5 Ways to Use Charisma for Standout First Impressions

1. 0:00 – 0:30

   Why first impressions at work feel high-stakes

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai0:00

      I want you to think back to your first day at work. You've just stepped into unfamiliar territory and meeting and greeting unfamiliar faces who are about to be your colleagues. You're the new face, and people are going to notice and maybe even talk. As you absorb your new surroundings, desperately trying to remember the next name and title, you can be forgiven for overlooking one very important process happening within you and around you, a process so important that it can set the tone of how well you're received by your colleagues. And yes, you guessed it:

2. 0:30 – 1:31

   How fast first impressions form (and what your brain uses)

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai0:30

      first impressions, the human version of dogs meeting at a park for the very first time. Okay, in principle, it's a bit more sophisticated than that and, thankfully, without the sniffing. First impressions are subconscious conclusions that people make based on how they feel about a person they meet the first time they meet them, and here's the thing: they happen fast, very fast. Neuroscience research published in the Journal of Psychological Science found that it takes just a 10th of a second to make a first impression. In other words, our brains process what we see, hear, touch, or even smell in the form of facial expressions, physical attributes, spoken words, tone, body language, the sensation of a handshake, and even the smell of a perfume. All of this data is processed in association with memories, emotional associations to those memories, our current emotional and physiological state, and voila. Just like that, in less than the blink of an eye, a first impression is established. Impressive. Not only that, first

3. 1:31 – 2:01

   First-impression bias: why a mediocre start is hard to fix

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai1:31

      impressions really matter, especially in the world of business. First impression bias is a real thing, and trying to recover from a mediocre first impression can be really tough because everything you say and do following on from that first impression is impacted by whatever conclusions or assumptions the person has drawn about you. Needless to say, this bias could unfairly undermine the progress of your career. So how do you make a lasting, positive first impression without any fake charisma? The truth is

4. 2:01 – 2:31

   What charisma actually is (and isn’t)

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai2:01

      humans are complex and highly subjective creatures, so the best we can do is to act in a way that increases the odds of other people warming up to us. And the thing with charisma and likability is that they aren't based on how intelligent, extroverted, or talkative you are. They're actually about the way you carry yourself, how you communicate, and how your behavior influences others' feelings. In this episode, I'm going to go through five science-backed tips you need to know to boost your chances of making a really strong first

5. 2:31 – 3:01

   The framework: “WC and the 4 Ps” for standout impressions

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai2:31

      impression through your innate charisma, and the benefit here isn't selfishly just for you. Exuding a positive presence can create a more collaborative work environment because we are social creatures after all, and our true genius comes from our ability to unite in leveraging our diversity. Now, charisma has been described as your compelling attractiveness, your presence, your magnetism. Basically, it's that unspoken quality that you have to influence people, and it plays a huge role in first impressions. So

6. 3:01 – 4:02

   WC part 1: Lead with warmth, then show competence

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai3:01

      let's dive into the five essential tips, which I call WC and the 4 Ps. So first is WC: demonstrate warmth and back it up with competence. Harvard researchers found that people have a tendency to judge you very quickly based on two things: how warm you come across and how competent you appear. It's called the stereotype content model. According to the model, if you can portray yourself as being warm, for example, non-competitive and friendly, people will feel like they can trust you. Then, if you also seem competent, for example, you're confident, you have conviction in what you're saying, and you seem to know what you're talking about, people are more likely to respect you. According to the researchers, it's more important to show genuine warmth first and then competence, especially at work. Why? Well, because from an evolutionary perspective, it's more important to survival to know whether you can trust someone and they're not gonna kill you in your sleep rather than whether they're good at hunting. So this first tip is to start with warmth. Okay,

7. 4:02 – 4:33

   Warmth at work isn’t people-pleasing (and starts with your face)

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai4:02

      so you might be wondering, "What does warmth look like at work?" Some seem to believe that being warm means being overly nice, being a people pleaser, but this really just puts you at risk of being taken advantage of. In a professional setting, warmth is quite specific, and I'll explain what I mean by this in the next tip. And before I do that, this first tip is all around demonstrating warmth, which is also an essential part of a first impression. Think about when you meet someone for the first time. What do you normally notice first? Aside from superficial factors

8. 4:33 – 5:03

   Eye contact and smiling: the fastest warmth signals

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai4:33

      like height and what they're wearing, it's usually the person's face, their profile, and your face is the first indicator of warmth. Warm people who are also confident are more likely to maintain eye contact with those they're speaking to. It shows that they're attentive and really present with the person. Maintaining eye contact during your conversation is critical to how you'll be viewed. It makes you appear more confident, more self-assured, and people are more likely to remember both you and your words. The second part here

9. 5:03 – 6:04

   The “3-second pause” (3SP) to project calm confidence

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai5:03

      is your smile. Smiling has been shown to be a psychological signal of altruism and can make a really lasting impression. A warm, genuine smile conveys that you're approachable and personable, and people are more likely to trust you. What else can you do to create a really strong first impression? Use what I call the 3SP: the 3 second pause. This is a really overlooked tip, yet it shows in research to convey confidence and charm. So how does it work? Well, before you respond to something, you want to count to three in your head before you speak. Now, these aren't super long, drawn-out counts, just one, two, three, and then you reply. A good way to remember is to use that time to actually take a breath. Being more considered in your responses by using pauses has also been found to create a friendlier and a warmer atmosphere for heart-to-heart conversations or when you want to encourage trust. It's also great because it avoids that awkward moment when someone wasn't finished speaking so you accidentally cut them off. "Oh, sorry, you go."

10. 6:04 – 7:06

    Find parallel points: commonality creates connection (halo effect)

    1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai6:04

       Awkward. Pausing as you speak can also be really impactful, especially right before an important point that you want to make. So an important one to remember, 3SP, the three-second pause. Another brilliant way to demonstrate warmth is to find something in parallel with the person, something you have in common. Commonality drives connection. So when meeting someone new, try to find something in common with them. It doesn't even have to be something profound. It could be that you were both born overseas or you used to work for the same company previously. The goal is to connect on an authentic human level. Now, it might mean that you need to do some LinkedIn stalking or some detective work through an internet search, but it really works wonders if you can find a commonality with that person. It instantly relaxes them and you, and they're more likely to remember you afterwards because of something called the halo effect. This is where the positive feelings the person has about whatever you have in common can influence how they feel about you. Remember, make other people feel valuable and you become valuable.

11. 7:06 – 7:36

    Proximity: the mere exposure effect for longer-lasting impressions

    1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai7:06

       And the final P is proximity. The fact is we tend to develop more of a liking for something if it's familiar to us. It's called the mere exposure effect or the familiarity effect in psychology. And while it's used a lot in sales and marketing strategies, it also applies to people. Now, admittedly, this is less about a first impression and more about a longer-lasting impression, but I still wanted to include it. Next time you want to get someone new in your life to like you more, spend more time around them. Be around them more. Sit near them.

12. 7:36 – 8:44

    Pulling it together + authenticity warning (don’t perform charisma)

    1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai7:36

       Interact with them, even if you let them do all the talking and you just listen. It will increase the familiarity, connection, and closeness between you, and they'll be more likely to have a positive perception of you. So there you have it, WC and the 4Ps, the essential tips you need to make a strong first impression with charisma. Now, it's also worth mentioning that you want to make sure you're still being authentic. We've all had an experience where you meet someone for the first time and they're trying way too hard to impress you. You can tell they're saying what they think you want them to say, and it just doesn't seem genuine, and it really comes across as insecure. So your aim shouldn't be to wow someone with your skills and experience, but actually to create a sincere conversation that's memorable and engaging. Be yourself and don't worry about how you're being perceived in the moment. Just be authentic and true to you. I'm Shade Zahrai. I'll see you next time. [outro music] Based on how intelligent, introverted... [lip trills] [outro music]

Episode duration: 8:44