "Well, yeah, why don't, why don't we just go get the car and go pick him up?" And I was like, uh, you know, "Are you sure? You feel comfortable doing this?" He's like, "Yeah." So we, like, drive a Toyota Sienna minivan into the fucking heart of the Bronx, and we're, like, picking up my boy so that he doesn't get murdered by this gang. (laughs) And it's just the type of... Like, he didn't even think twice about it. Like, it's just kinda who he is.

Episode duration: 2:15:17

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