How to Speak up in Meetings - with Confidence

1. 0:00 – 0:30

   Why speaking up in meetings feels hard (Vina’s story)

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai0:00

      How confident would you say you are in meetings? Are you always able to share your ideas? One of the most common things I get asked is, "How can I be more confident and speak more in meetings?" And this question seems to mainly come from women who are in male-dominated companies, but I'm sure it applies to many more. I was recently approached by a mid-level professional named Vina who worked in the food services industry in a team of men. She shared with me that during team meetings she felt like she wasn't given any time or space to actually share her thoughts and opinions. Has this ever happened

2. 0:30 – 1:00

   What you’ll learn and why meeting voice matters for career growth

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai0:30

      to you? Do you ever feel like you're not given the opportunity to speak? Well, there absolutely are some things that you can do to improve how you communicate in meetings. Hi, I'm Shadé Zahrai, and I help women like you hack their careers to advance faster, overcome their limiting beliefs, and confidently create the extraordinary life they deserve. In this video, I'm going to share three of my favorite hacks that I share with my clients about how to speak confidently in meetings and make sure your voice is heard. The ability to speak up and communicate in meetings is essential for career advancement.

3. 1:00 – 2:01

   The visibility gap: what research suggests about who talks in meetings

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai1:00

      You can't afford not to do it. When you speak up in meetings and share your ideas or your questions, you're actively contributing to the conversation. As well as strengthening your influence, you're more likely to be noticed, promoted, and recognized for your leadership potential. It's such an important area for women to master that I've even spoke on it before, and I'll probably continue to create videos specifically on this topic because I keep getting asked for guidance on it. When we look to the research, women tend to talk far more than men in real life. We're generally considered more communicative and expressive, but when it comes to meetings in a workplace environment, all of a sudden men speak far more than women do. Now, this is a big problem for women and visibility because if you're not speaking up in meetings because you don't feel comfortable to be able to share your opinions and ideas, or maybe you're just not given the opportunity to, then you go unnoticed. This means that people forget that you're even there, and they don't recognize the value that you're actually adding. Unfortunately, it's usually the people who speak the most and the loudest who get heard, recognized, and then promoted. So

4. 2:01 – 2:32

   Hack #1 — Stop apologizing and devaluing your ideas

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai2:01

      here are three valuable hacks to help you speak up in meetings. First, don't apologize for sharing your perspective. A trap that many women often fall into is apologizing before we share an idea or prefacing what we're about to say. We might say, "Sorry to interrupt. Sorry if this seems like a silly idea. This might be a stupid question." We need to remove these kinds of phrases from our vocabulary because what they do is demean your status and your credibility. You end up apologizing before you've even shared your ideas, which in people's minds

5. 2:32 – 3:32

   Hack #2 — Recognize interruption patterns (and why silence invites more)

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai2:32

      makes them think that you have something to apologize about and you're wasting their time. Your thoughts are just as important as anyone else's thoughts in that room, and once you learn that, you internalize that, you believe that, then all of a sudden you start to share your thoughts, perspectives, and ideas without any hesitation and with nothing holding you back. This is where I want you to get to, and I really believe anyone can do it. Two, take back space when someone cuts you off. So I spent a lot of time in male-dominated teams, and while in meetings I was continually cut off when I'd start to share something. I have a quieter voice than a lot of the men that I worked with, but that didn't justify them taking away my space to speak. I'd sometimes just sit there and watch how they'd all interact, and I noticed that they didn't cut each other off. And I think the reason why they wouldn't cut each other off is because if one of my male colleagues was cut off, he would turn around and say, "Excuse me. Let me finish." And then he would just finish the sentence and no one would think anything of it. But I never said that because personally I felt like it was a very abrupt and rude way of doing it. But by not saying anything, I actually made myself a target to be interrupted because they knew

6. 3:32 – 4:33

   Hack #2 in action — Respond calmly and assertively (without losing authenticity)

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai3:32

      that they could. Vina also had this challenge in her meetings. Now, we know from research that women are more likely to be interrupted, and that's by both men and women. So what do you do if you're not given the opportunity to speak or if you keep being interrupted? It feels really horrible when you're cut off, so the first thing is to not let it trigger your emotions of frustration or anger and not to let it strip you of your confidence. Then, if someone does cut you off or you do get interrupted, you need to have the confidence to say, "Joseph, I really do want to hear what you have to say, but could I first finish and then we'll return to you so that you can share?" Then continue. Some variant of this is really effective because it's still being true to how a lot of women want to be perceived, which is collaborative and supportive. For me, these are key authentic qualities. I could never say, "Joseph, let me finish." It just wouldn't feel authentic. So instead, I recommend a tactful but assertive statement to highlight that you weren't finished and you intend to continue. You want to be confident and calm when you say this, and the more you practice it, you might find you actually get interrupted less. The

7. 4:33 – 5:03

   The mindset core — Value your voice before others will

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai4:33

      key piece here to remember is that you need to value your thoughts, your ideas, and your voice before anyone else will give you the time and space to share them. It really starts from within. And three, create space for others. I love this strategy because it's all about paying it forward. Sometimes we're in a meeting where we're not the only one who isn't given an opportunity to speak. Someone else might be experiencing the same thing you are, or they might even just be more of an introvert who takes time to reflect on what's being shared before actually speaking up. So something I love to encourage my clients to do

8. 5:03 – 5:33

   Hack #3 — Create space for others while creating space for yourself

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai5:03

      is if they notice someone else in a meeting, woman or man, who hasn't spoken and hasn't shared anything, is to create space for them by first creating space for yourself. Here's what I mean. You could say something like, "I'd like to ask Jo what she thinks about what we've been discussing, but before I do that, I just wanted to share..." And then you finish your idea and share your perspective. This way you've given Jo time to think about what she wants to share, and when you've finished with your views, you then return attention to her for her opportunity. Again, here you've just created space for you to be able to speak, and

9. 5:33 – 6:03

   Wrap-up: apply a tip in your next meeting + viewer reflection prompt

   1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai5:33

      you're demonstrating that you have enough social intelligence and awareness to pick up when people are not contributing and give them an opportunity to do that. They'll appreciate it more than you know, and it reflects your very collaborative and inclusive approach, two key leadership qualities. So those are just a few of my favorite tips that I found have really worked for my clients, and I actually use them for myself as well. I hope you found them valuable and you can use one of them in your next meeting to help you speak up with more confidence and be heard. In the comments below, let me know what you struggle most with in meetings. Do you get

10. 6:03 – 6:31

    Call to action: comment, subscribe, and join the email list

    1. SZDr. Shadé Zahrai6:03

       cut off and interrupted all the time? Do you find it hard to even interject and share your ideas? Do you preface everything you're about to say and apologize for taking up space, like, "I'm sorry to interrupt the flow of conversation, but..." Let me know what you do in the comments below and let's tackle this together. And of course, if you never want to miss a video, jump onto the website now, shadezahrai.com, and join my tribe for videos in your inbox every single week. I'm Shadé Zahrai, and I'll see you next time. [upbeat music]

Episode duration: 6:31