Dulce Sloan: Will You Be My Valentine?

Dulce Sloan 0:00 [funky music]

Dulce Sloan 0:04 I said to my homeboy that I was incel one day.

Eugene 0:07 [snorts]

Dulce Sloan 0:07 And he was like, "That's not true." I said, "Of course it is." I said, "I am celibate, and it is very involuntary." These are... This is what incel means.

Eugene 0:15 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 0:15 Involuntary celibate.

Eugene 0:16 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 0:16 I would love to be having sex at times. There's nothing better than having your legs in the air. And yet-

Eugene 0:21 Trevor, do you agree? [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 0:25 Get out.

Trevor Noah 0:26 Can I tell you what's funny is-

Eugene 0:27 Mm, tell me

Trevor Noah 0:27 ... is that you-

Eugene 0:28 Having your legs in the air

Trevor Noah 0:28 ... is that you made me-

Dulce Sloan 0:29 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 0:29 You made me picture my legs in the air. That's what I hate about what you did to me there.

Eugene 0:33 That's what good friends are for.

Trevor Noah 0:34 That's what you did to me there.

Eugene 0:35 Sure. Any-

Trevor Noah 0:35 You made me

Eugene 0:36 ... any, any time

Trevor Noah 0:37 ... because you asked it.

Dulce Sloan 0:38 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 0:38 My first instinct, my first instinct was to defend myself.

Eugene 0:42 Any-

Trevor Noah 0:42 But the first thought I had-

Eugene 0:43 Any time

Trevor Noah 0:44 ... the first thought I had was me-

Eugene 0:45 Any

Trevor Noah 0:45 ... with my own legs in the air.

Eugene 0:46 Whenever I hear something enjoyable, I think of, "Who could enjoy this more?"

Dulce Sloan 0:50 [laughs]

Eugene 0:51 And my friend comes to mind, and I'm thinking, "Look, there's an opportunity for someone's legs. Who would enjoy?"

Trevor Noah 0:59 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:00 He's a idiot.

Eugene 1:01 Who would enjoy this?

Trevor Noah 1:02 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:02 Stop talking.

Eugene 1:03 Who would enjoy this more?

Trevor Noah 1:04 So-

Dulce Sloan 1:05 Then I had to

Trevor Noah 1:05 ... okay, so-

Dulce Sloan 1:06 You ain't got to answer

Trevor Noah 1:06 ... no, no, no. Wait.

Dulce Sloan 1:07 And I appreciate that about you.

Trevor Noah 1:08 So let's-

Dulce Sloan 1:08 You a fool

Trevor Noah 1:09 ... wait. So let's go back. Let's-

Dulce Sloan 1:10 Your friend is a dumb-dumb. [funky music]

Trevor Noah 1:17 This is What Now? With Trevor Noah.

Dulce Sloan 1:19 [funky music] Right. Only difference between me and a Dominican is a boat stop. That's it. I could've been Mexican, I could've been Dominican, I could've been from Costa Rica, but instead, I'm from... I'm... We landed here. So if I go to any of those diaspora places, no one's questioning my existence. But if I go back to the motherland, all of a sudden, it's, "Well, what is she doing here?" And I'm like, " [claps] Nigga, planes fly daily. That's why I'm here."

Trevor Noah 1:52 If you kept quiet-

Dulce Sloan 1:53 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:53 ... and you came to South Africa, no one would know you're not from there.

Dulce Sloan 1:56 Problem is me keeping quiet, and you know that.

Trevor Noah 1:58 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:59 [laughs] What do you... Have we met?

Eugene 2:03 So you've, you've never been to South Africa?

Dulce Sloan 2:04 No, he was supposed to take me and Roy, but we haven't went.

Trevor Noah 2:06 Ja, but kunini? Why?

Dulce Sloan 2:07 Can't wait.

Eugene 2:08 What do you mean? What do you mean supposed to?

Trevor Noah 2:08 No, no, not you.

Dulce Sloan 2:09 Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Trevor Noah 2:09 I'm saying you.

Eugene 2:10 No.

Trevor Noah 2:10 Kunini

Eugene 2:10 ... what do you mean supposed to?

Dulce Sloan 2:13 You said, you done... You said

Dulce Sloan 2:14 to me, "Roy-

Trevor Noah 2:14 You know what I love?

Eugene 2:15 Hmm.

Trevor Noah 2:16 Dulce, I'll let you finish your sentence. Accuse me-

Dulce Sloan 2:19 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Trevor Noah 2:19 ... so that I may respond in full.

Dulce Sloan 2:20 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 'Cause he always says, like, you know, like, an American Black people, we don't have a lot of noises. We do have one. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Eugene 2:27 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 2:29 No, sir. You said, "Oh, I want to take you..." He was talking to me and Roy. "Oh, I would love to take y'all to South Africa." Roy was like, "Mothers. Mothers, too. Bring everybody." All of a sudden, this nigga done caught amnesia, talking about he don't remember, telling me... Let me tell you something. I always remember when a man tells me something he didn't intend on doing. That's what I will always remember. Something a nigga was really gonna do, ah, I don't remember that.

Eugene 2:53 Like what?

Dulce Sloan 2:54 I don't know. Calling me back. I'll always remember.

Eugene 2:57 So you remember that one?

Dulce Sloan 2:57 Yeah, 'cause I know it's not gonna happen.

Eugene 2:59 Guys don't call you back?

Dulce Sloan 3:01 It's very confusing. You see these titties. I don't know what's going on.

Trevor Noah 3:05 [laughs]

Eugene 3:05 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 3:06 Very nice.

Trevor Noah 3:06 We rolling?

Dulce Sloan 3:07 Let's fucking get it.

Speaker 3:08 We're rolling.

Trevor Noah 3:08 Perfect moment.

Dulce Sloan 3:09 I'm just-

Trevor Noah 3:09 "You see these titties?"

Dulce Sloan 3:10 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 3:10 That's the best place to start a podcast ever.

Dulce Sloan 3:12 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 3:12 "You see these titties?" 'Cause I'm sitting here going, "Why would they not call back?" Welcome to the show. You see these titties?

Dulce Sloan 3:17 Hey, man. Go to church. That's how I got them.

Trevor Noah 3:20 There are few people in this world I would love to hear the last part of a sentence from than Dulce Sloan.

Dulce Sloan 3:25 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 3:26 No, I'm serious. When I think about it, I go, like... You know, you know when you just catch the tail end of a conversation or something someone said? You will never beat Dulce.

Dulce Sloan 3:34 Mm.

Trevor Noah 3:35 Listen to the end of that sentence. "You see these titties?"

Dulce Sloan 3:37 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 3:37 And now you go, "What was the beginning of that sentence? Fill it in."

Eugene 3:41 No, in my head, I was like, "Can we see more of those titties?"

Trevor Noah 3:44 Well, what do you do when someone says, "See these titties"?

Dulce Sloan 3:46 [laughs] You're like, "All right. All right."

Eugene 3:49 Listen.

Dulce Sloan 3:49 "You can go ahead."

Trevor Noah 3:49 You just fell into a Dulce trap.

Dulce Sloan 3:52 [laughs] Here's the thing. I will always remember you said to me I'm the Blackest person you know, which is crazy, 'cause I'm not the Blackest person that I know. So I was like, "How am I the Blackest?" And I was like, "Oh, you don't know a lot of niggas. That's the difference. You know Black people."

Trevor Noah 4:08 You always say that to me. You always-

Dulce Sloan 4:10 Who you friends with?

Trevor Noah 4:11 No, no, no. You always say that-

Dulce Sloan 4:13 Josh?

Trevor Noah 4:13 Wow.

Dulce Sloan 4:14 Josh-

Trevor Noah 4:14 You just took shots at Josh. He's not even here.

Dulce Sloan 4:16 And he deserves it.

Trevor Noah 4:17 Wherever Josh Johnson is right now, he's like, "Oh."

Dulce Sloan 4:19 Oh.

Trevor Noah 4:20 Ah.

Dulce Sloan 4:22 Ah.

Trevor Noah 4:22 Damn.

Dulce Sloan 4:22 Ooh. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 4:22 Ah. Wow, Dulce.

Dulce Sloan 4:23 I love Josh. It's my favorite thing. But you know, Josh doesn't have any siblings.

Trevor Noah 4:27 Josh owes you half of everything.

Dulce Sloan 4:30 [laughs] You... Oh, 'cause I braided his hair?

Trevor Noah 4:32 What do you want to mean? Yo, Dulce made Josh over- J- Josh will even a c- a attest to this. Josh Johnson-

Dulce Sloan 4:37 Mm

Trevor Noah 4:37 ... the way we see him today, that's a Dulce makeover.

Dulce Sloan 4:39 I made him come to work.

Trevor Noah 4:40 Full makeover.

Eugene 4:40 He's less Bob Ross than he is now.

Trevor Noah 4:42 Yo, Josh, that was a full... Dulce was like, she sat him down one day.

Dulce Sloan 4:46 His Afro was stressing me out.

Trevor Noah 4:48 Yeah, but it was like a... Like, yo man, there's Afros and then there's-

Dulce Sloan 4:51 Whatever's happening there

Eugene 4:52 Wait, so there was an Afro intervention?

Dulce Sloan 4:54 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 4:54 Yeah, but it w- but it was, it was-

Eugene 4:55 Or African intervention.

Dulce Sloan 4:56 No, it was a-

Trevor Noah 4:56 Which one? No, this one was-

Dulce Sloan 4:58 It was a-

Trevor Noah 4:58 ... man

Dulce Sloan 4:58 ... it was a Black woman intervention. 'Cause one day he came to work, and it was when the Afro was smaller, and so it was like he... it looked like he had his hair cut into, like, a old bo- like, a old school box.

Trevor Noah 5:08 Yeah, yeah.

Dulce Sloan 5:09 But he just been sleeping on different sides of his head.

Eugene 5:11 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 5:11 So it just turned into...

Eugene 5:13 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 5:14 So I called it sleep box.

Eugene 5:16 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 5:16 And so we started giving him a bonnet and all this other stuff.

Eugene 5:19 Oh, man.

Dulce Sloan 5:20 'Cause, like, during the Emmys one time, he came up to our room. He... 'Cause when I took my mom the first time we went, she was showing him how to shape it up. 'Cause we were talking about trying to get, like, different hairstyles he could get. I said, "Well, your head is too small for cornrows." And he was just like, "Ugh, the shots keep coming." I was like, "I'm just trying to be helpful." 'Cause like I said, he has no siblings, so he doesn't have a older sister to terrorize him, or to educate. Tomato, potato. So one day, it was, like, one Christmas, like, during COVID, I was like, "Hey, come to my house." 'Cause he didn't go home, I didn't go home, my homeboy didn't go home. And so, you know, the ne- the day after Christmas is the first day of Kwanzaa. So I made him come back, come to my house. I said, "I'm going to wash and deep condition your hair." And so I'm talking about kitchen sink, whole nine, like, old school doing your hair, and then I braided it up. And the whole time I'm just like, "This motherfucker's got so much more hair than me." And the whole time I'm braiding his hair, I'm annoyed by it. But I just was like, I just needed something to moisturize and condition his hair. I didn't know it was a style he was going to keep.

Trevor Noah 6:13 It was beautiful.

Dulce Sloan 6:14 So it was-

Trevor Noah 6:15 It was, it was like those movies where the person walks... You've known them, like, for years And then just before the prom, they get a makeover, and they walk through the halls.

Dulce Sloan 6:23 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 6:24 And Josh Johnson walked down the hall with, like, that one-

Dulce Sloan 6:26 That one braid?

Trevor Noah 6:27 ... that one braid falling over his face. And we're like, "J- Josh, is that, is that you?"

Dulce Sloan 6:31 Wow.

Trevor Noah 6:31 He even got a new, a new bass in his voice. "Yeah."

Dulce Sloan 6:33 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 6:34 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 6:34 Well, I didn't realize until, like, one day we were at The Cellar, and a bunch of the guys at The Cellar-

Eugene 6:39 Started hitting on you

Dulce Sloan 6:39 ... were telling him [laughs]

Eugene 6:41 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 6:42 These are Black men.

Trevor Noah 6:43 And he was like, "Yeah."

Dulce Sloan 6:43 They w- they were ... No one's more homophobic than a Black man. And so, like, it's male, like, Black male comics were like, "Your hair looks great." And he kept going, "Dulce did it. Dulce did it."

Trevor Noah 6:51 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 6:51 And I was like, "Really?" And like, "Yeah." And so when he started getting, like, compliments from, like, Black men, I was like, oh, this was a great-

Trevor Noah 6:56 That's when you knew it was the upgrade.

Dulce Sloan 6:58 Mm-hmm. And I was like, "Oh, he's keeping this."

Trevor Noah 7:00 Has anyone done something like that for you in your life?

Dulce Sloan 7:03 Uh, well-

Trevor Noah 7:04 Who's Dulce Sloaned your life?

Dulce Sloan 7:05 Eh. Nobody.

Trevor Noah 7:08 What do you mean nobody?

Dulce Sloan 7:09 Mm-mm. I just ... M- me, nigga. It's me. I do me. I d- it's ... I'm, I'm the Dulce Sloan for me. I guess my mom maybe. I don't know.

Trevor Noah 7:16 No, but moms don't count.

Dulce Sloan 7:17 Moms don't count.

Trevor Noah 7:18 Well, no.

Eugene 7:18 They're done.

Trevor Noah 7:18 Don't take that out of context. Moms count very much.

Eugene 7:21 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 7:21 Yes.

Trevor Noah 7:22 Don't clip that. Don't clip that.

Dulce Sloan 7:23 What ... Do-over. Do-over.

Trevor Noah 7:25 Moms-

Dulce Sloan 7:25 Do-over

Trevor Noah 7:25 ... yo, moms count.

Dulce Sloan 7:26 Do-over. Do-over. Do-over.

Trevor Noah 7:27 What I mean is in this conversation-

Dulce Sloan 7:28 Yeah [laughs]

Trevor Noah 7:29 ... we're having now. We're saying moms already are the most amazing thing in the world.

Dulce Sloan 7:32 Right.

Trevor Noah 7:32 So we don't count moms in this case.

Dulce Sloan 7:34 Moms, moms can't Dulce Sloan me.

Trevor Noah 7:35 Yeah. So we're saying who's Dulce Sloaned you?

Dulce Sloan 7:37 Uh, [blows lips] probably you.

Trevor Noah 7:42 No, don't say that 'cause I'm here. I'm saying, like, who-

Dulce Sloan 7:43 No. This, for, like, for ... Like, if you're asking me-

Trevor Noah 7:45 I didn't Dulce Sloan you. What are you talking about?

Dulce Sloan 7:47 What I'm saying is that if you're talking about someone who has come in and changed my life, it was probably you or Big Kenny who got me into standup. But it's like-

Trevor Noah 7:56 Yeah, but I didn't, but I didn't do you a favor. You did Josh a favor.

Dulce Sloan 7:59 Well-

Trevor Noah 7:59 There was no benefit for what you did to Josh.

Dulce Sloan 8:02 There was all the benefit, Trevor.

Trevor Noah 8:03 What was the benefit?

Dulce Sloan 8:04 I didn't have to look at that Afro.

Trevor Noah 8:07 [laughs]

Eugene 8:08 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 8:09 He was stressing me and eating it out.

Eugene 8:11 Oh, man. How long did it last for, that new hairstyle?

Trevor Noah 8:13 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 8:14 I mean-

Trevor Noah 8:14 What do you mean? It's still there.

Dulce Sloan 8:15 The braids is-

Eugene 8:16 It is Josh's-

Trevor Noah 8:17 It's braids.

Eugene 8:17 It is Josh's hair.

Dulce Sloan 8:17 So s- so he goes to a lady now and gets it washed and braided.

Trevor Noah 8:21 It is the greatest thing that ever happened.

Eugene 8:22 Oh, so he stuck to it?

Trevor Noah 8:23 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 8:24 Yeah, like the style he has now.

Eugene 8:25 Really?

Dulce Sloan 8:25 So I did his hair.

Eugene 8:26 The one-

Dulce Sloan 8:27 Yeah, the one braid. I'm responsible. Have you seen the TikTok where the girl was like she was trying to get dressed, and she realized she was just Josh Johnson?

Trevor Noah 8:34 No.

Dulce Sloan 8:34 'Cause she had a twist-out.

Trevor Noah 8:35 No.

Dulce Sloan 8:35 She had twists in.

Trevor Noah 8:36 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 8:37 And she said she, she was putting on this gray hoodie-

Eugene 8:39 Hey

Dulce Sloan 8:39 ... and then a braid fell down. And she's like, "When you're getting dressed and realize you're Josh Johnson."

Trevor Noah 8:42 That is so funny.

Dulce Sloan 8:45 Truly.

Trevor Noah 8:45 You, you two have, like, one of the best dynamics I've ever come across. You know when you meet people who it feels like they've known each other their whole lives? 'Cause how long have you known Josh for?

Dulce Sloan 8:55 Uh, I met Josh June, like, 2016.

Trevor Noah 8:59 Yeah, you see, that's not ... That's-

Dulce Sloan 9:01 So I met-

Trevor Noah 9:01 That's, like, now, but I feel like you two are like siblings.

Dulce Sloan 9:04 I met him a year before, like a year, maybe a year or two before I started at the show.

Trevor Noah 9:10 Is that 'cause you're both from the South?

Dulce Sloan 9:12 We were doing NACAs together.

Trevor Noah 9:13 What? I'm sorry.

Dulce Sloan 9:14 So-

Trevor Noah 9:14 What?

Dulce Sloan 9:14 So NACA, so you've never had to do this host role. Um, so NACA, it's, uh, the National Association of College Activities. So basically, uh, there's all these diff- so they cut the whole United States up into regions.

Trevor Noah 9:27 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 9:27 And then, like, comedians, musicians, uh, those companies that just make, like, little kitchy shit, uh, anybody with a bouncy house will go to ... You pay to perform in front of them, and then you just kinda stand there and just wait for them to pick you. It's very much like you're a l- very much a hooker on the stroll. So my college agent, you had to apply to this, and then you, you paid-

Trevor Noah 9:50 You apply to NACA.

Eugene 9:51 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 9:52 Mm-hmm. You apply to NACA. You pay money to audition.

Eugene 9:54 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 9:54 And then, but here's the thing.

Eugene 9:56 Oh my God.

Dulce Sloan 9:56 So Josh broke the record 'cause, uh, for one of the regions, 'cause Josh booked, like, 70 schools.

Eugene 10:02 Wow.

Dulce Sloan 10:03 So I think I ... And, but I think he booked, like ... So Josh paid off his student [laughs] loans performing at colleges. I think I did, in the two years I did NACAs, I did 60 schools. So that's why I've almost died in the state of Pennsylvania, like, four times.

Eugene 10:15 Wow.

Dulce Sloan 10:16 So you would go to these NACAs in different re- so there was, like, the north region, the southern region-

Trevor Noah 10:20 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 10:20 ... the mid, and all of that. And so you do 15 minutes on stage.

Trevor Noah 10:23 Uh-huh.

Dulce Sloan 10:24 And then afterwards they had these thing called camps, and you're b- in these big convention centers. And then my s- my, my college agent, AKA the pimp, would stand there with a list of all of the schools. And then every school that came up to talk to you, she would notate.

Eugene 10:37 Huh.

Dulce Sloan 10:37 And then the kids wanna talk. So she'd be the bad guy, be like, "Oh, she's gotta talk to more people." And so she'd be the bad guy and kick these s- And so she would just keep track of every school-

Eugene 10:45 Hmm

Dulce Sloan 10:45 ... that came to talk to you. And then I got to be in one of the meetings that I wasn't supposed to be in apparently, and so they would do something called block bookings. And so the longest block booking I ever had was I did 13 schools in 14 days in six different states.

Trevor Noah 10:59 13 schools in 14 days-

Dulce Sloan 11:01 In six different-

Trevor Noah 11:01 ... in six different states.

Dulce Sloan 11:03 Yes. And I was living in LA at the time, and a lot of schools I had were out here. So I, one time I flew out, so I flew out to New York, and then my homeboy picked me up to the airport, and then we drove to Connecticut, and we had a show that night. And then the next day we drove to Maine. And then the next ... 'Cause the most you could drive in a day was five hours. And so every day, 'cause the, the routing was like, "Well, here's all these states that are really close."

Trevor Noah 11:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dulce Sloan 11:25 And so we would wake up, drive two to four hours, do a show, stay in a hotel, wake up the next day, drive two to five hours, do a show. And so I did that for four- so there was, like, one night we stayed in two places, but it was stuff like that. Or I did a booking where it was, like, it was seven days in just the state of Massachusetts, just bouncing around doing schools. And so that's what I was doing before I booked the show, was performing for these little motherfuckers.

Trevor Noah 11:48 There's moments where I miss those grinds. We've all had them.

Eugene 11:52 You miss, you miss struggling?

Trevor Noah 11:53 No, like-

Eugene 11:54 Did you have fun doing it?

Dulce Sloan 11:56 What?

Eugene 11:57 What do you-

Dulce Sloan 11:57 Sometimes.

Trevor Noah 11:58 No. What do you mean? What, what are you, why would you say struggling?

Eugene 12:00 [laughs] She nearly died.

Dulce Sloan 12:02 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 12:02 No. Yeah, but I-

Dulce Sloan 12:03 But that was because of the snow.

Eugene 12:04 Oh [laughs]

Trevor Noah 12:04 Yeah, that's different. Why are you making like it's a comedy thing?

Dulce Sloan 12:07 I almost, almost die every day. I'm a woman in America. I'm almost dead 90% of the time.

Trevor Noah 12:11 Damn. Dulce took it there.

Dulce Sloan 12:12 Yeah. That, w- just, just death for death. Like, it was [laughs]

Eugene 12:16 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 12:17 Yeah, but his death

Trevor Noah 12:18 was a joke.

Dulce Sloan 12:18 Yeah, but he, I mean, he caught me up.

Trevor Noah 12:19 Yours was real.

Dulce Sloan 12:20 Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes you gotta get out of an apartment. You know what I mean?

Trevor Noah 12:23 This is-

Dulce Sloan 12:24 So Me and my friend were talking about this, like, men do not realize how much danger women are in [laughs] on a regular basis. 'Cause one of my friends asked me the other day, he's like, "You think you could kill somebody?" I was like, "Yeah." He was like, "That was fast." And I was like, "You've never been on pro- you've never been a woman."

Trevor Noah 12:37 One of the greatest jokes I ever heard was, it was just, like, a small throwaway thing. It was Dave Chappelle on stage, and he was talking about one of the first gigs he ever did in New York that he was getting paid for. And he performed for some, I don't know if they were gangsters or not gangsta- Long story short, they paid him in cash.

Dulce Sloan 12:54 Mm.

Trevor Noah 12:54 And they give him $10,000 in cash, and he was, like, in one of the boroughs long before New York was, like, easy in most places.

Dulce Sloan 13:02 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 13:02 And he tells a story of having the cash, and he puts it, like, in his pants.

Dulce Sloan 13:07 Mm.

Trevor Noah 13:07 And then he gets on the train, and he's riding the train, and he-

Dulce Sloan 13:10 Why would you get on the train with $10,000?

Trevor Noah 13:12 No, y-

Dulce Sloan 13:12 Get a cab. Get a cab.

Trevor Noah 13:13 Yeah, but this is-

Dulce Sloan 13:14 Get a cab.

Trevor Noah 13:14 Don't victim blame.

Dulce Sloan 13:15 The... [laughs]

Trevor Noah 13:16 And then Dave Chappelle's like, "And then..." No, but he says, and that, that was the punchline of the joke. Obviously, I'm s- I'm truncating it, but basically he says, he, everyone was looking at him. He felt like he was in danger. He felt... And he's like, he's never felt more like a woman in his life.

Dulce Sloan 13:26 Absolutely.

Trevor Noah 13:27 That's, you know what I mean.

Dulce Sloan 13:28 Absolutely. Every day. So it's just like, so, you know, you start carrying a knife.

Trevor Noah 13:32 Wait, wait, wait. So wait, let me ask you a question.

Dulce Sloan 13:33 Mm.

Trevor Noah 13:33 So, uh, 'cause I saw that thing online, and I didn't ask anyone about it when it was happening.

Dulce Sloan 13:38 Mm.

Trevor Noah 13:38 W- who would you rather be in a forest with, a man or a bear?

Dulce Sloan 13:42 You can throw food at a bear. You gotta throw pussy at a man.

Trevor Noah 13:46 Well, you haven't answered the question.

Dulce Sloan 13:47 Food or a bear.

Trevor Noah 13:49 A bear?

Dulce Sloan 13:50 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 13:50 Huh.

Dulce Sloan 13:51 Because I know what... Because the thing is, it's like, a bear is not inherently dangerous.

Trevor Noah 13:56 Ah, maricas.

Dulce Sloan 13:58 Unless it's hungry.

Trevor Noah 13:59 Okay, so let me, let me ask you a question here. I'm glad you're here, Dulce. You're the only person I'd probably ask this to-

Dulce Sloan 14:03 Yeah

Trevor Noah 14:04 ... 'cause you, 'cause you'll be honest. Um, could it be that men struggle with hearing that answer-

Dulce Sloan 14:12 Mm

Trevor Noah 14:13 ... because as men, we don't see ourselves as a monolith?

Dulce Sloan 14:18 No. Men struggle with seeing that answer because men don't wanna think they're the bad guy. So every, so here's the thing. Women are told to take self-defense classes.

Trevor Noah 14:29 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 14:30 Don't dress provocatively.

Trevor Noah 14:31 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 14:32 Don't be a whore.

Trevor Noah 14:33 Okay.

Dulce Sloan 14:34 Carry a knife, carry pepper spray, carry all of these things.

Trevor Noah 14:37 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 14:37 So you're telling me to do all of these things to make sure that I'm not assaulted or attacked.

Trevor Noah 14:42 Right.

Dulce Sloan 14:42 But then if I get assaulted or attacked, you don't believe me, but you told me to do all of these things. And so if I'm being attacked, somebody's doing it.

Trevor Noah 14:52 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 14:52 But we're never talking about who... We're not telling the attackers not to attack. We're telling the victim, "Don't get attacked." So every man that heard that was just like, "Well, I would never," but every woman

Dulce Sloan 15:02 you know has either been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted. So so- we're not doing it to each other. So how is it that no man has done it, but it has happened to every woman? So when men hear that, it's, "Well, I wouldn't do that." 'Cause I was talking to Kabuka about this one time.

Trevor Noah 15:17 Right.

Dulce Sloan 15:17 And Kabuka was like, he's like, "It's crazy." He said, "You don't think that your friend..." He's like, he said, "Your friend that's talking to all the women, come to find out he's raping everybody nobody knew."

Trevor Noah 15:25 [laughs] That was a good impression of Kabuka.

Dulce Sloan 15:28 Thank you. He's like, "He's doing the thing," so you see what I'm saying?

Trevor Noah 15:30 Yeah, the thing.

Dulce Sloan 15:31 He's doing the thing.

Trevor Noah 15:32 Thing. Doing the thing.

Dulce Sloan 15:32 And you don't know he's doing the thing. He's at the bar. He's talking to the ladies. You don't know he's raping everybody. Like, you see what I'm saying?

Trevor Noah 15:36 Right.

Dulce Sloan 15:36 So it's like, no man wants to think their friend is like that. No man who's... There's men that have assaulted people, who's like, "Well, I didn't do anything wrong." So if you as a man think that a woman would rather be with a wild animal in the forest than you... 'Cause here's my thing. I think all the men that got upset by that, there's always a saying that I h- would hear growing up, "A kicked dog will holler." If I didn't kick you, you're fine, but if you felt like you got kicked, then you are somebody who has been harassing and terrorizing women, point blank.

Trevor Noah 16:07 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 16:07 Because if I wasn't talking to you, you wouldn't have gotten upset. And the same reason is why people go, "Well, I'm not racist." And I was like, "I wasn't even talking to you." But any time somebody pops up, "I can't believe that women would feel this way," yes, I said I would rather be in the forest with a wild animal. Because here's the thing. Bears aren't inherently go- They don't want to be bothered by humans in the first fucking place.

Trevor Noah 16:30 Right. Yeah, yeah. Right.

Dulce Sloan 16:31 That's the thing. A bear-

Trevor Noah 16:33 That's their default.

Dulce Sloan 16:33 That's, the default is, "Ugh, ew, person, bleh." Then, but if they need something, it's just like, "Well, I'm kinda hungry. I wonder if this human got snacks. This human smell like snacks," which is why I don't wear any food-scented fragrances. I don't wanna trick nobody.

Trevor Noah 16:48 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 16:50 I'm a floral bitch, right?

Trevor Noah 16:52 I, that's, I hear-

Dulce Sloan 16:53 So that's the thing

Trevor Noah 16:53 ... I hear your logic, but...

Dulce Sloan 16:54 But you see what I'm saying? Is, but-

Trevor Noah 16:55 No, I hear, I hear, I hear what you're saying, but the kicked dog hollering thing, I, the reason I don't think it necessarily applies is because you, we are speaking to everyone.

Dulce Sloan 17:03 But that's what I'm saying.

Trevor Noah 17:04 No. So this, so this is what I mean, so let's, let's, let's, let's, let's move it to another category, right?

Dulce Sloan 17:08 Right.

Trevor Noah 17:08 Let's, for instance, let's say somebody says, "I don't like white people 'cause white people are racist."

Dulce Sloan 17:13 Yes.

Trevor Noah 17:13 Right? There's a lot of white people who would respond to that going, "What are you ta- Why would you say that? I'm not racist."

Dulce Sloan 17:19 Right.

Trevor Noah 17:20 Because they're not racist. The wh-

Dulce Sloan 17:21 Right.

Trevor Noah 17:21 And some who are racist would respond as well. I'm not saying they wouldn't respond.

Dulce Sloan 17:24 Right.

Trevor Noah 17:25 But if you res- if you speak to a collective-

Dulce Sloan 17:27 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 17:27 ... you shouldn't be shocked when some from the collective respond to you.

Dulce Sloan 17:30 I'm not shocked, but what I'm saying, there's a, there's a level of going, "Oh, why would you say that? I'm not racist." But what that sentence is also acknowledging is that, yes, I'm talking to white people, but if you're not racist, I wasn't talking to you. So you see what I'm saying? So it's like, well, white people are racist.

Trevor Noah 17:47 I get what you're saying.

Dulce Sloan 17:48 Yes, you, you wanna defend yourself.

Trevor Noah 17:49 I get what you're saying. Right.

Dulce Sloan 17:49 So it's the same reason as like, "Well, you know, they're, they all, they're used to, you know, Black people are criminals." I don't crime. I was-

Trevor Noah 17:55 So you don't, so you wouldn't respond to that?

Dulce Sloan 17:57 No, 'cause you're not talking to me, 'cause I'm not a criminal. Also, no, I know this is a blanket... Yes, it is a blanket statement.

Trevor Noah 18:02 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 18:02 But you also have to remember, this is pure hyperbole. Somebody said, "Would a woman rather be in the forest-"

Trevor Noah 18:08 That's, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you

Dulce Sloan 18:08 ... with a person-

Trevor Noah 18:09 Yes

Dulce Sloan 18:10 ... or a bear? And you started a TED Talk about why.

Trevor Noah 18:17 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 18:19 If you saw that and you went, "First of all," stop typing.

Trevor Noah 18:22 Right. Right.

Dulce Sloan 18:23 Stop typing. This is already goofy. That's saying, "Would you rather be in the ocean with an octopus or a shark?" I'm at the beach. It doesn't matter.

Trevor Noah 18:31 Right.

Dulce Sloan 18:32 I know one of them might inhe- 'cause that's the thing, there's no inherent danger in a shark

Trevor Noah 18:36 But you know what, you know what I think it is? I think it reveals something about us as people in general, and that thing is, I love that you said hyperbole, right?

Dulce Sloan 18:45 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 18:46 Oftentimes, any statement of protest, provocation, any, any statement that's, that's meant to elicit something from people is often blunt and provocative.

Dulce Sloan 18:57 Right.

Trevor Noah 18:57 Right? Like, it, that's not the place for, like, nuance, in a way.

Dulce Sloan 19:00 That's why text messaging needs fonts.

Trevor Noah 19:03 Yeah. So you go, you just say the thing.

Dulce Sloan 19:05 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 19:05 So I remember, for instance, when, when Black Lives Matter first came out, like, "Black lives matter," and then the first thing a lot of people said was like, "Why only Black lives? Why th- why are you saying Black lives ma- what about the other lives?"

Dulce Sloan 19:16 Exactly.

Trevor Noah 19:16 And then Black people went, "No, that's not the point."

Dulce Sloan 19:19 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 19:20 "The point, we're not saying that because no other lives ma-" And then it became this whole, do you know what I mean?

Dulce Sloan 19:24 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 19:24 It's like a game of semantics now, where you're actually arguing. But it, it's interesting when you say that, 'cause I go, like, "Oh, that's, that's an insight that I don't think I've thought of until you said it that way," about hyperbole.

Dulce Sloan 19:37 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 19:38 That any group that is saying something, whether it's two people, a, a nation, a, a, an ethnicity, a, you know, gender, a religion or whatever it is, the people who are not in that group that are being s- that are, that are speaking can think completely differently, and, like, it's not about them in a way. Does that, does that make sense?

Dulce Sloan 19:57 Yeah, yeah. Like-

Trevor Noah 19:58 Because I think there's a lot of Black people, if somebody said, let's say a white person came out and they were like, "Well, I, I don't, I'm not safe around Black people, 'cause Black people are criminals," there's no hook that they would be let off. You with me?

Dulce Sloan 20:10 Mm, 100%. Because-

Trevor Noah 20:11 It's like there's no hook that they would be let off. There's none, none, none. And they can't be like, "No, no, no, don't respond. If you, if you're not a criminal, then why, why are you offended?" Then you're like, "Hey, hey, hey, you didn't say you have a problem with criminals. You said Black people are criminals."

Dulce Sloan 20:25 Yeah. Right, and so when-

Trevor Noah 20:25 And so then if they said-

Dulce Sloan 20:27 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 20:27 ... if they said, "No, no, no, but if you're Black and you're not a criminal, you shouldn't be offended," people would go, "No. Hell no. You're not, the, hey."

Dulce Sloan 20:35 Right.

Trevor Noah 20:35 You're still on that hook.

Dulce Sloan 20:36 Right. But here's, but here's the difference. It's one is ridiculous, one is not, right? So bear versus human man.

Trevor Noah 20:45 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 20:46 Same thing on TikTok. It was, uh, they were talking about, like, who would win, 100 Americans or 100 British people

Trevor Noah 20:55 100 British people? Oh, I thought you were talking about the gorilla winning.

Eugene 20:57 I was gonna say gorilla.

Dulce Sloan 20:57 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Eugene 20:57 Oh, damn. [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 20:58 Where they, first, is, but see, this is the win sweep. Back up then, the gorilla thing.

Trevor Noah 21:03 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 21:05 It un- it makes sense to me why men were upset, was like, "Well, she would rather be in the, with a bear," so it was bear versus human men, right?

Trevor Noah 21:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dulce Sloan 21:12 Women picked bear.

Trevor Noah 21:13 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 21:13 Then a bunch of men said, "Hey, one gorilla versus 100 men."

Trevor Noah 21:17 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 21:18 And a bunch of men were like, "Yes, we could do this." And you're just like, "Have you ever s- have you ever watched PBS?"

Trevor Noah 21:27 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 21:27 The strength of a gorilla. You know how you can squeeze a orange and get juice? A gorilla can do that with a apple.

Trevor Noah 21:34 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 21:35 A human man can't squeeze a apple and get juice out, but a gorilla, all day, boom, ha-ha.

Trevor Noah 21:40 But there's 100 of us.

Dulce Sloan 21:41 Mus- right? But-

Trevor Noah 21:42 But there's 100 of us.

Dulce Sloan 21:43 I understand that. And I-

Trevor Noah 21:44 There's 100 of us.

Dulce Sloan 21:45 Right. And so this isn't movie rules.

Trevor Noah 21:47 Yeah, but I'm saying there's 100 of us.

Dulce Sloan 21:49 I get it. You can pile on him. I get it.

Trevor Noah 21:51 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 21:51 But you would ha- but at least 20 of y'all are dead.

Trevor Noah 21:55 Yeah, but 80 have won.

Dulce Sloan 21:57 I'm not saying 80 won, and I'm not saying that, here's the thing, I don't-

Trevor Noah 22:00 You, are you saying a gorilla would beat 100 men?

Dulce Sloan 22:03 I'm saying-

Trevor Noah 22:03 This is gonna be the most controversial podcast we've ever put out.

Dulce Sloan 22:07 Wh-

Trevor Noah 22:07 From the jump

Dulce Sloan 22:07 ... which men are you sending?

Trevor Noah 22:10 No, but that's-

Eugene 22:10 Trevor, I-

Dulce Sloan 22:11 Are you sending your best men?

Trevor Noah 22:11 Okay, which gorilla? Are you sending your best gorilla?

Dulce Sloan 22:13 Abso-fucking-lutely.

Trevor Noah 22:14 Then abso-fucking-lutely.

Dulce Sloan 22:16 So you're saying-

Eugene 22:16 But we also didn't ask what men are you gonna be stuck with in the forest instead of a bear.

Dulce Sloan 22:20 No, no.

Trevor Noah 22:20 Ah, touche.

Dulce Sloan 22:21 No, any man's a problem.

Eugene 22:22 Aw.

Dulce Sloan 22:23 Any man's a problem. Listen, now m- are we gonna send a tiny man?

Trevor Noah 22:27 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 22:28 You send me a tiny man, Peter Dinklage in this bitch, yeah, send Peter Dinklage, I might have him, but if he catch me in the shins, it's over. You see what I'm saying? Like, I don't, I don't know his moves. I don't know he got a weapon on him. You just sent one man. I don't know what's on him.

Eugene 22:42 Okay, maybe I should ask, a bear, grizzly or black bear, let's start there first, and what kind of man would you choose to be s- not to be stuck with in the forest?

Dulce Sloan 22:55 Here's the thing. I exist-

Eugene 22:57 And I'll tell you why I'm asking you this

Dulce Sloan 22:59 ... I exist in, I exist in a body where a lot of men aren't paying attention to me anyway.

Eugene 23:05 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 23:07 So-

Eugene 23:07 Like a bear.

Dulce Sloan 23:08 Hmm? [slurps] That's crazy. This man got Foley? Your boys over here doing sound effects?

Trevor Noah 23:15 [laughs] Did you call it Foley?

Dulce Sloan 23:16 Yeah. Imagine him licking a [slurps]

Trevor Noah 23:17 That is, that is one of the deepest cuts.

Eugene 23:19 Building.

Dulce Sloan 23:19 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 23:19 That's amazing. Most people would say sound effects. That's when you know someone's in the movie industry.

Dulce Sloan 23:24 Yes.

Trevor Noah 23:24 She said, she called it Foley.

Dulce Sloan 23:25 A Foley artist. What, did you hear about that too?

Eugene 23:26 What, did you hear about that?

Trevor Noah 23:26 Oh, yeah. No, no, Eugene's got hella Foley.

Dulce Sloan 23:28 [laughs] [slurps] Outside. Crazy.

Trevor Noah 23:31 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 23:32 Um, man, nuts. He's thirsty? [slurps] Um, I don't, here's the thing. I thought it was such a silly question-

Trevor Noah 23:39 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 23:39 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 23:39 ... that I didn't really even think about it. Like, the o- so, like, I started a newsletter because you have to always constantly be talking to people, and I put, like, a silly thought at the end of it, and the one I put in it this week was, "Is an acai bowl fruit soup?"

Trevor Noah 23:55 Huh.

Dulce Sloan 23:57 So that's the level. So when I saw that bear, man versus bear thing, or 100 men versus a gorilla-

Trevor Noah 24:03 Wait, wait, wait. Don't just move on. That's-

Dulce Sloan 24:05 Yeah

Trevor Noah 24:05 ... is an acai bowl just fruit soup?

Dulce Sloan 24:08 Right.

Trevor Noah 24:09 W- what makes a soup a soup?

Dulce Sloan 24:11 Is it a fruit stew? You see what I'm saying?

Trevor Noah 24:13 [exhales]

Dulce Sloan 24:13 So it's, it's silly shit like that. So, or like, I used to tell one of my friends that I think a doctor is a body mechanic.

Trevor Noah 24:19 I think that's correct.

Dulce Sloan 24:20 Right. So just goofy shit like, it's just the dumb th- like, a just a silly thing I think of, so like, is a doctor a body mechanic? Is that fruit soup? Uh, they don't put, you know, there's numbers in math, but there are no... There's letters in math, but there's no numbers in words Had a full-blown argue with my brother for 20 minutes about this until my mom was like, "Just say there's no numbers and words, damn." But yeah, there's numbers and-

Trevor Noah 24:44 How long has your brain been like this?

Dulce Sloan 24:46 Mm. I don't have a husband or children to take up space, so I get to think about goofy shit.

Trevor Noah 24:52 You think your brain would stop if you had them around?

Dulce Sloan 24:54 I think I would have other things to think about other than acai bowl with fruit soup.

Trevor Noah 24:59 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 25:01 When was the first time-

Dulce Sloan 25:02 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 25:03 ... you noticed that your brain wasn't working like most people's brains working?

Dulce Sloan 25:09 When I-

Trevor Noah 25:09 'Cause, 'cause you, you're an interesting combination of things. You are, you have, like, the, what I call the, like, the leaky brain of a comedian.

Dulce Sloan 25:16 Mm.

Trevor Noah 25:17 But then you also are, like, one of the most genius people I know when it comes to, like, learning, retaining information, uh, expanding on that informati- I mean, even in school you were in-

Dulce Sloan 25:28 I was in gifted classes

Trevor Noah 25:29 ... yeah, you were in, like, all the gifted classes.

Dulce Sloan 25:31 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 25:31 You were the, you were the, solving the puzzles.

Dulce Sloan 25:33 Yeah, it's like, it's, which is so funny, 'cause physics never clicked for me, but I think that the thing that always bothered me about physics was it was like they wanted us to calculate the, like, you had to learn about vectors. And they're like, "Okay, somebody's throwing this ball off a cliff. Calculate." I remember going to class going, "But he can't get the ball back, so why am I doing this?"

Trevor Noah 25:52 [laughs] That's where your brain went?

Dulce Sloan 25:54 I went about it. I said, "Excuse me, why are we calculating this? He can't get the ball back." My teacher went, "What?" I said, "What? If he threw the ball off the cliff, he ain't going to get it, so why do I need to know how fast it took to get down, what was the acceleration of the sh- He's n- it's gone forever. Why do I need to know this information?" So I need things that make... That's why, like, geometry made sense for me. Uh, chemistry made sense for me. Because there was too much. As much as I was a theater kid, I could suspend a disbelief.

Trevor Noah 26:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Dulce Sloan 26:20 Some stuff is, this is busy work. This is real middle management bullshit. You not trying to get... I'm not getting a... I'm never... There's a difference between I'm never going to use this and this man needs a job. I didn't like we were participating in just keeping some white man employed. I did not like that. Because I need, I need certain things to make sense, even if they're ridiculous. I love science fiction, but sometimes it has to be like... That's why every joke, they're like, "Well, every joke has a bit of truth to it." Some of it doesn't.

Trevor Noah 26:46 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 26:46 Some of it's just purely goofy.

Trevor Noah 26:47 Some of it is purely funny.

Dulce Sloan 26:48 Some of it's just pur-

Trevor Noah 26:49 It's just words put together that makes a person laugh

Dulce Sloan 26:51 ... is acai bowl, fruit soup. Goofy shit. Like, that I understand. But it's like I rem- I think the first time I was like, I remember never believing in Santa Claus because the logistics didn't make sense.

Trevor Noah 27:04 That was your big gripe as a child?

Dulce Sloan 27:06 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 27:07 Like, not even from the beginning. There was no point where you believed in it. They explained it to you once and you immediately went...

Dulce Sloan 27:12 No.

Trevor Noah 27:12 What part of the logistics didn't make sense?

Dulce Sloan 27:13 One, I knew my mom wasn't gonna let some random man in our house.

Trevor Noah 27:16 Okay.

Dulce Sloan 27:17 That was first. Two, I knew some random-

Trevor Noah 27:19 But you don't have to let him in the house.

Dulce Sloan 27:20 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 27:21 That's the first thing. Santa Claus.

Dulce Sloan 27:21 Well, it was like, it was like, well, I knew, like, when we first, like, the first place we lived didn't have a chimney, and I was like, "We're already out."

Trevor Noah 27:26 That's true. I thought that in South Africa, 'cause we basically, no one had chimneys, essentially.

Dulce Sloan 27:30 And then when we lived somewhere with a chimney, I was like, "This definitely isn't gonna work." Also, my mother never told us he was real, but my mother never told us he wasn't real.

Trevor Noah 27:37 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 27:38 So she-

Trevor Noah 27:38 But wait, how did you account for the magic, though? 'Cause remember, there's magic as well, so-

Dulce Sloan 27:41 Right. But-

Trevor Noah 27:42 Santa Claus makes sense because of the magic.

Dulce Sloan 27:44 The logistics bugged me.

Trevor Noah 27:45 Yeah, but the magic. The magic covers the logistics. It's like you gotta think of Santa, like, okay, think of Amazon.

Dulce Sloan 27:50 Right.

Trevor Noah 27:50 Let's say we told somebody about Amazon 2,000 years ago. They would go, "This doesn't make sense."

Dulce Sloan 27:56 No, they wouldn't, because-

Trevor Noah 27:56 "What do you mean in one day something can get to you? From where?" And you'd be like, "Yeah, so I think of something that I would like-

Dulce Sloan 28:04 Mm

Trevor Noah 28:04 ... or need."

Dulce Sloan 28:04 Mm.

Trevor Noah 28:05 "And then a day later, it is here."

Dulce Sloan 28:09 But so-

Trevor Noah 28:09 And they wo- they would say to you, "So you can just dream of Odysseus's brush-

Dulce Sloan 28:14 Yeah

Trevor Noah 28:14 ... and it shall appear?" And you're like, "Yes, it will appear."

Dulce Sloan 28:17 But-

Trevor Noah 28:17 Mm

Dulce Sloan 28:17 ... d- but home delivery, all, but we were n- but things were getting delivered to homes forever. So even in Rome, somebody was like, "Hey, I bought some bread. Old boy from the bakery's bringing bread. You know, when the shadow hits this part."

Trevor Noah 28:29 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 28:29 But it-

Trevor Noah 28:29 So then Santa Claus is home delivery.

Dulce Sloan 28:32 But it n- I think it never made sense to me because nobody was, because everybody was depending on the fact that I was a child. And they're just like, "Oh, you can tell kids anything."

Trevor Noah 28:40 Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Dulce Sloan 28:41 And so this-

Trevor Noah 28:42 So you didn't like that.

Dulce Sloan 28:43 Well, it was like, w- once you start asking questions and you realize they have no answers.

Trevor Noah 28:48 That's what gets you.

Dulce Sloan 28:49 That's when I'm just like, "Well, what the f-" I was like, "Well, how's he get here?" "On a sleigh with reindeer." Fine, I can accept the magic of that.

Trevor Noah 28:55 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 28:56 Right, but I'm just like, "Well, how, what kids did he know to come to?" 'Cause I was sitting there going, I was like, "Well, not every kid is a Christian," so I'm like, "There's whole countries he ain't got to go to then."

Trevor Noah 29:03 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 29:03 So that gives him more time.

Trevor Noah 29:04 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 29:04 'Cause not every country got Christians in it.

Trevor Noah 29:06 He's not going to India?

Dulce Sloan 29:07 Right.

Trevor Noah 29:07 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 29:07 There's Christians in India? Right. He's going to them 17 Christians in India, going on about his business. I don't know the logistics that are, or information behind that, but I'm like, "Okay, he's not going to the whole world-"

Trevor Noah 29:16 Right, right

Dulce Sloan 29:16 ... "because there's not Christians that live everywhere." Fine. And then the w- the news in Georgia, they would have, you ever see, in America, they would do the Santa tracker. So they would be like, "Okay."

Trevor Noah 29:25 Oh, yeah, and then they'd show you where he is in the world right now.

Dulce Sloan 29:27 Right.

Trevor Noah 29:27 Yeah, yeah.

Dulce Sloan 29:27 And I'm like-

Trevor Noah 29:27 No.

Dulce Sloan 29:28 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 29:29 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 29:29 On Christmas Eve, they would have the Santa tracker.

Trevor Noah 29:31 Yeah, and you could see where he is.

Dulce Sloan 29:32 Mm.

Trevor Noah 29:32 And they'd be like, "Oh, he's, he's crossing over Iowa right now."

Dulce Sloan 29:36 Right, and I'm like, "Well-"

Trevor Noah 29:36 "Ooh, now-"

Dulce Sloan 29:37 But-

Trevor Noah 29:37 Kids would have to go to bed, 'cause then he would-

Dulce Sloan 29:38 Yeah, you gotta go to bed.

Trevor Noah 29:38 No, it's like they just knew, you knew where he was. Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 29:41 Because it was, I guess, midnight there or something.

Trevor Noah 29:43 So, yeah, so-

Dulce Sloan 29:43 And it's like that's where Santa was now.

Trevor Noah 29:45 Oh.

Dulce Sloan 29:45 But he was never, but, like, you would never be like, he, it wasn't like, "He's in Georgia. Go to sleep." You're like, "You're not going to bed." It's like, "Oh, he's over, like, oh, he's flying over Kenya. He's gonna be in America soon." And you're like, "All right, maybe." But then you go to sleep. So-

Trevor Noah 29:58 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 29:58 But as soon as-

Trevor Noah 29:59 Did you go to sleep distrustingly? [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 30:01 "All right, maybe. All right."

Trevor Noah 30:03 Why did you go to-

Dulce Sloan 30:03 Sure.

Trevor Noah 30:04 Why did you go, [laughs] why did you go to sleep with so much distrust?

Dulce Sloan 30:07 'Cause it, 'cause, like-

Trevor Noah 30:08 Well, okay, wait, wait. But, but sort of to Eugene's point, is like, did you... [laughs] I'm, I'm trying to understand young Dulce.

Dulce Sloan 30:16 Mm.

Trevor Noah 30:16 That's what I'm trying to understand. So I see, like, I see this little girl who is very logical, wants things to make sense, but w- like, what part of your imagination did you go crazy? Were there things that you did believe in or did think about that you don't, you know what I mean, weren't logical in that way?

Dulce Sloan 30:34 Well, like, I remember, like, finding out about, like, imaginary friends, and I was like, "Oh, I should get one of those," but then I kept forgetting about it 'Cause I'd give myself one and be like, "Oh, fuck, I had an imaginary friend."

Trevor Noah 30:49 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 30:49 Oops. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 30:51 You basically like-

Speaker 30:51 Such a bitch, man

Trevor Noah 30:51 ... these are like Tama- Tamagotchis that you are killing

Dulce Sloan 30:53 Yeah, like Tamagotchis. So I'd be like, "I'm-"

Trevor Noah 30:54 Dulcé forgot to water her imaginary friend.

Dulce Sloan 30:56 Right. And I'd be like-

Trevor Noah 30:57 There's a Pix- You know there's a Pixar movie in this somewhere. A kid who keeps forgetting their imaginary friend.

Dulce Sloan 31:02 Yes.

Trevor Noah 31:02 And then the imaginary friends are, like, dying because they aren't remembered. 'Cause y- if you, if you're not imagined, you can't live.

Dulce Sloan 31:07 Right. But if you was a better s- if you were a better imaginary friend-

Trevor Noah 31:10 Yes

Dulce Sloan 31:10 ... you might not have gotten forgotten.

Trevor Noah 31:12 Wow. You're blaming the imaginary friend for not being imagined.

Dulce Sloan 31:14 But I'm also six. So it's like how much, how can I maintain ... Like, you know, if you watch, like, DW for Arthur, she's had an imaginary friend for at least 15 years. Nadine is doing a lot of work. I, on the other hand, had human friends, so I would ... Also had cousins and stuff, so I had people taking up my ti- I had a little brother. I didn't have time for an imaginary friend. I had a little brother I had to keep alive. When you don't have siblings, an imaginary friend, ah, it's what you choose.

Trevor Noah 31:40 So how many of these imaginary friends did you have and, and let go?

Dulce Sloan 31:43 I don't know. I only had one for, like, 30 minutes. The shit just seemed like too much work for me.

Trevor Noah 31:47 [laughs] I love, I love that you imagined somebody who was annoying. [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 31:55 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 31:55 That's a, that's a special way to see the world, is that you get to make up your own person.

Speaker 31:59 And then you're like, "Ha."

Trevor Noah 31:59 And you make them annoying. You're like, "Man, get, get the hell outta here."

Dulce Sloan 32:02 This is, this is too mu- 'Cause I'm like, how much I got, how much I got to play with you?

Trevor Noah 32:05 But why couldn't you imagine, like, a, a person who was, like, self-sufficient and just chill?

Dulce Sloan 32:09 Because I was still f- 'Cause it's like I'm ... There's still no one here. It's like every time I think about, like ... Like, it's the idea of me wanting to get married. The idea of my husband is an imaginary fucking friend.

Trevor Noah 32:19 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 32:19 Like, every day I'm just like, "I hope you show up. Please, God. I've been losing eggs."

Trevor Noah 32:23 You, you wanna get married?

Dulce Sloan 32:24 Absolutely.

Trevor Noah 32:25 What do you like about the idea

Trevor Noah 32:26 of getting married?

Dulce Sloan 32:26 I wanna make people, and I don't wanna do it by myself.

Trevor Noah 32:29 Okay. Okay.

Dulce Sloan 32:30 Yes.

Trevor Noah 32:30 So you don't-

Dulce Sloan 32:31 So that's why I got my eggs frozen

Trevor Noah 32:31 ... so you don't ... I like this. So you don't wanna get married.

Dulce Sloan 32:33 No, no, no, no.

Trevor Noah 32:33 You just wanna make people, and you don't wanna do it by yourself.

Dulce Sloan 32:34 I absolutely wanna get married, but it's also ... It's like I think we have ... I think Western culture has sold us so much of the love of a thing. My God, now I sound like a book. But it's-

Trevor Noah 32:47 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 32:48 It makes sense for a long time that, like, marriage was a contract between people.

Trevor Noah 32:51 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 32:52 And then we made it a love thing, right? And so now we've kinda lost the idea of this is two peo- 'Cause once, like, the emotions can fall out of a thing, so it's like we're not doing the work anymore.

Trevor Noah 33:03 Right. Right.

Dulce Sloan 33:04 So it's like as much as a friendship is work as opposed to any relationship with a person is work, it's like ... Like, for instance, I had a friend break up last week, right? As opposed to I can't be friends with this person anymore.

Trevor Noah 33:14 A real friend.

Dulce Sloan 33:14 Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 33:15 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 33:15 And so because of just things going on in our friendship-

Trevor Noah 33:18 Mm-hmm

Dulce Sloan 33:18 ... that I was like, "This isn't working for me anymore."

Trevor Noah 33:20 Right.

Dulce Sloan 33:21 And it was ... But you ... We don't talk about friend breakups as much as we talk about relationship breakups.

Trevor Noah 33:29 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dulce Sloan 33:29 Because a friend breakup is like, "This was never supposed to happen. We were supposed to be here forever," which also doesn't make any sense.

Trevor Noah 33:34 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 33:34 So, like, I ... What I've always wanted ... Like, the last time I had a boyfriend was I was 30. I'm 42.

Trevor Noah 33:41 Ha.

Dulce Sloan 33:41 And so-

Trevor Noah 33:42 Well, yes.

Dulce Sloan 33:43 Yeah, but last boyfriend I had cheated on me. And so but then, like, I started ... So, like, around ... So I was, like, 30, but around, like, 33 I started being on the road, like, full time, and then I moved here.

Trevor Noah 33:54 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 33:54 And then I was in a ... So it was just like it was things ... And then that's when I found out, oh, men don't like it when you're gone all the time, you're on the road. 'Cause my homeboy said to me one day, he was like, "Listen." He said, "You might not have had a boyfriend, but you weren't alone." And I was like, "Well, that's true. There was some Negro wasting my time," or white, don't worry. Um.

Trevor Noah 34:11 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 34:12 Somebody would pop up. A gentleman you talk to for a little bit. It's, whew.

Trevor Noah 34:17 Whew.

Dulce Sloan 34:17 Right?

Trevor Noah 34:18 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 34:19 But it's ... I wanna be mar- I wanna be in a long-term relationship.

Trevor Noah 34:24 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 34:24 Right? And one of my friends, I was talking to her about that, and she said, she asked me, she's like, "Do you think you're ready to be a wife?"

Trevor Noah 34:30 Hmm. Damn.

Dulce Sloan 34:31 No one asks you that question. No one ever asks you that question. But no one asks men if they're ready to be a husband. No one asks anybody if they're ready to do these things. You just like you fall in love and you find somebody and fa-

Trevor Noah 34:40 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 34:40 ... da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And you don't think about the fact whether you're ready. And I ... But one of the issues that I've had is that I have been asked repeatedly, and I don't know if wh- And I was talking about ... one of my friends about this last night. I don't know if this is something we just do to Black women or all women, but because I am in the position that I am in, right, and because I have the career that I have, it's sometimes frustrating for me, right? 'Cause it's like I have a Emmy at my house. They can count all the people that have Emmys. You can't really count all the people that are married, right?

Trevor Noah 35:13 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 35:14 So I am doing well at a very hard thing.

Trevor Noah 35:20 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 35:20 But I'm failing at something people do every day. And so that in my brain is where my discon- is where I get upset because I can't, I can't shake the feeling that I'm failing. But also it's like I had to think. I was like, are there, is there anything that I want in my life that I couldn't get on my own? And this is the only thing that I truly want that I have to be like-

Trevor Noah 35:47 Need someone else

Dulce Sloan 35:48 ... I need someone else. And then I was like, well, that's not true because I was doing, like, doing standup and I'm acting, but, like, you have to get agents. You have to get a manager. Someone has to see you and go, "I wanna help." So it's like, and especially as comics, 'cause this doesn't happen with actors. As comics, some of your first opportunities as a comedian

Dulce Sloan 36:11 is someone going, "Hey, you're funny. Come do a thing. Hey, come f- You're funny. Come get on this show. Come do this." And I don't think ... And so it's funny for, like, as, as lonely, quote-unquote, as much as, like, comedy is like you're doing a lot of work on your own, your- all your opportunities come from other people.

Trevor Noah 36:31 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 36:32 Especially when you first start out. And so it's like, oh, so I need the opportunity to be like, "Please, sir, make me a mother." 'Cause it, 'cause then there's also the thing was that people go, "Well, why don't you do it on your own?" I was like, "I don't wanna be a statistic. That's why."

Trevor Noah 36:46 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 36:47 And I watched my mother do this on her own. It didn't seem like it was fucking fun. And so now I'm just like, 'cause I'm either being, I'm either toying, "Oh, I can do it on my own," or, or I can be with a man who is not, who cannot pay the bills in my house.

Trevor Noah 37:08 So pause there.

Dulce Sloan 37:09 But hold on.

Trevor Noah 37:09 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't, don't, I'll tell you why. Wait, pause, 'cause I, I don't want us to lose the beginning part, which I think is really insightful and important, and then we're gonna go through it. So don't, we'll, we'll, we'll put a pin in that part.

Dulce Sloan 37:20 Oh, I, I know the-

Trevor Noah 37:21 Pay the bills

Dulce Sloan 37:21 ... listen, you know the breakdown.

Trevor Noah 37:23 Pay the bills.

Dulce Sloan 37:23 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 37:23 I'm gonna pay the bills. So.

Dulce Sloan 37:24 Because you have to remember, most people get divorced in America because of finances, not because somebody cheated, not because somebody fell out of love. Most people in America get divorced because of finances. That's the number one reason America get divor- people get divorced.

Trevor Noah 37:36 So I'll go backwards.

Dulce Sloan 37:37 Mm.

Trevor Noah 37:38 One of the first things you said when s- when talking about this was about getting married, and you said, "It's something that you have to do with somebody else."

Dulce Sloan 37:48 Mm.

Trevor Noah 37:48 "It's something that you have..." I think you've tapped into something that a lot of people are experiencing across the board, but I, I, I love that you brought it up the way you did because I do feel like the weight is felt differently between men and women.

Dulce Sloan 38:03 Absolutely.

Trevor Noah 38:03 Right? But men are definitely feeling it, just n- at, at a way less-

Eugene 38:07 Oh, because of the male loneliness epidemic?

Trevor Noah 38:08 No, no, no, no, no. N- no, on a, on a way l- like way less level.

Eugene 38:12 Goofy.

Dulce Sloan 38:12 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 38:12 But it is. Let me tell you something. You say goofy. Uh, goofy is what starts militias and-

Dulce Sloan 38:17 Oh, no, no, no, no, no

Trevor Noah 38:18 ... and crazy

Trevor Noah 38:19 armies.

Dulce Sloan 38:19 Listen, I said to my homeboy that I was incel one day, and he was like, "That's not true." I said, "Of course it is." I said, "I am celibate, and it is very involuntary." These are, this is what incel means.

Trevor Noah 38:31 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 38:31 Involuntary celibate.

Trevor Noah 38:32 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 38:32 I would love to be having sex tonight. There's nothing better than having your legs in the air, and yet...

Trevor Noah 38:37 Trevor, do you agree? [laughs]

Eugene 38:41 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 38:41 Get out.

Trevor Noah 38:42 Can I tell you what's funny is-

Eugene 38:43 Hmm, tell me.

Trevor Noah 38:43 Is that-

Eugene 38:44 Having your legs in the air?

Trevor Noah 38:44 Is that you made me, you made me picture my legs in the air.

Eugene 38:47 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 38:47 That's what I hate about what you did to me there.

Eugene 38:49 That's what good friends are for.

Trevor Noah 38:50 That's what you did to me there.

Eugene 38:51 Sure. Any-

Trevor Noah 38:51 You made me

Eugene 38:52 ... any, any time.

Trevor Noah 38:53 Because you asked it.

Eugene 38:55 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 38:55 My first instinct, my first instinct was to defend myself.

Eugene 38:58 Any, any, any time.

Trevor Noah 38:58 But the first thought I had-

Eugene 38:59 Any-

Trevor Noah 38:59 ... the first thought I had was me-

Eugene 39:01 Any-

Trevor Noah 39:01 ... with my own legs in the air.

Eugene 39:02 Whenever I hear something enjoyable, I think of who could enjoy this more?

Dulce Sloan 39:06 [laughs]

Eugene 39:07 And my friend comes to mind, and I'm thinking, "Look, there's an opportunity for someone's legs. Who would enjoy it?"

Dulce Sloan 39:15 [laughs] He's an idiot.

Eugene 39:17 Who would enjoy this?

Dulce Sloan 39:18 Stop talking.

Eugene 39:19 Who would enjoy this more?

Trevor Noah 39:20 So.

Eugene 39:21 And I had to.

Trevor Noah 39:21 Okay, so.

Dulce Sloan 39:22 You would've got busy.

Trevor Noah 39:22 No, no, no. Wait. So let's-

Dulce Sloan 39:23 And I appreciate that about you

Trevor Noah 39:24 ... wait.

Dulce Sloan 39:24 You a fool.

Trevor Noah 39:25 So let's go back. Let's-

Dulce Sloan 39:25 Your friend is a dum-dum. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 39:27 So let's go back.

Eugene 39:28 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 39:28 He's an idiot, bro.

Trevor Noah 39:30 So let's go back. So.

Dulce Sloan 39:31 Also, that is also the, uh, form- biggest form of respect from an American Black person, if they run away 'cause of something you said, so just know you did well today.

Eugene 39:38 So there was no bet?

Trevor Noah 39:39 Then go, if you go [laughs] if you-

Dulce Sloan 39:41 There's snacks in my purse. So, no.

Eugene 39:42 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 39:43 If you, um, if you go back to what you said, like, um-

Dulce Sloan 39:46 Mm

Trevor Noah 39:46 ... you, you long for a time when it wasn't about love, I actually think that's probably one of the biggest things we're grappling with now in society, and we don't, we didn't understand it as a, as a se- second system effect.

Dulce Sloan 39:58 Right.

Trevor Noah 39:58 Right? We, in the same way that people didn't understand what would happen when the globe became connected via trade, there were many things that would improve. Oh, money's gonna cross borders. People will become wealthy, et cetera. But then it's like, oh, poverty's also gonna speed up.

Dulce Sloan 40:12 And white people will spread illness.

Trevor Noah 40:14 Mm-hmm. Okay, but, like, it's-

Eugene 40:16 Second families.

Trevor Noah 40:17 It-

Eugene 40:17 Infidelity.

Trevor Noah 40:17 Yeah. No, no, but all-

Dulce Sloan 40:18 That's it

Trevor Noah 40:19 ... but all of these things.

Dulce Sloan 40:19 The internet.

Eugene 40:20 Gonorrhea.

Trevor Noah 40:20 These are second system... Yes, disease. These are second system effects.

Dulce Sloan 40:22 My uncle did have two families.

Trevor Noah 40:24 There you go. So.

Dulce Sloan 40:26 In the same city. It was crazy.

Trevor Noah 40:27 So now we got a pin in that as well. Please remember this.

Eugene 40:30 He paid two bills.

Trevor Noah 40:32 So pin, pin, pin, pin, pin.

Dulce Sloan 40:33 I don't know about all that.

Trevor Noah 40:34 These are all pins.

Dulce Sloan 40:35 He's dead now, so it's fine.

Trevor Noah 40:37 But I, I think that's what we haven't fully grappled with, right, is the curse of choice is that it increases the amount of time that you need to choose.

Dulce Sloan 40:48 Mm.

Trevor Noah 40:49 I don't think there's any human being out there who is not trying to find the perfect person for them.

Dulce Sloan 40:53 But that's, I think that, but that's the s-

Trevor Noah 40:55 No, no, wait, wait

Dulce Sloan 40:56 ... that's the problem.

Trevor Noah 40:56 Listen. No.

Dulce Sloan 40:56 It's the perfect person.

Trevor Noah 40:57 But that's what... No, but listen to what I'm saying.

Dulce Sloan 40:59 Right.

Trevor Noah 40:59 It is a lot easier to assume that you have made the perfect choice once you've exhausted your choices. So when we grew up in a village where there were 20 people, like, in our age range-

Dulce Sloan 41:09 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 41:10 ... at some point, you assumed that you had made the best choice because you had exhausted your choices.

Eugene 41:14 Oh.

Trevor Noah 41:14 You went, "Okay, number 17, it's-"

Eugene 41:16 The hottest person around. Yeah.

Trevor Noah 41:18 Or the one for me, the-

Eugene 41:19 Or the one I like the most

Trevor Noah 41:19 ... personality and heart or-

Eugene 41:20 Got you

Trevor Noah 41:21 ... the combination, but you were done.

Eugene 41:23 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 41:24 Then you made it a town, then you made it a city, then you made it a country. Now you've made it infinite.

Dulce Sloan 41:28 Right.

Trevor Noah 41:28 Literally infinite. Dating apps, social media, et cetera. Like, we talked about this with Esther Perel on the podcast, but, like, the fact that people have a constant deluge of other human beings being put into their head, and the option of them, by the way.

Dulce Sloan 41:42 Mm.

Trevor Noah 41:42 'Cause remember, you'd walk in the streets before, and you didn't know whether people were or weren't single. So it, it's not, it's not necessarily the same thing, but a dating app is an infinite scroll-

Eugene 41:52 You know for a fact

Trevor Noah 41:53 ... of people's first-

Dulce Sloan 41:54 No, you don't

Trevor Noah 41:54 ... No, no, no. No, no, no. Yeah, that's funny. I know what you're saying, but I'm saying still it is advertised as they're single.

Eugene 42:00 Yes.

Trevor Noah 42:01 Here's an app.

Eugene 42:01 It's what they're selling.

Trevor Noah 42:02 It is advertised.

Eugene 42:03 Yes.

Trevor Noah 42:03 It is advertised. Now, I think we haven't fully grappled with the price that society has paid for that infinite choice, to your point, because I'll tell you now-

Dulce Sloan 42:12 Because people think they have better choices than they do. They think they have-

Trevor Noah 42:14 Yes

Dulce Sloan 42:14 ... more options than they have.

Trevor Noah 42:15 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 42:16 So for instance, I got off of dating apps because I was tired of my phone hurting my feelings.

Eugene 42:21 Ooh.

Dulce Sloan 42:22 So every time I would log in, I'd be like, "Man, City doesn't wanna fuck me? That's crazy," and then I'd put my phone down.

Trevor Noah 42:26 Do you, were you at The Daily Show when we did... No, you weren't. Uh, we did a piece on this early on in the, uh, in The Daily Show when I was, when I was hosting, was, um, we did a thing on how... And we actually had l- one of the guys, funny enough, who, who released the study. They showed that Black women and Asian men-

Dulce Sloan 42:42 Have the worst results on dating apps.

Trevor Noah 42:43 Like, terrible.

Dulce Sloan 42:44 Really? Oh, yeah, that's why.

Trevor Noah 42:45 Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible.

Dulce Sloan 42:45 That's why I used to do a bit about the fact that, uh, 'cause I think I, like, I sometimes do it and sometimes don't. I said we should come up with our own app and call it Black and Yellow. And so-

Trevor Noah 42:54 You know what it is?

Dulce Sloan 42:56 You're right

Trevor Noah 42:56 Uh-huh. [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 42:56 And make the, just the smartest basketball players the world has ever seen. You see what I'm saying? Like, well, we should just date each other, right? 'Cause if, 'cause we get the worst, we truly do. Black-

Trevor Noah 43:06 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 43:07 ... black women. So, like, for instance, my friend was like, "Somebody get on Match." I was living here. I got on Match. Match costs money, right?

Trevor Noah 43:12 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 43:13 And so I was watching people pick every single ethnicity but black women. Like, really, Pacific Islander? You don't know no fucking Pacific Islanders.

Trevor Noah 43:24 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 43:24 When are you gonna meet this bitch? You're telling me that you would rather meet Moana than me? Get the fuck out of here.

Trevor Noah 43:31 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 43:31 You are not gonna meet her, bro.

Trevor Noah 43:33 Moana's never home, though.

Dulce Sloan 43:34 She, uh, uh, she's on a seat. She's out here with grandma being a manta ray.

Trevor Noah 43:38 Do you-

Dulce Sloan 43:38 See, so, so, so you, if I'm looking on Ma- 'cause, like, one of my friends-

Trevor Noah 43:41 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 43:41 ... same thing. Or people are like, "Oh, just get on Raya. Just get on Raya." Stop talking to me. I was on Raya, right? I was on Raya, saw you on Raya. And tried to take a screenshot, and Raya goes, "Hey."

Trevor Noah 43:51 Don't do that. Don't do that.

Dulce Sloan 43:52 It's like-

Trevor Noah 43:52 Don't do that

Dulce Sloan 43:52 ... take a screenshot.

Trevor Noah 43:52 Don't do that. [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 43:53 Oh, 'cause I, like somebody doesn't have another phone.

Trevor Noah 43:55 Don't do that. [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 43:56 Listen.

Trevor Noah 43:57 Yeah, but we, but Raya was just trying to stop the people who weren't thinking far enough in advance. [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 44:01 Right

Trevor Noah 44:02 It was, they're just trying to stop impulse people. Don't do that.

Dulce Sloan 44:04 It's like, don't do that.

Trevor Noah 44:05 Hey. Hey.

Dulce Sloan 44:05 So then my homegirl took a picture of my phone and I texted you-

Trevor Noah 44:08 Wow

Dulce Sloan 44:08 ... and was like, "Ah, you outside."

Trevor Noah 44:10 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 44:11 So, but you hurt your wrist. Back on all these emails.

Trevor Noah 44:12 Dulce is so unruly. [upbeat music] We're gonna continue this conversation right after this short break. All right, Eugene.

Eugene 44:22 Mm.

Trevor Noah 44:22 Let's play a little game. You know, make something fun. Two truths and a lie.

Eugene 44:26 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 44:27 Here we go. One, I've had to tell a world leader that their fly was undone. Two, when getting dressed, I don't do sock, sock, shoe, shoe. I do sock, shoe, sock, shoe. Three, I've been a Verizon customer for 11 years. What do you think?

Eugene 44:44 Hmm. Very confused. First of all, why would a world leader own a fly? 'Cause those things just come uninvited. Secondly, lying to a friend is not cool. It's never been a game.

Trevor Noah 44:54 No, Eugene, a, a fly is for, like the zip is what... And then it's, it's g- it's not a lie. It's a game where I'm try... It's like I give you inform- Okay, I lied. All three are true, Eugene. And in case you were thinking, you know, Verizon isn't as expensive as you think. In fact, if you bring in your AT&T or T-Mobile bill, they'll give you a better deal. And the reason I've been with them for this long is just because I travel so much. I need a network that's reliable. That's right, a better deal on the best network, with the most ways to save on plans, streaming, and phone deals. Take your AT&T or T-Mobile bill to your local Verizon store today. Get your better deal and start saving for real. Based on RootMetrics' Best Overall Mobile Network Performance, US, second half 2025. All rights reserved. You must provide recent consumer mobile bill in the name of the person redeeming the deal. Additional terms, conditions, and restrictions apply. [upbeat music] So do you understand how two truths and a... Do, do you understand it now?

Eugene 45:55 I understand that you didn't have to lie first before telling me that Verizon is the best.

Trevor Noah 45:59 No, I wasn't lying f- Eugene, it's not a lie. I wouldn't lie to you. It, it's a game. Okay, I'm sorry. I lied. Ah.

Eugene 46:08 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 46:11 [upbeat music] In the same way there was like an industrial revolution, I think we're now entering into a new phase of sort of like a relationship revolution.

Dulce Sloan 46:26 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 46:27 And what I mean by that is we are still grappling with the effects that we don't know are going to start to affect w- the changes that we've made in society.

Dulce Sloan 46:37 Right.

Trevor Noah 46:38 Right? So if you look back, as you said, to a time when marriages weren't about love, a lot of the people who were in that time did not like it.

Dulce Sloan 46:47 Yes.

Trevor Noah 46:48 Because the thing they said was, "I hated that I didn't have a choice."

Dulce Sloan 46:51 Right.

Trevor Noah 46:51 "I hated that I couldn't choose who I was going to be with." You would listen to grandparents. You'd go, "Did you love-"

Dulce Sloan 46:57 Now, don't get confused

Trevor Noah 46:57 Well, just a second.

Dulce Sloan 46:58 I wanted to be, I wanted to be... I don't want that time either.

Trevor Noah 47:00 No, no, no, I'm not saying you do.

Dulce Sloan 47:00 I wanted to be-

Trevor Noah 47:01 I'm not saying you do

Dulce Sloan 47:01 ... a combo.

Trevor Noah 47:02 No, no, I'm not saying you do.

Dulce Sloan 47:03 Right.

Trevor Noah 47:03 I'm just saying people would say, you know, you talk to your grandparents, and they go, "Do you love my grandfather?" And they'd be like, "I never loved him."

Dulce Sloan 47:10 He's not dead.

Trevor Noah 47:11 "I never loved that man, but I mean..."

Eugene 47:14 He's here.

Trevor Noah 47:15 Yeah. We just had to do a thing.

Dulce Sloan 47:16 We had to do a thing.

Trevor Noah 47:17 Right? And then, and then you move forward a generation, you move forward another generation. And I find it interesting, and I, it's, it's, it's really poignant that you brought it up that now we're searching for the opposite. It's like before, the people had ultimate certainty.

Dulce Sloan 47:31 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 47:31 And so all they yearned for was a little bit of opportunity for something, you know, to pop up. Just something that wasn't predictable.

Eugene 47:39 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 47:40 Don't define my path for me. And then now it almost feels like we've gone so far down the world of-

Dulce Sloan 47:45 Mm

Trevor Noah 47:45 ... you have choice, whatever choice you want, that now people yearn for the certainty. I wish I knew. I wish I could get s- with somebody. I wish I knew when I w- I, I've had more conversations with friends in every walk of life, women who are going, "I'm freezing my eggs." But, like, in a way, now it's becoming just ubiquitous. Do you know what I'm saying?

Dulce Sloan 48:05 Oh, yeah. Your insurance better be right, 'cause that shit cost me $35,000. I end up with two eggs.

Trevor Noah 48:08 But what I'm saying is, there's no... But this is a real conversation though.

Dulce Sloan 48:11 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 48:11 It's like eggs is like... But it's a thing. It's, you know-

Dulce Sloan 48:13 But for the first time in history, there's more women in their 40s than women in, that are teenagers

Dulce Sloan 48:21 in their 20s. For the first time in history, there are women who are financially stable having kids.

Trevor Noah 48:26 Now, that's, yes, that's the point. So now this is, this is what I'm trying to get to. I wanna go to something you said. And I know some things you say as a joke, some things you say being real, so I, I actually wanna get to-

Dulce Sloan 48:33 You never know.

Eugene 48:34 That's what I was about to say. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 48:36 No, but, like-

Dulce Sloan 48:37 And I knew you-

Eugene 48:38 Which one?

Trevor Noah 48:38 So when, when you said... No, when, when-

Dulce Sloan 48:39 Stop

Trevor Noah 48:39 ... when you said, when you said, "I, because I don't wanna be with a man who doesn't pay the bills," this is, like, what I mean about, like-

Dulce Sloan 48:47 Not doesn't. Can't

Eugene 48:49 Can't

Trevor Noah 48:49 Can't. Fine. Can't pay the bills.

Dulce Sloan 48:51 Can't.

Trevor Noah 48:51 That's fine, Eugene.

Dulce Sloan 48:52 Because doesn't.

Trevor Noah 48:52 That's fine.

Eugene 48:53 But can't.

Dulce Sloan 48:54 Calm down

Trevor Noah 48:55 ... can't. Can't. He loves trying to get a- an American accent right.

Dulce Sloan 48:59 Well, I have a Southern accent, so it's fine.

Trevor Noah 49:00 We, we good?

Dulce Sloan 49:00 We're not real friends.

Trevor Noah 49:01 Good to go?

Dulce Sloan 49:02 We're good to go.

Trevor Noah 49:04 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 49:06 [coughs]

Trevor Noah 49:06 [laughs] So-

Dulce Sloan 49:06 I don't know why that was my first reaction.

Trevor Noah 49:08 [laughs] So-

Dulce Sloan 49:11 That's what the pilot said.

Trevor Noah 49:12 Um, so-

Dulce Sloan 49:13 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:15 So if we-

Dulce Sloan 49:15 He said, "Good to go." He was like, "How do we know?" [laughs]

Trevor Noah 49:17 So if we, if we look, let's, let's break the time. You go like, "I don't wanna be with a man who can't pay the bills." Let's start with this. The, the why is intri- like, why do you say that?

Dulce Sloan 49:27 Because he will... You will end up with your enemy in your own bed. Because you have to think about this.

Trevor Noah 49:33 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 49:34 Men have been told, and this is not to the benefit of men or society at all. Yeah, yeah. Right? So men are told that they have to operate in a certain way-

Trevor Noah 49:44 Mm-hmm

Dulce Sloan 49:44 ... by other men, the confines of society. 'Cause we're like, I'm not even talking about toxic masculinity. I'm talking about what a man is supposed to be doing. He's supposed to be providing, he's supposed to be take- he's supposed to be doing these things, right?

Trevor Noah 49:56 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 49:56 If he cannot do these things, he is either going to find fault in himself- Yeah ... or fault in you. So if my mortgage is X amount of money-

Trevor Noah 50:05 Right

Dulce Sloan 50:06 ... and you cannot pay this mortgage, you're either going to find fault in yourself or find fault in me. And usually, speaking to my friends who have been this, been through this- Yeah ... and women who have been through this, they find fault in you.

Dulce Sloan 50:21 And so now you're dealing with someone who resents you, because I've dealt- 'cause people are like, "Well, he, what if he's a nice guy and ba, da, da, da." Yeah. I've dealt with men who weren't as successful as me, and it always ends up with them being hurtful towards me because they resent me for the fact that they can't do the thing that society's told them they're supposed to be doing. Right. In the same way, they're just like, it's... You talk about white privilege, and there are white people that get upset because they're like, "Well, I grew up poor. I didn't have white privilege." Yeah. But they don't understand the full scope of what white privilege is because all they knew is, is they grew up poor. So I can't have a privilege of being white, 'cause my white experience- Yeah ... is that I grew up poor. You can't tell them that you can inherently fix this thing, which is by boot- the bootstrapping myth makes sense for them, right? In the same way that I know that also, when I have children, I wanna be able to take time off of work. I'm not gonna let love make me homeless. So if I'm not working, someone has to pay the mortgage. Someone has to be- if I, if I at least have, I have savings. Fine, I can pay half the mortgage-

Trevor Noah 51:28 Mm-hmm

Dulce Sloan 51:28 ... but I'm not working. Someone has to keep us indoors. Right. So if I'm dealing with somebody who can't keep the lights on in here, then I have another dependent in my house. Mm-hmm. Then I can't do the things that I need to do as a mother, I can't do the things I do, I need to do as a person, I can't do the things I need to do as an adult because there's a fucking man in my house who cannot pay my light bill. He cannot pay half the mortgage. He cannot do the tra- he can't do... So what is he here for? Because I already have people in my... My mother's retired. My mother's just got a job for fun. So just, like, I have people in my house that I'm already taking care of. I need a partner. I don't need another dependent. Because if that's the case, I'm putting you on my taxes, bro. Give me your Social. Because here's the thing, there's not an- the, I have never made a dick that, I've never met a dick that would make me send my mother to work. You see what I'm saying? My mother works 'cause she wants to-

Trevor Noah 52:23 Trevor

Dulce Sloan 52:23 ... not 'cause she has to.

Trevor Noah 52:23 Dulce. Dulce.

Dulce Sloan 52:24 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 52:25 Trevor.

Dulce Sloan 52:27 I can't. I can't.

Trevor Noah 52:29 [laughs] Welcome to my life.

Dulce Sloan 52:30 What is-

Trevor Noah 52:31 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 52:33 I remember, the number of times some random girl would be like, "Oh my God, I can't, how can you, Trevor's so handsome. How can you work?" I said, "First of all, he's my boss, first of all, so I don't see him like that."

Trevor Noah 52:43 Where were you when these conversations were happening?

Dulce Sloan 52:45 At the fu- at the stand at The Cellar. There was always some girl that's like, "Oh my God, do you have Trevor's number?" And I was like, "No."

Trevor Noah 52:51 No, we're getting distracted though.

Dulce Sloan 52:52 No, we get distracted 'cause I don't wanna be distracted because I have to make sure I don't cry on your podcast. So my brain just needs to kick somewhere else.

Trevor Noah 52:59 Okay, go.

Dulce Sloan 52:59 And then we have to come back. And so, but I'm being told repeatedly, it's, "Well, what if he has potential, and da, da, da, da, da, da, da."

Trevor Noah 53:09 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 53:09 And I was like, "I wanna know if other groups of women are being asked to go, 'Well, what if this man has potential?'" Because one, it's the only men I've ever seen worried about gold diggers-

Trevor Noah 53:21 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 53:21 ... are the men that don't have gold. Hmm. I have never met a man-

Trevor Noah 53:27 [laughs] Onto my new American phrase.

Dulce Sloan 53:30 God damn. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 53:32 [laughs] Well, we're good to go.

Dulce Sloan 53:35 Oh, God d-

Trevor Noah 53:36 That's a combo.

Dulce Sloan 53:37 Oh, okay.

Trevor Noah 53:38 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 53:38 Somebody watched BET yesterday? Oh, man.

Trevor Noah 53:41 God damn. [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 53:42 Because you have to think about it.

Trevor Noah 53:44 I'll tell you what.

Dulce Sloan 53:44 You're telling men they have to provide.

Trevor Noah 53:46 Right, right. Well, you, you know, you know, there is something that I think, it's painful because it's true.

Dulce Sloan 53:52 Mm.

Trevor Noah 53:53 But in the same way the sugar lobbies got us to hate fat and tricked us into not focusing on what was ac- what was actually happening in food.

Dulce Sloan 54:01 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 54:02 I do find it really sad that we talk about relationships, and most of the things that we're bringing up about relationships have nothing to do with the dynamics of a relationship.

Dulce Sloan 54:13 Mm-mm.

Trevor Noah 54:13 They have to do with the dynamics of late-stage capitalism.

Dulce Sloan 54:16 Yes.

Trevor Noah 54:17 You know? Because everything you said is true.

Dulce Sloan 54:19 Yes.

Trevor Noah 54:20 But everything you said isn't really supposed to be the real, real, real crux of a relationship, you know?

Dulce Sloan 54:27 Right.

Trevor Noah 54:28 Can you pay the bill? When I'm a mother, I don't want to be homeless because of... That, that's a very true and real thing.

Dulce Sloan 54:34 'Cause I have to keep my children inside.

Trevor Noah 54:35 Right.

Dulce Sloan 54:35 I have to be able to take care of my children.

Trevor Noah 54:37 But that's why when you go-

Dulce Sloan 54:37 How many children do you want?

Trevor Noah 54:38 But that's why when you go to Scandinavian countries... No, but that's why when you go to Scandinavian countries, for instance-

Dulce Sloan 54:42 These two. Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 54:43 ... they don't really have that issue. And I know there they have the, I'm not saying it's, like, a perfect place. But you realize that the issue is minimized because there's a certain contract that people have with the state, where the state goes, "No, if you're a mom- Uh, if you're a parent in fact, man or woman, you'll get a certain amount of paid leave.

Eugene 55:00 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 55:01 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 55:01 Your child will be able to go to school.

Eugene 55:03 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 55:03 Your healthcare is not dependent on whether or not you have a job.

Eugene 55:06 Mm.

Trevor Noah 55:06 Because you, the state has an interest-

Eugene 55:08 You're across everyone

Trevor Noah 55:09 ... in keeping you healthy.

Dulce Sloan 55:09 Right.

Trevor Noah 55:10 Right?

Dulce Sloan 55:10 But you have to remember that the reason we do not have universal healthcare is because of racism. If you look at a lot of the practices of the state of Mississippi, right?

Trevor Noah 55:21 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 55:22 A lot of things that they do is to oppress Black people. The problem is white people also live in that state. So, if you don't wanna have universal healthcare in a country because you don't want Black people, how are you punishing 87% of the people for something that, because you don't want 13%? Also, I've never believed that was really part of the population, but we won't answer the census. So, you don't want 13% of your population to have something.

Trevor Noah 55:49 Right.

Dulce Sloan 55:49 So you won't give it to the other 87% of your population. Tipping inher- it comes from, there's a racist history of tipping because you weren't paying Black people correctly, and when we started getting like, it's a whole thing with the, when we started working on railroads and stuff like that, it was they didn't pay them a livable wage, they started tipping them. That's why servers to this day

Dulce Sloan 56:10 do not get a livable wage, because you can survive on tips.

Trevor Noah 56:13 Mm.

Dulce Sloan 56:13 Right?

Trevor Noah 56:14 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 56:14 And so this is a thing that's still hurting people today, but because of a racist start of it, and then we lose the history of things.

Trevor Noah 56:20 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 56:20 And so, the pro- but the problem is, is that if I let love carry me in certain places-

Trevor Noah 56:28 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 56:28 ... I would be divorced from a broke man. If I let love dictate, and if I let the thing, if I let... 'Cause I'm already, we know I make bad decisions.

Trevor Noah 56:38 Let me ask you a question, though, before you move on from there. If, I mean by the, you know, last reported whatever numbers, if they say 50% of all marriages end in divorce anyways, then doesn't it mean that even if you get into a marriage, and not you, but as a person, there's a 50% chance that you're already getting divorced regardless of what the other person's income is or isn't? And like even brokenness. People can become broke.

Dulce Sloan 57:01 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 57:01 Do you know what I mean?

Dulce Sloan 57:02 We've all s-

Trevor Noah 57:02 Like, people can come in with money and then end up broke. People can-

Dulce Sloan 57:05 Do you think I make the same amount of money I did when I worked at The Daily Show?

Trevor Noah 57:08 I'm assuming not, 'cause I don't.

Dulce Sloan 57:10 I, listen.

Trevor Noah 57:10 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 57:11 So, listen. I got to pr- start paying attention in the store now. It's crazy. Oh my God.

Trevor Noah 57:16 Yeah, but, but-

Dulce Sloan 57:16 I had to look at the price of something. Ugh, I was so mad.

Trevor Noah 57:19 [laughs]

Eugene 57:20 Whenever I think of conversations about relationships, and I think relationships onl- permanent ones.

Dulce Sloan 57:28 Mm.

Eugene 57:28 Long-term ones.

Dulce Sloan 57:29 Yeah.

Eugene 57:29 Only make sense based on the stage of life that you are at.

Dulce Sloan 57:32 Right.

Eugene 57:33 So for example, I, I've told you this story before. My daughter's turning 17 now, and we've been together alone since she was 5 turning 6.

Dulce Sloan 57:41 Mm.

Eugene 57:41 Right now, my brain is going, "I would love to have someone around," because I've had her.

Dulce Sloan 57:45 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 57:45 And I didn't feel like there was room for someone else.

Dulce Sloan 57:47 Mm.

Eugene 57:48 But now I feel like if I had made that decision 10 years ago, I would have had to accommodate the both of them in my life.

Dulce Sloan 57:53 Absolutely.

Eugene 57:54 And some of the things that I wanted to do in the last 11 years that I got to do anyway.

Dulce Sloan 57:58 Right.

Eugene 57:58 But right now I'm thinking about it differently, because I would want someone, more than anything, to tolerate me.

Dulce Sloan 58:05 Right, and so but I, so I'm having to ask someone to.

Eugene 58:07 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 58:08 So you have to also look at the dynamics of things, right?

Eugene 58:10 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 58:11 I remember being at a show, and I was talking to a comic, uh, I was talking to Nick Guetta about this.

Trevor Noah 58:15 Wait, before you go into the story.

Dulce Sloan 58:16 Mm.

Eugene 58:17 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 58:17 I wanna respond to something, 'cause I don't wanna forget it, and I think it's important for you to hear this.

Dulce Sloan 58:20 Right.

Trevor Noah 58:22 I have heard from many women who do have the same story. In fact, you go like, "I wonder if it's just me or women like me?" I remember speaking to a woman, this was in Sweden, and she was a very wealthy business woman, like, and I mean, like, has done a phenomenal job and helps people start businesses, and she ca- I mean, like, killing, like by all metrics.

Dulce Sloan 58:42 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 58:42 Great kids. Living the li- you name it. You name it. And the biggest thing that plagued her was she said, "I feel like my life is a failure." And I said, "Why?"

Dulce Sloan 58:54 Mm.

Trevor Noah 58:54 And she said, "Well, I never got remarried, and now I can't find a man." And I was, I, I said, "What do you mean you can't find a man? Just elaborate on that." And she said, "Well, if I meet some, some of the men I meet, we get along well with, but they're also in a high-powered position, a- and they're not flexible and I'm not flexible."

Dulce Sloan 59:11 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 59:11 "Because they, they can't leave what they do, and I can't leave what I do. And so it just ends up fizzling." And then she would, and then I said, "Okay, but what about men who aren't successful?" And she said, "I'll be honest with you. I'm not attracted to them. I'm not, I just can't be with a man who's not, like, doing something and not..." You, you know what I mean?

Eugene 59:26 Yes.

Trevor Noah 59:26 And, and so no, just to, I just want you to know that, like, not, not to shift anything or to shape, but I, you asked a question, and I don't have the answer for everyone.

Dulce Sloan 59:34 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 59:34 But I do know, and I think it's important for us to know this in life, because we generally don't post how we are actually doing and feeling on Instagram and social media, we don't really know how anyone is or isn't.

Dulce Sloan 59:48 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 59:49 We know what the advertisements of people's lives are. We know what the highlights are.

Dulce Sloan 59:52 Right.

Trevor Noah 59:52 Right? We very seldom know the lowlights. Right?

Dulce Sloan 59:55 Well, that's why I posted the other day and I was just like, "How is everybody doing? 'Cause I'm having a hard time right now." And I don't like the fact that sometimes if I get on Instagram, I realize, Tik- Instagram will sometimes make me feel bad.

Trevor Noah 1:00:06 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:00:06 Because I'm just like, it now is just like, "Here's the good. Everybody's doing great. Everybody's doing fine."

Trevor Noah 1:00:11 Mm.

Dulce Sloan 1:00:11 "These are the things you aren't doing."

Trevor Noah 1:00:12 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:00:13 And then I get on TikTok, and it's just like, "Hey, so my coloring book." So, like, I see a bunch of craft stuff, and then I see, uh, the Maori doing hakas. Uh, and it's like, so, uh, a little good little Middle Eastern song, right?

Trevor Noah 1:00:26 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:00:26 So now I know a little bit of Arabic. That whole boy, Wu Man Qi, singing in Chinese. So TikTok is still fun, 'cause it hasn't figured me out yet. Instagram, it's like you're, I don't like the fact that I'll get on TikTok and Instagram and be like, "This is why our industry is dying. Because you wanna see somebody make a cake for six episodes, as opposed to a well-written thing?" So it's like we don't see the real, we don't see people's real lives, and it's to everybody's detriment.

Trevor Noah 1:00:53 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:00:53 In the same-

Trevor Noah 1:00:54 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:00:54 ... it's like a, it's like a dating app.

Trevor Noah 1:00:55 Yes, it is.

Dulce Sloan 1:00:56 Right? You go through, you see a man holding a fish, you see another man holding a fish. So you see white man holding fish, and a Black man sitting in the passenger side of a car. ... or the pictures that you see on dating apps, if you're wondering.

Eugene 1:01:06 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:01:06 It's white dudes holding fish.

Eugene 1:01:08 [laughs] Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:01:09 Black man on the wrong side of a car. I was like, "I don't know if this is flipped because he's in the driver's seat."

Eugene 1:01:13 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:01:13 All I know is I never see a dri- I-

Eugene 1:01:14 Dulce is just saying, "White man holding a fish, white man holding a fish."

Trevor Noah 1:01:17 But h- but he- yeah, but here's my th- maybe you can help me with this, Dulce. I'm t- I'm trying to figure out, isn't being in a meaningful relationship about someone else tolerating you?

Dulce Sloan 1:01:28 Absolutely.

Trevor Noah 1:01:28 I mean, the other person, and you tolerating them.

Dulce Sloan 1:01:30 Right. But I don't... But the thing is, I'm not trying to be inflexible. What I'm trying to do is... Because here's the thing you have to un- un- understand.

Trevor Noah 1:01:36 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:01:37 It's I have to get past meeting a man, I have to get past him, one, being insecure about what I do. "Oh, you at award shows. Oh, you doing all of this?" Yes, sir, I am. So do you wanna put on a suit or do you wanna talk shit? What are we doing?

Trevor Noah 1:01:55 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:01:55 Because if you can't, if you don't... Figure out how to hold a fork, 'cause I can't be sitting somewhere nice and you sitting there eating like a convict. We need to... So let's do that first. Second, "Oh, you making all this money. Are you doing big things?" If I hear you're doing big things, I'm blocking your number. Because what that lets me know is you're not do- I don't need you to do big things, but what I need you to do is not talk shit about what I'm doing.

Trevor Noah 1:02:19 But Dulce, what if that was just a question?

Dulce Sloan 1:02:21 It's not a question. The thing is, you're not... So because I am a person who listens to people, I know what all of these thing, I know what all of these things mean.

Trevor Noah 1:02:32 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:02:32 Because I've been in enough conversations where, "Oh, are you doing big things?" Fast-forward to a week later, "Oh, you think you better than me?" No, nigga, you think I'm better than you. Anybody who's ever asked me that question, "You think you better than me?" I don't know you, so no. I'm not thinking about you in the way you're thinking about me, because I don't know you. I'm not excited to meet you. I'm not doing any of these things. You're excited to meet me 'cause I'm on television, but you don't know who I am as a real person.

Trevor Noah 1:02:55 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:02:55 'Cause you saw me on The Daily Show, you saw me in a clip, so people are like, "Oh my God, you're so much nicer in person than you are on stage." You think I'm doing this, you think I'm performing at all times?

Dulce Sloan 1:03:03 Are you paying me in this conversation? So I go on a date, and so guy was like... And I've had men go to me, "Oh, man, I'm having such a good time." It's like, "So you're acting right now? Bitch, are you paying me? I don't perform for free. Also, a pussy costs more than appetizers, so let's also get that out the way."

Eugene 1:03:19 God damn.

Trevor Noah 1:03:21 See, when you walk, you wanna sit or walk in a room? So-

Eugene 1:03:23 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:03:24 Right

Trevor Noah 1:03:24 ... I, th- this, this, this, this is a question I- I'd love to ask here, and I'll, I'll maybe ask it by, by sharing something from my life. One of the hardest things I learned from therapy was that...

Dulce Sloan 1:03:39 It's expensive.

Trevor Noah 1:03:41 Yeah, it's expensive, but I, I also learned that there's a filter that we can apply on the world because we are constantly moving towards or partially creating the reality that we do exist within.

Dulce Sloan 1:04:00 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:04:00 So I would find myself having one idea of women-

Dulce Sloan 1:04:05 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 1:04:06 ... because I was going, "They're all like this. All women do this. All women..." And then I, I would talk to a friend who's in a healthy, happy relationship, married, whatever, and they would go, "I don't actually know what you're talking about."

Eugene 1:04:21 What are you talking about?

Dulce Sloan 1:04:22 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:04:22 And I'd be like, "Oh, now, that, that's 'cause you, you're an outlier, man. Let me tell you how it really is." And then I would meet somebody else at some point, and I'd get to know them, and I'd go, "You know how..." And they'd go like, "Actually, I don't know what you're talking about."

Dulce Sloan 1:04:35 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:04:36 And it took me a while, and I think it takes all of us a while to then ask ourselves, because of where we are from, how we were raised. Like, we had Roy on the podcast, and one of the conversations that we had with Roy, like, you know, he gets into it in his book, is you realize how many of the cycles and patterns we've inherited-

Dulce Sloan 1:04:54 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 1:04:55 ... and don't even know we're in.

Dulce Sloan 1:04:59 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:05:00 And then we ask ourselves why they keep repeating, you know? And so-

Dulce Sloan 1:05:03 But what's the difference between that and a generational curse?

Trevor Noah 1:05:06 No, it's the same thing.

Dulce Sloan 1:05:07 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:05:07 It's the same thing. But, but I'm coming back to what you're saying. Like, I notice just when I'm listening to you, and you go, you have an assumption that the man you're meeting, you've already met.

Dulce Sloan 1:05:20 No, no, no, no, no, no. That's the thing. It's I take everyone at face value. I'm not gonna have an issue-

Trevor Noah 1:05:26 No-

Dulce Sloan 1:05:27 ... till you give it to me.

Trevor Noah 1:05:27 No, I'm with you.

Dulce Sloan 1:05:28 So my ex was-

Trevor Noah 1:05:28 No, I'm, I'm with you.

Dulce Sloan 1:05:29 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:05:29 Forgive... So let, let me put it this way. This is what I'm saying.

Dulce Sloan 1:05:32 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:05:32 This, this is exactly what I mean in therapy is, like... 'Cause I remember I was so defensive about it, right? When my therapist was saying, she was... I, I was like, "No, no." I was like, "No, I, I start from scratch. I start..." And then she's like, "No one's starting from scratch."

Dulce Sloan 1:05:43 It's impossible.

Trevor Noah 1:05:44 We all, we all think we're starting from scratch.

Dulce Sloan 1:05:45 Right.

Eugene 1:05:45 We're starting from our scratch.

Trevor Noah 1:05:46 Yeah, but the, the best way to think of it is-

Dulce Sloan 1:05:48 Mm

Trevor Noah 1:05:48 ... if I was to use an analogy, think of it like, think of it like food.

Dulce Sloan 1:05:52 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:05:52 A lot of us in life will say, "Man, why do I keep getting fast food? Why do I keep getting greasy food? Why do I keep getting this type of food? Why do I keep... How... Why don't I get wholesome meals and what?" You know? But what we never ask ourselves is, why is our eye attracted to that bright pink logo? Why is our nose attracted to the smell of-

Dulce Sloan 1:06:11 Mm

Trevor Noah 1:06:11 ... of, of that, you know, crispy f- you know, fried chicken flesh? Why, why is that? We don't ask that question of ourselves as people.

Dulce Sloan 1:06:18 Oh, I always ask that question.

Trevor Noah 1:06:20 Right? No, and so what I mean is, if we end up with the same outcome that we don't want, the hardest thing for us to, like, try and figure out is which part of it is us participating in the story, and which part of it is the story existing on its own.

Dulce Sloan 1:06:37 So I'll tell you what I found in the thera- therapy. So my therapist said to me, she's like, "You're very self-aware."

Trevor Noah 1:06:41 You're supremely self-aware.

Dulce Sloan 1:06:42 She said, "I'm very self-aware." She said, and she said, "Honestly, and it makes it a lot easier to, [laughs] to have these sessions with you because you're very self-aware."

Trevor Noah 1:06:48 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:06:49 She said, "But because you're so self-aware, you analyze everything."

Trevor Noah 1:06:53 Oh, so you're hyper self-aware then.

Dulce Sloan 1:06:55 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:06:55 You're too self-aware.

Dulce Sloan 1:06:56 So I'm always going... So my thing is, like, I remember saying to my ex one time, 'cause like, you know I talk about him in the book-

Trevor Noah 1:07:02 Yeah, yeah, right, right

Dulce Sloan 1:07:02 ... mechanic and all of that, right? And so I said to him one day 'Cause I was talking about, 'cause it was, like, years into this back and forth, 'cause I couldn't see better for myself in this situation, right? And I said to him one day, I said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over again-

Trevor Noah 1:07:21 Mm-hmm

Dulce Sloan 1:07:21 ... and expecting a different result."

Trevor Noah 1:07:22 Right.

Dulce Sloan 1:07:23 I said, "So from you, I don't, I expect you to do the things that you are doing."

Trevor Noah 1:07:27 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:07:27 "Because I would be crazy to think that you're going to do something else based on the information and the years that I've spent going back and forth with you," right? So for me, it's never, why don't I have this thing? My issue is, my thing is always, what is wrong with me? I'm rarely ever thinking, was when things start going slight, slightly s- I'm always looking for a pattern. Because it's like, I'ma catch you before you catch me, right? Because I know I make bad decisions. So now I have to go, now I have to be extra vigilant asking these questions and s- and getting to know some man because I know I can't always trust the decisions that I make. I can't always trust the fact that I've picked this, I'm talking to this person. Also, a lot of, like, 'cause my friends are, I was saying to one of my friends, I said, "If you line up all the guys that I've dated, they don't make sense." I have, one of my homeboys, I can't tell these girls apart. He's got a new girlfriend, I didn't know it wasn't the other light-skinned bitch he had been dealing with a year ago. I didn't know it was a new girl. Because a fu- my ex is the same way. He had a picture of a girl. I would look down, I was like, "When did I take this picture? It wasn't me."

Trevor Noah 1:08:33 Damn.

Dulce Sloan 1:08:33 But he, I was like, "Okay, then I am the fucking archetype." If you look at all the dudes I've messed with, all of them don't make sense. But the thing was, it's, I have more instances in my life where a man has liked me than a, a man I've liked has liked me back. So it's, now I'm just dealing with the men who like me. So then I'm dealing with that part of things.

Trevor Noah 1:08:52 Yeah.

Eugene 1:08:52 You're dealing with yourself?

Dulce Sloan 1:08:53 Hmm?

Eugene 1:08:53 Are you dealing with yourself?

Dulce Sloan 1:08:54 What do you mean?

Eugene 1:08:55 Like you're saying, if, if you're saying you're dealing with the men that are ...

Dulce Sloan 1:09:00 I'm ta- I'm, so the men that are attracted to me.

Eugene 1:09:03 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:09:03 And more times as opposed to, "Oh, I like a man, I think he's attractive."

Eugene 1:09:06 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:09:07 Nine times out of 10, that man doesn't think I'm attractive, so he doesn't talk to me. So a lot of times I'm dealing with men who come to me first.

Eugene 1:09:14 Okay.

Dulce Sloan 1:09:14 And then it's just like, "Okay, well, this is where I'm at." It's, these are the men that are attracted to me.

Eugene 1:09:17 Oh, you are their option, they're not your option.

Dulce Sloan 1:09:19 Right.

Eugene 1:09:20 Got it.

Dulce Sloan 1:09:20 So it's just like, well, and then I had to go, "Well, you can't keep entertaining these dummies," because it's, there is the consistency of the men are, that are coming to you.

Eugene 1:09:31 Versus what ...

Dulce Sloan 1:09:32 Versus the men that I want to be with. So, or the men I just wanna talk to. So the men that are coming to me are the men that aren't, the men that aren't ... They just have jobs, they don't have careers, right? It's just they're just doing a thing, and so they're just surviving every day. And so you see me, you're like, "Well, at least there's food at the house. I know that much," right? "So she's got a place to stay. She got food at the house. I'ma deal with her." So I seem to catch men that are in their struggle.

Eugene 1:10:01 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:10:01 And so you came to me because you need a head to lie on, or you need a place to stay. You can't stay with me like that. I'm not gonna feed you like that. Because the thing is, I'm, so we always think about the, 'cause I always remember this from, like, growing up, is like, there's always the term equally yoked, right?

Eugene 1:10:17 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:10:17 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:10:18 And so I think about that in a lot of different ways, as in, like, if you can't understand, if you can't understand where I'm coming from on a regular basis, as in you don't understand the words that I'm saying. So the, so in my book, I talk about an ex that I had. Best boyfriend I ever had, but he grew up very poor. And so I remember telling him about, like, we had gone on vacation one time as a kid, when I was like a teenager or something. My mom, I brought a friend. You know, we all were hanging out. And so he was like, "Oh, you trying to shine on me." I was like, "I'm not trying to shine on you." Basically trying to say I'm trying to brag.

Trevor Noah 1:10:54 Right.

Eugene 1:10:54 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:10:55 And I was like, "I'm not shining on you. I'm, you asked me about something about me being a kid." Like, like, va- va- he asked me about something that was an experience as a kid.

Trevor Noah 1:11:02 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:11:02 And I was like, "Oh, my mom took us on vacation." And so he thought I was bragging.

Trevor Noah 1:11:06 About going on vacation.

Dulce Sloan 1:11:07 And I was just like, "We were staying at a Days Inn in Savannah. We didn't go to Europe. We were still in the same state. What are you talking about?" But, and he also asked me one day what an aquarium was, 'cause I went to the aquarium for my birthday, and he asked me what an aquarium was, and I went, "What?" And he's like, "Is it a museum?" And I was like, "Yeah, for fish. Let me call you back." 'Cause he was inherently not wrong. An aquarium is a museum. But I still had to call him back.

Eugene 1:11:36 More like a zoo. But-

Dulce Sloan 1:11:38 But what I'm say- so I had to go, "I have sex with this man."

Eugene 1:11:40 Wait, hold, so it's-

Dulce Sloan 1:11:41 And that's why I had to stop. So it's like things-

Eugene 1:11:43 Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.

Dulce Sloan 1:11:43 No.

Eugene 1:11:43 I wanna know.

Trevor Noah 1:11:44 Wait, wait.

Eugene 1:11:44 You go, ask your question first.

Trevor Noah 1:11:45 Okay. Sorry, I don't wanna disturb. But my thi- 'cause I found what you said very interesting. So if the men, correct me if I'm wrong-

Dulce Sloan 1:11:51 It's a zoo.

Trevor Noah 1:11:52 [laughs] If the men that are attracted to you look at you as a soft place to land, right?

Dulce Sloan 1:12:00 Yes. If you are flailing, ugh.

Trevor Noah 1:12:03 Right. So if you, if you want a very successful man, and you're an artist, do you think sometimes they think that of you? Like, if a, if, if there's a banker or a successful lawyer goes, "You're a comedian. What if your things are not popping, and I'm doing very well? Are you looking at me as a way-

Eugene 1:12:18 Oh, damn

Trevor Noah 1:12:18 ... out of your situation?"

Dulce Sloan 1:12:20 They need to Google me.

Trevor Noah 1:12:21 No, but that's a, you know, that's an interesting, it's an interesting point.

Dulce Sloan 1:12:24 But, but it, but-

Trevor Noah 1:12:24 Because, because you, it, it brings up the conundrum of life, right?

Dulce Sloan 1:12:28 Right, but you-

Trevor Noah 1:12:28 And that, and that conundrum is that, is that the arrows are often pointing ... You know, I remember once seeing a motivational speaker, you know. And you know, they, sometimes they have, like, very cheesy gimmicks they play on the audience, but sometimes it, it, it really sticks with you. And there's this one motivational speaker, and we're in an audience, and he was talking about love. And he went-

Dulce Sloan 1:12:45 What his teeth look like?

Trevor Noah 1:12:46 And he ... Say again?

Dulce Sloan 1:12:46 What his teeth look like?

Trevor Noah 1:12:47 His teeth were perfect. Flawless.

Dulce Sloan 1:12:48 Of course they were. Go on. Go ahead.

Trevor Noah 1:12:49 So he was talking about love, and then, um, talking about being chosen. And then he said, "You know what I want? I want everyone to turn to the person on their left and notice something about their face." And so everyone in the audience turned to their left, and then he's like, "Okay, now everyone face the front." And he's like, "Raise your hand if you r- you know the details of their face." And then no one could raise their hand, because everyone was looking at the back of somebody else's head.

Dulce Sloan 1:13:13 Hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:13:13 And he said That's like the paradox and the

Trevor Noah 1:13:16 conundrum of life and being chosen sometimes, is that everyone is trying to see this person's face. The person behind them is trying to see their face. The person behind them is trying to see their face. The person be- do you know what I mean? And so now, like, what Eugene is saying is interesting because it's like I know that I've experienced that, now way less obviously. But I remember when I was starting in comedy, I would be on a date and someone would go, "So, what do you do?" And I'd go like, "Oh, I'm a comedian." And they're like, "No, no, but what do you, like... Like, what are you gonna, like, do?"

Eugene 1:13:46 But what you're missing-

Trevor Noah 1:13:47 Like, what do- like, what are you gonna... No, no, I, I'm just saying, like, it was interesting. It would be like, "What are you gonna, like, do do?"

Eugene 1:13:50 What do you do? [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:13:50 No, like, for like, but like, like, f- like, when you-

Eugene 1:13:53 Yes

Trevor Noah 1:13:53 ... you could... They almost wanted to say, "What are you gonna do when you grow up, though?"

Eugene 1:13:57 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:13:57 Right. But what-

Trevor Noah 1:13:58 Like, when you become an adult, what are you gonna do?

Dulce Sloan 1:13:59 But you have to remember, I'm a woman, so no one is looking for me to do that thing. No one asks women. That's the thing, and this is, so you have to remember.

Trevor Noah 1:14:10 No, he's not saying... No, no, he's not saying that, so this, this what-

Dulce Sloan 1:14:11 No, no, no, no.

Trevor Noah 1:14:12 No.

Dulce Sloan 1:14:12 I'm saying what, so he's talking about, like, a banker or something-

Trevor Noah 1:14:14 Yeah, yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:14:14 ... worried about that.

Trevor Noah 1:14:16 Right.

Dulce Sloan 1:14:16 But you have to also remember is that men inherently aren't, they do not have to a- men aren't running around looking for, "I need a successful woman."

Trevor Noah 1:14:29 I think that's-

Dulce Sloan 1:14:30 No, no, no, no, no, no

Trevor Noah 1:14:30 ... I think that's where you may be wrong. I'll tell you.

Dulce Sloan 1:14:31 I'm not saying-

Trevor Noah 1:14:32 No, no.

Dulce Sloan 1:14:32 Let me finish.

Trevor Noah 1:14:33 No, no, let me speak for some men.

Dulce Sloan 1:14:34 Okay.

Trevor Noah 1:14:34 I'll speak for some. Wait, wait, let me say this.

Dulce Sloan 1:14:36 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:14:36 I'll speak for some men. I think there's a misconception that is often spread amongst people where they go, "Men don't care. Men don't look at that. Men don't-"

Dulce Sloan 1:14:44 No, that's the biggest lie that we've been told-

Trevor Noah 1:14:45 No, no, but-

Dulce Sloan 1:14:46 ... is that men don't care.

Trevor Noah 1:14:46 Yeah, but what I'm saying is, I think, this is what Eugene is saying. It is, it is, if you listen to the kernel of it, it's really interesting, is like it's we take for granted that we ourselves are the most stable thing in our lives often.

Dulce Sloan 1:14:59 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:15:00 And then we are presented with somebody who we feel brings instability into our lives. But then we are still thrown by somebody else when they treat us like we are the instability that could potentially come into their life.

Dulce Sloan 1:15:11 Oh, I'm-

Trevor Noah 1:15:12 That's, that's, that's what he's saying is like, you know?

Dulce Sloan 1:15:13 No, no, no, I understand that, but what I'm saying is like, I've never had, I've never been in a situation-

Trevor Noah 1:15:19 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:15:19 ... where a man has been worried about what I do for a living, that he's worried that I'm going to bring him financial instability.

Trevor Noah 1:15:28 Might not be financial.

Dulce Sloan 1:15:29 He's been worried about that I would bring him emotional instability. That's been the biggest where it's just like, "Well, I need a woman to be my peace," but you terrorizing bitches on a daily basis.

Trevor Noah 1:15:39 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:15:39 You ain't nobody's peace. There's always some, "I need a woman to be my peace. I need a woman to be ride or die." First of all, I just met you. I'm not going nowhere, and I'm certainly not going to perish for your needs. So, it's because, and so that's when I think about the fact that o- 'cause like, like I said, I've met more men worried about a gold digger-

Trevor Noah 1:15:57 Yes

Dulce Sloan 1:15:57 ... than I've met worried about where... 'Cause I've met men that's like, "Oh, I don't worry about a woman debts." I'm like, "Once you find out [laughs] what I do." 'Cause a man in Atlanta was trying to holler at me when my mom were out, and he was like, "Well, you know, I'm doing this, I'm doing that." And I was like, "Great." And my mother's like, "Oh, well..." He's like, well, my mother was trying to talk to him. He's like, "Oh, I don't care what she does." And I was like, "You will when you find out what I do," because I am, I travel a lot for work. I'm successful. 'Cause a lot of the issues that I've had, it's the traveling for work, and I'm in a male-dominated industry.

Trevor Noah 1:16:27 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 1:16:28 And so, and I said to one of friends the other day, "If you're a dirt bag individual, you think other people are doing dirt bag shit."

Trevor Noah 1:16:35 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 1:16:36 Right?

Trevor Noah 1:16:36 Okay.

Dulce Sloan 1:16:37 So, since I'm not a dirt bag-

Trevor Noah 1:16:38 Or if you've been dirt bagged.

Dulce Sloan 1:16:40 Or if you've been dirt bagged.

Trevor Noah 1:16:40 I think we always have to include that.

Dulce Sloan 1:16:42 So, if you've been, like, it's like, so one of my friends, like, you know-

Trevor Noah 1:16:44 'Cause if you are a dirt bag-

Dulce Sloan 1:16:45 Yes

Trevor Noah 1:16:45 ... you will constantly think that people are doing the same thing as you.

Dulce Sloan 1:16:48 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:16:48 But also, if you've been dirt bagged-

Dulce Sloan 1:16:50 Yes

Trevor Noah 1:16:50 ... people also, 'cause, like, you've been dirt bagged, so you're like, I... So, we should also always include that, I think.

Dulce Sloan 1:16:54 I've been dirt bagged. I've been sandbagged.

Trevor Noah 1:16:56 Right, right.

Dulce Sloan 1:16:56 I've been fucking, uh, quicksand-ed.

Trevor Noah 1:16:58 Bruce bagged

Dulce Sloan 1:16:58 ... all of that.

Trevor Noah 1:16:58 T-bagged.

Dulce Sloan 1:17:00 Let's... I'm a Christian.

Trevor Noah 1:17:01 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:17:01 So, for me [laughs] let me just calm down.

Trevor Noah 1:17:06 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:17:06 Um, so I have, but it's, like, traveling for work.

Trevor Noah 1:17:11 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:17:11 Or it's-

Trevor Noah 1:17:11 Yes

Dulce Sloan 1:17:12 ... if I tell a man what I do, you're either challenged by it, 'cause you're just like, "Oh, you're funny."

Trevor Noah 1:17:17 But I'm saying, do, do you hear even in your... You're making a, like a full-on-

Dulce Sloan 1:17:20 I'm not say- I'm only talking about my experiences.

Trevor Noah 1:17:22 That, but that's-

Dulce Sloan 1:17:22 I don't expect-

Trevor Noah 1:17:23 But that's, that's what I'm saying

Dulce Sloan 1:17:23 ... but that's all I can do is go off of experience.

Trevor Noah 1:17:25 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 1:17:25 So, I have, so if I, so I'm not saying that I haven't met men who weren't interested, or was like, "Oh, that's really great."

Trevor Noah 1:17:30 Yeah, yeah, right.

Dulce Sloan 1:17:31 "You've been fi-"

Trevor Noah 1:17:31 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:17:31 So, I'm not saying that I haven't met men who haven't been intrigued by it-

Trevor Noah 1:17:37 Right

Dulce Sloan 1:17:37 ... or haven't been impressed by it, or haven't thought that was interesting. I have, but things did not progress with that person.

Trevor Noah 1:17:46 Right, right, right.

Dulce Sloan 1:17:47 And sometimes, and so it's like, "Oh, this is great," and it's like, "Oh, but you're gone a lot." Well, yeah, that's how I... But I work. So now, it's from wh- it's like I'm not trying to be inflexible. I'm just trying to understand.

Trevor Noah 1:17:58 Yeah. No, I'm with you.

Dulce Sloan 1:17:58 In the same way of just, like, I need Santa because here's my thing. What's the fix? I travel a lot.

Trevor Noah 1:18:05 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:18:06 So, doesn't it make sense, if we're trying to be together, what if you... Okay, I'm gonna be in, I'm go-, I'm gone twice a month, right?

Trevor Noah 1:18:16 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:18:17 I'm going to Iowa and I'm going to Seattle. What if you came to Iowa or Seattle, right? I'm not trying to be inflexible.

Trevor Noah 1:18:24 No, I know.

Dulce Sloan 1:18:24 I'm trying to help.

Trevor Noah 1:18:25 I know. I said this to you, Gene, the other day. Do you remember we were in the car? We were in Johannesburg, and I said to you, I don't even know what brought it up, but I said to you, I said-

Dulce Sloan 1:18:32 Oh, also, I didn't forget you told me you're gonna take me to South Africa. I didn't forget. You, you change the subject. You can do what you want. This is your podcast.

Trevor Noah 1:18:37 I said-

Dulce Sloan 1:18:38 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:18:38 I said to you, "Gene, as much as I love what I do,"

Dulce Sloan 1:18:41 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:18:42 Said, "and as much as we love comedy and all these things," I said, "man, do you ever think about how wonderful it is for some people that their jobs don't require them to leave constantly?" Right?

Dulce Sloan 1:18:53 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:18:54 And we were speaking about this, and I, we, talking to Roy about it, and I remember saying one day, someone was shocked. They said to me, and I, I'm glad that this has diminished over time. But I remember someone once being shocked, saying like, "Man, a lot of comedians commit suicide." Right? They'd be like, "You know, there's, like, an outsized number of comedians who commit suicide," if you look at, like, per industry.

Dulce Sloan 1:19:12 I can say-

Trevor Noah 1:19:12 Okay

Dulce Sloan 1:19:12 ... in the summer of 2022, it was, like, a lot at the same time.

Trevor Noah 1:19:16 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:19:16 I don't know what happened, but it was.

Trevor Noah 1:19:17 No, but, but this is, like, constant.

Dulce Sloan 1:19:18 Or just dying.

Trevor Noah 1:19:19 But then, but then I said to a friend, I was like, "Yeah, I-" I, I get what you mean about, like, you know, a lot of comedians commit suicide, and I think there's many factors that probably contribute to that.

Dulce Sloan 1:19:27 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:19:28 But one of the glaring parts that sticks out to me is how and where. Is like, everyone would focus on that, the fact that they committed suicide.

Dulce Sloan 1:19:36 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 1:19:37 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:19:37 I would focus on the fact that they're always a h- alone in a hotel room.

Dulce Sloan 1:19:39 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 1:19:40 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:19:41 It was always, like, alone in a hotel room in a random place.

Dulce Sloan 1:19:44 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:19:45 And very seldom, not never, obviously, but very seldom did I read a story of a comedian committing suicide-

Eugene 1:19:51 In a happy home

Trevor Noah 1:19:51 ... at home with their friends, with their family, with their... And in that one moment, I realized how insidious isolation is.

Dulce Sloan 1:20:00 Yes.

Trevor Noah 1:20:01 And I think what you're talking about, which I think many people can relate to, is the isolation that we might experience for a variety of reasons.

Eugene 1:20:10 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:20:11 Because I'll tell you now, as somebody who's experienced it, fame is one of the most isolating-

Dulce Sloan 1:20:16 Yes

Trevor Noah 1:20:16 ... experiences a human can have.

Dulce Sloan 1:20:18 Absolutely.

Trevor Noah 1:20:18 Right? And I didn't think of it as isolating, because you go, people go, "Everyone knows you." You're like, "Yes, that is isolating in a strange way."

Dulce Sloan 1:20:24 And ano- everyone knows, everyone knows of you.

Trevor Noah 1:20:26 Yes.

Dulce Sloan 1:20:27 They don't know you.

Trevor Noah 1:20:27 Exactly. But that's what I mean, it's isolating. Because everyone else gets to walk into a room-

Eugene 1:20:32 Mm

Trevor Noah 1:20:32 ... and not be known and write their story. You walk into a room, people have an assumption of you. That's isolating.

Dulce Sloan 1:20:37 Mm.

Eugene 1:20:37 They have an edited story, yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:20:38 Exactly.

Eugene 1:20:38 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:20:39 Now, some-

Dulce Sloan 1:20:39 And a story. Perfect

Trevor Noah 1:20:40 ... and I'm not saying it, like, as a woe is me thing.

Dulce Sloan 1:20:42 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:20:42 I'm just saying isolation is an interesting concept to understand.

Dulce Sloan 1:20:45 Because every, 'cause now every interaction, 'cause one of my friends, she was saying to me, she's like, "Well, when you, when I first met you, I didn't like you." And I was like, "Okay, I don't know why people tell me these things. L- we're friends now. Why are you telling me this?" She's like, "Well, when you first met me, you know, you weren't excited to meet me." I said, "Why would I be excited to meet you?"

Trevor Noah 1:21:02 I don't know you.

Dulce Sloan 1:21:03 I don't know you. You, she's like, "My mom had the Essence magazine with you in it." I was like, "Yeah, you know me. I don't know you."

Trevor Noah 1:21:11 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:21:12 You're excited to meet me. Of course I wasn't excited to meet you. I don't know you. I'm not excited to meet strangers even before this.

Trevor Noah 1:21:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:21:20 Because you're like, you don't, I, you're a stranger. I don't know you, right? So it's, and I had this conversation when, like, when you left the show and they were looking for a new host, right? And you don't know this, but as soon as this came out, I went in f- I went in Flan's office. I was like, "Not me. No, thank you. Mm-mm. I know I'm probably not in the running. Don't even ask me. I don't want this. I don't want it. I don't want it. I don't want it." And if I said that to any... "Well, w- w- do you wanna do that?" I was like, "No." Every comic I'm talking about would argue me down. "I can't believe you don't want this, and badada da da da da." And I was like, "This is like, it's a great opportunity." And I said, "For you, because you don't know the logistics of this thing. You don't understand how this works." I don't want... Then one of my friends asked me, and one of them was really pushing me, and I had to go, "I don't wanna spend my career asking other people what they're doing with their careers."

Trevor Noah 1:22:14 Damn.

Eugene 1:22:15 Mm.

Dulce Sloan 1:22:16 That's why I don't want that job. I don't wanna sit at a desk every day and go, "So what are you doing?" 'Cause that's, because when I, 'cause I told you, when we got to my first hosting week, when a week went to the, when I did that camera turn going from act two to act three, I said, "Never fucking, never, never."

Trevor Noah 1:22:32 But that's the part of it that you felt the most... I mean, that's like five minutes in the show.

Dulce Sloan 1:22:37 No, no, no. What I'm saying is that it was just, it was confirmation.

Trevor Noah 1:22:40 Okay. So for you, that's, that was the confirmation that it's not for you.

Dulce Sloan 1:22:43 That wasn't, wasn't for me.

Trevor Noah 1:22:44 Completely with you.

Dulce Sloan 1:22:45 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:22:45 Completely with you.

Dulce Sloan 1:22:45 And I'm just like, oh, this is...

Trevor Noah 1:22:48 Right.

Dulce Sloan 1:22:48 'Cause that's why I couldn't do factory work, because it's a repetitive thing.

Trevor Noah 1:22:51 Let me-

Dulce Sloan 1:22:51 And so I was like, I'm gonna be sitting here forever asking people, "All right, Orlando Bloom, what's this next movie? All right, Lupita, what's this new book?"

Trevor Noah 1:22:56 Let me, let me ask you a question.

Dulce Sloan 1:22:58 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:22:58 Let me ask you a question. 'Cause I, I, I'm noticing something about, you know, like reading the stories in your book.

Dulce Sloan 1:23:04 You read the whole book?

Trevor Noah 1:23:05 When you would fight with the teachers.

Dulce Sloan 1:23:06 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:23:07 Reading the stories about, like, you know, your mom joining the school and then having to, like, discipline you from inside the school.

Dulce Sloan 1:23:13 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:23:13 And then-

Dulce Sloan 1:23:13 She whooped my ass at that school. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:23:14 Yeah. And then, and then, and then you fighting and, like, the jobs that you would go and have afterwards.

Dulce Sloan 1:23:18 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:23:18 And, like, I, it fi- it, it, I found myself asking the question. I was like... 'Cause now even when you're saying, like at The Daily Show, it wasn't your piece, I'd love to know, like, where has your peace been? Where do you find you've, like... Is, is this, i- is there even a moment or a sliver where you go, like, "This is, this is it. This thing that I tap into is my peace"?

Dulce Sloan 1:23:36 So I have a craft room.

Trevor Noah 1:23:38 Crafts.

Dulce Sloan 1:23:39 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:23:39 You had a, that was, like, your first Facebook post ever was selling crafts.

Dulce Sloan 1:23:43 Mm-hmm. I, uh... Oh, you was digging deep. Um, I... So I've been working since I was nine years old, right? So-

Trevor Noah 1:23:52 You've been working since you were nine years old?

Dulce Sloan 1:23:54 Mm-hmm. So you read that in the book. So I've been working since I was nine, and I, everything had to become a business, right?

Trevor Noah 1:24:06 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:24:06 So, like, the craft thing was like, I enjoy this, 'cause my mom would always get me little crafty things. And so it was, like, making little paper beads or making little hair bows and stuff like that. I've always been, like, a maker, 'cause I like... Like, that was, like, I was talking about my friends about, like, British Baking Show. And I like, I think, and I like that show because it's... You know, sometimes you watch cooking shows, it makes you hungry?

Trevor Noah 1:24:27 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:24:28 That's why my mom-

Trevor Noah 1:24:28 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:24:28 ... doesn't watch them. I never, first of all, I don't get hungry watching those shows, but especially that show because it's literally about the technicality of making a thing.

Trevor Noah 1:24:36 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:24:36 As opposed to there's a finished product, but it's about the technicality of everything, right? And so when it comes to crafting, it's like I... So for instance, Coloring Talk hopped up on my TikTok, and so now I've gotten in, like, coloring books, right? And I say adult coloring books, and then people think I'm coloring adult stuff. No, no, no, no, no. There's a bear going to get coffee. You see what I mean? [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:25:00 [laughs] From a man.

Dulce Sloan 1:25:01 No.

Trevor Noah 1:25:01 That's a, that's an industry that is waiting to be tapped.

Dulce Sloan 1:25:04 Oh, no, no, no. They've got those books too.

Trevor Noah 1:25:05 That's an industry... Wait, they are?

Dulce Sloan 1:25:07 Oh, there's all kind of nasty-

Trevor Noah 1:25:08 Oh

Dulce Sloan 1:25:08 ... little books. There's a-

Eugene 1:25:09 Oh, adult coloring books.

Dulce Sloan 1:25:10 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:25:11 Like adult coloring books?

Dulce Sloan 1:25:12 Yes.

Trevor Noah 1:25:12 Oh.

Dulce Sloan 1:25:12 There's ones you can color in curse words.

Trevor Noah 1:25:14 Wow.

Dulce Sloan 1:25:14 You can color in titties.

Trevor Noah 1:25:15 But you only need, like, what? Four colored crayons, and then you're done?

Dulce Sloan 1:25:18 Listen, dep-

Eugene 1:25:18 Four?

Trevor Noah 1:25:18 How many colors do you need?

Eugene 1:25:19 I know. I was asking.

Trevor Noah 1:25:20 Okay.

Dulce Sloan 1:25:21 I mean, listen, that's why I don't like porn with white people, 'cause everything's pink. So I don't know who starts or finishes.

Eugene 1:25:26 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:25:26 I don't know who's where. Everything's pink. I don't want it. So I have, like, my craft room.

Trevor Noah 1:25:34 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:25:34 Right? And so my house in LA, there's three bedrooms upstairs, and one of those me and my mom share a craft room, right? And so this place of, like, it's ... I need to be able to have a thing that makes sense. And then the other place of peace I think I sometimes have is on stage, depending [laughs] on the show.

Trevor Noah 1:25:56 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:25:57 But it's where, like, I understand, I understand everything that's happening right now. I understand what I'm saying. I understand what the reactions are. I understand how people are gonna take me in. I understand that, like, no one's going to misunderstand me. No one's going to judge me. It's like I can under- I, I know what I'm doing.

Trevor Noah 1:26:18 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:26:19 And I know what the reactions are going to be. So, like, while I'm performing, great. After a show, ugh. Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's like, "What did you hear? Why are you asking me these things," right?

Trevor Noah 1:26:30 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:26:30 Not Chicken Maurice. So I have [laughs] these moments where it's like I have my peace in that, or it's, like, just sometimes, you know, being at shows sometimes.

Trevor Noah 1:26:42 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:26:42 'Cause it's like I unders- I understand how this works. I understand how this goes. Like, if I'm on set, I understand 'cause there, this is like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. 'Cause when it comes to, like ... 'Cause one of the hardest things for me about relationships, like romantic relationships, is, like, with work I knew the steps to get to what I'm wanting to do.

Trevor Noah 1:27:04 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:27:05 If I need to do something, it's like, okay, I gotta sell more tickets. All right. Fuck, we gotta do this promo 'cause these clubs aren't promoting us like they used to, but you're still charging me for marketing. So it's just like, okay, I have to do this, and I can do this. I know it's ... Some things, even in this industry, is an input in-

Trevor Noah 1:27:19 Yeah, yeah, yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:27:20 ... and input out. I can still understand the steps of this. When it comes to relationships, I feel like somebody gave me Dipsy Cups and string, and we're like, "Okay, now go to the Moon," because I don't have enough experience with successful relationships-

Trevor Noah 1:27:36 Hmm

Dulce Sloan 1:27:37 ... that a lot of times I don't know what I'm doing. And so sometimes I have to be quiet because I also have to stop ... Because I've been in so many bad relationships, that I know what the trigger is. So sometimes I have to stop myself and go, "Hey, hey, hey, that might not be what he's doing. That might not be what he's doing. You need to calm down."

Trevor Noah 1:27:53 But-

Dulce Sloan 1:27:53 "You need to calm-"

Trevor Noah 1:27:54 But I'm, I'm so familiar with it that I-

Dulce Sloan 1:27:55 But I'm so familiar-

Trevor Noah 1:27:56 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:27:56 ... with the ... Because I see the pattern now.

Trevor Noah 1:27:59 Right.

Dulce Sloan 1:27:59 Oh, I haven't heard from this man in five days. What usually happens is this, is like, oh, you've disappeared. You've done this, da, da, da.

Trevor Noah 1:28:06 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:28:07 But if I'm dealing with someone who's communicative, like the last guy I was talking to, he had a family issue. That's why we're not talking anymore.

Trevor Noah 1:28:12 He had a wife?

Dulce Sloan 1:28:13 No. He had a, something happened to his mom.

Trevor Noah 1:28:15 Oh.

Dulce Sloan 1:28:15 Um, and so I hit him up, and I said, "Hey, um, I haven't heard from you in a while, so I just wanna make sure. Is everything okay with your family?"

Trevor Noah 1:28:27 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:28:28 That was my first thing, 'cause something did happen. And I said, "Is everything okay with your family? Or is life just life-ing?"

Trevor Noah 1:28:33 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:28:34 "And if, if so, if you need space or time, just let me know," because I've been in this situation too many times, and no one, and, and, and somebody didn't tell me what happened, right?

Trevor Noah 1:28:45 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:28:45 And he texted me back and goes, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to ignore you or trigger you." And then he was like, "But there's stuff going on with my life right now with my family. I need space and time." Thank you so much. There are so many times I've been in relationships with people where I said, "Hey, I can fully understand that you need space."

Trevor Noah 1:29:02 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:29:03 "Just tell me you need space," and they wouldn't give me that bec- And so then I'm just in a spiral because now I'm sitting up trying to go, "What did I do? What happened? What did I do? What happened?" And a lot of times I have to go, "But I also have to be aware of the fact sometimes this isn't me."

Trevor Noah 1:29:18 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:29:18 But the only thing I have control of is what I did and what I said. So sometimes people have went, "But, but since I have a lack of information-"

Trevor Noah 1:29:27 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:29:27 ... "and the only input of information I have is things that I did, you told me nothing." So now I just have to go, "Okay, well, did I do this, and I do this?" And then you just have to go, "Wait." You do the fuck ... You get to the end. I was like, "I didn't do shit."

Trevor Noah 1:29:39 There's a common thread I see coming from that, and it's, um, it's predictability and control.

Dulce Sloan 1:29:48 Which I don't have.

Trevor Noah 1:29:49 No, no, I'm saying in stand-up and in crafts.

Dulce Sloan 1:29:52 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:29:53 Two worlds where you have direct control and immediate feedback. Like, if you're a comedian-

Dulce Sloan 1:30:00 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 1:30:00 ... and you say something that the audience does not agree with or like, they will instantly let you know.

Dulce Sloan 1:30:04 It's either information or confirmation.

Trevor Noah 1:30:06 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:30:06 The jokes either works-

Trevor Noah 1:30:07 It's instantly-

Dulce Sloan 1:30:07 ... or it doesn't

Trevor Noah 1:30:08 ... they let you know.

Dulce Sloan 1:30:08 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:30:08 So you then know immediately. There's, there's almost no audience out there, maybe in Japan, that's the only time it happened to me, where what they were doing didn't relate to how they were feeling. You know what I mean?

Dulce Sloan 1:30:18 Oh, you've never performed for Black lesbians. They are the hardest audience to perform for.

Trevor Noah 1:30:23 Yeah, I cannot say that I've done a show solely for Black lesbians.

Dulce Sloan 1:30:25 In Atlanta, there was a place called My Sister's Room, and they would do shows there. And every comic would get off stage going, "You can't crack them." [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:30:33 So wait. So let me go back to what I was saying.

Dulce Sloan 1:30:34 And then they get off stage and go, "You had a great set." And we were like, "Tell your face, ma'am." [upbeat music]

Trevor Noah 1:30:40 Don't press anything. We've got more What Now? After this. You know, Eugene, I don't know about you, man, but sometimes planning a romantic evening is one of the most stressful things 'cause there's that specific type of performance art that comes with a romantic night out, you know? It's like you're sitting in a restaurant, and you realize you've just paid a premium to have a room of strangers watch you eat bread while you try and have a private conversation. It's exhausting. You know what I mean?

Dulce Sloan 1:31:10 It is.

Trevor Noah 1:31:11 But I realized recently, if you wanna skip the theater and the crowds, Whole Foods Market is the place to plan the perfect indulgent and romantic evening at home. Picture this. You see, you skip the extra trip to the flower shop, and instead- You explore the Whole Foods Market floral department, full of gorgeous quality flowers with large blooms, vibrant colors, and strong stems. Bunches, bouquets, and even vase arrangements are available. Ooh, why stop there? We can also skip the dinner reservation, start our sizzling hot evening in the kitchen, just us. We could serve a surf and turf made with quality no-antibiotic-ever steaks, plus seafood that must be sustainable, wild-caught, or responsibly farmed. We'll then pair that dinner with a bottle of wine from the incredibly in-depth Whole Foods Market selection. Say cheers with a sparkling rosé or choose ready-to-drink cocktails. Mm, mm, mm. [laughs] [clears throat] Yeah. Must be 21 or older. Please drink responsibly. Taste the love all month at Whole Foods Market. By the way, that wasn't our date.

Eugene 1:32:40 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:32:40 I just got carried away-

Eugene 1:32:41 Yeah

Trevor Noah 1:32:41 ... and then your hand was there, and then ...

Eugene 1:32:43 I totally understand, but, you know, like they say, there's no free dinners, clearly.

Trevor Noah 1:32:48 No, you don't owe me anything, Eugene.

Eugene 1:32:50 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:32:50 We, we, we didn't even have the dinner.

Eugene 1:32:51 I'm 41.

Trevor Noah 1:32:57 This episode is brought to you by our friends at SurveyMonkey. You know, Eugene, I don't know if you've ever thought of starting a business, but every time I think about people who start businesses, I'm like, man, you need a specific kind of bravery, and by bravery, I mean terrifying uncertainty. Because think about it. Right now, everywhere in the world, there are people making massive life-altering decisions based entirely on a vibe, just a feeling in their gut.

Eugene 1:33:22 That was me when joining the podcast.

Trevor Noah 1:33:24 You know what I mean?

Eugene 1:33:24 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:33:24 But what if you actually knew the truth when you started a business? What if you knew your direct reports weren't just nodding along but actually had thoughts that they were too polite to tell you?

Eugene 1:33:33 Hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:33:33 Or what if you knew that your best customers were already halfway out the door to a competitor? Because let's face it, we like to say follow your heart, but in business, ignorance is a very expensive hobby. The good news, Eugene, is that SurveyMonkey takes the fear out of asking and the doubt out of deciding. It's the difference between walking into a meeting with a hunch and walking in with 500 validated opinions, which mathematically is better for your blood pressure. The truth might hurt for a second, but it's cheaper than being wrong. So let's get you a survey and some actual answers. Sign up for an annual plan at surveymonkey.com/whatnow and use the code WHATNOW for two months free. That's two months free with code WHATNOW at surveymonkey.com/whatnow. You have any questions?

Eugene 1:34:18 Is it too late for me to run a survey about who doesn't like you in the podcast?

Trevor Noah 1:34:22 What do you mean who doesn't like y- you? Like, like me?

Eugene 1:34:25 Like you, yes. Specifically the person in front of me.

Trevor Noah 1:34:28 I think surveys are supposed to be anonymous so that people's feelings don't get hurt.

Eugene 1:34:31 But I did type "anonymous" there.

Trevor Noah 1:34:32 Well, I mean, now I'll know that you typed it because ... Do, do you have a problem with the working conditions?

Eugene 1:34:36 I haven't sent it.

Trevor Noah 1:34:37 But you wanna make a survey about-

Eugene 1:34:39 I haven't sent it yet.

Trevor Noah 1:34:41 You can just use the code WHATNOW to get two months free when you do it.

Eugene 1:34:45 Still have two months to complain about you.

Trevor Noah 1:34:48 I feel like this got personal.

Eugene 1:34:50 [upbeat music] Trevor and I have had this conversation so many times before, and we were talking about hobbies.

Trevor Noah 1:35:02 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:35:03 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 1:35:03 And one day he was saying to me, um ... he was asking me why I have so many hobbies, and I've just recently discovered hobbies. I used to think were just things of interest. And I said, one thing I discovered about hobbies and the people that are hobbyists is they're usually good at one thing that they do for a living.

Dulce Sloan 1:35:18 Mm.

Eugene 1:35:18 Surgeons, police, whatever. But a hobby humbles you constantly.

Dulce Sloan 1:35:24 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 1:35:24 Because something that you try, you love it-

Dulce Sloan 1:35:28 Yeah

Eugene 1:35:28 ... but you keep failing at it, and you come back again.

Dulce Sloan 1:35:31 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 1:35:31 You dedicate time to it apart from the thing that you're already good at.

Dulce Sloan 1:35:34 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 1:35:35 So the more time you dedicate to a hobby, the better it becomes and the better you become. And as soon as you master it, you start another hobby, right? So if you're coloring or making beads, once you're done with this bracelet, you'll start another bracelet.

Dulce Sloan 1:35:47 Yeah.

Eugene 1:35:47 You never go, "This is my ultimate bracelet." Well, the conundrum is when you are talented-

Dulce Sloan 1:35:52 Mm

Eugene 1:35:52 ... that's the only bracelet that you'll ever make.

Dulce Sloan 1:35:54 Right.

Eugene 1:35:55 Standing on stage, making people laugh, you get better at it, but it's not like you're gonna go become a famous welder afterwards. So there's this thing that you can-

Dulce Sloan 1:36:03 I can't weld

Eugene 1:36:03 ... [laughs] that you can always go back to. And my thing is, and why I said earlier on, my mission now is to be with someone who can tolerate me.

Dulce Sloan 1:36:11 Mm-hmm.

Eugene 1:36:12 It's because I've realized that the best version of me is the intolerable version of me.

Dulce Sloan 1:36:17 Right.

Eugene 1:36:18 So when I'm doing hobbies, I don't judge myself, I don't criticize myself as much, and I'm not seeking perfection. And why wouldn't I be that version to someone else? And they accept that, and then they can also see that sometimes I'm a comedian who d- who does comedy and stands on stage and overanalyzes. So my thing was, when you present yourself to the partner that you would like to have-

Dulce Sloan 1:36:40 Right

Eugene 1:36:41 ... are you presenting Dulcé who does arts and crafts, or are you presenting Dulcé who overanalyzes and stands on stage and tries to find the punchline to life?

Dulce Sloan 1:36:51 All of it. Because if you're gonna be with me, there's ... That's why it's like there's no ... Anything less than that is a performance, so it doesn't behoove or benefit me to be performing for, for people in my personal life-

Eugene 1:37:07 Yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:37:07 ... because then I never get to be myself, right? Like, you know, I told you I went through that friend breakup, and the thing that was so hard about that was, like, being with him, I got to be a woman. So I didn't get to be ... I mean, I got to be soft, and I got to get taken care of, and I got to kinda like just-

Trevor Noah 1:37:31 Hmm

Dulce Sloan 1:37:32 You see what I'm saying?

Trevor Noah 1:37:33 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:37:33 'Cause, like, other openers I would bring with me, I'm taking care of this person while I'm taking care ... So it's like, okay, now we're doing this. Now I'm going this. Okay, we gotta get a rental car. We gotta do that. And the benefit of him was I didn't have to... It's, "Okay, what's the itinerary?" And it's like, oh, you're... 'Cause I don't have a tour manager, right? So it's like, it's the benefit of, as a, as a person, it's someone is making sure we're doing this and making sure we're doing that. "Oh, you're hungry. Let's find somewhere with something to eat. Let's do all of these things," right? And so I said to him, I was like, "I get to be a woman around you. I get to be soft." 'Cause, like, if you talk to, like, especially, like, older women, and it's just like every day before her husband, she had to go do this and do that. And, like, you have to, you were constantly performing. You constantly were doing things for this person's benefit, and it wasn't mutual. It wasn't, it wasn't y'all taking care of each other. Because when I've, I, you know, dated men, it's just like, you know, "Well, what do you want?" It's like, why does someone take care of me? "Oh, well, you want to try and take all my money." That's the only care that you know.

Trevor Noah 1:38:36 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:38:37 Is financial. You're not thinking about emotional. You're not thinking about f- that's only thing, so I've said this to pe- it's like, oh, you only think money. And a lot of times, people only think about care, they think about money. But if we've taught men that most of our sit- but it's transactional with people. That's what we teach men, that love is transactional. We teach women that love is emotional. We treat men that love is transactional. You have to give things to be loved. Women, it's like you have to be quiet and let this man do these things, and you have to accept whatever he does, even if you don't like it. I didn't like this ring. I didn't like what he said to me. I didn't do any of these things. But if you want to be with somebody, you have to accept these things. And so I don't wanna be in a situation where I can't tell you how I feel, or I can't tell you what's going on with me, that I can't pray with you. 'Cause people ask me, "Well, do you have to be a Christian?" I just did the Daniel Fast. I just did a religious fast for 21 days from the Old Testament. If my husband does not understand what I am doing, if my husband cannot do it with me, my mom is also fasting at the same time. My house is fasting. If he does not understand my faith, he doesn't understand me as a person. He doesn't understand what I do, he doesn't understand me as a person. So I don't understand if this person I'm trying to build a life with, 'cause that's the thing. You're always going to, like, 'cause I had changes in my faith. I didn't do the fast last year 'cause I was mad at God. So I was like, I can't be in this place anymore, 'cause if I'm mad at God, I'm mad at everything that exists in the world.

Trevor Noah 1:40:01 Mm.

Dulce Sloan 1:40:01 So I have to then... But I was mad at God 'cause I was mad at myself, and so I had to find forgiveness for myself. In a crazy way, it's like I had to forgive God in my mind for me being in the position that I'm in. 'Cause for some reason, I'm here. And I don't know what that is, 'cause I don't contr- I don't know what God does. I don't know where

Dulce Sloan 1:40:19 they are at. But I at least have to accept, as a person of faith, all I can do is go out and do standup, leave my house, and just hope that the work that I'm doing benefits in the way that I want it to. 'Cause you don't know what God's plan is. All you know is you go outside your house, hope you don't die, and maybe what you want and what God's plan is matches up somehow. But I can't li- I don't lie to my friends. I'm who I am with my friends. I don't know why I wouldn't be that with my... I'm gonna spend more time with th- he's gonna be in my bed every night. I can't lie to this man. It's exhausting. I'm already tired. I was in six cities in a week, and I'm supposed to come home and be like, "All right. Let me go lie to this nigga." Who wants to do that? That's cra- I just, and so I don't want to... Also, it's like I'm not trying to change nobody. You can't change a person. Well, I, 'cause I, I've heard people say that, "Well, I met him, but I can just change him." Bitch, do you know how successful you can be in your life if you didn't spend all your time trying to change somebody else? Do you know what you could possibly be doing? That's why I always talk about, like, like, truly crazy people are never successful. They're too busy being crazy. People who are obsessed, 'cause I realized one point, I was like, oh, I think I'm addicted to people. When I was younger, in my 20s, I was addicted to people because I didn't want to think about myself. So it was always thinking about oth- what my friends were doing, and were they okay, and how were they, and ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Because when you stop thinking about other people, you can think about yourself. But we've been told as women, thinking about yourself is selfish. So I had to figure out, oh, it's okay for me to think about me. Oh, it's okay for me to worry about me. I had to learn about self-care. 'Cause we grew up, you get your nails done, you get your hair done. Bitch, that's self-care. No one's talking about my emotional whole affair at all. My hair is done and my nails are done. Bitch, you're fine. So all of these things you have to learn as a person, 'cause I realized if I had gotten married before I went to therapy, I would be divorced. Definitely. 'Cause anybody I would've married before I went to therapy would not have been a healthy relationship, no matter who it was, because I was not in a good place, and I didn't care about myself the right way, and I didn't think about myself the right way. So I would've married somebody who was at the point of where I was in my life.

Trevor Noah 1:42:23 Mm.

Dulce Sloan 1:42:23 And that was not a good place. So he was either going to treat me the way I treated me, which isn't good, 'cause I had a friend tell me one day, "If, if somebody spoke to you the way you spoke to you, I would fight that person."

Trevor Noah 1:42:36 So l- let me ask you this then, as, as, as we leave you. I've heard you talk about happiness.

Dulce Sloan 1:42:42 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:42:42 I've heard you talk about peace, your vision for your life, et cetera. If someone was to wave a, a magic wand and give you exactly what you wanted, what do you think that would look like tomorrow? I'll, I'll... That's the first part of the question. What would that look like tomorrow?

Dulce Sloan 1:43:04 First of all, I'm a bad bitch. I'm playing. I'm already a bad bitch. Um, one, I want my first love with my mom. Uh, if you wave the wand tomorrow, I am married, happily married with someone who understands me.

Trevor Noah 1:43:31 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:43:31 I have children. Uh, three. Um- My brother is better. My mom is married. Uh, I'm in a house that accommodates everybody. And I have... 'Cause I don't think this, it's not that the situation gives me peace, it's that I have a place of, I don't have that sadness in me anymore. I think that's the wand. It's like I have the things. It's, 'cause this is what I think about all day is what I don't have.

Trevor Noah 1:44:23 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:44:24 And it's so, and me taking care of everyone else. And so I think if a wand is waved, it's I have a partner who can help me take care of everyone else, and someone that takes care of me, and someone that I can take care of. But it's also, it's like I need help. And I'm past the part of my life where I'm afraid for asking for help. I'm afraid of the part of my life where I don't feel ashamed asking for help. But I think if a wand is waved, I get the help that I need because I'm not... 'Cause the goal is to stop feeling like I'm failing.

Trevor Noah 1:45:08 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:45:08 Is really the goal. To be like, "You did enough. Just because things didn't work out." 'Cause no one's ever told me that I'm failing.

Trevor Noah 1:45:18 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:45:18 My manager tells me all the time, "You're not failing." But I can't-

Trevor Noah 1:45:21 Don't, don't, don't go far. Sorry to interrupt you. Don't-

Dulce Sloan 1:45:22 But I can't shake the feeling. So that's the wand wave.

Trevor Noah 1:45:25 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:45:25 Is that feeling of... 'Cause someone asked me, was like, "Well, how do you know that you made it?" I was like, "I don't, I've never felt like I've made it."

Trevor Noah 1:45:35 Right.

Dulce Sloan 1:45:35 I've never felt like I've made it. 'Cause like, "Oh, you got Daily Show, you made it." I'm like, "This is one job. This is, this-"

Trevor Noah 1:45:41 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:45:41 "Your career is your whole life."

Trevor Noah 1:45:42 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:45:43 So it's, for me, it's like I, the wand is I don't feel like I'm failing anymore, and I have the things that I want to make me feel like I'm not failing. What's the next question?

Trevor Noah 1:45:53 So no, no, no. The, the, the second part of it isn't necessarily a question. It's more, it's more an idea that I hope to leave you with. When, when my production team was asking me, they're like, "So like why, like why Dulcé?" They asked me about everyone to try and understand. They're like, "Why do you want this person on? And why do you want that person on?" I say, "Why Dulcé?" And I said, "Because I've met few people who embody the real idea of heroism than Dulcé."

Dulce Sloan 1:46:26 Me?

Trevor Noah 1:46:27 Oftentimes we are sold heroes as people who have overcome an idea. Oftentimes I get frustrated because we're sold people who have overcome voluntary ideas. "I climbed Mount Everest."

Dulce Sloan 1:46:40 You have done that.

Trevor Noah 1:46:40 "I ran 100 marathons." And I'm like, "Yeah, this is my hero." I'm like, "No, no, no. They, they chose a thing to do." In my opinion, heroes are the people who are not choosing the thing, but have to climb the mountain anyways.

Dulce Sloan 1:46:52 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:46:53 Heroes are people who have to run 100 marathons, but there's no ribbon on the other end. And I won't change it overnight for you emotionally, but I, I genuinely hope you know, and it's something that somebody said to me that, man, it stuck with me and it hit me hard because I think I've experienced it. I think everyone who's gonna listen to this or watch this can at some point acknowledge feeling what you're feeling and sharing with us. It was the feeling of want, the want, and I don't have and I don't... And they said something really, really, really impactful and beauti- And at the time I just, I resisted and I was like, "No." And they said, "My one wish for you in life is that you realize everything you want is everything you already have."

Dulce Sloan 1:47:40 Where is he?

Trevor Noah 1:47:42 And, and I, you know, I, I took it as trite. I took it as like, "Oh, you, whatever, whatever." And you know, you and I have spoken about these things, but I've gone, "You're not wrong. Whoever you are in life, you're not wrong to go, 'I don't have.'"

Dulce Sloan 1:47:59 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:47:59 Because you don't. But you're also wrong if you only think you don't have.

Dulce Sloan 1:48:07 Right.

Trevor Noah 1:48:08 Because we all don't... I've talked to people who have found the love of their life.

Dulce Sloan 1:48:13 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:48:13 And then they died.

Dulce Sloan 1:48:14 That's so hard.

Trevor Noah 1:48:15 And let me tell you something. You think you're lonely because you haven't met the love of your life.

Dulce Sloan 1:48:21 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:48:21 Meet the love of your life and have them leave this earth permanently. And then you'll-

Dulce Sloan 1:48:25 Oh, I think about that all the time

Trevor Noah 1:48:26 No, no, no. And then you'll understand a different type of loneliness and a different type of pain. And I'm not saying this minimizes, 'cause I'm not one of those people who goes, "Other people have it worse or..." I do think perspective is a wonderful thing because it allows us to see parts of ourselves and our lives that we are otherwise unable to see. And the simplest analogy I'll give is Eugene and I have laughed about this for years. We'd always go, "Nothing would make you appreciate your car more than the guy at the car wash driving it away."

Dulce Sloan 1:48:55 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:48:55 You know that feeling-

Dulce Sloan 1:48:56 Mm

Trevor Noah 1:48:56 ... we'd always talk about? You'd have your car. You're used to, uh, this car and it's annoying and, "Eh, I gotta fix this and I gotta..." And then there's a moment where the guy at the car wash would drive it.

Dulce Sloan 1:49:04 Of course. Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:49:05 And you'd look at him in your car and you'd go, "That's my, that's my car."

Dulce Sloan 1:49:09 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:49:10 And there'd be this, and we used to literally laugh about this feeling. And yeah, the, the, the one thing I, I say to you as, as, as we wrap up here is it's like, I think it's like broken down into parts. One is thank you.

Dulce Sloan 1:49:22 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:49:23 Because I, I think you don't realize sometimes that you doing is helping others. It's like e- even on like the smallest level, which I think is a big level, like comedy. Man, let me tell you something. The amount of times people have told me what they came into a comedy show with-

Dulce Sloan 1:49:42 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 1:49:42 ... and how they left a comedy show-

Dulce Sloan 1:49:43 Mm-hmm

Trevor Noah 1:49:44 ... it's changed Like, my perspective on it, you know? I think about it with good food, I think about it with, with anything, you name it. And you doing for your family, you ... Like, I hope, I hope you don't, I hope you don't take for granted that part of it because I know the burden is intensely upon you.

Dulce Sloan 1:50:10 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:50:13 And I hope, genuinely, I just, I hope that the feeling you just felt now is a feeling that you'll constantly be able to dip into-

Dulce Sloan 1:50:21 Mm

Trevor Noah 1:50:21 ... regardless of what does or doesn't come into your life. Because the feeling is all that we're pursuing. That's the thing I've learned, and it's taken me years and years, and I'm not perfect at it, by the way. I still slip.

Dulce Sloan 1:50:32 Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:50:33 But the feeling is the only thing we're pursuing. We feel like we want to be married with kids. We feel like we want to have ki- we feel like we want this job. We feel like we wanna do the ... We feel like we ... And we're not wrong. But the thing is, to your point, we don't know. You've never met that man. I've never met my wife. I've never ... The person might never exist, but you know what does exist? The feeling that we have when we think of them.

Dulce Sloan 1:50:56 Mm-hmm.

Trevor Noah 1:50:57 And so I think that's, like, one part of you that I think you might not be able to see all the time is how optimistic you are, is how much of, like, the lining you're seeing because you want it. To want it is to believe that it can even possibly exist.

Dulce Sloan 1:51:14 Well, I know what happens when I don't. And so that's the thing. It's like I ... I don't know if you saw this clip. When I was hosting the show, the lady asked me, "What was the hardest part of your career and the hardest thing you had to do?" and all this other stuff. And I said, "Oh, hope."

Trevor Noah 1:51:31 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:51:32 People never talk about how hard hope is.

Trevor Noah 1:51:34 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:51:35 Hope is the hardest thing to have. Patience is h- patience is easier than hope, 'cause at least when you're waiting for a thing, it's-

Trevor Noah 1:51:45 It's coming

Dulce Sloan 1:51:45 ... and that's the thing. You're only patient for things that you know are coming. Hope is you waiting for a thing that you don't know is coming.

Trevor Noah 1:51:53 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:51:54 And so there's an amount of faith that you have to have in that, and I can offer you this: if you think seeing somebody drive off with your car at a car wash is a feeling, your car on a tow truck, that's a worse feeling. Because, uh, 'cause, 'cause here's the ... 'cause the tow truck, 'cause here's the thing-

Trevor Noah 1:52:16 No, I said the car thing's a good feeling

Dulce Sloan 1:52:18 When someone's take- when you like, man at the car wash taking the car?

Trevor Noah 1:52:20 No, I'm saying it's a good feeling.

Dulce Sloan 1:52:21 You get to appreciate it.

Trevor Noah 1:52:22 Yeah, I was saying it's a good feeling.

Dulce Sloan 1:52:23 You see it from the outside.

Trevor Noah 1:52:23 Oh, no, no, no, no. I appreciate my car more. Every time I had a car in the back of a tow truck, I had to appreciate the fact that it is going to be fixed. That's, that's the moment-

Dulce Sloan 1:52:36 Mm

Trevor Noah 1:52:36 ... you have to go. When you see a car on a tow truck, you have two options: either you never see this car again, 'cause she gone. 'Cause I told you I dated a mechanic for a long time, 'cause I could only afford used cars. And sometimes

Trevor Noah 1:52:47 you gotta go to some man's house to pay for oil change. That's not the point. You love him. But real hope is seeing your car on a tow truck and going, "I'm gonna drive the car again."

Dulce Sloan 1:52:57 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:52:58 No matter what's wrong with it. Also, car to c- somebody else ... I've never been to a car wash where somebody had drive my car off, so I just hope just one day to get like you.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:06 Oh, no, it's quite common in South Africa. Don't, don't get it twisted.

Trevor Noah 1:53:08 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:09 It's like-

Trevor Noah 1:53:09 No, they have them here. I just-

Dulce Sloan 1:53:10 No, no

Trevor Noah 1:53:10 ... never gone.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:10 Oh, it's like pouring gas. You know, like, in America, people are like, "They pour your gas for you." And you're like, "Oh, no, no. This is not, this is not the way it seems."

Trevor Noah 1:53:16 No, in New Jersey they pump the gas-

Dulce Sloan 1:53:17 Yeah, no, no, but I'm saying-

Trevor Noah 1:53:18 ... and you don't know why

Dulce Sloan 1:53:18 ... it's one of those funny things where people, you know. But Dulce, this was, uh ...

Trevor Noah 1:53:20 But-

Dulce Sloan 1:53:20 I know we gonna, we gonna have to-

Trevor Noah 1:53:21 Yeah, we have to wrap up, but yeah. It's, uh ... Listen, this is the longest I've ever spoken to you. So. Don't lie.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:27 We've never talked for two hours straight before?

Trevor Noah 1:53:29 Yeah. But I don't talk to anyone for two hours straight.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:31 I'm fully aware. That's what I'm saying.

Trevor Noah 1:53:33 Oh, okay.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:33 This is the longest I've ever talked to you.

Trevor Noah 1:53:34 I was gonna be like, "In our lives we've spoken for way more than two hours."

Dulce Sloan 1:53:37 Yeah, if you put it all together, it was three hours and 15 minutes.

Trevor Noah 1:53:39 In fact, in fact, in fact, I'm gonna challenge you. When we were backstage in Atlanta, I had the fried chicken, and we were sitting ... Remember I had the, the Nashville spicy hot chicken, and we were backstage, and you came to the show in Atlanta. We stayed backstage until they kicked us out of the backstage.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:52 Yeah, because that's the only time I leave somewhere-

Trevor Noah 1:53:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah

Dulce Sloan 1:53:54 ... is when we get kicked out.

Trevor Noah 1:53:54 But that was hours.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:55 And I'm happy.

Trevor Noah 1:53:56 But that was hours.

Dulce Sloan 1:53:57 It was.

Trevor Noah 1:53:58 How dare you forget me?

Dulce Sloan 1:53:59 I did not forget you.

Trevor Noah 1:53:59 How dare you erase me from history?

Dulce Sloan 1:54:01 See, look at this man. You see what happens?

Trevor Noah 1:54:03 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:54:05 He had one ... Now, mind you, that's the longest we ever talked. How long I known this man? How many, how many presidents has I done known you for? Trevor Ezekiel Noah.

Trevor Noah 1:54:14 Only one real president.

Dulce Sloan 1:54:15 Yeah.

Trevor Noah 1:54:15 'Cause the other one stole the election.

Dulce Sloan 1:54:17 Listen, I, uh-

Trevor Noah 1:54:18 Now everyone who's watching is like, "I know who he, he means."

Dulce Sloan 1:54:21 Biden. Um.

Trevor Noah 1:54:23 [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:54:25 Stolen.

Trevor Noah 1:54:25 All right, Dulce.

Dulce Sloan 1:54:25 But no, I'm glad. I was, uh, worried you were gonna, uh ... I b- I'm proud of myself for not crying. I'm glad I got to, um ... I'm glad I got to do this because I do, I do like your perspective on things, because you weren't born here. And so there is a certain amount of optimism and perspective that you have that especially Black people born here don't have. Because, one, most Americans don't leave America. Um, but also, two, there is a, there is a ... When you come from a place that was colonized and stolen from you, but the majority of the people in your country still look like you, then you're watching a minority run your country, right?

Trevor Noah 1:55:30 Yeah.

Dulce Sloan 1:55:31 And so you can see the theft. You can see that y'all shouldn't be running this shit. We just didn't have guns. It's the only reason y'all are here, is 'cause we d- you caught us slipping. How dare we not have weapons, right? Here, it's you took over and brought us with you. And stripped us of who we are. And every time we try to create who we are, you tell us we're not, we're, you try to convince us this whole time that we're lesser than what we are. And we've accepted that to a certain point. But we spend all this time, 'cause if you notice, what Black people do all day is look at white people and go, "That's not us." How do you not know who we are? We been, we know who y'all are. We been with y'all the whole time. So we, so Black people spend all this time going, "No, that's not us. That's not us. That's not us. That's not us." And you're coming from a place where, "Oh, I know who I am." And so there's a certain fight that you don't have to have mentally that we have to have. Because not only are we fighting the population at large, we're also fighting for each other, be like, "No, no, no, no, no, we're in this together," but I don't know you niggas. But we're in this together, but I can't, we, we... And so you're always trying to figure out friend or foe. 'Cause sometimes it's like skin folk ain't kinfolk. So there's a perspective that you have because, like, you have the basis of I know where I'm from. And I know where I'm from, I'm from here, but everyone's telling me I have no part in this.

Trevor Noah 1:57:02 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:57:03 And then I know where I'm from as a continent, but I have multiple tribes in me who could have been at war. I'm just the descendants of these people. So I'm walking around with nations in me, but everyone's telling me that I'm lesser than I am. So I spend all this time going, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm big. I'm big. I'm big. Look, I'm big. See me." And so that's a perspec- so I think that's why you get to see people the way that you see them. And I think sometimes that's why I see people the way that I see them because, like, oh, I can see that you're hurt. You're mad at me 'cause you're hurt. That has nothing to do with me. And I think some, you can see the hurt, but sometimes I only see the hurt, 'cause that's the only thing I'm trained to see.

Trevor Noah 1:57:41 Hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:57:43 And you get to see the happiness and the hurt, and I'm sometimes, I always mi- I, a lot of times I miss the happiness. But I always see the hurt. You always see both. So that's why I always appreciate talking to you because you can see all of the thing. But I'm descended from people who were constantly in pain. And if you think of, so we spend all this time trying to be happy because the default is, well-

Trevor Noah 1:58:06 Fuck

Dulce Sloan 1:58:08 ... I didn't die. 'Cause you can't be upset because it's like we can't be depressed. 'Cause my ancestors were slaves. Oh, you niggas can read? Why you sad? Oh, y'all can buy houses and earn money? They used to beat us to death. You can't be sad. So I just always appreciate talking to you 'cause I feel like you see people as a whole. While as I'm always like, "Oh, this nigga sad. Let me go help him." [upbeat music] Sitting up in his makeup chair looking like that.

Trevor Noah 1:58:35 Like, I would give you my left hand, but I don't have one.

Dulce Sloan 1:58:37 Friend. [laughs] What happened? You was playing tennis or some shit? Mm.

Trevor Noah 1:58:42 Yeah. Don't start. Dulcé, thank you for joining us.

Dulce Sloan 1:58:46 Thank you for having me. I'm sorry I took up all your tape. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:58:48 You didn't take up any tape. There's no tape.

Dulce Sloan 1:58:50 [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:58:51 This is the future.

Dulce Sloan 1:58:52 I'll send, there's the card.

Trevor Noah 1:58:52 This is the future.

Eugene 1:58:53 I'll tell you, there's, there's a, Dr. Wayne Dyer, I don't know if you've heard of him.

Dulce Sloan 1:58:55 Who?

Eugene 1:58:56 Dr. Wayne Dyer.

Dulce Sloan 1:58:57 Dr. Wayne.

Eugene 1:58:58 Mm-hmm.

Dulce Sloan 1:58:58 Now I know Dr. Wayne.

Eugene 1:58:59 He said, he quoted from the Tao Te Ching, the book. He said, "You don't have to do anything 'cause you're already being done."

Dulce Sloan 1:59:07 Who doing me?

Eugene 1:59:08 So that, that, that, that quote relieved me from a lot of stress and anguish from thinking I need to do something because everything is already happening.

Dulce Sloan 1:59:14 Huh.

Eugene 1:59:15 So-

Dulce Sloan 1:59:15 Say it again?

Eugene 1:59:16 You don't need to do anything because you're already being done.

Dulce Sloan 1:59:21 That sounds like a translation issue. [laughs]

Eugene 1:59:25 [laughs] But it was Chinese.

Trevor Noah 1:59:26 Dulcé Sloan, everyone. [laughs]

Dulce Sloan 1:59:28 She already done had herses. [laughs]

Trevor Noah 1:59:32 Thank you so much for watching the episode. If you enjoyed it, pass it on to a friend. If you didn't enjoy it, pass it on to your friend still. Let them suffer for a change. And don't forget to engage with us in the comments. Uh, if you wanna, uh, suggest a guest, maybe there's questions you want, maybe there's ideas that you have, you can chat to us. We will read through the comments, and we'll get into it. Either way, I appreciate you taking the time. Thank you for hanging out with us on What Now? And remember, we do this for you, so we would like to hear from you. Till next time. Thank you. [upbeat music]