You’re NOT Sick—You’re Suppressed: The Real Reason You’re Exhausted & In Pain | Gabor Maté

1. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:00

   In this me-focused culture where it's all me, me, me, and what are my needs, and what do I need to do, and how can I better myself, I feel that we often don't feel of value to others. We don't feel important. And so it makes sense that in that culture you might overwork.

2. GMGabor Maté0:20

   Mm.

3. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:20

   You might keep pushing yourself because if you're not working and feeling important there, then actually you may not have that sensation in any other aspects of your life.

4. GMGabor Maté0:32

   Well, if, well, if you weren't given the, um... It's very simple. If in early childhood you're given the sense that you're valued just 'cause you existed, your parents welcome you, and validate you, and value you, and, and celebrate you just 'cause you are, then you don't have to keep proving it afterwards.

5. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:51

   Mm-hmm.

6. GMGabor Maté0:52

   But if you don't get that sense, then you have to be important.

7. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee0:55

   Yeah.

8. GMGabor Maté0:56

   So that sense of needing to be important has to come from missing out on being valued for who you are or being only valued for your achievements. You know, you're valued-

9. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee1:05

   Mm.

10. GMGabor Maté1:05

    Like, look, my parents, bless their souls, but they valued my intelligence, you know? And so a lot of my persona was caught up in being smart and, and proving my value that way. Well, it's good to be intelligent, but your value should... doesn't depend on-

11. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee1:26

    Mm

12. GMGabor Maté1:27

    ... or shouldn't depend on any one quality, whether you're cute or cuddly or handsome or-

13. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee1:32

    Mm

14. GMGabor Maté1:32

    ... successful or good at sports or smart in school, any of that, is you- your value is intrinsic-

15. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee1:39

    Mm

16. GMGabor Maté1:40

    ... or g- innate, inherent 'cause you're a human being. In this society, as you say, it tends to value people for what they do, and so that can become very, very addictive. But again, going back to your friend who says, "My parent, my f- my patients need me," and you think about it, and I'm not accusing them of anything, but they're not realizing just how egotistical that statement is. It's as if it depended on them.

17. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:06

    Mm-hmm.

18. GMGabor Maté2:07

    Their patients need good medical care, but they don't need him or her-

19. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:13

    Mm

20. GMGabor Maté2:13

    ... or them specifically, which means that they should be able to take care of themselves as long as they make sure that when they're not there-

21. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:22

    Mm-hmm

22. GMGabor Maté2:23

    ... their patients are receiving-

23. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:25

    Mm

24. GMGabor Maté2:26

    ... the care that they need. So it's not about us, and I used to think it was always about me.

25. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:30

    Mm.

26. GMGabor Maté2:30

    If I'm not there for the delivery of this pregnant woman's baby, oh, my God.

27. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:34

    Mm.

28. GMGabor Maté2:34

    You know? Like as if it all depended on me. It, it-

29. RCDr. Rangan Chatterjee2:38

    There's probably a control issue there as well, isn't there? That I, I know how I would do it-

30. GMGabor Maté2:42

    Ex- exactly

Episode duration: 17:18