Q&A: Gut punches, favorite guests, plus advice for life

Shaan Puri 0:00 All right, Sam, I was going through the mailbag. People email us questions, and there was one that I had to, had to bring up. We gotta start with this. So here's the, here's the, here's the email. [upbeat music] "Dear Sam, last month I sold my e-com biz, and recently a startup that I invested in went public. I'm in my 30s. I own very little: house, cars, nothing. I have 53 million in cash sitting in my bank account, but I'm not sure what to do. If I do something, it needs to be big. I'm torn between a few options. Just put it in the S&P 500 and move on, get into real estate, trying private equity, chasing a billion-dollar idea. I've hit three major wins in a row. I exited my company, I invested in a winning startup, and I got really lucky on a real estate deal. But I'm not entirely confident I can rebuild it from scratch if I lose it all. My life goals are pretty simple: have five kids, a wife, and become a billionaire. I'm currently with someone I'm planning to marry. [laughs] What do you got for me?" Okay, so let's st- let's answer this question, and then there's some, uh, good other mailbag questions, uh, that we have here.

Sam Parr 1:05 All right, so let me tell you what I told the guy. I basically said, "If you make $50 million at the age of 35, that basically becomes a billion eventually," but that's kind of irrelevant. But, like, I, I think that's a dumb goal to become a billionaire or want to become a billionaire. I think you should do what you love af- af- after you have that much money. But if you wanna become a billionaire, you will. But what I told him was basically, I think he should put most of it actually into a high-yield savings account or just, like, some type of, like, short-term treasury note or something like that, and just sit for six to 12 months and do nothing except read and have conversations with interesting people. And that actually, six to 12 months, that may take 36 months. That might actually take five or 10 years, but whatever you wanna do, I... my opinion is you should plot and read and talk and only do something if you're obsessed with it. And oftentimes, when you make a lot of money, you get bored, and because of that, you start kinda... It's like, it's like falling in love with someone when you're, like, really horny. It's like, dude, you don't actually love that person. You know what I mean?

Shaan Puri 2:09 Right.

Sam Parr 2:09 Uh, like, don't, don't [laughs] actually do it. And so I think, but you have to be really intentional about which n- next project that you do, and you don't give yourself a timeline, but you sit and you read, and you wait for it to happen. So with the money, I would do some type of high-yield savings account for, like, six months, and then eventually I would do 80/20 S&P bonds. I would l- try to live off 3% of that money, and then I would just plot and wait until that one thing I find. And then I would take a percentage of the money, like, for example, let's say that you're comfortable living off of, of $1.5 million a year. You take how m- much you need in the S&P to live off that, and the rest you are willing to allocate towards your big dream and new adventure.

Shaan Puri 2:46 All right. I like the advice. Here's an analogy. Here's what I would tell this person. Do we have a name for this person or w- they don't want their name out there? Let's call him-

Sam Parr 2:52 Uh, Derek

Shaan Puri 2:52 ... Chuck. Okay, Chuck.

Sam Parr 2:54 Derek.

Shaan Puri 2:54 [laughs] All right, Chuck, uh, here's the deal. Here's an analogy for you. You've got a beautiful big screen TV. Beautiful, 96 inches. It's s- enormous, beautiful, plasma, retina, whatever the display is. But it seems to me, like, behind the TV, you have what a lot of us have. You got the cables all tangled up. And the reason I say this is because you asked one question that's actually five questions probably in one. So let's separate it out. Let's start to pull the tangles on these cables that are stuck behind the TV. So one, one cable is, "What do I do with this cash?" Meaning, "I've got cash sitting in an account. Should I just leave it there, or do I do something with this money?" There's another one, which is, "What do I do with my time?" And those are two separate questions 'cause when you get rich, the point of getting rich, in a way, is to separate the questions of, "What do I do with my money, what do I do for money, and what do I do with my time?" Those are now separate questions for you. But before, when you have no money, they're the same. You work, you put your time in. That's how you get the money out. Then you have a third go- third question, which is, "What are my actual goals?" So he said, "My goals are to have five kids, have a wife, and have [laughs] a billion dollars," and have, have, have. I don't know very many happy people who got happy because they, they acquired things, they have things, they have cars.

Sam Parr 4:09 The kid thing might be different. I think you could acquire a kid and be happy, actually.

Shaan Puri 4:13 [laughs] I don't think so. I think life is a lot more about, uh, figuring out what you love to do, where you feel most useful, and, and who you wanna become, and more importantly than, than the things that you end up doing. So I, I think I would, I would ask a question, which is, "What are my actual goals?" And I r- use the word "actual" as a loaded word because usually we have these goals that we just borrowed from others, either from our parents, from society, from the movies, from newspapers. These goals that, that are theirs and we make them ours. It's a goal you had 10 years ago, but you're not the same person you were 10 years ago. When I did this episode with Mike Posner, he's like, "Dude, I was in my 20s. All I wanted to do was get rich, get famous, be successful, be respected." He's like, "And then I was in my 30s and I was doing things that would give me those things, but that's not what I wanted anymore. I was living the dreams of 21-year-old me rather than, than 31-year-old me, who actually had new dreams, and I sh- I needed to update that. I needed to update the, the sort of motivational thing on the, on the poster." There's another great question, which is, am I... And he says something like, "I'm... If I'm doing something, it's gotta be huge." And, uh, anytime I hear that, there's usually, like, a chip on your shoulder you probably wanna work on. A great question here is, "Are you being dr- are you driven or are you being dragged?" Uh, so it's like, what, what's the reason? Why do I feel the need to do that? Is it to prove something to other people? I talked to a guy who, who, uh... We had dinner with a guy who's created a, a $50 billion plus company, and he's doing a new one. I was like, "Why are you doing another company? Like, stressful, hard. You just had kids. Why, why are you doing this?" And he goes, "I just wanna prove, you know, I need to prove that, like, it wasn't just a l- fluke the first time."

Sam Parr 5:46 Really? That's an interesting thing.

Shaan Puri 5:47 And in my head I'm laughing 'cause I'm like, "Proof to who? You know nobody doubts that you can do this. Like, we all actually respect and admire you. We think you're amazing. Who, who are you proving this to? Are you proving it to yourself? Why do you doubt it? You did it." Then doing it to prove something wrong or prove something right is, is sort of a, a silly way, a silly reason to do something. So anyways, my, my final advice would be I would do nothing financially. You know, like you said, just put it in a savings account for, for a year. I would get a coach to help untangle some of these mental wires that are tangled up. I would get in shape, 'cause when you're in shape, all things start to look a little different. And I would spend a year with people that you really love, helping people and hanging out with them. So I would find people who need help, I'd go help them. I'd find people who are free, I'd go hang out with them, and I would start to hang out with people who maybe have gone through this season of life, and I'd think of it like a season. I'd be like, "Oh, I had this season of achievement, and now I got a season of wandering, but I gotta figure out what I'm doing next." Call it that so you don't feel uncomfortable when you're like, "Oh man, I'm so unproductive now." Call the season what it is and go hang out with people and, and make no decisions until, you know, the clarity will show up.

Sam Parr 6:49 The worst thing this person can do, well, one of the bad things this person could do, is go and buy a bunch of stuff or, um, get himself into situations that can't easily be untied. So for example, I mostly followed my own advice when I kinda, uh, had an acquisition. I did one dumb thing, which is I bought some real estate that I was, like, gonna turn into a business. And I did it, like, right away, and a few months into it I'm like, "I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I don't like this." And it took, it took, like, a year to, like, unwind all of that. It consumed my brain, and it really messed with me. And so I, uh, I regret doing that, and I think a lot of people make the same mistakes. It's a very common mistake, is to go and, like, acquire a whole bunch of stuff which weighs you down, and it ruins the whole seeking process.

Shaan Puri 7:40 The, the only alternative version of that is when you go and you do something for your parents. So, like, uh, there's a great clip, we should put- play this clip of... You know who Stephen A. Smith is, the ESPN anchor?

Sam Parr 7:50 Yeah.

Shaan Puri 7:50 He talks about when he first got money, and he drives to his mom's, where his mom worked, and he's like, "I went into, went into her office and I said, 'Mom, get up. Get your bag. We're leaving.' And then I told her boss she, she ain't never coming back." And he talks about how he retired his mom on the spot, and I was like, that's a cool thing to do. Pay off your mo- your parents' mortgage or debt or something like that. If you're gonna do anything, do that. It's a, you know, sort of a, a philanthropy in your own economy first. Uh, is that... That's, I think, a, a, a good thing to do.

Sam Parr 8:17 That's a, that's what I did, by the way. We, we, I flew my parents first class to Europe, and it was awesome.

Shaan Puri 8:23 Right.

Sam Parr 8:23 Um, it was awesome. Uh, and I have this video of them. [laughs] Uh, my father stood up and, like, you know how old people hold their phone with two hands? Uh, and he, like, is holding his phone, like, doing a circle of like-

Shaan Puri 8:35 [laughs]

Sam Parr 8:35 ... and I, and I, like, taking a picture of, like, his seat. And I have a video of him doing that, and that brought me so much, um... I feel happy that I got that video. That made me happy.

Shaan Puri 8:44 By the way, I got a little hack on that. When, when we sold The Milk Road, my mom was on a vacation with her, all of her siblings. She has like eight, eight or nine siblings. And so I got them all, like, a, uh, like, I was like, "Hey, uh, have the hotel call and be like your, uh, your, you know, your massage is ready," and call all of the rooms at once. And then they all went down, and basically I've got them all kinda like a day pass at the spa in Vegas. And j- it wasn't even that expensive, probably a couple thousand dollars. But for my mom, it was like having a mortgage paid off in that she felt like, "Oh, my son treated me to something," but also she felt so good that-

Sam Parr 9:17 I get to brag.

Shaan Puri 9:17 Yeah, I get to brag. My kid is so good. She felt good that it was good for everybody, it wasn't just good for her, and that, you know, doing something nice for her siblings made her feel so amazing.

Sam Parr 9:26 Yeah, and she could brag that her kid has his shit together and, uh-

Shaan Puri 9:29 [laughs]

Sam Parr 9:30 ... maybe the other ones don't. Uh, someone asked us this question, and I'm, it, it's related to a topic that we're

Sam Parr 9:35 talking to. What's the number one thing that you've read or seen recently that's wowed you? I read this book called Replay. It's a novel. Do you ever read novels?

Shaan Puri 9:43 [laughs] Yeah. I read.

Sam Parr 9:45 I'm, like, big into novels now.

Shaan Puri 9:47 [laughs]

Sam Parr 9:47 I thought, like, I thought, like, growing up I was, like, tough guy.

Shaan Puri 9:50 That's such a flex question. Do you read novels? [laughs] Like, don't you just read books?

Sam Parr 9:53 Dude, I didn't read any of them.

Shaan Puri 9:54 Do you read novels? [laughs]

Sam Parr 9:55 Like, I was scarred by, like, grade school or middle school of, like, having to read novels I don't like, and then I got into the business world, I'm like, "Oh, we only read, like, Peter Thiel books."

Shaan Puri 10:03 Right. [laughs]

Sam Parr 10:03 "We don't read fic- we don't read this nonsense." And then now I've fallen in love with them. So I love novels. I read this great book called Replay by Ken Grimwood. It's about, uh, this man who basically dies at the age of 35, and he consistently relives his life over and over and over again, and it's like all, like... It, he does everything that you would do if you could replay your life, which is like, what would you do? You would, like, get rich by buying stocks. You'd probably, like, get, try to get a ton of girls, whatever. But he is able to talk to his parents again when they were alive, and I read that book recently. Right when I got to that part where he talks to his parents who had died, now he's reliving his life again, he's able to see his parents, it made me very emotional and I called my parents. I go, "Hey, November, like, 4th, what are you doing? Cool. Clear your schedule." And so we're taking a, a big, like, lavish trip together. And so this-

Shaan Puri 10:51 Oh, that's awesome

Sam Parr 10:51 ... this book made a really big impact on me because it gave me this idea of, like, in 30 or 40 years, however long it's gonna be, when my parents are no longer alive or whatever the situation is of, like, you cannot do in 20 years what you can do today, will I have regretted, you know, not taking advantage of that period? And so I'm, I'm trying to... I had made a list. I'm like, "Here's all the things that in 20 years I'm gonna regret. I'm, and I'm gonna go, go and just get it done now." And so that book had a big impact on me.

Shaan Puri 11:18 Oh, that's great. Um, I'll give you a couple. Uh, Chris Williamson put a little screenshot essay up that I really liked, and he called it... I forgot he's, exactly what he called it, but he goes, "Type A people have type B problems, and type B people have type A problems." So what is he describing? So type A is, like, the achiever, the obsessor, the kind of like high functioning ADHD or high functioning high anxiety person, which is a lot of people who we know a lot, probably a lot of people who listen to this podcast. It serves you really well. You get great grades or you'll b- you'll be successful in your career 'cause you're so, like, type A about it. But you suck at just relaxing, chilling, enjoying, slowing down, being grateful, you know, the mo- uh, being in the moment and not thinking constantly about planning for the future or assessing the past and just being there. And he goes, then there you have the type B person who we all characterize as like- The guy who's just, they're just walking around, wandering through life, sniffing flowers. Like, dude, you're, you're not getting ahead. Where's your savings account? What's your plan? How are you gonna get ahead? You don't have all your ducks in a row. What... You're missing out. And, you know, society basically, we reward the Type As who e- even if you're high Type A and you, you suck at Type B, it's like, okay. Uh, you al- feels like you can always catch up, even though in reality you can't. And the Type B person, we sort of look down. They almost seem lazy in a way. It's like, why aren't you getting your act together? You know, what are you... Okay, you're, you're, you're prioritizing your happiness too much almost. You should be, you should be productive right now. And I thought it was so true that people fall into these buckets as a cl- as a cliche, as a, as an oversimplification, and it really highlighted to me how undervalued Type B people are. And I have a few Type B people in my life, where if you look at their resume or you look at their series of accomplishments or how they spend their day, and it just feels like, wow, you're behind. And then when you hang out with them, you're like, "Wow, you're ahead. You're, you're the one who's got this, this thing figured out." And I think that one of the big mispriced assets is, do you know how to chill?

Sam Parr 13:23 Dude, that's such a Type A thing of you to say.

Shaan Puri 13:25 Like, do you know how to chill the fuck out? What's that?

Sam Parr 13:25 You just called, uh... Did you just call it, uh, calmness a mispriced asset? [laughs]

Shaan Puri 13:30 I sure did. [laughs] I sure did.

Sam Parr 13:33 You need to, you need to listen to your own advice, brother. [laughs]

Shaan Puri 13:36 [laughs] Good call. Uh, you know, I call them cold plunge people and hot tub people, right? Cold plunge is like-

Sam Parr 13:42 [laughs]

Shaan Puri 13:42 ... you're trying to optimize everything. You're trying to g- like shock your nervous system and, like, get your adrenaline pumping in the morning. And hot tub people are trying to hang out, have a beer, and s- you know, kick it with friends, and they're h- they're happier than the, than the cold plunge people. And I think one of the things to, to really do is to, uh, take pride in being able to do both well. Like, instead of trying to be a hi- a higher high achiever, l- you know, working on being able to shift gears and be able to have both gears and be able to do both well.

Sam Parr 14:09 Where, when did you see this post? Because w- like a lot of times people ask us these questions, and it's al-

Shaan Puri 14:13 It's just the most recent thing

Sam Parr 14:14 ... it's always the most recent thing.

Shaan Puri 14:15 Yeah, this was last night. [laughs]

Sam Parr 14:16 Uh, wait, really? [laughs]

Shaan Puri 14:18 Yeah, yeah. [laughs]

Sam Parr 14:19 [laughs]

Shaan Puri 14:19 No, that's the question. It said w- one that you've read recently that wowed you. [laughs] So recently, last night.

Sam Parr 14:25 Uh, which is f- uh... 'Cause I, I, I try... Like you do something interesting. So whenever you go, like, to some conference or anything, you're, you're always like, "I, I took these notes on, like, lessons, lessons I learned."

Shaan Puri 14:37 Yep.

Sam Parr 14:37 And I suck at that. And so I was curious if this is something that you, like, um, saved from a year ago and you're still contemplating.

Shaan Puri 14:44 Dude, I have a Slack channel called Golden Nuggets that is like... It's a conversation with me, myself, and Irene. Dude, it is the longest conversation, and it is all just little tiny nuggets that I pick up from, from people. When Gary Tan was on the podcast, for example, I go here and I write. He had this great line. He goes, "At some point you realize it's all made up, but you get to make it up." I was like, man, that's just such a s- powerful, simple way of explaining a lot of life. It's all made up. These are all stories we tell ourselves. The rules are made up. But, like, you get to make it up. You get to make up-

Sam Parr 15:14 Dude-

Shaan Puri 15:14 ... your s- the story you tell yourself about yourself, about the world, about how, how your life's gonna go.

Sam Parr 15:18 I think Gary Tan was a top 10, maybe top five person we've ever talked to.

Shaan Puri 15:23 Yeah. Um, uh, well, that's a good question, because one of these in here, let me find it.

Shaan Puri 15:28 Here we go. Jason from Detroit wants to know a similar thing. He says, "Fellas, I was looking at the numbers recently. You've hit 600-plus episodes, 100-plus guests. I have to ask you, who is on the Mount Rushmore for MFM? The number one thing you learned from them. And P.S. I don't wanna hear, 'I love them all. I can't pick favorites.' I need you to Deion Sanders it. P.S., P.P.S., did you know that Deion Sanders publicly ranks his kids? Check it out." And he linked us to [laughs] a, a article where Deion Sanders is ranking his kids. [laughs] Shiloh has moved up. [laughs]

Sam Parr 16:00 Dude, Deion Sanders Jr. is number one.

Shaan Puri 16:03 Yeah, as he should be.

Sam Parr 16:04 That's ins-

Shaan Puri 16:04 [laughs]

Sam Parr 16:05 That's insane. Uh, what a d-

Shaan Puri 16:07 Poor Deiondra Sanders, number five

Sam Parr 16:08 ... what-

Shaan Puri 16:10 Sh- Shedeur Sanders, who's the quarterback of his, uh, of his team, number four on the, uh... Number four out of five. Not doing so hot.

Sam Parr 16:17 What a weirdo. Okay.

Shaan Puri 16:18 [laughs]

Sam Parr 16:19 Well, um, uh, Gary Tan's up there, but that's, like, a recent one, so I try actually to stay away. I'll g- I'll go, uh... Let me tell you mine really quick. Dude, they're all brown dudes, I just realized.

Shaan Puri 16:27 Yeah.

Sam Parr 16:27 Dharmesh, Manish-

Shaan Puri 16:29 Hell yeah

Sam Parr 16:29 ... and, um, Sayid. Uh, I guess Sayid's not, uh, uh, Indian, but two out of the three are Indian, which is, uh, pretty funny. Dharmesh is amazing to me. Dharmesh proves that you can be aggressive while still being calm and nice. Dharmesh is, like, shockingly aggressive towards life. Do you know that about him?

Shaan Puri 16:45 Everybody, Dharmesh, he's the co-founder of HubSpot. Cut to the ad. [upbeat music]

Sam Parr 16:50 All right, so a lot of people watch and listen to this show because they wanna hear us just tell them exactly what to do when it comes to starting or growing a business. And really, a lot of people who are listening, they have a full-time job, and they wanna start something on the side, a side hustle. Now, a lot of people message Shaan and I, and they say, "All right, I wanna start something on the side. Is this a good idea? Is that a good idea?" And again, what they're really just saying is, "Just give me the ideas." Well, my friends, you're in luck. So my old company, The Hustle, they put together 100 different side hustle ideas, and they have appropriately called it The Side Hustle Idea Database. It's a list of 100 pretty good ideas, frankly. I went through them. They're awesome. And it gives you how to start them, how to grow them, things like that. Gives you a little bit of inspiration. So check it out. It's called The Side Hustle Idea Database. It's in the description below. You'll see the link. Click it. Check it out. Let me know in the comments what you think. [upbeat music]

Shaan Puri 17:41 All right, we're back. [laughs]

Sam Parr 17:43 Dharmesh is a, a, a billionaire, maybe a multibillionaire. I don't know. He started HubSpot, which is like a $30 billion company, and he's been on two to three times. I think he's coming on next week or in a few weeks. He's super aggressive about life, but he comes off like a really nice guy, and calm-

Shaan Puri 17:58 Right

Sam Parr 17:58 ... and easygoing, and, like, he is calm and easygoing, but he's very aggressive about life, and I love that. Um-

Shaan Puri 18:05 What do you mean aggressive about life? That's a, that's a s- that's a word... That's a phrase. Tell me what that means

Sam Parr 18:10 So if you ask him about his background, he grew up poor in India, and he was like, "I wanted to be the best because I wanted to prove that I was capable of achieving, and I also didn't wanna have nothing, which is what I originally had." So he's like, "I wanted to be great at ping pong, and so I studied ping pong, and I was the best at the school I went to." Or he was like, "Someone told me that when I moved to America, that apparently what these people do is they go play golf in order to meet clients and take care of clients." And he's like, "I'm a 23-year-old guy who moved here from India. I don't know, even know what golf is. But then I... Someone else said, 'Well, if you can't do that, just buy everyone's dinner as much as possible.'" And so he has paid for 100% of the dinners that he's ever gone out to for everyone.

Shaan Puri 18:52 [laughs]

Sam Parr 18:52 Did I tell you that story?

Shaan Puri 18:53 No. [laughs]

Sam Parr 18:54 Dude, I go out-

Shaan Puri 18:54 You took him to dinner, and he paid. Sure enough. [laughs]

Sam Parr 18:56 I went out to dinner with him, and it was me, Nick Gray, Neville, and, uh, Dharmesh. Uh, Dharmesh walks to the bathroom at the end. Nick Gray goes, "Watch this." He runs, and he pays for it. Dharmesh sits down, and Nick goes, "My treat." Dharmesh stands up. He goes, "This is unacceptable. I'm sorry. I can't. Well, hold on. I'll tell you in a minute."

Shaan Puri 19:13 [laughs]

Sam Parr 19:13 And he runs to the back of the kitchen. He makes him refund Nick Gray's credit card, and he gives his credit card, and he comes back. He goes, "Let me tell you a story. You know, when I came here, uh, from India, I didn't know how to play golf. Someone told me to buy dinners. So I committed at that age of 22 to 100% of the time pay for everyone's dinner. And I have done this..." So he, maybe he's 55 now. He has... He goes, "I've done it for 25-plus years. And so by you paying for dinner, I will not allow you to break that, uh, break that thing."

Shaan Puri 19:39 [laughs]

Sam Parr 19:39 And I go, "Have you really done it?" He goes, "Dude, I've done it so much that one time, uh, we went out to... I went out to eat with just, like, me and Brian of, of HubSpot, and, like, apparently there was a company there at a company outing who saw us and bought our dinner as, like, a thank you 'cause we use HubSpot," whatever. And so Dhar mesh was like, "I didn't have a lot, that much money. We, we're kinda new. But we paid their 15-"

Shaan Puri 19:59 He's like, "We sued them the next morning." [laughs]

Sam Parr 20:01 He goes, "Dude," he goes, "We paid their $15,000 dinner bill because I refuse to have that streak broken."

Shaan Puri 20:07 [laughs]

Sam Parr 20:07 And so Dharmesh is very aggressive about life. He started... He wanted to teach his kid how to program, so they made a online video game that, you know, makes a million dollars a year or something crazy. Like, it's, like, hugely popular. He's very aggressive about life. But if you go and hang out with him, he's gentle. He's soft. He'll let you do all the talking. And so, uh, I would say Dharmesh is one of my biggest inspirations. What about yours?

Shaan Puri 20:28 Classic gentle giant. Um, hard to pick. My... It's funny though. My Mount Rushmore of guests has really nothing to do with their episode, and it's just what impression they left on me or what I took away from them that is, may, may not have even been a remarkable episode. Maybe they didn't tell the best stories or have the, the best, uh, ideas right up the, right off the bat. So here's a couple of mine. Mine, mine all fall into the bucket of people who are playing their own game. So I really, really admire probably more than anything else somebody who takes the time to define how they wanna play the game of life, what their rules are, what their goals are, what their code is that they live by, and then of course succeed in doing it. And, and the result is that they are both happy and successful 'cause, you know, one without the other is sort of the ultimate failure. Ryan Holiday comes to mind. I don't even rem- I couldn't tell you one thing he said when he was on the podcast. But since then-

Sam Parr 21:19 Dude, Ryan's cool as shit

Shaan Puri 21:20 ... I've, uh, since then I followed Ryan, I was like, "Man, I really appreciate this dude." He seems... He was... I, I think the only thing I remember on the podcast, I told him, I go, "You are one of the, uh," [laughs] I think I called it, like, mentally well or something. I was like, "You seem like one of the most well-balanced, like, uh, grounded people that's ever come on this podcast. You just seem, like, genuinely happy and content." And it just comes through in his vibe. You know, for example, instead of getting money and being like, "Now, how do I..." Like, the, the question we had earlier, "How do I parlay this into a private equity thing and make more money off of it?" He did the thing that he really wanted. He bought his own bookstore and made an awesome bookstore. And he's like, "A bookstore is a terrible investment." But, like, he bought a bookstore. At the top, he built his office. At the bottom, he's got a bookstore. Why? 'Cause he absolutely loves books. He loves the vibe of a bookstore, so every day he gets to bask in the glory, the vibe of his investment. Whereas I put something in the stock market, it's just a number on a screen somewhere. And there's these clips of every time he has somebody come on the podcast, they record upstairs, and on the way out, he gives... he just starts handing them books. He's like, "Have you read this?" They're like, "No." He's like, "Oh my God, you gotta read this. Here, let me earmark the page where you're gonna love. This book, okay, this is their famous book, but actually this book is better." And he just leaves them. They walk out like it's a library, and they got, like, you know, six books. And I just love Ryan Holiday's approach.

Sam Parr 22:37 He did that with me, and I l- I think it was literally $1,000 of books.

Shaan Puri 22:42 Right. [laughs]

Sam Parr 22:42 Like, it was, like, a, a year's worth of reading, but he's the man.

Shaan Puri 22:45 I don't know him too well-

Sam Parr 22:46 Yeah, he's the man

Shaan Puri 22:46 ... but he's got his ranch. He's got his family. He's got... He spends his days doing what he loves, which is reading and writing and, you know, exploring ideas. He's, uh, tremendous. You know, everybody who I know who's met him respects him, and it just seems like he's living life on his own terms. He's not playing somebody else's game.

Sam Parr 23:01 Do you know how many books he's, uh, written, by the way? How many books he's published?

Shaan Puri 23:05 I would guess, like, seven or eight.

Sam Parr 23:07 15.

Shaan Puri 23:08 Yeah, he's prolific.

Sam Parr 23:09 He, and he writes a daily email. I don't know how he's, like, this prolific. He's the man.

Shaan Puri 23:13 And my buddy Billy works for him, and you can get a good sense of how somebody is when you talk to somebody who works under them and has for years, and he's got, you know, nothing but good things to say. So anyways, Ryan Holiday's up there. Jesse Itzler was kinda like that. I really admire-

Sam Parr 23:25 Yeah, that's cool

Shaan Puri 23:25 ... this dude's variety, so doing, uh, you know, from rapper to starting a jingle company and selling that to starting a private jet share company and selling that to Warren Buffett to creating a coconut water brand to creating now a pickles brand, creating a running brand, um, but he just takes the things he loves. It's, he is, his business is him pushed out. He loves running. He creates the running club. He creates the Everest thing where you run up and down this mountain until you've ran as many miles as Everest. He just seems to have taken his passion, and instead of wearing his heart on his sleeve, he just, like, manifested it through the world of business. I think that's really cool. Creative dude, seems like a lot of fun, and I like some of his other things, like having a Misogi for the year or how he, his little three Cs thing that I stole where he's like, "Yeah, every day I take 10 minutes and it's, uh- A compliment, a congratulations, or a cons- uh, what's it called when you like console, co- consolation for somebody when they, when they've gone through something?

Sam Parr 24:20 Yeah.

Shaan Puri 24:21 He just thinks of who in my life deserves one of those right now, who deserves some con-gratulations, a compliment or a c- uh, or being consoled, and he, uh, he texts that out. It's a very easy way to build amazing relationships in life.

Sam Parr 24:33 I'm doing his, um, 20- it's called 29029. It's the, uh, Everest, uh, it's Everesting-

Shaan Puri 24:38 You're doing it?

Sam Parr 24:38 ... I think. Yeah, I, uh, I, I, I was invited to g- his partner I've became friends with, and he's like, "Pick which one you wanna go." And so I got Sarah signed up, uh, for it, and we're g- we have to pick the date. But yeah, it sounds awesome. Dude, it's really popular, by the way. They're, it, it's also really expensive, and they're all always sold out.

Shaan Puri 24:56 As it should be. Uh, the last one I had is Mike Posner on my little Mount Rushmore, which I, I don't think that episode's come out yet. But he said a, a couple of things that stood out to me, the, but the biggest one is just a operating philosophy for, for any creator. Um, you know, he b- he, his first song was a hit, whatever, five time, 5X platinum. His second song was a little disappointing, only three times platinum. His third song, only 1X platinum. Felt like total failures, and every time he went to the studio trying to make a hit, he goes, "I only succeeded in making something that I hated and nobody else loved. Uh, when I, when I went in trying to make a hit that everybody would love, all I made was something that everybody else hated, uh, or something that I hated. And also, because I hated it, everybody else hated it, too." And he goes, "Now my philosophy is very simple. I just do what's cool to me, and every once in a while, the whole world agrees."

Sam Parr 25:43 That is cool.

Shaan Puri 25:44 And I just thought that is a wonderful banner cry for a creator, an artist, is to say, "I just make what's cool to me, and sometimes the whole world agrees."

Sam Parr 25:54 Yeah, he, um, that documentary he has where he walks across the country, that w- or it's like a music video, actually. Or is it a music video?

Shaan Puri 26:01 Yeah.

Sam Parr 26:01 It's like a 10-minute video. So good. He's very inspiring. Um-

Shaan Puri 26:05 Yeah, go watch the music video for Move On.

Sam Parr 26:07 Is that, what, is that the, i- it's, it-

Shaan Puri 26:08 That's the song, yeah

Sam Parr 26:09 ... like, it feels like a documentary, uh, because, like, there's so much talking in it. But, or-

Shaan Puri 26:13 Right

Sam Parr 26:13 ... you know, a 10-minute one. That's pretty badass. Arie, which one should we do?

Shaan Puri 26:17 Let's go to this one.

Shaan Puri 26:18 Isaac from Maryland says, "I just started training boxing. Thanks for the inspiration. And I took my first liver shot. Wow, son of a gun. Uh, it feels like somebody hit the off button on my body. And I thought about it later, and I started thinking, what's the equivalent of a liver shot in business? We all know that a punch to the jaw is the thing that's supposed to knock you out, but sometimes it's the sneaky liver shot that gets you. I told my wife about this idea, and she says, 'That sounds like something stupid that your f- friends on that stupid podcast would talk about.'" So let's have it, boys. What's the liver shot of business?

Sam Parr 26:47 Um, tell me if you've felt this before. You're having a problem in your company, and you think, "I have found this one person that's gonna change everything. Everything's gonna be better because I've hired this one person." I think in... Have I ever had a situa- okay, so maybe that could happen. I don't think I've ever had a situation where my expectations have been lived up to. And-

Shaan Puri 27:09 [laughs] Wait, what did you just say? You've never had a situation where your expectations have been lived up to?

Sam Parr 27:15 When my, when my-

Shaan Puri 27:15 In life? Ever? [laughs]

Sam Parr 27:16 No.

Shaan Puri 27:17 Oh.

Sam Parr 27:17 When my expectation is that this person is gonna be the silver bullet-

Shaan Puri 27:21 Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

Sam Parr 27:22 ... they're never lived up to.

Shaan Puri 27:24 Right.

Sam Parr 27:24 And it's not their fault. They could be fantastic, but, like, whenever I li- I'll buy into someone so much, and they'll do, like, one thing that, like, kind of is a bummer to me, and then I'm like, "What else is there that you're gonna do?"

Shaan Puri 27:38 Right.

Sam Parr 27:38 And then, like, another thing happens-

Shaan Puri 27:39 You're like, "Oh, shit, is this homeopathic medicine? Fuck."

Sam Parr 27:41 Yeah. [laughs]

Shaan Puri 27:43 [laughs] This is nothing at all.

Sam Parr 27:45 You get... Yeah, it's like I have to try. Uh, and so, yeah, I have felt that so many times, and I've always ma- I make that mistake consistently, where I buy into someone. You know, like, when you're, you're, like, in high school, and you're, like, seeing a girl, or, like, a girl you got a crush on so much, and, like, she finally gives you the, like, the chance, and you're like, "Every, life is perfect. I have crossed-

Shaan Puri 28:04 Right

Sam Parr 28:04 ... the threshold." And, like, she never-

Shaan Puri 28:06 But she's got pointy elbows. [laughs]

Sam Parr 28:07 Yeah, and, or, like, her, like, her ring toe is, like, bigger than, like, her big toe.

Shaan Puri 28:12 [laughs]

Sam Parr 28:12 You know what I mean? Like, uh-

Shaan Puri 28:15 Dude, I, I hate that. [laughs]

Sam Parr 28:17 [laughs]

Shaan Puri 28:18 I know it's out of their control, and I think, like, 30% of the population has that thing where one toe's longer than the other, but it's disgusting to me. [laughs]

Sam Parr 28:27 Have you seen Shallow Hal where, like, he, uh, it's, like, this ugly dude dates, like, a 10 out of 10 model, but her toe is like that, so he breaks up with her?

Shaan Puri 28:36 No. [laughs]

Sam Parr 28:37 [laughs] Um-

Shaan Puri 28:39 Only on this podcast will you get a Warren Buffett quote and a Shallow Hal quote at the sa- in the, within five minutes.

Sam Parr 28:44 [laughs] Do you know who makes an appearance in Shallow Hal is, uh-

Shaan Puri 28:48 Tony Robbins

Sam Parr 28:48 ... To- Tony Robbins.

Shaan Puri 28:49 [laughs]

Sam Parr 28:49 He's, like, the whole point in the movie. Like, he convinces Jack Black to only see people's inner beauty.

Shaan Puri 28:53 Right. [laughs]

Sam Parr 28:54 So now he only sees people... It's pretty funny. I love that movie. I think it's a great movie. Um, getting, uh, my gut punch is, like, being let down by people.

Shaan Puri 29:02 Right.

Sam Parr 29:02 Which is, frankly, I'm 100% to blame for that.

Shaan Puri 29:05 Right, right. Uh, mine is actually just having a health issue, either you or someone, you know, really close to you, when you're running a startup. 'Cause the day before, everything felt level 10 important, and this was the most important thing in the world. We're on a mission. We're at war. This is, this is everything. And then as soon as you have a health s- he- a real health issue, um, there's that phrase, you know, "A man has a thousand problems until he has a health problem, then he only has one problem."

Sam Parr 29:32 Yeah.

Shaan Puri 29:32 And that's so true. Like, uh, the liver punch in business is when you have a, a real-life scare, and you're like, "Wow, I feel so stupid for having just spent, like, caring so much about these stupid KPIs and metrics and dialing the knobs and optimizing this funnel." It's like, dude, honestly, who gives a shit? Um, so it, it is the, the, the one thing that really just shook me out of the delusion of, like, business felt like everything to me until that happened. That was my li- my liver punch.

Sam Parr 29:58 I always feel that way whenever I have a nurse treat me. Like, you know, like, nurses, nurses are like the-

Shaan Puri 30:03 Oh, you're like, "This is a real job"?

Sam Parr 30:05 Dude, they're like the tugboats of World War... You know, like, tugboats, like, heck, are, uh, like, have s- like, helped us win World War II. Like, the tugboats worked their asses off to get these ships out there, but they're the unsung heroes. You know, no one, like, gave tugboats love. Tugboats are busy-

Shaan Puri 30:18 Wait, what do the tugboats do? I don't know this

Sam Parr 30:20 So, uh, during World War II, we were, like, building ships like crazy. Or I'll give you a better analogy. Uh, 9/11. During 9/11, uh, you know what a tugboat is? Like, a, a tugboat is like a-

Shaan Puri 30:31 Not really. Is that a tiny boat that pulls boats?

Sam Parr 30:32 So when you... Le- let's say you have a, a cruise ship. When a cruise ship comes into a relatively small place, like for example, when a cruise ship is gonna dock in San Francisco, you need a tugboat to go out and get it and, like, drag it and place it perfectly where it goes. But they've been the unsung heroes for many occasions. So for example, during World War II, we were building ships like crazy and getting them out there. These fucking tugboats were working their asses off, and they, like, f- And, like, the tugboat operators were, like, performing miracles. Same with on 9/11. On 9/11, it was, like, the tugboats that were getting people off the island of Manhattan, uh, to, like, Brooklyn or whatever. And, uh, nurses are like tugboats. Like, you forget about a nurse. Like, or you think... You kinda dismiss a nurse as, like, it's the- the-

Shaan Puri 31:09 Yeah, you go to the hospital for the doctor

Sam Parr 31:11 ... it's the doctor who's the most important. And then you, like, a nurse will come and, like, give you Advil or, like, give you a Popsicle and, like, soothe you.

Shaan Puri 31:17 100%.

Sam Parr 31:17 And you're like, "You're, you're so much more important. A-

Shaan Puri 31:19 Yeah

Sam Parr 31:19 ... you're more important than the doctor maybe, and B, you're more important than my fucking job."

Shaan Puri 31:23 [laughs] Yeah.

Sam Parr 31:24 Like, it's, it's not even close.

Shaan Puri 31:26 100%. 100%. [laughs] All right, let's do another one. You, you pick one off here.

Sam Parr 31:31 If you could shadow anyone for a week to learn how they operate, who would it be and why?

Shaan Puri 31:38 All right. I would split it between either somebody who's hyper-productive, which is might as well go for Elon, 'cause there's all these myths about Elon and I just, I just wanna see it for myself. I wanna see what's the real deal. How is this guy running four companies and playing Diablo at night and got 11 kids? And, like, I wanna actually follow this guy and see what's going on. Um-

Sam Parr 31:58 What's Diablo?

Shaan Puri 31:59 [laughs] What is Diablo? It's a game, video game. Um-

Sam Parr 32:03 Oh, okay

Shaan Puri 32:04 ... th- he's, like, streaming on, on X at night. Like, the same night, you know, they catch the, the Starship, right? They catch the heaviest rocket ever with, like, these chopsticks. The same night he's playing Diablo for, like, four hours on stream and he's, like, doing, like, a high level raid. Um, it's pretty wild. In the same way that... Do you know this LeBron James recently screenshotted this thing out that he was a top r- a top 100 ranked Madden player, or, like, he reached rank 100, which is, like, the top rank? Um-

Sam Parr 32:30 No way.

Shaan Puri 32:31 Or-

Sam Parr 32:31 That's gotta be one of the most played games in the world, right?

Shaan Puri 32:33 Yeah. It doesn't mean he's a top 100 player, but it means he, he still reached the top rank of the people who are playing competitively at that moment. Um-

Sam Parr 32:41 That's still impressive. It doesn't matter.

Shaan Puri 32:42 Still impressive. Or, like, you know, we've told the story about Travis Kalanick being the number two or three Wii Tennis player in the world. Luka Dončić, who's, like, one of the best basketball players in the world, he's a, he's a top 100 Overwatch player.

Sam Parr 32:55 Is he really?

Shaan Puri 32:55 I play a lot of Overwatch. This is insane. It's insane that this guy is, like-

Sam Parr 32:58 What's Overwatch? Is that a war game?

Shaan Puri 32:59 It's a first person shooter. Um, or I don't know what you'd call it. It's, like, a team first person shooter or whatever.

Sam Parr 33:04 And he's the best, or one of?

Shaan Puri 33:06 He's a, he's a, he's a grand master player, top... And he reached top f- I think it was top 500, which is the, the, the... They don't do h- top 100. They do top 500. And Luka was in the top 500. It's insane. Like, I, I c- I can't believe it. And people are like, "Oh, well these guys are, they're athletes. They have a lot of time to play video games, a lot of downtime when their body's just recovering."

Sam Parr 33:22 It's still ridiculous.

Shaan Puri 33:23 I don't give a shit, dude. I was playing Overwatch, you know, three hours a day for, like, you know, two years. I couldn't even break, you know, bronze. This is incredible, uh, how he did that.

Sam Parr 33:33 Um, I think I wanna d- All right. So did you read that New York Times article on Alex Karp?

Shaan Puri 33:38 I didn't read it actually, but a bunch of people recommended it. What did it say? So he's the CEO of Palantir. What did it say?

Sam Parr 33:44 Alex Karp is the CEO of Palantir. Palantir is, like, a almost $100 billion company, and they're kind of controversial because they typically have a libertarian to Republican lean culture. In Silicon Valley, that's, like, not common, and he's also, like, a freak. And so he's a freak because he grew up, like, in Germany, I believe, uh, and he says, uh, and he says ridiculous stuff. So he's like, uh, "I've got s-" I think he said, "I got a Jewish mom and a Black dad. Uh, I can get away with anything." Like, he says, like, silly things like that.

Shaan Puri 34:13 Right.

Sam Parr 34:13 Or he'll be like, uh, "The only time I'm not th-" He said this on, like, a, um, like, a quarterly earnings call. He's like, "The only time I'm not thinking about Palantir is when I'm out cross-country skiing or having sex." Like, he just, like, kinda, like, says, like, ridiculous stuff like that. But he's just, like, a weirdo and, and, and, and I, I really like this. He, uh, was raised in Germany. He went to school as a philosophy major. Peter Thiel and him used to argue all the time and debate. Peter Thiel's, uh, right of center. Alex Karp is left of center. And so they had opposite politics, and he said in the article that they would argue like ravenous animals, and because of that they fell in love with each other. And Peter Thiel and Joe Lonsdale came to Karp with this idea for Palantir, and he was the perfect person to, uh, r- lead and run the company. And so he just tells, like, 25 years of stories in the New York Times article because this is his moment. The company's 25 years old, but they are finally, like, the top dog, and he tells all these crazy stories, and he's just quirky and weird, and I love that.

Shaan Puri 35:10 The, the article starts, "Alex Karp never learned to drive." His quote, "I was too poor and then I was too rich." [laughs] The picture's him wearing pink socks at his new New Hampshire home, just, like, sort of s- sitting in his, uh, his-

Sam Parr 35:23 Everything about him is weird. Everything you just said about that is, like, different and strange. Keep going

Shaan Puri 35:27 ... "I'm, I'm Jewish, racially ambiguous, dyslexic, so I can say anything." [laughs]

Sam Parr 35:32 Yes.

Shaan Puri 35:33 Um, okay. Wow.

Sam Parr 35:36 He's just quirky, man. He's really funky.

Shaan Puri 35:39 So you wanna follow this guy 'cause you think he's a genius, or you just think this guy's a f- a weird, a weirdo and you just wanna see it up close?

Sam Parr 35:47 All the above.

Shaan Puri 35:48 Okay.

Sam Parr 35:48 And he's living in his own world. I have friends that, who, uh, report to him at Palantir, and they love him. Like, this is one of those stories where you said similarly to Ryan Holiday where you talk to people who work for him. They all love him. They have jokes and, and they, I think they reference it in the article. They call him Papa Karp or Daddy Karp. Like, they, like, revere him, like this wise, like, sage guy.

Shaan Puri 36:10 Yeah, okay. This guy's pretty fascinating. Um, okay, so Alex Karp would be your pick?

Sam Parr 36:14 Easy.

Shaan Puri 36:15 Nice. The only th- I, I would either do someone super productive like Elon or somebody super creative like the, the creators of South Park That documentary, uh, Six Days to Air is one of my favorite-

Sam Parr 36:24 What a miserable life

Shaan Puri 36:25 ... things to watch

Sam Parr 36:26 How hard is that life?

Shaan Puri 36:27 I don't, I don't wanna be either of them. Both of them play the game on absolute hard mode. But if you're g- you know, if I wanna break my frame, I'm not gonna hang out with people who have exactly kind of like what I feel comfortable with. It's, I wanna hang out with people who play the game at level 12 so I know what the hell level 12 is, and then I'll dial it back to eight or nine, which is where I like to, I like to stay in that range. But I don't... You won't, you don't even know what a eight or nine is unless you've seen what the extreme is. I wanna see the extreme of productivity and the extreme of creativity.

Sam Parr 36:55 Yeah, man, that documentary's amazing. Basically, for those who haven't seen it, I think it's on YouTube for free. South Park, which has been around for 25 years, it's basically two guys, Matt and Trey, they come up with an, an entire 30-minute episode in six days. So from idea to it being live is six days, and they do that every single season, and they've done it for 25 years.

Shaan Puri 37:13 Which is, which is unheard of. That, that timeline is unheard of. Most a- animated shows would be like, you know, sort of like a, it's like a year-

Sam Parr 37:20 Family Guy is nine months

Shaan Puri 37:22 ... six to nine months, 12 months. That's like normal. Six days just breaks your brain of how do you do that? And the way they do that is they're like, they're, you know, M- it's like Monday we're pitching ideas, and then we grab the idea. The animators start, start drawing. We go into the studio. We start doing the voices so that the animators have the dialogue. We're working out the jokes as we go. It's crazy.

Sam Parr 37:43 They also do that, uh, with SNL.

Shaan Puri 37:46 By the way, I saw this interview with him recently. So d- uh, you won't... I don't know if you will know this, but I lived in Denver, and that's where they're from, and there's this restaurant that's famous there called Casa Bonita. Do you know about this Casa Bonita story?

Sam Parr 37:57 They bought it. Dude, they bought it, and it's amazing.

Shaan Puri 37:59 Well, do you know what it is first?

Sam Parr 38:01 Was it like... I know it's in this TV show. I watch it, the show all the time. It was a joke in the show where it was like Cartman wanted to go there, and there's like... It's like, is it Mexican, I guess? And there's people jumping off like cliffs into pools, and there's like all you can eat Mexican food.

Shaan Puri 38:14 Imagine you walk in to the biggest Rainforest Cafe you've ever seen. So you walk in, and it feels like you're in a cave or some kind of like treasure hunt t- sort of situation. But you're... So it's part Rainforest Cafe on steroids, part school lunch, 'cause you just grab a tray, and you walk down this b- it's like a, it's like Ikea. You walk down this path, and then there's like these lunch ladies just putting slop on your tray, and the slop is the worst Mexican food you ever had in your life. And then you get out till you finally exit the maze, where you got your slop on your tray, and you sit down. And now you're at like this table, and there's this h- it's this huge restaurant that has these, like a giant indoor waterfall. And then there's a whole show that happens with cliff divers, and they're diving into the water, and there's like a... It's like a little play that's happening. So then you get Broadway. So you get Broadway, the Rainforest Cafe, and like the craziest prison lunch you've ever had.

Sam Parr 39:07 It's like an experience.

Shaan Puri 39:08 It was dying, and I guess, you know, they're... It's like a staple for anybody who lives in that area. It's like, it's like a thing. And you knew if it ever died, no, it would never come back 'cause the whole idea didn't even make sense in the first place. So they bought it for like, I think, a couple million bucks, and the guy said... They go, he goes, "So you've since had to invest in like kind of turning it around."

Sam Parr 39:26 I saw this.

Shaan Puri 39:27 [laughs] And he's like, "Uh, yeah, we've invested a lot of money." He goes, "How much did you invest?" He goes, "We've put in about $40 million" [laughs]

Sam Parr 39:33 [laughs]

Shaan Puri 39:35 "... to rescue this restaurant," which is just insane. And they-

Sam Parr 39:39 Dude

Shaan Puri 39:40 ... along the way, they filmed it as they were trying to rescue this thing. That turned into its own documentary and so just a crazy, crazy story.

Sam Parr 39:47 Is the food better? The, the reviews on it are like still not good.

Shaan Puri 39:51 I, I don't know. I don't wanna hear any bad things about it. I j- I love those guys. I love Casa Bonita. I have a lot of memories from there as a kid, and I love that these guys tried to... Basically, the same thing that the Fertittas did with the UFC, where they bought it for 2 million bucks and then lost 40 million trying to like-

Sam Parr 40:04 It's like a-

Shaan Puri 40:05 ... build the brand. They did that but just with Casa Bonita instead. [laughs]

Sam Parr 40:09 Dude, but yeah, I don't know if the outcome's gonna be the same, but that's pretty wild. I mean, they're like epically rich, those guys. They've, they've been-

Shaan Puri 40:16 Rich guys and restaurants. Name a better combo. Like it, it-

Sam Parr 40:19 Shit.

Shaan Puri 40:20 [laughs]

Sam Parr 40:21 Um, all right. Wanna do one more, or, or is that it?

Shaan Puri 40:24 Let's do this fatherhood one. So Jeremy from Austin... Okay, that's, uh, maybe somebody you know. He says, "I'm a soon to be dad. I've read all the books, I listen to podcasts, but I gotta hear from the boys what advice was actually useful," underlined, "for when you became a dad?" So we all get advice. What was actually useful?

Sam Parr 40:42 Dude, mine's so much easier. Um, uh, yours is gonna be like insightful and philosophical. Here's... Mine, mine was like so easy. So you s- it's, it was called like the five S's, but it really could just be like two. So when a baby's crying, zero to three months, you swaddle them super tight. I was shocked at how tight you need to be.

Shaan Puri 41:01 Yeah.

Sam Parr 41:01 You turn 'em, you turn 'em-

Shaan Puri 41:01 Tighter than you think you're supposed to be doing.

Sam Parr 41:04 Yeah, like you're putting this thing in a straitjacket. Like, like-

Shaan Puri 41:06 [laughs]

Sam Parr 41:06 ... child protective services need to be called. Like that's how like tight it feels-

Shaan Puri 41:10 [laughs]

Sam Parr 41:10 ... like when you swaddle these kids. And then you hold them on their side when they're crying, and you lift them up in your ear, and you shush at 'em. But when you shush, it's super loud. Like I... They, when they taught me how to do it, I'm like, "That's gonna hurt the baby's ear." And they're like-

Shaan Puri 41:22 [laughs]

Sam Parr 41:23 ... "No, th- this... I don't know. However it works, this is what they're used to hearing." You shush really loud in their ear, and they quit crying after like 20 seconds. So it was like the-

Shaan Puri 41:32 Right

Sam Parr 41:32 ... swaddle, sideways, shush. That was very productive.

Shaan Puri 41:35 [laughs] All right. That's good. Um, I'll tell you what doesn't help first. So when I, when we got pregnant for the first time, it was like, "Oh, better get some sleep now." Th- that's not how sleep works, and that doesn't do anything. Don't, don't copy that.

Sam Parr 41:48 [laughs]

Shaan Puri 41:48 Um, if-

Sam Parr 41:48 What, you can't build it up with a bank?

Shaan Puri 41:50 If they wanted to say, what could you actually do before the kid comes, which is not much, it'd be like tr- uh, hey, just take this 15-pound dumbbell and curl it. Just hold it in the curl, and then try to do the rest of your life. So now operate, you know, do your computer, and like make food, and do everything while curling this thing, 'cause that's actually the only prep that would a- that would've actually helped. I, I, I think the biggest prep is mental, uh, for, at least for the dad. Here's what I think are the f- the three phases of fatherhood. This is my bit. I'm working on it. I'm working on a bit here, all right? The three phases of fatherhood are: I want kids That's phase one. I want kids. Yeah, I want kids. Hell yeah. And then phase two, which is when you're pregnant and the baby's coming, I want kids, dot, dot, dot, right?

Sam Parr 42:35 Yeah, it's scary.

Shaan Puri 42:35 I want this, right? Now? And that's phase two. And then phase three, which comes appro- you think it's supposed to come when the baby's born, but it will not for most people. It comes, like, 12 to 18 months later, is I can't live without kids. And then that's where, that's where you will get to. That's the third phase. It does come. Have faith. And so, uh, totally normal to have the, the initial I want this, then the questioning and the doubt and the f- the panic, the freak out. Then the initial anticlimactic thing where the baby's an inanimate object and you're kinda useless as a dad. You're kinda just helping the mom. Uh, you don't feel too much. That was at least my, was my experience. And, um, that's g- you're kinda concerned. You're like, "Wait, do I not have a soul? Why, why don't I feel what I'm supposed to feel about this kid?" And then at sorta 12 to 18 months, once they start to, like, smile and laugh or, you know, crawl, like, do things like that, then you're able to... Then, then it turns around and you're like, "I can't imagine life without, without kids after that."

Sam Parr 43:29 I probably spoke to 30 guys before I had my kid, and I was like, "What should I expect?" Uh, and I asked all of them a very, like, blunt question, but they all understood what I meant, which was, "Did you love her right away, or did you love the baby right away?" And of the probably 70% of them said, "No, I had love, but I wasn't in love."

Shaan Puri 43:50 I cared. Cared about the wellbeing, sure.

Sam Parr 43:52 Yeah, like, I cared, but, like, there, I wasn't in love.

Shaan Puri 43:55 Right.

Sam Parr 43:55 Until, let's say, eight or 10 months, something like that. Um, I personally was into it because I had animals. Like, it kinda replaced, like, a dog for me, if I'm being honest. Like, or, where, like, I love dogs-

Shaan Puri 44:07 Right, right

Sam Parr 44:07 ... and I was, I, I like that. I like that type of shit. So I was into it, but I was preparing not to be into it right away.

Shaan Puri 44:15 Lowered expectations, the key to life.

Sam Parr 44:17 I think most men aren't into their kids for, you know what I mean, wh- when I say into, uh, in love for, like, eight m- eight months.

Shaan Puri 44:24 We, I had a hilarious dinner with this guy, and he was like, "Yeah, I, um, you know, if I'm honest, it's har- I, I, I ca- same, same description. I, I care, but I, I, I guess I wouldn't say I'm, like, totally, like, head over heels, like, you know, can't live without them type of thing."

Sam Parr 44:38 [laughs] It's like you have a roommate.

Shaan Puri 44:39 And I was like-

Sam Parr 44:39 It's like a roommate that you enjoy

Shaan Puri 44:41 ... I was like, "Oh, totally, totally normal. Turns around, you know, 12, 18 months." They're like, "Yeah, they're three." [laughs]

Sam Parr 44:48 [laughs]

Shaan Puri 44:49 I was like, "Oh, you're broken." [laughs]

Sam Parr 44:54 Dude, you know what also shocked me?

Shaan Puri 44:57 Didn't get checked.

Sam Parr 44:57 Like, every, all of my friends, after they have kids, they all, most of them have said similar things, which is, "I wish I started sooner." And that shocked me. I was always the opposite, I thought. I, I always thought it was the opposite.

Shaan Puri 45:10 Yeah.

Sam Parr 45:10 But-

Shaan Puri 45:11 I, I don't wish that. I'm like, I, I, I, I'm glad I got in all the, the stuff that you can only do when you're, you know, young, wild, and free. I'm glad I got that in because it's a one-way door. Once you do it, you can't, there is no, there's no breaks. There's no mulligans, you know, at least for me. So, you know, it just seems like it's, uh, I'm glad I took the time.

Sam Parr 45:29 All right, that's this episode. Or we, we're gonna call this mailbag. Mailbags are fun. Um-

Shaan Puri 45:34 Yeah, I like the mailbag

Sam Parr 45:34 ... if you have questions, again, like this, go to mfmpod.com, and we're gonna add a contact button, and you could ask questions there.

Shaan Puri 45:43 Yeah, we'll add a mailbag button. Drop them in there. Make them entertaining. Make them fun. We like them.

Sam Parr 45:49 All right, that's it. That's the pod. [outro music]