EVERY SPOKEN WORD
10 min read · 1,516 words- 0:00 – 0:30
Why great ideas get ignored: clarity beats raw intelligence
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
The people who get heard aren't necessarily the smartest in the room. This is how you build trust and authority at the same time, and that difference is everything. They pay attention when it matters to them. The word just is a minimizer. Just drop the just. If you've ever walked into a room with a great idea only to watch it get ignored, talked over, or repackaged by someone louder, this video is for you because that moment is costing you influence, credibility, and money. But over the last decade working with leaders, executives, and high performers,
- 0:30 – 1:00
Principle 1 — Speak to what they care about (shift from your agenda to theirs)
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
I figured out something most people never learn. The people who get heard aren't necessarily the smartest in the room. They are the clearest, they're the most intentional, and they follow a few principles that quietly put them in control. So today, I'm going to share with you five of them. Principle number one, speak to what they care about. Most people walk into conversations focused on what they want to say. The top performers walk in focused on what the other person needs to hear, and that difference is everything. Early in my career, I pitched a senior leader
- 1:00 – 1:31
Reframing an idea to win buy-in: the senior leader pitch story
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
on an idea that I had spent weeks building. I was confident walking in. Thirty seconds later, I could tell I'd lost him. His eyes were down. There were no questions, just a polite, "We'll circle back." And as I was walking out, I knew I had missed. Later, it finally clicked. I had built the entire pitch around my goals, my effort, and my priorities, but none of it connected to his world. So the next time, I rebuilt it completely. It was the same idea, but completely different framing. I spoke in his language,
- 1:31 – 2:32
Listener-based framing in practice: work and home examples
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
his metrics, his pressures, and everything changed. He leaned in. He asked questions. He approved it on the spot. Here's the rule the top one percent understand. People don't pay attention because something matters to you. They pay attention when it matters to them. Let me show you how this principle plays out. At work, if you need a new hire and the CFO is focused on cutting costs, walking in and asking for headcount is a losing move. So instead, you say something like, "Since efficiency is a priority this quarter, I mapped how adding one team member would reduce overtime, lower errors, and save roughly forty thousand dollars in six months." Now, you're not asking, you're solving a problem. And at home, if your partner is exhausted and you say, "I wanna go out with you tonight," that's going to probably create some friction. But if you say, "I know this week wiped you out. Would a quiet dinner help you decompress? And if not, we'll stay in." It's the same request, but you often get a completely different outcome. Influence starts when you enter their
- 2:32 – 3:02
Principle 2 — Bookend your voice (be memorable without talking nonstop)
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
world first. Principle number two, bookend your voice. Here is something most people don't know. Psychology shows that people remember the beginning and the end of conversations far more than the middle. You don't actually need to speak constantly to be memorable. You need to speak strategically. Start strong. "I came across something that relates to item two on the agenda. I'd love to share a thought." And then end strong. "Before we wrap up, I wanna highlight Paul's idea. It's worth carrying into the next meeting." Two moments, maximum impact. Quiet
- 3:02 – 3:33
Principle 3 — Reclaim credit without sounding insecure
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
people who master this suddenly become very hard to ignore. Principle number three, reclaim credit without looking insecure. This one hits close to home for a lot of people. You share an idea, and it lands completely flat. No one reacts. And then five minutes later, someone else repeats the same thing, and suddenly the room loves it. It is frustrating, and it's demotivating, and it can slowly chip away at how you see yourself. And yes, it happens more often than you think. The wrong move is shrinking or getting defensive. The top performers
- 3:33 – 4:03
Two scripts to re-anchor your idea: build forward vs. get curious
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
do something smarter. They reclaim their contribution gracefully. There are two options that we teach for how to do this. Option one, build forward. "Selma, that's great to see that we're aligned with what I shared earlier. One way we could extend that is..." So you elevate the conversation and re-anchor the idea to you without sounding territorial. And then there's option two, get curious. "That's a great suggestion. That aligns with what I shared before. How did you arrive at that?" This invites dialogue and signals confidence without being
- 4:03 – 5:04
Principle 4 — Delete language that makes you small (stop pre-undermining yourself)
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
confrontational. You can also use the same approach to spotlight other people if their ideas get overshadowed. This is how you build trust and authority at the same time, and you make sure that no one's getting credit for your great ideas. It's a brilliant way to gain authority without having to fight for it. Principle number four, delete the language that makes you small. Some of the smartest people sabotage themselves with tiny phrases. In all my years working with leaders and coaching high performers, I have noticed that brilliant people can accidentally weaken their credibility with just a few small bad linguistic habits. Listen for these. "I might be wrong. This is probably silly. Sorry if this is going off track." These sound polite, they feel collaborative, but it quietly tells the room, "You don't need to take me seriously." And then there are even more sophisticated versions like, "Correct me if I'm wrong," or, "I know I'm not the ultimate expert on this." These unintentionally diminish the impact of your message before you've even delivered it, and it undermines you. Compare how these sound.
- 5:04 – 5:34
Replace softeners with presence: tighten phrasing and drop “just”
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
"I'm not sure about this, but do you think we could check the data?" Versus, "Before we move forward, let's double-check that the data is correct." It's the same idea, different presence. And then we have the second credibility killer, the word just. "I just wanted to share. I just wanna add. I just have a quick question." I hear this constantly, especially among early career professionals or people who are just starting out, and they feel a little insecure. The word just is a minimizer. It makes your voice sound apologetic, like
- 5:34 – 6:04
Principle 5 — Walk in like you belong (presence starts before you speak)
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
you're asking for permission to take up space. Just drop the just. "I wanna share. I'd like to add. I have a question." Simple, direct, unapologetic. Removing these softeners was one of the biggest upgrades that I ever made, not just in how people were listening to me, but in how I felt showing up. Principle number five, walk in like you belong. Before you speak, people are already reading you. And the biggest difference between people who get heard and people who get overlooked Is this. The top 1% walk
- 6:04 – 7:05
The science of confident presence: neck flexion and a 3-second reset
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
into the room and assume they belong. They're not wondering, "Do I deserve to be here?" They're not asking permission with their body or shrinking before they speak. They enter with the internal belief, [swishing] "If I'm in the room, I belong in the room." And the science backs this up. You've probably heard of the research that says that if you want to exude more confidence, you want to take on a more expansive posture. But there's even more recent research that shows that the confidence boost doesn't actually come from the pose itself. It comes from one thing, which is called neck flexion, meaning when you lengthen your neck, you lift your head, you activate a chain of [chime] physiological responses that influence confidence and vocal presence. It's neck flexion. So before a meeting or a pitch or something important, do a quick reset. Stop scrolling on your phone. Lift your head. Open your chest. Stand like someone who has something worth saying. It literally takes three seconds, and yet it changes how people perceive you and
- 7:05 – 8:06
How to apply the five principles: pick one, stack wins, build ‘Big Trust’
- SZDr. Shadé Zahrai
how you perceive yourself. [shuttering] The top 1% don't wait to feel ready. They behave their way into presence. They prepare their body, their mind, and their presence before they even open their mouth, and that's one of the reasons why their voice lands. So here's what I want you to do next. In your next meeting or pitch or presentation, don't try all five principles at once. Just pick one. Speak to what they care about. Bookend your voice. Reclaim credit for your ideas. Remove one phrase that shrinks you, or walk in like you belong before you say a word. Because as I write about in my book, Big Trust, [chime] confidence isn't something that you think your way into. It's something you earn, and you earn it by acting, by stacking small wins, by showing up the same way again and again until your presence does the talking for you. Try it once, watch what changes, and then come back and tell me what happened. That's how people go from having good ideas to being the person people actually listen to. Now, if you found value in this episode, hit subscribe, turn on the bell icon [bell ringing] , and I'll see you next time.
Episode duration: 8:06
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