How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term | Dr. David Buss

(uptempo music) Welcome to the Huberman Lab Podcast, where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life. I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. My guest today is Dr. David Buss. Dr. Buss is a professor of psychology at the University of Texas Austin, and he is one of the founding members and luminaries in the field of evolutionary psychology. Dr. Buss's laboratory is responsible for understanding the strategies that humans use to select mates in the short and long term, and he is an expert in sex differences in mating strategy. His laboratory has explored, for instance, why women cheat on their spouses or their long-term partners, as well as why men tend to cheat on their spouses and long-term partners. He's also explored a number of things related to the courtship dance that we call dating and securing a mate, including the use of deception related to proclamations of love, or promises of finances or sexual activity. Dr. Buss's laboratory has also evaluated how status is assessed, meaning how we evaluate our own worth and our potential as a mate, and who is, let's just say, within range of a potential mate, both in the short and long term. For instance, today we talk about how people don't just make direct assessments of their own and other people's value as a potential mate, but also using the assessments of others to indirectly determine whether or not they stand a chance or not in securing somebody as a short or long-term mate. His laboratory has also focused on some of the complicated and varied emotions related to mating, love, and relationships, such as lust and jealousy. And he's extensively explored something called mate poaching, or the various strategies that men and women use to make sure that the person that they want to be with or the person they are with is not with anyone else or seeking anyone else and, indeed, that other people don't seek their mate. Dr. Buss's work also relates to how biological influences such as ovulation or time within the menstrual cycle influences mate selection or tendency to have sex or not with a potential short or long-term mate. And more recent work from Dr. Buss's laboratory focuses on the darker aspects of mating and sexual behavior in humans, including stalking and sexual violence. Today, we discuss all those topics. We also discuss some of the strategies that humans can use to make healthy mate selection choices and, for those that are already in committed relationships, to ensure healthy progression of those committed relationships. In addition to publishing dozens of landmark scientific studies, Dr. Buss has authored many important books. A few of those include The Evolution of Desire and Why Women Have Sex. And his most recent book is the one that I'm reading now, which is called When Men Behave Badly: The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault, and it's an absolutely fascinating read. It has endorsements from Dr. Robert Sapolsky, professor at Stanford, who's been on this podcast as a guest before, as well as Steven Pinker and Jonathan Haidt, who wrote The Coddling of the American Mind. It's a really important book, I believe, and one that doesn't just get into the darker aspects of human mating behavior and violence, but also strategies that people can take to ensure healthy mating behavior and relationships. There's so much rumor, speculation, and outright fabrication of ideas about why humans select particular mates in the short and long term, what men and women do differently, and so on. What I love about Dr. Buss's work is that it's grounded in laboratory studies that are highly quantitative using rigorous statistics, and so throughout today's discussion you'll notice that I'm rapt with attention, trying to extract as much information as I can from Dr. Buss about the real science of human mate selection and mating strategy. I'm certain that everyone will take away extremely valuable knowledge that they can use in existing or future relationships from this discussion with Dr. Buss. Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is, however, part of my desire and effort to bring zero-cost-to-consumer information about science and science-related tools to the general public. In keeping with that theme, I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's podcast. Our first sponsor is ROKA. ROKA makes eyeglasses and sunglasses that are of the absolute highest quality. 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If you want to try Headspace, you can go to headspace.com/specialoffer, and if you do that, you'll get a free one-month trial with HeadSpace's full library of meditations for every situation. That's the best offer they have right now. So again, if you're interested, go to headspace.com/specialoffer today. And now my conversation with Dr. David Buss. Well, David, delighted to be here. I've, uh, followed your work for a number of years, and I'm excited to ask you a number of questions about these super interesting topics about how people select mates, uh, how, uh, they lie, cheat, and, uh, but also behave well in the, this dance that we call mate choice.