Dulce Sloan: Will You Be My Valentine?

1. 0:00 – 0:04

   Intro

   1. DSDulce Sloan0:00

      [funky music]

2. 0:04 – 2:14

   Dulce Sloan Enters Hot

   1. DSDulce Sloan0:04

      I said to my homeboy that I was incel one day.

   2. EUEugene0:07

      [snorts]

   3. DSDulce Sloan0:07

      And he was like, "That's not true." I said, "Of course it is." I said, "I am celibate, and it is very involuntary." These are... This is what incel means.

   4. EUEugene0:15

      Yes.

   5. DSDulce Sloan0:15

      Involuntary celibate.

   6. EUEugene0:16

      Yes.

   7. DSDulce Sloan0:16

      I would love to be having sex at times. There's nothing better than having your legs in the air. And yet-

   8. EUEugene0:21

      Trevor, do you agree? [laughs]

   9. DSDulce Sloan0:25

      Get out.

   10. TNTrevor Noah0:26

       Can I tell you what's funny is-

   11. EUEugene0:27

       Mm, tell me

   12. TNTrevor Noah0:27

       ... is that you-

   13. EUEugene0:28

       Having your legs in the air

   14. TNTrevor Noah0:28

       ... is that you made me-

   15. DSDulce Sloan0:29

       [laughs]

   16. TNTrevor Noah0:29

       You made me picture my legs in the air. That's what I hate about what you did to me there.

   17. EUEugene0:33

       That's what good friends are for.

   18. TNTrevor Noah0:34

       That's what you did to me there.

   19. EUEugene0:35

       Sure. Any-

   20. TNTrevor Noah0:35

       You made me

   21. EUEugene0:36

       ... any, any time

   22. TNTrevor Noah0:37

       ... because you asked it.

   23. DSDulce Sloan0:38

       [laughs]

   24. TNTrevor Noah0:38

       My first instinct, my first instinct was to defend myself.

   25. EUEugene0:42

       Any-

   26. TNTrevor Noah0:42

       But the first thought I had-

   27. EUEugene0:43

       Any time

   28. TNTrevor Noah0:44

       ... the first thought I had was me-

   29. EUEugene0:45

       Any

   30. TNTrevor Noah0:45

       ... with my own legs in the air.
3. 2:14 – 4:32

   The Joke That Almost Got Us Cancelled

   1. DSDulce Sloan2:14

      to me, "Roy-

   2. TNTrevor Noah2:14

      You know what I love?

   3. EUEugene2:15

      Hmm.

   4. TNTrevor Noah2:16

      Dulce, I'll let you finish your sentence. Accuse me-

   5. DSDulce Sloan2:19

      Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

   6. TNTrevor Noah2:19

      ... so that I may respond in full.

   7. DSDulce Sloan2:20

      Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 'Cause he always says, like, you know, like, an American Black people, we don't have a lot of noises. We do have one. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

   8. EUEugene2:27

      [laughs]

   9. DSDulce Sloan2:29

      No, sir. You said, "Oh, I want to take you..." He was talking to me and Roy. "Oh, I would love to take y'all to South Africa." Roy was like, "Mothers. Mothers, too. Bring everybody." All of a sudden, this nigga done caught amnesia, talking about he don't remember, telling me... Let me tell you something. I always remember when a man tells me something he didn't intend on doing. That's what I will always remember. Something a nigga was really gonna do, ah, I don't remember that.

   10. EUEugene2:53

       Like what?

   11. DSDulce Sloan2:54

       I don't know. Calling me back. I'll always remember.

   12. EUEugene2:57

       So you remember that one?

   13. DSDulce Sloan2:57

       Yeah, 'cause I know it's not gonna happen.

   14. EUEugene2:59

       Guys don't call you back?

   15. DSDulce Sloan3:01

       It's very confusing. You see these titties. I don't know what's going on.

   16. TNTrevor Noah3:05

       [laughs]

   17. EUEugene3:05

       [laughs]

   18. DSDulce Sloan3:06

       Very nice.

   19. TNTrevor Noah3:06

       We rolling?

   20. DSDulce Sloan3:07

       Let's fucking get it.

   21. SPSpeaker3:08

       We're rolling.

   22. TNTrevor Noah3:08

       Perfect moment.

   23. DSDulce Sloan3:09

       I'm just-

   24. TNTrevor Noah3:09

       "You see these titties?"

   25. DSDulce Sloan3:10

       [laughs]

   26. TNTrevor Noah3:10

       That's the best place to start a podcast ever.

   27. DSDulce Sloan3:12

       [laughs]

   28. TNTrevor Noah3:12

       "You see these titties?" 'Cause I'm sitting here going, "Why would they not call back?" Welcome to the show. You see these titties?

   29. DSDulce Sloan3:17

       Hey, man. Go to church. That's how I got them.

   30. TNTrevor Noah3:20

       There are few people in this world I would love to hear the last part of a sentence from than Dulce Sloan.
4. 4:32 – 7:03

   Comedy When You're The Only One

   1. TNTrevor Noah4:32

      What do you want to mean? Yo, Dulce made Josh over- J- Josh will even a c- a attest to this. Josh Johnson-

   2. DSDulce Sloan4:37

      Mm

   3. TNTrevor Noah4:37

      ... the way we see him today, that's a Dulce makeover.

   4. DSDulce Sloan4:39

      I made him come to work.

   5. TNTrevor Noah4:40

      Full makeover.

   6. EUEugene4:40

      He's less Bob Ross than he is now.

   7. TNTrevor Noah4:42

      Yo, Josh, that was a full... Dulce was like, she sat him down one day.

   8. DSDulce Sloan4:46

      His Afro was stressing me out.

   9. TNTrevor Noah4:48

      Yeah, but it was like a... Like, yo man, there's Afros and then there's-

   10. DSDulce Sloan4:51

       Whatever's happening there

   11. EUEugene4:52

       Wait, so there was an Afro intervention?

   12. DSDulce Sloan4:54

       Yeah.

   13. TNTrevor Noah4:54

       Yeah, but it w- but it was, it was-

   14. EUEugene4:55

       Or African intervention.

   15. DSDulce Sloan4:56

       No, it was a-

   16. TNTrevor Noah4:56

       Which one? No, this one was-

   17. DSDulce Sloan4:58

       It was a-

   18. TNTrevor Noah4:58

       ... man

   19. DSDulce Sloan4:58

       ... it was a Black woman intervention. 'Cause one day he came to work, and it was when the Afro was smaller, and so it was like he... it looked like he had his hair cut into, like, a old bo- like, a old school box.

   20. TNTrevor Noah5:08

       Yeah, yeah.

   21. DSDulce Sloan5:09

       But he just been sleeping on different sides of his head.

   22. EUEugene5:11

       [laughs]

   23. DSDulce Sloan5:11

       So it just turned into...

   24. EUEugene5:13

       [laughs]

   25. DSDulce Sloan5:14

       So I called it sleep box.

   26. EUEugene5:16

       [laughs]

   27. DSDulce Sloan5:16

       And so we started giving him a bonnet and all this other stuff.

   28. EUEugene5:19

       Oh, man.

   29. DSDulce Sloan5:20

       'Cause, like, during the Emmys one time, he came up to our room. He... 'Cause when I took my mom the first time we went, she was showing him how to shape it up. 'Cause we were talking about trying to get, like, different hairstyles he could get. I said, "Well, your head is too small for cornrows." And he was just like, "Ugh, the shots keep coming." I was like, "I'm just trying to be helpful." 'Cause like I said, he has no siblings, so he doesn't have a older sister to terrorize him, or to educate. Tomato, potato. So one day, it was, like, one Christmas, like, during COVID, I was like, "Hey, come to my house." 'Cause he didn't go home, I didn't go home, my homeboy didn't go home. And so, you know, the ne- the day after Christmas is the first day of Kwanzaa. So I made him come back, come to my house. I said, "I'm going to wash and deep condition your hair." And so I'm talking about kitchen sink, whole nine, like, old school doing your hair, and then I braided it up. And the whole time I'm just like, "This motherfucker's got so much more hair than me." And the whole time I'm braiding his hair, I'm annoyed by it. But I just was like, I just needed something to moisturize and condition his hair. I didn't know it was a style he was going to keep.

   30. TNTrevor Noah6:13

       It was beautiful.
5. 7:03 – 12:18

   Success Doesn't Fix Loneliness

   1. DSDulce Sloan7:03

      Uh, well-

   2. TNTrevor Noah7:04

      Who's Dulce Sloaned your life?

   3. DSDulce Sloan7:05

      Eh. Nobody.

   4. TNTrevor Noah7:08

      What do you mean nobody?

   5. DSDulce Sloan7:09

      Mm-mm. I just ... M- me, nigga. It's me. I do me. I d- it's ... I'm, I'm the Dulce Sloan for me. I guess my mom maybe. I don't know.

   6. TNTrevor Noah7:16

      No, but moms don't count.

   7. DSDulce Sloan7:17

      Moms don't count.

   8. TNTrevor Noah7:18

      Well, no.

   9. EUEugene7:18

      They're done.

   10. TNTrevor Noah7:18

       Don't take that out of context. Moms count very much.

   11. EUEugene7:21

       Yeah.

   12. DSDulce Sloan7:21

       Yes.

   13. TNTrevor Noah7:22

       Don't clip that. Don't clip that.

   14. DSDulce Sloan7:23

       What ... Do-over. Do-over.

   15. TNTrevor Noah7:25

       Moms-

   16. DSDulce Sloan7:25

       Do-over

   17. TNTrevor Noah7:25

       ... yo, moms count.

   18. DSDulce Sloan7:26

       Do-over. Do-over. Do-over.

   19. TNTrevor Noah7:27

       What I mean is in this conversation-

   20. DSDulce Sloan7:28

       Yeah [laughs]

   21. TNTrevor Noah7:29

       ... we're having now. We're saying moms already are the most amazing thing in the world.

   22. DSDulce Sloan7:32

       Right.

   23. TNTrevor Noah7:32

       So we don't count moms in this case.

   24. DSDulce Sloan7:34

       Moms, moms can't Dulce Sloan me.

   25. TNTrevor Noah7:35

       Yeah. So we're saying who's Dulce Sloaned you?

   26. DSDulce Sloan7:37

       Uh, [blows lips] probably you.

   27. TNTrevor Noah7:42

       No, don't say that 'cause I'm here. I'm saying, like, who-

   28. DSDulce Sloan7:43

       No. This, for, like, for ... Like, if you're asking me-

   29. TNTrevor Noah7:45

       I didn't Dulce Sloan you. What are you talking about?

   30. DSDulce Sloan7:47

       What I'm saying is that if you're talking about someone who has come in and changed my life, it was probably you or Big Kenny who got me into standup. But it's like-
6. 12:18 – 15:02

   Why Dating Feels Impossible Now

   1. TNTrevor Noah12:18

      was a joke.

   2. DSDulce Sloan12:18

      Yeah, but he, I mean, he caught me up.

   3. TNTrevor Noah12:19

      Yours was real.

   4. DSDulce Sloan12:20

      Yeah. Well, you know, sometimes you gotta get out of an apartment. You know what I mean?

   5. TNTrevor Noah12:23

      This is-

   6. DSDulce Sloan12:24

      So Me and my friend were talking about this, like, men do not realize how much danger women are in [laughs] on a regular basis. 'Cause one of my friends asked me the other day, he's like, "You think you could kill somebody?" I was like, "Yeah." He was like, "That was fast." And I was like, "You've never been on pro- you've never been a woman."

   7. TNTrevor Noah12:37

      One of the greatest jokes I ever heard was, it was just, like, a small throwaway thing. It was Dave Chappelle on stage, and he was talking about one of the first gigs he ever did in New York that he was getting paid for. And he performed for some, I don't know if they were gangsters or not gangsta- Long story short, they paid him in cash.

   8. DSDulce Sloan12:54

      Mm.

   9. TNTrevor Noah12:54

      And they give him $10,000 in cash, and he was, like, in one of the boroughs long before New York was, like, easy in most places.

   10. DSDulce Sloan13:02

       Yeah.

   11. TNTrevor Noah13:02

       And he tells a story of having the cash, and he puts it, like, in his pants.

   12. DSDulce Sloan13:07

       Mm.

   13. TNTrevor Noah13:07

       And then he gets on the train, and he's riding the train, and he-

   14. DSDulce Sloan13:10

       Why would you get on the train with $10,000?

   15. TNTrevor Noah13:12

       No, y-

   16. DSDulce Sloan13:12

       Get a cab. Get a cab.

   17. TNTrevor Noah13:13

       Yeah, but this is-

   18. DSDulce Sloan13:14

       Get a cab.

   19. TNTrevor Noah13:14

       Don't victim blame.

   20. DSDulce Sloan13:15

       The... [laughs]

   21. TNTrevor Noah13:16

       And then Dave Chappelle's like, "And then..." No, but he says, and that, that was the punchline of the joke. Obviously, I'm s- I'm truncating it, but basically he says, he, everyone was looking at him. He felt like he was in danger. He felt... And he's like, he's never felt more like a woman in his life.

   22. DSDulce Sloan13:26

       Absolutely.

   23. TNTrevor Noah13:27

       That's, you know what I mean.

   24. DSDulce Sloan13:28

       Absolutely. Every day. So it's just like, so, you know, you start carrying a knife.

   25. TNTrevor Noah13:32

       Wait, wait, wait. So wait, let me ask you a question.

   26. DSDulce Sloan13:33

       Mm.

   27. TNTrevor Noah13:33

       So, uh, 'cause I saw that thing online, and I didn't ask anyone about it when it was happening.

   28. DSDulce Sloan13:38

       Mm.

   29. TNTrevor Noah13:38

       W- who would you rather be in a forest with, a man or a bear?

   30. DSDulce Sloan13:42

       You can throw food at a bear. You gotta throw pussy at a man.
7. 15:02 – 18:36

   Are Men Okay Right Now?

   1. DSDulce Sloan15:02

      you know has either been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted. So so- we're not doing it to each other. So how is it that no man has done it, but it has happened to every woman? So when men hear that, it's, "Well, I wouldn't do that." 'Cause I was talking to Kabuka about this one time.

   2. TNTrevor Noah15:17

      Right.

   3. DSDulce Sloan15:17

      And Kabuka was like, he's like, "It's crazy." He said, "You don't think that your friend..." He's like, he said, "Your friend that's talking to all the women, come to find out he's raping everybody nobody knew."

   4. TNTrevor Noah15:25

      [laughs] That was a good impression of Kabuka.

   5. DSDulce Sloan15:28

      Thank you. He's like, "He's doing the thing," so you see what I'm saying?

   6. TNTrevor Noah15:30

      Yeah, the thing.

   7. DSDulce Sloan15:31

      He's doing the thing.

   8. TNTrevor Noah15:32

      Thing. Doing the thing.

   9. DSDulce Sloan15:32

      And you don't know he's doing the thing. He's at the bar. He's talking to the ladies. You don't know he's raping everybody. Like, you see what I'm saying?

   10. TNTrevor Noah15:36

       Right.

   11. DSDulce Sloan15:36

       So it's like, no man wants to think their friend is like that. No man who's... There's men that have assaulted people, who's like, "Well, I didn't do anything wrong." So if you as a man think that a woman would rather be with a wild animal in the forest than you... 'Cause here's my thing. I think all the men that got upset by that, there's always a saying that I h- would hear growing up, "A kicked dog will holler." If I didn't kick you, you're fine, but if you felt like you got kicked, then you are somebody who has been harassing and terrorizing women, point blank.

   12. TNTrevor Noah16:07

       Hmm.

   13. DSDulce Sloan16:07

       Because if I wasn't talking to you, you wouldn't have gotten upset. And the same reason is why people go, "Well, I'm not racist." And I was like, "I wasn't even talking to you." But any time somebody pops up, "I can't believe that women would feel this way," yes, I said I would rather be in the forest with a wild animal. Because here's the thing. Bears aren't inherently go- They don't want to be bothered by humans in the first fucking place.

   14. TNTrevor Noah16:30

       Right. Yeah, yeah. Right.

   15. DSDulce Sloan16:31

       That's the thing. A bear-

   16. TNTrevor Noah16:33

       That's their default.

   17. DSDulce Sloan16:33

       That's, the default is, "Ugh, ew, person, bleh." Then, but if they need something, it's just like, "Well, I'm kinda hungry. I wonder if this human got snacks. This human smell like snacks," which is why I don't wear any food-scented fragrances. I don't wanna trick nobody.

   18. TNTrevor Noah16:48

       [laughs]

   19. DSDulce Sloan16:50

       I'm a floral bitch, right?

   20. TNTrevor Noah16:52

       I, that's, I hear-

   21. DSDulce Sloan16:53

       So that's the thing

   22. TNTrevor Noah16:53

       ... I hear your logic, but...

   23. DSDulce Sloan16:54

       But you see what I'm saying? Is, but-

   24. TNTrevor Noah16:55

       No, I hear, I hear, I hear what you're saying, but the kicked dog hollering thing, I, the reason I don't think it necessarily applies is because you, we are speaking to everyone.

   25. DSDulce Sloan17:03

       But that's what I'm saying.

   26. TNTrevor Noah17:04

       No. So this, so this is what I mean, so let's, let's, let's, let's, let's move it to another category, right?

   27. DSDulce Sloan17:08

       Right.

   28. TNTrevor Noah17:08

       Let's, for instance, let's say somebody says, "I don't like white people 'cause white people are racist."

   29. DSDulce Sloan17:13

       Yes.

   30. TNTrevor Noah17:13

       Right? There's a lot of white people who would respond to that going, "What are you ta- Why would you say that? I'm not racist."
8. 18:36 – 25:00

   Money, Power, and Who Pays

   1. TNTrevor Noah18:36

      But you know what, you know what I think it is? I think it reveals something about us as people in general, and that thing is, I love that you said hyperbole, right?

   2. DSDulce Sloan18:45

      Mm-hmm.

   3. TNTrevor Noah18:46

      Oftentimes, any statement of protest, provocation, any, any statement that's, that's meant to elicit something from people is often blunt and provocative.

   4. DSDulce Sloan18:57

      Right.

   5. TNTrevor Noah18:57

      Right? Like, it, that's not the place for, like, nuance, in a way.

   6. DSDulce Sloan19:00

      That's why text messaging needs fonts.

   7. TNTrevor Noah19:03

      Yeah. So you go, you just say the thing.

   8. DSDulce Sloan19:05

      Mm-hmm.

   9. TNTrevor Noah19:05

      So I remember, for instance, when, when Black Lives Matter first came out, like, "Black lives matter," and then the first thing a lot of people said was like, "Why only Black lives? Why th- why are you saying Black lives ma- what about the other lives?"

   10. DSDulce Sloan19:16

       Exactly.

   11. TNTrevor Noah19:16

       And then Black people went, "No, that's not the point."

   12. DSDulce Sloan19:19

       Mm-hmm.

   13. TNTrevor Noah19:20

       "The point, we're not saying that because no other lives ma-" And then it became this whole, do you know what I mean?

   14. DSDulce Sloan19:24

       Yeah.

   15. TNTrevor Noah19:24

       It's like a game of semantics now, where you're actually arguing. But it, it's interesting when you say that, 'cause I go, like, "Oh, that's, that's an insight that I don't think I've thought of until you said it that way," about hyperbole.

   16. DSDulce Sloan19:37

       Yeah.

   17. TNTrevor Noah19:38

       That any group that is saying something, whether it's two people, a, a nation, a, a, an ethnicity, a, you know, gender, a religion or whatever it is, the people who are not in that group that are being s- that are, that are speaking can think completely differently, and, like, it's not about them in a way. Does that, does that make sense?

   18. DSDulce Sloan19:57

       Yeah, yeah. Like-

   19. TNTrevor Noah19:58

       Because I think there's a lot of Black people, if somebody said, let's say a white person came out and they were like, "Well, I, I don't, I'm not safe around Black people, 'cause Black people are criminals," there's no hook that they would be let off. You with me?

   20. DSDulce Sloan20:10

       Mm, 100%. Because-

   21. TNTrevor Noah20:11

       It's like there's no hook that they would be let off. There's none, none, none. And they can't be like, "No, no, no, don't respond. If you, if you're not a criminal, then why, why are you offended?" Then you're like, "Hey, hey, hey, you didn't say you have a problem with criminals. You said Black people are criminals."

   22. DSDulce Sloan20:25

       Yeah. Right, and so when-

   23. TNTrevor Noah20:25

       And so then if they said-

   24. DSDulce Sloan20:27

       Mm-hmm

   25. TNTrevor Noah20:27

       ... if they said, "No, no, no, but if you're Black and you're not a criminal, you shouldn't be offended," people would go, "No. Hell no. You're not, the, hey."

   26. DSDulce Sloan20:35

       Right.

   27. TNTrevor Noah20:35

       You're still on that hook.

   28. DSDulce Sloan20:36

       Right. But here's, but here's the difference. It's one is ridiculous, one is not, right? So bear versus human man.

   29. TNTrevor Noah20:45

       Yeah.

   30. DSDulce Sloan20:46

       Same thing on TikTok. It was, uh, they were talking about, like, who would win, 100 Americans or 100 British people
9. 25:00 – 27:04

   What If Love Never Comes?

   1. TNTrevor Noah25:01

      When was the first time-

   2. DSDulce Sloan25:02

      [laughs]

   3. TNTrevor Noah25:03

      ... you noticed that your brain wasn't working like most people's brains working?

   4. DSDulce Sloan25:09

      When I-

   5. TNTrevor Noah25:09

      'Cause, 'cause you, you're an interesting combination of things. You are, you have, like, the, what I call the, like, the leaky brain of a comedian.

   6. DSDulce Sloan25:16

      Mm.

   7. TNTrevor Noah25:17

      But then you also are, like, one of the most genius people I know when it comes to, like, learning, retaining information, uh, expanding on that informati- I mean, even in school you were in-

   8. DSDulce Sloan25:28

      I was in gifted classes

   9. TNTrevor Noah25:29

      ... yeah, you were in, like, all the gifted classes.

   10. DSDulce Sloan25:31

       Mm-hmm.

   11. TNTrevor Noah25:31

       You were the, you were the, solving the puzzles.

   12. DSDulce Sloan25:33

       Yeah, it's like, it's, which is so funny, 'cause physics never clicked for me, but I think that the thing that always bothered me about physics was it was like they wanted us to calculate the, like, you had to learn about vectors. And they're like, "Okay, somebody's throwing this ball off a cliff. Calculate." I remember going to class going, "But he can't get the ball back, so why am I doing this?"

   13. TNTrevor Noah25:52

       [laughs] That's where your brain went?

   14. DSDulce Sloan25:54

       I went about it. I said, "Excuse me, why are we calculating this? He can't get the ball back." My teacher went, "What?" I said, "What? If he threw the ball off the cliff, he ain't going to get it, so why do I need to know how fast it took to get down, what was the acceleration of the sh- He's n- it's gone forever. Why do I need to know this information?" So I need things that make... That's why, like, geometry made sense for me. Uh, chemistry made sense for me. Because there was too much. As much as I was a theater kid, I could suspend a disbelief.

   15. TNTrevor Noah26:19

       Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

   16. DSDulce Sloan26:20

       Some stuff is, this is busy work. This is real middle management bullshit. You not trying to get... I'm not getting a... I'm never... There's a difference between I'm never going to use this and this man needs a job. I didn't like we were participating in just keeping some white man employed. I did not like that. Because I need, I need certain things to make sense, even if they're ridiculous. I love science fiction, but sometimes it has to be like... That's why every joke, they're like, "Well, every joke has a bit of truth to it." Some of it doesn't.

   17. TNTrevor Noah26:46

       Yeah.

   18. DSDulce Sloan26:46

       Some of it's just purely goofy.

   19. TNTrevor Noah26:47

       Some of it is purely funny.

   20. DSDulce Sloan26:48

       Some of it's just pur-

   21. TNTrevor Noah26:49

       It's just words put together that makes a person laugh

   22. DSDulce Sloan26:51

       ... is acai bowl, fruit soup. Goofy shit. Like, that I understand. But it's like I rem- I think the first time I was like, I remember never believing in Santa Claus because the logistics didn't make sense.

10. 27:04 – 32:26

    Faith, God, and Bargaining With Hope

    1. TNTrevor Noah27:04

       That was your big gripe as a child?

    2. DSDulce Sloan27:06

       Mm-hmm.

    3. TNTrevor Noah27:07

       Like, not even from the beginning. There was no point where you believed in it. They explained it to you once and you immediately went...

    4. DSDulce Sloan27:12

       No.

    5. TNTrevor Noah27:12

       What part of the logistics didn't make sense?

    6. DSDulce Sloan27:13

       One, I knew my mom wasn't gonna let some random man in our house.

    7. TNTrevor Noah27:16

       Okay.

    8. DSDulce Sloan27:17

       That was first. Two, I knew some random-

    9. TNTrevor Noah27:19

       But you don't have to let him in the house.

    10. DSDulce Sloan27:20

        Yeah.

    11. TNTrevor Noah27:21

        That's the first thing. Santa Claus.

    12. DSDulce Sloan27:21

        Well, it was like, it was like, well, I knew, like, when we first, like, the first place we lived didn't have a chimney, and I was like, "We're already out."

    13. TNTrevor Noah27:26

        That's true. I thought that in South Africa, 'cause we basically, no one had chimneys, essentially.

    14. DSDulce Sloan27:30

        And then when we lived somewhere with a chimney, I was like, "This definitely isn't gonna work." Also, my mother never told us he was real, but my mother never told us he wasn't real.

    15. TNTrevor Noah27:37

        Hmm.

    16. DSDulce Sloan27:38

        So she-

    17. TNTrevor Noah27:38

        But wait, how did you account for the magic, though? 'Cause remember, there's magic as well, so-

    18. DSDulce Sloan27:41

        Right. But-

    19. TNTrevor Noah27:42

        Santa Claus makes sense because of the magic.

    20. DSDulce Sloan27:44

        The logistics bugged me.

    21. TNTrevor Noah27:45

        Yeah, but the magic. The magic covers the logistics. It's like you gotta think of Santa, like, okay, think of Amazon.

    22. DSDulce Sloan27:50

        Right.

    23. TNTrevor Noah27:50

        Let's say we told somebody about Amazon 2,000 years ago. They would go, "This doesn't make sense."

    24. DSDulce Sloan27:56

        No, they wouldn't, because-

    25. TNTrevor Noah27:56

        "What do you mean in one day something can get to you? From where?" And you'd be like, "Yeah, so I think of something that I would like-

    26. DSDulce Sloan28:04

        Mm

    27. TNTrevor Noah28:04

        ... or need."

    28. DSDulce Sloan28:04

        Mm.

    29. TNTrevor Noah28:05

        "And then a day later, it is here."

    30. DSDulce Sloan28:09

        But so-
11. 32:26 – 36:11

    The Internet vs Real Life

    1. TNTrevor Noah32:26

       of getting married?

    2. DSDulce Sloan32:26

       I wanna make people, and I don't wanna do it by myself.

    3. TNTrevor Noah32:29

       Okay. Okay.

    4. DSDulce Sloan32:30

       Yes.

    5. TNTrevor Noah32:30

       So you don't-

    6. DSDulce Sloan32:31

       So that's why I got my eggs frozen

    7. TNTrevor Noah32:31

       ... so you don't ... I like this. So you don't wanna get married.

    8. DSDulce Sloan32:33

       No, no, no, no.

    9. TNTrevor Noah32:33

       You just wanna make people, and you don't wanna do it by yourself.

    10. DSDulce Sloan32:34

        I absolutely wanna get married, but it's also ... It's like I think we have ... I think Western culture has sold us so much of the love of a thing. My God, now I sound like a book. But it's-

    11. TNTrevor Noah32:47

        [laughs]

    12. DSDulce Sloan32:48

        It makes sense for a long time that, like, marriage was a contract between people.

    13. TNTrevor Noah32:51

        Yeah.

    14. DSDulce Sloan32:52

        And then we made it a love thing, right? And so now we've kinda lost the idea of this is two peo- 'Cause once, like, the emotions can fall out of a thing, so it's like we're not doing the work anymore.

    15. TNTrevor Noah33:03

        Right. Right.

    16. DSDulce Sloan33:04

        So it's like as much as a friendship is work as opposed to any relationship with a person is work, it's like ... Like, for instance, I had a friend break up last week, right? As opposed to I can't be friends with this person anymore.

    17. TNTrevor Noah33:14

        A real friend.

    18. DSDulce Sloan33:14

        Yeah. Mm-hmm.

    19. TNTrevor Noah33:15

        Yeah.

    20. DSDulce Sloan33:15

        And so because of just things going on in our friendship-

    21. TNTrevor Noah33:18

        Mm-hmm

    22. DSDulce Sloan33:18

        ... that I was like, "This isn't working for me anymore."

    23. TNTrevor Noah33:20

        Right.

    24. DSDulce Sloan33:21

        And it was ... But you ... We don't talk about friend breakups as much as we talk about relationship breakups.

    25. TNTrevor Noah33:29

        Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    26. DSDulce Sloan33:29

        Because a friend breakup is like, "This was never supposed to happen. We were supposed to be here forever," which also doesn't make any sense.

    27. TNTrevor Noah33:34

        Mm-hmm.

    28. DSDulce Sloan33:34

        So, like, I ... What I've always wanted ... Like, the last time I had a boyfriend was I was 30. I'm 42.

    29. TNTrevor Noah33:41

        Ha.

    30. DSDulce Sloan33:41

        And so-
12. 36:11 – 38:19

    Career Wins, Personal Losses

    1. DSDulce Sloan36:11

       is someone going, "Hey, you're funny. Come do a thing. Hey, come f- You're funny. Come get on this show. Come do this." And I don't think ... And so it's funny for, like, as, as lonely, quote-unquote, as much as, like, comedy is like you're doing a lot of work on your own, your- all your opportunities come from other people.

    2. TNTrevor Noah36:31

       Mm-hmm.

    3. DSDulce Sloan36:32

       Especially when you first start out. And so it's like, oh, so I need the opportunity to be like, "Please, sir, make me a mother." 'Cause it, 'cause then there's also the thing was that people go, "Well, why don't you do it on your own?" I was like, "I don't wanna be a statistic. That's why."

    4. TNTrevor Noah36:46

       Hmm.

    5. DSDulce Sloan36:47

       And I watched my mother do this on her own. It didn't seem like it was fucking fun. And so now I'm just like, 'cause I'm either being, I'm either toying, "Oh, I can do it on my own," or, or I can be with a man who is not, who cannot pay the bills in my house.

    6. TNTrevor Noah37:08

       So pause there.

    7. DSDulce Sloan37:09

       But hold on.

    8. TNTrevor Noah37:09

       Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't, don't, I'll tell you why. Wait, pause, 'cause I, I don't want us to lose the beginning part, which I think is really insightful and important, and then we're gonna go through it. So don't, we'll, we'll, we'll put a pin in that part.

    9. DSDulce Sloan37:20

       Oh, I, I know the-

    10. TNTrevor Noah37:21

        Pay the bills

    11. DSDulce Sloan37:21

        ... listen, you know the breakdown.

    12. TNTrevor Noah37:23

        Pay the bills.

    13. DSDulce Sloan37:23

        Yeah.

    14. TNTrevor Noah37:23

        I'm gonna pay the bills. So.

    15. DSDulce Sloan37:24

        Because you have to remember, most people get divorced in America because of finances, not because somebody cheated, not because somebody fell out of love. Most people in America get divorced because of finances. That's the number one reason America get divor- people get divorced.

    16. TNTrevor Noah37:36

        So I'll go backwards.

    17. DSDulce Sloan37:37

        Mm.

    18. TNTrevor Noah37:38

        One of the first things you said when s- when talking about this was about getting married, and you said, "It's something that you have to do with somebody else."

    19. DSDulce Sloan37:48

        Mm.

    20. TNTrevor Noah37:48

        "It's something that you have..." I think you've tapped into something that a lot of people are experiencing across the board, but I, I, I love that you brought it up the way you did because I do feel like the weight is felt differently between men and women.

    21. DSDulce Sloan38:03

        Absolutely.

    22. TNTrevor Noah38:03

        Right? But men are definitely feeling it, just n- at, at a way less-

    23. EUEugene38:07

        Oh, because of the male loneliness epidemic?

    24. TNTrevor Noah38:08

        No, no, no, no, no. N- no, on a, on a way l- like way less level.

    25. EUEugene38:12

        Goofy.

    26. DSDulce Sloan38:12

        Mm-hmm.

    27. TNTrevor Noah38:12

        But it is. Let me tell you something. You say goofy. Uh, goofy is what starts militias and-

    28. DSDulce Sloan38:17

        Oh, no, no, no, no, no

    29. TNTrevor Noah38:18

        ... and crazy

13. 38:19 – 40:48

    Trevor and Dulce Get Too Honest

    1. TNTrevor Noah38:19

       armies.

    2. DSDulce Sloan38:19

       Listen, I said to my homeboy that I was incel one day, and he was like, "That's not true." I said, "Of course it is." I said, "I am celibate, and it is very involuntary." These are, this is what incel means.

    3. TNTrevor Noah38:31

       Yes.

    4. DSDulce Sloan38:31

       Involuntary celibate.

    5. TNTrevor Noah38:32

       Yes.

    6. DSDulce Sloan38:32

       I would love to be having sex tonight. There's nothing better than having your legs in the air, and yet...

    7. TNTrevor Noah38:37

       Trevor, do you agree? [laughs]

    8. EUEugene38:41

       [laughs]

    9. DSDulce Sloan38:41

       Get out.

    10. TNTrevor Noah38:42

        Can I tell you what's funny is-

    11. EUEugene38:43

        Hmm, tell me.

    12. TNTrevor Noah38:43

        Is that-

    13. EUEugene38:44

        Having your legs in the air?

    14. TNTrevor Noah38:44

        Is that you made me, you made me picture my legs in the air.

    15. EUEugene38:47

        [laughs]

    16. TNTrevor Noah38:47

        That's what I hate about what you did to me there.

    17. EUEugene38:49

        That's what good friends are for.

    18. TNTrevor Noah38:50

        That's what you did to me there.

    19. EUEugene38:51

        Sure. Any-

    20. TNTrevor Noah38:51

        You made me

    21. EUEugene38:52

        ... any, any time.

    22. TNTrevor Noah38:53

        Because you asked it.

    23. EUEugene38:55

        [laughs]

    24. TNTrevor Noah38:55

        My first instinct, my first instinct was to defend myself.

    25. EUEugene38:58

        Any, any, any time.

    26. TNTrevor Noah38:58

        But the first thought I had-

    27. EUEugene38:59

        Any-

    28. TNTrevor Noah38:59

        ... the first thought I had was me-

    29. EUEugene39:01

        Any-

    30. TNTrevor Noah39:01

        ... with my own legs in the air.
14. 40:48 – 48:21

    When Gratitude Gets Complicated

    1. DSDulce Sloan40:48

       Mm.

    2. TNTrevor Noah40:49

       I don't think there's any human being out there who is not trying to find the perfect person for them.

    3. DSDulce Sloan40:53

       But that's, I think that, but that's the s-

    4. TNTrevor Noah40:55

       No, no, wait, wait

    5. DSDulce Sloan40:56

       ... that's the problem.

    6. TNTrevor Noah40:56

       Listen. No.

    7. DSDulce Sloan40:56

       It's the perfect person.

    8. TNTrevor Noah40:57

       But that's what... No, but listen to what I'm saying.

    9. DSDulce Sloan40:59

       Right.

    10. TNTrevor Noah40:59

        It is a lot easier to assume that you have made the perfect choice once you've exhausted your choices. So when we grew up in a village where there were 20 people, like, in our age range-

    11. DSDulce Sloan41:09

        Mm-hmm

    12. TNTrevor Noah41:10

        ... at some point, you assumed that you had made the best choice because you had exhausted your choices.

    13. EUEugene41:14

        Oh.

    14. TNTrevor Noah41:14

        You went, "Okay, number 17, it's-"

    15. EUEugene41:16

        The hottest person around. Yeah.

    16. TNTrevor Noah41:18

        Or the one for me, the-

    17. EUEugene41:19

        Or the one I like the most

    18. TNTrevor Noah41:19

        ... personality and heart or-

    19. EUEugene41:20

        Got you

    20. TNTrevor Noah41:21

        ... the combination, but you were done.

    21. EUEugene41:23

        Yeah.

    22. TNTrevor Noah41:24

        Then you made it a town, then you made it a city, then you made it a country. Now you've made it infinite.

    23. DSDulce Sloan41:28

        Right.

    24. TNTrevor Noah41:28

        Literally infinite. Dating apps, social media, et cetera. Like, we talked about this with Esther Perel on the podcast, but, like, the fact that people have a constant deluge of other human beings being put into their head, and the option of them, by the way.

    25. DSDulce Sloan41:42

        Mm.

    26. TNTrevor Noah41:42

        'Cause remember, you'd walk in the streets before, and you didn't know whether people were or weren't single. So it, it's not, it's not necessarily the same thing, but a dating app is an infinite scroll-

    27. EUEugene41:52

        You know for a fact

    28. TNTrevor Noah41:53

        ... of people's first-

    29. DSDulce Sloan41:54

        No, you don't

    30. TNTrevor Noah41:54

        ... No, no, no. No, no, no. Yeah, that's funny. I know what you're saying, but I'm saying still it is advertised as they're single.
15. 48:21 – 50:21

    Who Are You Without The Applause?

    1. DSDulce Sloan48:21

       in their 20s. For the first time in history, there are women who are financially stable having kids.

    2. TNTrevor Noah48:26

       Now, that's, yes, that's the point. So now this is, this is what I'm trying to get to. I wanna go to something you said. And I know some things you say as a joke, some things you say being real, so I, I actually wanna get to-

    3. DSDulce Sloan48:33

       You never know.

    4. EUEugene48:34

       That's what I was about to say. [laughs]

    5. TNTrevor Noah48:36

       No, but, like-

    6. DSDulce Sloan48:37

       And I knew you-

    7. EUEugene48:38

       Which one?

    8. TNTrevor Noah48:38

       So when, when you said... No, when, when-

    9. DSDulce Sloan48:39

       Stop

    10. TNTrevor Noah48:39

        ... when you said, when you said, "I, because I don't wanna be with a man who doesn't pay the bills," this is, like, what I mean about, like-

    11. DSDulce Sloan48:47

        Not doesn't. Can't

    12. EUEugene48:49

        Can't

    13. TNTrevor Noah48:49

        Can't. Fine. Can't pay the bills.

    14. DSDulce Sloan48:51

        Can't.

    15. TNTrevor Noah48:51

        That's fine, Eugene.

    16. DSDulce Sloan48:52

        Because doesn't.

    17. TNTrevor Noah48:52

        That's fine.

    18. EUEugene48:53

        But can't.

    19. DSDulce Sloan48:54

        Calm down

    20. TNTrevor Noah48:55

        ... can't. Can't. He loves trying to get a- an American accent right.

    21. DSDulce Sloan48:59

        Well, I have a Southern accent, so it's fine.

    22. TNTrevor Noah49:00

        We, we good?

    23. DSDulce Sloan49:00

        We're not real friends.

    24. TNTrevor Noah49:01

        Good to go?

    25. DSDulce Sloan49:02

        We're good to go.

    26. TNTrevor Noah49:04

        [laughs]

    27. DSDulce Sloan49:06

        [coughs]

    28. TNTrevor Noah49:06

        [laughs] So-

    29. DSDulce Sloan49:06

        I don't know why that was my first reaction.

    30. TNTrevor Noah49:08

        [laughs] So-
16. 50:21 – 56:10

    The Pressure of Being "Fine"

    1. DSDulce Sloan50:21

       And so now you're dealing with someone who resents you, because I've dealt- 'cause people are like, "Well, he, what if he's a nice guy and ba, da, da, da." Yeah. I've dealt with men who weren't as successful as me, and it always ends up with them being hurtful towards me because they resent me for the fact that they can't do the thing that society's told them they're supposed to be doing. Right. In the same way, they're just like, it's... You talk about white privilege, and there are white people that get upset because they're like, "Well, I grew up poor. I didn't have white privilege." Yeah. But they don't understand the full scope of what white privilege is because all they knew is, is they grew up poor. So I can't have a privilege of being white, 'cause my white experience- Yeah ... is that I grew up poor. You can't tell them that you can inherently fix this thing, which is by boot- the bootstrapping myth makes sense for them, right? In the same way that I know that also, when I have children, I wanna be able to take time off of work. I'm not gonna let love make me homeless. So if I'm not working, someone has to pay the mortgage. Someone has to be- if I, if I at least have, I have savings. Fine, I can pay half the mortgage-

    2. TNTrevor Noah51:28

       Mm-hmm

    3. DSDulce Sloan51:28

       ... but I'm not working. Someone has to keep us indoors. Right. So if I'm dealing with somebody who can't keep the lights on in here, then I have another dependent in my house. Mm-hmm. Then I can't do the things that I need to do as a mother, I can't do the things I do, I need to do as a person, I can't do the things I need to do as an adult because there's a fucking man in my house who cannot pay my light bill. He cannot pay half the mortgage. He cannot do the tra- he can't do... So what is he here for? Because I already have people in my... My mother's retired. My mother's just got a job for fun. So just, like, I have people in my house that I'm already taking care of. I need a partner. I don't need another dependent. Because if that's the case, I'm putting you on my taxes, bro. Give me your Social. Because here's the thing, there's not an- the, I have never made a dick that, I've never met a dick that would make me send my mother to work. You see what I'm saying? My mother works 'cause she wants to-

    4. TNTrevor Noah52:23

       Trevor

    5. DSDulce Sloan52:23

       ... not 'cause she has to.

    6. TNTrevor Noah52:23

       Dulce. Dulce.

    7. DSDulce Sloan52:24

       [laughs]

    8. TNTrevor Noah52:25

       Trevor.

    9. DSDulce Sloan52:27

       I can't. I can't.

    10. TNTrevor Noah52:29

        [laughs] Welcome to my life.

    11. DSDulce Sloan52:30

        What is-

    12. TNTrevor Noah52:31

        [laughs]

    13. DSDulce Sloan52:33

        I remember, the number of times some random girl would be like, "Oh my God, I can't, how can you, Trevor's so handsome. How can you work?" I said, "First of all, he's my boss, first of all, so I don't see him like that."

    14. TNTrevor Noah52:43

        Where were you when these conversations were happening?

    15. DSDulce Sloan52:45

        At the fu- at the stand at The Cellar. There was always some girl that's like, "Oh my God, do you have Trevor's number?" And I was like, "No."

    16. TNTrevor Noah52:51

        No, we're getting distracted though.

    17. DSDulce Sloan52:52

        No, we get distracted 'cause I don't wanna be distracted because I have to make sure I don't cry on your podcast. So my brain just needs to kick somewhere else.

    18. TNTrevor Noah52:59

        Okay, go.

    19. DSDulce Sloan52:59

        And then we have to come back. And so, but I'm being told repeatedly, it's, "Well, what if he has potential, and da, da, da, da, da, da, da."

    20. TNTrevor Noah53:09

        Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

    21. DSDulce Sloan53:09

        And I was like, "I wanna know if other groups of women are being asked to go, 'Well, what if this man has potential?'" Because one, it's the only men I've ever seen worried about gold diggers-

    22. TNTrevor Noah53:21

        Yeah

    23. DSDulce Sloan53:21

        ... are the men that don't have gold. Hmm. I have never met a man-

    24. TNTrevor Noah53:27

        [laughs] Onto my new American phrase.

    25. DSDulce Sloan53:30

        God damn. [laughs]

    26. TNTrevor Noah53:32

        [laughs] Well, we're good to go.

    27. DSDulce Sloan53:35

        Oh, God d-

    28. TNTrevor Noah53:36

        That's a combo.

    29. DSDulce Sloan53:37

        Oh, okay.

    30. TNTrevor Noah53:38

        [laughs]
17. 56:10 – 1:03:03

    Friendship, Men, and Emotional Labor

    1. DSDulce Sloan56:10

       do not get a livable wage, because you can survive on tips.

    2. TNTrevor Noah56:13

       Mm.

    3. DSDulce Sloan56:13

       Right?

    4. TNTrevor Noah56:14

       Mm-hmm.

    5. DSDulce Sloan56:14

       And so this is a thing that's still hurting people today, but because of a racist start of it, and then we lose the history of things.

    6. TNTrevor Noah56:20

       Yeah.

    7. DSDulce Sloan56:20

       And so, the pro- but the problem is, is that if I let love carry me in certain places-

    8. TNTrevor Noah56:28

       Yeah

    9. DSDulce Sloan56:28

       ... I would be divorced from a broke man. If I let love dictate, and if I let the thing, if I let... 'Cause I'm already, we know I make bad decisions.

    10. TNTrevor Noah56:38

        Let me ask you a question, though, before you move on from there. If, I mean by the, you know, last reported whatever numbers, if they say 50% of all marriages end in divorce anyways, then doesn't it mean that even if you get into a marriage, and not you, but as a person, there's a 50% chance that you're already getting divorced regardless of what the other person's income is or isn't? And like even brokenness. People can become broke.

    11. DSDulce Sloan57:01

        Mm-hmm.

    12. TNTrevor Noah57:01

        Do you know what I mean?

    13. DSDulce Sloan57:02

        We've all s-

    14. TNTrevor Noah57:02

        Like, people can come in with money and then end up broke. People can-

    15. DSDulce Sloan57:05

        Do you think I make the same amount of money I did when I worked at The Daily Show?

    16. TNTrevor Noah57:08

        I'm assuming not, 'cause I don't.

    17. DSDulce Sloan57:10

        I, listen.

    18. TNTrevor Noah57:10

        [laughs]

    19. DSDulce Sloan57:11

        So, listen. I got to pr- start paying attention in the store now. It's crazy. Oh my God.

    20. TNTrevor Noah57:16

        Yeah, but, but-

    21. DSDulce Sloan57:16

        I had to look at the price of something. Ugh, I was so mad.

    22. TNTrevor Noah57:19

        [laughs]

    23. EUEugene57:20

        Whenever I think of conversations about relationships, and I think relationships onl- permanent ones.

    24. DSDulce Sloan57:28

        Mm.

    25. EUEugene57:28

        Long-term ones.

    26. DSDulce Sloan57:29

        Yeah.

    27. EUEugene57:29

        Only make sense based on the stage of life that you are at.

    28. DSDulce Sloan57:32

        Right.

    29. EUEugene57:33

        So for example, I, I've told you this story before. My daughter's turning 17 now, and we've been together alone since she was 5 turning 6.

    30. DSDulce Sloan57:41

        Mm.
18. 1:03:03 – 1:13:16

    Is Modern Romance Broken?

    1. DSDulce Sloan1:03:03

       Are you paying me in this conversation? So I go on a date, and so guy was like... And I've had men go to me, "Oh, man, I'm having such a good time." It's like, "So you're acting right now? Bitch, are you paying me? I don't perform for free. Also, a pussy costs more than appetizers, so let's also get that out the way."

    2. EUEugene1:03:19

       God damn.

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:03:21

       See, when you walk, you wanna sit or walk in a room? So-

    4. EUEugene1:03:23

       [laughs]

    5. DSDulce Sloan1:03:24

       Right

    6. TNTrevor Noah1:03:24

       ... I, th- this, this, this, this is a question I- I'd love to ask here, and I'll, I'll maybe ask it by, by sharing something from my life. One of the hardest things I learned from therapy was that...

    7. DSDulce Sloan1:03:39

       It's expensive.

    8. TNTrevor Noah1:03:41

       Yeah, it's expensive, but I, I also learned that there's a filter that we can apply on the world because we are constantly moving towards or partially creating the reality that we do exist within.

    9. DSDulce Sloan1:04:00

       Mm.

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:04:00

        So I would find myself having one idea of women-

    11. DSDulce Sloan1:04:05

        Mm-hmm

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:04:06

        ... because I was going, "They're all like this. All women do this. All women..." And then I, I would talk to a friend who's in a healthy, happy relationship, married, whatever, and they would go, "I don't actually know what you're talking about."

    13. EUEugene1:04:21

        What are you talking about?

    14. DSDulce Sloan1:04:22

        Mm-hmm.

    15. TNTrevor Noah1:04:22

        And I'd be like, "Oh, now, that, that's 'cause you, you're an outlier, man. Let me tell you how it really is." And then I would meet somebody else at some point, and I'd get to know them, and I'd go, "You know how..." And they'd go like, "Actually, I don't know what you're talking about."

    16. DSDulce Sloan1:04:35

        Mm-hmm.

    17. TNTrevor Noah1:04:36

        And it took me a while, and I think it takes all of us a while to then ask ourselves, because of where we are from, how we were raised. Like, we had Roy on the podcast, and one of the conversations that we had with Roy, like, you know, he gets into it in his book, is you realize how many of the cycles and patterns we've inherited-

    18. DSDulce Sloan1:04:54

        Mm-hmm

    19. TNTrevor Noah1:04:55

        ... and don't even know we're in.

    20. DSDulce Sloan1:04:59

        Right.

    21. TNTrevor Noah1:05:00

        And then we ask ourselves why they keep repeating, you know? And so-

    22. DSDulce Sloan1:05:03

        But what's the difference between that and a generational curse?

    23. TNTrevor Noah1:05:06

        No, it's the same thing.

    24. DSDulce Sloan1:05:07

        Mm-hmm.

    25. TNTrevor Noah1:05:07

        It's the same thing. But, but I'm coming back to what you're saying. Like, I notice just when I'm listening to you, and you go, you have an assumption that the man you're meeting, you've already met.

    26. DSDulce Sloan1:05:20

        No, no, no, no, no, no. That's the thing. It's I take everyone at face value. I'm not gonna have an issue-

    27. TNTrevor Noah1:05:26

        No-

    28. DSDulce Sloan1:05:27

        ... till you give it to me.

    29. TNTrevor Noah1:05:27

        No, I'm with you.

    30. DSDulce Sloan1:05:28

        So my ex was-
19. 1:13:16 – 1:29:49

    Bears vs Men (The Forest Question)

    1. TNTrevor Noah1:13:16

       conundrum of life and being chosen sometimes, is that everyone is trying to see this person's face. The person behind them is trying to see their face. The person behind them is trying to see their face. The person be- do you know what I mean? And so now, like, what Eugene is saying is interesting because it's like I know that I've experienced that, now way less obviously. But I remember when I was starting in comedy, I would be on a date and someone would go, "So, what do you do?" And I'd go like, "Oh, I'm a comedian." And they're like, "No, no, but what do you, like... Like, what are you gonna, like, do?"

    2. EUEugene1:13:46

       But what you're missing-

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:13:47

       Like, what do- like, what are you gonna... No, no, I, I'm just saying, like, it was interesting. It would be like, "What are you gonna, like, do do?"

    4. EUEugene1:13:50

       What do you do? [laughs]

    5. TNTrevor Noah1:13:50

       No, like, for like, but like, like, f- like, when you-

    6. EUEugene1:13:53

       Yes

    7. TNTrevor Noah1:13:53

       ... you could... They almost wanted to say, "What are you gonna do when you grow up, though?"

    8. EUEugene1:13:57

       Yeah.

    9. DSDulce Sloan1:13:57

       Right. But what-

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:13:58

        Like, when you become an adult, what are you gonna do?

    11. DSDulce Sloan1:13:59

        But you have to remember, I'm a woman, so no one is looking for me to do that thing. No one asks women. That's the thing, and this is, so you have to remember.

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:14:10

        No, he's not saying... No, no, he's not saying that, so this, this what-

    13. DSDulce Sloan1:14:11

        No, no, no, no.

    14. TNTrevor Noah1:14:12

        No.

    15. DSDulce Sloan1:14:12

        I'm saying what, so he's talking about, like, a banker or something-

    16. TNTrevor Noah1:14:14

        Yeah, yeah

    17. DSDulce Sloan1:14:14

        ... worried about that.

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:14:16

        Right.

    19. DSDulce Sloan1:14:16

        But you have to also remember is that men inherently aren't, they do not have to a- men aren't running around looking for, "I need a successful woman."

    20. TNTrevor Noah1:14:29

        I think that's-

    21. DSDulce Sloan1:14:30

        No, no, no, no, no, no

    22. TNTrevor Noah1:14:30

        ... I think that's where you may be wrong. I'll tell you.

    23. DSDulce Sloan1:14:31

        I'm not saying-

    24. TNTrevor Noah1:14:32

        No, no.

    25. DSDulce Sloan1:14:32

        Let me finish.

    26. TNTrevor Noah1:14:33

        No, no, let me speak for some men.

    27. DSDulce Sloan1:14:34

        Okay.

    28. TNTrevor Noah1:14:34

        I'll speak for some. Wait, wait, let me say this.

    29. DSDulce Sloan1:14:36

        Right.

    30. TNTrevor Noah1:14:36

        I'll speak for some men. I think there's a misconception that is often spread amongst people where they go, "Men don't care. Men don't look at that. Men don't-"
20. 1:29:49 – 1:40:19

    The Line That Changed The Room

    1. TNTrevor Noah1:29:49

       No, no, I'm saying in stand-up and in crafts.

    2. DSDulce Sloan1:29:52

       Mm-hmm.

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:29:53

       Two worlds where you have direct control and immediate feedback. Like, if you're a comedian-

    4. DSDulce Sloan1:30:00

       Mm-hmm

    5. TNTrevor Noah1:30:00

       ... and you say something that the audience does not agree with or like, they will instantly let you know.

    6. DSDulce Sloan1:30:04

       It's either information or confirmation.

    7. TNTrevor Noah1:30:06

       Yeah.

    8. DSDulce Sloan1:30:06

       The jokes either works-

    9. TNTrevor Noah1:30:07

       It's instantly-

    10. DSDulce Sloan1:30:07

        ... or it doesn't

    11. TNTrevor Noah1:30:08

        ... they let you know.

    12. DSDulce Sloan1:30:08

        Right.

    13. TNTrevor Noah1:30:08

        So you then know immediately. There's, there's almost no audience out there, maybe in Japan, that's the only time it happened to me, where what they were doing didn't relate to how they were feeling. You know what I mean?

    14. DSDulce Sloan1:30:18

        Oh, you've never performed for Black lesbians. They are the hardest audience to perform for.

    15. TNTrevor Noah1:30:23

        Yeah, I cannot say that I've done a show solely for Black lesbians.

    16. DSDulce Sloan1:30:25

        In Atlanta, there was a place called My Sister's Room, and they would do shows there. And every comic would get off stage going, "You can't crack them." [laughs]

    17. TNTrevor Noah1:30:33

        So wait. So let me go back to what I was saying.

    18. DSDulce Sloan1:30:34

        And then they get off stage and go, "You had a great set." And we were like, "Tell your face, ma'am." [upbeat music]

    19. TNTrevor Noah1:30:40

        Don't press anything. We've got more What Now? After this. You know, Eugene, I don't know about you, man, but sometimes planning a romantic evening is one of the most stressful things 'cause there's that specific type of performance art that comes with a romantic night out, you know? It's like you're sitting in a restaurant, and you realize you've just paid a premium to have a room of strangers watch you eat bread while you try and have a private conversation. It's exhausting. You know what I mean?

    20. DSDulce Sloan1:31:10

        It is.

    21. TNTrevor Noah1:31:11

        But I realized recently, if you wanna skip the theater and the crowds, Whole Foods Market is the place to plan the perfect indulgent and romantic evening at home. Picture this. You see, you skip the extra trip to the flower shop, and instead- You explore the Whole Foods Market floral department, full of gorgeous quality flowers with large blooms, vibrant colors, and strong stems. Bunches, bouquets, and even vase arrangements are available. Ooh, why stop there? We can also skip the dinner reservation, start our sizzling hot evening in the kitchen, just us. We could serve a surf and turf made with quality no-antibiotic-ever steaks, plus seafood that must be sustainable, wild-caught, or responsibly farmed. We'll then pair that dinner with a bottle of wine from the incredibly in-depth Whole Foods Market selection. Say cheers with a sparkling rosé or choose ready-to-drink cocktails. Mm, mm, mm. [laughs] [clears throat] Yeah. Must be 21 or older. Please drink responsibly. Taste the love all month at Whole Foods Market. By the way, that wasn't our date.

    22. EUEugene1:32:40

        Yeah.

    23. TNTrevor Noah1:32:40

        I just got carried away-

    24. EUEugene1:32:41

        Yeah

    25. TNTrevor Noah1:32:41

        ... and then your hand was there, and then ...

    26. EUEugene1:32:43

        I totally understand, but, you know, like they say, there's no free dinners, clearly.

    27. TNTrevor Noah1:32:48

        No, you don't owe me anything, Eugene.

    28. EUEugene1:32:50

        [laughs]

    29. TNTrevor Noah1:32:50

        We, we, we didn't even have the dinner.

    30. EUEugene1:32:51

        I'm 41.
21. 1:40:19 – 1:52:47

    Why Hope Is Harder Than Patience

    1. DSDulce Sloan1:40:19

       they are at. But I at least have to accept, as a person of faith, all I can do is go out and do standup, leave my house, and just hope that the work that I'm doing benefits in the way that I want it to. 'Cause you don't know what God's plan is. All you know is you go outside your house, hope you don't die, and maybe what you want and what God's plan is matches up somehow. But I can't li- I don't lie to my friends. I'm who I am with my friends. I don't know why I wouldn't be that with my... I'm gonna spend more time with th- he's gonna be in my bed every night. I can't lie to this man. It's exhausting. I'm already tired. I was in six cities in a week, and I'm supposed to come home and be like, "All right. Let me go lie to this nigga." Who wants to do that? That's cra- I just, and so I don't want to... Also, it's like I'm not trying to change nobody. You can't change a person. Well, I, 'cause I, I've heard people say that, "Well, I met him, but I can just change him." Bitch, do you know how successful you can be in your life if you didn't spend all your time trying to change somebody else? Do you know what you could possibly be doing? That's why I always talk about, like, like, truly crazy people are never successful. They're too busy being crazy. People who are obsessed, 'cause I realized one point, I was like, oh, I think I'm addicted to people. When I was younger, in my 20s, I was addicted to people because I didn't want to think about myself. So it was always thinking about oth- what my friends were doing, and were they okay, and how were they, and ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Because when you stop thinking about other people, you can think about yourself. But we've been told as women, thinking about yourself is selfish. So I had to figure out, oh, it's okay for me to think about me. Oh, it's okay for me to worry about me. I had to learn about self-care. 'Cause we grew up, you get your nails done, you get your hair done. Bitch, that's self-care. No one's talking about my emotional whole affair at all. My hair is done and my nails are done. Bitch, you're fine. So all of these things you have to learn as a person, 'cause I realized if I had gotten married before I went to therapy, I would be divorced. Definitely. 'Cause anybody I would've married before I went to therapy would not have been a healthy relationship, no matter who it was, because I was not in a good place, and I didn't care about myself the right way, and I didn't think about myself the right way. So I would've married somebody who was at the point of where I was in my life.

    2. TNTrevor Noah1:42:23

       Mm.

    3. DSDulce Sloan1:42:23

       And that was not a good place. So he was either going to treat me the way I treated me, which isn't good, 'cause I had a friend tell me one day, "If, if somebody spoke to you the way you spoke to you, I would fight that person."

    4. TNTrevor Noah1:42:36

       So l- let me ask you this then, as, as, as we leave you. I've heard you talk about happiness.

    5. DSDulce Sloan1:42:42

       Mm-hmm.

    6. TNTrevor Noah1:42:42

       I've heard you talk about peace, your vision for your life, et cetera. If someone was to wave a, a magic wand and give you exactly what you wanted, what do you think that would look like tomorrow? I'll, I'll... That's the first part of the question. What would that look like tomorrow?

    7. DSDulce Sloan1:43:04

       First of all, I'm a bad bitch. I'm playing. I'm already a bad bitch. Um, one, I want my first love with my mom. Uh, if you wave the wand tomorrow, I am married, happily married with someone who understands me.

    8. TNTrevor Noah1:43:31

       Mm-hmm.

    9. DSDulce Sloan1:43:31

       I have children. Uh, three. Um- My brother is better. My mom is married. Uh, I'm in a house that accommodates everybody. And I have... 'Cause I don't think this, it's not that the situation gives me peace, it's that I have a place of, I don't have that sadness in me anymore. I think that's the wand. It's like I have the things. It's, 'cause this is what I think about all day is what I don't have.

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:44:23

        Mm-hmm.

    11. DSDulce Sloan1:44:24

        And it's so, and me taking care of everyone else. And so I think if a wand is waved, it's I have a partner who can help me take care of everyone else, and someone that takes care of me, and someone that I can take care of. But it's also, it's like I need help. And I'm past the part of my life where I'm afraid for asking for help. I'm afraid of the part of my life where I don't feel ashamed asking for help. But I think if a wand is waved, I get the help that I need because I'm not... 'Cause the goal is to stop feeling like I'm failing.

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:45:08

        Hmm.

    13. DSDulce Sloan1:45:08

        Is really the goal. To be like, "You did enough. Just because things didn't work out." 'Cause no one's ever told me that I'm failing.

    14. TNTrevor Noah1:45:18

        Hmm.

    15. DSDulce Sloan1:45:18

        My manager tells me all the time, "You're not failing." But I can't-

    16. TNTrevor Noah1:45:21

        Don't, don't, don't go far. Sorry to interrupt you. Don't-

    17. DSDulce Sloan1:45:22

        But I can't shake the feeling. So that's the wand wave.

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:45:25

        Yeah.

    19. DSDulce Sloan1:45:25

        Is that feeling of... 'Cause someone asked me, was like, "Well, how do you know that you made it?" I was like, "I don't, I've never felt like I've made it."

    20. TNTrevor Noah1:45:35

        Right.

    21. DSDulce Sloan1:45:35

        I've never felt like I've made it. 'Cause like, "Oh, you got Daily Show, you made it." I'm like, "This is one job. This is, this-"

    22. TNTrevor Noah1:45:41

        Yeah.

    23. DSDulce Sloan1:45:41

        "Your career is your whole life."

    24. TNTrevor Noah1:45:42

        Yeah.

    25. DSDulce Sloan1:45:43

        So it's, for me, it's like I, the wand is I don't feel like I'm failing anymore, and I have the things that I want to make me feel like I'm not failing. What's the next question?

    26. TNTrevor Noah1:45:53

        So no, no, no. The, the, the second part of it isn't necessarily a question. It's more, it's more an idea that I hope to leave you with. When, when my production team was asking me, they're like, "So like why, like why Dulcé?" They asked me about everyone to try and understand. They're like, "Why do you want this person on? And why do you want that person on?" I say, "Why Dulcé?" And I said, "Because I've met few people who embody the real idea of heroism than Dulcé."

    27. DSDulce Sloan1:46:26

        Me?

    28. TNTrevor Noah1:46:27

        Oftentimes we are sold heroes as people who have overcome an idea. Oftentimes I get frustrated because we're sold people who have overcome voluntary ideas. "I climbed Mount Everest."

    29. DSDulce Sloan1:46:40

        You have done that.

    30. TNTrevor Noah1:46:40

        "I ran 100 marathons." And I'm like, "Yeah, this is my hero." I'm like, "No, no, no. They, they chose a thing to do." In my opinion, heroes are the people who are not choosing the thing, but have to climb the mountain anyways.
22. 1:52:47 – 2:00:03

    What Dulce Still Wants

    1. TNTrevor Noah1:52:47

       you gotta go to some man's house to pay for oil change. That's not the point. You love him. But real hope is seeing your car on a tow truck and going, "I'm gonna drive the car again."

    2. DSDulce Sloan1:52:57

       Yeah.

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:52:58

       No matter what's wrong with it. Also, car to c- somebody else ... I've never been to a car wash where somebody had drive my car off, so I just hope just one day to get like you.

    4. DSDulce Sloan1:53:06

       Oh, no, it's quite common in South Africa. Don't, don't get it twisted.

    5. TNTrevor Noah1:53:08

       No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

    6. DSDulce Sloan1:53:09

       It's like-

    7. TNTrevor Noah1:53:09

       No, they have them here. I just-

    8. DSDulce Sloan1:53:10

       No, no

    9. TNTrevor Noah1:53:10

       ... never gone.

    10. DSDulce Sloan1:53:10

        Oh, it's like pouring gas. You know, like, in America, people are like, "They pour your gas for you." And you're like, "Oh, no, no. This is not, this is not the way it seems."

    11. TNTrevor Noah1:53:16

        No, in New Jersey they pump the gas-

    12. DSDulce Sloan1:53:17

        Yeah, no, no, but I'm saying-

    13. TNTrevor Noah1:53:18

        ... and you don't know why

    14. DSDulce Sloan1:53:18

        ... it's one of those funny things where people, you know. But Dulce, this was, uh ...

    15. TNTrevor Noah1:53:20

        But-

    16. DSDulce Sloan1:53:20

        I know we gonna, we gonna have to-

    17. TNTrevor Noah1:53:21

        Yeah, we have to wrap up, but yeah. It's, uh ... Listen, this is the longest I've ever spoken to you. So. Don't lie.

    18. DSDulce Sloan1:53:27

        We've never talked for two hours straight before?

    19. TNTrevor Noah1:53:29

        Yeah. But I don't talk to anyone for two hours straight.

    20. DSDulce Sloan1:53:31

        I'm fully aware. That's what I'm saying.

    21. TNTrevor Noah1:53:33

        Oh, okay.

    22. DSDulce Sloan1:53:33

        This is the longest I've ever talked to you.

    23. TNTrevor Noah1:53:34

        I was gonna be like, "In our lives we've spoken for way more than two hours."

    24. DSDulce Sloan1:53:37

        Yeah, if you put it all together, it was three hours and 15 minutes.

    25. TNTrevor Noah1:53:39

        In fact, in fact, in fact, I'm gonna challenge you. When we were backstage in Atlanta, I had the fried chicken, and we were sitting ... Remember I had the, the Nashville spicy hot chicken, and we were backstage, and you came to the show in Atlanta. We stayed backstage until they kicked us out of the backstage.

    26. DSDulce Sloan1:53:52

        Yeah, because that's the only time I leave somewhere-

    27. TNTrevor Noah1:53:53

        Yeah, yeah, yeah

    28. DSDulce Sloan1:53:54

        ... is when we get kicked out.

    29. TNTrevor Noah1:53:54

        But that was hours.

    30. DSDulce Sloan1:53:55

        And I'm happy.

Episode duration: 2:00:03