South Africa Sessions: Staring Down Death Twice in One Week ft. Khaya Dlanga

1. 0:00 – 2:00

   Cold Open: Dolly Parton's Funeral Plans

   1. TNTrevor Noah0:00

      [upbeat music] 'Cause me and I was there, Khaya, participating, like we are all sad that Dolly died. So then my mom, she like flips immediate- she goes from like mourning the loss, the whole thing, and then she's like, "Yo, by the way," she's like, "Did you see that she planned her whole funeral and, like, uh, rehearsed it and..." I was like, "What are you talking about?" She's like, "Yeah."

   2. KDKhaya Dlanga0:19

      Mm.

   3. TNTrevor Noah0:20

      She saw this thing where planned it, rehearsed it, told everyone what it's gonna be, how she's gonna dress, whatever. She's wanna be buried in high heels, whatever. Then I was like, "Oh, that's cool." Then my mom was like, "No." She's like, "What? Control freak." Somersault one.

   4. KDKhaya Dlanga0:32

      Wow.

   5. TNTrevor Noah0:32

      Ah. Somersault two.

   6. KDKhaya Dlanga0:34

      Damn.

   7. TNTrevor Noah0:35

      Land on my head.

   8. KDKhaya Dlanga0:37

      Yoh.

   9. TNTrevor Noah0:37

      On my back, pass out.

   10. KDKhaya Dlanga0:39

       My god.

   11. TNTrevor Noah0:40

       Now I'm on the side of oncoming traffic.

   12. KDKhaya Dlanga0:42

       Ah.

   13. TNTrevor Noah0:43

       So I can't hear the beep, but this guy's selling... You know, that's why I'll never support informal small businesses again.

   14. KDKhaya Dlanga0:52

       [laughs]

   15. TNTrevor Noah0:52

       Now-

   16. KDKhaya Dlanga0:53

       People

   17. TNTrevor Noah0:53

       ... now imagine if there's a thing here. Now I'm this guy.

   18. KDKhaya Dlanga0:55

       Ah. [laughs]

   19. TNTrevor Noah0:56

       Nah, bro. There's no swag here. Here, I'm gonna stop at red lights.

   20. KDKhaya Dlanga1:01

       Mm.

   21. TNTrevor Noah1:01

       Here, ah, fuck.

   22. KDKhaya Dlanga1:02

       [laughs]

   23. TNTrevor Noah1:05

       Every few months there's those pilots who do, like, a trick and something.

   24. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08

       The HAM. Mm-hmm.

   25. TNTrevor Noah1:08

       And they fly past the people. There was the one... Did you see the one where they, um, they do the supersonic boom? You know, when they go like that fast?

   26. KDKhaya Dlanga1:14

       Oh, I saw it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

   27. TNTrevor Noah1:15

       And they did it too close to the people.

   28. KDKhaya Dlanga1:16

       Yeah.

   29. TNTrevor Noah1:16

       I like that. Blew kids away, everything.

   30. KDKhaya Dlanga1:19

       [laughs]
2. 2:00 – 3:30

   South African "Clap Once" Culture

   1. KDKhaya Dlanga2:00

      Wait, wait, wait, wait.

   2. TNTrevor Noah2:01

      Uh-huh.

   3. KDKhaya Dlanga2:01

      Wait.

   4. TNTrevor Noah2:02

      Uh, uh.

   5. KDKhaya Dlanga2:03

      If une clap, yeah.

   6. TNTrevor Noah2:05

      Yeah. Isn't there the-

   7. KDKhaya Dlanga2:06

      That's the one, init?

   8. TNTrevor Noah2:07

      Yeah.

   9. KDKhaya Dlanga2:07

      And then if they are clap amanje, aren't we ruining the clap?

   10. TNTrevor Noah2:09

       Oh, no, we're fine. No. In fact, any clap is fine. Yeah. Even the one that comes after the first, I think. Yeah, but any clap. Yes.

   11. KDKhaya Dlanga2:18

       [laughs]

   12. TNTrevor Noah2:19

       [laughs]

   13. KDKhaya Dlanga2:19

       Education for some of us.

   14. TNTrevor Noah2:20

       Yeah.

   15. KDKhaya Dlanga2:21

       This type of clap.

   16. TNTrevor Noah2:21

       Any clap is fine.

   17. KDKhaya Dlanga2:21

       Oh, man, I thought-

   18. TNTrevor Noah2:22

       Yeah

   19. KDKhaya Dlanga2:22

       ... you could only clap once.

   20. TNTrevor Noah2:23

       No, no, no, no, no. The clap-

   21. KDKhaya Dlanga2:25

       Claps once

   22. TNTrevor Noah2:26

       ... is, is just to signify something.

   23. KDKhaya Dlanga2:27

       That claps once means something else than to clapping once. The one... He has claps once.

   24. TNTrevor Noah2:32

       That's a good one. [laughs]

   25. KDKhaya Dlanga2:32

       He knows claps once.

   26. TNTrevor Noah2:33

       I know claps once.

   27. KDKhaya Dlanga2:36

       [laughs]

   28. TNTrevor Noah2:36

       Yeah, no, claps once.

   29. KDKhaya Dlanga2:37

       But it's an SA thing, clap once, né?

   30. TNTrevor Noah2:39

       Yeah, clap, yeah. It's like-
3. 3:30 – 5:30

   Trevor Derails Meetings in America

   1. TNTrevor Noah3:30

      hand? Are you holding something? What are you doing?" That-

   2. KDKhaya Dlanga3:34

      Sam, Sam, Sam

   3. TNTrevor Noah3:35

      ... do you explain?

   4. KDKhaya Dlanga3:36

      [laughs]

   5. TNTrevor Noah3:37

      Yeah, but it, like, derails meetings.

   6. KDKhaya Dlanga3:39

      Ah, then-

   7. TNTrevor Noah3:40

      I'm not even lying

   8. KDKhaya Dlanga3:40

      ... everything's over

   9. TNTrevor Noah3:40

      ... it completely throws everything off.

   10. KDKhaya Dlanga3:42

       Save it for when you testify in Congress.

   11. TNTrevor Noah3:44

       Né?

   12. KDKhaya Dlanga3:44

       That is funny.

   13. TNTrevor Noah3:44

       That would be dope, actually.

   14. KDKhaya Dlanga3:45

       That'd be amazing.

   15. TNTrevor Noah3:46

       Sitting in front of the senators there.

   16. KDKhaya Dlanga3:48

       Yeah. "And Mr. Noah, where did the money go?"

   17. TNTrevor Noah3:51

       "So, okay, the money came in, né?"

   18. KDKhaya Dlanga3:52

       [laughs]

   19. TNTrevor Noah3:53

       "Next thing you know, yatsi."

   20. KDKhaya Dlanga3:55

       "Yatsi."

   21. TNTrevor Noah3:55

       Then they're like, "Wait, wait, hold on."

   22. KDKhaya Dlanga3:57

       "That car." [laughs]

   23. TNTrevor Noah3:59

       "Yatsi. Yatsi."

   24. KDKhaya Dlanga3:59

       "That's your partner."

   25. TNTrevor Noah4:00

       "Next thing, debit order."

   26. KDKhaya Dlanga4:01

       [laughs]

   27. TNTrevor Noah4:02

       "Next thing, car. Next thing, next thing, ah, Senator, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me not lie to you guys, eh? Ah, Senator."

   28. KDKhaya Dlanga4:10

       "International sweep like-"

   29. TNTrevor Noah4:11

       "And I thought it was gonna last forever, Senator. Ah, next thing, hlawa. Next thing, yatsi. Next thing, yatsi. Aye, Senator, let me tell you something, yeah? I, I, I, I, I regret that I stole that money-

   30. KDKhaya Dlanga4:23

       [laughs]
4. 5:30 – 9:00

   Testifying Before Congress (SA Style)

   1. KDKhaya Dlanga5:30

      seven times. [laughs]

   2. TNTrevor Noah5:31

      Well, this is now-

   3. KDKhaya Dlanga5:32

      During the commission. [laughs]

   4. TNTrevor Noah5:32

      Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

   5. KDKhaya Dlanga5:36

      Yes.

   6. TNTrevor Noah5:36

      Wait, wait.

   7. KDKhaya Dlanga5:36

      Julius Malema.

   8. TNTrevor Noah5:37

      Yeah. Yeah.

   9. KDKhaya Dlanga5:37

      Yes.

   10. TNTrevor Noah5:37

       What do you mean he's been arrested seven times?

   11. KDKhaya Dlanga5:39

       He's been arre- bail, then-

   12. TNTrevor Noah5:41

       Another case

   13. KDKhaya Dlanga5:41

       ... and then another ca- someone else testifies-

   14. TNTrevor Noah5:42

       You're lying

   15. KDKhaya Dlanga5:43

       ... in the commission.

   16. TNTrevor Noah5:44

       You're lying.

   17. KDKhaya Dlanga5:44

       He is implicated again, bam, arrested again.

   18. TNTrevor Noah5:47

       They fetch him again.

   19. KDKhaya Dlanga5:47

       They fetch him again.

   20. TNTrevor Noah5:49

       Put him in a car.

   21. KDKhaya Dlanga5:49

       Bail, puts him in a car again, ba. Like one-

   22. TNTrevor Noah5:52

       Appears again

   23. KDKhaya Dlanga5:53

       ... and one again, like one-

   24. TNTrevor Noah5:53

       He gets bail

   25. KDKhaya Dlanga5:54

       ... two, three, four, five.

   26. TNTrevor Noah5:56

       Five now. We're on number five.

   27. KDKhaya Dlanga5:57

       Number five. [laughs]

   28. TNTrevor Noah6:00

       Five different cases.

   29. KDKhaya Dlanga6:01

       Do, do they not go at some point, "Ah, my man, just stay."

   30. TNTrevor Noah6:03

       [laughs] Just stay.
5. 9:00 – 12:00

   State Capture & The Zondo Commission

   1. TNTrevor Noah9:00

      do. They're just like, "No, we're, we're coming after you for not testifying."

   2. EUEugene9:04

      Yeah, but so, and yet you wanna... Zondo writes a report.

   3. TNTrevor Noah9:07

      Yeah.

   4. EUEugene9:07

      Makes recommendations, sends the recommendation to NPA, so National Prosecuting Authority.

   5. TNTrevor Noah9:12

      Okay.

   6. EUEugene9:12

      Department of Justice, basically. "Ngenandla"

   7. TNTrevor Noah9:14

      Yeah

   8. EUEugene9:14

      ... prosecute these people.

   9. TNTrevor Noah9:15

      Yeah.

   10. EUEugene9:15

       Now, there, the state prosecutors, that's where they all live. But then it turns out ukuthi there, there were, there was no willingness to prosecute in the first place. Enter Mkhwanazi. Mm. Mkhwanazi's like, "No, the police are captured." Not only the police-

   11. TNTrevor Noah9:29

       Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

   12. EUEugene9:29

       ... the judiciary.

   13. TNTrevor Noah9:30

       Okay, you guys are building the story nicely for me.

   14. KDKhaya Dlanga9:31

       Yeah.

   15. EUEugene9:32

       Mm.

   16. TNTrevor Noah9:32

       Is Mkhwanazi the guy that came out-

   17. EUEugene9:34

       The general.

   18. KDKhaya Dlanga9:34

       The press conference

   19. TNTrevor Noah9:35

       ... the, the press conference?

   20. KDKhaya Dlanga9:35

       That thing.

   21. TNTrevor Noah9:36

       Yo, this was one of the most gangster things I've ever seen.

   22. KDKhaya Dlanga9:38

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   23. EUEugene9:38

       Mm, mm.

   24. TNTrevor Noah9:38

       'Cause I just saw a video-

   25. KDKhaya Dlanga9:40

       Mm

   26. TNTrevor Noah9:40

       ... where this top cop came out-

   27. EUEugene9:43

       Mm-mm

   28. TNTrevor Noah9:43

       ... with no, um-

   29. EUEugene9:45

       Warning, nothing

   30. TNTrevor Noah9:46

       ... warning, no-
6. 12:00 – 16:00

   The Guy Arrested 7 Times (With a Lunch Box)

   1. EUEugene12:00

      did you do that?"

   2. TNTrevor Noah12:00

      Okay, got it.

   3. EUEugene12:01

      And then you reply.

   4. KDKhaya Dlanga12:02

      Yeah.

   5. EUEugene12:02

      That's already part of your statement.

   6. TNTrevor Noah12:03

      Yes, that's why, that's why you're not... Because it's, like, it's, it's, uh, against what your counsel might have told you to say or not say.

   7. KDKhaya Dlanga12:09

      Yes.

   8. EUEugene12:09

      Yes, so you must just keep quiet.

   9. KDKhaya Dlanga12:10

      But also-

   10. TNTrevor Noah12:10

       But it's different if you're in, like, court now.

   11. EUEugene12:12

       In court you can say

   12. TNTrevor Noah12:14

       I invoke the right not to incriminate myself

   13. KDKhaya Dlanga12:16

       However, even then-

   14. TNTrevor Noah12:17

       Okay, but no, guys, can we-

   15. KDKhaya Dlanga12:18

       Even then there is a blanket

   16. TNTrevor Noah12:19

       ... let, let, but wait, can we-

   17. KDKhaya Dlanga12:19

       It's, it's going to be something very specific

   18. TNTrevor Noah12:20

       ... yeah, but can we talk about this for a second?

   19. EUEugene12:22

       Yeah. Yeah.

   20. TNTrevor Noah12:22

       Like, okay, here we don't have juries.

   21. EUEugene12:24

       Yes.

   22. TNTrevor Noah12:25

       I'm not gonna lie.

   23. EUEugene12:26

       Yeah.

   24. TNTrevor Noah12:26

       If I was on a jury-

   25. EUEugene12:27

       Your Twitter

   26. TNTrevor Noah12:27

       ... let me tell you something.

   27. EUEugene12:28

       [laughs]

   28. TNTrevor Noah12:28

       I wish South Africa had juries.

   29. EUEugene12:30

       Me too.

   30. KDKhaya Dlanga12:30

       Yo.
7. 16:00 – 19:00

   Do South African Commissions Have Teeth?

   1. EUEugene16:00

      our thing in South Africa.

   2. KDKhaya Dlanga16:01

      It's almost like you can just touch it. Like, I was there.

   3. EUEugene16:02

      Yeah.

   4. KDKhaya Dlanga16:03

      I was like, "I think I can touch this thing."

   5. EUEugene16:05

      I think this might have been actually the smallest flyover plane-wise, 'cause th- those were Embraers, né?

   6. KDKhaya Dlanga16:11

      Small plane.

   7. TNTrevor Noah16:11

      Yes.

   8. KDKhaya Dlanga16:11

      Yeah, it was two.

   9. TNTrevor Noah16:12

      Maybe that's why they could fly so low, because they were Embraers. They weren't, um-

   10. EUEugene16:15

       Yes, 747s.

   11. TNTrevor Noah16:16

       Yeah, they weren't 747s or 737s.

   12. EUEugene16:17

       Yes.

   13. KDKhaya Dlanga16:17

       But, but, but isn't... Is it, is it the first time we were flying two?

   14. EUEugene16:21

       Yeah, because they were small.

   15. KDKhaya Dlanga16:22

       I think... But I know small.

   16. EUEugene16:22

       They're usually one.

   17. KDKhaya Dlanga16:22

       Yes, 'cause they always fly one.

   18. TNTrevor Noah16:24

       'Cause they're small. 'Cause I think it's-

   19. KDKhaya Dlanga16:25

       And I think that's what made it-

   20. TNTrevor Noah16:25

       Yeah

   21. EUEugene16:25

       ... 'cause this is SA-

   22. KDKhaya Dlanga16:26

       ... bad

   23. EUEugene16:26

       ... it's Airlink

   24. KDKhaya Dlanga16:27

       ... Airlink, yeah.

   25. EUEugene16:28

       It, it's not a, it's... Airlink is like a, a regional carrier.

   26. KDKhaya Dlanga16:31

       Yeah. Yeah.

   27. TNTrevor Noah16:31

       Yes.

   28. EUEugene16:31

       It's not a long-haul-

   29. KDKhaya Dlanga16:33

       Yeah

   30. EUEugene16:33

       ... international carrier.
8. 19:00 – 21:00

   Right to Remain Silent: SA vs USA

   1. TNTrevor Noah19:00

      No, no, no, no, no.

   2. EUEugene19:00

      There's, there's four people now.

   3. TNTrevor Noah19:01

      I'm completely in agreement with you now.

   4. EUEugene19:03

      Yes. 100%.

   5. KDKhaya Dlanga19:04

      And I'm glad you should say this. Uh, remember Outliers, uh, Malcolm Gladwell?

   6. TNTrevor Noah19:08

      Yeah.

   7. KDKhaya Dlanga19:09

      So in his book there, he specifically speaks actually about, uh, safety protocols and all of that when it comes to airlines.

   8. TNTrevor Noah19:16

      Yeah.

   9. KDKhaya Dlanga19:16

      Because he was talking about, like, South Korea used to have, like, insane-

   10. TNTrevor Noah19:19

       They had a lot of crashes, yeah

   11. KDKhaya Dlanga19:20

       ... number of crashes.

   12. TNTrevor Noah19:21

       Mm.

   13. KDKhaya Dlanga19:22

       And one of the reasons that happened was because the pilots, the co-pilots, 'cause of the hierarchy struc- you know, hierarchy-

   14. TNTrevor Noah19:30

       Yes, yes, yes

   15. KDKhaya Dlanga19:30

       ... the co-pilot, you were not allowed to tell your boss or your captain-

   16. TNTrevor Noah19:35

       Yes

   17. KDKhaya Dlanga19:35

       ... "You're going to kill us now."

   18. TNTrevor Noah19:36

       Oh.

   19. EUEugene19:36

       Yeah.

   20. KDKhaya Dlanga19:36

       So you have to imply, and they must figure out what you're trying to say. So you can't really tell Jonga, "You're gonna kill us," right?

   21. TNTrevor Noah19:45

       Yes, yes, yes.

   22. KDKhaya Dlanga19:45

       But then, and they found that the countries that had the, uh, hierarchy, hi- high rates of hierarchy-

   23. TNTrevor Noah19:52

       Yes

   24. KDKhaya Dlanga19:53

       ... you were more likely to have, uh, crashes than countries that did not. And South Africa-

   25. EUEugene19:58

       Kind of like a flat structure.

   26. KDKhaya Dlanga19:59

       Yeah. South Africa-

   27. EUEugene20:00

       Like on this podcast

   28. KDKhaya Dlanga20:00

       ... South Africa does not... It's not that we don't respect authority, we question authority, and because South Africa questions authority, we have one of the lowest fatalities in the world.

   29. TNTrevor Noah20:11

       And you know what also-

   30. EUEugene20:11

       'Cause here our co-pilots are like-
9. 21:00 – 25:00

   Why South Africa Needs Juries

   1. TNTrevor Noah21:00

      remember that one?

   2. KDKhaya Dlanga21:00

      No.

   3. TNTrevor Noah21:00

      It was on the outside.

   4. KDKhaya Dlanga21:01

      That one. That's outside.

   5. TNTrevor Noah21:01

      Yeah. "This taxi can stop anywhere at any time."

   6. KDKhaya Dlanga21:03

      Yes.

   7. EUEugene21:03

      I think we still need it today.

   8. KDKhaya Dlanga21:05

      [laughs] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   9. TNTrevor Noah21:06

      But there was one-

   10. KDKhaya Dlanga21:07

       Yeah

   11. TNTrevor Noah21:07

       ... that used to say... It was something to the effect of, "Just because you are in the front seat seeing something with me does not mean you are driving this taxi." It was something to that effect.

   12. KDKhaya Dlanga21:17

       Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.

   13. TNTrevor Noah21:20

       Yeah.

   14. KDKhaya Dlanga21:20

       Yeah.

   15. TNTrevor Noah21:20

       Because people in the front seat would always be like... 'Cause now you're sitting right next to the taxi driver, and remember, taxis in South Africa, they're not like normal cars in that-

   16. EUEugene21:29

       Yes

   17. TNTrevor Noah21:29

       ... there's no hood.

   18. KDKhaya Dlanga21:31

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.

   19. TNTrevor Noah21:32

       There's no... It's just-

   20. EUEugene21:32

       They're in the front

   21. TNTrevor Noah21:32

       ... there's no-

   22. KDKhaya Dlanga21:33

       It's just like... Yeah

   23. TNTrevor Noah21:33

       ... yeah, so you, it's like being in the front seat of a rollercoaster.

   24. KDKhaya Dlanga21:36

       Yeah, actually, yeah. [laughs]

   25. TNTrevor Noah21:37

       You know what I mean?

   26. KDKhaya Dlanga21:38

       It's, it's different.

   27. TNTrevor Noah21:38

       So everything's here.

   28. KDKhaya Dlanga21:39

       Yeah.

   29. TNTrevor Noah21:39

       So then everyone next to the taxi driver would be like, "Hey, hey, hey, hey."

   30. KDKhaya Dlanga21:43

       Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10. 25:00 – 27:00

    Legal Twitter & Springbok Pilots

    1. TNTrevor Noah25:00

       going-

    2. KDKhaya Dlanga25:00

       [laughs]

    3. TNTrevor Noah25:00

       ... "What is, what am I doing with my life?"

    4. EUEugene25:01

       And you're being shouted over the shoulder.

    5. KDKhaya Dlanga25:03

       Yeah.

    6. TNTrevor Noah25:03

       Yeah.

    7. EUEugene25:03

       You know those, "Hey wena, ‘salanto neh."

    8. KDKhaya Dlanga25:07

       Yeah. [laughs]

    9. TNTrevor Noah25:08

       Guys, this is the trauma we've lived.

    10. KDKhaya Dlanga25:10

        Hey.

    11. EUEugene25:11

        Yo, man.

    12. TNTrevor Noah25:11

        Yeah, so there was, so there were those ones, and then there was the stickers on the windows-

    13. KDKhaya Dlanga25:15

        Mm

    14. TNTrevor Noah25:15

        ... that gave you general etiquette. There was another one about speaking loud.

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga25:20

        I know the- I don't remember what-

    16. TNTrevor Noah25:21

        There was a, there was a, there was a sticker

    17. KDKhaya Dlanga25:21

        ... there was also, there was also a music one.

    18. TNTrevor Noah25:24

        Yes.

    19. KDKhaya Dlanga25:24

        But like-

    20. TNTrevor Noah25:25

        Yes

    21. KDKhaya Dlanga25:25

        ... but you can't request, yeah.

    22. TNTrevor Noah25:27

        Yes.

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga25:27

        Yeah.

    24. TNTrevor Noah25:27

        Don't request music.

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga25:28

        Don't request music.

    26. TNTrevor Noah25:29

        And then there was-

    27. KDKhaya Dlanga25:29

        'Cause there were some people who tell the, tell, tell, tell the, tell the taxi driver and say, "Oh, can you play this song?"

    28. TNTrevor Noah25:34

        Yeah, no.

    29. KDKhaya Dlanga25:34

        It's like, "Listen, I'm not a DJ. I'm a driver." [laughs]

    30. TNTrevor Noah25:39

        There were, there were a lot of them.
11. 27:00 – 34:00

    The Flyover: Were Those Planes Too Low?

    1. TNTrevor Noah27:00

       Even if you get bumped by a car.

    2. EUEugene27:01

       Yeah, shoes, but socks are on.

    3. TNTrevor Noah27:02

       Shoes.

    4. KDKhaya Dlanga27:02

       Just flying.

    5. TNTrevor Noah27:02

       Shoes are always like-

    6. KDKhaya Dlanga27:03

       Yeah

    7. EUEugene27:03

       ... but shoe-

    8. TNTrevor Noah27:03

       Yeah

    9. EUEugene27:03

       ... yeah, shoes leave the chat first.

    10. TNTrevor Noah27:05

        Yeah.

    11. KDKhaya Dlanga27:05

        [laughs]

    12. EUEugene27:06

        Why?

    13. KDKhaya Dlanga27:07

        I've never noticed that.

    14. TNTrevor Noah27:07

        I think it's because maybe as people, when we're in, like, a very, very... When, whenever humans are in a situation-

    15. EUEugene27:14

        Our feet get small

    16. TNTrevor Noah27:14

        ... no. Whenever humans are in, like, a very, like, exciting, stressful situation, I think our feet, like, do things.

    17. EUEugene27:20

        Ah, ah, nah.

    18. TNTrevor Noah27:22

        I'm telling you.

    19. EUEugene27:23

        Every accident, nigga, there's shoes every- strewn.

    20. TNTrevor Noah27:25

        Yes, yes.

    21. EUEugene27:26

        I've always wanted to use that word.

    22. TNTrevor Noah27:27

        You used it correctly.

    23. EUEugene27:28

        Strewn everywhere.

    24. TNTrevor Noah27:30

        Yes.

    25. EUEugene27:30

        All sorts, shoes.

    26. TNTrevor Noah27:31

        You're not wrong.

    27. EUEugene27:31

        Shoes with no socks.

    28. TNTrevor Noah27:32

        You're not wrong.

    29. EUEugene27:33

        Why?

    30. TNTrevor Noah27:35

        And I'm saying-
12. 34:00 – 36:30

    Malcolm Gladwell, Hierarchy & Plane Crashes

    1. EUEugene34:00

       their business. So finally I come to inside my helmet, I'm like, "Oh, what's going on?" Then I'm like, "Why am I looking at the sky? Why is, why am I hot here?" Yeah. I get up, bike is T-boned to the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The driver's side. Oh, the bike is in the car? Yeah, it went in. Yeah. Phelang it went, craba. Yeah. The driver's out, came out. She came out on the other side. Now she's towering over me as a teacher, you know, she's wearing those teacher skirts, those long ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's asking me questions about what was I thinking. [laughs] And then she asked me-

    2. TNTrevor Noah34:30

       I don't have time to think now.

    3. EUEugene34:32

       Yeah, she asked me-

    4. TNTrevor Noah34:33

       Yeah, yeah

    5. EUEugene34:33

       ... "What, what were you thinking?" And I'm like, "I don't know who you are."

    6. TNTrevor Noah34:35

       Yeah.

    7. EUEugene34:35

       "I don't know what's going on, and why is my bed so hard?"

    8. TNTrevor Noah34:38

       [laughs]

    9. EUEugene34:39

       Kanti, an accident had happened.

    10. TNTrevor Noah34:41

        Wow.

    11. EUEugene34:41

        Damn, bro. So I look around, I'm finally going, "Okay, let me do check," 'cause I need to know the rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You must first check if your neck is fine.

    12. TNTrevor Noah34:47

        Yeah.

    13. EUEugene34:47

        'Cause you can cause more damage.

    14. TNTrevor Noah34:49

        Mm.

    15. EUEugene34:49

        So I try move my feet first and I'm like, "Okay, feet can move." Yeah. I'm like, "Hands can move." Then I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna try twist my back without turning my neck." Twist my back, twist my back. I'm like, "I'm grand." Then I whoop, get up.

    16. TNTrevor Noah35:01

        Undertaker style.

    17. EUEugene35:02

        Yeah.

    18. TNTrevor Noah35:02

        Uh.

    19. EUEugene35:02

        Then where I am versus where the bike is, maybe there where the tables are, that's where the bike is and the car. So I went all the way opposite direction of oncoming traffic.

    20. TNTrevor Noah35:12

        San Maria.

    21. EUEugene35:12

        I get up, then I'm all good again. Where were your shoes?

    22. TNTrevor Noah35:17

        [laughs]

    23. EUEugene35:21

        [laughs] I'm like... [laughs]

    24. TNTrevor Noah35:27

        Clap once. [laughs]

    25. EUEugene35:33

        [laughs]

    26. TNTrevor Noah35:34

        Yo, dude, I'm glad you're okay though.

    27. EUEugene35:35

        Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm also glad I'm okay.

    28. TNTrevor Noah35:37

        Oh, man.

    29. EUEugene35:37

        So, dude, so it's the helmet that obviously helped you as well? I think it was God. 'Cause, 'cause, 'cause- I think it was the fall ... 'cause you hit your, your head first, like, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, but hit- The helmet, yeah. Yeah, kwang, and then, [whistles] 'cause I still have the scar. I'll show you.

    30. TNTrevor Noah35:49

        You, you also wearing jackets.
13. 36:30 – 43:00

    Taxi Stickers: South Africa's First Comedy

    1. EUEugene36:30

       No, no.

    2. TNTrevor Noah36:30

       Are you serious?

    3. EUEugene36:32

       I know.

    4. TNTrevor Noah36:32

       Yo, bro, are you serious?

    5. EUEugene36:33

       And Khaya, you know how production managers care about the shoot only.

    6. TNTrevor Noah36:36

       [laughs]

    7. EUEugene36:36

       I'm like, "Guys, I'm in an accident." They're like, "Yeah, so we are figured, man."

    8. TNTrevor Noah36:39

       [laughs]

    9. EUEugene36:40

       No way, you're lying. I'm telling you

    10. KDKhaya Dlanga36:43

        Oh my goodness

    11. TNTrevor Noah36:45

        A week later, I was like, "No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." Now then I can feel numbness on my back, numbness on my back. I'm like, "No, I'm not fine." Went for a scan. They were like, "Oh, you've got an acute pinched nerve. What happened here?" It was the accident and then the-

    12. KDKhaya Dlanga36:57

        Multiplied by-

    13. TNTrevor Noah36:58

        Yeah

    14. KDKhaya Dlanga36:59

        ... the being rammed from the back. Mm, mm, mm. Two lives.

    15. TNTrevor Noah37:03

        In two days. If you, if you were telling this to your American friends, they'd be like, "Man, Eugene, you were super unlucky."

    16. KDKhaya Dlanga37:09

        [laughs]

    17. TNTrevor Noah37:09

        If you tell it to your African friends-

    18. KDKhaya Dlanga37:10

        Eh

    19. TNTrevor Noah37:10

        ... they'd be like, "Somebody was trying to kill you."

    20. KDKhaya Dlanga37:13

        [laughs]

    21. TNTrevor Noah37:13

        "There is some witchcraft somewhere in the world and somebody was trying to kill you."

    22. KDKhaya Dlanga37:17

        [laughs]

    23. TNTrevor Noah37:18

        "I hope you prayed after that."

    24. KDKhaya Dlanga37:20

        [laughs]

    25. TNTrevor Noah37:20

        I prayed. I, I, I was like-

    26. KDKhaya Dlanga37:22

        Yo. Oh, that is insane

    27. TNTrevor Noah37:22

        ... there's no way you survive something like that and think everything is normal. Don't press anything. We've got more What Now? after this. The reason your life flashes before your eyes before you die is because your brain is searching for any, um-

    28. KDKhaya Dlanga37:40

        For news

    29. TNTrevor Noah37:40

        ... memory that could save you from this moment.

    30. KDKhaya Dlanga37:42

        Oh.
14. 43:00 – 45:00

    No Fat People in the Front Seat

    1. EUEugene43:00

       the correct-

    2. TNTrevor Noah43:00

       ... is the, is the correct translation.

    3. EUEugene43:02

       Mm.

    4. KDKhaya Dlanga43:02

       Yes

    5. TNTrevor Noah43:03

       But if you say it in Vaneck, if you say like in Zulu-

    6. EUEugene43:05

       Mm

    7. TNTrevor Noah43:05

       ... if you go like Benjani or like, you know the-

    8. EUEugene43:07

       The Benjani, yeah

    9. TNTrevor Noah43:08

       ... the Benjani. Like you-

    10. EUEugene43:08

        Yeah

    11. TNTrevor Noah43:08

        ... you would go-

    12. EUEugene43:09

        Yeah

    13. TNTrevor Noah43:10

        ... it's more like how did it unfold?

    14. EUEugene43:13

        Yeah.

    15. TNTrevor Noah43:13

        How, how did it turn out to be?

    16. EUEugene43:15

        You know, yeah, so-

    17. TNTrevor Noah43:16

        As opposed to like, how was it?

    18. EUEugene43:17

        Yes. Yes. You're right.

    19. KDKhaya Dlanga43:17

        'Cause, 'cause what you say is like usually people will say like, Simbekile-

    20. TNTrevor Noah43:21

        Yeah

    21. KDKhaya Dlanga43:21

        ... which is we have put him-

    22. TNTrevor Noah43:23

        Yes

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga43:23

        ... or her-

    24. TNTrevor Noah43:24

        Yeah

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga43:24

        ... the direct translation.

    26. TNTrevor Noah43:25

        Yes.

    27. KDKhaya Dlanga43:25

        Right? But actually, 'cause I'd never been to a funeral service like that in my entire life.

    28. TNTrevor Noah43:30

        Why? What was different?

    29. KDKhaya Dlanga43:32

        Hm. Because Eswatini-

    30. TNTrevor Noah43:33

        There was a DJ. [laughs]
15. 45:00 – 48:00

    The Emergency Exit That Said "Kick Here"

    1. KDKhaya Dlanga45:00

       unusual."

    2. TNTrevor Noah45:00

       You know, you know where Khaya was like-

    3. KDKhaya Dlanga45:00

       Yeah

    4. TNTrevor Noah45:01

       ... "'cause that's one of those weird situations-

    5. KDKhaya Dlanga45:02

       Eh

    6. TNTrevor Noah45:02

       ... where you gotta be like, "Guys, guys, guys, you're killing me here."

    7. KDKhaya Dlanga45:05

       [laughs]

    8. EUEugene45:06

       [laughs]

    9. TNTrevor Noah45:06

       "I can't... Wait, sorry, let me rephrase. What I mean is I can't live like this. Sorry, let me rephrase."

    10. KDKhaya Dlanga45:11

        [laughs]

    11. TNTrevor Noah45:11

        "Uh, guys, what I mean-"

    12. KDKhaya Dlanga45:14

        Oh, hey. [laughs] Hello.

    13. EUEugene45:15

        It is, it is-

    14. KDKhaya Dlanga45:15

        Oh, to check his card? Yeah.

    15. EUEugene45:16

        Yeah.

    16. KDKhaya Dlanga45:16

        It is very interesting.

    17. TNTrevor Noah45:17

        [laughs]

    18. KDKhaya Dlanga45:17

        And I remember thinking, I was like, "Guys, in the Eastern Cape, nè, we're already having breakfast. It would not have started, a funeral wouldn't have started by-"

    19. TNTrevor Noah45:25

        So did you-

    20. KDKhaya Dlanga45:26

        On a Sat- yeah

    21. TNTrevor Noah45:26

        ... did you prefer it, or did you-

    22. KDKhaya Dlanga45:28

        Ja, that's what I was-

    23. TNTrevor Noah45:29

        How did you-

    24. KDKhaya Dlanga45:30

        I did not app- you know, like, you know, you know, may my friend rest in peace. I did not appreciate waking up so early. [laughs] I was like, "Why the-"

    25. TNTrevor Noah45:40

        It's the least you can do for him

    26. KDKhaya Dlanga45:41

        ... I was like, "Hey, what's this?"

    27. TNTrevor Noah45:42

        Khaya.

    28. KDKhaya Dlanga45:42

        I was like, "Wake up." But they accommodated, I think, people from out of town. They actually made the service at 6:00 rather than-

    29. TNTrevor Noah45:49

        Oh

    30. KDKhaya Dlanga45:49

        ... 4:00.
16. 48:00 – 55:00

    Why Shoes Come Off in Accidents

    1. TNTrevor Noah48:00

       happening in the background.

    2. EUEugene48:00

       Yes. Yes.

    3. TNTrevor Noah48:01

       Great. Some of the songs I like stage four.

    4. EUEugene48:03

       You can sing along.

    5. KDKhaya Dlanga48:03

       Yeah.

    6. TNTrevor Noah48:03

       No, some of them I've... Like the ones that I knew-

    7. EUEugene48:05

       Oh, yeah, it hits there

    8. KDKhaya Dlanga48:06

       Yeah

    9. TNTrevor Noah48:06

       ... so the ones that I knew-

    10. EUEugene48:07

        Oh, yeah, that hits

    11. TNTrevor Noah48:07

        ... no, the ones that I knew were my gran's favorites-

    12. KDKhaya Dlanga48:09

        Yeah

    13. EUEugene48:09

        You stick, you stick around for that

    14. TNTrevor Noah48:10

        ... that I had known-

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga48:11

        Mm

    16. TNTrevor Noah48:11

        ... then I would sing those. You know what I mean?

    17. KDKhaya Dlanga48:14

        [sings]

    18. TNTrevor Noah48:18

        [sings]

    19. EUEugene48:23

        Expose me.

    20. TNTrevor Noah48:27

        [sings]

    21. EUEugene48:27

        You stick around for that one.

    22. TNTrevor Noah48:33

        [sings]

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga48:35

        Ah.

    24. TNTrevor Noah48:36

        Then I'm, ah, 'cause that like fully brought my gran back to me.

    25. EUEugene48:39

        Sure.

    26. TNTrevor Noah48:39

        Does that make sense?

    27. EUEugene48:40

        Yeah.

    28. KDKhaya Dlanga48:40

        Yeah.

    29. TNTrevor Noah48:40

        So those ones where I was like, "Ah, Gogo would be here."

    30. KDKhaya Dlanga48:42

        Mm.
17. 55:00 – 1:03:00

    Eugene's Motorcycle Crash (Somersault x2)

    1. TNTrevor Noah55:00

       you're just like, you're like, "Yo, these prayers don't end."

    2. EUEugene55:02

       And they used to come during cartoon time, eh?

    3. TNTrevor Noah55:04

       My man, I wish it was cartoon time. That wasn't even about cartoon time, 'cause we w- it was at my gran's house in Orlando. We didn't have, like, a TV in that way. I don't even remember us having a TV- So it was at night

    4. KDKhaya Dlanga55:14

       Oh, it was one of those.

    5. TNTrevor Noah55:14

       It was the evening ones-

    6. KDKhaya Dlanga55:16

       Ah

    7. TNTrevor Noah55:16

       ... where everyone would, all the other grannies would come over

    8. KDKhaya Dlanga55:18

       Ah, I know those. Those. Yeah.

    9. EUEugene55:18

       The Thursday one.

    10. TNTrevor Noah55:19

        And then the ones where not only that, but remember they would all throw shade at each other in the prayers.

    11. EUEugene55:23

        Yes. [laughs]

    12. TNTrevor Noah55:23

        Do you remember that one?

    13. KDKhaya Dlanga55:24

        I remember. Prayer off.

    14. TNTrevor Noah55:26

        Prayer... Guys-

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga55:27

        [laughs]

    16. TNTrevor Noah55:27

        Guys-

    17. KDKhaya Dlanga55:28

        Prayer off

    18. TNTrevor Noah55:28

        ... that was the most, the most gay... 'Cause I remember as a kid being like-

    19. EUEugene55:31

        [laughs]

    20. TNTrevor Noah55:31

        'Cause what they would do is they would go-

    21. KDKhaya Dlanga55:32

        That's funny. Prayer off. [laughs]

    22. TNTrevor Noah55:33

        They would, they would pray. They would pray, but they would be like, "Oh, but we to Summer's Lynn."

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga55:37

        Yeah.

    24. TNTrevor Noah55:37

        "Oh, Heavenly Father up above." Then they'd be like, "Oh. Oh Heavenly Father, we thank you for being here with us." You know, they do the introductions.

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga55:43

        Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

    26. TNTrevor Noah55:43

        But so my gran would always be like, "Wait, Kamala, Matthew, Francis, Noah, and Clara up at 6236 Orlando Estate," where they should give the full address. Every- And even as a kid, I used to be like, "Ow, he doesn't know where we are." [laughs]

    27. EUEugene55:53

        [laughs]

    28. KDKhaya Dlanga55:53

        [laughs]

    29. TNTrevor Noah55:53

        But I, but can I tell you, I appreciated the humility.

    30. KDKhaya Dlanga55:56

        Yeah. Yeah.
18. 1:03:00 – 1:06:00

    Two Crashes in Two Days

    1. TNTrevor Noah1:03:00

       is to-

    2. EUEugene1:03:00

       It's not a, it's not a head continental pillow.

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:03:02

       Hey, my man.

    4. EUEugene1:03:03

       It's a headrest.

    5. TNTrevor Noah1:03:04

       Hey, my man. My man.

    6. EUEugene1:03:05

       Yeah, but they, they pass it.

    7. TNTrevor Noah1:03:06

       Hey, my man. My man.

    8. EUEugene1:03:07

       Okay, do this. Do this, Khaya. Do this. Hit the back of your... That's all I need.

    9. TNTrevor Noah1:03:13

       No, bruh.

    10. EUEugene1:03:14

        Well, now why is yours covering the whole entire thing?

    11. TNTrevor Noah1:03:16

        No, bruh. Also, like, as a taxi driver, you want to sit like this.

    12. KDKhaya Dlanga1:03:19

        Yeah.

    13. TNTrevor Noah1:03:20

        Now headrest here is killing me-

    14. KDKhaya Dlanga1:03:22

        Yeah

    15. TNTrevor Noah1:03:22

        ... 'cause this is the middle seat already.

    16. KDKhaya Dlanga1:03:23

        Yeah.

    17. TNTrevor Noah1:03:23

        This... I need this room to stake my claim. This is how I roll.

    18. EUEugene1:03:27

        Guys, but do we know what headrests are for?

    19. TNTrevor Noah1:03:29

        Yeah, but look at me.

    20. KDKhaya Dlanga1:03:30

        Yeah, but as a matter of taxi drivers.

    21. TNTrevor Noah1:03:31

        Look at me. Look at me.

    22. KDKhaya Dlanga1:03:31

        But they're not seat belts.

    23. TNTrevor Noah1:03:32

        See this? This is it.

    24. EUEugene1:03:35

        [laughs]

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga1:03:35

        Yeah.

    26. TNTrevor Noah1:03:36

        Yeah, but. Yeah, but.

    27. EUEugene1:03:37

        Yeah.

    28. KDKhaya Dlanga1:03:37

        Yeah.

    29. TNTrevor Noah1:03:37

        Yeah, but.

    30. EUEugene1:03:37

        Yeah.
19. 1:06:00 – 1:08:00

    Do You Know When You're Dying in Your Sleep?

    1. TNTrevor Noah1:06:05

       [upbeat music] Did you find out what the, what the story is behind the shoes?

    2. KDKhaya Dlanga1:06:10

       Yeah, I did.

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:06:10

       Yeah, what is it?

    4. KDKhaya Dlanga1:06:11

       It's the violence of the impact it, uh, really has the human body, so-

    5. TNTrevor Noah1:06:16

       [laughs]

    6. KDKhaya Dlanga1:06:16

       ... the force of the shoes.

    7. TNTrevor Noah1:06:19

       This guy just said it's the violence of the impact.

    8. KDKhaya Dlanga1:06:22

       I'll give you the exact-

    9. EUEugene1:06:22

       No.

    10. KDKhaya Dlanga1:06:22

        I'll give you the exact one myself.

    11. TNTrevor Noah1:06:23

        But I said that in the beginning.

    12. EUEugene1:06:24

        Yeah, yeah.

    13. TNTrevor Noah1:06:25

        I did say in the beginning.

    14. EUEugene1:06:26

        Wait, but there must be... But-

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga1:06:27

        I'll give you the exact-

    16. EUEugene1:06:28

        Guys, remember-

    17. TNTrevor Noah1:06:28

        Yeah

    18. EUEugene1:06:28

        ... there must be something about-

    19. TNTrevor Noah1:06:31

        No, but okay. This, but, okay, let me, let me elaborate on what I meant.

    20. EUEugene1:06:34

        Yes.

    21. TNTrevor Noah1:06:34

        Let, let's go further.

    22. EUEugene1:06:35

        Mm-hmm.

    23. TNTrevor Noah1:06:35

        The reason I'm saying that is because the, the thing... So the reason-

    24. EUEugene1:06:39

        No, you must read it.

    25. TNTrevor Noah1:06:40

        No.

    26. EUEugene1:06:40

        [laughs]

    27. TNTrevor Noah1:06:40

        So the-

    28. KDKhaya Dlanga1:06:41

        I'll read it for you.

    29. EUEugene1:06:41

        Yeah.

    30. TNTrevor Noah1:06:42

        No, but the reason I'm saying that is because-
20. 1:08:00 – 1:12:00

    Eugene's "Inception" — Vaseline in the Nose

    1. TNTrevor Noah1:08:00

       sudden stopping, and violent body movements overcome the hold of the footwear.

    2. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:05

       Ah.

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:08:05

       So this makes complete sense. You know why? Because if I think about it as well- Yes. Thank you, Simmi.

    4. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:09

       You're welcome.

    5. TNTrevor Noah1:08:10

       And one of the times when I would also lose my shoes the most is if I would try isipantsula dancing.

    6. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:15

       [laughs]

    7. TNTrevor Noah1:08:16

       Read all the descriptions there.

    8. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:18

       Violent movement. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    9. TNTrevor Noah1:08:19

       Violent movements. Say them again.

    10. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:21

        Extreme physical forces.

    11. TNTrevor Noah1:08:23

        Wait, wait, I'll show you. I'll show on each one.

    12. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:24

        Yeah.

    13. TNTrevor Noah1:08:24

        Extreme physical forces.

    14. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:26

        Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    15. TNTrevor Noah1:08:27

        Yes, and?

    16. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:27

        Sudden stopping.

    17. TNTrevor Noah1:08:29

        Yeah, yeah. [laughs] And?

    18. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:31

        And violent body movements.

    19. TNTrevor Noah1:08:33

        [laughs]

    20. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:39

        [laughs] Yeah, okay.

    21. TNTrevor Noah1:08:41

        Oh, man. You, you laugh, but you know what? To help people who watch this, you must put on a little isipantsula video-

    22. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:48

        That's... Yeah, yeah

    23. TNTrevor Noah1:08:48

        ... under me while I'm talking, and you must show the feet and everything-

    24. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:51

        Isipantsula

    25. TNTrevor Noah1:08:51

        ... so people can see. Yes. The violent stops.

    26. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:53

        The violent-

    27. TNTrevor Noah1:08:54

        The violent stopping.

    28. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:54

        Yeah, 'cause they're sudden. You're right

    29. TNTrevor Noah1:08:55

        ... and the sudden movement.

    30. KDKhaya Dlanga1:08:56

        Yeah.
21. 1:12:00 – 1:18:00

    Funerals in Eswatini vs South Africa

    1. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:00

       [laughs]

    2. TNTrevor Noah1:12:01

       If I think of like how Eugene would think of it, 'cause I'm like that's a person who's like, "So when you say-

    3. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:05

       [laughs]

    4. TNTrevor Noah1:12:06

       ... when you say were-

    5. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:07

       [laughs]

    6. TNTrevor Noah1:12:08

       ... were you, were you, what word do you mean?"

    7. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:11

       [laughs]

    8. TNTrevor Noah1:12:13

       W- when you say were.

    9. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:14

       Where.

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:12:15

        When you say who is she, what do you mean by she?

    11. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:17

        Who do you mean by she? What does the word she mean?

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:12:18

        Do you mean who, who she is she as a person?

    13. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:20

        [laughs]

    14. TNTrevor Noah1:12:22

        Who is she-

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:23

        To me

    16. TNTrevor Noah1:12:23

        ... to her family?

    17. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:25

        [laughs]

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:12:25

        Who is she? [laughs] That's what that sounds like to me.

    19. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:27

        Yeah. Yeah.

    20. TNTrevor Noah1:12:28

        Wait, so what's beyond... Angithi you live your whole life thinking 45, that's it.

    21. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:32

        Yeah.

    22. TNTrevor Noah1:12:33

        Then what's beyond 45?

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:34

        41.

    24. TNTrevor Noah1:12:34

        I mean, 41.

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:35

        No.

    26. TNTrevor Noah1:12:35

        What's beyond that?

    27. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:35

        Beyond...

    28. TNTrevor Noah1:12:36

        For honesty. What do you replace that with?

    29. KDKhaya Dlanga1:12:37

        Can I tell... It's like, it's confusion.

    30. TNTrevor Noah1:12:39

        Oh.
22. 1:18:00 – 1:24:00

    Trevor's Grandmother's Funeral on Zoom

    1. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:00

       and I like the discomfort of wanting to try new things, you know? Um, things that... I mean, for example, there, there's a thing that I've always said to myself, which is like, "The one thing I know I'll never ever be able to do is to start a business." Like, I don't think that I have the capacity for it. I don't think I have the, the, the, the, the, you know, the, the mental aptitude for it. But now I'm actually seriously considering, like, you know, doing something, like in that sign w- you, you know, a business that I'd love to, you know, to, to be involved in and start in, which is completely different from anything I've ever done in my life.

    2. TNTrevor Noah1:18:36

       Hmm.

    3. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:36

       Like completely outside-

    4. TNTrevor Noah1:18:37

       I love that for you

    5. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:38

       ... of my scope.

    6. TNTrevor Noah1:18:38

       I will say one thing.

    7. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:40

       Yeah.

    8. TNTrevor Noah1:18:40

       If there's one thing that will kill you-

    9. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:41

       Yeah

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:18:41

        ... it's starting a business.

    11. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:42

        [laughs] Yeah.

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:18:43

        I'm just gonna tell you as your friend.

    13. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:45

        [laughs] Yes.

    14. TNTrevor Noah1:18:46

        [laughs]

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:47

        [laughs]

    16. TNTrevor Noah1:18:49

        That... Man.

    17. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:50

        Yeah, yeah.

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:18:52

        Death is such a, an interesting... E- Eugene and I were, uh, were hanging with my mom yesterday.

    19. KDKhaya Dlanga1:18:57

        Hmm.

    20. TNTrevor Noah1:18:57

        And it was so funny. She was so annoyed. So my mom was devastated, and I mean devastated at the news of Dolly Parton's passing.

    21. KDKhaya Dlanga1:19:07

        Oh, yes.

    22. TNTrevor Noah1:19:08

        My mom, she sort of lives in a time capsule. There's the life she lived before finding Christ-

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga1:19:17

        Mm

    24. TNTrevor Noah1:19:17

        ... and then there's her life in Christ.

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga1:19:20

        Hmm.

    26. TNTrevor Noah1:19:20

        That period is almost like stasis because it's like the Bible doesn't change, the scripture doesn't change, you know, and she's comfortable in that world. But then there's this world that she still loves and fondly remembers-

    27. KDKhaya Dlanga1:19:31

        Right

    28. TNTrevor Noah1:19:31

        ... and all of that. So that's when she was listening to secular music, and she was, like, part of the world and all. Those things hold a special place in her heart. Mm-hmm. Bro, let me tell you something. People have died, and my mom will be like, "Oh, I heard whoever passed away. Oh, I'm... You... I can't believe it. I can't believe it." Oh, oh, Sam Mandela died. Oh, Sam. Yeah, those vibes, those- [laughs] Guys. Jeez, Khaya, you took it there.

    29. KDKhaya Dlanga1:19:50

        [laughs]

    30. TNTrevor Noah1:19:50

        Let me tell you something. Anawa ndoda. Let me tell you something. Hey, hey, khuzeka.
23. 1:24:00 – 1:32:00

    The Church Spam-Pam: Trevor's First Instrument

    1. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:00

       as to Madiba while he was in prison.

    2. TNTrevor Noah1:24:03

       That song to Nelson Mandela?

    3. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:04

       Yes. "I just called to say I love you." Yeah.

    4. TNTrevor Noah1:24:09

       Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

    5. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:11

       Yes.

    6. TNTrevor Noah1:24:12

       Stevie Wonder-

    7. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:12

       Stevie Wonder

    8. TNTrevor Noah1:24:13

       ... wrote that song-

    9. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:15

       It's dedicated to Madiba

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:24:16

        ... to Nelson Mandela?

    11. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:17

        To Nelson Mandela.

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:24:20

        What?

    13. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:21

        Yes.

    14. TNTrevor Noah1:24:23

        Damn.

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:23

        [laughs] Yeah. And, and, and, and of course, happy birthday to you, MLK.

    16. TNTrevor Noah1:24:29

        Yo, that's crazy.

    17. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:30

        Yeah.

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:24:31

        Yo.

    19. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:31

        But then-

    20. TNTrevor Noah1:24:32

        Sorry, wait. So my- You know what I'm thinking now? Uh, uh-

    21. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:33

        The comedian part of my brain.

    22. TNTrevor Noah1:24:35

        Don't, don't- The comedian part of my brain ... don't you dare. The comedian- Don't you. Just for comedy. Okay. [laughs] Just for comedy. Not for real life.

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:40

        Yeah. Cut. Okay, cut.

    24. TNTrevor Noah1:24:41

        Simi, comedy disclaimer. [laughs] The following is not appropriate for sensitive viewers. [laughs]

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:47

        [laughs]

    26. TNTrevor Noah1:24:47

        Viewer discretion is advised. Yeah.

    27. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:49

        Yeah.

    28. TNTrevor Noah1:24:49

        Just for comedy.

    29. KDKhaya Dlanga1:24:50

        Mm.

    30. TNTrevor Noah1:24:50

        I'm picturing now the song comes out, mega hit all over the world. Nelson Mandela's in Robben Island. He's in prison. The, the, the guard comes through, busy playing it on a mini radio. "I just called to say-"
24. 1:32:00 – 1:38:00

    Prayer Shade: Grannies Throwing Hands in Prayer

    1. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:00

       throwing that and-"

    2. TNTrevor Noah1:32:00

       An outfit

    3. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:00

       ... you know what I mean?

    4. TNTrevor Noah1:32:01

       Pay your baba in advance.

    5. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:02

       Yeah

    6. TNTrevor Noah1:32:03

       [laughs]

    7. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:03

       And then, but then we were having a discussion. We're like, "Maybe it's because we've never had the luxury-

    8. TNTrevor Noah1:32:08

       Mm

    9. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:08

       ... but we don't know of any, like, Black people doing that ever."

    10. TNTrevor Noah1:32:11

        Yeah, I can't, I can't think of anybody, unless you are state president.

    11. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:16

        But that's what I mean. Like-

    12. TNTrevor Noah1:32:17

        Mm

    13. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:17

        ... we couldn't think of anyone-

    14. TNTrevor Noah1:32:19

        Yeah

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:20

        ... saying, "Yeah, we're going. It's our last family trip because Grandpa's going soon."

    16. TNTrevor Noah1:32:23

        Yeah.

    17. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:24

        You'd be like, "Going where?"

    18. TNTrevor Noah1:32:25

        Eish, yeah, but when your grandmother stops drinking Tab [laughs] that's funny. Uh, we ask-

    19. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:30

        That's when you know

    20. TNTrevor Noah1:32:31

        ... yeah

    21. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:31

        ... yeah.

    22. TNTrevor Noah1:32:32

        She starts, she starts-

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:33

        Coke straight

    24. TNTrevor Noah1:32:33

        ... y- y- you are so funny. Like, I remember like-

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:35

        [laughs]

    26. TNTrevor Noah1:32:36

        ... you know, like, in twen- 2014 for the World Cup-

    27. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:39

        Oh, man

    28. TNTrevor Noah1:32:39

        ... in Brazil, my grandmother, you know, from my dad's side, you know, she was getting sick and, and, you know, she was being hospitalized, and you could see it as like the last few days.

    29. KDKhaya Dlanga1:32:47

        Mm-hmm.

    30. TNTrevor Noah1:32:47

        And I remember thinking, "This woman better not die before I go to Brazil for the World Cup." [laughs]
25. 1:38:00 – 1:44:00

    Khaya's Revelation: "I Thought I'd Die at 41"

    1. TNTrevor Noah1:38:00

       He's like, "No, chap, I thought we were done." I was like, "My man, my man."

    2. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:02

       [laughs]

    3. TNTrevor Noah1:38:04

       "Ah, bruh. No, brother."

    4. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:05

       Wait. [laughs]

    5. TNTrevor Noah1:38:05

       "No, brother."

    6. EUEugene1:38:08

       Wait, why, why, why is Khaya treating every conversation like it's a Morse code?

    7. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:13

       [laughs]

    8. EUEugene1:38:13

       Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

    9. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:15

       That's how Khaya does it.

    10. EUEugene1:38:17

        Wait, how do you determine when it's over, Khaya?

    11. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:19

        I, I, I just think it's over [laughs] .

    12. EUEugene1:38:23

        [laughs]

    13. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:23

        I, I don't have, I don't have, I don't, I, I don't have, like, a thing, but I just... There's a moment, ah, I think this conversation's over. And it's so funny because it's something I've been told before that I end conversations awkwardly. And then for a while, I was, "Okay, I need to be conscious actually of how I end conversations now," 'cause I know I've got to wait for that, "Okay, by- bye, bye, bye, ba, ba, ba, okay."

    14. EUEugene1:38:43

        Yes.

    15. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:43

        "Okay, bye, bye, bye."

    16. EUEugene1:38:44

        And you're a tosser, dude, come on.

    17. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:45

        And then I'm like, "So for the-"

    18. EUEugene1:38:45

        On top of all of these things, what tosser, Khaya.

    19. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:47

        [laughs] I know.

    20. EUEugene1:38:48

        We've never said goodbye ever-

    21. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:49

        That-

    22. EUEugene1:38:49

        ... like, one time.

    23. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:50

        Yeah, yeah, no, that's true. I, I... And then I, then I-

    24. EUEugene1:38:51

        We said goodbye to my mom how many times yesterday?

    25. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:53

        Yeah. Hey, that's true.

    26. EUEugene1:38:54

        Six?

    27. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:54

        Yeah.

    28. EUEugene1:38:55

        Seven times?

    29. KDKhaya Dlanga1:38:55

        Wait, wait, wait, at the house.

    30. EUEugene1:38:56

        All over.

Episode duration: 1:42:16