Protocols for Excellent Parenting & Improving Relationships of All Kinds | Dr. Becky Kennedy

Welcome to the Huberman Lab podcast, where we discuss science and science-based tools for everyday life. I'm Andrew Huberman, and I'm a professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford School of Medicine. My guest today is Dr. Becky Kennedy. Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist specializing in parent-child relationships. She received her degrees and did her training at Duke University and Columbia University in New York. She is the author of the best-selling book Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. She is also the founder and creator of an online learning platform also called Good Inside, at which parents and parents-to-be can learn the best possible parenting skills that are grounded in the fields of clinical psychology, that have been proven to work in the real world, and that can allow people to navigate common sticking points in parent-child relationships. During today's discussion, you will learn a tremendous amount of actionable knowledge about what it is to be a good parent. This is a conversation that pertains not just to parents and parents-to-be, but also uncles, aunts, grandparents, and also those of you not planning to or who do not want children. I say that because while everything we discuss today is grounded in the discussion around parent-child relationships, it indeed pertains to all of us and relationships of all kinds, including romantic relationships, friendships, workplace relationships, and our relationship to self. Dr. Kennedy defines for us and makes clear and actionable what the exact job of good parenting is and how that relates to other relationships that we might have. She explains how to set healthy boundaries, and in fact defines exactly what healthy boundaries are. There's a lot of misconception about that. We also talk a lot about empathy and the need to make children and ourselves feel safe in all kinds of relating. We discuss how to navigate disagreements and arguments, apologies and punishments, reward, and on and on, all framed within a real-world, real-time context. What I mean by that, and what I think really sets apart Dr. Becky Kennedy's work from so much else that you'll see out there on parent-child and other types of relationships, is that she makes what to do and say and what not to do and say in a variety of real-world contexts very clear such that you can access that knowledge and do those specific things and avoid those specific things even when things get tense. In fact, especially when things get difficult or tense. By the end of today's episode, you will have learned a dozen or more very potent clinically backed tools to navigate parent-child relating, including your relationship to your own parents, alive or dead, and your relationship to self. Before we begin, I'd like to emphasize that this podcast is separate from my teaching and research roles at Stanford. It is, however, part of my desire and effort to bring zero-cost-to-consumer information about science and science-related tools to the general public. In keeping with that theme, I'd like to thank the sponsors of today's podcast. Our first sponsor is Mateina. Mateina makes loose-leaf and ready-to-drink yerba mate. I often discuss yerba mate's benefits, such as regulating blood sugar, its high antioxidant content, the ways that it can improve digestion, and possible neuroprotective effects. I also drink yerba mate because I love the taste. While there are a lot of different choices of yerba mate drinks out there, I love Mateina because, again, they have the no-sugar variety, as well as the fact that both their loose-leaf and their canned varieties are of the absolute best quality, so much so that I decided to become a partial owner in the company. Although I must say, even if they hadn't allowed me to do that, I would be drinking Mateina. It is the cleanest-tasting and best yerba mate you can find. I love the taste of brewed loose-leaf Mateina yerba mate, and I particularly love the taste of Mateina's new canned cold brew zero-sugar yerba mate, which I personally helped them develop. If you'd like to try Mateina, go to drinkmateina.com/huberman. Right now, Mateina is offering a free one-pound bag of loose-leaf yerba mate tea and free shipping with the purchase of two cases of their cold brew yerba mate. Again, that's drinkmateina.com/huberman to get the free bag of yerba mate loose-leaf tea and free shipping. Today's episode is also brought to us by Joovv. Joovv makes medical-grade red light therapy devices. Now, if there's one thing I've consistently emphasized on this podcast, it's the incredible role that light can have on our biology, and of course, I'm always telling people that they should get sunlight in their eyes as soon as possible after waking on as many days of their life as possible for sake of setting circadian rhythm, daytime mood, focus, and alertness, and improved sleep. Now, in addition to sunlight, red light and near-infrared light has been shown to have positive effects on improving numerous aspects of cellular and organ health, including faster muscle recovery; improved skin health and wound healing, even improvements in acne, or that is removal of acne; reducing pain and inflammation; improving mitochondrial function; and even improving vision itself. What sets Joovv apart and why it's my preferred red light therapy device is that it has clinically proven wavelengths, meaning it uses specific wavelengths of red light and near-infrared light in combination that trigger the optimal cellular adaptations. Personally, I use the handheld Joovv every day. The handheld Joovv is about the size of a thick piece of toast, and I also own a Joovv panel that allows for full body exposure, and I use that one approximately five times per week for about 10 to 15 minutes per session. If you would like to try Joovv, you can go to joovv.com/huberman to receive $50 off your first purchase. Again, that's Joovv, spelled J- O-O-V-V, .com/huberman to get $50 off your first purchase.Today's episode is also brought to us by AeroPress. AeroPress is similar to a French press for making coffee, but is in fact a much better way to make coffee. I first learned about AeroPress well over 10 years ago, and I've been using one ever since. AeroPress was developed by Alan Adler, who was an engineer at Stanford, and I knew of Alan because he had also built the so-called Aerobie Frisbee, so he was sort of famous in our community for developing these different feats of engineering that turned into commercial products. Now, I love coffee. I'm somebody that drinks coffee nearly every day, usually about 90 to 120 minutes after I wake up in the morning, although not always. Sometimes if I'm going to exercise, I'll drink coffee first thing in the morning. But I love, love, love coffee, and what I've personally found is that by using the AeroPress, I can make the best possible tasting cup of coffee. I don't know what exactly it is in the AeroPress that allows the same beans to be prepared into a cup of coffee that tastes that much better as compared to any other form of brewing that coffee, even the traditional French press. The AeroPress is extremely easy to use and it's extremely compact. In fact, I take it with me whenever I travel and I use it on the road in hotels, even on planes. I'll just ask for some hot water and I'll brew my coffee or tea right there on the plane. With over 55,000 five-star reviews, AeroPress is the best reviewed coffee press in the world. If you would like to try AeroPress, you can go to aeropress.com/huberman, that's A-E-R-O-P-R-E-S-S .com/huberman to get 20% off any AeroPress coffee maker. AeroPress ships in the USA, Canada, and over 60 other countries in the world. Again, that's aeropress.com/huberman to get 20% off. And now for my discussion with Dr. Becky Kennedy. Dr. Becky Kennedy, welcome.