South Africa Sessions: R2-D2 Would Roast You on a Date ft. Sizwe Dhlomo

1. 0:00 – 1:41

   Elon Musk: Talent, Vision & Bamboozlement

   1. TNTrevor Noah0:00

      [upbeat music] 'Cause here's the thing about Elon Musk, Elon Musk is equal parts talent- Yeah ... vision, and bamboozlement, which might be the perfect combination in life. Yeah. R2-D2 will roast you with those sounds, bro. Yeah. [beeping] Doesn't even talk. [beeping] Then you're like, "Ah, how can you say that about my mom, R2-D2?" You just had literally Nigerians being like, "Oh, South Africa, you can't go. You can't... I don't want you here. We go, we're going to find you where you are performing. We're going to find you where you are do..." Then I was like, "But my brother, you're doing the exact same thing that you're complaining about right now." No, but on a plane, I'm a beast, bro. You can't beat me on an airplane. I don't watch on a plane, yeah. Every- You watch Yeah. You see, you sleep on a plane. Ha, bro. Yeah. While you sleep, we grind. That is funny. But the reason why they do it is, one, out of frustration, but also because they've seen that no government official is gonna come here until a school is burning. Here's the paradox about Eugene, right? Eugene is inquisitive enough to make himself interesting, but also- [laughs] No, I'm serious. But also hood enough to be ignorant. Don't do that. Watch documentaries at home. 'Cause also with doccies, you may wanna research certain things. There you go. How are you researching on a plane now? I believe the director. [laughs] [upbeat music] This is What Now? with Trevor Noah. [upbeat music] Yo, I have a, I have a question for you guys. Yeah. I need your advice as friends.

2. 1:41 – 3:54

   Should Trevor Get a Beard Transplant in Turkey?

   1. TNTrevor Noah1:41

      I was thinking of going to Turkey to get a beard. No. Yeah. Why no? Why are beard guys so quick to stop- Yeah. Why? ... me from getting a beard? [laughs] [speaks foreign language] He thinks, he thinks we're gatekeeping the beard. [laughs] Guys- He thinks you are gate... [speaks foreign language] Oh, you think I should go? 100%. I don't think you should go. Why not? Because funny enough, this is your theory, right? So you can either have- [laughs] Yeah, the theory ... hair on top of the head and then no beard. Ah. Or you can have a beard and no hair on top of the head. Oh, you don't believe I'm a two piece. When you're old. You can't have both, bro. Imagine if you're rolling with a fro and a beard. That's just too much. Yeah, but I want options, and what I've realized is- Nah, bro ... so... No, let me, let me tell you what happened. So- Yeah ... early on in my life, I gave up my beard rights, 'cause I didn't know what the future would hold. 'Cause re- you guys forget this now because- What happened to your beard? You lasered it, right? I lasered it. Yes. I lasered my beard off, right? So what people forget is, like, beards are cool now. See, you guys roll with them. But a few years ago, these things were disgusting. [speaks foreign language] He- let's be... Having this on your face all the time- I've had accounts declined because of that. [laughs] That is funny. Guys- I'm from KZN and, like, beards are just a thing there, so. Yes, as I said, disgusting. [laughs] That's funny. So- Yeah. [laughs] Yeah. So- Full moon ... so what I'm saying is, like, for a long time, beards were considered, like, unkempt. Beards were- Yes. Unprofessional ... you couldn't be in corporate work with beards. You couldn't be on TV with a beard. Yeah. You couldn't be a president with a beard. You couldn't be... Like, beard was just not considered, do you know what I mean? You look suspicious. Yeah. Then I think- Even these guys- ... pandemic was probably the last step, but before that, beards started, like, coming into the game, coming into the game. You, you, you get what I'm saying? Yeah. Then you saw, like, Will Letterman with a beard, John Stewart, Colbert, et cetera. Yeah. Yeah, so you started seeing, like- Yes, yes ... people rocking beards, rocking beards. Now, I feel like I've given up my, my legacy and inheritance. Too soon. Not too soon, it's just like- It's annoying ... I don't have the option. You should have considered us before you went for laser to be, to quite honest. Oh, you didn't know us then. But I, how was I supposed to know then? It didn't- But also you were a kid ... it didn't... Guys, it didn't seem possible that beards would ever be something you would want to own in a society. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Like gen- I'm, and I'm, I'm not even lying, genuinely. To be quite honest, you know what? I could not have seen a future. Yeah, no, I, I hear you.

3. 3:54 – 16:26

   The Foreskin Analogy

   1. TNTrevor Noah3:54

      It's like the same thing with circumcision. Wait, tell us more. No, I'm just saying, like- [laughs] ... if somebody was like, "Bro, do you think we're gonna need this jacket ever?" They're like, "No, leave the jacket at home." Right? Then you decide to leave the jacket. Yes. Now it's cold and you're like, "Yo, I want my jacket back." You get what I'm trying to say? I get you. Jacket being what in this case? 'Cause we... I mean, look, the jacket I understand. The jacket is obviously the- I wanna go back to circumcision to understand- But the jacket is the foreskin ... you feel me? Okay. [laughs] Yes, but who, who has ever... And this is a- I've never come across a guy talking about, "I miss my foreskin." Never ever, ever, ever. Yes. Okay, okay. Then we're on the same page. You see? That's my point. Okay, cool. Okay, then we're on the same page. So I guess maybe- Why would a guy say that, Vale? Pilakitsi, why is a guy missing his beard? This is when we talk about the beard. He's right. Sizwe's right. Why is a guy missing his beard? Sizwe's right. When you start- He chopped off his beard. When you started- Now he wants it back. Yes. When you started, you started looking crazy. Yeah, but you see the beards, like you said, are now in fashion. Yes. No one is having conversations about foreskins. But that's what Sizwe's saying. What if jackets come back? What if jackets come back in the game now? But that's what, that's what Sizwe is saying. Sizwe is saying, when you live in a world where it seems impossible... I'm glad he's at least seeing my point of view. Yes. You see what you just said? Always remember who he is, nè, the guy who said, "Don't go to Turkey." Yeah, but now we're gonna get into why. [laughs] Before him defending a jacket ... No, I'm not defending. I'm, I'm just ask- so I'm saying at least you see my point of view. Okay. You understand why I did it. Oh, okay. Something coming, yeah. Now my question to you is why should I not go- And get a foreskin? You see now the way you put it- [laughs] That's funny. So let me tell you why, right? Wait, that's not what we're talking about now. No, no, no, no. Let's keep with this analogy. I imagine to reattach your foreskin would be so weird, first of all, 'cause now you're gonna have, like, a stitch around your joint. I mean, we can just talk- So the jacket- ... we can just talk about beards. Wait, no, but- So I'm wondering why we're using an analogy for a thing ... but the beard... No, but the beard is also the same, 'cause now when they plant hair- Yeah ... like follicles in your, in your, in your face- They do that [clicking] ... yeah, you're gonna get scars, bro. No, no, no. No, you won't. You don't get scars. You won't? You don't. No, no, no. It's like a machine that just, like, p- p- p- p- p- p- p- p- p- it just puts them in. Hmm. Where else for- There's, there's, there's different types of... There's ones where they, like, have to do incisions- Yeah ... but then there's another one where it just goes like p- p- p- p- p- p- and it puts it inside you. Where else for a foreskin to pay [laughs]

   2. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:03

      The thinking 揚 げ there lapo because- [laughs]

   3. TNTrevor Noah6:06

      [laughs]

   4. SPSpeaker6:06

      [laughs] That's funny. Now that I think about it, where would they get the flap like the skin from?

   5. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:11

      That's what I was saying.

   6. TNTrevor Noah6:13

      They have to do a, a graft-

   7. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:14

      From where?

   8. TNTrevor Noah6:14

      ... just like with hair.

   9. SPSpeaker6:15

      Really?

   10. TNTrevor Noah6:16

       Pick a part of your body, bro.

   11. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:17

       No, my man.

   12. TNTrevor Noah6:18

       Pick a part-

   13. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:19

       You know-

   14. TNTrevor Noah6:19

       I'll tell you where

   15. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:19

       ... you know how-

   16. TNTrevor Noah6:19

       From your elbow.

   17. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:20

       Y- yeah.

   18. TNTrevor Noah6:21

       Let me tell you something.

   19. SPSpeaker6:22

       [laughs]

   20. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:22

       It's got the same texture also. Yes.

   21. TNTrevor Noah6:23

       From your elbow.

   22. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:24

       Guys, you know-

   23. TNTrevor Noah6:24

       From your elbow

   24. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:24

       ... you know, you know how-

   25. SPSpeaker6:25

       It's got a... Well, not the same. It's like a bald texture-

   26. TNTrevor Noah6:27

       Guys-

   27. SPSpeaker6:28

       ... all the way

   28. TNTrevor Noah6:28

       ... guys, guys-

   29. SDSizwe Dhlomo6:29

       [laughs]

   30. SPSpeaker6:29

       [laughs]
4. 16:26 – 18:00

   Hair Transplants & Lewis Hamilton

   1. SPSpeaker16:26

      Look at Lewis Hamilton.

   2. SDSizwe Dhlomo16:27

      Damn. He, he got that shit done?

   3. SPSpeaker16:29

      Oh, come on, bruh.

   4. TNTrevor Noah16:30

      Oh, she's... Come on. What are you talking about?

   5. SDSizwe Dhlomo16:32

      I didn't know.

   6. SPSpeaker16:32

      When Lewis, in his rookie year-

   7. TNTrevor Noah16:34

      Do you remember Lewis's hair?

   8. SPSpeaker16:34

      ... Lewis was bald, bald, bald.

   9. SDSizwe Dhlomo16:38

      He had a hairline like his dad.

   10. SPSpeaker16:39

       Was.

   11. TNTrevor Noah16:39

       Yeah, exact same hairline.

   12. SPSpeaker16:40

       Yeah.

   13. TNTrevor Noah16:40

       Exact same hairline, basically.

   14. SDSizwe Dhlomo16:42

       I didn't know.

   15. TNTrevor Noah16:43

       Yeah.

   16. SPSpeaker16:43

       Yeah. Go back and look at Lewis Hamilton in 2006, 2007, and then now look at him again in 2009, 2010.

   17. TNTrevor Noah16:49

       Yeah, now it's fresh, bruh. Fire.

   18. SPSpeaker16:51

       Yeah.

   19. TNTrevor Noah16:51

       Fire, fire, fire.

   20. SDSizwe Dhlomo16:52

       Yeah, but I need to ascend to... I'm saying in the face, don't you think maybe if you wanna have the option of shaving off, won't your hair be too...

   21. TNTrevor Noah16:59

       No, no, no, it works.

   22. SPSpeaker17:00

       Nah.

   23. TNTrevor Noah17:00

       It works really nicely.

   24. SDSizwe Dhlomo17:00

       Okay.

   25. SPSpeaker17:00

       I've never seen it come back aggressively.

   26. TNTrevor Noah17:02

       But can-

   27. SDSizwe Dhlomo17:02

       I shave it.

   28. SPSpeaker17:02

       If anything, it comes back weak. If you look at LeBron, he must have-

   29. SDSizwe Dhlomo17:05

       Oh

   30. SPSpeaker17:05

       ... he's tried, like, 10 times.
5. 18:00 – 19:17

   The Golden Age of Looksmaxxing

   1. TNTrevor Noah18:00

      we're in the... Guys, we're in the golden age of, what is it called? Looksmaxxing But also you're gonna shave all or leave short hair?

   2. SPSpeaker18:07

      But that's another thing, right?

   3. TNTrevor Noah18:08

      Because-

   4. SPSpeaker18:08

      What?

   5. TNTrevor Noah18:08

      ... you want to shave all because what if the hair doesn't match?

   6. SPSpeaker18:10

      Because with beards, right-

   7. TNTrevor Noah18:11

      Yeah

   8. SPSpeaker18:11

      ... you need a lot of hair to make it look like it's together.

   9. TNTrevor Noah18:14

      Do you know how much... It's an eight-hour procedure.

   10. SPSpeaker18:16

       That's long.

   11. TNTrevor Noah18:16

       And it's more than one person.

   12. SPSpeaker18:17

       But what are you harvesting? That's what I wanna know.

   13. TNTrevor Noah18:20

       Guys-

   14. SPSpeaker18:20

       That's where you... Yeah.

   15. TNTrevor Noah18:20

       Are you not paying attention to the top of my head?

   16. SPSpeaker18:22

       No, I heard you. I heard you, but-

   17. TNTrevor Noah18:24

       This here can cover all of this-

   18. SPSpeaker18:27

       Yeah

   19. TNTrevor Noah18:27

       ... three times over. I've got hair in my hair, son.

   20. SPSpeaker18:31

       Ah, okay.

   21. TNTrevor Noah18:32

       Wait, so you will shave... Are you gonna go everywhere? Like, even where you have a mustache and a goatee-

   22. SPSpeaker18:38

       No, no, no

   23. TNTrevor Noah18:38

       ... which you will shave.

   24. SPSpeaker18:38

       I would just, like, do it like-

   25. TNTrevor Noah18:39

       No, but you see that's what my problem is.

   26. SPSpeaker18:41

       And then what?

   27. TNTrevor Noah18:42

       Then this hair might grow longer than this hair that exists already.

   28. SPSpeaker18:46

       That's fine.

   29. TNTrevor Noah18:47

       Because also... No, my man.

   30. SPSpeaker18:48

       You're right about that, though. You don't wanna have... Have you seen people with uneven beards?
6. 19:17 – 28:05

   Leg Lengthening Surgery & Reverse Aging

   1. TNTrevor Noah19:17

      do the, would you do the leg lengthening surgery?

   2. SPSpeaker19:19

      Never. Never, I wouldn't do that.

   3. TNTrevor Noah19:20

      No, this is not about-

   4. SPSpeaker19:21

      No, never

   5. TNTrevor Noah19:22

      ... asking Eugene.

   6. SPSpeaker19:22

      Oh, I see. I see. I see.

   7. TNTrevor Noah19:23

      We're asking somebody who would, like, benefit from it.

   8. SPSpeaker19:25

      Never, never, never.

   9. TNTrevor Noah19:26

      Why?

   10. SPSpeaker19:27

       Because I think if you can't match it everywhere else, let's leave it.

   11. TNTrevor Noah19:31

       What do you mean?

   12. SPSpeaker19:32

       Because if my legs are longer-

   13. TNTrevor Noah19:33

       Yeah

   14. SPSpeaker19:34

       ... because right now I feel like proportions.

   15. TNTrevor Noah19:35

       Yeah, your proportions work.

   16. SPSpeaker19:37

       So... Yeah, what if my torso now starts looking off so in someone else?

   17. TNTrevor Noah19:39

       No, you'd just have a smaller torso. It'd always look good to have a smaller torso.

   18. SPSpeaker19:42

       [laughs]

   19. TNTrevor Noah19:43

       No, have you not seen... You know who you look at, models. Models will have, like, super tiny torsos, long legs. It works.

   20. SPSpeaker19:50

       I've never heard that before.

   21. TNTrevor Noah19:51

       Uh, basketball players, a lot of them will have super tiny torsos, long legs. It works. You actually want, like, a tiny torso and long legs. You can, you can pull off anything. Your, your clothes will look great. Your looks... You know what doesn't look great? Long torso, short legs. It's over for you in life.

   22. SPSpeaker20:05

       But we've never seen that one.

   23. TNTrevor Noah20:06

       Yeah, but my point is it's over... We've seen some... I've seen people like that.

   24. SPSpeaker20:09

       With a longer torso and short legs?

   25. TNTrevor Noah20:11

       Yo, some people have mega long torsos and short legs, and that's rough. Like, mega long. Mega, mega, mega long.

   26. SPSpeaker20:17

       Yeah, I don't think the torso is a big deal, but your limbs are a big deal. So for example, you know the whole wingspan is, like, roughly your height?

   27. TNTrevor Noah20:24

       Yes, yes.

   28. SPSpeaker20:25

       Because now you're not gonna extend your arms, so your arms will still be short, but now your legs are long.

   29. TNTrevor Noah20:30

       Yeah, but guys, that has noth-... What do you, what do you care?

   30. SPSpeaker20:32

       Dude, now your arms are swinging at the top.
7. 28:05 – 31:10

   The First Zulu Who Saw White People

   1. TNTrevor Noah28:05

      I mean, imagine the first Zulu guy who said he saw white people coming from the ocean. Guys must have been like, "Bru." Yeah. "Bru, come on." Pretty much every brand offers rewards these days, but most of them, let's be honest, they aren't that rewarding. Well, starting now, Verizon's doing rewards different, rewards you'll love all year round for every customer. They're introducing Verizon Dollars, which gives you cash back every month just for being a customer. That's it. Plus you have the flexibility to use those glorious new dollars how you want. Shop with Verizon, get gift cards for the brands that you love, or transfer them to our partner programs. They're also introducing Verizon Shine, where now every Monday you can snag once in a lifetime experiences like NFL tickets across the globe, all-inclusive music festivals, and the chance to meet your favorite stars, plus daily drops, tickets, and pre-sale access all week. So let's recap. Cash back in your pocket every month with Verizon Dollars and epic experiences from Verizon Shine every Monday all year round. Now, those are some rewarding rewards, only from Verizon. Enroll today at verizon.com. Picture this: you're about to take off for a long flight and suddenly you realize the Wi-Fi is out. "Ladies and gentlemen, the Wi-Fi is not working." You've already seen most of the in-flight movies, and the book you brought feels more like homework than pleasure. This, my friends, is when you'll love having YouTube Premium. Downloading videos before a flight is a must. You can be sitting 30,000 feet in the air halfway through a fascinating interview, a travel documentary, or a cooking series you've somehow become emotionally invested in. No Wi-Fi, no problem. You also get ad-free viewing and background play. So if you need to shut off your screen to rest your eyes or devote your attention to eating those little Biscoff cookies without getting crumbs everywhere, you can still keep listening to your content. And honestly, a long flight might be my favorite time to have YouTube Premium, because suddenly you have something you almost never have on the ground: hours to yourself So before a flight, you can almost build your own entertainment system. Maybe there's an interview you've been saving because it's two hours long, a documentary somebody told you about, a live performance you never got around to watching, something completely random you've always wanted to understand. That's the fun of it. You get on the plane with this little world you've chosen for yourself, and for the next few hours you can go wherever your curiosity takes you. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Sign up now for your free trial at youtube.com/premium. Terms apply, cancel anytime. [upbeat music] Yo, by the way.

   2. SPSpeaker31:06

      [laughs]

   3. TNTrevor Noah31:08

      Uh, what was I before, 95%?

8. 31:10 – 31:23

   Are We Alone? Trevor's Alien Theory

   1. TNTrevor Noah31:10

      I think I'm 90% now on the aliens thing.

   2. SPSpeaker31:12

      You're getting there.

   3. TNTrevor Noah31:14

      Yeah, I think I- 5% more

   4. SPSpeaker31:15

      Wait, what happened?

   5. TNTrevor Noah31:16

      What do you mean, what... What do you mean what happened?

   6. SPSpeaker31:18

      Okay, maybe Phil Sizwe in- Yeah, 'cause I'm confused.

   7. TNTrevor Noah31:20

      Okay. So Eugene, um-

   8. SPSpeaker31:22

      100%

   9. TNTrevor Noah31:22

      ... Eugene

9. 31:23 – 34:11

   Eugene's Alien Sighting in New York

   1. TNTrevor Noah31:23

      told a story about how in New York, he was, uh, he went for a walk, and then he saw an alien. Uh, that's the short version.

   2. SPSpeaker31:30

      By the way, remind me to come back to Eugene in New York.

   3. TNTrevor Noah31:32

      Okay.

   4. SPSpeaker31:33

      But carry on. [laughs]

   5. TNTrevor Noah31:33

      So Eugene saw an alien. Then w- he wasn't sure, but he's like, "I think that's an alien." Followed the per- person, the alien. They went into a bodega. They were, like, leaking. They were super pale. They were translucent. They were struggling to breathe. There was, like, an apparatus thing. They were wearing, like, a hoodie. They were, they, they were shrouded.

   6. SPSpeaker31:50

      When you say leaking, were they sweating?

   7. TNTrevor Noah31:52

      Yeah, man. But I'm just giving you-

   8. SPSpeaker31:53

      Just confused. Yeah, okay.

   9. TNTrevor Noah31:54

      Yeah, but I'm telling you the details.

   10. SPSpeaker31:55

       Yeah.

   11. TNTrevor Noah31:55

       Then Eugene faked buying a bottle of water in the bodega so that he could, like, m- you know, seem like he was doing something. After he paid, left the bodega right behind the alien, turned, alien was gone. Both sides of the block were empty. Alien was gone. So Eugene was like, "Okay, I, I've encountered the alien." So I said to Eugene, as, and as my friend I'm honest with him.

   12. SPSpeaker32:14

       Mm-hmm.

   13. TNTrevor Noah32:15

       I said, and you know this, "So Eugene, I don't believe you saw an alien. Okay? That's what I... But I have to acknowledge the possibility that you saw an alien because I do believe that one day an alien may or may not appear on Earth."

   14. SPSpeaker32:30

       If they haven't already. Yeah.

   15. TNTrevor Noah32:31

       If they haven't already.

   16. SPSpeaker32:31

       Mm.

   17. TNTrevor Noah32:32

       Right? So I can't say to you that you didn't see an alien. I mean, imagine the first Zulu guy who said he saw white people coming from the ocean. Guys must have been like, "Bru."

   18. SPSpeaker32:43

       Yeah.

   19. TNTrevor Noah32:44

       "Bru, come on."

   20. SPSpeaker32:45

       Yeah. That is funny.

   21. TNTrevor Noah32:46

       No, let's be honest. Imagine you were the first, the first Zulu guy standing at the beach, and a ship c- guys, I don't even... The Zulu nation didn't even have ships.

   22. SPSpeaker32:55

       Yeah.

   23. TNTrevor Noah32:55

       They didn't need them. So from the ocean-

   24. SPSpeaker32:58

       And they, and, and those white people took time-

   25. TNTrevor Noah33:00

       Guys

   26. SPSpeaker33:00

       ... to come to shore.

   27. TNTrevor Noah33:01

       A floating house.

   28. SPSpeaker33:02

       Imagine now-

   29. TNTrevor Noah33:03

       A floating-

   30. SPSpeaker33:03

       ... how crazy you were for weeks.
10. 34:11 – 39:06

    Parallel Timelines & Aliens

    1. TNTrevor Noah34:11

       I don't believe that we are alone in the universe forever.

    2. SPSpeaker34:15

       Neither do I.

    3. TNTrevor Noah34:15

       However, I do believe there's a possibility that we are in the universe alone for the time that humans have existed. 'Cause I think sometimes as humans, we make the mistake of thinking that the time we are in is always the most important time and the most significant time.

    4. SPSpeaker34:26

       Mm. Yes.

    5. TNTrevor Noah34:27

       But the truth is, all time is significant-

    6. SPSpeaker34:29

       Mm

    7. TNTrevor Noah34:29

       ... to anyone who is considering it for themselves.

    8. SPSpeaker34:31

       Mm-hmm. Yes.

    9. TNTrevor Noah34:31

       Okay? So think of it, like, in the simplest way. You go to a person's house. You knock on the door. Nobody answers. For all intents and purposes, there's nobody there.

    10. SPSpeaker34:43

        Mm. Yeah.

    11. TNTrevor Noah34:43

        Right? You would walk away. There's... Let's think of it before cell phones. You'd walk away, and then you'd meet the person two days later and be like, "Yo, I was at your house. Where were you?" Then they're like, "I was there."

    12. SPSpeaker34:52

        Mm.

    13. TNTrevor Noah34:52

        Then you're like, "No, you..." Then they're like, "Oh, I stepped out. I went to the shops. Oh, you were there just after I left, and then I came back just after you left."

    14. SPSpeaker35:00

        Mm. Yes.

    15. TNTrevor Noah35:01

        So in that-

    16. SPSpeaker35:02

        And you missed each other. You never even-

    17. TNTrevor Noah35:02

        ... in that time-

    18. SPSpeaker35:03

        Yeah

    19. TNTrevor Noah35:04

        ... you, you both existed-

    20. SPSpeaker35:06

        Parallel timelines

    21. TNTrevor Noah35:07

        ... but you didn't exist, if that makes sense.

    22. SPSpeaker35:08

        Yes, parallel timelines.

    23. TNTrevor Noah35:09

        Right. So now I-

    24. SPSpeaker35:10

        I'm glad you bring that up because that leads me to my thoughts. Sure.

    25. TNTrevor Noah35:12

        So what I'm saying is, I believe there's a possibility that we think the aliens are in the same time as us.

    26. SPSpeaker35:18

        Mm-hmm.

    27. TNTrevor Noah35:18

        But we are such a speck of time relative to time-

    28. SPSpeaker35:22

        Mm-hmm

    29. TNTrevor Noah35:22

        ... that I wouldn't be shocked if, like, the aliens... The aliens might get to Earth, and we're gone. The aliens might have come to Earth, and we're gone.

    30. SPSpeaker35:27

        Yes.
11. 39:06 – 46:26

    Nikola Tesla vs Thomas Edison

    1. TNTrevor Noah39:06

       when you read the stories about, like, Nikola Tesla and all of those guys-

    2. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:09

       Yes

    3. TNTrevor Noah39:09

       ... pro- u- for all intents and purposes, like, a lot of them were dirtbags. You know what I mean? Or we would consider them dirtbags by today's standards.

    4. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:16

       They were even considered then, even worse.

    5. TNTrevor Noah39:18

       W- when you look at, uh, who was the guy who was competing? Edison.

    6. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:21

       Yeah.

    7. SPSpeaker39:21

       Yeah.

    8. TNTrevor Noah39:21

       Competing. Bro-

    9. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:22

       But apparently he wasn't a nice guy as well.

    10. TNTrevor Noah39:24

        But that's my point. Tesla's electricity was f- doing great things. We've seen in... You know what I mean?

    11. SPSpeaker39:29

        Yeah.

    12. TNTrevor Noah39:29

        The what, how he saw electricity and how we should use it. Edison wasn't con- uh, wasn't confident that he could compete head-to-head.

    13. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:36

        Yeah.

    14. TNTrevor Noah39:36

        So then he went on a smear campaign.

    15. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:39

        Shut him down.

    16. TNTrevor Noah39:39

        Shut him down. Said, "Yo, that electricity's gonna kill you." In fact, showed p- he convinced prisons to use, uh, AC, right?

    17. SPSpeaker39:49

        Yes.

    18. TNTrevor Noah39:50

        Yeah, alternating current.

    19. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:51

        Mm-hmm.

    20. TNTrevor Noah39:51

        And he was like-

    21. SPSpeaker39:52

        To shock people to death.

    22. TNTrevor Noah39:52

        Yeah, to shock people to death.

    23. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:54

        He's like, "You see?"

    24. TNTrevor Noah39:54

        Then he's like, "Do you see what that guy's electricity does?"

    25. SPSpeaker39:56

        Then he's like, "Direct current is way safer."

    26. TNTrevor Noah39:58

        Yeah.

    27. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:59

        Yeah.

    28. TNTrevor Noah39:59

        And then-

    29. SDSizwe Dhlomo39:59

        Like, "Don't put your finger in the plug."

    30. TNTrevor Noah40:00

        And then I was going, if he had a social media account back then-
12. 46:26 – 48:38

    Would You Live on Another Planet?

    1. SDSizwe Dhlomo46:26

       Correct

    2. TNTrevor Noah46:26

       ... who would have thought that they would ever go live in Dubai?

    3. SDSizwe Dhlomo46:30

       Actually, yeah, you're right.

    4. TNTrevor Noah46:31

       Think of that on a low level.

    5. SDSizwe Dhlomo46:32

       Yes, yes, yes.

    6. TNTrevor Noah46:32

       Right?

    7. SPSpeaker46:33

       Yeah.

    8. SDSizwe Dhlomo46:33

       Yes.

    9. TNTrevor Noah46:34

       This place was literally nothing. It was sand.

    10. SDSizwe Dhlomo46:37

        Yes.

    11. TNTrevor Noah46:38

        Sa- And in our, in, like, our general lifetimes we're talking about.

    12. SPSpeaker46:41

        Yeah.

    13. TNTrevor Noah46:41

        We're not even talking about hundreds of years. It was sand. People discover oil. Some parts they discover gas. The next thing you know, they embark on the most impressive building campaign. We've probably never seen anything like that in the modern era.

    14. SDSizwe Dhlomo46:57

        Yeah. We probably will never, yeah.

    15. SPSpeaker46:58

        Well, you will now.

    16. TNTrevor Noah47:00

        Roads, highways, water systems, skyscrapers, living man-made islands. You... They just go. If you told somebody, to your point, back then-

    17. SDSizwe Dhlomo47:12

        Mm

    18. TNTrevor Noah47:12

        ... "Hey, we're gonna make an, we're gonna make land come out of the ocean, and then we're gonna put houses on it," and w- you'd be like, "Yo, that's alien technology. You ca- you can't, you can't do that. You can't-

    19. SDSizwe Dhlomo47:23

        Yeah

    20. TNTrevor Noah47:23

        ... you can't live in the Middle East."

    21. SDSizwe Dhlomo47:25

        Mm-hmm.

    22. TNTrevor Noah47:25

        "And then we're gonna have trains that, like, fly above the ground-

    23. SDSizwe Dhlomo47:28

        Mm-hmm

    24. TNTrevor Noah47:29

        ... on a..." You, you, you get what I'm saying?

    25. SDSizwe Dhlomo47:30

        Yeah, yeah.

    26. TNTrevor Noah47:30

        So I'm agreeing with you in that, like, we wouldn't want to go live in Dubai because that's what Cesar's saying is, like-

    27. SDSizwe Dhlomo47:35

        Yeah, yeah. 100%

    28. TNTrevor Noah47:36

        ... what we've seen, we go like, "You can't live on Pluto." Then they're like, "Why not?" Then you're like, "Because Pluto doesn't have, uh, the atmosphere." Then they're like, "Well, why don't you just make the atmosphere?" Then we're like, "Ah, we didn't know you can make atmosphere." [laughs]

    29. SPSpeaker47:47

        And even that is still limited thinking.

    30. SDSizwe Dhlomo47:48

        It's funny. [laughs]
13. 48:38 – 53:40

    Asimov, R2-D2 & The Perfect Robot

    1. SDSizwe Dhlomo48:38

       Asimov was the one of those writers, right? Who wrote about, um, the future and technology and robots way back when-

    2. TNTrevor Noah48:43

       Yeah, he was. Yeah, yeah

    3. SDSizwe Dhlomo48:43

       ... in fiction sense. But there's one thing that he said. He said, "We must just be careful that-

    4. TNTrevor Noah48:47

       Our human body limitation makes us, e- makes us want everything to look like a human.

    5. SDSizwe Dhlomo48:53

       Yes.

    6. TNTrevor Noah48:53

       So we want things to have limbs.

    7. SDSizwe Dhlomo48:54

       Yeah.

    8. TNTrevor Noah48:54

       And so even when we're writing aliens and fiction-

    9. SDSizwe Dhlomo48:56

       Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

    10. TNTrevor Noah48:57

        ... we want them to have-

    11. SDSizwe Dhlomo48:57

        Yeah

    12. TNTrevor Noah48:58

        ... but it says the perfect, the perfect robot or alien will not have a human torso shape because-

    13. SDSizwe Dhlomo49:03

        Exactly.

    14. SPSpeaker49:03

        Yeah

    15. TNTrevor Noah49:03

        ... that's very limiting.

    16. SDSizwe Dhlomo49:04

        Yes.

    17. TNTrevor Noah49:04

        So you take, um... So someone who did that well and used it, but without telling us that he's using it is, um, George Lucas when they were doing Star Wars.

    18. SDSizwe Dhlomo49:11

        Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    19. TNTrevor Noah49:11

        So if you think of C-3PO versus R2-D2.

    20. SDSizwe Dhlomo49:14

        Yep.

    21. SPSpeaker49:14

        Mm.

    22. TNTrevor Noah49:14

        C-3PO is... R2-D2 is the perfect robot, one who looks like a vacuum cleaner.

    23. SDSizwe Dhlomo49:19

        Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    24. TNTrevor Noah49:20

        He doesn't have legs. He's round, and he can scan and look everywhere.

    25. SDSizwe Dhlomo49:22

        Yeah.

    26. TNTrevor Noah49:22

        But you see how clumsy R- uh, R2-D2 is.

    27. SPSpeaker49:26

        Even Interstellar with like-

    28. TNTrevor Noah49:26

        Yes, with like-

    29. SPSpeaker49:27

        With TARS, right?

    30. TNTrevor Noah49:27

        Yeah, 'cause like this body-
14. 53:40 – 56:48

    Trevor's Movie-Watching System on Planes

    1. TNTrevor Noah53:40

       When I get on a plane, the first thing I do, obviously I go to movies.

    2. SDSizwe Dhlomo53:43

       Mm-hmm.

    3. TNTrevor Noah53:43

       New releases.

    4. SDSizwe Dhlomo53:44

       Mm-hmm.

    5. TNTrevor Noah53:45

       Then the new planes now, most of them, they let you choose your favorites.

    6. SDSizwe Dhlomo53:49

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    7. TNTrevor Noah53:49

       So I go and I put bookmarks on all of them.

    8. SDSizwe Dhlomo53:51

       Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yeah.

    9. TNTrevor Noah53:51

       I go bookmark, bookmark, bookmark.

    10. SDSizwe Dhlomo53:53

        Yeah.

    11. TNTrevor Noah53:53

        I plan it out.

    12. SDSizwe Dhlomo53:54

        Yes.

    13. TNTrevor Noah53:54

        And then I'll even go, okay, you can always start with this kind of movie, 'cause you know, like you must remember you got-

    14. SDSizwe Dhlomo53:59

        Peace. Yeah

    15. TNTrevor Noah53:59

        ... you, you gonna be, you gonna be experiencing less oxygen on the flight, so you don't wanna concentrate later on. That's when you're gonna struggle.

    16. SDSizwe Dhlomo54:04

        Oh.

    17. SPSpeaker54:04

        The sequencing. Sequencing is important.

    18. SDSizwe Dhlomo54:06

        You concentrate early.

    19. TNTrevor Noah54:06

        Sequencing is very important in your movies on a plane.

    20. SPSpeaker54:08

        Really? Yeah.

    21. TNTrevor Noah54:08

        Uh, really important.

    22. SDSizwe Dhlomo54:09

        Oh, wow. Okay.

    23. TNTrevor Noah54:10

        I see people fall asleep all the time watching like a movie-

    24. SDSizwe Dhlomo54:13

        That's me

    25. TNTrevor Noah54:13

        ... like five hours in. They put in a complicated movie, then I'm like, "Ha ha, amateur. Amateur."

    26. SDSizwe Dhlomo54:18

        [laughs]

    27. TNTrevor Noah54:18

        Amate- there you are sleeping now. The plot's moving. And then, then you wake up with the spoiler. "Huh? Huh? Oh, what? It was his father. Oh."

    28. SDSizwe Dhlomo54:26

        [laughs]

    29. TNTrevor Noah54:27

        Bruh, you're an amateur, bruh.

    30. SDSizwe Dhlomo54:28

        That's me.
15. 56:48 – 58:56

    Xenophobia & Immigration in South Africa

    1. SPSpeaker58:42

       ... [laughs]

16. 58:56 – 1:12:14

    Living in New York City

    1. SDSizwe Dhlomo59:11

       [laughs] It, it f- [laughs] So it feels like, um, anything that you want it to be can be. If you wanna work, you can work. If you wanna hang out, you can hang out. If you wanna do nothing, you can do noth- you know what I mean? There's few places that, unless you live in an estate and you're well off, that you can have that type of freedom.

    2. SPSpeaker59:40

       Yeah.

    3. TNTrevor Noah59:40

       Not even, but I hear you.

    4. SDSizwe Dhlomo59:41

       Does it make sense?

    5. TNTrevor Noah59:42

       Yeah, I think you can't even, but carry on.

    6. SDSizwe Dhlomo59:43

       Yes. But there it almost feels like everything is happening now. So if you ... There's things that I, I stop myself from doing because I'm like, "No, I've done too much now."

    7. SPSpeaker59:52

       But you hate concrete jungle vibes. You love, like, endless drives. You like riding your bike and seeing nature and outdoors and all those things.

    8. TNTrevor Noah1:00:01

       Central Park.

    9. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:00:01

       Mm.

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:00:01

        The guy's always there.

    11. SPSpeaker1:00:03

        Oh, yeah, actually.

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:00:04

        When you are inside Central Park-

    13. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:00:06

        Mm

    14. TNTrevor Noah1:00:07

        ... you don't even know a city exists.

    15. SPSpeaker1:00:08

        Yeah.

    16. TNTrevor Noah1:00:09

        There's, there's literally parts in New York where you f- you forget, and not because y- you're faking it, you cannot see a, a building. You cannot see ... Like, the trees completely, uh, engulf you. It's ... Yeah, no, w- what you said is, I think, the most accurate way to describe it.

    17. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:00:24

        And you see, for people like you and I who love the outdoors, but then the reverse happens with people like us. We love the outdoors, but we also prefer the comfort of being inside. That place forces you not to prefer the comfort of inside. Do you know, do you know what I mean? Like, I never thought it would make sense for people to live in a, in a one-bedroom apartment in New York.

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:00:43

        Oh, yeah, yeah. People are always confused about that.

    19. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:00:44

        Yes. We w- you and I would die in a one-bedroom apartment.

    20. SPSpeaker1:00:47

        Yeah.

    21. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:00:47

        But there you're like, "No, there's so much. The w- the outside is bigger and I love it, and the inside can be small because I'm not gonna be here for long." Do, do you, do you know what I mean?

    22. SPSpeaker1:00:57

        No, yeah, what you're saying.

    23. TNTrevor Noah1:00:58

        The, the, yeah, the concept-

    24. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:00:58

        For us here, the comfort inside-

    25. TNTrevor Noah1:00:58

        ... the concept of your abode is very different

    26. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:01:00

        ... very, very different.

    27. TNTrevor Noah1:01:01

        Yeah.

    28. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:01:02

        So I think once, once I accepted that into my head, I was like, "Ah, okay, I see now."

    29. SPSpeaker1:01:06

        I gotta be out in the streets.

    30. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:01:07

        If, yeah, if I wanna experience this, it's out there. So here I've l- I, I'd learned over the years to create everything inside.
17. 1:12:14 – 1:14:58

    How Media Profits from Slogans

    1. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:12:14

       media does very well is to take a slogan or a line and make it the whole entire protest.

    2. TNTrevor Noah1:12:19

       Yeah, but that's everywhere in the world. Yeah, you're not wrong.

    3. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:12:20

       Yeah, but so what they did-

    4. TNTrevor Noah1:12:21

       You're not wrong

    5. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:12:21

       ... what they did, what it, how they did South Africa dirty here, the media, is saying-

    6. SPSpeaker1:12:26

       MabaHambe. It's this-

    7. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:12:26

       No, Ma- MabaHambe is about jobs. Then you go, "No, it's about the system." First of all, if you say foreigners are here taking our job, there has to be jobs to be taken first, right?

    8. TNTrevor Noah1:12:39

       Yeah.

    9. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:12:39

       But and then everyone goes, "No, if they get employed in the formal sector, it's impossible to employ them because they don't have the correct papers." So therefore, that theory does not hold water. And that's what was fed to South Africans when they are upset. Until now labor inspectors, because of whistleblowers, started going to these factories and finding illegal immigrants working there under slave labor conditions.

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:13:01

        Yeah, under slave labor conditions. Yeah, I saw that.

    11. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:03

        So you're like, "Oh, so there are... In farms, there are jobs gif le ka.

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:13:06

        Yeah.

    13. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:06

        So these are the jobs we are talking about. And then the farmers-

    14. TNTrevor Noah1:13:08

        The jobs you were saying weren't there are there, and now they're being turned-

    15. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:12

        The farmers and the factory workers-

    16. TNTrevor Noah1:13:12

        They're not even, they're not even being kept as jobs. They're being turned into slave labor

    17. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:15

        ... and the mine-

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:13:16

        Yes

    19. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:16

        ... and artisanal mining.

    20. TNTrevor Noah1:13:17

        Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    21. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:18

        Now all of a sudden those people turned and gaslit the whole country and said, "Okay, guys, they must all go, then this farm is gonna shut down, eh?" This fr- you don't like mazimbas?

    22. TNTrevor Noah1:13:28

        Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    23. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:29

        [laughs]

    24. TNTrevor Noah1:13:29

        [laughs]

    25. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:29

        And my time, my keep keeps.

    26. SPSpeaker1:13:30

        That's funny.

    27. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:31

        I'm a

    28. SPSpeaker1:13:33

        [laughs]

    29. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:13:33

        ... because you know, when, when I knew-

    30. SPSpeaker1:13:36

        And there was that one weekend where people were like, "Guys, everything is closed." You remember?
18. 1:14:58 – 1:21:23

    Media, Capitalism & the Death of Nuance

    1. TNTrevor Noah1:14:58

       ... one of the things the media has done particularly bad, especially, like, if we talk about, like, mainstream media-

    2. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:03

       Right. All over the world or-

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:15:04

       And, and, and all over the world

    4. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:05

       ... okay.

    5. TNTrevor Noah1:15:06

       All over the world.

    6. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:06

       Mm-hmm.

    7. TNTrevor Noah1:15:06

       Not, not just here, is because a lot of media has to generate income and, like, a profit-

    8. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:14

       Right

    9. TNTrevor Noah1:15:14

       ... it then unfortunately becomes subject to the levers of profits, right?

    10. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:20

        Mm.

    11. TNTrevor Noah1:15:21

        What did Charlie Munger say? "Show me the incentive and I will show you the outcome."

    12. SPSpeaker1:15:24

        Yeah.

    13. TNTrevor Noah1:15:25

        Without fail. If you say the purpose of this institution is to make money, then it will make money at all costs. The same way we've seen with AI.

    14. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:33

        Mm.

    15. TNTrevor Noah1:15:33

        If you say to an AI, "Do this," it will get there using a path that we never anticipated as humans. We're like, "No, no, we, we didn't want you to, to do it like... We, we wanted you to pass the test by studying." It's like, "Oh, I just hacked the other company and now I passed the test."

    16. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:47

        Mm.

    17. SPSpeaker1:15:47

        Yeah.

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:15:47

        We're like, "Ah, we didn't think AI would do that." But AI's like, "Yeah, but you just told me to pass the test." So the same thing goes for, um, um, media or any, any institution if you give it an incentive.

    19. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:56

        Mm-hmm.

    20. TNTrevor Noah1:15:56

        Your job is to make money.

    21. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:15:58

        Mm-hmm.

    22. TNTrevor Noah1:15:59

        Then it'll go, "How do you make money?" What does it do? It starts looking for clickbait. It starts looking for, um, stories that are interesting. I, I remember talking to, uh, a war, um, photographer.

    23. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:16:10

        Mm-hmm.

    24. TNTrevor Noah1:16:11

        She's traveled all over the world. She's taken some of the most impactful images. She was saying there's, there's pictures that she's taken from parts of Palestine, from parts of, like, Western Africa, from parts of Asia, that her bosses at newspapers have gone, "We're just not gonna use them right now because we don't think that sells."

    25. SPSpeaker1:16:30

        Doesn't suit our narrative.

    26. TNTrevor Noah1:16:31

        Yeah, no, that, that... But even beyond that, doesn't sell.

    27. SPSpeaker1:16:33

        Yeah.

    28. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:16:33

        Hmm?

    29. TNTrevor Noah1:16:34

        Yeah. They just go, "It doesn't sell."

    30. SDSizwe Dhlomo1:16:35

        As impactful as they are?

Episode duration: 1:21:24