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Re:Thinking with Adam GrantRe:Thinking with Adam Grant

Kristen Bell masterclass on giving constructive advice

You probably know Kristen Bell as the star behind characters like Veronica Mars, Princess Anna from Frozen, and Eleanor from The Good Place. In this episode, Adam sits down with Kristen live at BetterUp’s Uplift leadership summit to examine how she’s learning to overcome her people pleasing tendencies and stop internalizing other people’s emotions. Kristen gets in character to demonstrate how to be honest without being unkind. She also makes the case that compliments are underrated, opens up about her strategies for dealing with envy, and offers a surprising theory of why we overexplain. Join us in person at a TED conference: https://tedtalks.social/events Become a TED Member to support our mission: https://ted.com/membership Subscribe to a TED newsletter: https://ted.com/newsletters Follow our podcasts! Podcasts: https://www.ted.com/podcasts Fixable: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/fixable How to Be a Better Human: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/how-to-be-a-better-human ReThinking with Adam Grant: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/rethinking-with-adam-grant TED Talks Daily: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-talks-daily TED Business: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted_business TED Health: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-health TED Tech: https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted-tech The TED Audio Collective is a collection of podcasts for the curious. The TED Audio Collective videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy (https://www.ted.com/about/our-organiz...). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at https://media-requests.ted.com.

Kristen Bellguest
May 9, 20262mWatch on YouTube ↗

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 0:30

    Start with permission: framing feedback as a question

    1. KB

      I would start with a question, not a statement, because it's a little bit more communicative. And I always ask, "Can I pressure test this?" And I tend, just did it, I talk with my hands a lot, and I tend to give body feedback that I'm not a threat. Here to help. Just want to pressure test this. Um, by saying that, I feel as though I'm also reminding them we're on a team, because team members have respect when they ask permission. They don't just say like, "No, you're wrong," or,

  2. 0:30 – 1:00

    Nonverbal cues: showing you’re not a threat

    1. KB

      "Hey, you're doing this." The pointing of the finger thing just, you never get a good result, and if you don't get a good result, why even waste your energy trying? And then I would probably speak slowly and thoughtfully so that they knew I was concerned, and I would s- then present a detail that sh- showed them we might be missing something. I

  3. 1:00 – 1:31

    Avoid finger-pointing and blunt “you’re wrong” delivery

    1. KB

      would probably say, "Can I pressure test this? Um, if we hire that person without seeing any others, I, I just worry I don't want us to miss some genius that's one audition away from being seen by us. And if we do wait a little bit longer, we could get really lucky." So there's sort of like a flow of emotional

  4. 1:31 – 1:44

    Pacing and tone: speak slowly and thoughtfully

    1. KB

      math that I'm trying to use when I speak to the person that's like respect, but not... What's it called when you like bow to someone? Like, what's that?

  5. 1:44 – 1:45

    Offer a specific detail: introduce information they may be missing

    1. SP

      Deference, I'm hearing from the audience.

  6. 1:45 – 2:06

    The ‘emotional math’: respect without deference

    1. KB

      Don't use deference, because then they already know you're not strong enough to pressure test it. Stay in the conversation, but be a team member, and then provide them a piece of information that allows them to be reminded that they don't know everything, because we don't know everything

Episode duration: 2:07

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