How To Stop Feeling Empty & Find Your Unique Purpose | Dr. Rangan Chatterjee

1. 0:00 – 1:01

   Why a sense of purpose changes how you feel—and your health

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:00

      "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." That's a very famous quote by Nietzsche. Do you have a why to live? Do you know your why? Are you someone who feels empty and lost and unmotivated and is full of apathy? Or are you someone who is full of energy and passion and purpose? And it's really tempting to think about quotes like that and think they don't apply to us. If we look at what the research shows us, it's pretty clear. People with a strong sense of purpose have better health. They also sleep better, they live longer, and unsurprisingly, they're happier. Now, if you're feeling stuck in your life at the moment and lost and you just don't know where to start, in this video, I wanna share with you what exactly purpose is and how you can go about finding yours. Now,

2. 1:01 – 2:02

   Purpose as an intentional practice, not a lucky discovery

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee1:01

      over the past few years, I've come to believe that the single best way to live a calmer and happier life is to live a life full of purpose. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that a life lacking in purpose is inherently a stressful life. So when we think about purpose, what do we really mean? Well, you can ask different people what they think about this idea of living a life full of purpose. But for me, it's about living a life on purpose. It's where you're living an intentional life, where you're making the decisions about how you wish to live. So the first idea I wanna share with you in this video is this idea that purpose is something that you do. Okay? It's an action. It's not just something that happens, that, "Yeah, I'm

3. 2:02 – 3:32

   Values as the foundation: aligning actions with who you are

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:02

      living this wonderful life full of purpose." No, it's something that you can make choices over. And for me, a purposeful life is really a life where we are living in alignment with our values. For me, that's what it is. It's when our external actions match up with our internal values. But in order to know that you are living that life of purpose, you have to know what your values are. So do you know what your values are? If I was to ask you right now, would you, for example, be able to tell me your top two or three core values? I imagine some of you would be able to, but others will go, "Well, I don't really know." If you don't know who you are and what you stand for, how are you gonna live that life of purpose? You can't. So I think it's a really, really important thing to ask ourselves, and I would say commit pen on paper and write down, "This is one of my values. This is another one, and this is another one." For me, at this stage in my life, the three core values I think that represent me the best are curiosity, compassion, and integrity. And it sounds quite simple, but I've done a lot of work, and I've done a lot of journaling to help me over the years get to the point where I know what

4. 3:32 – 6:35

   What “values” really mean—and why Ikigai can feel like too high a bar

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee3:32

      my values are. Right. So what is a value? Well, there's many ways you can think about what a value is. Firstly, it's what do you value in life? That's one way you can think about values. But I think another way of thinking about them is that they are a set of principles, basically guiding principles that you are reluctant to compromise on. Right? You're unwilling to compromise on. They're basically how you want to live your life. And I think values are really, really important because ultimately, as I said, a purposeful life is a life that is consistent with your values. Right. Now, there's this concept that you may have heard about from Japan called Ikigai. It's been talked about a lot online for many years, and I personally love it. And, you know, one of the translations in English of Ikigai is a reason for being. And there are some beautiful graphics out there that demonstrate this, where there are these four circles, and where those four circles intersect is where you have your Ikigai. And the four circles are something you're passionate about, something that you're good at, something that the world needs, and something that you get paid for. And I remember the first time I heard about Ikigai, I thought, "That's fantastic. I love that. I want some Ikigai in my life." And I remember, I think this may be twenty nineteen or so, my second book, The Stress Solution, had just come out. I was giving a big talk in London, and I was talking about Ikigai. And I can still remember in the question and answer at the end, right at the back right, a Japanese student in London put her hand up, and she said, "Dr. Chatterjee, look, I really enjoyed your talk. I just wanna share something about Ikigai." She said, "I grew up in Japan, and I'm very familiar with this idea of Ikigai. But for me, it was always really off-putting. It was too high a bar to achieve." And so actually, this beautiful concept actually put her off, and it really got me thinking as to, "Okay, well, what are we missing here? Why is Ikigai such a beautiful concept for some of us, and why is it problematic and-" unmotivating for others? Why does it lead to others being apathetic about life and going, "No, doesn't apply to me"? And I think that's because of this idea that we have these days that purpose, our purpose is this big grand thing that we were put on this Earth to do. That one thing that it's our passion, that we're good at, that the world needs, and we get paid for. Now listen, if you can get that, great. Fantastic. But many people can't. Many people, that's too high a bar. And that's why for

5. 6:35 – 8:36

   Making purpose practical: live your values anywhere (even in a job you dislike)

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee6:35

      me, purpose actually comes down to our values because our values are a part of our identity. We can take them with us wherever we go. You can take them with you when you're in the supermarket, when you're ordering coffee, when you're with your work colleagues. And I'll give you an example of what I mean by that. Let's say one of your values, one of your core values... Remember what I said, a value is something you value in life or maybe a principle or a quality that you are unwilling to compromise on. Okay, let's say it's kindness. It's definitely something that is very, very important to me. It's something I really try and instill in my children. But let's say you work in a call center doing a job that you don't like, and you see on YouTube or on social media these videos about purpose. "I, I need a life that I live on purpose. It's gonna make me healthier and happier and better relationships and live longer." And you think, "Yeah, all right for you, mates, but I've got this job that I don't like, but it pays the rent." Right? Well, this is where values come in, right? If you are that person, you don't like your job at the moment, but you're doing it 'cause you feel that you have to, and let's say one of your core values is kindness. Well, I submit to you that if when you get up in the morning, right, on your way to work, you stop off at the coffee shop and order your latte. If you're kind to the barista who makes you the latte and you say something nice like, "Thank you. That's a really nice coffee. I really appreciate it." And then you get on your bus to work, and you're kind to the bus driver and the other commuters that you interact with. And then you go to work, and I appreciate you don't like your job, but if you're kind to your work colleagues and your boss, well, I contend that you are living a life full of purpose. Sure, you may not like

6. 8:36 – 12:39

   The “void” created by misalignment—and why it fuels unhelpful coping behaviors

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee8:36

      your job at the moment. But when we start living in conflict with our values, you create a void inside yourself. You create a gap between the person who you really are and the person who you aspire to be and the person you are actually being out there in the world. And here's the thing, you can't hide from yourself, right? You can say whatever you need to to the people around you, but when you're lying in bed at night, you know when you haven't acted in accordance with who you are, right? So sure, if you wanna be a songwriter, and you happen to write beautiful songs, and you have a lot of success, and it makes people happy, and you get paid a lot of money for that, great. You may have found your ikigai, okay? But if that feels too unattainable for you, that's fine. Let's just make it really, really practical. What are your values? Okay? If you can't think of three, think of one, and then ask yourself, "Am I living my life in accordance with these values?" And again, I'm not here to criticize you. You may not be at the moment. That's okay. But that exercise is there to bring some awareness to you to go, "Yeah, you know what? I'm not. I'm not being the person who I really want to be." That's a real problem. A, it doesn't feel good, right? So it does negative things for your self-worth and your self-esteem, but it also drives you to unhelpful behaviors. I've been a medical doctor since 2001, okay? A long time now. I've seen many, many patients over the years. And a big part of what we have to do these days in medicine if we're really trying to help people get to the root cause of their issues is to help them change their lifestyle. Because 80 to 90% of what we see as doctors these days is in some way related to our collective modern lifestyles, the foods we're eating, our inactivity, the stress we're taking on, right, how much we're sleeping, et cetera, et cetera. I'm not putting blame on people. I understand that life is tough. But nonetheless, trying to change our behaviors and trying to make change that lasts, positive change that lasts, is kind of what it's all about, for health and happiness. If you are not living in alignment with your values, you create this disconnect in who you are. You create this void, this hole, and the bigger that hole, the more unhealthy behaviors you will bring in. So let's say kindness is one of your key values, and actually I think for most people it really is 'cause that's who we are, right? There's really good research on this, that actually if our needs, our basic needs are taken care of, kindness is our nature. And if you're not acting in a kind way to other people, I promise you it will drive you to unhelpful behaviors. You'll consume more caffeine. You'll eat more sugar. You'll spend more time scrolling Instagram in the evenings. Because ultimately those things were not the problem. They're your attempt to solve the problem. And bringing it back to purpose, that's why I think finding your purpose and living a life on purpose is so, so important. So really this, this big idea at the start of this video is that purpose for me is less about finding this deep core passion that you can make your job and earn money from and change the world with. Again, if you could do that, great, but if you can't, let's bring it right back. What are your values? Start writing them down and once a week at least assess how much are you living your life in accordance with those values, because that's what a life of purpose actually is. It's a life where you're living in alignment with those values. Now, the second point I wanna make

7. 12:39 – 14:11

   Passion as an overlooked pillar: tiny daily doses that build resilience

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee12:39

      about finding your purpose is to do with passion. I've been a doctor for many years and, you know, I talk a lot about the four pillars of health, food, movement, sleep, and stress management, which I think are really, really important. But I don't think we as doctors, but across society talk enough about passion. Okay? Doing things that you love is good for you, and it is a part of finding your purpose, right? There's really good research showing us that regularly doing things that we love makes us more resilient to stress. But chronically being stressed like so many people are these days, makes it harder for you to get pleasure from those things that you love. It's a vicious cycle. It works both ways. So it's really, really important that you start thinking about passion and giving it the same priority as the number of hours you're sleeping or the number of vegetables on your plate or whatever it might be you're focusing on. Again, this could be really simple. It could literally be five minutes every night where you, I don't know, play guitar, sing a song, do some drawing. It could even be watching your favorite comedian on YouTube for 5, 10, 15 minutes each night as a way of just decompressing and laughing. This

8. 14:11 – 15:12

   Finding lost passions: look back to childhood and remove the need for validation

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee14:11

      is a part of purpose. In fact, many formulas that exist out there that people have put together to help people find their purpose, say that passion is a key ingredient, and I'd agree with that. Now, if you are feeling stuck in your life at the moment and lost and you just don't know where to start, I'd encourage you to think back to when you were a child or a teenager. What did you spend your time doing? What did you spend your time doing when you couldn't post about it on social media? That's a key question I ask a lot of people these days. What would you still be doing if no one else knew about it? Because unfortunately these days, a lot of people are choosing to do things so that they can post about it and get the validation from the people around them, but I think there's something really powerful about asking ourselves what would we do if no one knew we were doing it because we're doing it just for the sheer joy and pleasure? And there's a lot

9. 15:12 – 19:45

   Case story: the CEO, the train set, and how passion can revive relationships and work

   1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee15:12

      of gold to be found there if you can ask yourself that. So what did you used to do as a child? Mountain biking, drawing, swimming, playing guitar? You know, a few years ago at one of the practices I worked in, there was a chap who came in. He was around 50, maybe 52, 53, and he was the CEO of a local company. He was earning good money, okay? He had a senior position. He drove a nice car. They went on a nice holiday as a family every summer. But he came in to see me complaining of a few things. He was feeling low. He felt that there was a lack of intimacy in his relationship. He didn't feel he was close with his children, and he really didn't enjoy his job. I'm always thinking, "What's the root cause? Why is this person who is so successful, in inverted commas, coming in with these symptoms?" On the outside it looks as though his life is going really, really well. And so I spent a bit of time with him talking to him about his life. You know, "Do you enjoy your job?" "Nah, not really. I do it 'cause it, you know, it pays for the mortgage, it pays for the kids to do what they need to do." I said, "Okay, okay. Do you, do you have any passions?" He goes, "Doc, I don't have time for passions. I'm busy." I say, "What about weekends?" He goes, "No weekends I'm taking my children around to all their classes. I don't have time for a passion." I said, "Okay, okay. Do you know what you might do if you had a bit of time to engage with one of your passions?" I remember he kind of had this little cheeky smile. He goes, "You know, as a kid, I used to love making toy train sets." And I could see this kind of glimmer in his eye. I said, "Okay, do you have any toy train sets at home?" You gotta remember, this guy is in his 50s. He's a successful CEO of the company, right? He drives a flash car and I'm asking him about a toy train set. But he said, "Yeah, Doc, I've got one in my loft or my attic, but I haven't seen it in years." I said, "Okay, you do me a favor. When you get home tonight or this weekend, I want you to get that train set down and maybe start playing with it once a week when you have some time. Just potter around with it." But a few months later, at the end of my morning clinic, I was in the car park and I bumped into his wife, and I knew this family for years. I said, "Hey, how's your husband doing? I've not seen him for a while." And she had a big smile on her face. She said, "Dr. Chatterjee, he's so happy these days. Ever since he saw you, he went up to the loft, he got his train set down, and now he's playing with it all the time. He's on eBay buying new components. He subscribes to a monthly magazine, and he's always pottering around with it. He seems happier, and we feel a lot closer." I thought, "This is amazing." I was really, really happy to hear that, but I still hadn't seen him. And a few months later, guess who came to see me in my clinic? It was a well man's appointment. He came in, and we had to do some blood tests on him, but I said, "How's it going?" He goes, "Doc, I feel like a different person." Okay? "I, I really, really enjoy playing with that train set." I said, "Okay. How's, you know, how's your marriage?" "Yeah, really, really good." "How's your relationship with your kids?" "Yeah. I feel a lot closer to them." "How's your work?" "Yeah. I'm really, really enjoying it now, actually, and I learned a really powerful lesson." He had a deficiency of passion. And interestingly for me, once the passion came back in with his train set, everything else in his life started to come back online. His marriage, his relationship with his children, his job. That's how interconnected we are as humans. We're not one-dimensional, right? There are multiple dimensions to our existence, and I think far too much of the conversation around health and happiness and, frankly, a meaningful and purposeful life is far too reductionist. He didn't make train sets his profession, no, but he started to live a more purposeful life. He still maybe did a job that was stressful at times, that had a lot of responsibility that a few months before he really wasn't enjoying, but that's because

10. 19:45 – 25:20

    Purpose across the lifespan: examples of thriving older adults with a reason to get up

    1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee19:45

       he was missing something that fed his heart. I think this is a really key point that maybe speaks to what that Japanese student said to me in London all those years ago. It doesn't have to be your job. But where is the passion in your life? Right? What is it you've forgotten about? It doesn't matter how old you are. I've had patients in their 60s and 70s who reconnect with a passion, like painting or singing or joining a choir or learning martial arts or whatever it might be. In my experience, if I think about patients and people I know who are in their 90s and thriving, all of them that I know have a strong sense of purpose. I'll give you two examples, right? Two examples that come to mind. There's one lady I know in her 80s, okay? But you would think she was in her 60s. She's active. She's independent. She's engaged. She's a piano teacher. She's been teaching piano and singing to children for 50, 60 years, and she's still doing it. Right? She's still full every night after school, 4:00 PM to 9:00 PM, she's seeing kids every half an hour and teaching them, and then she goes to watch them perform and compete, and she's writing them handwritten cards. It's absolutely incredible. What she has is purpose. She has a reason to get up every day, and I think that's so key to our experience as human beings. If you don't have a reason to get up each day, you are going to struggle. Like, honestly, I've seen it time and time again. You need that reason to get up and do something. The reason so many people feel lost and unmotivated and empty is they don't have that reason to get up. Then they hear about passion and purpose and think they've gotta quit their job and sail around the world, right? To make that happen. You don't need to. If you can do, great. No, you just gotta break it down and go, "Okay. I need some passion in my life even if I don't like my job. Where can I get that passion in?" I mentioned there were a couple of people that came to mind. So firstly, it was that piano teacher. Secondly, near to where I live, there is a public speaking festival, and it's been going on for about 100 years now, and it happens once a year. And I remember last year I went to it, and the lady... or one of the ladies who was organizing it, I think she's in her late 80s. And I remember something that, that really struck me. At the end of the week, all the winners get invited to this, uh, Saturday evening performance, and I went to watch it, and I was chatting to her beforehand, and she said, "Oh, Dr. Chatterjee, I've been thinking about this all day. I've been trying to get the order just right to make sure that the flow of the evening is perfect." I remember going to sit down in my chair, and I spoke to my wife. I said, "That is incredible." At her age, okay, she still has this love of life. She has this passion for what she's doing. She's organizing this festival. She's not getting paid to do it, uh, but she's really thinking about, "How do I make this evening go really, really well?" And I learned a powerful lesson. I know I mentioned some of the science at the start of this video about a strong sense of purpose, but I say forget about the science for a minute. Why don't you just forget about it? I think we all know examples like that, of people who have that reason to get up, and so I think that's really, really important. So the take home for me is to figure out what you're passionate about. If you've lost touch with your passions, I want you to re-get in touch with those passions. In fact, why don't you leave a comment below, right? Let me know, 'cause it's not just for me, it's for the community here on my channel. It helps give them ideas as well. What have you reconnected with recently or what would you like to? What were those things that you did as a kid that you no longer do? I've got a mate of mine who I've been working with for the last few years. He loves skateboarding. Right? Loves skateboarding. You could argue, "Oh, skateboarding's something you do as a kid, as a teenager." No, he's a fully-fledged adult. He's a dad, and he skateboards his kids on the school run. Once a week he goes to the skateboard park because that's his passion. It's not my passion, that's his passion. So, you know, we know that chronic stress is really bad for our health and happiness. We know that 80 to 90% of what a doctor like me sees in any given day is related in some way to stress, because chronic stress, that's that day in, day out, unrelenting stress, it's toxic. You're not gonna live a meaningful, intentional, purposeful life if you're always stressed. There's many ways you can manage that, but one of the best ways is to find your passion. Once a week, twice a week, once a fortnight, whatever you can manage, but it's important. It's really, really important, and the more you do it, the more you will want to do it. The

11. 25:20 – 30:26

    Mindset shift: victim mindset vs empowering mindset (and why stories matter)

    1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee25:20

       next idea I wanna talk to you about relating to purpose is mindset. Right, right at the start of this video I said that a purposeful life is an intentional life. Now, one of the biggest obstacles to a purposeful life these days is what I call the victim mindset. I've always been fascinated by root causes, root causes of my patients' problems, root causes of why people are not happy. And for me, whether you choose to take a victim mindset to life or an empowering mindset to life is probably one of the top upstream levers, the top root causes that if you get right, has powerful downstream consequences. To make sure you're taking action after watching this video, I've created a free Breathing Guide that's gonna help you reduce stress, calm your mind, and boost your energy. In this guide, I share with you six really simple breathing practices that work immediately. Even just one minute a day will start to make a big difference. To receive your free guide, all you have to do is click on the link in the description box below. So what do I mean when I say the victim mindset? What I mean is this is basically a mindset that says how I am is down to the world around me. If the weather isn't right, I'm gonna have a bad day. If things don't go well, yeah, of course, that would happen to me. Things never go well for me. This idea that actually we're a victim to external circumstances. And look, I'm not criticizing anyone for having this. We just need to understand that there's an impact on the quality of our lives. I used to have a victim mindset. You know, I, I, I could be judgemental or think, "Oh, if they only did that a bit differently, my life would be better." Things started to change quite dramatically for me when I flipped that to a more empowering mindset, where I decided that I am 100% responsible for how my life goes, and the difference is night and day. You feel like a different person. You feel like you're the driver of your life. So instead of life happening to you, you are in charge of how your life goes. Now, let me be very clear. It doesn't mean bad things do not happen. Yes, they do, right? Things that you may not have chosen to happen do happen. But one thing I've learnt in life, in my many years as a doctor, but also, frankly, my years as a human being on this planet, is that life is made up of stories. The quality of our life comes down to the quality of the stories we tell ourselves about our life. Most events in life are neutral. It's the perspective we take on those things that determine the impact on us. So let's say you didn't get the job that you were going for. In fact, I can think of one of my friends who didn't get a job a few years ago that he really wanted. Right, and I get that. That's a very human emotion, very understandable. But by not getting that job, what it allowed him to do was find a different job that actually was better. It was a... It was better paid, it was more in alignment with what he wanted to do, and the truth is he never would've got that job had he got that initial one. Right, now I know some of you will push back at this idea, whether you're gonna take a victim mindset to life or an empowering mindset to life. But if you're pushing back, I really want you to hear me out. The reality in some ways doesn't really matter. What matters is the mindset you choose to adopt. If you choose to say, "No, everything is happening for a reason," and, "What is the upside of this situation?" It is a different way of experiencing the world. It doesn't mean everything's gonna go well, but it... You feel in control of your life. You go, "Okay, every situation in life has upsides and downsides." Let's say something has happened that there are downsides. A question you can ask yourself is, "What's the upside here? What can I do because of that that I could not have done or I could not have learnt had that not happened?" And you know, I'm a dad, right? And one of the most important things to me is how I bring up my children, and we talk about a lot of these ideas at the dinner table, at the breakfast table. And a few weeks ago something happened with one of my kids at school, and yes, of course, I listened to them and heard what they had to say, make sure they felt seen and heard. And then we got to this kind of empowering point, which is, okay, well, what can you learn from this situation? What can you learn from this that you never would've

12. 30:26 – 35:31

    Learning to reframe adversity: lessons from his conversation with Edith Eger

    1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee30:26

       learnt had it not occurred? It's very powerful. I've only learnt that in my 40s, right? I wish someone had taught me that as a child. It's very, very powerful. On this channel a few years ago, I had one of the most powerful conversations I've ever, ever had in the seven-year history of my podcast with a lady called Edith Eger. If you haven't watched that conversation, I would highly encourage you to watch it. I'm literally not the same person since I had that conversation, and I'll just give you a very brief overview of what I learnt. So Edith Eger, when I spoke to her a few years ago, was 93 years old, but she had such a beautiful warmth, kindness, compassion, and a real spirit of forgiveness, which is really remarkable when you think about her life. When she was 16 years old, she was living in a house with a family. She had a date with a boyfriend that night, and her family got a knock on the door, and basically they were put on a train to Auschwitz concentration camp. Within one hour of getting there, both of her parents were murdered, and a few hours later, she, as a 16-year-old, had to dance for the senior prison guards. And she said to me, "Dr. Chatterjee, when I was dancing in Auschwitz, I wasn't dancing in Auschwitz. In my mind, I was in Budapest Opera House. I was on stage. There was beautiful music playing. I had a gorgeous dress on. There was a full house." She reframed things in her mind because the last words her mom said to her before she died were, "Edith, never forget. Nobody can take from you the contents that you put inside your mind." So she applied that principle in the hell of Auschwitz. Later on in that conversation, she told me that she started to see the prison guards as the prisoners. She said, "They weren't free in their mind. They weren't living their life. But in my mind, I was free." There's a powerful lesson there. No one can take away from you the content inside your mind. If you take that victim mindset, you know, it doesn't lead to anything good. You're not gonna live a life of purpose with that victim mindset, I promise you. If, if there's only one thing you take away from this conversation, it's this. When bad things happen in your life, I want you to sit down with a journal in the evening and, and reframe them. Okay, what is the upside here? What have I learnt from this that I would not have learnt had this never happened? Right? It's really, really powerful. And just back to that Edith Eger conversation, there were many things I could share with you from that chat, but one of the most impactful things anyone has ever said to me was what Edith said to me at the end of that chat, which was this. "I have lived in Auschwitz, and I can tell you that the greatest prison you will ever live inside is the prison you create inside your own mind." That's what we do. We create stories about the world, negative stories. That person behaved that way. My boss treated me like that. That happened. Do you think that's the recipe for a happy life, a meaningful life, a life full of purpose? A life lived on purpose? No. It's not. You can choose to take a more empowering mindset that things are happening for you, not to you. Because you've gotta remember, every single situation in life has multiple interpretations. Honestly, it really does. Like let's say, for example, a husband and a wife have an argument, a disagreement, and then you ... Straight afterwards, you ask each of them what happened. Well, both of them are likely to give you a different version of events, and in their minds, they're both right. And what does that tell us? It tells us that one situation has multiple interpretations depending on which side of the table you're sitting on. I think that's very, very empowering because it shows you that you can choose the story you take on any situation. That's what Edith taught me. I thought if she can reframe the events of her life, the contents of her mind in the hell of a concentration camp, well, I sure as hell can do that in my life. It's inspired me. Any time I struggle with something in life, I go, "Okay, what's the upside here?" How can you reframe this? How can you choose an empowering happiness story as opposed to a negative story? And I promise you, you do this regularly, before

13. 35:31 – 40:03

    Practical reframing tools: journaling, compassion stories, and the “three whys” at work

    1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee35:31

       you know it, it becomes your default response. Let me give you a very simple example. Let's say you're driving on the road in the morning to get somewhere, and someone cuts you up, right? And they come really close to you, and you have to brake suddenly. Most people would get really, really worked up, and we can say that's understandable. You can't blame them. Sure. You can say you can't blame them, but you can totally change that response if you want to. You've gotta decide and go, "Yeah, I don't want that response anymore. I wanna choose a different response." And with regular practice, you will change that. So how do you actually do that in real time? Okay, let's say that happened to you today, and let's say you couldn't do it in the moment. Do it now. What story can you write in your head? That makes that other person a hero. Oh, or maybe that person was running late for work and all they could think about was getting there on time because they've already been late three times this month, and if they're late again, they're gonna lose their job, and the job pays the money that feeds that person's family. It might be true. It might not. It doesn't matter. For you, the truth doesn't matter. For you, it just matters that you are choosing that happiness story, that empowering story. You might say, "Oh, I wonder if that person's son, five-year-old son, was up last night with a sore throat, and that dad had to get up regular times, so was just knackered and exhausted and just trying to get through the day." Yeah, suddenly things feel different, don't they? You've got a lot more compassion. You're understanding why is that person acting that way, right? So give it a go. It's really, really important. And again, I would say that's probably one of the things that's changed my life the most is I never... unless I'm sleep-deprived and chronically stressed, right? And it's a good reminder then if I'm falling into old patterns to make some changes. Unless that is the case, I very rarely take this negative victim mindset anymore. I used to, but I've changed it, and I wanna empower you to go, "You can change it, too." You- I promise you, you can do it. So let's bring it back to purpose, right? Let's say, let's say you've got a job that you find a little bit mundane, and you're thinking, "You know, I just... I'm wasting my day away every day doing this job. It's not who I am. It's not who I wanna be." Let's just think about some of these principles so far and how we can apply them. One of my favorite exercises to help people reframe their lives, particularly around work, is what I call the three whys, okay? You keep asking yourself why something matters, and you keep going bigger. So let's use an example. Let's say you're a truck driver, and your job is to deliver perishable goods to the supermarket in time so it can go on the store shelf, and you don't like it. Long hours on the motorway, getting bored. You know, you're tired. It's not your thing. Okay, the first why. Why does this job matter? Okay. Th- this job matters because it pays me money, which helps me feed my family. Okay. Let's go bigger with the second why. You know, why does this matter? Okay, um, this matters because a lot of people have spent time putting these goods in my truck. That's their job. There's people at the other end who are waiting. They also get paid when these goods arrive to put it on their shelf. So it is important. It's important for everyone's work that these goods get there on time. Okay. That's the second why. And then you can go even bigger with the third why. Why does it matter? Okay. It also matters because actually there's a lot of moms and dads who are gonna buy these goods to feed them and their family, and that's really, really important. It's a simple exercise, but I've used it with patients for many, many years as very simple way of reframing, giving you a much more empowering view of why you do what you do. Because the reality is sometimes we can't change the reality of our lives. We can't change the actual external situation. But when we can't change that situation, what

14. 40:03 – 43:28

    Pulling it together: values, passion, mindset—and committing to one action

    1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee40:03

       we can change is our interpretation of that situation. And again, my hope by sharing these ideas with you is that we take purpose from being away from this big, huge thing that is unachievable to go, "No. Actually, what are my values?" [laughs] Right? Let me write them down. How much am I living in alignment with my values? What do I love? Where's the passion deficiency in my life? Where can I bring that passion back in? What's my mindset? Do I take a victim mindset to the world or an empowering mindset to the world? Can I use these three whys in my own life? Can you use them? What about your job? Do you like your job? Is it okay? Is it something you hope to leave at some point? Even if you do, I challenge you to ask yourself those three whys. Back at the start of this video, I mentioned that you could be working in a call center, not liking your job, but if kindness is your value and you are kind to the barista, the bus driver, your work colleagues, then you're living in alignment with your values, and that is a life lived on purpose. I'm not saying you have to stay in that job forever, but I promise you, if you start applying these things, the way you view your life starts to change. And because the way you view your life starts to change, you start to see things that you didn't previously see. In fact, I've seen time and time again that people who choose to adopt these principles, they start to feel less empty, less lost, less unmotivated. They have more passion, more meaning, more purpose in their life, and over time, opportunities come into their life that help them make better choices. If you can just take a few of these ideas and start applying them and go, "No, that's not me anymore. I'm gonna make a change now. This is the day, this is the week where I say no enough's enough. I'm gonna start living my life with a different flavor, with a different energy," you, I promise, will start to see things come into your life in a way that they weren't doing before. You've just gotta give it a go. I really hope you found some of the ideas in this video useful. Please commit to taking action on at least one of them. If you just listen, get inspired, but don't do anything differently, nothing in your life is gonna change. So if you are someone who's feeling a bit lost and unmotivated and empty, you can change. You can have a more uplifting, inspiring life full of meaning and purpose, and I promise you, it's not as hard as you think. Remember, purpose is not something that happens to you. It's something that you do yourself. Some of these ideas are ideas that I've expanded on in my latest book, MAKE CHANGE THAT LASTS, so please do think about picking up a copy. And whatever change you choose to make, I wish you the very best. If you found that content useful, I think you are really going to enjoy this video where I outline a simple framework for a morning routine that can immediately improve your health and your happiness. You've actually made yourself more resilient. You've actually lengthened the distance between where you currently are and your stress threshold and where you're gonna be after that morning routine

Episode duration: 43:28