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Dr Rangan ChatterjeeDr Rangan Chatterjee

Feel Lost In Life? Here’s Exactly How to Find Your Purpose (For Real) | Kirsty Gallagher

This episode is brought to you by: Timeline: Get 25% off your order of Mitopure https://timeline.com/livemore Ketone IQ: Save 30% OFF your subscription order PLUS get a free gift with your second shipment https://ketone.com/livemore AG1: Get 1 year's Free Vitamin D3+K2 and 5 free travel packs https://bit.ly/43FwxQl Vivobarefoot: Get 20% off your first order https://bit.ly/4l2txWU Many of us are so busy keeping up with life, that we forget to check in with ourselves. We follow the rules, meet expectations and strive for success – yet still feel disconnected, stuck or unfulfilled. True purpose can feel elusive, like something we’re always searching for but never quite finding. This week, I’m joined by Kirsty Gallagher to explore how reconnecting with who you truly are can lead to a life of greater meaning, alignment, and joy. Kirsty is a renowned meditation and yoga teacher, a spiritual coach, and Sunday Times bestselling author of several books - including her latest, Your Cosmic Purpose. In our conversation, we discuss: - Why your true purpose is to be yourself, not to chase status, success or approval - How to start listening to your own truth, even if you’ve spent a lifetime tuning in to everyone else’s - Why spending time in stillness is so important - The role of discomfort and “internal conflict” as signs you’re out of alignment - Why trusting the timing of your life is essential and how your most painful experiences may be guiding you to greater clarity and purpose - The importance of celebrating your progress - How to reclaim your power by learning to make conscious, intentional choices - even when you are unable to change your external circumstances Throughout this conversation, Kirsty shares stories from her own journey, from corporate burnout to spiritual awakening, and offers practical tools to help you reconnect with the part of you that already knows the way. This conversation may feel a little different from others I have had on this podcast. It leans more into the emotional and spiritual aspects of health and healing, but if you listen with an open heart and mind, I truly believe there is something in it for everyone. At its core, it’s a powerful reminder that you are the expert of your own life. Your truth matters. Your voice matters. And your purpose, however small or quiet it may seem right now, is already within you. #feelbetterlivemore ----- Show notes https://drchatterjee.com/565 Connect with Kirsty Gallgher: https://www.kirstygallagher.com/ https://www.facebook.com/KirstyGallagherLunarLiving https://twitter.com/Lunar_Living_ https://www.instagram.com/kirsty_gallagher_/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKK75lVIc0_dMZlxYJxxMpA https://www.pinterest.co.uk/kirsty_gallagher__/ Kirsty’s latest book: Your Cosmic Purpose: Trust in the universe and discover your life path UK https://amzn.to/43YOz1v Kindle https://amzn.to/3FH2LEx #feelbetterlivemore #feelbetterlivemorepodcast ------- Order MAKE CHANGE THAT LASTS. US & Canada version https://amzn.to/3RyO3SL, UK version https://amzn.to/3Kt5rUK ----- Follow Dr Chatterjee at: Website: https://drchatterjee.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drchatterjee Twitter: https://twitter.com/drchatterjeeuk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee/ Newsletter: https://drchatterjee.com/subscription DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

Dr. Rangan ChatterjeehostKirsty Gallagherguest
Jun 18, 20251h 55mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 1:06

    Purpose isn’t “out there”: it’s being who you truly are

    1. RC

      What is purpose?

    2. KG

      Mm.

    3. RC

      And what is it that gets in the way of us finding our own?

    4. KG

      So I always come with a really big kind of spoiler alert when I talk about purpose, because your purpose, honestly, is to be you. It's to be who you came here to be. And so I think we've labeled purpose as some big elusive thing out there that one day we might find, and when we finally find it, we'll be happy and our life will be the way that we want it to be. And so we constantly search for purpose outside of us. So we look for it in our job, or in status, or in relationships, or in money, or houses, or cars, or whatever it may be. We look for it in the material world, and we're never gonna find it out there because none of that is who we truly are. So your purpose is to be the you that you came here to be, to offer to the world what only you can offer. So the biggest thing that gets in the way of purpose is, is you. Because the whole time we're trying to be someone that we're not, or we're trying to act in certain ways that we think we should, we're kind of strangling the very life force energy that makes us who we are, and therefore gives us purpose in life. Now, the other things I like to mention with purpose is that we also think our

  2. 1:06 – 2:45

    Your job doesn’t have to be your purpose (and purpose can be everyday life)

    1. KG

      purpose needs to be our job. Your purpose doesn't need to be your job. Your job is allowed to be somewhere that you go to earn money, to pay the bills, and then you can find purpose outside of that. So your purpose may be to be a parent-

    2. RC

      Mm

    3. KG

      ... to raise the next generation. Your purpose may be to do charity work or work with animals. Your purpose may be to tend to a beautiful garden so that everyone that walks past that garden gets joy and upliftment and smiles because they see something so beautiful.

    4. RC

      Mm-hmm.

    5. KG

      It's likely that you may start to do your purpose down the line, because when we find what it is that we're here to do, we want to share it and teach it, and that's also part of our purpose. That everything that we go through in life is leading us to more and more purpose. So if we could view purpose as, rather than being this one big thing out there, if we could view the way you go to your job as your purpose, the way you navigate difficult times in life as your purpose, the way you show up every day-

    6. RC

      Mm-hmm

    7. KG

      ... is your purpose, that in itself would help us to find more purpose.

    8. RC

      Yeah, I love that. There's so many really beautiful options there to help people think about purpose, I think, a little bit differently.

    9. KG

      Mm.

    10. RC

      I think one of the things that I've observed over the last few years is there's more awareness of purpose and how important it is.

    11. KG

      Yes.

    12. RC

      And, you know, I've looked at the research on purpose and, and, and, and it's very clear that people with a strong sense of purpose are happier, they're healthier, they live longer. But I think it does feel quite elusive to many people.

    13. KG

      Mm.

    14. RC

      It's like, yeah, but my... I'm, I'm just busy with work and just keeping a roof over my head, you know, how can I possibly find time to find my purpose?

    15. KG

      Mm.

  3. 2:45 – 8:01

    Purpose is a state of being: authenticity over external validation

    1. RC

      Right? So I, I really like the way you broadened it out there. As you were talking, I guess the follow-up that came into my mind was, is purpose then something we do or something that we are?

    2. KG

      Something that we are. For me, purpose is something that you are. You, you have to find it within you. The only thing that's gonna give you true meaning and purpose in life is when you're doing things that feel purposeful and meaningful to you, and that's gonna be different for all of us. And so for me, the more you can become who you authentically and truly are, the more you will then live a life of purpose. And then as I mentioned, you might start to do more of that by teaching it or sharing it. And so a prime example is that my purpose right now is to show up as part of this podcast, fully, truly, authentically me, and give you every part of me that I've got. That's my purpose right now. If I was sitting here now trying to say to you what I thought you wanted me to say, or what I thought your audience wanted me to say, I wouldn't be being all of me, and therefore the words I'm speaking, they wouldn't land in the same way. Whereas, if I can show up now, and I can be fully me, and I can give you everything I've got, and I can share my experiences with you, that's how then it's gonna land. And if I touch the hearts of one or two people today who make one tiny change in their life because of something we've said, that's my purpose. I'm here to serve and to help people. So I've then fulfilled my purpose by being me.

    3. RC

      You said your purpose is to be here and serve people. Okay. It's ki- kind of interesting for me to unpick that.

    4. KG

      Mm.

    5. RC

      Is there a danger perhaps that if we say that our purpose is to serve people, that we can inadvertently be doing things for external validation, right? Because it could be... You were saying some really beautiful things there. So you were saying that, "If I say to you, Rangan, things that I think your audience want to hear from me," in some ways, you would actually have met the goal of helping those people, right? You might have said something really insightful that then helps them, but you may have changed who you are in order to do that. There's a, there's a subtlety there, isn't there?

    6. KG

      There is. And then would I have landed the goal? Because everyone knows when we hear words that aren't authentically true. We all know. There's a part of us that knows when someone is trying to say something-

    7. RC

      Mm

    8. KG

      ... that they think we want to say, or when something isn't coming from a depth of experience and embodiment. We all know when someone's just a wordsmith and just saying all the right words, but there isn't a depth that has been lived and fully experienced. So a lot of our purpose comes through our lived experience, where we go through certain things in our life.

    9. RC

      Mm.

    10. KG

      And I believe that everything we go through in life is helping to take us to more purpose, because I can only sit here now and share with you things from my own personal experience, what I've experienced, how I've learned and grown and evolved on my journey of life that's then taken me towards more purpose. Now, my purpose is to serve others. That might not be yours. It might not be anyone else who's watching this. So that's why it's important that we find our unique individual purpose and what makes us feel most purposeful and alive.

    11. RC

      Yeah. I love that. That... And I guess the reason I pause on that, um, and sort of try to explore it, is because I was chatting to my team last week about this podcast.

    12. KG

      Mm.

    13. RC

      Okay? The, the team who help me put this show out every week. And-There was just a, a throwaway comment from someone about, you know, you're doing this to help people. You know, what, what is it the audience wants, okay? Um, let's think about how we can or how I can give the audience what they want, and I said, "Well, hold on a minute. I get what you're saying, but the way I serve the audience best is by selfishly choosing the guests who I wanna speak to."

    14. KG

      Exactly.

    15. RC

      Right? And, and it-

    16. KG

      Exactly

    17. RC

      ... and it's something I don't think a lot of people fully appreciate.

    18. KG

      Yeah.

    19. RC

      If I choose guests that my audience want me to speak to, right, there's nothing wrong with that necessarily, but if I'm not feeling it, if I don't feel like I wanna sit opposite this person for two hours and go deep, then it's the wrong choice, and I've done that before.

    20. KG

      Yeah.

    21. RC

      Okay? But I've learned over the years, no, the way I serve the audience-

    22. KG

      Exactly

    23. RC

      ... is by serving myself, which I think-

    24. KG

      Exactly

    25. RC

      ... kind of speaks to what you're saying.

    26. KG

      It exactly does, 'cause it, you've just... Everything that we've spoken about so far is there in that. If you had a conversation that wasn't necessarily true for you because you thought it's what the people wanted, you'd still show up, 'cause you do, that's who you are, but your full heart wouldn't be in it, and your full soul wouldn't be in it, and you wouldn't then give in the way that you give or show up fully in the way that you show. You'd maybe have a list of questions, and you go through them, and you'd more tick off the questions-

    27. RC

      Yeah

    28. KG

      ... than being genuinely interested and bouncing the conversation back and forth and being like, "Tell me more about that. I wanna know-

    29. RC

      Mm

    30. KG

      ... more about that." And that's when it lands with your listeners, because we listen to you and we can hear the passion, the interest, the enthusiasm.

  4. 8:01 – 16:24

    “Your truth” and rebuilding self-trust from the inside out

    1. RC

      Yeah, so there's one of my favorite bits in your new book, which is called Your Cosmic Purpose, is on page six. Um, so early on in the introduction, you said this. You said, "This may be a good time for me to say that if anything I say in this book doesn't resonate with you, that's not your truth. That's more than okay. Instead, take what lands for you, and leave the rest. I'm not here to teach or tell or convince you of anything."

    2. KG

      Mm.

    3. RC

      "I'm here to help you to remember the depths of wisdom, knowing, and truth that, that are already within you."

    4. KG

      Yeah.

    5. RC

      Now, I love that. I underlined it, because one thing I've always liked about you, Kirsty, since I met you maybe three or four years ago at Carfest for the first time, and we've become really good friends since then-

    6. KG

      Yeah

    7. RC

      ... is this warmth and humility, and you're very open in this book at various times. You talk about how when you first discovered all the things that you talk about, you wanted everyone also to believe that.

    8. KG

      Mm.

    9. RC

      Right? But I think as you become... Certainly my experience has, I think, echoes yours. I was the same when I really got into the power of lifestyle and how it can affect us, our health, our happiness. I wanted to convince everyone. And now I'm not here to convince anyone of anything.

    10. KG

      No.

    11. RC

      I just share, and if you like it, great, and if you don't, that's fine as well.

    12. KG

      Mm-hmm.

    13. RC

      I don't need you to believe in this also-

    14. KG

      Yeah

    15. RC

      ... for me to feel good, and I really like that. There's this sort of... I don't know. Would you say that as people start to discover who they are more and live in that alignment with their values-

    16. KG

      Mm

    17. RC

      ... do you think there is more of this, um, this trust, this humility, and less of a desire to convince others?

    18. KG

      Absolutely, and I think it goes, I think it goes both ways. So first of all, for me, I, I, I'm not here to convince you of anything. All I'm here to be is an embodied example of living in this way in the hope that then it gets someone's interest, and that's what I've done in all the work that I always do. We can never shame anybody into making change. We can never convince someone to change that doesn't want to. The only thing we can be is become that embodied example of what it is to live in truth and authenticity and honesty and trust in the hope then we can inspire other people along the way. And I do think particularly in this spiritual journey, I think in the beginning there is... And, and to be fair, in life nowadays, we live from the, the outside in. So often we're constantly looking to the outside world, "Tell me what to do with this. Fix me. Help me. You tell me." When I presume I know what's best for you, I strip you of all your power, and if you're looking to me to tell you what to do, you're always going to need me there to tell you what to do. And therefore, you have no power of your own. So I want to actually help people to find your own power, to find your own truth, to find your own purpose. That might be completely different to mine, and that's okay. And the more I think we live as the embodiment of who we are and the life that we want to live, the less then it matters whether anybody outside believes it is also doing it. So as you mentioned, in the very beginning, I would need you to also believe everything I believed in, 'cause I didn't fully believe it myself. So if you also believed it, then it must be true. Okay, Rangan believes it, too. Must be true.

    19. RC

      Mm.

    20. KG

      Over the years though, I know my own truth and my own purpose like the back of my own hand. It's become a part of me, and it helps me to live a life that, for the most part, is meaningful and true and happy and purposeful and abundant, and where I wake up every day being happy to be here. And so that, that for me is true purpose, and so it doesn't matter whether or not anybody else believes what I believe, because for me, it helps me to live that life.

    21. RC

      Yeah. I really like that. There's a, there's a phrase there you mentioned, right? You know your own truth.

    22. KG

      Mm.

    23. RC

      And you write about that quite a bit i- in this new book as well, and I agree with it. I love that as a concept, um, your own truth. But I imagine some people are gonna hear that phrase and go, "W- wait a minute, Kirsty.

    24. KG

      Yeah.

    25. RC

      What are you talking about, your own truth? There is truth-

    26. KG

      Yeah

    27. RC

      ... and there is false, right?

    28. KG

      Mm.

    29. RC

      What are you talking about, your own truth?" Can you just expand on that a little bit? 'Cause I think it's a really key point.

    30. KG

      Mm. So living my own truth means living a life that's true to me.And so maybe some people may judge that as being, as you mentioned before, a selfish thing of choosing what I want to do every day or choosing how I want to live every day. But for me, if I can move through every day in a way that feels true to me, as in it feels meaningful, it feels like I'm showing up in a full way, it feels like I'm being very true to who I am, it feels like I'm being able to speak up and share who I am, it's not avoiding certain things, it's not being afraid, that is for me living in truth. And it's about discovering what, to bring it back to purpose, what on a daily basis can I do that helps me to feel purposeful, meaningful, alive, and connected to something greater? And that to me is living a life of truth, where I know who I am, I know what my beliefs are, I know what I'm here for, I know what brings me joy, I know what gives me meaning and purpose, and that then enables me... Most of all, I think I know who I am. And that's one of the big sticking points to finding your purpose is when you don't know who you are. And so I often advise people in the first stages, spend time with you, get to know who you are.

  5. 16:24 – 19:47

    Practical starting points: “What do I need today?” + curiosity instead of self-judgment

    1. KG

      So I'd, first of all, start off by saying, just to your beautiful point then, that we have so many experts, but we've forgotten the main expert, which is you. You are the expert in your own life, because nobody else is living in your body, having your lived experience. Nobody else in the entire world has lived the life that you have with the experiences that you have-

    2. RC

      Mm

    3. KG

      ... in the way that you have. So you're ignoring your own expert, which, which is you. Now, one of the first things I ask people to do is just to start to really, and start really simply, because again, if you've spent so much time looking outside of you or taking care of everybody else and putting everybody else's needs above your own, and this happens a lot when we move into things like working with nature and the moon and things, and people will often say to me, "But I don't know what I want." And that's where we need to begin. And so it may be that at the start of every day, and I try and encourage everyone to do this as much as you can, put your hands over your heart, tune in, and just say to yourself, "What do I need today?" I used to work with women who had been so busy being moms and taking care of everyone else, they didn't even know what they wanted to eat, because all they'd done is pick the scraps off the kids' plates. They didn't even know what they wanted to eat.

    4. RC

      Mm.

    5. KG

      They'd got so disconnected from themselves, even if you said, "What do you want for breakfast?" It would be, "Oh, well, I'll just have a little bit of what everybody else is having." And we don't really serve anybody in that way. So it begins by spending quiet time with you, and then time going inwards and just feeling into what makes me feel good. And I think what we've tried to do a lot in the world is we've tried to logic everything. So everything needs a logical answer, a logical explanation. If we can't put it in a spreadsheet, it doesn't exist. It's rubbish. And so we've forgotten this whole wisdom that we have in our own bodies.

    6. RC

      Mm.

    7. KG

      So when we start to just tune back into, and rather than making a snap decision, if you can pause and just feel into, "How does that feel for me? Did that make me feel good? Scared? How did I feel when I heard that?" If you don't know what to do today, imagine doing A, how does that feel for me? Imagine doing B, how does that feel for me? And we want to start to follow more of what feels purposeful, what feels meaningful, what feels like it's gonna bring us some joy. So begin by just getting to know you. Sit with yourself. Ask yourself questions.You know, what would I like to do today if I could do anything? What makes me happy? When's the last time I felt truly happy? How did that situation make me feel? How did that way I responded make me feel? Get so curious about yourself that you almost start to, like, track yourself through a day and watch yourself. Get to the end of the day and replay it, and not in a way to beat yourself up and go, "God, you did that wrong. You were so terrible when you did that." But get curious, "Oh, why did I do that? Why did that thing bother me so much? Why did I say yes when I really meant no in that situation? Why did I abandon myself there?" And the more you get curious, the more you'll start to uncover all this conditioning and layers that make you behave in a way that's out of alignment and integrity to the truth of yourself.

    8. RC

      Yeah. No, I love that. I mean, it reminds me of, uh, one of the chapters in the second half of the book called, uh, I think it's called Radical Responsibility-

    9. KG

      Mm-hmm

    10. RC

      ... which I, which I really loved. I mean, I think it's so important. We'll, we'll, we'll get into that in just a moment. You know, it's interesting that you said some of the women you've worked with are so disconnected from themselves, they don't even know what they want to eat.

    11. KG

      Mm.

    12. RC

      And I would imagine there's people who heard you say that and would be going, "Yeah, that's me."

    13. KG

      Yeah.

    14. RC

      "Yeah, that's me."

    15. KG

      Mm-hmm.

  6. 19:47 – 26:14

    Why growth takes time: practice, patience, and noticing progress

    1. RC

      Okay. And so if we spent our life listening to the voices outside of ourselves-

    2. KG

      Mm-hmm

    3. RC

      ... and disconnected from what we actually want-

    4. KG

      Mm

    5. RC

      ... it's not gonna necessarily happen straight away, is it?

    6. KG

      No.

    7. RC

      It's a bit like running a marathon, right? You... If, if you sign up to do a marathon, uh, we... I, I think with the physical, with, you know, with, with kind of physical endurance, we intuitively understand that-

    8. KG

      Yes

    9. RC

      ... oh, if I wanna run a marathon and I've never run before-

    10. KG

      Mm-hmm

    11. RC

      ... I'm not gonna do it in a month.

    12. KG

      No.

    13. RC

      I need to start slow, walk, maybe run 1K and follow a plan, and then over maybe two years-

    14. KG

      Yeah

    15. RC

      ... I'll build up to be able to run, I don't know, a half marathon or a marathon.

    16. KG

      Yeah.

    17. RC

      But I've always found with things like meditation, for example, people don't see it in the same way. They try it once or twice, "Oh, it's not for me."

    18. KG

      Mm.

    19. RC

      But if you try and run a marathon, no one's going out and try one run and go, "Oh, running's not for me." They're like, "Oh yeah, I need to get trained and conditioned."

    20. KG

      Yeah.

    21. RC

      And so I guess trusting yourself and listening to yourself or what you call throughout this book whispers from your soul-

    22. KG

      Mm

    23. RC

      ... um, it's gonna take time, practice, and patience, isn't it?

    24. KG

      Yeah. It totally is, and the, the thing with a lot of the work I do, and a lot of the more, kind of, let's call it spiritual, is that you don't notice the difference it's making until you stop doing it. That's what I find with a lot of things because you're making these little differences all the time. So it's like if you have a yoga practice every day and then you don't practice for a week, you go back and you're suddenly like, "Oh, this, this doesn't feel as easy anymore." Or you're meditating every day and you've got up to doing 13 minutes, and then you miss it for a week and you go back, and six minutes in you're doing that thing where you're like, "Oh, this feels like I've been here forever." And it's often in the times that we don't do it, that then we're suddenly a bit less able to deal with our kids having an argument in the back of the car, and our patience is a little bit shorter, or we're not quite as able to deal with things.

    25. RC

      Mm.

    26. KG

      Our tolerance gets a little bit less. So for a lot of the work I do, I think it's almost like the proof is in the pudding, that it's only when you've, you've done it consistently. And a lot of it also happens with kind of a hindsight whereby you will... As we know, setting a boundary for the first time, one of the hardest things in the world to do. We want to immediately call them back and go, "Actually, I didn't mean it. I will do it." But the more and more we do it, we get to the stage where all of a sudden we set a boundary, we don't think twice. There isn't the voice then that follows us around all day saying, "You're such a horrible person. You're not this. You're not this." And then we go, "Oh, had that same thing happened a month ago, I'd have dealt with that really differently-

    27. RC

      Mm

    28. KG

      ... but wow, look at how I did that."

    29. RC

      Yeah.

    30. KG

      And I think one thing that's really important as well is to really, again, keep that constant checking with yourself every day of, what did I do well? We're so quick... If I ask most people, "Tell me five things you did wrong last week," they'd immediately go, "Oh, you're not gonna believe what I did. I did this, I said this wrong." If I said to people, "Tell me one really amazing thing you did last week," they'll go, "Well, you know, mm, kind of, mm." If you can, again, at the end of a day, start to sit with yourself and go... I do it in every moment. If I do something really well, and it's been really hard for me 'cause I'm a natural, um, a doubter and I'm quite critical. But I try even at the end of this, I'll try and take a moment to go, "Well done, Kirst. You did that. You did really, really well. You tried your best. You showed up." And then the more I do that, the more I start to show up for myself, be there for myself, and therefore trust myself to do big-

  7. 26:14 – 29:43

    Celebration + emotional honesty (not forced ‘high vibe’)

    1. RC

      You said we struggle to celebrate ourselves.

    2. KG

      Mm.

    3. RC

      Do you think that is something that everyone struggles with, or would you say it's a uniquely British trait that we struggle to celebrate ourselves?

    4. KG

      Perhaps it is more uniquely British. Yeah.

    5. RC

      I always think back to, um, the first time I met Professor BJ Fogg, uh, from Stanford University. BJ's one of the world's leading experts in behavior change and how do we form, uh, and how do we create lasting habits in our life.

    6. KG

      Mm.

    7. RC

      And it's really interesting. I remember one of the first things he shared with me is, you know, there's many, many things to try and do, and he has this whole concept called Tiny Habits. But he says, "What a really important part is once you've done something that you were hoping to do, take a moment to celebrate it."

    8. KG

      Mm.

    9. RC

      And he said, for example, uh, you can say, you know, "I'm awesome." And I said, "BJ, this may work in America."

    10. KG

      [laughs]

    11. RC

      That, that... You know, there's very few Brits who are gonna do something and go, "I'm awesome"-

    12. KG

      Awesome [laughs]

    13. RC

      ... afterwards, right? And so it made me think, you know, are certain cultures-

    14. KG

      Yeah

    15. RC

      ... better at this? And, you know, related to that is, is something he told me, which was, it's not repetition that creates the habit, it's emotion.

    16. KG

      Mm.

    17. RC

      And I, and I think for BJ, this celebration piece is really, really important.

    18. KG

      Important.

    19. RC

      So it's interesting to me that you're also talking about that, that-

    20. KG

      Mm

    21. RC

      ... it's important, and you were saying you weren't good at it-

    22. KG

      Mm

    23. RC

      ... but you've now trained yourself-

    24. KG

      Yeah

    25. RC

      ... to get good at that celebration part.

    26. KG

      Yeah. Yeah. And to find something good, again, we can, we can look at fifteen things that are gonna go wrong, or we can find the one thing that might go right. We can look at the five things we did wrong today, or we can find the one thing that we did well. And those choices we make in life of which way to look, they start to shape our reality and shape the way that we move through the world and shape who we are and shape our experience. So I, I feel it is really, really important to always be looking at the more positive. And that's not to say a fake positivity of trying to make things wonderful when they're not, because I'm a huge fan, actually, of being with our deep, deep emotions and really feeling our emotions. And you just mentioned then that feeling of joy and celebration, which is very, very important. But I think it's equally important to feel those deeper emotions when we're hit with the grief or the loneliness or the loss or the frustration or the anger, because they're the emotions that really teach us. So when we're skipping through life and everything's wonderful, we're not really facing anything. And it's in those moments where we get hit by those deep emotions that we get taken in, and we get to really sit with and learn about ourselves, and we get to learn about where we are still getting in our own way or what's happening in our lives that we're not happy with or where boundaries are being crossed or where we're self-abandoning. And so for me, it's equally really important to give an honoring. I think for me, one of the biggest kind of disservices we've done in the modern-day manifesting world is like this high vibe. High vibe, high vibe, high vibe all the time. And I'm not saying we should ever stay stuck in kind of the... And exactly like you, I, I think we've labeled emotions good and bad. It's good to feel happy. It's good to feel joy. It's good to feel this. It's really bad to feel angry. It's bad to feel this. Whereas emotions are all messengers. They're there to show us where we're in or out of alignment in our lives and where we are showing up in our truth and authenticity or not. And so I feel it's so important to go both, to do the celebration and to feel the wonder, and then also to sit with and be with and hold ourselves in the moments that we're struggling as well.

  8. 29:43 – 32:18

    Sponsor break: supplements and health products

    1. RC

      Like many of you, I want to preserve my health, mobility, and strength as I get older. And for me, the most important thing to do is to focus on what I call the four key pillars of health, food, movement, sleep, and relaxation. That being said, certain supplements can play a useful role, and one of those supplements is Mitopure from Timeline Nutrition. Mitopure is a supplement that contains a precise dose of the postbiotic urolithin A. Okay, so a postbiotic is something that is made by our gut microbiome when it interacts with certain compounds in our diet. And urolithin A has been shown to have quite a profound impact on the way in which our cells age, and one of the things it does is recycle and clear out damaged mitochondria. Now, I think that's probably one of the main reasons why taking Mitopure can have potential benefits on all kinds of different things, including our strength, endurance, immune system, and something called age-related cellular decline. Now, I wanna remind you of the key levers to turn for your short-term and your long-term health are food, movement, sleep, and relaxation. And on this YouTube channel, every week, I put out lots of content that helps you understand how to do that completely free of charge. But for those of you who do have the budget and the resource, I'd highly encourage you to give it a go.To get 25% off your Mitopure order, go to timeline.com/livemore. For over six months now, I have been regularly consuming Ketone IQ, a clean shot of high-performance energy. Ketone IQ contains exogenous ketones, basically ketones that we consume as opposed to ones that our bodies make, which basically means all of us can experience their benefits without needing to go on a ketogenic diet. There is mounting research on their ability to improve athletic performance, focus, metabolic health, mental clarity, and recovery, and I myself take it before I work out, before each conversation on this podcast, when I need some extra focus, and more recently on my national UK theater tour, where I took it immediately before going on stage. I've been really impressed, not only with its taste, but also how it makes me feel and perform. To get 30% off your subscription and to get a free gift with your second shipment,

  9. 32:18 – 59:51

    Trust the timing: Kirsty’s corporate-job-to-India turning point

    1. RC

      go to ketone.com/livemore. One of the chapters that I really enjoyed reading was Trust the Timing.

    2. KG

      Mm.

    3. RC

      Okay? And in that chapter, you, you mentioned what you just said about wanting to Amazon Prime our lives, which I thought was just a, a really beautiful way of describing what's happened to us as a species, how impatient-

    4. KG

      Mm

    5. RC

      ... people have become. How... I don't know. I think a lot about... I'm thinking a lot about goals at the moment.

    6. KG

      Mm.

    7. RC

      And I'm coming to the belief that goals, [laughs] for many people, are problematic-

    8. KG

      Mm

    9. RC

      ... because I believe the focus on the goal is an externality.

    10. KG

      Absolutely.

    11. RC

      So, you know, and this is why people are never satisfied even when they reach the goal, 'cause too much of the focus was on the goal-

    12. KG

      Absolutely

    13. RC

      ... as opposed to the process that got you to it.

    14. KG

      Absolutely.

    15. RC

      And so I, I sort of, at the moment, thinking about goals as a way of maybe giving you a bit of direction, pointing a compass at what you might wanna start doing. But I guess what I'm trying to get to is this, this impatience that, that many of us have now, right? And y- you talk in that chapter about it's really important to trust the timing.

    16. KG

      Mm.

    17. RC

      Right? So there will be people listening, Kirsty, to this podcast at the moment who are feeling impatient. They're feeling stuck, they're feeling lost, they're feeling unmotivated, and they want some sort of insights through listening that are gonna help them change their life immediately.

    18. KG

      Mm.

    19. RC

      But it doesn't always happen that way. And in that chapter you wrote about an earlier part of y- your life when you were in a corporate job-

    20. KG

      Mm

    21. RC

      ... and I, I think you'd either decided you wanted to go and be a yoga instructor or go to India-

    22. KG

      Yeah

    23. RC

      ... and there was initially a frustration that things weren't happening at the time that you wanted them to. And then the line that I underlined was when you say at some point that you chose to believe that everything was happening to help you get to where you wanted to go-

    24. KG

      Mm

    25. RC

      ... which I think is a really interesting point. So could you first of all just paint a picture-

    26. KG

      Mm

    27. RC

      ... of that part in your life, what was going on, and then I think we can speak about why it's important to trust the timing of everything.

    28. KG

      Yeah. So I think I've been on a real spiritual journey for a really long time, trying to discover what more of my purpose was, and I'd done regressional therapy and become a Reiki healer and a crystal healer, and aromatherapy, and studied all these different things, and none of it quite gave me that, that sense of like, "This is it." And then I know it sounds so cliched, but I did one yoga class, and it was suddenly like everything dropped into place, and the more yoga I, I practiced, the more I realized that yoga's got this beautiful, rich philosophy, and yoga gave me an answer to every question, and it changed me so much. I was like, "This is what I want to share with people." But I wanted to go to the source. I wanted to go to where yoga came from. I knew I wanted to go to India. I just had this call deep in me that said, "You need to go to India and live this, breathe it, really study it." And I was working in a corporate job at the time, as you mentioned. Didn't have a huge amount of savings behind me. In fact, I didn't have any savings behind me at that time at all. And the corporate world never made an awful lot of sense to me, I've got to be honest, because the whole 9:00 to 5:00, why not 10:00 till 6:00? Why not 8:00 till 4:00? Why not 11:00... I just couldn't understand some of the arbitrary rules that would happen in the corporate world. They felt really restrictive to me. So I'd never particularly felt a resonance with that world. I worked in marketing and PR at the time, which was a wonderful job as far as jobs went, but I felt like I would spend a lot of time embellishing hotels to get people to go there, and so I'd never get home at the end of a day and go, "Wow, I feel really purposeful today. I really did something today."

    29. RC

      Do, do you mean you had to do things as part of your job that weren't fully in alignment-

    30. KG

      Yes

  10. 59:51 – 1:11:40

    Building resilience before the leap: two-and-a-half years of ‘soul school’

    1. KG

      Mm. And I tell this story very, very often. It took me about two and a half years, and they were some of the hardest and most difficult and challenging years of my life, yet they were also some of the most profound years of my life. So I used to lock myself in the toilet every day in that corporate job. In the same way I can tell you the, what that village hall looked like, I can tell you what the toilet cubicle looked like. I would lock myself in there every day, and I would cr- when I say cry, you know that guttural cry that comes from somewhere deep within? I would cry my eyes out every day. And I would beg the universe, and I'd say to the universe, "Why are you not helping me? I wanna do something that's, like, gonna be good for everyone. Like, why? Why? Why? Why?" Was my, like, plea to the universe. And I really in that time used to sit with, is it better to have a dream and not be able to achieve it, or to not have a dream at all? I didn't know which would be worse. I'd sit with that so often and go, "I don't know which would be worse." Because my dream would kept me so alive, but it was so painful that I couldn't get there. And then I decided, similar to what I've just said to you now, "Let me use this time. Let me use this time to, to hone my craft. Let me practice yoga as much as I can. Let me read books on the philosophy of yoga. Let me also put that into practice in my corporate job." So when I was being bullied at the time by a colleague, b- it, it... Then I turned it back on me. So rather than saying, "If only she were nicer to me, I'd like the job more," "What is it about her that bothers you? What is it about her behavior? Where are you playing a part in this?"

    2. RC

      Mm.

    3. KG

      I used it as a way to really get curious about myself-I handed my notice in three times. Each time, I got a promotion and a pay rise, which helped me to start to save money to be able to go to India. And as I say, my family all thought, especially my grandparents, I mean, my goodness, my grandparents thought I was... I mean, my granddad used to be like, "She's crazy. There's something wrong with her," 'cause it just was not done in those days that you quit.

    4. RC

      And, but that's okay, isn't it?

    5. KG

      Mm.

    6. RC

      Because, you know, so-

    7. KG

      That was his reality.

    8. RC

      Exactly.

    9. KG

      Mm.

    10. RC

      And presumably, when your granddad grew up, this would've been the, the most ridiculous and wildest thing to do, right?

    11. KG

      And he worked very hard to get to where he got to in his corporate job. So for him, it was almost, I guess, slightly disrespectful that you would then get to somewhere and then-

    12. RC

      Yeah, but, okay, if we can just pause on this point, 'cause I, I actually think there's something really profound here that, that, that we really should talk about-

    13. KG

      Mm

    14. RC

      ... which is this idea that when you've been listening to that internal voice-

    15. KG

      Mm

    16. RC

      ... and you practice it, and you go, "Actually, you know what, I do need to make some changes in my life." You know? This happened in, you know, in, in COVID times.

    17. KG

      Yeah.

    18. RC

      This happened for people. They got a real awakening.

    19. KG

      Yeah.

    20. RC

      And many people, you know, okay, I... It's amazing how many people stop me in the street, bump into me, and will, will, will talk to me about, you know, a podcast they heard which prompted them to leave their job and start something different, and now they can't even imagine doing the job that they used to do.

    21. KG

      Yeah.

    22. RC

      Right? Which is, which is really interesting. I'm like, wow, you know, [laughs] it's, it's kind of... Although it- 'cause it can feel scary for people, right?

    23. KG

      Mm.

    24. RC

      But the point I'm trying to get to is when we decide internally we wanna make a change, as you've already acknowledged, there will be many people around you, or there may be many people around you, who don't understand it-

    25. KG

      Mm-hmm

    26. RC

      ... who think you're being silly-

    27. KG

      Mm-hmm

    28. RC

      ... who think you're being shortsighted, but that's okay.

    29. KG

      Yeah.

    30. RC

      That's their reality, and they're also allowed to have that reality.

  11. 1:11:40 – 1:24:00

    Meaning as a choice: spirituality, awe, and living ‘for me’ not ‘to me’

    1. RC

      are your foundation, and when you've got problems in your feet, it goes all the way up the chain. It can go to your ankle, to your knee, to your hip, to your back, and even to your shoulder and neck. And as a doctor, I have seen back pain, hip pain, and knee pain actually start to get better when people start to wear barefoot shoes. To get 20% off your first order, go to vivobarefoot.com/livemore. You know this whole idea of trusting the timing-

    2. KG

      Mm

    3. RC

      ... right? That everything's happening at the right time for you. Now, some people may be listening with their rational, logical minds-

    4. KG

      Mm-hmm

    5. RC

      ... going, um, "Well, that's just ridiculous," right? How do you know things are happening at the right time? How do you know that actually had you not gone to India a year before that to learn yoga at source, you wouldn't still have ended up where you are today, or it wouldn't have happened sooner?

    6. KG

      Mm.

    7. RC

      Right? To that person, what do you say?

    8. KG

      Who knows? Like, who, who actually really knows? 90% of the work that I do, when we look at the spiritual realms, nobody knows the definitive meaning of life until we go back home to wherever you believe home to be. None of us can say... I can say this is a glass. No one can say categorically true there are such things as past life and this and this and this, and all the, the spiritual realms. There's no such thing as your soul, the universe, uh, whatever it may be. None of us can categorically say that. But what we need to do is find enough of the truth for ourselves so that we know that to be true. So if your belief is it would've happened if I'd have gone a year sooner, that's your belief-

    9. RC

      Yeah

    10. KG

      ... that's your truth, and that's okay.That's perf- and, and maybe it would've still all worked out. Who knows?

    11. RC

      Yeah.

    12. KG

      But the way it actually went was, if I look at my journey of those two years, and I look at who I was a year in, and I look at who I was two years in, I know that the year-in version of me, she might have got that plane ticket home from India, because she wouldn't have trusted and believed in herself enough. She'd not built enough resilience.

    13. RC

      Yeah.

    14. KG

      So she could have come home, and then I definitely wouldn't be sat here with you. I'd have gone and got another corporate job.

    15. RC

      Yeah. There's a, there's, for me, as I hear that, 'cause I was just playing devil's advocate-

    16. KG

      Of course

    17. RC

      ... I also believe in timing, that things happen at the right time. And, you know, the reason I even brought up this whole story with your corporate job is, it's the words with which you described it in that chapter, right? You chose to believe-

    18. KG

      Mm

    19. RC

      ... that everything was happening to help you get to where you needed to go, right?

    20. KG

      Mm.

    21. RC

      It was a choice.

    22. KG

      Yeah, we always have choice.

    23. RC

      It was a choice, right?

    24. KG

      Mm-hmm.

    25. RC

      So I always think about things and I go, "Well, is it useful?" Is your belief useful-

    26. KG

      Mm

    27. RC

      ... or not, right? Trusting the timing, I would argue, is a useful belief.

    28. KG

      Mm.

    29. RC

      Right? It's a belief.

    30. KG

      Yeah.

  12. 1:24:00 – 1:39:10

    Grief as catalyst: Sharon, Auntie Mabel, and learning what matters

    1. RC

      Kirsty, to me, you have this quite remarkable grounded presence that I know many people really admire about you and look up to and probably want a little bit for themselves. I also know from reading your latest book that things weren't always that way.

    2. KG

      No.

    3. RC

      Are you okay sharing a little bit about your best friend, Sharon?

    4. KG

      Mm-hmm.

    5. RC

      And how impactful your experience with Sharon has been in terms of where you are today?

    6. KG

      Absolutely. So Sharon was, um, oh, Sharon was a l- a, a light. She lit up a room. She was one of the most beautiful people you could ever hope to meet. And I met Sharon... So I haven't always been this way, and I, I, I, I think that the reason a lot of people see this in me is because I've, I've been where other people are. I used to be incredibly angry as a child, very frustrated. I played the blame game a lot in my life. I, I think I write in the book, I, I sometimes look back to those days when I could blame my boss or my parents or this person or that person for the way that my life was. It's been a journey for me to get to where I am, and I feel that that's where we can teach the most, when we are that, we, we've had, got that lived experience, and we understand where it or how it feels to be where somebody else is. So I met Sharon in the days of, um, you know, partying. Spirituality took a little bit of a sideline. And-I, I think for me, a, a big part of my journey, to be honest, has been there's been a lot of death that's taken me towards this, and if I can go a stage before Sharon, I'd speak also about the book. My book is dedicated to Sharon and my great-great Auntie Mabel. And my great-great Auntie Mabel was the person who I, I guess, started me on this journey. She read tea leaves and tarot. She was psychic. And as a little girl, I adored her. She introduced me to this whole world beyond the physical world. And they lived in Yorkshire. My family were in Lancashire, so we didn't see a lot of her, and she finally moved to be near us. And I'd go round after school every day and sit at her feet, and she'd only been there... Y- y- your concept of time is, is different when you're a little older. I... It feels like maybe months. And then she got taken into hospital, and I remember my mum speaking to us all that morning and saying, "Don't come to the hospital." And I was like, I was also a very, very rebellious child, and I was like, "Absolutely not." And at the end of that day, I went to the hospital, and as soon as I got there to the hospital and I took a hold of her hand, and my mum was on the other side, and my Uncle George at her head, she, she passed away with... as soon as I got there and held her hand. And I really truly feel like she'd waited for me, and my mum told me later that the reason she said, "Don't come to the hospital" was that morning they'd said, "She's got hours. She's gonna go any minute." And she waited for me all day to get there. And being with her in that moment and seeing the soul leave the human body was such a... And I don't have words for it, and if anyone's ever experienced being with someone in the moment of a passing, it's something you can't find words for, but it touches your soul in a way that again helps you to understand the meaning of life in a way that can't-

    7. RC

      H- how old were you?

    8. KG

      15.

    9. RC

      So you're 15.

    10. KG

      Maybe. And I, I to this day feel so grateful she waited for me to be there with her, that she, she wanted me there with her in that moment of her passing. And it was such a... It was a, it was a beautiful honor to be there for her in that moment. And then from there, I... You know, she'd introduced me to spirituality. I, I'd, I'd met Sharon, and Sharon was just... She was a single mom, and she didn't live a lavish lifestyle. She'd had a difficult journey. But we spoke before about choices. Sharon made a choice every day to light up the world. She made a choice to live life to the full, to experience every moment. I'd, I'd take her to the supermarket every Sunday on a single-mum budget, going 'round ASDA. We had more fun in that hour than most people have in their lifetime. She just lived life to the full, and she loved life. And then we'd been on a night out, and she always used to get quite bad hangovers, and she'd got a headache. I'd left. I got a phone call maybe a day or so later from another friend, and we had a big weekend away planned, and I presumed the other friend was calling me to say, "Can you add me to the weekend?" And she told me Sharon was in a coma. And I just remember thinking, "It's, it, it's, it's impossible. I, I don't..." You know when your mind just doesn't... I, I don't, I don't understand what you're trying... I don't understand what you're telling me. I, I don't understand. And I remember going to the hospital and seeing her on life support and, again, if anyone's ever seen anyone on life support, the drugs they give them means that the body kind of bloats and things, and she just didn't... It... She wasn't the Sharon I knew. And Sharon was full of life. Sharon was incredible. Sharon was... And I really honestly believed that she was gonna get better, even from going to see her. Uh, my, my... I guess those moments where your mind tries to protect you, my mind was like, "No. This isn't happening." And then I remember, it was a Friday, I was in work in the corporate job we spoke about, and I got a phone call of her... from her family saying that we're turning off the life support. And I, I, I, I... Again, you can put yourself in moments in time. I remember, like, the whole world slowed down and everything crashed around me, and the almost like, "No. N-" And I remember just kind of running out of the building, and a few friends came out and followed me. And then she had an open casket at her funeral, and they'd made her look so beautiful at her funeral. She looked like Sharon, the Sharon I knew. And I wrote her a letter, and I put some crystals in there with her, and I stood and looked at her face, and in that moment, all of those silly things that we worry about when we think about, "Oh, but I'm a bit scared to quit the job I really don't like," or... They seemed so irrelevant because I realized that could be me in that coffin. She was young. We were early 20s, you know? That could be me in that coffin. That could happen to me. I could leave the earth tomorrow, and would I, as we spoke about Bronnie Ware before, would I then look back and go, "I was, I was happy with what I'd done," or would I, "Wish I'd been braver-

    11. RC

      Mm

    12. KG

      ... lived a life that was more true to me, done the brave things"? And so I went home after her funeral, and I broke up with my partner at the time because, again, deep down, that little voice of inconvenient truth had been saying to me for a while, "This isn't right. This isn't right." And I convinced myself, "Oh, but he's..." He, and he is just an incredible guy. He really, really is. Thought, "Oh, but he's, he's, he's not so bad," and, "Will you ever meet anybody else?" And all those things we worry about when we're questioning whether to leave something. And I made a promise to Sharon at her coffin side that I was gonna do all of the things in my life that I wanted to do, and I was gonna do it for her 'cause she could no longer do it, and that my life would be a dedication to her death. And so her death was one of the biggest catalysts for life for me, which we often find-

    13. RC

      Mm

    14. KG

      ... because it took away all the fear. It took away all the, "I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it next week, I'll start next month." None of that seemed relevant when looking at her in a coffin.

    15. RC

      I mean, first of all, thank you for sharing that.

    16. KG

      Mm.

    17. RC

      Um, i- it's kind of interesting as, as I listen to that and-Think about where you are today, right? So we've only known each other, I would say three or four years.

    18. KG

      Yeah.

    19. RC

      Right? We, we met at Carfest-

    20. KG

      We did

    21. RC

      ... which is, uh, people who don't know, it's a end of summer festival-

    22. KG

      Mm

    23. RC

      ... that Chris Evans puts on for charity, and we were on stage together talking.

    24. KG

      Yeah.

    25. RC

      And then obviously every summer we hang out there, you meet my family, we hang out, we become really good friends, right?

    26. KG

      Yeah.

    27. RC

      And, and death has such a powerful way of teaching us about what's truly important in life.

    28. KG

      Mm.

    29. RC

      So for me personally, I don't honestly know if I'd be doing what I do today if my dad was alive.

    30. KG

      Your dad, yeah.

  13. 1:39:10 – 1:49:15

    Words, identity, and ‘Cosmic Purpose’: finding your people without diluting yourself

    1. RC

      Um, I wanna talk about language-

    2. KG

      Hmm

    3. RC

      ... okay? And words. One thing that became very clear to me as we appeared on stage together year after year at Carfest-

    4. KG

      Mm

    5. RC

      ... was that this is kind of interesting for me, me and Kirsty are talking about a lot of similar themes-

    6. KG

      Yeah

    7. RC

      ... but we're using different words-

    8. KG

      Yeah

    9. RC

      ... to describe them.

    10. KG

      Yeah.

    11. RC

      Okay? And I find this really interesting, 'cause I sort of, I believe that some people will get put off by certain themes by the way I'm describing them or the words I use.

    12. KG

      Mm-hmm.

    13. RC

      And perhaps other people might get put off by certain things that-

    14. KG

      I say

    15. RC

      ... certain words that you're using.

    16. KG

      Mm-hmm.

    17. RC

      Right? And I guess I wanna just explore that on multiple levels, right? On level one is words are inherently limiting-

    18. KG

      Yeah

    19. RC

      ... I believe, right? [laughs] 'Cause you're talking a lot about feeling things.

    20. KG

      Yeah.

    21. RC

      Things that you can't always explain with your logical mind.

    22. KG

      Mm-hmm.

    23. RC

      You, you can't put a language to it, but you just-

    24. KG

      Yeah

    25. RC

      ... that gut feeling, right?

    26. KG

      Mm.

    27. RC

      But, you know, you're talking in this book and on this podcast about trusting yourself, taking radical responsibility, listening to your body, right?

    28. KG

      Mm.

    29. RC

      These are similar themes to what I wrote about in my last book, Make Change at Last, but we use different language.

    30. KG

      Yeah.

  14. 1:49:15 – 1:55:10

    Final practical takeaway: beat busyness with tiny daily rituals and self-validation

    1. RC

      But at the end there you were talking about this busyness-

    2. KG

      Mm

    3. RC

      ... right? This busyness that seems to have infiltrated the lives of many, if not most modern humans.

    4. KG

      Yeah.

    5. RC

      Right? In a way that we never were before.

    6. KG

      No.

    7. RC

      Right? Even, you know, you were talking about your grandparents before, even that generation-

    8. KG

      No

    9. RC

      ... there, there wasn't this level of busyness-

    10. KG

      Mm

    11. RC

      ... and overwhelm, right? So to wind this down-

    12. KG

      Mm

    13. RC

      ... for that person who does feel overwhelmed and too busy, is not in a job that they love, is not living a purposeful life-Have you got any final words of wisdom for them?

    14. KG

      Mm. Start now and start small. So anyone that tells me, if you, if you tell me you don't have five to ten minutes a day for yourself, I'm gonna tell you there's a really big problem in your life if you cannot find five to ten minutes a day for yourself. Ritual, finding purpose, it doesn't need to be hours at a time. You don't need incense burning. The moon doesn't have to be at a certain position in the sky. You don't have to have the right music playing. You just have to carve out that time for yourself to spend with yourself. So if you're a parent, and you do the school run, when you get back from that school run, do not get out of your car. Stay on the drive. Set a timer on your phone for five minutes. And I say to people all the time, "Do what's realistic for you." If you say, "Okay, I've listened to this conversation. From tomorrow, I'm gonna do an hour's yoga, then I'm gonna meditate, then I'm gonna journal," you're gonna fail on day three. Then you're gonna tell yourself, "This stuff is rubbish, it doesn't work," or, "I'm rubbish, I can't do anything." We set these unrealistic expectations on ourself that set us up for failure. Say to yourself, "I've got six minutes a day." You could still make a profound difference in six minutes a day if you showed up for that six minutes every day, because that's part of the big thing about ritual. It's not necessarily what you do, it's that you show up. It's that you say to yourself, "In this moment, there are 100 things I could be doing," or should. People use the word should a lot. Change that to could. If you change should to could, you've immediately won. You should do that, or you could. It gives you an option. You could be going in the house, putting the washing machine on, running around, making that phone call, doing this. But in that moment, you're saying, "I'm gonna make myself important. I'm gonna make going within and finding meanis- meaning and purpose important. I'm gonna gift myself this five to six minutes out of a day." And I almost guarantee you, and I'd love people to give feedback on this, if you did that every day consistently for a month, two months, three months... And this is why I wish we'd got into things like the moon and the seasons, but they give us natural marker points to check in. If you gave yourself six minutes a day every day, your life would change in a month, three months, six months, in ways you cannot yet even imagine, and you won't know until you actually do it.

    15. RC

      Mm.

    16. KG

      So decide what it is for you that works. Are you gonna just put your hands over your heart and check in and say, "How am I feeling today?" And then just listen for the answer, and don't judge it. One thing we, we, we do with emotions, and this is why we don't trust ourself, is that an emotion comes up and we feel sad.

    17. RC

      Mm.

    18. KG

      And then we'll go, "Why do you feel sad? Uh, you've got nothing to feel sad about. You didn't feel sad yesterday." And then we do the what about. "Well, what about other people? They've got it worse than me." If you came to me and said, "Kirsty, I feel sad," and I went, "Well, why do you feel sad? You weren't sad before when I spoke to you. You've got no reason to," you'd stop coming and telling me you feel sad. So the whole time we invalidate ourselves, we tell ourselves we can't be trusted and what we're feeling can't be trusted, and then we lose connection with ourselves-

    19. RC

      Mm

    20. KG

      ... and that's when then we make ourselves busy, busy, busy, busy in the world. Hands over heart, check-in. How do I feel right now? I feel sad. Okay. I'm just gonna sit with this, just for a few minutes and I'm gonna breathe. It might be that you decide to keep a pen and a piece of paper in the side of your car, and you just write down, "I love, um, freestyle journaling," so when you don't necessarily have something, you just write down. And I say to people all the time, "Just write 'I don't know what to write, I don't know what to write, I don't know...'" And so you start to do know what to write. Something, something will come out eventually.

    21. RC

      Yeah.

    22. KG

      It may be that you're gonna take off your shoes and go into your back garden and put your bare feet on the earth and take five deep breaths and just feel the sun on your face and that... Find what works for you, find a timeframe that works for you, and then make the commitment to yourself, not to anyone else. This is how you will learn to trust yourself, when you keep a promise to yourself. If you break that promise for other people, you don't trust yourself anymore. And you will find when you start this, you're gonna be too busy, too cold, too tired, too hungry. Your mind will give you a million excuses because your mind doesn't want you to come into that place of deep knowing. Your mind wants to keep you busy and constantly searching outside of yourself. If you can carve out that time and give that to yourself and show up, if nothing else, you'll learn you can trust yourself. And that means that when you get the niggle to quit your job, you're gonna trust yourself enough to do it. When you get the niggle to go and do something brave, you're gonna trust yourself to do it. When you have to have a hard conversation with someone, you're gonna trust yourself enough to do it. So start now, start small, and be realistic, and then show up and do it every day, and let us know how it changes your life.

    23. RC

      Oh, man. Kirsty, what a way to end. I've thoroughly loved-

    24. KG

      Oh, me too. Thank you so much

    25. RC

      ... having this conversation with you. I've loved getting to know you over the last few years.

    26. KG

      Me too.

    27. RC

      Uh, the new book, Your Cosmic Purpose, is wonderful.

    28. KG

      Thank you.

    29. RC

      And, uh, thank you so much for coming on the show.

    30. KG

      Thank you for having me.

Episode duration: 1:55:10

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