Re:Thinking with Adam GrantWhy I live each day like it's my first with Suleika Jaouad | ReThinking with Adam Grant
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 0:58
Journaling as a flexible, centuries-old practice (from pillow books to morning pages)
Suleika opens by reframing journaling as a historically diverse tool—used for record-keeping, secrecy, and private reflection with public impact. She emphasizes that a journal doesn’t have to look one way: it can be art, a list, or free-writing. The point is creating a space before the inner critic takes over.
- •Journaling has served many roles across history (log books, “pillow books,” Anne Frank)
- •A journal can be visual, minimal, or expansive—there’s no single correct format
- •Morning pages as a way to write before self-censorship kicks in
- •Permission to be messy: grocery lists count, one sentence counts
- •Journaling as a personal container for reflection
- 0:58 – 4:13
Rejecting “live like it’s your last” and choosing “live like it’s your first”
Adam and Suleika bond over their shared dislike of the cliché advice to live each day as if it’s your last. Suleika explains how that advice became especially harmful when her leukemia returned, because it turned every moment into a high-stakes performance. She proposes a gentler alternative: live as if it’s your first day, grounded in curiosity and wonder.
- •“Live like it’s your last” can undermine planning, meaning-making, and sustainability
- •Recurrence of leukemia intensifies uncertainty and pressures future commitments
- •Trying to make every moment profound becomes spiritually exhausting
- •“Live like it’s your first” centers curiosity, playfulness, and awe
- •Focus shifts from bucket lists to simple, present details
- 4:13 – 7:14
Balancing ambition with presence: mortality as a course corrective
Suleika reflects on being intensely future-focused before illness—driven by ambition and family expectations as a child of immigrants. Diagnosis at 22 forces a recalibration: there isn’t infinite time to delay living until goals are achieved. She describes moving from “doing” toward “being,” and from résumé virtues toward eulogy virtues.
- •Self-imposed pressure and ambition crowded out present experience
- •Mortality creates clarity that challenges constant future-optimization
- •You can’t postpone enjoyment until after all boxes are checked
- •Re-centering daily life around what matters beyond a to-do list
- •Prioritizing “eulogy virtues” (bravery, kindness, showing up) over “résumé virtues”
- 7:14 – 8:45
The spiral of relearning—and how illness can unlock creative freedom
Suleika notes that clarity after hardship is hard to sustain; growth feels like spiraling back through the same lessons at a deeper level. She also describes a surprising byproduct of illness: a perverse freedom from conventional productivity expectations. Following curiosity without a plan repeatedly becomes a catalyst for transformation.
- •Hard-earned insight is difficult to maintain; lessons recur
- •Growth is iterative rather than a one-time breakthrough
- •Illness interruptions can paradoxically create relief and freedom
- •Curiosity-led choices can be more transformative than outcome-led ones
- •Changing relationship to work and achievement
- 8:45 – 11:22
When writing isn’t possible: pivoting to a visual journal in the hospital
Preparing for a second bone marrow transplant, Suleika packs multiple journals—only to lose the ability to see well enough to write. Instead of fixating on frustration, she adapts and begins watercoloring her fever-dream imagery. The shift turns fear into intrigue and opens an unexpected creative passion.
- •Planned coping strategy (multiple journals) disrupted by medical complications
- •Learning to “surf” uncertainty rather than control it
- •Fever dreams and hallucinations become artistic material
- •Visual journaling transforms dread of sleep into curiosity
- •Creativity as part of survival; flexibility enables new passions
- 11:22 – 12:43
The shared journal with Jon: daily letters as connection and depth
Adam asks about Suleika’s “shared journal,” and she explains the practice Jon initiated: three longhand pages written as letters to each other and exchanged by photo. The ritual surfaces deeper truths than typical check-ins, and surprises even the writer with what emerges. It becomes an enduring relationship practice.
- •Journaling can be unconventional (voice memos, piano diaries)
- •Shared daily letters create closeness during travel and distance
- •Writing reveals “deeper grist” than routine conversation
- •Surprise and insight arise for both reader and writer
- •The practice continues as an ongoing ritual
- 12:43 – 14:13
Journaling as private thinking: intuition, idea generation, and self-honesty
They broaden the lens: writing isn’t just communication—it’s cognition and emotional processing. Suleika highlights the journal as a private, unpolished space where grammar and sense-making aren’t required. She credits it with ideas, early drafts, and the ability to show up as her most unedited self.
- •Writing is a tool for thinking, reflection, and emotion processing
- •The journal’s power comes from privacy and low stakes
- •Accessing intuition and subconscious through unfiltered writing
- •Creative work often begins as “non-draft” journal entries
- •Self-acceptance: showing up without performance pressure
- 14:13 – 16:26
Savoring through noticing: “10 images from the last 24 hours”
Adam questions how journaling fits with “living like it’s your first,” and Suleika argues that writing helps encode experiences into memory and trains attention. She shares a prompt—list ten images from the last day—to fact-check worry-driven narratives and notice nourishing details. The practice becomes a way to cultivate more of what sustains her.
- •Journaling increases the chance experiences enter the “memory bank”
- •The “10 images” prompt counters fear and narrative distortion
- •Noticing small moments (dog in sunlight, pajama dinner with friends) builds meaning
- •Writing trains attention and clarifies what nourishes you
- •Choosing cultivation over rumination
- 16:26 – 17:53
Phones vs journals: capturing moments without leaving them
Adam contrasts snapping photos with journaling, noting that cameras can disrupt presence. Suleika agrees and describes journaling as “training the eye”—which makes her seek detail and pay attention in real time. They connect this to Mary Oliver’s idea that attention is an ongoing practice.
- •Photos can jolt you out of the experience you want to remember
- •Journaling supports savoring and later recall without interruption
- •“Training the eye” leads to richer perception in daily life
- •Attention to sensory details becomes a habit (weather, flowers, small quirks)
- •Paying attention as a deliberate life practice
- 17:53 – 21:09
“I credit my marriage to my journal”: externalizing fears and enabling hard talks
Suleika explains how journaling helped her untangle long-standing anxieties about commitment, shaped by moving often and by her illness prognosis. Putting fears on the page externalized them, separating fact from fiction and enabling clearer conversations with Jon. The journal becomes a bridge from private honesty to relational honesty.
- •Early belief that relationships have a “shelf life” influenced commitment fears
- •Illness intensified ethical concerns about marriage and long-term plans
- •Writing externalizes emotional swirls into analyzable parts
- •Distinguishing facts, fears, and fictions makes dialogue possible
- •Private journaling leads to deeper conversations with loved ones
- 21:09 – 24:10
Keeping journals private—while building community through “Journaling Club”
Adam shares how reading journal work aloud can accelerate bonding, and Suleika clarifies her boundary: her own journals are private and locked away. Yet she facilitates gatherings where people write privately and then discuss what surfaced (without reading entries verbatim). The focus is moving from self-dialogue to richer interpersonal dialogue without forced oversharing.
- •Strong boundary: journal content remains private and protected
- •Journaling can still change what you’re willing to say out loud
- •Journaling Club: write privately, share reflections about the process
- •Creates connection without “public confession” pressure
- •Gatherings that allow quiet plus meaningful conversation over small talk
- 24:10 – 26:06
Structuring Journaling Club: prompts that unlock unexpected identities
Suleika describes how she runs these gatherings with drawing, writing, and conversation prompts. An “unofficial resume” question elicits surprising disclosures and playful depth, revealing sides of people even close friends haven’t seen. The format makes space for unusual, curiosity-driven connection.
- •Three-part structure: drawing prompt, writing prompt, conversation prompt
- •Conversation prompt example: “unofficial resume” (from Esther Perel)
- •Prompts surface unexpected personal truths and hidden interests
- •Shared laughter and follow-up questions deepen connection
- •Learning new things even about long-known people
- 26:06 – 28:43
From prompt resistance to prompt freedom: consistency, momentum, and the kaleidoscope
Adam admits he used to hate prompts as constraining, but found them liberating after trying Suleika’s. Suleika explains prompts help overcome inertia, reveal resistance, and twist perspective like a kaleidoscope so “light falls differently.” Prompts keep journaling fresh and sustain a consistent practice.
- •Prompt resistance often comes from fear of constraint or “homework” vibes
- •Prompts solve common journaling drop-off by providing momentum
- •Writing about resistance itself can be revealing
- •Prompts as a “kaleidoscope” that shifts perspective and habits of mind
- •Challenge and novelty support consistency
- 28:43 – 32:46
Journaling as dialogue with thinkers—and shifting from gratitude to contribution
They discuss prompts as a way to be in conversation with admired writers and ideas through call-and-response. Adam shares research suggesting contribution journals can be more meaning-enhancing than gratitude journals because they activate agency and purpose. Suleika connects this to her own practice of choosing three meaningful actions or contributions, especially during periods of low energy.
- •Prompts can create dialogue with thinkers, artists, and imagined others
- •Call-and-response: reading first, then writing in response
- •Contribution journaling builds agency (“I matter; I have something to offer”)
- •Suleika’s “three things” question clarifies priorities when energy is limited
- •Redefining success as integrity, nourishment, and doing good
- 32:46 – 41:47
Lightning round on levity + gravity: fun age, prank calls, and playful partnership
In a rapid-fire close, Adam asks about Suleika and Jon’s rare combination of depth and play. They explore the idea of “fun age” (both 80 and 8), and share how silliness—like elaborate prank calls during transplant recovery—keeps joy alive alongside seriousness. The segment ends with quick takes on dinner guests, bad advice, phone calls, and returning to the “first day” mindset.
- •Balancing soulfulness with levity through intentional play
- •“Fun age” concept: shared definition of fun sustains connection
- •Play as coping during illness (harmless prank calls; absurdity as relief)
- •Bad advice to reject: “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle”
- •Closing reflection: living like it’s your first means childlike attention and curiosity
