Jimmy Carr Speaks Out About the Manosphere

1. 0:00 – 0:32

   Setting the stage: What advice do young men need right now?

   1. DJDavid McIntosh Jr0:00

      What would your advice be to young men? I spoke to Rob Henderson, who I think you know

   2. JCJimmy Carr0:05

      I, I don't know him, but I'm a big admirer.

   3. DJDavid McIntosh Jr0:07

      Yeah

   4. JCJimmy Carr0:07

      And he's re- remarkable. I think, um, uh, who's the other one? Um, uh, Scott Galloway's new book-

   5. DJDavid McIntosh Jr0:13

      Oh

   6. JCJimmy Carr0:13

      ... is very good.

   7. DJDavid McIntosh Jr0:14

      I've not read it yet.

   8. JCJimmy Carr0:15

      Uh, it's really, really worth taking a look at. Uh, you know, the young men, um-

   9. DJDavid McIntosh Jr0:19

      So would you hear this? He said that 45% of young men between the ages of 18 and 25 have yet to ask a woman out. I think that's quite shocking, and I-

   10. JCJimmy Carr0:27

       Yeah

   11. DJDavid McIntosh Jr0:27

       ... I've been trying to, like, kind of-

   12. JCJimmy Carr0:29

       Okay. All right

   13. DJDavid McIntosh Jr0:30

       ... pause that series on it.

   14. JCJimmy Carr0:30

       Let's, let's give some advice then.

   15. DJDavid McIntosh Jr0:32

       Okay.

2. 0:32 – 1:02

   Quit the dopamine substitutes: pornography as a “good vs best” trap

   1. JCJimmy Carr0:32

      All right. This is unsolicited advice for young men. Okay. So first off, um, pornography, uh, stop looking at it, and not because I'm being, um, a prude. I'm not prude in any way at all. But it's... Pornography is a proxy. Uh, it's a... It's not a bad proxy. You can knock one out to porn. You can have an orgasm, and it's kind of okay. But the good is the enemy of the best, and the idea that you would go to... You have to be a certain level of horny to walk across

3. 1:02 – 1:24

   Video games and comfort loops: replacing career progress with simulated achievement

   1. JCJimmy Carr1:02

      a bar to a girl you don't know and go, "You look lovely. Can I buy you a drink?" It's like, ah, it's much easier to kind of, uh, to not take that risk. And video games, I think, go the same way, right? Video games are a proxy for the career that you don't have. Think about a video game, right? It's layers, levels, and then there's a big boss at the top.

   2. DJDavid McIntosh Jr1:22

      Especially these role-playing games as well for me.

4. 1:24 – 1:54

   Huxley over Orwell: trading freedom and growth for cheap dopamine

   1. JCJimmy Carr1:24

      It couldn't be more obvious, right? Uh, so it's a proxy for the career. My theory is that it's George Orwell wasn't right. We will not be, um, taken over by an authoritarian regime. Aldous Huxley was right in Brave New World, and he posited that we will give away our freedom for cheap dopamine, right? That... I think that's what young men are doing, right? So it's that thing. Weirdly, I would say it's, so give up porn, but get your dick wet, son. Go out and find someone. Go out and find a girl.

5. 1:54 – 2:24

   Practical dating guidance: proximity, low-pressure asks, and non-toxic initiation

   1. JCJimmy Carr1:54

      And where are the nice girl... Like, it doesn't need to be a bar. You know, j- join a gym. Wherever the nice girls are, go be, be in that space. And you're not, uh, it's not toxic masculinity to ask someone out. We all know the difference between pestering someone and just saying, "Oh, I like you. Would you... Can I take you for coffee?" Don't ask someone out on a date. Maybe ask them out for a cup of coffee in the day. Have a cup of coffee and see if we get, get along, rather than a big romantic, I've bought you flowers and everything. It's too much pressure. Take it, take it down. And then, you

6. 2:24 – 2:55

   Socializing matters more than perfect health: the case for shared rituals (even drinking)

   1. JCJimmy Carr2:24

      know, that thing of, I think young people should be drinking. This is Scott Galloway's point, but it's a brilliant point. The damage to your liver, the risk to your liver is as nothing compared to the risk of social isolation. So you have to find things. I, I, I would argue that most disagreements between couples are the same argument, and it's one person saying to another p- person, "You're not enough people." Because we wanna take everything from... We want our partner to be our everything in life.

   2. DJDavid McIntosh Jr2:54

      Mm.

7. 2:55 – 3:22

   Why couples fight: “You’re not enough people” and the need for community

   1. JCJimmy Carr2:55

      Okay? So we want her to be our lover and our best friend and our confidant and our business partner and a da, da, da, da, da, a million different things, and you're not enough is the argument. And actually, you need great friends, and you need hobbies, and you need interests, and you need... You, you need a life outside of each other, and you come together. It's, it's... It works better if there's a... You know, it takes a village, not just to bring up the kid, but for the relationship to work.

8. 3:22 – 3:53

   A standard for healthy partnership: be a “plus one,” not a rescue

   1. DJDavid McIntosh Jr3:22

      A kind of, uh, deciding principle that I had in relationships was my partner has to be happier alone so we can be happy together, and what I mean by that is that, um, she or they are not at minus one before I enter their life.

   2. JCJimmy Carr3:38

      Mm.

   3. DJDavid McIntosh Jr3:38

      They have a wide array of ambition and extracurricular activities, hobbies, and interests-

   4. JCJimmy Carr3:42

      Yeah

   5. DJDavid McIntosh Jr3:42

      ... so that I'm a plus one to their life, not filling that hole.

   6. JCJimmy Carr3:46

      Yeah. I think Esther Perel's probably the best on this.

   7. DJDavid McIntosh Jr3:48

      Oh, she's great.

   8. JCJimmy Carr3:48

      She's unbelievable. But that thing of, like, her... The percentage thing she talks about.

   9. DJDavid McIntosh Jr3:53

      So-

9. 3:53 – 4:47

   The 50/50 myth: relationships as flexible, seasonal contributions

   1. JCJimmy Carr3:53

      Like, the, it, there's an illusion, right? So you go and you get together with a partner, and you say, "Well, it's 50/50 in this relationship." It's never 50/50. Because sometimes you come in and you're broken. You've been at work, and it hasn't gone well, and you're under stress 'cause there's a financial thing, and the kids are playing up, and the car broke down, da, da, da. You're at 10, and then they need to be at 90. They need to make dinner and order in and make sure that... and actually they need to do laundry, and they need to take care of everything 'cause you're broken that day. And then the next day, she's at 40, and you're at 60, so you do a little bit more. I, I really like that idea of, like, an aggregated over a year, it's 50/50, but it's not like that every day. You can't win an argument with your other half. You can't win a fight with your wife. It's your wife. The fuck are you talking about? If, if they lose, you lose.

   2. DJDavid McIntosh Jr4:42

      Yeah.

   3. JCJimmy Carr4:42

      So-

   4. DJDavid McIntosh Jr4:42

      Conflicts live and die in the con... Sorry. Relationships live and die in the conflict resolution.

10. 4:47 – 5:48

    From empathy to agency: “deal young people into society”

    1. JCJimmy Carr4:47

       Yeah. I mean, I think that thing about, you know, advice to young men, young people, I feel like our whole society is kind of, it's geared to the wrong thing. I think I spoke about it last night on, on stage, but that idea of going, young people need to be... We need to deal them in. People in their 20s need to be dealt into society, and that isn't about benefits. It's about them taking, having a- giving them agency, not just empathy. I see this as a real, um... We, we tend to give people we like empathy and people we don't like agency. So we say, "Well, you should have known better." You know, if it's a march for something that we approve of and they riot, we go, "Well, that's, you know, riots are the, the, the s- the sound of the unheard, the language of the unheard." And if it's someone we don't like, we go, "Well, they knew what they were doing, and they should be locked up and throw away the key." It's weird. So I think you've got to give everyone, uh, the same amount of agency and empathy and give them a chance. I think, you know, people in their 20s shouldn't be paying tax.

    2. DJDavid McIntosh Jr5:47

       I like this theory.

11. 5:48 – 6:18

    Radical economic proposals: no tax in your 20s, fewer university seats

    1. JCJimmy Carr5:48

       It's not a bad... Well, but you think about that idea of going, well, how are we gonna... We're not gonna rig the housing market, but we need to give people an opportunity to earn money, save money, and build a life and have a family, right? That's what societies are for. The idea of going, if you said to young people, anything you earn in your 20s, you keep. Well, it, it basically makes university less attractive, right? University needs to be elitist. It needs to be the top 10 or 20% of people at most because it's a luxury item. If luxury items are everywhere, they're no longer

12. 6:18 – 6:53

    Pensions and incentives: “no tax over 60” and the limits of “fantasy politics”

    1. JCJimmy Carr6:18

       luxury items. It doesn't work. 50% of people going to university doesn't work. So the idea of going, well, we should... We, we could rig that system pretty easily. And also, and I think, you know, we're gonna, we've got a pensions crisis coming. I mean, there's a lot of fantasy politics going on, where people talk about what they're gonna do and how many things they're gonna give away. It's fantasy politics. We don't have that money. But maybe over 60, you should say to people, "No tax." Over 60, no tax. What about that? It's not a crazy idea. You go, "Well, look, if you wanna keep working when you're older, you get to keep it all." That's not a terrible idea, and old people can take better care of themselves, and if they can work, great.

13. 6:53 – 6:57

    Wrap-up joke: politics as Jimmy’s next act

    1. DJDavid McIntosh Jr6:53

       Jimmy, after the movie, after The Fragrance, politics is next for you.

    2. JCJimmy Carr6:56

       Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure. Sure

Episode duration: 6:57